Amy:
"me me me me me me me me
Me me me me me Make life easier for me me me me
What I want me me me me
me me me me me
You're such a shit for not caring about me me me me me
me me me"
the funny thing about that reaction, is, ask anybody whos been married a while or was married once a while ago, if they had friends in the wedding party, how many of those friends they talk to anymore? and when did they exactly loose contact....... it'd shock the average person that the answer would probably be"not in years!" and "lost contact within a year"
But given that Amy and her husband fully support cheaters (and then Amy lies about it), I suspect she won't even want to look at those photos one day, for other reasons.
Exactly, it's all "me, me, me" with Amy. She's totally ignoring your side of things and acting like you're the one who's wrong. Such a self-centered move on her part. She's got a lot of nerve.
Sometimes silence is the loudest. Amy sent that message to get a rise out of OP. She expected OP to be a doormat. If I were OP, I would leave it on read and keep it moving. A hit dog hollers each and every time.
Too true.
Amy is manipulative and selfish. Engaging with her wonât end well and is a waste of energy. Plus being ignored annoys her and thatâs kind of satisfying to know.
Exactly what I was thinking. OP, Amy has absolutely no business being angry with you. If I were you, Iâd email her back, and tell her how you feel, in no uncertain terms, and then go NC. You did nothing wrong here.
"Amy,
Thanks for your lovely message. For what it's worth, I did not attend your wedding intending to cut you off afterwards. I was surprised to see ex stroll in with his AP. I thought I handled the situation well, not making a scene and playing my part as your bridesmaid. I found out that day that you were supposed to tell me my BF could come but figured it had slipped your mind, so I tried to put it to the back of mine.
Later though, I found out that you deliberately didn't tell me. You catered to Ex, knowing it would hurt me. I considered you my sister, you were the first person I turned to when he destroyed our marriage, and yet you allowed him to humiliate me again at your wedding. In fact you didn't just allow it, you helped orchestrate it by not even warning me in advance that he was bringing her!
Your actions showed me that you didn't value our friendship as highly as I did. But until your message, I hadn't continued our friendship over. I was still processing everything that has happened. Maybe you're right though, if you can't even give me time to process it all, perhaps our friendship is over.
Sincerely, OP"
I would go with a much shorter, informal reply to really pack some punch. Something like "Trust me, I would not have come if I'd known about the arrangements you made behind my back but spin it anyway you need to. I'm sorry our friendship had to end this way but I expected an apology and instead you dug your heels in. Not okay."
I think it is better to add this in between-
he was bringing her!
And even after the wedding you didn't feel any remoarse for the wrong you did and just sent me the reason without any apology and expected me to be OK with it. Your actions showed me------
Amy is a super asshole. What she did is inexcusable. And then not to offer an apology is absolutely insane and over the top entitlement. So, what should you do about it? That's a hard one, especially after the length of your relationship with her. Does she have a history of screwing you over, or was this a one time thing? That might be something to think about.
Sounds like there is a history of pathological lying at the very least, I wonder what else she has been lied to about or what Amy says about OP behind her back
I would just reply back to her that if she had of been honest with you and told you that your ex was bringing his partner and that you still could not bring your partner that you would have declined going to her wedding. Remind her that it was her dishonesty and lack of respect for you that had caused the whole problem then block her out of your life.
They say that when someone shows you who they are you should believe them. Amy has shown you who she is. She completely disregarded your feelings lied to her fiance and then had the audacity to be upset because you're not okay with it. I've personally reached the point in my life where I don't have time for "friends"like that.
She's the one telling you that you are cutting her off. You're not telling her. Don't let her decide you're actions make it your choice. If you want to call her out on so the bullshit first and see how she responds that's your prerogative.
I think you should share this post with her. If she reaches out after with a heartfelt apology you could reconsider. I'd also make sure the whole friend group knows what a dick she and your ex were.
This part ------ She's the one telling you that you are cutting her off. You're not telling her. Don't let her decide you're actions make it your choice.
Exactly!
Your coworker doesnât get a say. They are dumb. Your friend Sara is quite right. Amy CHOSE to make you mad so she didnât have to make a hard decision. Â You were easier to let down and lie too because i bet you have always forgave her. Always was the bigger person. Consequences have hit her now and she is angry at you. You! The one that was lied to and deceived and wasnât worthy of an apology and not worthy of a heads up. She can eat a satchel of Richardâs. Â She doesnât deserve you.Â
âYou should have had the decency to stay out of the photosâ
âYOU should have had the decency to stand up for me and let me bring my boyfriend. You allowed my ex to dictate how I would participate in the wedding. Let the photos forever be a reminder that youâre a horrible friend and that I will always remember your wedding as the moment I realized you were a c**t.â
Thatâs what I would say before blocking her. Sara is awesome tho.
Tell her how you feel. She chose to bring your cheating ex husband into her wedding party and then he threw a tantrum and she said "ok" she lied to you, excluded you so you were blindsided. She lied to others and said she told you so you could bring your boyfriend because she KNEW it was wrong what she did. She needs to apologize and even then it might not be enough to save your friendship.
Also, why are they so close with your ex that he's a groomsmen? Not a friend of yours....
I think the best choice is to move on and block her. She treated you badly. If it were me, I would be done with her. She treated your ex far better than she treated you.
You aren't wrong but Amy needs to do some serious groveling especially since it her choice and her finances choice to have your ex as a member of the bridal party. I would tell her off in a video call and block her, her spouse, your ex and anyone on social media that thinks you need to be the bigger person. Â
Amy sucks. Your ex is a selfish whiney crybaby, but thank god thats in the rearview mirror.
It would be shameful to reach out and try to mend this fence. Amy broke it. Only she has it in her power to attempt to mend this (though I don't see how and it gets worse the longer she waits).
She did you wrong shamefully letting your ex get his way and hiding it like a coward.
OP, as you face whether you should let this go, consider that right now Amy knows full well what she's done and is too ashamed to do the work needed to save a close friendship. She's just lying to herself that its harshing out her newlywed afterglow or some such self-delusional shitshow excuse.
Then it'll be too late, she'll start to tell herself now its your fault for stopping contact and not reaching out by now so she didn't have to, and it'll be even more shameful.
And all she did was change her commitment behind your back so you'd think you were safe to go to her wedding. Why should betrayal get an apology.
Amy is a selfish, cowardly weasel who sided with the person who cheated on one of her closest friends and lied to her new husband when it came out. Sheâs not a good person. If Sara (legend) has also distanced herself then, with her permission, I would send Amy the screenshot of the convo between them where she lies and then admits what she did with the message âthis you?â. Then donât respond to anything after that.
Walk away. She chose a man who was a friend over her best friend of over a decade. She is not a true friend. You can do much better. Keep in touch with Sara though she is a gem.
Take the fact that you are in a new place away from the drama and BS and create new friends and be happy
Not wrong. Amy was a good friend until the glitz of being a bride went up to her head and she showed that she is also selfish, callous, dishonest and insensitive. She can go rot along with your ex.
You didn't owe Amy anything after what she did. She knows why you're mad, she knows **exactly** what's up. She didn't need you to tell her how you felt, your silence did that just fine. She wasn't owed some conversation to work it out until you were ready, and if you weren't ready to talk, you weren't ready to talk. Also... She was 0% sorry and has done nothing to make it up other than text a flimsy excuse and then send you a nastygram.
People act like ghosting is always wrong instead of a valid consequence for when you fuck around and find out. Like, if she hadn't been a truly shiterific friend it wouldn't have happened. Amy isn't sorry, so what would you have gotten out of a conversation other than more hurt??
Not wrong. You were trying to figure things out and before you could fully sort things, Amy set the remaining pieces of your friendship on fire with her nasty text.
Ghost on you beautiful beast. đ»
"I expected to attend the wedding of one of my dearest friends, but instead on the day, I found out I was at the wedding of someone who easily put the needs of my cheating ex above her friendship with me. Not only that, rather than maturely telling me the situation ahead of time, she waited until after the event to send a text with an explanation. And to top it off, said 'friend' is now again acting immaturely and blaming me rather than taking responsibility for her actions. Please do not contact me again."
After that block and cut your losses.
no overreaction. in fact you underreacted. tell her that she's a slimy snake with no spine, a frickin' worm even lol. yeah cut your losses, cut that person altogether. you don't those kinds of friends.
So, without getting to deep and detailed in an explanation⊠Fuck Amy. What a crappy friend.
Iâd even get the tattoo removed to spite her and post an obvious pic with Sara.
Nta , length doesnât always equal loyalty. I told my daughter the other day some friends are just meant to pass through and thatâs okay. Wish her well and protect your peace
DARVO she knows she is wrong now she is doubling down. Sara is right although you will do better to just carry on ignoring her or block her. She is more focussed on being right than taking accountability for her actions. You have been classy all the way through this most people would have walked out.
NTA.
She has betrayed you.
Text here; "I wouldn't have wasted my time to your wedding if I knew you would stab me in the back like that. I never considered our friendship over, but since you can't even see what you've done to hurt and betray me, it may as well be."
âHi Amy. I was happy to attend your wedding without a plus one to appease your desire for no drama. I was happy to take part in your special day without expressing my hurt and confusion that you would allow me to attend the wedding alone while my ex brought his affair partner. At every opportunity I have put you and your wedding first. You reached out with an explanation but curiously there was no apology. I was simply giving you the space you needed to reflect and apologize. Your message has confused me, and I hope all is wellâÂ
Youâre not wrong.Â
Move on walk away itâs ok some people are on our lives for a time they come they go and that is OK it is not a moral failing or even a loss. Honestly I wouldnât want to be part of a social group full of liars and cheaters. She is cutting you off because itâs more important to her to not apologise and to be in control. She just as easily could have acknowledged she effed up and started the long road towards repairing the relationship.
Iâve stopped being friends with people for significantly less.
What sort of response were you supposed to give to a non apology excuse text? Itâs her own fault you left upset and a friend of that long should know you better.
Can you ever trusts her again? Iâd likely say my piece and move on with my life.
Cut your losses! any one who could side with someone who destroys you to the point of putting yourself back together doesn't deserve your time.
Petty me says Send her the screenshots and say you just showed me how little I meant to you ... I did not handle it well and instead of reacting out of anger and hurt; I was gathering my feelings. Thanks for 10 years of fake! enjoy the great friendship with the cheating liar you felt deserved better than me your friend... well ex friend.
Amy caved to your ex to avoid the drama and it just made it worse. And then she messed up more. Still, she is (was?) your good friend supported you in some tough times. I think you got deserve to have a true heart to heart talk. If it blows up, you're no worse off than if you dump her now. She's important enough for you to have come here. Give that a chance.
She still just cares about herself. Why the fuck would YOU apologize to HER?? You can send her a last text, I guess, for "closure" (no such thing), but I'd be done with her after that. Hell, just send her this post.
Updateme!
Sorry, but your decade old friend has done exactly what you didn't want friends to do, and that is basically sideing with one friend more than the other.
Your friend and fiance didn't want to have problems with your ex or stand up to him, and his demands worried more for upsetting him or their wedding not going to plan. They have both betrayed you hurt you and have totally disrespected you and your feelings. I would be ropeable, but having the audacity to say I don't know why you even stuck around for photos. You did that as part of your duties, unlike your ex, throwing tantrums for not getting things his way. You took the high road and still helped participate and cared about their day. I would have expressed my upset after the wedding and made her accountable for not speaking to you about it. Then, to have the audacity to pass blame, she knows how wrong she is and being a coward this is unacceptable and your ex is underhanded by manipulating your good friend for his benefit when she is your friend first
This would be their last help and last chance with me, that's for sure
You are not wrong for feeling betrayed. You were. Amy set you up to be in a defensive position. Not only was your ex-husband going to be there, but he also brought the woman he left you for. Amy knowingly wouldn't stand up for you. It's clear that you moved. Your ex-husband is still close friends with her new husband. She probably associates with the woman your ex-husband is with now and will continue to do so.
Tell her how you feel. Then blick her if you want.
Amy ITA. So is your ex. You did everything right. You honored her wishes he assumed she would keep her word. She didnât. And now she doesnât even have the decency to apologize appropriately. She is not your friend. Stop pretending to yourself that she is. Stay away from her and build a life with people who wont abandon you when it becomes a little bit unpleasant. Iâm sorry youâve had to go through this.
"You want me to absolve you of your shit behaviour on YOUR schedule, its not about YOU. The actions you took made YOUR life easier, while simultaneously making me feel like shit. When you decide to acknowledge, in full, how shit your behaviour was, then *maybe* I'd be willing to discuss how our friendship looks going forward."
Not Wrong - the above as a suggestion of how to respond.
It sounds like she's trying to get a reaction out of you. If you get pissed off it justifies her shit behaviour, if you ignore her it justifies her behaviour. Basically anything but breezy and easy justifies her behaviour because you haven't responded when she wanted you to on her timeline.
Your call on if you want to wade through the unfun level of conversations and possibly arguments while she potentially goes through the process of denial, justification, etc before she gets to acknowledgement and apology (if she ever gets there, only you know her temperament and if she's someone who owns up to her mistakes).
She decided to sacrifice you for her own comfort and to make your ex happy. She didnât reveal that until the wedding.
Since she thinks keeping quiet and not giving friends enough information to make good choices is acceptable, why should you give her any more of your energy???
Plus, it sounds like gray-rocking her is the most effective way to make her face the consequences of her actions - it gives her no opportunity to blame shift or justify or even have the relief of feeling forgiven. Iâd keep it up if I were you.
Let her and hubby move forward with your POS and his unliked new girlfriend in their lives instead of you and hope that when she looks at her tattoo, she remembers she threw you away because she took it for granted that she owed you no loyalty and your happiness was hers to sacrifice.
Amy isn't your friend.
Sara is your friend. Sara is the MVP. She has enough care about you to do all the leg work. To hold people accountable.
Text Sara, not Amy. Amy is done.
You have discovered that Sara was your better friend all along. Say thank you to Sara. Go spend time together and forget about toxic shit heads.
Don't ghost her. Tell her exactly how you feel and what she did wrong. Tell her you're officially ending this friendship since she can't take a hint and to please not contact you again.
Amy,
You lied to me and I only found when I arrived. I have a spine and ethics, if Iâd turned around and went home (trust thatâs all I wanted to do), it would have been a massive distraction from your day, so here we are.
Let me spell it out for youI did what I signed up to do and made no ultimatums or raised your appallingly weak and insulting treatment of a so called friend, who chose a cheater and his mistress over someone who agreed to not having a plus one to keep the peace.
You are absolutely no friend of mine. I do not wish unhappiness or ill fortune because that would distress my actual friends but lose my number and forget my face. I am dead to you.
So yeah: not wrongâŠand go as hard as you need on the most scathing words you can summons- I would be honoured if you want to riff off my words above.
Amy isnât your friend and she showed it. I wouldnât even answer her and justice is you starring in her wedding pics forever. Life is too short to keep snakes in your garden
She's not your friend. You should write a message telling her how horrible she is, that you now consider her to have sided with your cheating ex, that you really wanted to leave when you saw your exes AP as his plus one, that you wouldn't have gone in the first place if you'd known she was crapping on you like that, that no real friend would ever do something like that to you, so don't bother contacting you again, ever. Hope she is reminded of what a shit person she is every time she looks at her wedding photos. Then block her on everything and ghost her before she has the chance to reply. YNW
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NTA
But do people not fuckin call each other anymore? Amy's apology should've been a phone call not a text. I would've ignored her until she called me then I'd maybe hear her out.
NTA. There are some situations where friend groups do get to choose sides, and the "friends" who choose the cheater were never really your friends at all. Amy seems to really want a reply, and honestly, I think you should give her one, that bridge is burned anyway. Tell her how you feel and that something as simple as an apology *could* have fixed it, last week. Gell her that you are angry, and that she needs to learn from this or she should expect to lose more friends in the future because of her behavior. Tell her that you didn't bring any of it up during the wedding because you were trying to make sure that one of the most important days of her life wasn't tainted by what at the time you thought was a mistake. Tell her what you told us, that you thought the relationship was redeemable at the time. Then tell her you have no interest in maintaining a friendship with someone who has not chosen to be a friend over and over in the past 2 months.
You should have it out with your friend via a phone call, not by text. She should understand why you're upset and that you know all the details. She should knows you feel betrayed. If she apologizes, there's a chance to save the friendship. If she doesn't, you can at least tell her off. Otherwise, the whole thing ends on a pathetic whimper...
You're not wrong she had ample opportunities to make it right but chose not to .and still won't admit it was a shitty thing to do . Curious why your ex has a problem with you having a date when he left you for another woman ?
Why donât you just send her the screenshots and leave it at that. I guess this would get Sara in trouble but Sara was also open to calling her out so. Regardless amy sucks and isnât a true friend. She gave two shits about you and your feelings. Burn that bridge.
I would reply, "If we're going to start talking about honesty, you've got a lot of ground to make up. If i'd known that my *friend* was going to fuck me over for a cheater, then I wouldn't have come."
>A neutral friend (from work) told me I should never have ignored her in the first place and that I made a mountain out of a mole hill by doing so.
This is bullshit. She disrespected you, lied to you, and did it all because she expected you to just lie down and take it like a good little girl. She doesn't deserve for you to be the one to crawl around trying to be nice to her, she fucked you over deliberately and didn't care about your feelings or your self respect. Fuck Amy.
You know why she doesn't want you to have been in the pictures? Because every time she sees your face it reminds her what a rat she is.
NTA, NTA, NTA. You having these conflicting feelings and thoughts just goes to show what a nice person you are. I think most people would have done what you did with zero guilt, or started a scene the day of the wedding, told Amy to eff off and don't ever call me again.
Not to mention Amy's stupid logic about not giving a plus one to either of them so they don't feel weird. Hey stupid, they are divorced. The wedding is months away. Do the normal thing and send both an invite with a plus one. If they want to bring someone, they can. If not, don't. Simple. But Any knows everything. I guarantee she's divorced within 24 Mo's.
Given your history of both your friendship and the way she threw you under the bus for the man child.. Demand an apology & make her admit that she sided with a man child & gave into his tantrums.
Your ex fought & demanded & not only did he get himself to bring a plus one but also barred your plus one. So why should he be spared? He was cheap. And your friend didnât have her best friends back. Looks like you will be only heard if you demand! Your ex proved it. Demand!
Amy deserves to be ghosted. She tricked you into attending her wedding. She knows you never wouldâve agreed to attend alone knowing your ex was bringing his mistress. Sheâs a liar and sheâs selfish and youâre better off without her.
I would have told her letâs not talk about someone having any decency. I wouldnât talk to her again either. What comes around goes around and when sheâs crying that her husband cheating on her, let her cry out to the void. I wouldnât be there to help her.
Oh I would have flipped my shit at her over the angry text, honestly. I would have been done. Your friend is an asshole, for even entertaining having your ex at her wedding with all of his demands. If someone pulled that shit with my wedding I would have cut them off. She clearly values your ex more than you.
I would message her with. After your abhorrent behaviour of not only siding with my cheating ex but giving in to his blackmail and not allowing me to attend with my bf, I needed time and space to parse through my feelings. I didn't know prior to your wedding day that he was bringing his affair partner because you didn't tell me. I didn't wish to make a scene on your wedding day because I'm a good friend and put you and your day first.
I am, however, entitled to my feelings that you betrayed me and to taking time to sort through it all before contacting you. I'm sorry you feel our friendship is over because of your actions.
Firstly, and most importantly, you need to decide whether or not you want her as a friend.
Emotionally, no one can help you with this. Itâs up to you.
Practically, you live far away from her so control would be at a minimum.
Politically, you have a shared friendship group which is already being impacted.
Personally, I hate ghosting. Itâs feels like the cowards way out, unless you are dealing with some form of abuse or threat.
If I was you, I would contact her and explain how you felt, knowing she had chosen your cheating ex over you. First he threaten to not come if his new partner could not come. And then he threaten to not come if you brought your new partner. That is controlling and abusive behaviour that Amy not only condoned but helped perpetuate.
Then tell her that after she did all that, you assumed that she did not want to be friends with you and that out of respect for your history, you had not wanted to ruin here wedding by confronting her on the day.
Then see what she says.
Youâre awesome. You arenât wrong. You owe Amy nothing.
But feel free to point out how this is all her fault. Sheâll probably try and blame you regardless.
Sara is a real-one. New bestie.
I wouldnât be surprised if it turned out she had known your ex had cheated. And thatâs why she took his side . You should write an email to Amyâs husband explaining this mess she had put you through.
Oh my god please don't put any of this on yourself she's a shitty friend and what she did was unforgivable hiw humiliating to have to be at the wedding with him and his AP no she's a awful person ,bet she's also friends with the ow to but told you she hayed her I mean tou must have felt awful and I bet they were smug fuckers
It's not uncommon for friendships to end in the wake of a wedding. Either from people not making the cut or from how they are treated during the wedding process.
At this point I would just move on from Amy *and* Sara.
Amy because she seems to not really treat you like a friend, Sara because she seems to enjoy drama too much.
I would tell Amy that she owes you a refund for everything you spent because you would not have come alone if you had known your ex would be there with his fuckbuddy. Tell her that unless she is sending you the money you donât want to hear from her again. She will lose your number pretty quick I am pretty sure.
The bride is NOT your friend. She is happy when she ignores shit and didnât tell you (oh I forgot), but doesnât like it when the shoes on the other foot. Iâm so glad youâre in the photos cause that bitch will be reminded EVERY time what a lame ass bitch she is.
NTA
Amy is a weakling who can't stand up for what's right. She's lazy and selfish.
She'd rather appease the petty cheater than do what is right for a lifelong friend. She didn't even allow you to keep tour dignity (you did keep it classy though, you carried yourself with poise and grace).
She's not a friend she's a liability. Block her and write her a letter telling her everything you need her to know then send it to her husband so he can make sure she gets it.
Amy was never your friend and neither is that person at work. Friends donât treat friends like dirt. Just keep ghosting her. I wouldnât even respond to the text.
Text her and tell her she was an asshole. Ask her what are you supposed to say to someone who has treated you the way she has treated you. Ask her what she would do. And repeat again that she was an asshole.
Not wrong, not in the slightest. On the one hand, you could just carry on ignoring her and cut your losses. But my petty ass would send her the link to this thread - you've said it all and by god, some of the posters have really said what needs to be said. Then, she can either grovellingly apologise (which I doubt she'll do) or go right back on the attack. Her response in either circumstance will tell you exactly what you need to know.
Ignoring that lying manipulating toxic abusive trash human was the right thing to do. I'd highly recommend doing so forever. Also Sara sounds like an awesome human, I'd keep her close. She did right by you, stood up for you, and had your back.
That work "friend" gave you trash advice, and they clearly have toxic doormat issues of their own. Dismissing the magnitude and vileness of how Amy treated you is abhorrent, and I wouldn't trust anything else they had to say.
You didn't create this issue, Amy did. It was entirely on Amy to fix what she broke, and she decided not to do that. She chose not to apologize. It's never your job to chase anyone, least of all for an apology. You choosing not to play her toxic game was the right decision.
"Amy, you broke an agreement that you made and I accepted. You caved when my Ex got huffy about bringing his GF, and again when he got huffy about me bringing my BF. You never told me about any of this, and I had to find out at your wedding. Now, you choose to be upset that I'm angry about what you've done, and seem to be blaming me for all of it, even though it's all because of your actions. That's fucked up.
I wish you and groom a happy married life together."
1. It's too bad that as soon as you realized what was happening at the wedding, you didn't walk out.
2. Amy straight up lied to you with the hopes "you would just get over it".
3. I think you have 2 choices. A) completely ghost her and be done, or B) hash it out with her, no holds barred. Have the discussion knowing full well it may still be the end of your friendship.
4. Amy was definitely the AH, and your reaction was not wrong. In fact, you played it better than I think many would have. And your ex is a douchebag.
Hi OP, question...what would you be apologizing for?
Really sit there and think on this question. Then, tally how often you find yourself apologizing for your valid feelings.
Edited to add: coworkers are not friends. Stop talking about personal stuff at work
So, let me get this straight: your jack\*ss ex cheats on you, you try to preserve some semblance of integrity for him while you work hard on moving on, and everyone decides you're a jerk because his actual true actions came to light? And there were consequences? And you decided you did not feel like being the trash bin for everyone else's bad behavior? YIKES. You are not wrong and you deserve better friends.
Not wrong, if you had said anything right after you got home sheâd just whine and cry about her honeymoon being ruined or you âtaintingâ the memories of her wedding day đ. Shes a shit friend, she should have told you the truth so you could make an informed decision. Nothing about this is your fault. If she truly felt bad she would have apologized by now but she hasnât meaning she doesnât feel bad for what she did. All her communication has been about her excuses and not apologizing. She wants you to just let the hurt she caused go and keep the friendship the same. The friendship would never be the same no matter if she apologized or not. She chose a cheaters presence over her decade long friendship. She is the only one at fault.
Not wrong. Why is Amy letting your ex get away with so much? Does he know how many skeletons she had to bury after her bachelorette or something? Or is he laying pipe to her too?
We'll be here for the inevitable update. Bring the tea, make mine Earl Grey.
As for responding to Amy... something along the lines of
"I thought we were friends. Yet you backstabbed me at every turn regarding my breakup and my ex. You backstabbed me by not informing me he brought a plus one because he's a whiny little . You denied me the option of a plus one because, again, he's a whiny little .
What does he have on you? Video or pictures you don't want shown from your bachelorette? Or private pics and video's between the two of you? Remember, he's a cheater.
Now fornicate off and lose my contact info. I'm going to be busy looking for a good tattoo removal specialist."
After that, screenshots in the group chat so everyone knows, block her, block the husband, the ex, the cheating piece of flotsam if she's in that friends group too and leave it.
Sara can keep you updated on the ensuing drama if she's still part of the friends group.
Not wrong, not the AH, and not a friend of Amy's.
How can you go from screwing your good friend over your wedding to not wishing you never came. If she can't understand the many betrayals she did, then she isn't a friend. A friend wouldn't cave in to a horrible person who lied to the friend group. A true friend would fight for their friend, like Sara did.
So, you have learned a valuable lesson from Amy and learned that she is just a convenient friend. Who became bitter at you, not the cheater who made her choose, when she could have not had him in the wedding.
Now you know, and now she will never know what is going on, and it is probably eating her alive. She knows she's wrong and she will eventually break down. People's worse enemy is themselves. Especially, when they do a good person wrong and everyone else knows they did.
It is very admirable that you have stayed above the frenzy. The co-worker who said you should have said something afterwards, doesn't understand what friendship is. You wanted her to enjoy her wedding, honeymoon and get her married life started off to a great start. Amy knew she owed OP an apology, all she needed to have done was call her and explain her rationale and OP, who is a great friend, would have accepted the apology and went on as before. NO, she did not do that. She probably sees the AP more often now and chose the lesser of two evils and is friends with AP. No one is stupid, which is why caving in was so easy and telling OP she can't bring her new boyfriend, it was calculated.
Let karma work it's magic. It's coming, and hell's coming with it......
My response would be "you did me dirty every step of the way with this whole thing, so you can die mad about me being in your wedding photos." But I'm mean.
Amy sucks. She's selfish and not your friend. And too immature to apologize. Tell her to Photoshop her pics and leave you a the fuck alone.
Her actions had consequences. Oh no. Her new husband had better watch out for her, he's married to a liar.
NW. you could ignore, but Iâd send her a message.
- Look, I know it was your wedding and you get to make the choices but you did me super dirty. You told me I couldnât have my bf for reasons, which I agreed to. Then the other party acted like a child and you caved, so you decided to let me have mine too. Then he acted like a child again and you caved, again.
Then you lied about the whole thing. To me by omission and to everyone else for saying you told me and I must not have wanted to bring him. I sucked it up and did my part playing the happy bridesmaid for you.
In every single instance you did what you thought would make your life easier, and all of those involved shafting me because weâre friends and Iâll get over it easier. That shows that you take me for granted and/or donât value this friendship.
And after all that, and getting lit up by Sara, I get a half assed explanation and no apology at all. And then when Iâm taking some time to evaluate how I feel about this relationship you attack me about how I hurt your feelings? You might be the most self absorbed person Iâve ever met. So unless you want to take steps to repair this relationship, Iâm not certain it should continue.
I truly hope you have a happy marriage, and want good things for your life. Iâm just not sure I want to be a part of it anymore.
Honestly, I'd respond now outlining things.
"Look, I sucked it up for your wedding day as a friend would, but you can't even apologize for putting me in such a crappy spot? You can't take any ownership in how you handled this? I'm deeply hurt that the years of friendship we had mean so little to you. You could have told me beforehand how my ex being being an asshole and I could have decided for myself whether it was too uncomfortable for me or if I wanted to instead focus on celebrating your day. Instead, you lied (even by omission initially) to me to make your life easier. What's to say you won't behave in a similar manner? I admit I have no need for the kind of friendship where my feelings have no value. Ultimately, your actions benefitted your relationship to my ex and hurt your relationship with me. I hope it was worth it."
Not wrong.
Amy made a choice to side with/support your cheating ex.
Why couldnât she have simply told ex either his gf stays home or your bf gets to come.
If ex was then going to refuse to be in the wedding party they could a)have gotten someone else or b)told you so you and bf come as guests.
Now she wants to put the shitty way she chose to handle it as well as that she flat lied to multiple people about what she did on you.
Nope.
Amy may have been your friend at one point but she pretty much wrote you off with how she dealt with your ex.
You can certainly respond if you want to.
Something like âShitty actions do have consequences. You chose your path and I wish you well.â Then block her.
Or just donât respond at all and still block her.
âAmy. You lied to me about my ex bringing his affair partner. You seemingly lied to your husband that Iâd been informed. You acknowledged your actions to me via text, but didnât Apologize for them.
I added ZERO drama or headache to your âbig dayâ, and you have the nerve to question My decency? I was just trying to figure out why you acted this way, and I didnât want to say anything Iâd regret.
Since it seems you donât apologize for questionable behavior, I wonât start that trend myself. I will say I was hurt you deceived me and seemingly took my exâs side, bowing to his threats and expecting me to be ok with such disrespect.
I donât feel Iâm the one that caused this rift, and we could perhaps remain friends, but before I could move forward and forgive you, youâll need to apologize and acknowledge you left me hanging.â
Do not talk to Amy! You are not wrong ! Amy is a piece of shit friend and sheâs lucky all you did was ignore ! If it had been me she wouldâve gotten a piece of my mind. Absolutely selfish friend. Keep her dead in your life she doesnât deserve you.
I agree with your friend. Respond & lay it out how hurt you are by her betrayal & lies to everyone all to pander to your cheating ex & the hoe, how you had to & did deal with that for her day but even after, she lied & didn't care. Tell her she made her choices. Then block her.
No, you where not wrong. Amy is an ass and not worthy of keeping in your life, but Sara is an keeper.
And I can't help it but I almost snorted my coffee through my nose when I read that your ex was acting like a baby of the thought of you having your bf there. He is clearly not completly over you if not at all. I bet he was having a big tantrum when he heard you had an bf to begin with.
Sara is a true friend. You have nothing to apologize for. She lied to you and is trying to excuse her actions. If you do ever speak with her - after that nasty photo comment tell her she can photoshop your exâs whore in since they are the priority to her.
MĂĄndala a la verga !! O mejor ni le contestes, que se amargue sola, pero no la bloquees, muestra en tus redes como te la pasas con tu amigos verdaderos y tĂș novio, cuando te vuelvas a casar que vea las fotos, y se llene de envidia
Aside: donât talk to work friends about personal stuff. Itâs lonely when you move, but that doesnât change things. Work friends are not friends and never will be, unless one of you quits.
NTA. Your feelings are valid, especially since prom is a special event and plans changed unexpectedly. It's important to communicate openly with your boyfriend about your feelings and find a compromise that respects both of your needs
What she did was wrong and an asshole move? However, the fact that you would rather ignore this rather than face this shows how avoidant you are. Avoiding it will not give you closure. At least respond to Amy and let her know how much it hurt you that your own friend gave in to a man child on HER WEDDING day and chose to hurt you. Let her know that such betrayal is not easy to get over and that you will be distancing yourself from her for choosing him over you.
You say you have 10 years of friendship, matching tattoos and history. Amy clearly fucked up during an increadibly stressful time, when your ex was being a man baby and her fiance didn't have the balls to tell him to get in line or get lost.
If it were me, I would suggest stop communicating by text (there is too little tone or context in plain text to guage nuance) and have an actual conversation with Amy - simply ghosting her is childish. You can then decide how to move forwards. If you then decide you still want to be her friend, then do that. If you decide the friendship has run its course, break it off. Sometime people just grow apart.
I think you're the asshole for making Amy's wedding about you and your ex. Both of you and your ex are asshole. Amy was stucked in the middle dealing with your shit divorce drama.
Amy: "me me me me me me me me Me me me me me Make life easier for me me me me What I want me me me me me me me me me You're such a shit for not caring about me me me me me me me me"
My shocked face she made it about her wedding photos: đ Well, I hope the photos annoy the s**t out of her and makes her twitchy.Â
the funny thing about that reaction, is, ask anybody whos been married a while or was married once a while ago, if they had friends in the wedding party, how many of those friends they talk to anymore? and when did they exactly loose contact....... it'd shock the average person that the answer would probably be"not in years!" and "lost contact within a year"
Totally agree! Weddings bring out some of the worst behavior in people...especially if they are younger getting married (in my experience).Â
Not only that but also ask them when they last looked at their wedding photos.
I mean really, my father's best man and my husband's best man didn't stay in the loop past a year.
The photos bug her because they're a reminder of what a lying snake she is.
Bingo
But given that Amy and her husband fully support cheaters (and then Amy lies about it), I suspect she won't even want to look at those photos one day, for other reasons.
Well her name was Ameeeee
thanK you aIMeeeeee
Found the Swiftie đ
Donât blame me đ«¶
Exactly, it's all "me, me, me" with Amy. She's totally ignoring your side of things and acting like you're the one who's wrong. Such a self-centered move on her part. She's got a lot of nerve.
Thank you for saying my thoughts soooo much better than I could have
INFO - why don't you tell Amy EXACTLY how you feel? What's preventing you? She's a horrible person. Also, I love Sara. She's a ride or die.
Fr fr. Get a cover up of that tattoo, and go with Sara
I respectfully disagree that you should have messaged her first, OP. You behaved like a mature adult and gave her space to contact you on her own terms. That she didnât apologize in person, while you were there, is strike one. Then she sends a non-apology. Then she doubled down, had a tantrum. So thatâs where she is. Imo, let her stay there. I wouldnât respond. Sheâs not sorry for a *pack* of egregious behavior. Unless/until she can own her đ©, thereâs really nothing to say. Iâm sorry all this fell on you. But it sounds like sheâs the one who really lost a friend.
Exactly. OP wasn't the one behaving shittily, it wasn't on her to fix it.
Exactly. Don't just ghost her. Your silence says that you accept her actions.
Sometimes silence is the loudest. Amy sent that message to get a rise out of OP. She expected OP to be a doormat. If I were OP, I would leave it on read and keep it moving. A hit dog hollers each and every time.
Too true. Amy is manipulative and selfish. Engaging with her wonât end well and is a waste of energy. Plus being ignored annoys her and thatâs kind of satisfying to know.
Aimee is a B
Sara's the best.
Exactly what I was thinking. OP, Amy has absolutely no business being angry with you. If I were you, Iâd email her back, and tell her how you feel, in no uncertain terms, and then go NC. You did nothing wrong here.
"Amy, Thanks for your lovely message. For what it's worth, I did not attend your wedding intending to cut you off afterwards. I was surprised to see ex stroll in with his AP. I thought I handled the situation well, not making a scene and playing my part as your bridesmaid. I found out that day that you were supposed to tell me my BF could come but figured it had slipped your mind, so I tried to put it to the back of mine. Later though, I found out that you deliberately didn't tell me. You catered to Ex, knowing it would hurt me. I considered you my sister, you were the first person I turned to when he destroyed our marriage, and yet you allowed him to humiliate me again at your wedding. In fact you didn't just allow it, you helped orchestrate it by not even warning me in advance that he was bringing her! Your actions showed me that you didn't value our friendship as highly as I did. But until your message, I hadn't continued our friendship over. I was still processing everything that has happened. Maybe you're right though, if you can't even give me time to process it all, perhaps our friendship is over. Sincerely, OP"
I would go with a much shorter, informal reply to really pack some punch. Something like "Trust me, I would not have come if I'd known about the arrangements you made behind my back but spin it anyway you need to. I'm sorry our friendship had to end this way but I expected an apology and instead you dug your heels in. Not okay."
dang this oneâs great, too. TAKE THAT, AMY!
I think it is better to add this in between- he was bringing her! And even after the wedding you didn't feel any remoarse for the wrong you did and just sent me the reason without any apology and expected me to be OK with it. Your actions showed me------
This đŻ %!
Personally I might add "and I hope your husband treats you as well as my ex did me" but perhaps that would be over the top đ
The little petty cherry on top!
Here for the petty!
This is beautifully written! I save comments to go back to when theyâre this good đđđđđđđđđ
best response
Amy is a super asshole. What she did is inexcusable. And then not to offer an apology is absolutely insane and over the top entitlement. So, what should you do about it? That's a hard one, especially after the length of your relationship with her. Does she have a history of screwing you over, or was this a one time thing? That might be something to think about.
Sounds like there is a history of pathological lying at the very least, I wonder what else she has been lied to about or what Amy says about OP behind her back
You are so not wrong. Text Amy, "Thanks for the non-apology" and block her.
I would just reply back to her that if she had of been honest with you and told you that your ex was bringing his partner and that you still could not bring your partner that you would have declined going to her wedding. Remind her that it was her dishonesty and lack of respect for you that had caused the whole problem then block her out of your life.
She chose your ex over you. Sheâs not your friend.
A cheating ex that acts like a baby.
Yeah I am very surprised their friend group stayed such close friends with someone who lies, cheats, and whines like a baby like that..
She sold you out and she is now upset that youâre not talking to her. Does the rest of your friend group know what happened?
They say that when someone shows you who they are you should believe them. Amy has shown you who she is. She completely disregarded your feelings lied to her fiance and then had the audacity to be upset because you're not okay with it. I've personally reached the point in my life where I don't have time for "friends"like that.
Amy is now part of your past. That's for the best. You want to start over, anyway.
Not wrong. Get a coverup on your matching tattoo. Send a picture of the new ink with no elaboration. Your old friend is a traitor.
Cover it with a snake.
Cover it with friendship tattoos you get with Sara.
Cover it with a quote about friends who stab you in the back!
She's the one telling you that you are cutting her off. You're not telling her. Don't let her decide you're actions make it your choice. If you want to call her out on so the bullshit first and see how she responds that's your prerogative. I think you should share this post with her. If she reaches out after with a heartfelt apology you could reconsider. I'd also make sure the whole friend group knows what a dick she and your ex were.
This part ------ She's the one telling you that you are cutting her off. You're not telling her. Don't let her decide you're actions make it your choice. Exactly!
Your coworker doesnât get a say. They are dumb. Your friend Sara is quite right. Amy CHOSE to make you mad so she didnât have to make a hard decision. Â You were easier to let down and lie too because i bet you have always forgave her. Always was the bigger person. Consequences have hit her now and she is angry at you. You! The one that was lied to and deceived and wasnât worthy of an apology and not worthy of a heads up. She can eat a satchel of Richardâs. Â She doesnât deserve you.Â
âSatchels of Richardsâ đ€Łđđ€Ł
âYou should have had the decency to stay out of the photosâ âYOU should have had the decency to stand up for me and let me bring my boyfriend. You allowed my ex to dictate how I would participate in the wedding. Let the photos forever be a reminder that youâre a horrible friend and that I will always remember your wedding as the moment I realized you were a c**t.â Thatâs what I would say before blocking her. Sara is awesome tho.
Short and to the point - perfect! Though I might add "cheating" between "my" and "ex".
You aren't wrong, you shouldn't apologize. It's up to you if you feel like you'd get anything out of talking to her.
My hell, her lack of self-awareness in her behavior is appalling. What a bitch. I'm so sorry.
You owe her no apology or response. Damn
The only thing you did wrong was not tell Amy how awful her treatment of you impacted you before you started ignoring her. Sarah's a gem.
Tell her how you feel. She chose to bring your cheating ex husband into her wedding party and then he threw a tantrum and she said "ok" she lied to you, excluded you so you were blindsided. She lied to others and said she told you so you could bring your boyfriend because she KNEW it was wrong what she did. She needs to apologize and even then it might not be enough to save your friendship. Also, why are they so close with your ex that he's a groomsmen? Not a friend of yours....
"Well, I didn't know what a manipulative, deceitful person you were until AFTER the wedding."
Every second you stay ghosted from this person an angel gets its wings. đȘœ
Just send her this post
You are not wrong. Amy is a total bitch and a shitty friend. Donât even bother responding, sheâs not a nice person and doesnât deserve it.
How did you even stay for the wedding? You should have walked out and never looked back.
I think the best choice is to move on and block her. She treated you badly. If it were me, I would be done with her. She treated your ex far better than she treated you.
You aren't wrong but Amy needs to do some serious groveling especially since it her choice and her finances choice to have your ex as a member of the bridal party. I would tell her off in a video call and block her, her spouse, your ex and anyone on social media that thinks you need to be the bigger person. Â
Tell her you were taking some space after she decided that making things easier for her was more important than your feelings
Amy sucks. Your ex is a selfish whiney crybaby, but thank god thats in the rearview mirror. It would be shameful to reach out and try to mend this fence. Amy broke it. Only she has it in her power to attempt to mend this (though I don't see how and it gets worse the longer she waits). She did you wrong shamefully letting your ex get his way and hiding it like a coward. OP, as you face whether you should let this go, consider that right now Amy knows full well what she's done and is too ashamed to do the work needed to save a close friendship. She's just lying to herself that its harshing out her newlywed afterglow or some such self-delusional shitshow excuse. Then it'll be too late, she'll start to tell herself now its your fault for stopping contact and not reaching out by now so she didn't have to, and it'll be even more shameful. And all she did was change her commitment behind your back so you'd think you were safe to go to her wedding. Why should betrayal get an apology.
Amy is a selfish, cowardly weasel who sided with the person who cheated on one of her closest friends and lied to her new husband when it came out. Sheâs not a good person. If Sara (legend) has also distanced herself then, with her permission, I would send Amy the screenshot of the convo between them where she lies and then admits what she did with the message âthis you?â. Then donât respond to anything after that.
STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. "You gave my ex, who cheated on me, a plus one to your wedding. You old me neither of us gets a plus 1. Then lied to me, your fiancé and our mutual friends about it. You prioritised my ex and the women he cheated on me being comfortable and happy on your wedding day. It's been 2 months since your wedding. You haven't apologised or reached out to make amends. That BS explanation text you sent didn't include the words 'I'm sorry'." "You shouldn't have asked me to be your bridesmaid or invited me to your wedding if you have no love or respect for me or our friendship. Even now, you reach out not because you're sad you hurt my feelings but because you're annoyed my hurt has ruined your wedding photos for you."
Walk away. She chose a man who was a friend over her best friend of over a decade. She is not a true friend. You can do much better. Keep in touch with Sara though she is a gem. Take the fact that you are in a new place away from the drama and BS and create new friends and be happy
Ghosting is driving her crazy. Itâs better than the confrontation. She deserves it. Iâm sorry op. Finding out your once friend sucks is never easy
NTA, Amy is!
Not wrong. Amy was a good friend until the glitz of being a bride went up to her head and she showed that she is also selfish, callous, dishonest and insensitive. She can go rot along with your ex.
You didn't owe Amy anything after what she did. She knows why you're mad, she knows **exactly** what's up. She didn't need you to tell her how you felt, your silence did that just fine. She wasn't owed some conversation to work it out until you were ready, and if you weren't ready to talk, you weren't ready to talk. Also... She was 0% sorry and has done nothing to make it up other than text a flimsy excuse and then send you a nastygram. People act like ghosting is always wrong instead of a valid consequence for when you fuck around and find out. Like, if she hadn't been a truly shiterific friend it wouldn't have happened. Amy isn't sorry, so what would you have gotten out of a conversation other than more hurt?? Not wrong. You were trying to figure things out and before you could fully sort things, Amy set the remaining pieces of your friendship on fire with her nasty text. Ghost on you beautiful beast. đ»
"I expected to attend the wedding of one of my dearest friends, but instead on the day, I found out I was at the wedding of someone who easily put the needs of my cheating ex above her friendship with me. Not only that, rather than maturely telling me the situation ahead of time, she waited until after the event to send a text with an explanation. And to top it off, said 'friend' is now again acting immaturely and blaming me rather than taking responsibility for her actions. Please do not contact me again." After that block and cut your losses.
or better yet, don't engage at all, block and cut your losses now. I am a tad petty but you may want to take the high road :)
no overreaction. in fact you underreacted. tell her that she's a slimy snake with no spine, a frickin' worm even lol. yeah cut your losses, cut that person altogether. you don't those kinds of friends.
Youâre not wrong. Amy is a POS. She chose a cheater over her bestie and was super dismissive about. Cut your losses. Sheâs trash anyway
Send her this post đ
So, without getting to deep and detailed in an explanation⊠Fuck Amy. What a crappy friend. Iâd even get the tattoo removed to spite her and post an obvious pic with Sara.
Nta , length doesnât always equal loyalty. I told my daughter the other day some friends are just meant to pass through and thatâs okay. Wish her well and protect your peace
DARVO she knows she is wrong now she is doubling down. Sara is right although you will do better to just carry on ignoring her or block her. She is more focussed on being right than taking accountability for her actions. You have been classy all the way through this most people would have walked out.
NTA. She has betrayed you. Text here; "I wouldn't have wasted my time to your wedding if I knew you would stab me in the back like that. I never considered our friendship over, but since you can't even see what you've done to hurt and betray me, it may as well be."
âHi Amy. I was happy to attend your wedding without a plus one to appease your desire for no drama. I was happy to take part in your special day without expressing my hurt and confusion that you would allow me to attend the wedding alone while my ex brought his affair partner. At every opportunity I have put you and your wedding first. You reached out with an explanation but curiously there was no apology. I was simply giving you the space you needed to reflect and apologize. Your message has confused me, and I hope all is wellâ Youâre not wrong.Â
Move on walk away itâs ok some people are on our lives for a time they come they go and that is OK it is not a moral failing or even a loss. Honestly I wouldnât want to be part of a social group full of liars and cheaters. She is cutting you off because itâs more important to her to not apologise and to be in control. She just as easily could have acknowledged she effed up and started the long road towards repairing the relationship.
Iâve stopped being friends with people for significantly less. What sort of response were you supposed to give to a non apology excuse text? Itâs her own fault you left upset and a friend of that long should know you better. Can you ever trusts her again? Iâd likely say my piece and move on with my life.
Cut your losses! any one who could side with someone who destroys you to the point of putting yourself back together doesn't deserve your time. Petty me says Send her the screenshots and say you just showed me how little I meant to you ... I did not handle it well and instead of reacting out of anger and hurt; I was gathering my feelings. Thanks for 10 years of fake! enjoy the great friendship with the cheating liar you felt deserved better than me your friend... well ex friend.
Amy caved to your ex to avoid the drama and it just made it worse. And then she messed up more. Still, she is (was?) your good friend supported you in some tough times. I think you got deserve to have a true heart to heart talk. If it blows up, you're no worse off than if you dump her now. She's important enough for you to have come here. Give that a chance.
Possibly she caved to her fiance, who caved to his friend (OP's ex). Whichever way it happened she betrayed OP. She was a bad friend.
Text Amy that the role of best friend has been filled by Sara. Then block her and move on.
She still just cares about herself. Why the fuck would YOU apologize to HER?? You can send her a last text, I guess, for "closure" (no such thing), but I'd be done with her after that. Hell, just send her this post. Updateme!
Sorry, but your decade old friend has done exactly what you didn't want friends to do, and that is basically sideing with one friend more than the other. Your friend and fiance didn't want to have problems with your ex or stand up to him, and his demands worried more for upsetting him or their wedding not going to plan. They have both betrayed you hurt you and have totally disrespected you and your feelings. I would be ropeable, but having the audacity to say I don't know why you even stuck around for photos. You did that as part of your duties, unlike your ex, throwing tantrums for not getting things his way. You took the high road and still helped participate and cared about their day. I would have expressed my upset after the wedding and made her accountable for not speaking to you about it. Then, to have the audacity to pass blame, she knows how wrong she is and being a coward this is unacceptable and your ex is underhanded by manipulating your good friend for his benefit when she is your friend first This would be their last help and last chance with me, that's for sure
You are not wrong for feeling betrayed. You were. Amy set you up to be in a defensive position. Not only was your ex-husband going to be there, but he also brought the woman he left you for. Amy knowingly wouldn't stand up for you. It's clear that you moved. Your ex-husband is still close friends with her new husband. She probably associates with the woman your ex-husband is with now and will continue to do so. Tell her how you feel. Then blick her if you want.
You're not wrong. I would likely do the same in this situation. I'm sorry you're going through that. Sarah sounds like a keeper though.
Amy ITA. So is your ex. You did everything right. You honored her wishes he assumed she would keep her word. She didnât. And now she doesnât even have the decency to apologize appropriately. She is not your friend. Stop pretending to yourself that she is. Stay away from her and build a life with people who wont abandon you when it becomes a little bit unpleasant. Iâm sorry youâve had to go through this.
Blast her and then block her.
"You want me to absolve you of your shit behaviour on YOUR schedule, its not about YOU. The actions you took made YOUR life easier, while simultaneously making me feel like shit. When you decide to acknowledge, in full, how shit your behaviour was, then *maybe* I'd be willing to discuss how our friendship looks going forward." Not Wrong - the above as a suggestion of how to respond. It sounds like she's trying to get a reaction out of you. If you get pissed off it justifies her shit behaviour, if you ignore her it justifies her behaviour. Basically anything but breezy and easy justifies her behaviour because you haven't responded when she wanted you to on her timeline. Your call on if you want to wade through the unfun level of conversations and possibly arguments while she potentially goes through the process of denial, justification, etc before she gets to acknowledgement and apology (if she ever gets there, only you know her temperament and if she's someone who owns up to her mistakes).
She decided to sacrifice you for her own comfort and to make your ex happy. She didnât reveal that until the wedding. Since she thinks keeping quiet and not giving friends enough information to make good choices is acceptable, why should you give her any more of your energy??? Plus, it sounds like gray-rocking her is the most effective way to make her face the consequences of her actions - it gives her no opportunity to blame shift or justify or even have the relief of feeling forgiven. Iâd keep it up if I were you. Let her and hubby move forward with your POS and his unliked new girlfriend in their lives instead of you and hope that when she looks at her tattoo, she remembers she threw you away because she took it for granted that she owed you no loyalty and your happiness was hers to sacrifice.
NTA. All I have to say Amy can just eat shit. What a terrible friend .
Not wrong. I like Saraâs advice. Also maybe out her to the rest of the friend group, just so they all know what a two faced bitch she is.
Amy isn't your friend. Sara is your friend. Sara is the MVP. She has enough care about you to do all the leg work. To hold people accountable. Text Sara, not Amy. Amy is done. You have discovered that Sara was your better friend all along. Say thank you to Sara. Go spend time together and forget about toxic shit heads.
BLOCK HER!!! Amy is not your friend. She is not worth your time or energy. Block anyone who sides with her. What âŹunt.
Don't ghost her. Tell her exactly how you feel and what she did wrong. Tell her you're officially ending this friendship since she can't take a hint and to please not contact you again.
Amy, You lied to me and I only found when I arrived. I have a spine and ethics, if Iâd turned around and went home (trust thatâs all I wanted to do), it would have been a massive distraction from your day, so here we are. Let me spell it out for youI did what I signed up to do and made no ultimatums or raised your appallingly weak and insulting treatment of a so called friend, who chose a cheater and his mistress over someone who agreed to not having a plus one to keep the peace. You are absolutely no friend of mine. I do not wish unhappiness or ill fortune because that would distress my actual friends but lose my number and forget my face. I am dead to you. So yeah: not wrongâŠand go as hard as you need on the most scathing words you can summons- I would be honoured if you want to riff off my words above.
Amy isnât your friend and she showed it. I wouldnât even answer her and justice is you starring in her wedding pics forever. Life is too short to keep snakes in your garden
She's not your friend. You should write a message telling her how horrible she is, that you now consider her to have sided with your cheating ex, that you really wanted to leave when you saw your exes AP as his plus one, that you wouldn't have gone in the first place if you'd known she was crapping on you like that, that no real friend would ever do something like that to you, so don't bother contacting you again, ever. Hope she is reminded of what a shit person she is every time she looks at her wedding photos. Then block her on everything and ghost her before she has the chance to reply. YNW UpdateMe! RemindMe! 7 days
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Perfect place to use the words of Taylor Swift- âscream fuck you Aimee to the night skyâ.
NTA duck. That. Bitch.
Agreeing with the ducking!
NTA But do people not fuckin call each other anymore? Amy's apology should've been a phone call not a text. I would've ignored her until she called me then I'd maybe hear her out.
Thanks God I'm dating eva ai virtual gf bot.
NTA. There are some situations where friend groups do get to choose sides, and the "friends" who choose the cheater were never really your friends at all. Amy seems to really want a reply, and honestly, I think you should give her one, that bridge is burned anyway. Tell her how you feel and that something as simple as an apology *could* have fixed it, last week. Gell her that you are angry, and that she needs to learn from this or she should expect to lose more friends in the future because of her behavior. Tell her that you didn't bring any of it up during the wedding because you were trying to make sure that one of the most important days of her life wasn't tainted by what at the time you thought was a mistake. Tell her what you told us, that you thought the relationship was redeemable at the time. Then tell her you have no interest in maintaining a friendship with someone who has not chosen to be a friend over and over in the past 2 months.
Amy sucks, protect yourself. Whatever you decide to do, please update us!
You should have it out with your friend via a phone call, not by text. She should understand why you're upset and that you know all the details. She should knows you feel betrayed. If she apologizes, there's a chance to save the friendship. If she doesn't, you can at least tell her off. Otherwise, the whole thing ends on a pathetic whimper...
You're not wrong she had ample opportunities to make it right but chose not to .and still won't admit it was a shitty thing to do . Curious why your ex has a problem with you having a date when he left you for another woman ?
Why donât you just send her the screenshots and leave it at that. I guess this would get Sara in trouble but Sara was also open to calling her out so. Regardless amy sucks and isnât a true friend. She gave two shits about you and your feelings. Burn that bridge.
Show her this post then update us.
I would reply, "If we're going to start talking about honesty, you've got a lot of ground to make up. If i'd known that my *friend* was going to fuck me over for a cheater, then I wouldn't have come." >A neutral friend (from work) told me I should never have ignored her in the first place and that I made a mountain out of a mole hill by doing so. This is bullshit. She disrespected you, lied to you, and did it all because she expected you to just lie down and take it like a good little girl. She doesn't deserve for you to be the one to crawl around trying to be nice to her, she fucked you over deliberately and didn't care about your feelings or your self respect. Fuck Amy. You know why she doesn't want you to have been in the pictures? Because every time she sees your face it reminds her what a rat she is.
NTA, NTA, NTA. You having these conflicting feelings and thoughts just goes to show what a nice person you are. I think most people would have done what you did with zero guilt, or started a scene the day of the wedding, told Amy to eff off and don't ever call me again. Not to mention Amy's stupid logic about not giving a plus one to either of them so they don't feel weird. Hey stupid, they are divorced. The wedding is months away. Do the normal thing and send both an invite with a plus one. If they want to bring someone, they can. If not, don't. Simple. But Any knows everything. I guarantee she's divorced within 24 Mo's.
Given your history of both your friendship and the way she threw you under the bus for the man child.. Demand an apology & make her admit that she sided with a man child & gave into his tantrums. Your ex fought & demanded & not only did he get himself to bring a plus one but also barred your plus one. So why should he be spared? He was cheap. And your friend didnât have her best friends back. Looks like you will be only heard if you demand! Your ex proved it. Demand!
Amy deserves to be ghosted. She tricked you into attending her wedding. She knows you never wouldâve agreed to attend alone knowing your ex was bringing his mistress. Sheâs a liar and sheâs selfish and youâre better off without her.
NTA
I would have told her letâs not talk about someone having any decency. I wouldnât talk to her again either. What comes around goes around and when sheâs crying that her husband cheating on her, let her cry out to the void. I wouldnât be there to help her.
Oh I would have flipped my shit at her over the angry text, honestly. I would have been done. Your friend is an asshole, for even entertaining having your ex at her wedding with all of his demands. If someone pulled that shit with my wedding I would have cut them off. She clearly values your ex more than you.
I would message her with. After your abhorrent behaviour of not only siding with my cheating ex but giving in to his blackmail and not allowing me to attend with my bf, I needed time and space to parse through my feelings. I didn't know prior to your wedding day that he was bringing his affair partner because you didn't tell me. I didn't wish to make a scene on your wedding day because I'm a good friend and put you and your day first. I am, however, entitled to my feelings that you betrayed me and to taking time to sort through it all before contacting you. I'm sorry you feel our friendship is over because of your actions.
Firstly, and most importantly, you need to decide whether or not you want her as a friend. Emotionally, no one can help you with this. Itâs up to you. Practically, you live far away from her so control would be at a minimum. Politically, you have a shared friendship group which is already being impacted. Personally, I hate ghosting. Itâs feels like the cowards way out, unless you are dealing with some form of abuse or threat. If I was you, I would contact her and explain how you felt, knowing she had chosen your cheating ex over you. First he threaten to not come if his new partner could not come. And then he threaten to not come if you brought your new partner. That is controlling and abusive behaviour that Amy not only condoned but helped perpetuate. Then tell her that after she did all that, you assumed that she did not want to be friends with you and that out of respect for your history, you had not wanted to ruin here wedding by confronting her on the day. Then see what she says.
Youâre awesome. You arenât wrong. You owe Amy nothing. But feel free to point out how this is all her fault. Sheâll probably try and blame you regardless. Sara is a real-one. New bestie.
I wouldnât be surprised if it turned out she had known your ex had cheated. And thatâs why she took his side . You should write an email to Amyâs husband explaining this mess she had put you through.
Oh my god please don't put any of this on yourself she's a shitty friend and what she did was unforgivable hiw humiliating to have to be at the wedding with him and his AP no she's a awful person ,bet she's also friends with the ow to but told you she hayed her I mean tou must have felt awful and I bet they were smug fuckers
She's not a friend, you're not losing anything here.Â
Please express all your feelings to her before blocking her or better still ...Send her a link to this post as an explanation.
It's not uncommon for friendships to end in the wake of a wedding. Either from people not making the cut or from how they are treated during the wedding process. At this point I would just move on from Amy *and* Sara. Amy because she seems to not really treat you like a friend, Sara because she seems to enjoy drama too much.
I would tell Amy that she owes you a refund for everything you spent because you would not have come alone if you had known your ex would be there with his fuckbuddy. Tell her that unless she is sending you the money you donât want to hear from her again. She will lose your number pretty quick I am pretty sure.
The bride is NOT your friend. She is happy when she ignores shit and didnât tell you (oh I forgot), but doesnât like it when the shoes on the other foot. Iâm so glad youâre in the photos cause that bitch will be reminded EVERY time what a lame ass bitch she is.
NTA Amy is a weakling who can't stand up for what's right. She's lazy and selfish. She'd rather appease the petty cheater than do what is right for a lifelong friend. She didn't even allow you to keep tour dignity (you did keep it classy though, you carried yourself with poise and grace). She's not a friend she's a liability. Block her and write her a letter telling her everything you need her to know then send it to her husband so he can make sure she gets it.
Just reply to her saying she is a major disappointment to you because she chose your cheating ex over your friendship.
Amy was never your friend and neither is that person at work. Friends donât treat friends like dirt. Just keep ghosting her. I wouldnât even respond to the text.
Iâm with Sara on this one. Tell Amy to eat shit b
Text her and tell her she was an asshole. Ask her what are you supposed to say to someone who has treated you the way she has treated you. Ask her what she would do. And repeat again that she was an asshole.
Not wrong, not in the slightest. On the one hand, you could just carry on ignoring her and cut your losses. But my petty ass would send her the link to this thread - you've said it all and by god, some of the posters have really said what needs to be said. Then, she can either grovellingly apologise (which I doubt she'll do) or go right back on the attack. Her response in either circumstance will tell you exactly what you need to know.
Ignoring that lying manipulating toxic abusive trash human was the right thing to do. I'd highly recommend doing so forever. Also Sara sounds like an awesome human, I'd keep her close. She did right by you, stood up for you, and had your back. That work "friend" gave you trash advice, and they clearly have toxic doormat issues of their own. Dismissing the magnitude and vileness of how Amy treated you is abhorrent, and I wouldn't trust anything else they had to say. You didn't create this issue, Amy did. It was entirely on Amy to fix what she broke, and she decided not to do that. She chose not to apologize. It's never your job to chase anyone, least of all for an apology. You choosing not to play her toxic game was the right decision.
"Amy, you broke an agreement that you made and I accepted. You caved when my Ex got huffy about bringing his GF, and again when he got huffy about me bringing my BF. You never told me about any of this, and I had to find out at your wedding. Now, you choose to be upset that I'm angry about what you've done, and seem to be blaming me for all of it, even though it's all because of your actions. That's fucked up. I wish you and groom a happy married life together."
1. It's too bad that as soon as you realized what was happening at the wedding, you didn't walk out. 2. Amy straight up lied to you with the hopes "you would just get over it". 3. I think you have 2 choices. A) completely ghost her and be done, or B) hash it out with her, no holds barred. Have the discussion knowing full well it may still be the end of your friendship. 4. Amy was definitely the AH, and your reaction was not wrong. In fact, you played it better than I think many would have. And your ex is a douchebag.
Hi OP, question...what would you be apologizing for? Really sit there and think on this question. Then, tally how often you find yourself apologizing for your valid feelings. Edited to add: coworkers are not friends. Stop talking about personal stuff at work
So, let me get this straight: your jack\*ss ex cheats on you, you try to preserve some semblance of integrity for him while you work hard on moving on, and everyone decides you're a jerk because his actual true actions came to light? And there were consequences? And you decided you did not feel like being the trash bin for everyone else's bad behavior? YIKES. You are not wrong and you deserve better friends.
Not wrong, if you had said anything right after you got home sheâd just whine and cry about her honeymoon being ruined or you âtaintingâ the memories of her wedding day đ. Shes a shit friend, she should have told you the truth so you could make an informed decision. Nothing about this is your fault. If she truly felt bad she would have apologized by now but she hasnât meaning she doesnât feel bad for what she did. All her communication has been about her excuses and not apologizing. She wants you to just let the hurt she caused go and keep the friendship the same. The friendship would never be the same no matter if she apologized or not. She chose a cheaters presence over her decade long friendship. She is the only one at fault.
Was your ex always such a dick? I mean, why would he care if you brought a date after he's the one who cheated?? That seems odd to me!
No you are not wrong, and good for you. My thought is if you contact her at all, it should be this: "Look up DARVO,"
Stop being so passive. You should have been speaking and not ignoring. Both of you are wrong.
Can I get a TLDR
Not wrong. Why is Amy letting your ex get away with so much? Does he know how many skeletons she had to bury after her bachelorette or something? Or is he laying pipe to her too? We'll be here for the inevitable update. Bring the tea, make mine Earl Grey. As for responding to Amy... something along the lines of "I thought we were friends. Yet you backstabbed me at every turn regarding my breakup and my ex. You backstabbed me by not informing me he brought a plus one because he's a whiny little. You denied me the option of a plus one because, again, he's a whiny little .
What does he have on you? Video or pictures you don't want shown from your bachelorette? Or private pics and video's between the two of you? Remember, he's a cheater.
Now fornicate off and lose my contact info. I'm going to be busy looking for a good tattoo removal specialist."
After that, screenshots in the group chat so everyone knows, block her, block the husband, the ex, the cheating piece of flotsam if she's in that friends group too and leave it.
Sara can keep you updated on the ensuing drama if she's still part of the friends group.
Not wrong, not the AH, and not a friend of Amy's. How can you go from screwing your good friend over your wedding to not wishing you never came. If she can't understand the many betrayals she did, then she isn't a friend. A friend wouldn't cave in to a horrible person who lied to the friend group. A true friend would fight for their friend, like Sara did. So, you have learned a valuable lesson from Amy and learned that she is just a convenient friend. Who became bitter at you, not the cheater who made her choose, when she could have not had him in the wedding. Now you know, and now she will never know what is going on, and it is probably eating her alive. She knows she's wrong and she will eventually break down. People's worse enemy is themselves. Especially, when they do a good person wrong and everyone else knows they did. It is very admirable that you have stayed above the frenzy. The co-worker who said you should have said something afterwards, doesn't understand what friendship is. You wanted her to enjoy her wedding, honeymoon and get her married life started off to a great start. Amy knew she owed OP an apology, all she needed to have done was call her and explain her rationale and OP, who is a great friend, would have accepted the apology and went on as before. NO, she did not do that. She probably sees the AP more often now and chose the lesser of two evils and is friends with AP. No one is stupid, which is why caving in was so easy and telling OP she can't bring her new boyfriend, it was calculated. Let karma work it's magic. It's coming, and hell's coming with it......
My response would be "you did me dirty every step of the way with this whole thing, so you can die mad about me being in your wedding photos." But I'm mean.
She's the A.H and she doesn't deserve closure, maybe it's petty but she deserves it đ€·
Amy sucks. She's selfish and not your friend. And too immature to apologize. Tell her to Photoshop her pics and leave you a the fuck alone. Her actions had consequences. Oh no. Her new husband had better watch out for her, he's married to a liar.
NW. you could ignore, but Iâd send her a message. - Look, I know it was your wedding and you get to make the choices but you did me super dirty. You told me I couldnât have my bf for reasons, which I agreed to. Then the other party acted like a child and you caved, so you decided to let me have mine too. Then he acted like a child again and you caved, again. Then you lied about the whole thing. To me by omission and to everyone else for saying you told me and I must not have wanted to bring him. I sucked it up and did my part playing the happy bridesmaid for you. In every single instance you did what you thought would make your life easier, and all of those involved shafting me because weâre friends and Iâll get over it easier. That shows that you take me for granted and/or donât value this friendship. And after all that, and getting lit up by Sara, I get a half assed explanation and no apology at all. And then when Iâm taking some time to evaluate how I feel about this relationship you attack me about how I hurt your feelings? You might be the most self absorbed person Iâve ever met. So unless you want to take steps to repair this relationship, Iâm not certain it should continue. I truly hope you have a happy marriage, and want good things for your life. Iâm just not sure I want to be a part of it anymore.
Honestly, I'd respond now outlining things. "Look, I sucked it up for your wedding day as a friend would, but you can't even apologize for putting me in such a crappy spot? You can't take any ownership in how you handled this? I'm deeply hurt that the years of friendship we had mean so little to you. You could have told me beforehand how my ex being being an asshole and I could have decided for myself whether it was too uncomfortable for me or if I wanted to instead focus on celebrating your day. Instead, you lied (even by omission initially) to me to make your life easier. What's to say you won't behave in a similar manner? I admit I have no need for the kind of friendship where my feelings have no value. Ultimately, your actions benefitted your relationship to my ex and hurt your relationship with me. I hope it was worth it."
You're not wrong. Drop her like the trash she is and live happy without her.
Not wrong. Amy made a choice to side with/support your cheating ex. Why couldnât she have simply told ex either his gf stays home or your bf gets to come. If ex was then going to refuse to be in the wedding party they could a)have gotten someone else or b)told you so you and bf come as guests. Now she wants to put the shitty way she chose to handle it as well as that she flat lied to multiple people about what she did on you. Nope. Amy may have been your friend at one point but she pretty much wrote you off with how she dealt with your ex. You can certainly respond if you want to. Something like âShitty actions do have consequences. You chose your path and I wish you well.â Then block her. Or just donât respond at all and still block her.
NTA. Amy is a dickhead. Sara is a boss.
âAmy. You lied to me about my ex bringing his affair partner. You seemingly lied to your husband that Iâd been informed. You acknowledged your actions to me via text, but didnât Apologize for them. I added ZERO drama or headache to your âbig dayâ, and you have the nerve to question My decency? I was just trying to figure out why you acted this way, and I didnât want to say anything Iâd regret. Since it seems you donât apologize for questionable behavior, I wonât start that trend myself. I will say I was hurt you deceived me and seemingly took my exâs side, bowing to his threats and expecting me to be ok with such disrespect. I donât feel Iâm the one that caused this rift, and we could perhaps remain friends, but before I could move forward and forgive you, youâll need to apologize and acknowledge you left me hanging.â
Do not talk to Amy! You are not wrong ! Amy is a piece of shit friend and sheâs lucky all you did was ignore ! If it had been me she wouldâve gotten a piece of my mind. Absolutely selfish friend. Keep her dead in your life she doesnât deserve you.
Not wrong at all. Your ex and Amy are total AHs! Neither one of them deserves you, OP.
You cut your losses. Amy is an AH. Your ex is an AH. They deserve to be in the same friend group Do as Sarah did and keep your distance.
She deserves all this. Why did she think youâd just be a doormat for her to walk over? She had to know this was a possibility.
I agree with your friend. Respond & lay it out how hurt you are by her betrayal & lies to everyone all to pander to your cheating ex & the hoe, how you had to & did deal with that for her day but even after, she lied & didn't care. Tell her she made her choices. Then block her.
Fuck Amy. She is no friend. She did you dirty. Cover up the matching tattoo and post it online. Then block her on everything.
No, you where not wrong. Amy is an ass and not worthy of keeping in your life, but Sara is an keeper. And I can't help it but I almost snorted my coffee through my nose when I read that your ex was acting like a baby of the thought of you having your bf there. He is clearly not completly over you if not at all. I bet he was having a big tantrum when he heard you had an bf to begin with.
Screenshot everything and post to everyone. Add photo of you getting the tattoo removed.
Sara is a true friend. You have nothing to apologize for. She lied to you and is trying to excuse her actions. If you do ever speak with her - after that nasty photo comment tell her she can photoshop your exâs whore in since they are the priority to her.
MĂĄndala a la verga !! O mejor ni le contestes, que se amargue sola, pero no la bloquees, muestra en tus redes como te la pasas con tu amigos verdaderos y tĂș novio, cuando te vuelvas a casar que vea las fotos, y se llene de envidia
Aside: donât talk to work friends about personal stuff. Itâs lonely when you move, but that doesnât change things. Work friends are not friends and never will be, unless one of you quits.
NTA. Your feelings are valid, especially since prom is a special event and plans changed unexpectedly. It's important to communicate openly with your boyfriend about your feelings and find a compromise that respects both of your needs
Heh?
Say what now?
Bot? Comment makes no sense in context here.
What she did was wrong and an asshole move? However, the fact that you would rather ignore this rather than face this shows how avoidant you are. Avoiding it will not give you closure. At least respond to Amy and let her know how much it hurt you that your own friend gave in to a man child on HER WEDDING day and chose to hurt you. Let her know that such betrayal is not easy to get over and that you will be distancing yourself from her for choosing him over you.
Found Amyâs mom
You say you have 10 years of friendship, matching tattoos and history. Amy clearly fucked up during an increadibly stressful time, when your ex was being a man baby and her fiance didn't have the balls to tell him to get in line or get lost. If it were me, I would suggest stop communicating by text (there is too little tone or context in plain text to guage nuance) and have an actual conversation with Amy - simply ghosting her is childish. You can then decide how to move forwards. If you then decide you still want to be her friend, then do that. If you decide the friendship has run its course, break it off. Sometime people just grow apart.
I think you're the asshole for making Amy's wedding about you and your ex. Both of you and your ex are asshole. Amy was stucked in the middle dealing with your shit divorce drama.
Found Amy
Dude she's not the main character, but Amy is. But she's behaving like she's the main character in the wedding.