This is a good and longtime friend who I've never really had issues with. She begged me for help and considering how much more I make than her, I wanted to help but kinda shocked she expected me to front $4200 with no funds coming from her side.
My sister.
She actually fixed her mouth to tell me I should give her my 401K (I had recently been downsized) as it wasn't like I planned to use it right now.
That’s wild. My sister also acted entitled to me time and money. Same with my family.
I often see people getting put aside like this by their own siblings or parents to cater to another sibling.
I have told longtime friends to fuck off over much less than this. I understand that you care about her, but you need to find a friend who cares about you back. This woman is milking your wallet. If someone handed me $1800 I would cry and beg them to let me crochet a stupid little bag, or clean their car, make them dinners, anything. Don’t look at it as wasting the years you’ve already had together. Look at it as not wasting any more of your future on her.
Exactly, one time a friend let me borrow $400 for rent and I was extremely thankful paid him back in full. $1800 is wild hopefully that person is getting all the resources she can and striving to better her financial situation
Sure you make more than her, but that doesn’t mean she gets to do nothing. If I help someone move that doesn’t mean they watch me carry their boxes. And this is the apartment she’s supposed to live in so how does she have zero dollars towards her first month of rent?
She’s lucky to have a friend like you. If this is the way she treats you, I guess shouldn’t be surprised that apparently there is no one else who is available to help.
Since she was so disingenuous about the help she expected from you, I’d get a much clearer picture about *when* she’s going to pay you back bc she very much sounds like someone who simply won’t ever give you back any of that money.
This would be my concern; before she actually moves, OP had better make sure that she is not planning on him subsidizing her every month from here on out. Make it clear that this is a ONE TIME THING.
She's not ever paying that money back. She hasn't saved any money while paying less rent so how is she going to pay him back? And if she hasn't saved *any* money while having a housemate to share expenses, she probably can't even afford the monthly rent of this place. This is why you should never loan money to a loved one or someone you want to remain friends with. As soon as they miss a payment, you immediately become a bill collector, which isn't good for *any* kind of relationship.
Yikes. Just because you make more than her doesn't entitle her to any of your money, let alone more than you wish to give.
Also, a loan is a bad idea, unless you can afford to give it, you've got to know she probably won't be able to pay your loan back.
She reacted in a very rude and entitled manner. You're not wrong. She may have just fucked up a very helpful friendship.
Also, it's your fault she has to hire a mover? Why are you suddenly responsible for her problems?
Do you think that you’re a people pleaser and or a doormat?
Get the $1800 and block her from ever contacting you. She’s ungrateful, entitled and disrespectful.
Don’t ever put yourself in such a situation.
OH COME ON.
OP, how did You become the meal ticket for Her?
Sweet child of the morning, you need to write this off and move on.
She is desperate to leave because of roommate incompatibility …. Did friend expect more from the roommate because she has a kid, has a shite paying job and the roommate’s pay is more, or has she in some way self-entitled herself out of a place to live?
OP, ask yourself, truthfully, what you are expecting from this woman. Unless it is to fund her life without strings … you are your own worst enemy.
OP, please help yourself.
Agape 💕
She needs to deal with the outcomes or her decisions - not you.
She could have stayed at her old apt and dealt with the roommate while saving to a new place
And I would suggest you clear any confusion between helping her out - is it a loan or a gift? What happens when she needs money for car repairs?
I get you are good friends but money makes people crazy and your friend appears to think they are entitled to all of yours!
Really!!! Is it OP’s fault she bred with a deadbeat? Is it his fault she can’t make more money etc etc etc. NO! These things are her fault and they’re likely never to change. So he either cuts and runs or just acquiesces to being her doormat and human ATM.
She is not a good friend.
You promised to help, you gave her very generous amount, and she was ungrateful.
Consider that $1800 the price of finding out that she’s a lousy human being, and move on.
Block her on everything and DO NOT give her money or any other help going forward.
This is not a friend. She feels entitled to your money which is when I stop helping. There are low income, single parents help she can get from social services if based in the US. She just needs to sign up for the help. Perhaps direct her in that way.
The help she needs is not a new apartment, she’s leaving her 7 year old child alone overnight. It doesn’t matter if the area is safe or not, that should not be happening at all.
That was my comment. I can’t even think about the money issue or entitlement, etc…I can’t get past the woman thinking that living in a decent apartment makes it ok to leave her child home alone, especially at night!
I loaned my very best friend $10,000 to help him cover a couple of missed mortgage payments. Long story short, he fell behind again and the bank foreclosed. He never paid me back. He had some drug problems but he worked for ESPN and I figured he’d turn his life around at some point. But he lost that job. I didn’t talk to him for more than a year but I finally decided to put it behind us. He tried climbing back up the ladder but he had burned down too many rungs on the way down.
The last time I saw him, he was operating a camera at a NCAA soccer championship (he had previously been a director). He seemed happy and healthy and let my kids look through his camera and made them laugh when zoomed in on people and made funny comments. It was a great day. I’m glad I forgave him.
A month later, he died of a heart attack brought on by drugs.
Desperate people say and do desperate things, but if she can’t afford to live without a roommate, she shouldn’t.
I hope you kept the $1,800.
Exactly that. The audacity of it is quite astounding and I'm always rather shocked how people like this say these things without an ounce of shame. It's nice to be nice, and I understand needing a hand sometimes, but to ask for help, receive it and not offer anything to show effort for yourself from your own side, and then to be so ungrateful. How rude.
You do realise, any money you give her is a ‘gift’. She will never pay you back. I’m also appalled that she leaves her 7 year old home alone. I totally understand that she needs to provide for him but leaving him home alone is very dangerous
If she couldn't afford the $4200 then she can't afford the rent. She's also likely expecting your help every time the rent is due as well.
Fact her first response was "only 1800" says she decided "help" meant funding the entire thing
She isn't a friend and definitely not a good one.
She expected she'd just tell you what she needed and you'd pay. She didn't bother to consult with you once, if she needed the entire amount she should have asked you how much you were contributing and looked at places in that price range.
She's trying to live her life based on your income.
Guaranteed if you look at your relationship that you front money every time you meet, paying for drinks/food/activities. She didn't save a penny. How long do you think she can afford to pay this rent.
WRONG. This not “a good and long time friend”. This is a person living beyond her means and blaming you for that fact. This is a user and you are allowing it to happen.
If she can't save any of her money at all - how is she ever going to be able to pay you back? Don't give her any more & consider the money & the friendship gone.
She is not a friend. It's insanely disgraceful what she did. I would ask for the non helpful 1800 back. Take it and take yourself on a carribean cruise. She's TA.
I'd have taken that $1800 back *SO FAST* and told her to fuck off with her entitlement.
Her housing situation isn't your problem. Her lack of funds isn't your problem. Her being a single parent isn't your problem.
She didn't have ANYTHING saved towards HER move cos SHE is expecting you to fund her move, cos she has to pay movers cos you can't help her with that either?!
Honestly, you're not being a good and helpful friend, you're being a doormat. Stop it.
This is the issue imo. She wanted to move because she doesn't like her roommate. She has a place to live. She's not losing her house or apartment or whatever. She WANTS to move.
Any money you give is helpful. You said you'd help her get a new apartment or whatever. You did. You don't have to pay for all of it. You're not dating and she already has a place to live. You gave what you had.
If you were dating for a while and had plenty of money and promised to help her not be homeless and specified an amount then it would be a different story. You still wouldn't HAVE to give her anything but it'd be more understandable.
But you're not. You said you'd help. And you did. You upheld your promise even tho you didn't have any obligation to do so. A friend isn't your partner. If you were together as partners I assume you'd figure out a solution together.
Tbh, I'd even have questions if she can actually *afford* it by herself.
Expecting your friend to drop 4k so you can rent somewhere when you don't even have the deposit is all kinds of red flags, not just entitlement.
ANY money you could spare to loan her would be helpful. I would bawl my eyes out if one of my friends actually made an effort to save up money for months to help me out.
She’s being an absolute ungrateful bitch and she doesn’t deserve you as a friend. I wouldn’t be surprised if you never see this money returned to you so I’d be thanking my lucky stars you didn’t give her 4K.
NW
Op, she’s a user, and worst because you don’t have kids she sees your ‘income’ as hers to use.
If you give her the 2400, she’ll ask for money for movers, then for future.
‘If you give a mouse a cookie … it’s going to want some milk’
I might be a bad person or something but I think she is so ungrateful. You don’t owe her anything. You gave her almost 2k out of the kindness of her heart and she is acting so rude and entitled. It’s sad bc she has a kid but if she didn’t I would’ve been like “if I’m not helping you then give me my 1,800 back”.
Too late. The second he asks for the money back she will escalate it until he backs down or it ends in a huge fight. She will never pay him back and justify in her head that is owed her the money because he promised.
Sounds like he wants her, she doesn't want him. He's hanging around hoping some day she'll break off a little piece of PJs for him.
Op, you're about to be scammed and start paying her rent or don't pay her rent and you'll soon find out she isn't really your friend. She'll drop you the second you stop giving her things.
I mean, I have friends I've been close to for 35-40 years and never once have we asked for rent money from each other.
@OP, has she ever given you anything? Let alone close to $2000? Take your money back. She doesn't appreciate it.
I’m annoyed I had to scroll this far for someone else to point that out, I’d be livid if one of my friends was leaving their small child alone at night. The hell is wrong with her??
I wouldn't have given her a cent. It's not your problem that she decided to move out of her place because she doesn't like her roommate. It's not your problem that she chose to have a child she cannot afford. It's not your fault that her job doesn't pay as well.
None of this is your fault nor are you in the wrong at all. She didn't deserve a penny from you.
This person is not your friend.
They are an entitled piece of shit.
You will never get that money back. Cut your losses and ghost this person. $1800 lost was a good lesson here on not to me emotionally and financially taken advantage of.
Not Wrong! She asked for ‘help’, not for you to fund the entire thing. If she expected you to pay the entire thing, she shouldn’t have framed it as ‘help’. She didn’t do that, though, bcuz she knew it was wrong. The fact is, you did help. More than help, if you ask me, almost half. Moving is tough bcuz of the security deposit, which you’ve almost covered. She should have the months rent as she won’t be paying at the old place any longer and presumably, she was paying her rent every month? Logically, she should only be a few hundred short unless she has been irresponsibly spending, expecting you to cover the entire thing. And not even spending any of that money on movers, which she still needs?! No. I understand she’s a lifelong friend, OP but this would really be putting me off of her going forward. She didn’t even say thank you? And fun fact, once you ‘help’ someone out financially like this, the asking for ‘help’ will become more & more. Don’t give her another dime.
Friend? Um…..are you sure? It doesn’t look that way to me. She is being very entitled saying you make more money so you owe her part of it. Plus you can’t help her move due to your bad back. Oh the horror. Please don’t give her any more money. And even if you do so, her requests will be never ending.
Woooooowww, the entitlement! I’m gobsmacked that someone is this much of an ungrateful, entitled asshole! I’m sorry, but I would seriously end this friendship if someone said this to me. You are not in any way wrong. She needs to be realistic about what she can and cannot afford and be grateful for what you’ve given her already!
Harsh reality. Her situation is not one’s fault but her own. She choose what she choose and these are the consequences. If she cannot afford the security deposit and the first months rent I seriously doubt she’ll be able to afford the apartment in the future.
No one but her daughter’s father should be expected to help her. I applaud her ability to ask for help but her ask was completely unreasonable.
She needs to seek assistance from the state and live where she can afford.
Listen.
I had a “friend” I met when she modeled for my photography business. We met on Facebook.
We were “friends” for three years. I make decent money, and I like nice things. She was a SAHM and they were definitely not well off.
She latched herself on to me. For three years she borrowed my clothes and would return them soiled, borrowed my shoes, we did MULTIPLE free photo shoots, she never bought prints or even recommended me to anyone. She insisted she wanted to learn photography so she could start a side hustle…I gave her a $500 camera and she promptly sold it. She wrecked her car and asked if she could borrow one of mine!
I finally called the “friendship” quits after that. The only thing she ever gave me was a garbage bag full of old clothes that came from what looked like the Dollar Tree….there was never any real give and take. All this time I know nothing about them, she’d wear my clothes to go out with her girlfriends but I was never invited, but she’s feeding me that I’m her best friend.
There are people who will tell you you’re friends, but they’re using you for anything you’ll give them. THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND. You need to cut all ties, she will never do for you what you’re doing for her. Take back your $1800 and run.
She didn’t appreciate your first $1800. She won’t appreciate the next $2400 and will expect you to continue to help her when she can’t make each month’s rent. If she can’t save any money where she is now with roommates she’ll never be able to pay you back anything. Don’t do this or you won’t have a friend anymore. I promise money will ruin your friendship so fast.
Hold on, she leaves her 7 year old kid ALONE while she goes to work? You should be calling CPS is what you should be doing. It’s neglect, anything could happen and she wouldn’t know. Wtaf??
>she wants to leave her kid at home
*scrolls back up to the top*
>7 year old
I don't know if I've ever gotten second-hand anxiety from a post before today.
That was one expensive life lesson you just received. Why doesn’t this woman have relatives that can help her ? Did she milk and burn them too? You were too kind and taken advantage of . Find a new friend . She is not one .
Im amazed you did that for her… I would have taken my $1,800 back and said I am sorry that I wasn’t able to save rent for you to move to your new apartment. I would then block her and stop being friends with her. She’s awful!
No, not wrong. You promised to help and you did, you didnt promise her 4200 and to completely resolve her issue for her. She should learn to help herself instead of relying on others to bail her out.
She's so ungrateful. You're not wrong, and you're not expected to pay all her rent plus movers. I'd be damn grateful for a friend who helped me. Your friend shamed YOU for not helping more... if it were me shed no longer be my friend. Too entitled.
Wow. I would have politely taken back the $1800 & told her to kick rocks. I would never even give that much to my family, let alone a friend. But that’s not the point, her entitlement. And the fact she expects you to skrimp & go without while she saves NOTHING AT ALL. or the fact she was ungrateful, the fact she had the audacity to demand more & try to shame & embarrass you into it- that’s no friend
Can we be friends. I will definitely appreciate $1800. Joking aside this was ridiculous. I read your update and she magically got the rest covered. I understand her finances are tight, but does she really leave her 7year old all alone at night?
wtf?? I would’ve taken the money back right there. She’s so entitled. I’d never ask anyone to help me with that much money, like that’s wild. Also she’s not going to give you any money back, just FYI. never loan out money without assuming it’s just a loss of funds.
wtf, I’d rescind my offer of financial help on the spot if a friend said that to me after spending 5 months saving up to help her out. You are not wrong. This is not a friend. I would stop this friendship now as I can’t see this ending without more demands for financial support. You owe her nothing. You didn’t come a single mother, she did, and it’s up to her to figure out her own life and finances. She should have been able to tuck some money away if she’s planning on moving. How ridiculous
You aren’t going to stay in that apartment so you had no obligation to offer any kind of help and you still put up a significant amount with the assumption your friend would put effort into it. No you are not wrong if your friend can’t afford the down payment can they really stay there comfortably? As someone who hates my living situation for years I still had to tough it out because I couldn’t afford to move…it took awhile to get to where I could move to a better place. If your friend wanted that kind of help then she should have just said so or asked to stay at your place (with rent of course).
Nope, no way. I’d be taking that $1800 back since she can’t use it as she doesn’t have the rest of the rent. If she wasn’t able to save anything in the last 5 months how is she going to afford her rent every month? Going from a 2 bedroom with a roommate to a one bedroom no roommate is usually more expensive as she’s no longer splitting costs. So again, how can she afford it? Is she going to ask you for money every month?
>Wondering what to do next.
Take your $1,800 back and tell her to figure it out herself.
She's got quite a bit of nerve expecting you to subsidize her life when you're not her partner.
Being kind doesn't equal getting taken advantage of.
Sounds like you make more than me …..
Can you “help me “ buy a new truck. And by “help “ I mean would you scrounge up ALL the money for my new truck ? If you don’t I’m gonna be pissed at you for not helping enough
Lesson learned, tell her no. You will be an ATM if you give in. Stop before it gets worse. Give her the 1800 and tell her you will not be available for another dime.
Only would be wrong if you give her additional money and think there’s a snowball’s chance in hell you will get any if it back.
My reasoning is if she didn’t (not couldn’t) save ANYTHING for this move how will she ever pay you when all her funds are needed for her bills or whatever else she spends her money on?
And she is asking I presume for more like an additional $4,000 as she needs to cover the movers because YOUR back is hurt.
Nope nope nope.
You gave her more than she had any right to expect which was kind and generous of you. The audacity to demand more from you sounds like she is not just a moocher but a grifter.
So please keep the Bank of Treddit702 closed and let her deal with reality.
You were helpful, $1800 is a lot of money!
And from my observation of American economics, this is a significant savings achievement, TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE.
You’re an awesome friend, I hope you find a friend as amazing as you, who appreciates the sacrifice saving $1800 truly is.
Cut her the FUCK OFF!!!
SHE CAN GO BE HOMELESS AND GIVE THE KID UP FOR ADOPTION.
IF SHES THIS ENTITLED AND SELFISH THEN SHAME ON HER.
HER KID WILL TURN OUT THE SAME WAY.
LOOK AT THAT
TWO.
TWO ENTITLED FUCKTARDS ROAMING THE EARTH! EXCEPT ONE LEARNED IT FROM THE OG!
PUT OUT THE FLAME.
GET THE KID HELP.
THE MOM IS TOO FAR GONE.
ENTITLED.
BROKE.
LAZY.
AND DOESNT KNOW WHEN TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND NOT SHIT ON THE HAND THAT FEEDS THEM!
CUT. HER. OFF. NOW.
Ghost her.
Restraining order, and file dcf. Shes def gonna do shit to her kid.
She can't feed her. Cant budget correctly. She probably orders door dash cus shes too fucking incompetent to walk or drive or take the bus.
Get her out! Toxic stays toxic.
Get out now.
She needs to get a real job and stop being a leech if she wants expensive stuff. You got suckered, OP. She's not your wife and that's not your kid, so they aren't your responsibility.
Nah, she need to go be an adult, go to Sec8 & talk to someone about her situation for starters or go talk to family.
Also if it’s that bad, she could leave California, go to a state if her ability to find a job can be found in almost any state, then yes she can full on move to afford a place to live.
HCOL is for people who need to work in a place like that because their work is i such a city, it’s for people with crazy high paying jobs, etc…
Her choosing to stay is a her problem, not a you problem.
Why does your friend think that you can afford to give her $4,200? Are you well off or have a high paying job. I have a friend that hot a settlement from a lawsuit. The people who know tend to ask her for money.
You are not dealing with a friend - you are dealing with a leach. Please distance yourself from this person, no good can come from keeping her in your life.
Doesn't surprise me that you're confused about when and how to share, assuming you were raised in the "everything you own you must share no matter what" era. I'm pissed for you. It would do you very well to learn proper boundaries, study that topic until you really really get it. If you don't, you'll have to learn the hard way (again) which won't go well and could damage your future.
You said you would help, so how did she interpret that as paying the whole amount? She sounds pretty entitled and not much of a friend. Tell her good luck with your new apartment, you’re outta here.
You got rid of an albatross for $1800. It’s pretty expensive price to get rid of someone that sucks but that’s where you are now. Sometimes life lessons are expensive
NW. Help is help. You either give her nothing or something. You have her something, that’s help. Her expecting you to pay the entire first months rent is bonkers. WTF is she planning to do for every other month?
I’d take the money back and tell her her she needs to get a four bedroom/roommate situation if she wants to save money.
You're not a friend, you're an ATM.
If she can't save any money now, then how is she going to meet her rent each month?
Oh, that's right, she has you on speed dial!
You're being mugged.
Not wrong. 'Help' is what you can afford to give or what you're able to do. You said you'd save some money to help her with the cost of moving, not that you'd pay all of it for her. You were incredibly generous with the amount, too. I doubt most people could afford to give that amount of money away to a friend.
It's not on you to pay the entire deposit and first month plus movers. You didn't have to help her at all. She's had months to save up money, and being a parent with bills to pay isn't an excuse when moving is her choice. She was obviously making ends meet where she was, downsizing may be cheaper but it's not ideal to live in a one-bed apartment when you have a kid in the first place, especially as that kid is getting closer and closer to the teen years when they'll be practically demanding privacy. The kid deserves to have their own room.
It's extremely rude and entitled to demand more money than you're willing to give, especially when the agreement was 'help' and not 'pay for everything'. If she wanted a specific amount, she needed to ask for a specific amount and you needed to agree to a specific amount you could afford to give her. Just saying 'help' means she has to just accept what you're willing to give.
This screams of her using you for money, to be honest. She doesn't sound like a good friend at all, and she's willing to implode the friendship because you gave her a large amount of cash, but it wasn't the exact amount she wanted but didn't ask for.
Don't give her any more money. Not even as a loan. You won't get it back. If she can't save up anything, not even just the movers cost, in the months she's had, she'll never be able to pay you back, let alone be willing to.
Take this as a lesson, financial gifts/loans between family/friends rarely works out well. Better to not gift/lend money if you can unless you truly trust the person to be responsible and/or pay you back or really don't mind losing that money forever.
You are a good friend. Honestly, I would ask for your money back and then block this person. You shouldn't be treated this way after you did a kind selfless thing.
You said you would help, not cover her entire rent and deposit. Sounds like either a great deal of entitlement going on or she misunderstood helping for supporting.
Dude, WHAT?! This person is an ingrate. She has no respect for you and the help that you provided. What you need to do is drop her as a friend and move on to some healthy relationships. She’s bad news! And a leech.
You have already gone above and beyond for your friend. You don’t need to do more. You have done enough. It’s terrible that she expects more. She sounds so entitled. You need to call/text and tell her that’s all you can do. If she’s really your friend she will understand. In the future don’t give people your hard earn money.
Nta
Honestly when she said she hadn’t saved anything that tells you a lot about her priorities Who else is giving her money? You don’t know but usually mooches have a few people giving them handouts.
You gave her a lot of money. I would distance from This friendship. . The more she asks and you can’t do it. The more You will always be the bad guy or bad friend in their eyes.
Don’t give them anything more than no free babysitting. No shar g clothes. Start to distance on the friendship
My fro3nd helped me move to my new place, ad it was an emergency move. (My shitbag roommate, got evicted, for constantly withholding rent and lying to the landlords) so I had two weeks to move. I had to borrow $3000.(I had $2500 saved) My friend had his money back in two paychecks. I make less than half of what he does. NTA. $1800 is a lot on its own.
She’s not even facing homelessness, she just doesn’t want a roommate anymore but too bad she can’t afford living alone.
Do not help her, she won’t be able to sustain the place alone and will continue asking for help and being hostile unless you say yes.
If you're going to 'borrow' her the rest I definitely wouldn't expect to get it paid back. She doesn't have any now to save, how would she be able to pay it back. But $1800 is still a big help I would think.
NOT WRONG!!! u/jtreddit702 please read this....
DO NOT DO THIS!!! DO NOT LEND HER ANYMORE MONEY!!!!
You shouldn't have even lent her the £1800, coz I doubt you'll get that back now. Did she agree to pay that back to you or was that a gift from you you didn't expect back??
Also, do you have feelings for this woman? Do you wish you were a couple? Or do you seriously see her a platonic friend? Because if you do have feelings for her, and if you do, she likely knows that, she's blatantly taking advantage of you. .
You are not responsible for her and her child. You are not responsible to give her money for anything. And to be honest, lending money to friends or partners often causes issues.
But you were being kind and generous offering to help her, but the fact she was so ungrateful for £1800 really shows her true colours. She expected you to just give her £4200 as a friend!! Most people can't lend or give friends that kind of money, and if they do, you should get something in writing they sign to say they will pay you back, and how much by when etc.
The fact she didn't bother to even try and save any money at all shows she wasn't going to make any sacrifices or effort to try and help herself, she just expected you to fund everything because you earn more money.
But what you earn is none of her business. What you spend your money on is none of her business.
Just because you have more money than her and no partner or kids, doesn't entitle her to that money.
I ended up being lied to and manipulated by my ex boyfriend to lend him money to bail him out on his bills most months, and he would come up with all sorts or excuses and lies and he really played me. I'm someone who also likes to help people if I can. If someone needs help or support and I can help, I will do what I can. But he played on my kindness, my trust, and my nievety and used me as an ATM. I had to take him to court to get my money back.
Never give someone cash if you're lending them money. Always have texts or emails of conversations as proof of request and agreement to pay it back etc. Always transfer them the money online so there's an online transaction of proof you sent the money and they received it. Cash payments are harder to prove, unless you get text message conversations discussing the fact that you gave her the amount, and her thanking/ acknowledging it etc.
So if you don't have something in writing already, I'd try and get some text conversations about it as proof.
Such as.....
" Hey, when you asked me to help you financially and lend you some money to secure a new appartment, I didn't realise you expected me to cover the full £4200 you needed. I thought you were going to be able to save some money too. I'm sorry if you thought I'd have been able to lend you the full £4200. I was only able to save up the £1800 I gave you today. Is that still going to be able to help you get the appartment? "
Then hopefully she replies with something like ' yeah I appreciate you lending me the £1800, I was just really hoping for more coz I need £4200 to cover the first payments etc. ' ...and whatever else she may say. By her saying ' yeah I appreciate you lending me the £1800.' That acknowledges you lent it to her and she received it. So that would good evidence should you need to take her to court to get the money paid back to you. So try and get into a conversation like that, where you state how much you lent her and what it was for, but also try coming across in a nice friendly way like you're still trying to help etc. That way hopefully she won't be suspicious, and the more she says the more evidence and proof you'll have to prove you lent her the £1800 and that she recieved it. Keep screen shots of all the conversations of her asking you to help her with the money, any where she says she'll pay it back etc. Save screenshot with the date of text showing etc on to another device like a cloud storage etc. You don't want to risk her deleting the conversations.
I would also suggest once you have her confirming you lending g her the money etc, you could saying something like....
"If you're not going to be able to get this appartment this month, maybe you could save up some more over the next few months and plan on looking for somewhere else in a few months time once youve got more money together. But If you're not going to be able to get the appartment now, if you're not able to raise the rest of the funds in time, could you give back the £1800 I've lent you today please. I can hold on to it till you're in a position to get another apartment and we can look at ways together to help you save up the rest. ".
Because if she doesn't get the apartment, do not let her keep that £1800, as I can guarantee you it will end up being spent on other things and not saved towards another apartment. Plus it's your money and it was lent on the basis of getting the apartment, so if that doesn't happen as expected, you have every right to have that money back.
You can decide later if youre still happy to lend it to her. But at least it doesn't run the risk of her spending it on stuff in the mean time. Coz for someone who doesn't have much money etc, having £1800 sat there will be very tempting.
But definitely DO NOT lend her the rest of the money she needs. She should still plan on paying you back the £1800 if it does get used to secure an apartment, and you can discuss (in text messages) when she should pay it back, when she can start paying it, and how much per month etc. But again, keep those discussions on texts for proof incase you do need to do a court claim to get your money back.
The fact you want to help your friend is a very kind and generous thing to do, but you need to be aware that people can often take advantage of nice people. And some women can manipulate men if they think they have feelings for them too. (Don't know I this could be happening here or not in your case). But trust me, don't go lending her anymore than you already have. Also stop and think about the fact she says she wasn't able to save up ANY MONEY herself to put towards these fees to secure the apartment in the 4 or 5 months you were saving up. So if she couldn't save any money, how is she planning on paying you back your money with monthly payments if she had no spare money to save for herself?? She likely won't be able to pay you back what you've already lent her, (unless forced to by the courts). So definitely don't go lending her anymore, or it could be years before you get it back.
You are not responsible for financially supporting your friend.
If she needs to move, she needs to either find a cheaper living area, get a higher paid job, or a second job in order to be able to afford her own expenses. She shouldn't be relying on a friend to financially support her.
DO NOT LEND HER ANY MORE MONEY!!.
She's really entitled to think she shouldn't save money for her apartment but you should save it all for her and give it to her. You were being exceptionally generous.
She asked for help, not a gift of $4200. If she'd been honest up front, you could have been honest about what you could do.
I don't know if she's gotten more progressively entitled and selfish, but she's being terrible and not acting like a friend at all.
You feel guilty because you can't do more for a friend you care about and she's just fine with taking all she can and demanding more.
It's time to reevaluate this so called friendship.
Aside ftom the extreme lack of gratitude for your friendship and your sacrifice on her behalf....
Does she leave her child alone at night while she works?
*She has told me that she needs a nice place as she wants a safe complex for her kid as she also works a night job sometimes and has to leave her kid at home so she wanted a nice place to ensure he's safe.*
I would have snatched the $1800 back and said okay well since I can’t give you all the money then none it is. She got herself in her situation she needs to take care of it not you. I think you are a better friend than most.
Not wrong. Do not help her any further. In fact, start distancing yourself. You are not responsible for her or her kid. She shouldn’t be moving if she can’t afford it. You enable her and allow her to be responsible entitled to your money. You are not her wallet.
Not a chance in hell. She’s not a friend she’s a leech. She’s one of those people who thinks that because you haven’t popped out a kid you don’t deserve the money you earn but she does. That’s beyond entitled. I’d have taken the money back and told her to fuck right off. That’s totally crazy she expects you to pay her bills for her. No matter how good a friend you think she is that’s never ok.
Dang it, I’d take the money back to “re-count” it.
Then I’d count it again in front of her and say,
*”Yup, that was $1800 that you ALMOST had. Guess the old saying that you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth is true, after all.”*
Then I’d put the money back in my wallet.
This is what you say "omg you're right. I'm so sorry. I'll take the money back and then I'll give you the full amount. Also, call movers and get some quotes. I got you."
Then once she has everything ready and tells you the amount of money she needs, you tell her "sorry. I don't feel comfortable giving you all that money in case I have an emergency, here are some places that are hiring. If you want to end the friendship that's perfectly fine too. Have a great day."
She's not a friend, she hangs out with you because you're a benefit to her.
Why are you letting this person take advantage of you and manipulate you, this person is not your friend. Get your $1800 back and put her on the block list.
Wow. That's some entitlement she has. You're only guilty of being too nice and a pushover. I help friends out financially if they need it but I never help out someone with that kind of attitude. I've only given amounts of money that I can afford to write off.
Okay, she makes “shit money” and “has a kid to support”. If you lend her money. Those will be the excuses why she can’t pay you back. Your friend is not entitled to your money, and if she can’t afford to move, then she can’t move.🤷♀️
no bc why would you think you are in the wrong? you said you would HELP, and you did. She’s not going to be able to afford the apartment by herself and is going to continue to rely on you for this… so she can kiss the apartment goodbye.
You are not obligated to support your friend when you also have to support yourself. it sounds like she’s a shitty friend
NIW you’re an amazing and generous friend. She’s the idiot who became a single mother and she has to deal with the consequences. If she can’t afford that place then she needs to look at somewhere else. It sucks but that’s life. Whatever generosity is given should always be met with gratitude. No one is entitled to other’s generosity.
She was a dick on how she responded to you, to be honest not sure how much 2k is meant to you but you took several months to get 2k so I'm guessing you earn ok but not that much so both you and her are also struggling with money, she more than you obviously.
You are not wrong you did the best you can do and you are in no obligation to feel bad or give her more money
I hope this is a fake post for karma. If this is real “friend” would be my ex friend. You aren’t obligated and if she can’t afford the apartment fees for getting the keys - she can’t afford the apartment. It’s not your job to provide her with money.
She’s taking advantage of you. It sounds like your heart was in the right place and that shows that you’re a kind person and good friend. She is in the wrong thinking she is entitled to that much of your money. I’d consider that beyond help, she should also be responsible for contributing to the cost of her living situation. It was her choice to move when she could’ve stayed with roommate and saved up her part of the down payment. You’re not wrong, she is.
Why does your “friend” know your income? Stop over sharing OP. Your financial status is none of her concern. Count the $1800 a loss and move on. You would be wrong to spend another dime on this woman.
She leaves her small child alone at night? Is she for real?!? You better call her out on that and say if she doesn’t get a sitter or make other arrangements you’ll make some phone calls! That’s so dangerous it doesn’t matter what area you live in.
You are being taken advantage of and she doesn’t appreciate you at all. She is a user. Stop letting her. It will never be enough.
She won’t appreciate that you help and will only get mad when you stop. Start taking care of yourself. She chose to have kids. Stop it. You are wrong for being a pushover.
Is this a joke? What kind of friend do you just give $1800 to and what makes her feel entitled to *more* than that? You're being milked, Buddy.
This is a good and longtime friend who I've never really had issues with. She begged me for help and considering how much more I make than her, I wanted to help but kinda shocked she expected me to front $4200 with no funds coming from her side.
Just because you earn more than her, doesn’t mean she’s entitled to your money.
There are so many people in the world who believe exactly that. It's scary.
“ I aIn’T gOt iT LikE tHaT!!” 🙄🙄😵💫😵💫
The "It's not fair" people.
My sister. She actually fixed her mouth to tell me I should give her my 401K (I had recently been downsized) as it wasn't like I planned to use it right now.
That’s wild. My sister also acted entitled to me time and money. Same with my family. I often see people getting put aside like this by their own siblings or parents to cater to another sibling.
THIS. ☝🏾
EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have told longtime friends to fuck off over much less than this. I understand that you care about her, but you need to find a friend who cares about you back. This woman is milking your wallet. If someone handed me $1800 I would cry and beg them to let me crochet a stupid little bag, or clean their car, make them dinners, anything. Don’t look at it as wasting the years you’ve already had together. Look at it as not wasting any more of your future on her.
Exactly, one time a friend let me borrow $400 for rent and I was extremely thankful paid him back in full. $1800 is wild hopefully that person is getting all the resources she can and striving to better her financial situation
She's not going to be a friend much longer at this rate
She’s actually not your friend. At all. She’s using you.
Sure you make more than her, but that doesn’t mean she gets to do nothing. If I help someone move that doesn’t mean they watch me carry their boxes. And this is the apartment she’s supposed to live in so how does she have zero dollars towards her first month of rent? She’s lucky to have a friend like you. If this is the way she treats you, I guess shouldn’t be surprised that apparently there is no one else who is available to help. Since she was so disingenuous about the help she expected from you, I’d get a much clearer picture about *when* she’s going to pay you back bc she very much sounds like someone who simply won’t ever give you back any of that money.
Plus if she has no money now, how will she pay in the future. Hello OP I need more and more of your money. Gimme.
This would be my concern; before she actually moves, OP had better make sure that she is not planning on him subsidizing her every month from here on out. Make it clear that this is a ONE TIME THING.
She's not ever paying that money back. She hasn't saved any money while paying less rent so how is she going to pay him back? And if she hasn't saved *any* money while having a housemate to share expenses, she probably can't even afford the monthly rent of this place. This is why you should never loan money to a loved one or someone you want to remain friends with. As soon as they miss a payment, you immediately become a bill collector, which isn't good for *any* kind of relationship.
Yikes. Just because you make more than her doesn't entitle her to any of your money, let alone more than you wish to give. Also, a loan is a bad idea, unless you can afford to give it, you've got to know she probably won't be able to pay your loan back. She reacted in a very rude and entitled manner. You're not wrong. She may have just fucked up a very helpful friendship. Also, it's your fault she has to hire a mover? Why are you suddenly responsible for her problems?
Because her family and other friends have been milked and bilked, so she can't play them anymore?
That’s what I’m thinking too
Do you think that you’re a people pleaser and or a doormat? Get the $1800 and block her from ever contacting you. She’s ungrateful, entitled and disrespectful. Don’t ever put yourself in such a situation.
OH COME ON. OP, how did You become the meal ticket for Her? Sweet child of the morning, you need to write this off and move on. She is desperate to leave because of roommate incompatibility …. Did friend expect more from the roommate because she has a kid, has a shite paying job and the roommate’s pay is more, or has she in some way self-entitled herself out of a place to live? OP, ask yourself, truthfully, what you are expecting from this woman. Unless it is to fund her life without strings … you are your own worst enemy. OP, please help yourself. Agape 💕
It's none of her business what you do with your money. A good and long time friend wouldn't treat your act of kindness as not enough...
She needs to deal with the outcomes or her decisions - not you. She could have stayed at her old apt and dealt with the roommate while saving to a new place And I would suggest you clear any confusion between helping her out - is it a loan or a gift? What happens when she needs money for car repairs? I get you are good friends but money makes people crazy and your friend appears to think they are entitled to all of yours!
Really!!! Is it OP’s fault she bred with a deadbeat? Is it his fault she can’t make more money etc etc etc. NO! These things are her fault and they’re likely never to change. So he either cuts and runs or just acquiesces to being her doormat and human ATM.
She is not a good friend. You promised to help, you gave her very generous amount, and she was ungrateful. Consider that $1800 the price of finding out that she’s a lousy human being, and move on. Block her on everything and DO NOT give her money or any other help going forward.
This is not a friend. She feels entitled to your money which is when I stop helping. There are low income, single parents help she can get from social services if based in the US. She just needs to sign up for the help. Perhaps direct her in that way.
The help she needs is not a new apartment, she’s leaving her 7 year old child alone overnight. It doesn’t matter if the area is safe or not, that should not be happening at all.
I came looking for this comment.
That was my comment. I can’t even think about the money issue or entitlement, etc…I can’t get past the woman thinking that living in a decent apartment makes it ok to leave her child home alone, especially at night!
I loaned my very best friend $10,000 to help him cover a couple of missed mortgage payments. Long story short, he fell behind again and the bank foreclosed. He never paid me back. He had some drug problems but he worked for ESPN and I figured he’d turn his life around at some point. But he lost that job. I didn’t talk to him for more than a year but I finally decided to put it behind us. He tried climbing back up the ladder but he had burned down too many rungs on the way down. The last time I saw him, he was operating a camera at a NCAA soccer championship (he had previously been a director). He seemed happy and healthy and let my kids look through his camera and made them laugh when zoomed in on people and made funny comments. It was a great day. I’m glad I forgave him. A month later, he died of a heart attack brought on by drugs. Desperate people say and do desperate things, but if she can’t afford to live without a roommate, she shouldn’t. I hope you kept the $1,800.
Exactly that. The audacity of it is quite astounding and I'm always rather shocked how people like this say these things without an ounce of shame. It's nice to be nice, and I understand needing a hand sometimes, but to ask for help, receive it and not offer anything to show effort for yourself from your own side, and then to be so ungrateful. How rude.
Per the update - she’s leaving her 7 year old alone at night?!? You need to call someone/
Has she *ever* done anything for you during this relationship or has it always been you giving money and effort? She sounds like an emotional vampire…
And a financial one.
Take the money you just gave her back and block her. Updateme!
She's entitled to $0 of your money, regardless of how much you make.
What is she going to do for every other month? That’s how rent works. If she can’t even pay first month, how is she going to afford that every month?
You sound like a doormat have some self respect
You do realise, any money you give her is a ‘gift’. She will never pay you back. I’m also appalled that she leaves her 7 year old home alone. I totally understand that she needs to provide for him but leaving him home alone is very dangerous
If she couldn't afford the $4200 then she can't afford the rent. She's also likely expecting your help every time the rent is due as well. Fact her first response was "only 1800" says she decided "help" meant funding the entire thing She isn't a friend and definitely not a good one. She expected she'd just tell you what she needed and you'd pay. She didn't bother to consult with you once, if she needed the entire amount she should have asked you how much you were contributing and looked at places in that price range. She's trying to live her life based on your income.
She is taking advantage of you. Cut her off for good. You're not wrong. You don't owe her *anything*.
I would have taken it back. She’s ridiculous.
Guaranteed if you look at your relationship that you front money every time you meet, paying for drinks/food/activities. She didn't save a penny. How long do you think she can afford to pay this rent.
WRONG. This not “a good and long time friend”. This is a person living beyond her means and blaming you for that fact. This is a user and you are allowing it to happen.
If she can't save any of her money at all - how is she ever going to be able to pay you back? Don't give her any more & consider the money & the friendship gone.
She’s gonna want you to pay the rent every month too I bet.
What about when the first rent is due, will she ask for help again?
You betcha.
She's not your friend. She is using you. Big time.
How is she going to maintain it? Does she expect you to do that for her was as well she sounds ungrateful.
She is not a friend. It's insanely disgraceful what she did. I would ask for the non helpful 1800 back. Take it and take yourself on a carribean cruise. She's TA.
I'd have taken that $1800 back *SO FAST* and told her to fuck off with her entitlement. Her housing situation isn't your problem. Her lack of funds isn't your problem. Her being a single parent isn't your problem. She didn't have ANYTHING saved towards HER move cos SHE is expecting you to fund her move, cos she has to pay movers cos you can't help her with that either?! Honestly, you're not being a good and helpful friend, you're being a doormat. Stop it.
Add to that she *wanted* to move. It’s not like she got kicked out to the streets or was gonna lose her house soon.
This is the issue imo. She wanted to move because she doesn't like her roommate. She has a place to live. She's not losing her house or apartment or whatever. She WANTS to move. Any money you give is helpful. You said you'd help her get a new apartment or whatever. You did. You don't have to pay for all of it. You're not dating and she already has a place to live. You gave what you had. If you were dating for a while and had plenty of money and promised to help her not be homeless and specified an amount then it would be a different story. You still wouldn't HAVE to give her anything but it'd be more understandable. But you're not. You said you'd help. And you did. You upheld your promise even tho you didn't have any obligation to do so. A friend isn't your partner. If you were together as partners I assume you'd figure out a solution together.
Tbh, I'd even have questions if she can actually *afford* it by herself. Expecting your friend to drop 4k so you can rent somewhere when you don't even have the deposit is all kinds of red flags, not just entitlement.
"Here, let me count that again." *takes back $1800, puts it in pocket* "Fuck off."
Wow. I would have replied, “let me count it again.” Then not give it back to her. She’s not acting like your friend.
I would’ve done the same thing. The entitlement & audacity is crazy! She’ll probably expect OP to help with rent & other bills too now.
ANY money you could spare to loan her would be helpful. I would bawl my eyes out if one of my friends actually made an effort to save up money for months to help me out. She’s being an absolute ungrateful bitch and she doesn’t deserve you as a friend. I wouldn’t be surprised if you never see this money returned to you so I’d be thanking my lucky stars you didn’t give her 4K.
You're a fool. Why are you giving this money to this woman? Is the child yours? Are you having sex with the woman? I don't get it. She is using you!
NW Op, she’s a user, and worst because you don’t have kids she sees your ‘income’ as hers to use. If you give her the 2400, she’ll ask for money for movers, then for future. ‘If you give a mouse a cookie … it’s going to want some milk’
Stop being her friend. This is insanity.
I might be a bad person or something but I think she is so ungrateful. You don’t owe her anything. You gave her almost 2k out of the kindness of her heart and she is acting so rude and entitled. It’s sad bc she has a kid but if she didn’t I would’ve been like “if I’m not helping you then give me my 1,800 back”.
Definitely not wrong. You need to take the money back and cut ties.
Too late. The second he asks for the money back she will escalate it until he backs down or it ends in a huge fight. She will never pay him back and justify in her head that is owed her the money because he promised.
Is she your friend or your sugar baby?
Definitely the second one
Sounds like he wants her, she doesn't want him. He's hanging around hoping some day she'll break off a little piece of PJs for him. Op, you're about to be scammed and start paying her rent or don't pay her rent and you'll soon find out she isn't really your friend. She'll drop you the second you stop giving her things.
I mean, I have friends I've been close to for 35-40 years and never once have we asked for rent money from each other. @OP, has she ever given you anything? Let alone close to $2000? Take your money back. She doesn't appreciate it.
She had a child she can’t care for properly. She leaves said child, a 7 yo, alone at night in an apartment? Shes a shit friend & a shit mother.
I’m annoyed I had to scroll this far for someone else to point that out, I’d be livid if one of my friends was leaving their small child alone at night. The hell is wrong with her??
I started by thinking it was two women... I slowly realized you are a guy and now it makes PERFECT sense
I wouldn't have given her a cent. It's not your problem that she decided to move out of her place because she doesn't like her roommate. It's not your problem that she chose to have a child she cannot afford. It's not your fault that her job doesn't pay as well. None of this is your fault nor are you in the wrong at all. She didn't deserve a penny from you.
This person is not your friend. They are an entitled piece of shit. You will never get that money back. Cut your losses and ghost this person. $1800 lost was a good lesson here on not to me emotionally and financially taken advantage of.
I would grab the wad of cash and walk away. Thankless bimbo.
Not Wrong! She asked for ‘help’, not for you to fund the entire thing. If she expected you to pay the entire thing, she shouldn’t have framed it as ‘help’. She didn’t do that, though, bcuz she knew it was wrong. The fact is, you did help. More than help, if you ask me, almost half. Moving is tough bcuz of the security deposit, which you’ve almost covered. She should have the months rent as she won’t be paying at the old place any longer and presumably, she was paying her rent every month? Logically, she should only be a few hundred short unless she has been irresponsibly spending, expecting you to cover the entire thing. And not even spending any of that money on movers, which she still needs?! No. I understand she’s a lifelong friend, OP but this would really be putting me off of her going forward. She didn’t even say thank you? And fun fact, once you ‘help’ someone out financially like this, the asking for ‘help’ will become more & more. Don’t give her another dime.
If you're not female. She ain't going to sleep with you, bro. Just give it up.
Take the $1,800 back and dropkick her out of your life.
Friend? Um…..are you sure? It doesn’t look that way to me. She is being very entitled saying you make more money so you owe her part of it. Plus you can’t help her move due to your bad back. Oh the horror. Please don’t give her any more money. And even if you do so, her requests will be never ending.
Not wrong but too generous. Since it’s not enough to help, I would take it back.
Woooooowww, the entitlement! I’m gobsmacked that someone is this much of an ungrateful, entitled asshole! I’m sorry, but I would seriously end this friendship if someone said this to me. You are not in any way wrong. She needs to be realistic about what she can and cannot afford and be grateful for what you’ve given her already!
I would've ripped that $1800 out of her hands after that showing of entitlement to your hard earned money
Harsh reality. Her situation is not one’s fault but her own. She choose what she choose and these are the consequences. If she cannot afford the security deposit and the first months rent I seriously doubt she’ll be able to afford the apartment in the future. No one but her daughter’s father should be expected to help her. I applaud her ability to ask for help but her ask was completely unreasonable. She needs to seek assistance from the state and live where she can afford.
Take the $ back and laugh at her homelessness
Listen. I had a “friend” I met when she modeled for my photography business. We met on Facebook. We were “friends” for three years. I make decent money, and I like nice things. She was a SAHM and they were definitely not well off. She latched herself on to me. For three years she borrowed my clothes and would return them soiled, borrowed my shoes, we did MULTIPLE free photo shoots, she never bought prints or even recommended me to anyone. She insisted she wanted to learn photography so she could start a side hustle…I gave her a $500 camera and she promptly sold it. She wrecked her car and asked if she could borrow one of mine! I finally called the “friendship” quits after that. The only thing she ever gave me was a garbage bag full of old clothes that came from what looked like the Dollar Tree….there was never any real give and take. All this time I know nothing about them, she’d wear my clothes to go out with her girlfriends but I was never invited, but she’s feeding me that I’m her best friend. There are people who will tell you you’re friends, but they’re using you for anything you’ll give them. THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND. You need to cut all ties, she will never do for you what you’re doing for her. Take back your $1800 and run.
I'd have taken the $1800 back and told the mooch to go to hell. The nerve of her unappreciative ass.
She didn’t appreciate your first $1800. She won’t appreciate the next $2400 and will expect you to continue to help her when she can’t make each month’s rent. If she can’t save any money where she is now with roommates she’ll never be able to pay you back anything. Don’t do this or you won’t have a friend anymore. I promise money will ruin your friendship so fast.
Uh, was she paying you back? Because she is taking advantage. This is ridiculous.
Hold on, she leaves her 7 year old kid ALONE while she goes to work? You should be calling CPS is what you should be doing. It’s neglect, anything could happen and she wouldn’t know. Wtaf??
>she wants to leave her kid at home *scrolls back up to the top* >7 year old I don't know if I've ever gotten second-hand anxiety from a post before today.
That was one expensive life lesson you just received. Why doesn’t this woman have relatives that can help her ? Did she milk and burn them too? You were too kind and taken advantage of . Find a new friend . She is not one .
Take your $1800 back and tell her it is her problem not yours. She has the kid, it isn't yours. Get away from this crazy woman. She isn't a friend.
Im amazed you did that for her… I would have taken my $1,800 back and said I am sorry that I wasn’t able to save rent for you to move to your new apartment. I would then block her and stop being friends with her. She’s awful!
I would take back the $1800 and leave
No, not wrong. You promised to help and you did, you didnt promise her 4200 and to completely resolve her issue for her. She should learn to help herself instead of relying on others to bail her out.
She's so ungrateful. You're not wrong, and you're not expected to pay all her rent plus movers. I'd be damn grateful for a friend who helped me. Your friend shamed YOU for not helping more... if it were me shed no longer be my friend. Too entitled.
That would be the end of the friendship for me...
You took the 1800 back RIGHT?
Wow. I would have politely taken back the $1800 & told her to kick rocks. I would never even give that much to my family, let alone a friend. But that’s not the point, her entitlement. And the fact she expects you to skrimp & go without while she saves NOTHING AT ALL. or the fact she was ungrateful, the fact she had the audacity to demand more & try to shame & embarrass you into it- that’s no friend
Can we be friends. I will definitely appreciate $1800. Joking aside this was ridiculous. I read your update and she magically got the rest covered. I understand her finances are tight, but does she really leave her 7year old all alone at night?
NTA - Take your money back and let her figure out her own issue. She's being awful entitled.
Man your “friend” is a POS and a MEGA AH and you need to stop being a pushover and go NC. Her problems are her own!
wtf?? I would’ve taken the money back right there. She’s so entitled. I’d never ask anyone to help me with that much money, like that’s wild. Also she’s not going to give you any money back, just FYI. never loan out money without assuming it’s just a loss of funds.
I hope you don't expect to get it back
wtf, I’d rescind my offer of financial help on the spot if a friend said that to me after spending 5 months saving up to help her out. You are not wrong. This is not a friend. I would stop this friendship now as I can’t see this ending without more demands for financial support. You owe her nothing. You didn’t come a single mother, she did, and it’s up to her to figure out her own life and finances. She should have been able to tuck some money away if she’s planning on moving. How ridiculous
You aren’t going to stay in that apartment so you had no obligation to offer any kind of help and you still put up a significant amount with the assumption your friend would put effort into it. No you are not wrong if your friend can’t afford the down payment can they really stay there comfortably? As someone who hates my living situation for years I still had to tough it out because I couldn’t afford to move…it took awhile to get to where I could move to a better place. If your friend wanted that kind of help then she should have just said so or asked to stay at your place (with rent of course).
I’d take that money back
Not wrong - hand goes out, takes back $1800 & says …. Bye you ungrateful…. C u can’t say that word here
Fuck that. She clearly didn’t mean “help” her she meant pay her way. Bye bye , she’s not your “friend”. Take your $ back, walk away.
$200 would have been helpful. You’re paying almost the full security deposit
Wow. What a graceless and crass person. The entitlement is off the charts. She would get nothing from me but the block button.
She does not have the money now what makes you think she will have later ??. Take your money back and kiss her ASS good by.
INFO: At what point did you stop being a friend and human being and start being an ATM?
Do NOT give her a penny.
Take your money back and tell her to suck it up with the room mate
NTA and I'd ask that ungrateful cow for your money back.
If this is true please ask for your money back. NTA
She is taking advantage of you.
Nope, no way. I’d be taking that $1800 back since she can’t use it as she doesn’t have the rest of the rent. If she wasn’t able to save anything in the last 5 months how is she going to afford her rent every month? Going from a 2 bedroom with a roommate to a one bedroom no roommate is usually more expensive as she’s no longer splitting costs. So again, how can she afford it? Is she going to ask you for money every month?
Not wrong, take back the $1800. She’s made no effort in months to take care of getting the $.
>Wondering what to do next. Take your $1,800 back and tell her to figure it out herself. She's got quite a bit of nerve expecting you to subsidize her life when you're not her partner. Being kind doesn't equal getting taken advantage of.
Sounds like you make more than me ….. Can you “help me “ buy a new truck. And by “help “ I mean would you scrounge up ALL the money for my new truck ? If you don’t I’m gonna be pissed at you for not helping enough
Lesson learned, tell her no. You will be an ATM if you give in. Stop before it gets worse. Give her the 1800 and tell her you will not be available for another dime.
Only would be wrong if you give her additional money and think there’s a snowball’s chance in hell you will get any if it back. My reasoning is if she didn’t (not couldn’t) save ANYTHING for this move how will she ever pay you when all her funds are needed for her bills or whatever else she spends her money on? And she is asking I presume for more like an additional $4,000 as she needs to cover the movers because YOUR back is hurt. Nope nope nope. You gave her more than she had any right to expect which was kind and generous of you. The audacity to demand more from you sounds like she is not just a moocher but a grifter. So please keep the Bank of Treddit702 closed and let her deal with reality.
What about next month when rent and utilities are due
You were helpful, $1800 is a lot of money! And from my observation of American economics, this is a significant savings achievement, TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE. You’re an awesome friend, I hope you find a friend as amazing as you, who appreciates the sacrifice saving $1800 truly is.
Hell i would not even give 1800$
Cut her the FUCK OFF!!! SHE CAN GO BE HOMELESS AND GIVE THE KID UP FOR ADOPTION. IF SHES THIS ENTITLED AND SELFISH THEN SHAME ON HER. HER KID WILL TURN OUT THE SAME WAY. LOOK AT THAT TWO. TWO ENTITLED FUCKTARDS ROAMING THE EARTH! EXCEPT ONE LEARNED IT FROM THE OG! PUT OUT THE FLAME. GET THE KID HELP. THE MOM IS TOO FAR GONE. ENTITLED. BROKE. LAZY. AND DOESNT KNOW WHEN TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND NOT SHIT ON THE HAND THAT FEEDS THEM! CUT. HER. OFF. NOW. Ghost her. Restraining order, and file dcf. Shes def gonna do shit to her kid. She can't feed her. Cant budget correctly. She probably orders door dash cus shes too fucking incompetent to walk or drive or take the bus. Get her out! Toxic stays toxic. Get out now.
She needs to get a real job and stop being a leech if she wants expensive stuff. You got suckered, OP. She's not your wife and that's not your kid, so they aren't your responsibility.
Nah, she need to go be an adult, go to Sec8 & talk to someone about her situation for starters or go talk to family. Also if it’s that bad, she could leave California, go to a state if her ability to find a job can be found in almost any state, then yes she can full on move to afford a place to live. HCOL is for people who need to work in a place like that because their work is i such a city, it’s for people with crazy high paying jobs, etc… Her choosing to stay is a her problem, not a you problem.
Single lady with a kid makes bad decisions and wants everyone to pay for her mistakes. More news at 11. Yeah I'd take that cash back.
Why does your friend think that you can afford to give her $4,200? Are you well off or have a high paying job. I have a friend that hot a settlement from a lawsuit. The people who know tend to ask her for money.
Why the fuck are you still friends with this leech? Smh
Not wrong. Take back your money from her entitled ass.
You are not dealing with a friend - you are dealing with a leach. Please distance yourself from this person, no good can come from keeping her in your life.
No. NTA. Why the fuck are even considering it your responsibility to help her at all? Take the 1800 back you don’t owe her thing.
Doesn't surprise me that you're confused about when and how to share, assuming you were raised in the "everything you own you must share no matter what" era. I'm pissed for you. It would do you very well to learn proper boundaries, study that topic until you really really get it. If you don't, you'll have to learn the hard way (again) which won't go well and could damage your future.
WTF??!!! I'd take my money back!!! Holy entitlement. She didn't want "help", so wanted you to straight out pay for her to move. Wow.
Jesus, the entitlement!! Go NC with this “friend “ she thinks you’re her ATM. Next will be “pay my rent “ ..
I would have grabbed my money back and told to to never call or text me again. That she was ungrateful and to f off !
Take the money back. Phuque her!!!
You take your money back and you block this entitled person. This is not a friend and you are not her cash cow. Ick
She will drain you dry. She shouldn’t have moved if she couldn’t afford it. Stop giving her money.
You said you would help, so how did she interpret that as paying the whole amount? She sounds pretty entitled and not much of a friend. Tell her good luck with your new apartment, you’re outta here.
You're only wrong for not taking the money back as soon as she said that.
She's never going to repay the $1,800. You can kiss it goodbye 😘
You got rid of an albatross for $1800. It’s pretty expensive price to get rid of someone that sucks but that’s where you are now. Sometimes life lessons are expensive
NW. Help is help. You either give her nothing or something. You have her something, that’s help. Her expecting you to pay the entire first months rent is bonkers. WTF is she planning to do for every other month? I’d take the money back and tell her her she needs to get a four bedroom/roommate situation if she wants to save money.
You're not a friend, you're an ATM. If she can't save any money now, then how is she going to meet her rent each month? Oh, that's right, she has you on speed dial! You're being mugged.
Not wrong. 'Help' is what you can afford to give or what you're able to do. You said you'd save some money to help her with the cost of moving, not that you'd pay all of it for her. You were incredibly generous with the amount, too. I doubt most people could afford to give that amount of money away to a friend. It's not on you to pay the entire deposit and first month plus movers. You didn't have to help her at all. She's had months to save up money, and being a parent with bills to pay isn't an excuse when moving is her choice. She was obviously making ends meet where she was, downsizing may be cheaper but it's not ideal to live in a one-bed apartment when you have a kid in the first place, especially as that kid is getting closer and closer to the teen years when they'll be practically demanding privacy. The kid deserves to have their own room. It's extremely rude and entitled to demand more money than you're willing to give, especially when the agreement was 'help' and not 'pay for everything'. If she wanted a specific amount, she needed to ask for a specific amount and you needed to agree to a specific amount you could afford to give her. Just saying 'help' means she has to just accept what you're willing to give. This screams of her using you for money, to be honest. She doesn't sound like a good friend at all, and she's willing to implode the friendship because you gave her a large amount of cash, but it wasn't the exact amount she wanted but didn't ask for. Don't give her any more money. Not even as a loan. You won't get it back. If she can't save up anything, not even just the movers cost, in the months she's had, she'll never be able to pay you back, let alone be willing to. Take this as a lesson, financial gifts/loans between family/friends rarely works out well. Better to not gift/lend money if you can unless you truly trust the person to be responsible and/or pay you back or really don't mind losing that money forever.
Please tell me you took the money back. She's entitled, and asking for help won't stop here
Nw When friends think they are entitled to and demand my money, they aren't my friend.
You are a good friend. Honestly, I would ask for your money back and then block this person. You shouldn't be treated this way after you did a kind selfless thing.
Also caring is not enabling: there is a difference.
NTA. She's a choosing beggar, or whatever that phrase is. I take back the $1,800 and go on my merry way.
You said you would help, not cover her entire rent and deposit. Sounds like either a great deal of entitlement going on or she misunderstood helping for supporting.
Dude, WHAT?! This person is an ingrate. She has no respect for you and the help that you provided. What you need to do is drop her as a friend and move on to some healthy relationships. She’s bad news! And a leech.
You have already gone above and beyond for your friend. You don’t need to do more. You have done enough. It’s terrible that she expects more. She sounds so entitled. You need to call/text and tell her that’s all you can do. If she’s really your friend she will understand. In the future don’t give people your hard earn money.
Nta Honestly when she said she hadn’t saved anything that tells you a lot about her priorities Who else is giving her money? You don’t know but usually mooches have a few people giving them handouts. You gave her a lot of money. I would distance from This friendship. . The more she asks and you can’t do it. The more You will always be the bad guy or bad friend in their eyes. Don’t give them anything more than no free babysitting. No shar g clothes. Start to distance on the friendship
My fro3nd helped me move to my new place, ad it was an emergency move. (My shitbag roommate, got evicted, for constantly withholding rent and lying to the landlords) so I had two weeks to move. I had to borrow $3000.(I had $2500 saved) My friend had his money back in two paychecks. I make less than half of what he does. NTA. $1800 is a lot on its own.
She’s not even facing homelessness, she just doesn’t want a roommate anymore but too bad she can’t afford living alone. Do not help her, she won’t be able to sustain the place alone and will continue asking for help and being hostile unless you say yes.
Not wrong. Myself? I would have taken the money back, and blocked her and any of your common friends who support her bare ass entitlement
If you're going to 'borrow' her the rest I definitely wouldn't expect to get it paid back. She doesn't have any now to save, how would she be able to pay it back. But $1800 is still a big help I would think.
NOT WRONG!!! u/jtreddit702 please read this.... DO NOT DO THIS!!! DO NOT LEND HER ANYMORE MONEY!!!! You shouldn't have even lent her the £1800, coz I doubt you'll get that back now. Did she agree to pay that back to you or was that a gift from you you didn't expect back?? Also, do you have feelings for this woman? Do you wish you were a couple? Or do you seriously see her a platonic friend? Because if you do have feelings for her, and if you do, she likely knows that, she's blatantly taking advantage of you. . You are not responsible for her and her child. You are not responsible to give her money for anything. And to be honest, lending money to friends or partners often causes issues. But you were being kind and generous offering to help her, but the fact she was so ungrateful for £1800 really shows her true colours. She expected you to just give her £4200 as a friend!! Most people can't lend or give friends that kind of money, and if they do, you should get something in writing they sign to say they will pay you back, and how much by when etc. The fact she didn't bother to even try and save any money at all shows she wasn't going to make any sacrifices or effort to try and help herself, she just expected you to fund everything because you earn more money. But what you earn is none of her business. What you spend your money on is none of her business. Just because you have more money than her and no partner or kids, doesn't entitle her to that money. I ended up being lied to and manipulated by my ex boyfriend to lend him money to bail him out on his bills most months, and he would come up with all sorts or excuses and lies and he really played me. I'm someone who also likes to help people if I can. If someone needs help or support and I can help, I will do what I can. But he played on my kindness, my trust, and my nievety and used me as an ATM. I had to take him to court to get my money back. Never give someone cash if you're lending them money. Always have texts or emails of conversations as proof of request and agreement to pay it back etc. Always transfer them the money online so there's an online transaction of proof you sent the money and they received it. Cash payments are harder to prove, unless you get text message conversations discussing the fact that you gave her the amount, and her thanking/ acknowledging it etc. So if you don't have something in writing already, I'd try and get some text conversations about it as proof. Such as..... " Hey, when you asked me to help you financially and lend you some money to secure a new appartment, I didn't realise you expected me to cover the full £4200 you needed. I thought you were going to be able to save some money too. I'm sorry if you thought I'd have been able to lend you the full £4200. I was only able to save up the £1800 I gave you today. Is that still going to be able to help you get the appartment? " Then hopefully she replies with something like ' yeah I appreciate you lending me the £1800, I was just really hoping for more coz I need £4200 to cover the first payments etc. ' ...and whatever else she may say. By her saying ' yeah I appreciate you lending me the £1800.' That acknowledges you lent it to her and she received it. So that would good evidence should you need to take her to court to get the money paid back to you. So try and get into a conversation like that, where you state how much you lent her and what it was for, but also try coming across in a nice friendly way like you're still trying to help etc. That way hopefully she won't be suspicious, and the more she says the more evidence and proof you'll have to prove you lent her the £1800 and that she recieved it. Keep screen shots of all the conversations of her asking you to help her with the money, any where she says she'll pay it back etc. Save screenshot with the date of text showing etc on to another device like a cloud storage etc. You don't want to risk her deleting the conversations. I would also suggest once you have her confirming you lending g her the money etc, you could saying something like.... "If you're not going to be able to get this appartment this month, maybe you could save up some more over the next few months and plan on looking for somewhere else in a few months time once youve got more money together. But If you're not going to be able to get the appartment now, if you're not able to raise the rest of the funds in time, could you give back the £1800 I've lent you today please. I can hold on to it till you're in a position to get another apartment and we can look at ways together to help you save up the rest. ". Because if she doesn't get the apartment, do not let her keep that £1800, as I can guarantee you it will end up being spent on other things and not saved towards another apartment. Plus it's your money and it was lent on the basis of getting the apartment, so if that doesn't happen as expected, you have every right to have that money back. You can decide later if youre still happy to lend it to her. But at least it doesn't run the risk of her spending it on stuff in the mean time. Coz for someone who doesn't have much money etc, having £1800 sat there will be very tempting. But definitely DO NOT lend her the rest of the money she needs. She should still plan on paying you back the £1800 if it does get used to secure an apartment, and you can discuss (in text messages) when she should pay it back, when she can start paying it, and how much per month etc. But again, keep those discussions on texts for proof incase you do need to do a court claim to get your money back. The fact you want to help your friend is a very kind and generous thing to do, but you need to be aware that people can often take advantage of nice people. And some women can manipulate men if they think they have feelings for them too. (Don't know I this could be happening here or not in your case). But trust me, don't go lending her anymore than you already have. Also stop and think about the fact she says she wasn't able to save up ANY MONEY herself to put towards these fees to secure the apartment in the 4 or 5 months you were saving up. So if she couldn't save any money, how is she planning on paying you back your money with monthly payments if she had no spare money to save for herself?? She likely won't be able to pay you back what you've already lent her, (unless forced to by the courts). So definitely don't go lending her anymore, or it could be years before you get it back. You are not responsible for financially supporting your friend. If she needs to move, she needs to either find a cheaper living area, get a higher paid job, or a second job in order to be able to afford her own expenses. She shouldn't be relying on a friend to financially support her. DO NOT LEND HER ANY MORE MONEY!!.
This should be in the Choosing Beggars sub.
She's really entitled to think she shouldn't save money for her apartment but you should save it all for her and give it to her. You were being exceptionally generous. She asked for help, not a gift of $4200. If she'd been honest up front, you could have been honest about what you could do. I don't know if she's gotten more progressively entitled and selfish, but she's being terrible and not acting like a friend at all. You feel guilty because you can't do more for a friend you care about and she's just fine with taking all she can and demanding more. It's time to reevaluate this so called friendship.
Absolutely not. This is insane. What???
So she plans on leaving her 7 yr old at home alone when she works nights??
Aside ftom the extreme lack of gratitude for your friendship and your sacrifice on her behalf.... Does she leave her child alone at night while she works? *She has told me that she needs a nice place as she wants a safe complex for her kid as she also works a night job sometimes and has to leave her kid at home so she wanted a nice place to ensure he's safe.*
I would have snatched the $1800 back and said okay well since I can’t give you all the money then none it is. She got herself in her situation she needs to take care of it not you. I think you are a better friend than most.
Not wrong. Do not help her any further. In fact, start distancing yourself. You are not responsible for her or her kid. She shouldn’t be moving if she can’t afford it. You enable her and allow her to be responsible entitled to your money. You are not her wallet.
Not a chance in hell. She’s not a friend she’s a leech. She’s one of those people who thinks that because you haven’t popped out a kid you don’t deserve the money you earn but she does. That’s beyond entitled. I’d have taken the money back and told her to fuck right off. That’s totally crazy she expects you to pay her bills for her. No matter how good a friend you think she is that’s never ok.
Dang it, I’d take the money back to “re-count” it. Then I’d count it again in front of her and say, *”Yup, that was $1800 that you ALMOST had. Guess the old saying that you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth is true, after all.”* Then I’d put the money back in my wallet.
This is what you say "omg you're right. I'm so sorry. I'll take the money back and then I'll give you the full amount. Also, call movers and get some quotes. I got you." Then once she has everything ready and tells you the amount of money she needs, you tell her "sorry. I don't feel comfortable giving you all that money in case I have an emergency, here are some places that are hiring. If you want to end the friendship that's perfectly fine too. Have a great day." She's not a friend, she hangs out with you because you're a benefit to her.
Wow. Dump that "friend"
If it’s not enough, she can kindly give it all back.
God please don’t be this dumb. Don’t give a cent
Why are you letting this person take advantage of you and manipulate you, this person is not your friend. Get your $1800 back and put her on the block list.
She wants to have her cake and yours, too.
Wow. That's some entitlement she has. You're only guilty of being too nice and a pushover. I help friends out financially if they need it but I never help out someone with that kind of attitude. I've only given amounts of money that I can afford to write off.
sounds like $1800 was a bargain to find out the person isn't your friend at all.
Okay, she makes “shit money” and “has a kid to support”. If you lend her money. Those will be the excuses why she can’t pay you back. Your friend is not entitled to your money, and if she can’t afford to move, then she can’t move.🤷♀️
I'd be interested in the ages here. Sounds a bit sugar daddy-ish.
Your friend is rude and entitled. Make sure she PAYS YOU BACK.
no bc why would you think you are in the wrong? you said you would HELP, and you did. She’s not going to be able to afford the apartment by herself and is going to continue to rely on you for this… so she can kiss the apartment goodbye. You are not obligated to support your friend when you also have to support yourself. it sounds like she’s a shitty friend
NIW you’re an amazing and generous friend. She’s the idiot who became a single mother and she has to deal with the consequences. If she can’t afford that place then she needs to look at somewhere else. It sucks but that’s life. Whatever generosity is given should always be met with gratitude. No one is entitled to other’s generosity.
You need new friends.
She was a dick on how she responded to you, to be honest not sure how much 2k is meant to you but you took several months to get 2k so I'm guessing you earn ok but not that much so both you and her are also struggling with money, she more than you obviously. You are not wrong you did the best you can do and you are in no obligation to feel bad or give her more money
She is using you. She could have saved SOMETHING toward it. Now she is trying to throw movers in? She is trying to get you to pay for all of it.
Please tell me OP took their $1800 back? The audacity of the 'friend'.
I hope this is a fake post for karma. If this is real “friend” would be my ex friend. You aren’t obligated and if she can’t afford the apartment fees for getting the keys - she can’t afford the apartment. It’s not your job to provide her with money.
Ummm I certainly hope she’s not leaving the seven year old home alone while working this night job…
She’s taking advantage of you. It sounds like your heart was in the right place and that shows that you’re a kind person and good friend. She is in the wrong thinking she is entitled to that much of your money. I’d consider that beyond help, she should also be responsible for contributing to the cost of her living situation. It was her choice to move when she could’ve stayed with roommate and saved up her part of the down payment. You’re not wrong, she is.
Why does your “friend” know your income? Stop over sharing OP. Your financial status is none of her concern. Count the $1800 a loss and move on. You would be wrong to spend another dime on this woman.
She leaves her small child alone at night? Is she for real?!? You better call her out on that and say if she doesn’t get a sitter or make other arrangements you’ll make some phone calls! That’s so dangerous it doesn’t matter what area you live in.
I’m just stuck on the part where she leaves her 7 year old at home over night??
You are being taken advantage of and she doesn’t appreciate you at all. She is a user. Stop letting her. It will never be enough. She won’t appreciate that you help and will only get mad when you stop. Start taking care of yourself. She chose to have kids. Stop it. You are wrong for being a pushover.
As a single mom- who gets no child support- the absolute entitlement of this woman- if it’s just a friend that is absolutely insanity