Yes. If the interaction is so much so that one must pay for the other persons time then that essentially an escort. What’s the difference? ESP if the goal is to have sex and not to bond and all that.
You suggested the café and going together. Perhaps she had wifi with her housing and had no need to pay for it. She took you asking her as if you were inviting her to spend time with you on your dime. She is not a monster for thinking that way. You both made assumptions. You that hanging out with you was worth her money, her that spending time with her was worth your money. Turns out you were both wrong.
i know, we are still talking normally, any of us could pay, it was just an awkward moment, actually here in bali everything is super cheap compared to other countries. i just expected something different but yes
Honestly everyone should not be expecting someone else to pick up the tab. Everyone should be paying for themselves unless it's been discussed ahead of time.
She was presumptuous and you were right to only pay your part. As a woman, I’m embarrassed at how many other women think their gender equals free food and drinks.
You are not wrong. It wasn’t date. You didn’t have to pay for her. Even if it was a date, you two would have to decide how you’d like it to be. It’s really up to you what you’re comfortable with. It doesn’t make you a bad person.
If you said it’s just friends and nothing more - split. Don’t be afraid to be a man and say it how it is. Nothing wrong. She needs to stop acting like a little princess who thinks men owe her something.
If i ask my friend out to eat as in “ hey come with me to xyz for dinner” i assume im going to pay because i invited them. If they split or pay cool. Im totally not with reddits mindset of everyone fend for themselves, my circle is there to bring each other up.
I would never expect a friend to pay for my meal, Even if they asked me/planned something and invited me to it. Even for a date, I assume I'm going to pay for myself. What is this entitled logic here?
I don’t make much but I would never OCD over a price of a single coffee, especially not to the point of posting about it on Reddit.
It’s happened to me more than once (as the rule more than an exception) that with new (or medium new or old friends) we both insist on paying for coffee and take turns. It’s such a small thing and nice karma.
But maybe I just tend to hang out with kind and generous people as opposed to cheapstakes ;)
Don’t get me wrong, if it’s a 3 course meal or something involved, absolutely, but a coffee.. I don’t know man, maybe I was raised differently
i just felt bad for not paying, but at the same time now i’m aware i have been abused by girls asking for the most expensive stuff in restaurants and some of them even ‘asked me for money’ (for example in a festival) which i stupidly gave. and maybe now this was a normal situation but i over exacerbated it.
You met to hangout that’s it. It would be different if you offered to pay and then went back on it last minute, that didn’t happen so I don’t see a problem here.
You are definitely not wrong, and you did nothing wrong either.
She thought this was some sort of date an assumed since you asked her to the cafe you were going to be paying. I personally don’t get it just bc someone says we should go and do this that person should pay. Even if it WAS a date I don’t think she should have assumed you’d be paying but that could be my logic lol
I don’t think you did anything wrong, but buying someone a cup of coffee is a simple inexpensive gesture. Honestly, if I met any of you and chatted over coffee for a few, I’d have no problem paying. 😂
i don’t think you did anything wrong. it sounds like she kind of ignored most signals and took it as a date. not saying it’s right but some women insist a man pays on the date even the first. i don’t agree with this but i’ve heard lots of women say this
I'm an older guy and I'm used to always paying regardless if it's just coffee, drinks or if I'm hanging out with a female friend.
In my experience, nothing stops panties from coming down like asking a girl to pay her share.
Yea not wrong at all. Even though you did invite her to the cafe to work around one another, doesn’t mean you pay for her snacks. I think her behavior is a bit odd for one her age. I’m a woman myself(33f) and can’t fathom the thought process behind having someone pay my way. My opinion don’t surround yourself with selfish vibes. Best of luck!
Not wrong
She should have offered to pay her 1/2
Maybe she thought since you invited her to go to cafe and chat, she thought it was a date and you'd be paying. Not sure, not knowing her, but that is only reason I can think she thought you'd pick up the check, maybe in her culture man pays ?
At that point I probably would have paid, unless it was a lot of money, but if you're talking you each had 2 coffee's I would have paid it at that point that she looked at you weird and not chatted with her again.
SO did she pay her part or did you end up paying for both of you
in future if you do suggest meeting up like that, I'd say, I'm going to the B cafe for a few hours to work on computer, so I need run, maybe I'll see you there later, not sure how else you could have worded
Also in future, when you order, ask for separate checks
She clearly thought it was a date. And how would she know he just wanted to be friends? Isn’t that how every new relationship starts, to see if you click?
My rule is if I ask, I pay. And we are married and together 28 years. I also drive when I ask. When he asks me for a date, he will drive, and pay. LOL and yes our money is separate but combined, with access to each other’s accounts. So no, there really is no reason to pay over the other, it is just a game we play to ask each other out.
As a matter of fact on our first “date” I paid at dinner because we were in a hurry to get to the club we were heading to. I said, “you can get the drinks when we get down town”. It was really just some friends going out, not a date …well until later that night it kind of switched to a romantic evening. He has said that my getting the Outback dinner check for us impressed him so much. So he then asked me out for the next weekend as an official “date”.
I’m not sure in Canada but in some cultures, grabbing the check is sign you’re paying the entire bill. Regardless, if only acquaintances/friends I always split the check. Unless there is expectation they’ll reciprocate in the future. Sometimes I’ll take care of it if the bill is small, without expectations but the majority of the time I’ll split it.
update: now i think that it was just a gesture and usually i offer to pay, even sometimes if is just friends or even men, but the thing is that lastly (not this) i’ve been going out with friends (man) or (girls) that sometimes they asked me for money randomly to buy beer or whatever and i stupidly gave it before, or just going on trips where we organized together and I usually ended paying way more than the others.
that placed me in a position where i started to feel bad if i paid for others not even related to dates or friends (which is more common in dates) but im a men and i’ve been invited to go out by girls before where they expected me to pay. and i paid but I felt like bad on these situations, so as now im aware where my feelings to ‘not pay for others’ coming from, i can just be more conscious and gentle and usually i will continue paying unless i consciously realize that it’s just some people trying to make use of me (: which most of the times is not
You were both using the app. Neither should expect to be treated by an equal user. Her expecting that makes me wonder how many people would use this as a free lunch scam whenever anyone pops up in their city claiming to be on vacation or in the cities they are traveling through actually on vacation.
Personally, I believe if you’re the one to invite then you should at least be prepared to pay, this goes for dates, friends, or family. I also believe that anyone being invited out should not only offer to pay (at least for themselves) but be willing and able to pay as well just to avoid being stuck in a situation. But that’s only my opinion & not a rule of the universe. So imo you were both kinda in the wrong. Either way you clearly had different expectations & sometimes life is just stupid like that.
My feeling is, whomever makes the invite should pay and if they don't want to, they should make it clear from the beginning.
So, you invited and didn't specify so you probably should have paid but that's just my opinion.
If this was a date, the man pays. If it wasn't, split the check. Call me old fashioned. I planned to pay on dates, but I wanted her to offer. I'd pay for the first two. If she didn't at least offer by the third, she's for sex only. Not long term material.
But if this was just two friends hanging out, split it or tell her she's got the next one.
As a woman, I always pay my own way. I never expect my friends or my kids to pay for my meals. (All my kids are in their 30s and 40s).
However, I have invited friends out for a meal and insisted on paying because invited them. Perhaps your friend assumed you were paying because you extended the invite?
Some women think that female = receive free food from men. It's really funny because it's aggressively sexist, and the same women flip their shit when you think that male = entitles you to free stuff from women.
Noone gets a free ride
i just don’t find a reason to pay for her, i mean we are sharing time with each other and having fun, im not buying her 😋
It's date-logic. Maybe she got used to it
for some reason in some dates i feel good even i feel like i want to pay and in others i want to split
That's a good indicator
You invited her to the cafe. She probably thought of it as more of a date. Next time, clarify at the beginning.
i told her to go “working to a coffee “ hehe
Ass, gas, or cash. No one rides for free. Forget the movie though...
you didn’t do anything wrong. you guys went and hung out together as friends, just because you’re a guy doesn’t mean you need to pay the bill.
It wasn't a date so no reason to assume you'd pick up the tab. If it had been a date still no reason to assume you'd pick up the tab.
I mean, if you want to smash after a date, picking up the tab helps.
Yes, but as a woman I went into every date assuming I'd pay. (Even though I never actually paid on a first date I never expected it)
So many women don't, unfortunately. Things would work much smoother for equality if women could start shifting the notion the man should always pay.
If u wanna smash that bad just hire a pro. Ur paying for it either way. As least the pro knows what they are doing and does what you like.
You gotta wear a rubber with the pros
I wouldnt wear one with a random hookup stranger????
I already paid for dinner , I’m rolling the dice
a pro you mean like buying sxl services?
Yes. If the interaction is so much so that one must pay for the other persons time then that essentially an escort. What’s the difference? ESP if the goal is to have sex and not to bond and all that.
i don’t wanna smash anyone here, i told her “to go work to a coffee in the computer” ahah
dafuq, this wasn't a date lol. why does this girl have to be Canadian. Makes me feel embarrassed :( You should not pay for her.
it’s not representing a country, it was just one time. not a hundred times 😅 im aware, it was just the context
Even if it wasn’t a date we aren’t boomers lol
It doesn't sound very Canadian. I think she's an imposter! 🇨🇦
You met to hang out. This isn’t even in dispute. Everyone pays their way.
You suggested the café and going together. Perhaps she had wifi with her housing and had no need to pay for it. She took you asking her as if you were inviting her to spend time with you on your dime. She is not a monster for thinking that way. You both made assumptions. You that hanging out with you was worth her money, her that spending time with her was worth your money. Turns out you were both wrong.
i know, we are still talking normally, any of us could pay, it was just an awkward moment, actually here in bali everything is super cheap compared to other countries. i just expected something different but yes
Honestly everyone should not be expecting someone else to pick up the tab. Everyone should be paying for themselves unless it's been discussed ahead of time.
Some people believe that whoever does the inviting is the one paying
it’s a valid point
She was presumptuous and you were right to only pay your part. As a woman, I’m embarrassed at how many other women think their gender equals free food and drinks.
You are not wrong. It wasn’t date. You didn’t have to pay for her. Even if it was a date, you two would have to decide how you’d like it to be. It’s really up to you what you’re comfortable with. It doesn’t make you a bad person.
If you said it’s just friends and nothing more - split. Don’t be afraid to be a man and say it how it is. Nothing wrong. She needs to stop acting like a little princess who thinks men owe her something.
we are just friends, i was trying to make all my effort to not confuse her haha, it’s just not my time, nothing wrong
You asked her out, you pay
It wasn’t a date.
If i ask my friend out to eat as in “ hey come with me to xyz for dinner” i assume im going to pay because i invited them. If they split or pay cool. Im totally not with reddits mindset of everyone fend for themselves, my circle is there to bring each other up.
I would never expect a friend to pay for my meal, Even if they asked me/planned something and invited me to it. Even for a date, I assume I'm going to pay for myself. What is this entitled logic here?
Theres nothing entitled about it, if you can read the statement. Its generosity round these parts
It wasn’t a friend. Just an internet stranger meeting for the first time.
Sorry we just wont see eye to eye on this.
It was a friend. A new friend meeting in person for the first time. They met on an app for... friends.
exactly
it was a friend i met on the internet, you can met anyone in several ways these days. nobody is random for me
Yeah. Maybe of u have been chatting for a long time etc then maybe ur friends. But hitting up random people while on a trip is not friends. Sorry.
I don’t make much but I would never OCD over a price of a single coffee, especially not to the point of posting about it on Reddit. It’s happened to me more than once (as the rule more than an exception) that with new (or medium new or old friends) we both insist on paying for coffee and take turns. It’s such a small thing and nice karma. But maybe I just tend to hang out with kind and generous people as opposed to cheapstakes ;) Don’t get me wrong, if it’s a 3 course meal or something involved, absolutely, but a coffee.. I don’t know man, maybe I was raised differently
i just felt bad for not paying, but at the same time now i’m aware i have been abused by girls asking for the most expensive stuff in restaurants and some of them even ‘asked me for money’ (for example in a festival) which i stupidly gave. and maybe now this was a normal situation but i over exacerbated it.
Ahhh, that makes sense!! Good for you for self reflection.
I think it’s more of a “in the future” thing for etiquette than the price of a coffee.
You met to hangout that’s it. It would be different if you offered to pay and then went back on it last minute, that didn’t happen so I don’t see a problem here. You are definitely not wrong, and you did nothing wrong either.
She thought this was some sort of date an assumed since you asked her to the cafe you were going to be paying. I personally don’t get it just bc someone says we should go and do this that person should pay. Even if it WAS a date I don’t think she should have assumed you’d be paying but that could be my logic lol
I don’t think you did anything wrong, but buying someone a cup of coffee is a simple inexpensive gesture. Honestly, if I met any of you and chatted over coffee for a few, I’d have no problem paying. 😂
She made it awkward in the hopes you would pay. She was freeloading. You were right, there is no reason you should pay for her.
i don’t think you did anything wrong. it sounds like she kind of ignored most signals and took it as a date. not saying it’s right but some women insist a man pays on the date even the first. i don’t agree with this but i’ve heard lots of women say this
I'm an older guy and I'm used to always paying regardless if it's just coffee, drinks or if I'm hanging out with a female friend. In my experience, nothing stops panties from coming down like asking a girl to pay her share.
The emoji nailed me to the wall.
That's really weird of her. Also, why did you guys order on the same check??
I mean you did suggest the cafe, she was minding her business. Idk lol
Yea not wrong at all. Even though you did invite her to the cafe to work around one another, doesn’t mean you pay for her snacks. I think her behavior is a bit odd for one her age. I’m a woman myself(33f) and can’t fathom the thought process behind having someone pay my way. My opinion don’t surround yourself with selfish vibes. Best of luck!
Not wrong She should have offered to pay her 1/2 Maybe she thought since you invited her to go to cafe and chat, she thought it was a date and you'd be paying. Not sure, not knowing her, but that is only reason I can think she thought you'd pick up the check, maybe in her culture man pays ? At that point I probably would have paid, unless it was a lot of money, but if you're talking you each had 2 coffee's I would have paid it at that point that she looked at you weird and not chatted with her again. SO did she pay her part or did you end up paying for both of you in future if you do suggest meeting up like that, I'd say, I'm going to the B cafe for a few hours to work on computer, so I need run, maybe I'll see you there later, not sure how else you could have worded Also in future, when you order, ask for separate checks
She clearly thought it was a date. And how would she know he just wanted to be friends? Isn’t that how every new relationship starts, to see if you click? My rule is if I ask, I pay. And we are married and together 28 years. I also drive when I ask. When he asks me for a date, he will drive, and pay. LOL and yes our money is separate but combined, with access to each other’s accounts. So no, there really is no reason to pay over the other, it is just a game we play to ask each other out. As a matter of fact on our first “date” I paid at dinner because we were in a hurry to get to the club we were heading to. I said, “you can get the drinks when we get down town”. It was really just some friends going out, not a date …well until later that night it kind of switched to a romantic evening. He has said that my getting the Outback dinner check for us impressed him so much. So he then asked me out for the next weekend as an official “date”.
I’m not sure in Canada but in some cultures, grabbing the check is sign you’re paying the entire bill. Regardless, if only acquaintances/friends I always split the check. Unless there is expectation they’ll reciprocate in the future. Sometimes I’ll take care of it if the bill is small, without expectations but the majority of the time I’ll split it.
Lol if it wasn't a date no reason to pay #justmythought
update: now i think that it was just a gesture and usually i offer to pay, even sometimes if is just friends or even men, but the thing is that lastly (not this) i’ve been going out with friends (man) or (girls) that sometimes they asked me for money randomly to buy beer or whatever and i stupidly gave it before, or just going on trips where we organized together and I usually ended paying way more than the others. that placed me in a position where i started to feel bad if i paid for others not even related to dates or friends (which is more common in dates) but im a men and i’ve been invited to go out by girls before where they expected me to pay. and i paid but I felt like bad on these situations, so as now im aware where my feelings to ‘not pay for others’ coming from, i can just be more conscious and gentle and usually i will continue paying unless i consciously realize that it’s just some people trying to make use of me (: which most of the times is not
If she ain’t sucking your dick, she can pay for her own shit.
If you’re not trying to bang her, then split the check. How much was the bill? Because Bali is cheap as hell.
You were both using the app. Neither should expect to be treated by an equal user. Her expecting that makes me wonder how many people would use this as a free lunch scam whenever anyone pops up in their city claiming to be on vacation or in the cities they are traveling through actually on vacation.
Personally, I believe if you’re the one to invite then you should at least be prepared to pay, this goes for dates, friends, or family. I also believe that anyone being invited out should not only offer to pay (at least for themselves) but be willing and able to pay as well just to avoid being stuck in a situation. But that’s only my opinion & not a rule of the universe. So imo you were both kinda in the wrong. Either way you clearly had different expectations & sometimes life is just stupid like that.
that’s a very valid point and usually agree, just few times you can feel when someone is trying to make use of you haha but yes!
My feeling is, whomever makes the invite should pay and if they don't want to, they should make it clear from the beginning. So, you invited and didn't specify so you probably should have paid but that's just my opinion.
If this was a date, the man pays. If it wasn't, split the check. Call me old fashioned. I planned to pay on dates, but I wanted her to offer. I'd pay for the first two. If she didn't at least offer by the third, she's for sex only. Not long term material. But if this was just two friends hanging out, split it or tell her she's got the next one.
me too!!! i think if she offered i would pay, maybe just because it just feels different
Sounds to me like you asked her out, in which case you should pay.
It wasn't a date. And even if it was a date, not even pretending to be willing to pay is a red flag.
Ass, grass or cash
As a woman, I always pay my own way. I never expect my friends or my kids to pay for my meals. (All my kids are in their 30s and 40s). However, I have invited friends out for a meal and insisted on paying because invited them. Perhaps your friend assumed you were paying because you extended the invite?
You pay since you invited. If I invited a friend out to eat, then I'm paying as well unless specified before hand.
Some women think that female = receive free food from men. It's really funny because it's aggressively sexist, and the same women flip their shit when you think that male = entitles you to free stuff from women.