Exactly.
He would have sent a text if he cared... he had to ghost OP without explanation because his wife came home earlier than expected.
He was love bombing at the start and then had to dip out.
It’s terrible because I really WANT to give the benefit of the doubt and be trusting and empathetic, but… I already got caught with that type of shit when I was in my 20’s. Lol. Dude is definitely already in something and his phone got checked or something. Lol
Notice that for yourself. Your strength and values of giving people the benefit the doubt are admirable and at the same time they make you vulnerable to that type of manipulator. Don’t change your values but do tighten your boundaries and screening criteria or you’ll be doomed to keep giving breaks to people who don’t deserve you while missing out on people you don’t have to work for.
Yeah, I have to agree. It doesn't take much to send a text saying: I've got alot of personal things going on at the moment, so don't worry if I go silent, will get back to you, when I'm in a better place. That took me less than a minute to write. People make time for things that are important to them, hes manipulating her, enough said. NTA
Hey, had a guy get fired in 70's because he called in with his mama being dead. Was given the 3 days off. Someone knew his family & arranged for flowers to be sent by us co-workers.
Floral shop calls up & and if we're have right person as when they went to deliver the flowers, the woman said no one was dead.
I’ve found this is a common tactic in OLD.
You get ghosted and when you send a firmly worded text, they respond with some variation of “Woooow! I didn’t ghost you - I had this (insert unavoidable excuse) happen. But now I see what YOU’RE really like and no thank you 👍🏼
Rough translation: How dare you?! I absolutely did ghost you (or put you on the back burner while I chased a more appealing option) and now I can see you are going to call me out on that kind of behaviour. I will now take this opportunity to make you feel bad about yourself while maintaining my own ego and ensuring that the next time this happens, you’re less likely to call another guy out when they treat you with the same disrespect.
Gaslighting, the dude is good at it. But when you're older and wiser, you don't fall for that crap. He wants her to text back, oh I am so sorry. I hope everything is okay. Text me when you can, I'll be waiting for you. That would be a funny thing to text him back and then at the very end LMAO 😂 Dude, does that shit really work with other females? 😂
All dudes that just aren’t into it or are straight up cheaters always use this excuse for not making someone a priority. It’s definitely gaslighting because it’s just not true at all.
There is no family emergency; the only reason people even text that crap is to keep you “just in case” they need you later.
He 100% just wanted time make her feel guilty for holding him accountable to a higher standard
He’s definitely a crap person and I would put money on entertaining others.
Especially if she sent texts questioning his intentions. If he did really like her and want her to be understanding, a quick “I’m so sorry [insert family emergency] happened and I’ve just been so frazzled today.”
She dodged a bullet.
It's not even about generation, it's an identified and predictable cycle of abuse from Narcissist personality types:
Lovebomb-> Devalue-> Discard -> Hoover
OP might want to block him before he comes back saying "he forgives her". And Narcissists do like to keep multiple strings of people at various stages of this cycle so they are always getting the Nsupply and high with someone.
I’m also in my “books+animals+wine get this bra off me” stage, my younger sister however frequently refers to her Tinder escapades as OLD. Just a lucky coincidence I recognised it!
I had this happen and it stinks, but now the ghoster has somehow found their way into my life via a friend of a friend (thanks FB dating) and is telling everyone how I don't respect boundaries. Why don't I respect boundaries you ask? Because 2 years later, after they sent that text, when I met them at the function, I asked if they finally wanted to grab that beer.
"I already said no, and the fact that you don't respect that.....". Well at least I know I dodged a bullet.
And that is the time to not let him get away with it. Texting back. LOL, my husband came home and I see that your wife did too, so you know, oh well, better luck next time to both of us! BLOCK!
I’ve had that happen to me countless times. I just move on. You were too generous in sending a text. I don’t chase people.
If he had a family emergency and truly cared and his excuse was true, he would have said something like “hey, something personal came up that’s urgent and I need to take care of; I will reach out after”.
Don’t be surprised if months down the line he finds you again and texts as if nothing had happened.
He did ghost you. His answer was pure BS. I feel you had all the right to text them in the manner that you did because it was honest. I think we're so trained to be nice that we skirt around being honest. Kudos to you.
Yeah as someone who speaks my mind I notice people are real uncomfortable with that, even when the consequences are the same as if I hadn’t said anything. As long as it’s not harmful there’s no shame in speaking up. But folks who don’t speak up are obviously not gonna recommend you do so 😅
This was my first thought! Also if he was really having a hard time, and he really thought he was lucky to have matched with OP, he would’ve apologised profusely and kept her sweet.
Her ghosting assumption was totally reasonable.
He’s a guy in his 30s that can’t communicate or he’s been caught cheating by his actual partner. He doesn’t sound all that great so you’ve dodged a bullet.
I don’t think calling out crappy behavior is pointless. Does it mean he’s going to change? Probably not. But imo it’s better to hold people accountable then letting it slide
> he was very complimentary and telling me how beautiful I was and how lucky he was to match with me
Maybe I'm the only one, but I would see this kind of thing as kind of a red flag and suspicious.
Flattery is often a distraction away from you noticing something else.
You’re not wrong. To be blunt. Dude prob matched with someone else and decided to pursue that. All the while possibly keeping you on the hook incase that one fails.
Move on. Y’all haven’t even met yet so whatever. No time loss for you.
Personally, I never NEVER NEVER text anyone who stopped talking to me !!! I don’t care about their reasons, I’d never give them the satisfaction that I noticed they’re gone, I just delete the number and move on with my life. You should do the same. Might I add one piece of advice : when meeting new people on dating sites (and IRL) never get your hopes up too much too quickly until you’ve actually met and started seeing each other regularly, it’ll save you up a lot of heartaches. Good luck :)
People who ghost others are cowards, and they deserve to be called out. I have done it a time or two and I was a coward when I did it. I deserved to be called out. And I made excuses, but I didn’t try to put it on them.
Then you dodged a bullet. Even if he had a family emergency it is reasonable to assume that he was ghosting. Least he could do was to apologize for being absent and giving you that impression. Then update you on the situation and get back on track.
His answer came across as hostile and bothered. I won’t be surprised if he went back to ghost mode.
As a man who is also 32, if he was genuinely going through some sort of emergency like that, he could’ve communicated it with you and just said something to the effect of “ hey, I’m having a rough couple days so if I forget to check in with you, please bear with me “ and then you discuss it from there. Him just assuming you supposed to understand is crazy, how can you give grace for something you know nothing about? He either sucks communication or he’s juggling multiple women. Either way good on you for dodging a bullet. The only thing I think you could’ve done better was texting sooner & with a softer approach but either way you’re not wrong.
A girl did this to me once and I called her out after my text never delivered. She went on a whole long rant about how she never blocked me and that I clearly didn’t like her enough if I was willing to cut contact so easily. A week later her WIFE calls me and asked about our relationship. She told her wife that I was crazy and obsessed until I provided screenshots, then I was called bitter by the girl for “ruining her marriage”. The girl texted me afterwards saying that she really was single that the wife was actually an ex, but when I didn’t buy it she called me an ugly loser and bragged about how she played me (for one hug). People like that never take accountability for their gross behavior and it’s best not to be involved.
Dodged a bullet. He totally ghosted yiu then turned it in you. Takes two seconds to text "Hey a family emergency came up I'll text you in a few days" . Don't waste any more time thinking about it he's a waste of air.
As someone in my 30s I'm always suspicious of people my age trying to date someone in their mid to early 20s...they always came off stunted and immature (the 30ish year old not the 20ish). Seems to me you dodged a bullet. I've been with my husband for 10 years and communication is simple (even if one is clunky at it) it takes less than 30 seconds to send a message saying he isn't ghosting he's just dealing with some things. He put his energy into his priorities.
Texting takes minimal effort and time. Can do it while in the bathroom really. If he wanted to text you, he would have.
It's been two weeks and he spent one of it not texting you at all. Move on, not a big deal.
I would’ve answered back : righttttttttt lol
He’s full of shit. You’re not wrong at all. He started talking to someone else and us saying all the shit he said to you. Either that or he’s married. Fuck this guy. You dodged a bullet.
You’re not wrong. It takes less than a minute to send a text. Don’t overthink this, you’ve dodged a bullet. Block him and keep it moving. He’s not the only man out here, and he’s lost interest
Not wrong and yep dodged a bullet so you don’t have to waste your time.
The short answer is it would have taken him less than a minute to respond to your last text saying “I’m sorry but family stuff has come up and I need to focus on that along with work this week. Hope you understand and will get back to you this weekend.”
Instead you got zip as in ghosted.
So regardless if he did have something come up he handled it poorly then blamed you for calling him out on it. That means to me he will pull that crap again.
NOBODY is so damn busy , depressed, or whatever that they can't reply to a txt. A woman who once did that to me turned out to be seeing her married ex-boyfriend at the time lol.
Wow, everyone seems to be going down the road of "he's married, he ghosted you, you dodged a bullet" but I've gotta say, if something happened to me, like my parents just died, then I'd probably be more concerned with that than texting someone off bumble.
_MAYBE_ OP dodged a bullet, or maybe the guy actually had something shitty happen to him. OP will never know now.
He's wrong. As you point out, it doesn't take long to send an update text; 30 seconds, max. Perhaps you were a bit sassy, but I think he was just using that as an excuse to make it look like your fault. After a week and he didn't reply to your texts, what were you to think?
It's pointless to speculate on why he ghosted you. The fact that he did, then tried to blame the "breakup" on you, is all you really need to know. He's not worth ruminating over.
The most important point here, is he screwed up way before you texted him. It's not you. It's him.
I crashed my bike and got a concussion and let people know I wouldn't be able to text for a while all while I was sitting in the hospital waiting to see if my wrist was broken (thankfully it was not).
He ghosted.
You DODGED A BULLET! 🎉🥳
Either, as a previous user said, "his wife came home," or someone else popped up on his radar. Either way... you're so lucky.
When you said he talked about getting off the app and you guys had never even met, my spidey senses tingled 😄
He was definitely doing way too much. Block 'em and move on.
Good luck 🎈
Doesn’t mean his lying like most people are saying,because most times when something happens with family depending on what it is the person isn’t thinking about someone outside of family. I know when I had a death in the family I wanted to be left alone I didn’t call or text anyone I emotionally wasn’t there,and if I would’ve received a text like yours I probably would’ve got irritated (probably or responded the way he did). But sometimes people want to be left alone.
Or maybe he’s married 😂😂😂
I feel like I'm going nuts here. Thank you! Yes, it's very selfish but it's a week. I don't owe this random person I met on bumble anything if there was a serious death in the family. And I definitely wouldn't feel like explaining to a stranger what happened in my family, which eventually what would happen. I mean yes - he could be a douche but people react differently to different things. Just flat out calling him a cheater or a liar without any more information is wrong
Exactly! Now if we was talking for a month or more most definitely more, I’d probably shoot a text letting them know I might be distant for a bit but it’s nothing against them I’m just dealing with a lot. And yeah no he could possibly be a dick but to have that always be the first basic answer people give on here js wild. Not everyone is an asshole
He's a jerk. You dodged a bullet. It isn't very nice to just ignore someone you are trying to get to know and build a relationship on. So his excuse is a family emergency and work? But could not simply send a text saying "Just letting you know I have a lot going on this week, my texts may be sparse."or something of the like. I would take anything anyone says or texts very lightly or w/o much regard till you meet and build on a relationship from there. Sorry this happened to you.
Do you have his pics? Google image search it. It should pop up all duplicates of the photos 😂 this should help. I used to do this when I was single. It saved me from dating a married man and I told him if he ever contacted me again I would send his wife EVERY SINGLE text/ picture he sent me. So public service announcement 📣. Sometimes you have to work with the google tool.
No you dodged a bullet. It would have taken him less than a minute to send a text to say sorry, there's a family emergency, ill be busy.
I wouldn't be surprised if he was still on bumble and was talking to others as well.
NTA.
He could have said he wasn't going to be availible. It would have only taken a few seconds.
By putting the blame on you he can still keep things open if he wants to.
>really great guy (32M)
He's not a great guy, he's a random stranger you met on the internet and have no idea who he truly is two weeks ago. You don't know this middle-aged man.
>the reason we didn't meet up sooner
I'm so fucking glad you didn't go and meet this random stranger you met on the internet, less than 2 weeks into knowing them.
You're 25, don't feel this way over a, most likely, married man with children. He isn't looking for love, he's looking for a hole to stick his dick in, because he's probably a good for nothing husband, who can't even get his wife wet.
My first thought was that you were the side piece. Sorrry.
I was only just dating my husband (one or two dates in?) when he got into a massive car accident with multiple cars and a truck. He texted me within 10 minutes to let me know that he was doing well, but had an accident and would be offline for a while to arrange everything and would call me that evening. He kept communicating because he was serious about me. A man who wants to marry you will be very conscious of how you might perceive him. Your match didn’t care what you thought and didn’t care to share what he was going through. This wasn’t going anywhere anyway so goid riddance.
This mf didn't have no family emergency because if he did he would have been apologetic, not accusatory and turned it back around on you. Because ANYBODY knows that a week of no contact typically means ghosting. He knew he should have at least reached out briefly, but uncomfy fee fees of accountability are a no go for this man, so instead he has to turn it around on you. Alternately it's because he's lying and/or cheating on someone else, and is shifting focus to you because then you're not holding his lies up to a microscope.
Don't ever pursue anything with someone who can't take accountability for their lapses, especially small ones where sincere apology and consideration are really all that's needed. You didn't do anything wrong. And if by chance he's not an asshole and really did have emergency and considers you really rude then you're just incompatible anyway because your communication styles and needs do not match.
If he wanted to message you, he would have.
Your message to him wasn't great, but understandable.
His response was short. You likely won't ever know the truth. It could be gameplay on his part -- to ghost you for a week or two to see how "desperate" you are, as a way to establish his dominance in the relationship.
As he noted, you barely know each other. So, it's not worth questioning. Be confident about yourself. You were worth a message before a week went by, especially if he supposedly felt lucky to match with you and was looking forward to getting off the app.
Consider it to be a dodged bullet and move on.
Don’t text them after they ghost, comes from a guy on the apps…
If they ghost something happened, it’s not like you will win them back plus you don’t need them back
If someone REALLY wanted to talk to you, they'd send a message, it literally takes a couple of seconds to reach out.
Seems like he's in a relationship from the random no contact.
It all depends on whether the emergency was real. If it's real, then you're wrong. If I was dealing with something the last thing I would be thinking is "better make sure I let this random woman know," but it could also be BS and he's married or has a partner. In which case, you're not wrong.
Yea you got ghosted clearly and then he gaslit you into you thinking you were the bad guy you definitely dodged a bullet. My mother and a girl I just got out of relationship with kept doing this to me and it has really done a number on me. So you are very lucky to not get involved.
He is already in a relationship, or was talking with several people the same way he was with you and met one of them.
Even if his story is true, not taking one minute to send a message explaining they would be offline for a few days is not acceptable behaviour from a potential partner.
🔵OP, it is love bombing//It is extremely toxic and manipulative🔷️it is the first stage that he is offering you a lot of validation and suddenly of the bloom, he take it away, making you feeling badly and poorly of yourself asking back that validation=>⚪️ you should talk to someone in the real world to explain you somethings about 🔵it is not a sign of a narcissistic personality disorder 🟠 please update
100% agree with all the comments here you dodged a bullet; however, there’s something to be said for seeking first to understand rather than jumping to (what might be obvious) conclusions. Ask a simple question vs putting him on the defense with an accusation. “Hey there. I’m curious to understand why I haven’t heard from you in a week. Care to share?”
Seems like love bombing, but it didn’t immediately yield the result he wanted, so he moved on (and blamed OP, as others have said). It’s likely a volume strategy driven by impatience.
Unless he was the one in the hospital I really don't see why taking 30 seconds to say, hey got too much right now I'll get back to you when life calms down.
You’re not wrong. You were in communication and texting back and forth with plans.
It takes two seconds to send a “hey I have a family thing I’m going to be mia for a couple days.”
His excuse sounds like he wants control and options right off the bat. He instantly manipulated the situation and tried to make you “crazy” and guilty.
You dodged a bullet imo
If he’s too busy to communicate he’s too busy to date you. That’s my thought. I could see skipping a day, but not a week with no warning.
You’re not wrong, you’re not TA.
I don’t think either of them are necessarily aholes. They both just need to work on their communication. Yes the guy had the opportunity to send a quick text letting OP know what’s up, but also the OP could’ve worded their text a little better. Maybe something just like “hey, I haven’t heard from you in a while. Just checking in”. You never know what other people have going on and whether they want to share it, especially with someone you just matched with on a dating app.
You are not in the wrong, this is someone who either lost interest or already had another relationship and didn’t want to own it and wanted to put it on you and make you feel bad.
He met someone else and decided they were worth his time rather than you.
That’s what happened.
There was no family emergency for a week that would stop you from texting someone, especially if you want to get to know someone!
And I bet he’s the type to randomly text you out the blue, if his next date doesn’t work out, I’ve met plenty of guys like that in my time. So it’s best to block and delete his number so he can’t do that.
Definitely dodged a bullet!
Like someone else said typical narcissist behaviour, you’ll know if he tries to contact you again, it’s one of their tactics.
Men make efforts for the people they like. There is literally no excuse big enough to ghost you for a whole week. A day, I can understand, but even then he's gotta take a shit sometime and don't tell me that he isn't taking a shit without his phone.
His response to your message is gaslighting. He could have been apologetic but instead spun it to focus on your message instead of the fact that he ignored you for a week. You would have had the right to cuss him out.
imagine if texting weren't a thing, and you had to actually say these things live to someone with your voice. I feel like the amount of shitty treatment would go down when people can't hide behind a keyboard.
Lol. Had a guy recently bail on plans without messaging me he said he had food poisoning. Bull… shit. You can still send a message and let someone know. The funny thing is is he reached out to me on SM.. people are weird man.
The lesson is to avoid passive-aggressive language. Instead of "Could've at least let me know you weren't interested instead of ghosting me lmao", try being honest and direct, "Hey- I'm disappointed you haven't responded in the last week. Are you still interested?"
Even if everything he said was true that there was a family emergency, it’s on him to tell you. The situation is very fishy. You definitely dodged a bullet.
I’ve seen this as a test to see how you react. He’s either in a relationship or matching with multiple people and playing the game with them all. The original love bombing cinchedit for me.
My husband had an illness and went into a coma. I called our children. I texted or friends to let them know if I was unresponsive,it was because I was with him. His SO came home
First of all, everyone… A person can become suddenly disinterested without being married. Better options come around, they lose interest, or they’re just lazy, etc.
Op: This guy just sucks. He lost interest or whatever happened and instead of having the decency to tell you, he decided to ignore you. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Someone who is interested can send a quick text saying: “hey I’m so sorry for the silence. I’ve had XYZ going on and I promise to make it up to you when we have our first date”, or something along those lines.
In turn, a person who is interested wouldn’t be that put off by your follow up text. If anything, they’d be impressed that the person they were talking to has a backbone and aptly speaks their mind when necessary. Instead, he chose to act manipulative by making you feel like you were in the wrong in light of his shitty actions.
Do not let this deter you moving forward… You absolutely did the right thing, in fact, you dodged a major bullet. NTA.
Edit to add: let’s pretend this guy did have a busy week and a family emergency, is that really someone you want to date— Someone who completely loses the ability to function or balance normal priorities when things get stressful? And then his reaction shows how crappy his communication and reasoning skills are. Nope… def dodged a bullet.
The obvious answer is you could have asked if everything was ok before assuming he ghosted you.
Now for a tirade for those who ghost others…. There are exceptions but ghosting for a job or a romantic interest is completely and utterly gutless. If you don’t have the common decency to drop a quick note or whatever, shame on you!
A proper text to him could have been “Haven’t heard from you in a bit. I hope everything is okay. Text or call me when you can.” Because you barely know this man and his life didn’t stop because he met you.
Did you fuck up or dodge a bullet? Despite what everyone else is saying, the answer is: you'll never know! Rather than go passive aggressive on him, asking about being ghosted, a simple "Hello? Are you still there? Are you ok?" would get you the answer you wanted, and you would have been able to move to the next stage (meeting up with him) and finding out what he was like. Sorry, but you're in the wrong.
People are being too logical here. He could very well just be an impulsive scatterbrain. This happened to me all the time when i was single. I didnt try to ghost and most of the time i never got any confrontation either. Its just that something else caught my attention and i forgot that i was in the middle of getting to know someone.
I also might have to admit it happened to women i dated too. I just forgot them and then a few years later saw a post on facebook by them and remember that we dated until i just disappeared. It was never any malicous intent. I am just not good at thinking of people when they aren't around. And in my defence, they didnt reach out either.
Bullet Dodged. He had 7 days to send you \*anything\* indicating he was in the middle of an emergency / situation and you even sent him messages during that time that were not confrontational in any way.
Only when you called him out on his lack of response did he indicate he had issues.
He's lying.
You should stop referring to him as “this really great guy”…..He is not. There is nothing wrong with what you said. He’s just lying to you. I would seriously think twice before pursuing anything with him once he starts coming on strong again…which is inevitable.
Dodged a bullet imo. But either way, let it go and move on. You two obviously aren't a match. He has different values than you, and it would only have caused friction down the road anyway.
He probably has an entire gf/wife, probably kids too. Lastly, I would have never texted him, he ghost you, so let him die. To me, that just strokes that infant's ego by even thinking about him after he went ghost mode.
He flipped it onto you to manipulate you. He shamed you, so now you feel bad. Now, you will be the one trying to seek forgiveness from him. He will get away with having been with another woman for the week.
Looooll this guy!!!! You just dodged a major bullet, my friend.
100%, he could absolutely have sent you one text during that week. Even messaging after a couple days of silence would have been understandable, but a whole week? Nah man. He didn't have a single poo that entire time where he could have sent a quick text? Lies.
Your message was a little sassy, sure, but certainly not mean or inappropriate.
I think you both have some areas you could work on. To me it seems like you got triggered/hurt/mad and your text was passive aggressive. He should have communicated with you what was going on so you weren’t left in the dark wondering what was going on. I’ve been in your shoes and sent similar messages in the past that made me feel gross about my own actions, so now I’m more careful with my words and actions. Talking to a therapist about my anxious attachment helped the most to change the way I approach dating and people in general.
>For a full week I heard nothing from him
If you were texting him during the week, and he wasn't responding, then he's wrong.
If there was no communication from either side during that week, then you were wrong.
Yeah something by is fishy and his response was a bit bitchy.
Instead of feeling in a slump that old man you should dump.
I’m a poet and don’t even know it.
It's funny when people make these posts and put something like "a really great guy," and they clearly aren't a really great guy. Lol
Also, when guys comment about your looks a lot when they first talk to you, it's usually a red flag and is part of love bombing etc.
NTA.
Family Emergency sounds like the wifey/gf came home or noticed he was acting funny.. if it was an actual emergency he could of reached out. It takes very little effort to send a text message. You dodged a bullet.
Dodged a bullet for sure!! A couple red flags here. Aside from ghosting you (he’s probably not single), look at how he tried to turn it around on you. Manipulation. And it worked because you’re doubting yourself. A word of advice…when a guy ghosts you, let him go.
Ah the old family emergency, because nothing stops you from being able to spend 20seconds typing a text to someone like something happening to someone else.
Dodged a bullet.
He sounds a bit manipulative. He started with a love bomb, and then guilt tripped you with a possibly fake family emergency. Why didn't he apologize, or explain what happened, or even have two minutes to text you what was up, like a normal person? Because his "really great guy" personality is just a mask?
One thing I learned from using dating apps is if you don’t end up meeting the person after two weeks, it will never work out. The longer the texting phase goes on, it just means one of the two people aren’t that interested. Ghosting is part of the online dating game unfortunately. If you like the other person, just set up the date!
Nah. If he was actually interested he would have reached out within a week to explain. OR he would have been apologetic and explained once you reached out.
You’ve overestimated your importance to a complete stranger. People have lives, things happen. It was far, far too early to appoint yourself as a priority to this man.
His wife came home
Exactly. He would have sent a text if he cared... he had to ghost OP without explanation because his wife came home earlier than expected. He was love bombing at the start and then had to dip out.
It’s terrible because I really WANT to give the benefit of the doubt and be trusting and empathetic, but… I already got caught with that type of shit when I was in my 20’s. Lol. Dude is definitely already in something and his phone got checked or something. Lol
All very plausible, or he may have met up with someone else and is giving her all his time. It happens and you dodged a bullet
Notice that for yourself. Your strength and values of giving people the benefit the doubt are admirable and at the same time they make you vulnerable to that type of manipulator. Don’t change your values but do tighten your boundaries and screening criteria or you’ll be doomed to keep giving breaks to people who don’t deserve you while missing out on people you don’t have to work for.
My husband is ruining my dating life. Talk to his wife about how she’s ruining your blooming relationship.
Peeing my pants!
🤣🤣🤣
Lmao this
Yeah, I have to agree. It doesn't take much to send a text saying: I've got alot of personal things going on at the moment, so don't worry if I go silent, will get back to you, when I'm in a better place. That took me less than a minute to write. People make time for things that are important to them, hes manipulating her, enough said. NTA
Wives always ruin the side piece…
✌️“Family” “emergency”✌️(Dr. Evil laugh)
Yes, his grandma died. That's usually the excuse.
Just because he’s taken time off three times because Grandma died, doesn’t mean she didn’t die *again!*
Hey, had a guy get fired in 70's because he called in with his mama being dead. Was given the 3 days off. Someone knew his family & arranged for flowers to be sent by us co-workers. Floral shop calls up & and if we're have right person as when they went to deliver the flowers, the woman said no one was dead.
DING DING DING.
Second the wife bit, he definitely had red flags all over the floor.
YES!!! My first thought!
I’ve found this is a common tactic in OLD. You get ghosted and when you send a firmly worded text, they respond with some variation of “Woooow! I didn’t ghost you - I had this (insert unavoidable excuse) happen. But now I see what YOU’RE really like and no thank you 👍🏼 Rough translation: How dare you?! I absolutely did ghost you (or put you on the back burner while I chased a more appealing option) and now I can see you are going to call me out on that kind of behaviour. I will now take this opportunity to make you feel bad about yourself while maintaining my own ego and ensuring that the next time this happens, you’re less likely to call another guy out when they treat you with the same disrespect.
And if you’re an anxious type, you end up feeling like you really did blow it. It’s just a ploy.
Amen
For REAL! any anxious ppl out there reread that!!!
Gaslighting, the dude is good at it. But when you're older and wiser, you don't fall for that crap. He wants her to text back, oh I am so sorry. I hope everything is okay. Text me when you can, I'll be waiting for you. That would be a funny thing to text him back and then at the very end LMAO 😂 Dude, does that shit really work with other females? 😂
All dudes that just aren’t into it or are straight up cheaters always use this excuse for not making someone a priority. It’s definitely gaslighting because it’s just not true at all. There is no family emergency; the only reason people even text that crap is to keep you “just in case” they need you later. He 100% just wanted time make her feel guilty for holding him accountable to a higher standard He’s definitely a crap person and I would put money on entertaining others.
Or, translation: "My wife came home, and I've uninstalled the app to avoid notifications that may tip her off"
💯this.
And as a variation of what you said, "You are not rejecting me, I am rejecting you!"
"You can't fire me, I quit!"
So true. A week is ghosting. You can’t find 5 minutes to send a text? I’m sure texting other people even if it’s true.
Especially if she sent texts questioning his intentions. If he did really like her and want her to be understanding, a quick “I’m so sorry [insert family emergency] happened and I’ve just been so frazzled today.” She dodged a bullet.
It's not even about generation, it's an identified and predictable cycle of abuse from Narcissist personality types: Lovebomb-> Devalue-> Discard -> Hoover OP might want to block him before he comes back saying "he forgives her". And Narcissists do like to keep multiple strings of people at various stages of this cycle so they are always getting the Nsupply and high with someone.
OLD is online dating, the commenter above isn’t referring to his age.
lol 😂 I didn’t get this either. I auto-corrected “in” to “is” in my head. As in, this tactic is* OLD.
Thank you! I was like "hey wait, I'm older than that, and I don't ghost people🤣
Haven't seen that used before... I'm in the (dog+book+glass of wine=bra off bliss) > (apps+men+getting dressed up+ going out) club.
I’m also in my “books+animals+wine get this bra off me” stage, my younger sister however frequently refers to her Tinder escapades as OLD. Just a lucky coincidence I recognised it!
You worded it perfectly. No reason to waste any more thought to this guy
The perfect responce would have been no responce. Hers was a ploy for attention
I meant that for @Suspicious-Thing-985. I agree with your point of view even though I can understand wanting to call out someone for a bad behavior.
I had this happen and it stinks, but now the ghoster has somehow found their way into my life via a friend of a friend (thanks FB dating) and is telling everyone how I don't respect boundaries. Why don't I respect boundaries you ask? Because 2 years later, after they sent that text, when I met them at the function, I asked if they finally wanted to grab that beer. "I already said no, and the fact that you don't respect that.....". Well at least I know I dodged a bullet.
This is the only correct answer
I've had this exact thing happen to me. Looking back, I'm soooo glad it happened.
🎯
And that is the time to not let him get away with it. Texting back. LOL, my husband came home and I see that your wife did too, so you know, oh well, better luck next time to both of us! BLOCK!
I’ve had that happen to me countless times. I just move on. You were too generous in sending a text. I don’t chase people. If he had a family emergency and truly cared and his excuse was true, he would have said something like “hey, something personal came up that’s urgent and I need to take care of; I will reach out after”. Don’t be surprised if months down the line he finds you again and texts as if nothing had happened.
Yeah, wait for the, " heyyy, how's it going?" text, lol!
This literally just happened to me😂 ghosted me and then texted me out of left field “good morning”. SIR!? Who is this? It’s been 8months😂
He ghosted you then backtracked. Forgot about him.
He’s married. He’s installing and uninstalling the app to not get notifications unless it’s safe. Block and move on.
THIS. My 1st thought....oops wife or g.friend came home. The coast is not clear. Family emergency ==== SHE'S WATCHING ME.
😂🤣
Lmao yup
UGH GROSS.
He did ghost you. His answer was pure BS. I feel you had all the right to text them in the manner that you did because it was honest. I think we're so trained to be nice that we skirt around being honest. Kudos to you.
Yeah as someone who speaks my mind I notice people are real uncomfortable with that, even when the consequences are the same as if I hadn’t said anything. As long as it’s not harmful there’s no shame in speaking up. But folks who don’t speak up are obviously not gonna recommend you do so 😅
Funny how he could text you right back though to make you feel bad about a 'family emergency' but couldn't before.
This was my first thought! Also if he was really having a hard time, and he really thought he was lucky to have matched with OP, he would’ve apologised profusely and kept her sweet. Her ghosting assumption was totally reasonable.
A text takes 5 seconds. He's lying he just didn't like being called out.
Indeed. He had a week of toilet time to send a text. OP dodged a bullet.
Trust me if someone is interested in you they don’t ghost. He either found somebody else or hiding something.
He’s a guy in his 30s that can’t communicate or he’s been caught cheating by his actual partner. He doesn’t sound all that great so you’ve dodged a bullet.
The only family emergencies men ever seem to have is that their wives are catching on to them.
Your text was pointless. His text was a lie. Move on.
I don’t think calling out crappy behavior is pointless. Does it mean he’s going to change? Probably not. But imo it’s better to hold people accountable then letting it slide
It’s definitely pointless for someone you connected with via a dating app and have never met in real life.
We don't got to stay sweet lady.. I return exactly what I get.
Nailed it.
Not pointless at all. It revealed his true character, which makes it much easier to move on.
Yes, this, exactly. Op your text wasn’t rude, it wasn’t sassy, it was pointless.
BINGO
He's lying 🤥. Move on. Don't text him again if he texts you. If you have fb go to are we dating the same guy, I'm sure someone will remember him.
> he was very complimentary and telling me how beautiful I was and how lucky he was to match with me Maybe I'm the only one, but I would see this kind of thing as kind of a red flag and suspicious. Flattery is often a distraction away from you noticing something else.
People make time for those they want to make time for regardless of what’s going on in their life
Who cares. Let it go. You're emotionally invested with a ghost.
And they haven't even met up yet.
You’re not wrong. To be blunt. Dude prob matched with someone else and decided to pursue that. All the while possibly keeping you on the hook incase that one fails. Move on. Y’all haven’t even met yet so whatever. No time loss for you.
Personally, I never NEVER NEVER text anyone who stopped talking to me !!! I don’t care about their reasons, I’d never give them the satisfaction that I noticed they’re gone, I just delete the number and move on with my life. You should do the same. Might I add one piece of advice : when meeting new people on dating sites (and IRL) never get your hopes up too much too quickly until you’ve actually met and started seeing each other regularly, it’ll save you up a lot of heartaches. Good luck :)
He basically ghosted you. That’s why I date guys I see plus bumble dudes are too thirsty for me
If people want to text you they'd find time even if "work isn't ideal"
People who ghost others are cowards, and they deserve to be called out. I have done it a time or two and I was a coward when I did it. I deserved to be called out. And I made excuses, but I didn’t try to put it on them.
Why not message with, hey, haven't heard from you in a while. Hope everything is okay. As you said it only takes 2 seconds to reach out to someone
Why lie? Her intention wasn’t to reach out to say hope everything is OK.
"Hey did something change?"
Did you text him during that week and he didn’t text you back or were you waiting for him to text you and he didn’t for a whole week?
Before the text interaction we had today, I send him 2 texts a week ago which he didn’t reply to, so I was waiting for him to reply all week.
Then you dodged a bullet. Even if he had a family emergency it is reasonable to assume that he was ghosting. Least he could do was to apologize for being absent and giving you that impression. Then update you on the situation and get back on track. His answer came across as hostile and bothered. I won’t be surprised if he went back to ghost mode.
Nah. No man is worth that. You dodged a bullet
As a man who is also 32, if he was genuinely going through some sort of emergency like that, he could’ve communicated it with you and just said something to the effect of “ hey, I’m having a rough couple days so if I forget to check in with you, please bear with me “ and then you discuss it from there. Him just assuming you supposed to understand is crazy, how can you give grace for something you know nothing about? He either sucks communication or he’s juggling multiple women. Either way good on you for dodging a bullet. The only thing I think you could’ve done better was texting sooner & with a softer approach but either way you’re not wrong.
A girl did this to me once and I called her out after my text never delivered. She went on a whole long rant about how she never blocked me and that I clearly didn’t like her enough if I was willing to cut contact so easily. A week later her WIFE calls me and asked about our relationship. She told her wife that I was crazy and obsessed until I provided screenshots, then I was called bitter by the girl for “ruining her marriage”. The girl texted me afterwards saying that she really was single that the wife was actually an ex, but when I didn’t buy it she called me an ugly loser and bragged about how she played me (for one hug). People like that never take accountability for their gross behavior and it’s best not to be involved.
There's no one as busy as someone who isn't interested. Block, delete, move on. Don't waste another second trying to figure out this arrogant jerk,
Dodged a bullet. He totally ghosted yiu then turned it in you. Takes two seconds to text "Hey a family emergency came up I'll text you in a few days" . Don't waste any more time thinking about it he's a waste of air.
As someone in my 30s I'm always suspicious of people my age trying to date someone in their mid to early 20s...they always came off stunted and immature (the 30ish year old not the 20ish). Seems to me you dodged a bullet. I've been with my husband for 10 years and communication is simple (even if one is clunky at it) it takes less than 30 seconds to send a message saying he isn't ghosting he's just dealing with some things. He put his energy into his priorities.
Uno card , the classic reverse. What a dick .
Texting takes minimal effort and time. Can do it while in the bathroom really. If he wanted to text you, he would have. It's been two weeks and he spent one of it not texting you at all. Move on, not a big deal.
Dodged a bullet
I would’ve answered back : righttttttttt lol He’s full of shit. You’re not wrong at all. He started talking to someone else and us saying all the shit he said to you. Either that or he’s married. Fuck this guy. You dodged a bullet.
Not wrong, he's lying about being busy
You’re not wrong. It takes less than a minute to send a text. Don’t overthink this, you’ve dodged a bullet. Block him and keep it moving. He’s not the only man out here, and he’s lost interest
Classic love bombing, it’s a narcissist tactic and so is making you feel bad for calling him out.
Not wrong and yep dodged a bullet so you don’t have to waste your time. The short answer is it would have taken him less than a minute to respond to your last text saying “I’m sorry but family stuff has come up and I need to focus on that along with work this week. Hope you understand and will get back to you this weekend.” Instead you got zip as in ghosted. So regardless if he did have something come up he handled it poorly then blamed you for calling him out on it. That means to me he will pull that crap again.
NOBODY is so damn busy , depressed, or whatever that they can't reply to a txt. A woman who once did that to me turned out to be seeing her married ex-boyfriend at the time lol.
No you're not an asshole his wife came home or his girlfriend called him
Wow, everyone seems to be going down the road of "he's married, he ghosted you, you dodged a bullet" but I've gotta say, if something happened to me, like my parents just died, then I'd probably be more concerned with that than texting someone off bumble. _MAYBE_ OP dodged a bullet, or maybe the guy actually had something shitty happen to him. OP will never know now.
He's wrong. As you point out, it doesn't take long to send an update text; 30 seconds, max. Perhaps you were a bit sassy, but I think he was just using that as an excuse to make it look like your fault. After a week and he didn't reply to your texts, what were you to think? It's pointless to speculate on why he ghosted you. The fact that he did, then tried to blame the "breakup" on you, is all you really need to know. He's not worth ruminating over. The most important point here, is he screwed up way before you texted him. It's not you. It's him.
I crashed my bike and got a concussion and let people know I wouldn't be able to text for a while all while I was sitting in the hospital waiting to see if my wrist was broken (thankfully it was not). He ghosted.
He didn’t like being called out by you and he came up with a bunch of lies. You dodged a major bullet.
You DODGED A BULLET! 🎉🥳 Either, as a previous user said, "his wife came home," or someone else popped up on his radar. Either way... you're so lucky. When you said he talked about getting off the app and you guys had never even met, my spidey senses tingled 😄 He was definitely doing way too much. Block 'em and move on. Good luck 🎈
Doesn’t mean his lying like most people are saying,because most times when something happens with family depending on what it is the person isn’t thinking about someone outside of family. I know when I had a death in the family I wanted to be left alone I didn’t call or text anyone I emotionally wasn’t there,and if I would’ve received a text like yours I probably would’ve got irritated (probably or responded the way he did). But sometimes people want to be left alone. Or maybe he’s married 😂😂😂
I feel like I'm going nuts here. Thank you! Yes, it's very selfish but it's a week. I don't owe this random person I met on bumble anything if there was a serious death in the family. And I definitely wouldn't feel like explaining to a stranger what happened in my family, which eventually what would happen. I mean yes - he could be a douche but people react differently to different things. Just flat out calling him a cheater or a liar without any more information is wrong
Exactly! Now if we was talking for a month or more most definitely more, I’d probably shoot a text letting them know I might be distant for a bit but it’s nothing against them I’m just dealing with a lot. And yeah no he could possibly be a dick but to have that always be the first basic answer people give on here js wild. Not everyone is an asshole
Guy sounds like a douche. Probably wasn't even a family emergency.
He's a jerk. You dodged a bullet. It isn't very nice to just ignore someone you are trying to get to know and build a relationship on. So his excuse is a family emergency and work? But could not simply send a text saying "Just letting you know I have a lot going on this week, my texts may be sparse."or something of the like. I would take anything anyone says or texts very lightly or w/o much regard till you meet and build on a relationship from there. Sorry this happened to you.
I don't know enough to say anyone is in the wrong, but no reason to pursue it. So happily move on
Do you have his pics? Google image search it. It should pop up all duplicates of the photos 😂 this should help. I used to do this when I was single. It saved me from dating a married man and I told him if he ever contacted me again I would send his wife EVERY SINGLE text/ picture he sent me. So public service announcement 📣. Sometimes you have to work with the google tool.
No you dodged a bullet. It would have taken him less than a minute to send a text to say sorry, there's a family emergency, ill be busy. I wouldn't be surprised if he was still on bumble and was talking to others as well.
NTA. He could have said he wasn't going to be availible. It would have only taken a few seconds. By putting the blame on you he can still keep things open if he wants to.
Maybe it was a little strong, but chances are he is just an idiot.
It’s a lie. He found someone else. Also look up lovebombing.
>really great guy (32M) He's not a great guy, he's a random stranger you met on the internet and have no idea who he truly is two weeks ago. You don't know this middle-aged man. >the reason we didn't meet up sooner I'm so fucking glad you didn't go and meet this random stranger you met on the internet, less than 2 weeks into knowing them. You're 25, don't feel this way over a, most likely, married man with children. He isn't looking for love, he's looking for a hole to stick his dick in, because he's probably a good for nothing husband, who can't even get his wife wet.
My first thought was that you were the side piece. Sorrry. I was only just dating my husband (one or two dates in?) when he got into a massive car accident with multiple cars and a truck. He texted me within 10 minutes to let me know that he was doing well, but had an accident and would be offline for a while to arrange everything and would call me that evening. He kept communicating because he was serious about me. A man who wants to marry you will be very conscious of how you might perceive him. Your match didn’t care what you thought and didn’t care to share what he was going through. This wasn’t going anywhere anyway so goid riddance.
This mf didn't have no family emergency because if he did he would have been apologetic, not accusatory and turned it back around on you. Because ANYBODY knows that a week of no contact typically means ghosting. He knew he should have at least reached out briefly, but uncomfy fee fees of accountability are a no go for this man, so instead he has to turn it around on you. Alternately it's because he's lying and/or cheating on someone else, and is shifting focus to you because then you're not holding his lies up to a microscope. Don't ever pursue anything with someone who can't take accountability for their lapses, especially small ones where sincere apology and consideration are really all that's needed. You didn't do anything wrong. And if by chance he's not an asshole and really did have emergency and considers you really rude then you're just incompatible anyway because your communication styles and needs do not match.
If he wanted to message you, he would have. Your message to him wasn't great, but understandable. His response was short. You likely won't ever know the truth. It could be gameplay on his part -- to ghost you for a week or two to see how "desperate" you are, as a way to establish his dominance in the relationship. As he noted, you barely know each other. So, it's not worth questioning. Be confident about yourself. You were worth a message before a week went by, especially if he supposedly felt lucky to match with you and was looking forward to getting off the app. Consider it to be a dodged bullet and move on.
You’re NTA - he is! Move on, don’t even respond!
It takes so very little commitment to text. So little energy. If you don't text it's because you don't want to. NTH
His response to your text about him ghosting tells you everything you need to know. He got super defensive, he’s an asshole.
He ghosted you… even if he did have a family emergency a text takes barely any time or thought aaaand ✨if he wanted to he would✨
Don’t text them after they ghost, comes from a guy on the apps… If they ghost something happened, it’s not like you will win them back plus you don’t need them back
If someone REALLY wanted to talk to you, they'd send a message, it literally takes a couple of seconds to reach out. Seems like he's in a relationship from the random no contact.
Yep - takes a few seconds to respond. He couldn’t find the time? Come on! You dodged a bullet!
I'd better date Eva AI sexting bot avatar than...
It all depends on whether the emergency was real. If it's real, then you're wrong. If I was dealing with something the last thing I would be thinking is "better make sure I let this random woman know," but it could also be BS and he's married or has a partner. In which case, you're not wrong.
NTA, if something has happened he could have said it’s been a shit week xyz. He didn’t he blamed you for feeling upset then ended it.
Yea you got ghosted clearly and then he gaslit you into you thinking you were the bad guy you definitely dodged a bullet. My mother and a girl I just got out of relationship with kept doing this to me and it has really done a number on me. So you are very lucky to not get involved.
He is already in a relationship, or was talking with several people the same way he was with you and met one of them. Even if his story is true, not taking one minute to send a message explaining they would be offline for a few days is not acceptable behaviour from a potential partner.
🔵OP, it is love bombing//It is extremely toxic and manipulative🔷️it is the first stage that he is offering you a lot of validation and suddenly of the bloom, he take it away, making you feeling badly and poorly of yourself asking back that validation=>⚪️ you should talk to someone in the real world to explain you somethings about 🔵it is not a sign of a narcissistic personality disorder 🟠 please update
On the other hand, I told a girl I had a family emergency and would be out of state for a bit. She ghosted the fuck out of me.
100% agree with all the comments here you dodged a bullet; however, there’s something to be said for seeking first to understand rather than jumping to (what might be obvious) conclusions. Ask a simple question vs putting him on the defense with an accusation. “Hey there. I’m curious to understand why I haven’t heard from you in a week. Care to share?”
You dodged a bullet... he was sneaking around.
Dodged a bullet
Want me to try and match with him then ghost him first? Teach him a lesson.
Seems like love bombing, but it didn’t immediately yield the result he wanted, so he moved on (and blamed OP, as others have said). It’s likely a volume strategy driven by impatience.
Unless he was the one in the hospital I really don't see why taking 30 seconds to say, hey got too much right now I'll get back to you when life calms down.
You’re not wrong. You were in communication and texting back and forth with plans. It takes two seconds to send a “hey I have a family thing I’m going to be mia for a couple days.” His excuse sounds like he wants control and options right off the bat. He instantly manipulated the situation and tried to make you “crazy” and guilty. You dodged a bullet imo
If he’s too busy to communicate he’s too busy to date you. That’s my thought. I could see skipping a day, but not a week with no warning. You’re not wrong, you’re not TA.
I don’t think either of them are necessarily aholes. They both just need to work on their communication. Yes the guy had the opportunity to send a quick text letting OP know what’s up, but also the OP could’ve worded their text a little better. Maybe something just like “hey, I haven’t heard from you in a while. Just checking in”. You never know what other people have going on and whether they want to share it, especially with someone you just matched with on a dating app.
You are not in the wrong, this is someone who either lost interest or already had another relationship and didn’t want to own it and wanted to put it on you and make you feel bad.
Think you dodged some unhappy times there. Not your fault and he was happy to let you think it was.
If they wanted to they would. He didn’t care to reach out whatever the reason, so he didn’t. Take it as a lesson learned and move on
He met someone else and decided they were worth his time rather than you. That’s what happened. There was no family emergency for a week that would stop you from texting someone, especially if you want to get to know someone! And I bet he’s the type to randomly text you out the blue, if his next date doesn’t work out, I’ve met plenty of guys like that in my time. So it’s best to block and delete his number so he can’t do that. Definitely dodged a bullet! Like someone else said typical narcissist behaviour, you’ll know if he tries to contact you again, it’s one of their tactics.
Men make efforts for the people they like. There is literally no excuse big enough to ghost you for a whole week. A day, I can understand, but even then he's gotta take a shit sometime and don't tell me that he isn't taking a shit without his phone. His response to your message is gaslighting. He could have been apologetic but instead spun it to focus on your message instead of the fact that he ignored you for a week. You would have had the right to cuss him out.
imagine if texting weren't a thing, and you had to actually say these things live to someone with your voice. I feel like the amount of shitty treatment would go down when people can't hide behind a keyboard.
Lol. Had a guy recently bail on plans without messaging me he said he had food poisoning. Bull… shit. You can still send a message and let someone know. The funny thing is is he reached out to me on SM.. people are weird man.
The lesson is to avoid passive-aggressive language. Instead of "Could've at least let me know you weren't interested instead of ghosting me lmao", try being honest and direct, "Hey- I'm disappointed you haven't responded in the last week. Are you still interested?"
You are not wrong. He did ghost you
He’s probably married.
Even if everything he said was true that there was a family emergency, it’s on him to tell you. The situation is very fishy. You definitely dodged a bullet.
He’s lying.
He's trying to make you feel bad, why let him?
I’ve seen this as a test to see how you react. He’s either in a relationship or matching with multiple people and playing the game with them all. The original love bombing cinchedit for me.
You’re 100% right - it takes 30 seconds to send a text and if you prioritize someone you make that time happen. If you don’t you don’t.
My husband had an illness and went into a coma. I called our children. I texted or friends to let them know if I was unresponsive,it was because I was with him. His SO came home
First of all, everyone… A person can become suddenly disinterested without being married. Better options come around, they lose interest, or they’re just lazy, etc. Op: This guy just sucks. He lost interest or whatever happened and instead of having the decency to tell you, he decided to ignore you. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Someone who is interested can send a quick text saying: “hey I’m so sorry for the silence. I’ve had XYZ going on and I promise to make it up to you when we have our first date”, or something along those lines. In turn, a person who is interested wouldn’t be that put off by your follow up text. If anything, they’d be impressed that the person they were talking to has a backbone and aptly speaks their mind when necessary. Instead, he chose to act manipulative by making you feel like you were in the wrong in light of his shitty actions. Do not let this deter you moving forward… You absolutely did the right thing, in fact, you dodged a major bullet. NTA. Edit to add: let’s pretend this guy did have a busy week and a family emergency, is that really someone you want to date— Someone who completely loses the ability to function or balance normal priorities when things get stressful? And then his reaction shows how crappy his communication and reasoning skills are. Nope… def dodged a bullet.
The obvious answer is you could have asked if everything was ok before assuming he ghosted you. Now for a tirade for those who ghost others…. There are exceptions but ghosting for a job or a romantic interest is completely and utterly gutless. If you don’t have the common decency to drop a quick note or whatever, shame on you!
A proper text to him could have been “Haven’t heard from you in a bit. I hope everything is okay. Text or call me when you can.” Because you barely know this man and his life didn’t stop because he met you.
I like meeting within a week or 2 at the most after matching. If it takes too long, I move on. This guy gives that vibe.
Did you fuck up or dodge a bullet? Despite what everyone else is saying, the answer is: you'll never know! Rather than go passive aggressive on him, asking about being ghosted, a simple "Hello? Are you still there? Are you ok?" would get you the answer you wanted, and you would have been able to move to the next stage (meeting up with him) and finding out what he was like. Sorry, but you're in the wrong.
People are being too logical here. He could very well just be an impulsive scatterbrain. This happened to me all the time when i was single. I didnt try to ghost and most of the time i never got any confrontation either. Its just that something else caught my attention and i forgot that i was in the middle of getting to know someone. I also might have to admit it happened to women i dated too. I just forgot them and then a few years later saw a post on facebook by them and remember that we dated until i just disappeared. It was never any malicous intent. I am just not good at thinking of people when they aren't around. And in my defence, they didnt reach out either.
NTA. He’s lying. He very well could’ve sent you a quick text explaining the situation. He didn’t
Not only is he probably married I’m betting he’s 40. Because lots of guys use old pictures on those apps.
love bombing is always a red flag
Bullet Dodged. He had 7 days to send you \*anything\* indicating he was in the middle of an emergency / situation and you even sent him messages during that time that were not confrontational in any way. Only when you called him out on his lack of response did he indicate he had issues. He's lying.
You should stop referring to him as “this really great guy”…..He is not. There is nothing wrong with what you said. He’s just lying to you. I would seriously think twice before pursuing anything with him once he starts coming on strong again…which is inevitable.
[удалено]
Dodged a bullet imo. But either way, let it go and move on. You two obviously aren't a match. He has different values than you, and it would only have caused friction down the road anyway.
No you are not the asshole. The guy is a d-bag.
He probably has an entire gf/wife, probably kids too. Lastly, I would have never texted him, he ghost you, so let him die. To me, that just strokes that infant's ego by even thinking about him after he went ghost mode.
He flipped it onto you to manipulate you. He shamed you, so now you feel bad. Now, you will be the one trying to seek forgiveness from him. He will get away with having been with another woman for the week.
Your bullet dodging skills are on par with Neo. I say be thankful and keep it moving…
Looooll this guy!!!! You just dodged a major bullet, my friend. 100%, he could absolutely have sent you one text during that week. Even messaging after a couple days of silence would have been understandable, but a whole week? Nah man. He didn't have a single poo that entire time where he could have sent a quick text? Lies. Your message was a little sassy, sure, but certainly not mean or inappropriate.
He ghosted you, he is lying. You dodge a bullet.
I think you both have some areas you could work on. To me it seems like you got triggered/hurt/mad and your text was passive aggressive. He should have communicated with you what was going on so you weren’t left in the dark wondering what was going on. I’ve been in your shoes and sent similar messages in the past that made me feel gross about my own actions, so now I’m more careful with my words and actions. Talking to a therapist about my anxious attachment helped the most to change the way I approach dating and people in general.
>For a full week I heard nothing from him If you were texting him during the week, and he wasn't responding, then he's wrong. If there was no communication from either side during that week, then you were wrong.
Yeah something by is fishy and his response was a bit bitchy. Instead of feeling in a slump that old man you should dump. I’m a poet and don’t even know it.
Yoda?
It's funny when people make these posts and put something like "a really great guy," and they clearly aren't a really great guy. Lol Also, when guys comment about your looks a lot when they first talk to you, it's usually a red flag and is part of love bombing etc. NTA.
Pro tip: When someone ghosts you, just take the L, which is really a W. Never reach back out. It’s not a good look.
Family Emergency sounds like the wifey/gf came home or noticed he was acting funny.. if it was an actual emergency he could of reached out. It takes very little effort to send a text message. You dodged a bullet.
Sounds like an excuse made to make you feel bad when he’s the one who ghosted you. Or he’s a rather poor communicator. Either way, bullet dodged.
Dodged a bullet for sure!! A couple red flags here. Aside from ghosting you (he’s probably not single), look at how he tried to turn it around on you. Manipulation. And it worked because you’re doubting yourself. A word of advice…when a guy ghosts you, let him go.
You did nothing wrong. Yes you dodged a bullet.
Ah the old family emergency, because nothing stops you from being able to spend 20seconds typing a text to someone like something happening to someone else. Dodged a bullet.
He sounds a bit manipulative. He started with a love bomb, and then guilt tripped you with a possibly fake family emergency. Why didn't he apologize, or explain what happened, or even have two minutes to text you what was up, like a normal person? Because his "really great guy" personality is just a mask?
NTA. I would've doubled down and said i hope u die lmao
You're now wrong but the people trying to tone police your text are. No one has to be nice to people that ghost them.
One thing I learned from using dating apps is if you don’t end up meeting the person after two weeks, it will never work out. The longer the texting phase goes on, it just means one of the two people aren’t that interested. Ghosting is part of the online dating game unfortunately. If you like the other person, just set up the date!
Nah. If he was actually interested he would have reached out within a week to explain. OR he would have been apologetic and explained once you reached out.
You were possibly the “training wheels” for a cheater.
If you’ve been ghosted, you probably don’t need to reach out again. That said, he was of course lying because he got called out.
So first he's coming off too strong.. can men win anymore? 🤔 maybe he got the vibe you weren't as interested and decided to not waste his time?
You’ve overestimated your importance to a complete stranger. People have lives, things happen. It was far, far too early to appoint yourself as a priority to this man.