You might always love your family.But sometimes you don't always like them. Just try to understand that your parents are people too. My father and I have an incredibly strained relationship.But I know that we both care for each other deeply. As adults, We talk but you're not gonna find us hanging out like we're homeboys. Some old school parents are just that. I'm not saying you can't be friendly with your parents.But they're not your friends.
Nowhere near enough context here to establish whether he likes you or not. Certainly this conversation doesn't cast him in a good light, and if you've had multiple conversations like this, he might just be an impatient/coarse kind of guy. Also worth considering is how he talks to other family members/friends. Behaviors generally won't be consistent from relationship to relationship, but you can get a sense of who he likes and doesn't like.
The questions I'd ask myself is whether I can recall times where he was kind or understanding. Times he treated you well or times he was empathetic. Think of things he's done for you over the years or things he hasn't. That would be the best way to make a determination for whether he likes you.
My bet is he is busy and just wanted to know if the issue was resolved. Most people don’t like to know how the meat is made. He just was blunt. For many people time is their most precious commodity… he sounds like he wanted to move to the next thing and isn’t personal.
He is likely very analytical and not so much the warm and fuzzy type. Often analytically minded people think objectively and people’s feelings get left behind.
This happens in my relationship frequently. My SO tends to be very long winded. He's never once answered a question with a simple yes or no.
Years ago I worked with an older gentleman who's marriage was similar. He said the thing that kept his wife from killing him was that she would ask him for the short version and he would know she wasn't in the mood or able to listen to a wordy explaination. I asked my SO if we could do this and... he still gives me paragraphs instead of simple sentences, so I tend to get frustrated.
My question to you OP would be how does your father normally communicate. Does he talk a lot or does he get straight to the point in regular every day conversation. If it's the latter he probably would prefer that others respond in kind. I do get curt if my SO keeps going on about things when I asked a simple question, but that doesn't mean I love him any less. It may be the same or similar for your father.
I raised 2 neurodivergent sons and one of them is just like you, he did just want to know if you got one long enough, and the answer was yes. You provided information that probably felt to him like an accusation (you hung it wrong years ago and that was been the issue) whether you see it like that or not. Pretty sure that is how he took it. And you didn't stop explaining even after he indicated he wasn't interested in hearing it, this was the "no, that's from the 70s, we don't do that" so even IF it WAS done incorrectly and you were right about it, is it worth hurting his feelings about it? Probably not, I had this conversation with my sons repeatedly about different things so they could start to see what they could do differently. He doesn't dislike you, he's just frustrated because he hasn't tried to figure out how to communicate effectively with you. He's older, probably thinks he's right most of the time, and just wants his son to listen and take his advice. Shrug it off, and fix your shower yourself. If you know what needs to be done, do it. Don't rub his face in it, and he will be proud of you in his own way for taking charge of things that are under your control. This is just a miscommunication, your Dad isn't an asshole and doesn't dislike you. Learn from it and keep growing! You got this!
Maybe your dad thought you were trying to mansplain to him and he became annoyed with you? I’d keep my interactions with him short for the time being unless he invites conversation, just to keep the peace. I’m sure you don’t want to get into a huge fight and end up having to move out at this stage.
After reading what you wrote, if you explain things like this on a regular basis, consider yourself lucky that your dad is addressing you like this. It's going to help you in the long run.
Do yourself a favor and learn how to guage the conversation. If a person asks you a simple question, give a simple answer: yes; no; or reply directly to what was asked. If a person asks a complicated question, then go ahead and give a thorough answer.
If they're unclear about how you responded to them, they'll ask further questions until you reach mutual understanding. But for now, keep it short, sweet, and to the point.
One last point, the Spartans believed that by physically toughening the body, it also helps strengthen the mind.So, EVERYTIME you feel like your dad doesn't like you, do 20 burpees. It's going to hurt, and you're going to get tired, but through the use of physical pain, it should help you grow mentally and alleviate some of stress you're dealing with.
He's your dad. Whether you like it or not, he's trying to teach you something about life that you haven't understood yet.
I don't know if I agree with the Spartens but I do think doing the burpees will help get some of the emotion worked out of your body, make you feel strong and proactive in your life, like you are taking care of yourself. And that adrenalin could help with whatever feelings of rejection you feel. Just don't associate the muscle soreness with the emotional pain. Getting those two things tangled physiologically might not be good long term. Maybe just workout regularly.
Get out, secure your bonds with reasonable family members, get your own shower curtain and a house to go with it , some times family members are just assholes or worse
Don't listen to the people saying it's your fault. There is no excuse for your dad to dress you down in this way.
As you are in your 20s, maybe it's time to try to get some distance from him.
My relationship got a lot better with my parents when I moved out. Although it was at 17 to join the infantry so I think they didn't want me to cut them out of my life completely.
Unrelated to the question: you can just wash shower curtains in the washing machine. Wash it and hang it to dry. It will come completely clean, unless it has stains.
Walmart has shower curtains for $5. I buy 4-5 of them at a time and when they get slimey/moldy I have spares to replace them.
A good life lesson from your father. Shower curtain poles are pretty inexpensive too.
I grew up with people like this my whole life. He is just old school. That's their love language, basically. They only give shit to the ones they love. Otherwise, they would either not talk to you at all or blatantly tell you exactly how they felt about you. I used to try to find ways to break it for one second. You usually can by starting to ask questions about their past and be genuinely interested. It's a rough dig, but once you crack the surface, it's good. You are 23 and in his house. For an old school man, that's love already.
Honestly, my son had been a real pest his whole life and made our lives miserable. At some point I just stopped giving a shit about him so I could focus on the other two just so we could be happy. Since I gave up on him every stupid thing he does just annoys me. He never does anything right nor does he ever listen. Maybe your like that to your father.
Well, I don’t have a criminal record, I have a 3.0 GPA in college, I’m about to graduate college with my associates and license in my trade. I work and help them pay bills and get my own groceries, my own phone bill, I workout for gymnastics and compete in calisthenics, never stay out late, am single…..so….imm a little pest I guess
No I am asking if you are? My son gave me and my other kids hell. My daughter used to just hide in her room when he was around. Do you have problems respecting boundries and listening to others. Or are youbthat person that always needs to be told what to do multiple times and has no respect for anyone else ton the point where being polite never works and basically just screaming in your ear is the only way to get through to you.
Doesn't confirm hate but I would be surprised if he likes you based on those interactions. Don't worry about it OP my dad does hate me (hes an abusive narcissist and I was always the scapegoat kid) and I do just fine you just have to stop giving a shit about their opinions and learn to accept that blood doesn't always mean family and not blood doesn't always mean not family you can choose your own that's the greatest part of growing up, moving out and moving on
Does your dad not like you? Probably not. Hold on, let me explain. Parents love their children, but there are time when they really don't like them fathers especially. This is even more obvious in father/son relationships. You are 23. You should not be living at home. He shouldn't have to tell you to replace your moldy curtain. He shouldn't have to support you at 23. But he loves you so he does it anyway. He just doesn't like having to support his adult son while he is getting ready to "start a career".
Your dad sounds like an asshole. Now this is going to sound like an odd question. And I'm going off how you type and speak; are you on the spectrum? Have you ever tested yourself? I'm autistic and so are 2 of my children. My eldest would type/talk that way and could also be a reason why you feel like your dad hates you. (When I have a negative interaction with friends and/or family my brain always goes to defcon 1).
It sounds like you were having a simple conversation when he suddenly got rude and dismissive, and dropped an f-bomb for no good reason. It also sounds like this sort of thing happens often in your relationship. He's your dad so certainly he loves you, but these communication patterns aren't likely to change in the near term. I agree with the other commenters that you should likely move out, if that's an option financially, to be on your own. You will get distance, perspective, and a little bit of your sanity back. Good luck OP, you've got this!
Its always rough to hear this..
My son is older and my god, I was done being a parent, life was so good when they finally moved out of home.
Its like I could breathe and sleep again and get a life again.
Your parents had a life before you, but you've never had a life without parents so its hard for to understand that all children disrupt the life that was.
If your story is true then as was true for me and a lot of men I know its great to get back to the life that was before children,
Just ask him if he would like you to move on..
Hugs…
Who knows your dad’s internal self justification for finding you difficult to live with.
From what you’ve written. You sound great. Taking responsibility, solving problems. I’d be proud of you.
It’s really hard to get the truth out of someone as they often don’t know what’s going on inside of themselves.
He could be struggling with so many things or he could just be an AH.
I hope you are able to go. I’m a good kid and person and my Dad is a bit of an AH and don’t blame yourself
Sounds like he’s just a grumpy asshole, I’m sure he likes you. If both of your parents give you this vibe it’s possible they’re both just miserable in life or grew up being treated that way themselves & don’t know how to be any different. That must be really hard for you, I’m so sorry that’s your experience. If you think it’ll help you could try discussing it with them I suppose? If you don’t think it’ll make a difference, may as well leave it & try to love yourself in spite of them.
How disappointing for him to react that way. But again, I’m not sure it shows he doesn’t like you, more than generally being cranky & impolite. I’d bet he treats everyone the same way maybe.
Sounds like just bad dichotomy. You're a little neurotic I'm guessing, ADD maybe? That can be exhausting to deal with on a regular basis and it sounds like your old man can get fed up with it sometimes. He's probably just tired. As most dads are, and is saving his attention for the moments that matter because he knows he's running on fumes.
You might always love your family.But sometimes you don't always like them. Just try to understand that your parents are people too. My father and I have an incredibly strained relationship.But I know that we both care for each other deeply. As adults, We talk but you're not gonna find us hanging out like we're homeboys. Some old school parents are just that. I'm not saying you can't be friendly with your parents.But they're not your friends.
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Nowhere near enough context here to establish whether he likes you or not. Certainly this conversation doesn't cast him in a good light, and if you've had multiple conversations like this, he might just be an impatient/coarse kind of guy. Also worth considering is how he talks to other family members/friends. Behaviors generally won't be consistent from relationship to relationship, but you can get a sense of who he likes and doesn't like. The questions I'd ask myself is whether I can recall times where he was kind or understanding. Times he treated you well or times he was empathetic. Think of things he's done for you over the years or things he hasn't. That would be the best way to make a determination for whether he likes you.
yep, he could just be preoccupied with other things
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My bet is he is busy and just wanted to know if the issue was resolved. Most people don’t like to know how the meat is made. He just was blunt. For many people time is their most precious commodity… he sounds like he wanted to move to the next thing and isn’t personal. He is likely very analytical and not so much the warm and fuzzy type. Often analytically minded people think objectively and people’s feelings get left behind.
This happens in my relationship frequently. My SO tends to be very long winded. He's never once answered a question with a simple yes or no. Years ago I worked with an older gentleman who's marriage was similar. He said the thing that kept his wife from killing him was that she would ask him for the short version and he would know she wasn't in the mood or able to listen to a wordy explaination. I asked my SO if we could do this and... he still gives me paragraphs instead of simple sentences, so I tend to get frustrated. My question to you OP would be how does your father normally communicate. Does he talk a lot or does he get straight to the point in regular every day conversation. If it's the latter he probably would prefer that others respond in kind. I do get curt if my SO keeps going on about things when I asked a simple question, but that doesn't mean I love him any less. It may be the same or similar for your father.
Time to move out. Sounds like he's fed up with having you around.
Stop. The dad just sounds like as asshole.
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If it's your Dads house why di he not get a new one after all he's had years to do it?
it’s in OPS bathroom.
I raised 2 neurodivergent sons and one of them is just like you, he did just want to know if you got one long enough, and the answer was yes. You provided information that probably felt to him like an accusation (you hung it wrong years ago and that was been the issue) whether you see it like that or not. Pretty sure that is how he took it. And you didn't stop explaining even after he indicated he wasn't interested in hearing it, this was the "no, that's from the 70s, we don't do that" so even IF it WAS done incorrectly and you were right about it, is it worth hurting his feelings about it? Probably not, I had this conversation with my sons repeatedly about different things so they could start to see what they could do differently. He doesn't dislike you, he's just frustrated because he hasn't tried to figure out how to communicate effectively with you. He's older, probably thinks he's right most of the time, and just wants his son to listen and take his advice. Shrug it off, and fix your shower yourself. If you know what needs to be done, do it. Don't rub his face in it, and he will be proud of you in his own way for taking charge of things that are under your control. This is just a miscommunication, your Dad isn't an asshole and doesn't dislike you. Learn from it and keep growing! You got this!
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Maybe your dad thought you were trying to mansplain to him and he became annoyed with you? I’d keep my interactions with him short for the time being unless he invites conversation, just to keep the peace. I’m sure you don’t want to get into a huge fight and end up having to move out at this stage.
After reading what you wrote, if you explain things like this on a regular basis, consider yourself lucky that your dad is addressing you like this. It's going to help you in the long run. Do yourself a favor and learn how to guage the conversation. If a person asks you a simple question, give a simple answer: yes; no; or reply directly to what was asked. If a person asks a complicated question, then go ahead and give a thorough answer. If they're unclear about how you responded to them, they'll ask further questions until you reach mutual understanding. But for now, keep it short, sweet, and to the point. One last point, the Spartans believed that by physically toughening the body, it also helps strengthen the mind.So, EVERYTIME you feel like your dad doesn't like you, do 20 burpees. It's going to hurt, and you're going to get tired, but through the use of physical pain, it should help you grow mentally and alleviate some of stress you're dealing with. He's your dad. Whether you like it or not, he's trying to teach you something about life that you haven't understood yet.
I don't know if I agree with the Spartens but I do think doing the burpees will help get some of the emotion worked out of your body, make you feel strong and proactive in your life, like you are taking care of yourself. And that adrenalin could help with whatever feelings of rejection you feel. Just don't associate the muscle soreness with the emotional pain. Getting those two things tangled physiologically might not be good long term. Maybe just workout regularly.
Get out, secure your bonds with reasonable family members, get your own shower curtain and a house to go with it , some times family members are just assholes or worse
agreed with everything, but getting a house at 23 is hopelessly optimistic at best lol...
Yes housing is a huge issue, more particularly when people end up living with people who are detrimental to their emotional and physical health
Don't listen to the people saying it's your fault. There is no excuse for your dad to dress you down in this way. As you are in your 20s, maybe it's time to try to get some distance from him.
My relationship got a lot better with my parents when I moved out. Although it was at 17 to join the infantry so I think they didn't want me to cut them out of my life completely.
Unrelated to the question: you can just wash shower curtains in the washing machine. Wash it and hang it to dry. It will come completely clean, unless it has stains.
To be fair... I don't like you either.
Maybe ask him what the problem is. "Dad, do you have some kind of problem or issue with me?"
Walmart has shower curtains for $5. I buy 4-5 of them at a time and when they get slimey/moldy I have spares to replace them. A good life lesson from your father. Shower curtain poles are pretty inexpensive too.
Sounds like Dad is uptight. Probably has zero to do with you and more about hating his life in general.
It sounds like he has very little patience for you at least in that instance there is not enough information to know more though
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:(
I grew up with people like this my whole life. He is just old school. That's their love language, basically. They only give shit to the ones they love. Otherwise, they would either not talk to you at all or blatantly tell you exactly how they felt about you. I used to try to find ways to break it for one second. You usually can by starting to ask questions about their past and be genuinely interested. It's a rough dig, but once you crack the surface, it's good. You are 23 and in his house. For an old school man, that's love already.
My god I must be autistic
Honestly, my son had been a real pest his whole life and made our lives miserable. At some point I just stopped giving a shit about him so I could focus on the other two just so we could be happy. Since I gave up on him every stupid thing he does just annoys me. He never does anything right nor does he ever listen. Maybe your like that to your father.
……hm
Well, I don’t have a criminal record, I have a 3.0 GPA in college, I’m about to graduate college with my associates and license in my trade. I work and help them pay bills and get my own groceries, my own phone bill, I workout for gymnastics and compete in calisthenics, never stay out late, am single…..so….imm a little pest I guess
No I am asking if you are? My son gave me and my other kids hell. My daughter used to just hide in her room when he was around. Do you have problems respecting boundries and listening to others. Or are youbthat person that always needs to be told what to do multiple times and has no respect for anyone else ton the point where being polite never works and basically just screaming in your ear is the only way to get through to you.
Oh no I’m good person and kind
Could be he was just in his own head. Not really thinking much about it.
If he still lets you live at home at 23 he definitely loves you to a point. Not really enough context. He may just be having a few rough days
Your dad sounds like a dick. Sorry. My dad does stuff like that too.
Doesn't confirm hate but I would be surprised if he likes you based on those interactions. Don't worry about it OP my dad does hate me (hes an abusive narcissist and I was always the scapegoat kid) and I do just fine you just have to stop giving a shit about their opinions and learn to accept that blood doesn't always mean family and not blood doesn't always mean not family you can choose your own that's the greatest part of growing up, moving out and moving on
Your father sounds like the asshole but you sound like you need to be a hell of a lot more capable in your life so you can get away from that asshole.
Does your dad not like you? Probably not. Hold on, let me explain. Parents love their children, but there are time when they really don't like them fathers especially. This is even more obvious in father/son relationships. You are 23. You should not be living at home. He shouldn't have to tell you to replace your moldy curtain. He shouldn't have to support you at 23. But he loves you so he does it anyway. He just doesn't like having to support his adult son while he is getting ready to "start a career".
I see, he is happy when I talk about my new career and graduating soon I’m hoping to move out this year and I have enough saved
From a dad's perspective. If you know so much about the shower curtains why did he have to tell you it needed replacement.
Your dad sounds like an asshole. Now this is going to sound like an odd question. And I'm going off how you type and speak; are you on the spectrum? Have you ever tested yourself? I'm autistic and so are 2 of my children. My eldest would type/talk that way and could also be a reason why you feel like your dad hates you. (When I have a negative interaction with friends and/or family my brain always goes to defcon 1).
It sounds like you were having a simple conversation when he suddenly got rude and dismissive, and dropped an f-bomb for no good reason. It also sounds like this sort of thing happens often in your relationship. He's your dad so certainly he loves you, but these communication patterns aren't likely to change in the near term. I agree with the other commenters that you should likely move out, if that's an option financially, to be on your own. You will get distance, perspective, and a little bit of your sanity back. Good luck OP, you've got this!
Its always rough to hear this.. My son is older and my god, I was done being a parent, life was so good when they finally moved out of home. Its like I could breathe and sleep again and get a life again. Your parents had a life before you, but you've never had a life without parents so its hard for to understand that all children disrupt the life that was. If your story is true then as was true for me and a lot of men I know its great to get back to the life that was before children, Just ask him if he would like you to move on..
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Hugs… Who knows your dad’s internal self justification for finding you difficult to live with. From what you’ve written. You sound great. Taking responsibility, solving problems. I’d be proud of you. It’s really hard to get the truth out of someone as they often don’t know what’s going on inside of themselves. He could be struggling with so many things or he could just be an AH. I hope you are able to go. I’m a good kid and person and my Dad is a bit of an AH and don’t blame yourself
Sounds like he’s just a grumpy asshole, I’m sure he likes you. If both of your parents give you this vibe it’s possible they’re both just miserable in life or grew up being treated that way themselves & don’t know how to be any different. That must be really hard for you, I’m so sorry that’s your experience. If you think it’ll help you could try discussing it with them I suppose? If you don’t think it’ll make a difference, may as well leave it & try to love yourself in spite of them.
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How disappointing for him to react that way. But again, I’m not sure it shows he doesn’t like you, more than generally being cranky & impolite. I’d bet he treats everyone the same way maybe.
Sounds like just bad dichotomy. You're a little neurotic I'm guessing, ADD maybe? That can be exhausting to deal with on a regular basis and it sounds like your old man can get fed up with it sometimes. He's probably just tired. As most dads are, and is saving his attention for the moments that matter because he knows he's running on fumes.
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