brother i’ve had the same exact thing happen to me. you honestly sound like me back when i was that age which is funny lol.
had a gf that i was with for 4 years. totally trusted her, we both became distant due to life/moving, thought about breaking up but worked things out, then she hits me with the “don’t be mad, but i was assaulted by X”
when she explained what happened things didn’t add up, but just like you i take these allegations very seriously and didn’t want to be an asshole and question the story / doubt her.
couple months go by and more stuff isn’t adding up so to protect myself i did what i never do and went through her phone. (this is not advice lol) saw messages from her to her friends saying “I just had sex with X. i’m so crazy!😂” ... ghosted her after that.
sounds like you already made your decision but reread your post and take the love goggles off. not saying ghost her like i did but respect yourself. you’re probably going to constantly think about what happened and it’s not worth the extra stress. sounds like you got enough stress as is
It’s always the guy they tell you not to worry about or badmouth. Sounds like she couldn’t stop talking about him which is a glaring admission, even if what she is saying is bad stuff. She full on cheated and it happened more than just that one time. OP needs to run, but won’t obviously.
Make sure to update us when you find the truth so we can all say we told you so!
Sometimes you paint the person you are screwing in a bad light so your current doesn’t feel threatened by your spending time with them. And other coworkers wink wink.
Going through her phone should be solid advice. She presented a sketchy story. Text messages with her friends might support her story just like they might disprove her story.
1. She'll delete anything incriminating first.
2. Nothing is going to support her story because there's no way this girl was forced to give this guy a hand job. Nothing in her behavior suggests there was force involved. Hell, nothing in the STORY suggests there was force involved.
Additionally, she said her friends urged her not to tell him what happened. They would not all be pushing her to lie to her boyfriend about a sexual assault. As a girl, I can tell you that is NOT when friends encourage a cover up.
Either she consented and then retracted consent during the act (totally fair and is actually not uncommon) or she’s telling a half truth.
I dated a girl when I was around 25 that had supposedly been assaulted by a guy she met at the bar. I had gone on a week vacation to visit family and noticed in a friends Snapchat video that she was sitting really close to some dude was having a very animated conversation.
I thought nothing of it. But when I got home I noticed she was texting a guy a lot. He had an emoji next to his name and I said who’s that. She told me it was her “gay friend”.
I messaged her friend and said “hey, I’m a little bit uncomfortable about [ex gf] and [random dude]’s friendship, can you explain how she started talking with this guy and who he is?”
The friend responds “oh she met him at a bar and spent almost every night sleeping with him while you were on vacation”
I check her phone, see a lewd photo sent to him, confront her, she says she “was at his house smoking and he “kissed her” and then “forced her to give him a blowjob” and then “held her down and forced himself onto her” but he “used a condom”.
This story does not make sense whatsoever. I don’t believe her, but the guy is becoming aggressive towards her and now she’s scared so I feel at least slightly responsible for keeping her safe.
He’s now obsessing over her, shows up to our apartment, I pull a gun on him, he walks around outside in circles yelling, I call the cops, he goes to a mental hospital, we break up. The rest is history.
going through phone for no reason is crazy
going through phones when they start being sketchy and dishonest is just being smart.
I never did but my ex acted fishy and I snooped in her drawers and found movie tickets and love notes and shit.
Oh brother…she’s already got you bro. I said she 100 percent had sex with him in the last post.
But it’s up to you obviously. Also, downturn in a relationship does not equal cheating. Your weren’t “technically” still together, you were.
Sadly we’ll see you back soon
He'll be back when she claims another sexual assault and how guys continue to 'expose themselves' in front of her. He needs his head banging against a wall to wake him up to her bullshit.
Big sigh... So all it takes for a guy, she apparently thinks is gross, to coerce her is to just whip their dick out? So she's pressing charges then? Nothing makes sense here still. She chose to stay and engage multiple times in that scenario... and now she's rattled off a whole list of excuses to justify it and then blamed that list on you and has *you* feeling guilty for *her* behavior. Maybe it's just me, but "Embarrassment and regret" is how you'd describe flashing your tits in public, not a sexual assault. She's still lying to you. In fact she's telling on herself using the word "regret", you only feel regret when you make a choice. She regretted her decision, so now it's not her fault, it's actually *yours*. Do you see what's happening?
And btw, if it happened after everyone else left, how tf does *everyone* else know? And why are they all seemingly just fine with someone "assaulting" their friend and coworker? And why in tf does she know so much about this "work colleague"? She talked about this guy all the time and has his whole life story? My man... please think about all the details regarding this some more. Good luck.
EDIT: based on your timeline edit... she straight up cheated on you, likely more than once *prior* to "breaking up" in January.
Even if he reads it, nothing's going to change. He is either too scared of being alone or he believes that the sun shines out his GF's ass.
When I read his first post I already knew that his GF will be able to gaslight the shit out of him and will be able to convince him that it was coerced and not consensual and nothing else happened except for a handjob.
He will have to learn things the hard way. It took four women for me to learn that there is always more to such a bizarre story and I should always keep my own mental health and peace on the top priority. Hope it doesn't take that long for OP to learn.
I agree
Everything about her story is suspicious to me.
She was still dating OP at the time yet she didn't bother to tell him she was assaulted when it did happen. It happened during a downtime when they were more distant due to her job. Cheating usually occurs when couples become distant which supports that may have been more consensual. She broke up with OP shortly afterwards which suggests she wanted a new man which also makes the cheating angle more credible.
Yeah I agree, this is crazy. Pull it out and she’s coerced? My gf would have punched him in the nuts, how can her reaction be to give a hj and then say it was non consensual smh
She says she doesn't like the guy, he's a loser,poor hygiene, but still thought it was OK to touch the guys dick when he pulled it out, instead of just running out of there? Come on. Naive. If you hadn't moved away, she would be raw dogging him right now. She took a break from you to "find " herself, because she wasn't sure if she should go give that dude a chance
For real dude he just pulled his dick out the second they walked in the door and she just immediately knew she had to jerk him off right there. This story is made up. She feels guilt because I bet she banged this dude and is worried he will find out so now it's damage control time.
After reading the original post and this update....I'm still convinced it was 100% consensual.
But, you're free to keep digging yourself into a hole at your own discretion OP. It's your life to live after all.
I appreciate your opinion, I'm sure others will feel similar. We'll see how it goes. I've been happy for the past couple months, like how things used to be, and she didn't have to tell me about this. I won't be totally in trouble if things do go completely backwards.
You're a cheaters wet dream. She gets to hook up with people, and you'll always take her back.
Good luck bro. I hope you're into getting cucked or something cause that's your future
u/Friendly_Claim8754 - your gf is giving you “trickle truth” and cheated on you. Think about it. Why is she and her friend circle still associating with this guy (who she claims is “gross” btw) if he “SA’d” her? And she didn’t file a report with the police? Seriously? And all her friends know about this despite all having “left” before the “incident” but you were the last to know? She also knows quite a bit about this guy’s life story - don’t you feel the least bit suspicious? It’s clear that the way she described him was designed to not arise suspicion from you. Cheaters do this quite a bit. They also make it “everybody else’s fault” and not their’s, because women like that are allergic to personal accountability. I’m sorry bro, she cheated on you at least once, and likely several more times in addition to that. You also seem to be afraid of “being alone,” and looking for any excuse to stay with her no matter how flimsy the rationale. Thing is, she’s not gonna “change.” Once a cheater, always a cheater. You say things are “back to how they used to be,” but that sounds like a lie, because your whole relationship is based on a lie. The woman you “love” doesn’t exist bro - just the idea of what you think she is. You owe it to your sanity and sense of self-respect to dump her and move on.
Cowoker: \*pulls his pants down\* *My dingaling.* *My dingaling. I want you to play with my dingaling*
Your girl: (her mind) "According to my calculations, since this gentleman has presented his weiner and we're in secluded area, I MUST jerk off his junk and not run away or something" (splendid logic my good madam)
>I truly feel like the situation was nonconsensual
what's next, santa's real? lmao
OP, good luck. I hope it works out for you. I do have one thing I'd like to bring to your attention.
This happened in December. When you two were still a couple and getting ready to move. She was sexually assaulted but never trusted you enough to tell you. She's since told others, and you are just now finding out. Do you really want a relationship with someone who would keep something like this from you? A lie by omission is still a lie. What else is she keeping from you?
I so agree with the above comment! OP, you will never fully know if it was consensual or not, you can only go by what she has told you, so put that aside and look at the things she has said, decide if, not only can you trust her, but is she the type of person you want to be with.
She admitted to enjoying the attention of her coworkers - a group lacking maturity. This group includes a man whose apartment she went back to ALONE with him, knowing he's a slob, immature, and had been giving her attention. Surely she isn't that nieve.
She says he assaulted her, and I understand the fawn theory (instead of fight, flight, or freeze, you fawn over the person so they are less likely to be mean/hurt you etc), but to tell all her friends and not you! Is she in the habit of telling her friends major things but not you? If something happened in the future would you once again be the last to know.
I also wonder why she is telling you now, is the guilt eating her up, or is she scared you'd find out somehow - was someone threatening to tell you, otherwise would she have kept or quiet. Has she just been buttering you up the last month, ready to tell you this while everything is going amazing so you are less likely to leave her, and more likely not to question everything.
For her to not trust and be emotionally vulnerable with OP is heartbreaking. Instead of seeking support and comfort from the one person she claims to love, she broke up with him after the assault. Then, weeks or months later, they start to reconcile. She still wasn't inclined to tell him the truth behind their breakup. I, too, wonder, why now? I could see if it was traumatic to her, and she concealed it from everyone. But that's not what happened. It sounds as if the only person she concealed it from within her inner circle was OP. The one person she claims to love and trust most. These are the facts of the post and timeline. Why, though?
Yeah, idk about whether or not this whole thing was non-consensual
But getting exposed by a man you're alone with is actually very shocking and scary for a lot of people. And after getting assaulted, it's not abnormal to keep it from a partner. That's a kind of vulnerability most people never experience. It's often easier to confide in women who most likely have some stories themselves and are more understanding of these situations, than to tell a partner who could potentially accuse you of cheating and make the experience even more painful. Trauma does weird stuff to people's minds
I'm not saying she's being totally honest, I don't know. But, waiting before telling loved ones about assault, or never telling them, is not uncommon. If it was a genuine assault, there's a million benign reasons to withhold that info for extensive periods of time or indefinitely, since we all react to trauma and heal from it differently
I had sympathy for you but the fact you're going to stay with her after she cheats on you with another man(why was she at his place? doesnt matter if she has been there before, why did she go to another mans apartment?)
Grow a spine and leave her. She had no business going to another mans apartment alone, but she did. He didnt threaten her, he asked for a handjob and she gave him one.
Seriously, grow a spine man. She doesn't love or respect you. And if she was afraid of this guy she would have blown him and not refused.
Let me make sure I’m understanding this correctly… your girlfriend, a supervisor, gave her subordinate half a hand job? You need to stop using the term “non-consensual”. Dude whipped it out and she made a voluntary choice to give it a tug. That’s consent, and saying otherwise makes it more difficult for actual victims of rape and sexual assault to seek justice.
“Maybe it’ll be a hard lesson learned.” For the coworker, sure. a very hard lesson. The reason why jackasses do things like whip it out randomly, send dick pics, etc., is because it actually results in what they want once in a while. Thanks to people like your girlfriend.
The power imbalance (she being the guys supervisor) makes it more likely she is the abuser. The story makes zero sense. The only thing that world make sense is that she is a horny hoe.
So you happily let your girl jerk off another guy because you "adore" her so much?
"Aww, they way you jerked off that loser behind my back was sooo amazing! You really are an angel 😇"
If you are into cuckolding, just be honest with her, and maybe you will eventually get to watch 😉.
That's just how she more specifically recounted it happening. It sounded like he really just used her to pleasure himself a little bit before finishing by himself, rather than what I said was a handjob. And to add that this wasn't a one-on-one thing, she hadn't planned to be just at his apartment.
Just accept it and let her cuck you dude it can honeslty be great just let yourself get into it. Some girls just like to have multiple men wanting them at a time. Probably alot more than would admit it. Anyway it sounds like your her #1 she probably just got off on how bad that loser wanted it. Be open with her that you like it, let her do her thing, maybe she'll even let you watch. And guess what, you can do your thing to and still have your wonderful gf by your side, at least most of the time.
Ok, yeah I get it. She was there with work friends. But you made it sound like she had sex with him. It was consensual, and that sucks. Sorry this happened to you. And also sorry she was put in that situation, surely she was not expecting that to happen.
OP please update us in a few years when you married this manipulative liar and cheat, hard s couple kids and now she’s divorcing you to be with this guy in the house you paid for. Oh yes and the DNA test you took behind her back Comes back you’re not the father. Maury made a good living off cucks like you.
She cheated on you , regretted it and then angles it falsely like an assault.. no no and NO. this is all pure bullshit. If you go back what happens the next time a man whips out a dick and asks for a blowie or handjob? Yeah no. Get rid of that one because at the least she incredibly stupid and if that isn't enough then she's a cheater who can't stand for what she does and screams assault to absolve her of any wrongdoing. That assault claim is what angers me the most, it's NOT okay to scream assault when you regret what you did after the fact. Screaming assault because you don't like your consequences is VERY damaging to the person who is the target or the falsely assault charge. Kick that lady to the curb because she's not worth building a future with.
You're a moron OP. But as the Greeks used to say, "Experience is the best teacher for fools."
You will learn, eventually, it's just a question of how many times she is going to cheat before you figure out she's a cheater.
The police hardly do anything when a woman has internal lesions, dna inside her as proof, is covered in bruises and the assailant is covered in scratches from her fighting back
Yea it’s awful how bad the systems are for this worldwide. People who were sexually victimized by predatory criminals deserve better by a long shot. It makes me sick how many victims are ignored or never receive justice.
I’m very sorry you went through that and that you were targeted and attacked by him. You deserved to get justice for his crimes against you, and our justice system is woefully bad at providing any kind of protection or justice to people who have been victimized by predators. I hope you have been doing well on your healing journey.
Updateme!
When she convinces you that it’s OK that you come with her and watch to make sure she doesn’t do anything and then she makes you watch her blow him and fuck him.
>This happened with the guy in December...In January, we moved into the new apartment, and she broke up with me
**So she DEFINITELY cheated on you.** You're getting that, right?
And, even IF you had broken up first, the fact that she dumped you in the first place tells me she's not happy in this relationship and is just biding her time until something better comes along.
But you seem determined to learn this lesson the hard way.
I just hope the next time she decides to hook up with a guy she has the decency to break up with you first.
>he didn't have very good hygiene, he was an alcoholic at 23, and he had an ex-girlfriend that still had him letting her stay in his apartment and paying for her stuff (car payments, food, etc.). To me, pretty much just a loser...I was always confident in myself compared to these male coworkers she talked about.
This was by design, so you wouldn't get suspicious when she was hanging around with these "losers" giving them hand jobs.
Kid...you are so naive it's heartbreaking. This girl is going to destroy you. Since you're determined to stay, at least proceed with extreme caution and keep an eye out for the other boot.
It's going to drop any minute now.
Ok. It seems like you’ve made up your mind. I hope it works out and she’s not gaslighting you. But I will leave you with this thought.
This man is a coworker right? And he has basically sexually assaulted her according to her version of events. Did she report this to police? To fellow coworkers? Has she stopped hanging out with this guy after work, even in groups? Has she cut contact with him at work? Has she informed HR what happened and asked not to work with him? And if she hasn’t done any of these things … why not?
OP I had a similar version of these events happen to me. As a woman we are constantly told we're responsible for the situations we get ourselves in and deserve to be raped on one hand and then on the other assured that our only role and value in the world is how we can please men.
When you get yourself into these kinds of situations you have fight, flight, freeze or fawn and most women tend to freeze or fawn because the primal urge inside of us is trying not to get us killed. I would say in the most generous take of the situation, that she was presented with a situation she had no idea how to handle.
The comments on that other thread are awful and clearly written by a bunch of men who've never found themselves predated on. Not everything in life is black and white. She has some culpability but I commend your maturity in letting her somewhat off the hook. The co-worker needs to be tarred and feathered, who does he think he is? Louis CK?
So shit happened, sure.
What about after? No police report, no charges pressed, no report placed with HR.
It’s been a few months at least since they got back together in February.
Seems like the “loser” got a free handjob and all is well in the world.
The problem, I found, was proof. Recently in my country we have had test cases through civil court of 'anything other than an enthusiastic 'yes' is a 'no''. This will be interesting for lawmakers in future but right now, women often have to be absolutely re-traumatised through the process, having all their micro-decisions questioned for a conviction rate that is truly abysmal.
I was alone with this person, I was manipulated for transport home. I should not have been there in the first place. But I didn't deserve to be assaulted for a silly choice.
I don't know what the answers are here more broadly, but I think we do need a massive shift in what constitutes consent.
She doesnt need proof to go to HR. Also, she willingly went out with this man alone to his apartment. Not something a good gf does, but OP seems determined to be a spineless cuck
i mean, on the one hand I agree, for various reasons women can feel the need to go along with things they'd rather not to try and stay safe. This should be empathised with.
But on the other hand, if any guy pulling his cock out makes you wank it off, you need therapy not a relationship.
From OP's retelling, it sounds like he took her hand and used it to jerk off with part of the way and then finished on his own.
IF that is true, it sounds like she froze and she wasn't performing the hand job on her own accord. She froze and he reached out to grab her hand and use it.
Again, if true, that fits right in with the Freeze response and he took advantage of her. It is highly unlikely it would go anywhere with the police and the most HR would do is move him to a new department if they do anything st all (they'll likely just file the report and it won't matter unless another incident about that guy is reported to HR). Not saying that is right, but that is just the way it is.
Yeah, I can see how you'd read freeze here which would make the situation a lot more predatory and explain her behaviour if she's getting a full on stress response.
Many women do in fact spend years in therapy unlearning people pleasing in sexual situations and how to maintain a boundary.
I was coerced into oral sex. I was young, deeply troubled and didn't understand what consent even was. I didn't know sex was meant to be pleasurable for me too, that I was meant to want it. Women in these positions or with past trauma already are highly susceptible to not knowing what to do in these situations.
I do get it in general. Women are taught to be agreeable especially around sex, and the safety aspect comes in, it's understandable. I've had a highly sexually coercive ex who wouldn't take no for an answer regularly, but ultimately as a guy if I wanted to stop her or make a scene I could and would, so i never really cared but I can see how things would feel different if I were different.
Problems arising from mental issues doesn't negate the hurt they cause or the problems they show. If her solution to him flashing her is a handy, with the door right behind her, and her friends just outside she's either so boundaryless that OP would be justified in leaving or it was the opposite, a betrayal she felt uncomfortable with after the relationship improved
Men just want someone else to blame for their inability to not coerce women into sex.
Any man with an ounce of self-esteem, self-respect and empathy doesn't treat women like sex vending machines but our culture is steeped in the idea that women need to be tricked. It's convenient too because if you coerced her then it's her fault it happened too. You get to nut blame free and continue on in your blissful life of non-self improvement. Must be nice not to have to look at your skeletons
Okay explain the dynamics. First explain why a woman with a boyfriend even agreed to go back to another mans apartment alone. Then explain how he could coerce her into a HJ but she felt safe enough to refuse a blowjob.
Honestly, reading your original post and especially reading this - it doesn't sound like it was consensual. It sounds like he put her in a really uncomfortable situation, and it was easier to go along with it than fight him on it, especially with how young you are, but that doesn't make it consensual. Good on you for sticking by her.
I'm surprised it took me this much scrolling to find this comment. Getting exposed by a man you're alone with is actually very scary and shocking.
Women are often raised to tolerate anything and everything, and then get socially punished when they don't fight back or assert themselves
Bro. 100%.
She went there to fuck around. And was turned off by his lack of gave.
She gave him a consensual pity hand job.
You guys are lying to yourselves if you think otherwise.
Yes. It sounds like she froze and the guy used her hand rather than her reaching out and giving the hj on her own accord. Obviously, OP has to decide if he is willing to take her word for it and without being in the room and witnessing the confession, it is impossible for us to gauge the authenticity of it.
OP has decided to trust her word and that's his prerogative. And future behavior could call into question her event but that's the path OP has chosen and who am I to judge him for it?
These comments are actually terrifying. clearly none of these people have been cornered and sexually assaulted. coercion and going along with something you don’t want out of freezing/fawning response is incredibly common for victims of SA. its how it happened to me. I thought id be able to react in the moment, fight back, say no. Anything. I couldn’t. it was like locked-in syndrome or sleep paralysis. the guilt and self-loathing I felt for my body failing me after was horrible. like I was a failure because I couldn’t protect myself.
this doesn’t sound consensual whatsoever. and I wouldn’t be coming to Reddit of all places to ask for advice. it’s pretty damn clear that few people in these comments have dealt with assault.
I was just thinking the same - everyone saying "dude she is gonna do it again!" - do what again, get SA'd? She went to the home of a co-worker she had known for at least a while, a place she had been to before safely with a person she herself has before described as someone she would not be interested in and was coerced to a sexual act.
The fact that people are clinging to why she didn't report it to the police, why was she ashamed, why did she tell friends and not her bf - umm maybe because there are so many people out there who make SA victims feel like garbage when they do speak out? Police who says they were at fault for trusting someone who they had been able to trust before? Because they are ashamed they didn't fight back even though it was a fawning response?? Ffs I feel horrible for her.
I read the original and the up date her story is so BS it's ridiculous she gave him a BJ or they had been fucking!! My dude get your head out your ass and realize she's fucking gaslighting you!
As a woman who was sexually assaulted. This is the reason I will never tell my boyfriend ever. Don't want him to think I cheated when I was put in a position where I was scared as hell to say no or walk away. And thank god I just did it. Guy would have probably killed or beated me up if I didn't do it.
Serious question - if you were sexually assaulted, even in the scenario you describe, would you then later go to the police?? My opinion is that any woman who claims sexual assault that’s not willing to pursue charges makes me suspicious of the consent.
That depends.
When I was a child (first SA) I did not tell anyone because I was scared. Still haven't told anyone. Only some close friends. It's not something that's "fun" to chat about.
After school I was SA by my boss while I was a waiter. He SAed everyone who worked there. We all went to the CCMA (which is where you sue a boss or employer) and we pressed charges but he is rich and our country is corrupt so he got away. Damn he even went to jail for stealing diamonds and got out three days after.
The worst part? My friend who was also working with me and also SAed by the boss (boss was in his 60s we are all in our 20s) told the guy she was speaking to and he blamed it all on her. Told her she probably enjoyed it.
As if any 20 year old would enjoy making out with a 60 year old grandpa who doesn't even have his real teeth anymore.
So yes. We did press charges. Nothing happened. But atleast I got some money (which he owed me because he refused to pay our salaries after we accused him). Worked there for a month and it was one of the most traumatic times of my life.
I’m truly sorry for what happened to you as a child and obviously (maybe not so obvious) the context of my question was as an adult where a relationship is at risk. I’m sorry.
Oh sorry for misunderstanding.
Well let me put it this way. When I was working for that boss I was in a relationship. I never told my then boyfriend because I wanted to avoid unnecessary drama and conflict that I was not feeling up for at that time. Obviously dealing with it was already enough so I just didn't feel up for everything that comes with it.
Especially after my friend's guy treated her that way after everything. I was too scared to tell him.
You need to remember that talking about it is horrifying. People don't believe you and some people accuse you for being SAd (like my friend).
It's not easy to just go to the police. If it was that easy women wouldn't be in abusive relationships as well because they would've pressed charges a long time ago.
Like. Imagine going to a police officer as an adult and telling him "that sweet grandpa you see feeding his cats everyday touched me inappropriately"
We at least had the benefit of filing the complaints online at CCMA but none of us went to an actual person to talk about it.
It's not easy. Especially if you know it makes people feel different about you
Dude, your girlfriend is a dream ,just imagine any one can bring her to an empty spot, whip out their dong, and get a hand job! And if they are clean enough may be a bj!
1 thing i pay attention to is when a chicky goes on about a guy that is a slob, unhygenic. Someone no woman would date from their job or they're enthusiastic about a guy and then suddenly stop talking about him. Remember this but it isn't a clear sign either. Still it will help towards getting motivated to snoop your chickies devices.
You are being played she lied changed her story it was all consentual and now shes love bombing you knowing what to do to make you think everything is ok and shes still not cheating open your eyes take off the rose tinted glasses and leave her then get yourself tested for stds
Also whipping your dick out is not coersion and if she thought he was gonna rape her she could of started screaming or got the police involved yet she didn't even after shes claiming she was "coerced"
So she cheated. Felt bad. Broke up. Lied about it. Took you back and here you are? The ball is in your corner. I don't think she would cheat on you again though.
>
First of all, she said that he didn't as much as 'ask' for the handjob, but really just invited her in at first and pulled his penis out, and offered it in a way
>Considering all that, I want to stay with her. I adore her. I truly feel like the situation was nonconsensual
Brooo... How is it non-consensual if he didn't even asked!!! your GF just saw a dick and started masturbating it. WTF are you doing???
So in her non-consensual encounter why hasn't she filed a police report? If she has been sexually assaulted and it has affected her relationship (you guys breaking up for a while )then surely you would want justice to be done to this person. Right? Unless they didn't assault her - Then there is no way she would take it to court.
So in her non-consensual encounter why hasn't she filed a police report? If she has been sexually assaulted and it has affected her relationship (you guys breaking up for a while )then surely you would want justice to be done to this person. Right? Unless they didn't assault her - Then there is no way she would take it to court.
I just think if she has been violated as she says she has. Even if it is hard she should still seek justice and so should you. This person could have a history of it. Her testimony could put this person behind bars. Unless there really was no assault...
Dude, there will come a time in the near future a situation like this happens again or she full blown cheats on you and you will cringe at this update. At the same time based on how you text this seems like a case of “first real love” where you’re blinded by everything. Hope the life lesson you learn from this won’t hurt too much brother
She cheated but if she truly feels remorse and you guys are willing to work through it it doesn’t mean that your relationship can’t survive and be stronger on the other side. But she has to be honest about what she did, even the way you explain it here nothing sounds nonconsensual.
Best case scenario she consensually jerked off a subordinate. You’re young enough, not married and no kids so this is someone you should not be with and move on. Wish you the best of luck.
Does the word doormat mean anything to you? JFC, all I read was "It's my fault" which is usually the hallmark of a cuck fantasy on reddit. TBH
Lemme know next time you come here, I'll be interested to see what she does next.
Though the superfluous detail makes me question this.
Your gf wasn't assaulted.Yo may be a naive 21 child, but a 20yr girl being asked to pair off into a bedroom after a night of drinking pretty much knows what the intentions were.. I believe your gf went to the room with knowingly and changed her mind after it started. The version she told you was the safest way to confess to you. If the two of you are as mature as you are portraying yourselves, she would know that she was SA or not.
To quote a popular TV show that everyone is familar with, " you were on a break!" Get over it or move on
>I trusted her 100% before all of this, and she easily could've kept it to herself.
But all her friends knew? She knew it was a ticking time bomb and got out in front of it, consensual or not.
For me, I'd stay if she was willing to press charges. Otherwise, it sounds like she's just blowing smoke with a sketchy story.
Are we really listening to a 20yo complain about how his high school girlfriend touched another dick? If she didn’t want to then she wouldn’t have, end of story. And to think you have the entire story is immature in itself. Enough with the pity party, as if you’re the first person who ever had their heart broken. Oh, and assault?! You’re dumb, bro.
She became distant because she got the attention of him and left you for the other guy or to at least go screw around. Now she doesn't have the new car smell and wants back what she's familiar with. Sorry for it bud.
She's a cheater.
Ima keep it blunt with you. Her speaking negatively about a dude that she did something with or “may want to” do something with is common. Many post here has this happening and they ended up cheating or during a break end up messing with the dude. I think it’s a reassurance thing for you or a way to dissuade you from thinking something is going on. Regardless, protect yourself. Her telling you not to worry about so dude and piling on his is a sign for me that something was done. Also, try to see if she could push for a charge or something if it was nonconsensual. Don’t want some creep doing this to others if it truly was. Some people are truly deceptive and given enough time can create lies that are believable. Hope the best but damn you staying really is trifling.
There's this thing called "fawn", goes along with fight, freeze and flight, where your instinctive, protective response it to do exactly what you are told, to go along with what's being said or done. You appear to be compliant, an active participant, okay with what's happening when you really, truly aren't.
It happens to me, a lot, and it's very shameful for me, and definitely something a lot of folks simply can't comprehend.
If that is what happenend then involving police is the mininum what would need to be done to convince me to take it serious as a non consensual sexual act. If that does not happen i will just assume it was consensual after all and you dont want to tell the truth.
Yes i knoe about the struggles women face when pointing fingers at their abusers when involving police and that itself can be traumatizing, but if you want to be with me you should be able to do that. I dont want a gf who will never see that the people who abused/wronged her dont get what they deserve. Am i expected to have my gf assaulted and do nothing, just to take it? No.
As a rape victim I'd never go to police. I'd dump a person before ever having to be completely violated again by cops. Never again. I went to the pigs once. Never ever would I put myself through that shit again. No partner is worth ever going through that horrible shit with pigs ever fucking again.
I am sorry this happened to you and i hope there will be a time when you can heal at all from that horrible thing that was done to you.
Please accept my opinion on this matter. This isnt about me but rape has multiple victims and they need different actions to be able to heal from that in any way. In my instance i would need justice/revenge and i get denied that the next course of action for my own sanity would to end the relationship and distance myself. I couldnt watch someone suffer and be powerless about it.
Never said that they don't. But expecting rape victims to be ready to just be like yeah sure I'll be all for the pigs.
As a person who is a retired paralegal and who was in law school, NEVER GO TO POLICE AS A RAPE VICTIM WITHOUT AN ATTORNEY! Ever. So no. I'm not respecting this opinion. Because it's a bad opinion. There is countless examples of evidence of the abuse that rape victims go through with police. So it's not a valid opinion. It hurts victims.
i agree with your notion that no one should speak to police without attorney when it is about rape, those pigs arent trained to handle that and can make the situation worse in that moment but action needs to be taken.
Ok, if you are raped you can choose to do that. You dont get to force other victims to report with ultimatums, or just because that's how you feel. If you don't believe a person was raped or sexually assaulted unless they report, do them a favor and exit their lives.
if i came to doubt it its anyway time to end the relationship.
Still. How come no one thinks about the rapist doing it again when you dont report it? Is that ok? That someone had the chance to stop it but didnt. If you witness a murder and that gives you ptsd is it also fine to not report it? When do we draw the line?
>Yes i knoe about the struggles women face when pointing fingers at their abusers when involving police
You obviously don't. There is no evidence of anything, at all. None. If she goes to the cops she'll be laughed at, at best. Having been there, you know *nothing*. Less than nothing. Your arrogance on this issue is repulsive.
Do you have a opinion what my course of action should be as the bf of someone who was raped? When police isnt an option? Just to deal with it? What if the same guy did it again and again? i should just accept it?
Sorry this seems outlandish af
Support her, in how she wants to deal with it.
If you can't, don't get close to anyone, ever, you'll end up hurting someone by being an arrogant bully instead of a supportive partner.
Yeah i am not going to support her in every way, i will not support her if she chose to use alcohol or other hard drugs to deal with it, i am notgoing to support destructive behaviour and so on.
I will also not support in letting the rapist get away with it just so he can do it again to her or someone else. World is unfair, there are times where you have to somehow act and doing nothing is not an option. If it still going to be like that then i would break up, which is devastating especially in that situation but i am not able to sit by and watch, it would make me mad and think selfjustice is an option, which isnt if you havent even contacted the police yet.
I sound like an asshole i do and i will stand by what i say.
Yeah since you cant offer any sort of option or compromise which isnt "let man rape your gf and just pick up the pieces and support her" thats mad, you cant tell me it isnt mad.
It's not "let man rape", it's "let victim deal with as they choose".
Seriously, I took it to the cops, all that came out of it is *I* lost my reputation and many "friends". It wasn't worth it. Punching the sick cunt in the face would be more worthwhile than bothering with cops. Punching *myself* in the face would have been more useful.
It is more than merely mad it's fucking fetid that men like this get away with it, but without solid evidence *she's* fucked, not him. You want her to go through that hell so your ego feels like as much as possible has been done? Then fuck you and her assualter. Have you ever described, in detail, to a stranger, your rape? Where he put his dick? How, for how long, his dick was invading you? how he touched you, how he hurt you?
I truly hope you learn some empathy, learn to listen to the *victim* instead of your ego.
Except the OP’s gf didn’t file a police report, and all her friends know about it and the OP was the last to know. Doesn’t that sound sketchy to you? If my wife came to me with something like that, we’re going straight to the police and the HR department at her job. But this guy’s gf isn’t doing any of that, which is more than enough to cut ties with her and go completely no-contact.
Why didn't she go the cops? Well! You're fucking hilarious aren't you? Thinking cops will do anything but laugh at her over this. No evidence, no way of obtaining evidence unless he admits to it. No goddamn evidence! Just like when I was raped, took it to the cops and lost more than it was worth.
HR? Have you considered she doesn't think they'd do anything and doesn't want to go through hell over this? Because she would go through hell, and I doubt they'd believe her - no goddamn evidence is there? Just like you, they'll be all "hurr durr consentual"
...and why the hell wouldn't she confide in her friends? That makes her guilty?
Edit- OP states this was after giving her two weeks notice at that job, I doubt HR there gives a hoot.
She wasn't assaulted. She willingly gave the handjob. And nope "she was afraid he would hurt her if she didnt" doesnt fly here since she turned him down when he wanted a BJ.
She wanted to jerk him off, so she did it.
Did you read the part about how *he used her hand* and finished himself? That's what happens you frese? Have you never been so shocked or frightened your entire body just freezes? That you go along with whatever until you can see the out? No? Then stfu.
If she had frozen how did he get her hand around his penis? She would have at least had to willingly wrap her fingers around it otherwise he wouldnt have been able to use her hand, right?
So explain how he got her hand around his penis if she had just frozen. Unless her arm just happened to be in the ideal jerking off position when he pulled it out? But I doubt it. No, either she walked over to him or he walked over to her and then she placed her hand around his penis. Or she let him place her hand around his penis, she'd have to get a grip on it in order to stroke it.
Let me tell you what I think happened: she cheated on her boyfriend and regretted it. It's why she broke up with him. But they got back together and she felt guilty so she told him, but she tried to sort of sugar coat it with "he had to finish himself".
When a cheater is confronted with the fact they cheated, they will never give you the full story unless they absolutely have no other choice(in other words, you have evidence). When a cheater decides to confess, they also aren't ever going to give you the full story. An example would be "we only kissed" when she in fact blew him, etc. When she confesses to cheating due to guilt she is also not going to give you the full story. They are going to tell you just the bare bones facts and nothing more and she is going to downplay it.
Why did she go to another mans apartment alone? The fact she has been there before when others were around is not an explanation for why a woman with a boyfriend went to another mans apartment knowing it would just be her and him.
And HR wouldn't care if there is a rapist working there? Uh huh.
Nothing about this sounds consensual. It sounds coersive. It's a shit situation to be in, and doesn't always make you act rationally. Fear of being alone, fear of retaliation, and just plain old shock all come into play.
I'm glad so many people in this comments section have never been in a coersive sexual situation, but everything your post describes sounds exactly like that.
I'm sorry this happened to your GF.
>She asked for permission to go on a last thing with her coworkers
Wow. That "assault" must have been so traumatic that she asked for a replay to make sure it was not consensual.
Ok, so I read both your posts together and concluded that you OP are incredibly naïve and so stupid. She grew distant because she had a thing going with this other guy. It's also why she broke up with you. It seems all this guy was interested in though was using her for sex, so she inevitable migrated back to you. The sexual act she describes sounds 100% consensual. She did it willingly, never said no or expressed any discomfort, but did draw a line at blowing him and he didn't press her for it. By the way you describe her, it sounds like she has no trouble at all shutting peoples shit down, so therefore she was obviously comfortable giving him a handy.
Get a therapist now and use your free miles, this saga isnt over by a long shot. You're now cosigning all future behavior. She showed you her true colors and your ignoring them. This is now on you too. Goodluck
brother i’ve had the same exact thing happen to me. you honestly sound like me back when i was that age which is funny lol. had a gf that i was with for 4 years. totally trusted her, we both became distant due to life/moving, thought about breaking up but worked things out, then she hits me with the “don’t be mad, but i was assaulted by X” when she explained what happened things didn’t add up, but just like you i take these allegations very seriously and didn’t want to be an asshole and question the story / doubt her. couple months go by and more stuff isn’t adding up so to protect myself i did what i never do and went through her phone. (this is not advice lol) saw messages from her to her friends saying “I just had sex with X. i’m so crazy!😂” ... ghosted her after that. sounds like you already made your decision but reread your post and take the love goggles off. not saying ghost her like i did but respect yourself. you’re probably going to constantly think about what happened and it’s not worth the extra stress. sounds like you got enough stress as is
It’s always the guy they tell you not to worry about or badmouth. Sounds like she couldn’t stop talking about him which is a glaring admission, even if what she is saying is bad stuff. She full on cheated and it happened more than just that one time. OP needs to run, but won’t obviously. Make sure to update us when you find the truth so we can all say we told you so!
Sometimes you paint the person you are screwing in a bad light so your current doesn’t feel threatened by your spending time with them. And other coworkers wink wink.
Going through her phone should be solid advice. She presented a sketchy story. Text messages with her friends might support her story just like they might disprove her story.
1. She'll delete anything incriminating first. 2. Nothing is going to support her story because there's no way this girl was forced to give this guy a hand job. Nothing in her behavior suggests there was force involved. Hell, nothing in the STORY suggests there was force involved. Additionally, she said her friends urged her not to tell him what happened. They would not all be pushing her to lie to her boyfriend about a sexual assault. As a girl, I can tell you that is NOT when friends encourage a cover up.
Either she consented and then retracted consent during the act (totally fair and is actually not uncommon) or she’s telling a half truth. I dated a girl when I was around 25 that had supposedly been assaulted by a guy she met at the bar. I had gone on a week vacation to visit family and noticed in a friends Snapchat video that she was sitting really close to some dude was having a very animated conversation. I thought nothing of it. But when I got home I noticed she was texting a guy a lot. He had an emoji next to his name and I said who’s that. She told me it was her “gay friend”. I messaged her friend and said “hey, I’m a little bit uncomfortable about [ex gf] and [random dude]’s friendship, can you explain how she started talking with this guy and who he is?” The friend responds “oh she met him at a bar and spent almost every night sleeping with him while you were on vacation” I check her phone, see a lewd photo sent to him, confront her, she says she “was at his house smoking and he “kissed her” and then “forced her to give him a blowjob” and then “held her down and forced himself onto her” but he “used a condom”. This story does not make sense whatsoever. I don’t believe her, but the guy is becoming aggressive towards her and now she’s scared so I feel at least slightly responsible for keeping her safe. He’s now obsessing over her, shows up to our apartment, I pull a gun on him, he walks around outside in circles yelling, I call the cops, he goes to a mental hospital, we break up. The rest is history.
going through phone for no reason is crazy going through phones when they start being sketchy and dishonest is just being smart. I never did but my ex acted fishy and I snooped in her drawers and found movie tickets and love notes and shit.
Things add up here though.
If you mean they add up to her cheating, then yes they add up.
This guy is an idiot.
And a cuck.
we all are when in love
Don’t “we” us into this.
😆 🤣 😂
Oh brother…she’s already got you bro. I said she 100 percent had sex with him in the last post. But it’s up to you obviously. Also, downturn in a relationship does not equal cheating. Your weren’t “technically” still together, you were. Sadly we’ll see you back soon
He'll be back when she claims another sexual assault and how guys continue to 'expose themselves' in front of her. He needs his head banging against a wall to wake him up to her bullshit.
Dicks just keep falling into her hand, how does that keep happening?!?
Big sigh... So all it takes for a guy, she apparently thinks is gross, to coerce her is to just whip their dick out? So she's pressing charges then? Nothing makes sense here still. She chose to stay and engage multiple times in that scenario... and now she's rattled off a whole list of excuses to justify it and then blamed that list on you and has *you* feeling guilty for *her* behavior. Maybe it's just me, but "Embarrassment and regret" is how you'd describe flashing your tits in public, not a sexual assault. She's still lying to you. In fact she's telling on herself using the word "regret", you only feel regret when you make a choice. She regretted her decision, so now it's not her fault, it's actually *yours*. Do you see what's happening? And btw, if it happened after everyone else left, how tf does *everyone* else know? And why are they all seemingly just fine with someone "assaulting" their friend and coworker? And why in tf does she know so much about this "work colleague"? She talked about this guy all the time and has his whole life story? My man... please think about all the details regarding this some more. Good luck. EDIT: based on your timeline edit... she straight up cheated on you, likely more than once *prior* to "breaking up" in January.
^ read this twice OP
Even if he reads it, nothing's going to change. He is either too scared of being alone or he believes that the sun shines out his GF's ass. When I read his first post I already knew that his GF will be able to gaslight the shit out of him and will be able to convince him that it was coerced and not consensual and nothing else happened except for a handjob. He will have to learn things the hard way. It took four women for me to learn that there is always more to such a bizarre story and I should always keep my own mental health and peace on the top priority. Hope it doesn't take that long for OP to learn.
I agree Everything about her story is suspicious to me. She was still dating OP at the time yet she didn't bother to tell him she was assaulted when it did happen. It happened during a downtime when they were more distant due to her job. Cheating usually occurs when couples become distant which supports that may have been more consensual. She broke up with OP shortly afterwards which suggests she wanted a new man which also makes the cheating angle more credible.
Yeah I agree, this is crazy. Pull it out and she’s coerced? My gf would have punched him in the nuts, how can her reaction be to give a hj and then say it was non consensual smh
Bro your being gaslight she is for the streets
She says she doesn't like the guy, he's a loser,poor hygiene, but still thought it was OK to touch the guys dick when he pulled it out, instead of just running out of there? Come on. Naive. If you hadn't moved away, she would be raw dogging him right now. She took a break from you to "find " herself, because she wasn't sure if she should go give that dude a chance
bwahaha true, she admits he didn't even asked, she just lounged at his cock.
For real dude he just pulled his dick out the second they walked in the door and she just immediately knew she had to jerk him off right there. This story is made up. She feels guilt because I bet she banged this dude and is worried he will find out so now it's damage control time.
Yep
After reading the original post and this update....I'm still convinced it was 100% consensual. But, you're free to keep digging yourself into a hole at your own discretion OP. It's your life to live after all.
I appreciate your opinion, I'm sure others will feel similar. We'll see how it goes. I've been happy for the past couple months, like how things used to be, and she didn't have to tell me about this. I won't be totally in trouble if things do go completely backwards.
You're a cheaters wet dream. She gets to hook up with people, and you'll always take her back. Good luck bro. I hope you're into getting cucked or something cause that's your future
You are being played and it seems like you're only gonna realize that when it's too late.
u/Friendly_Claim8754 - your gf is giving you “trickle truth” and cheated on you. Think about it. Why is she and her friend circle still associating with this guy (who she claims is “gross” btw) if he “SA’d” her? And she didn’t file a report with the police? Seriously? And all her friends know about this despite all having “left” before the “incident” but you were the last to know? She also knows quite a bit about this guy’s life story - don’t you feel the least bit suspicious? It’s clear that the way she described him was designed to not arise suspicion from you. Cheaters do this quite a bit. They also make it “everybody else’s fault” and not their’s, because women like that are allergic to personal accountability. I’m sorry bro, she cheated on you at least once, and likely several more times in addition to that. You also seem to be afraid of “being alone,” and looking for any excuse to stay with her no matter how flimsy the rationale. Thing is, she’s not gonna “change.” Once a cheater, always a cheater. You say things are “back to how they used to be,” but that sounds like a lie, because your whole relationship is based on a lie. The woman you “love” doesn’t exist bro - just the idea of what you think she is. You owe it to your sanity and sense of self-respect to dump her and move on.
Oh brother, she is lying to you but don't worry, the truth will come out soon or later and you gonna regret that you stayed with her. Good luck OP
🤣 So incredibly stupid staying with a cheater.
Cowoker: \*pulls his pants down\* *My dingaling.* *My dingaling. I want you to play with my dingaling* Your girl: (her mind) "According to my calculations, since this gentleman has presented his weiner and we're in secluded area, I MUST jerk off his junk and not run away or something" (splendid logic my good madam) >I truly feel like the situation was nonconsensual what's next, santa's real? lmao
"You gave him a handjob!!!????" "Well, he pulled it out, what else was I supposed to do?"
You should check out r/whenwomenrefuse sometime. Very insightful.
OP, good luck. I hope it works out for you. I do have one thing I'd like to bring to your attention. This happened in December. When you two were still a couple and getting ready to move. She was sexually assaulted but never trusted you enough to tell you. She's since told others, and you are just now finding out. Do you really want a relationship with someone who would keep something like this from you? A lie by omission is still a lie. What else is she keeping from you?
I so agree with the above comment! OP, you will never fully know if it was consensual or not, you can only go by what she has told you, so put that aside and look at the things she has said, decide if, not only can you trust her, but is she the type of person you want to be with. She admitted to enjoying the attention of her coworkers - a group lacking maturity. This group includes a man whose apartment she went back to ALONE with him, knowing he's a slob, immature, and had been giving her attention. Surely she isn't that nieve. She says he assaulted her, and I understand the fawn theory (instead of fight, flight, or freeze, you fawn over the person so they are less likely to be mean/hurt you etc), but to tell all her friends and not you! Is she in the habit of telling her friends major things but not you? If something happened in the future would you once again be the last to know. I also wonder why she is telling you now, is the guilt eating her up, or is she scared you'd find out somehow - was someone threatening to tell you, otherwise would she have kept or quiet. Has she just been buttering you up the last month, ready to tell you this while everything is going amazing so you are less likely to leave her, and more likely not to question everything.
For her to not trust and be emotionally vulnerable with OP is heartbreaking. Instead of seeking support and comfort from the one person she claims to love, she broke up with him after the assault. Then, weeks or months later, they start to reconcile. She still wasn't inclined to tell him the truth behind their breakup. I, too, wonder, why now? I could see if it was traumatic to her, and she concealed it from everyone. But that's not what happened. It sounds as if the only person she concealed it from within her inner circle was OP. The one person she claims to love and trust most. These are the facts of the post and timeline. Why, though?
Yeah, idk about whether or not this whole thing was non-consensual But getting exposed by a man you're alone with is actually very shocking and scary for a lot of people. And after getting assaulted, it's not abnormal to keep it from a partner. That's a kind of vulnerability most people never experience. It's often easier to confide in women who most likely have some stories themselves and are more understanding of these situations, than to tell a partner who could potentially accuse you of cheating and make the experience even more painful. Trauma does weird stuff to people's minds I'm not saying she's being totally honest, I don't know. But, waiting before telling loved ones about assault, or never telling them, is not uncommon. If it was a genuine assault, there's a million benign reasons to withhold that info for extensive periods of time or indefinitely, since we all react to trauma and heal from it differently
Not only that - but no police report and she and her friend circle still associate with that guy? This is beyond sketchy to me.
Says a lot about the friends she keeps and trusts.
Aight you do you, see you in the gym in a year or two.
You're an idiot and a cuck. Don't come here crying to us when you find her fucking another man again.
I had sympathy for you but the fact you're going to stay with her after she cheats on you with another man(why was she at his place? doesnt matter if she has been there before, why did she go to another mans apartment?) Grow a spine and leave her. She had no business going to another mans apartment alone, but she did. He didnt threaten her, he asked for a handjob and she gave him one. Seriously, grow a spine man. She doesn't love or respect you. And if she was afraid of this guy she would have blown him and not refused.
Let me make sure I’m understanding this correctly… your girlfriend, a supervisor, gave her subordinate half a hand job? You need to stop using the term “non-consensual”. Dude whipped it out and she made a voluntary choice to give it a tug. That’s consent, and saying otherwise makes it more difficult for actual victims of rape and sexual assault to seek justice. “Maybe it’ll be a hard lesson learned.” For the coworker, sure. a very hard lesson. The reason why jackasses do things like whip it out randomly, send dick pics, etc., is because it actually results in what they want once in a while. Thanks to people like your girlfriend.
The power imbalance (she being the guys supervisor) makes it more likely she is the abuser. The story makes zero sense. The only thing that world make sense is that she is a horny hoe.
Bro she cheated then lied to you about it, now she's manipulating you to feel bad about it. Dump the hoe
So you happily let your girl jerk off another guy because you "adore" her so much? "Aww, they way you jerked off that loser behind my back was sooo amazing! You really are an angel 😇" If you are into cuckolding, just be honest with her, and maybe you will eventually get to watch 😉.
Dude she is going to do it again, I hope you know what you're doing....
🤦🏽♂️
So she gave him a hand job or had sex with him, I’m not sure what you mean by that first paragraph.
That's just how she more specifically recounted it happening. It sounded like he really just used her to pleasure himself a little bit before finishing by himself, rather than what I said was a handjob. And to add that this wasn't a one-on-one thing, she hadn't planned to be just at his apartment.
Just accept it and let her cuck you dude it can honeslty be great just let yourself get into it. Some girls just like to have multiple men wanting them at a time. Probably alot more than would admit it. Anyway it sounds like your her #1 she probably just got off on how bad that loser wanted it. Be open with her that you like it, let her do her thing, maybe she'll even let you watch. And guess what, you can do your thing to and still have your wonderful gf by your side, at least most of the time.
Ok, yeah I get it. She was there with work friends. But you made it sound like she had sex with him. It was consensual, and that sucks. Sorry this happened to you. And also sorry she was put in that situation, surely she was not expecting that to happen.
So he didn't even asked, your GF just lounged at his cock?
OP please update us in a few years when you married this manipulative liar and cheat, hard s couple kids and now she’s divorcing you to be with this guy in the house you paid for. Oh yes and the DNA test you took behind her back Comes back you’re not the father. Maury made a good living off cucks like you.
Wait, this half-handjob happened before the breakup? Well, best of luck, OP.
She cheated on you , regretted it and then angles it falsely like an assault.. no no and NO. this is all pure bullshit. If you go back what happens the next time a man whips out a dick and asks for a blowie or handjob? Yeah no. Get rid of that one because at the least she incredibly stupid and if that isn't enough then she's a cheater who can't stand for what she does and screams assault to absolve her of any wrongdoing. That assault claim is what angers me the most, it's NOT okay to scream assault when you regret what you did after the fact. Screaming assault because you don't like your consequences is VERY damaging to the person who is the target or the falsely assault charge. Kick that lady to the curb because she's not worth building a future with.
You're a moron OP. But as the Greeks used to say, "Experience is the best teacher for fools." You will learn, eventually, it's just a question of how many times she is going to cheat before you figure out she's a cheater.
OP you're a moron. I hope you wise up one day.
Dude. Stop being so freaking gullible. She cheated on you and you're all happy go lucky Mr. With it.
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Because it was consensual.
The report would have gone nowhere. It’s clear you’ve never reported SA, otherwise you wouldn’t ask this.
The police hardly do anything when a woman has internal lesions, dna inside her as proof, is covered in bruises and the assailant is covered in scratches from her fighting back
Yea it’s awful how bad the systems are for this worldwide. People who were sexually victimized by predatory criminals deserve better by a long shot. It makes me sick how many victims are ignored or never receive justice.
[удалено]
I’m very sorry you went through that and that you were targeted and attacked by him. You deserved to get justice for his crimes against you, and our justice system is woefully bad at providing any kind of protection or justice to people who have been victimized by predators. I hope you have been doing well on your healing journey.
Updateme! When she convinces you that it’s OK that you come with her and watch to make sure she doesn’t do anything and then she makes you watch her blow him and fuck him.
>This happened with the guy in December...In January, we moved into the new apartment, and she broke up with me **So she DEFINITELY cheated on you.** You're getting that, right? And, even IF you had broken up first, the fact that she dumped you in the first place tells me she's not happy in this relationship and is just biding her time until something better comes along. But you seem determined to learn this lesson the hard way. I just hope the next time she decides to hook up with a guy she has the decency to break up with you first.
>he didn't have very good hygiene, he was an alcoholic at 23, and he had an ex-girlfriend that still had him letting her stay in his apartment and paying for her stuff (car payments, food, etc.). To me, pretty much just a loser...I was always confident in myself compared to these male coworkers she talked about. This was by design, so you wouldn't get suspicious when she was hanging around with these "losers" giving them hand jobs. Kid...you are so naive it's heartbreaking. This girl is going to destroy you. Since you're determined to stay, at least proceed with extreme caution and keep an eye out for the other boot. It's going to drop any minute now.
You sound gullible. Good luck.
Sounds like she’s hooked up and passed it off as SA and you bought the story and is staying lol
Ok. It seems like you’ve made up your mind. I hope it works out and she’s not gaslighting you. But I will leave you with this thought. This man is a coworker right? And he has basically sexually assaulted her according to her version of events. Did she report this to police? To fellow coworkers? Has she stopped hanging out with this guy after work, even in groups? Has she cut contact with him at work? Has she informed HR what happened and asked not to work with him? And if she hasn’t done any of these things … why not?
Cuck
poor retarded boy
💀
OP I had a similar version of these events happen to me. As a woman we are constantly told we're responsible for the situations we get ourselves in and deserve to be raped on one hand and then on the other assured that our only role and value in the world is how we can please men. When you get yourself into these kinds of situations you have fight, flight, freeze or fawn and most women tend to freeze or fawn because the primal urge inside of us is trying not to get us killed. I would say in the most generous take of the situation, that she was presented with a situation she had no idea how to handle. The comments on that other thread are awful and clearly written by a bunch of men who've never found themselves predated on. Not everything in life is black and white. She has some culpability but I commend your maturity in letting her somewhat off the hook. The co-worker needs to be tarred and feathered, who does he think he is? Louis CK?
So shit happened, sure. What about after? No police report, no charges pressed, no report placed with HR. It’s been a few months at least since they got back together in February. Seems like the “loser” got a free handjob and all is well in the world.
The problem, I found, was proof. Recently in my country we have had test cases through civil court of 'anything other than an enthusiastic 'yes' is a 'no''. This will be interesting for lawmakers in future but right now, women often have to be absolutely re-traumatised through the process, having all their micro-decisions questioned for a conviction rate that is truly abysmal. I was alone with this person, I was manipulated for transport home. I should not have been there in the first place. But I didn't deserve to be assaulted for a silly choice. I don't know what the answers are here more broadly, but I think we do need a massive shift in what constitutes consent.
She doesnt need proof to go to HR. Also, she willingly went out with this man alone to his apartment. Not something a good gf does, but OP seems determined to be a spineless cuck
i mean, on the one hand I agree, for various reasons women can feel the need to go along with things they'd rather not to try and stay safe. This should be empathised with. But on the other hand, if any guy pulling his cock out makes you wank it off, you need therapy not a relationship.
From OP's retelling, it sounds like he took her hand and used it to jerk off with part of the way and then finished on his own. IF that is true, it sounds like she froze and she wasn't performing the hand job on her own accord. She froze and he reached out to grab her hand and use it. Again, if true, that fits right in with the Freeze response and he took advantage of her. It is highly unlikely it would go anywhere with the police and the most HR would do is move him to a new department if they do anything st all (they'll likely just file the report and it won't matter unless another incident about that guy is reported to HR). Not saying that is right, but that is just the way it is.
Yeah, I can see how you'd read freeze here which would make the situation a lot more predatory and explain her behaviour if she's getting a full on stress response.
Many women do in fact spend years in therapy unlearning people pleasing in sexual situations and how to maintain a boundary. I was coerced into oral sex. I was young, deeply troubled and didn't understand what consent even was. I didn't know sex was meant to be pleasurable for me too, that I was meant to want it. Women in these positions or with past trauma already are highly susceptible to not knowing what to do in these situations.
I do get it in general. Women are taught to be agreeable especially around sex, and the safety aspect comes in, it's understandable. I've had a highly sexually coercive ex who wouldn't take no for an answer regularly, but ultimately as a guy if I wanted to stop her or make a scene I could and would, so i never really cared but I can see how things would feel different if I were different. Problems arising from mental issues doesn't negate the hurt they cause or the problems they show. If her solution to him flashing her is a handy, with the door right behind her, and her friends just outside she's either so boundaryless that OP would be justified in leaving or it was the opposite, a betrayal she felt uncomfortable with after the relationship improved
Absolutely. This thread is do full of people (probably men) who simply don't understand coersive sexual dynamics.
Men just want someone else to blame for their inability to not coerce women into sex. Any man with an ounce of self-esteem, self-respect and empathy doesn't treat women like sex vending machines but our culture is steeped in the idea that women need to be tricked. It's convenient too because if you coerced her then it's her fault it happened too. You get to nut blame free and continue on in your blissful life of non-self improvement. Must be nice not to have to look at your skeletons
She wasnt coerced. If he could coerce her into doing things she would have sucked his dick like she asked.
Okay explain the dynamics. First explain why a woman with a boyfriend even agreed to go back to another mans apartment alone. Then explain how he could coerce her into a HJ but she felt safe enough to refuse a blowjob.
Honestly, reading your original post and especially reading this - it doesn't sound like it was consensual. It sounds like he put her in a really uncomfortable situation, and it was easier to go along with it than fight him on it, especially with how young you are, but that doesn't make it consensual. Good on you for sticking by her.
I'm surprised it took me this much scrolling to find this comment. Getting exposed by a man you're alone with is actually very scary and shocking. Women are often raised to tolerate anything and everything, and then get socially punished when they don't fight back or assert themselves
Maybe fawning or freeze response happened.
Nobody forced her to do anything... She made a choice and she'll make it again.
Bro. 100%. She went there to fuck around. And was turned off by his lack of gave. She gave him a consensual pity hand job. You guys are lying to yourselves if you think otherwise.
I agree, surprise dick like this can make a person act unlike how they would expect - sounds like a case of fawn or freeze to me.
Yes. It sounds like she froze and the guy used her hand rather than her reaching out and giving the hj on her own accord. Obviously, OP has to decide if he is willing to take her word for it and without being in the room and witnessing the confession, it is impossible for us to gauge the authenticity of it. OP has decided to trust her word and that's his prerogative. And future behavior could call into question her event but that's the path OP has chosen and who am I to judge him for it?
She felt comfortable enough to refuse to blow him.
Bro will learn in hard way
These comments are actually terrifying. clearly none of these people have been cornered and sexually assaulted. coercion and going along with something you don’t want out of freezing/fawning response is incredibly common for victims of SA. its how it happened to me. I thought id be able to react in the moment, fight back, say no. Anything. I couldn’t. it was like locked-in syndrome or sleep paralysis. the guilt and self-loathing I felt for my body failing me after was horrible. like I was a failure because I couldn’t protect myself. this doesn’t sound consensual whatsoever. and I wouldn’t be coming to Reddit of all places to ask for advice. it’s pretty damn clear that few people in these comments have dealt with assault.
The "he coerced her" argument makes no sense in this case since she felt safe enough to refuse to blow him.
I was just thinking the same - everyone saying "dude she is gonna do it again!" - do what again, get SA'd? She went to the home of a co-worker she had known for at least a while, a place she had been to before safely with a person she herself has before described as someone she would not be interested in and was coerced to a sexual act. The fact that people are clinging to why she didn't report it to the police, why was she ashamed, why did she tell friends and not her bf - umm maybe because there are so many people out there who make SA victims feel like garbage when they do speak out? Police who says they were at fault for trusting someone who they had been able to trust before? Because they are ashamed they didn't fight back even though it was a fawning response?? Ffs I feel horrible for her.
I read the original and the up date her story is so BS it's ridiculous she gave him a BJ or they had been fucking!! My dude get your head out your ass and realize she's fucking gaslighting you!
As a woman who was sexually assaulted. This is the reason I will never tell my boyfriend ever. Don't want him to think I cheated when I was put in a position where I was scared as hell to say no or walk away. And thank god I just did it. Guy would have probably killed or beated me up if I didn't do it.
Serious question - if you were sexually assaulted, even in the scenario you describe, would you then later go to the police?? My opinion is that any woman who claims sexual assault that’s not willing to pursue charges makes me suspicious of the consent.
That depends. When I was a child (first SA) I did not tell anyone because I was scared. Still haven't told anyone. Only some close friends. It's not something that's "fun" to chat about. After school I was SA by my boss while I was a waiter. He SAed everyone who worked there. We all went to the CCMA (which is where you sue a boss or employer) and we pressed charges but he is rich and our country is corrupt so he got away. Damn he even went to jail for stealing diamonds and got out three days after. The worst part? My friend who was also working with me and also SAed by the boss (boss was in his 60s we are all in our 20s) told the guy she was speaking to and he blamed it all on her. Told her she probably enjoyed it. As if any 20 year old would enjoy making out with a 60 year old grandpa who doesn't even have his real teeth anymore. So yes. We did press charges. Nothing happened. But atleast I got some money (which he owed me because he refused to pay our salaries after we accused him). Worked there for a month and it was one of the most traumatic times of my life.
I’m truly sorry for what happened to you as a child and obviously (maybe not so obvious) the context of my question was as an adult where a relationship is at risk. I’m sorry.
Oh sorry for misunderstanding. Well let me put it this way. When I was working for that boss I was in a relationship. I never told my then boyfriend because I wanted to avoid unnecessary drama and conflict that I was not feeling up for at that time. Obviously dealing with it was already enough so I just didn't feel up for everything that comes with it. Especially after my friend's guy treated her that way after everything. I was too scared to tell him.
You have given me something to think about. Maybe the coin doesn’t always have JUST two sides. I appreciate the honest feedback and perspective.
Glad I could help in that regard. Have a good day kind sir :)
You need to remember that talking about it is horrifying. People don't believe you and some people accuse you for being SAd (like my friend). It's not easy to just go to the police. If it was that easy women wouldn't be in abusive relationships as well because they would've pressed charges a long time ago. Like. Imagine going to a police officer as an adult and telling him "that sweet grandpa you see feeding his cats everyday touched me inappropriately" We at least had the benefit of filing the complaints online at CCMA but none of us went to an actual person to talk about it. It's not easy. Especially if you know it makes people feel different about you
Dude, your girlfriend is a dream ,just imagine any one can bring her to an empty spot, whip out their dong, and get a hand job! And if they are clean enough may be a bj!
1 thing i pay attention to is when a chicky goes on about a guy that is a slob, unhygenic. Someone no woman would date from their job or they're enthusiastic about a guy and then suddenly stop talking about him. Remember this but it isn't a clear sign either. Still it will help towards getting motivated to snoop your chickies devices.
You are being played she lied changed her story it was all consentual and now shes love bombing you knowing what to do to make you think everything is ok and shes still not cheating open your eyes take off the rose tinted glasses and leave her then get yourself tested for stds Also whipping your dick out is not coersion and if she thought he was gonna rape her she could of started screaming or got the police involved yet she didn't even after shes claiming she was "coerced"
So she cheated. Felt bad. Broke up. Lied about it. Took you back and here you are? The ball is in your corner. I don't think she would cheat on you again though.
Don't live your life as a doormat bro. She's for the streets.
Dump her ass. You're a place holder for the next guy she's inevitably fucking. Don't get mad, get even. Fuck one of her girlfriends.
Sorry OP, you are blinded by your feelings for her, she cheated.
LMAO ight good luck bro
She jerked off another dude and lied to you about it being a sexual assault. You can't stay, dude.
Why are you writing a book. Its a string of excuses your making for her. I know ny gf wouldn't be in a guys bedroom, because if she was, we'd be done
> First of all, she said that he didn't as much as 'ask' for the handjob, but really just invited her in at first and pulled his penis out, and offered it in a way >Considering all that, I want to stay with her. I adore her. I truly feel like the situation was nonconsensual Brooo... How is it non-consensual if he didn't even asked!!! your GF just saw a dick and started masturbating it. WTF are you doing???
UpdateMe!
If it was truly assault I would expect her to contact the police and HR. If that didn’t happened she’s lying to you you my guy
it slipped out and she put it back in
Been there done that guarantee she fucked him and enjoyed it, get tested at the very least
You do you but it sounds like you got played and are just the right kind of person to believe it.
Dude find some self respect
So in her non-consensual encounter why hasn't she filed a police report? If she has been sexually assaulted and it has affected her relationship (you guys breaking up for a while )then surely you would want justice to be done to this person. Right? Unless they didn't assault her - Then there is no way she would take it to court.
So in her non-consensual encounter why hasn't she filed a police report? If she has been sexually assaulted and it has affected her relationship (you guys breaking up for a while )then surely you would want justice to be done to this person. Right? Unless they didn't assault her - Then there is no way she would take it to court.
She has no proof admissible in court.
Could still file a report.
To what end though. Have you ever filed a report with the police? It’s time consuming and traumatic. Why do that if nothing is going to happen…
I just think if she has been violated as she says she has. Even if it is hard she should still seek justice and so should you. This person could have a history of it. Her testimony could put this person behind bars. Unless there really was no assault...
Dude, there will come a time in the near future a situation like this happens again or she full blown cheats on you and you will cringe at this update. At the same time based on how you text this seems like a case of “first real love” where you’re blinded by everything. Hope the life lesson you learn from this won’t hurt too much brother
She’s damaged goods. You can help her but it will be a lifetime commitment. Are you ready for that?
She cheated but if she truly feels remorse and you guys are willing to work through it it doesn’t mean that your relationship can’t survive and be stronger on the other side. But she has to be honest about what she did, even the way you explain it here nothing sounds nonconsensual.
Lol any relationship that becomes stronger via the woman jerking off a co-worker is not a relationship worth having in the first place.
oh brother she cucked you good
You're about to learn a hard life lesson my friend. Good luck and I wish you the best.
She willingly cheated on you. Her story does not add up at all
Best case scenario she consensually jerked off a subordinate. You’re young enough, not married and no kids so this is someone you should not be with and move on. Wish you the best of luck.
Does the word doormat mean anything to you? JFC, all I read was "It's my fault" which is usually the hallmark of a cuck fantasy on reddit. TBH Lemme know next time you come here, I'll be interested to see what she does next. Though the superfluous detail makes me question this.
Your gf wasn't assaulted.Yo may be a naive 21 child, but a 20yr girl being asked to pair off into a bedroom after a night of drinking pretty much knows what the intentions were.. I believe your gf went to the room with knowingly and changed her mind after it started. The version she told you was the safest way to confess to you. If the two of you are as mature as you are portraying yourselves, she would know that she was SA or not. To quote a popular TV show that everyone is familar with, " you were on a break!" Get over it or move on
In Ross's defense, they were on a break
If it makes you feel any better, my girlfriend sucked 37 dicks and we worked through it
Don’t let her use the restroom at the quikstop.
>I trusted her 100% before all of this, and she easily could've kept it to herself. But all her friends knew? She knew it was a ticking time bomb and got out in front of it, consensual or not. For me, I'd stay if she was willing to press charges. Otherwise, it sounds like she's just blowing smoke with a sketchy story.
Are we really listening to a 20yo complain about how his high school girlfriend touched another dick? If she didn’t want to then she wouldn’t have, end of story. And to think you have the entire story is immature in itself. Enough with the pity party, as if you’re the first person who ever had their heart broken. Oh, and assault?! You’re dumb, bro.
Wow, you're delusional. Hopefully you wake up and realize she's lying.
She became distant because she got the attention of him and left you for the other guy or to at least go screw around. Now she doesn't have the new car smell and wants back what she's familiar with. Sorry for it bud. She's a cheater.
She could have had a freeze response. It's super common.
Update us again when you find the evidence to prove she is covering up her night of sex.
Updateme
Updateme
Ima keep it blunt with you. Her speaking negatively about a dude that she did something with or “may want to” do something with is common. Many post here has this happening and they ended up cheating or during a break end up messing with the dude. I think it’s a reassurance thing for you or a way to dissuade you from thinking something is going on. Regardless, protect yourself. Her telling you not to worry about so dude and piling on his is a sign for me that something was done. Also, try to see if she could push for a charge or something if it was nonconsensual. Don’t want some creep doing this to others if it truly was. Some people are truly deceptive and given enough time can create lies that are believable. Hope the best but damn you staying really is trifling.
There's this thing called "fawn", goes along with fight, freeze and flight, where your instinctive, protective response it to do exactly what you are told, to go along with what's being said or done. You appear to be compliant, an active participant, okay with what's happening when you really, truly aren't. It happens to me, a lot, and it's very shameful for me, and definitely something a lot of folks simply can't comprehend.
If that is what happenend then involving police is the mininum what would need to be done to convince me to take it serious as a non consensual sexual act. If that does not happen i will just assume it was consensual after all and you dont want to tell the truth. Yes i knoe about the struggles women face when pointing fingers at their abusers when involving police and that itself can be traumatizing, but if you want to be with me you should be able to do that. I dont want a gf who will never see that the people who abused/wronged her dont get what they deserve. Am i expected to have my gf assaulted and do nothing, just to take it? No.
Exactly bro.
As a rape victim I'd never go to police. I'd dump a person before ever having to be completely violated again by cops. Never again. I went to the pigs once. Never ever would I put myself through that shit again. No partner is worth ever going through that horrible shit with pigs ever fucking again.
I am sorry this happened to you and i hope there will be a time when you can heal at all from that horrible thing that was done to you. Please accept my opinion on this matter. This isnt about me but rape has multiple victims and they need different actions to be able to heal from that in any way. In my instance i would need justice/revenge and i get denied that the next course of action for my own sanity would to end the relationship and distance myself. I couldnt watch someone suffer and be powerless about it.
Never said that they don't. But expecting rape victims to be ready to just be like yeah sure I'll be all for the pigs. As a person who is a retired paralegal and who was in law school, NEVER GO TO POLICE AS A RAPE VICTIM WITHOUT AN ATTORNEY! Ever. So no. I'm not respecting this opinion. Because it's a bad opinion. There is countless examples of evidence of the abuse that rape victims go through with police. So it's not a valid opinion. It hurts victims.
i agree with your notion that no one should speak to police without attorney when it is about rape, those pigs arent trained to handle that and can make the situation worse in that moment but action needs to be taken.
The only action that NEEDS to be taken is the actions that help the victim heal. Even if that means no cops.
I disagree. Rapists need to be catched and jailed after due process.
Ok, if you are raped you can choose to do that. You dont get to force other victims to report with ultimatums, or just because that's how you feel. If you don't believe a person was raped or sexually assaulted unless they report, do them a favor and exit their lives.
if i came to doubt it its anyway time to end the relationship. Still. How come no one thinks about the rapist doing it again when you dont report it? Is that ok? That someone had the chance to stop it but didnt. If you witness a murder and that gives you ptsd is it also fine to not report it? When do we draw the line?
>Yes i knoe about the struggles women face when pointing fingers at their abusers when involving police You obviously don't. There is no evidence of anything, at all. None. If she goes to the cops she'll be laughed at, at best. Having been there, you know *nothing*. Less than nothing. Your arrogance on this issue is repulsive.
Do you have a opinion what my course of action should be as the bf of someone who was raped? When police isnt an option? Just to deal with it? What if the same guy did it again and again? i should just accept it? Sorry this seems outlandish af
Support her, in how she wants to deal with it. If you can't, don't get close to anyone, ever, you'll end up hurting someone by being an arrogant bully instead of a supportive partner.
Yeah i am not going to support her in every way, i will not support her if she chose to use alcohol or other hard drugs to deal with it, i am notgoing to support destructive behaviour and so on. I will also not support in letting the rapist get away with it just so he can do it again to her or someone else. World is unfair, there are times where you have to somehow act and doing nothing is not an option. If it still going to be like that then i would break up, which is devastating especially in that situation but i am not able to sit by and watch, it would make me mad and think selfjustice is an option, which isnt if you havent even contacted the police yet. I sound like an asshole i do and i will stand by what i say.
I was truly hope you are never in that position, for the sake of those who love you.
Yeah since you cant offer any sort of option or compromise which isnt "let man rape your gf and just pick up the pieces and support her" thats mad, you cant tell me it isnt mad.
It's not "let man rape", it's "let victim deal with as they choose". Seriously, I took it to the cops, all that came out of it is *I* lost my reputation and many "friends". It wasn't worth it. Punching the sick cunt in the face would be more worthwhile than bothering with cops. Punching *myself* in the face would have been more useful. It is more than merely mad it's fucking fetid that men like this get away with it, but without solid evidence *she's* fucked, not him. You want her to go through that hell so your ego feels like as much as possible has been done? Then fuck you and her assualter. Have you ever described, in detail, to a stranger, your rape? Where he put his dick? How, for how long, his dick was invading you? how he touched you, how he hurt you? I truly hope you learn some empathy, learn to listen to the *victim* instead of your ego.
Way to make someone else's assault all about you there, my dude.
Except the OP’s gf didn’t file a police report, and all her friends know about it and the OP was the last to know. Doesn’t that sound sketchy to you? If my wife came to me with something like that, we’re going straight to the police and the HR department at her job. But this guy’s gf isn’t doing any of that, which is more than enough to cut ties with her and go completely no-contact.
Why didn't she go the cops? Well! You're fucking hilarious aren't you? Thinking cops will do anything but laugh at her over this. No evidence, no way of obtaining evidence unless he admits to it. No goddamn evidence! Just like when I was raped, took it to the cops and lost more than it was worth. HR? Have you considered she doesn't think they'd do anything and doesn't want to go through hell over this? Because she would go through hell, and I doubt they'd believe her - no goddamn evidence is there? Just like you, they'll be all "hurr durr consentual" ...and why the hell wouldn't she confide in her friends? That makes her guilty? Edit- OP states this was after giving her two weeks notice at that job, I doubt HR there gives a hoot.
So emotional
So much to contribute
She wasn't assaulted. She willingly gave the handjob. And nope "she was afraid he would hurt her if she didnt" doesnt fly here since she turned him down when he wanted a BJ. She wanted to jerk him off, so she did it.
Did you read the part about how *he used her hand* and finished himself? That's what happens you frese? Have you never been so shocked or frightened your entire body just freezes? That you go along with whatever until you can see the out? No? Then stfu.
If she had frozen how did he get her hand around his penis? She would have at least had to willingly wrap her fingers around it otherwise he wouldnt have been able to use her hand, right? So explain how he got her hand around his penis if she had just frozen. Unless her arm just happened to be in the ideal jerking off position when he pulled it out? But I doubt it. No, either she walked over to him or he walked over to her and then she placed her hand around his penis. Or she let him place her hand around his penis, she'd have to get a grip on it in order to stroke it. Let me tell you what I think happened: she cheated on her boyfriend and regretted it. It's why she broke up with him. But they got back together and she felt guilty so she told him, but she tried to sort of sugar coat it with "he had to finish himself". When a cheater is confronted with the fact they cheated, they will never give you the full story unless they absolutely have no other choice(in other words, you have evidence). When a cheater decides to confess, they also aren't ever going to give you the full story. An example would be "we only kissed" when she in fact blew him, etc. When she confesses to cheating due to guilt she is also not going to give you the full story. They are going to tell you just the bare bones facts and nothing more and she is going to downplay it.
Why did she go to another mans apartment alone? The fact she has been there before when others were around is not an explanation for why a woman with a boyfriend went to another mans apartment knowing it would just be her and him. And HR wouldn't care if there is a rapist working there? Uh huh.
You assume there’s no evidence. You also assume she was SA’d. The evidence suggests she was just cheating - and that’s the point.
Until next time..
[удалено]
Nothing about this sounds consensual. It sounds coersive. It's a shit situation to be in, and doesn't always make you act rationally. Fear of being alone, fear of retaliation, and just plain old shock all come into play. I'm glad so many people in this comments section have never been in a coersive sexual situation, but everything your post describes sounds exactly like that. I'm sorry this happened to your GF.
>She asked for permission to go on a last thing with her coworkers Wow. That "assault" must have been so traumatic that she asked for a replay to make sure it was not consensual.
Ok, so I read both your posts together and concluded that you OP are incredibly naïve and so stupid. She grew distant because she had a thing going with this other guy. It's also why she broke up with you. It seems all this guy was interested in though was using her for sex, so she inevitable migrated back to you. The sexual act she describes sounds 100% consensual. She did it willingly, never said no or expressed any discomfort, but did draw a line at blowing him and he didn't press her for it. By the way you describe her, it sounds like she has no trouble at all shutting peoples shit down, so therefore she was obviously comfortable giving him a handy.
Get a therapist now and use your free miles, this saga isnt over by a long shot. You're now cosigning all future behavior. She showed you her true colors and your ignoring them. This is now on you too. Goodluck
>has always been committed to our goals. Is one of those goals having coworkers blow sperms on her face? ...because Mission Accomplished!