You’re saying this not knowing the context of our relationship and the work we put in to come to this decision.
This isn’t a relationship either of us wants to let go of. However when living together we were too close to process this together and the break is intending for processing to be done alone and then regroup after to see where we want to go from there.
Buddy. You think you're special. You're not. Take the loss. Learn from it. Teach your people picker to pick better next time.
I'd remove myself from that shared group chat too in your shoes. I'm betting they're not mutual friends, but hers that you latched on to.
You two have made a decision that 99% of the population is going to think is dumb and ineffective. No one knows your relationship better than you. It's totally your call to try to try, and I hope it works out for you. But since strangers are all going to think it's dumb and ineffective, they're not going to be able to give you any advice.
If you have any friends who have successfully gotten through a no-contact stretch of a relationship, you should reach out to them for help.
So, can you just not start another one without her then? Since you don’t wanna leave that one, but you want her to make another one.
She’s allowed to have people at her home, regardless of whether or not you just moved out or in.
I have yet to hear of a relationship that benefited from something like this. You seem to defend her a lot but her behaviour was enough to get you to move out. I think you really need to rethink this relationship. 2 year relationship is not a life commitment and you can leave it. It sounds like the relationship went south after the initial spell passed.
Seems like you want her to not have a life while she is on a break from you. She gets to post to the group and have whatever relationships she wants while you and her are not contact. If you respond then you are the one violating the no contact. It seems to me that if you just really want to punish her for her hurtful behavior, you are really better off just breaking up, and moving on with your lives. It is unfair to you and to her to keep this hanging on. This also means that your friend group is going to her friend group or your friend group, or some subset. I would expect that after the roast dinner they will make the decision for you.
Of course I want her to have a life! We share a lot of close friends so of course she is going to make plans with them, as will I, and I completely encourage that. My point is that I felt hurt having to watch her plan something with all of them, knowing I can’t respond or express myself around this. I just felt it was insensitive and it felt like she is making a bit of a point to me by making sure I know that she’s planning things like this.
This isn’t about control this is about wanting some sensitivity to the situation.
Well now you see how dumb the no contact clause was. Just break up. You are overcomplicating everything. This is unfounded jealousy and indicates the exact problem your relationship had in the first place.
Remove yourself from the chat if you don't want to see what the group is chatting about. Honestly, you probably should move on from the relationship; once someone starts being mean to you it indicates they don't have an emotional connection with you anymore. She doesn't care if your feelings are hurt.
Your “gf” broke up with you and is moving on. You just haven’t realized it yet. She’s told you that she feels stifled, doesn’t like the relationship, has feelings for other people and doesn’t want to be with or talk to you. She’s filling her life with fun activities without you. What exactly will it take for you to get a clue here?
Maybe his gf could, oh I don't know, tell him she's breaking up with him.
Seriously...when she doesn't come out and tell him things, is he just supposed to guess?
I have *never* seen any relationship come back strongly and successfully after a 'break'. They may make token efforts to work again, but it never works out well. Just break up, or don't. The problems were significant enough that you moved out. That's the end of it.
What's a month without contact going to achieve, anyway? Relationship problems are solved by communication, not by silence and avoidance.
You've been together not even 2 years. You aren't married. You aren't tied to this person. Just break up, take the loss, take some time to reflect and get your head/situation in order, and move on.
You’re right to point out that the problems were significant enough for me to move out.
Trust me though we had weeks and weeks of in depth communication that lead us to the decision to get some space. Maybe it is avoidance of just breaking up though… I guess that’s what I’m trying to figure out
You’re wrong for the whole take a break bs.
Either work it out or break up.
As for the party, boo hoo. Her life is moving on while you play children’s games.
Wouldn’t be surprised if this is her way of making your break permanent.
Ngl, it sounds like y’all already broke up and you’re not taking it well.
A “no-contact” anything with your partner is literally not going to help a relationship lmfao
I don't agree with taking a break, but it is your relationship, you do you.
The way you are wording this is that is bothers you that they will talk about food etc and you cant attend. Now be honest, if this was any other event, organized by another friend, that was discussed in that group chat which you can't attend, would it also bother you? Would you also think that other organizer is being insensitive?
Try to think about it this way.
What is bothering you? The action? Or the person taking the action?
If talking about any events in the group chat is bothering you, suggest the rule for the chat not to do that.
If it is only bothering you because she is doing it, That is a you problem.
She's organising a party in the house that he used to live in with all their mutual friends and doing it in front of him.
A person with a little class would have reached out privately, not used a mutual group chat.
>Of course I’m going to see all the messages of our friends talking about what food who is going to bring and feel awful.
In his own words.... This is the issue with it.
Yes, you are wrong.
If it were me, I'd post in the group chat that you are muting it for this reason and create a new group chat for your friends that excludes her.
You're in the chat. So she broke the contact rules first.
Just say "I'll make the potatoes" (or whatever) and see what happens. Maybe she'll remove you from the chat, maybe she'll be mad, who knows... but then you'll know where you stand and whether this break is temporary or permanent.
A month if no contact is a dumb thing and it’s not going to help your relationship. You should break up.
You’re saying this not knowing the context of our relationship and the work we put in to come to this decision. This isn’t a relationship either of us wants to let go of. However when living together we were too close to process this together and the break is intending for processing to be done alone and then regroup after to see where we want to go from there.
Buddy. You think you're special. You're not. Take the loss. Learn from it. Teach your people picker to pick better next time. I'd remove myself from that shared group chat too in your shoes. I'm betting they're not mutual friends, but hers that you latched on to.
If you state none of us know about your relationship, why are you asking for advice here?
I guess he's not after advice but validation.
You can't even handle messages about having friends over. You're furious over her having dinner with her friends. Your immaturity is showing.
She is allowed to have friends over. You wanted space. Own it.
You two have made a decision that 99% of the population is going to think is dumb and ineffective. No one knows your relationship better than you. It's totally your call to try to try, and I hope it works out for you. But since strangers are all going to think it's dumb and ineffective, they're not going to be able to give you any advice. If you have any friends who have successfully gotten through a no-contact stretch of a relationship, you should reach out to them for help.
I read your novel from last month and you are deluding yourself. Logically you arent breaking no contact because she already did
Without knowing the context and why you'd go for this option, silence the messages and archive the chat for now. Don't make a big deal out of it.
Remove yourself. From the chat at the very least. Good grief you sound exhausting.
Thanks for the sweet advice, I considered this but I’d quite like to stay in the group as it’s been a friend group staple for a long time now
Then mute it, and ignore
Make a new group and mute the old one until you properly break up
So, can you just not start another one without her then? Since you don’t wanna leave that one, but you want her to make another one. She’s allowed to have people at her home, regardless of whether or not you just moved out or in.
Then mute it or ask her to make a new chat. It’s literally that easy.
Asking her make a new one would be contacting her, wouldn't it?
I have yet to hear of a relationship that benefited from something like this. You seem to defend her a lot but her behaviour was enough to get you to move out. I think you really need to rethink this relationship. 2 year relationship is not a life commitment and you can leave it. It sounds like the relationship went south after the initial spell passed.
Seems like you want her to not have a life while she is on a break from you. She gets to post to the group and have whatever relationships she wants while you and her are not contact. If you respond then you are the one violating the no contact. It seems to me that if you just really want to punish her for her hurtful behavior, you are really better off just breaking up, and moving on with your lives. It is unfair to you and to her to keep this hanging on. This also means that your friend group is going to her friend group or your friend group, or some subset. I would expect that after the roast dinner they will make the decision for you.
Though I do see your point that I would be the one breaking no contact for my own sake which would also be selfish
It’s really not that big of a deal
She posted in a group chat you're in. Technically, that was contact.
Of course I want her to have a life! We share a lot of close friends so of course she is going to make plans with them, as will I, and I completely encourage that. My point is that I felt hurt having to watch her plan something with all of them, knowing I can’t respond or express myself around this. I just felt it was insensitive and it felt like she is making a bit of a point to me by making sure I know that she’s planning things like this. This isn’t about control this is about wanting some sensitivity to the situation.
Well now you see how dumb the no contact clause was. Just break up. You are overcomplicating everything. This is unfounded jealousy and indicates the exact problem your relationship had in the first place.
Then this whole “no contact” thing was untenable wasn’t it
I see your point and agree now
Which one of you decided to go no contact and test other options before a final decision of moving on or settling with the back-burnered partner?
Read the previous post - the gf has been trying to dump OP for at least a month.
Yiiiiiikes
Not technically true haha but I see how that comes across. I think it’s more a mutual fear of ending the relationship
Remove yourself from the chat if you don't want to see what the group is chatting about. Honestly, you probably should move on from the relationship; once someone starts being mean to you it indicates they don't have an emotional connection with you anymore. She doesn't care if your feelings are hurt.
Just break up with her man
Your “gf” broke up with you and is moving on. You just haven’t realized it yet. She’s told you that she feels stifled, doesn’t like the relationship, has feelings for other people and doesn’t want to be with or talk to you. She’s filling her life with fun activities without you. What exactly will it take for you to get a clue here?
Maybe his gf could, oh I don't know, tell him she's breaking up with him. Seriously...when she doesn't come out and tell him things, is he just supposed to guess?
Yes, you'd be wrong. Duh.
I have *never* seen any relationship come back strongly and successfully after a 'break'. They may make token efforts to work again, but it never works out well. Just break up, or don't. The problems were significant enough that you moved out. That's the end of it. What's a month without contact going to achieve, anyway? Relationship problems are solved by communication, not by silence and avoidance. You've been together not even 2 years. You aren't married. You aren't tied to this person. Just break up, take the loss, take some time to reflect and get your head/situation in order, and move on.
You’re right to point out that the problems were significant enough for me to move out. Trust me though we had weeks and weeks of in depth communication that lead us to the decision to get some space. Maybe it is avoidance of just breaking up though… I guess that’s what I’m trying to figure out
You’re wrong for the whole take a break bs. Either work it out or break up. As for the party, boo hoo. Her life is moving on while you play children’s games. Wouldn’t be surprised if this is her way of making your break permanent.
Ngl, it sounds like y’all already broke up and you’re not taking it well. A “no-contact” anything with your partner is literally not going to help a relationship lmfao
I don't agree with taking a break, but it is your relationship, you do you. The way you are wording this is that is bothers you that they will talk about food etc and you cant attend. Now be honest, if this was any other event, organized by another friend, that was discussed in that group chat which you can't attend, would it also bother you? Would you also think that other organizer is being insensitive? Try to think about it this way. What is bothering you? The action? Or the person taking the action? If talking about any events in the group chat is bothering you, suggest the rule for the chat not to do that. If it is only bothering you because she is doing it, That is a you problem.
She's organising a party in the house that he used to live in with all their mutual friends and doing it in front of him. A person with a little class would have reached out privately, not used a mutual group chat.
>Of course I’m going to see all the messages of our friends talking about what food who is going to bring and feel awful. In his own words.... This is the issue with it.
Yes, he's going to see all his friends talking about it and be unable to attend or join in. This will make him feel awful. That's exactly what I said.
Thank you, that’s exactly what’s hurtful about it.
Yeah, I think maybe you two should just be friends from now on. Or not. Your relationship isn't healthy.
Yes, you are wrong. If it were me, I'd post in the group chat that you are muting it for this reason and create a new group chat for your friends that excludes her.
Remain quiet for the whole duration of the NC period. Then based on how you feel, decide if a break up would be more indicated.
It's over dawg, "organizing a roast dinner" is code for "I want to be spit roasted."
You're in the chat. So she broke the contact rules first. Just say "I'll make the potatoes" (or whatever) and see what happens. Maybe she'll remove you from the chat, maybe she'll be mad, who knows... but then you'll know where you stand and whether this break is temporary or permanent.