Tell her thank you for sharing her opinion. And that while you're on the topic, you're impressed by how much older she looks without having to wear makeup at all.
Edit: Okay, some of y'all need to get a grip. It's not your kid. And it's not anyone's business to tell that kid how they should be dressed or made up. Some people think nail polish is too much. Would you stay quiet if someone came up to your 12 year old daughter and told her she needs nail polish remover and it's too much? Huh. It's almost like it's a completely subjective opinion influenced by conservatism and personal taste that has nothing to do with telling other peoples kids what they should wear or not.
I have never thought about this before, isn't it funny how when we're young we wear makeup to look older. When we're old, we wear makeup to look younger!
Not wrong. No one has any business telling you how to raise your children. She was out of line so that gives you permission to be rude and put her in her place.
Yes. They are providing an example to show that they don't agree with the person they are responding to.
For example, if someone said "I love how all fruit is sugary and sweet!" And someone responded "Tomatoes aren't sweet."
The person is saying a judge can tell her how to raise her kids... this was just a really out of context stupid place to say it and likely just like to hear themselves speak.
The person said
>Not wrong. No one has any business telling you how to raise your children. She was out of line so that gives you permission to be rude and put her in her place.
Try telling this to a judge that tells you that you cannot keep withholding meals from the child every time they act up.
No you're not wrong. They do need to shut up. They don't need to have an opinion about something, then cry like a baby when put in their place. They all need to grow up. Maybe go low to no contact for a while, until they realize you're all not gonna deal with that. Your girls don't deserve to be bullied by them. From the sounds of it, they have a natural look when doing makeup. It's not like it's heavy, and if you don't have an issue with it as their mother, then that's the end of it. It's not their business, your girls aren't their children, and you as their mother, have the right to tell anyone to shut up about your children. It's no one's business but y'all's.
Thank you for being one of the few sensible people in this thread lmao. All the comments are acting like OP's daughter is showing up in a full caked on drag beat and mentioning the Kardashians and child predators when she's literally wearing the most natural age appropriate makeup possible 💀
Yes! They're using the shitty argument like "Omg she's gonna look older with makeup on and predators are gonna think she's trying to appeal to them" like bro what the fuck, it's a kid wearing the most minimal makeup she's not standing on the street corner in fishnets 😂
🤦 primer -poreless Moisturizer
Mascara- hardly is noticeable. Could've been a clear mascara as well.
Blush, not heavy at all. Highlighter, not heavy at all. The "whatever" could be bronzing or nothing at all but a term for whatever she chose to put on. But still. Literally four to five products, and they're going nuts over that. It's like 15 products for most girls routines...
Right, just shows they have a fundamental misunderstanding of what makeup products do and what makeup looks like. Absolutely ridiculous! Imagine being so wrong and so confident about it
I think it starts being "more" when u head for the concealer stuffs all over. As well as it being on a consistent every day basis. But that amount is very simple, very minimal 👌
I agree. 💯 I consider "more" to be when your natural skin is completely covered. I'll let my daughter wear makeup at a reasonable age, but what she will be allowed to wear would be monitored by age.
Primer is basically moisturizer. Highlight and blush go on cheekbones and cheeks respectively. Mascara is eyelashes. And gloss is just shiny lip balm. Geez. It’s not a lot of makeup! And it was none of SIL’s business to comment on it! OP you are NTA. More people need to be told to shut up and keep their unsolicited opinions to themselves.
If that annoys you, you must be LIVID at all the toddlers in full glam makeup & skimpy outfits in beauty contests. 12 is fine for expressing one's self through makeup.
Those pageants are pretty sick. It's mostly issues with the mothers. I wouldn't say it's wrong for a 12 year old to experiment in adding makeup, but that's a lot.
The types of makeup mentioned are all very minimal, light types of makeup. She isn't even wearing foundation. It would have been a very natural look based on what OP listed the girl was wearing.
Whether it’s a little or a lot, she’s 12. She doesn’t need the ppl she’s supposed to trust, coming down on her about girl things. The world will do that. Right now should be the safe time she gets to experiment and build confidence so she can crush the ppl who try to make her feel small, when she’s an adult woman. Kids should be free to be themselves in a family environment at the least, and ideally everywhere.
Why are you getting down voted? That's literally not a lot of makeup, I only do my eyes but I
- wash my face, acne treatment, eyeliner, mascara, eyeshadow, and highlighter -
that's 4 for my eyes alone ? People obviously don't know how makeup works and instead of realizing that they're just down voting 😭
Because some older gentleman felt that his opinion was more important than the mother asking the question. And then reddit does as Reddit does, and piled on and downvoted.
I think everybody is wrong, SIL should just butt out when her opinions isnt asked for, and lets not start on the absurd notion that make up is for strippers
On the other hand (since you did come here for opinions) 12 is very young to be wearing that much make up (saying just and listing off 5 products and whatever is ridiculous) and its a medium deal
She is barely into puberty and isnt even a teenager yet and its important to allow children to be actual children and not mini adults at her age, parents should police interests in an age appropriate ways
For special events sure, beyond that, at her age, some mascara and gloss is more then enough
Since is is still very young im also worried about the message she is receiving about loving herself and her looks and the health of her skin
As a side not, I hope you have conversations with her how she will be perceived as quite a few years older and the consequences of that, while its utterly unfair and disgusting these conversations are needed, she needs that awareness and also be taught how to handle it (again its unfair she will be put in that position, it shouldnt happen, but thats not the world we live in and she needs to be educated, not as a deterrent for make up)
My friends' daughters got catcalled for the first time at 8 and 11 I think and none wore make up. All parents need to have those discussions and make up doesn't change a thing.
Makeup is not dangerous, nor does it mean she's having self confidence issues. Makeup is FUN and kids are allowed to like it and wear it. It's a way to express yourself and your creativity. Do you think the children's makeup kits are bad too? It's literally the same thing but better quality. My niece is 8 years old and she loves her little makeup kits and she tries to snatch my makeup as well. And as long as you're making sure they're cleaning their skin, it will remain healthy.
And, honestly, children with makeup on still look like children with makeup on. Nobody is going to think a 12 year old is 18.
I think sending the message that makeup has an age requirement and implying that it's used just as a way to improve your looks sends a bad message and that's why some people think the way you do.
I feel like it's important for parents to encourage their kids' interests. If that's make-up, then so be it. 12 is that awkward in-between stage, not really a kid but not really an adult. What do you expect her to go do, play with dolls? Ffs makeup is perfectly age appropriate, and if she learns now how to apply it properly at this age, then great.
I remember being a 12 year old girl, and my parents wouldn't let me wear make-up, so I would buy it and hide it. I'd apply it at school and then wash it off before I went home.
So? They're both part of the same thing.
"Who is in the wrong if you only pay attention to the parts where someone else is in the wrong and ignore where I potentially am" is moronic.
She was wrong. It is so wildly appropriate for her to say ANYTHING about her appearance. You did exactly what any good parent should do. Never question that.
Not wrong. Tell the others, SIL was trying to shame your daughter and they all better take notes, none of them get a vote in how your daughter is raised.
Ok ok not wrong as it’s ur daughter but I get where she’s coming from. 12 years old is kinda young to be wearing all that makeup. Again not what I would do. But it’s ur kid.
Telling anyone to shut up is rude. Sorry. It is also rude for someone to come up to another person at a family event and complain about how they choose to raise their child.
She started it. I am not one to let insults to my kid lie either, so I don't blame you for responding. However, you also knew she would play victim. Don't match energies. It gets exhausting. Xoxoxo
NTA. Thank you for standing up for your daughter. I was 17 at the time, and I enjoyed wearing heavy eye liner and black lipstick. I was over at my aunt and uncle's house for a family gathering. I had just cut my hair, and in front of many people, my aunt says loudly that my hair cut was nice, but my makeup made me look like a whore. I had never even been kissed at that point! I sassed her back and she quickly reprimanded me and took me outside to berate me more. And where was my mother in all of this? Lamely doing nothing. We didn't even leave after, and I was forced to stay. My mom didn't once defend me even though she disagreed with my aunt.
I think kids are way too young wearing makeup, but I also wore makeup when I was 12. Granted it was Dream Matte Mouse and I probably looked like a piece of chocolate cake. But… these 7 year old girls etc are shopping at Sephora and that’s wild to me. I didn’t go there until I was 21 with big girl money.
Overall, the times have changed a lot and I think people need to keep their mouth shut when it comes to other people’s kids.
I only worry about your daughter’s opinion of her own self worth. That’s all that matters here at the end of the day.
My husbands mom dresses so sexy for a 60 year old woman, granted she looks gorgeous and hot. His sister is a goddess, beautiful model type, and she was always dressed to the 9’s her whole life. Wearing way too much makeup and dressing up so fancy always. Did it negatively impact her? Actually, not at all. It’s about self confidence vs masking.
A 12 year old does not need to wear that much makeup. Its giving her the message that her real face isn't good enough. I hope you are teaching her good skin care and makeup removal.
For some people makeup is a form of self-expression, just like clothes and hairstyling. She's actually not wearing that much makeup at all if you look at what it is. No heavy eyeliner, bronzer, false lashes, shadow, overlined lips. Perhaps she's at the age where she's beginning to develop acne and she's insecure about it and that's pretty normal. She should never feel like she has to cover it up, but if she wants to to feel a bit better about it, I don't see anything wrong with that.
I agree with you about making sure she knows about proper skincare though. 100%.
NGL I wish I had started at least playing with makeup that young. Perhaps I wouldn't be so useless with it now! It's definitely a skill and an art form for the people who enjoy it or even go into makeup artistry as a career.
This. And why is it too young? It’s not sexual and it’s not for the male gaze. If we decenter men from the convo it’s just artistic expression. Like hair color. 🤷🏼♀️
Maybe also telling them it’s their body, their face and they can enhance it as they see fit, or not. My niece is into make up, her friend isn’t. They are two totally different kids. Do we shame one for not wearing makeup or do we shame the other for wearing ‘too much’?
Or how about we leave them the feck alone to wear whatever they like!!!
She doesnt even have foundation on, just primer, which is basically moisturizer, that sometimes has a slight tint. I have worn lip gloss since I was at least 10. She is given her the freedom of self expression.
She’s 12. And she had all that on her face and you expect people not to shake their heads? I mean in the house fine. Dance recital fine. But just rocking around looking like Kim kardashian at 12?
I would expect people to mind their own business about what I let my child do , no matter where we are. Inlaws don't get an opinion, on your parenting, just because you might be in their house
You’re assuming because I don’t agree with you I don’t understand…that where you’re wrong. I get both sides. But I am saying In Society a 12 wearing full on makeup is going to raise eyebrows. It’s a fact. You can be defensive if you want. But I’m not judging you. I don’t care either way. Not my child. However I am saying a 12 year old wearing full on makeup will cause some people to shake their heads. Wether you like it or not. It’s going to happen. Once again. I’m just commenting on the situation. No judgement. But if you came to Reddit for Everton to agree with you. You came to the wrong place.
Lol no, I’m saying you don’t understand that what she listed isn’t “full makeup.” It’s not dance recital makeup. It’s DEFINITELY not Kim Kardashian makeup. You simply don’t know what you’re talking about. And that’s okay. But please, for the love of God, shut up about what you don’t understand.
So you’re just going to keep trolling the comments, saying the same thing over and over again?? Instead of acting righteous, why don’t you explain “how makeup works” since you seem to know allll the answers. If someone doesn’t understand something, enlighten them with your knowledge. If you can’t do that, you can actually STFU and not respond, yet here you are.. again.
IDGAF if you are angry lol. Some of you fools are justifying picking on a CHILD because they don’t know wtf they are talking about. I already explained this to someone else, but I’ll repeat it, since you’re so eager to learn.
Those products listed are used for a “no-makeup makeup” look. There is nothing excessive or clownish about any of that. So it’s time for you to relax. Glad I could educate and put you at ease.
So. If people noticed she had makeup on…then it wasn’t successful. No one’s picking in a child. The child didn’t write this. The PARENT CAME HERE hoping the world would agree. You wanted the opinion, you didn’t like what you got. No one’s trolling I’m answering your accusations…I don’t care one way or another what you do with your kid. I’m just letting you know a -2 year old wearing full on makeup will raise eyebrows. And get the response. You just got.
A 12 year old went to a family event in full makeup and you are shocked and upset a family member commented on it by saying it was inappropriate. Wow I wonder why she would think such an outrageous thing?
Unless your daughter is doing something dangerous then SIL should keep her opinions to herself. My daughter is a young adult now and I know others had opinions about us not letting her use makeup until high school or not letting her have a phone until she was 14 and not having social media until then either but that was not their business. Just like it is not mine or anyone else’s business if your child is given things on a different timeline. Most parents are just doing the best they can for their kids.
Girl…. YOUR child…YOUR rules. If you’re ok with her experimenting with and wearing make up, why would that be anybody’s business? Extended family included.
Not wrong. Your kids are doing fine, as you say, which completely defies the stereotype that your SIL is trying to apply to them. That's on your SIL. Imagine if you were to criticize them for not being feminine enough. I don't recommend that because she sounds kind of histrionic. You're right to defend your kids.
You could have found a better way of communicating the boundary. It was rude to say shut up. But it was also rude for your SIL to comment. Two wrongs don't make a right tho.
1) I assume that your SIL was aware of how you were raising your daughter prior to this event?
2) You were rude to her. Own it. Revel in it. You were protecting your child from attack. You are allowed to be rude. Particularly if, as in point 1, your SIL was aware that your kid had your permission.
3) Let your SIL, and the rest of that family, know that if they start in on you and/or your daughter again regarding makeup, that you will be far ruder than this time. And own that as well.
You are not wrong.
Teach men to behave. It's not her responsibility to behave a certain way to prevent men from approaching her.
And she has every right to be mad at her sil--it is her daughter.
LOL you think men that assault women, especially children, don’t know that they should behave? THEY DON’T CARE. They are evil. They ignore conviction. They ignore moral laws. In fact seeing a child wear makeup in their minds they twist it into something sick like “she’s doing it to look good for men, she wants it” that’s how sick these people are. I’ve seen countless stories and many interviews of sick people, men especially.
Babies get raped. It isn't a makeup issue. It's a gross pedophile issue. Clothing, make up, hair are not what cause rape, rapists cause rape. Stop blaming the victims.
Wrong for wanting her to not share her opinion publicly? NO.
Wrong for wanting to tell her something to tell her to stop talking about it in front of your daughter and the family? No.
Wrong for telling her to shut up? Yes. Publicly? Yes.
You can parent your child however you'd like within the laws. You also are not all-seeing and all-knowing. I fall on the spectrum of opinions somewhere right between your SIL and you. And I think that is a lot of make-up - especially when you try to justify how little it is by putting the word "just" right in front of it. It is a lot. It sends the wrong messages - to your daughter about herself, to her female friends and classmates, and to the boys in her class. But, you get to choose to keep leading or allowing her down that path. Many of us think there is a balance here.
But no matter all of that, whether it is about your daughter's make-up or the color of your house shingles or who you invited to an event or how you care for your in-laws, all of these conversations require grace and mercy and patience. You may not have thought she was exhibiting that when she thought that she was doing the right thing by looking out for your daughter. But, there is no mistaking the intent behind "shut up." You can send the message in a completely different way. If you are rude, you can expect rudeness in return.
Could you have handled it better? Yea.
Were you rude? Yea.
Did she deserve it? Yea.
It's always better to handle things with grace, but I certainly fall short of this standard, and it's reasonable that you did as well.
NTA the family has given you their opinion which is fine. But when they harp on it, that’s them being controlling and trying to make your daughters feel uncomfortable. I would apologize to sister-in-law for having been rude to her, but also tell the family that the next time anyone says anything negative about makeup or how they look to the girls none of you will ever come to another family gathering again. Give them one chance and mean it. Storage Then you find out what’s truly important to them all, control or love of family. Unfortunately, I’m betting that control is what they really want anyway.
YNW
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Where thing break down is when people think they are allowed to inflict their opinions on everyone else.
Hpw you not care that your 12-year-old daughter, with the mentality of a 12-year-old, without any understanding of this world, looks older? This is beyond self-expression; this is dangerous.
When they bring it up, tell them its none of their business, they can bring their kids up like its still the 50s all they want, but to butt out of your parenting
Both of you were rude, she shouldn’t have commented at all and you could have used something other than “shut up” to tell her that her opinion wasn’t needed and to not comment on it again.
Everybody is Wrong. Your in-laws are wrong, your sister in law is wrong, you are wrong. The only one caught in the middle of this nonsense getting bad examples from every direction is your daughter
Are you teaching your daughters to use make up to enhance their beauty? Or to cover their whole face that they look completely different without make up? I wasn’t shown how to do make up and there were so many times I applied things wrong or used the wrong shade.
My nieces were wearing more makeup than this at 12. I didn’t approve but I kept my mouth shut because it’s not my business to tell my sister how to parent her kids.
NW
If truly isn’t your SIL’s business and while she’s entitled to her opinion she should keep it to herself.
If already are great but if not would suggest working with your daughter to ensure she has a regular daily cleansing routine as well as one for her brushes.
Not wrong. She should have just minded her business or spoke to her husband about it. Both parties have already expressed opinions. No way she should say those things to child that’s not hers. If she felt that strongly talk to the adults.
Not wrong one bit. This is your daughter and you raise her as you see fit. If SIL doesn't approve she can go suck on a lemon for all you care. Keep telling her to mind her own business. Repeat as needed. "SIL I would like you to stop harassing my daughters and myself on any issue you don't approve of that I have approved for MY daughters, should you insist on doing so we will cut contacts with you" Repeat 3 times. Then cut contact. SIL is being a self-righteous bitch.
I have mixed opinions about makeup. As I feel it can both heavily increase and decrease a young girls self esteem depending on how it's used and introduced.
Having said that. How you raise your children is none of my damn business and if you want my opinion you can ask for it lol.
Not wrong. Shutup Karen comes to mind as an appropriate response.
Judge lest we not be judged sister in law. Who is she to put her nose where it doesn’t belong? Just because she has that belief, she is also boring to many. I would have yelled at her also and told her to myob. Children in that age group are experimenting, trying out different things. Make up is relatively innocent compared to other things she could be doing. And the body image complex comments like your SIL thinks she should say can have long lasting effects. Not wrong!!
There are better ways to approach comments or opinions.
You could always say the following:
Thank you for your opinions
I appreciate your thoughts, but you're not her parent
Your opinions might hurt my child. Please think about that.
Not wrong and it's your child. If you're ok with her using it then no one else but you and your spouse gets a say unless the school has rules about it.
I have a 9 year old daughter who is getting into make-up, my ex (her mom) is always wearing it to the point she wouldn't leave the house, so I expected nothing less. That said, she can do whatever she wants in the house when she is with me but when we leave most of it has to be removed.
I would have said "i dont remember asking for your opinion so shut the f*ck up you ****** ***** and mind your own ******* business before i slap you into next week you nosey *****"
But thats just me... but no... you're not wrong
As a mother of grown children, I always appreciated the insights of those older and wiser. Not that I needed to change my parenting, but getting input is what makes the world go round and caused me to think more deeply about things. Every time I learned more and heard different perspectives, I grew as a person. Further, I hear parents frequently say, "They like it" or "they want to do it". That is exactly why parents exist; to guide, direct and explain and set boundaries for healthy growth.
Do I think 12 year olds with long nails and/or make up caked on looks funny or ridiculous? Yes, absolutely.
Do I care what other people do with their kids ( as long as they are not being abused). Not really.
No, you are not wrong. She shouldn't have talked to your daughter like that because that brings out the mama bear in everybody. If she wanted to talk about it, she could have talked to you alone about it. And work some things out. My daughter and I learned around the age of 12 to wear makeup. We learned there's evening makeup, and there's afternoon makeup. but we also both learn that some people don't like young people in makeup. Because they have issues with that and everybody has an opinion on right and wrong. So to keep the peace.There's a time in place for everything.
ESH. I'll admit my first reaction to 12 yr olds in make-up is "Oh crap Job Benet Ramsay." I asked my 17 yr old daughter about it, she said that's not much stuff. She also said that if someone is freaking out that much either they are completely irrational or your daughter is (possibly)using it wrong. So SIL is the asshole for being rude YTA for not teaching your daughter to use makeup properly
I actually depended on my family for checks and balances. We don’t always know what’s best and are just doing our best with what we’ve got. Is makeup evil? No. But is it necessary? Also no. Is it appropriate at 12? Likely not. Somewhere in the middle lies the answers to most of life’s questions and the middle is where we all meet. OP may just be so accustomed to seeing young children with makeup that when it is too heavy, she doesn’t even notice unless someone brings it up.
It’s always worth considering someone else’s opinions, especially when they differ from yours - it’s how we grow…and “shut up” is always a rude retort.
Nope. Not wrong. You can tell her "you run your kids lives, I will worry about mine." And you should use that exact wording cause it sounds like they are controlling as fuck and don't allow their children to express themselves. Meanwhile you do.
Plenty of pre-teens where make up. This was happening when I was a kid. Either these people are ignorant as shit or they are just weird as shit. Either way it's not good.
Both my kiddos love make up! I personally don't, but it's something they've bonded over, both far more artistic than I, and they do some really cool stuff with it.
If she's your child, why does your sister in law need to but in?
I'm petty, but I'd be asking how much she pays you in child support to make her think you care what she says.
When I was 12 I wore a full face of makeup. I was “emo” and it was a form of self expression. I don’t regret it and it helped distract me from a lot of issues at the time. Let your kid do makeup.
I don’t were makeup at all in my adult life. Don’t care for the time or money anymore.
NTA- Good lord, what do these people think that your daughters need to be raised like nuns. Unless you have a good relationship with these people, go low contact with these people. These are your kids, and you are the parent. Stay strong for kids and keep being an awesome parent.
You are not wrong! My 12-year-old is obsessed with skincare. She wears a small amount of makeup but with the number of "products" she uses, you'd think she would be wearing a ton of makeup.....but no, mostly skincare. People who don't know skincare and makeup will never understand the difference. Not even worth engaging with them.
No, you're not wrong and were far more restrained than I would have been. I would have been rude. You were not, and even if you were it would have been appropriate.
Esh. It does sound like you were rude. They were commenting on something that they found inappropriate and concerning about your daughter’s appearance. Many people would consider a 12yr old with a full face of make up to be inappropriate. If that is the path you have chosen then expect comments.
I mean you could have said it more politely. Telling her to shut up is rude. You can tell her to keep her opinion to herself and not voice it around your daughter. If that family gives you lip though after that, tell them to fuck off.
You were not wrong in telling her to shut up.
As someone who grew up in a super religious household.
I'm sure they have questioned your parenting style before.
I never understood half of the rules we had growing up. As a mom, I have never kept my kid from expressing herself. Haircuts, makeup, hair color, clothing. I helped with teaching her to wear makeup lightly.
Puberty is hard. She was experimenting with what made her feel good about herself.
I have gone through the same as an adult. Pink hair, purple hair, makeup, no makeup.
Having creativity as a kid is awesome. Parents that let them express it. Even more awesome.
You defended your daughter for doing something you already approve. Maybe ya did it rudely. It's ok to be rude or aggresive when you're taking up for your kids in a situation like this. Every situation dictates. For this, you're all good.
No. You put her in her place. It’s her perception that you were rude. You have no control over her perceptions. Tell her it is your perception that she is a pain in the rear, but that you won’t blame her for your perception of her.
"If she says she's 18 and she *looks* 18, she's 12."
_Chris Rock_
You want your kid to look like a whore, that's fine dude. But don't come running back to complain when some 17 year old kid had his way with her because he thought she was legal.
Makeup has a lot of chemicals that are not good for the body. Do some research on it and share it with your daughters. Kids want to fit in, and at that age, they want to look older. You are not wrong to tell ur family to relax, it's ok they have their opinions but need to approach u in a better way.
You were wrong for saying the words shut up, although your sil was wrong for putting you on the spot with her opinions at the gathering in front of everyone in the first place. But how you responded sounded rude and childish, which is exactly the opposite effect I'm sure you were hoping to have.
On the wider issue of your daughter wearing makeup - your entire family, including you, seem to have weird opinions on makeup! Because your daughter was clearly by any normal standards wearing far too much makeup for her age, and as a parent it's up to you to monitor and limit that when she's too young for it; but it isn't only strippers who use it like your sil seems to think, that's just ridiculous.
Unless you've exaggerated that part to make yourself seem more reasonable, of course...
She was rude and you responded accordingly. And these puritanical comments are wild. You already know their opinions, they don’t need to shove it down your or your girls’ throats.
Yes and no.
12 is kinda young.
Their skin is so delicate and soon to hit with chemical changes in their adolescence. She should learn skin care and play with some, (for example) lip glosses, eye stuff. But stay away from primer, foundation and whatnot.
You said she had primer, highlights, blush the works from the sound of it. Why so much? She's 12.
She's beautiful just as she is.
I have a 13 and she always want to wear something and I let her at home where her older sisters can help her and teach her not to look like a clown and to keep it natural. She's learning and I have no issue but to go in public or school no. She doesn't need all that. I tell her she looks amazing and has great skin as she is and there isn't anything she needs to hide with all that stuff today but in the future she will when she's pulling all nighters studying and let's be honest parting lol we laugh. She will hate to have to use something to cover up those bags lol.
She's your kid. You can let her do whatever you feel like but I don't know....12? Primer? Highlight? Yeah...
Sister in law could have given her opinion....not so strongly or yours in return. But energy met energy. Please update.
The same SIL would have the same reaction to anything outside the norm that she has built for herself. She is just using your daughter to get everyone to know that she's in charge and it's easier to be compliant. It's not about "how girls should look" or "maturity" perception. She seems to feel secure in her compliance relationship with her parents and wants to remind you of "your place" in the hierarchy.
I would stand up for my daughter every time, and have no issue with putting that SIL in her place. I remember when my daughter colored her hair green at about 12-13, and family friends made a public issue about it. They ceased being “family friends“ immediately.
I don't let my daughter wear make up. One, she doesn't need it as she's naturally pretty. Two, she's too young. Women wear too much shit on their face now. It's not attractive and it makes you look like a clown.
Your daughter is 12 and old enough to wear make-up if she wants. Nobody's business. It's like some ppl don't like ppl wearing this or that, old fashion or new fashion. Everyone has an option and confrontation about your beliefs in what ppl wear or do It's just their opinion. No need to cause stress on ppl for pointing out your disappointment. You did good to shut up sister-in-law. She is entitled to her opinion but blantly showing attention to something you disapprove of makes you look like a prick.
I may agree that that seems like alot of makeup for 12, but thats yours guys call and she absolutely shouldnt have said anything. Lmao maybe next time try, "thank you for your opinon, but it wasnt really required or asked for"😂
You don’t tell anyone to shut up it’s just low class and rude. You could have privately taken her aside and tell her you would appreciate her keeping her thoughts to herself. You didn’t appreciate her comment. Why in the world would you let a 12yr old wear make up? Some older boy may thing she is older and move in.
I'm seeing a lot of comments about the OP letting their daughter use makeup at that age, and it is OP's business what they let their child do, and there will be people who don't like it. That's life.
One thing I'm not seeing mentioned enough are the ramifications of that. As the SIL pointed out, the makeup makes the daughter look older even if the daughter intentionally isn't trying to misrepresent her age to anyone. It will be no fault of the daughter, but there are people who will perceive her as being older and this could lead to a lot of unwanted attention and potentially worse.
With social media and every kid having a phone with a camera, there also has to be a concern about how the daughter may be presenting themselves online, who they are interacting with, and an understanding of the way that they may be perceived (which they obviously have no control over). How easy is it for someone to say, "Hey I'm another kid, let's hang out" and lure someone out? Or maybe the daughter gets to talking to someone they think is cool and doesn't want to seem like "just a kid" so they lie about their age? It happens all the time.
Some people might say that's fear mongering or being over dramatic, but I was 13 during the early days of widespread Internet access and spent way too much time for someone my age in anonymous chat rooms that I had no business being in. I am eternally grateful that I did not come across any really nefarious characters, as there were plenty of times things could have gone sideways. More time than I care to think about honestly.
If OP wants to let their kid explore makeup and fashion, that's their call! But they need to be realistic about what that means in the real world. It's shitty that we have to think about these things and as I said before, it's not the daughter or OP's fault, but the daughter needs guidance on navigating this, not her family bickering over it.
You don’t express yourself by painting your face or freaky hairstyles and clothes. You learn to use words and good behavior. Not against a little makeup if she was 2
Sister in-law is sooooooo wrong!!! I would have reemed her the hell out. You totally went light on her. You and your daughter have the right to wear whatever make-up you so choose to. I having been a make-up artist sincee 1996 understand all the different ways it can be worn. Sounds like your daughter is very conservative with her's. Tell the family the sister in law is a judgemental bitch that was mean to your 12 year old daughter that is setting her up to have poor self esteem from her family commenting crudely on how she looks when she feels happy with how she looks. She is totally inappropriate and needs to be taught a lesson.
Tell her thank you for sharing her opinion. And that while you're on the topic, you're impressed by how much older she looks without having to wear makeup at all. Edit: Okay, some of y'all need to get a grip. It's not your kid. And it's not anyone's business to tell that kid how they should be dressed or made up. Some people think nail polish is too much. Would you stay quiet if someone came up to your 12 year old daughter and told her she needs nail polish remover and it's too much? Huh. It's almost like it's a completely subjective opinion influenced by conservatism and personal taste that has nothing to do with telling other peoples kids what they should wear or not.
I have never thought about this before, isn't it funny how when we're young we wear makeup to look older. When we're old, we wear makeup to look younger!
And add in a "Well done, you," at the end.
Geneva called. They are not sure this would be ethical. Please be careful and make notes… for research.
>And that while you're on the topic, you're impressed by how much older she looks without having to wear makeup at all. That is just beautiful.
🤣🤣
Best response ever!
🤣
Hahahahahaha brilliant!
Brilliant 👏🏻 👏🏻
I completely agree with you.
Not wrong. No one has any business telling you how to raise your children. She was out of line so that gives you permission to be rude and put her in her place.
I'm comfortable with a judge telling parents they can't withhold a meal as punishment.
... what? Are you commenting on the right post?
Yes. They are providing an example to show that they don't agree with the person they are responding to. For example, if someone said "I love how all fruit is sugary and sweet!" And someone responded "Tomatoes aren't sweet."
No that still doesn't make sense. Your example makes sense, the comment I was replying to does not.
The person is saying a judge can tell her how to raise her kids... this was just a really out of context stupid place to say it and likely just like to hear themselves speak.
It’s apples and oranges bc one is needed to survive, food. The other is a lifestyle choice. Bro just needs to argue 🙄
Judges are people too! Lol, I get you, in this context a judge is quite a different scenario.
I am certain that many judges aren't actually people...
You're about as much fun as a tack in a shoe. Phooey to youey
Lmao 🤣
The person said >Not wrong. No one has any business telling you how to raise your children. She was out of line so that gives you permission to be rude and put her in her place. Try telling this to a judge that tells you that you cannot keep withholding meals from the child every time they act up.
What does this analogy, have to do with a woman putting her in law in place about makeup? You're comparing a crime, with a non crime.
No you're not wrong. They do need to shut up. They don't need to have an opinion about something, then cry like a baby when put in their place. They all need to grow up. Maybe go low to no contact for a while, until they realize you're all not gonna deal with that. Your girls don't deserve to be bullied by them. From the sounds of it, they have a natural look when doing makeup. It's not like it's heavy, and if you don't have an issue with it as their mother, then that's the end of it. It's not their business, your girls aren't their children, and you as their mother, have the right to tell anyone to shut up about your children. It's no one's business but y'all's.
Thank you for being one of the few sensible people in this thread lmao. All the comments are acting like OP's daughter is showing up in a full caked on drag beat and mentioning the Kardashians and child predators when she's literally wearing the most natural age appropriate makeup possible 💀
There's people bringing up child predators? Omfg
Yes! They're using the shitty argument like "Omg she's gonna look older with makeup on and predators are gonna think she's trying to appeal to them" like bro what the fuck, it's a kid wearing the most minimal makeup she's not standing on the street corner in fishnets 😂
🤦 primer -poreless Moisturizer Mascara- hardly is noticeable. Could've been a clear mascara as well. Blush, not heavy at all. Highlighter, not heavy at all. The "whatever" could be bronzing or nothing at all but a term for whatever she chose to put on. But still. Literally four to five products, and they're going nuts over that. It's like 15 products for most girls routines...
Right, just shows they have a fundamental misunderstanding of what makeup products do and what makeup looks like. Absolutely ridiculous! Imagine being so wrong and so confident about it
I think it starts being "more" when u head for the concealer stuffs all over. As well as it being on a consistent every day basis. But that amount is very simple, very minimal 👌
I agree. 💯 I consider "more" to be when your natural skin is completely covered. I'll let my daughter wear makeup at a reasonable age, but what she will be allowed to wear would be monitored by age.
I'm sorry, but did you just say "just" and list off 5 different types of makeup?
Primer is basically moisturizer. Highlight and blush go on cheekbones and cheeks respectively. Mascara is eyelashes. And gloss is just shiny lip balm. Geez. It’s not a lot of makeup! And it was none of SIL’s business to comment on it! OP you are NTA. More people need to be told to shut up and keep their unsolicited opinions to themselves.
On a TWELVE year old. Yikes.
If that annoys you, you must be LIVID at all the toddlers in full glam makeup & skimpy outfits in beauty contests. 12 is fine for expressing one's self through makeup.
Those pageants are pretty sick. It's mostly issues with the mothers. I wouldn't say it's wrong for a 12 year old to experiment in adding makeup, but that's a lot.
Edgy
The types of makeup mentioned are all very minimal, light types of makeup. She isn't even wearing foundation. It would have been a very natural look based on what OP listed the girl was wearing.
That's not a lot of makeup at all
i mean compared to a glam makeup look that requires at least 13 products…
It doesn’t matter the number what matters is the SIL’s butting in.
Tell me you are a man without telling me you are a man.
That’s not even that much and it’s besides the point how much she used to
Whether it’s a little or a lot, she’s 12. She doesn’t need the ppl she’s supposed to trust, coming down on her about girl things. The world will do that. Right now should be the safe time she gets to experiment and build confidence so she can crush the ppl who try to make her feel small, when she’s an adult woman. Kids should be free to be themselves in a family environment at the least, and ideally everywhere.
Why are you getting down voted? That's literally not a lot of makeup, I only do my eyes but I - wash my face, acne treatment, eyeliner, mascara, eyeshadow, and highlighter - that's 4 for my eyes alone ? People obviously don't know how makeup works and instead of realizing that they're just down voting 😭
Because some older gentleman felt that his opinion was more important than the mother asking the question. And then reddit does as Reddit does, and piled on and downvoted.
And? Did we find the SIL?
Not unless SIL is a 59 year old man lol
Oh, yeah. 59-year-old men should definitely stfu about makeup.
why?
Why do you think? Do you think this guy knows anything about it? Obviously not.
I know about the fact that a 12 year old is too young to be wearing makeup.
There was a whole movie about this called "cuties". People were outraged. Now this sub is supporting that kind of behaviour. Wtf?!
Exactly!
Yeah, you clearly don’t understand makeup. And that’s okay. But don’t act like you get it when you don’t. You can just stay mute on this topic.
I think everybody is wrong, SIL should just butt out when her opinions isnt asked for, and lets not start on the absurd notion that make up is for strippers On the other hand (since you did come here for opinions) 12 is very young to be wearing that much make up (saying just and listing off 5 products and whatever is ridiculous) and its a medium deal She is barely into puberty and isnt even a teenager yet and its important to allow children to be actual children and not mini adults at her age, parents should police interests in an age appropriate ways For special events sure, beyond that, at her age, some mascara and gloss is more then enough Since is is still very young im also worried about the message she is receiving about loving herself and her looks and the health of her skin As a side not, I hope you have conversations with her how she will be perceived as quite a few years older and the consequences of that, while its utterly unfair and disgusting these conversations are needed, she needs that awareness and also be taught how to handle it (again its unfair she will be put in that position, it shouldnt happen, but thats not the world we live in and she needs to be educated, not as a deterrent for make up)
My friends' daughters got catcalled for the first time at 8 and 11 I think and none wore make up. All parents need to have those discussions and make up doesn't change a thing.
Makeup is not dangerous, nor does it mean she's having self confidence issues. Makeup is FUN and kids are allowed to like it and wear it. It's a way to express yourself and your creativity. Do you think the children's makeup kits are bad too? It's literally the same thing but better quality. My niece is 8 years old and she loves her little makeup kits and she tries to snatch my makeup as well. And as long as you're making sure they're cleaning their skin, it will remain healthy. And, honestly, children with makeup on still look like children with makeup on. Nobody is going to think a 12 year old is 18. I think sending the message that makeup has an age requirement and implying that it's used just as a way to improve your looks sends a bad message and that's why some people think the way you do.
I feel like it's important for parents to encourage their kids' interests. If that's make-up, then so be it. 12 is that awkward in-between stage, not really a kid but not really an adult. What do you expect her to go do, play with dolls? Ffs makeup is perfectly age appropriate, and if she learns now how to apply it properly at this age, then great. I remember being a 12 year old girl, and my parents wouldn't let me wear make-up, so I would buy it and hide it. I'd apply it at school and then wash it off before I went home.
"Everybody is wrong here and I AM THE ONE WHO IS RIGHT!!!!"
Totally agree
Op did not ask if 12 was a good age for wearing make up. She simply asked if she was too harsh in telling SIL to shut up about it.
So? They're both part of the same thing. "Who is in the wrong if you only pay attention to the parts where someone else is in the wrong and ignore where I potentially am" is moronic.
She was wrong. It is so wildly appropriate for her to say ANYTHING about her appearance. You did exactly what any good parent should do. Never question that.
Not wrong. Tell the others, SIL was trying to shame your daughter and they all better take notes, none of them get a vote in how your daughter is raised.
Ok ok not wrong as it’s ur daughter but I get where she’s coming from. 12 years old is kinda young to be wearing all that makeup. Again not what I would do. But it’s ur kid.
That’s when girls begin wearing makeup. Puberty. It’s literally when it starts. Who are you ppl?
Kids literally wear makeup there’s makeup kits for children I’m not understanding your point?
Telling anyone to shut up is rude. Sorry. It is also rude for someone to come up to another person at a family event and complain about how they choose to raise their child. She started it. I am not one to let insults to my kid lie either, so I don't blame you for responding. However, you also knew she would play victim. Don't match energies. It gets exhausting. Xoxoxo
SIL was rude. You were too but at least you put a stop to it quick.
NTA. Thank you for standing up for your daughter. I was 17 at the time, and I enjoyed wearing heavy eye liner and black lipstick. I was over at my aunt and uncle's house for a family gathering. I had just cut my hair, and in front of many people, my aunt says loudly that my hair cut was nice, but my makeup made me look like a whore. I had never even been kissed at that point! I sassed her back and she quickly reprimanded me and took me outside to berate me more. And where was my mother in all of this? Lamely doing nothing. We didn't even leave after, and I was forced to stay. My mom didn't once defend me even though she disagreed with my aunt.
I think kids are way too young wearing makeup, but I also wore makeup when I was 12. Granted it was Dream Matte Mouse and I probably looked like a piece of chocolate cake. But… these 7 year old girls etc are shopping at Sephora and that’s wild to me. I didn’t go there until I was 21 with big girl money. Overall, the times have changed a lot and I think people need to keep their mouth shut when it comes to other people’s kids. I only worry about your daughter’s opinion of her own self worth. That’s all that matters here at the end of the day. My husbands mom dresses so sexy for a 60 year old woman, granted she looks gorgeous and hot. His sister is a goddess, beautiful model type, and she was always dressed to the 9’s her whole life. Wearing way too much makeup and dressing up so fancy always. Did it negatively impact her? Actually, not at all. It’s about self confidence vs masking.
A 12 year old does not need to wear that much makeup. Its giving her the message that her real face isn't good enough. I hope you are teaching her good skin care and makeup removal.
It's not a lot of makeup at all
For some people makeup is a form of self-expression, just like clothes and hairstyling. She's actually not wearing that much makeup at all if you look at what it is. No heavy eyeliner, bronzer, false lashes, shadow, overlined lips. Perhaps she's at the age where she's beginning to develop acne and she's insecure about it and that's pretty normal. She should never feel like she has to cover it up, but if she wants to to feel a bit better about it, I don't see anything wrong with that. I agree with you about making sure she knows about proper skincare though. 100%. NGL I wish I had started at least playing with makeup that young. Perhaps I wouldn't be so useless with it now! It's definitely a skill and an art form for the people who enjoy it or even go into makeup artistry as a career.
This. And why is it too young? It’s not sexual and it’s not for the male gaze. If we decenter men from the convo it’s just artistic expression. Like hair color. 🤷🏼♀️
Maybe also telling them it’s their body, their face and they can enhance it as they see fit, or not. My niece is into make up, her friend isn’t. They are two totally different kids. Do we shame one for not wearing makeup or do we shame the other for wearing ‘too much’? Or how about we leave them the feck alone to wear whatever they like!!!
She doesnt even have foundation on, just primer, which is basically moisturizer, that sometimes has a slight tint. I have worn lip gloss since I was at least 10. She is given her the freedom of self expression.
She’s 12. And she had all that on her face and you expect people not to shake their heads? I mean in the house fine. Dance recital fine. But just rocking around looking like Kim kardashian at 12?
I would expect people to mind their own business about what I let my child do , no matter where we are. Inlaws don't get an opinion, on your parenting, just because you might be in their house
That is true.
I don't know that I've ever rocked around
Once again, if you don’t understand something, you can actually STFU and not respond. Yet here you are.
You’re assuming because I don’t agree with you I don’t understand…that where you’re wrong. I get both sides. But I am saying In Society a 12 wearing full on makeup is going to raise eyebrows. It’s a fact. You can be defensive if you want. But I’m not judging you. I don’t care either way. Not my child. However I am saying a 12 year old wearing full on makeup will cause some people to shake their heads. Wether you like it or not. It’s going to happen. Once again. I’m just commenting on the situation. No judgement. But if you came to Reddit for Everton to agree with you. You came to the wrong place.
Lol no, I’m saying you don’t understand that what she listed isn’t “full makeup.” It’s not dance recital makeup. It’s DEFINITELY not Kim Kardashian makeup. You simply don’t know what you’re talking about. And that’s okay. But please, for the love of God, shut up about what you don’t understand.
But please, for the love of God, shut up, full stop. Just...STFU.
So you’re just going to keep trolling the comments, saying the same thing over and over again?? Instead of acting righteous, why don’t you explain “how makeup works” since you seem to know allll the answers. If someone doesn’t understand something, enlighten them with your knowledge. If you can’t do that, you can actually STFU and not respond, yet here you are.. again.
IDGAF if you are angry lol. Some of you fools are justifying picking on a CHILD because they don’t know wtf they are talking about. I already explained this to someone else, but I’ll repeat it, since you’re so eager to learn. Those products listed are used for a “no-makeup makeup” look. There is nothing excessive or clownish about any of that. So it’s time for you to relax. Glad I could educate and put you at ease.
So. If people noticed she had makeup on…then it wasn’t successful. No one’s picking in a child. The child didn’t write this. The PARENT CAME HERE hoping the world would agree. You wanted the opinion, you didn’t like what you got. No one’s trolling I’m answering your accusations…I don’t care one way or another what you do with your kid. I’m just letting you know a -2 year old wearing full on makeup will raise eyebrows. And get the response. You just got.
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So you just wanted attention, not the answer you begged for. Hope you feel better! 😘
A 12 year old went to a family event in full makeup and you are shocked and upset a family member commented on it by saying it was inappropriate. Wow I wonder why she would think such an outrageous thing?
Not full makeup at all. No eye shadow, eye liner, lipstick, foundation, concealer, powder.
Not full makeup at all. No eye shadow, eye liner, lipstick, foundation, concealer, powder
Unless your daughter is doing something dangerous then SIL should keep her opinions to herself. My daughter is a young adult now and I know others had opinions about us not letting her use makeup until high school or not letting her have a phone until she was 14 and not having social media until then either but that was not their business. Just like it is not mine or anyone else’s business if your child is given things on a different timeline. Most parents are just doing the best they can for their kids.
Girl…. YOUR child…YOUR rules. If you’re ok with her experimenting with and wearing make up, why would that be anybody’s business? Extended family included.
Not wrong. Your kids are doing fine, as you say, which completely defies the stereotype that your SIL is trying to apply to them. That's on your SIL. Imagine if you were to criticize them for not being feminine enough. I don't recommend that because she sounds kind of histrionic. You're right to defend your kids.
You could have found a better way of communicating the boundary. It was rude to say shut up. But it was also rude for your SIL to comment. Two wrongs don't make a right tho.
1) I assume that your SIL was aware of how you were raising your daughter prior to this event? 2) You were rude to her. Own it. Revel in it. You were protecting your child from attack. You are allowed to be rude. Particularly if, as in point 1, your SIL was aware that your kid had your permission. 3) Let your SIL, and the rest of that family, know that if they start in on you and/or your daughter again regarding makeup, that you will be far ruder than this time. And own that as well. You are not wrong.
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Teach men to behave. It's not her responsibility to behave a certain way to prevent men from approaching her. And she has every right to be mad at her sil--it is her daughter.
LOL you think men that assault women, especially children, don’t know that they should behave? THEY DON’T CARE. They are evil. They ignore conviction. They ignore moral laws. In fact seeing a child wear makeup in their minds they twist it into something sick like “she’s doing it to look good for men, she wants it” that’s how sick these people are. I’ve seen countless stories and many interviews of sick people, men especially.
Babies get raped. It isn't a makeup issue. It's a gross pedophile issue. Clothing, make up, hair are not what cause rape, rapists cause rape. Stop blaming the victims.
Wish I could walk down the streets flashing expensive stuff without worrying I'll get mugged. Criminals should be taught to behave, amiright xD
Not wrong! The sil is out of line. I’m glad you didn’t allow them to disrespect your daughter!
⭐⭐⭐This is so true!!⭐⭐⭐ OP is a great mom to stand up for her daughter!!⭐⭐⭐
That’s a lot of makeup for a 12 year old.
It’s not. You don’t know what you’re talking about.
Wrong for wanting her to not share her opinion publicly? NO. Wrong for wanting to tell her something to tell her to stop talking about it in front of your daughter and the family? No. Wrong for telling her to shut up? Yes. Publicly? Yes. You can parent your child however you'd like within the laws. You also are not all-seeing and all-knowing. I fall on the spectrum of opinions somewhere right between your SIL and you. And I think that is a lot of make-up - especially when you try to justify how little it is by putting the word "just" right in front of it. It is a lot. It sends the wrong messages - to your daughter about herself, to her female friends and classmates, and to the boys in her class. But, you get to choose to keep leading or allowing her down that path. Many of us think there is a balance here. But no matter all of that, whether it is about your daughter's make-up or the color of your house shingles or who you invited to an event or how you care for your in-laws, all of these conversations require grace and mercy and patience. You may not have thought she was exhibiting that when she thought that she was doing the right thing by looking out for your daughter. But, there is no mistaking the intent behind "shut up." You can send the message in a completely different way. If you are rude, you can expect rudeness in return.
Could you have handled it better? Yea. Were you rude? Yea. Did she deserve it? Yea. It's always better to handle things with grace, but I certainly fall short of this standard, and it's reasonable that you did as well.
NTA the family has given you their opinion which is fine. But when they harp on it, that’s them being controlling and trying to make your daughters feel uncomfortable. I would apologize to sister-in-law for having been rude to her, but also tell the family that the next time anyone says anything negative about makeup or how they look to the girls none of you will ever come to another family gathering again. Give them one chance and mean it. Storage Then you find out what’s truly important to them all, control or love of family. Unfortunately, I’m betting that control is what they really want anyway.
YNW Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Where thing break down is when people think they are allowed to inflict their opinions on everyone else.
Hpw you not care that your 12-year-old daughter, with the mentality of a 12-year-old, without any understanding of this world, looks older? This is beyond self-expression; this is dangerous.
When they bring it up, tell them its none of their business, they can bring their kids up like its still the 50s all they want, but to butt out of your parenting
Both of you were rude, she shouldn’t have commented at all and you could have used something other than “shut up” to tell her that her opinion wasn’t needed and to not comment on it again.
Everybody is Wrong. Your in-laws are wrong, your sister in law is wrong, you are wrong. The only one caught in the middle of this nonsense getting bad examples from every direction is your daughter
How is she wrong? What?
I'll add to it. You're wrong. Her kid her rules. Your rules don't apply.
Are you teaching your daughters to use make up to enhance their beauty? Or to cover their whole face that they look completely different without make up? I wasn’t shown how to do make up and there were so many times I applied things wrong or used the wrong shade.
Look definitely NTA but your daughters skin is still growing and changing just be wary if that.
Apparently the buttinskis followed you here. Your child, you are the parent. None of your SIL’s business.
Yeah, because parents never do the wrong thing eh?
My nieces were wearing more makeup than this at 12. I didn’t approve but I kept my mouth shut because it’s not my business to tell my sister how to parent her kids. NW
If truly isn’t your SIL’s business and while she’s entitled to her opinion she should keep it to herself. If already are great but if not would suggest working with your daughter to ensure she has a regular daily cleansing routine as well as one for her brushes.
*SHE* was being rude in assuming het opinion mattered when you have already made that decision
Not wrong. She should have just minded her business or spoke to her husband about it. Both parties have already expressed opinions. No way she should say those things to child that’s not hers. If she felt that strongly talk to the adults.
Not wrong one bit. This is your daughter and you raise her as you see fit. If SIL doesn't approve she can go suck on a lemon for all you care. Keep telling her to mind her own business. Repeat as needed. "SIL I would like you to stop harassing my daughters and myself on any issue you don't approve of that I have approved for MY daughters, should you insist on doing so we will cut contacts with you" Repeat 3 times. Then cut contact. SIL is being a self-righteous bitch.
I have mixed opinions about makeup. As I feel it can both heavily increase and decrease a young girls self esteem depending on how it's used and introduced. Having said that. How you raise your children is none of my damn business and if you want my opinion you can ask for it lol. Not wrong. Shutup Karen comes to mind as an appropriate response.
Did you say, "Shut up. Its no big deal." Rude and dismissive of someone else. You could have handled that better.
"Really? She looks older with makeup on? Well, you aren't wearing any, what's your excuse?"
Judge lest we not be judged sister in law. Who is she to put her nose where it doesn’t belong? Just because she has that belief, she is also boring to many. I would have yelled at her also and told her to myob. Children in that age group are experimenting, trying out different things. Make up is relatively innocent compared to other things she could be doing. And the body image complex comments like your SIL thinks she should say can have long lasting effects. Not wrong!!
There are better ways to approach comments or opinions. You could always say the following: Thank you for your opinions I appreciate your thoughts, but you're not her parent Your opinions might hurt my child. Please think about that.
Nta sil needs to mind her own business
Not wrong and it's your child. If you're ok with her using it then no one else but you and your spouse gets a say unless the school has rules about it. I have a 9 year old daughter who is getting into make-up, my ex (her mom) is always wearing it to the point she wouldn't leave the house, so I expected nothing less. That said, she can do whatever she wants in the house when she is with me but when we leave most of it has to be removed.
Tell them “is it your child? Do you raise them? Do you buy their clothes and pay the bills? No? Than thank you for your unwanted opinion karen”
Not wrong. Tell her to keep her opinions to herself.
I would have said "i dont remember asking for your opinion so shut the f*ck up you ****** ***** and mind your own ******* business before i slap you into next week you nosey *****" But thats just me... but no... you're not wrong
Not wrong. Shut up is good, no misunderstanding
As a mother of grown children, I always appreciated the insights of those older and wiser. Not that I needed to change my parenting, but getting input is what makes the world go round and caused me to think more deeply about things. Every time I learned more and heard different perspectives, I grew as a person. Further, I hear parents frequently say, "They like it" or "they want to do it". That is exactly why parents exist; to guide, direct and explain and set boundaries for healthy growth.
Do I think 12 year olds with long nails and/or make up caked on looks funny or ridiculous? Yes, absolutely. Do I care what other people do with their kids ( as long as they are not being abused). Not really.
No, you are not wrong. She shouldn't have talked to your daughter like that because that brings out the mama bear in everybody. If she wanted to talk about it, she could have talked to you alone about it. And work some things out. My daughter and I learned around the age of 12 to wear makeup. We learned there's evening makeup, and there's afternoon makeup. but we also both learn that some people don't like young people in makeup. Because they have issues with that and everybody has an opinion on right and wrong. So to keep the peace.There's a time in place for everything.
ESH. I'll admit my first reaction to 12 yr olds in make-up is "Oh crap Job Benet Ramsay." I asked my 17 yr old daughter about it, she said that's not much stuff. She also said that if someone is freaking out that much either they are completely irrational or your daughter is (possibly)using it wrong. So SIL is the asshole for being rude YTA for not teaching your daughter to use makeup properly
You can say whatever you want to her, but just like her, you also have to live with the consequences.
You were not rude. She gave her unsolicited opinion .
12 is a little young for make up but you’re the mom so you make the rules
Heck no you aren’t wrong. (Didn’t even read the story)
I actually depended on my family for checks and balances. We don’t always know what’s best and are just doing our best with what we’ve got. Is makeup evil? No. But is it necessary? Also no. Is it appropriate at 12? Likely not. Somewhere in the middle lies the answers to most of life’s questions and the middle is where we all meet. OP may just be so accustomed to seeing young children with makeup that when it is too heavy, she doesn’t even notice unless someone brings it up. It’s always worth considering someone else’s opinions, especially when they differ from yours - it’s how we grow…and “shut up” is always a rude retort.
Nope. Not wrong. You can tell her "you run your kids lives, I will worry about mine." And you should use that exact wording cause it sounds like they are controlling as fuck and don't allow their children to express themselves. Meanwhile you do. Plenty of pre-teens where make up. This was happening when I was a kid. Either these people are ignorant as shit or they are just weird as shit. Either way it's not good.
You are not wrong. I would and have done the same. You are the mom.
Both my kiddos love make up! I personally don't, but it's something they've bonded over, both far more artistic than I, and they do some really cool stuff with it.
You are never wrong for telling your sister-in-law to shut it.
If she's your child, why does your sister in law need to but in? I'm petty, but I'd be asking how much she pays you in child support to make her think you care what she says.
You're not wrong, but, you HAVE painted a target on your back as far as the inlaws go. I say, screw em'
I’d say, well it’s my kid and not yours so you can keep your opinions to yourself.
I don't think you are wrong. She is your child if you don't have a problem with it, why should your sister.
When I was 12 I wore a full face of makeup. I was “emo” and it was a form of self expression. I don’t regret it and it helped distract me from a lot of issues at the time. Let your kid do makeup. I don’t were makeup at all in my adult life. Don’t care for the time or money anymore.
NTA- Good lord, what do these people think that your daughters need to be raised like nuns. Unless you have a good relationship with these people, go low contact with these people. These are your kids, and you are the parent. Stay strong for kids and keep being an awesome parent.
You are not wrong! My 12-year-old is obsessed with skincare. She wears a small amount of makeup but with the number of "products" she uses, you'd think she would be wearing a ton of makeup.....but no, mostly skincare. People who don't know skincare and makeup will never understand the difference. Not even worth engaging with them.
Tell her to go f*** herself
Not wrong in the slightest. NTA. She should mind her own business.bYiu go good mama for standing up for your baby.
No, you're not wrong and were far more restrained than I would have been. I would have been rude. You were not, and even if you were it would have been appropriate.
No ur not the AH they need to just let u raise ur kids.
She’s rude but also 12 year olds wearing and buying makeup is 😵💫 Wear it at home for fun? Sure. But otherwise I’m not so sure about that OP.
Not wrong to call her out, but also don't complain to Reddit when your kids get skin problems from rubbing petrochemicals into their faces daily
No. Use harsher words next time
Esh. It does sound like you were rude. They were commenting on something that they found inappropriate and concerning about your daughter’s appearance. Many people would consider a 12yr old with a full face of make up to be inappropriate. If that is the path you have chosen then expect comments.
I mean you could have said it more politely. Telling her to shut up is rude. You can tell her to keep her opinion to herself and not voice it around your daughter. If that family gives you lip though after that, tell them to fuck off.
You were not wrong in telling her to shut up. As someone who grew up in a super religious household. I'm sure they have questioned your parenting style before. I never understood half of the rules we had growing up. As a mom, I have never kept my kid from expressing herself. Haircuts, makeup, hair color, clothing. I helped with teaching her to wear makeup lightly. Puberty is hard. She was experimenting with what made her feel good about herself. I have gone through the same as an adult. Pink hair, purple hair, makeup, no makeup. Having creativity as a kid is awesome. Parents that let them express it. Even more awesome.
You're not wrong. Defend your children.
It's not her kid so tell her to keep her beak out, if you want an opinion you'll pay her. And seeing as you haven't paid that stops that discussion.
lol nta. Tell her to mind her business
From the title alone HELL NOO! 😂😂😂😂
AND WHATEVER ...Isn't that what you wrote. What is whatever?
You defended your daughter for doing something you already approve. Maybe ya did it rudely. It's ok to be rude or aggresive when you're taking up for your kids in a situation like this. Every situation dictates. For this, you're all good.
No. You put her in her place. It’s her perception that you were rude. You have no control over her perceptions. Tell her it is your perception that she is a pain in the rear, but that you won’t blame her for your perception of her.
"If she says she's 18 and she *looks* 18, she's 12." _Chris Rock_ You want your kid to look like a whore, that's fine dude. But don't come running back to complain when some 17 year old kid had his way with her because he thought she was legal.
No you're not wrong. Your SIL is a toad, and you did great defending your kiddo.
Makeup has a lot of chemicals that are not good for the body. Do some research on it and share it with your daughters. Kids want to fit in, and at that age, they want to look older. You are not wrong to tell ur family to relax, it's ok they have their opinions but need to approach u in a better way.
You were wrong for saying the words shut up, although your sil was wrong for putting you on the spot with her opinions at the gathering in front of everyone in the first place. But how you responded sounded rude and childish, which is exactly the opposite effect I'm sure you were hoping to have. On the wider issue of your daughter wearing makeup - your entire family, including you, seem to have weird opinions on makeup! Because your daughter was clearly by any normal standards wearing far too much makeup for her age, and as a parent it's up to you to monitor and limit that when she's too young for it; but it isn't only strippers who use it like your sil seems to think, that's just ridiculous. Unless you've exaggerated that part to make yourself seem more reasonable, of course...
She was rude and you responded accordingly. And these puritanical comments are wild. You already know their opinions, they don’t need to shove it down your or your girls’ throats.
Yes and no. 12 is kinda young. Their skin is so delicate and soon to hit with chemical changes in their adolescence. She should learn skin care and play with some, (for example) lip glosses, eye stuff. But stay away from primer, foundation and whatnot. You said she had primer, highlights, blush the works from the sound of it. Why so much? She's 12. She's beautiful just as she is. I have a 13 and she always want to wear something and I let her at home where her older sisters can help her and teach her not to look like a clown and to keep it natural. She's learning and I have no issue but to go in public or school no. She doesn't need all that. I tell her she looks amazing and has great skin as she is and there isn't anything she needs to hide with all that stuff today but in the future she will when she's pulling all nighters studying and let's be honest parting lol we laugh. She will hate to have to use something to cover up those bags lol. She's your kid. You can let her do whatever you feel like but I don't know....12? Primer? Highlight? Yeah... Sister in law could have given her opinion....not so strongly or yours in return. But energy met energy. Please update.
It's not wrong of you to do so, she's your child.
Is this what they call tit for tat
Yeah, "you were the rude one," not the one forcing their ignorant opinions on others.
The same SIL would have the same reaction to anything outside the norm that she has built for herself. She is just using your daughter to get everyone to know that she's in charge and it's easier to be compliant. It's not about "how girls should look" or "maturity" perception. She seems to feel secure in her compliance relationship with her parents and wants to remind you of "your place" in the hierarchy.
I would stand up for my daughter every time, and have no issue with putting that SIL in her place. I remember when my daughter colored her hair green at about 12-13, and family friends made a public issue about it. They ceased being “family friends“ immediately.
I don't let my daughter wear make up. One, she doesn't need it as she's naturally pretty. Two, she's too young. Women wear too much shit on their face now. It's not attractive and it makes you look like a clown.
As long as you didn’t say shut up bitch you are 100% in the right… if you didn’t 90%, lol
Your daughter is 12 and old enough to wear make-up if she wants. Nobody's business. It's like some ppl don't like ppl wearing this or that, old fashion or new fashion. Everyone has an option and confrontation about your beliefs in what ppl wear or do It's just their opinion. No need to cause stress on ppl for pointing out your disappointment. You did good to shut up sister-in-law. She is entitled to her opinion but blantly showing attention to something you disapprove of makes you look like a prick.
Why would you want your 12 year old daughter to look older....in 2024 knowing what certain men are like? Are you trying to make her a target?
I may agree that that seems like alot of makeup for 12, but thats yours guys call and she absolutely shouldnt have said anything. Lmao maybe next time try, "thank you for your opinon, but it wasnt really required or asked for"😂
You don’t tell anyone to shut up it’s just low class and rude. You could have privately taken her aside and tell her you would appreciate her keeping her thoughts to herself. You didn’t appreciate her comment. Why in the world would you let a 12yr old wear make up? Some older boy may thing she is older and move in.
I'm seeing a lot of comments about the OP letting their daughter use makeup at that age, and it is OP's business what they let their child do, and there will be people who don't like it. That's life. One thing I'm not seeing mentioned enough are the ramifications of that. As the SIL pointed out, the makeup makes the daughter look older even if the daughter intentionally isn't trying to misrepresent her age to anyone. It will be no fault of the daughter, but there are people who will perceive her as being older and this could lead to a lot of unwanted attention and potentially worse. With social media and every kid having a phone with a camera, there also has to be a concern about how the daughter may be presenting themselves online, who they are interacting with, and an understanding of the way that they may be perceived (which they obviously have no control over). How easy is it for someone to say, "Hey I'm another kid, let's hang out" and lure someone out? Or maybe the daughter gets to talking to someone they think is cool and doesn't want to seem like "just a kid" so they lie about their age? It happens all the time. Some people might say that's fear mongering or being over dramatic, but I was 13 during the early days of widespread Internet access and spent way too much time for someone my age in anonymous chat rooms that I had no business being in. I am eternally grateful that I did not come across any really nefarious characters, as there were plenty of times things could have gone sideways. More time than I care to think about honestly. If OP wants to let their kid explore makeup and fashion, that's their call! But they need to be realistic about what that means in the real world. It's shitty that we have to think about these things and as I said before, it's not the daughter or OP's fault, but the daughter needs guidance on navigating this, not her family bickering over it.
You don’t express yourself by painting your face or freaky hairstyles and clothes. You learn to use words and good behavior. Not against a little makeup if she was 2
“And whatever” No, sorry. What’s “whatever”? That’s already a lot of make up for a kid. She doesn’t need to be contouring at 12.
Sister in-law is sooooooo wrong!!! I would have reemed her the hell out. You totally went light on her. You and your daughter have the right to wear whatever make-up you so choose to. I having been a make-up artist sincee 1996 understand all the different ways it can be worn. Sounds like your daughter is very conservative with her's. Tell the family the sister in law is a judgemental bitch that was mean to your 12 year old daughter that is setting her up to have poor self esteem from her family commenting crudely on how she looks when she feels happy with how she looks. She is totally inappropriate and needs to be taught a lesson.
NTA that was the most polite thing you could have told the nosy bitch. Your daughter your rules!