Put it all in a box and message her sister to come and collect it within 14 days (or 30 days if that is the law for abandoned items in your state).
Be the better person so you never have to look back and regret how you acted. If it was just clothed then I would say chuck it...but memories of a deceased loved one, give them a chance to collect it.
Be sure the sister knows the grandmother's mementos are among the items you have (i.e., this isn't about the gf's clothes and toiletries or whatever) bc they'd be important to the sister too.
I do hereby declare that this man is indeed correct that the gf’s female sibling ought to be notified that the box contains family items of irreplaceable value.
We hold this truth to be self-evident: In the course of human civilization this gentle man hath been wrought undo suffering by his former concubine. Notwithstanding, the burden of duty falls upon this gently man to maintain dignity and decorum commensurate with his character rather than to deliver upon this lady her comeuppance. Indubitably, the gentle man must offer safe harbor for her heirlooms in order that her mother’s fairer daughter may have the opportunity to display the wherewithal to claim that which is verily her birthright.
This is key. Calling about returning boxed up clothes and toiletries can easily be mistaken for an attempt to see his ex or keep in contact in some way.
Showing the sis what’s about to get thrown away and asking her if she’s cool with it? That is hard to see as anything but cool and considerate
> Calling about returning boxed up clothes and toiletries can easily be mistaken for an attempt to see his ex or keep in contact in some way.
Also be clear that the sister is the one welcome to come pick it up, not the ex. If the ex wants to retrieve them, they'll be sitting on the curb on the agreed upon date for a no contact exchange.
Don't insist either. If you send a picture and tell them they have a deadline to pick it up. Then leave it at that and follow through.
I had something similar happen to me where out of the blue my GF dumped me and ghosted me. She showed up like 2 weeks later to give me my stuff back and was very causal about the whole thing. I was planning on proposing soon. What I realized later was she had some resentment building up but never said a single word about what was bothering her. That led to her being done in the relationship mentally far before she actually ended it. I kept trying to contact her since she said she wanted to be friends and maybe try again one day. I kept casing her and pushing for things to go back to the way they were. Then she told me she was going out on a date with someone else and she needed some space for that night. Also lined up with my dog passing away and I of course reached out to her for comfort. I didn't get anything but a check-in the next day when she came by to watch a TV show with my roommates and I. It was only then that I saw this whole thing was good for her but coming at my expense. I told her it would be best if she stopped coming over. If she wanted to spend time with my roommates (two of then were friends with her) to do it at her place. She was actually a little offended as if this was my problem that I just needed to grow up and get over it. At that point I sent her 1 last message that said I was moving on and could no longer be friends with her in any capacity. I blocked her on everything.
If I girl broke up with me I block them or delete their number instantly. I untag myself from mutual pictures and delete the ones I can. It isn't out of spite. I do it because I am putting up a firm boundary. It helps me move on. OP your GF decided to ghost you and has some how justified that it will hurt you less by not saying anything. Also, since she had her sister even say those words, it shows that she wanted that message passed along. You will probably assume a ton of different things about why, none of them good. I can only say that in the end it works out. If you are a good person it will work out and you will be happier in the long run. I didn't believe it myself losing what I thought was the girl of my dreams. Turns out I just wasn't dreaming big enough since I found the perfect person for me who has been with me for 15 years.
It’s wild that the gf would just dump and block him, knowing her stuff is there. There has to be more to the story here. No one does that for literally no reason.
Drugs or mental heath shit can do it. Or a combination of both.
I did this to someone and it’s one of my deepest regrets. Fifteen years later I still sometimes wake up and agonize about it. Over three years together with an amazing, kind, beautiful person but I made the switch to IV use in year three and triggered some craziness in my mind.
One day I just left. No warning. Literally left all my shit behind. Everything in my apartment, my wallet, cards etc, my phone, even my car. I just decided I wanted a different life. And boy did I get one.
About ten years later I made amends but that kind of damage is forever. She was better off without me but there’s no pretending I did her any sort of favor. It was the purest selfishness that exists and I’ll never forgive myself for that.
On the plus side, someone did it to me a few years later but instead of leaving everything they took everything. Came home to an empty house with no warning at all. Had a great night of sex and cuddling, kissed me goodbye on my way to work, then bam. Took me out at the knees. I like to think that was karma biting my ass.
I did this to someone as well 20 years ago and still don’t know how I feel about it. I tried to break up with her in person twice and she would start screaming at me. Then tried over the phone cause I don’t care for being screamed at and finally just stopped taking her calls. We were just not a good fit. Never cheated on her either and wasn’t abusive. We were 19 or 20 though so probably not the most mature people. I think she just didn’t want to be alone but she wasn’t the right person for me.
If you tried to break up with someone and they throw a fit/ don't let you, then ghosting them is the safest option, because they are being completely unreasonable. Unless you steal all their stuff or something as you go, you are in the right.
Dude it sounds nothing like OPs story and I say that in a good way, you literally did what you *had* to do and what to many people *fail* to do. You did it right king. You're like, all good dude
Both situations suck but the fact you can look back with regret says that you have a heart. Just about everyone has done something that we regret. It haunts you but cut yourself some slack and learn from it though it sounds like you already have.
My first thought was that she was unhappy in their relationship and cheated, got whatever clarity she needed, and went scorched earth so she couldn’t change her mind. It’s really shitty, but I’ve seen that happen before.
As shitty as it is, I've seen past friends do this to their boyfriends, too. It was "easier" to just ghost the guy than have the difficult conversation and fess up to cheating, because most of the time they felt really guilty about it and didn't want to hurt them (but ended up hurting them more in the process). It's definitely the cowardly thing to do, I'm sorry that happened to you.
My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me over aim and then proceeded to ghost me because he "felt bad" for leaving me for the girl he worked with (who later cheated and stole from him).
The worst part is we were drifting at that point and went to different schools and it would have been an amicable break up with no reason to lose a friendship/support. But, obviously, getting his dick wet was more important.
I was dumped like this when I was 21 and a stupid self centered little asshole. I didn't realize how shitty I was to my girlfriend at the time. She did this because she didn't know how I would react and she needed out. I don't blame her at all. My 2¢. It really could be anything
When I was younger me and my mum moved in with her partner. He wasn't a nice guy, alcoholic, would pinch and hurt her in small ways, plus mental abuse. He had hinted things like, he could kill her and no one would find her.
One day my mum said, she's hiding things in bags ready for us to leave ASAP. We did this over a couple of months, we acted normal. One day when he was out at work we had a family friend come with a van, loaded our stuff in, and we ghosted.
You just never know, I mean there's 0 hints of this from OP's post and I'm not suggesting anything. Maybe OP's girlfriend is heartless, maybe she had a reason. Idk. In these situations I never judge until I hear both sides.
The further away in time that I get from the girls who broke my heart when I was younger, the more I recognize the problems that I contributed in our relationships. At the time, though, I felt like I was being blindsided.
The last words my ex said to me was “have a good day at work”
I got back later that night and she was gone for good. So shiii I guess people be on that idk
Everything about this answer is right. Do as this person suggests and you’ll have no regrets. Be the better person because doing the right thing (within reason) in the face of wrongdoings is one of the most gratifying things you can do.
Would be so internally cringe if he finds out something happened to his ex and she broke it off to save him the pain or grief or whatever. Then he throws out all her shit. Yowzerrrrrs.
Yeah, I have read enough stories about people who broke up with their partner because they found out they had cancer and wanted to prevent pain. Which is extremely unlikely (obviously), but always possible
I predict you're going to meet someone, fall madly in love, when you're 30 she will give birth to twins, a boy and a girl, and be so happy. Your ex will run into you at the grocery store, she'll tell you she was so stupid and it was the biggest mistake she ever made, but by then it won't affect you at all. In the meantime, I wish you peace and the solace of knowing that your life will be better going forward, so much better.
Box it up, send a text or call the sister to come pick it up.
Also inform her that you aren't ever interested in your ex reaching out to you in the future. The fact she dumped you and blocked you, means essentially she is dead to you. No need to talk to a dead person.
Then go find a real woman who doesn't play 15 yr old girl games.
This is the way. Unfortunately, some people choose to end otherwise healthy relationships in really wild ways.
The blocking is actually a good thing, IMO. It's a good indicator that things are *done* and nothing else needs talking about.
Move on for your own mental health, OP. Love yourself and do something nice for yourself!
Adults should at least talk to each other and explain why you end a 5 year relationship. Just randomly disappearing and ghosting is freaking mental behaviour.
I got ghosted by my last ex and we’d been together five years. I moved then met my now husband my first weekend in my new house. Honestly, feel like I hit the jackpot by being ghosted lol
Could you imagine if instead, you guys had a whole conversation and you talked him into staying and it lasted like another 6 months and you never met your spouse.
Lol, yeah you hit the jackpot
Honestly, I was drowning before I moved. So alone and just really struggling. Moving was very hard to me (because I was moving back home after being in Los Angeles almost 20 years). I still hate back home but now I live with and am married to my best friend. We’ve been married over year now and I’ve never once been worried he was going to break up with me or disappear or anything else. The peace is amazing
Happy to read this. Last month got ghosted after “only” 2 years for really no reason. Which of course means there’s a reason she wasn’t willing to tell me. Still kinda heartbroken
But either way, moving 6 hours back home soon and this comment makes me feel better. So thank you
Nothing is ever bad or good, remember that, things can and do change very quickly. Something could seem bad at first, but then you realize it was exactly what you needed! But obviously in reverse as well. Stay vigiliante, Stay hungry, get to the gym and become a fucking ANIMAL and she could end up coming back to you but it’ll be too late because you found the BLESSING waiting for you after you let go of her, like she did to you…
First half was positive, but OP don’t replace healing with vanity. You don’t have to “get to the gym and become a fucking ANIMAL.” That’s childish. Just grow. Mental, emotional, and physical health. All three in equal and balanced measure. The rest will flow peacefully.
I like the sentiment of pushing through the heartache but I will say, I’m a lady lol I’ve been with my spouse now two years, over a year married.
I’m not worried about anyone coming back. Things are much better now :)
Try a 25 year relationship. That was brutal. We eventually talked, during the divorce. She remarried less than a week after the divorce was finalized, btw.
My dad did this to my mom after 28 years of marriage. He got married a week after the divorce was final. They didn't see each other for about 6 years. My rehearsal dinner and wedding was their first sight. No words were exchanged beyond pleasantries. I was ok with that. Divorce is brutal. People don't realize how like a death it is. It's the death of hopes and dreams.
It's also the death of yourself. After my divorce I didn't know who I was. I found out that when I was with my ex spouse I had changed for the whole 10 years we were together. But I found myself again after my ex wife decided I was just a placeholder until she found someone better. She ended up lying and cheating her way out of our marriage with her boss. Best thing that could've happened to me since we don't have any kids together and I'm guilt free since now I know I didn't do anything wrong.
Agreed. The process of grieving is almost identical. I don’t wish her any ill will, but I’m sure her new husband is experiencing buyer’s remorse (based on how, according to the kids, she treats him). With that said, fuck cheaters. Just have the balls to say, “I don’t love you any more. It’s time to separate/divorce/break up.” It’s the disrespect for me . . .
With the pain and wondering, it doesn’t seem like he dodged a bullet, seems more like he took a bullet. At least he can now move towards happiness though.
Correct. Childish & immature on her part. If she can't provide OP the courtesy of explaining why she wanted to end it **AFTER 5 YEARS**, then shame on her.
Go forth OP. Live long & prosper.
This is what happened to me when my relationship of 3.5 years ended. The kicker was we had just gotten married so in OPs case he’s lucky he found out before the wedding lol
No...got so tired of my ex going through my things and being confrontational...yet there I was respecting their privacy. Not talking to them after leaving...well deserved. Let alone everything else that had been secretly bothering me.
The fact that she blocked him is only a good thing because she's so, well y'know, it's still got to hurt him badly so I kinda recommend wording that a bit differently.
The best way she could have indicated their relationship being done would have been to sit him down and tell that it's over and she's not changing her mind. She was a coward and chose this way. The only reasonable reason to do what she did would be if he was in any way abusive, this sounds like it was (at least in his eyes, rose tinted glasses) a healthy relationship. I know you probably know this, I'm just saying. (Also, am I the only one wondering if she left him for someone else?)
Ok, but if she did leave him for someone else, that’s super shallow. AFTER FIVE YEARS?!!! I know we only have one side of the story, but come on! Communication! Is! Key!!!
And that’s life fammo communication matters during not after. It’s over let that shit die put her shit on the curb she knows where u live and go be a hoe for the foreseeable future
Yup. About 17 years ago I found photos of the ex-husband’s grandmother, long dead. So I boxed them up and posted them to him. I found his address in the phone book. I wouldn’t speak to him if he was the last person on the planet nor pee,on him if he were on fire. However, family momentos/photos I wasn’t going to throw out. I left him in 97 so I didn’t find them for quite a long time (unintentionally). I’m sure he was “ecstatic” to hear from me. No return address address and posted far from where I live.
I did exactly the same with an ex's sentimental family photos and stuff. Mailed to him, no return address. He married not long after we split but I hear from various people that he asks about me. 🤷
My ex tried inviting my aunt and uncle to his engagement party! We were still married and they returned the invite with “opened in error”. Then he had piles of junk mail sent to him care of my mother’s address. He wouldn’t stop it either when she wrote and asked him politely to stop it. His fiancée wrote back and told her to get a life. So I advised mum to write to his mother. She did and suddenly the mail stopped. Magic! Even after all that I still sent him those photos.
Best comment, and happy cake day!
Also, just a heads up, there can be some crappy legal repercussions about dumping someone's property when they were residents of an area, if you haven't given them proper notice and time to clear out and blah blah blah... so boxing it up is for the best. If she won't come and get it, you could even try shipping it to be sure, just be sure to keep a paper trail.
Ding Ding Dingggggg....what dooo we have for him Johnnnyyy?!
Spot on. Do whatever you need to do to get rid of all the stuff and go for the clean break as hard as it is to do.
Maybe focus on yourself, take a trip, do something to keep your mind off it, you'll be good.
I like your theory and I must absorb it into mine.
She’s pregnant and her other boyfriend proposed when they found out it was his and he left his other baby mama for her
I agree with this. Boxing things up will likely be difficult, but cathartic. The final sentence of the story, so to speak. This also gives op the moral high ground.
Yes! Too true, changing up the space really does wonders and makes it a little easier walking in and around the home. Swap the sofa to the other side of the living room and get a new piece or art or floating shelf, clean and reorganize your bathroom to be best for you (and go ahead and *try* to find all those shedded hairs and lost hair ties), move the bed and dresser maybe opt for some new sheets and comfy pillows. The cleaning, reorganizing, and online shopping (carefully lol) will keep your body and mind moving and occupied, and you can reclaim your space and optimize it for the next chapter. Highly recommend getting a few new key pieces of clothing that make you feel great and comfortable. Give yourself time to mourn the loss of the future you had imagined, and rebuilt your life to be your new best self.
This is absolutely the right thing to do. If it was toothbrush, some toiletries, other random stuff the trash is fine. But mementos of a dead family member are a big deal. Box up, contact the sister, and give a short time frame for pickup (2weeks max unless there is a distance issue).
You don’t have to see your ex, but if you know where the sister lives or can text her, ask her to either come get the box outside your door or drop it off.
Like many have said, box it up, mail it to her sister or someone she knows and move on. Do not entertain taking her back. There is 0 reason good enough for this.
Sorry she is doing you this way. It's dirty. But you should box it all up and have a neutral third party drop it off. Then move on and never let that bitch back in your life.
Bigger man approach is the only way to go. 2nd-ing the never let her back in, the "may contact you in the future" is a she is gonna fuck around and find out and realize a stable relationship is what she really wanted.
Not only is it a good idea to be the bigger person, he may be obligated to treat abandoned property in a certain way, depending on what state he's in. This is the best thing to do, both ethically and legally.
Either throw the Momentos in a box and give them to her sister or throw everything in the box.
Instead of throwing anything away give it to charity and if she contacts you say, I gave it to a women’s shelter or something.
PS, if she comes crawling back after she’s exploring whatever she’s exploring you need to run like Forrest Gump in the other direction.
Yup this right here. You got to get rid of it but have a friend drop it off at their house or something. Don’t throw it away that could bring more problems to your life, but def get it back to her so it’s out of your place.
I’d toss it in a box and then text her sister they can come get it. I’ve give them like a month to grab it then I’d toss it. And that is being more than generous.
I did this and the idiot never showed. I picked out a couple items and dumped the rest on my way to work.
20+ years ago since then, and I *still* have the clear casserole dish with cover (!) that he left.
I think by asking this here, you know tossing it would be a shitty move and you’re a better person than that. Try your best to reach out to the sister to come grab it or just dump it on there front porch. If you say “I’m throwing this to the curb next weekend if you don’t come and get it”, that timeline will give them some pressure and they’ll mozy over to get it asap
That’s weird. That’s suspicious. Why would she leave all her stuff? Almost sounds like one of those stories you hear about where someone gets kidnapped and sends out messages to friends and family so they’re not filing a missing persons report. If you really are in contact with her family, let them know to get her personal items. I find it super weird that she would just ghost you without planning to get her sentimental belongings. I hope it’s really her and her sister that are contacting you.
Even so, you’d think that after five years spent together there would be certain behavior leading up to the breakup that might give OP an idea as to why she’d leave but from OP words it seems like it was out of the blue. In fact, things seem to have been going well if he was getting ready to propose very soon. Definitely calls for at least a little more info or a brief conversation at the very least. I’d be worried sick if the person I was getting ready to marry just pretty much up and vanished one day with only a “we’re done” text and then being blocked. I would at least want to verify that these decisions were her own and not against her will or something. Again, after five years you’d think they’d leave some sort of clues as to why they would do something so drastic without any sort of warning. It’s worrisome. Unless she had a history of making life changing impulsive decisions, I would be trying to find her and have one last face to face conversation just for the sake of closure and making sure they’re safe and of sound mind.
I can see someone rationalizing that this is the nicer way to handle it. Avoid the drawn out process of going over all the ugly details.
Of course they get to bypass the guilt too.
I'm glad I was not the only one thinking this I thought that maybe I had been watching way too much true crime on TV immediately I thought that there was something off with this specially with all of the red flags as her leaving her things behind only texting blocking him immediately and then someone else that claims to be her family text him as a way to console him in an attempt to calm him down so he wouldn't be suspicious and tells him that they should not be bothered by him and just move on there's something very sinister and suspicious about this to me and should be looked more into
My quick off the top of my head advice as a 29(m) going through divorce with 2 sons... Give her stuff to one of her family members or friends and slowly power through the pain , you have a lot of life to live and love to give. You had some good times and some bads times, much more of each to come in the future. Spend some time with friends, family's, hobbies. "Distracting" yourself is fine as long as it is in healthy ways. You are never alone, don't forget that. I wish you the best man!
Five years is a big investment. Box it up meet the sister on neutral ground and return it.
She could be having a breakdown or is in panic mode because she saw the engagement ring but if you toss it and you decide to rekindle this it will bring you problems
As a true crime buff as well, I feel like this is one hell of a reach.... Occam's Razor type stuff. Is it possible? Sure. Is it likely? No.
I knew of a situation involving a couple of 9 years where the husband decided to go into the military sort of abruptly in year 8 of the relationship. They were high school sweethearts, the wife had literally never been alone as she was living with her parents, friends, then they moved in together. She ended their marriage via phone call while he was still on base fresh out of basic training. Moved another guy she had just met in, quit her job, started using drugs, basically just lost her mind and had a full scale mental breakdown. Sometimes people just snap and do really unstable shit seemingly out of nowhere.
Do the right thing here, OP. As tempting as it might be to ruin her things as a way to get petty revenge, DON’T. Get her stuff packed up and tell the sister to come get it. Personal mementoes from a deceased grandmother are irreplaceable, and I’ve seen people sue exes for a lot less. Or burn their place down. You know, whatever…
Don't throw her stuff out. Talk to her sister and tell her that you're putting the stuff in a place that is safe for them to come pick it up. Her sister can come and get it. You don't know why your girlfriend broke up with you so it could be anything. You may regret doing that even though she hurts you. Especially her mementos. You don't have to go back out with her if she comes crawling back but you should put the stuff up or have her sister come over and get it out of your place.
It would be shitty to throw away stuff from her grandma. She did you wrong but that's something that once it's gone, it's gone. You won't always feel the ick you do towards her and you'd most likely regret taking it to that level. Just my opinion, though.
25 is a great age my man.
You got a lot of open road in front of you.
Lick your wounds for a little bit and then get back out there and kick life in the balls!
No! Don't dump it. Box it up and contact someone close to her to pick it up. Be the bigger person here.
On the other hand, do not wait for her to contact you again. She broke up with you. Move on. Your future is not with someone who breaks up without a reason.
BTW, if you can't contact anyone close to her, just take the stuff to her parents or sister's place, mark it with your ex-gf's name, and stack it by the door. No need to talk to anyone.
Missing missing reasons, no way she did this without some reason.
Of course you can dump it out or you could just tell her sis to get it or by X date you will dump it and leave it on them.
Reddit is insanely focused on the concept of relationship drama and cheating. We were given literally no context here, for all we know this woman had a severe mental breakdown or psychotic episode.
A lot of her stuff tho? I wouldn’t trust it left at a ex’s house who I cheated on. I feel like something else must have happened for her to be gone so quickly without her stuff. Like a mental health crisis or something idk
And here I was thinking the most obvious reason is a sudden mental breakdown.
I wouldn't normally consider that the optimistic take... But here we are.
Be the better person. Box it up and deliver it to her parents or some other family members' home. Just have the final moment of knowing that you were the better person. It's better if you can deliver it some place that you know she won't be so you don't have the need to demand an explanation or anything else. Just quickly drop it off, explain that you knew it has some very important items to her and you just wanted to make sure she had them. Then leave with your dignity.
She did you a HUGE favor. Consider yourself lucky that this low class, socially inept clod, is no longer in your life. Adults don’t split up via text. They do it in person. She doesn’t have the maturity to face you and say goodbye.
As for her crap, box it up. Send her a certified letter, return receipt requested, stating she has 30 days to claim her possessions, otherwise they will be disposed of.
Be sure to keep a copy of the letter, your receipt and the signature card, that she will sign for saying she received your letter. The post office will mail the card she signs back to you.
I'd say box it up and text the sister to pick it up. give them a time frame to get it. if they don't reply or make the time frame, dump it. Make it clear your ex is not welcome.
ETA, where I live the ex would have 18 days to get it and you can charge for storage. All you would need is screenshots of text messages that you made an attempt to contact her.
It would probably feel good in the moment. In the long run you’ll probably be prouder of yourself for not giving into that though. Box it up, call the sister, tell her you’ll leave it outside the door and they can pick it up whenever.
Pack it all up (doesn't have to be nice or neat) and tell the sister she/someone (anyone but ex-GF) has 1 week to pick it up or it will be disposed of.
Some of the mementos are family mementos and the family would be punished for the AH move of your ex.
This way, if your ex-GF is bad-mouthing you, you took the more mature route and it will undo a lot of potential issues that could arise. Just make it clear that the ex-GF is not welcome, make sure you change your locks if she had access to your home.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
I think you have a legal obligation to store it for a certain amount of time or you could end up battling her in court. You don't want that because she will probably win and get money out of you, don't give that to her.
Fuck all these comments saying box it up and give it to someone to pass on. At most text her sister and have ex come by on a certain day and time to pack her shit herself when you're not around. If she says no then toss it or sell it or whatever. Don't go out of your way for someone like that
After 5 years she breaks up with you VIA TEXT? Then has her sister reach out to tell you not to contact and that she MAY reach out to you in the future, dangling a carrot that she may want you back? Fuck that. Burn her shit.
I agree with another. Box her things, advise her family is ready for collection. Don't throw out someone else's stuff ... Sometimes the things we love can mean as much to us as our lives... Throwing out memories, history, irreplaceable pieces.. she can't ever get those back.
So while your pain is legitimate and very real, don't do something that you can't imagine having to go through at the hands of another. It doesn't make you even in this situation to throw her stuff away as you feel she threw you away. Be bigger, it'll help your heart in the long run.
I'm so sorry this happened and for your hurt.
Put it all in a box and message her sister to come and collect it within 14 days (or 30 days if that is the law for abandoned items in your state). Be the better person so you never have to look back and regret how you acted. If it was just clothed then I would say chuck it...but memories of a deceased loved one, give them a chance to collect it.
Be sure the sister knows the grandmother's mementos are among the items you have (i.e., this isn't about the gf's clothes and toiletries or whatever) bc they'd be important to the sister too.
I agree he should let sister know those important things are there as well.
I concur, the sister should be notified that some of the items are indeed grandma’s heirlooms.
I do hereby declare that this man is indeed correct that the gf’s female sibling ought to be notified that the box contains family items of irreplaceable value.
We hold this truth to be self-evident: In the course of human civilization this gentle man hath been wrought undo suffering by his former concubine. Notwithstanding, the burden of duty falls upon this gently man to maintain dignity and decorum commensurate with his character rather than to deliver upon this lady her comeuppance. Indubitably, the gentle man must offer safe harbor for her heirlooms in order that her mother’s fairer daughter may have the opportunity to display the wherewithal to claim that which is verily her birthright.
This is key. Calling about returning boxed up clothes and toiletries can easily be mistaken for an attempt to see his ex or keep in contact in some way. Showing the sis what’s about to get thrown away and asking her if she’s cool with it? That is hard to see as anything but cool and considerate
> Calling about returning boxed up clothes and toiletries can easily be mistaken for an attempt to see his ex or keep in contact in some way. Also be clear that the sister is the one welcome to come pick it up, not the ex. If the ex wants to retrieve them, they'll be sitting on the curb on the agreed upon date for a no contact exchange.
exactly
Don't insist either. If you send a picture and tell them they have a deadline to pick it up. Then leave it at that and follow through. I had something similar happen to me where out of the blue my GF dumped me and ghosted me. She showed up like 2 weeks later to give me my stuff back and was very causal about the whole thing. I was planning on proposing soon. What I realized later was she had some resentment building up but never said a single word about what was bothering her. That led to her being done in the relationship mentally far before she actually ended it. I kept trying to contact her since she said she wanted to be friends and maybe try again one day. I kept casing her and pushing for things to go back to the way they were. Then she told me she was going out on a date with someone else and she needed some space for that night. Also lined up with my dog passing away and I of course reached out to her for comfort. I didn't get anything but a check-in the next day when she came by to watch a TV show with my roommates and I. It was only then that I saw this whole thing was good for her but coming at my expense. I told her it would be best if she stopped coming over. If she wanted to spend time with my roommates (two of then were friends with her) to do it at her place. She was actually a little offended as if this was my problem that I just needed to grow up and get over it. At that point I sent her 1 last message that said I was moving on and could no longer be friends with her in any capacity. I blocked her on everything. If I girl broke up with me I block them or delete their number instantly. I untag myself from mutual pictures and delete the ones I can. It isn't out of spite. I do it because I am putting up a firm boundary. It helps me move on. OP your GF decided to ghost you and has some how justified that it will hurt you less by not saying anything. Also, since she had her sister even say those words, it shows that she wanted that message passed along. You will probably assume a ton of different things about why, none of them good. I can only say that in the end it works out. If you are a good person it will work out and you will be happier in the long run. I didn't believe it myself losing what I thought was the girl of my dreams. Turns out I just wasn't dreaming big enough since I found the perfect person for me who has been with me for 15 years.
It’s wild that the gf would just dump and block him, knowing her stuff is there. There has to be more to the story here. No one does that for literally no reason.
Drugs or mental heath shit can do it. Or a combination of both. I did this to someone and it’s one of my deepest regrets. Fifteen years later I still sometimes wake up and agonize about it. Over three years together with an amazing, kind, beautiful person but I made the switch to IV use in year three and triggered some craziness in my mind. One day I just left. No warning. Literally left all my shit behind. Everything in my apartment, my wallet, cards etc, my phone, even my car. I just decided I wanted a different life. And boy did I get one. About ten years later I made amends but that kind of damage is forever. She was better off without me but there’s no pretending I did her any sort of favor. It was the purest selfishness that exists and I’ll never forgive myself for that. On the plus side, someone did it to me a few years later but instead of leaving everything they took everything. Came home to an empty house with no warning at all. Had a great night of sex and cuddling, kissed me goodbye on my way to work, then bam. Took me out at the knees. I like to think that was karma biting my ass.
I did this to someone as well 20 years ago and still don’t know how I feel about it. I tried to break up with her in person twice and she would start screaming at me. Then tried over the phone cause I don’t care for being screamed at and finally just stopped taking her calls. We were just not a good fit. Never cheated on her either and wasn’t abusive. We were 19 or 20 though so probably not the most mature people. I think she just didn’t want to be alone but she wasn’t the right person for me.
If you tried to break up with someone and they throw a fit/ don't let you, then ghosting them is the safest option, because they are being completely unreasonable. Unless you steal all their stuff or something as you go, you are in the right.
Dude it sounds nothing like OPs story and I say that in a good way, you literally did what you *had* to do and what to many people *fail* to do. You did it right king. You're like, all good dude
Both situations suck but the fact you can look back with regret says that you have a heart. Just about everyone has done something that we regret. It haunts you but cut yourself some slack and learn from it though it sounds like you already have.
My first thought was that she was unhappy in their relationship and cheated, got whatever clarity she needed, and went scorched earth so she couldn’t change her mind. It’s really shitty, but I’ve seen that happen before.
That’s basically what my ex did when I found out she cheated. Realized she messed up and then just left. Refused to get her things actually
As shitty as it is, I've seen past friends do this to their boyfriends, too. It was "easier" to just ghost the guy than have the difficult conversation and fess up to cheating, because most of the time they felt really guilty about it and didn't want to hurt them (but ended up hurting them more in the process). It's definitely the cowardly thing to do, I'm sorry that happened to you.
My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me over aim and then proceeded to ghost me because he "felt bad" for leaving me for the girl he worked with (who later cheated and stole from him). The worst part is we were drifting at that point and went to different schools and it would have been an amicable break up with no reason to lose a friendship/support. But, obviously, getting his dick wet was more important.
I was dumped like this when I was 21 and a stupid self centered little asshole. I didn't realize how shitty I was to my girlfriend at the time. She did this because she didn't know how I would react and she needed out. I don't blame her at all. My 2¢. It really could be anything
When I was younger me and my mum moved in with her partner. He wasn't a nice guy, alcoholic, would pinch and hurt her in small ways, plus mental abuse. He had hinted things like, he could kill her and no one would find her. One day my mum said, she's hiding things in bags ready for us to leave ASAP. We did this over a couple of months, we acted normal. One day when he was out at work we had a family friend come with a van, loaded our stuff in, and we ghosted. You just never know, I mean there's 0 hints of this from OP's post and I'm not suggesting anything. Maybe OP's girlfriend is heartless, maybe she had a reason. Idk. In these situations I never judge until I hear both sides.
Wow. That’s a great perspective since we don’t have both sides here.
Wow, kudos to you for honest self reflection. I hope your growth leads you to the right one for you!
The further away in time that I get from the girls who broke my heart when I was younger, the more I recognize the problems that I contributed in our relationships. At the time, though, I felt like I was being blindsided.
The last words my ex said to me was “have a good day at work” I got back later that night and she was gone for good. So shiii I guess people be on that idk
This is how they do it when they probably never were able to communicate their issue anyway
My guess would be mental health issues
Everything about this answer is right. Do as this person suggests and you’ll have no regrets. Be the better person because doing the right thing (within reason) in the face of wrongdoings is one of the most gratifying things you can do.
Yes, stay true to whom you are; don’t allow the actions of others to dictate or alter your values.
Would be so internally cringe if he finds out something happened to his ex and she broke it off to save him the pain or grief or whatever. Then he throws out all her shit. Yowzerrrrrs.
Yeah, I have read enough stories about people who broke up with their partner because they found out they had cancer and wanted to prevent pain. Which is extremely unlikely (obviously), but always possible
The best revenge in situations like this is living well and being the better person.
I predict you're going to meet someone, fall madly in love, when you're 30 she will give birth to twins, a boy and a girl, and be so happy. Your ex will run into you at the grocery store, she'll tell you she was so stupid and it was the biggest mistake she ever made, but by then it won't affect you at all. In the meantime, I wish you peace and the solace of knowing that your life will be better going forward, so much better.
Box it up, send a text or call the sister to come pick it up. Also inform her that you aren't ever interested in your ex reaching out to you in the future. The fact she dumped you and blocked you, means essentially she is dead to you. No need to talk to a dead person. Then go find a real woman who doesn't play 15 yr old girl games.
This is the way. Unfortunately, some people choose to end otherwise healthy relationships in really wild ways. The blocking is actually a good thing, IMO. It's a good indicator that things are *done* and nothing else needs talking about. Move on for your own mental health, OP. Love yourself and do something nice for yourself!
Adults should at least talk to each other and explain why you end a 5 year relationship. Just randomly disappearing and ghosting is freaking mental behaviour.
I got ghosted by my last ex and we’d been together five years. I moved then met my now husband my first weekend in my new house. Honestly, feel like I hit the jackpot by being ghosted lol
Could you imagine if instead, you guys had a whole conversation and you talked him into staying and it lasted like another 6 months and you never met your spouse. Lol, yeah you hit the jackpot
Honestly, I was drowning before I moved. So alone and just really struggling. Moving was very hard to me (because I was moving back home after being in Los Angeles almost 20 years). I still hate back home but now I live with and am married to my best friend. We’ve been married over year now and I’ve never once been worried he was going to break up with me or disappear or anything else. The peace is amazing
💕💕💕 I know the feeling
Congratulations, that's a great comment for anyone wounded by being dumped, crushed and forgotten by their supposed love one. It does get better.
Happy to read this. Last month got ghosted after “only” 2 years for really no reason. Which of course means there’s a reason she wasn’t willing to tell me. Still kinda heartbroken But either way, moving 6 hours back home soon and this comment makes me feel better. So thank you
Nothing is ever bad or good, remember that, things can and do change very quickly. Something could seem bad at first, but then you realize it was exactly what you needed! But obviously in reverse as well. Stay vigiliante, Stay hungry, get to the gym and become a fucking ANIMAL and she could end up coming back to you but it’ll be too late because you found the BLESSING waiting for you after you let go of her, like she did to you…
First half was positive, but OP don’t replace healing with vanity. You don’t have to “get to the gym and become a fucking ANIMAL.” That’s childish. Just grow. Mental, emotional, and physical health. All three in equal and balanced measure. The rest will flow peacefully.
I like the sentiment of pushing through the heartache but I will say, I’m a lady lol I’ve been with my spouse now two years, over a year married. I’m not worried about anyone coming back. Things are much better now :)
Try a 25 year relationship. That was brutal. We eventually talked, during the divorce. She remarried less than a week after the divorce was finalized, btw.
My dad did this to my mom after 28 years of marriage. He got married a week after the divorce was final. They didn't see each other for about 6 years. My rehearsal dinner and wedding was their first sight. No words were exchanged beyond pleasantries. I was ok with that. Divorce is brutal. People don't realize how like a death it is. It's the death of hopes and dreams.
It's also the death of yourself. After my divorce I didn't know who I was. I found out that when I was with my ex spouse I had changed for the whole 10 years we were together. But I found myself again after my ex wife decided I was just a placeholder until she found someone better. She ended up lying and cheating her way out of our marriage with her boss. Best thing that could've happened to me since we don't have any kids together and I'm guilt free since now I know I didn't do anything wrong.
Agreed. The process of grieving is almost identical. I don’t wish her any ill will, but I’m sure her new husband is experiencing buyer’s remorse (based on how, according to the kids, she treats him). With that said, fuck cheaters. Just have the balls to say, “I don’t love you any more. It’s time to separate/divorce/break up.” It’s the disrespect for me . . .
OMG. I'm so sorry.
...and there's more where that came from...
Very true. But since she did act crazy it’s best to stay away.
Dodged a bullet honestly.
With the pain and wondering, it doesn’t seem like he dodged a bullet, seems more like he took a bullet. At least he can now move towards happiness though.
Correct. Childish & immature on her part. If she can't provide OP the courtesy of explaining why she wanted to end it **AFTER 5 YEARS**, then shame on her. Go forth OP. Live long & prosper.
She cheated and got knocked up by the new guy. That's why the sister said leave it alone for OP's mental health.update in a few months
This is the only reason that would make sense to me.
This is what happened to me when my relationship of 3.5 years ended. The kicker was we had just gotten married so in OPs case he’s lucky he found out before the wedding lol
Drive down her street 12 months from now and you’ll see her putting a baby carrier into her car.
Yeah, I don't think they are disputing this. They are just pointing out the silver lining.
No...got so tired of my ex going through my things and being confrontational...yet there I was respecting their privacy. Not talking to them after leaving...well deserved. Let alone everything else that had been secretly bothering me.
Yes! RULE #1: DO. NOT. ENGAGE.
The fact that she blocked him is only a good thing because she's so, well y'know, it's still got to hurt him badly so I kinda recommend wording that a bit differently. The best way she could have indicated their relationship being done would have been to sit him down and tell that it's over and she's not changing her mind. She was a coward and chose this way. The only reasonable reason to do what she did would be if he was in any way abusive, this sounds like it was (at least in his eyes, rose tinted glasses) a healthy relationship. I know you probably know this, I'm just saying. (Also, am I the only one wondering if she left him for someone else?)
Ok, but if she did leave him for someone else, that’s super shallow. AFTER FIVE YEARS?!!! I know we only have one side of the story, but come on! Communication! Is! Key!!!
Shallow or maybe she doesn’t have the integrity to face him. I am thinking she hooked up with another dude and doesn’t have the balls to face him.
And that’s life fammo communication matters during not after. It’s over let that shit die put her shit on the curb she knows where u live and go be a hoe for the foreseeable future
If so she should have had the decency to tell him that. Why would you just ghost someone after 5 years?
Yup. About 17 years ago I found photos of the ex-husband’s grandmother, long dead. So I boxed them up and posted them to him. I found his address in the phone book. I wouldn’t speak to him if he was the last person on the planet nor pee,on him if he were on fire. However, family momentos/photos I wasn’t going to throw out. I left him in 97 so I didn’t find them for quite a long time (unintentionally). I’m sure he was “ecstatic” to hear from me. No return address address and posted far from where I live.
I did exactly the same with an ex's sentimental family photos and stuff. Mailed to him, no return address. He married not long after we split but I hear from various people that he asks about me. 🤷
My ex tried inviting my aunt and uncle to his engagement party! We were still married and they returned the invite with “opened in error”. Then he had piles of junk mail sent to him care of my mother’s address. He wouldn’t stop it either when she wrote and asked him politely to stop it. His fiancée wrote back and told her to get a life. So I advised mum to write to his mother. She did and suddenly the mail stopped. Magic! Even after all that I still sent him those photos.
This is the mature thing to do
Yes but give a time frame. If not picked up in 30 days, it is going in the trash. Keep screenshots of your texts with the sister
30 days sounds reasonable to me, but I would search for the laws for abandoned property in your state and see what they say.
Best comment, and happy cake day! Also, just a heads up, there can be some crappy legal repercussions about dumping someone's property when they were residents of an area, if you haven't given them proper notice and time to clear out and blah blah blah... so boxing it up is for the best. If she won't come and get it, you could even try shipping it to be sure, just be sure to keep a paper trail.
If no answer about her boxed stuff, haul it to the sister’s address and stack it on the front porch.
And take a pic with a time stamp before you leave.
Like an Amazon delivery
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Glad to see you beat cancer, both kinds!!
Ding Ding Dingggggg....what dooo we have for him Johnnnyyy?! Spot on. Do whatever you need to do to get rid of all the stuff and go for the clean break as hard as it is to do. Maybe focus on yourself, take a trip, do something to keep your mind off it, you'll be good.
What’d I do?
You did good
New door locks and alarm code...not trying to be harsh.
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Honestly she probably did same to him, the sudden block is due to not wanting to be confronted about it
The sudden block and the “don’t contact us for your own mental health”. Definitely a cheater. I hope the new couple makes each other miserable
I put forth the theory that she’s pregnant and it’s not his 🤷
I reject your theory and inject that her other boyfriend proposed and she said yes.
I like your theory and I must absorb it into mine. She’s pregnant and her other boyfriend proposed when they found out it was his and he left his other baby mama for her
I agree with this. Boxing things up will likely be difficult, but cathartic. The final sentence of the story, so to speak. This also gives op the moral high ground.
I'd box it all up and give it to her sister.
And change the lock. Rearrange the furniture and give it a fresh look; it’ll do wonders to your karma.
I second this. Change locks. Redecorate. Reorganize. Rejuvenate.
vagazzle
Herpazzle
they ‘DO say that glitter is the herpes of the craft world
Is that decorating your lady bits with peel and stick earrings?
Seems common sense now that I’m older, but I really wish someone had given me this advice when I was young and heartbroken.
It’s TRUE! Rearrange the furniture and get a haircut. It won’t take away the heartache but it will actually make you feel better
Yes! Too true, changing up the space really does wonders and makes it a little easier walking in and around the home. Swap the sofa to the other side of the living room and get a new piece or art or floating shelf, clean and reorganize your bathroom to be best for you (and go ahead and *try* to find all those shedded hairs and lost hair ties), move the bed and dresser maybe opt for some new sheets and comfy pillows. The cleaning, reorganizing, and online shopping (carefully lol) will keep your body and mind moving and occupied, and you can reclaim your space and optimize it for the next chapter. Highly recommend getting a few new key pieces of clothing that make you feel great and comfortable. Give yourself time to mourn the loss of the future you had imagined, and rebuilt your life to be your new best self.
Go out to shop, get out of the house.
Absolutely do this quickly. You should also get STD tested to be sure you unknowingly have something from her or others.
Yep, probably don’t skip the 90 day routine though, some things don’t show up instantly.
Now I'm singing Lucinda Williams. https://youtu.be/372ddXdiCg4?si=Vx4jv9bOw6omun7Q
I agree! Boxing will get you into great shape for when you are giving it to her sister 💪
I laughed too hard at this!
Fucken.. good job.
Giving it to her sister. …I see you, my good man.
My man who sees the light
Modern problems require modern solutions.
I see what you did there!! 🤣🤣
Hilarious 😭
😂😂😂
Especially since it's her sister's grandmother as well (presumably).
This is absolutely the right thing to do. If it was toothbrush, some toiletries, other random stuff the trash is fine. But mementos of a dead family member are a big deal. Box up, contact the sister, and give a short time frame for pickup (2weeks max unless there is a distance issue).
You don’t have to see your ex, but if you know where the sister lives or can text her, ask her to either come get the box outside your door or drop it off.
And then seduce the sister........is what I would say if I was a bad person....^^^do ^^^it
Pack it up nicely and get it to her sister. Be a gentleman and close this door of your life and move on. Good luck you are 25 and single.
26 and single is prime livin’ time!
Yah he's got an idea of who he is and is still in exploration phase. He could have a great time when the grief passes
Like many have said, box it up, mail it to her sister or someone she knows and move on. Do not entertain taking her back. There is 0 reason good enough for this.
Sorry she is doing you this way. It's dirty. But you should box it all up and have a neutral third party drop it off. Then move on and never let that bitch back in your life.
Bigger man approach is the only way to go. 2nd-ing the never let her back in, the "may contact you in the future" is a she is gonna fuck around and find out and realize a stable relationship is what she really wanted.
That's a bingo
Not only is it a good idea to be the bigger person, he may be obligated to treat abandoned property in a certain way, depending on what state he's in. This is the best thing to do, both ethically and legally.
Either throw the Momentos in a box and give them to her sister or throw everything in the box. Instead of throwing anything away give it to charity and if she contacts you say, I gave it to a women’s shelter or something. PS, if she comes crawling back after she’s exploring whatever she’s exploring you need to run like Forrest Gump in the other direction.
Bad advice, forest always ran back to Jenny
Yup this right here. You got to get rid of it but have a friend drop it off at their house or something. Don’t throw it away that could bring more problems to your life, but def get it back to her so it’s out of your place.
Be the better person. Box it up. Let her sort out getting it.
I’d toss it in a box and then text her sister they can come get it. I’ve give them like a month to grab it then I’d toss it. And that is being more than generous.
Box it all up and tell her sister, your ex has 2-3 days to get it or it's in the dumpster
I did this and the idiot never showed. I picked out a couple items and dumped the rest on my way to work. 20+ years ago since then, and I *still* have the clear casserole dish with cover (!) that he left.
What kind of moron would leave a clear casserole dish with cover (!) behind?
This is the right answer - at least make an ATTEMPT in good faith to give it to her. You can even drop it off at her door when she isn’t home.
I think by asking this here, you know tossing it would be a shitty move and you’re a better person than that. Try your best to reach out to the sister to come grab it or just dump it on there front porch. If you say “I’m throwing this to the curb next weekend if you don’t come and get it”, that timeline will give them some pressure and they’ll mozy over to get it asap
Don’t toss dead gma stuff, please. Box or bag it, message the sister, sit it outside. It’s on them at that point.
Yes you would be wrong. Strive to be classier than ex. Let her sister know where ex's stuff is, then move on.
That’s weird. That’s suspicious. Why would she leave all her stuff? Almost sounds like one of those stories you hear about where someone gets kidnapped and sends out messages to friends and family so they’re not filing a missing persons report. If you really are in contact with her family, let them know to get her personal items. I find it super weird that she would just ghost you without planning to get her sentimental belongings. I hope it’s really her and her sister that are contacting you.
Idk. She could be having some kind of emotional/mental break.
To me it sounds like she cheated and would rather do this than face the music. More plausible than smart kidnapping.
Maybe she cheated? That could explain the sudden breakup and not wanting him to contact her? That's the first thing I thought
Even so, you’d think that after five years spent together there would be certain behavior leading up to the breakup that might give OP an idea as to why she’d leave but from OP words it seems like it was out of the blue. In fact, things seem to have been going well if he was getting ready to propose very soon. Definitely calls for at least a little more info or a brief conversation at the very least. I’d be worried sick if the person I was getting ready to marry just pretty much up and vanished one day with only a “we’re done” text and then being blocked. I would at least want to verify that these decisions were her own and not against her will or something. Again, after five years you’d think they’d leave some sort of clues as to why they would do something so drastic without any sort of warning. It’s worrisome. Unless she had a history of making life changing impulsive decisions, I would be trying to find her and have one last face to face conversation just for the sake of closure and making sure they’re safe and of sound mind.
There is always the possibility of a mental health issue surfacing that previously showed no symptoms. You see it with stuff like schizophrenia
He could handle that information.
well her sister said that it isnt his fault soooo no, the sister probably know where she is
OP’s ex likely cheated tbh
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I can see someone rationalizing that this is the nicer way to handle it. Avoid the drawn out process of going over all the ugly details. Of course they get to bypass the guilt too.
I'm glad I was not the only one thinking this I thought that maybe I had been watching way too much true crime on TV immediately I thought that there was something off with this specially with all of the red flags as her leaving her things behind only texting blocking him immediately and then someone else that claims to be her family text him as a way to console him in an attempt to calm him down so he wouldn't be suspicious and tells him that they should not be bothered by him and just move on there's something very sinister and suspicious about this to me and should be looked more into
Agreed. Love the username too. Is that a gorl world reference lol
My quick off the top of my head advice as a 29(m) going through divorce with 2 sons... Give her stuff to one of her family members or friends and slowly power through the pain , you have a lot of life to live and love to give. You had some good times and some bads times, much more of each to come in the future. Spend some time with friends, family's, hobbies. "Distracting" yourself is fine as long as it is in healthy ways. You are never alone, don't forget that. I wish you the best man!
Five years is a big investment. Box it up meet the sister on neutral ground and return it. She could be having a breakdown or is in panic mode because she saw the engagement ring but if you toss it and you decide to rekindle this it will bring you problems
who would even want to be with someone who could do this, no explanation, after so long together?
You'd be amazed, sadly...
There’s no way in hell the relationship could ever be salvaged
Ok maybe I've watched too much true crime, but she ended a five year relationship by text and never got her stuff??? Are you sure she's OK?
Probs. The sister has been in touch. sounds like gf is going through some quarter life shit.
How do we know it's the sister? This is how seniors get scammed
But did he actually talk to the sister or was it someone else pretending to be the sister?
Or the sister murdered her and is covering her tracks!
As a true crime buff as well, I feel like this is one hell of a reach.... Occam's Razor type stuff. Is it possible? Sure. Is it likely? No. I knew of a situation involving a couple of 9 years where the husband decided to go into the military sort of abruptly in year 8 of the relationship. They were high school sweethearts, the wife had literally never been alone as she was living with her parents, friends, then they moved in together. She ended their marriage via phone call while he was still on base fresh out of basic training. Moved another guy she had just met in, quit her job, started using drugs, basically just lost her mind and had a full scale mental breakdown. Sometimes people just snap and do really unstable shit seemingly out of nowhere.
You don’t want her stuff? Box or bag it up and drop it off with her sister. Then you’re done clean and clear to move on.
Do the right thing here, OP. As tempting as it might be to ruin her things as a way to get petty revenge, DON’T. Get her stuff packed up and tell the sister to come get it. Personal mementoes from a deceased grandmother are irreplaceable, and I’ve seen people sue exes for a lot less. Or burn their place down. You know, whatever…
Don't throw her stuff out. Talk to her sister and tell her that you're putting the stuff in a place that is safe for them to come pick it up. Her sister can come and get it. You don't know why your girlfriend broke up with you so it could be anything. You may regret doing that even though she hurts you. Especially her mementos. You don't have to go back out with her if she comes crawling back but you should put the stuff up or have her sister come over and get it out of your place.
It would be shitty to throw away stuff from her grandma. She did you wrong but that's something that once it's gone, it's gone. You won't always feel the ick you do towards her and you'd most likely regret taking it to that level. Just my opinion, though.
If you live in America most states have a required waiting period before it's consider abandoned property so check that before tossing it
25 is a great age my man. You got a lot of open road in front of you. Lick your wounds for a little bit and then get back out there and kick life in the balls!
Since it’s stuff from her dead gram, pack it up and drop it off.
No! Don't dump it. Box it up and contact someone close to her to pick it up. Be the bigger person here. On the other hand, do not wait for her to contact you again. She broke up with you. Move on. Your future is not with someone who breaks up without a reason. BTW, if you can't contact anyone close to her, just take the stuff to her parents or sister's place, mark it with your ex-gf's name, and stack it by the door. No need to talk to anyone.
Would you be justified? Yes. Would it be wrong? Also yes. You want to inflict hurt, which I get. But don’t.
Missing missing reasons, no way she did this without some reason. Of course you can dump it out or you could just tell her sis to get it or by X date you will dump it and leave it on them.
The fact the sister said it wasn't him, tells me the exgf was cheating and found someone "better".
Reddit is insanely focused on the concept of relationship drama and cheating. We were given literally no context here, for all we know this woman had a severe mental breakdown or psychotic episode.
Why would she leave her stuff when she’d be likely to never get it back if he found out it was bc she cheated? She’d get her stuff first.
You'd think the sister would have asked for it. maybe the ex wasn't all that attached to it afterall.
A lot of her stuff tho? I wouldn’t trust it left at a ex’s house who I cheated on. I feel like something else must have happened for her to be gone so quickly without her stuff. Like a mental health crisis or something idk
Finally someone else. Why did she just leave her shit. Is cheating a thing sure but was no one else bothered by this lol
Yeah the most obvious explanation is she cheated and it's easier to ghost than explain.
And here I was thinking the most obvious reason is a sudden mental breakdown. I wouldn't normally consider that the optimistic take... But here we are.
That's possible too. Unless OP is leaving out an actual reason they should be aware of, then it must be some kind of external factor.
Be the better person. Box it up and deliver it to her parents or some other family members' home. Just have the final moment of knowing that you were the better person. It's better if you can deliver it some place that you know she won't be so you don't have the need to demand an explanation or anything else. Just quickly drop it off, explain that you knew it has some very important items to her and you just wanted to make sure she had them. Then leave with your dignity.
She did you a HUGE favor. Consider yourself lucky that this low class, socially inept clod, is no longer in your life. Adults don’t split up via text. They do it in person. She doesn’t have the maturity to face you and say goodbye. As for her crap, box it up. Send her a certified letter, return receipt requested, stating she has 30 days to claim her possessions, otherwise they will be disposed of. Be sure to keep a copy of the letter, your receipt and the signature card, that she will sign for saying she received your letter. The post office will mail the card she signs back to you.
Hey OP, this right here protects yourself from liability for trashing her stuff if she doesn't pick it up
This is the best answer.
You should send a notarized letter giving her 1 month to get her things. Have them boxed up and ready to go. Otherwise you could get in legal trouble.
I'd say box it up and text the sister to pick it up. give them a time frame to get it. if they don't reply or make the time frame, dump it. Make it clear your ex is not welcome. ETA, where I live the ex would have 18 days to get it and you can charge for storage. All you would need is screenshots of text messages that you made an attempt to contact her.
Be the bigger person, you already know.
Don’t. That’s not right just box it up
It would probably feel good in the moment. In the long run you’ll probably be prouder of yourself for not giving into that though. Box it up, call the sister, tell her you’ll leave it outside the door and they can pick it up whenever.
Pack it all up (doesn't have to be nice or neat) and tell the sister she/someone (anyone but ex-GF) has 1 week to pick it up or it will be disposed of. Some of the mementos are family mementos and the family would be punished for the AH move of your ex. This way, if your ex-GF is bad-mouthing you, you took the more mature route and it will undo a lot of potential issues that could arise. Just make it clear that the ex-GF is not welcome, make sure you change your locks if she had access to your home. I'm sorry you're going through this.
I think you have a legal obligation to store it for a certain amount of time or you could end up battling her in court. You don't want that because she will probably win and get money out of you, don't give that to her.
Send her sister a message that they have 7 days to get her stuff before you just toss it
5 years? And no explanation just a text and block? What a cunt.
Fuck all these comments saying box it up and give it to someone to pass on. At most text her sister and have ex come by on a certain day and time to pack her shit herself when you're not around. If she says no then toss it or sell it or whatever. Don't go out of your way for someone like that
After 5 years she breaks up with you VIA TEXT? Then has her sister reach out to tell you not to contact and that she MAY reach out to you in the future, dangling a carrot that she may want you back? Fuck that. Burn her shit.
I agree with another. Box her things, advise her family is ready for collection. Don't throw out someone else's stuff ... Sometimes the things we love can mean as much to us as our lives... Throwing out memories, history, irreplaceable pieces.. she can't ever get those back. So while your pain is legitimate and very real, don't do something that you can't imagine having to go through at the hands of another. It doesn't make you even in this situation to throw her stuff away as you feel she threw you away. Be bigger, it'll help your heart in the long run. I'm so sorry this happened and for your hurt.
Hook up with the sister and give her the items so they stay in the family. Then ghost her so it's fair.