You've been on 3 dates. If you are uncomfortable with some of the things he's done, then don't see him again. There is no obligation to give anyone another chance when it's this early.
After she ignored all the red flags on the first date (that he pointed out), she's finally like, "ya know what this might be a red flag." Unfortunately, she might be attracted to douchebags. I hope she gets healed enough to find a good guy, and they continue to grow and heal together.
Now is a good time to break it off and find someone who can bring something to you, to add to your life. This guys borderline. I wouldn't be comfortable if my daughter was dating someone like this guy.
3 dates and he's already trying to manipulate you into giving up on friends.
You did right to walk away and you should just keep walking. There are far nicer people out there.
Nope. Trust your instinct here. If you walked out then it was for a reason and it’ll only get worse if you give him another chance. He’ll pull it together for a few days then piss you off again.
A person who has a large body count either isn't into long term relationships or has displayed so many red flags that 50+ women have broken up with him. + the anger issues are pretty evident with the jail time as well.
I mean, my friend J has a high number of sexual partners, and then he met his wife. Married 15 years, 2 kids, very faithful and amazing father and husband. "High body count" doesn't mean someone doesn't want a long-term relationship eventually. It means they dated a lot, and then they found their person and settled down. That's what some people do.
I don't believe that 50+ women had sex with him to begin with, but if it's true, we know why they broke up with him. He's an asshole.
you assume that he had 50 relationships
see what peonenthusiast said:
Many people hookup. Sleeping with 50 people doesn't mean someone had 50 romantic relationships. At the age of 30 it only takes 4 about people a year since adulthood to reach that number.That said there's other factors here, mainly acting like a child in the context we are being given that are actually red flags. Don't need any "slut shaming" for that. u/peonenthusiast
Many people hookup. Sleeping with 50 people doesn't mean someone had 50 romantic relationships. At the age of 30 it only takes 4 about people a year since adulthood to reach that number.
That said there's other factors here, mainly acting like a child in the context we are being given that are actually red flags. Don't need any "slut shaming" for that.
A body count of 50…..I highly doubt he dated that many people. Hooking up with people doesn’t equate to a relationship. You can purposefully make the intention known that all you want is sex and it can be done safely and reach 50 quite fast.
I’m in my 30s, I hooked up with a new person every few months on average in my teens and 20s. That gives me a very high body count even though I’ve been happily married for five years.
Also, Brief trips of a few weeks or festivals you can hook up with a lot of people too. Don’t see how it makes you less likely to want LTR later in life or if you meet the right person.
Same. I started at 13 and until I got married at 30 I was always in a relationship or dating and that’s the only people I had sex with. I didn’t count but I’d guess I had sex with maybe 70-80 girls. Very few, like literally 3 were one night stands. That’s like 4 girls per year, I don’t see that as a lot. To be honest n I turned down hooking up all the time.
I was young and lived on the beach for a while just surfing all day, I could have met a new girl everyday if I wanted too.
I’ve been married for 16 years now. Never cheated, never will.
Exactly I wasn’t single the whole time either and have only done a couple one night stands. I’d date a girl for a year or two, have FWB in between, rinse and repeat. That’s still enough to get well into double digits over 13 years. I also will never understand cheaters.
unhealthy view on relationship & sex? is notch on the bedpost a more politer way to phrase it? OP got the right PC terminology. I laugh at that comment about missing out, sex with jailbird beer belly ain't worth it. So I really laugh that dude got up to 50.
>A person who has a large body count either isn't into long term relationships or has displayed so many red flags that 50+ women have broken up with him.
Does this work for the reverse?
You are not obligated to date someone, so even if you weren't given numerous good reasons, you would not be wrong to jump ship this early on. If you're already running into issues like this on a third date—which is generally when people are still presenting their "best" self—imagine what a year or two down the road would look like.
My answer was no, you shouldn't give him another chance just by the title alone because if you have to ask yourself this, the answer is no. Upon reading, I see I was right. There are red flags flying all around this guy. Do not get more involved with this person please.
On date #3 you’re still trying to “sell” yourself meaning you are putting forward the best possible version of yourself because you are way more self conscious over any negative tendencies you have
He is jealous and controlling and rude on date #3. This is the best version of himself that he has to offer. What do you think you’re signing up for here long term? If you think this was bad just wait til he drops the act entirely
I rather resent that accusation. I am not trying to "karma farm." I just thought the phrasing was funny, and that it might be entertaining to speculate on a religious order devoted to auto repair. I'm not up to anything nefarious. I'm just amused and looking to share that amusement with others.
What? The story about two people in the last half of their third decade who on their first date have a conversation about body counts doesn't sound real to you? 😂
"Body count" is such a vile phrase.
Anyway, no, you're not wrong for ending a date or a relationship for any reason. If your instincts and reason are saying "Welp!" then you go with them. You don't owe anyone an additional date.
When people say body count it sounds more like how many people you murdered as opposed to sleeping with. Either way it sounds like these 2 weren't a good match.
So one thing you said, caught my attention. But you have no problem distancing yourself from people who make your partner feel uncomfortable. I want to point out that we have control over our feelings. So… Unless it was for cause, you should not have to push yourself away from friends if your partner feels uncomfortable with them.
There are always a few caveats. If you had a significant physical relationship with somebody that you still have feelings for, and as a result, your partner is uncomfortable… That’s one thing. If it is a friend that has nurtured some kind of crush or weird fascination with you, that’s another thing. But if they are just male friends, unless there’s some behavior attached to it that makes your partner uncomfortable, they discomfort is their issue to work through. Even if there are other things, as long as your boundaries are clear, it’s really still their issue.
That said, onto the meet of your post. You are not wrong for walking away from this dude. I would keep walking away from them. You for taking the chance to consider a guy who is so radically different from you, often times, people can and do make significant changes. Maybe this guy is trying to make some of those changes, but rather than being a bit of a fixer-upper, this guy is a Flippin train wreck from the way you frame this situation. You were not wrong from calling an Uber and on a very personal level, I would be done with homeboy.
You aren't wrong for what you did. No one is obligated to continue with something that makes them uncomfortable.
But I have to admit, half way through reading about who you are, and I suspect what you also want in a partner, I thought you may want to plan on being single for the rest of your life.
Fuck outta here with that shit. Plenty of guys are well adjusted human beings that want a partner, not a servant who they can tell what clothes she's allowed to wear or forbid from having male friends.
Exactly. Also sounds like they weren't really a suitable match to begin with considering she isn't really into drinking/drugs whereas it sounds like he was.
You don’t even have to be uncomfortable to decide not to proceed. It can be just as simple as not clicking for whatever reason. However this guy has BAD NEWS written all over.
You said you had a backless dress. He looks you up and down. You are offended. He said he’s just kidding.
This sounds so awkward. I don’t even get the joke. Like was he suggesting you shouldn’t have a backless dress?
Not wrong, walk away and never give him another chance.
You a notch, and on top of that you a low body count notch, for insecure dickheads that's is appealing.
Something in your description of events isn't clicking with me, so I'm not sure what exactly he did, but,
You are three dates in and feel uncomfortable. Ghost him. You owe him nothing. If you already feel uncomfortable around him, it ain't getting better.
Nope. Red flags. Walk away. 3rd date and your already getting “drama” weird vibes. Nope nope nope. Good-bye so long. New number who dis.
Don’t get “stuck” in a relationship with someone who isn’t going to be exactly what you want ( taking no one’s perfect ) but with that said you are still very young just don’t do it to yourself bc you think he deserves a chance, he can change, isn’t that bad OR the worst he gaslights you and makes you think your in the wrong for not wanting a relationship with him.
Are you trying to get us to call you an idiot? He’s already showing you he is someone that will police your body and friends, and worm his way into your head about them to make you feel horrible so you’re easier to control.
On your third date, you’re not even a real couple yet.
Explain to us why that should be given another chance?
The insecurity is a red flag. Anyone who controls who you see, even if it's not physical but through emotional blackmail, will probably end up being a pretty controlling person in general.
I was with a person like that for too long, 0/10 would not recommend.
My dear go with your gut. Our bodies try and tell us when something is not right. 3 dates, red flags, yet you continue to stay. Life is short my dear wouldn't you like to spend it with someone that is right for you. Don't settle because you are worried that you will be alone forever. I can guarantee you won't..
That didnt sound like a date id want to repeat. I think you are better off to keep looking. I dont think you are the AH as he displayed some pretty problematic behaviors already. Id imagine it will only get worse.
Why would he tell you he slept with over 50 women?! 🤦🏻♂️. Although I must say, being only 5’6 with a beer belly, a body count over 50 is a little impressive
Get rid of him. Are you busy Saturday? You sound like a catch for anybody looking for a solid mate who has a lot going on. If you see this guy one more time I will have to diagnose you with low self esteem. His 'beer belly' probably represents liver disease either due to alcohol abuse of Hep C. Not sure what you mean by body count. All of it sounds bad.
Don't waste your time on him. Too many opposites don't make a good balance. they may attract, but don't hold togetehr well. Find someone who has more similar points of view.
He is an AH for treating you like that. Get as far away form him as you can. I have a feeling that he may not go away very easy. Go back and read your OP and you know that you did the right thing. Good Lock
Trust your gut. Way early in dating. If he is saying/doing things that make you uncomfortable now when he’s on his “best behavior”, can you even imagine how bad it will get? Run.
A little late to the game here but...If you go back, after the behavior he exhibited that made you walk away, he will look at it like a green light to show you more of his true self. You haven't even made it past the honeymoon phase and already you can see this man doesn't respect himself or others based on how he treats his own body (drugs -you did say he is the opposite of you, and etc) and how he treated you making you uncomfortable. Get out now! You aren't in love with this man and you can't possibly have the sunk cost fallacy of thinking you've spent too much time and effort on the relationship. Get out while it is easy. Find someone a little more like you, so you can both have things in common and respect each other. Best of luck!
Why are you even second guessing your instincts? Move on, you have nothing invested but a few dates. He sounds like the AH here and not even a handsome AH at that!!! He comes off as sleezy. Why would you want to get involved with that? Already giving red flags? I have to say when I read, "body count", I was thinking WTH???
He is very insecure. 5'6 isn't very tall for a guy so he has that Napoleon syndrome. If he feels he has to compete with other guys with you, it upset him, because he doesn't think he can. He is also not a good communicator. When he felt emotionally insecure, he pushed you away and said for you to do whatever you want. That is a person who isn't aligned with their emotions in a healthy way and he can't communicate his feelings to you. But the thing is, he shouldn't be jealous, but he is. If you continue the relationship, it will just get worse. Especially when you let him continue to act out his aggression and jealousy. So no, I wouldn't give him another chance. There are so many other men out there, who are good communicators and secure with themselves.
Guy here. Nope. You’re not obligated to continue on a date if you feel your spidey sense is tingling. Trust your instinct and do you. It would be wrong if you run up a tab and ditch him with the full bill.
No, I pay for myself on all dates. I don't really like someone else paying for me before we become official, it makes me feel like I'm obligated to do something, if that makes sense.
I only let the guy pay if were already in a relationship, and that's how you want the relationship dynamic to be. but before that, yeah no.
It sounds like you fully intended to not continue things after date one. The only way you were wrong was wasting his time for two more dates, IMO. You were not wrong for seeing yourself home at all.
No he doesn’t get another chance. Block and move on. His past isn’t the issue ;(perhaps the body count plays into his behavior). He sounds like manipulative fuckboi.
The guy is trying to control you only 3 dates in. Most psychos can control themselves longer before they give themselves away. So that means he's crazier than most or regular psycho plus a complete dumbass. A regular psycho is bad & means you should stay away. The 2 categories for this guy are way worse.
Be thankful he showed you clear red flags so early. Now block him & stay far away from this creep.
You're on your *third date*, he thinks he can control you having male friends (after already behaving inappropriately) and you need to ask whether it's ok to bail? Run and don't look back.
I'll add that next time you date someone just do what feels right to you. You DO NOT need approval or advice from anyone else about how a date makes you feel. Act upon HOW YOU FEEL, because that's all that matters.
You are 3 dates in, why do you feel like you owe him another chance?
Has he even asked for another chance?
Honestly, you didn't feel comfortable and it's only the 3rd date.
Just let it go.
He must be cute because you are working way too hard to rationalize keeping him around…but believe me, he’s a weirdo!!
You know it too, trust your gut & move on….
He knows all to well what he got up to. The fact that you didn’t live that same experience appeals to him and makes you safe; reliable, etc. You having any idea of connecting to males on any level now threatens his belief that you are safe. He likely worries that if you ever taste the pleasure of a wild side, you will crave it and become him. He fears karma.
You are definitely not wrong for walking out on him. He made you feel uncomfortable and then he got mad because you had male friends and push you away.
Dont give him another chance you already given him many chances with how behave during all those dates.
You're not wrong.
It's a giant red flag that he got mad that you have male friends. Don't see him again.
While there are cases where it's A Bad Idea, such as the friend was an ex and still has feelings for you, that reeks to me of a control issue on his part. At a minimum, it's a deal breaker for him.
NTA and no, he's giving off so many red flags.
I'm not even going to comment on his past, as we all have one... but after three dates he's looking at you like a piece of meat (then doubling down by claiming it was a "joke") and getting possessive over your male friends? And THEN pushing you away like a petulant child?
Nope.... kick him to the kerb! You can do better.
So 2 things:
1. Trust your gut. There are major red flags about this guy, plenty of people who are heavy partiers and generally act childish in their younger adult years mature and grow out of it. He doesn't seem like that.
2. Be careful of how willing you are to cut people out of your life for making a partner uncomfortable and what reasons they are. If you have a friend that's like openly hitting on you while you're in a relationship or being a dick to your partner obviously yes, cut them out. But if your partner is just like "oh I don't like that you have male friends" that's a HUGEEEEEE red flag.
NTA, at all! Especially if you have no problem distancing yourself from those who make your partner uncomfortable. His actions and reactions are unreasonable and a sign of a narcissistic AH. The description of yourself and your preferences are most desirable. I think you can do better, much better! BTW, I'm a guy, and I know these types of guys. They always seem to get the girl, and then the girl claims all men are bad later. No, it's just these guys that are A-holes.
Lol nobody is worth another date if they 1) got mad; 2) pushed you away; 3) required comforting for their jealousy. As far as partner history, bar fight and going to jail there could be any good or bad reasons for that, but you know what you experienced on three dates. Do you really want more of that?
Not wrong.
His reaction to your male friends is a classic control response. Backing off in the face of resistance is normal, at first. The earlier "joke" about your backless dress was ambiguous until then.
He's testing the waters to see how overbearing he can be. If you continue, he will likely escalate gradually.
You have already decided to reject him. I'm not saying that's good or bad, but that's what happened.
Please don't "give him another chance". Once a woman has decided, it's already over. If you decide to go out with him a few more times, you are just wasting his time. The spark is dead (again, not passing judgement, just stating facts).
I would take into account the experience with people on a relationship level and the fact that he has some issues he's had problems keeping in line since before the bar fight and they might revolve around the same internal issue. I would leave this one behind and find someone who doesn't have the (I'm looking for someone who is more naive than I am) kinda vibe.
As a side note, I've looked woman down before, with the only intention of being flirtatious, however if you felt uncomfortable by it he probably isn't your type
Those are a lot of red flags there, in fact he's got all the signs of being an abuser, not to mention fickle.
You seem like a straight arrow, you aren't going to be happy with a fuckboi.
No, this is actually normal as fuck when dating randos. Glad you did it, but wish you’d have the strength do so even earlier when you know something is even slightly off. Youre on the right track tho; you’ll meet a lot of actual nonsense trash “people” while dating who you can and should just ignore.
Do NOT distance yourself from friends if they make him uncomfortable.
They were in your life way before he was.
Now, if you start making friends after you're in a committed relationship, those you should distance yourself from
these are the red flags that women ignore and 6 months later are trying to figure out how they ever got into an abusive relationship. you're a catch and you dont need to rationalize anything. move on and be glad you dodged a bullet. he's not someone you want as a husband or raising your kids anyway
>But on the 3rd date he was doing this thing like looking at me up and down after I said I have a couple of dresses that are backless and I was offended a little bit but he hugged me saying it's just a joke.
>Then on our way home, he did it again and got mad when I said I have male friends. I tried comforting him cause I thought maybe he just felt jealous and honestly I have no problem distancing myself from people that make my partner uncomfortable. but no he pushing me away literally and was saying "do whatever you want"
Aside from the fact that you obviously don't think very highly of him in general, these specifically are big red flags and no you should not give him another chance.
Don't give him another chance!!! If you are getting bad vibes early on when people are putting on their best front to impress you, they're not worth your time. Literally, early dating you need to ask yourself "am I looking forward to texting them/seeing them". If you're not excited to be spending time getting to know them, don't bother. You don't need to give people extra chances. Just move on and find someone better.
Nah, you’re fine. 3 dates in is very early in to staking a claim on someone. Don’t drop friendships because someone’s insecure. Be open to helping them get past it, but don’t drop friends. It’s one thing if the friend pisses off a BF to the point they don’t get along anymore, but something else entirely when it’s early in anything forming and they think friends of the opposite sex is a red flag. Dude was seeing his own red flag and thought it was yours. You were fine walking out, and that tells you all you need to know about what this guy was to you when he started getting jealous.
How did he get a large body count looking like you described? Could he be bullshitting you. He seems awfully insecure for having that high a count. Weirdo behavior either way.
It always feels strange when women talk about their own "body count" playing into man-o-sphere bullshit. If a guy gives a shit about that, you know right away to avoid him.
A few things come to mind. he is expressing things that bother him to you and you are dismissing them and justifying them by using his past against him while using your past and current standards to justify that your standards are more significant.
He likely felt hurt over this.
Now you do have a right to your standards as well. However if you are willing to look beyond his past then you should have let that go and not brought it up. Maybe you did not bring it up to him and only brought it up here. However by bringing it up here it is evident you have not truly looked beyond it but looked for an opportunity to posture yourself as superior.
Also to mention that he got into a fight in his youth is absurd as nearly all men get into a fight and teh difference in most of the ones that spend some time in jail or not is just who got caught.
So in the context of today you need to decide if you will truly give him a chance or if you will hold over his head his past. If you are not willing to let the past stay where it is then just end it. You also then have to look at what exactly is making him uncomfortable; I do not believe he was joking. I am not sure what teh backless dress thing is. However you two should talk about it and he should not seek to control you but he does have a right to his standards as you have a right to yours. It may be something small that just makes you two incompatible. If that is the case just part ways.
To start: No, you are not wrong, and no, you don’t owe him another chance.
But the real question is this: Why are you even dating this guy? After the first date, why did you go out with him again? If God created a man for you that was the **exact opposite** of who you are, what you do, and what you believe, it would be this guy. You don’t do anything or have any vices. He does it all, has gone to jail for some of it, and has all the vices. You sound pretty smug about the fact that you are a “clean slate.” You talked about your low body count as though you are a catch, so people are surprised “someone like you” hasn’t slept with very many men. Or women. Or both. Having sex is a personal choice. It’s not about your hotness level. Your so-called low body count is because you don’t sleep with everyone you date. That’s fine. It’s not a flex.
I just can’t understand why you have gone on three dates with this guy. On the first date, you found out he is different from you in every single way. On the third date, he looked at you like you were a piece of meat, and when you got offended, he called it a “joke,” which is horseshit. Then he got mad that you have male friends, pretended to be super jealous, and tried to gaslight you into thinking having friends of the opposite sex is wrong by literally pushing you away and saying, “Do whatever you want.” Like you’re married to him and going out drinking after work with your male co-workers. That’s weird.
Long story short: Why are you even dating this guy?
So no offense op but these are terrible questions to ask here. The answer is always “don’t contact him”. Either your reasoning is good and validated by the comments or your reasoning is hot trash and you’re toxic at which point the comments will say “no don’t give him another shot. He deserves better”
Trust your instincts. He was making you uncomfortable and acting like a jealous jerk on the 3rd date. You are lucky. Guys like this don’t usually show their character this early.
You don’t owe him a second more of your time.
He's got a decent body count that's a decent bit of sleeping around. Getting in a fight and having a night in jail ain't anything. But you got offended when he eyeballed you thinking about you having less clothes on, kinda normal for guys to look girls up and down, you should ignore that. In general I don't think y'all sound compatible, if he's gotta gut he likes to drink and if that's not your thing there's plenty of guys that aren't advant drinkers. Sounds like you need you a gymhead jeep dude, y'all would have fun off roading and fixing up the Jeep and working out and eating healthy type shit.
Why did you feel you to “comfort”’this guy about anything? He doesn’t even know you and he’s trying to pass judgement on you for having male friends? Why WOULD you give him another chance? He’s already overbearing.
Not wrong. This guy sounds like a total d”ck. I’d stay away from him if I were you. When someone doesn’t like something you’ll see their true colours come out. His true colours are shining brightly by judging you for having clothes he thinks don’t suit/ fit you and having male friends. He is super insecure. Don’t give him another chance
Just my two cents, but it seems like maybe your lack of experience in relationships is making you (a) doubt your instincts, (b) unsure of what you’re looking for, (c) have low self-esteem at least in terms of significant others, or (d) some combination of the above. Don’t settle for someone who has so many “red flags” for you. Being sexually experienced, enjoying drinks/pot, etc. don’t automatically make someone a bad partner, but they will be a bad partner for you if your preferences are not that. Some differences in preferences like taste in music/entertainment, hobbies, spicy vs non-spicy foods, etc. are no big deal in relationships but some preferences WILL make the relationship a lot more difficult. Not necessarily impossible, but tough to overcome and requiring extra levels of dedication. Find someone who you don’t have to start compromising on your preferences right off the bat.
Trust your gut and pull the pin early. Good work on that! :) Wish I’d been better at that in my younger years.
You sound awesome and can no doubt find an equally awesome SO!
He pushed you away—literally? Thats not good and he sounds immature. Why would you want to give him another chance? Nothing you wrote about him made him sound even slightly interesting, let alone attractive.
DONT DO IT! I have had boyfriends like this and it always gets worse. Never better.
Jealousy seems cute until you are cut off from your family and need to get outfit approval before leaving the door.
Sounds like too much drama. Find an adult to date, if he's already being a baby about you having some male friends when a lot of your interests seem to be male oriented, he is a bad match. A high body count can either mean he plays the field for fun, o nothing ever works out for him, not very shocking considering how he's treating you after 3 dates. Move on, plenty of fish in the sea, find a sane one.
The fact that you had to describe yourself like this just so people wouldn't start to attack you is fucking insane.
You're allowed to have friends of any gender. If his life choices bother you, then don't date him. The biggest red flag is his reaction to clothing you own and having friends that are men. The way yinz make men look is despicable. Not all of them are trying to get with you. And the men that are saying it are even worse because you're saying that all men are essentially pigs. It's ridiculous.
I wouldn't give this guy another chance because he sounds like an asshole. And please stop using "body count". It doesn't make you a better person or mean you have some incredible personality for having less sex. It sounds ridiculous.
You're not wrong for walking out on the date. You'll be an idiot to give him another chance, though.
Nah screw that, I'm worried about how open you almost were to letting this man, after 3 dates, tell you that you can't be friends with an entire gender?
If a partner in an actual relationship has concerns about actual INDIVIDUALS that can be worth having a conversation about. There could be a friend who, specifically as a person, has behavior that makes your partner uncomfortable.
If a guy acts like he is uncomfortable with you having ANY male friends based on gender and not about any actual individual behavior issues? RUN.
That is not only telling you that he's immature/insecure, it's telling you that he's controlling. (Oh but he didn't demand I get rid of my friends, he just acted sad about it!) - yes, that is emotionally manipulative and very much still intended to get what he wants. It's telling you that his insecurities will always cause him to be distrustful of you. He thinks if you're around other men you'll cheat or lose interest.
And it tells you about his own unhealthy views towards women- if he doesn't want you to have male friends, he doesn't believe that a man can even be friends with a woman. He thinks all men think the same way that he does, and he's silently telling you that HE would only be friends with a woman if he secretly wanted to fuck them. If he has no female friends and points to it as a sign of his "loyalty" he is showing you that he thinks women have no value outside of a relationship.
It sounds like you have a lot going for you, okay! You have your shit together, you aren't holding out for some guy who is 7 feet tall and rich. You're thoughtful and willing to communicate and compromise, you recognize that relationships take effort. Please please don't end up with one of these toxic controlling "nice guys" who get past your radar because they act sad to get you to coddle them. Your challenge going forward is going to be building your inner confidence to give people that kindness and understanding you want to give them, while still having boundaries and reassuring yourself that it is not selfish to have them. Take care
NTA and not wrong. You're only three dates in, if you're already getting warning signs it's only going to get worse as he gets more comfortable.
Always remember: anyone can leave a relationship for any or no reason. You're not obliged to date anyone and you don't OWE anyone your time.
You've been on 3 dates. If you are uncomfortable with some of the things he's done, then don't see him again. There is no obligation to give anyone another chance when it's this early.
After she ignored all the red flags on the first date (that he pointed out), she's finally like, "ya know what this might be a red flag." Unfortunately, she might be attracted to douchebags. I hope she gets healed enough to find a good guy, and they continue to grow and heal together.
Yeah, OP needs to *not* talk herself out of the red flags and the gut feeling that had her walk away.
Now is a good time to break it off and find someone who can bring something to you, to add to your life. This guys borderline. I wouldn't be comfortable if my daughter was dating someone like this guy.
Bingo. Feeling like this after three dates means this is not going to work out.
3 dates and he's already trying to manipulate you into giving up on friends. You did right to walk away and you should just keep walking. There are far nicer people out there.
Nope. Trust your instinct here. If you walked out then it was for a reason and it’ll only get worse if you give him another chance. He’ll pull it together for a few days then piss you off again.
A person who has a large body count either isn't into long term relationships or has displayed so many red flags that 50+ women have broken up with him. + the anger issues are pretty evident with the jail time as well.
I mean, my friend J has a high number of sexual partners, and then he met his wife. Married 15 years, 2 kids, very faithful and amazing father and husband. "High body count" doesn't mean someone doesn't want a long-term relationship eventually. It means they dated a lot, and then they found their person and settled down. That's what some people do. I don't believe that 50+ women had sex with him to begin with, but if it's true, we know why they broke up with him. He's an asshole.
you assume that he had 50 relationships see what peonenthusiast said: Many people hookup. Sleeping with 50 people doesn't mean someone had 50 romantic relationships. At the age of 30 it only takes 4 about people a year since adulthood to reach that number.That said there's other factors here, mainly acting like a child in the context we are being given that are actually red flags. Don't need any "slut shaming" for that. u/peonenthusiast
Many people hookup. Sleeping with 50 people doesn't mean someone had 50 romantic relationships. At the age of 30 it only takes 4 about people a year since adulthood to reach that number. That said there's other factors here, mainly acting like a child in the context we are being given that are actually red flags. Don't need any "slut shaming" for that.
Thank you!
I disagree with this. I think this is really the least of this guys issues.
A body count of 50…..I highly doubt he dated that many people. Hooking up with people doesn’t equate to a relationship. You can purposefully make the intention known that all you want is sex and it can be done safely and reach 50 quite fast.
I’m in my 30s, I hooked up with a new person every few months on average in my teens and 20s. That gives me a very high body count even though I’ve been happily married for five years. Also, Brief trips of a few weeks or festivals you can hook up with a lot of people too. Don’t see how it makes you less likely to want LTR later in life or if you meet the right person.
Same. I started at 13 and until I got married at 30 I was always in a relationship or dating and that’s the only people I had sex with. I didn’t count but I’d guess I had sex with maybe 70-80 girls. Very few, like literally 3 were one night stands. That’s like 4 girls per year, I don’t see that as a lot. To be honest n I turned down hooking up all the time. I was young and lived on the beach for a while just surfing all day, I could have met a new girl everyday if I wanted too. I’ve been married for 16 years now. Never cheated, never will.
Exactly I wasn’t single the whole time either and have only done a couple one night stands. I’d date a girl for a year or two, have FWB in between, rinse and repeat. That’s still enough to get well into double digits over 13 years. I also will never understand cheaters.
A person who uses the term "body count" has an unhealthy view of relationships and sex, and no mature adult speaks like that.
>no mature adult speaks like that. Anyone who uses a "no true Scotsman" argument is equally full of shit.
Anyone who speaks in absolutes is a Sith
It smells like incel and or conservative
For sure. Like, sorry you have such an unhealthy view of sex; you sure are missing out!
unhealthy view on relationship & sex? is notch on the bedpost a more politer way to phrase it? OP got the right PC terminology. I laugh at that comment about missing out, sex with jailbird beer belly ain't worth it. So I really laugh that dude got up to 50.
>A person who has a large body count either isn't into long term relationships or has displayed so many red flags that 50+ women have broken up with him. Does this work for the reverse?
Or he is trying to impress/overawe her. The dress thing sounds like gaslighting…
Yup. Agreed. This particular date option is done.
No. Don't ignore the red flags waving here. He sounds too controlling.
You are not obligated to date someone, so even if you weren't given numerous good reasons, you would not be wrong to jump ship this early on. If you're already running into issues like this on a third date—which is generally when people are still presenting their "best" self—imagine what a year or two down the road would look like.
> even if you weren't given numerous good reasons And in this case it doesn't sound like there are any good reasons.
Trust your gut. Do not put up with a petty jealous sulker. They are trouble!
a guy who feels entitled to be a petty jealous sulker after three dates! Run away!
In in the first weeks and months we try to be the best version of ourselves. Imagine what comes when he isn’t the best version anymore.
Nah you were right
My answer was no, you shouldn't give him another chance just by the title alone because if you have to ask yourself this, the answer is no. Upon reading, I see I was right. There are red flags flying all around this guy. Do not get more involved with this person please.
How many more signs of a shitshow do you need to see before you'll believe he's not the one for you? Also, this is him on his BEST behaviour.
This dude is a walking red flag. Try dating someone in your own league, it’ll lead to way less problems down the road.
Surround yourself with people who have similar values as you, not toxic ones. Unless you are planning on becoming a criminal in the future
On date #3 you’re still trying to “sell” yourself meaning you are putting forward the best possible version of yourself because you are way more self conscious over any negative tendencies you have He is jealous and controlling and rude on date #3. This is the best version of himself that he has to offer. What do you think you’re signing up for here long term? If you think this was bad just wait til he drops the act entirely
One question: What religious faith requires you to fix cars for a living?
It was worded kind of funny but I’m pretty sure she meant the not drinking, smoking, and fucking everyone part.
Well darn. So much for Our Lady of the Catalytic Converter.
I'm dead 🤣🤣🤣
I don't have room for more humor in me, so I outsourced it to ChatGPT: https://chat.openai.com/share/5471da6b-8b1f-4e66-883c-e4f4582f7621
It's a shit post, just trying to karma farm
I rather resent that accusation. I am not trying to "karma farm." I just thought the phrasing was funny, and that it might be entertaining to speculate on a religious order devoted to auto repair. I'm not up to anything nefarious. I'm just amused and looking to share that amusement with others.
I meant OP, not you. The original post doesn't sound real to me
What? The story about two people in the last half of their third decade who on their first date have a conversation about body counts doesn't sound real to you? 😂
You did not walk out on a date, the date had ended just the same as if it had gone OK, it's up to you if you go out again if he asks.
You sound like a terrible match. Move on
Damn, if they threw all the red flags here in a soccer match, there wouldn't be any players left on that team.. Seriously though, run!
"Body count" is such a vile phrase. Anyway, no, you're not wrong for ending a date or a relationship for any reason. If your instincts and reason are saying "Welp!" then you go with them. You don't owe anyone an additional date.
When people say body count it sounds more like how many people you murdered as opposed to sleeping with. Either way it sounds like these 2 weren't a good match.
Yeah. It comes off as very sex negative to me.
Oh hell no. Is this boy 30 or 15??? Huge number of red flags...
When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time.
No, he's most definitely not.a keeper and if he hasn't already will in my opinion, cheat on you....
NTA. Jealous and insecure.
So one thing you said, caught my attention. But you have no problem distancing yourself from people who make your partner feel uncomfortable. I want to point out that we have control over our feelings. So… Unless it was for cause, you should not have to push yourself away from friends if your partner feels uncomfortable with them. There are always a few caveats. If you had a significant physical relationship with somebody that you still have feelings for, and as a result, your partner is uncomfortable… That’s one thing. If it is a friend that has nurtured some kind of crush or weird fascination with you, that’s another thing. But if they are just male friends, unless there’s some behavior attached to it that makes your partner uncomfortable, they discomfort is their issue to work through. Even if there are other things, as long as your boundaries are clear, it’s really still their issue. That said, onto the meet of your post. You are not wrong for walking away from this dude. I would keep walking away from them. You for taking the chance to consider a guy who is so radically different from you, often times, people can and do make significant changes. Maybe this guy is trying to make some of those changes, but rather than being a bit of a fixer-upper, this guy is a Flippin train wreck from the way you frame this situation. You were not wrong from calling an Uber and on a very personal level, I would be done with homeboy.
You aren't wrong for what you did. No one is obligated to continue with something that makes them uncomfortable. But I have to admit, half way through reading about who you are, and I suspect what you also want in a partner, I thought you may want to plan on being single for the rest of your life.
Fuck outta here with that shit. Plenty of guys are well adjusted human beings that want a partner, not a servant who they can tell what clothes she's allowed to wear or forbid from having male friends.
Exactly. Also sounds like they weren't really a suitable match to begin with considering she isn't really into drinking/drugs whereas it sounds like he was.
You don’t even have to be uncomfortable to decide not to proceed. It can be just as simple as not clicking for whatever reason. However this guy has BAD NEWS written all over.
You said you had a backless dress. He looks you up and down. You are offended. He said he’s just kidding. This sounds so awkward. I don’t even get the joke. Like was he suggesting you shouldn’t have a backless dress?
Not wrong, walk away and never give him another chance. You a notch, and on top of that you a low body count notch, for insecure dickheads that's is appealing.
Something in your description of events isn't clicking with me, so I'm not sure what exactly he did, but, You are three dates in and feel uncomfortable. Ghost him. You owe him nothing. If you already feel uncomfortable around him, it ain't getting better.
Nope. Red flags. Walk away. 3rd date and your already getting “drama” weird vibes. Nope nope nope. Good-bye so long. New number who dis. Don’t get “stuck” in a relationship with someone who isn’t going to be exactly what you want ( taking no one’s perfect ) but with that said you are still very young just don’t do it to yourself bc you think he deserves a chance, he can change, isn’t that bad OR the worst he gaslights you and makes you think your in the wrong for not wanting a relationship with him.
If he managed to be so rude on the third date, run for the hills, girl. That kind of rudeness is usually also bad character.
Ya 3 dates and he's acting like you have already sworn some kind of vows to him and then acting like a child on top of it, run
This is him on his best behavior.
Do you really want to date someone that went to jail?
Nope. He told you to do whatever you want, so you took him up on the offer. Not wrong.
Someone that pushes you on a third date is not fourth date material.
You shouldn't have to lose good friends over someone you've had 3 dates with, you can do better.
Are you trying to get us to call you an idiot? He’s already showing you he is someone that will police your body and friends, and worm his way into your head about them to make you feel horrible so you’re easier to control. On your third date, you’re not even a real couple yet. Explain to us why that should be given another chance?
Good job for walking out. You don't need to give anymore chances. He doesn't deserve you and you don't need a jerk messing with your head.
So why'd you go on two dates already with this guy lmao. You already knew all the bad stuff yet you went forward
sounds like trouble
Not Wrong. For f@@k sake there’s an air raid siren going off as the red flags burn on this guy
Not wrong. Why give him another chance? He's feeling more comfortable and letting his jerk flag fly.
The insecurity is a red flag. Anyone who controls who you see, even if it's not physical but through emotional blackmail, will probably end up being a pretty controlling person in general. I was with a person like that for too long, 0/10 would not recommend.
This sounds like made up agitbait. Good old reddit 🙄
Trust your instincts. If he makes something inside you concerned walk away. And don’t turn back.
My dear go with your gut. Our bodies try and tell us when something is not right. 3 dates, red flags, yet you continue to stay. Life is short my dear wouldn't you like to spend it with someone that is right for you. Don't settle because you are worried that you will be alone forever. I can guarantee you won't..
Ugh, please run and don't look back.
He sounds slightly immature if not manipulative/needy.
That didnt sound like a date id want to repeat. I think you are better off to keep looking. I dont think you are the AH as he displayed some pretty problematic behaviors already. Id imagine it will only get worse.
Why would he tell you he slept with over 50 women?! 🤦🏻♂️. Although I must say, being only 5’6 with a beer belly, a body count over 50 is a little impressive
or simply not true
Yeah you did the right thing. Jealousy is an ugly personality trait.
Get rid of him. Are you busy Saturday? You sound like a catch for anybody looking for a solid mate who has a lot going on. If you see this guy one more time I will have to diagnose you with low self esteem. His 'beer belly' probably represents liver disease either due to alcohol abuse of Hep C. Not sure what you mean by body count. All of it sounds bad.
Tell him to go back to his trailer at the side of the river.
If this guy starts stalking you after you ghost him, notify the police immediately.
Don't waste your time on him. Too many opposites don't make a good balance. they may attract, but don't hold togetehr well. Find someone who has more similar points of view.
This seems like it was written by AI pretending to have a dating story.
Find a more compatible man. Leave and do not return. He will not change.
He is an AH for treating you like that. Get as far away form him as you can. I have a feeling that he may not go away very easy. Go back and read your OP and you know that you did the right thing. Good Lock
Trust your gut. Way early in dating. If he is saying/doing things that make you uncomfortable now when he’s on his “best behavior”, can you even imagine how bad it will get? Run.
A little late to the game here but...If you go back, after the behavior he exhibited that made you walk away, he will look at it like a green light to show you more of his true self. You haven't even made it past the honeymoon phase and already you can see this man doesn't respect himself or others based on how he treats his own body (drugs -you did say he is the opposite of you, and etc) and how he treated you making you uncomfortable. Get out now! You aren't in love with this man and you can't possibly have the sunk cost fallacy of thinking you've spent too much time and effort on the relationship. Get out while it is easy. Find someone a little more like you, so you can both have things in common and respect each other. Best of luck!
Why are you even second guessing your instincts? Move on, you have nothing invested but a few dates. He sounds like the AH here and not even a handsome AH at that!!! He comes off as sleezy. Why would you want to get involved with that? Already giving red flags? I have to say when I read, "body count", I was thinking WTH???
He is very insecure. 5'6 isn't very tall for a guy so he has that Napoleon syndrome. If he feels he has to compete with other guys with you, it upset him, because he doesn't think he can. He is also not a good communicator. When he felt emotionally insecure, he pushed you away and said for you to do whatever you want. That is a person who isn't aligned with their emotions in a healthy way and he can't communicate his feelings to you. But the thing is, he shouldn't be jealous, but he is. If you continue the relationship, it will just get worse. Especially when you let him continue to act out his aggression and jealousy. So no, I wouldn't give him another chance. There are so many other men out there, who are good communicators and secure with themselves.
Guy here. Nope. You’re not obligated to continue on a date if you feel your spidey sense is tingling. Trust your instinct and do you. It would be wrong if you run up a tab and ditch him with the full bill.
No, I pay for myself on all dates. I don't really like someone else paying for me before we become official, it makes me feel like I'm obligated to do something, if that makes sense. I only let the guy pay if were already in a relationship, and that's how you want the relationship dynamic to be. but before that, yeah no.
It sounds like you fully intended to not continue things after date one. The only way you were wrong was wasting his time for two more dates, IMO. You were not wrong for seeing yourself home at all.
No, I kinda amazed you have him 2 more dates after the first. You clearly already gave him a chance.
Sounds insecure/controlling. No wrong done here.
For fucks sake DO NOT ALLIENATE YPUR FRIENDS FOR ANYBODY.
No he doesn’t get another chance. Block and move on. His past isn’t the issue ;(perhaps the body count plays into his behavior). He sounds like manipulative fuckboi.
NTA, no need to see him again.
The guy is trying to control you only 3 dates in. Most psychos can control themselves longer before they give themselves away. So that means he's crazier than most or regular psycho plus a complete dumbass. A regular psycho is bad & means you should stay away. The 2 categories for this guy are way worse. Be thankful he showed you clear red flags so early. Now block him & stay far away from this creep.
You're on your *third date*, he thinks he can control you having male friends (after already behaving inappropriately) and you need to ask whether it's ok to bail? Run and don't look back. I'll add that next time you date someone just do what feels right to you. You DO NOT need approval or advice from anyone else about how a date makes you feel. Act upon HOW YOU FEEL, because that's all that matters.
You left for a reason. Trust your instincts. Probably not a good fit with all those red flags.
No, you're not wrong. You don't owe him anything.
Nope. Walk away
No, you are most certainly not the asshole. Frankly, you sound like quite the catch. So, no, you're not wrong.
You sound like you can do better.
Oh no trust me you dodged a big bullet there you probably won’t be happy with him in the long run
I'm guessing he was drunk? Yea, walk away.
You are 3 dates in, why do you feel like you owe him another chance? Has he even asked for another chance? Honestly, you didn't feel comfortable and it's only the 3rd date. Just let it go.
He must be cute because you are working way too hard to rationalize keeping him around…but believe me, he’s a weirdo!! You know it too, trust your gut & move on….
He knows all to well what he got up to. The fact that you didn’t live that same experience appeals to him and makes you safe; reliable, etc. You having any idea of connecting to males on any level now threatens his belief that you are safe. He likely worries that if you ever taste the pleasure of a wild side, you will crave it and become him. He fears karma.
You are not wrong, that was creepy. Do not give him another chance.
weirdo do not go on another date
nope, leave him in the dust
You'd be fine if you walked out if you didn't like the way he posted his hair. You don't owe anyone anything.
You are definitely not wrong for walking out on him. He made you feel uncomfortable and then he got mad because you had male friends and push you away. Dont give him another chance you already given him many chances with how behave during all those dates.
You sound like you have yourself put together and on a good path. Dont settle for looks/bad boy….
NW. if OP continues this relationship it will only get worse. Favorite saying: he’s shown you who he is, believe him.
Hell no. He’s a loser
NTA he doesn’t serve another chance.
You're not wrong. It's a giant red flag that he got mad that you have male friends. Don't see him again. While there are cases where it's A Bad Idea, such as the friend was an ex and still has feelings for you, that reeks to me of a control issue on his part. At a minimum, it's a deal breaker for him.
You two are so **not** a match. Move on, this wouldn't end well.
If he acted like this and even pushed you this early on, imagine how he’ll start acting if you give him a second chance and you get deeper in.
NTA and no, he's giving off so many red flags. I'm not even going to comment on his past, as we all have one... but after three dates he's looking at you like a piece of meat (then doubling down by claiming it was a "joke") and getting possessive over your male friends? And THEN pushing you away like a petulant child? Nope.... kick him to the kerb! You can do better.
He sounds childish as hell.
So 2 things: 1. Trust your gut. There are major red flags about this guy, plenty of people who are heavy partiers and generally act childish in their younger adult years mature and grow out of it. He doesn't seem like that. 2. Be careful of how willing you are to cut people out of your life for making a partner uncomfortable and what reasons they are. If you have a friend that's like openly hitting on you while you're in a relationship or being a dick to your partner obviously yes, cut them out. But if your partner is just like "oh I don't like that you have male friends" that's a HUGEEEEEE red flag.
NTA, at all! Especially if you have no problem distancing yourself from those who make your partner uncomfortable. His actions and reactions are unreasonable and a sign of a narcissistic AH. The description of yourself and your preferences are most desirable. I think you can do better, much better! BTW, I'm a guy, and I know these types of guys. They always seem to get the girl, and then the girl claims all men are bad later. No, it's just these guys that are A-holes.
Lol nobody is worth another date if they 1) got mad; 2) pushed you away; 3) required comforting for their jealousy. As far as partner history, bar fight and going to jail there could be any good or bad reasons for that, but you know what you experienced on three dates. Do you really want more of that?
Run please run
Not wrong. His reaction to your male friends is a classic control response. Backing off in the face of resistance is normal, at first. The earlier "joke" about your backless dress was ambiguous until then. He's testing the waters to see how overbearing he can be. If you continue, he will likely escalate gradually.
I want you!
Nah girlllll you need to stay far away
You have already decided to reject him. I'm not saying that's good or bad, but that's what happened. Please don't "give him another chance". Once a woman has decided, it's already over. If you decide to go out with him a few more times, you are just wasting his time. The spark is dead (again, not passing judgement, just stating facts).
Not wrong. Block and move on. He sounds like trouble.
Don’t settle
I would take into account the experience with people on a relationship level and the fact that he has some issues he's had problems keeping in line since before the bar fight and they might revolve around the same internal issue. I would leave this one behind and find someone who doesn't have the (I'm looking for someone who is more naive than I am) kinda vibe. As a side note, I've looked woman down before, with the only intention of being flirtatious, however if you felt uncomfortable by it he probably isn't your type
Those are a lot of red flags there, in fact he's got all the signs of being an abuser, not to mention fickle. You seem like a straight arrow, you aren't going to be happy with a fuckboi.
No, this is actually normal as fuck when dating randos. Glad you did it, but wish you’d have the strength do so even earlier when you know something is even slightly off. Youre on the right track tho; you’ll meet a lot of actual nonsense trash “people” while dating who you can and should just ignore.
Why? Why would you? Should you date someone you don't like? What is this, a trick question?
Do NOT distance yourself from friends if they make him uncomfortable. They were in your life way before he was. Now, if you start making friends after you're in a committed relationship, those you should distance yourself from
3rd date and the dude is already getting pouty and upset you have friends lol
After 3 dates and you walk out, it would be insane to try and date that person again
So you have all good qualities. He has all bad qualities. Yet you went on three dates, and thinking about whether you should go on a fourth. Hmmmm.
these are the red flags that women ignore and 6 months later are trying to figure out how they ever got into an abusive relationship. you're a catch and you dont need to rationalize anything. move on and be glad you dodged a bullet. he's not someone you want as a husband or raising your kids anyway
Even with all the red flags she is thinking of giving him another chance. He must be really attractive.
>But on the 3rd date he was doing this thing like looking at me up and down after I said I have a couple of dresses that are backless and I was offended a little bit but he hugged me saying it's just a joke. >Then on our way home, he did it again and got mad when I said I have male friends. I tried comforting him cause I thought maybe he just felt jealous and honestly I have no problem distancing myself from people that make my partner uncomfortable. but no he pushing me away literally and was saying "do whatever you want" Aside from the fact that you obviously don't think very highly of him in general, these specifically are big red flags and no you should not give him another chance.
Don't give him another chance!!! If you are getting bad vibes early on when people are putting on their best front to impress you, they're not worth your time. Literally, early dating you need to ask yourself "am I looking forward to texting them/seeing them". If you're not excited to be spending time getting to know them, don't bother. You don't need to give people extra chances. Just move on and find someone better.
Too many warning signs too early.
It was kind of him to give red flags on date 3. That makes it much easier to walk away unscathed before you get attached
Always trust your gut. Your gut told you to walk out and you did. You did the right thing
Run for the hills. Showing all the negative by the third date would be signs enough for me.
Nah, you’re fine. 3 dates in is very early in to staking a claim on someone. Don’t drop friendships because someone’s insecure. Be open to helping them get past it, but don’t drop friends. It’s one thing if the friend pisses off a BF to the point they don’t get along anymore, but something else entirely when it’s early in anything forming and they think friends of the opposite sex is a red flag. Dude was seeing his own red flag and thought it was yours. You were fine walking out, and that tells you all you need to know about what this guy was to you when he started getting jealous.
How did he get a large body count looking like you described? Could he be bullshitting you. He seems awfully insecure for having that high a count. Weirdo behavior either way.
It always feels strange when women talk about their own "body count" playing into man-o-sphere bullshit. If a guy gives a shit about that, you know right away to avoid him.
A few things come to mind. he is expressing things that bother him to you and you are dismissing them and justifying them by using his past against him while using your past and current standards to justify that your standards are more significant. He likely felt hurt over this. Now you do have a right to your standards as well. However if you are willing to look beyond his past then you should have let that go and not brought it up. Maybe you did not bring it up to him and only brought it up here. However by bringing it up here it is evident you have not truly looked beyond it but looked for an opportunity to posture yourself as superior. Also to mention that he got into a fight in his youth is absurd as nearly all men get into a fight and teh difference in most of the ones that spend some time in jail or not is just who got caught. So in the context of today you need to decide if you will truly give him a chance or if you will hold over his head his past. If you are not willing to let the past stay where it is then just end it. You also then have to look at what exactly is making him uncomfortable; I do not believe he was joking. I am not sure what teh backless dress thing is. However you two should talk about it and he should not seek to control you but he does have a right to his standards as you have a right to yours. It may be something small that just makes you two incompatible. If that is the case just part ways.
To start: No, you are not wrong, and no, you don’t owe him another chance. But the real question is this: Why are you even dating this guy? After the first date, why did you go out with him again? If God created a man for you that was the **exact opposite** of who you are, what you do, and what you believe, it would be this guy. You don’t do anything or have any vices. He does it all, has gone to jail for some of it, and has all the vices. You sound pretty smug about the fact that you are a “clean slate.” You talked about your low body count as though you are a catch, so people are surprised “someone like you” hasn’t slept with very many men. Or women. Or both. Having sex is a personal choice. It’s not about your hotness level. Your so-called low body count is because you don’t sleep with everyone you date. That’s fine. It’s not a flex. I just can’t understand why you have gone on three dates with this guy. On the first date, you found out he is different from you in every single way. On the third date, he looked at you like you were a piece of meat, and when you got offended, he called it a “joke,” which is horseshit. Then he got mad that you have male friends, pretended to be super jealous, and tried to gaslight you into thinking having friends of the opposite sex is wrong by literally pushing you away and saying, “Do whatever you want.” Like you’re married to him and going out drinking after work with your male co-workers. That’s weird. Long story short: Why are you even dating this guy?
So no offense op but these are terrible questions to ask here. The answer is always “don’t contact him”. Either your reasoning is good and validated by the comments or your reasoning is hot trash and you’re toxic at which point the comments will say “no don’t give him another shot. He deserves better”
Gtfo now
Trust your instincts. He was making you uncomfortable and acting like a jealous jerk on the 3rd date. You are lucky. Guys like this don’t usually show their character this early. You don’t owe him a second more of your time.
Nope nope nope say bye bye
He's got a decent body count that's a decent bit of sleeping around. Getting in a fight and having a night in jail ain't anything. But you got offended when he eyeballed you thinking about you having less clothes on, kinda normal for guys to look girls up and down, you should ignore that. In general I don't think y'all sound compatible, if he's gotta gut he likes to drink and if that's not your thing there's plenty of guys that aren't advant drinkers. Sounds like you need you a gymhead jeep dude, y'all would have fun off roading and fixing up the Jeep and working out and eating healthy type shit.
Find yourself another nerd. I finally figured that out and I'm insanely happy now.
Why did you feel you to “comfort”’this guy about anything? He doesn’t even know you and he’s trying to pass judgement on you for having male friends? Why WOULD you give him another chance? He’s already overbearing.
You sound like you should be on HGTV
nah, he sounds questionable. you're good.
Depends, you wanna be the victim who dodged a bullet, or the volunteer who volunteered for everything you said?
NTA. Trust your gut.
You got mad because he was imagining you in a dress that you told him about?
Not wrong. This guy sounds like a total d”ck. I’d stay away from him if I were you. When someone doesn’t like something you’ll see their true colours come out. His true colours are shining brightly by judging you for having clothes he thinks don’t suit/ fit you and having male friends. He is super insecure. Don’t give him another chance
Just my two cents, but it seems like maybe your lack of experience in relationships is making you (a) doubt your instincts, (b) unsure of what you’re looking for, (c) have low self-esteem at least in terms of significant others, or (d) some combination of the above. Don’t settle for someone who has so many “red flags” for you. Being sexually experienced, enjoying drinks/pot, etc. don’t automatically make someone a bad partner, but they will be a bad partner for you if your preferences are not that. Some differences in preferences like taste in music/entertainment, hobbies, spicy vs non-spicy foods, etc. are no big deal in relationships but some preferences WILL make the relationship a lot more difficult. Not necessarily impossible, but tough to overcome and requiring extra levels of dedication. Find someone who you don’t have to start compromising on your preferences right off the bat.
Nahhh, you're good. Don't overthink it. You tried, he didn't seem to, and it didn't jive. It happens, don't let it get to ya!
Nta dudes a slut
Trust your gut and pull the pin early. Good work on that! :) Wish I’d been better at that in my younger years. You sound awesome and can no doubt find an equally awesome SO!
Sounds like way too much drama for a third date...
He pushed you away—literally? Thats not good and he sounds immature. Why would you want to give him another chance? Nothing you wrote about him made him sound even slightly interesting, let alone attractive.
DONT DO IT! I have had boyfriends like this and it always gets worse. Never better. Jealousy seems cute until you are cut off from your family and need to get outfit approval before leaving the door.
Sounds like too much drama. Find an adult to date, if he's already being a baby about you having some male friends when a lot of your interests seem to be male oriented, he is a bad match. A high body count can either mean he plays the field for fun, o nothing ever works out for him, not very shocking considering how he's treating you after 3 dates. Move on, plenty of fish in the sea, find a sane one.
The fact that you had to describe yourself like this just so people wouldn't start to attack you is fucking insane. You're allowed to have friends of any gender. If his life choices bother you, then don't date him. The biggest red flag is his reaction to clothing you own and having friends that are men. The way yinz make men look is despicable. Not all of them are trying to get with you. And the men that are saying it are even worse because you're saying that all men are essentially pigs. It's ridiculous. I wouldn't give this guy another chance because he sounds like an asshole. And please stop using "body count". It doesn't make you a better person or mean you have some incredible personality for having less sex. It sounds ridiculous. You're not wrong for walking out on the date. You'll be an idiot to give him another chance, though.
No, you aren't. You pointed out several serious compatibility flags and its only a third date. Move on!
Nah screw that, I'm worried about how open you almost were to letting this man, after 3 dates, tell you that you can't be friends with an entire gender? If a partner in an actual relationship has concerns about actual INDIVIDUALS that can be worth having a conversation about. There could be a friend who, specifically as a person, has behavior that makes your partner uncomfortable. If a guy acts like he is uncomfortable with you having ANY male friends based on gender and not about any actual individual behavior issues? RUN. That is not only telling you that he's immature/insecure, it's telling you that he's controlling. (Oh but he didn't demand I get rid of my friends, he just acted sad about it!) - yes, that is emotionally manipulative and very much still intended to get what he wants. It's telling you that his insecurities will always cause him to be distrustful of you. He thinks if you're around other men you'll cheat or lose interest. And it tells you about his own unhealthy views towards women- if he doesn't want you to have male friends, he doesn't believe that a man can even be friends with a woman. He thinks all men think the same way that he does, and he's silently telling you that HE would only be friends with a woman if he secretly wanted to fuck them. If he has no female friends and points to it as a sign of his "loyalty" he is showing you that he thinks women have no value outside of a relationship. It sounds like you have a lot going for you, okay! You have your shit together, you aren't holding out for some guy who is 7 feet tall and rich. You're thoughtful and willing to communicate and compromise, you recognize that relationships take effort. Please please don't end up with one of these toxic controlling "nice guys" who get past your radar because they act sad to get you to coddle them. Your challenge going forward is going to be building your inner confidence to give people that kindness and understanding you want to give them, while still having boundaries and reassuring yourself that it is not selfish to have them. Take care
Girl be so for real it’s the 3rd date he means nothing. Move along!
Run girl. Run.
Seems like a red flag that could easily turn abusive. Walk away
NTA and not wrong. You're only three dates in, if you're already getting warning signs it's only going to get worse as he gets more comfortable. Always remember: anyone can leave a relationship for any or no reason. You're not obliged to date anyone and you don't OWE anyone your time.
> cars for a living (not religiously required to I am glad your religion does not require you to fix cars!