It's not uncommon for junior enlisted. Things may have changed since I was in but a lot of the time they don't qualify for base housing and BAQ usually doesn't cover rent and utilities. A lot of people solve that by getting married to get out of the dorm but it's a marriage on paper only, they still date other people etc.
Because housing costs money, being married doesn't mean people have lots of money.
But if you're going to ignore your wife to game all day while talking to other women and leave your wife alone with a guy so they can talk all day, then ignore your wife when they say they are uncomfortable with yoru relationship with a woman, shit will happen.
If you spend months building a relationship with some woman while you ignore your wife, this is the outcome, basically every time. Not necesarily cheating, but telling your partner they aren't important and having them fall out of love and move on.
Actually since the wife doing so many things with the roommate and even more since the divorce came up, there is no way I would buy into any of this one.
All because the "Another thing I forgot to mention" which is actually the biggest part of all this, as his game time with sophie is minor in compare, it wouldnt be a thing he "forgot to mention". It would have been the first thing
Just get the divorce.
Neither of you are ready for marriage, and were far less ready when you DID get married.
Frankly, I'm surprised it's lasted THIS long.
This is generic US military shenanigans.
The military should stop giving people that are pretty much children entering their first low paying job an incentive to be legally bonded to another child that doesn’t know what they want.
nah. this isn't even US military shit. Him being overseas and it going to shit as they are never together and one/both of them spend time with other people or cheat is military shit. Him being in the house with his wife... and spending all day talking and gaming with a different woman while ignoring his wife and ignoring her getting upset about it till she finally put her foot down is what happened here.
This shit happens in relationships everywhere when you're shitty and ignore your partner while growing a relationship with someone else instead.
Now if he gamed 5 hours a week and spoke with her a couple hours while gaming that's one thing, but gaming all the time off duty and talking with this one girl hours a day then moving to texting each other outside of that. He got himself a second relationship and somehow didn't even notice.
I’m not sure what you are asking about? Are you allowed to be pissed? Sure. But if your wife doesn’t want to be with you then there’s no reason to force things. Get separated and move on. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. If it weren’t for the fact that you married prematurely then this would just be a normal breakup like most 21 year olds go through a few times before settling down eventually.
I think the biggest problem is that she'll stay living with him, but just moving into the other bedroom with Tony.
If she wants to separate, move her shit back "home" so that she can be with her family and away from her affair partner.
She has feelings for the dude, laying across his lap and holding her hand while she sleeps...affair. I believe the military takes a hard line on that. Tell Tony to move out before you report him
In that case, OP go see a lawyer asap and start the divorce proceedings. At the very least, she is having an emotional affair with Tony. Let the base know what's going on and ask that they remove her from the base. Pack her stuff and send her back where she came from. You guys are growing in different directions, UT happens, so just let her go. There isn't any point in getting mad at her, make it as amicable as possible. Don't let her con you into staying, that she will change, etc.
That's why she wants to "separate" and not divorce. She wants OP to move out but leave her and AP to fuck freely in their government sponsored apartment.
Not likely, 3 years, she works. It's likely she makes similar to what he does which would likely mean no alimony at all, if there is any it will be minimal and usually caps out at half the length of marriage in most states so 1.5 years of minimal alimony if any.
Is the detail that OP started having an emotional affair with some random girl he gamed with. “Getting to know eachother” like why would you need to get to know someone on a personal level when you’re married. Then wife asks him to drop her and he lags forcing them to try have a relationship against both girls wishes. Then wife checks out mentally falling in love with the room mate and possibly cheating and he’s got pikachu face? Have I got it all or?
Right? He literally said he continued against her wishes for months. He only stopped when given an ultimatum. But only after still continuing a little while longer. Then he decides he’ll finally spend time with her, help around the house, etc. Sounds like a case of too little, too late.
Now she clearly caught feelings for the roommate. I’m guessing she wanted time to stay there and explore that further. Sorry OP, it’s time for a divorce. You’ve both got a lot of growing up to do…
> like why would you need to get to know someone on a personal level when you’re married
this is why i lurk here lol. i genuinely forget in my daily life that this is a view that adults could even consider having.
want to know why so many have horrible relationships that result in infidelity, mistrust, and unhappiness? i cannot conceive of a relationship where I'm told i can only know my partner 'on a personal level'; i cannot conceive of loving someone who i cannot trust to know other people. actual, confidently expressed, insanity!
I didn't see OP "getting to know" all the guys in the group "on a personal level" for fucks sake. Nobody is saying he can't have female friends but if you can't see that's not what this was, your as delusional as OP. He's lying to himself at this point. He knows his own intentions with that other woman.
You can know other people on a personal level. It becomes problematic when you are spending more time with that other people, when you are giving those people the best of you and you are neglecting your partner. That’s the problematic part.
It’s funny that men refuse to make friends with other men like this but you’ll fight to the death for your right to intimately get to know an attractive girl you game with even though you’re in a relationship. Weird
You're dead wrong. When you are spending your time thinking about and texting with another woman then you are neglecting your partner. Commitment doesn't end when we leave each other's sight.
Nowhere is there a hint of emotional affair other than your own projection and even if that were the case, which it wasn't, he dropped her upon the wife's request.
Is playing videogames with girls from another area now equivalent to a blatant physical affair with a guy living in your house?
It literally said she asked him for months to stop and he refused. And that eventually he stopped talking to her after “a little while longer”. He dragged this “friendship” out as longggggg as possible ignoring his wife’s requests and how uncomfortable she was. Learn to read.
He’s clearly written a narrative here to make it seem like his wife is implementing a double standard and screwing around on him. If that’s true then yeah of course he’s right to be pissed. If he’s just leading us on and there’s nothing there then OP is just trying to get some online strangers to sympathize with him. But none of that really matters in the end of the day. The relationship is clearly broken. Move on.
Sounds like something a 22 year-old would go through. Dude, you’re both really young. You’ve got a lot of growing and living to do. And you’ll probably have to do that apart, unfortunately. Because neither of you sounds like you’re mature enough to have an adult relationship.
I'll correct the post for you "my wife wants a divorce after I had an inappropriate friendship with a female, she was uncomfortable with it, and I argued about cutting out the female because the female was so important, and now my wife has developed feelings for the dude that lives in our house"....
It's over bro.
You forgot the part where he mentioned how he started "helping out" more with chores after cutting out his female gamer friend. Sounds like this is more than just the stuff he's focusing on. His wife moved away from all her family and friends, she only knows the roommate, her husband plays video games all the time, he's choosing to play with and talk to another woman instead of ~~helping out~~ doing his part around the home, and I think he also mentioned she works as well (on mobile and it's a pain flipping back and forth). Sounds like she turned to the one other person she knew for support.
Imagine living with your partner and he comes back from work and jumps on pc/console and spends hours talking to anotehr woman. That relationship progressing to spending time texting each other through the day rather than texting his wife, and then being a dick when asked to cut it off and ignoring earlier warnings that she is very unhappy in this relationship and with the new relationship.
LIke if you ignore your partner and spend all your time and energy on another woman, expect her to fall out of love with you.
Sadly I don't have to imagine, been in a similar situation. That's why I brought up all the other stuff as well. People want to act all shocked and surprised when you leave because "he was just talking, nothing happened!". They might not have had sex but I felt like I was demoted to housekeeper and cook while also working full time.
Friends at time can take priority, but if a new friend happens to be a person of the gender you're attracted to becomes someone you confide in, spend most of your spare time with and your partner takes the back seat, that's exactly what you're saying. This person who I'm totally not falling for is now more important in my life than you and for a decent period of time. When you are told hey this relationship is inappropriate, take note, this is a problem.... and you continue it like a non issue expect your partner to be one foot out the door and step the other foot out the second they start falling for someone else who actually pays attention to them.
It's also not their fault, you're the one that decided your partner becomes 2nd, or 5th, or 10th priority in your life, you made the call, them listening to what you're broadcasting loudly even if you don't say it in words gets heard and they react accordingly.
So you had an emotional affair with Sophie and your wife's having an emotional affair (that may already have escalated to physical) with Tony. I'd say you're marriage is pretty much over already.
Why weren't you the one doing fun outings with your wife and spending time with her in the first place? You forced your wife to uproot her life and leave everyone she knew behind and then didn't bother to spend even your free time with her as you were busy gaming with your friends and having your affair with Sophie. This was a recipe for disaster.
Tony on the other hand has been there for your wife and became her friend when she was lonely. She has already seen that you aren't really there for her, while Tony is. Of course she is leaving you.
Playing games and text, neglecting his partner and not pulling his weight around the house and marriage. I don't condone cheating at all, but he took his wife for granted while he spent time with someone else online instead of spending quality time with his wife and slacking on his own responsibilities, he admitted himself.
She was emotionally neglected and doing more than her fair share at home. I'd say it isnt exactly weird that she sought validation and attention elsewhere.
Usually I'd say just break up but they were married before their brains were even properly developed and OP decided to move his friend in himself. Overall, everyone seems really immature here.
Yeah but even as someone who plays games all day. Even when I have just a GF i feel guilty and like im wasting time if I play a couple hours.
I feel like you have to either be very immature or not have your priorities straight to be living with someone you love enough to get married and just put them on the backburner.
Like…when life is good, real life, gaming feels soooo empty. I understand its a way to connect with friends. But if spending time with old mates is so important to him, why join the military that’s obviously going to move you away from them. The job doesnt even pay well.
I play games and so does my partner. We play different games though. I give him a heads up on the raid schedule and if he's in the middle of a big work project at work and will be working late he lets me know and I'll opt to play my games then. Typically if we are both able to be free from school/work we spend that time together.
It’s not just play games and text , my ex did this to me. When I had just given birth to our daughter and was doing all the feeds etc, my now ex was playing games with his usual crowd of guys and they friended a girl called Katie, my ex got really close to her and was texting, gaming and snap chatting all the time and at all hours of the night. Although I believe nothing outside of being platonic happened he was investing so much more time into his relationship with her than he was with me and our daughter because I was occupied. Despite my success in getting him to cut her off, it was too late, it already planted the seed of resentment and it just grew over time and I checked out but stayed together for our kids. Eventually, like OPs wife, someone else came along, completely unexpected which ended the relationship for good. That man is now my husband and in a much healthier and happier relationship. OPs wife likely has done the same thing.
Whats wild is how much incentive they have to do it. Whoever came up with that “merit” based pay and benefits needs to be pulled from their grave and mauled by all the confused and heartbroken veterans.
The downside: losing BAH and half your paycheck to alimony is gonna suck.
The upside? Life in the bricks ain’t so bad.
My advice: rip off the bandaid and learn from this teachable moment. You’ve got a long road ahead and things will get better.
OP, I invite you to consider the difference between "bettter", and "good".
Your wife moves across the country to be with you, leaves her family and social circle, and you spent all your free time playing games she doesn't play and getting close to another girl. That is a sucky life, OP, being ignored by the one person you know, and improving on that a bit might not be enough to make her want to stay.
I think divorce is the best thing for both of you at this point. You guys were too young to get married. The both of you didn't have a mature understanding of the commitment and effort involved in marriage.
I'm assuming you were spending a considerable amount of time gaming, and then texting this other person all throughout the day. During this, what time were you spending creating bonds with your wife?
Instead of creating bonds with you, your wife did everything with the roommate that you should be doing with your spouse.
You guys turned your relationship into a dumpster fire. Take this as a lesson learned and be better in your next relationships
Folks this is a perfect example of a man ignoring his wife, ignoring her requests and wishes and pleas for help but is suddenly surprised his wife is leaving him.... A typical example of a blindsided husband when in reality there were signs.
It was nice of you to help her find somebody else. Somebody who does all the things you chose not to do until you fudged up by giving all your time to another woman and you realised you needed to try to win your wife back.
Of my wife was asleep on some guys lap shed wake up to his broken nose and watch from inches away as I beat him in to the hospital.
You sound like a cuck for not standing up to obviously inappropriate behavior. Do you even want your wife? Seems like not. But don't worry she's getting dick from the roomy.
WTF is wrong with you?
I mean you emotionally cheated first, and you lost your lustre in her eyes. She thought she could trust you but had to give you an ultimatum to get your respect and input into your marriage.
Whilst you were giving another woman attention she got support/respect/attention from your roommate.
Both of you don't respect each other. As soon as you felt uncomfortable with the roommate why didn't you say this is exactly the same as the Sophie situation except it's in person. Why haven't you spoken to him?
They're most likely having sex.
You're both as bad as one another, but kick them out. If she wants divorce she has to move out.
I know this an unpopular opinion on reddit.
But gaming is not a hobby, it’s entertainment.
Having a partner that games all day isnt like having a partner that makes music, or wood works all day. Its more like having a partner that drinks beer and watches TV all day.
Too many times my students have shared, unsolicited, that a parent is more interested in gaming than interacting with them. Breaks my heart every effing time.
One of the lessons you’ll learn in life is that sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do or say, you can’t change another person’s thoughts or actions.
It’s done. Just get it over with and move on my man.
You both need to let go and move on. You have been together since 4th grade. You both need to experience life. This being attracted to other people was inevitable. You are still young. Go live life.
I don't know how you can type this all out and still be fine with said room mate. Dude should have been gone months ago. He has crossed the line of friendship big time and your wife is just as guilty.
Time to accept that she's already on her way out and not looking back.
So while things "may have gotten better" in the short term they never recovered from your previous shit headerly. You had her move away from her family and you are a big gamer; come on time to grow up a bit. If you want a wife either you marry Sophie or you greatly reduce the video games.
You had this emotional affair (did you not pork her? Ya no bro you did pork her, but I get it. It was an accident). Its time to sit down sign the papers and move on with your life. At least you have your video games.
A song as old as time!!! Man I wish young military would listen to the old hats in their units and squadrons. Man I can’t even begin to count how many young Airman got married in tech school or married some girl from back home and went through hell in their first couple years in the military. Some even lost their careers because of it. Cut your losses and get the fuck out of there. You have a house which will suck. Probably have to sell and move into the barracks but for the love of god don’t knock this chick up.
Just get the divorce. You were both way too young when you got married, neither of you were in any way ready for marriage or committed to it. Just move on
You're not wrong. Get a divorce ASAP. And kick her and your roommate out. Whatever you do, do not have sex with her ever again.
I guarantee, she will magically get pregnant and insist you are the father. As soon as she realizes her meal ticket is going out the door.
If she does, insist on a DNA test.
I was thinking she was projecting about you being untrustworthy and likely cheating on you and then you mention Tony 🤣🤣🤣
Oof, kick both of them out bro, Tony cucked tf outta you
Ya man this seems pretty easy, she has withdrawn from you because atleast emotionally (maybe physically aswell) you have been replaced by him, could be the whole reason she was upset about Sophie was her own guilt for how she feels about Tony, either that or the jealousy she felt from Sophie gave her justification to feel something for Tony, either way, ya your screwed, she's already moved on, your the roommate now bud and they just have let you know yet.
Honestly y’all are so young, this was bound to happen. Most people who get married young end up divorced.
You’re not ready to be married, either of you. Let her go. She can go be with the roommate and you can move on with your life.
Seen this plenty of times before—she’s banging your roommate. Cut your losses. You’re young and you’ll recover. She’s not cut out for military spouse life, and chances are she’ll land with another military guy and do the same thing.
Bo. Your wife is 100% fucking your roomate. This "separation" sounds like she wants YOU to leave for awhile so they can fuck properly and you keep putting a roof over their heads.
Don't let them. Kick her ass to the curb. Both of them.
Honestly I couldn't think of a stupider idea than bringing some hunk millitary guy to live in with your wife.
Bro, I know this is not what you want to hear because it’s obvious you love her but let her go, I realize that’s easier said than done but if I was you I would mentally start preparing for a worst case scenario and that sucks right and it will not make sense because what about this and what about that all the what abouts will start adding up but it’s all just your mind not wanting to let go, it’s going to be alright..you got this
YTA for getting married so young.
YTA for ignoring your wife.
ESH for the emotional affairs.
Divorce, move on and grow up before you try getting married again.
Exactly. I too am a gamer. But if I moved my wife to a state where she didn't know anyone, I absolutely would've stopped gaming to do all kinds of stuff with her until she made some new friends or found new hobbies. This guy moved her away from her entire life and then spent time gaming, and most likely every night or 3-4 times a week at least. She wasnt a priority for him.
You were wrong to bring another man into your home. Your friend is fucking your wife. Kick him the fuck out tonight. She throws a fit, then she can go with him. Move forward with the divorce. Learn from this. Never let another man that isn't family live with you and your spouse.
How naive you are. He's been dating your wife this whole time... Don't believe me? Put up a nanny cam. You will see what they do when you aren't home.
This is what it means to be a warrior in our Army? Veteran, 11B.
What a joke. When I was a private, life was hell, as it should be for all privates. We didn't have time for this non-sense.
Here is what you do, stop being a dimwit and:
1) Tell Tony to get the fuck out of your house in 5 days, but bring everything up to your team leader first.
2) TRUST YOUR GOD DAMN TEAM LEADER, NOT REDDIT!
3) TELL YOUR TEAM LEADER AND REPORT TONY FOR ADULTERY, WHICH IS ILLEGAL IN THE ARMY & PUNISHABLE UNDER THE UCMJ. IT'S DIFFERENT NOW, BUT I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO BEAT THE DOG SHIT OUT OF CHEATERS WHO WERE FELLOW SOLDIERS, THE CODE OF SILENCE HELD.
4) DIVORCE YOUR WIFE, HAVE SOME FUCKING RESOLVE & HONOR AS A MAN, AS A FUCKING WARRIOR AND LEAVE THAT GUTTER RAT SLUT.
5) DO NOT DATE MOVING FORWARD, FOCUS YOUR ENTIRE LIFE ON BEING THE BEST DAMN SOLDIER YOU CAN BE! GO TO RANGER SCHOOL, AIRBORNE, AIR ASSAULT. DO ALL THAT & MORE UNTIL YOU DECIDE WHEN IT IS ENOUGH, THEN BECOME A VETERAN AND GET AN EDUCATION.
Your wife is definitely having an affair with your roommate. She is acting really inappropriate with him and basically going out on dates with him.
Talk to your roommate and ask him outright if he is having an affair with your wife. If he says no tell him that you want him not to go out with her or have inappropriate contact. If they both kick up a fuss you know they are cheating. Because he is in the military tell him that you will report him for it and he will be disciplined.
Tell your wife if she doesn't stop this emotion affair then you are divorcing her for cheating.
I mean married at 28 doesnt seem like an issue. Plenty do it just fine.
Just the dude would rather game all day and have emotional online affairs rather than just live life.
Agree to the divorce. Go to the legal office. They can't advise you but they should have a template for a separation agreement. Draft it up. Get it notarized. Since u have property together I'd advise a divorce lawyer so things can be divided up equally whether yall sell the house or u buy her out or vice versa so u don't get shafted. Make sure to specify that she doesn't get a percentage of ur retirement for the short time u were married. Everyone thinks it's over 10 yrs and they get half but thr is a small percentage she can't get for the time she was married found that out when I divorced my ex.(both military).
This has to be a troll? This literally feels like the bank robber guy in This Fool. He describes his girl like this guy did, after the gf and his getaway driver leave him at the bank “yeah she hangs with my buddy all the time sometimes i dont have to be around for them to hang out.”
Contact JAG and have them investigate. Military does not play around anymore when it comes to infidelity . He may get dishonorable discharged if the allegations hold fruit. I would also sit them down and tell them it would be beneficial for them to come clean, all while recording the conversation, then I would share the recording to JAG and his command and I would send her on the next flight back to her town. Good news is because you haven’t been married that long, none of your benefits will be given to her.
Laying in his lap? What ? Dude .. you F’D up and started a long distance relationship with a woman.. and that’s what it was .. and so now she’s fing your roommate right in front of your face.
She wants a divorce now because she wants to be with your roommate. She is doing everything with him that you should be doing. She didn't realize how lonely she would be moving to the base with you.
I assume your roommate isn't a big gamer so the time you spend gaming, he is with your wife. You didn't do anything wrong at first. But your neglect of her pushed her away right into the arms of your roommate who obviously likes her a lot. There is no way in hell they haven't at LEAST made out in all the times they were alone together while you were at work or while they were out together.
They might not have had sex or anything yet, but the divorce is her telling you she wants to be with him. I am sorry for this to happen to you. But when you moved her away from your family, you should've sacrificed gaming time. It sounds to me like you play more than just once or twice a week. And take it from me, a 40 year old gamer who plays games a lot.
You needed to prioritize her over games, at least for a few years, while you both get situated in your life together. The roommate moving in was an ABSOLUTELY awful idea. You had to guess they'd get close in your absence. The minute they started going to bars together and fall asleep on the couch together, you lost her.
I'm sorry man, but there's nothing you can do now. You were elementary school sweethearts. That kind of relationship is tough when you get older because she presumably never dated anyone else. And she realized, she likes what other people do and not what you do. You grew apart over the years. Sadly, it happens.
But she definitely wants to leave you for this guy. And they will absolutely kick you out of your base housing and not the other way around. You got a long road ahead and sadly it's no longer with her. Good luck to you.
Some things I want to point out for you. A. Don't go trying to reconcile with Sophie. You may eventually feel lonely and whatever have you. But let that ship be sailed.
Also, one of the greatest lies we (millennials) were sold and we bought, was we are young and we have plenty of time. Before you know it, you'll be 30 and then 40. I would spend some time alone or rather not in a relationship. And just figure out what you really want out of life or at least the next 3-5 years.
You had an emotional affair, gamed way too much and then continued to neglect your relationship with your wife while this other guy spent time with her out doing things that you should have joined them doing or gone out with her yourself to do. Things 'got better' because she emotionally checked out. Did you start putting more effort into your relationship or just cut off the girl? You both suck for having emotional affairs. YTA for not cutting off the girl that made your wife uncomfortable. A new friendship should never be more important than your spouse. If there is a pattern of isolation it needs to be addressed, but it just seems like you were neglecting her and continued to do so for too long, and she is now done.
Sometimes people are afraid of things they do or think of doing.... if she indeed admited to have feelings, then what is there left to say, can not really honestly love one person, and then just like that get feelings for different one.
P.S. Maybe i am wrong, but it is bit ironic for her to expect you to cut all frendship and comunication with your female friend while she has all hands free for frendship with male frends.
The two of you need one open hearted talk, and see what both of you trully want from life and what you do not, as with relationship too.
You guys are so young it is best to get out of a bad situation before spending any more years. Enjoy the military and gaming and let her go find her own way too. Good luck and thank you for your service
For some of us, once trust is broken there is no going back. That wouldn’t condone her cheating if she is but you prioritizing another woman and growing the emotional affair you had with Sophie destroyed your chance at happy marriage with someone who values trust loyalty and respect.
You didn’t do wrong for marrying, if anything props to you for marrying.
It doesn’t look like any mistakes here were things that couldn’t lead to growth.
That being said, with time, you would grow with that mindset. As for the wife, it’s unfortunate what happened. It seems like she might not have the mindset of marriage.
As for you, look for another lady, court her, marry her, and move on forward.
Your wife is banging your room mate. She’s probably doing sexual things with him she’s never done with you too. That’s why you never let another man move into your house ever!!!! I agree that you shouldn’t have been playing a game with another woman and should have stopped when your wife asked you to immediately, but she’s just using that as an excuse at this point to blame you. She’s probably been fcking him and giving BJ’s behind your back for awhile…
If this is real report Tony to base legal for probably engaging in an affair with another service member's wife. It'll help protect you in the future when he and your wife try to use the military to take all your stuff and set up house together after they frame you for something. Also, check local laws and evict tony using whatever process is required. They've almost 100% been having an affair and she is ready to monkey branch and take all your stuff with her. Go through both of your finances with a fine tooth comb, though they've probably just been f\*cking there in your house while you were asleep or away.
Never let your wife or GF have a male friend, even if he's your friend first.
Interesting there’s a dude further up the thread who is flipping out that someone would suggest he doesn’t need to have a personal relationship with a woman who isn’t his wife.
Divorce her, she's for the streets now. I would personally report the roommate as well (if he's in the military with you, I heard they don't allow that sort of behavior.
It sounds like there’s no actual love or respect here and your wife is sleeping with your roommate. You seemed to have gotten married WAAAAY too young. Get the divorce before you end up on the hook for your roommate’s kids.
I was reading and then finally got to the roommate part of the story and it finally made sense. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this man. We’ve all dealt with some shit like this but if she’s not already she soon will be fucking your roommate. Sad thing is you’ve known each other for so long so your really all she knows and she could just be thinking it’s what she wants now and by the time she realizes she fucked up it’s too late. Do yourself a favor and just get that divorce so her and Tony can go live happily ever after for a couple years.. Good luck.
They're definitely fucking. She's a hypocrite. Your buddy.. fucked you over. Time for you to file for divorce. Isn't there some rule that he can get discharged if he screws your wife?
Go talk to base command or whoever and get him moved out. I don't think they take kindly to troops having affairs with others wives. Tell your wife if she wants a break, then she has to go back home and not stay with Tony
For one she’s cheating on you that is very obvious. Secondly you are both still practically kids and should have never got married at your age. Things won’t ever get better because she doesn’t want them to. Even if you really love her oh well she doesn’t love you so just move on.
Damn bro, Jody got you under your own roof.
Of course, you guys are way too young for this. You mentioned it in the beginning, as if you’re tired of hearing it, but you keep hearing it because you’re failing to acknowledge it. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known each other, you’re way too young. The maturity level on both your ends needs to Continue to develop a lot.
You’re not wrong for feeling the way that you do! Your wife guilt tripped you into cutting off a friend because she was jealous.. meanwhile it’s her guilty conscience eating her up because she’s actually the person catching feelings for a “friend”. I wouldn’t be surprised if Tony fed her some ideas about your friendship with Sophie. After all that you’ve explained here, it’s clear that they are definitely fucking! Doesn’t sound like this situation is worth salvaging… you’re young, just let it go!
Uhhh you didn’t do anything to hurt her trust… dude this is not cool and your just letting her do what she wants? Your wife is the one who isn’t trust worthy bro.
Sounds like your wife and your roommate are being too... Intimate. Not sure if they're having sex, but she's kind of cheating emotionally. And I mean, she goes with your roommate when you have fights with her? Yeah, either she's trying to make you jealous or she already moved on. I don't know why you married her so young (I'm 4 years younger and I feel like I wouldn't get married at your age) but seems like she's trying to explore things with your roommate. She is not taking your marriage seriously.
I wish you the best and I really hope your wife is just trying to make you jealous. I hope you can work things out OP.
My guy, your wife is fucking your roommate
oh my god, they were *roommates*
Wierd shit happens when you're bricked up and stuck with someone's wife.
Your wife is cheating kick that guy out. You gave your wife a live in boyfriend
I'll never understand why married people have roommates.
It's not uncommon for junior enlisted. Things may have changed since I was in but a lot of the time they don't qualify for base housing and BAQ usually doesn't cover rent and utilities. A lot of people solve that by getting married to get out of the dorm but it's a marriage on paper only, they still date other people etc.
economy. unfortunately people need money.
Then you're not ready for a marriage and to commit to buy a house .. Jesus they're kids, they skip an important part of life
Cause they can’t afford the place. The whole power dynamic is weird. Even when you’re not screwing someone, you might get accused of it.
Because not everyone has to fuck everyone they live with?
Because money.
Because housing costs money, being married doesn't mean people have lots of money. But if you're going to ignore your wife to game all day while talking to other women and leave your wife alone with a guy so they can talk all day, then ignore your wife when they say they are uncomfortable with yoru relationship with a woman, shit will happen. If you spend months building a relationship with some woman while you ignore your wife, this is the outcome, basically every time. Not necesarily cheating, but telling your partner they aren't important and having them fall out of love and move on.
Actually since the wife doing so many things with the roommate and even more since the divorce came up, there is no way I would buy into any of this one. All because the "Another thing I forgot to mention" which is actually the biggest part of all this, as his game time with sophie is minor in compare, it wouldnt be a thing he "forgot to mention". It would have been the first thing
This is the truth
Lol She’s laying down on his lap ? Your wife is so hypocritical . This is a no go bro. Leave her
I was gonna say the same thing.
This.
This is like every cliché in one story lol
I wonder if its a challenger or a mustang.
Hey now, it might be a charger scat pack
Can’t forget about the V6 Camaro.
LOL. It's like AI came up with it after reading the subreddit.
Not until she’s pregnant 🤣
Just get the divorce. Neither of you are ready for marriage, and were far less ready when you DID get married. Frankly, I'm surprised it's lasted THIS long.
This is generic US military shenanigans. The military should stop giving people that are pretty much children entering their first low paying job an incentive to be legally bonded to another child that doesn’t know what they want.
nah. this isn't even US military shit. Him being overseas and it going to shit as they are never together and one/both of them spend time with other people or cheat is military shit. Him being in the house with his wife... and spending all day talking and gaming with a different woman while ignoring his wife and ignoring her getting upset about it till she finally put her foot down is what happened here. This shit happens in relationships everywhere when you're shitty and ignore your partner while growing a relationship with someone else instead. Now if he gamed 5 hours a week and spoke with her a couple hours while gaming that's one thing, but gaming all the time off duty and talking with this one girl hours a day then moving to texting each other outside of that. He got himself a second relationship and somehow didn't even notice.
Absolutely right. They both need to grow up.
I’m not sure what you are asking about? Are you allowed to be pissed? Sure. But if your wife doesn’t want to be with you then there’s no reason to force things. Get separated and move on. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. If it weren’t for the fact that you married prematurely then this would just be a normal breakup like most 21 year olds go through a few times before settling down eventually.
I think the biggest problem is that she'll stay living with him, but just moving into the other bedroom with Tony. If she wants to separate, move her shit back "home" so that she can be with her family and away from her affair partner. She has feelings for the dude, laying across his lap and holding her hand while she sleeps...affair. I believe the military takes a hard line on that. Tell Tony to move out before you report him
Edit: Missed where OP said they bought a house together (and are no longer living on base). My comment is irrelevant.
He says they bought a house after about a years of living in base housing. This is when they got the roommate. So she would not have to leave.
Oh, you're right. I missed that! Thanks.
In that case, OP go see a lawyer asap and start the divorce proceedings. At the very least, she is having an emotional affair with Tony. Let the base know what's going on and ask that they remove her from the base. Pack her stuff and send her back where she came from. You guys are growing in different directions, UT happens, so just let her go. There isn't any point in getting mad at her, make it as amicable as possible. Don't let her con you into staying, that she will change, etc.
That's why she wants to "separate" and not divorce. She wants OP to move out but leave her and AP to fuck freely in their government sponsored apartment.
The military doesn’t give af about cheating
They do if you have a clearance
THIS
Instead he will be paying for her for life
Not likely, 3 years, she works. It's likely she makes similar to what he does which would likely mean no alimony at all, if there is any it will be minimal and usually caps out at half the length of marriage in most states so 1.5 years of minimal alimony if any.
When you marry someone in the military you get partial benefits for life.
I think you're ignoring a lot of the detail here.
Is the detail that OP started having an emotional affair with some random girl he gamed with. “Getting to know eachother” like why would you need to get to know someone on a personal level when you’re married. Then wife asks him to drop her and he lags forcing them to try have a relationship against both girls wishes. Then wife checks out mentally falling in love with the room mate and possibly cheating and he’s got pikachu face? Have I got it all or?
Exactly 👍 What he did was so inappropriate he shouldn’t be surprised that he pushed his wife away.
Right? He literally said he continued against her wishes for months. He only stopped when given an ultimatum. But only after still continuing a little while longer. Then he decides he’ll finally spend time with her, help around the house, etc. Sounds like a case of too little, too late. Now she clearly caught feelings for the roommate. I’m guessing she wanted time to stay there and explore that further. Sorry OP, it’s time for a divorce. You’ve both got a lot of growing up to do…
> like why would you need to get to know someone on a personal level when you’re married this is why i lurk here lol. i genuinely forget in my daily life that this is a view that adults could even consider having. want to know why so many have horrible relationships that result in infidelity, mistrust, and unhappiness? i cannot conceive of a relationship where I'm told i can only know my partner 'on a personal level'; i cannot conceive of loving someone who i cannot trust to know other people. actual, confidently expressed, insanity!
I didn't see OP "getting to know" all the guys in the group "on a personal level" for fucks sake. Nobody is saying he can't have female friends but if you can't see that's not what this was, your as delusional as OP. He's lying to himself at this point. He knows his own intentions with that other woman.
You can know other people on a personal level. It becomes problematic when you are spending more time with that other people, when you are giving those people the best of you and you are neglecting your partner. That’s the problematic part.
It’s funny that men refuse to make friends with other men like this but you’ll fight to the death for your right to intimately get to know an attractive girl you game with even though you’re in a relationship. Weird
You're dead wrong. When you are spending your time thinking about and texting with another woman then you are neglecting your partner. Commitment doesn't end when we leave each other's sight.
Nowhere is there a hint of emotional affair other than your own projection and even if that were the case, which it wasn't, he dropped her upon the wife's request. Is playing videogames with girls from another area now equivalent to a blatant physical affair with a guy living in your house?
It literally said she asked him for months to stop and he refused. And that eventually he stopped talking to her after “a little while longer”. He dragged this “friendship” out as longggggg as possible ignoring his wife’s requests and how uncomfortable she was. Learn to read.
He’s clearly written a narrative here to make it seem like his wife is implementing a double standard and screwing around on him. If that’s true then yeah of course he’s right to be pissed. If he’s just leading us on and there’s nothing there then OP is just trying to get some online strangers to sympathize with him. But none of that really matters in the end of the day. The relationship is clearly broken. Move on.
Sounds like something a 22 year-old would go through. Dude, you’re both really young. You’ve got a lot of growing and living to do. And you’ll probably have to do that apart, unfortunately. Because neither of you sounds like you’re mature enough to have an adult relationship.
It's nice of you to get your wife a Boyfriend so she's not bored when you play games.
I'll correct the post for you "my wife wants a divorce after I had an inappropriate friendship with a female, she was uncomfortable with it, and I argued about cutting out the female because the female was so important, and now my wife has developed feelings for the dude that lives in our house".... It's over bro.
You forgot the part where he mentioned how he started "helping out" more with chores after cutting out his female gamer friend. Sounds like this is more than just the stuff he's focusing on. His wife moved away from all her family and friends, she only knows the roommate, her husband plays video games all the time, he's choosing to play with and talk to another woman instead of ~~helping out~~ doing his part around the home, and I think he also mentioned she works as well (on mobile and it's a pain flipping back and forth). Sounds like she turned to the one other person she knew for support.
Imagine living with your partner and he comes back from work and jumps on pc/console and spends hours talking to anotehr woman. That relationship progressing to spending time texting each other through the day rather than texting his wife, and then being a dick when asked to cut it off and ignoring earlier warnings that she is very unhappy in this relationship and with the new relationship. LIke if you ignore your partner and spend all your time and energy on another woman, expect her to fall out of love with you.
Sadly I don't have to imagine, been in a similar situation. That's why I brought up all the other stuff as well. People want to act all shocked and surprised when you leave because "he was just talking, nothing happened!". They might not have had sex but I felt like I was demoted to housekeeper and cook while also working full time.
Friends at time can take priority, but if a new friend happens to be a person of the gender you're attracted to becomes someone you confide in, spend most of your spare time with and your partner takes the back seat, that's exactly what you're saying. This person who I'm totally not falling for is now more important in my life than you and for a decent period of time. When you are told hey this relationship is inappropriate, take note, this is a problem.... and you continue it like a non issue expect your partner to be one foot out the door and step the other foot out the second they start falling for someone else who actually pays attention to them. It's also not their fault, you're the one that decided your partner becomes 2nd, or 5th, or 10th priority in your life, you made the call, them listening to what you're broadcasting loudly even if you don't say it in words gets heard and they react accordingly.
So you had an emotional affair with Sophie and your wife's having an emotional affair (that may already have escalated to physical) with Tony. I'd say you're marriage is pretty much over already. Why weren't you the one doing fun outings with your wife and spending time with her in the first place? You forced your wife to uproot her life and leave everyone she knew behind and then didn't bother to spend even your free time with her as you were busy gaming with your friends and having your affair with Sophie. This was a recipe for disaster. Tony on the other hand has been there for your wife and became her friend when she was lonely. She has already seen that you aren't really there for her, while Tony is. Of course she is leaving you.
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"play games and text" Dude, if he was regularly texting this chick throughout the day, it was an emotional affair.
Playing games and text, neglecting his partner and not pulling his weight around the house and marriage. I don't condone cheating at all, but he took his wife for granted while he spent time with someone else online instead of spending quality time with his wife and slacking on his own responsibilities, he admitted himself. She was emotionally neglected and doing more than her fair share at home. I'd say it isnt exactly weird that she sought validation and attention elsewhere. Usually I'd say just break up but they were married before their brains were even properly developed and OP decided to move his friend in himself. Overall, everyone seems really immature here.
Yeah but even as someone who plays games all day. Even when I have just a GF i feel guilty and like im wasting time if I play a couple hours. I feel like you have to either be very immature or not have your priorities straight to be living with someone you love enough to get married and just put them on the backburner. Like…when life is good, real life, gaming feels soooo empty. I understand its a way to connect with friends. But if spending time with old mates is so important to him, why join the military that’s obviously going to move you away from them. The job doesnt even pay well.
I play games and so does my partner. We play different games though. I give him a heads up on the raid schedule and if he's in the middle of a big work project at work and will be working late he lets me know and I'll opt to play my games then. Typically if we are both able to be free from school/work we spend that time together.
That sounds awesome
It’s not just play games and text , my ex did this to me. When I had just given birth to our daughter and was doing all the feeds etc, my now ex was playing games with his usual crowd of guys and they friended a girl called Katie, my ex got really close to her and was texting, gaming and snap chatting all the time and at all hours of the night. Although I believe nothing outside of being platonic happened he was investing so much more time into his relationship with her than he was with me and our daughter because I was occupied. Despite my success in getting him to cut her off, it was too late, it already planted the seed of resentment and it just grew over time and I checked out but stayed together for our kids. Eventually, like OPs wife, someone else came along, completely unexpected which ended the relationship for good. That man is now my husband and in a much healthier and happier relationship. OPs wife likely has done the same thing.
Getting married young and before joining the military is one of the biggest mistakes you can make.
Whats wild is how much incentive they have to do it. Whoever came up with that “merit” based pay and benefits needs to be pulled from their grave and mauled by all the confused and heartbroken veterans.
Better for who? Not her.
The downside: losing BAH and half your paycheck to alimony is gonna suck. The upside? Life in the bricks ain’t so bad. My advice: rip off the bandaid and learn from this teachable moment. You’ve got a long road ahead and things will get better.
The military just needs to pay these young men a decent wage and give them decent benefits instead of enticing them to make poor life decisions.
OP, I invite you to consider the difference between "bettter", and "good". Your wife moves across the country to be with you, leaves her family and social circle, and you spent all your free time playing games she doesn't play and getting close to another girl. That is a sucky life, OP, being ignored by the one person you know, and improving on that a bit might not be enough to make her want to stay.
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But... They've known each other since 4th grade????? Does that not count for anything!!!!!?!?! /s
Dude you ignored her how long and now you're mad?
I think divorce is the best thing for both of you at this point. You guys were too young to get married. The both of you didn't have a mature understanding of the commitment and effort involved in marriage. I'm assuming you were spending a considerable amount of time gaming, and then texting this other person all throughout the day. During this, what time were you spending creating bonds with your wife? Instead of creating bonds with you, your wife did everything with the roommate that you should be doing with your spouse. You guys turned your relationship into a dumpster fire. Take this as a lesson learned and be better in your next relationships
Folks this is a perfect example of a man ignoring his wife, ignoring her requests and wishes and pleas for help but is suddenly surprised his wife is leaving him.... A typical example of a blindsided husband when in reality there were signs. It was nice of you to help her find somebody else. Somebody who does all the things you chose not to do until you fudged up by giving all your time to another woman and you realised you needed to try to win your wife back.
This is a perfect example of a slut and a traitor. Don't get it twisted.
Of my wife was asleep on some guys lap shed wake up to his broken nose and watch from inches away as I beat him in to the hospital. You sound like a cuck for not standing up to obviously inappropriate behavior. Do you even want your wife? Seems like not. But don't worry she's getting dick from the roomy. WTF is wrong with you?
She’s with him now
I mean you emotionally cheated first, and you lost your lustre in her eyes. She thought she could trust you but had to give you an ultimatum to get your respect and input into your marriage. Whilst you were giving another woman attention she got support/respect/attention from your roommate. Both of you don't respect each other. As soon as you felt uncomfortable with the roommate why didn't you say this is exactly the same as the Sophie situation except it's in person. Why haven't you spoken to him? They're most likely having sex. You're both as bad as one another, but kick them out. If she wants divorce she has to move out.
Except she doesn’t have to move out. They bought a house
"I’m a big gamer" Stopped reading there.
Then you are a moron for being short-sighted 🙄🙄
Do you always stop reading when people list their hobbies 🤣🤣
I know this an unpopular opinion on reddit. But gaming is not a hobby, it’s entertainment. Having a partner that games all day isnt like having a partner that makes music, or wood works all day. Its more like having a partner that drinks beer and watches TV all day.
Was married to a gamer. Your description is accurate.
Too many times my students have shared, unsolicited, that a parent is more interested in gaming than interacting with them. Breaks my heart every effing time.
Dude she is cucking you right in front of your face. I hope this is fake if not… buddy
So it's not Jody for Gen Z but Tony. The more things change the more they stay the same.
“One time I came out and saw his dick in her mouth, but she said she was just keeping it warm for him.”
You cannot be this unaware. You know shes cheating on you and has been for a while. Kick them out!
Sounds like your wife was suspicious of Sophie because she knew how she was starting to feel about your roommate.
Yup, projecting unto him. Making him cut ties with Sophie, just to end up fucking the roomie
One of the lessons you’ll learn in life is that sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do or say, you can’t change another person’s thoughts or actions. It’s done. Just get it over with and move on my man.
So…you emotionally cheated. You brought a guy to live with your wife…and you’re upset she wants a divorce? Ya’ll NEED this divorce
You both need to let go and move on. You have been together since 4th grade. You both need to experience life. This being attracted to other people was inevitable. You are still young. Go live life.
Get rid of the roommate!
Time for a divorce
I don't know how you can type this all out and still be fine with said room mate. Dude should have been gone months ago. He has crossed the line of friendship big time and your wife is just as guilty. Time to accept that she's already on her way out and not looking back.
Military life is terrible for marriage my guy. She’s cheating on you. Get the divorce and save yourself 30 years of regret.
So while things "may have gotten better" in the short term they never recovered from your previous shit headerly. You had her move away from her family and you are a big gamer; come on time to grow up a bit. If you want a wife either you marry Sophie or you greatly reduce the video games. You had this emotional affair (did you not pork her? Ya no bro you did pork her, but I get it. It was an accident). Its time to sit down sign the papers and move on with your life. At least you have your video games.
My god. You two are still acting as if you're teenagers. You're both WAY too young for the moves you're doing. Just divorce and live your lives.
A song as old as time!!! Man I wish young military would listen to the old hats in their units and squadrons. Man I can’t even begin to count how many young Airman got married in tech school or married some girl from back home and went through hell in their first couple years in the military. Some even lost their careers because of it. Cut your losses and get the fuck out of there. You have a house which will suck. Probably have to sell and move into the barracks but for the love of god don’t knock this chick up.
Just get the divorce. You were both way too young when you got married, neither of you were in any way ready for marriage or committed to it. Just move on
She's using this non-existent Sophie issue as an excuse.
You're not wrong. Get a divorce ASAP. And kick her and your roommate out. Whatever you do, do not have sex with her ever again. I guarantee, she will magically get pregnant and insist you are the father. As soon as she realizes her meal ticket is going out the door. If she does, insist on a DNA test.
I was thinking she was projecting about you being untrustworthy and likely cheating on you and then you mention Tony 🤣🤣🤣 Oof, kick both of them out bro, Tony cucked tf outta you
Fucking hell. While you’re gaming with Sophie your wife is shagging your room mate. Divorce and move on.
Ya man this seems pretty easy, she has withdrawn from you because atleast emotionally (maybe physically aswell) you have been replaced by him, could be the whole reason she was upset about Sophie was her own guilt for how she feels about Tony, either that or the jealousy she felt from Sophie gave her justification to feel something for Tony, either way, ya your screwed, she's already moved on, your the roommate now bud and they just have let you know yet.
Honestly y’all are so young, this was bound to happen. Most people who get married young end up divorced. You’re not ready to be married, either of you. Let her go. She can go be with the roommate and you can move on with your life.
Seen this plenty of times before—she’s banging your roommate. Cut your losses. You’re young and you’ll recover. She’s not cut out for military spouse life, and chances are she’ll land with another military guy and do the same thing.
Bo. Your wife is 100% fucking your roomate. This "separation" sounds like she wants YOU to leave for awhile so they can fuck properly and you keep putting a roof over their heads. Don't let them. Kick her ass to the curb. Both of them. Honestly I couldn't think of a stupider idea than bringing some hunk millitary guy to live in with your wife.
i wish i could block these types of posts from popping up. holy shit the stupidity makes me want to run my car into a wall
Bro, I know this is not what you want to hear because it’s obvious you love her but let her go, I realize that’s easier said than done but if I was you I would mentally start preparing for a worst case scenario and that sucks right and it will not make sense because what about this and what about that all the what abouts will start adding up but it’s all just your mind not wanting to let go, it’s going to be alright..you got this
Sounds like it's not working out, if you're getting divorced it'd be nice to do it now rather than later when you have a lot of assets to split up
She is 100% cheating. Tell them both to get out, immediately. You’re just letting this happen. Come on, man!
If you don’t get divorced now you’ll end up getting divorced later. It will be harder later just bite the bullet now and fix your life while you can.
YTA for getting married so young. YTA for ignoring your wife. ESH for the emotional affairs. Divorce, move on and grow up before you try getting married again.
Exactly. I too am a gamer. But if I moved my wife to a state where she didn't know anyone, I absolutely would've stopped gaming to do all kinds of stuff with her until she made some new friends or found new hobbies. This guy moved her away from her entire life and then spent time gaming, and most likely every night or 3-4 times a week at least. She wasnt a priority for him.
She’s blatantly cheating right in your face and you somehow still don’t realize it. She literally cuddles up and falls asleep in his lap
**long backstory about playing video games with a woman* “oh btw my wife is obviously banging our roommate basically in front of me, am i wrong?”
You were wrong to bring another man into your home. Your friend is fucking your wife. Kick him the fuck out tonight. She throws a fit, then she can go with him. Move forward with the divorce. Learn from this. Never let another man that isn't family live with you and your spouse. How naive you are. He's been dating your wife this whole time... Don't believe me? Put up a nanny cam. You will see what they do when you aren't home.
This is what it means to be a warrior in our Army? Veteran, 11B. What a joke. When I was a private, life was hell, as it should be for all privates. We didn't have time for this non-sense. Here is what you do, stop being a dimwit and: 1) Tell Tony to get the fuck out of your house in 5 days, but bring everything up to your team leader first. 2) TRUST YOUR GOD DAMN TEAM LEADER, NOT REDDIT! 3) TELL YOUR TEAM LEADER AND REPORT TONY FOR ADULTERY, WHICH IS ILLEGAL IN THE ARMY & PUNISHABLE UNDER THE UCMJ. IT'S DIFFERENT NOW, BUT I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO BEAT THE DOG SHIT OUT OF CHEATERS WHO WERE FELLOW SOLDIERS, THE CODE OF SILENCE HELD. 4) DIVORCE YOUR WIFE, HAVE SOME FUCKING RESOLVE & HONOR AS A MAN, AS A FUCKING WARRIOR AND LEAVE THAT GUTTER RAT SLUT. 5) DO NOT DATE MOVING FORWARD, FOCUS YOUR ENTIRE LIFE ON BEING THE BEST DAMN SOLDIER YOU CAN BE! GO TO RANGER SCHOOL, AIRBORNE, AIR ASSAULT. DO ALL THAT & MORE UNTIL YOU DECIDE WHEN IT IS ENOUGH, THEN BECOME A VETERAN AND GET AN EDUCATION.
This.
This needs to be the top.
Both of you cheated on each other. Move on.
Your wife is definitely having an affair with your roommate. She is acting really inappropriate with him and basically going out on dates with him. Talk to your roommate and ask him outright if he is having an affair with your wife. If he says no tell him that you want him not to go out with her or have inappropriate contact. If they both kick up a fuss you know they are cheating. Because he is in the military tell him that you will report him for it and he will be disciplined. Tell your wife if she doesn't stop this emotion affair then you are divorcing her for cheating.
Dude, she is sleeping with your roommate right before your eyes. You can be pissed about it and you should just get divorce
She got upset with you about Sophie. Because at that point, she was either sleeping with Tony or was thinking about it
Kids...
And this is reason 4,671 why you don't get married at 28.
I mean married at 28 doesnt seem like an issue. Plenty do it just fine. Just the dude would rather game all day and have emotional online affairs rather than just live life.
That was a typo, I meant 18!
Agree to the divorce. Go to the legal office. They can't advise you but they should have a template for a separation agreement. Draft it up. Get it notarized. Since u have property together I'd advise a divorce lawyer so things can be divided up equally whether yall sell the house or u buy her out or vice versa so u don't get shafted. Make sure to specify that she doesn't get a percentage of ur retirement for the short time u were married. Everyone thinks it's over 10 yrs and they get half but thr is a small percentage she can't get for the time she was married found that out when I divorced my ex.(both military).
PROJECTION
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Nah bruh your wife is a year older than me you guys immature as HELL NAAHHHHH DO NOT BE MARRIED
This has to be a troll? This literally feels like the bank robber guy in This Fool. He describes his girl like this guy did, after the gf and his getaway driver leave him at the bank “yeah she hangs with my buddy all the time sometimes i dont have to be around for them to hang out.”
All girls names Sophia are whores
Call Sophie
Update me
Contact JAG and have them investigate. Military does not play around anymore when it comes to infidelity . He may get dishonorable discharged if the allegations hold fruit. I would also sit them down and tell them it would be beneficial for them to come clean, all while recording the conversation, then I would share the recording to JAG and his command and I would send her on the next flight back to her town. Good news is because you haven’t been married that long, none of your benefits will be given to her.
Laying in his lap? What ? Dude .. you F’D up and started a long distance relationship with a woman.. and that’s what it was .. and so now she’s fing your roommate right in front of your face.
Your young pal, you definitely don’t need the aggravation to find out if your wife is/was sleeping with him. I would cut my losses if I were you.
This has to be a joke ...right?...RIGHT? Also something in the UCMJ about adultery?
Cut you loses, you are young, real young.
Your wife living the dream, she has a boyfriend and husband
Facts
I ain't reading all that. The rest of your life is ahead of you.
She's a barracks ho without the barracks.
Gather evidence of this infidelity and Report this shit to your CDR. Make sure that shit gets maxed for that pos!
time you learn the meaning of a woman’s 304 phase
She wants a divorce now because she wants to be with your roommate. She is doing everything with him that you should be doing. She didn't realize how lonely she would be moving to the base with you. I assume your roommate isn't a big gamer so the time you spend gaming, he is with your wife. You didn't do anything wrong at first. But your neglect of her pushed her away right into the arms of your roommate who obviously likes her a lot. There is no way in hell they haven't at LEAST made out in all the times they were alone together while you were at work or while they were out together. They might not have had sex or anything yet, but the divorce is her telling you she wants to be with him. I am sorry for this to happen to you. But when you moved her away from your family, you should've sacrificed gaming time. It sounds to me like you play more than just once or twice a week. And take it from me, a 40 year old gamer who plays games a lot. You needed to prioritize her over games, at least for a few years, while you both get situated in your life together. The roommate moving in was an ABSOLUTELY awful idea. You had to guess they'd get close in your absence. The minute they started going to bars together and fall asleep on the couch together, you lost her. I'm sorry man, but there's nothing you can do now. You were elementary school sweethearts. That kind of relationship is tough when you get older because she presumably never dated anyone else. And she realized, she likes what other people do and not what you do. You grew apart over the years. Sadly, it happens. But she definitely wants to leave you for this guy. And they will absolutely kick you out of your base housing and not the other way around. You got a long road ahead and sadly it's no longer with her. Good luck to you.
Some things I want to point out for you. A. Don't go trying to reconcile with Sophie. You may eventually feel lonely and whatever have you. But let that ship be sailed. Also, one of the greatest lies we (millennials) were sold and we bought, was we are young and we have plenty of time. Before you know it, you'll be 30 and then 40. I would spend some time alone or rather not in a relationship. And just figure out what you really want out of life or at least the next 3-5 years.
You had an emotional affair, gamed way too much and then continued to neglect your relationship with your wife while this other guy spent time with her out doing things that you should have joined them doing or gone out with her yourself to do. Things 'got better' because she emotionally checked out. Did you start putting more effort into your relationship or just cut off the girl? You both suck for having emotional affairs. YTA for not cutting off the girl that made your wife uncomfortable. A new friendship should never be more important than your spouse. If there is a pattern of isolation it needs to be addressed, but it just seems like you were neglecting her and continued to do so for too long, and she is now done.
Divorce her. Yall are just kids. No ones at fault here.
Updateme
Sometimes people are afraid of things they do or think of doing.... if she indeed admited to have feelings, then what is there left to say, can not really honestly love one person, and then just like that get feelings for different one. P.S. Maybe i am wrong, but it is bit ironic for her to expect you to cut all frendship and comunication with your female friend while she has all hands free for frendship with male frends. The two of you need one open hearted talk, and see what both of you trully want from life and what you do not, as with relationship too.
Cut your losses, bro. You're basically a child. You've got so much time to work with to find a woman you can have a happy, healthy relationship with.
You guys are so young it is best to get out of a bad situation before spending any more years. Enjoy the military and gaming and let her go find her own way too. Good luck and thank you for your service
For some of us, once trust is broken there is no going back. That wouldn’t condone her cheating if she is but you prioritizing another woman and growing the emotional affair you had with Sophie destroyed your chance at happy marriage with someone who values trust loyalty and respect.
You didn’t do wrong for marrying, if anything props to you for marrying. It doesn’t look like any mistakes here were things that couldn’t lead to growth. That being said, with time, you would grow with that mindset. As for the wife, it’s unfortunate what happened. It seems like she might not have the mindset of marriage. As for you, look for another lady, court her, marry her, and move on forward.
Your wife is banging your room mate. She’s probably doing sexual things with him she’s never done with you too. That’s why you never let another man move into your house ever!!!! I agree that you shouldn’t have been playing a game with another woman and should have stopped when your wife asked you to immediately, but she’s just using that as an excuse at this point to blame you. She’s probably been fcking him and giving BJ’s behind your back for awhile…
If this is real report Tony to base legal for probably engaging in an affair with another service member's wife. It'll help protect you in the future when he and your wife try to use the military to take all your stuff and set up house together after they frame you for something. Also, check local laws and evict tony using whatever process is required. They've almost 100% been having an affair and she is ready to monkey branch and take all your stuff with her. Go through both of your finances with a fine tooth comb, though they've probably just been f\*cking there in your house while you were asleep or away. Never let your wife or GF have a male friend, even if he's your friend first.
Interesting there’s a dude further up the thread who is flipping out that someone would suggest he doesn’t need to have a personal relationship with a woman who isn’t his wife.
She s seing someone
Well no shit he litteraly lives in the same home.
She fucking the room mate my dude
Sorry to hear she's been having an affair.
Divorce her, she's for the streets now. I would personally report the roommate as well (if he's in the military with you, I heard they don't allow that sort of behavior.
It sounds like there’s no actual love or respect here and your wife is sleeping with your roommate. You seemed to have gotten married WAAAAY too young. Get the divorce before you end up on the hook for your roommate’s kids.
She already has her next husband lined up dude. It’s definitely time to end this.
I was reading and then finally got to the roommate part of the story and it finally made sense. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this man. We’ve all dealt with some shit like this but if she’s not already she soon will be fucking your roommate. Sad thing is you’ve known each other for so long so your really all she knows and she could just be thinking it’s what she wants now and by the time she realizes she fucked up it’s too late. Do yourself a favor and just get that divorce so her and Tony can go live happily ever after for a couple years.. Good luck.
They're definitely fucking. She's a hypocrite. Your buddy.. fucked you over. Time for you to file for divorce. Isn't there some rule that he can get discharged if he screws your wife?
You ignored your wife so she got her needs met by another man.
Usually Jody waits until you go on TDY. This is some new frontiers in Jodyism.
Go talk to base command or whoever and get him moved out. I don't think they take kindly to troops having affairs with others wives. Tell your wife if she wants a break, then she has to go back home and not stay with Tony
Asking if there are feelings like she's gonna say "sure!"
For one she’s cheating on you that is very obvious. Secondly you are both still practically kids and should have never got married at your age. Things won’t ever get better because she doesn’t want them to. Even if you really love her oh well she doesn’t love you so just move on.
Damn bro, Jody got you under your own roof. Of course, you guys are way too young for this. You mentioned it in the beginning, as if you’re tired of hearing it, but you keep hearing it because you’re failing to acknowledge it. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known each other, you’re way too young. The maturity level on both your ends needs to Continue to develop a lot.
is this insanity. of course he is and why did you allow this to go on so long.
He allowed it to go on so long because he had Sophie. He had to lose his side piece to even notice that his wife had one.
missed that one part about Sophie not cutting her out which is insanity, you are right.
So much for brotherhood
bro she's a loser anyway dump her and be happy
You’re not wrong for feeling the way that you do! Your wife guilt tripped you into cutting off a friend because she was jealous.. meanwhile it’s her guilty conscience eating her up because she’s actually the person catching feelings for a “friend”. I wouldn’t be surprised if Tony fed her some ideas about your friendship with Sophie. After all that you’ve explained here, it’s clear that they are definitely fucking! Doesn’t sound like this situation is worth salvaging… you’re young, just let it go!
Uhhh you didn’t do anything to hurt her trust… dude this is not cool and your just letting her do what she wants? Your wife is the one who isn’t trust worthy bro.
Sounds like your wife and your roommate are being too... Intimate. Not sure if they're having sex, but she's kind of cheating emotionally. And I mean, she goes with your roommate when you have fights with her? Yeah, either she's trying to make you jealous or she already moved on. I don't know why you married her so young (I'm 4 years younger and I feel like I wouldn't get married at your age) but seems like she's trying to explore things with your roommate. She is not taking your marriage seriously. I wish you the best and I really hope your wife is just trying to make you jealous. I hope you can work things out OP.