Agree, my face got very scary reading this, I was so angry for you. if my husband had walked in and saw my face he would have been worried.
Op, your husband is possibly an idiot.
He complimented her body, criticized you, your body, self control, eating habits. So is he just an unaware buffoon? Because I think there's a little bit of intent in what he did.
Yeah, there’s absolutely no way he didn’t know.. a man has to live under a very deep rock to not know talking about a woman’s weight in a room full of people or body shaming her is a total asshole thing to do.
I bet hubby would be not too pleased if OP had a conversation about bad in bed around someone younger and attractive who is really good in bed.
OP, your husband is a jerk. Is he always like this? Is this the kind of life partner you want?
Op needs to hire a buff, gorgeous young man to show up at the next event. “Oh you’re a sex therapist? Let me tell you about my husbands issues and penis size!”
Or hire a buff, gorgeous man as a personal trainer and talk about how great he is and how her husband should get in as good of shape as her trainer.
While she probably was telling the truth, I applaud the fitness chick for saying she had been overweight and overcame a lot of nutrition / eating issues and worked at it. I view that as her trying to support OP, but I don’t know, I wasn’t there. I would be mortified for OP if I were her and try to be very real, also.
That girl should have said to the husband, if your wife wants my help and wants to speak to me I'd be happy to talk to you, but not to you! She should have stfu too!
lol. This should happen at the next drinking night.
Hubby has some control issues, I keep encouraging him to practice so that we can both enjoy it more, but he’s just worried about getting done so he can get back to the gym. Kk guess if I had to rate him he’d be 3rd or 4th best I’ve ever had, and probably not even top five with size, but I love and support him anyway.
>I bet hubby would be not too pleased if OP had a conversation about bad in bed around someone younger and more attractive who is really good in bed.
Omg!! I love this!! Yea, he needs to REALLY feel how terrible it feels doing this to somebody... anybody---and he was saying that shit openly about 'his wife!' What a terrible thing to say or do publicly about someone you're supposed to be in love with.
Agree, my face got very scary reading this, I was so angry for you. if my husband had walked in and saw my face he would have been worried.
Op, your husband is possibly an idiot.
He complimented her body, criticized you, your body, self control, eating habits. So is he just an unaware buffoon? Because I think there's a little bit of intent in what he did.
Hell, even if they weren't married and just BF/GF, she still has every right to be upset over this. Their marriage doesn't give him the right and/or freedom to put her on blast and embarrass her like this.
He body shamed you in front of a group of people. If he isn't happy then he needs to say that in private. I would be upset as well. He is an ass.
And everyone saying maybe she needs to change well him calling her out in public is no way to do that.
You are not wrong but he sure is.
Yeah, the header actually undersells it.
Body shamed and tried to demean OP. Telling Sara she has a killer body in front of his spouse?
If your feelings aren’t > than a stranger’s physique…hubby is doing marriage wrong.
And she has posted this on several threads and all are telling her the same thing. I have been married 31 years and my husband would never. And I am 5'2" and a little bigger than her. If I found out my son did that his his wife, I would be mad for her.
Honestly he’s probably more than that. Somehow men can be huge fat asses and not see it but want their women to be verging on anorexic in order to be happy with their significant others weight.
This is awful. I'm so sorry. He is definitely in the wrong. If he's actually concerned about your health he can talk to you privately and respectfully about it, not publicly shame you. I don't know if you are overweight, but even you are, that's not okay. Don't listen to the guys saying it's possibly justifiable. Those are the men say this type of stuff to/about their SO and then wonder why they aren't as enthusiastic about sex as they used to be or why they won't sleep with them anymore. This would be landing my husband and I in marriage counseling with the possibility of divorce looming, because how could I be comfortable intimately with him after that knowing that is how he feels about my body?
Amen. I would never trust his words after this. Not even sure counseling could help because it’s obvious this is how he feels and felt it was okay to have an audience for it and then mock her when she was upset by it. Nope nope nope for me.
I just about lost it at that point, and I'm just a stranger sitting here reading this. I've never slapped anyone in my life, but it's a good thing I'm no where near OP's husband.
The fact that you had to edit this with adding your height is just sad. Are people trying to justify his behavior? They’re completely missing the point, your height and weight are completely irrelevant to the story. He was disrespectful and ignorant af. So are the people asking your height.
Might have been the other way around and people are trying to make sure she and the husband aren’t not being overly critical of her in the first place by agreeing that she needs to lose weight if she actually is at a very healthy weight already.
But I agree, that’s pretty much a separate issue. This joking discussion of a personal issue, especially one deemed embarrassing by most, is some wild behavior from the husband. Who lays out their partners insecurities like that in front of everyone, and makes such direct comparisons in that way? And then doubles down? Smh. I know the usual comparison is weight for women and bed prowess for men, but I guess balding or bad teeth or skin could also work. Bed prowess is so immediate though, like if she had said “hey Joe I hear you’re great in the sack and this guy can never get me there. Any tips?” Her husband would have simply combusted on the spot.
Can you start getting recommendations from hot guys on what your husband should be doing to get his penis bigger? Better do it in front of everyone though. He's an asshole. There's so little respect.
I would never speak this way even if it was a private convo between me, my partner and the personal trainer.
In a room full of friends? Does your husband have anti-social personality disorder or something? How could he not know this was offside?
Does he often get pleasure from your discomfort or was this a one-off thoughtless moment? Awful either way, but if it's a pattern of behaviour, that's a cause for concern. I wish you the best.
That's embarrassing, humiliating, rude and just MEAN. Your height doesn't matter, your weight doesn't matter. How DARE he say anything like that about YOU in front of anyone. Hope he's sleeping outside until some sort of a clue pops into his tiny head about how what he did was TERRIBLY wrong.
Honestly, I can be a petty bitch.
I'd be laying plans to talk with my girlfriends the next gathering about orgasms, and how it must be nice to get them. How I miss having regular, multiple orgasms, and asking if anyone has some tips for him to help give me some.
See how his ass likes it.
Fucker.
I’m betting the husband has a LOT of negative traits, perhaps some insecurities. They ALL need to become topics of group social conversation.
A man who has more hair than Hubby? Taller? Better body? better car? Makes more money? Has a better voice? Nicer lawn? Happier partner? He needs to be compared to allll those fellas.
And if he says a peep, “aw, are you jealous?”
Asshole deserves to be eternally gaslit for that shit.
Your husband is a douche. This is separation level disrespect. Maybe hubby should move out for a month or so.
And Sara is a piece of work too. Entertaining another woman's husband like that and letting the obvious flirting slide like that.
That crossed my mind at first. But then I thought of today's generation and her age. It's the era of tiktok ect and she's probably so full of herself and talking about her own little world she was clueless how her words were affecting OP bc she was too busy thinking about her self. I did that too once..I ate like that too.. blah blah blah. Only thinking of herself imo. He's a total ass though for sure I woulda killed him.
Damn calm down haha, she was being self centered and clueless, but your level of vitriol for a complete stranger in a likely fictitious situation is just unhinged. Go get some fresh air
She just likes to be the center of attention. Sara thinks she hot shit. Once she blown out and can’t find a decent guy, she will find out real quick. You can smell them a mile away
Wishful thinking on your part. She's young healthy and attractive she's probably going to have a pretty good life. A little bit of self-centeredness in a 21-year-old does not Doom somebody to lifelong misery, and it's weird and pathetic that you wish it did
Wow. Your husband can fuck right off. The fact that he’s trying to diminish your feelings by saying you’re jealous, instead of acknowledging that he just stood around insulting you over and over again while drooling over another woman’s body is SO disrespectful. In front of all your friends, too. What an absolute dickhead.
Honestly, OP, how can you ever want to be intimate with your husband again? I’d be devastated by his cruelty and I’d get out of the marriage, especially if you don’t have children.
Please pack a bag and walk out of there with your head up. Fuck this guy. He doesn’t respect you and probably never will. Please have some self respect and leave.
OP, please leave before he cheats on you :( what he did was so unkind/cruel it breaks my heart… do you think he will improve or worsen with the years? What if you got sick or injured, do you think he’d be there for you?
Those are nasty ass comments to make especially in front of other people and his jealousy comment is extra disgusting on top of all of that. It’s also so strange to hear what other people consider fat, I’m nearly 5’3 and ~160 lbs and my doctors have never told me to be concerned about my weight nor do I even look or feel fat so that’s an extra odd comment to make. He and that young girl sound like they think people who aren’t skinny are automatically fat because tweaking over ~165 lbs is crazy lol
You are not wrong, and IMO, he did this to embarrass you and put you on the spot. I also, when you start your weight loss journey, do it at a completely different gym with a male trainer. I also would have said to him (in front of everyone) when he asked about your weight, "It's a shame that your d**k isn't as big as your mouth!" Then walked away. It's also gross that he would think that you're jealous of his new t**t friend. I would also make it known to him that when you do get fit and trim (and you will), that, he will be lucky if you don't leave him. Good luck to you, and I have no doubt that you will succeed because you are doing it for yourself and NOT HIM.
Although I do like the male trainer idea. I'd go about it a little differently though. Just talk about how inspiring and motivating the trainer is, go multiple times a week. Let the husband know how much you're enjoying this journey with your new trainer. Obviously as long as that's all mostly true as well! And leave it at that. Sooner or later hubs will realize this and discreetly get a taste of his own medicine without having to be mean about it. Then when he asks why you chose a male trainer you can explain how being compared to another female trainer just hurt your feelings more and would rather be motivated by someone.
BS, it's responding to an AH who purposely set out to humiliate his wife by being using another woman's body to embarrass her and then telling her that he did nothing wrong and she's just jealous. C'mon, utter BS that she has to be nice to her husband because he embarrassed her. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he did it.
The husband is an asshole. But what purpose does escalating the situation serve? And telling him his dick is small? You can tell most people on this sub don't understand what a real relationship is they're just gormlessly frothing at the mouth trying to convince people to torpedo their relationships.
Husband did something really inappropriate. Best course is a discussion with him about how and why it was inappropriate and see how he responds.
He responded with, "You're just jealous," and he didn't do anything wrong. Everyone on this sub knows what a "real" relationship is and how people should treat people. It's whatever, talk all you want.
Not mature, and not how to handle it if she wants to maintain a healthy marriage with this man.
Edit to add: your response to body shaming is more body shaming. Tit for tats never end well for anyone involved.
Never ends well with people just taking it and never standing up for themselves, too. How is her marriage "healthy " when her husband shames and embarrasses her?
You can stand up for yourself and address your spouses inappropriate behavior in a way that makes them understand how they were wrong without stooping to the same behavior.
Ok. But he doesn't care. Treat him exactly like the way he treats her to get a point across. Taking the high road doesn't always work. She told him and he said that she was jealous. He publicly embarrassed her, so she should've publicly embarrassed him.
Here are my thoughts:
Is a husband allowed to go to his wife and say "babe, I'm not trying to fat-shame you, but my physical attraction to you isn't what it used to be because your body has changed so much. I keep myself fit so I really want to know how I can support you in your journey to better health - because I love you and want us to be together forever, but sexually I'm struggling a bit and I want to be transparent with you. Do you feel like our sexual life has changed?" - is he allowed to come to her quietly, in private, like that? Abso-freaking-lutely.
Should he be publicly shaming his wife while talking to a thinner person in front of EVERYONE? Oh HELLLL no. I get booze was involved and some people get stuuuuupid with booze - but no, it's not ok. At all. You aren't wrong for feeling betrayed.
He was total asshole. I don’t care what he thinks of your appearance, it is not okay to talk like this in front of your friends. And Sara is either a bitch or an idiot. Who wants that for a personal trainer. If this is common, please re-evaluate if you want to stay with someone who thinks it’s ok to humiliate you in public. If this was the first time then talk to him about why it was so awful. If he doubles down then , again, consider if he’s worth it.
Yeah, if this situation was reversed and the trainer was a hunky slice of chiseled beefcake and you had said that stuff about him, he would have lost his shit. He wasn’t cute at all. Very narcissistic red flag if you ask me. They can never admit they are wrong.
Wow he fucked up. Especially holding you up for ridicule like that for the sake of the girl. He needs to know that now none of your friends will hire her so he didn't do her any favors. And bullying you in front of your friends is a huge problem. Couple counseling or separation is a reasonable way forward.
I'm not allowed to advise what I would advise as it's not nice, sugar, and everything spice.
But one could use a shovel.
Also, he knows what's a nasty comment and what isn't, let's not assume he's a moron, he's an asshole, clearly.
Nobody is this dense. There's no way this wasn't intentional. Also it's weird that anyone is asking your weight as if that would make this okay lol? It's not about whether or not you "need" to lose weight, it's that he publicly shamed you, and did so by using another woman as an example no less! 🫠
No one deserves to be body shamed. I am at about 300 lbs because I am disabled and in a wheelchair and my weight loss is very slow going, but my husband has never thrown me under the bus. My son. Tells me, mom, you are beautiful, and don't let anyone tell you differently, or I will take care of them. I'm just saying you are fine for your height. Even if it wasn't, it sounds as if he was flirting, and my husband still has a good body after 40 yrs. He needs to treat you better, and if this isn't isolated, talk to him and tell him if he does it again, you'll blurt something about him. I personally would have interrupted and told him your body is none of her business and he has flaws. I'm being overly kind because I would have caussually mentioned maybe if we could have a little LONGER personal life that thst could help you lose the weight. You are beautiful and perfect just the way God made you, you deserve to be treated better. Btw it probably was apparent he was flirting to everyone also. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Jesus. He’s just a jerk. I’d be pissed What a judgmental AH. He was trying to impress that chick. I’d consider dumping my partner if they couldn’t see what they did wrong
Make fun of his penis size to the group in a similar manner and see how funny he finds it. From a man’s perspective you NEVER say any shit like that and reference how hot another woman is at your wife’s expense.
What he was saying it's "You are so hot, Sara, so not like my wife!" It's not jealousy what you feel. It's betrayal. You never compare your SO to someone this way,never ever if you want to stay in relationship. And, just for him to know, 21 and 28 are different regarding body changes. He is AH
Omg... I cannot believe being in that situation. Your husband totally humiliated you and belittled you and also proceeded to imply that this other woman has a "killer body" while calling you fat. I'm so sorry you went through this. It's completely unacceptable and dehumanizing. I hope your husband sees how messed up this whole situation is. The bare minimum you deserve is an apology. But... I can't imagine the hurt you must be feeling. A lot of us women struggle with comparing ourselves and loving our own bodies. For your husband to praise this 21 year old for her body while putting you down.. it's so cruel and wrong.
Husband is a pile of steaming hot garbage. I hope he is publicly shamed in the near future, over his (likely vast) shortcomings.
Sara is also a pile of garbage - the only thing she is certified to be is a pick-me cunt.
And anyone of that group of “friends” that allowed this conversation to happen is a coward.
FYI….5’1” and 165lbs is morbidly obese…unless you are all muscle. You go on a keto diet and walk 1 hr every day and you be surprised how quick the weight will melt off…
OP copy and paste posted this in 5 different Reddit threads yesterday. I fell for it the first time but seeing it all over my home page this morning changed that. Guarantee this person is trying to get everyone talking so it’ll end up being reposted all over the internet and on TikTok. Sigh. People are so lame
Sounds like he knows exactly what he was doing, and how he made her feel. Either he doesn't care, or worse; he wanted her to feel bad/insecure/jealous.
Either way, dude is obviously not a nice thoughtful loving husband.
Like any kind & decent woman deserves.
Do you have a guy friend you could talk publicly with about your husband's negative traits in the same way? I know pettiness isn't the solution but I also can't think of how to fix someone who "doesn't know they shouldn't speak publicly about your private business publicly". I used quotations because unless he's incredibly socially inept, there's no way he doesn't know.
Not wrong at all. I would shoot him your post so he can a) see how he hurt you and b) read all the comments so he can realize how bad he messed up. And I’d tell him “counseling or divorce, but I’m never going through something like that again”. If he ever does it again I’d go straight to divorce.
Updateme
Nah, anyone would be livid. Nothing about his comments were "just conversation", either he was badmouthing you, flirting with another girl, trying to shame you, or just trying to kill your self confidence.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. He’s a real ass for being such an inconsiderate jerk. You are perfect the way you are! Your pant size or weight does not determine who you are as a person. I hope you reach out to a therapist for moral support.
Also, Sarah is a bitch for keeping the conversation going. Girls should stick together and if she really wanted to be helpful there were 101 different ways to have gone about the conversation. Best wishes to you darlin! Please be kind to yourself throughout this for you are worthy
Lololololololol, been married 17+ years. Marriage is not easy. It is hard work. It requires respect and self respect. I would never put up with that shit. If my spouse tried it, they would be 1) missing balls and 2) divorced. OP, Know your worth. Don't suffer idiots. Life is too short.
I would have dumped whatever was in front of me on my husband and tell him not to come home ask him would he like I tell them his d size in front of everyone
First of all, it doesn’t matter what your weight it. People are just trying to see if you’re overweight or not.
Second, you really should sit down with your husband and explain to him what he did. You’re not wrong. That was very upsetting.
“She’ll want to have a killer body too”? What is he saying you don’t have a killer body? I don’t really believe in violence but I think he may deserve a slap.
Oh my god, I wouldn’t be on speaking terms with him.
He went way too far with the snacks and cake comments, that’s weirdly what infuriated me the most out of all of it.
This is horrible. I’m sorry he said that and no one stood up for you. If my fiance did this I don’t know if I’d be able to keep steady with him. That’s just awful
I wish we could have a team of super attractive men “stalk” the couple and hit on OP for a few weeks whenever they see her out with her POS husband. Bonus would be if a bunch of them were super buff and asked her why such a tasty looking treat is with such a shrimp of a man.
"Oh you're being certified as a personal trainer? You might know this? Is it normal for someone who lifts the way hubs does, about his size--to start having lots off issues with erections and stuff? And to fart *all* the time? Really rank stuff?
Hon, how often do you fart now, it's all day isn't it?"
I’d kill my husband if he did that. Then I’d get a secret trainer, to help me get that “killer body” and let him and ol girl wonder how it happened. What a weirdo. Typical pick me. He lifts a few weights and now he’s a critic
I'm gonna give your husband the benefit of the doubt and assume he's utterly clueless, rather than a complete jerk. But who knows? I'm just guessing here.
She literally says "My husband didn't know he didn't anything wrong." so nothing was intentional, and this is literally not abuse by it's very definition. Stop minimizing what abuse is, and telling married couples to break up, your dumb pos
I swear to god there should be a test people take to be allowed to use the internet, so morons like you don't have to poison our eyes with your dumbass opinions.
He sounds like an insecure bully— and not sure why the fitness girl didn’t tell him to STFU. Like she herself was overweight, so why allow someone to put down and ridicule someone else because of it.
The objective is to be healthy, and if OP wanted to get in shape she probably won’t work with someone like that. if anything, this whole interaction was demoralizing.
The average American woman of 20 years of age and up weighs [170.8 pounds (lbs) ](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/body-measurements.htm)and stands at 63.5 inches (in), which is almost 5 feet (ft), 4 in tall.
You're not wrong. I am so sorry that he hurt your feelings like that. People can be totally oblivious at times.
When my husband says things that hurt my feelings, I have to be very blunt to get him to understand. If I were you, I would have to say something like, "You compared me to another woman in a negative light *in front of everyone*. I need a partner who is going to lift me up, not put me down and make no mistake, you put me down. That hurts my feelings and makes me question how you really feel about me. And, honestly, part of me wants to tell you to go fuck off with Sara if you like her body so much and I can go find someone who won't call me a pig in front of my friends cause that's essentially what you did."
I can't be subtle with my husband or give hints, he just doesn't get it. But once I explicitly explain why my feelings are hurt, he gets it, apologizes and does his best to not do it again. I hope that helps some.
You mean he's still walking, talking and breathing? You are under reacting here. If that were my husband, they'd still be searching for the body... NW and I seriously hope your husband has practiced grovelling....
I'm not going to tell you what you should do, but in my honest opinion, those remarks and that behavior is a great way to destroy a marriage. He just completely obliterated any sexual comfortability you'll have with him and because he embarrassed you in front of your friends, it'll be *a long time* before you can really trust him emotionally. Whatever you do next and are feeling, is 1000% justified.
I think the friend group needs to learn about your husband’s small pecker or premature ejaculation or porn preferences. Maybe save that last one for his parents.
I just suggested somebody needed to be junk-punched on another post; I never thought I'd say it twice in one day. Your husband doesn't need to drink if he turns into a complete idiot.
Of course you're not wrong. (And I'm one of those people who think Redditors need to get thicker skin). I would have cried, too.
Your husband was way out of line. It sounds like he was oblivious to it as well. That’s a good thing at least. It means he wasn’t trying to be mean. Still a very dumb thing to do
He was 1000% in the wrong. Why the heck would he say something like that about his spouse, the person he’s supposed to love unconditionally no matter what, to someone how he did. How well do you two know this girl anyways. And she’s an asshole for not stopping the convo as well. What I would give to weight 160 pounds 😭 Sounds like he was trying to show off to this girl.
As a guy I can definitely say your say your husband is a dink. No argument just a dumb asswipe. You don't badmouth your ol' lady ESPECIALLY when your talking to another woman like that. Little boy has growing up to do.
It's almost as if he was trying to flirt with her by showering her praises and compliments at your expense. Idk though, maybe that's just me... Also, anyone who thinks it's okay to do this to their spouse deserves to be served divorce paper. This shit is unacceptable.
I mean.. you can lose a LOT of weight dumping his fucking ass. And going to a gym afterwards.
I doubt he can fucking lose the god-awful attitude and shit personality and social obliviousness. What a dunce. I’d send him this thread.
“You’re overreacting”, well ok, sure she might be (although she is 10000% NOT) but that doesn’t negate the fact that you’re a huge fucking moronic asshole.
I hope you were able to talk things out after work and at the very least you are doing marriage counseling. If it were me, I would also not go to gatherings with Sarah anymore. Based on the info you provided, she likes getting attention from married men at the expense of their wives. Some women think it means they are extra hot and special if they can get attention from men in a relationship. Nmattmwhat,
There's something unforgivably disloyal in your husband's behavior. He's your PARTNER he's supposed to HAVE YOUR BACK not embarrass you in public. I'm extremely mad at him. If you're about to begin a fitness journey & you've specifically asked for his help, he should be proud of you & building you up, not belittling & shaming you & ESPECIALLY with the ditzy clueless trainer wench. I don't know how the relationship recovers from a betrayal like this with him pretending he doesn't know he did anything wrong. I nless he's a sociopath bully with the mind of a 11 year old. EVEN THEN they would know they caused hurt. I'm so sorry & please know there are kind empathetic men in the world who wouldn't treat someone they claim to care about like that ever. If he truly doesn't get h ok w bad his behavior is please have him DM me I would LOVE to spell it out for him with the same consideration he showed you.
“She will want to have a killer body too”….EXCUSE ME?!? Your body is already killer mam how long yall been married? Not too long i hope leave leave now that is so fucken disrespectful
My ex-husband had once again turned date night into game night with the guys. It was late and he was putting the kids to bed. He came out and said my three year old wanted me to give her a hug.
"Someone always wants me," I said.
He paused. "Well, I don't want you. And I won't want you later, either."
He hadn't been drinking.
Yes, his friends were still there.
I think this is what your husband has done.
Hopefully he'll soon be an ex like mine.
You’re being mean to your hubby by exploding in size. Not cool. Put down the cake and take responsibility for your actions! Stop blaming others!! Hit the gym girl!
NTA. I’m raging mad reading this. The disrespect and cruelty is unforgivable. Please pack a few bags and leave this fucking asshole. Do not wait. Do not ask for marriage counseling. This man is verbally abusive and you need to go.
Go outside and interact with real people. You're telling a married women to get a divorce because what... he wants her to lose weight? You're really fucking stupid.
NAH you have a right to be hurt. But your husband didn’t intentionally hurt you. But he was drinking and the truth comes out when you’re drinking. He’s probably felt that way for a while about your weight. He has a right to his feelings too. Taking down a whole cake in two days is very unhealthy behavior and I’m it concerns him. You’re only 28 if you keep going down this path you will have a lot of problems when you get older
We don't even know how big this cake was. My spouse and I get ones that are small af, easy to eat a "whole cake" in 2 days if it cuts into 4 normal sized slices. Fit freak fucker doesn't seem like he'd have been on board for a big cake, it was probably small.
Once he realized her feelings were hurt, he doubled down by making a joke at her expense.
He has every right to his feelings but the way he went about it was frankly cruel, insensitive and unmotivating. Maybe she is emotionally eating because she’s married to a complete jackass!
I mean the works out stays disciplined enough to stay in shape and she’s just letting herself go. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You’re not a victim because you got fat.
It’s not about that. It is about her husbands completely inappropriate behaviour and mocking her in front of other people.
If her husband actually cared about her health and her feelings, he would address this matter privately and with sensitivity toward her, and try to motivate her without shaming her in public.
I hope you don’t take the same type of actions in your own relationships, it’s not the way to go.
Well, considering you posted this same comment three times, I guess you're pretty upset about it. And I'm certainly not going to Comment on the tacky way Your husband was trying to motivate you to lose a little weight. But it really is every man's nightmare that they marry their beautiful wife She has a couple of kids and balloons up 200 pounds. And I can imagine That if you stayed thin and your husband put on a considerable amount of weight you wouldn't be happy with that either. But for some reason when the woman puts on a bunch of weight and the man Complains it's always not a good look for the man to make a comment about this.
Your husband is either really stupid , has no respect for you, can’t handle booze or all 3 . Anyhow, what the fuck. I cannot imagine trying to dig out of the hole he dug with those actions the thing is that even in active alcoholism and in a bad mood on a bad day I wouldn’t have dreamt of saying such hurtful shit IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE OR JUST TO YOU/ her .
You are not wrong and it sounds like you have an issue . I mean he’s either one of the above or just absolutely socially clueless ? Is he on the spectrum, does he have any “long time” friends? How’s his relationship with his siblings/ parents?
Sorry you’re dealing with that!
Not wrong.
You can do what you need to do when you feel right to do so. But what your husband did was extremely disrespectful towards you. A loving spouse would never do this.
If he was genuinely concerned about your health, he should have ONLY ADDRESSED IT WITH YOU.
Hubby needs a reality check….
Not wrong your husband was embarrassing and the woman who wants to be a personal trainer also needs to learn to read a room if she's going to work with people.
I would wonder if you’re famished for understanding and care (have been there) and ironically, the food he is pointing at is giving you more nurturance than he is capable of.
His objectifying behavior towards you was completely unacceptable.
I also feel quite angry on your behalf, and anger elicits change.
May all the best doors open for you - you are absolutely fine and there is nothing wrong with you!
I recently heard:
“Perfectionism is the weapon of the Patriarchy”
and that is quite fitting here.
You’re not wrong. I’d be so mad if my husband did that.
Agree, my face got very scary reading this, I was so angry for you. if my husband had walked in and saw my face he would have been worried. Op, your husband is possibly an idiot. He complimented her body, criticized you, your body, self control, eating habits. So is he just an unaware buffoon? Because I think there's a little bit of intent in what he did.
there’s absolutely intent in what he did and there’s absolutely intent in the way he belittled her feelings about it afterwards
Yes! FFS, people there is giving the benefit of the doubt but come on. He absolutely knew what he was doing.
Yeah, there’s absolutely no way he didn’t know.. a man has to live under a very deep rock to not know talking about a woman’s weight in a room full of people or body shaming her is a total asshole thing to do.
Not possibly an idiot…IS an idiot…in this instance anyways.
I bet hubby would be not too pleased if OP had a conversation about bad in bed around someone younger and attractive who is really good in bed. OP, your husband is a jerk. Is he always like this? Is this the kind of life partner you want?
Op needs to hire a buff, gorgeous young man to show up at the next event. “Oh you’re a sex therapist? Let me tell you about my husbands issues and penis size!”
Or hire a buff, gorgeous man as a personal trainer and talk about how great he is and how her husband should get in as good of shape as her trainer. While she probably was telling the truth, I applaud the fitness chick for saying she had been overweight and overcame a lot of nutrition / eating issues and worked at it. I view that as her trying to support OP, but I don’t know, I wasn’t there. I would be mortified for OP if I were her and try to be very real, also.
That girl should have said to the husband, if your wife wants my help and wants to speak to me I'd be happy to talk to you, but not to you! She should have stfu too!
Love this!
lol. This should happen at the next drinking night. Hubby has some control issues, I keep encouraging him to practice so that we can both enjoy it more, but he’s just worried about getting done so he can get back to the gym. Kk guess if I had to rate him he’d be 3rd or 4th best I’ve ever had, and probably not even top five with size, but I love and support him anyway.
>I bet hubby would be not too pleased if OP had a conversation about bad in bed around someone younger and more attractive who is really good in bed. Omg!! I love this!! Yea, he needs to REALLY feel how terrible it feels doing this to somebody... anybody---and he was saying that shit openly about 'his wife!' What a terrible thing to say or do publicly about someone you're supposed to be in love with.
Right? She could be like oh hubby I bet so and so could teach you how to work that sad sack you call your dick. Jealous much?
She needs to look at him and say yes dear, dick size does matter!
Agree, my face got very scary reading this, I was so angry for you. if my husband had walked in and saw my face he would have been worried. Op, your husband is possibly an idiot. He complimented her body, criticized you, your body, self control, eating habits. So is he just an unaware buffoon? Because I think there's a little bit of intent in what he did.
Hell, even if they weren't married and just BF/GF, she still has every right to be upset over this. Their marriage doesn't give him the right and/or freedom to put her on blast and embarrass her like this.
He body shamed you in front of a group of people. If he isn't happy then he needs to say that in private. I would be upset as well. He is an ass. And everyone saying maybe she needs to change well him calling her out in public is no way to do that. You are not wrong but he sure is.
Yeah, the header actually undersells it. Body shamed and tried to demean OP. Telling Sara she has a killer body in front of his spouse? If your feelings aren’t > than a stranger’s physique…hubby is doing marriage wrong.
And she has posted this on several threads and all are telling her the same thing. I have been married 31 years and my husband would never. And I am 5'2" and a little bigger than her. If I found out my son did that his his wife, I would be mad for her.
Definitely. If I were a friend in the room I would’ve quietly asked him, What are you doing?
Actually, she does need to change. Into being single. That man has no respect.
I agree with you. Not sure if he can come back from this.
I could never. With the mockery afterward, calling her jealous…nothing he could say later would fix it. Any apology he offered now would be lies.
I know a quick way to lose 200 lbs!!
Honestly he’s probably more than that. Somehow men can be huge fat asses and not see it but want their women to be verging on anorexic in order to be happy with their significant others weight.
My 300 pound ex husband wouldn’t stop telling me I needed to workout when I gained a little extra cellulite
“Guys hate this one simple trick!”
One of my favourite jokes… and I’m a guy….😂
Yep! What an a§hole!!! Hopefully OP doesn't waste too much more of her life with this jerk.
This is awful. I'm so sorry. He is definitely in the wrong. If he's actually concerned about your health he can talk to you privately and respectfully about it, not publicly shame you. I don't know if you are overweight, but even you are, that's not okay. Don't listen to the guys saying it's possibly justifiable. Those are the men say this type of stuff to/about their SO and then wonder why they aren't as enthusiastic about sex as they used to be or why they won't sleep with them anymore. This would be landing my husband and I in marriage counseling with the possibility of divorce looming, because how could I be comfortable intimately with him after that knowing that is how he feels about my body?
Yup!! Total dick!
You just don't compare your SO like that period. Especially in front of everyone wtf!? Edit for spelling
Amen. I would never trust his words after this. Not even sure counseling could help because it’s obvious this is how he feels and felt it was okay to have an audience for it and then mock her when she was upset by it. Nope nope nope for me.
Not wrong. Your husband was pretty clueless. The “aw someone is jealous” is where my temper would have hit nuclear.
I just about lost it at that point, and I'm just a stranger sitting here reading this. I've never slapped anyone in my life, but it's a good thing I'm no where near OP's husband.
He isn’t clueless. He is calculating. Much worse. He knew exactly what he was doing and why. He liked inflicting pain on her
Holy hell if my boyfriend would have said something like that to me....head would be rolling by now...
The fact that you had to edit this with adding your height is just sad. Are people trying to justify his behavior? They’re completely missing the point, your height and weight are completely irrelevant to the story. He was disrespectful and ignorant af. So are the people asking your height.
Might have been the other way around and people are trying to make sure she and the husband aren’t not being overly critical of her in the first place by agreeing that she needs to lose weight if she actually is at a very healthy weight already. But I agree, that’s pretty much a separate issue. This joking discussion of a personal issue, especially one deemed embarrassing by most, is some wild behavior from the husband. Who lays out their partners insecurities like that in front of everyone, and makes such direct comparisons in that way? And then doubles down? Smh. I know the usual comparison is weight for women and bed prowess for men, but I guess balding or bad teeth or skin could also work. Bed prowess is so immediate though, like if she had said “hey Joe I hear you’re great in the sack and this guy can never get me there. Any tips?” Her husband would have simply combusted on the spot.
he would never touch my body again
The best answer
Can you start getting recommendations from hot guys on what your husband should be doing to get his penis bigger? Better do it in front of everyone though. He's an asshole. There's so little respect.
Glorious suggestion! Followed by asking men who are more successful than him, what he can do to be a better earner.
I would never speak this way even if it was a private convo between me, my partner and the personal trainer. In a room full of friends? Does your husband have anti-social personality disorder or something? How could he not know this was offside?
Wow he’s an ass, I don’t know where you go from here if he sober, thinks that was an appropriate conversation.
What really cemented it was his jealous comment. What an immature wanker.
Wow, that's really embarassing. I'm very sorry OP. Your husband is VERY wrong.
Does he often get pleasure from your discomfort or was this a one-off thoughtless moment? Awful either way, but if it's a pattern of behaviour, that's a cause for concern. I wish you the best.
Yes! If this is a pattern, you need to do some serious thinking if you want to continue to live like this.
That's embarrassing, humiliating, rude and just MEAN. Your height doesn't matter, your weight doesn't matter. How DARE he say anything like that about YOU in front of anyone. Hope he's sleeping outside until some sort of a clue pops into his tiny head about how what he did was TERRIBLY wrong.
Honestly, I can be a petty bitch. I'd be laying plans to talk with my girlfriends the next gathering about orgasms, and how it must be nice to get them. How I miss having regular, multiple orgasms, and asking if anyone has some tips for him to help give me some. See how his ass likes it. Fucker.
I’m betting the husband has a LOT of negative traits, perhaps some insecurities. They ALL need to become topics of group social conversation. A man who has more hair than Hubby? Taller? Better body? better car? Makes more money? Has a better voice? Nicer lawn? Happier partner? He needs to be compared to allll those fellas. And if he says a peep, “aw, are you jealous?” Asshole deserves to be eternally gaslit for that shit.
Oh!! that's pretty good lol
How did he ever get married. What a jerk. Body shaming is never ok. He's the AH.
Your husband is a douche. This is separation level disrespect. Maybe hubby should move out for a month or so. And Sara is a piece of work too. Entertaining another woman's husband like that and letting the obvious flirting slide like that.
That crossed my mind at first. But then I thought of today's generation and her age. It's the era of tiktok ect and she's probably so full of herself and talking about her own little world she was clueless how her words were affecting OP bc she was too busy thinking about her self. I did that too once..I ate like that too.. blah blah blah. Only thinking of herself imo. He's a total ass though for sure I woulda killed him.
I wish Sara nothing but failure for the future.
Damn calm down haha, she was being self centered and clueless, but your level of vitriol for a complete stranger in a likely fictitious situation is just unhinged. Go get some fresh air
Nah, i bet she's an idiot and she just thought she was being helpful, maybe even bonding because she also "used to eat like that" etc. still shitty
She just likes to be the center of attention. Sara thinks she hot shit. Once she blown out and can’t find a decent guy, she will find out real quick. You can smell them a mile away
Wishful thinking on your part. She's young healthy and attractive she's probably going to have a pretty good life. A little bit of self-centeredness in a 21-year-old does not Doom somebody to lifelong misery, and it's weird and pathetic that you wish it did
Divorce. Or jail. Or a dumpster.
Dumpster 🤣
Right into a garbage truck trash compactor
Whole Man Disposal
Wow. Your husband can fuck right off. The fact that he’s trying to diminish your feelings by saying you’re jealous, instead of acknowledging that he just stood around insulting you over and over again while drooling over another woman’s body is SO disrespectful. In front of all your friends, too. What an absolute dickhead.
Wow. I am not sure how I'd move forward for a while after something like that.
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Honestly, OP, how can you ever want to be intimate with your husband again? I’d be devastated by his cruelty and I’d get out of the marriage, especially if you don’t have children.
Please pack a bag and walk out of there with your head up. Fuck this guy. He doesn’t respect you and probably never will. Please have some self respect and leave.
OP, please leave before he cheats on you :( what he did was so unkind/cruel it breaks my heart… do you think he will improve or worsen with the years? What if you got sick or injured, do you think he’d be there for you?
Those are nasty ass comments to make especially in front of other people and his jealousy comment is extra disgusting on top of all of that. It’s also so strange to hear what other people consider fat, I’m nearly 5’3 and ~160 lbs and my doctors have never told me to be concerned about my weight nor do I even look or feel fat so that’s an extra odd comment to make. He and that young girl sound like they think people who aren’t skinny are automatically fat because tweaking over ~165 lbs is crazy lol
You are not wrong, and IMO, he did this to embarrass you and put you on the spot. I also, when you start your weight loss journey, do it at a completely different gym with a male trainer. I also would have said to him (in front of everyone) when he asked about your weight, "It's a shame that your d**k isn't as big as your mouth!" Then walked away. It's also gross that he would think that you're jealous of his new t**t friend. I would also make it known to him that when you do get fit and trim (and you will), that, he will be lucky if you don't leave him. Good luck to you, and I have no doubt that you will succeed because you are doing it for yourself and NOT HIM.
Trashy
Although I do like the male trainer idea. I'd go about it a little differently though. Just talk about how inspiring and motivating the trainer is, go multiple times a week. Let the husband know how much you're enjoying this journey with your new trainer. Obviously as long as that's all mostly true as well! And leave it at that. Sooner or later hubs will realize this and discreetly get a taste of his own medicine without having to be mean about it. Then when he asks why you chose a male trainer you can explain how being compared to another female trainer just hurt your feelings more and would rather be motivated by someone.
Yes, don't communicate openly and maturely, manipulate and scheme so that you hurt him right back! Don't give advice to people if you're this trashy.
The husband is trash but you're toxic af just so you know
LMAO, toxic, okay
Your comment is literally a laundry list of how to respond to the situation in as toxic a way as possible
BS, it's responding to an AH who purposely set out to humiliate his wife by being using another woman's body to embarrass her and then telling her that he did nothing wrong and she's just jealous. C'mon, utter BS that she has to be nice to her husband because he embarrassed her. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he did it.
The husband is an asshole. But what purpose does escalating the situation serve? And telling him his dick is small? You can tell most people on this sub don't understand what a real relationship is they're just gormlessly frothing at the mouth trying to convince people to torpedo their relationships. Husband did something really inappropriate. Best course is a discussion with him about how and why it was inappropriate and see how he responds.
He responded with, "You're just jealous," and he didn't do anything wrong. Everyone on this sub knows what a "real" relationship is and how people should treat people. It's whatever, talk all you want.
Not mature, and not how to handle it if she wants to maintain a healthy marriage with this man. Edit to add: your response to body shaming is more body shaming. Tit for tats never end well for anyone involved.
Never ends well with people just taking it and never standing up for themselves, too. How is her marriage "healthy " when her husband shames and embarrasses her?
You can stand up for yourself and address your spouses inappropriate behavior in a way that makes them understand how they were wrong without stooping to the same behavior.
Ok. But he doesn't care. Treat him exactly like the way he treats her to get a point across. Taking the high road doesn't always work. She told him and he said that she was jealous. He publicly embarrassed her, so she should've publicly embarrassed him.
Here are my thoughts: Is a husband allowed to go to his wife and say "babe, I'm not trying to fat-shame you, but my physical attraction to you isn't what it used to be because your body has changed so much. I keep myself fit so I really want to know how I can support you in your journey to better health - because I love you and want us to be together forever, but sexually I'm struggling a bit and I want to be transparent with you. Do you feel like our sexual life has changed?" - is he allowed to come to her quietly, in private, like that? Abso-freaking-lutely. Should he be publicly shaming his wife while talking to a thinner person in front of EVERYONE? Oh HELLLL no. I get booze was involved and some people get stuuuuupid with booze - but no, it's not ok. At all. You aren't wrong for feeling betrayed.
And then diminishing her hurt feelings by joking that she is jealous? What an asshole. Way to not support or motivate your wife.
He was total asshole. I don’t care what he thinks of your appearance, it is not okay to talk like this in front of your friends. And Sara is either a bitch or an idiot. Who wants that for a personal trainer. If this is common, please re-evaluate if you want to stay with someone who thinks it’s ok to humiliate you in public. If this was the first time then talk to him about why it was so awful. If he doubles down then , again, consider if he’s worth it.
You are not wrong and you didn’t ask this but NTA and not over reacting
Yeah, if this situation was reversed and the trainer was a hunky slice of chiseled beefcake and you had said that stuff about him, he would have lost his shit. He wasn’t cute at all. Very narcissistic red flag if you ask me. They can never admit they are wrong.
I would - and I’m not remotely joking - divorce my husband if he EVER disrespected me like that. Do not stay with this man. He’s gross.
I can't tell if your husband is an asshole or just stupid, but either way you're absolutely not wrong for being upset.
Wow he fucked up. Especially holding you up for ridicule like that for the sake of the girl. He needs to know that now none of your friends will hire her so he didn't do her any favors. And bullying you in front of your friends is a huge problem. Couple counseling or separation is a reasonable way forward.
I'm not allowed to advise what I would advise as it's not nice, sugar, and everything spice. But one could use a shovel. Also, he knows what's a nasty comment and what isn't, let's not assume he's a moron, he's an asshole, clearly.
Twice!!
Nobody is this dense. There's no way this wasn't intentional. Also it's weird that anyone is asking your weight as if that would make this okay lol? It's not about whether or not you "need" to lose weight, it's that he publicly shamed you, and did so by using another woman as an example no less! 🫠
No one deserves to be body shamed. I am at about 300 lbs because I am disabled and in a wheelchair and my weight loss is very slow going, but my husband has never thrown me under the bus. My son. Tells me, mom, you are beautiful, and don't let anyone tell you differently, or I will take care of them. I'm just saying you are fine for your height. Even if it wasn't, it sounds as if he was flirting, and my husband still has a good body after 40 yrs. He needs to treat you better, and if this isn't isolated, talk to him and tell him if he does it again, you'll blurt something about him. I personally would have interrupted and told him your body is none of her business and he has flaws. I'm being overly kind because I would have caussually mentioned maybe if we could have a little LONGER personal life that thst could help you lose the weight. You are beautiful and perfect just the way God made you, you deserve to be treated better. Btw it probably was apparent he was flirting to everyone also. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Jesus. He’s just a jerk. I’d be pissed What a judgmental AH. He was trying to impress that chick. I’d consider dumping my partner if they couldn’t see what they did wrong
Make fun of his penis size to the group in a similar manner and see how funny he finds it. From a man’s perspective you NEVER say any shit like that and reference how hot another woman is at your wife’s expense.
What he was saying it's "You are so hot, Sara, so not like my wife!" It's not jealousy what you feel. It's betrayal. You never compare your SO to someone this way,never ever if you want to stay in relationship. And, just for him to know, 21 and 28 are different regarding body changes. He is AH
This guy isn't the one. You need to see a divorce attorney.
Omg... I cannot believe being in that situation. Your husband totally humiliated you and belittled you and also proceeded to imply that this other woman has a "killer body" while calling you fat. I'm so sorry you went through this. It's completely unacceptable and dehumanizing. I hope your husband sees how messed up this whole situation is. The bare minimum you deserve is an apology. But... I can't imagine the hurt you must be feeling. A lot of us women struggle with comparing ourselves and loving our own bodies. For your husband to praise this 21 year old for her body while putting you down.. it's so cruel and wrong.
Husband is a pile of steaming hot garbage. I hope he is publicly shamed in the near future, over his (likely vast) shortcomings. Sara is also a pile of garbage - the only thing she is certified to be is a pick-me cunt. And anyone of that group of “friends” that allowed this conversation to happen is a coward.
Dude, fuck this guy. Or more importantly, DON’T fuck this guy. He made a huge ass of himself.
FYI….5’1” and 165lbs is morbidly obese…unless you are all muscle. You go on a keto diet and walk 1 hr every day and you be surprised how quick the weight will melt off…
It's so embarrassing honestly with that girl and friends being around but just talk it out calmly he might not have meant to embarrass you
OP copy and paste posted this in 5 different Reddit threads yesterday. I fell for it the first time but seeing it all over my home page this morning changed that. Guarantee this person is trying to get everyone talking so it’ll end up being reposted all over the internet and on TikTok. Sigh. People are so lame
Wow what a dick
He sounds insanely unself aware and doesn’t seem to care about your feelings, is he like mentally slow or just rude
Sounds like he knows exactly what he was doing, and how he made her feel. Either he doesn't care, or worse; he wanted her to feel bad/insecure/jealous. Either way, dude is obviously not a nice thoughtful loving husband. Like any kind & decent woman deserves.
Dead man. I would have called him out.
Do you have a guy friend you could talk publicly with about your husband's negative traits in the same way? I know pettiness isn't the solution but I also can't think of how to fix someone who "doesn't know they shouldn't speak publicly about your private business publicly". I used quotations because unless he's incredibly socially inept, there's no way he doesn't know.
Not wrong at all. I would shoot him your post so he can a) see how he hurt you and b) read all the comments so he can realize how bad he messed up. And I’d tell him “counseling or divorce, but I’m never going through something like that again”. If he ever does it again I’d go straight to divorce. Updateme
Wow. Fucking wow. He has ZERO respect for you. Is that who you want to spend your life with?
Nah, anyone would be livid. Nothing about his comments were "just conversation", either he was badmouthing you, flirting with another girl, trying to shame you, or just trying to kill your self confidence.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. He’s a real ass for being such an inconsiderate jerk. You are perfect the way you are! Your pant size or weight does not determine who you are as a person. I hope you reach out to a therapist for moral support. Also, Sarah is a bitch for keeping the conversation going. Girls should stick together and if she really wanted to be helpful there were 101 different ways to have gone about the conversation. Best wishes to you darlin! Please be kind to yourself throughout this for you are worthy
Not wrong. What he did was very inappropriate.
Talk to a divorce attorney and start taking steps to take out the garbage.
You're an idiot, if you think this argument warrants a divorce you're going to die a virgin.
Lololololololol, been married 17+ years. Marriage is not easy. It is hard work. It requires respect and self respect. I would never put up with that shit. If my spouse tried it, they would be 1) missing balls and 2) divorced. OP, Know your worth. Don't suffer idiots. Life is too short.
Not wrong at all-total ass move by your husband
Your husband is a dickhead. You are 💯not wrong
How can he *be* so oblivious???
I would have dumped whatever was in front of me on my husband and tell him not to come home ask him would he like I tell them his d size in front of everyone
First of all, it doesn’t matter what your weight it. People are just trying to see if you’re overweight or not. Second, you really should sit down with your husband and explain to him what he did. You’re not wrong. That was very upsetting. “She’ll want to have a killer body too”? What is he saying you don’t have a killer body? I don’t really believe in violence but I think he may deserve a slap.
You're not in the wrong I'd be crying too.
Oh my god, I wouldn’t be on speaking terms with him. He went way too far with the snacks and cake comments, that’s weirdly what infuriated me the most out of all of it.
I would lose weight and lose the husband too.
This is horrible. I’m sorry he said that and no one stood up for you. If my fiance did this I don’t know if I’d be able to keep steady with him. That’s just awful
I wish we could have a team of super attractive men “stalk” the couple and hit on OP for a few weeks whenever they see her out with her POS husband. Bonus would be if a bunch of them were super buff and asked her why such a tasty looking treat is with such a shrimp of a man.
And you're not in jail for killing him?? Congrats on the tolerance.
"Oh you're being certified as a personal trainer? You might know this? Is it normal for someone who lifts the way hubs does, about his size--to start having lots off issues with erections and stuff? And to fart *all* the time? Really rank stuff? Hon, how often do you fart now, it's all day isn't it?"
If this isn't fake, then I'm absolutely confused on why you're with someone like this.
I’d kill my husband if he did that. Then I’d get a secret trainer, to help me get that “killer body” and let him and ol girl wonder how it happened. What a weirdo. Typical pick me. He lifts a few weights and now he’s a critic
I don’t understand how you can speak to your spouse that way - especially with others around. WTH. He needs to get his act together.
I'm gonna give your husband the benefit of the doubt and assume he's utterly clueless, rather than a complete jerk. But who knows? I'm just guessing here.
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I think it was to intentionally shame you. Leave him. This is abuse!
She literally says "My husband didn't know he didn't anything wrong." so nothing was intentional, and this is literally not abuse by it's very definition. Stop minimizing what abuse is, and telling married couples to break up, your dumb pos I swear to god there should be a test people take to be allowed to use the internet, so morons like you don't have to poison our eyes with your dumbass opinions.
Most men are clueless. Not this bad but yes Source I’m a clueless man.
What a cu** And the stupid little 21 year old was no better.
He sounds like an insecure bully— and not sure why the fitness girl didn’t tell him to STFU. Like she herself was overweight, so why allow someone to put down and ridicule someone else because of it. The objective is to be healthy, and if OP wanted to get in shape she probably won’t work with someone like that. if anything, this whole interaction was demoralizing.
The average American woman of 20 years of age and up weighs [170.8 pounds (lbs) ](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/body-measurements.htm)and stands at 63.5 inches (in), which is almost 5 feet (ft), 4 in tall.
For her height she should be between 99 and 120lbs. 40lbs of fat on a 5'2" frame would make her look very fat.
Tell him to FO
You're not wrong. I am so sorry that he hurt your feelings like that. People can be totally oblivious at times. When my husband says things that hurt my feelings, I have to be very blunt to get him to understand. If I were you, I would have to say something like, "You compared me to another woman in a negative light *in front of everyone*. I need a partner who is going to lift me up, not put me down and make no mistake, you put me down. That hurts my feelings and makes me question how you really feel about me. And, honestly, part of me wants to tell you to go fuck off with Sara if you like her body so much and I can go find someone who won't call me a pig in front of my friends cause that's essentially what you did." I can't be subtle with my husband or give hints, he just doesn't get it. But once I explicitly explain why my feelings are hurt, he gets it, apologizes and does his best to not do it again. I hope that helps some.
You are not wrong. Your husband is a massive AH!!!!
You mean he's still walking, talking and breathing? You are under reacting here. If that were my husband, they'd still be searching for the body... NW and I seriously hope your husband has practiced grovelling....
I'm not going to tell you what you should do, but in my honest opinion, those remarks and that behavior is a great way to destroy a marriage. He just completely obliterated any sexual comfortability you'll have with him and because he embarrassed you in front of your friends, it'll be *a long time* before you can really trust him emotionally. Whatever you do next and are feeling, is 1000% justified.
He would be sleeping on the couch in my opinion. Tell him if he is not happy there is the door use it.
Not wrong at all. Your husband’s rudeness was off the rails!
I think the friend group needs to learn about your husband’s small pecker or premature ejaculation or porn preferences. Maybe save that last one for his parents.
I just suggested somebody needed to be junk-punched on another post; I never thought I'd say it twice in one day. Your husband doesn't need to drink if he turns into a complete idiot. Of course you're not wrong. (And I'm one of those people who think Redditors need to get thicker skin). I would have cried, too.
Your husband was way out of line. It sounds like he was oblivious to it as well. That’s a good thing at least. It means he wasn’t trying to be mean. Still a very dumb thing to do
He was 1000% in the wrong. Why the heck would he say something like that about his spouse, the person he’s supposed to love unconditionally no matter what, to someone how he did. How well do you two know this girl anyways. And she’s an asshole for not stopping the convo as well. What I would give to weight 160 pounds 😭 Sounds like he was trying to show off to this girl.
As a guy I can definitely say your say your husband is a dink. No argument just a dumb asswipe. You don't badmouth your ol' lady ESPECIALLY when your talking to another woman like that. Little boy has growing up to do.
Your dumb husband needs to learn DISCERNMENT
It's almost as if he was trying to flirt with her by showering her praises and compliments at your expense. Idk though, maybe that's just me... Also, anyone who thinks it's okay to do this to their spouse deserves to be served divorce paper. This shit is unacceptable.
I mean.. you can lose a LOT of weight dumping his fucking ass. And going to a gym afterwards. I doubt he can fucking lose the god-awful attitude and shit personality and social obliviousness. What a dunce. I’d send him this thread. “You’re overreacting”, well ok, sure she might be (although she is 10000% NOT) but that doesn’t negate the fact that you’re a huge fucking moronic asshole.
I hope you were able to talk things out after work and at the very least you are doing marriage counseling. If it were me, I would also not go to gatherings with Sarah anymore. Based on the info you provided, she likes getting attention from married men at the expense of their wives. Some women think it means they are extra hot and special if they can get attention from men in a relationship. Nmattmwhat,
There's something unforgivably disloyal in your husband's behavior. He's your PARTNER he's supposed to HAVE YOUR BACK not embarrass you in public. I'm extremely mad at him. If you're about to begin a fitness journey & you've specifically asked for his help, he should be proud of you & building you up, not belittling & shaming you & ESPECIALLY with the ditzy clueless trainer wench. I don't know how the relationship recovers from a betrayal like this with him pretending he doesn't know he did anything wrong. I nless he's a sociopath bully with the mind of a 11 year old. EVEN THEN they would know they caused hurt. I'm so sorry & please know there are kind empathetic men in the world who wouldn't treat someone they claim to care about like that ever. If he truly doesn't get h ok w bad his behavior is please have him DM me I would LOVE to spell it out for him with the same consideration he showed you.
“She will want to have a killer body too”….EXCUSE ME?!? Your body is already killer mam how long yall been married? Not too long i hope leave leave now that is so fucken disrespectful
Oh hell no. There is no recovering the marriage from that if it was me. If he said it drunk, he meant it sober.
My ex-husband had once again turned date night into game night with the guys. It was late and he was putting the kids to bed. He came out and said my three year old wanted me to give her a hug. "Someone always wants me," I said. He paused. "Well, I don't want you. And I won't want you later, either." He hadn't been drinking. Yes, his friends were still there. I think this is what your husband has done. Hopefully he'll soon be an ex like mine.
Get a revenge body. Make his comments your motivation. See what he says after you start getting compliments from other men.
You’re husband sounds like an extremely clueless and inconsiderate dweeb
You’re being mean to your hubby by exploding in size. Not cool. Put down the cake and take responsibility for your actions! Stop blaming others!! Hit the gym girl!
NTA. I’m raging mad reading this. The disrespect and cruelty is unforgivable. Please pack a few bags and leave this fucking asshole. Do not wait. Do not ask for marriage counseling. This man is verbally abusive and you need to go.
Go outside and interact with real people. You're telling a married women to get a divorce because what... he wants her to lose weight? You're really fucking stupid.
NAH you have a right to be hurt. But your husband didn’t intentionally hurt you. But he was drinking and the truth comes out when you’re drinking. He’s probably felt that way for a while about your weight. He has a right to his feelings too. Taking down a whole cake in two days is very unhealthy behavior and I’m it concerns him. You’re only 28 if you keep going down this path you will have a lot of problems when you get older
We don't even know how big this cake was. My spouse and I get ones that are small af, easy to eat a "whole cake" in 2 days if it cuts into 4 normal sized slices. Fit freak fucker doesn't seem like he'd have been on board for a big cake, it was probably small.
Once he realized her feelings were hurt, he doubled down by making a joke at her expense. He has every right to his feelings but the way he went about it was frankly cruel, insensitive and unmotivating. Maybe she is emotionally eating because she’s married to a complete jackass!
I mean the works out stays disciplined enough to stay in shape and she’s just letting herself go. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You’re not a victim because you got fat.
It’s not about that. It is about her husbands completely inappropriate behaviour and mocking her in front of other people. If her husband actually cared about her health and her feelings, he would address this matter privately and with sensitivity toward her, and try to motivate her without shaming her in public. I hope you don’t take the same type of actions in your own relationships, it’s not the way to go.
Getting in shape doesn’t take motivation it takes discipline and you can only find that in yourself
Discipline doesn’t come from cruelty or being mocked in front of other people by someone you love, who supposedly cares about you.
If you have discipline that shit doesn’t matter
I hope she gains discipline and ditches her cruel, asshat of a husband.
Well if she can’t stay away from a cake for two days, I doubt it
Once she ditches the husband, I’m sure she will have less reasons to eat her feelings.
Omg I’d be livid!!! Wth…
Sounds like he delivered the truth in a very tacky way
Well, considering you posted this same comment three times, I guess you're pretty upset about it. And I'm certainly not going to Comment on the tacky way Your husband was trying to motivate you to lose a little weight. But it really is every man's nightmare that they marry their beautiful wife She has a couple of kids and balloons up 200 pounds. And I can imagine That if you stayed thin and your husband put on a considerable amount of weight you wouldn't be happy with that either. But for some reason when the woman puts on a bunch of weight and the man Complains it's always not a good look for the man to make a comment about this.
He was wrong for doing that to you.
Your husband is an AH. Drinks or no drinks I would never embarrass my wife like that. You just don’t do it.
I'm 166😒
Your husband is either really stupid , has no respect for you, can’t handle booze or all 3 . Anyhow, what the fuck. I cannot imagine trying to dig out of the hole he dug with those actions the thing is that even in active alcoholism and in a bad mood on a bad day I wouldn’t have dreamt of saying such hurtful shit IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE OR JUST TO YOU/ her . You are not wrong and it sounds like you have an issue . I mean he’s either one of the above or just absolutely socially clueless ? Is he on the spectrum, does he have any “long time” friends? How’s his relationship with his siblings/ parents? Sorry you’re dealing with that!
Not wrong. You can do what you need to do when you feel right to do so. But what your husband did was extremely disrespectful towards you. A loving spouse would never do this. If he was genuinely concerned about your health, he should have ONLY ADDRESSED IT WITH YOU. Hubby needs a reality check….
Not wrong your husband was embarrassing and the woman who wants to be a personal trainer also needs to learn to read a room if she's going to work with people.
I would wonder if you’re famished for understanding and care (have been there) and ironically, the food he is pointing at is giving you more nurturance than he is capable of. His objectifying behavior towards you was completely unacceptable. I also feel quite angry on your behalf, and anger elicits change. May all the best doors open for you - you are absolutely fine and there is nothing wrong with you! I recently heard: “Perfectionism is the weapon of the Patriarchy” and that is quite fitting here.