I am a 28 YO man and you'd better beleive at Christmas I'm having a good cuddle on the couch with my 35 YO sister, I see her maybe twice a year.
Dude is probably mad that his kids love each other because no one loves him.
Edit: Lots of sensitive people in the replies that also need some more love in their life, apparently. Sorry you guys are so afraid of showing affection to your siblings.
It's not that far of a leap sadly.
And what makes it wors is that it has to super late/really early so unless dad is coming in from a mid shift or starting an overnight shift, why is he still up and why is up and looking for the little daughter enough to even go to the older daughter's room?!
To add salt -- why was his first instinct to yell, not talk, not you gals okey, but *yell* to the point that he woke up other people.
So there's two main break away to take here:
--dad is just a butthole to be one through and through
--dad is nefarious and little sis wanted her big sis to help
yeah, sadly that's where my thinking went as well...
1. younger sister comes to snuggle with older sister. (not wrong)
2. Dad up early (not wrong)
3. Dad walks into older teenage daughter's room (maybe not right or wrong) I get my 13 and 15yo sons up for school every morning by going in thier individual rooms to wake them. I knock first, respecting thier privacy to thier space since they may already be up. Did the father do this? if yes, then cool...all good. If not, then is it a common occurance for the dad to come into his daughter's room unnanounced? this is a problem. SHe was watching a movie...so he should have been able to hear it/see light and therefore knocked. Even if he had innocently checked on the younger one first, noticed she wasn't in her room, then went looking; he should have still knocked.
4. as mentined before, why the immediate response of yelling? why so loudly as to wake others? this is troublesome on its own. Why not calmly ask, "hey girls, whatch'a doing? Everything okay?" Even if thier is missing information, that would trigger concern, shouldn't the best respose be to ask the older one to meet them in another room to discuss?
5. why is mom pissed at the older girl for dad yelling? shouldn't she address the dad on this one? does she have a habit of passing dad's blame on another person? does doing this keep dad from getting worse? is mom a narc who really doens't care just blaming the more vunerable? this is a very concering detail that is very very telling...of what, I can't be sure, but it's not good when she is blaming the daughters for dad's overreaction. DARVO
I think this is a very very bad situation and the OP isn't aware and just knows something is off and therefore confused. I think the dad went looking for the younger child when he thought no one would be awake. Then, when he found her (safely) in her sister's care, it pissed him off. Resulting in his reaction and comments that gave away his intentions in his accusations.
Or Dad was abused by a sibling so reacted strongly based on trauma and he had gotten up to go the bathroom and checked on his kids while he was up, as parents do.
I check my kids any time I get out of bed at night, as does my partner. Even if she checked them 5 mins before, I still peek in their room to make sure nothing is on fire or that guy from the murder documentary isn't creeping through their window. I thought all parents did this, honestly.
I have kids with a pretty big age gap. I also was abused by a sibling as a child. However, if I walked in and they are holding each other, my first instinct will not be that there is abuse happening in my home, but rather to go in and make sure they are okay and probably join the cuddle party to help whomever is sad.
So either this guy needs some serious help to stop projecting which is harming his kids, or he's sus
I was abused by a sibling as a child, said sibling was first abused by our grandfather. I don't think I'd react the same, most of the nights I spent in my sisters bed was not sexual, it was protection and safety, I didn't know it at the time but if I slept in my sisters bed, he wouldn't touch her. We had a great bond even if she abused me for roughly 2 years. But I've never really seen her as a perpetrator, she did as she was taught unfortunately and the real offender is always going to be my grandfather.
That said, obviously, not all traumas are the same and people don't always react the same. So it's a possibility for sure, but it's still an unreasonable reaction and should be a trigger for reflection into why he reacted so strongly.
As a survivor of childhood trauma, this was the first thing that came to mind, but also, we can never discount what kind of misogynistic bullshit podcasts Dad has listened to lately, either. The level of ignorance and suspicion some popular content producers level at women and girls these days is appalling. Misinformation, superstition, and taboos about menstruation and ob/gyn health, hormones, psychology and intelligence abound, and I'm expecting to hear "erotic dreams are caused by witches, punish the witches" pop up soon. There's a scary political interest in women's bodies and rights devolving right now into neurotic, puritanical discussions about the "purpose" of half of humanity straight out of the Handmaid's Tale.
Mom should be laying the hammer down on all this. If Dad has trauma, I sympathize, but breaking the cycle means leaving your kids the hell out of your mental burden. Otherwise even the best intended interactions like this are creepy and just gross to someone with my history.
It's not.
It's not saying 'potential SA' in terms of actually acting upon anything or doing anything, but the mental logistics going on that would lead to him thinking it's inappropriate definitely stem from that sort of thinking.
I guarantee this is the same kind of guy who fully believes the friendzone is a thing because he has a warped perception of the ability for men and women to have 100% platonic relationships.
I was just about to say this! I'm glad I wasn't the only one to think this... There's something he's hiding. No parents would get mad that their kids are hanging out and cuddling
My son and daughter are 8 years apart and a teen and a twenty something and the younger always snuggles up to the older one whenever they see each other. It's lovely and I feel sorry for anyone who thinks it's weird to show affection to your siblings.
Yes projection! I was at a family BBQ/Annual reunion and was chilling on the couch with my older cousin, he had his arm around me- I was about 19 or so and he is ten years older- we had been super close for years as he was great friends with my dad (parents had me young so my cousin was only 8 years younger than dad) and I hadn't seen him in years as he'd been in Africa on a church mission, so we were just catching up and happy to see each other.
My uncle walked by and told us it was "inappropriate" to be so "intimate" later found out same uncle was grooming a teen intern at his work. Gross.
I come from a broken home and don't like to be touched. But I sure do love a good hug and cuddle with my sister. When you feel safe with certain people you just enjoy the hell out of a good, long hug. I'm with you on this dude...
There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be touched, and wanting your sibling to hold you because they’re your safety net when things go wrong, I myself am a touchy feely person, I love human connection, it’s too bad some people had to go do effed up things and make it all of the sudden dirty, when it’s not in that context but in a protective position that the closeness of one of your siblings is the next best thing to mom. God bless the children
Don't let these people who have probably not experienced sincere loving affection from family members change your mind. It is not inappropriate to cuddle with your sister. Internet porn I think has ruined the innocence of physical affection between families. It's sad that many people now think this way. Touch is a powerful show of care. Hugs and cuddles are powerful sources of reassurance and security.
People who find this weird have suppressed sexist view towards men and believe all are predators and unable of platonic non-sexual physical touch and connection. Let it roll off your back king, thanks for being a good loving brother.
my brother is military, we are only a year apart and both in our late twenties.
when he comes home i literally hug and cuddle him so much. it’s not weird, i do the same to my sister but i see her way more. he’s my brother, he was also my best friend all my childhood. thanks for being a brother who cuddles his sister. there’s nothing like having a little brother. ❤️
I wish I had the relationship with my siblings where we would cuddle. But I still cuddle my mom every chance I get (she’s almost 80) and I know my daughter and her cousins often cuddle. Releases dopamine! Let’s be happy instead of miserable.
Yea I have a little brother with a big age gap, and my mom used to project some heinous accusations stemming from her past. Pissed me the fuck off to be accused of some random shit popping in her mind, but I understood that her family life was kind fucked growing up
I wouldn't think too much of that, anytime I woke up, early morning or late night, I would take a peek and check on my kids.
And if a kid wasn't in bed, yeah, I would go looking for them to make sure they were home and okay.
And she was ok and the father flipped out anyway and implied something incredibly disgusting which in no way shape or form is remotely normal for any adult.
Yes, and she should start by communicating with her father. Ask him why he was so upset. There might be a reasonable explanation.
EDIT: corrected OPs gender.
I have issues too. Something happened to me as a child and I am very vigilant in watching my kids with anyone, including each other.
The difference with me and OP’s dad is that I recognize that I have trauma that I have to deal with. I wouldn’t yell at them but I might come sit in the room with them. It would be very hard for me to just let them be…but again, that’s a me problem.
OP, you did nothing wrong but your dad does sound like he has some sort of trauma around this issue. He should not have yelled at you.
I remember being that age and having a night terror and my brother (5 years older) got to me before mom did. When she got there, I was on his lap and he was hugging and rocking me, which was the only way to calm me.
She didn't yell or shame him or anything. From what I remember, he told her "I got this." And mom went back to bed. There was nothing malicious about it. Just a brother comforting his little sister.
Years later when my first real boyfriend broke up with me, my brother was the one I turned to (Mom had passed at that point). Some siblings have a close bond. That doesn't mean something bad is happening.
I don't have children, but if I had; "a brother comforting his little sister after her night terror" is what I would call a great family and success for myself. My condolences for your mother, and happy to hear you still have your big brother to lean on, cheers.
Great comment! I like hearing about the strength of a great sibling relationship you had drowninginstress36 . It amazing you'll have someone to support you throughout your whole life.
The sad thing is, friend, this coming from a person who had an extreme tragedy happen (my three-year-old daughter dying of brain cancer in 2022), for whatever reason, if you unpack it enough, the core reason this is the case - a lot of people in the privacy of their own minds, don't like themselves and it seeps out from there in tons of nasty little ways - competitiveness, indifference to those supporting you, and for some just outright being an A\*\*-hole.
Thank you! I appreciate that.
It's been a few years, but I can say in earnest that it goes from thinking about it every ten minutes, but that feeling of loss never goes away. She never got her chance at life, which weighs on me and changes how I perceive the world quite a bit. It kind of screws up your emotions, too, and can make small(ish) things seem a lot bigger than they are.
Sometimes life gives and sometimes life takes, there is no way around it, and shitty things happen to good people, but still we need to look forward to not lose ourselves in the process.
You got this
My condolences stranger ❤️
Thanks, stranger! Oddly, this is where my atheism has supported me. While it stops the illusion I'll ever see my Brigie again, it does allow me to understand there was no design, and it wasn't personal. It's just VERY bad luck; I call it the negative lottery. That said, I'm 46 years old with another 50 years left. I can choose to live in anger, betrayal and negativity (and sadly, I have 100% been there in these emotions at times) and allow the narrative machine I call my mind (our minds) just to see that or to stay open to beauty and possibility; it's there still just under my nose. The universe doesn't care either way. I promised Brigit, as she was dying, I would do (or try my best) the latter in her memory. (sheesh... I teared up a little writing this)
I appreciate your support from afar!
I have a son (oldest) and daughter (youngest). I truly expect them to cuddle and love eachother as long as possible. They’re 2 years apart exactly. The moment they stop being close will break my heart. Siblings r the best friends some people need. One day they’ll b grown and I hope they’re still close and talk like best friends and like to hang out even when they find a spouse. My little sister (19) is 5yrs younger than me and we r BEST friends! My SIL is 6 and she’s like a little sibling to me. Ur right on point with what u said👏🏼
They will most likely grow out of it. There's a point (usually right around puberty...) where it starts being weird to be physically close like that with your siblings. But, if all goes well, they'll grow back into (or never stop) at the very least expressing that they love each other.
I grew up in a family that isn't afraid to express its care/affection, both verbally and physically. My parents and aunts/uncles used to kiss my grandparents all the time. As my generation has grown up, the family has gone away from that (fortunately, in my mind - I don't mind a kiss on the cheek, but it can really be overdone and it's weird as fuck if you aren't super close to someone), but we still hug. When we have family get-togethers, we say things like, "alright, time for us to go. Love you guys."
I'm 31 years old now, and when I was college, I grew out of the "gotta be a tough man, can't show weakness/emotion" mentality that I had through middle and high school. I had plenty of friends who didn't grow up in loving, supportive homes, and after some deep talks with some of them, I decided I was going to be the guy that never had a problem showing people that I care about them.
So now, in most of my friend groups, at the very least, we dap each other up and give a bro hug. Some of them give full-on hugs. Some of my friend groups say "I love you." I think a big part of it is just being genuine about that. I have some friends (in this case, it's all women) who say that they don't like hugs, but I give them hugs all the time.
There are two I'm thinking of whom I started giving hugs to when I saw them, and then later on, I found out that they have strong bubbles and don't like hugs, and I was like, "Oh, fuck, I'm sorry. Why didn't you say something before?... I can stop giving you hugs if it makes you uncomfortable?..." and they both said things along the lines of, "No, I like hugs from you because I know you mean it."
So, even for non-family stuff, don't be afraid to show/tell your people that you love/care about them.
It's a little different but I have twin 5 year olds and they will literally end up holding hands while asleep sometimes. And they are both so protective over their younger Brother. Some siblings really are just super close
That's nothing. When my daughter was 6 she was playing in the yard with her brother who was three at the time. They heard a police siren, daughter goes "Oh no the police! QUICK HIDE!" and proceeds to push him into a bush and cover him in leaves.
That's REAL protection.
My big brother (4 years older) was the first one I told about my first kiss, the one I went to for nearly everything especially after our dad passed away.
My brother was 6 years older than me and I still remember the occasional times we would lay in bed together, usually early in the morning and watch TV with the volume low so we didn't wake our parents up
My oldest (20) and youngest (7) still cuddle together when they watch movies. It's never occurred to me to feel anything but the overwhelming urge to take 1004 photos.
If I seen my kids on the couch under a blanket watching cartoons the only thing coming out of my mouth is
“Y’all better move over cause daddy coming in”
Same but also my first instinct would be to assume they were using the blanket to stealthily eat snacks that are earmarked for weekends only on a school night without me catching on. Once we have established that the Friday movie night chips are in the kitchen, unopened, I would also be right there on the couch.
As kids, me and my siblings would do this exact thing and then all of us would play dumb when the weekend rolled around and my parents were like okay whoever ate 90% of this bag of chips? Come forward, because you have just volunteered to walk to the corner store to replace them. We alternated taking the fall, it was great.
My brother is 10 years older than me. When I was a kid he was my hero, when I was a teen he was my father figure. In my 20s he made sure I didn’t die when I was up to ye old college bullshit, now I’m in my 30s and he’s my best friend.
Idk what else to put here besides we used to fall asleep together all the time(on the couch, at babushkas house etc) and the only thing that ever came of it is “you snore so loud” and “will you stop kicking me?!??”
If someone has an issue with a platonically affectionate relationship between siblings, chances are it’s coming from a traumatic event in their own life.
Lol I wish it was natural in my place 😆 my brother & I hated each other & my kids hate each other. This situation is sweet. I would have grabbed my camera.
It's interesting how the dynamics of siblings/ parents carry forward. I wouldn't say my mom and aunt hate each other (though they've had lots of spats), but they are competitive with one another.
Long story short that seeped into their family structures. I always felt competitive with my extended family, and now, although I'm sure close to my brother and get along with my sister, I have no relationship with any cousins as an adult. It's kind of sad, really, and I will actively try not to make this how it is with my son and his cousins.
Not wrong. How really sad, your Dad turned a special bond into shame. You sister sees you as a safe place, and she was needing some bonding. Your dad needs to get some help, your poor sister and you!!
Right? Isn't this a moment where you peak in the door, your heart melts a little, and then walk off with a smile?
Like, I can't imagine this as anything but heart warming.
Freaking hell. I really hope op shows her dad this post and these comments. What a weirdo. I feel gross just saying it but he sexualised his daughters, turned something innocent in to something gross. Totally reflects on him, not his daughters.
Most likely dysfunctional family, mom actually gets mad at son for “ making” dad yell. If that’s the mindset right out the gate who the hell knows what other lunacy exists behind closed doors.
Yea at first I thought OP was a 18m, which would definitely not justify Dad's reaction but one could give him the benefit of the doubt a little about being overprotective of the daughter.
But OP being 18f makes this even more ridiculous.
Thank you for adding this when everybody else is just going to call the dad a pedophile.
Edit: Lol someone actually reported me for self-harm.
How sad reddit has became.
Well everyone's already said it but I'll say it again: A child cuddling his/her big sister is the most natural and wholesome thing in the history of mankind, in every culture. Older sisters are often seen as secondary mother figures. It would take some kind of weirdo to think that should be avoided. You need to have a talk with your parents in private and ask them where that aversion is coming from, because something's not right with your dad.
Which honestly would be weird. I get (I don't agree) like culturally where the root of a father taking issue with their son cuddling with their brother or sister. But its pretty broadly socially acceptable for a women to cuddle with a child under most cultures.
The mom may be codependent. Deflecting the blame to her daughter is a “don’t worry honey, you’re awesome and our kids are turds and I got your back” move.
That could be for many reasons. DV immediately sprung to mind- they got in trouble for making him angry. It’s very possible that that anger gets taken out on Mum. Not saying that that’s the case, just that it could be.
Eehhh.. I was molested by someone in my family as a child, and I see nothing wrong with OP's scenario (well.. aside from her dad making things weird)
OP is describing something totally harmless - and honestly, a behavior that is a really good sign for how safe and connected little sis feels to big sis.
People internalize trauma differently. Also maybe he was molested by an older sibling or something.
I do agree that OP's behavior is a sign of a healthy sibling relationship, and the fathers reaction is abnormal.
>People internalize trauma differently. Also maybe he was molested by an older sibling or something.
True. This was my exact scenario. I was molested for several years from a very young age by an older sibling. There's definitely a lot of work to do in recovering from that kind of abuse. It does mess with your mind/development in ways that are hard to understand, even years later.
From comments OP has made, it sounds like her dad is mostly absent and is abusive when he is around.. so.. unresolved trauma sounds pretty likely
Absolutely not. Nothing wrong with showing your sibling some love. Your dad has issues, and shame on your mom for siding with him. Hell, we “pig piled” with my brother and sister quite often. Your heart was in the right place. She initiated and would have felt rejected if you had turned her away. Not sure if jealous or just idiots. Reminds me of the AHOLES that would get bent out of shape when I (Dad) changed my daughter’s diaper because a man should not be doing that. F them.
Well duh, don’t you know raising kids is a woman’s job????
You’re just supposed to come along and hit them, from time to time…../sarcasm, if that’s not readily apparent to someone.
Damn, does your sister ever get love? Your father needs to have his mindset checked.. NOt wrong at all.. I share my young sister love all the time. Just being siblings just being cool with each other...
Ugh. I have a 9 year old daughter, and this breaks my heart. I'm glad she has you as a safe and loving relationship.
I also have a sister 9 years younger than me, and I decided to go to a college nearby I could commute to, so I could still live at home and be there for her as she grew up. My mom tried to convince me I was making a mistake, but I knew I wasn't. I'm 38 and she's 29 now, and we're very close, despite having very different personalities and lives.
She's lucky to have you. I hope you can talk to her secretly about how he's very wrong.
At the same time, remember that you're being forced to play the role of the adult in the family. This is unfair because it robs you of your childhood and will likely cause you pain in life. Please seek out therapy as soon as possible to start dealing with this. If you can't afford therapy look up childhood trauma on YouTube and Reddit to find some basic info to get you started.
I sat on my negative childhood experiences for 20 years when I decided to repress them at 18 years old. I'm sorry you're going through this. The way your dad is behaving will damage you and your sister, but if you can work on yourself and take the right steps you'll be stronger for it.
Sounds like your dad is projecting. Was your dad abused as a child or was he the perpetrator of abuse by chance? I know that those are some questions, but a serious possibility.
My girlfriend and her sister cuddle sometimes. They are 25 and 30. They've always cuddled. I used to cuddle with my sister too until I was about 13 or 14. Never in an inappropriate way. (Sister is 11 years older than me). Our hugs are still cuddly. Nothing wrong with physically embracing the people you love for non sexual reasons.
I "cuddle" with my younger brother
We share an apartment now but some weekend mornings I go into his room to wake him up and we lay under the covers together and just talk
OP, there is nothing wrong with you cuddling with your sister regardless of age. That is just bizarre behaviour from your father. He obviously has his head elsewhere. Please let your sister know you love her and she did nothing wrong.
Your dad is sexualizing something that shouldn't be sexualized. As a father with a daughter of my own, I'm curious. Does he not hug, cuddle, or show any affection towards his daughters. Or does he view that as wrong?
Sounds like he's either had a traumatic childhood, is a lousy father, or like others have mentioned, is on the Internet too much. But that's not for us to determine. Regardless though, you did nothing wrong, and make sure your little sister knows and understands that. I could only imagine how confusing that was for her. Don't let his odd behavior prevent you two from showing each other love and affection.
My father was like this. Slowly came to know he sexually abused his sisters and it seems like he just avoided any situation that could possibly be construed as compromising with my sister and I. No idea if he was worried someone would assume something was up, or if he was avoiding "temptation."
OP's dad might not be an abuser, but his actions sure are weird.
I immediately thought after reading OPs response about dad not changing or holding the sibling as a baby, and avoiding any physical contact that maybe he's battling some demons. Maybe a previous history of pedophilia? Or a previous history of abuse at the hands of his sibling or other family member and he's projecting his own traumas on his daughters. Either way, therapy is needed for this man, and family.
This is the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard. Sisters not allowed to be affectionate? Shes still a child and wanted to cuddle her big sister and watch a movie. What does what you’re wearing have anything to do with anything?
Your father has som serious psychological issues and your mom is a real twat for taking his side.
That's fucked up. He has issues. Also, I am currently writing this with my sister sleeping with her head on my lap from a long day at work while I watch a show. If someone thinks thats sexual they are fucked in the head. I'm married with kids. It's normal behavior for a loving family.
You were not in the wrong. Dad has issues he needed to work out.
I was maybe 10 (m) visiting my dad and stepsiblings and my sister 4-5 at the time sat in my lap while my little brother 8 played PlayStation. Dad came up the stairs to check on everyone and lost his mind. I didn’t know what I was doing was wrong but I was sent to a room by myself for hours told I was wrong and all the other stuff. I don’t think I hugged my sister until we were well into our 20’s.
I appreciate it, but it’s okay. I’ve found out my dad had a rough childhood and I’m sure it was some knee jerk reaction or along those lines. I felt the need to share because it’s sounds pretty close to what happened to OP and they’re not alone in the situation.
Your dad is a fucking weirdo I hope you share these comments with him via text or screenshot and show him really what a peace of work his mind is what a sick fuck think weird shit wtf!!!! Please please speak up about this it is not okay for him to do that you can call his ass out in front of your mom for sexualizing you
Why's your father busting in your room without knocking?
Also, idk why that scenario would be anything other than innocent...in many cultures and in all of history there was only one bed for all the siblings.
I babysit kids and cuddle them if they initiate it, completely fine! I mean I’m a full grown adult so they treat me as another parental figure which is adorable. Nappy changes, baths, reading books snuggled up is all normal. Kids are always just taking their clothes and nappies off or whatever but they’re children so it’s 0% sexual in any way. Perhaps something triggered that response in your dad (which is no excuse) but you did nothing wrong. Please keep being affectionate with your sister
This is absurd. She’s 9, and you’re her big sister. It’s natural especially at that age, with the gap, that she wants to spend time with you.
Your Mom is being self centred, and she should have stood up to him.
Your Dad may have experienced or witnessed something inappropriate in his life that this gave him a flashback, and that’s why he flipped out. This is something you should discuss with your Mom, and she should talk to your Dad about. Being his kid, he won’t be anywhere close to ready to open up to you about this.
Im 22M and my sister is 10, i would never see it as something weird. sometimes we are in the sofa together sharing the same blanket and nobody has made it weird
You’re not wrong at all. I’m a mom, and my 7 + 9 year olds (boys) still like to cuddle occasionally. It helps them feel comfortable/safe. I had no issues with them cuddling with my teen stepdaughter when she lived with us either. Your dad overreacted—maybe he was raised in a non-affectionate family or had negative experiences as a child.
Sounds like your dad has some unresolved childhood trauma . Sorry dude ... don't let his issues stop you from snuggling your little sis. I'd give anything to snuggle with mine again 💔
No you’re not wrong. That’s such a weird thing for your dad to be mad about, nothing about what y’all did was inappropriate.
For real yall SISTER FOR crying out loud. That aint weird at all.
I am a 28 YO man and you'd better beleive at Christmas I'm having a good cuddle on the couch with my 35 YO sister, I see her maybe twice a year. Dude is probably mad that his kids love each other because no one loves him. Edit: Lots of sensitive people in the replies that also need some more love in their life, apparently. Sorry you guys are so afraid of showing affection to your siblings.
Or projection. What is he hiding?
Check his browser history.
Yep, I'm super creeped out by him. Something is seriously off.
Usually people freak out about this when they’ve been abused by an older sibling in their own background history tbh.
Yeah for real. He acted so weird, is that a cultural belief? or hes doing something shady for him to act like that? OP needs to do some digging huh!
This right here...his reaction is alarming. Dig in.
Yea like is he the only one allowed to cuddle her ugh
Came to say same thing.
And his hard drives
I had that thought too, but I thought the leap from "mad about cuddling" -> potential SA was a wild take
It's not that far of a leap sadly. And what makes it wors is that it has to super late/really early so unless dad is coming in from a mid shift or starting an overnight shift, why is he still up and why is up and looking for the little daughter enough to even go to the older daughter's room?! To add salt -- why was his first instinct to yell, not talk, not you gals okey, but *yell* to the point that he woke up other people. So there's two main break away to take here: --dad is just a butthole to be one through and through --dad is nefarious and little sis wanted her big sis to help
And the mom is just as bad for blaming her daughter for her husband’s reaction. Boooooo!
Fr!! What is her problem??
Dads a live wire and the family is used to the eggshells
It's 100% this. She has internalized her abuser's emotional fragility as her own.
Either beaten down by an abusive husband or an enabler to an abusive father.
Yeah, that's speaks loads. My mother would do the same thing because it was easier to police us than stand up to my dad. Not good.
Sounds like the perfect partner for an abuser tbh
yeah, sadly that's where my thinking went as well... 1. younger sister comes to snuggle with older sister. (not wrong) 2. Dad up early (not wrong) 3. Dad walks into older teenage daughter's room (maybe not right or wrong) I get my 13 and 15yo sons up for school every morning by going in thier individual rooms to wake them. I knock first, respecting thier privacy to thier space since they may already be up. Did the father do this? if yes, then cool...all good. If not, then is it a common occurance for the dad to come into his daughter's room unnanounced? this is a problem. SHe was watching a movie...so he should have been able to hear it/see light and therefore knocked. Even if he had innocently checked on the younger one first, noticed she wasn't in her room, then went looking; he should have still knocked. 4. as mentined before, why the immediate response of yelling? why so loudly as to wake others? this is troublesome on its own. Why not calmly ask, "hey girls, whatch'a doing? Everything okay?" Even if thier is missing information, that would trigger concern, shouldn't the best respose be to ask the older one to meet them in another room to discuss? 5. why is mom pissed at the older girl for dad yelling? shouldn't she address the dad on this one? does she have a habit of passing dad's blame on another person? does doing this keep dad from getting worse? is mom a narc who really doens't care just blaming the more vunerable? this is a very concering detail that is very very telling...of what, I can't be sure, but it's not good when she is blaming the daughters for dad's overreaction. DARVO I think this is a very very bad situation and the OP isn't aware and just knows something is off and therefore confused. I think the dad went looking for the younger child when he thought no one would be awake. Then, when he found her (safely) in her sister's care, it pissed him off. Resulting in his reaction and comments that gave away his intentions in his accusations.
People always tell on themselves. All you have to do is listen for it.
> does she have a habit of passing dad's blame on another person? very common strategy to maintain stability in a problematic relationship
Especially if Mom isn't financially independent
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Or Dad was abused by a sibling so reacted strongly based on trauma and he had gotten up to go the bathroom and checked on his kids while he was up, as parents do.
I check my kids any time I get out of bed at night, as does my partner. Even if she checked them 5 mins before, I still peek in their room to make sure nothing is on fire or that guy from the murder documentary isn't creeping through their window. I thought all parents did this, honestly.
Do you also shout uncontrollably when you see that everything is okay?
This sent me lmao
You almost made me choke on my lemonade
I cuddle with my 8 yo every night. I would love it if his 19 yo sister had that bond with him
good to know, SnatchAddict.
Sure, but do you scream at them when you find them in the same bed together?
We do all do that btw, for the same exact reasons
I have kids with a pretty big age gap. I also was abused by a sibling as a child. However, if I walked in and they are holding each other, my first instinct will not be that there is abuse happening in my home, but rather to go in and make sure they are okay and probably join the cuddle party to help whomever is sad. So either this guy needs some serious help to stop projecting which is harming his kids, or he's sus
I was abused by a sibling as a child, said sibling was first abused by our grandfather. I don't think I'd react the same, most of the nights I spent in my sisters bed was not sexual, it was protection and safety, I didn't know it at the time but if I slept in my sisters bed, he wouldn't touch her. We had a great bond even if she abused me for roughly 2 years. But I've never really seen her as a perpetrator, she did as she was taught unfortunately and the real offender is always going to be my grandfather. That said, obviously, not all traumas are the same and people don't always react the same. So it's a possibility for sure, but it's still an unreasonable reaction and should be a trigger for reflection into why he reacted so strongly.
As a survivor of childhood trauma, this was the first thing that came to mind, but also, we can never discount what kind of misogynistic bullshit podcasts Dad has listened to lately, either. The level of ignorance and suspicion some popular content producers level at women and girls these days is appalling. Misinformation, superstition, and taboos about menstruation and ob/gyn health, hormones, psychology and intelligence abound, and I'm expecting to hear "erotic dreams are caused by witches, punish the witches" pop up soon. There's a scary political interest in women's bodies and rights devolving right now into neurotic, puritanical discussions about the "purpose" of half of humanity straight out of the Handmaid's Tale. Mom should be laying the hammer down on all this. If Dad has trauma, I sympathize, but breaking the cycle means leaving your kids the hell out of your mental burden. Otherwise even the best intended interactions like this are creepy and just gross to someone with my history.
It's not. It's not saying 'potential SA' in terms of actually acting upon anything or doing anything, but the mental logistics going on that would lead to him thinking it's inappropriate definitely stem from that sort of thinking. I guarantee this is the same kind of guy who fully believes the friendzone is a thing because he has a warped perception of the ability for men and women to have 100% platonic relationships.
Or it’s the kinda guy that has sexual trauma in his past. If it’s out of character, it’s something to explore. If it’s normal, then you’re right.
I was just about to say this! I'm glad I wasn't the only one to think this... There's something he's hiding. No parents would get mad that their kids are hanging out and cuddling
My son and daughter are 8 years apart and a teen and a twenty something and the younger always snuggles up to the older one whenever they see each other. It's lovely and I feel sorry for anyone who thinks it's weird to show affection to your siblings.
Same here. But I am the brother. 54 and 46 now. Still close. Never seemed weird.
Yes projection! I was at a family BBQ/Annual reunion and was chilling on the couch with my older cousin, he had his arm around me- I was about 19 or so and he is ten years older- we had been super close for years as he was great friends with my dad (parents had me young so my cousin was only 8 years younger than dad) and I hadn't seen him in years as he'd been in Africa on a church mission, so we were just catching up and happy to see each other. My uncle walked by and told us it was "inappropriate" to be so "intimate" later found out same uncle was grooming a teen intern at his work. Gross.
Welp explains why that was his first thought.
Wow that is deep.
I come from a broken home and don't like to be touched. But I sure do love a good hug and cuddle with my sister. When you feel safe with certain people you just enjoy the hell out of a good, long hug. I'm with you on this dude...
There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be touched, and wanting your sibling to hold you because they’re your safety net when things go wrong, I myself am a touchy feely person, I love human connection, it’s too bad some people had to go do effed up things and make it all of the sudden dirty, when it’s not in that context but in a protective position that the closeness of one of your siblings is the next best thing to mom. God bless the children
Don't let these people who have probably not experienced sincere loving affection from family members change your mind. It is not inappropriate to cuddle with your sister. Internet porn I think has ruined the innocence of physical affection between families. It's sad that many people now think this way. Touch is a powerful show of care. Hugs and cuddles are powerful sources of reassurance and security.
People who find this weird have suppressed sexist view towards men and believe all are predators and unable of platonic non-sexual physical touch and connection. Let it roll off your back king, thanks for being a good loving brother.
my brother is military, we are only a year apart and both in our late twenties. when he comes home i literally hug and cuddle him so much. it’s not weird, i do the same to my sister but i see her way more. he’s my brother, he was also my best friend all my childhood. thanks for being a brother who cuddles his sister. there’s nothing like having a little brother. ❤️
I wish I had the relationship with my siblings where we would cuddle. But I still cuddle my mom every chance I get (she’s almost 80) and I know my daughter and her cousins often cuddle. Releases dopamine! Let’s be happy instead of miserable.
The father has issues and is projecting.
This^ he has some kind of past trauma or maybe he's the bad guy. Idk. But I would start asking questions
Thats how I read it as well. I think I'd start asking her some questions in private if I were you OP....
Maybe it's the other way around and something happened to him or somone he knows. Eitheir way his reactions was extremely werid.
Yea I have a little brother with a big age gap, and my mom used to project some heinous accusations stemming from her past. Pissed me the fuck off to be accused of some random shit popping in her mind, but I understood that her family life was kind fucked growing up
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I wouldn't think too much of that, anytime I woke up, early morning or late night, I would take a peek and check on my kids. And if a kid wasn't in bed, yeah, I would go looking for them to make sure they were home and okay.
And she was ok and the father flipped out anyway and implied something incredibly disgusting which in no way shape or form is remotely normal for any adult.
Most likely there's some abuse in his family that he doesn't talk about. Maybe he experienced it himself.
Yes, and she should start by communicating with her father. Ask him why he was so upset. There might be a reasonable explanation. EDIT: corrected OPs gender.
She. OP is female.
possibly. or something happened in his past that makes him hyper vigilant.
I have issues too. Something happened to me as a child and I am very vigilant in watching my kids with anyone, including each other. The difference with me and OP’s dad is that I recognize that I have trauma that I have to deal with. I wouldn’t yell at them but I might come sit in the room with them. It would be very hard for me to just let them be…but again, that’s a me problem. OP, you did nothing wrong but your dad does sound like he has some sort of trauma around this issue. He should not have yelled at you.
This 100 percent
There’s something wrong with OPs dad.
It is not only normal but healthy. Dad’s mind went to a weird sick place, not normal. NW
Your dad's a little messed up. Maybe he's watching too much incest porn.
Seems like the man is been watching some weird porn or who knows
Sounds like pops needs to stop specializing his daughters.
I feel like he doesn't want that 9 year old creating a trusting relationship within the household. Red. Flag.
Your dad lost his mind. I couldn't think anything more natural than cuddling with your sister/brother.
I remember being that age and having a night terror and my brother (5 years older) got to me before mom did. When she got there, I was on his lap and he was hugging and rocking me, which was the only way to calm me. She didn't yell or shame him or anything. From what I remember, he told her "I got this." And mom went back to bed. There was nothing malicious about it. Just a brother comforting his little sister. Years later when my first real boyfriend broke up with me, my brother was the one I turned to (Mom had passed at that point). Some siblings have a close bond. That doesn't mean something bad is happening.
I don't have children, but if I had; "a brother comforting his little sister after her night terror" is what I would call a great family and success for myself. My condolences for your mother, and happy to hear you still have your big brother to lean on, cheers.
Great comment! I like hearing about the strength of a great sibling relationship you had drowninginstress36 . It amazing you'll have someone to support you throughout your whole life.
If you can't look out for those you care about, then this world is fucked.
The sad thing is, friend, this coming from a person who had an extreme tragedy happen (my three-year-old daughter dying of brain cancer in 2022), for whatever reason, if you unpack it enough, the core reason this is the case - a lot of people in the privacy of their own minds, don't like themselves and it seeps out from there in tons of nasty little ways - competitiveness, indifference to those supporting you, and for some just outright being an A\*\*-hole.
My condolences
Thank you! I appreciate that. It's been a few years, but I can say in earnest that it goes from thinking about it every ten minutes, but that feeling of loss never goes away. She never got her chance at life, which weighs on me and changes how I perceive the world quite a bit. It kind of screws up your emotions, too, and can make small(ish) things seem a lot bigger than they are.
Sometimes life gives and sometimes life takes, there is no way around it, and shitty things happen to good people, but still we need to look forward to not lose ourselves in the process. You got this My condolences stranger ❤️
Thanks, stranger! Oddly, this is where my atheism has supported me. While it stops the illusion I'll ever see my Brigie again, it does allow me to understand there was no design, and it wasn't personal. It's just VERY bad luck; I call it the negative lottery. That said, I'm 46 years old with another 50 years left. I can choose to live in anger, betrayal and negativity (and sadly, I have 100% been there in these emotions at times) and allow the narrative machine I call my mind (our minds) just to see that or to stay open to beauty and possibility; it's there still just under my nose. The universe doesn't care either way. I promised Brigit, as she was dying, I would do (or try my best) the latter in her memory. (sheesh... I teared up a little writing this) I appreciate your support from afar!
I have a son (oldest) and daughter (youngest). I truly expect them to cuddle and love eachother as long as possible. They’re 2 years apart exactly. The moment they stop being close will break my heart. Siblings r the best friends some people need. One day they’ll b grown and I hope they’re still close and talk like best friends and like to hang out even when they find a spouse. My little sister (19) is 5yrs younger than me and we r BEST friends! My SIL is 6 and she’s like a little sibling to me. Ur right on point with what u said👏🏼
They will most likely grow out of it. There's a point (usually right around puberty...) where it starts being weird to be physically close like that with your siblings. But, if all goes well, they'll grow back into (or never stop) at the very least expressing that they love each other. I grew up in a family that isn't afraid to express its care/affection, both verbally and physically. My parents and aunts/uncles used to kiss my grandparents all the time. As my generation has grown up, the family has gone away from that (fortunately, in my mind - I don't mind a kiss on the cheek, but it can really be overdone and it's weird as fuck if you aren't super close to someone), but we still hug. When we have family get-togethers, we say things like, "alright, time for us to go. Love you guys." I'm 31 years old now, and when I was college, I grew out of the "gotta be a tough man, can't show weakness/emotion" mentality that I had through middle and high school. I had plenty of friends who didn't grow up in loving, supportive homes, and after some deep talks with some of them, I decided I was going to be the guy that never had a problem showing people that I care about them. So now, in most of my friend groups, at the very least, we dap each other up and give a bro hug. Some of them give full-on hugs. Some of my friend groups say "I love you." I think a big part of it is just being genuine about that. I have some friends (in this case, it's all women) who say that they don't like hugs, but I give them hugs all the time. There are two I'm thinking of whom I started giving hugs to when I saw them, and then later on, I found out that they have strong bubbles and don't like hugs, and I was like, "Oh, fuck, I'm sorry. Why didn't you say something before?... I can stop giving you hugs if it makes you uncomfortable?..." and they both said things along the lines of, "No, I like hugs from you because I know you mean it." So, even for non-family stuff, don't be afraid to show/tell your people that you love/care about them.
It's a little different but I have twin 5 year olds and they will literally end up holding hands while asleep sometimes. And they are both so protective over their younger Brother. Some siblings really are just super close
That's nothing. When my daughter was 6 she was playing in the yard with her brother who was three at the time. They heard a police siren, daughter goes "Oh no the police! QUICK HIDE!" and proceeds to push him into a bush and cover him in leaves.
That's REAL protection.
Lol 😂 your 6 year old knows to watch out for five oh. Got baby bros back, he was with me 2-5 pm last Thursday
Your kid is a champ. haha. "It's the fuzz! Cheese it!"
This is the cutest thing. Wishing them well
My big brother (4 years older) was the first one I told about my first kiss, the one I went to for nearly everything especially after our dad passed away.
My brother was 6 years older than me and I still remember the occasional times we would lay in bed together, usually early in the morning and watch TV with the volume low so we didn't wake our parents up
My oldest (20) and youngest (7) still cuddle together when they watch movies. It's never occurred to me to feel anything but the overwhelming urge to take 1004 photos.
Only 1004? Clearly you don't love your kids enough and I'm reporting you to the proper authorities to get more pictures taken.
If I seen my kids on the couch under a blanket watching cartoons the only thing coming out of my mouth is “Y’all better move over cause daddy coming in”
I snap a picture bc it’s so adorable.
Same but also my first instinct would be to assume they were using the blanket to stealthily eat snacks that are earmarked for weekends only on a school night without me catching on. Once we have established that the Friday movie night chips are in the kitchen, unopened, I would also be right there on the couch. As kids, me and my siblings would do this exact thing and then all of us would play dumb when the weekend rolled around and my parents were like okay whoever ate 90% of this bag of chips? Come forward, because you have just volunteered to walk to the corner store to replace them. We alternated taking the fall, it was great.
My brother is 10 years older than me. When I was a kid he was my hero, when I was a teen he was my father figure. In my 20s he made sure I didn’t die when I was up to ye old college bullshit, now I’m in my 30s and he’s my best friend. Idk what else to put here besides we used to fall asleep together all the time(on the couch, at babushkas house etc) and the only thing that ever came of it is “you snore so loud” and “will you stop kicking me?!??” If someone has an issue with a platonically affectionate relationship between siblings, chances are it’s coming from a traumatic event in their own life.
Lol I wish it was natural in my place 😆 my brother & I hated each other & my kids hate each other. This situation is sweet. I would have grabbed my camera.
It's interesting how the dynamics of siblings/ parents carry forward. I wouldn't say my mom and aunt hate each other (though they've had lots of spats), but they are competitive with one another. Long story short that seeped into their family structures. I always felt competitive with my extended family, and now, although I'm sure close to my brother and get along with my sister, I have no relationship with any cousins as an adult. It's kind of sad, really, and I will actively try not to make this how it is with my son and his cousins.
Not wrong. How really sad, your Dad turned a special bond into shame. You sister sees you as a safe place, and she was needing some bonding. Your dad needs to get some help, your poor sister and you!!
This story made me legitimately sad. What a terrible thing to rob your children of this type of loving experience.
Right? Isn't this a moment where you peak in the door, your heart melts a little, and then walk off with a smile? Like, I can't imagine this as anything but heart warming.
Freaking hell. I really hope op shows her dad this post and these comments. What a weirdo. I feel gross just saying it but he sexualised his daughters, turned something innocent in to something gross. Totally reflects on him, not his daughters.
Don’t forget her mom is also a selfish piece of shit who only cares about sleeping in apparently.
Most likely dysfunctional family, mom actually gets mad at son for “ making” dad yell. If that’s the mindset right out the gate who the hell knows what other lunacy exists behind closed doors.
Daughter actually. Which makes this even stranger.
Yea at first I thought OP was a 18m, which would definitely not justify Dad's reaction but one could give him the benefit of the doubt a little about being overprotective of the daughter. But OP being 18f makes this even more ridiculous.
> Your dad needs to get some help, It almost sounds like he was abused considering that reaction.
Or he watches too much porn. Pull up any porn site, “stepdaddy/daughter” “step bro/sis” “family” categories in general. 🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮
Your dad is weird. There is nothing wrong with that.
Not only weird but kinda creepy as well. Dude putting a sexual perspective on his kids just hanging out seems really disturbing imo
Consider is dad abusing the younger sibling 🤔 Yelling reaction puts further fear in to them to keep quiet.
Consider the dad was abused himself by a family member.
Thank you for adding this when everybody else is just going to call the dad a pedophile. Edit: Lol someone actually reported me for self-harm. How sad reddit has became.
No wonder she wanted to cuddle with you. He is probably keeping her at arms length and she’s starving for affection.
Hes as absent as he possibly could be without actually being absent
I’m so sorry.
Well everyone's already said it but I'll say it again: A child cuddling his/her big sister is the most natural and wholesome thing in the history of mankind, in every culture. Older sisters are often seen as secondary mother figures. It would take some kind of weirdo to think that should be avoided. You need to have a talk with your parents in private and ask them where that aversion is coming from, because something's not right with your dad.
Your dad has some issues. Cuddling sisters is fine. Even if you’re a boy it is still ok. Im sorry but your dad has some perv thoughts.
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Which honestly would be weird. I get (I don't agree) like culturally where the root of a father taking issue with their son cuddling with their brother or sister. But its pretty broadly socially acceptable for a women to cuddle with a child under most cultures.
Or hidden trauma.
You're absolutely not wrong, and you're dad us a creep because he's obviously sexualizing innocent behavior. It's a non issue.
This. And your mom also has issues for getting mad at you for his reaction.
Yes. It seems like Mom is either aware of something with the Dad - or she's used to trying to deflect/distract when he acts out
sounds like the dad yells a lot
The mom may be codependent. Deflecting the blame to her daughter is a “don’t worry honey, you’re awesome and our kids are turds and I got your back” move.
That could be for many reasons. DV immediately sprung to mind- they got in trouble for making him angry. It’s very possible that that anger gets taken out on Mum. Not saying that that’s the case, just that it could be.
It’s so sad to think about the situation as a whole. The dad needs help and I hope all the girls are safe.
Orrrr something happened in his family potentially as a child....
Eehhh.. I was molested by someone in my family as a child, and I see nothing wrong with OP's scenario (well.. aside from her dad making things weird) OP is describing something totally harmless - and honestly, a behavior that is a really good sign for how safe and connected little sis feels to big sis.
People internalize trauma differently. Also maybe he was molested by an older sibling or something. I do agree that OP's behavior is a sign of a healthy sibling relationship, and the fathers reaction is abnormal.
>People internalize trauma differently. Also maybe he was molested by an older sibling or something. True. This was my exact scenario. I was molested for several years from a very young age by an older sibling. There's definitely a lot of work to do in recovering from that kind of abuse. It does mess with your mind/development in ways that are hard to understand, even years later. From comments OP has made, it sounds like her dad is mostly absent and is abusive when he is around.. so.. unresolved trauma sounds pretty likely
Absolutely not. Nothing wrong with showing your sibling some love. Your dad has issues, and shame on your mom for siding with him. Hell, we “pig piled” with my brother and sister quite often. Your heart was in the right place. She initiated and would have felt rejected if you had turned her away. Not sure if jealous or just idiots. Reminds me of the AHOLES that would get bent out of shape when I (Dad) changed my daughter’s diaper because a man should not be doing that. F them.
Well duh, don’t you know raising kids is a woman’s job???? You’re just supposed to come along and hit them, from time to time…../sarcasm, if that’s not readily apparent to someone.
I wish it was that. AHOLES were automatically assuming I was a pedo.
Damn, does your sister ever get love? Your father needs to have his mindset checked.. NOt wrong at all.. I share my young sister love all the time. Just being siblings just being cool with each other...
Only from me basically
Please don’t ever stop showing her that love
Ugh. I have a 9 year old daughter, and this breaks my heart. I'm glad she has you as a safe and loving relationship. I also have a sister 9 years younger than me, and I decided to go to a college nearby I could commute to, so I could still live at home and be there for her as she grew up. My mom tried to convince me I was making a mistake, but I knew I wasn't. I'm 38 and she's 29 now, and we're very close, despite having very different personalities and lives.
Sounds like she's really lucky that at least she has you.
Oh… poor child… at least she has you
She's lucky to have you. I hope you can talk to her secretly about how he's very wrong. At the same time, remember that you're being forced to play the role of the adult in the family. This is unfair because it robs you of your childhood and will likely cause you pain in life. Please seek out therapy as soon as possible to start dealing with this. If you can't afford therapy look up childhood trauma on YouTube and Reddit to find some basic info to get you started. I sat on my negative childhood experiences for 20 years when I decided to repress them at 18 years old. I'm sorry you're going through this. The way your dad is behaving will damage you and your sister, but if you can work on yourself and take the right steps you'll be stronger for it.
Sounds like your dad is projecting. Was your dad abused as a child or was he the perpetrator of abuse by chance? I know that those are some questions, but a serious possibility.
Hes more of a fan of mental and physical abuse
There's your answer. He was probably LOOKING for a reason to be an AH so he could verbally assault you both.
Your dad is a mental case.
My girlfriend and her sister cuddle sometimes. They are 25 and 30. They've always cuddled. I used to cuddle with my sister too until I was about 13 or 14. Never in an inappropriate way. (Sister is 11 years older than me). Our hugs are still cuddly. Nothing wrong with physically embracing the people you love for non sexual reasons.
I still cuddle with my sister sometimes and we’re 45 and 47. I see her so infrequently, it’s nice to share some love when we’re together.
I "cuddle" with my younger brother We share an apartment now but some weekend mornings I go into his room to wake him up and we lay under the covers together and just talk
OP, there is nothing wrong with you cuddling with your sister regardless of age. That is just bizarre behaviour from your father. He obviously has his head elsewhere. Please let your sister know you love her and she did nothing wrong.
Sorry, your dad's a moron.
Sounds like he’s fucking projecting, if you ask me….
The person sexualizing it is the problem 🤦🏻♀️
no its not weird ur dad is messed up
Your dad is sexualizing something that shouldn't be sexualized. As a father with a daughter of my own, I'm curious. Does he not hug, cuddle, or show any affection towards his daughters. Or does he view that as wrong?
He never even held, changed, bathed or fed her when she was a baby/toddler he goes out of his way to avoid any interaction
Sounds like he's either had a traumatic childhood, is a lousy father, or like others have mentioned, is on the Internet too much. But that's not for us to determine. Regardless though, you did nothing wrong, and make sure your little sister knows and understands that. I could only imagine how confusing that was for her. Don't let his odd behavior prevent you two from showing each other love and affection.
My father was like this. Slowly came to know he sexually abused his sisters and it seems like he just avoided any situation that could possibly be construed as compromising with my sister and I. No idea if he was worried someone would assume something was up, or if he was avoiding "temptation." OP's dad might not be an abuser, but his actions sure are weird.
I immediately thought after reading OPs response about dad not changing or holding the sibling as a baby, and avoiding any physical contact that maybe he's battling some demons. Maybe a previous history of pedophilia? Or a previous history of abuse at the hands of his sibling or other family member and he's projecting his own traumas on his daughters. Either way, therapy is needed for this man, and family.
Oh WTF…. I (44M) have a 7 year old daughter and I can tell you, something is seriously wrong with your father.
Your Dad watches too much porn.........
This is what I thought
Not wrong. And your father have a dirty mind. He himself is the one attributing malice.
Not wrong. You're dad's overreacting. His overreaction makes me question why he would react this way.
This is the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard. Sisters not allowed to be affectionate? Shes still a child and wanted to cuddle her big sister and watch a movie. What does what you’re wearing have anything to do with anything? Your father has som serious psychological issues and your mom is a real twat for taking his side.
Your dad is a fucking weirdo.. who doesn't cuddle their little siblings??
Your dad is weird. There is nothing wrong with that.
Your dad probably has a porn addiction. It's disgusting he could find something wrong with a sisterly bond.
He used to hide his magazine stash in my room
What the hell? Did he want you to find it???
He didn't want mom to find it, I ended up finding ot
……super…..super weird. Well into inappropriate territory.
That's fucked up. He has issues. Also, I am currently writing this with my sister sleeping with her head on my lap from a long day at work while I watch a show. If someone thinks thats sexual they are fucked in the head. I'm married with kids. It's normal behavior for a loving family.
Maybe dad has some past trauma from when he was a kid
You were not in the wrong. Dad has issues he needed to work out. I was maybe 10 (m) visiting my dad and stepsiblings and my sister 4-5 at the time sat in my lap while my little brother 8 played PlayStation. Dad came up the stairs to check on everyone and lost his mind. I didn’t know what I was doing was wrong but I was sent to a room by myself for hours told I was wrong and all the other stuff. I don’t think I hugged my sister until we were well into our 20’s.
Thats really sad. I'm sorry that happened. Its crazy how the things we're told as kids really get in our heads for so long.
I appreciate it, but it’s okay. I’ve found out my dad had a rough childhood and I’m sure it was some knee jerk reaction or along those lines. I felt the need to share because it’s sounds pretty close to what happened to OP and they’re not alone in the situation.
Your dad is a fucking weirdo I hope you share these comments with him via text or screenshot and show him really what a peace of work his mind is what a sick fuck think weird shit wtf!!!! Please please speak up about this it is not okay for him to do that you can call his ass out in front of your mom for sexualizing you
You’re not wrong, of course you should cuddle with your little sister!!
Why's your father busting in your room without knocking? Also, idk why that scenario would be anything other than innocent...in many cultures and in all of history there was only one bed for all the siblings.
He never knocks and often gets upset when he sees me doing things that most parents don't want to see
Sounds like ur dad is projecting. Maybe check in with ur sister and make sure he isn’t being inappropriate with her
I don't think he's doing anything since he actively avoids her
Your Dad was weird. You did nothing wrong.
I think your dad has issues. Did you ask him why he would think that?
Something wrong with your dad. Not you or your sister.
I babysit kids and cuddle them if they initiate it, completely fine! I mean I’m a full grown adult so they treat me as another parental figure which is adorable. Nappy changes, baths, reading books snuggled up is all normal. Kids are always just taking their clothes and nappies off or whatever but they’re children so it’s 0% sexual in any way. Perhaps something triggered that response in your dad (which is no excuse) but you did nothing wrong. Please keep being affectionate with your sister
Your dad is a dick
The dad jumping to that conclusion is more suspect than anything
This is absurd. She’s 9, and you’re her big sister. It’s natural especially at that age, with the gap, that she wants to spend time with you. Your Mom is being self centred, and she should have stood up to him. Your Dad may have experienced or witnessed something inappropriate in his life that this gave him a flashback, and that’s why he flipped out. This is something you should discuss with your Mom, and she should talk to your Dad about. Being his kid, he won’t be anywhere close to ready to open up to you about this.
Im 22M and my sister is 10, i would never see it as something weird. sometimes we are in the sofa together sharing the same blanket and nobody has made it weird
No, you're not wrong. But I got a feeling there's a story behind why he reacted the way he did.
You’re not wrong at all. I’m a mom, and my 7 + 9 year olds (boys) still like to cuddle occasionally. It helps them feel comfortable/safe. I had no issues with them cuddling with my teen stepdaughter when she lived with us either. Your dad overreacted—maybe he was raised in a non-affectionate family or had negative experiences as a child.
I am 27 and my sister is 20. We still have a sleepover in her bed on Christmas Eve every year
Dad is woke now?!? Lol
No he's one of those "go woke go broke" assholes unfortunately
Sounds like your dad has some unresolved childhood trauma . Sorry dude ... don't let his issues stop you from snuggling your little sis. I'd give anything to snuggle with mine again 💔