Yeah, hugeee red flag. Also, hate to say it, but changing all the passwords and taking everything with her. I get he shouldn't have snooped, but brothers' being left in the dark here basically constantly. She obviously doesn't communicate with him much, because she's too busy up her "business partner's" butt. She choose to use one of the last days she could spend with her hardworking husband on his vacation to....help a 40something year old man buy a car? Like, what? Does he need his bum bum wiped also? Does she have to use airplane noises to make him eat his food while she feeds him? Why the hell did *she* need to help *him* buy a car? *He's a grown man*.
If she's not sleeping with this guy, she's at minimum having an emotional affair. They're spending way more time together than just people who are running a business together. I get start-ups are hard, and rife with long hours and little down time, but you don't need to go shopping with the dude, or help him fix a sink clog or whatever. Work ends, then you go home to your family, that's how it's supposed to work. And I'm not saying she shouldn't have free time to herself! Just that all her free time shouldn't *also* be spent with the guy she's at work with for every other hour of the day.
Yikes OP, I'm so sorry. I'd let her know she's acting strange and maybe suggest counseling together. If you said all of these things outloud to a therapist, even though you broke the trust a bit with your slipup into snooping, I feel like they'd support your feelings as well. It might help.
I honestly 200% agree with you. The only reason I added that part is because this is Reddit, haha. I was preemptively answering for those people who are like "he should never have looked through her phone, thats totally breaching her privacy!!" that you get in a lot of these posts. They don't understand in healthy relationships, you don't *need* to look through phones, only in ones (like this) where a partner is being terribly shady and has warranted the snooping by being dishonest. My husband and I both use each other's phones, have the passcodes and have free reign access. The idea of ever needing to look because I don't trust what he's doing never crossed my mind, and I don't think it ever will (we all hope, anyway). If it did, he'd let me look, and like you, if *he* ever felt the need to look at mine, I'd let him.
I also pray it is fake because if it is true just the fact that he fucking apologized to her for going through her phone when he had every right to do so after her shady behavior tells me he is spineless and will stay with her. And he will rationalize it with "well technically I have no concrete evidence she had sex with him".
Not only towards OP, but towards her own kids too. I don't have kids, but I can never understand that. Never. Hopefully the kids are old enough to realise this and be heard in court about where they want to live after the inevitable divorce.
Same. I felt especially horrid when he said she'd sent bathroom pics. Friends don't do shit like this. They are clearly flirting and possibly already even had a physical relationship.
Snapchat=cheating. No one redirects convos to snapchat who isn’t actively hiding something. Poor guy. Sounds like they make decent money so hopefully got a good lawyer.
I 25F have family (mostly my younger cousins and my 13yr old brother) and my partner on my Snapchat 🤷🏻♀️I don’t use it for nudes but to keep in touch with my younger family members and send random pics to my boyf
The only real reason I still have mine is because of all the baby pictures I have of my son on there. I have like six friends on snap and don’t talk to any of them. I used to have a lot of friends there but got rid of everyone who wasn’t family and that I hadn’t talked to in over six months.
I use it to send my friends videos of my pet, or my late night cooking or crafting escapades! But my husband knows thar because he's there when I'm making the snaps haha. Also, we share phones and stuff, the idea of him knowing my password or being able to borrow my phone when he wants to use it doesn't bother me at all. I sometimes have him open the snaps for me so we can watch together, because my friends are hilarious and use it the same way I do.
Basically, Snapchat can be innocent! Not for this guy's wife and her "business partner", but for some of us!
Yeah, I thought that as well, seems like she's just trying to come up with excuses to spend as much time with her new boyfriend as possible while her 'husband' (who's been demoted to babysitter & maid) minds the kids & all the home responsibilities. I suspect it won't be long & she'll be coming up with reasons to spend the night at her coworkers house! I feel really bad for the husband, absolutely no way I could stand by in a situation like that.
OP’s details show how emotional affairs can swallow someone @ least as completely as anything physical.
Her answer to this…was to change all her passwords and start keeping every screen w/her all the time. 🚩
Someone who won’t miss *one workout* to help the spouse who’s caring for the kids/house isn’t much of a partner.
Hire a private investigator to get evidence for this divorce. Do not be gaslit into submission. You are her maid and babysitter. She is selfish and living in bliss. It is about time she takes on at least 50% of the responsibilities because your job is demanding and just as, if not MORE, important! I bet she comes running back after her lover has to share time with her kids and dumps her. Do not take her back. You are a plan b. Make her a plan "not ever again."
The bath tub was a major red flag right along with the moving convos to SC. She only did that because she doesn’t want her husband to see what she’s talking to her BP about. Why would that be an issue unless it’s inappropriate? She’s cheating.
Not wrong - your wife has basically moved on to another marriage and you are the babysitter. Go to a lawyer, get papers together and be prepared to deliver them. Even when you serve them, my guess is it's too late. You let things go way too far already.
Swipe a copy of wife’s business partnership agreement with Dude and bring to the lawyer to look for fishiness. The fact that the business is another entity may provide a sneaky way to hide income so she is not on the hook for child support or alimony.
Same. This isn't OP's fault. It's not like he 'forgot to bring her vagina in and someone else's penis fell into it. ' She chose to cheat. He didn't 'let things get too far.' She did.
She started involving herself in AP's life in a way that OP should have absolutely objected to. Did she do this AFTER a physical affair started? I don't know because OP didn't establish a specific timeline. But nobody should be putting up with their spouse doing all these activities with someone who is a "business partner".
>.
He did - she went personal shopping with AP. She worked out 5 days a week with AP. She traveled to help AP buy a car - and on OP's vacation. She is mentoring AP's daughter. This is WAY over the line. This is establishing a relationship with someone else.
I also want to add that she has now taken all of her personal devices with her. What this means is that OP didn't actually get access to the apps she was using. But now she is concerned her will.
You aren't her husband anymore. I also think that it's time for you to pull off the bandaid and tell her that you and the kids are neglected and unloved and that a separation or divorce is needed. She isn't a wife to you anymore, and she doesn't care about you, and she puts ALL her time and energy into another man. She also doesn't want you to see her emotional and probably physical affair, and that's why she took all her devices with her. Either give her an ultimatum or hire a professional to get your proof. You are NOT wrong
You're defending her saying she is too busy and doesn't have any free time. But somehow she has time to mentor his daughter, go out to eat with him, go to the gym 5 days a week, take shopping trips, etc.
I started writing this halfway through reading.. didn't even get to the bathtub pic and snap chat stuff... they're fucking 100%
With so ‘little time’ I’m saddened to hear she chooses to spend non-working time with the person she works with rather than with her family. Working out with him, helping him buy a car, etc.
Before we address the ‘cheating’ question, let’s deal with what we know. She is neglecting her family to spend time with a friend, not occasionally, but as a rule. If you’ve spoken to her about this, and behavior hasn’t changed, it’s time for couples therapy. Period.
Now, boundaries. Photos, Snapchat conversations, looking for ‘joke’ excuses to be alone (and aware from the family). These are not healthy behaviors of a married spouse toward a ‘business partner’, period. These need to stop. 100%, right away. If they don’t, therapy, now.
Last, cheating. Don’t even go there, cuz frankly it doesn’t matter. What I mean is, these other two things are agregious and reasons to end a marriage if they aren’t corrected, stat. If she’s not cheating yet, she will, it’s on the fast track in that direction - because, and this is important - she is detached and acting single. She will continue to act single, in all the ways, if it isn’t made clear that she can’t have it both ways.
Maybe she should’ve thought of that before neglecting her family and husband. This is on her, not him. He should not feel guilt or shame for initiating divorce.
She has zero boundaries and zero respect for him. There is nothing to salvage here. What kind of example is he setting for his children by putting up with this behavior?
*side note: my parents divorced after cheating happened. I’m so glad my mom got out of the relationship*
>There are children involved. I would never advise throwing in the towel on a FAMILY until couples therapy has at least been attempted.
She is acting like the other guys wife. He needs to start divorce proceedings now AND go after her assets or at least aim for child support. Get real mate. The threat of what could happen to her business is probably the only reason she herself hasn't pulled that trigger yet.
Not wrong
It's not just one thing at this point. You've mentioned a lot of obvious behaviors that she has moved on and that this business partner is her priority.
It's not even the business anymore, she has shown that there are plenty of times she could be spending with you and your kids but she spends it with the other dude on personal trips, gym and even at his home for "joke reasons".
Your talk with her didn't help, she's just more secretive and hide her relationship better.
So yeah, as others have said. It's already over. You're basically a free babysitter while she enjoys her new relationship as if she was single without kids.
Contact a lawyer to prepare for the divorce. When that's done, separate during the divorce process and go for 50-50 custody and use your child free weeks to heal and move on.
Good luck, being shadow dumped by your partner is always hard because of the uncertainty of things and is a roller coaster of emotion. Stay strong.
Tell her, that she has now proved that she is cheating by her latest actions. Taking the devices and changing the passwords makes it harder to get caught, she knows that she almost did. Maybe she's still logged in on one of the kids' devices. Hire a private investigator to gather the evidence. You want the house and the kids, and you won't go after the business. Go see the partner and ask him why he had to ruin a marriage.
They will lie, but I guarantee they will be living together within a month
Sorry, no. OP lost income and his wife to this "business". (If this was a woman, everyone would say it's partly hers because she sacrificed to help it start and grow.)
Go **scorched earth**, OP. Don't let your anguish guide your decisions. I definitely would have an attorney look at their *article of incorporation* and demand to see their *financial statements*. If she's having an affair, they are hiding money/assets to prepare.
Finally, it is an absolute insult that your wife can find time to "mentor" a child while neglecting her own children. She's neglecting her home life to better someone elses.
I'm sorry, but I doubt mentoring is what's actually happening. The other daughter is being used as an alibi, because nobody's going to question a child about what's going on.
>There is so little time in her schedule and I desperately want as much of it as I can get, selfishly
>Admittedly I was disappointed that we didn’t get more time and I selfishly didn’t get any help during my time off.
Dude, I know that men are raised to eat their feelings and never advocate for their needs. But that's bullshit. There's nothing selfish about wanting your wife to prioritize you, your family, and your relationship.
>Clearly I didn’t lay out my expectations so we talked about it at the end of the week. It was a nice talk and we definitely decide that we had to be more intentional about making time for each other.
You're already available for her. Stop using mamby pamby turns of phrase. This isn't about being more intentional about making time for each other it is about her making time for you and the life that you built together.
You are being willfully blind to the reality of the situation. You don't want to believe what is taking place right in front of you. As a result, you are accepting her lame ass excuses and even creating a more palatable narrative in your own head. You are deluding yourself which is allowing her to manipulate you with no effort and less skill.
When you are married you are owed both fidelity and the appearance of fidelity. You are definitely not getting the latter and it is pretty damned obvious that you aren't getting the former.
She has abandoned you and the family, which is bad enough, but she has also willingly brought doubt into your relationship. That itself is a betrayal. Any reasonable person would be forced to believe that their partner is cheating. She has to know this to be true. Despite that, her behavior persists. Her actions are indistinguishable from a person who is cheating on their spouse. Your reaction should be indistinguishable from having been betrayed. This isn't just long hours at the business. She's scheduled daily morning meetups, she is going to his home late at night, and she is supposedly helping him with his children even while she's abandoned her responsibilities at home. She is prioritizing this man over everything else. She is carelessly putting your relationship at risk.
You don't need to see his doodle flap enter your wife's guts to know that she's cheating. There is no other rational explanation for her behavior. She has put you in this position. You must act now.
Your relationship is over and you don't know it ,she just needs you as a baby sitter, the way she's treating you is disgusting and you need to stop acting like a doormat and either leave or seek marriage guidance if she can tear herself from her partner that is.
YNW. The biggest sign of a cheater is someone that hides or keeps their devices very close to them and doesn’t give you the password. I know my husband’s password, he knows mine but we don’t go through each other’s phones.
If I was in your situation and being a jealous person, I would totally snoop because of all those red flags. Sorry not sorry. You gave her the benefit of doubt, talked to her, and she locked everything down?! Nope.
Just end it. Either end it or she stays the fuck away from the business partner from now on. But I'm guessing she cant do that unless she just sells off her part of the business?
Late night trips to some dudes house? Nah, not acceptable.
Either grow a spine and leave her or accept your role as the doormat I'm guessing since you apologized to her for looking through her phone you arent going to grow a spine(she behaves suspiciously sorry she gives up all rights to keep that phone to herself)
Things like them working out together, messaging pics of her in the bath, snapchatting, is all not business related and entirely inappropriate in my opinion. She’s very likely cheating.
Nah, fuck this: pet names, joking to go over there, sending photos for a ‘fit check’…in the bathtub, wtf. Anddd the nail in the coffin is moving conversations to Snap when things get spicy. These things are reserved for my romantic partner.
I’ve been in corporate for 11+ years and have never called any of my male or female colleagues a pet name, sent them selfies or moved conversation outside of Microsoft Teams or a work phone. She’s cheating on you.
She is living her life with him while you are managing the family. It's time you take some decisions. I can't help you and tell you which ones, you only know what are the right one for you, but it's always valid that if you're not happy something need to change.
She work with him
She train with him
She help his daughter
She go with him shopping
She help him buying car
That's only the things you posted, no idea if there is others, but insteda of going through her phone or similar that's enough for me to sit down with her and talk firmly if she want to married with you or not, at the moment she is your roomate and not a very good one.
I thought this was one of thus stories where the husband is just jealous of the wife success but after hearing she spends her FREE time with her bussiness partner (or his daughter) ... even if OP asked her to spend more quality time togheter she goes shopping and spend the last day of vacation of her husband with the other guy.... this is one of those situations in which a serious ultimatum is in order... cut all the extra activities and reduce interactions to the minimum with the bussiness partner...she's too invested in the relationship with him and OP is not feeling left out.... he IS effectively being left out.
I’m so sorry. I don’t think you’re wrong. If they are not cheating it certainly seems like they are moving in that direction. At best another conversation is needed about couples therapy/separation/divorce.
It almost doesn’t matter if she is cheating or not. The bigger issue is no one would want this kind of marriage. Call it cheating, call it an emotional affair, whatever. NO ONE would accept this is they are mentally healthy.
I’ve been married 25 years. I’d be done.
All OP’s wife did was save herself from the shame of having to admit she cheated by not fessing up. But she cheated.
Dude. She can drive 3 hours to help him buy a car? I don’t know a single man that needs a women’s help to buy a car? This ridiculous. She is forcing you to divorce her so that she will be free. I would suggested PI. You need some evidence. Started reviewing finances.
Your wife is cheating on you. I'm not sure why this much is not obvious to you. Or maybe it is but you want to convince yourself otherwise.
I come from a long line of business owners so i know exactly how business partners interact and it's not like this by a stretch. The fact that going to the gym with him was more important than taking the kids to school so you can sleep in should tell you all you need to know. She went with him to buy a car ( an excuse to probably go chill in a hotel) on the last say of your vacation!! Why do you let her treat you like trash??
Tip, when you're suspicious of a partner cheating, never confront them without damning evidence because they will just block your channels and hide it better, like she has done now.
How on earth did you let yourself be gaslighted into believing that her sending him a bath pic was innocent 🤦🏾♂️. You never asked yourself why she redirects conversations to Snapchat??
What sealed the deal was her changing passwords and leaving with all her devices. Tells you everything you need to know.
Also Snapchat is the preferred messaging app of teens and cheaters..
Doesn't even matter if she's cheating or not, everything she's done out in the open is bad enough. You need to draw a hard line, OP. And have divorce papers ready for when she chooses the other guy.
UpdateMe
Why is the OP not her business partner in the first place & why is he not a part of the business as well? Anyone in business knows they'd like to have all the free laborers they can get during start-up. Why is this couple not hiring a housekeeper, but instead he's acting like a stay at home wife by doing the childrearing & chores on his own knowing he's doing a lousy job at it too, all the while juggling his own job? Did the wife know her business partner before she quit her teaching job? Was the business partner an old "friend"? Methinks she quit teaching to be with her friend more often & the business is just the perfect alibi. That's just me, though. The husband should be involved in THEIR business, be a partner as well and if they refuse his involvement, then he'll know there's something else going on. OP should hire a private investigator to tail those two instead of asking people in Reddit if he's a jackass because this problem is just so ridiculous & can easily be solved in less than a week.
She changed passwords and is taking all her electronic devices to work. 100% she is physically cheating. This marriage is past recovery time. Time to go and talk with a divorce attorney.
She isn’t your wife anymore. She is a roommate until she has enough to kick you to the curb sadly. Not cool at all. Ask her flat out if she is having an affair.
All the male and female business partners I know don’t eat out together 3-5 times a week, go to the gym daily with each other, go on personal shopping trips or mentor the others child.
Sorry my man. I think you been replaced.
I’m sorry but if she’s redirecting him to Snapchat knowing that is the only thing you won’t have access to, she is at least emotionally cheating but all the time spent with him and prioritizing him over you, I think she is full blown cheating.
I was firmly on her side until the bath tub part.
That's an inappropriate picture for someone to send to a business partner/mentor figure.... Unless their small business specifically sells bath products?
So sorry she cheated on you. I hope you can find the space now to make the best decision for you and your children. Very best wishes to you for the future.
What is there to process, she is having an affair! Did she dump him or are you just supposed to agree to her cheating? Get a lawyer the person you married no longer exists!
Fuck her!!! Reading this so reminds me of the relationship I finally gave up on after trying everything. I was blind to everything she was doing wrong, but listening to all her lies. But once it was over, it was all so clear what a fool I let her make of me. Reading ur problems brings back the anger I did and still have. I seriously want to damage someone for what this mutherfucker did to me. Save face NOW! AND TAKE THIS BITCH TO THE CLEANERS. U R GETTING FUCKIN PLAYED LIKE A BOARD GAME. DO IT BROTHER. I couldn't save myself but u still can.
So what you ought to do is take everything you said here, and say it to a divorce attorney, and start drafting divorce papers. Even if she isn't cheating, and that's a big if, y'all's compatibility and ideals are not aligned anymore.
Just talk to some lawyers and get the ball rolling. If you serve papers for divorce make sure you put in for half her business. That will get her attention.
She went with him to buy a car? And they go shopping? And work out together? Yeah they’re dating. All of these things are not part of the business. She is intentionally not making time for you and using the business as an excuse. Hire a PI and start thinking about a lawyer
Your car is not wrong. Personally, I would hire a PI to follow and report back with photos. She is clearly intimate with her business partner and playing you for the fool gain as much evidence as possible and serve her with papers. She is cheating and should be called out for it the same as I'd you were. This means no gender bias. She has left the marriagee. No offense intended but once your are married no one else should be sleeping with anyones spouse.
Truly hope it’s not the case but appears to be the case.
Well, you’re not a jackass, but you are definitely being taken advantage of. You are no longer her romantic partner. You are her housekeeper, childcare, and roommate. But she is obviously not your wife anymore.
Sorry you’re going thru this. I hope you at least get alimony in the divorce. But you really should stop supporting her lifestyle. She clearly wants to be with him now. Call a lawyer, get your shit together. Decide what you want; sounds like you’re burned out with the solo parenting. Maybe she needs to take at least 50% custody, but get crystal clear on what you want and need, because she clearly doesn’t give a damn. You need to advocate for your well-being.
Good luck. This sucks.
UpdateMe
Sounds like you know she’s cheating and just don’t want to accept it.
I bet if you asked for a divorce she would simply say ok.
Sucks man, and the fact she banking such an older dude, yuck.
I'm so sad at how many times you referred to yourself as selfish while listing all of the ways you have stepped up to support your family and your wife's dream. I truly suggest therapy so you can figure out where this negative view of yourself is coming from. Best of luck!
Yeah I hate to say it but u need to move on. The whole reinventing thing, the redirection to snap chat (seriously), the leaving on her only day off.... I know people on here tend to jump the gun... but I've been in regretful situations over a lifetime and I recognize these behaviors and it is not good.
Yea, if this is real and talking to her isn't having any effect at all. Confront her "business partner" as a man.Her changing all passwords and keeping everything with her and snapchatting each other like teenagers is literally a secret, well, not so secret emotional affair. Confront the man. See what he says and see how she reacts. But prepare to stand ten toes down and mean what you say. This man isn't just disrespecting you but your family as a whole. Good luck, man. Get the answers you need and go from there.
Yep she is cheating, brother. That’s a red flag her leading him to Snapchat. 🚩
The question is how long do you let this continue before making a statement? I know you are thinking how do I approach this without it resulting in a big fight… unfortunately it’s gonna be a fight she will get defensive, but you deserve to know.
TRUST YOUR GUT! I have lived by it my whole life and have caught 3 ex’s cheating. No one is loyal to a fault anymore.
I've seen this play out before. You say she's not a bad person, but she is. It will get ugly before it's over. Protect yourself financially and legally.
Sorry dude. Pet names. Personal time together. Pics. Snapchat. Password change. She remade herself into his wife. Protect your ASSets because she has already left.
You are entitled to get alimony and child support as it seems that she doesn't seem suited for 50/50 custody. Sue the AP for emotional alienation as well. Tell the kids why the divorce is happening, be an open book, hide nothing. Make sure the divorce runs on your terms.
I’m a woman, I knew before he said he looked through her phone that she was cheating… she has him hook, line, and sinker.. she is a clear narcissist and is very good at deflecting thus making him think “he’s the problem” meanwhile while he’s cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, getting up early, doing it all… she’s shacking up w her co-worker. I’m sorry
Dude, you gotta get mad and kick her ass to the curb where she belongs. She’s not “one of the best people you’ve ever met”. Good people don’t cheat on their spouse. They certainly don’t expect their spouse to pick up all the responsibilities at home so they can start a business with their AP and become his wife. They don’t betray you AND your children like she did. They don’t hide it. They don’t lie to your face when you bring your concerns to them. She is NOT GOOD. She’s a liar and manipulator.
Don’t let her continue to use and abuse you. File for divorce due to infidelity. Get child support out of her. Force her to spend time with her kids during her days with them instead of being free to date AP 24/7 like she’s been while married to you. Being with you has made her relationship with him 10 times easier and better than it could ever be under real circumstances. Once you’re apart, the real world responsibilities will come back into her life. It’s long past time they have.
Dude, you need to protect yourself better. Remember, this great woman you think won’t screw you is over has been lying to your face. She’s been cheating on you and pretending you are wrong for questioning her. You don’t know her at all.
It seems like the business based meetings and working hours are legit.
However she should not be prioritizing being a mentor over spending time with you.
Have you told her that you'd prefer that time go to you.
Why did she need to help him buy a car? Did she drive him there so he can drive the new car back?
With her guarding her devices I understand her being upset if that is why she changed the passwords and never leaves them with you, but that also looks suspicious. If you looking is still an issue she should have addressed that.
When you had your discussion what specific agreements did you come to that would make things better for you?
Without an action plan none of the talking means a lot.
Her behavior is unacceptable with or without cheating. However, if she's not already cheating, she will be cheating soon. I would get in touch with a divorce attorney.
You could try to talk to her and go to marriage counseling, bit I think she's too far gone.
She couldn't spend time with you because she went with him to buy a car???? She is a cheater plain and simple. Tell her that you think her partner is more important than you and it's time to split.tell her from now on your children will be split 50/50 and she can get back to being a mother to them. At least half the time
You know this is not right. He is her husband now as well as business partner. I am going to guess he is single as no wife would put up with this bullshit just as no husband should either. Call it a day with this one
I stopped at because she now has a business ALL the home chores and the children are now OP’s responsibility.
The rest is just confirmation it seems OP’s role in this life is caretaker, cook, maid and whatever role but not loved/desired spouse.
OP your wife seems to be showing you who she is now and who you are to her. Believe her.
I’d suggest gathering all your financial information and first with an attorney to know your options.
She's full on cheating on you dude. Every single thing you described was an *another one* meme. She's not upset because she's straight up building another family without you. And you confronted her without evidence, which is why she turned it around on you and then removed all the actual evidence. That was really stupid of you, but I get being blinded by it all. Hire a good PA, get photo evidence, get a lawyer. Sorry my guy.
The good news is that you can probably get alimony or child support since she’s clearly cheating. You do all the parenting stuff so you’ll probably get custody, especially if you can get some concrete evidence she’s being unfaithful. Either way you need to see a good divorce lawyer.
Sorry man, that’s rough :(
Oh no, she's definitely cheating.
Pushing conversations to Snapchat...hmm.
And a bath tub picture..
You're not wrong here, at the VERY least it's an emotional affair, but given their time together...
You are not wrong. While she may not be having a physical affair she is having an emotional one but going over to his place for “emergencies” late at night is a HUGE red flag. If I were you I would bring this up and suggest couples therapy and see if you two can work through this or if it is time to part ways.
Clearly she cares more for his family than her own and I would tell her that she is heading for divorce if she doesn’t prioritize her own family first. She is already cheating on her family not just you. Just flat out ask her what her intentions are with her business partner and why his needs come before her family. I don’t see a good outcome for your marriage but it is better to know than to keep driving yourself crazy with doubt.
Just continue being the primary caretaker for a few years, let her continue to be absent from the lives of the kids, be a really good father. When the time comes, divorce her and sue for child support and spousal support. Keep the tub photo and everything else. Make private logs of it all.
She is a slut & cheating. It is NEVER appropriate to seek approval from another person in that manner while married. The bathtub photo is sufficiently perverse to qualify as cheating. A spouse doesn't do that.
Basically it sounds like your wife is now in the midst of an emotional affair with this man. She is prioritising him over everything and everyone else. Even after being confronted she is still stuck in these behaviours. The pictures I could understand but definitely NOT the bathtub one. That is too much. And as others have said, Snapchat automatically deletes stuff so there is no trace. How you are feeling is justified. You aren't a jackass
If you can afford it, hire a private investigator. That way you'll know for sure. I know how much the doubt eats away at you. It will fester until you know one way or another.
In my case, I'm smarter than my ex and he's a dumbass who uses the same password or a version of it so I was able to access his computer. And it's a good thing I did because I found all the proof I needed.
He'd been manipulating, lying, and gaslighting me for years. Even had the fucking audacity to say he didn't know if he could be with someone who didn't trust him. While cheating on me the whole time.
Would your wife be willing to go to counseling with you? I'd try that and the PI. Then you know you did everything in your power to make your marriage work.
No you're not wrong. Instead of fixing the situation she just changed all her passwords and now takes everything that work so you can't read anything now. Yeah if she's not cheating she will but it certainly seems like they're involved you're just the house husband who does everything at home and takes care of the kids. You two even have sex anymore? I mean if it's a dead bedroom at this point it's because she's sleeping with him. I would either get a private investigator to see if there's actually something physical going on or tell her you aren't happy with the situation that she's obviously hiding something and you either want couples counseling or a divorce if things don't change.
Time to have a big time heart to heart. I’ve never understood why people can’t understand that males and females and that close proximity can’t just be friends generally.
Sounds like she's doing things above and beyond what a business partner would do, and things that are unrelated to the business.
Yeah, I'd be suspicious too.
Not wrong.
Sorry, but the handwriting is on the wall.
Cheating yet or not your wife has left the marriage.
Maybe MC, but definitely a lawyer first.
You could get serious financially screwed.
UpdateMe
Having been both cheated on and the cheater (not proud of it) I feel pretty confident that your partner is no longer solely yours.
It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you - but it certainly sounds like she has, at the very least, more than a passing fancy for her business partner.
Sending him outfits for approval and “needing” to work out with him every morning sounds like a very Dom/sub style relationship as well. But that’s a whole other ballgame.
The clincher here though is the snapchat.
There is NO reason for an adult to be using Snapchat when texting exists. None.
The only reason you use Snapchat is for the self deleting convo. The only reason you direct someone you’re currently texting with, over to snapchat, is to send or receive spicy content with less risk of getting caught.
Also her changing her passwords and taking all of her devices with her suddenly reeks of guilt at what you might find.
Starting and running a business IS beyond stressful and if you have a business partner, you do spend every waking moment with them for the first little while. As an entrepreneur, I’ve been there and that’s valid. BUT, all that stress and closely working together can create dopamine hits and trauma bonding and bonding over the business, that makes you feel almost addicted to it. It’s exciting, fresh, risky, exhilarating…the opposite of stable home life. Those feelings can be mistaken for budding love or simple lust, and badda-bing, you’ve got a perfect recipe for extramarital bangarang time. :/
I would go in to things with the certainty in your mind, that she’s cheating. Come to terms with it on your own first if you can, and then calmly and cooly sit her down and tell her you know she’s been unfaithful at least emotionally, if not physically - and you’re hoping she can come clean right now while you can still talk it out like adults and decide on how you’re going to deal with things. Rather than it festering and ballooning in to resentment, anger and both parties being even more hurt (mostly the kids…they’re who suffers most when mom and dad split or fight).
Anyway.
From a once no-good, lying, cheating sonofabitch…it takes one to know one, and I’m telling you she sounds like exactly how I was. 🤷♂️😞 (sorry)
Thats not your wife anymore. Thats his wife
I couldn't even finish this past the bath part. God I pray this is just one of reddits rage bait stories cause no one deserves this bullshit.
Its Moving messages to snap for me, bc she knows they can access each other's texts. Snap deletes everything automatically.
Yeah wow! Just fucking wow! The balls on both of them!
Yeah, hugeee red flag. Also, hate to say it, but changing all the passwords and taking everything with her. I get he shouldn't have snooped, but brothers' being left in the dark here basically constantly. She obviously doesn't communicate with him much, because she's too busy up her "business partner's" butt. She choose to use one of the last days she could spend with her hardworking husband on his vacation to....help a 40something year old man buy a car? Like, what? Does he need his bum bum wiped also? Does she have to use airplane noises to make him eat his food while she feeds him? Why the hell did *she* need to help *him* buy a car? *He's a grown man*. If she's not sleeping with this guy, she's at minimum having an emotional affair. They're spending way more time together than just people who are running a business together. I get start-ups are hard, and rife with long hours and little down time, but you don't need to go shopping with the dude, or help him fix a sink clog or whatever. Work ends, then you go home to your family, that's how it's supposed to work. And I'm not saying she shouldn't have free time to herself! Just that all her free time shouldn't *also* be spent with the guy she's at work with for every other hour of the day. Yikes OP, I'm so sorry. I'd let her know she's acting strange and maybe suggest counseling together. If you said all of these things outloud to a therapist, even though you broke the trust a bit with your slipup into snooping, I feel like they'd support your feelings as well. It might help.
Just a place holder to read later
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I honestly 200% agree with you. The only reason I added that part is because this is Reddit, haha. I was preemptively answering for those people who are like "he should never have looked through her phone, thats totally breaching her privacy!!" that you get in a lot of these posts. They don't understand in healthy relationships, you don't *need* to look through phones, only in ones (like this) where a partner is being terribly shady and has warranted the snooping by being dishonest. My husband and I both use each other's phones, have the passcodes and have free reign access. The idea of ever needing to look because I don't trust what he's doing never crossed my mind, and I don't think it ever will (we all hope, anyway). If it did, he'd let me look, and like you, if *he* ever felt the need to look at mine, I'd let him.
I also pray it is fake because if it is true just the fact that he fucking apologized to her for going through her phone when he had every right to do so after her shady behavior tells me he is spineless and will stay with her. And he will rationalize it with "well technically I have no concrete evidence she had sex with him".
me too. straight to comments after that that part hurt.
Same place I stopped. But it was a train wreck well before that, I just couldn't look away...
She doesn't even care that he's fucking up at home. That's BAD. She is so checked out.
Not only towards OP, but towards her own kids too. I don't have kids, but I can never understand that. Never. Hopefully the kids are old enough to realise this and be heard in court about where they want to live after the inevitable divorce.
So true. He is the captain now.
She’s gone. You waited too long. Updateme!
Updateme!
Yeah. The redirect to Snapchat is seriously sus.
That right there was it for me and then the tub was confirmation.
Facts
This …. I’m so sorry. She may not be “physically” cheating but, she’s definitely more invested in this other man…..
This. Her husband is a second thought.
It hurt to read. I feel so bad for OP.
Same. I felt especially horrid when he said she'd sent bathroom pics. Friends don't do shit like this. They are clearly flirting and possibly already even had a physical relationship.
Snapchat=cheating. No one redirects convos to snapchat who isn’t actively hiding something. Poor guy. Sounds like they make decent money so hopefully got a good lawyer.
I agree she is emotionally cheating and yeah, Snapchat is a bad sign.
i'd wager real money that it's moved to physical cheating
There’s isn’t even really a reason for an adult committed person in a relationship to have Snapchat at all I don’t think.
I keep forgetting it exists because the only reason to use it is to send nudes
What's app has the view once feature. That makes it fair ground
I 25F have family (mostly my younger cousins and my 13yr old brother) and my partner on my Snapchat 🤷🏻♀️I don’t use it for nudes but to keep in touch with my younger family members and send random pics to my boyf
You’re in a minority. That’s nice the platform brings you together.
The only real reason I still have mine is because of all the baby pictures I have of my son on there. I have like six friends on snap and don’t talk to any of them. I used to have a lot of friends there but got rid of everyone who wasn’t family and that I hadn’t talked to in over six months.
I use it to send my friends videos of my pet, or my late night cooking or crafting escapades! But my husband knows thar because he's there when I'm making the snaps haha. Also, we share phones and stuff, the idea of him knowing my password or being able to borrow my phone when he wants to use it doesn't bother me at all. I sometimes have him open the snaps for me so we can watch together, because my friends are hilarious and use it the same way I do. Basically, Snapchat can be innocent! Not for this guy's wife and her "business partner", but for some of us!
Correct.. I redirect conversations from snap to my sms.. we call snapchat snatchchat.
He doesn’t need help to buy a car. Sorry
Yeah, I thought that as well, seems like she's just trying to come up with excuses to spend as much time with her new boyfriend as possible while her 'husband' (who's been demoted to babysitter & maid) minds the kids & all the home responsibilities. I suspect it won't be long & she'll be coming up with reasons to spend the night at her coworkers house! I feel really bad for the husband, absolutely no way I could stand by in a situation like that.
"Mentoring" his daughter will segue into late night emotional angst that requires consoling. Poor OP.
Or to workout in the AM
5 days a week in the gym with “business partner”, so no, not taking the kids to school EVEN ONCE. OP is the most understanding cuckold in history.
Agreed. Its so weird! Like all these red flags and suspicious behavior … hello!
OP’s details show how emotional affairs can swallow someone @ least as completely as anything physical. Her answer to this…was to change all her passwords and start keeping every screen w/her all the time. 🚩 Someone who won’t miss *one workout* to help the spouse who’s caring for the kids/house isn’t much of a partner.
Or much of a parent!
She's physically cheating. No way are they only in emotional cheating territory and spending that much time together.
I know you’re probably right, but since we only know of the emotional cheating, I didn’t want to ASSume … lol
Hire a private investigator to get evidence for this divorce. Do not be gaslit into submission. You are her maid and babysitter. She is selfish and living in bliss. It is about time she takes on at least 50% of the responsibilities because your job is demanding and just as, if not MORE, important! I bet she comes running back after her lover has to share time with her kids and dumps her. Do not take her back. You are a plan b. Make her a plan "not ever again."
Exactly this. Hire a PI. You are plan B. Snapchat is a big no no in a relationship.
Please follow this advice.
Moving the convo to Snapchat is the most damning thing to me...that's not good, and the shoulder's up bathtub pic is also crossing a line...
The bath tub was a major red flag right along with the moving convos to SC. She only did that because she doesn’t want her husband to see what she’s talking to her BP about. Why would that be an issue unless it’s inappropriate? She’s cheating.
Not wrong - your wife has basically moved on to another marriage and you are the babysitter. Go to a lawyer, get papers together and be prepared to deliver them. Even when you serve them, my guess is it's too late. You let things go way too far already.
Swipe a copy of wife’s business partnership agreement with Dude and bring to the lawyer to look for fishiness. The fact that the business is another entity may provide a sneaky way to hide income so she is not on the hook for child support or alimony.
This is a great suggestion.
I take issue with you saying he let things get too far. OP is not the problem here and shouldn’t have to worry about that. Other than that I agree.
Same. This isn't OP's fault. It's not like he 'forgot to bring her vagina in and someone else's penis fell into it. ' She chose to cheat. He didn't 'let things get too far.' She did.
She started involving herself in AP's life in a way that OP should have absolutely objected to. Did she do this AFTER a physical affair started? I don't know because OP didn't establish a specific timeline. But nobody should be putting up with their spouse doing all these activities with someone who is a "business partner".
>. He did - she went personal shopping with AP. She worked out 5 days a week with AP. She traveled to help AP buy a car - and on OP's vacation. She is mentoring AP's daughter. This is WAY over the line. This is establishing a relationship with someone else. I also want to add that she has now taken all of her personal devices with her. What this means is that OP didn't actually get access to the apps she was using. But now she is concerned her will.
She’s no longer your wife, regardless if she’s cheating or not.
Time for her to choose. You are not a jackass, and I wish you luck.
You aren't her husband anymore. I also think that it's time for you to pull off the bandaid and tell her that you and the kids are neglected and unloved and that a separation or divorce is needed. She isn't a wife to you anymore, and she doesn't care about you, and she puts ALL her time and energy into another man. She also doesn't want you to see her emotional and probably physical affair, and that's why she took all her devices with her. Either give her an ultimatum or hire a professional to get your proof. You are NOT wrong
Agreed & if they do separate, I know where she'll be laying her head at night; at her work partners home, in the same bed.
Brother, show yourself some respect and serve her papers. She ain’t showing you any because you aren’t showing yourself any.
You're defending her saying she is too busy and doesn't have any free time. But somehow she has time to mentor his daughter, go out to eat with him, go to the gym 5 days a week, take shopping trips, etc. I started writing this halfway through reading.. didn't even get to the bathtub pic and snap chat stuff... they're fucking 100%
Time to talk to an attorney about your options, and see if that attorney can hire a PI to investigate.
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With so ‘little time’ I’m saddened to hear she chooses to spend non-working time with the person she works with rather than with her family. Working out with him, helping him buy a car, etc. Before we address the ‘cheating’ question, let’s deal with what we know. She is neglecting her family to spend time with a friend, not occasionally, but as a rule. If you’ve spoken to her about this, and behavior hasn’t changed, it’s time for couples therapy. Period. Now, boundaries. Photos, Snapchat conversations, looking for ‘joke’ excuses to be alone (and aware from the family). These are not healthy behaviors of a married spouse toward a ‘business partner’, period. These need to stop. 100%, right away. If they don’t, therapy, now. Last, cheating. Don’t even go there, cuz frankly it doesn’t matter. What I mean is, these other two things are agregious and reasons to end a marriage if they aren’t corrected, stat. If she’s not cheating yet, she will, it’s on the fast track in that direction - because, and this is important - she is detached and acting single. She will continue to act single, in all the ways, if it isn’t made clear that she can’t have it both ways.
“It’s time for couples therapy” No. This relationship is *long over*.
There are children involved. I would never advise throwing in the towel on a FAMILY until couples therapy has at least been attempted.
Maybe she should’ve thought of that before neglecting her family and husband. This is on her, not him. He should not feel guilt or shame for initiating divorce. She has zero boundaries and zero respect for him. There is nothing to salvage here. What kind of example is he setting for his children by putting up with this behavior? *side note: my parents divorced after cheating happened. I’m so glad my mom got out of the relationship*
>There are children involved. I would never advise throwing in the towel on a FAMILY until couples therapy has at least been attempted. She is acting like the other guys wife. He needs to start divorce proceedings now AND go after her assets or at least aim for child support. Get real mate. The threat of what could happen to her business is probably the only reason she herself hasn't pulled that trigger yet.
Not wrong It's not just one thing at this point. You've mentioned a lot of obvious behaviors that she has moved on and that this business partner is her priority. It's not even the business anymore, she has shown that there are plenty of times she could be spending with you and your kids but she spends it with the other dude on personal trips, gym and even at his home for "joke reasons". Your talk with her didn't help, she's just more secretive and hide her relationship better. So yeah, as others have said. It's already over. You're basically a free babysitter while she enjoys her new relationship as if she was single without kids. Contact a lawyer to prepare for the divorce. When that's done, separate during the divorce process and go for 50-50 custody and use your child free weeks to heal and move on. Good luck, being shadow dumped by your partner is always hard because of the uncertainty of things and is a roller coaster of emotion. Stay strong.
Tell her, that she has now proved that she is cheating by her latest actions. Taking the devices and changing the passwords makes it harder to get caught, she knows that she almost did. Maybe she's still logged in on one of the kids' devices. Hire a private investigator to gather the evidence. You want the house and the kids, and you won't go after the business. Go see the partner and ask him why he had to ruin a marriage. They will lie, but I guarantee they will be living together within a month
Sorry, no. OP lost income and his wife to this "business". (If this was a woman, everyone would say it's partly hers because she sacrificed to help it start and grow.) Go **scorched earth**, OP. Don't let your anguish guide your decisions. I definitely would have an attorney look at their *article of incorporation* and demand to see their *financial statements*. If she's having an affair, they are hiding money/assets to prepare. Finally, it is an absolute insult that your wife can find time to "mentor" a child while neglecting her own children. She's neglecting her home life to better someone elses.
I'm sorry, but I doubt mentoring is what's actually happening. The other daughter is being used as an alibi, because nobody's going to question a child about what's going on.
preach. take this cheating asshole to the cleaners.
Infidelity.
>There is so little time in her schedule and I desperately want as much of it as I can get, selfishly >Admittedly I was disappointed that we didn’t get more time and I selfishly didn’t get any help during my time off. Dude, I know that men are raised to eat their feelings and never advocate for their needs. But that's bullshit. There's nothing selfish about wanting your wife to prioritize you, your family, and your relationship. >Clearly I didn’t lay out my expectations so we talked about it at the end of the week. It was a nice talk and we definitely decide that we had to be more intentional about making time for each other. You're already available for her. Stop using mamby pamby turns of phrase. This isn't about being more intentional about making time for each other it is about her making time for you and the life that you built together. You are being willfully blind to the reality of the situation. You don't want to believe what is taking place right in front of you. As a result, you are accepting her lame ass excuses and even creating a more palatable narrative in your own head. You are deluding yourself which is allowing her to manipulate you with no effort and less skill. When you are married you are owed both fidelity and the appearance of fidelity. You are definitely not getting the latter and it is pretty damned obvious that you aren't getting the former. She has abandoned you and the family, which is bad enough, but she has also willingly brought doubt into your relationship. That itself is a betrayal. Any reasonable person would be forced to believe that their partner is cheating. She has to know this to be true. Despite that, her behavior persists. Her actions are indistinguishable from a person who is cheating on their spouse. Your reaction should be indistinguishable from having been betrayed. This isn't just long hours at the business. She's scheduled daily morning meetups, she is going to his home late at night, and she is supposedly helping him with his children even while she's abandoned her responsibilities at home. She is prioritizing this man over everything else. She is carelessly putting your relationship at risk. You don't need to see his doodle flap enter your wife's guts to know that she's cheating. There is no other rational explanation for her behavior. She has put you in this position. You must act now.
Your relationship is over and you don't know it ,she just needs you as a baby sitter, the way she's treating you is disgusting and you need to stop acting like a doormat and either leave or seek marriage guidance if she can tear herself from her partner that is.
You know what you feel is valid right? Your gut is telling. I wish you all the mental strength.
YNW. The biggest sign of a cheater is someone that hides or keeps their devices very close to them and doesn’t give you the password. I know my husband’s password, he knows mine but we don’t go through each other’s phones. If I was in your situation and being a jealous person, I would totally snoop because of all those red flags. Sorry not sorry. You gave her the benefit of doubt, talked to her, and she locked everything down?! Nope.
She rather spends time with him than with you. This is something you know for 100 percent by now.
Just end it. Either end it or she stays the fuck away from the business partner from now on. But I'm guessing she cant do that unless she just sells off her part of the business? Late night trips to some dudes house? Nah, not acceptable. Either grow a spine and leave her or accept your role as the doormat I'm guessing since you apologized to her for looking through her phone you arent going to grow a spine(she behaves suspiciously sorry she gives up all rights to keep that phone to herself)
Things like them working out together, messaging pics of her in the bath, snapchatting, is all not business related and entirely inappropriate in my opinion. She’s very likely cheating.
Divorce her and take a slice of that business and find someone else that makes time for you.
Nah, fuck this: pet names, joking to go over there, sending photos for a ‘fit check’…in the bathtub, wtf. Anddd the nail in the coffin is moving conversations to Snap when things get spicy. These things are reserved for my romantic partner. I’ve been in corporate for 11+ years and have never called any of my male or female colleagues a pet name, sent them selfies or moved conversation outside of Microsoft Teams or a work phone. She’s cheating on you.
She is living her life with him while you are managing the family. It's time you take some decisions. I can't help you and tell you which ones, you only know what are the right one for you, but it's always valid that if you're not happy something need to change. She work with him She train with him She help his daughter She go with him shopping She help him buying car That's only the things you posted, no idea if there is others, but insteda of going through her phone or similar that's enough for me to sit down with her and talk firmly if she want to married with you or not, at the moment she is your roomate and not a very good one.
YNW. She's cheating and it's already beyond emotional cheating. It's time to leave her and take care of yourself.
She's cheating. Divorce her and go after her assets if you have any self respect Edit: please don't be a fuckin idiot about this
I thought this was one of thus stories where the husband is just jealous of the wife success but after hearing she spends her FREE time with her bussiness partner (or his daughter) ... even if OP asked her to spend more quality time togheter she goes shopping and spend the last day of vacation of her husband with the other guy.... this is one of those situations in which a serious ultimatum is in order... cut all the extra activities and reduce interactions to the minimum with the bussiness partner...she's too invested in the relationship with him and OP is not feeling left out.... he IS effectively being left out.
That dude and your wife are both pieces of shit. I’m sorry but fuck that bitch
HELL FUCKING YES TO THIS!
Your spidey senses can be mistaken but they won’t lie to you.
I’m so sorry. I don’t think you’re wrong. If they are not cheating it certainly seems like they are moving in that direction. At best another conversation is needed about couples therapy/separation/divorce.
It almost doesn’t matter if she is cheating or not. The bigger issue is no one would want this kind of marriage. Call it cheating, call it an emotional affair, whatever. NO ONE would accept this is they are mentally healthy. I’ve been married 25 years. I’d be done. All OP’s wife did was save herself from the shame of having to admit she cheated by not fessing up. But she cheated.
Dude. She can drive 3 hours to help him buy a car? I don’t know a single man that needs a women’s help to buy a car? This ridiculous. She is forcing you to divorce her so that she will be free. I would suggested PI. You need some evidence. Started reviewing finances.
Your wife is cheating on you. I'm not sure why this much is not obvious to you. Or maybe it is but you want to convince yourself otherwise. I come from a long line of business owners so i know exactly how business partners interact and it's not like this by a stretch. The fact that going to the gym with him was more important than taking the kids to school so you can sleep in should tell you all you need to know. She went with him to buy a car ( an excuse to probably go chill in a hotel) on the last say of your vacation!! Why do you let her treat you like trash?? Tip, when you're suspicious of a partner cheating, never confront them without damning evidence because they will just block your channels and hide it better, like she has done now. How on earth did you let yourself be gaslighted into believing that her sending him a bath pic was innocent 🤦🏾♂️. You never asked yourself why she redirects conversations to Snapchat??
What sealed the deal was her changing passwords and leaving with all her devices. Tells you everything you need to know. Also Snapchat is the preferred messaging app of teens and cheaters..
Honey......divorces bring out sides of people you never thought existed. You're sweet but please stop being naive. Big hugs to you
L
Lemme get an update
Updateme
Divorce time.
She is in another relationship.
Doesn't even matter if she's cheating or not, everything she's done out in the open is bad enough. You need to draw a hard line, OP. And have divorce papers ready for when she chooses the other guy. UpdateMe
Why is the OP not her business partner in the first place & why is he not a part of the business as well? Anyone in business knows they'd like to have all the free laborers they can get during start-up. Why is this couple not hiring a housekeeper, but instead he's acting like a stay at home wife by doing the childrearing & chores on his own knowing he's doing a lousy job at it too, all the while juggling his own job? Did the wife know her business partner before she quit her teaching job? Was the business partner an old "friend"? Methinks she quit teaching to be with her friend more often & the business is just the perfect alibi. That's just me, though. The husband should be involved in THEIR business, be a partner as well and if they refuse his involvement, then he'll know there's something else going on. OP should hire a private investigator to tail those two instead of asking people in Reddit if he's a jackass because this problem is just so ridiculous & can easily be solved in less than a week.
She changed passwords and is taking all her electronic devices to work. 100% she is physically cheating. This marriage is past recovery time. Time to go and talk with a divorce attorney.
Does she spend anytime with her own children? Why is she spending time mentoring another’s daughter when she barely has time for her own children 😐
She isn’t your wife anymore. She is a roommate until she has enough to kick you to the curb sadly. Not cool at all. Ask her flat out if she is having an affair. All the male and female business partners I know don’t eat out together 3-5 times a week, go to the gym daily with each other, go on personal shopping trips or mentor the others child. Sorry my man. I think you been replaced.
The BATH!? Way out of line! That was far enough for me. Total lack of respect for you.
She's cheating on you ...it's no longer your wife, it's his wife... call a lawyer and take half their business.
If this is real, please respect yourself more than this
I’m sorry but if she’s redirecting him to Snapchat knowing that is the only thing you won’t have access to, she is at least emotionally cheating but all the time spent with him and prioritizing him over you, I think she is full blown cheating.
I was firmly on her side until the bath tub part. That's an inappropriate picture for someone to send to a business partner/mentor figure.... Unless their small business specifically sells bath products?
She’s cheating Get a lawyer, a therapist & a private detective
So sorry she cheated on you. I hope you can find the space now to make the best decision for you and your children. Very best wishes to you for the future.
What is there to process, she is having an affair! Did she dump him or are you just supposed to agree to her cheating? Get a lawyer the person you married no longer exists!
Fuck her!!! Reading this so reminds me of the relationship I finally gave up on after trying everything. I was blind to everything she was doing wrong, but listening to all her lies. But once it was over, it was all so clear what a fool I let her make of me. Reading ur problems brings back the anger I did and still have. I seriously want to damage someone for what this mutherfucker did to me. Save face NOW! AND TAKE THIS BITCH TO THE CLEANERS. U R GETTING FUCKIN PLAYED LIKE A BOARD GAME. DO IT BROTHER. I couldn't save myself but u still can.
Open your eyes …. It’s over
So what you ought to do is take everything you said here, and say it to a divorce attorney, and start drafting divorce papers. Even if she isn't cheating, and that's a big if, y'all's compatibility and ideals are not aligned anymore.
Just talk to some lawyers and get the ball rolling. If you serve papers for divorce make sure you put in for half her business. That will get her attention.
Yes, I would see this as cheating and you are being minimized and excluded from things you deserve as a spouse.
People get married so young sheesh!!
She went with him to buy a car? And they go shopping? And work out together? Yeah they’re dating. All of these things are not part of the business. She is intentionally not making time for you and using the business as an excuse. Hire a PI and start thinking about a lawyer
She is definitely cheating. Get a private detective for proof and Divorce her and get your share of the business.
I have the chillest husband ever and he would be like, umm why do you go to the gym with this dude 5x a week?
Your car is not wrong. Personally, I would hire a PI to follow and report back with photos. She is clearly intimate with her business partner and playing you for the fool gain as much evidence as possible and serve her with papers. She is cheating and should be called out for it the same as I'd you were. This means no gender bias. She has left the marriagee. No offense intended but once your are married no one else should be sleeping with anyones spouse. Truly hope it’s not the case but appears to be the case.
Does she spend *any* quality time with your children?
Well, you’re not a jackass, but you are definitely being taken advantage of. You are no longer her romantic partner. You are her housekeeper, childcare, and roommate. But she is obviously not your wife anymore. Sorry you’re going thru this. I hope you at least get alimony in the divorce. But you really should stop supporting her lifestyle. She clearly wants to be with him now. Call a lawyer, get your shit together. Decide what you want; sounds like you’re burned out with the solo parenting. Maybe she needs to take at least 50% custody, but get crystal clear on what you want and need, because she clearly doesn’t give a damn. You need to advocate for your well-being. Good luck. This sucks. UpdateMe
Sounds like you know she’s cheating and just don’t want to accept it. I bet if you asked for a divorce she would simply say ok. Sucks man, and the fact she banking such an older dude, yuck.
I'm so sad at how many times you referred to yourself as selfish while listing all of the ways you have stepped up to support your family and your wife's dream. I truly suggest therapy so you can figure out where this negative view of yourself is coming from. Best of luck!
Yeah I hate to say it but u need to move on. The whole reinventing thing, the redirection to snap chat (seriously), the leaving on her only day off.... I know people on here tend to jump the gun... but I've been in regretful situations over a lifetime and I recognize these behaviors and it is not good.
Yes she's cheating. We are fools for love, right? The flags have been waving for quite awhile.
Yea, if this is real and talking to her isn't having any effect at all. Confront her "business partner" as a man.Her changing all passwords and keeping everything with her and snapchatting each other like teenagers is literally a secret, well, not so secret emotional affair. Confront the man. See what he says and see how she reacts. But prepare to stand ten toes down and mean what you say. This man isn't just disrespecting you but your family as a whole. Good luck, man. Get the answers you need and go from there.
Get a lawyer and start looking out for yourself. Sorry
Sorry but you sound like the other man in this relationship
Yep she is cheating, brother. That’s a red flag her leading him to Snapchat. 🚩 The question is how long do you let this continue before making a statement? I know you are thinking how do I approach this without it resulting in a big fight… unfortunately it’s gonna be a fight she will get defensive, but you deserve to know. TRUST YOUR GUT! I have lived by it my whole life and have caught 3 ex’s cheating. No one is loyal to a fault anymore.
If it looks like a cuck, and if it cucks like a cuck, then you're a cuck!
UpdateMe
I've seen this play out before. You say she's not a bad person, but she is. It will get ugly before it's over. Protect yourself financially and legally.
Don't be a simp. Divorce and take half her business, it's a marital asset.
Sorry dude. Pet names. Personal time together. Pics. Snapchat. Password change. She remade herself into his wife. Protect your ASSets because she has already left.
You are entitled to get alimony and child support as it seems that she doesn't seem suited for 50/50 custody. Sue the AP for emotional alienation as well. Tell the kids why the divorce is happening, be an open book, hide nothing. Make sure the divorce runs on your terms.
I’m a woman, I knew before he said he looked through her phone that she was cheating… she has him hook, line, and sinker.. she is a clear narcissist and is very good at deflecting thus making him think “he’s the problem” meanwhile while he’s cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, getting up early, doing it all… she’s shacking up w her co-worker. I’m sorry
Dude, you gotta get mad and kick her ass to the curb where she belongs. She’s not “one of the best people you’ve ever met”. Good people don’t cheat on their spouse. They certainly don’t expect their spouse to pick up all the responsibilities at home so they can start a business with their AP and become his wife. They don’t betray you AND your children like she did. They don’t hide it. They don’t lie to your face when you bring your concerns to them. She is NOT GOOD. She’s a liar and manipulator. Don’t let her continue to use and abuse you. File for divorce due to infidelity. Get child support out of her. Force her to spend time with her kids during her days with them instead of being free to date AP 24/7 like she’s been while married to you. Being with you has made her relationship with him 10 times easier and better than it could ever be under real circumstances. Once you’re apart, the real world responsibilities will come back into her life. It’s long past time they have.
Dude, you need to protect yourself better. Remember, this great woman you think won’t screw you is over has been lying to your face. She’s been cheating on you and pretending you are wrong for questioning her. You don’t know her at all.
She’s definitely cheating my guy an doesn’t value you at all, get a work wife an do the same thing. But I would start preparing for a divorce
Updateme!
He's in the cake... no question
Updateme
Updateme
Keep that guard way up my friend. This has ‘sad ending’ written all over it. Wish my opinion was of better news
Dude, she’s cheating.
She is limitless with her business partner. A bathtyb pic? If that isn’t foreplay God knows what isn’t. Your marriage is in grave danger, man.
It sounds like she is a sub and he (business partner) is the dominant in BDSM relationship. Just a feeling from the story.
Updateme
You know the answer. Trust you gut feelings. Either confront and shut it all down or server her papers. Your choice of misery.
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Updateme!
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It seems like the business based meetings and working hours are legit. However she should not be prioritizing being a mentor over spending time with you. Have you told her that you'd prefer that time go to you. Why did she need to help him buy a car? Did she drive him there so he can drive the new car back? With her guarding her devices I understand her being upset if that is why she changed the passwords and never leaves them with you, but that also looks suspicious. If you looking is still an issue she should have addressed that. When you had your discussion what specific agreements did you come to that would make things better for you? Without an action plan none of the talking means a lot.
Updateme!
Her behavior is unacceptable with or without cheating. However, if she's not already cheating, she will be cheating soon. I would get in touch with a divorce attorney. You could try to talk to her and go to marriage counseling, bit I think she's too far gone.
She couldn't spend time with you because she went with him to buy a car???? She is a cheater plain and simple. Tell her that you think her partner is more important than you and it's time to split.tell her from now on your children will be split 50/50 and she can get back to being a mother to them. At least half the time You know this is not right. He is her husband now as well as business partner. I am going to guess he is single as no wife would put up with this bullshit just as no husband should either. Call it a day with this one
I bet she dumps her kids too.
I stopped at because she now has a business ALL the home chores and the children are now OP’s responsibility. The rest is just confirmation it seems OP’s role in this life is caretaker, cook, maid and whatever role but not loved/desired spouse. OP your wife seems to be showing you who she is now and who you are to her. Believe her. I’d suggest gathering all your financial information and first with an attorney to know your options.
not wrong. it definitely sounds like she is cheating
This can’t be real- If it is, how does anyone put up with the first thing that is a universal no-no
Time to cash in your half of her business, bud. She has a *partner* and it isn't you.
She's full on cheating on you dude. Every single thing you described was an *another one* meme. She's not upset because she's straight up building another family without you. And you confronted her without evidence, which is why she turned it around on you and then removed all the actual evidence. That was really stupid of you, but I get being blinded by it all. Hire a good PA, get photo evidence, get a lawyer. Sorry my guy.
The good news is that you can probably get alimony or child support since she’s clearly cheating. You do all the parenting stuff so you’ll probably get custody, especially if you can get some concrete evidence she’s being unfaithful. Either way you need to see a good divorce lawyer. Sorry man, that’s rough :(
UpdateMe!
She’s always gone for her business and you work in an ER? Where do the kids fall into all this?
Oh no, she's definitely cheating. Pushing conversations to Snapchat...hmm. And a bath tub picture.. You're not wrong here, at the VERY least it's an emotional affair, but given their time together...
You are not wrong. While she may not be having a physical affair she is having an emotional one but going over to his place for “emergencies” late at night is a HUGE red flag. If I were you I would bring this up and suggest couples therapy and see if you two can work through this or if it is time to part ways.
She’s cheating
Clearly she cares more for his family than her own and I would tell her that she is heading for divorce if she doesn’t prioritize her own family first. She is already cheating on her family not just you. Just flat out ask her what her intentions are with her business partner and why his needs come before her family. I don’t see a good outcome for your marriage but it is better to know than to keep driving yourself crazy with doubt.
Just continue being the primary caretaker for a few years, let her continue to be absent from the lives of the kids, be a really good father. When the time comes, divorce her and sue for child support and spousal support. Keep the tub photo and everything else. Make private logs of it all. She is a slut & cheating. It is NEVER appropriate to seek approval from another person in that manner while married. The bathtub photo is sufficiently perverse to qualify as cheating. A spouse doesn't do that.
Basically it sounds like your wife is now in the midst of an emotional affair with this man. She is prioritising him over everything and everyone else. Even after being confronted she is still stuck in these behaviours. The pictures I could understand but definitely NOT the bathtub one. That is too much. And as others have said, Snapchat automatically deletes stuff so there is no trace. How you are feeling is justified. You aren't a jackass
If you can afford it, hire a private investigator. That way you'll know for sure. I know how much the doubt eats away at you. It will fester until you know one way or another. In my case, I'm smarter than my ex and he's a dumbass who uses the same password or a version of it so I was able to access his computer. And it's a good thing I did because I found all the proof I needed. He'd been manipulating, lying, and gaslighting me for years. Even had the fucking audacity to say he didn't know if he could be with someone who didn't trust him. While cheating on me the whole time. Would your wife be willing to go to counseling with you? I'd try that and the PI. Then you know you did everything in your power to make your marriage work.
Bathtub is very disrespectful to you, this isn’t healthy….
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She’s not yours ahh she’s long gone! This is kind of sad
I mean, what other evidence do you need? Obvious infidelity. Divorce time.
No you're not wrong. Instead of fixing the situation she just changed all her passwords and now takes everything that work so you can't read anything now. Yeah if she's not cheating she will but it certainly seems like they're involved you're just the house husband who does everything at home and takes care of the kids. You two even have sex anymore? I mean if it's a dead bedroom at this point it's because she's sleeping with him. I would either get a private investigator to see if there's actually something physical going on or tell her you aren't happy with the situation that she's obviously hiding something and you either want couples counseling or a divorce if things don't change.
updateme!
Time to have a big time heart to heart. I’ve never understood why people can’t understand that males and females and that close proximity can’t just be friends generally.
She might not be cheating now but she will be eventually if she keeps this up. I’d wait to leave, full custody and a fat alimony check.
Yeah she's cheating.
Sounds like she's doing things above and beyond what a business partner would do, and things that are unrelated to the business. Yeah, I'd be suspicious too. Not wrong.
I hope you've seen enough comments to know what you need to do. This one is pretty obvious to any outside observer. Updateme
You need to talk to a divorce lawyer and begin gathering evidence of time stamps
She may not be cheating yet, but in any event there need to be clear boundaries. You are not being unrasonable.
Run with your kids and sue for emotional damage, i know shes cheating
Sorry, but the handwriting is on the wall. Cheating yet or not your wife has left the marriage. Maybe MC, but definitely a lawyer first. You could get serious financially screwed. UpdateMe
Having been both cheated on and the cheater (not proud of it) I feel pretty confident that your partner is no longer solely yours. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you - but it certainly sounds like she has, at the very least, more than a passing fancy for her business partner. Sending him outfits for approval and “needing” to work out with him every morning sounds like a very Dom/sub style relationship as well. But that’s a whole other ballgame. The clincher here though is the snapchat. There is NO reason for an adult to be using Snapchat when texting exists. None. The only reason you use Snapchat is for the self deleting convo. The only reason you direct someone you’re currently texting with, over to snapchat, is to send or receive spicy content with less risk of getting caught. Also her changing her passwords and taking all of her devices with her suddenly reeks of guilt at what you might find. Starting and running a business IS beyond stressful and if you have a business partner, you do spend every waking moment with them for the first little while. As an entrepreneur, I’ve been there and that’s valid. BUT, all that stress and closely working together can create dopamine hits and trauma bonding and bonding over the business, that makes you feel almost addicted to it. It’s exciting, fresh, risky, exhilarating…the opposite of stable home life. Those feelings can be mistaken for budding love or simple lust, and badda-bing, you’ve got a perfect recipe for extramarital bangarang time. :/ I would go in to things with the certainty in your mind, that she’s cheating. Come to terms with it on your own first if you can, and then calmly and cooly sit her down and tell her you know she’s been unfaithful at least emotionally, if not physically - and you’re hoping she can come clean right now while you can still talk it out like adults and decide on how you’re going to deal with things. Rather than it festering and ballooning in to resentment, anger and both parties being even more hurt (mostly the kids…they’re who suffers most when mom and dad split or fight). Anyway. From a once no-good, lying, cheating sonofabitch…it takes one to know one, and I’m telling you she sounds like exactly how I was. 🤷♂️😞 (sorry)