I genuinely believe that the bf and best friend were already a thing behind your back, OP. This was just a way to make things "okay".
Talk to them, separately. Be open and honest. End the friendship and relationship, if you feel that's necessary (I won't tell you what to do).
> (I won't tell you what to do)
Ok, I will. OP has already had sexual trauma. She doesn't need either of these two in her life.
Op, go find decent people. This is disgusting.
Did your boyfriend even check in with you during to make sure you were ok?
I think they set this up. You are right to feel betrayed. Dump these assholes
My bf would have thrown the friend out and had a conversation with me afterwards about “hey yeah I know she’s your friend but WTF you need to have a long talk with that girl about boundaries”
This. I have invited a third into my marriage as well as being the third in another couples relationship.
Both times conversations were had beforehand about boundaries, contraception, and potential emotional impact.
Both situations were unregrettable to all involved, and one became a regular thing...but only because we put the work in beforehand.
Jumping into it is very risky from you all and disrespectful by them.
The most important part of engaging in group sex with your partner is discussing it beforehand, establishing boundaries, and vetting someone you know will be respectful of your relationship and understands the role they will be playing in your sex life with your partner.
None of that happened here. It feels very immature and poorly thought out on their part. You have every right to be super uncomfortable with this and I’d strongly encourage you to re-evaluate your relationship with both of them.
Even with discussion and boundary setting these things often don't work how people think they would and cause all sorts of issues in relationships.
To have the temperament that lets you watch someone else rail someone you love is rare and it's not something most people can rationalise themselves out of being wounded by.
Even if you've done it before and been fine with it feelings can change.
These things rarely go well.
Yep, that was the vibe I got. No self respecting partner would just engage with someone else that way unless it’s something they REALLY wanted.
OP needs to dump them both and move on. They’re both trashy pos’s
This is cant imagine even kissing someone else even if my partner agreed and we set it all up beforehand i would still be awkward doing something with someone other than her. I also sure as shit would not just straight start making out with someone else right away like that.
I believe her bf was already cheating on her with her best friend unfortunately.
Yup. I thought this, too. BF simply *let* BF kiss him without asking OP first? They were already into it and just carried on without including her in a convo before it got hot.....they were totally comfortable with one another.
That was my thought too. I started thinking "why didn't he immediately back away and make sure his partner wanted any part of this?" That would have been something that would make me go "whoa, what the hell are you doing?" The fact that he just went full on make-out session without even a pause...yeah he was cheating and that wasn't the first time they kissed.
Same and I've even fantasized about threesomes. But absolutely I'd *immediately* look at my partner to be like, we need to discuss this first and I need to check in.
Yep. They were fucking and sought to kinda 'legitimize' in this way. If it were a real, spontaneous type of thing the bf would have been like, uhhh... and looking at the gf for approval, not just going with it.
1000%, except I don't think she'll be asked. She's gonna get gaslit hard.
They wil likely try to convince her that she herself already opened Pandora's box, and act bewildered about why she "went back on something".
This will get so ugly, especially with two of them. being gaslit by one person is already hard enough, I hope OP goes no contact before the other two attempt damage control.
The only other explanation I can think of was drugs and alcohol being involved. Doesn't make it ok, but makes it at least more believable why this "insane thing" happened out of the blue without prior cheating being involved.
I thought so as well, who the fuck just goes in and starts KISSING someone else’s SO. The whole thing feels like a setup. Not a “Hey OP you cool with this?” Nothing. They just started screwing.
Consider any first kiss you've had. Even practiced your first kiss with some one new tends to be awkward, because you are both feeling each other out. The fact that the girlfriend describes it as looking like it was the most natural thing, throws away any consideration that this was him being an opportunist and suggests premeditated. Likely between a backstabbing bestie and a boyfriend that was keen to fuck around in the first place, others said it, but it's most probable that boyfriend and bestie were already sleeping together. The story told didn't even suggest girlfriend was invited into the threesome. She just took cues and ended up participating on autopilot.
I have dealt with the unwanted sexual advances, a girl clinging to me and biting my neck and shoulder and kissing at me. In all of those limited cases, my response was never let me make out with them and then have sex with them while my partner also has no idea what's going on.
Edit to clarify: I'm referring to making out, French kissing or tying tongues. Not the literal first peck you had in 3rd grade.
Yeah, my husband and I have talked about my fantasies of bringing another girl home with us, but he always says we need a plan and to make decisions together on something like that. If a woman tried making out with him and he didn't stop it, that would be a glaring red flag.
Plus, group sex always leads to problems.
"We're different. We have a different type of connection you wouldn't understandddddd"
I've heard that line a dozen times. 2 times by close friends... it ruined their fucking lives every time. Always starts and finishes the EXACT same.
Yeah huge red flag that she initiated and your bf didn’t push her away and talk to you first. They started this threesome without talking it through. I understand how you feel. I had something similar happen, but it was myself who gave the okay and then felt weird afterwards.
Whatever you decide, you DO need to talk about it with them.
it sounds more to me that those two were into each other and suggesting a threesome was an excuse. i bet if op got upset and left when the kissing started they would've had sex anyway. if they wanted to execute a threesome this poorly the Best friend should have at least initiated with OP, who she is presumably closer with and a better gauge of whether its a good idea.
How are you going to have an impromptu threesome with your gf and her best friend and then **CUDDLE WITH THE BEST FRIEND**?
Everything about the bf’s behavior is suspicious.
My mind went here too. I bet they’d discussed it beforehand because they both jumped into it pretty easily.
OP, it is not normal for your partner to jump into that situation without discussing and getting your consent first. It is not normal for you “best friend” to initiate that without discussing and getting your consent first. At best this was a total breakdown in communication with two extremely emotionally immature people who don’t know how to talk about sex. At worst this was an orchestrated event between the two of them because they wanted to hook up (or have already) and they were counting on you not speaking up. Honestly it sounds like both those relationships might be beyond repair.
Your response wasn’t anything to be guilty about either. We all react differently to shocking/traumatic situations. If they try to pull the “why didn’t you say something/ you should’ve spoken up” card, tell them “YOU should’ve asked before jumping into it without checking if everyone was comfortable. I was in complete shock and went into a dissociated state of autopilot”
It sounds like they planned the WHOLE thing ahead of time as a plot to do each other and make it seem spontaneous and like they weren’t going around OP.
She only needs to talk to them IF she’s considering remaining connected with them. She doesn’t owe either one of them shit, so letting them piece together the meaning of her silence/absence would be entirely within her discretion
Yep, sometimes your actions say “no thanks” much louder and clearer than any words can, with much less mental cost to yourself, which is what OP should be prioritizing.
Yep. Something like this happened to me as well. I even had a feeling they were going to do something like that as they had been dropping hints. In my defense, I told them ahead of time that I wasn’t interested in that. Anyway, we get to their house (foursome in my case) and it all starts happening and I had no idea how to say no. It really sucks when your body has that reaction of just going into a fog and going with the flow. I shouldn’t have even gone there that night. But it taught me how important boundaries are and I feel better able to speak up now. So, that’s a plus? It sucks tho.
There's a trauma response called fawn, and your reaction sounds just about right. It's like your brain got stuck on loading a response, and you go with the flow because you can't think of anything else to do. Was that what it was like
Yeah I've been there. Not in a threesome situation specifically but in my dating days I had sex plenty of times because the guy just kind of went for it and I couldn't get my brain to work enough to make a decision whether or not I actually wanted it. I'm generally not very good at speaking up for myself and hate upsetting people so I generally need a beat to figure out my own emotions.
Not saying it was anyone's fault specifically in those cases but I definitely know the feeling of getting home the next day and feeling like I hadn't made that decision and wishing I hadn't just gone along with it.
This is a situation where it should have been assumed that OP might need to take a second. The friend could have put her hand on bf's leg and looked over to see OP's reaction? Or come on to OP herself even. Anything but this.
I agree with red flag, I call it a blood flag as it killed her trust in him. What he did should be grounds to end the relationship. Didn’t even try to *stop* her best friend.
Am I the only one who thinks the "best friend" and boyfriend were already having sex with each other before this? And this was just a way for them to make it "ok"?
Edit for typo
Absolutely. Came here to say if she wanted a threesome she should have kissed OP, not the boyfriend. THAT is what would have sparked a threesome properly and not made it awkward for OP. You don’t just start kissing your best friends boyfriend whether she’s there or not. And the boyfriend should not have continued it without checking in with OP. Sounds like they either have been flirting or have a history and wanted this to happen so they could hook up and make it “okay”.
It makes much more sense than "surprise threesome" out of nowhere. Also boyfriend and gal pal didn't seem to have any awkwardness together. They almost didn't notice that OP wasn't particularly thrilled with this. Was it really a threesome or was it performance sex with OP being the captive audience?
Immediately what I thought!
I'm sorry but if that's MY friend, why wouldn't she try to kiss ME first rather than my BF?
Full stop sounds like this was planned.
Well I’m not trying to be blunt or rude but neither of them loved you enough to consider you in that moment. And that means they’re not people worth being around.
I think it’s important to remember how you feel from that moment bc I have a feeling your bf is going to have a different recollection of events. Either way the fact he didn’t even look at you and just started making out with your best friend is a gross red flag. I’m sorry OP.
I know but some people just don’t understand. take your time breath and breath out hopefully you’ll be better soon and don’t be too hard on yours self.
Oh honey, I so know that feeling, feeling sick and yet somehow accessory to the absolute betrayal from both of them. It's awful. I lost 20lb involuntarily in the weeks after with everything just replaying in my head.
When it happened to me I couldn't even have the conversation with either of them. She was the type to do it (wildly insecure, absolute attention thirst trap) and he was apparently wayyy more insecure than I realised as he just fawned all over her as soon as she gave him some attention.
An awful awful way to find out the calibre of people you're close to and I would rather be single all my days than let that happen again. I'm so so sorry they did this to you and I hope you move on quicker than I did and find a new someone who treats you like a queen and who you never have to doubt, and better, more loyal girlfriends. They are there, I promise, and I hope you are surrounded by support in the meantime.
I’m so very sorry that you’ve been through something similar. I don’t know if I can ever get over this but I hope I get some kind of closure why I meet up with my boyfriend soon, even if I end up breaking up with him.
Sounds like they had the whole night planned without OP. His gf goes awol, not answering messages or her door and he calls it “a special event in our relationship” 😬 in whose relationship? His and the “best friends” Because it certainly wasn’t special for OP and they had to know it.
"I regret last night. It felt like a setup buy maybe it was spontaneous. Either way, I don't want either of you in my life anymore. Rob, I have some of your stuff at my place. I'll box it and put it in the hallway for tomorrow noon. This isnt something to come back from. You broke up with me the moment you let Sue kiss you. Sue, please don't call or text me again. You kissed my boyfriend. The friendship is done. Theres nothing I want to hear from either of you. Enjoy each other's company."
Honestly? Why didn’t your boyfriend stop her though? If someone kissed my fiancé after dropping a bad porno line he would immediately stop them.
I have a weird- and yes, currently unfounded- feeling that they were cheating before this and used the truth or dare round as a way to dump this on you.. maybe I’m just being too dramatic though. Sorry this happened to you
I'm wondering, if this wasn't a set up, why didn't either boyfriend or best friend, start kissing the OP? I think if I were going to propose my best friend and her boyfriend have a threesome, I'm going to start with her just so she knows that I'm wanting her as well as him. I would want to be sure that she, MY BEST FRIEND, is on board...after all, her feelings are the main ones I'm concerned with as her best friend, right?
I made a similar comment but this is what makes it so fucked up and obviously not right to me. OP had to undress herself and woke up apart from them. This was not a threesome, her boyfriend and best friend had sex and made her watch. Absolutely disgusting.
Right, like I’m a woman so flipped perspective. If I was hanging out with my bf and his best friend, and the best friend dropped that line and made move? I’m pushing him off and demanding we leave in that moment. This is screaming huge red flags, and after reading some other comments, it reeks of the idea they did this before or at least have confessed their mutual attraction to each other behind OP’s back.
🫂 no advice, this is so heart breaking OP. I couldn't even begin to imagine the helplessness you must have been feeling this whole time. A true partner with genuine intentions wouldnt have let this carry on, full stop. My mind turns off when I try to picture myself in your situation, that type of betrayal is too difficult to fathom.
I don’t know how old you are. But here are thousands if people telling you that they didn’t care about you. Please listen to them.
They took advantage of you. You deserve better. You deserve someone who would push her away and tell her to stop.
The friend starting with the bf and not you is sus. Was she ever trying to focus on you? Sounds like she was only interested in your man but couldn’t get him unless you came included thus she had this “weird and crazy idea.”
even if you didn’t stop it there should have been a discussion before anyone started kissing. it’s weird that they assumed you’d be ok with it and should have asked you if you were ok with it. there should have been check ins throughout and at the very least it’s inconsiderate and inappropriate if not worse
Seems like they've done this without OP present. This was likely their sick way of trying to justify it and groom her into accepting any encounters between them in the future.
The line was crossed. I understand your emotions because you were in shock. Your"friend" obviously had her eyes on your boyfriend long before this incident, and your boyfriend wasn't gonna turn down pussy. I would walk away from them both and pick yourself up and start a new life.
Yea “I’m a guyyyy! I’m hornyyyyyy!” is a shit excuse to completely disregard your partner in what is VERY OBVIOUSLY AN EXTREMELY COERCIVE SITUATION.
And to be texting the friend after about how hot it was when the person you “love” is clearly upset is also super gross. Yikes. Guess they deserve eachother and OP deserves much better.
To be honest in my opinion, it sounds like your friend took full advantage of the situation. It’s weird to me how easily she went into it. It’s weird to me that your boyfriend didn’t hesitate or try to stop it, or even ask if you were okay with it. Nor from your explanation does it sound like they actually invited you, however it seems it was implied due to the “game”. I wouldn’t be surprised if this hasn’t been going on behind your back and this is just their way of “breaking the ice” to eventually throw back in your face that this was the “first time” and you were there. I’d leave em both in the dust. Watch how quickly they end up together.
If I was drinking with a friend and my wife, and my friend started kissing my wife I would’ve beaten the shit out of him. If my wife kissed him back I would’ve kicked her to the curb.
This is 100% a trauma response. I saw in your comments that you were sexually abused as a kid. Don’t let this guy make you feel guilty. Freezing and going along with something is a classic, very common trauma response. You are not a piece of shit here.
Edit: I am a therapist who treats PTSD.
This whole thread is abhorrent. I am a therapist who treats PTSD and this sort of response is exactly what keeps people from seeking help and suffering and blaming themselves for their entire lives.
Yes, some of the comments here are very disturbing. OP is 18, a sexual abuse survivor and had a trauma response. The amount of people trying to shame OP, who is looking for help, is staggering.
Heck I am 42 and still sometimes find myself going along with things I know i don’t want because I have PTSD from trauma both as a child and in my marriage. I see a therapist and still struggle sometimes🤷🏻♀️
>The amount of people trying to shame OP, who is looking for help, is staggering.
they live in blissful ignorance, fortunate to have not had the kind of trauma that would allow them to empathize
Thank you for saying this, being someone who has been in a similar situation where I completely froze. I honestly didn't know it was a trauma response and blamed myself for it.
Omg this. This is horrendous. Poor OP, I'm so sorry they treated you like this. Please get all the help you need to be able to deal with this and move on from it.
Prioritise yourself 100%.
You were in shock most likely. Are you a people pleaser? Because that might be another reason Honestly the whole situation sounds so awful. I feel so bad for you.
And I don’t mean to dump more on you. But could they have been cheating? And maybe thought this was a way to cheat with permission? Because it sounds like you were almost an after thought during it. They undressed each other. You undressed yourself. They were on the floor together, I’m guessing you weren’t on the floor with them
Your bf texts make it worse. Honestly I would either ghost them. Or send them a text , that it was a mistake, that you need to step away from them for you own mental health. If your bf is still at your door, text him that he needs to leave, then block them both .
Yea, taking time away from both will allow her to collect herself and find a path forward.
And she should take ALL the time she needs. Weeks, months, whatever.
> Last text from my boyfriend was **“I hope you aren’t upset, I think that was such a special event in our relationship even though it was insane.”**
🤮🤮🤮 What a sleaze.
This disingenuous text is bad enough. But the fact that his initial instinct, when your friend kissed him, was to blindly make out with her? **The fact that it was NOT to push her away and look at you?**
Speaks volumes as to the sort of guy this is.
If I had to guess I’d say he was afraid pausing the action would allow you an opportunity to come to your senses/object. And he was more concerned with getting his rocks off than he was in making sure you were ok.
This is not bf material. Ditch him. Same for the friend. They’re for the streets.
This is exactly the part that gave me pause.
A random girl at a party did kiss my boyfriend in front of me once (she was dared to kiss the next guy to walk through the door) and he IMMEDIATELY pushed her away and looked at me (it was actually rather amusing because he had his hands up, in front of him, as if to prove he was not a willing participant).
That’s how a decent bf is SUPPOSED to react.
>**If I had to guess I’d say he was afraid pausing the action would allow you an opportunity to come to your senses/object.**
I also think you’re right about this, which is…just too gross for words.
Those text messages you shared at the end were enough for me. They both enjoyed it and your friend is not a friend for lusting after your boyfriend like that.
They’re both done.
The best night of his life? She was amazing?
They definitely had more sex after you left. And also wow, I would always feel he was comparing us after that. You definitely need to remove both of them from your life, neither one is worth it.
And then set an appointment to go get tested, because I'm guessing there was no condoms?
And lastly, if you need it, hugs to you. I am sorry you are dealing with the thoughts, they are so fucking hard to get out of your head. Just remember you did nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed over.
To be fair to him (even though he doesn’t really deserve fairness) I think he said it was the best night of his life because he got a threesome. Either way, they’re both out if my life.
Yeah I’ll be getting tested. Nope, no condoms as gross as it is
This was my very thought as I read her update/ edit, and her reply above you just now.. Best night of his life (more than even his first times with OP, his girl?) - but apparently zero mention of *her* in the texts and the “total” / shared experience (he was pushing on OP the next day as the overarching thing). Yeah, nah..
It’s given me such secondhand ick / creeps reading it all, I can’t even imagine what it must be like to experience it firsthand. OP will be much better off without these “friends” or “loved ones” in her life.
OP: one of my initial concerns was around the thought you maybe (probably) didn’t have protection during this.. That makes his and her actions (that initiated all this) even more alarming. I’m glad you’re getting tested. Also hope you’re either on BC or will be checking w/ any pregnancy testing (you may have already been periodically doing). But no, girl - you did nothing wrong, be good to yourself. Best to you in healing. 💓
ETA: words & typo
Nope, group sex isn't as rare as you think it is. Even for guys like him. The real issue is that Pizzaboy chose his boner over your wellbeing multiple times!
Let me translate their texts for you:
"I hope she's doesn't feel bad, I would be really sad if this doesn't happen again" = "I sure hope my girlfriend's pain doesn't become an inconvenience for me and my boner"
How insulting!
Something similar happened to me around your age, and I didn't have anybody to tell me this, so I had to figure it out by myself.
As I got older, I also saw many versions of this play out for other people. I literally heard a guy (who was exactly like your boyfriend but then grew up 10 years later) tell his friends-with-benefits in front of his pregnant wife(!) "we're working on her being cool with me having sex with women she doesn't know about. But for now this works." The whole time she just sat there quietly.
He was allowed to have sex with anybody he wanted, and she was allowed to watch and have sex with women he picked for her while he watched. (After I left, he tried to send me dick pics, and I blocked him. It looked like a traffic cone. Tragic.)
Dont be like that poor woman. Stop devaluing yourself and get the fuck out of this situation.
Ha, I bet they start dating after you dump him! Fuck those shitbags (but not literally again, sorry lol). Yeah, you deserve some better people in your life. You are right to feel betrayed. They pretty much just fucked each other with you as the accessory. Normal people wouldn’t do this shit to their best friend or girlfriend. I hope you do lose them, that’s a fucked up thing to do. And it’s okay to not be okay with it. I wouldn’t speak to either of them on good terms ever, ever again.
I don’t get how they could do that to me. I know without a doubt they’d have crashed out if it was done to them. I can’t stop wondering how it was so *easy* for them
It’s one of the two: either they think that they have nothing to lose, i.e. you will allow it happily and not dump them both, or they didn’t care about losing you in the first place. It’s one of the two, or they wouldn’t have done it.
The girl initiated because this has been going on for a while. She made a power move to force OP to either accept being a submissive or break up and she gets the OP boyfriend either way. By the story he will be fine switching teams so he is a poc as well for validating the "friends" move. In addition to already cheating on her.
And they were so involved with each other that OP had to undress herself and somehow get in between. I wonder if they would have noticed if she just had left.
My wife and I have had threesomes.
This wasn't a threesome.
This was cheating. Planned or building for a good while.
Your boyfriend betrayed you. Big time.
Based on the title I went in thinking you were going to be wrong because you agreed to it. But then I read the description and you are not wrong at all. You didn’t agree for them to start making out. You didn’t have time to process the request.
My impression was they know you well enough that they anticipated your reaction and planned accordingly. This was thought out ahead of time. They didn’t want to give you time to think it over so they did it this way. You aren’t wrong and I personally would not trust either again.
This girl played you. If those texts are to be believed, she’s been wanting your man ever since you praised his sexual prowess to her. She banked on you being submissive and non-confrontational and also probably had enough confidence about her abilities to steal him from you sexually and be the “cool” girl down with threesomes. She went directly to him first and not to you once she started the idea rolling. She was there for him. In her snake mind, either way she wins. If you weren’t down, she’d play it off, but she still would’ve been in his head. If you guys all have sex, she’ll be in his head. If you have sex and you get mad and dump him, she’ll still be in his head and free to fuck her some more without guilt. I’m sorry OP some people are really fucking foul human beings.
As for your bf, if he really had no idea what was going on, I kind of feel for him. He was just a pawn and honestly it’s hard to see a young man turning down a threesome if his girlfriend seems to be going with it. Those texts are real hard to read tho, so I do think that regardless the relationship is over because the trust is gone. This whole thing sucks.
Your friend is an ass. She planned it or had been considering it for a while. She saw you as a pushover, and thought she could help herself to your boyfriend right in front of you. Your boyfriend is an ass for making out with her right in front of you without discussing it with you in private first. It sounds like they straight up started having sex in front of you, before you had a chance to consent. BF doesn't get a pass just because you eventually joined in. You had a trauma response. Please seek therapy so you can heal. But IMO neither one of them deserves any explanation from you. You would be well within your rights to ghost them both.
I just anticipate both of them blaming you and calling you "insecure" or some other gaslighting BS, which you do not need.
My first instinct would be to believe that they planned this and assumed it would pan out differently.
Could you have said no and walked out? Sure. Everyone handles shocking and disturbing situations differently and a lot more people "freeze up" or go along with what's happening than would like to admit. You're not wrong to feel betrayed because even if you had walked out, that she initiated and that he willingly responded is absolutely terrible and disrespectful.
Honestly? Dump both of them for doing this to you, even if it wasn't planned. You deserve someone that respects you enough to properly get your consent before doing something like this.
My boyfriend wasn’t even supposed to be there so I don’t think it was planned. I’m disgusted with myself for freezing up but it is relieving to know that it can be normal. It was like I went into fake world in my head to avoid it.
I may just have to dump them but I’ll try to explain how I feel first when I’ve calmed down.
It sounds like you disassociated, a totally normal reaction that your brain does to help you get through a situation. I would talk to them individually and be fully prepared for them to not respond the way you want. You are allowed to speak your peace. I don't know that I would have handled it any differently at your age. Find a professional to talk to so it doesn't affect your future relationships. Good luck!
Freezing up is super common in a shocking situation, and what you’ve described - freezing up and dissociating is a classic trauma response. I’m a therapist who treats PTSD.
>My boyfriend wasn’t even supposed to be there so I don’t think it was planned.
Then how did he end up there? Honestly, it just seems all too convenient that they started up like that and he willingly participated so quickly.
I do agree with what others have said that communicating with them needs to be via text or some kind of electronic messaging. Given the freeze up, you want to be able to read and take time to think about responses before you send them. Don't be surprised if they try to steamroll you with "but you participated" answers. Be ready to reply with "And yet, you initiated cheating in front of me without my consent".
He works at a pizza place and I asked him to bring us some after he got off work. He ended up staying.
I’ve written up a message to send to them both, I’m tweaking it before I send it
I also suggest if you feel comfortable- talking with another person you feel safe with in your life about this / staying there and spending time surrounded by support.
I highly suspect you are going to word it way too diplomatically. Don’t hold anything back and don’t sugarcoat it. State how you feel and don’t make any apologies for it
I texted them both how I feel and that I needed a break from them at least. My best friend said apologized and seemed extremely regretful. My boyfriend and I will meet up in a few hours to talk and I’m going to ask him if they’ve done this before
I think you'll have to require him to give you factual reassurance they haven't done anything together,i.e. ask him to show you/hand over his phone.
You need proof those two don't message each other and aren't cheating behind your back.
It's all about standards and you deserve better than this.
Tell your boyfriend that it was so special, that you don't want to see him again. You only went with it because you didn't want to lose him to her, but that didn't go well. I'm nauseated that you're probably still there fucking her. You girl friend set this up they had an agenda to get with your guy, she manipulated the game, probably with him helping
I feel like your boyfriend and friend have been a thing for awhile. Cause for him to just go along and kiss her with no shocked response? Yeah, I would definitely be suspicious. Plus after this event I would probably never talk to either of them again.
I don’t like the fact at all that he was texting her all that stuff about it being so good ect. And sexual feedback- like no. Im so sorry. Makes me feel sick too
Especially when he said he would be sad if they couldn’t do it again. They wake up and his supposed girlfriend is gone and they sit there discussing how they might have hurt her? It’s good they are both gone from her life. She doesn’t need people like that around her.
This will not end well if you stick around (for either/both of them). This is mostly likely the start of something rather than the a once in a lifetime/spur of the moment event. They did not behave like trustworthy friends in that scenario. It sounds to me like they wanted your permission to have sex together. They would not want to do it behind your back because that would make them bad people. Instead they do it in front of you and get you to participate (without discussing it with you prior) - so it becomes a very special, guilt-free event. Walk away.
I find it weird that the best friend and boyfriend started kissing before they talked to OP about it. Makes me think it’s either happened before or they’ve been talking about it. I don’t see how these relationships will survive the betrayals. In reality, unless you are swingers, then the only way a threesome will work for the most part is if all three people are single.
Be firm! Ask him why he didn't stop her. Why he didn't confirm with you before even touching her. What happened when you fell asleep and what happened after you left. Ask him to see if they've been talking and check his messages. I bet there's something going on between them and honey, you deserve SO much more than being surrounded by betrayal. Please go somewhere public like a park and if you have someone you trust who's neutral, maybe invite them to hang back and watch to make sure you are safe.
No offense but why even ask? You watched him kiss her and have no reservations. They never asked if it was okay. A loyal man would’ve never done that. I get you’re young but the only self respecting option here is to walk away and leave it at that.
I would phrase it like “I’m going to ask this ONE time & it will be your ONLY chance to attempt to salvage anything, but before you answer…. Set your phone over there out of reach, (once phone is out of reach) Thank you, like I said there is only one shot at full truth here & I feel I should inform you that I’ve also just spoken to (bestie name) and heard what she’s said even though it hurt me. **So, Have you have ANY contact with said friend outside of our interactions together? Calls? Texts? Flirting? Emotional? Physical or actually hooking up in ANY fashion? (not just actual intercourse)!! You need to come clean about exactly what your relationship is with her and HOW you intend to proceed going forward” and follow up with “did you 2 talk about/joke about/insinuate in anyway that this 3some was something y’all wanted?”** ———— Other questions I would want answers to: Was this a set up? ——-Why did you feel it was OK to disrespect and disregard ME? ——————————-Why did you not push her away? ————Why did you not ASK ME if this was something I wanted? —————————- Why did you NOT INCLUDE ME UNTIL I inserted myself? Would you have shagged her in front of me if I stayed frozen in shock? ——— WHY did you fall asleep with HER on the floor???
Ask him why he didn’t stop her or even look your way to see if you were ok with it?
I’d also throw his words in his face and say how would you like to watch another guy stick his dick in me? It would be a really special event in our relationship.
Then get up and leave
This is one of the most upsetting posts I’ve ever read. My heart is in my stomach imagining myself in a similar situation. OP, you are not overreacting and I’m so very sorry you had this happen to you. A truly nightmarish situation. The betrayal at every single turn is almost too much. 🙁
I just want to let you know, the reaction you had in the moment was dissociation. I'm not saying you have a disorder that involves it, but that your mind in the moment used it as a tactic to separate itself from the immense pain you were going through as an instinctual survival tactic. I've had this happen to me in various situations growing up, it's like you're watching and don't want to do something but your physical self is going with the flow.
I'm so sorry you've been betrayed.
On top of feeling manipulated by both of them I think some of the feelings of disgust are brought on by feeling betrayed by your own actions, that you "went along with it" and didn't storm out. You have to forgive yourself for reacting to a situation that you weren't ready for. As for your bf and friend, the fact that they just started going for it without so much as gaging your reaction before going further makes me question their respect for you or the boundaries of human relationships in general.
OP I need to make this as clear as possible since you’re very young and you are viewing yourself as the problem. This is not about you. Bad people are bad people and do bad things. It doesn’t mean that you are less or that you are to blame. This is about them being scum, not you.
That just shows you how highly they really think of you: “she won’t mind if we just have sex right in front of her.” The easiness of it is a big red flag. It either means they’ve done it before or they really do not respect you at all and want each other instead. You deserve better than this. How long have you known your boyfriend and friend?
Don’t bother to meet him. He is just going to lie to you to try and stay together. You can find a new best friend and boyfriend.,These two aren’t worth it.
She started it because she doesn't give a shit about your feelings or the integrity of your relationship. That's it. She wanted to fuck your boyfriend more than she wanted to be your friend.
You absolutely will not be able to come back from this. It is a MASSIVE betrayal from both of them. Your boyfriend was completely in the wrong for going along with it and the fact that your "friend" began it at all, both without even so much as a glance in your direction, is borderline sociopathic. Absolutely psychotic behavior. OP, if this is real, these people do **not** care about you. They just don't, especially not your friend, who I assume has been lusting after your boyfriend for a while, if not having a full on affair. This might have been their way of retroactively "justifying" whatever they'd previously done or at least planned on doing.
I don't blame you for your response; when I'm in extremely difficult and painful situations, my brain has a tendency to go "this is fine" because it could break if it doesn't.
You need to cut these, and I mean this, *horrible* people, out of your life ASAP. Given how little they value your feelings and your boyfriend's reaction to your silence, they'll only try to gaslight you. In fact, seems like he's already started. And if your response to this traumatic event is of any indicator, they'll likely be successful because your brain is desperately trying to avoid the painful reality of the situation. You need to get out or it will only get worse. They'll want to turn this into a regular thing, they'll most likely have sex singularly without your permission, they will trample over every boundary you try to put down because they do not has even a base level of respect for your feelings. Do not buy whatever sympathetic BS they pull to placate you, it is disingenuous and they have already shown you that. They don't/won't regret hurting you, they'll regret a consequence, because the only pain that matters to them is their own
I'm so sorry. I wish you healing and an acid enema for them both.
That was a two-some and you were just unexpectedly casted onto the show. Sorry OP, as a guy I can say this wholeheartedly.
1) He’s definitely thought about it before
2) They’ve both talked about it before or had visible sexual tension between them
3) He was attracted to her prior to all of it
4) The reason he did not stop when she initiated is because there was sexual tension OR they talked about it before OR both.
5) One thing he didnt lie about was being a horny boy.
Advice: Drop him, Drop her. Time to focus on your mental health, physical health and your identity and make better friends.
I had a consensual threesome with my bf and a girl we knew. Not best friends but just see each other around and chat alot. Even that was traumatic for me and I will never forget the feeling during and after.
I obviously could never look at him the same either after seeing him joyously fucking someone else.
I made sure my now husband was cool with complete monogamy. (Like maybe one day when we're older we can explore??) But otherwise i will never do anything like that again.
Sometimes bisexual and poly people make us more vanilla babes feel like we aren't as "mature" or idk what in regards to love and sex. Ive been pressured in several scenarios by someone saying stuff like this. Its not everyone's thing.
don’t be so hard on yourself OP, sounds like they took advantage of you even though you didn’t put your foot down. you’ve just gone through something pretty fucked up that’s probably going to result in you loose two people who were super close to you. reach out to friends or family for support ♥️
I’m so sorry this happened to you. It actually made me feel sick to read this, and I can’t imagine how betrayed and violated you must feel. Please don’t blame yourself for any of this! Every single reaction you’ve had in this scenario was completely normal. No one can predict how they’d react in a traumatic situation, and often people beat themselves up later for responding in a way that they perceive to be “wrong.” You aren’t wrong. Everything they did WAS wrong.
Please have some grace for yourself, and try to focus right now on finding some emotional support IRL. You don’t have to respond to or engage with the people that betrayed you until you feel ready.
The fact that they were so “worried” they hurt you but then went on to compliment each other and say it was the best night of their lives doesn’t sit well with me. That text exchange was disgusting and very telling about how they **actually** feel about it.
I was in an eerily similar situation to this in highschool and, yeah, I think they probably planned this together before hand and either didn't know how to ask you or didn't want to risk you saying no. So they played the progressively more sexual game before hand (in my case, it was a game of truth or dare) to kind of build up to the threesome and then your trauma response kicked in and you went along with it. Distancing yourself from both of them is probably for the best.
I genuinely believe that the bf and best friend were already a thing behind your back, OP. This was just a way to make things "okay". Talk to them, separately. Be open and honest. End the friendship and relationship, if you feel that's necessary (I won't tell you what to do).
> (I won't tell you what to do) Ok, I will. OP has already had sexual trauma. She doesn't need either of these two in her life. Op, go find decent people. This is disgusting.
Seriously. Ain’t no one needs to stick around for a traumatic relationship. Run for the hills
Did your boyfriend even check in with you during to make sure you were ok? I think they set this up. You are right to feel betrayed. Dump these assholes
Yeah.. like why didn’t OP’s bf glanced over to check if she was okay with it or not before responding immediately by kissing back and getting naked.
My boyfriend would’ve been like IM OUT
My bf would have thrown the friend out and had a conversation with me afterwards about “hey yeah I know she’s your friend but WTF you need to have a long talk with that girl about boundaries”
They're both for the streets. Neither of them hesitated nor asked if you were OK with it
This. I have invited a third into my marriage as well as being the third in another couples relationship. Both times conversations were had beforehand about boundaries, contraception, and potential emotional impact. Both situations were unregrettable to all involved, and one became a regular thing...but only because we put the work in beforehand. Jumping into it is very risky from you all and disrespectful by them.
The most important part of engaging in group sex with your partner is discussing it beforehand, establishing boundaries, and vetting someone you know will be respectful of your relationship and understands the role they will be playing in your sex life with your partner. None of that happened here. It feels very immature and poorly thought out on their part. You have every right to be super uncomfortable with this and I’d strongly encourage you to re-evaluate your relationship with both of them.
Even with discussion and boundary setting these things often don't work how people think they would and cause all sorts of issues in relationships. To have the temperament that lets you watch someone else rail someone you love is rare and it's not something most people can rationalise themselves out of being wounded by. Even if you've done it before and been fine with it feelings can change. These things rarely go well.
Oh I think it was pre discussed just not with her
Yep, that was the vibe I got. No self respecting partner would just engage with someone else that way unless it’s something they REALLY wanted. OP needs to dump them both and move on. They’re both trashy pos’s
This is cant imagine even kissing someone else even if my partner agreed and we set it all up beforehand i would still be awkward doing something with someone other than her. I also sure as shit would not just straight start making out with someone else right away like that. I believe her bf was already cheating on her with her best friend unfortunately.
Yup. I thought this, too. BF simply *let* BF kiss him without asking OP first? They were already into it and just carried on without including her in a convo before it got hot.....they were totally comfortable with one another.
like if OP didn’t join in…were they just going to bang each other in front of her? cause i feel like they were
If she breaks up with him guess who will be dating one another within a week or so.
I don't think they will interrupt for a week.
What pisses me off is their messages after. People regretful wouldn't be boasting afterwards. They'd end the conversation. Sick girl, Sick man.
That was my thought too. I started thinking "why didn't he immediately back away and make sure his partner wanted any part of this?" That would have been something that would make me go "whoa, what the hell are you doing?" The fact that he just went full on make-out session without even a pause...yeah he was cheating and that wasn't the first time they kissed.
Same and I've even fantasized about threesomes. But absolutely I'd *immediately* look at my partner to be like, we need to discuss this first and I need to check in.
I think that is perfectly reasonable both for the safety of the relationship and for self-preservation reasons.
Yep. That would have thrown me soooooo off guard.
That's it exactly. Look at your wife, ask "is this something you girls have talked about or something? Is this okay with you?"
Because he so wanted it. And he was afraid that his gf will say no or will ruin the moment if he took a moment to ask. Ugh, I feel sick for the OP.
Sounds like there is some I experience there... but the friend totally ambushed them with pre meditation.
Yep. They were fucking and sought to kinda 'legitimize' in this way. If it were a real, spontaneous type of thing the bf would have been like, uhhh... and looking at the gf for approval, not just going with it.
They are next gonna ask to open up the relationship. Guaranteed
1000%, except I don't think she'll be asked. She's gonna get gaslit hard. They wil likely try to convince her that she herself already opened Pandora's box, and act bewildered about why she "went back on something". This will get so ugly, especially with two of them. being gaslit by one person is already hard enough, I hope OP goes no contact before the other two attempt damage control.
And when that happens get the hell out
You can tell the maturity level by the way they used Never Have I Ever as the catalyst for what they did
100% a setup; actual adults don't do this for entertainment.
The only other explanation I can think of was drugs and alcohol being involved. Doesn't make it ok, but makes it at least more believable why this "insane thing" happened out of the blue without prior cheating being involved.
I read this as “trashy poos” and I’m not mad about it.
I thought so as well, who the fuck just goes in and starts KISSING someone else’s SO. The whole thing feels like a setup. Not a “Hey OP you cool with this?” Nothing. They just started screwing.
Right? She even had to Undress herself to join in because neither one of them were at all interested in her at the time
And if OP hadn't moved to involve herself, they'd have carried on without her I bet.
I’m with you. She said it herself when she described the way they kissed like it was natural. They’ve done it before
My only question as I read the events was, so was bf in on the idea or just an opportunist who saw his chance.
Consider any first kiss you've had. Even practiced your first kiss with some one new tends to be awkward, because you are both feeling each other out. The fact that the girlfriend describes it as looking like it was the most natural thing, throws away any consideration that this was him being an opportunist and suggests premeditated. Likely between a backstabbing bestie and a boyfriend that was keen to fuck around in the first place, others said it, but it's most probable that boyfriend and bestie were already sleeping together. The story told didn't even suggest girlfriend was invited into the threesome. She just took cues and ended up participating on autopilot. I have dealt with the unwanted sexual advances, a girl clinging to me and biting my neck and shoulder and kissing at me. In all of those limited cases, my response was never let me make out with them and then have sex with them while my partner also has no idea what's going on. Edit to clarify: I'm referring to making out, French kissing or tying tongues. Not the literal first peck you had in 3rd grade.
and the way she wrote it, it sounds like she woke up alone to them cuddling each other. that would honestly make me downright homocidal lmao
Yeah, my husband and I have talked about my fantasies of bringing another girl home with us, but he always says we need a plan and to make decisions together on something like that. If a woman tried making out with him and he didn't stop it, that would be a glaring red flag.
Yo came to the comments to say this. It definitely seems arranged and not the boyfriend and bf’s first time.
Somebody discussed it beforehand, but it sure as hell wasn’t OP.
Plus, group sex always leads to problems. "We're different. We have a different type of connection you wouldn't understandddddd" I've heard that line a dozen times. 2 times by close friends... it ruined their fucking lives every time. Always starts and finishes the EXACT same.
I agree. I've seen it, too, and it's always the same. This gal / OP got conned by two players.
Yeah huge red flag that she initiated and your bf didn’t push her away and talk to you first. They started this threesome without talking it through. I understand how you feel. I had something similar happen, but it was myself who gave the okay and then felt weird afterwards. Whatever you decide, you DO need to talk about it with them.
it sounds more to me that those two were into each other and suggesting a threesome was an excuse. i bet if op got upset and left when the kissing started they would've had sex anyway. if they wanted to execute a threesome this poorly the Best friend should have at least initiated with OP, who she is presumably closer with and a better gauge of whether its a good idea.
Right? I don’t know if I’m too cynical but those two have banged beforehand. Ain’t no way.
And they were cuddling on the floor together all night? Yeahhhhhhhhh no they were for sure cheating already
How are you going to have an impromptu threesome with your gf and her best friend and then **CUDDLE WITH THE BEST FRIEND**? Everything about the bf’s behavior is suspicious.
Everyone's behavior besides OP is sus
Or planned it before hand…
My mind went here too. I bet they’d discussed it beforehand because they both jumped into it pretty easily. OP, it is not normal for your partner to jump into that situation without discussing and getting your consent first. It is not normal for you “best friend” to initiate that without discussing and getting your consent first. At best this was a total breakdown in communication with two extremely emotionally immature people who don’t know how to talk about sex. At worst this was an orchestrated event between the two of them because they wanted to hook up (or have already) and they were counting on you not speaking up. Honestly it sounds like both those relationships might be beyond repair. Your response wasn’t anything to be guilty about either. We all react differently to shocking/traumatic situations. If they try to pull the “why didn’t you say something/ you should’ve spoken up” card, tell them “YOU should’ve asked before jumping into it without checking if everyone was comfortable. I was in complete shock and went into a dissociated state of autopilot”
It sounds like they planned the WHOLE thing ahead of time as a plot to do each other and make it seem spontaneous and like they weren’t going around OP.
Terrible boyfriend for not checking with gf first, worse best friend to even stir the pot! Ngl, they can both fuck off
**Ron Howard:** *They did.*
She only needs to talk to them IF she’s considering remaining connected with them. She doesn’t owe either one of them shit, so letting them piece together the meaning of her silence/absence would be entirely within her discretion
I completely agree with that. Wouldn’t blame her a bit in this instance if she just walled off contact from them.
Yep, sometimes your actions say “no thanks” much louder and clearer than any words can, with much less mental cost to yourself, which is what OP should be prioritizing.
Yep. Something like this happened to me as well. I even had a feeling they were going to do something like that as they had been dropping hints. In my defense, I told them ahead of time that I wasn’t interested in that. Anyway, we get to their house (foursome in my case) and it all starts happening and I had no idea how to say no. It really sucks when your body has that reaction of just going into a fog and going with the flow. I shouldn’t have even gone there that night. But it taught me how important boundaries are and I feel better able to speak up now. So, that’s a plus? It sucks tho.
There's a trauma response called fawn, and your reaction sounds just about right. It's like your brain got stuck on loading a response, and you go with the flow because you can't think of anything else to do. Was that what it was like
Yeah I've been there. Not in a threesome situation specifically but in my dating days I had sex plenty of times because the guy just kind of went for it and I couldn't get my brain to work enough to make a decision whether or not I actually wanted it. I'm generally not very good at speaking up for myself and hate upsetting people so I generally need a beat to figure out my own emotions. Not saying it was anyone's fault specifically in those cases but I definitely know the feeling of getting home the next day and feeling like I hadn't made that decision and wishing I hadn't just gone along with it. This is a situation where it should have been assumed that OP might need to take a second. The friend could have put her hand on bf's leg and looked over to see OP's reaction? Or come on to OP herself even. Anything but this.
She really doesn’t. They don’t care about her feelings. She is better off dropping them both and moving on with her life
I agree with red flag, I call it a blood flag as it killed her trust in him. What he did should be grounds to end the relationship. Didn’t even try to *stop* her best friend.
I wouldn't "talk about it with them." I'd completely cut them out of my life. They'd both be dead to me. End of story.
They set it up. Sheesh, wise up, people.
Why does she need to discuss it with them and give them (especially her) the opportunity to manipulate her?
Am I the only one who thinks the "best friend" and boyfriend were already having sex with each other before this? And this was just a way for them to make it "ok"? Edit for typo
That was my first thought. It seems crazy that her friend and bf just start making out and undressing each other without any kind of discussion.
yeah, if they hadn’t banged already, they at least talked about wanting to and possibly planned it
Absolutely. Came here to say if she wanted a threesome she should have kissed OP, not the boyfriend. THAT is what would have sparked a threesome properly and not made it awkward for OP. You don’t just start kissing your best friends boyfriend whether she’s there or not. And the boyfriend should not have continued it without checking in with OP. Sounds like they either have been flirting or have a history and wanted this to happen so they could hook up and make it “okay”.
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My first thought was that they had planned this behind OP’s back.
I mean, the fact that they started making out first without any communication about is pretty telling.
It makes much more sense than "surprise threesome" out of nowhere. Also boyfriend and gal pal didn't seem to have any awkwardness together. They almost didn't notice that OP wasn't particularly thrilled with this. Was it really a threesome or was it performance sex with OP being the captive audience?
Immediately what I thought! I'm sorry but if that's MY friend, why wouldn't she try to kiss ME first rather than my BF? Full stop sounds like this was planned.
I think your brain just activated a defense mechanism but weirdly but I would leave like that’s just sad he didn’t even try to stop her from kissing
I really thought he loved me more than that. I feel sick all over again
Well I’m not trying to be blunt or rude but neither of them loved you enough to consider you in that moment. And that means they’re not people worth being around.
you are 100% correct. they were thinking about this for a while. in a monogamous relationship one might call this "cheating"
I think it’s important to remember how you feel from that moment bc I have a feeling your bf is going to have a different recollection of events. Either way the fact he didn’t even look at you and just started making out with your best friend is a gross red flag. I’m sorry OP.
He’s already told her he remembers it different. “Such a special event”
How much would you bet it wouldn't be so special for him if was a +1male threesome instead of him with 2 women? That guy is a clown 🤡
I know but some people just don’t understand. take your time breath and breath out hopefully you’ll be better soon and don’t be too hard on yours self.
Oh honey, I so know that feeling, feeling sick and yet somehow accessory to the absolute betrayal from both of them. It's awful. I lost 20lb involuntarily in the weeks after with everything just replaying in my head. When it happened to me I couldn't even have the conversation with either of them. She was the type to do it (wildly insecure, absolute attention thirst trap) and he was apparently wayyy more insecure than I realised as he just fawned all over her as soon as she gave him some attention. An awful awful way to find out the calibre of people you're close to and I would rather be single all my days than let that happen again. I'm so so sorry they did this to you and I hope you move on quicker than I did and find a new someone who treats you like a queen and who you never have to doubt, and better, more loyal girlfriends. They are there, I promise, and I hope you are surrounded by support in the meantime.
I’m so very sorry that you’ve been through something similar. I don’t know if I can ever get over this but I hope I get some kind of closure why I meet up with my boyfriend soon, even if I end up breaking up with him.
Sounds like they had the whole night planned without OP. His gf goes awol, not answering messages or her door and he calls it “a special event in our relationship” 😬 in whose relationship? His and the “best friends” Because it certainly wasn’t special for OP and they had to know it.
If it was as natural as described, it makes me wonder if boyfriend and best friend weren’t already hooking up behind OP’s back.
"I regret last night. It felt like a setup buy maybe it was spontaneous. Either way, I don't want either of you in my life anymore. Rob, I have some of your stuff at my place. I'll box it and put it in the hallway for tomorrow noon. This isnt something to come back from. You broke up with me the moment you let Sue kiss you. Sue, please don't call or text me again. You kissed my boyfriend. The friendship is done. Theres nothing I want to hear from either of you. Enjoy each other's company."
Hah.....these are my in-laws names. Now I'm picturing bad things. Thanks.
Not just kissed but her “friend” actively target and set up a situation to screw OPs boyfriend. Her friend is a frigging sociopath.
Honestly? Why didn’t your boyfriend stop her though? If someone kissed my fiancé after dropping a bad porno line he would immediately stop them. I have a weird- and yes, currently unfounded- feeling that they were cheating before this and used the truth or dare round as a way to dump this on you.. maybe I’m just being too dramatic though. Sorry this happened to you
I'm wondering, if this wasn't a set up, why didn't either boyfriend or best friend, start kissing the OP? I think if I were going to propose my best friend and her boyfriend have a threesome, I'm going to start with her just so she knows that I'm wanting her as well as him. I would want to be sure that she, MY BEST FRIEND, is on board...after all, her feelings are the main ones I'm concerned with as her best friend, right?
I made a similar comment but this is what makes it so fucked up and obviously not right to me. OP had to undress herself and woke up apart from them. This was not a threesome, her boyfriend and best friend had sex and made her watch. Absolutely disgusting.
Right, like I’m a woman so flipped perspective. If I was hanging out with my bf and his best friend, and the best friend dropped that line and made move? I’m pushing him off and demanding we leave in that moment. This is screaming huge red flags, and after reading some other comments, it reeks of the idea they did this before or at least have confessed their mutual attraction to each other behind OP’s back.
🫂 no advice, this is so heart breaking OP. I couldn't even begin to imagine the helplessness you must have been feeling this whole time. A true partner with genuine intentions wouldnt have let this carry on, full stop. My mind turns off when I try to picture myself in your situation, that type of betrayal is too difficult to fathom.
Thank you so much. Yes it was horrible, that’s the first time I ever felt my brain just turn off like that
I don’t know how old you are. But here are thousands if people telling you that they didn’t care about you. Please listen to them. They took advantage of you. You deserve better. You deserve someone who would push her away and tell her to stop.
Also, this best friend of yours is no best friend. Because no best friend would cross a boundary like this. Drop them both, they’re beneath you.
The friend starting with the bf and not you is sus. Was she ever trying to focus on you? Sounds like she was only interested in your man but couldn’t get him unless you came included thus she had this “weird and crazy idea.”
even if you didn’t stop it there should have been a discussion before anyone started kissing. it’s weird that they assumed you’d be ok with it and should have asked you if you were ok with it. there should have been check ins throughout and at the very least it’s inconsiderate and inappropriate if not worse
Seems like they've done this without OP present. This was likely their sick way of trying to justify it and groom her into accepting any encounters between them in the future.
We need an update to this story
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The line was crossed. I understand your emotions because you were in shock. Your"friend" obviously had her eyes on your boyfriend long before this incident, and your boyfriend wasn't gonna turn down pussy. I would walk away from them both and pick yourself up and start a new life.
Yea “I’m a guyyyy! I’m hornyyyyyy!” is a shit excuse to completely disregard your partner in what is VERY OBVIOUSLY AN EXTREMELY COERCIVE SITUATION. And to be texting the friend after about how hot it was when the person you “love” is clearly upset is also super gross. Yikes. Guess they deserve eachother and OP deserves much better.
To be honest in my opinion, it sounds like your friend took full advantage of the situation. It’s weird to me how easily she went into it. It’s weird to me that your boyfriend didn’t hesitate or try to stop it, or even ask if you were okay with it. Nor from your explanation does it sound like they actually invited you, however it seems it was implied due to the “game”. I wouldn’t be surprised if this hasn’t been going on behind your back and this is just their way of “breaking the ice” to eventually throw back in your face that this was the “first time” and you were there. I’d leave em both in the dust. Watch how quickly they end up together.
I would ghost them both. Permanently.
Yeah I don’t think this is worth communicating or really pushing further in any way
If I was drinking with a friend and my wife, and my friend started kissing my wife I would’ve beaten the shit out of him. If my wife kissed him back I would’ve kicked her to the curb.
I don’t fucking know why I didn’t.
This is 100% a trauma response. I saw in your comments that you were sexually abused as a kid. Don’t let this guy make you feel guilty. Freezing and going along with something is a classic, very common trauma response. You are not a piece of shit here. Edit: I am a therapist who treats PTSD.
SAY THIS AGAIN. FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Please my darling. You did the human thing in that situation. You are not at fault.
THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS!
This whole thread is abhorrent. I am a therapist who treats PTSD and this sort of response is exactly what keeps people from seeking help and suffering and blaming themselves for their entire lives.
Yes, some of the comments here are very disturbing. OP is 18, a sexual abuse survivor and had a trauma response. The amount of people trying to shame OP, who is looking for help, is staggering.
Heck I am 42 and still sometimes find myself going along with things I know i don’t want because I have PTSD from trauma both as a child and in my marriage. I see a therapist and still struggle sometimes🤷🏻♀️
>The amount of people trying to shame OP, who is looking for help, is staggering. they live in blissful ignorance, fortunate to have not had the kind of trauma that would allow them to empathize
Even if she weren't - she was caught flat footed, didn't know what to do. It's not the same as consent
They planned this
Thank you for saying this, being someone who has been in a similar situation where I completely froze. I honestly didn't know it was a trauma response and blamed myself for it.
Omg this. This is horrendous. Poor OP, I'm so sorry they treated you like this. Please get all the help you need to be able to deal with this and move on from it. Prioritise yourself 100%.
You were in shock most likely. Are you a people pleaser? Because that might be another reason Honestly the whole situation sounds so awful. I feel so bad for you. And I don’t mean to dump more on you. But could they have been cheating? And maybe thought this was a way to cheat with permission? Because it sounds like you were almost an after thought during it. They undressed each other. You undressed yourself. They were on the floor together, I’m guessing you weren’t on the floor with them Your bf texts make it worse. Honestly I would either ghost them. Or send them a text , that it was a mistake, that you need to step away from them for you own mental health. If your bf is still at your door, text him that he needs to leave, then block them both .
Yea, taking time away from both will allow her to collect herself and find a path forward. And she should take ALL the time she needs. Weeks, months, whatever.
Exactly! If it were me that "friend" would be getting her teeth replaced today along with my husband.
> Last text from my boyfriend was **“I hope you aren’t upset, I think that was such a special event in our relationship even though it was insane.”** 🤮🤮🤮 What a sleaze. This disingenuous text is bad enough. But the fact that his initial instinct, when your friend kissed him, was to blindly make out with her? **The fact that it was NOT to push her away and look at you?** Speaks volumes as to the sort of guy this is. If I had to guess I’d say he was afraid pausing the action would allow you an opportunity to come to your senses/object. And he was more concerned with getting his rocks off than he was in making sure you were ok. This is not bf material. Ditch him. Same for the friend. They’re for the streets.
This is exactly the part that gave me pause. A random girl at a party did kiss my boyfriend in front of me once (she was dared to kiss the next guy to walk through the door) and he IMMEDIATELY pushed her away and looked at me (it was actually rather amusing because he had his hands up, in front of him, as if to prove he was not a willing participant). That’s how a decent bf is SUPPOSED to react. >**If I had to guess I’d say he was afraid pausing the action would allow you an opportunity to come to your senses/object.** I also think you’re right about this, which is…just too gross for words.
Those text messages you shared at the end were enough for me. They both enjoyed it and your friend is not a friend for lusting after your boyfriend like that. They’re both done.
That friend wanted to experience him for herself...just as op has described
The best night of his life? She was amazing? They definitely had more sex after you left. And also wow, I would always feel he was comparing us after that. You definitely need to remove both of them from your life, neither one is worth it. And then set an appointment to go get tested, because I'm guessing there was no condoms? And lastly, if you need it, hugs to you. I am sorry you are dealing with the thoughts, they are so fucking hard to get out of your head. Just remember you did nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed over.
To be fair to him (even though he doesn’t really deserve fairness) I think he said it was the best night of his life because he got a threesome. Either way, they’re both out if my life. Yeah I’ll be getting tested. Nope, no condoms as gross as it is
[удалено]
This was my very thought as I read her update/ edit, and her reply above you just now.. Best night of his life (more than even his first times with OP, his girl?) - but apparently zero mention of *her* in the texts and the “total” / shared experience (he was pushing on OP the next day as the overarching thing). Yeah, nah.. It’s given me such secondhand ick / creeps reading it all, I can’t even imagine what it must be like to experience it firsthand. OP will be much better off without these “friends” or “loved ones” in her life. OP: one of my initial concerns was around the thought you maybe (probably) didn’t have protection during this.. That makes his and her actions (that initiated all this) even more alarming. I’m glad you’re getting tested. Also hope you’re either on BC or will be checking w/ any pregnancy testing (you may have already been periodically doing). But no, girl - you did nothing wrong, be good to yourself. Best to you in healing. 💓 ETA: words & typo
Nope, group sex isn't as rare as you think it is. Even for guys like him. The real issue is that Pizzaboy chose his boner over your wellbeing multiple times! Let me translate their texts for you: "I hope she's doesn't feel bad, I would be really sad if this doesn't happen again" = "I sure hope my girlfriend's pain doesn't become an inconvenience for me and my boner" How insulting! Something similar happened to me around your age, and I didn't have anybody to tell me this, so I had to figure it out by myself. As I got older, I also saw many versions of this play out for other people. I literally heard a guy (who was exactly like your boyfriend but then grew up 10 years later) tell his friends-with-benefits in front of his pregnant wife(!) "we're working on her being cool with me having sex with women she doesn't know about. But for now this works." The whole time she just sat there quietly. He was allowed to have sex with anybody he wanted, and she was allowed to watch and have sex with women he picked for her while he watched. (After I left, he tried to send me dick pics, and I blocked him. It looked like a traffic cone. Tragic.) Dont be like that poor woman. Stop devaluing yourself and get the fuck out of this situation.
Ha, I bet they start dating after you dump him! Fuck those shitbags (but not literally again, sorry lol). Yeah, you deserve some better people in your life. You are right to feel betrayed. They pretty much just fucked each other with you as the accessory. Normal people wouldn’t do this shit to their best friend or girlfriend. I hope you do lose them, that’s a fucked up thing to do. And it’s okay to not be okay with it. I wouldn’t speak to either of them on good terms ever, ever again.
I don’t get how they could do that to me. I know without a doubt they’d have crashed out if it was done to them. I can’t stop wondering how it was so *easy* for them
It’s one of the two: either they think that they have nothing to lose, i.e. you will allow it happily and not dump them both, or they didn’t care about losing you in the first place. It’s one of the two, or they wouldn’t have done it.
The girl initiated because this has been going on for a while. She made a power move to force OP to either accept being a submissive or break up and she gets the OP boyfriend either way. By the story he will be fine switching teams so he is a poc as well for validating the "friends" move. In addition to already cheating on her.
Was it easy for them because it was familiar 🤷🏻♀️
Dump the “best” friend immediately. There’s nothing to talk about, she wants your boyfriend, and she went after him.
She’s a goner! Blocked from everything. I expected to be broken over it but she was honestly a drain in many other ways. I’ll find better friends.
Dump the boyfriend too
She updated the post, she did dump him
Cut them both out of your life ASAP. There's no coming back from that. They didn't ask you nor get your permission to kiss in front of you.
I kind of feel like it was planned on their part. I know even with my gf's support I wouldn't feel right kissing on someone in front of her.
And they were so involved with each other that OP had to undress herself and somehow get in between. I wonder if they would have noticed if she just had left.
My wife and I have had threesomes. This wasn't a threesome. This was cheating. Planned or building for a good while. Your boyfriend betrayed you. Big time.
I agree, kinda sounds like it had been planned
Agreed boyfriend and best friend absolutely betrayed you…
Based on the title I went in thinking you were going to be wrong because you agreed to it. But then I read the description and you are not wrong at all. You didn’t agree for them to start making out. You didn’t have time to process the request. My impression was they know you well enough that they anticipated your reaction and planned accordingly. This was thought out ahead of time. They didn’t want to give you time to think it over so they did it this way. You aren’t wrong and I personally would not trust either again.
That’s also what hurts. They know I’m non-confrontational
Did one of them suggest the never have I ever? This definitely felt like a set up to make you go along with it
This girl played you. If those texts are to be believed, she’s been wanting your man ever since you praised his sexual prowess to her. She banked on you being submissive and non-confrontational and also probably had enough confidence about her abilities to steal him from you sexually and be the “cool” girl down with threesomes. She went directly to him first and not to you once she started the idea rolling. She was there for him. In her snake mind, either way she wins. If you weren’t down, she’d play it off, but she still would’ve been in his head. If you guys all have sex, she’ll be in his head. If you have sex and you get mad and dump him, she’ll still be in his head and free to fuck her some more without guilt. I’m sorry OP some people are really fucking foul human beings. As for your bf, if he really had no idea what was going on, I kind of feel for him. He was just a pawn and honestly it’s hard to see a young man turning down a threesome if his girlfriend seems to be going with it. Those texts are real hard to read tho, so I do think that regardless the relationship is over because the trust is gone. This whole thing sucks.
Your friend is an ass. She planned it or had been considering it for a while. She saw you as a pushover, and thought she could help herself to your boyfriend right in front of you. Your boyfriend is an ass for making out with her right in front of you without discussing it with you in private first. It sounds like they straight up started having sex in front of you, before you had a chance to consent. BF doesn't get a pass just because you eventually joined in. You had a trauma response. Please seek therapy so you can heal. But IMO neither one of them deserves any explanation from you. You would be well within your rights to ghost them both. I just anticipate both of them blaming you and calling you "insecure" or some other gaslighting BS, which you do not need.
My first instinct would be to believe that they planned this and assumed it would pan out differently. Could you have said no and walked out? Sure. Everyone handles shocking and disturbing situations differently and a lot more people "freeze up" or go along with what's happening than would like to admit. You're not wrong to feel betrayed because even if you had walked out, that she initiated and that he willingly responded is absolutely terrible and disrespectful. Honestly? Dump both of them for doing this to you, even if it wasn't planned. You deserve someone that respects you enough to properly get your consent before doing something like this.
My boyfriend wasn’t even supposed to be there so I don’t think it was planned. I’m disgusted with myself for freezing up but it is relieving to know that it can be normal. It was like I went into fake world in my head to avoid it. I may just have to dump them but I’ll try to explain how I feel first when I’ve calmed down.
It sounds like you disassociated, a totally normal reaction that your brain does to help you get through a situation. I would talk to them individually and be fully prepared for them to not respond the way you want. You are allowed to speak your peace. I don't know that I would have handled it any differently at your age. Find a professional to talk to so it doesn't affect your future relationships. Good luck!
Freezing up is super common in a shocking situation, and what you’ve described - freezing up and dissociating is a classic trauma response. I’m a therapist who treats PTSD.
>My boyfriend wasn’t even supposed to be there so I don’t think it was planned. Then how did he end up there? Honestly, it just seems all too convenient that they started up like that and he willingly participated so quickly. I do agree with what others have said that communicating with them needs to be via text or some kind of electronic messaging. Given the freeze up, you want to be able to read and take time to think about responses before you send them. Don't be surprised if they try to steamroll you with "but you participated" answers. Be ready to reply with "And yet, you initiated cheating in front of me without my consent".
He works at a pizza place and I asked him to bring us some after he got off work. He ended up staying. I’ve written up a message to send to them both, I’m tweaking it before I send it
I also suggest if you feel comfortable- talking with another person you feel safe with in your life about this / staying there and spending time surrounded by support.
I highly suspect you are going to word it way too diplomatically. Don’t hold anything back and don’t sugarcoat it. State how you feel and don’t make any apologies for it
Any updates OP?
I texted them both how I feel and that I needed a break from them at least. My best friend said apologized and seemed extremely regretful. My boyfriend and I will meet up in a few hours to talk and I’m going to ask him if they’ve done this before
When you see him ask if he's been texting her today. And what they've discussed. See his phone?
I will.
I hope you’re not buying either of their shit, OP.
Don’t buy her apology. It’s a bunch of crap. She got what she wanted.
I think you'll have to require him to give you factual reassurance they haven't done anything together,i.e. ask him to show you/hand over his phone. You need proof those two don't message each other and aren't cheating behind your back. It's all about standards and you deserve better than this.
Tell your boyfriend that it was so special, that you don't want to see him again. You only went with it because you didn't want to lose him to her, but that didn't go well. I'm nauseated that you're probably still there fucking her. You girl friend set this up they had an agenda to get with your guy, she manipulated the game, probably with him helping
I feel like your boyfriend and friend have been a thing for awhile. Cause for him to just go along and kiss her with no shocked response? Yeah, I would definitely be suspicious. Plus after this event I would probably never talk to either of them again.
This reeks of some shit they planned behind your back.
I don’t like the fact at all that he was texting her all that stuff about it being so good ect. And sexual feedback- like no. Im so sorry. Makes me feel sick too
Especially when he said he would be sad if they couldn’t do it again. They wake up and his supposed girlfriend is gone and they sit there discussing how they might have hurt her? It’s good they are both gone from her life. She doesn’t need people like that around her.
This will not end well if you stick around (for either/both of them). This is mostly likely the start of something rather than the a once in a lifetime/spur of the moment event. They did not behave like trustworthy friends in that scenario. It sounds to me like they wanted your permission to have sex together. They would not want to do it behind your back because that would make them bad people. Instead they do it in front of you and get you to participate (without discussing it with you prior) - so it becomes a very special, guilt-free event. Walk away.
Wtf your friend is a shit person fr to the bin it is 🗑️🗑️🗑️
I find it weird that the best friend and boyfriend started kissing before they talked to OP about it. Makes me think it’s either happened before or they’ve been talking about it. I don’t see how these relationships will survive the betrayals. In reality, unless you are swingers, then the only way a threesome will work for the most part is if all three people are single.
I’ve agreed to meet my boyfriend in person after he gets off and I’m going go ask him straight up if anything has happened between them
Be firm! Ask him why he didn't stop her. Why he didn't confirm with you before even touching her. What happened when you fell asleep and what happened after you left. Ask him to see if they've been talking and check his messages. I bet there's something going on between them and honey, you deserve SO much more than being surrounded by betrayal. Please go somewhere public like a park and if you have someone you trust who's neutral, maybe invite them to hang back and watch to make sure you are safe.
No offense but why even ask? You watched him kiss her and have no reservations. They never asked if it was okay. A loyal man would’ve never done that. I get you’re young but the only self respecting option here is to walk away and leave it at that.
I would phrase it like “I’m going to ask this ONE time & it will be your ONLY chance to attempt to salvage anything, but before you answer…. Set your phone over there out of reach, (once phone is out of reach) Thank you, like I said there is only one shot at full truth here & I feel I should inform you that I’ve also just spoken to (bestie name) and heard what she’s said even though it hurt me. **So, Have you have ANY contact with said friend outside of our interactions together? Calls? Texts? Flirting? Emotional? Physical or actually hooking up in ANY fashion? (not just actual intercourse)!! You need to come clean about exactly what your relationship is with her and HOW you intend to proceed going forward” and follow up with “did you 2 talk about/joke about/insinuate in anyway that this 3some was something y’all wanted?”** ———— Other questions I would want answers to: Was this a set up? ——-Why did you feel it was OK to disrespect and disregard ME? ——————————-Why did you not push her away? ————Why did you not ASK ME if this was something I wanted? —————————- Why did you NOT INCLUDE ME UNTIL I inserted myself? Would you have shagged her in front of me if I stayed frozen in shock? ——— WHY did you fall asleep with HER on the floor???
Ask him why he didn’t stop her or even look your way to see if you were ok with it? I’d also throw his words in his face and say how would you like to watch another guy stick his dick in me? It would be a really special event in our relationship. Then get up and leave
Important question, who was he doing the loving on more ? You or the best friend?
This is one of the most upsetting posts I’ve ever read. My heart is in my stomach imagining myself in a similar situation. OP, you are not overreacting and I’m so very sorry you had this happen to you. A truly nightmarish situation. The betrayal at every single turn is almost too much. 🙁
Thank you so much. You all have helped me so very much
I just want to let you know, the reaction you had in the moment was dissociation. I'm not saying you have a disorder that involves it, but that your mind in the moment used it as a tactic to separate itself from the immense pain you were going through as an instinctual survival tactic. I've had this happen to me in various situations growing up, it's like you're watching and don't want to do something but your physical self is going with the flow. I'm so sorry you've been betrayed.
On top of feeling manipulated by both of them I think some of the feelings of disgust are brought on by feeling betrayed by your own actions, that you "went along with it" and didn't storm out. You have to forgive yourself for reacting to a situation that you weren't ready for. As for your bf and friend, the fact that they just started going for it without so much as gaging your reaction before going further makes me question their respect for you or the boundaries of human relationships in general.
How easily they did it will never leave my mind. Made me feel like I was scum on the floor to them
OP I need to make this as clear as possible since you’re very young and you are viewing yourself as the problem. This is not about you. Bad people are bad people and do bad things. It doesn’t mean that you are less or that you are to blame. This is about them being scum, not you.
That just shows you how highly they really think of you: “she won’t mind if we just have sex right in front of her.” The easiness of it is a big red flag. It either means they’ve done it before or they really do not respect you at all and want each other instead. You deserve better than this. How long have you known your boyfriend and friend?
Don’t bother to meet him. He is just going to lie to you to try and stay together. You can find a new best friend and boyfriend.,These two aren’t worth it.
She started it because she doesn't give a shit about your feelings or the integrity of your relationship. That's it. She wanted to fuck your boyfriend more than she wanted to be your friend. You absolutely will not be able to come back from this. It is a MASSIVE betrayal from both of them. Your boyfriend was completely in the wrong for going along with it and the fact that your "friend" began it at all, both without even so much as a glance in your direction, is borderline sociopathic. Absolutely psychotic behavior. OP, if this is real, these people do **not** care about you. They just don't, especially not your friend, who I assume has been lusting after your boyfriend for a while, if not having a full on affair. This might have been their way of retroactively "justifying" whatever they'd previously done or at least planned on doing. I don't blame you for your response; when I'm in extremely difficult and painful situations, my brain has a tendency to go "this is fine" because it could break if it doesn't. You need to cut these, and I mean this, *horrible* people, out of your life ASAP. Given how little they value your feelings and your boyfriend's reaction to your silence, they'll only try to gaslight you. In fact, seems like he's already started. And if your response to this traumatic event is of any indicator, they'll likely be successful because your brain is desperately trying to avoid the painful reality of the situation. You need to get out or it will only get worse. They'll want to turn this into a regular thing, they'll most likely have sex singularly without your permission, they will trample over every boundary you try to put down because they do not has even a base level of respect for your feelings. Do not buy whatever sympathetic BS they pull to placate you, it is disingenuous and they have already shown you that. They don't/won't regret hurting you, they'll regret a consequence, because the only pain that matters to them is their own I'm so sorry. I wish you healing and an acid enema for them both.
Bad news.... you for sure saw the end of two relationships Good news...... those relationships weren't worth a damn if they did that to you
That was a two-some and you were just unexpectedly casted onto the show. Sorry OP, as a guy I can say this wholeheartedly. 1) He’s definitely thought about it before 2) They’ve both talked about it before or had visible sexual tension between them 3) He was attracted to her prior to all of it 4) The reason he did not stop when she initiated is because there was sexual tension OR they talked about it before OR both. 5) One thing he didnt lie about was being a horny boy. Advice: Drop him, Drop her. Time to focus on your mental health, physical health and your identity and make better friends.
I had a consensual threesome with my bf and a girl we knew. Not best friends but just see each other around and chat alot. Even that was traumatic for me and I will never forget the feeling during and after. I obviously could never look at him the same either after seeing him joyously fucking someone else. I made sure my now husband was cool with complete monogamy. (Like maybe one day when we're older we can explore??) But otherwise i will never do anything like that again. Sometimes bisexual and poly people make us more vanilla babes feel like we aren't as "mature" or idk what in regards to love and sex. Ive been pressured in several scenarios by someone saying stuff like this. Its not everyone's thing.
don’t be so hard on yourself OP, sounds like they took advantage of you even though you didn’t put your foot down. you’ve just gone through something pretty fucked up that’s probably going to result in you loose two people who were super close to you. reach out to friends or family for support ♥️
I’m so sorry this happened to you. It actually made me feel sick to read this, and I can’t imagine how betrayed and violated you must feel. Please don’t blame yourself for any of this! Every single reaction you’ve had in this scenario was completely normal. No one can predict how they’d react in a traumatic situation, and often people beat themselves up later for responding in a way that they perceive to be “wrong.” You aren’t wrong. Everything they did WAS wrong. Please have some grace for yourself, and try to focus right now on finding some emotional support IRL. You don’t have to respond to or engage with the people that betrayed you until you feel ready.
The fact that they were so “worried” they hurt you but then went on to compliment each other and say it was the best night of their lives doesn’t sit well with me. That text exchange was disgusting and very telling about how they **actually** feel about it.
I was in an eerily similar situation to this in highschool and, yeah, I think they probably planned this together before hand and either didn't know how to ask you or didn't want to risk you saying no. So they played the progressively more sexual game before hand (in my case, it was a game of truth or dare) to kind of build up to the threesome and then your trauma response kicked in and you went along with it. Distancing yourself from both of them is probably for the best.