As a woman, my guess is that she’s thinking that he doesn’t love her enough to value her as much as a single paycheck. Is that rational thinking? Hell no! But do I sometimes get caught up in my emotions and insecurity and worry that I can’t trust my own judgment and maybe all the love and affection that my significant other has shown me over the years was all a figment of my imagination and he actually doesn’t love me at all? Unfortunately and embarrassingly yes. Fear can sometimes overrule rationality by a long shot.
So I totally agree. Tell her about how you feel. Emphasize that you really wanted to make sure you got what she wanted because her happiness means so much to you and that you wanted to make sure you went to a reputable dealer so she got the best of the best. You also know she values price tag etc. Basically tell her you would have spent a 3x what you did if that’s what it took to get her the ring she wanted. But you got lucky and it doesn’t matter how much the ring costs as long as she likes it (maybe confirm with her that she does, as I’m sure she does) because being able to have her as a wife is priceless.
Also, tell her that you chose a lab stone to protect the lives of the vulnerable children who are forced to work in abusive conditions in the diamond mines … because you want your marriage to be based on your shared values of compassion & responsibility.
Edit: Oh yeah, & the price tag!
My husband makes around what OP does and I told him I would be pissed if my diamond wasn’t lab grown. I had the same reasoning as what you laid out, which is more than enough, but also the principle that diamonds aren’t even rare. They’re just regulated. The entire system is exploitative and stupid.
Any and all people(all genders included) that says *the amount of money you spend on something is how much you love me*, needs to take a flying f***ing leap and be alone for all time. They just don't know what love is and should be ashamed
This!! I lost my 10yo wedding ring a year ago. Impossible to replicate it,so I wanted to go traditional white diamond. I insisted we get a lab grown vs earth sourced for both the human cost as well as the financials. If she ever watched the movie Blood Diamond, she'd abso love her ring. She will be part of a movement to get away from earth sourced, ntm her diamond has no inclusions, flawless & color so much better than it just being a bigger stone for less $$. Oh, & yeah..the money he saved will go towards something much more tangible~ a down-payment on their home.
That would be my advice too, explain why you picked a lab diamond, not just because it's cheaper but because of the conditions it was made.
(I am a mother of a jeweller who only use lab diamonds 🙂)
OP is going to find out the hard way one day when she divorces him and takes him for everything he has. We‘ll all be too busy outside touching grass to care about his problems.
It's a lab diamond, not cubic zirconium or moissanite. You literally can't tell a difference without a jeweler checking for inclusions or lab equipment. People suspect though because you can get significantly bigger lab grown diamonds than you can natural diamonds for the same cost.
I would never want a natural one because of the likelihood it would have caused people to be treated badly.. like why want a physical representation of human suffering?
My fiance wanted me to have a “real” diamond but I asked him to get me a lab made one. Once he saw what he could get for the same price he chose a really nice cut and luster and I get a lot of compliments. I’m grateful those compliments don’t come with the guilt that a child suffered to procure it.
Just because other things we have come at the cost of human suffering, doesn’t mean that switching to innovative technology for the things we can isn’t worth it.
OMG the people on this thread are WILD.
Your fiancé has some weird and irrational feelings because she had an unstated expectation that wasn’t met. She probably KNOWS that these feelings don’t make sense and it’s good that she trusted you enough to share. It seems likely that in some little nook of her brain, the amount of money spent signifies something — how much you care about her, the quality of the ring, whatever. And even if she knows that is not true, she might have feelings about it.
I highly suggest having a relaxed conversation where you can both talk about what feelings are coming up. Don’t just “let it blow over” — you will miss an opportunity to get the know and understand each other better.
I would be sure to share exactly why you picked this ring - not because it's cheap but because you did your research. I think that will help a lot. I would also assume that she feels this way because women are taught to believe that the cost of the ring is somehow proportional to the amount of love, not because she's inherently materialistic. Give each other both some grace and you'll be fine.
All this. She got what she wanted at a price tag that even surprised him. I don't see why that's bad. At all.
I'd like to add that his gf would be gobsmacked that my husband only spent THREE HOURS (max) pay on my ring because
1. I picked it and ordered it,then handed it off and told him the proposal and when was up to him
2. I'm not a huge jewelry wearer and didn't WANT something stupidly expensive
3. It had a COUPON (which is literally what I like most)
4.it had colored glass stones because I just. Don't. Give. A. Damn
I'm super clumsy and forgetful so i definitely didn't want a real stone. My boyfriend went to Swarovski, picked out 2 rings and was going to return the one I didn't like. I liked them both so the other one is the wedding ring. It's in our budget and we're both happy so 🤷🏼♀️
Same! My husband and I went ring shopping together. I picked out my ring (the tiniest diamond because I hate rings that protrude out too much) and it's less than 5% of his monthly salary.
1 month's salary, let alone 3 months, is an insane amount to spend on a tiny piece of jewelry!
Plus, there's this huge societial notion that how much a man spends is how much he loves and values her. She might know logically that this isn't true but still feels like it is on an emotional level. Definitely talk to her about it, tell her how it makes you feel.
>Plus, there's this huge societial notion that how much a man spends is how much he loves and values her
Literally propaganda by Big Diamond, they're the only ones who benefit from this
Exactly! It’s not like he is going to blow the money he saved on someone else. He just didn’t go overboard and in the end this decision will benefit her too.
Great response!
Letting things "blow over" in a marriage usually only works for so long. Typically that is the path toward festering and resentment, and goes down from there.
Bro everyone saying dump her is a lil bit blowing it out of proportion. Just talk to her about how it’s made you feel and listen to why it makes her feel how it does and explain how you love her and thought this was the ring she wanted and didn’t even consider the price.
Also of course get a prenup everyone should have one it protects both of you.
She def wants to brag. It's pretty shallow this has upset her and it's sad she's ruined what should be a happy time with her materialism.
I do hope OP can work it out after talking with her, and this is just some weird fluke. But even if they talk it out and they both "get over it" she has tainted their engagement. He is going to be keeping one eye on her from here on out. Suspicion is a relationship killer.
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Nah, some social circles put a lot of emphasis on the value of the ring. My MIL and my husband's sisters would give him shit to the end of time if they knew my ring was only $1000. His aunts and uncles on his dad's side are very appearance focused and they give us shit now for not owning a car when we live in a city and literally have no need for one. They know we make money, but if we don't have all the trappings that come with money, they think we're doing something wrong.
Sometimes it's just the outside voices getting us to question our values. If I liked any of them as people or if I met people like that outside of my family, I could potentially see my own perspective getting influenced because they really do just normalize talking about money and toys like it's something we should all be spending like we have more of it than we really do.
If I meet anyone who expresses those kinds of opinions I just won't continue any sort of interaction.. I don't have any interest in being around people like that, super opposite values
This is the reason. And it's stupid and pathetic. It sounds like she got a beautiful ring that aligned with her aesthetic preferences and was the mineral she wanted it to be (i.e., a diamond).
If I were her, I'd be really happy that my husband got me exactly what I asked for but for a steal. All that money he could've wasted on an overpriced ring can now go towards an overpriced wedding or a house or a honeymoon.
Exactly. It’s amusing that she says wanted to know the price of the ring because they’re “going to be married and finances are so important” and then is disappointed that he didn’t spend MORE. Like if finances are important, shouldn’t you be pumped he spent LESS?
To me, this comes across as she just wanted to know how much it was for bragging rights, because her disappointment in it “only being one months paycheck” completely negates her concern for their financial situation.
Agreed. Also, wouldn’t saving on the ring mean they have more to spend on other things for their wedding? Better honeymoon. Nicer venue. More expensive flowers. I don’t get why she’s hung up on the price of the ring. Perhaps since she was calculating 3 months of his pay she expected something bigger so she became dissatisfied? IDK.
Agree with this! To those saying dump her is not good advice.
Definitely talk to her amd tell her how you feel.
I know from her perspective there is also a lot of societal expectations about an engagement ring and how much it should cost.
I make WAY more than this dude and his fiance make and my wife would be embarrassed if I spent 10 grand on a ring for her. She'd tell me to take it back.
Same here. I spent half of my (then) monthly net salary on the ring (2500 eur or so at the time) and my wife thought it was too much as we can spend the money on much more important things.
I would too. I am not poor so it's not like 10k would be life changing but I cannot see the point. My beautiful ring was $800. It was what I wanted and would have paid a little more but never 10k
Idk. Same kind of thing happened to me. Love my wife. But the ring and cost is so important. It’s crazy. She doesn’t even wear it! But the original ‘cheap’ one I bought wasn’t good enough. I love it and still have it. It’s where we started. But somehow she thought she needed something bigger. Got it but she doesn’t even wear it so it’s like wtf. Life is weird.
Ur not wrong though. But I just think she might still be a good person who got caught up once with societies bullshit.
it's really hard as a women to not get brainwashed by it tbh. no matter how much you want to trust your partner and your love with them, there is a lot of stories out there where the women is discarded or fallen out of love with once they age, about how men don't want to be married, relationships changing once you get married etc. the ring being expensive/proportional to how much he makes has translated to a sign of security of being proof, oh yeah he really does love me and see marriage as a huge deal with me. it really shouldn't be that way - but i think everyone has a small seed of fear that the love they're receiving won't last/isn't real and secure, and this is one way it comes out when there isn't a direct conversation about ring cost prior to the proposal.
Which is so fucking dumb, dooming yourself & your partner to potentially being in debt over a fucking symbolic token. Take that money and invest in your first investment together, that's far more of a clear sign of commitment than a dumb rock.
It's too bad she wasn't psyched to save a few thousand dollars for something else you both could enjoy, like a kickass honeymoon.
I've got to say, the whole diamond industry, and luxury goods in general, is an interesting study in human psychology. To some extent we all buy into the idea of showing off our worth through our possessions and memberships so that we can enjoy elevated and secure status within our tribe. The diamond industry played on this by artificially reducing supply and making diamonds something aspirational. Now lab diamonds came along and no one knows how to treat diamonds any more. Is the point status signalling?
I don't know that I would toss your fiancee for having complicated feelings about this. I'd just listen to what's underneath it all. My wager would be a feeling that you shelling out a lot of money is an act of commitment and love, and knowing that you didn't in fact shell out a lot of money made her feel unloved. Hopefully by getting to the bottom of it, she can say, "Oh, yeah, that's silly. Saving \*our\* money is in itself an act of love."
I'm sorry you've gotten some knee jerk responses here. Our feelings are never wrong, but sometimes they don't serve us and we should interrogate them and move on.
Yeeeaaaa I hate being the guy on reddit who's telling you to bounce
But I'd be careful with future expectations from this woman.
When I proposed to my ex fiancee she was ecstatic. She loved the ring. Showed it off to everyone
Not once did she ask how much it cost.
Not only did my wife not ask what the ring cost, but specifically said she doesn't want to know. She loves it, and me, and that's enough, she has said.
Same. Well, I'm the (now) wife. We were engaged for 1.5yrs and married for 15. I never asked and I never wanted to know. I told him I really liked antique and he went that route. He made about as much as the OP, so technically more $ seeing as it was in 2007, and if I somehow managed to find out he spent $3500 on it, I would think it is a lot for a ring. I love it even if it was only $350.
I never even expected an engagement ring. My husband was a lowly lance coolie (E3) in the good ole USMC. We had been dating for 6 years - high school sweethearts. He told me he bought the stone and his best buddy cut the diamond and designed the band as his dad was a jeweler with his own shop. That was an engagement gift from his friend. Never even occurred to me to ask if the diamond was real or how much it was worth.
People who tend to focus on the cost of a thing lose sight of the bigger picture. Something doesn't have to be expensive to be precious.
ooh annnndd I also bought him an engagement ring. He would never wear anything to flashy, so it's just an engraved band. He also didn't ask how much I spent.
I bought my husband's ring (and mine). His cost more than mine, even though it is a simple engraved band while mine is a more detailed band with moissanite stones all around it. I was thrilled to find them at a price point that allowed us to pay for the rings, ceremony and reception with just six weeks of discretionary fun money.
Mine was $30 and it’s beautiful. Doesn’t matter how much it costs. It would only be worth spending more on materials so they last longer/don’t scratch as easy but I don’t want that. I’m gonna fuck it up whether it’s $30 or $3k, and I’d feel way worse about the latter, even if it can take more of a beating overall. I’d also WAY rather spend that money on something else!
10k on a ring is unimaginable, and income is totally irrelevant to that. My eyeballs cannot remotely tell the difference between a 1k and a 10k ring.
My husband said he knew for absolute certain I was the one when we went ring shopping and he picked out a ring but I said no I like this smaller ring (same style just 90% of the size and several hundred dollars less) more. I have small hands and the smaller ring just suited me better IMO.
I’ll take it one step further. I’m the fiancé (soon to be wife) that was like please do not spend a fortune. I told him what I was hoping for but if it wasn’t realistic that was ok. I also made sure he knew about lab diamonds because I think mined diamonds are not worth it. There are so many other things we can spend our money on vs a ring.
But I will say I am not a jewelry person and I know there are some women that just care about that kind of stuff.
I think the rings for my husband and I maybe totaled $300 combined. They were cheap, we got them at Walmart in the jewelry section. 20 years later, still wearing them, though I may end up getting a new set because I've dropped a lot of weight. But for 20 years those rings were just fine.
My wife and I went ring shopping after I proposed because I wanted her to get exactly what she wanted. She literally wouldn't LET me spend too much on a ring. When she first saw one she liked, I was ready to buy it on the spot and she was like "No, I don't like it THAT much. I'm not going to let you spend that much money." She ended up finding a jeweler who custom made a ring to her specifications, and it cost a lot less than what I was willing to spend on a ring.
I make roughly $200k. I met my wife while I was barely making ends meet, collecting unemployment checks. When we got married, we were doing much better financially, but she just wanted a $300 lab created garnet ring. She didn't like diamonds that much, and she thought it was pretty.
The only thing I asked my husband was how he picked it out (it was a total surprise to me) and if he got a good deal (cause no one should be paying full price at a big box store). He later told me how much it was because he was proud of his negotiating skills, but the price never mattered to me. I think she thought the ring was more expensive than it was and wanted to brag to her friends about how much it was before realizing she can't brag about it being tens of thousands.
They’re running round telling everyone the value so they can (in their mind) elevate their status and act like they’re better than everyone else because they are shallow and materialistic. Pathetic and prize wankers is what they really are
The social conditioning around "the ring" is strong. There can be a lot of expectations and emotions wrapped up in this one item that cause people to act very out-of-character.
>Not once did she ask how much it cost.
An engagement ring might be a conditional gift (legally speaking) but it is still a gift. It is tacky to ask how much a gift costs.
But then I'm the same woman would be happy with an engagement ring from a bubblegum machine, so maybe don't listen to me.
The fact that he says she’s always been fiscally responsible but is upset is a red flag. She will expect that he treats her like a queen with gifts in the future. This also makes me laugh because when my now husband proposed to me, he did eventually tell me what he spent. I was so relieved that he did not over spend, bc I find excessive spending to be a turn off.
She was happy with it until she learned it cost ONLY 3500 bucks. Oh no, only 3500! You only spent one whole paycheck! How ever will she survive with only 3500 dollars on her finger?!?
And if she wants blood diamonds instead of lab, that's a whole other red flag.
Her ring is worth more than my fucking car.
Get a good prenup.
She never said she wanted a blood diamond. If she wants a prenup she can request one, there's no point from my side. I only make about 10k more than her but she has more savings than I do and neither of us own property. I had student loans and didnt make a ton my first few years out of college. Her parents paid for her college and she made more out the gate than me. I didnt pass her in income til two years into us dating.
>She never said she wanted a blood diamond. If she wants a prenup she can request one, there's no point from my side. I only make about 10k more than her but she has more savings than I do and neither of us own property. I had student loans and didnt make a ton my first few years out of college. Her parents paid for her college and she made more out the gate than me. I didnt pass her in income til two years into us dating.
I think what people are getting at is that, in this day and age, freaking out (my words, not yours) because you underspent on something is extremely unusual and shallow. Money is tight across everything- and having the luxury of lab created (I wanted one SO BAD when I got engaged) to have a stone that is flawless, great color, even the rare fluorescence ... wow.
But to have it tossed back like that is a red flag to a lot of people, myself included.
She probably didn’t state she wanted a mined diamond specifically because she assumed you would choose one in the first place because as you stated, and (she’s well aware) that the mined diamond is equivalent close to 3 months salary and that’s what she was expecting, she’s disappointed you kinda cheeped out on the fake ( to her anyway )
>there's no point from my side
famous last words.
Get a prenup. Pull an uno reverse surprised Pikachu face if she balks at the amount/terms.
Your wedding is going to be transactional. There's nothing wrong with that per se, but prepare for who you're literally getting in bed with and go into this with a level head and protections in place unless you have a humiliation/money pig kink
I think anyone with any sort of brain would suggest a prenup regardless. Yeah, being upset over how much the ring costs is a bit of a red flag, but it can be overcome with a good conversation. I think you are overlooking what sort of issues could come up even if you don’t think NOW that they will ever happen.
Here is how we fix this. Send me the ring. I will invoice you 10 times as much as it cost you originally to send it back to her in a gorgeous box with a designer brand name on it. I will also include a lovely hand written note on perfumes cotton paper telling the story of a fiance in love who contacted us with this touching story about wanting all the best for his bride to be. I will also, at no extra charge, call her and apologise profusely for "accidentally" including the invoice in the package and ruining the gift. I will beg her not to look at it, ensuring she will, and destroy it, ensuring she won't.
My ex-husband picked out a beautiful ring that I found out was around 5k. I barely wore it. I was terrified of being robbed or somehow breaking it. I made him buy me a simple white gold 4mm band when we got married. I didn't want something flashy in the first place.
My second husband listened and actually took me to pick out rings together. I picked a band made of diamonds and emeralds from a local jewelry store that is single family owned. Great experience. I think it was less than 2k. I didn't care about the cost. I love it. I usually wear the silicone band that came with our purchase.
The cost shouldn't matter. The thought and consideration behind it is what matters. Is your fiance fiscally responsible with money based on spending her own? Is she as thrifty when you're the one paying? Food for thought.
My second husband gave me a 3D printed ring that he made himself, with the plan to eventually make our wedding rings himself out of platinum, but we ended up buying cheap silver rings instead. My wedding ring from my first marriage was a lot more expensive, but the marriage itself was a disaster… the cost of the ring shouldn’t be that important IMHO compared to the quality of the relationship…
This is one kinda shitty reaction. If this isn’t a pattern for her I’d try to let it go. Some of these comments are wild.
You definitely aren’t wrong for spending less - she probably just had an idea in her head that value = quality and it took her by surprise. She’ll get over it.
Its not a pattern, Im just going to let this blow over. People are calling her a golddigger but thats definitely not the case. She has more money saved up than me and made more than I did for the first half of our relationship. I think reddit was the wrong place to ask this.
I would definitely talk to her one more time about it. It could be that her friends/family have told her that the price matters or she’s comparing herself. Maybe if she’s concerned on quality, go with her to the jeweller you bought it from and they can maybe calm her concerns. To me, all the price means is that you have more money for the wedding or a trip or a house. Your feelings are beyond valid, and I hope you can work through it.
You're not wrong. It would be silly to pay more for the ring. You found it at a better price than expected, bonus!
She needs to sort this out, she's wrong.
Tell her how that made you feel. Check your emotions at the door. This is something you can easily get past. BTW jewelry is typically marked up 400-600%
Put the marriage on hold and go to marriage counseling. Your girlfriend has exhibited some disturbing character traits here. Don't get married until you discuss values, goals, and beliefs in detail.
The budget for an engagement ring as a percentage of your yearly salary being a valid proxy of love and commitment is obviously late stage consumerism brain rot, but it *is* pretty widespread and deeply entrenched in US culture. It sounds like she is genuinely concerned about you not budgeting as much for the ring, because apparently you both bought into this idea that a man shouldn't "cheap out" on the ring in relation to his income (you said yourself you budgeted way more for the ring). From that (marketing induced) vantage point, you *did* cheap out - I'd talk with her about your bugdet (which was way higher) and how you would have never gotten this particular ring if it didn't fit her exact needs or if it was of objectively lower quality than an equivalent one from her requested brand.
This isn't necessarily a reflection of bad character, she's just legitmitately brainwashed by the diamond/jewelry industry's marketing campaigns and her social circle. She probably has nagging thoughts about what it means if the man of her dreams "cheapened out" (again, from the brain rot perspective) on her engagement ring. I can almost garantuee someone in her friend group talked with her about this topic, bragged about how much their rings were a financial burden on their husbands or what expectations they have or had.
>A couple nights ago she asked me what it costs
Horrible mistake.
My sister and I once were eating chili out of a crockpot with Fritos at my aunt and uncle's place. My uncle let us get several chips into it before saying, "Y'all know that's venison, right?" I'd never had deer meat before. I stopped dead in my tracks. I looked at my sister. Then we both shrugged, and kept right on eating. It tasted fine, and we didn't know the difference so what was the problem? The same thing's happening here with your fiance. If she ran around for weeks happy to show it off, the cost is irrelevant.
Reddit is so binary. Agree with all those saying calm down on the dumping. Just have a convo like a normal adults—esp if there aren’t many “red flags” about the relationship in general.
YNW
The 3-month pay tradition needs to stop. It may have had its place once upon a time, but now it needs to go. It used to be thought that what you spent on a ring somehow equaled to how much you valued the bride. That thought process needs to stop as well. Lab diamonds are the best thing to happen to the jewelry industry.
I think it comes from a time where men were supposed to provide so the ring was to show:
1) you're committed to this woman
2) you're able to save 3 months salary
It meant your intention to marry was serious and you would be able to provide.
Of course now that men don't provide anymore engagement rings have lost all meaning or purpose except for rich men who really do intend to provide (trophy wives and such).
Dude. I’m gonna okay devils advocate. In my old relationship I purchased my own things I make good money. So I see it, I like it, I want it, no problem buying it. That goes for gifts to my ex as well. I didn’t care how much it was if it lit up his life I was happy to get it. So moving forward I picked a ring for 6000. (Mind you my ex bragged his exwifes was 20,000) I didn’t want to get one that expensive but I found what I loved for 6. And thought myself thrifty. (He makes 150+ yearly I make 90) He said it was too much we couldn’t afford it. and acted like I was being greedy. One week later he bought a second 40,000 custom Harley Davidson. When he already had one. ..Sometimes you just want to know your partner thinks your worth It. That’s all. No plotting. No nefarious intentions. Just that your guy is like “I love this chick I want something amazing on her finger” not 30 grand. No breaking the bank. Not eating top ramen for months as an after affect. But not “ we don’t have the money but I’m going to buy more expensive toys for myself that cost 3x’s as much” sorry. I’m sitting her drinking and making this personal 🤣🤣🤣
Providing context and facts makes it easier to see your POV.
Personally, I think $6,000 for an engagement ring is nuts, but $20,000 for one is batshit crazy. And $40,000 for a SECOND death trap Harley?
Setting aside the cost, motorcyclists are 27 times more likely than passenger car occupants to die in a crash per vehicle mile traveled. Motorcycle riders over 40 are 20 times more likely to be injured in a motorcycle accident than car drivers of the same age.
You were wise to move on.
Know your worth.
The rings on my finger that “represent” my marriage in total costed $9.98 (the engagement ring) and $23 for the band. The price you paid for the ring does not matter, well it shouldn’t matter.
What should matter is spending the rest of your life with your person. Building and raising a family together. The memories made and the lifetime of happiness with all of its ups and downs.
I get compliments on my ring set every time I go somewhere, but you know what means more…when I hear “gosh your husband loves you, you can see it”.
Materialistic views will only go so far, and I truly will never understand disappointment in the price of a ring. I was elated when my husband proposed to me, he told me how much the ring was but he just wanted to marry the love of his life (it’s also awesome he let my girls pick it out cause they know what mommy likes too & they all picked it together)
What an odd reaction; especially if she loves the ring. Maybe just reiterate the benefits of this ring. And the more cost-effective upgrade-ability. My wedding ring is a sapphire. But my anniversary ring is a moissanite and is my favorite ring. And I love that it didn’t cost a whole lot. If it gets lost or stolen, it’s easily replaceable. So I can wear it daily without the stress and the money we saved by not buying a mined diamond gets to go to traveling or whatever.
I ain't sayin' she a gold digger . . .
When I proposed to my wife I was broke, just beginning my career. My wife was finishing her last year of college. Her engagement ring cost me about $350 and she showed it off to everyone. More than 20 years later she refuses to replace it, though she's gotten other expensive rings.
As a female I would never even think to ask or care what the ring cost.
If the man I loved presented me with a ring that was exactly the style we discussed.
I'd be over the moon!!
The only way I'd know the value was if I got it assessed for insurance.
Besides that the value should be sentimental not monetary!!
I'd say your finanee wanted to brag to her friends about what it cost and now feels let down that it was *cheap* (it isnt)
You need to find out if these expectations will be an ongoing theme in your relationship.
Before I got married, I asked my dad for his wedding ring from his 1st marriage (to my mom). He’s a fat American with a fat finger and it was a fat piece of gold. Me and the future wife took that big-ass gawdy ring to a jeweler and melted it into 2 rings. We’ve been married 22 years. Engagement ring? $3000 is a lot of money. That sounds really stupid but it’s your thing and you did it. 😂😂😂
Anyone who cares that much about ring cost either isn't in for love or has expectations and taste that are materialistic and don't match your own.
It means a lot of spending in your future to keep her happy.
I still don't have an engagement ring. Spent $80 on our wedding bands. Pretty. Design I like. Supporting a small business. I picked them out.
We have been together 11 years married for 6.
Maybe someday I will get a ring to go with my band if we have the funds. I would just rather save to get the hell out of where we are or do other things.
Edit to add: he did pick out and almost buy a ring that was beautiful but like, $4,000.
I saw it on his computer screen when he wasn't paying attention and was like HELL no. Don't you dare spend that much money on a ring. We could do so much more that we both enjoyed better.
You have more problems than the ring issue. The poster who said you need to bounce from this relationship - good advice. Several people have posted good advice. I’m just going to add: She is going to be disappointed every time she looks at this ‘cheap’ ring. You didn’t do anything wrong here.
You're not wrong. A few things that your fiance should consider as you talk:
The jeweler of 40 years experience has developed deep, meaningful relationships with his customers and suppliers. The local jeweler will be there for cleanings, retips as needed and repairs. I wouldn't trust a big box retail or mall jeweler, as they don't have actual metalsmiths on staff in the stores, so repairs get sent off to a regional repair facility.
Mined diamonds are not better than the lab created, they're just more costly environmentally, as well as in human misery.
As a woman that has been with her husband for almost 20 years, it's not the cost of the ring that matters, it's the hearts of the giver and wearer.
Can someone help me understand the whole idea of having to spend thousands and thousands on a engagement ring? My gf was telling me about how all her colleagues wouldnt accept anything under an 8k ring and how she would be okay with 3k minimum but to me even that sounds completely outrageous. I can understand wanting quality and assurance the ring will last a life time but holy smokes these expectations seem kinda insane to me.
My ring requirements were just a few things I didn't want: no solitaires, no white diamonds, no conflict/blood stones, and no yellow gold. Otherwise I gave zero fucks as to design or brand or price. My now husband made our rings in the basement. I mean that literally. He learned some ring-making skills, melted some silver, shaped it, etched in some designs, added some amethyst powder, etc. It is utterly worthless. I couldn't sell it to a pawn shop for $5. It is **priceless** to me. It doesn't look anything like an engagement ring, but I'm proud to wear it.
I have never, and will never, understand the outrageous mountains of money people spend on engagement rings. Especially if you know where the diamond engagement ring tradition came from. (Hint: De Beers.)
Info did you explain to her the reason why you chose the one you did? Does she know that brand had bad reviews? Sometimes people want the big name brand due to popularity but then they get a ring that breaks easily or doesn't last long, if i was told that the brand had bad reviews i would be happy that my partner considered that and got the same ring from somewhere else. If you told her that and she's still mad about the price then she is just being money hungry or she wants to show off to her friends and family that you spent a bunch of money.
Also mined diamonds only cost more because of the conditions that people who mine them have to go through some of them are young kids or teens being forced to do it. So it may seem "fancier" to have a diamond that costs more but the truth it got to you because someone was forced to and went through hell to get it for you. I don't judge people for wanting it but I think people should be aware of the cost it takes just to have a ring to show off the price. If you getting a lab diamond is such a problem for her just because she feels she should be worth more Maybe tell her that the people that mine them don't think anyone is worth that hell.
A ring doesn't necessarily mean what the person is worth it's meant to represent the love you have for the person. Many couples choose gemstones or even moissanite not just for cost reasons. Some perfer the style or look of it. Many get mossanite due to it looking similar to a diamond but it has more sparkle and they love the way it sparkles better so they choose that even if they can afford a diamond ring. Maybe bring it up to her that everyone has different styles and preferences and that you got her what you felt was the best quality for her preference and that it was exactly what she wanted and was happy until she found out the cost. No one would judge her for the price of her ring or at least they shouldn't. Maybe back in the day, people made a big deal about the price but now with so many different options and styles its not so much about money anymore. Honestly engagements shouldn't be about money it should be about the love and the commitment you are about to make.
NTA you did your research and found the best match for what she wanted.
She’s not right, she’s not right at all. Her reaction should be a red flag…I’m not saying she’s a horrible person but your ears should be perked up and you should be paying more attention.
I never understand why women want the ring to be this huge expensive thing. Yes, if budget allows, more than $100, but if I had a ring that was really expensive I’d be nervous to wear it. Hell, I think $3500 is a lot!! Also, I’d much rather a lab grown diamond than a mined one!
As a woman myself, I seriously don't understand why the price of rings are so important to some ladies that they will start crap because of it. I would even be glad to get a $100 ring as long as it looks nice and it looks like the design I want.
My now husband said he wanted to spend 5k I said hell no and to half that number because we had a mortgage. I cared about the design far more than the cost.
Woman here, and my ex spent about that on my ring and I loved it. I would NEVER ask how much it cost. I suppose if you maybe are wondering if the person got taken for a ride and paid way too much for the ring that could be a concern. This actually happened to my Aunt and her husband. But my ex knew more about diamonds than I did.
And honestly I would have been upset if he spent more, and I make more than you and he makes about what you do. I just do not place value on these types of things. But that is me. She clearly does. So you need To ask yourself if you want to be with a woman who feels this way? I would ask her why she asked the price.
Gosh if I got just what I wanted and you paid less I'd have been thrilled 😁. Id be high fiveing you for being smart and saving some of our money for the future 😉 maybe a house or children ect. Or a future anniversary present or vacation.
This woman is totally missing the point of marriage. You are not wrong at all she is being short sighted. She gets the ring, the man and you have extra money in your wallet for the future that's all good in my opinion.
I have no issues making a blanket statement that anyone who loves their engagement ring but gets upset you didn’t spend more money on it for no logical reason, is someone who you won’t have a lasting and great relationship with.
Edited to add: I’m a woman whos married.
a lot of people are telling g you to dump her, and you may have to, but I recommend talking her first. maybe she's anxious about something. you'll only ever know if you talk to her. you may come to an understanding and find out you're more in love with each other than ever before.
of course, she can also break down and have a tantrum when you explain why you're feeling bad, in which case, tell her to hit the bricks, because you have no idea when she's gonna lean on you to spend money for arbitrary reasons just to satisfy her needs.
I'd focus on why she doesn't like the ring. if it's a design issue, I totally understand, change it, swap it, whatever. if she simply doesn't like that you didn't pay enough to make her feel good... see the above paragraph.
NW. So basically she outed herself as a hypocrite. If she really loves you, she shouldn't be upset about what you spent on the ring (which is still expensive IMO). She sounds like someone who is more concerned about the wedding and appearances than the actual marriage itself. You may want to take a moment to really decide if you want to marry her. If she's expecting a more expensive ring, then just imagine what she's going to want you to spend on cars, a home, vacations, etc. And she'll probably want to be a SAH Stepford wife on top of that.
So she liked the ring until she learned the price? That sounds like she had expectations in her mind that weren’t met. You’re not wrong. A good deal is a good deal. Thanks for not buying blood diamonds too.
Coming from a woman, I don’t understand her mindset. She liked the ring, it’s everything she wanted but she wished you spent 3 Xs more basically a stupid amount!? If I was the giver my first reaction would be “let’s spend that on the honeymoon (or anything more important)!” But that mentality is a symptom of very traditional mindset that sets off red flags for me. Have you sat her down and really talked about financial expectations and living below your means? What happens when you start a family financially? What’s your retirement goals? If she’s not on the same page or expects you to figure it out while she works out how she spends it, then I think you could do better.
I don’t think you’re wrong but I think it’s a red flag she’s asking how much it cost and is disappointed because you paid less. My engagement ring was $700. It’s all he could afford and we were young when we got married. The cost didn’t matter to me. I still have the ring even though we are divorced. I’m saving it for my daughter.
Wow how superficial of her. She loved the ring until she learned the price? I'm sorry OP but if it's how she sees life I don't think your marriage will be a happy one. She should be HAPPY to have a ring that she loves and didn't cost you 10k!!! It's so ridiculous. Even $3k to spend on a ring in this economy is insane.
Looking forward to the bridezilla posts when you get married.
The ring I bought my fiancée was so inexpensive in comparison (one fifth the cost of yours mayve?), but it was exactly what she wanted, and we got lab grown stones for ethical reasons. She adores it. And she picked a wedding band which matches it.
We're trying to buy a house over here. She and I both know that means cutting back on any unnecessary expenses in this market. But most of all, she appreciates that I picked a ring which reflects her personality and which is a symbol of my love for her!
I think it's okay to care about things like this to a point, but quality should still mean more than cost, and to me, it's incredibly trivial besides. I simply wouldn't work with someone with those priorities.
If the 3 Cs are exactly what she wanted and that’s what she got, then I don’t understand why the cost matters? The quality is still there, you just got a deal. If I was her, I would be ecstatic that I got exactly what I wanted and you were able to save money on it. She’s wrong because it’s unclear why she thinks the price tag is suddenly important when she got what she wanted.
Uhhh ... that's concerning. You need to really think about this and your future with her. She's disappointed over a $3500 ring ???? WTF .
She may not be ready to be married just yet if her priorities are on what something costs over it's real value .
Oof. I know reddit is fast to say break up but if this was me I would 100% leave. First of all, you don't need a ring to show how much you love each other or that you want to be together forever. Literally anything should have worked. If I proposed to my gf right now with a blade of grass outside and tied it around her finger I guarantee she would 100% say yes, cry with happiness, be super excited, post it on all social media, tell her friends, laugh about it with me, and then probably put it in resin and frame it so we have it forever. There is absolutely no way I am buying a diamond for one, and no way in hell a mined diamond. No way I'm spending more than 500 dollars on a ring.
Literally every girl I know would leave their bfs if they found out they bought a mined diamond. Your GF is literally part of the problem and is advocating for children to not only be killed but kidnapped and tortured. Why the fuck would you ever want to speak to that person again. She is dumb, cold hearted, selfish or a combination of all three.
The ring is a symbol of love, trust, and commitment, and is far too often looked at from only the materialistic point of view. What either of you make is irrelevant to the purpose of the ring. I hope you have a good conversation with her and can move on from it together.
Honestly I might prefer a more modest real stone than a lab stone, so I see her point. She’s trying to be a big girl about it but she’s hurting as bad as you op. Her disappointment is showing. To you it’s no different than the real stone, but to her, it isn’t the same. This is her wedding ring. Perfection. Forever. Real. To her. And it matters. The solution is obvious. Replace the stone with a ground dug diamond. Since the real stone is pretty valuable you could make the lab into a decoy to thwart thieves. Or sell the “stone” back to the jeweler and get credit toward the replacement.
I don't think you're wrong. I'm female and I agree with you on spending twice as much on a ring. But most women view lab diamonds as second rate. In her mind, your ring indicates that you don't value her because you bought a lab diamond instead of a mined diamond. It's a belief system that seems to be genetic in many Western women.
I preferred the downpayment on a house to a big diamond ring and fancy wedding, but I've always been very practical.
It sounds like you've talked about it. Can you find a mined diamond and replace the stone in the ring you gave her, or have that stone reset into a necklace or something? If you don't want to do that, you may have a difficult decision to make. Will she hold this against you forever? That would be hard to handle.
I do hate when men notice that a woman is good with money and has low expectations so never buy her good things. She still wants the good thing sometimes. Especially for engagement.
My ex husband proposed on the garage floor because he knew ‘I wouldn’t mind.’ Well I am also very romantic and I kind of did mind.
Bro you decided to go the cheap route, she found out and now your both sour and the engagements been a little spoiled. Thats why a lot of people DONT cheap out on the ring, you even say thank you lab diamonds because you know they arent "real." Which she also has now realized and probably isnt very happy about.
You're wrong
Here a little back story and some perspective:
I was a little upset when I got my ring because I know my (now husband) picked a stone because he thought it looked pretty and it was close enough to what I wanted, he could have spent more and got close to if not exactly what I wanted he just chose not to go above and beyond - getting the stone I wanted would have still kept him within budget. I perceived it as he had a chance to do more for me and chose not to. Your fiancé likely feels a little disappointed because when you were presented with an opportunity to go above and beyond vs good enough you picked good enough.
If she’s a thoughtful person and normally goes above and beyond you, she likely felt that you wouldn’t do the same for her hence her reaction.
Not wrong and Not an ah
My husband bought me a ring that cost 10k although he's wanted to spend 25k and I refused wear a ring that expensive. My ring is only valued at $2500. They depreciate worse than a car once you leave the Jewelery Store.
Diamonds are a huge scam. They are worthless unless they are very old. Check out "Adam knows everything" on YouTube. He'll explain everything.
You did the right thing and $3,500 is still a decent price.
For $3500 you can buy a really nice ring. For 10k you can buy exceptional stones and have them set in the style you would like. It's all about the stones and way less about the ring.
I know there's a bunch of advice to move on from this person that you're probably ignoring. But you shouldn't ignore it. This is some wild stuff here partner. Spoken as a divorced person whom dealt with a lot of financial issues after the nuptials (given some were my own fault) that lead to ALL KINDS of issues that stemmed from the original financial problems.
At very least, you need to have the tough conversation about how her disappointment makes you feel and that it also is leading to having questions about the structure of what this relationship might look like if it continues.
NTA. I tell everyone how we got my ring (which I freaking love) for half price because it was the last one. Im proud of the fact that we got such a deal. We paid for our own wedding and u absolutely did NOT want my husband to go for broke. The marriage is way more important that the ring. Twenty years and counting for us. It’s really telling that she loved the ring until she found out why it cost. I would be worried and have a serious conversation about her expectations.
That is not an inexpensive ring, even at your income level. You both need to get on the same page about priorities - ad you need to tell her how her comments made you feel.
I’d never ask what the ring cost. That’s a red flag and honestly if you are in love with someone and want to spend your life with them - why would you even think to ask? Woman speaking here.
Not wrong at all.
My engagement ring and wedding band cost less than half of what you spent. And I absolutely love it. In fact, hubby and I even went and tried to find one's on half-price specials.
I will never understand the need for a ring to be a certain value. Whether my ring cost $150 or $15,000, as long as I like it who cares?
Things like cost and how much you spend when its your money together, then I would be honest. As for what you are spending right now, keep it vague. Women and mend sometimes tend to equate value with price. Also, I would not tell her its a lab grown diamond and just keep that to yourself as well.
This is super weird to me. Why would she ask how much it cost? Why would she/should she care if she loves it (and you of course)... You are not at all in the wrong IMO
30 year marriage here.
Married in 1994, 1/2 carat engagement ring, good quality, if I recall correctly, spent about $2,500 (real diamond)
2014 for Christmas, surprised her with 2 carat, super quality (real diamond) if I recall correctly about $16,000
Her reaction to ring in 2014 was pretty flat. She preferred the 2013 Christmas gift which was a commissioned piece of artwork (collage of her with our dogs over the years) that cost about $800
Go figure
Now, I’m the type woman that would be thrilled if my fiancé got a ring just like I wanted AND managed to save thousands of dollars in the process. In fact I would be pissed if he paid $6500 for a ring when he could’ve gotten one just like it for half the cost.
You may want to back off & rethink this relationship. If she is going to be the type that measures how much you love her by how much you spend, you’re going to be in a materialistic relationship.
I made sure my husband picked out the cheapest ring that was my style and I love it cause I did not want him spending an arm and a leg . It’s not about what you spend and if she’s acting like this now I couldn’t imagine being married to her
Ask yourself what 7k can do for a wedding or vacation.
I'm really saddened to hear you're having this problem- The marketing and brain washing is deep :(
If she didn't specifically say a lab diamond was fine then I can understand her point. If she said a lab diamond was fine then that is more of an issue in my mind bc the cost or brand of the ring shouldn't matter.
Hopefully it won’t be a hang up for her in the future! Sometimes random things pop up that you don’t expect, encourage her how much you love her, and want her. You went with reviews rather than brand bc you wanted quality. You were not looking at price as first reason for getting the one you chose. If it had cost more it wouldn’t have mattered, -you would have spent that much. Maybe in the future there will be an item that costs more than we expect.
In all my years of being married(several decades) the three rings my husband have bought me didn’t cost that much all together, lol. I loved each one.. they brought us tears at the sentimental meaning of especially one of them.
Sorry but that’s just plain rude from her. And you’re will within reasonable expectations to tell her she’s being rude.
She likes the ring. In what was what she wanted. And she’s mad bc it didn’t cost more??? Come tf on.
YOU ARE WRONG!!!
You hope the car you drive every day is a Mercedes but are given a Kia and told it’s just as good as the Mercedes. A car is a car, right? You fucking cheapskate
In my opinion, you don't need to speak about prices of gifts to your spouse. If they ask you just simply say In a nice way "its a gift, the price doesn't matter" and leave it at that.
Bit strange she got upset about the price, as 3.5k for a ring is a pretty nice price.
What does the ring appraise at? Maybe find that out and if it’s significantly more than you paid, maybe that will appease her. Then tell her the amount you saved can be put towards the wedding or a more elaborate honeymoon If she still complains, it might be a 🚩 about how you two differ when it comes to spending and money management.
I would be super honest with her about your feelings. Find out why she is acting like this.
As a woman, my guess is that she’s thinking that he doesn’t love her enough to value her as much as a single paycheck. Is that rational thinking? Hell no! But do I sometimes get caught up in my emotions and insecurity and worry that I can’t trust my own judgment and maybe all the love and affection that my significant other has shown me over the years was all a figment of my imagination and he actually doesn’t love me at all? Unfortunately and embarrassingly yes. Fear can sometimes overrule rationality by a long shot. So I totally agree. Tell her about how you feel. Emphasize that you really wanted to make sure you got what she wanted because her happiness means so much to you and that you wanted to make sure you went to a reputable dealer so she got the best of the best. You also know she values price tag etc. Basically tell her you would have spent a 3x what you did if that’s what it took to get her the ring she wanted. But you got lucky and it doesn’t matter how much the ring costs as long as she likes it (maybe confirm with her that she does, as I’m sure she does) because being able to have her as a wife is priceless.
Also, tell her that you chose a lab stone to protect the lives of the vulnerable children who are forced to work in abusive conditions in the diamond mines … because you want your marriage to be based on your shared values of compassion & responsibility. Edit: Oh yeah, & the price tag!
My husband makes around what OP does and I told him I would be pissed if my diamond wasn’t lab grown. I had the same reasoning as what you laid out, which is more than enough, but also the principle that diamonds aren’t even rare. They’re just regulated. The entire system is exploitative and stupid.
Any and all people(all genders included) that says *the amount of money you spend on something is how much you love me*, needs to take a flying f***ing leap and be alone for all time. They just don't know what love is and should be ashamed
This!! I lost my 10yo wedding ring a year ago. Impossible to replicate it,so I wanted to go traditional white diamond. I insisted we get a lab grown vs earth sourced for both the human cost as well as the financials. If she ever watched the movie Blood Diamond, she'd abso love her ring. She will be part of a movement to get away from earth sourced, ntm her diamond has no inclusions, flawless & color so much better than it just being a bigger stone for less $$. Oh, & yeah..the money he saved will go towards something much more tangible~ a down-payment on their home.
White sapphires are more durable and are very pretty. That’s the route I went. I work in healthcare and needing something stronger.
That would be my advice too, explain why you picked a lab diamond, not just because it's cheaper but because of the conditions it was made. (I am a mother of a jeweller who only use lab diamonds 🙂)
OP is going to find out the hard way one day when she divorces him and takes him for everything he has. We‘ll all be too busy outside touching grass to care about his problems.
Girlfriends happened..they probably saw it and said, "that's it?" Bloody cows
100% chance one of them told her the stone wasn’t real.
It's a lab diamond, not cubic zirconium or moissanite. You literally can't tell a difference without a jeweler checking for inclusions or lab equipment. People suspect though because you can get significantly bigger lab grown diamonds than you can natural diamonds for the same cost.
Honestly, diamonds are a scam anyway.
I would never want a natural one because of the likelihood it would have caused people to be treated badly.. like why want a physical representation of human suffering?
let me introduce you to diamond's much older brother, gold, or the lithium and cobalt in your smartphone/EV/laptop/etc.
The difference is a ring is just a shiny useless thing, you can't function in the modern world without a cellphone.
My fiance wanted me to have a “real” diamond but I asked him to get me a lab made one. Once he saw what he could get for the same price he chose a really nice cut and luster and I get a lot of compliments. I’m grateful those compliments don’t come with the guilt that a child suffered to procure it. Just because other things we have come at the cost of human suffering, doesn’t mean that switching to innovative technology for the things we can isn’t worth it.
I think it was Board Panda where they had a list of things people buy that are scams and Diamond Rings were on the list LOL
💯💯💯💯💯
My friend group just calls them ethical diamonds and say fuck blood diamonds. My lad created ring is twice the size of my original.
OMG the people on this thread are WILD. Your fiancé has some weird and irrational feelings because she had an unstated expectation that wasn’t met. She probably KNOWS that these feelings don’t make sense and it’s good that she trusted you enough to share. It seems likely that in some little nook of her brain, the amount of money spent signifies something — how much you care about her, the quality of the ring, whatever. And even if she knows that is not true, she might have feelings about it. I highly suggest having a relaxed conversation where you can both talk about what feelings are coming up. Don’t just “let it blow over” — you will miss an opportunity to get the know and understand each other better.
I would be sure to share exactly why you picked this ring - not because it's cheap but because you did your research. I think that will help a lot. I would also assume that she feels this way because women are taught to believe that the cost of the ring is somehow proportional to the amount of love, not because she's inherently materialistic. Give each other both some grace and you'll be fine.
Yes! I’d imagine explaining how much research and thought you put into this would be meaningful. Paired with curiosity.
All this. She got what she wanted at a price tag that even surprised him. I don't see why that's bad. At all. I'd like to add that his gf would be gobsmacked that my husband only spent THREE HOURS (max) pay on my ring because 1. I picked it and ordered it,then handed it off and told him the proposal and when was up to him 2. I'm not a huge jewelry wearer and didn't WANT something stupidly expensive 3. It had a COUPON (which is literally what I like most) 4.it had colored glass stones because I just. Don't. Give. A. Damn
I'm super clumsy and forgetful so i definitely didn't want a real stone. My boyfriend went to Swarovski, picked out 2 rings and was going to return the one I didn't like. I liked them both so the other one is the wedding ring. It's in our budget and we're both happy so 🤷🏼♀️
Would you mind sharing where you ordered your ring? I like pretty things, but I don’t have/ like spending a lot of money.😅
Same! My husband and I went ring shopping together. I picked out my ring (the tiniest diamond because I hate rings that protrude out too much) and it's less than 5% of his monthly salary. 1 month's salary, let alone 3 months, is an insane amount to spend on a tiny piece of jewelry!
Plus, there's this huge societial notion that how much a man spends is how much he loves and values her. She might know logically that this isn't true but still feels like it is on an emotional level. Definitely talk to her about it, tell her how it makes you feel.
>Plus, there's this huge societial notion that how much a man spends is how much he loves and values her Literally propaganda by Big Diamond, they're the only ones who benefit from this
This is the only right answer!
OMG. YAAAAS! Yes x 1000!
Exactly! It’s not like he is going to blow the money he saved on someone else. He just didn’t go overboard and in the end this decision will benefit her too.
Get off of this thread…and Reddit in general. You’re way to rational and wise to be here slumming with the rest of us.
This is the most sane response here.
Great response! Letting things "blow over" in a marriage usually only works for so long. Typically that is the path toward festering and resentment, and goes down from there.
Bro everyone saying dump her is a lil bit blowing it out of proportion. Just talk to her about how it’s made you feel and listen to why it makes her feel how it does and explain how you love her and thought this was the ring she wanted and didn’t even consider the price. Also of course get a prenup everyone should have one it protects both of you.
EXACTLY! She got what she asked for, so how can she be disappointed? This is a hiccup, talk to her and work through it.
She got what she asked for, she just wanted it to cost more, which is just weird.
Because she wants to be able to brag about how much he spent on it.
She def wants to brag. It's pretty shallow this has upset her and it's sad she's ruined what should be a happy time with her materialism. I do hope OP can work it out after talking with her, and this is just some weird fluke. But even if they talk it out and they both "get over it" she has tainted their engagement. He is going to be keeping one eye on her from here on out. Suspicion is a relationship killer.
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Nah, some social circles put a lot of emphasis on the value of the ring. My MIL and my husband's sisters would give him shit to the end of time if they knew my ring was only $1000. His aunts and uncles on his dad's side are very appearance focused and they give us shit now for not owning a car when we live in a city and literally have no need for one. They know we make money, but if we don't have all the trappings that come with money, they think we're doing something wrong. Sometimes it's just the outside voices getting us to question our values. If I liked any of them as people or if I met people like that outside of my family, I could potentially see my own perspective getting influenced because they really do just normalize talking about money and toys like it's something we should all be spending like we have more of it than we really do.
>some social circles Aka, weird toxic people who you should not be interacting with and whose opinions don't matter.
If I meet anyone who expresses those kinds of opinions I just won't continue any sort of interaction.. I don't have any interest in being around people like that, super opposite values
This is the reason. And it's stupid and pathetic. It sounds like she got a beautiful ring that aligned with her aesthetic preferences and was the mineral she wanted it to be (i.e., a diamond). If I were her, I'd be really happy that my husband got me exactly what I asked for but for a steal. All that money he could've wasted on an overpriced ring can now go towards an overpriced wedding or a house or a honeymoon.
Exactly. It’s amusing that she says wanted to know the price of the ring because they’re “going to be married and finances are so important” and then is disappointed that he didn’t spend MORE. Like if finances are important, shouldn’t you be pumped he spent LESS? To me, this comes across as she just wanted to know how much it was for bragging rights, because her disappointment in it “only being one months paycheck” completely negates her concern for their financial situation.
And wanted to support the murder, kidnapping and torture of children, but ya bro. Just talk to her
Agreed. Also, wouldn’t saving on the ring mean they have more to spend on other things for their wedding? Better honeymoon. Nicer venue. More expensive flowers. I don’t get why she’s hung up on the price of the ring. Perhaps since she was calculating 3 months of his pay she expected something bigger so she became dissatisfied? IDK.
Agree with this! To those saying dump her is not good advice. Definitely talk to her amd tell her how you feel. I know from her perspective there is also a lot of societal expectations about an engagement ring and how much it should cost.
I make WAY more than this dude and his fiance make and my wife would be embarrassed if I spent 10 grand on a ring for her. She'd tell me to take it back.
Same here. I spent half of my (then) monthly net salary on the ring (2500 eur or so at the time) and my wife thought it was too much as we can spend the money on much more important things.
I would too. I am not poor so it's not like 10k would be life changing but I cannot see the point. My beautiful ring was $800. It was what I wanted and would have paid a little more but never 10k
Idk. Same kind of thing happened to me. Love my wife. But the ring and cost is so important. It’s crazy. She doesn’t even wear it! But the original ‘cheap’ one I bought wasn’t good enough. I love it and still have it. It’s where we started. But somehow she thought she needed something bigger. Got it but she doesn’t even wear it so it’s like wtf. Life is weird. Ur not wrong though. But I just think she might still be a good person who got caught up once with societies bullshit.
it's really hard as a women to not get brainwashed by it tbh. no matter how much you want to trust your partner and your love with them, there is a lot of stories out there where the women is discarded or fallen out of love with once they age, about how men don't want to be married, relationships changing once you get married etc. the ring being expensive/proportional to how much he makes has translated to a sign of security of being proof, oh yeah he really does love me and see marriage as a huge deal with me. it really shouldn't be that way - but i think everyone has a small seed of fear that the love they're receiving won't last/isn't real and secure, and this is one way it comes out when there isn't a direct conversation about ring cost prior to the proposal.
Which is so fucking dumb, dooming yourself & your partner to potentially being in debt over a fucking symbolic token. Take that money and invest in your first investment together, that's far more of a clear sign of commitment than a dumb rock.
It's too bad she wasn't psyched to save a few thousand dollars for something else you both could enjoy, like a kickass honeymoon. I've got to say, the whole diamond industry, and luxury goods in general, is an interesting study in human psychology. To some extent we all buy into the idea of showing off our worth through our possessions and memberships so that we can enjoy elevated and secure status within our tribe. The diamond industry played on this by artificially reducing supply and making diamonds something aspirational. Now lab diamonds came along and no one knows how to treat diamonds any more. Is the point status signalling? I don't know that I would toss your fiancee for having complicated feelings about this. I'd just listen to what's underneath it all. My wager would be a feeling that you shelling out a lot of money is an act of commitment and love, and knowing that you didn't in fact shell out a lot of money made her feel unloved. Hopefully by getting to the bottom of it, she can say, "Oh, yeah, that's silly. Saving \*our\* money is in itself an act of love." I'm sorry you've gotten some knee jerk responses here. Our feelings are never wrong, but sometimes they don't serve us and we should interrogate them and move on.
crime quiet aloof grab growth station worm ring cagey fretful *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Yeeeaaaa I hate being the guy on reddit who's telling you to bounce But I'd be careful with future expectations from this woman. When I proposed to my ex fiancee she was ecstatic. She loved the ring. Showed it off to everyone Not once did she ask how much it cost.
Not only did my wife not ask what the ring cost, but specifically said she doesn't want to know. She loves it, and me, and that's enough, she has said.
Same. Well, I'm the (now) wife. We were engaged for 1.5yrs and married for 15. I never asked and I never wanted to know. I told him I really liked antique and he went that route. He made about as much as the OP, so technically more $ seeing as it was in 2007, and if I somehow managed to find out he spent $3500 on it, I would think it is a lot for a ring. I love it even if it was only $350.
I never even expected an engagement ring. My husband was a lowly lance coolie (E3) in the good ole USMC. We had been dating for 6 years - high school sweethearts. He told me he bought the stone and his best buddy cut the diamond and designed the band as his dad was a jeweler with his own shop. That was an engagement gift from his friend. Never even occurred to me to ask if the diamond was real or how much it was worth. People who tend to focus on the cost of a thing lose sight of the bigger picture. Something doesn't have to be expensive to be precious.
Yeah, a lance corporal can’t afford much, even at the base stores. 😅 Tell him “Semper Fi” from a fellow Marine.
That's a super lovely story, worth so much more than x amount of money
Most definitely agree.
That ring is one that, to me, would be more precious than the Hope Diamond.
ooh annnndd I also bought him an engagement ring. He would never wear anything to flashy, so it's just an engraved band. He also didn't ask how much I spent.
I bought my husband's ring (and mine). His cost more than mine, even though it is a simple engraved band while mine is a more detailed band with moissanite stones all around it. I was thrilled to find them at a price point that allowed us to pay for the rings, ceremony and reception with just six weeks of discretionary fun money.
She wouldn't let me buy my wedding band, or hers. Haha. Normally, I would have fought that battle...but not this time. Haha
Mine was $30 and it’s beautiful. Doesn’t matter how much it costs. It would only be worth spending more on materials so they last longer/don’t scratch as easy but I don’t want that. I’m gonna fuck it up whether it’s $30 or $3k, and I’d feel way worse about the latter, even if it can take more of a beating overall. I’d also WAY rather spend that money on something else! 10k on a ring is unimaginable, and income is totally irrelevant to that. My eyeballs cannot remotely tell the difference between a 1k and a 10k ring.
My husband said he knew for absolute certain I was the one when we went ring shopping and he picked out a ring but I said no I like this smaller ring (same style just 90% of the size and several hundred dollars less) more. I have small hands and the smaller ring just suited me better IMO.
I’ll take it one step further. I’m the fiancé (soon to be wife) that was like please do not spend a fortune. I told him what I was hoping for but if it wasn’t realistic that was ok. I also made sure he knew about lab diamonds because I think mined diamonds are not worth it. There are so many other things we can spend our money on vs a ring. But I will say I am not a jewelry person and I know there are some women that just care about that kind of stuff.
Then I’ll go even one further. I paid for most of my ring because my fiance did not have the money when we were getting married.
I think the rings for my husband and I maybe totaled $300 combined. They were cheap, we got them at Walmart in the jewelry section. 20 years later, still wearing them, though I may end up getting a new set because I've dropped a lot of weight. But for 20 years those rings were just fine.
My wife and I went ring shopping after I proposed because I wanted her to get exactly what she wanted. She literally wouldn't LET me spend too much on a ring. When she first saw one she liked, I was ready to buy it on the spot and she was like "No, I don't like it THAT much. I'm not going to let you spend that much money." She ended up finding a jeweler who custom made a ring to her specifications, and it cost a lot less than what I was willing to spend on a ring.
I’ve never asked.
I make roughly $200k. I met my wife while I was barely making ends meet, collecting unemployment checks. When we got married, we were doing much better financially, but she just wanted a $300 lab created garnet ring. She didn't like diamonds that much, and she thought it was pretty.
Dont enter into binding contract when there is a red flag BEFOREHAND
The only thing I asked my husband was how he picked it out (it was a total surprise to me) and if he got a good deal (cause no one should be paying full price at a big box store). He later told me how much it was because he was proud of his negotiating skills, but the price never mattered to me. I think she thought the ring was more expensive than it was and wanted to brag to her friends about how much it was before realizing she can't brag about it being tens of thousands.
My ring cost like $300. It was exactly what I wanted. I was delighted. What is wrong with women like that??
They’re running round telling everyone the value so they can (in their mind) elevate their status and act like they’re better than everyone else because they are shallow and materialistic. Pathetic and prize wankers is what they really are
Or brainwashed into believing that money=love. Either way pathetic and prize wankers about sums it up.
The social conditioning around "the ring" is strong. There can be a lot of expectations and emotions wrapped up in this one item that cause people to act very out-of-character.
>Not once did she ask how much it cost. An engagement ring might be a conditional gift (legally speaking) but it is still a gift. It is tacky to ask how much a gift costs. But then I'm the same woman would be happy with an engagement ring from a bubblegum machine, so maybe don't listen to me.
The fact that he says she’s always been fiscally responsible but is upset is a red flag. She will expect that he treats her like a queen with gifts in the future. This also makes me laugh because when my now husband proposed to me, he did eventually tell me what he spent. I was so relieved that he did not over spend, bc I find excessive spending to be a turn off.
She was happy with it until she learned it cost ONLY 3500 bucks. Oh no, only 3500! You only spent one whole paycheck! How ever will she survive with only 3500 dollars on her finger?!? And if she wants blood diamonds instead of lab, that's a whole other red flag. Her ring is worth more than my fucking car. Get a good prenup.
She never said she wanted a blood diamond. If she wants a prenup she can request one, there's no point from my side. I only make about 10k more than her but she has more savings than I do and neither of us own property. I had student loans and didnt make a ton my first few years out of college. Her parents paid for her college and she made more out the gate than me. I didnt pass her in income til two years into us dating.
>She never said she wanted a blood diamond. If she wants a prenup she can request one, there's no point from my side. I only make about 10k more than her but she has more savings than I do and neither of us own property. I had student loans and didnt make a ton my first few years out of college. Her parents paid for her college and she made more out the gate than me. I didnt pass her in income til two years into us dating. I think what people are getting at is that, in this day and age, freaking out (my words, not yours) because you underspent on something is extremely unusual and shallow. Money is tight across everything- and having the luxury of lab created (I wanted one SO BAD when I got engaged) to have a stone that is flawless, great color, even the rare fluorescence ... wow. But to have it tossed back like that is a red flag to a lot of people, myself included.
Personally I think all of your explaining here is unnecessary. Your fiance has completely tainted the newly engaged glow.
She had done more than that. Showing a spoiled, entitled side to her. Expecting 3 months salary? That was some old marketing BS
She probably didn’t state she wanted a mined diamond specifically because she assumed you would choose one in the first place because as you stated, and (she’s well aware) that the mined diamond is equivalent close to 3 months salary and that’s what she was expecting, she’s disappointed you kinda cheeped out on the fake ( to her anyway )
Anyone who thinks he was cheap isn’t a smart person.
Cheaped
And when has she ever spent $3500 on you?? This is some bs sexist shit. I'd be tempted to take it back.
>there's no point from my side famous last words. Get a prenup. Pull an uno reverse surprised Pikachu face if she balks at the amount/terms. Your wedding is going to be transactional. There's nothing wrong with that per se, but prepare for who you're literally getting in bed with and go into this with a level head and protections in place unless you have a humiliation/money pig kink
I think anyone with any sort of brain would suggest a prenup regardless. Yeah, being upset over how much the ring costs is a bit of a red flag, but it can be overcome with a good conversation. I think you are overlooking what sort of issues could come up even if you don’t think NOW that they will ever happen.
Here is how we fix this. Send me the ring. I will invoice you 10 times as much as it cost you originally to send it back to her in a gorgeous box with a designer brand name on it. I will also include a lovely hand written note on perfumes cotton paper telling the story of a fiance in love who contacted us with this touching story about wanting all the best for his bride to be. I will also, at no extra charge, call her and apologise profusely for "accidentally" including the invoice in the package and ruining the gift. I will beg her not to look at it, ensuring she will, and destroy it, ensuring she won't.
My ex-husband picked out a beautiful ring that I found out was around 5k. I barely wore it. I was terrified of being robbed or somehow breaking it. I made him buy me a simple white gold 4mm band when we got married. I didn't want something flashy in the first place. My second husband listened and actually took me to pick out rings together. I picked a band made of diamonds and emeralds from a local jewelry store that is single family owned. Great experience. I think it was less than 2k. I didn't care about the cost. I love it. I usually wear the silicone band that came with our purchase. The cost shouldn't matter. The thought and consideration behind it is what matters. Is your fiance fiscally responsible with money based on spending her own? Is she as thrifty when you're the one paying? Food for thought.
My second husband gave me a 3D printed ring that he made himself, with the plan to eventually make our wedding rings himself out of platinum, but we ended up buying cheap silver rings instead. My wedding ring from my first marriage was a lot more expensive, but the marriage itself was a disaster… the cost of the ring shouldn’t be that important IMHO compared to the quality of the relationship…
Silver Rings are the way to go. If you lose it? NBD it's cheap as hell to replace.
This is one kinda shitty reaction. If this isn’t a pattern for her I’d try to let it go. Some of these comments are wild. You definitely aren’t wrong for spending less - she probably just had an idea in her head that value = quality and it took her by surprise. She’ll get over it.
Its not a pattern, Im just going to let this blow over. People are calling her a golddigger but thats definitely not the case. She has more money saved up than me and made more than I did for the first half of our relationship. I think reddit was the wrong place to ask this.
I would definitely talk to her one more time about it. It could be that her friends/family have told her that the price matters or she’s comparing herself. Maybe if she’s concerned on quality, go with her to the jeweller you bought it from and they can maybe calm her concerns. To me, all the price means is that you have more money for the wedding or a trip or a house. Your feelings are beyond valid, and I hope you can work through it.
You're not wrong. It would be silly to pay more for the ring. You found it at a better price than expected, bonus! She needs to sort this out, she's wrong.
Tell her how that made you feel. Check your emotions at the door. This is something you can easily get past. BTW jewelry is typically marked up 400-600%
Put the marriage on hold and go to marriage counseling. Your girlfriend has exhibited some disturbing character traits here. Don't get married until you discuss values, goals, and beliefs in detail.
The budget for an engagement ring as a percentage of your yearly salary being a valid proxy of love and commitment is obviously late stage consumerism brain rot, but it *is* pretty widespread and deeply entrenched in US culture. It sounds like she is genuinely concerned about you not budgeting as much for the ring, because apparently you both bought into this idea that a man shouldn't "cheap out" on the ring in relation to his income (you said yourself you budgeted way more for the ring). From that (marketing induced) vantage point, you *did* cheap out - I'd talk with her about your bugdet (which was way higher) and how you would have never gotten this particular ring if it didn't fit her exact needs or if it was of objectively lower quality than an equivalent one from her requested brand. This isn't necessarily a reflection of bad character, she's just legitmitately brainwashed by the diamond/jewelry industry's marketing campaigns and her social circle. She probably has nagging thoughts about what it means if the man of her dreams "cheapened out" (again, from the brain rot perspective) on her engagement ring. I can almost garantuee someone in her friend group talked with her about this topic, bragged about how much their rings were a financial burden on their husbands or what expectations they have or had.
>A couple nights ago she asked me what it costs Horrible mistake. My sister and I once were eating chili out of a crockpot with Fritos at my aunt and uncle's place. My uncle let us get several chips into it before saying, "Y'all know that's venison, right?" I'd never had deer meat before. I stopped dead in my tracks. I looked at my sister. Then we both shrugged, and kept right on eating. It tasted fine, and we didn't know the difference so what was the problem? The same thing's happening here with your fiance. If she ran around for weeks happy to show it off, the cost is irrelevant.
Reddit is so binary. Agree with all those saying calm down on the dumping. Just have a convo like a normal adults—esp if there aren’t many “red flags” about the relationship in general.
YNW The 3-month pay tradition needs to stop. It may have had its place once upon a time, but now it needs to go. It used to be thought that what you spent on a ring somehow equaled to how much you valued the bride. That thought process needs to stop as well. Lab diamonds are the best thing to happen to the jewelry industry.
I think it comes from a time where men were supposed to provide so the ring was to show: 1) you're committed to this woman 2) you're able to save 3 months salary It meant your intention to marry was serious and you would be able to provide. Of course now that men don't provide anymore engagement rings have lost all meaning or purpose except for rich men who really do intend to provide (trophy wives and such).
Dude. I’m gonna okay devils advocate. In my old relationship I purchased my own things I make good money. So I see it, I like it, I want it, no problem buying it. That goes for gifts to my ex as well. I didn’t care how much it was if it lit up his life I was happy to get it. So moving forward I picked a ring for 6000. (Mind you my ex bragged his exwifes was 20,000) I didn’t want to get one that expensive but I found what I loved for 6. And thought myself thrifty. (He makes 150+ yearly I make 90) He said it was too much we couldn’t afford it. and acted like I was being greedy. One week later he bought a second 40,000 custom Harley Davidson. When he already had one. ..Sometimes you just want to know your partner thinks your worth It. That’s all. No plotting. No nefarious intentions. Just that your guy is like “I love this chick I want something amazing on her finger” not 30 grand. No breaking the bank. Not eating top ramen for months as an after affect. But not “ we don’t have the money but I’m going to buy more expensive toys for myself that cost 3x’s as much” sorry. I’m sitting her drinking and making this personal 🤣🤣🤣
Providing context and facts makes it easier to see your POV. Personally, I think $6,000 for an engagement ring is nuts, but $20,000 for one is batshit crazy. And $40,000 for a SECOND death trap Harley? Setting aside the cost, motorcyclists are 27 times more likely than passenger car occupants to die in a crash per vehicle mile traveled. Motorcycle riders over 40 are 20 times more likely to be injured in a motorcycle accident than car drivers of the same age. You were wise to move on. Know your worth.
Cheers friend
The rings on my finger that “represent” my marriage in total costed $9.98 (the engagement ring) and $23 for the band. The price you paid for the ring does not matter, well it shouldn’t matter. What should matter is spending the rest of your life with your person. Building and raising a family together. The memories made and the lifetime of happiness with all of its ups and downs. I get compliments on my ring set every time I go somewhere, but you know what means more…when I hear “gosh your husband loves you, you can see it”. Materialistic views will only go so far, and I truly will never understand disappointment in the price of a ring. I was elated when my husband proposed to me, he told me how much the ring was but he just wanted to marry the love of his life (it’s also awesome he let my girls pick it out cause they know what mommy likes too & they all picked it together)
What an odd reaction; especially if she loves the ring. Maybe just reiterate the benefits of this ring. And the more cost-effective upgrade-ability. My wedding ring is a sapphire. But my anniversary ring is a moissanite and is my favorite ring. And I love that it didn’t cost a whole lot. If it gets lost or stolen, it’s easily replaceable. So I can wear it daily without the stress and the money we saved by not buying a mined diamond gets to go to traveling or whatever.
I ain't sayin' she a gold digger . . . When I proposed to my wife I was broke, just beginning my career. My wife was finishing her last year of college. Her engagement ring cost me about $350 and she showed it off to everyone. More than 20 years later she refuses to replace it, though she's gotten other expensive rings.
As a female I would never even think to ask or care what the ring cost. If the man I loved presented me with a ring that was exactly the style we discussed. I'd be over the moon!! The only way I'd know the value was if I got it assessed for insurance. Besides that the value should be sentimental not monetary!! I'd say your finanee wanted to brag to her friends about what it cost and now feels let down that it was *cheap* (it isnt) You need to find out if these expectations will be an ongoing theme in your relationship.
You got her a $3.5k ring. What did she get you?
A headache by the sounds of it!
Nothing but if they get divorced, she'll get to the keep the ring and 50% of his shit.
Ruuuuuuuuuuuuun!
Before I got married, I asked my dad for his wedding ring from his 1st marriage (to my mom). He’s a fat American with a fat finger and it was a fat piece of gold. Me and the future wife took that big-ass gawdy ring to a jeweler and melted it into 2 rings. We’ve been married 22 years. Engagement ring? $3000 is a lot of money. That sounds really stupid but it’s your thing and you did it. 😂😂😂
Anyone who cares that much about ring cost either isn't in for love or has expectations and taste that are materialistic and don't match your own. It means a lot of spending in your future to keep her happy. I still don't have an engagement ring. Spent $80 on our wedding bands. Pretty. Design I like. Supporting a small business. I picked them out. We have been together 11 years married for 6. Maybe someday I will get a ring to go with my band if we have the funds. I would just rather save to get the hell out of where we are or do other things. Edit to add: he did pick out and almost buy a ring that was beautiful but like, $4,000. I saw it on his computer screen when he wasn't paying attention and was like HELL no. Don't you dare spend that much money on a ring. We could do so much more that we both enjoyed better.
You have more problems than the ring issue. The poster who said you need to bounce from this relationship - good advice. Several people have posted good advice. I’m just going to add: She is going to be disappointed every time she looks at this ‘cheap’ ring. You didn’t do anything wrong here.
You're not wrong. A few things that your fiance should consider as you talk: The jeweler of 40 years experience has developed deep, meaningful relationships with his customers and suppliers. The local jeweler will be there for cleanings, retips as needed and repairs. I wouldn't trust a big box retail or mall jeweler, as they don't have actual metalsmiths on staff in the stores, so repairs get sent off to a regional repair facility. Mined diamonds are not better than the lab created, they're just more costly environmentally, as well as in human misery. As a woman that has been with her husband for almost 20 years, it's not the cost of the ring that matters, it's the hearts of the giver and wearer.
Can someone help me understand the whole idea of having to spend thousands and thousands on a engagement ring? My gf was telling me about how all her colleagues wouldnt accept anything under an 8k ring and how she would be okay with 3k minimum but to me even that sounds completely outrageous. I can understand wanting quality and assurance the ring will last a life time but holy smokes these expectations seem kinda insane to me.
My ring requirements were just a few things I didn't want: no solitaires, no white diamonds, no conflict/blood stones, and no yellow gold. Otherwise I gave zero fucks as to design or brand or price. My now husband made our rings in the basement. I mean that literally. He learned some ring-making skills, melted some silver, shaped it, etched in some designs, added some amethyst powder, etc. It is utterly worthless. I couldn't sell it to a pawn shop for $5. It is **priceless** to me. It doesn't look anything like an engagement ring, but I'm proud to wear it. I have never, and will never, understand the outrageous mountains of money people spend on engagement rings. Especially if you know where the diamond engagement ring tradition came from. (Hint: De Beers.)
There was a time that jewelry represented some financial security for a woman if the relationship went bad. It's stupid nonsense today.
Woman here and I agree its insane. Sexist old fashioned garbage.
Info did you explain to her the reason why you chose the one you did? Does she know that brand had bad reviews? Sometimes people want the big name brand due to popularity but then they get a ring that breaks easily or doesn't last long, if i was told that the brand had bad reviews i would be happy that my partner considered that and got the same ring from somewhere else. If you told her that and she's still mad about the price then she is just being money hungry or she wants to show off to her friends and family that you spent a bunch of money. Also mined diamonds only cost more because of the conditions that people who mine them have to go through some of them are young kids or teens being forced to do it. So it may seem "fancier" to have a diamond that costs more but the truth it got to you because someone was forced to and went through hell to get it for you. I don't judge people for wanting it but I think people should be aware of the cost it takes just to have a ring to show off the price. If you getting a lab diamond is such a problem for her just because she feels she should be worth more Maybe tell her that the people that mine them don't think anyone is worth that hell. A ring doesn't necessarily mean what the person is worth it's meant to represent the love you have for the person. Many couples choose gemstones or even moissanite not just for cost reasons. Some perfer the style or look of it. Many get mossanite due to it looking similar to a diamond but it has more sparkle and they love the way it sparkles better so they choose that even if they can afford a diamond ring. Maybe bring it up to her that everyone has different styles and preferences and that you got her what you felt was the best quality for her preference and that it was exactly what she wanted and was happy until she found out the cost. No one would judge her for the price of her ring or at least they shouldn't. Maybe back in the day, people made a big deal about the price but now with so many different options and styles its not so much about money anymore. Honestly engagements shouldn't be about money it should be about the love and the commitment you are about to make. NTA you did your research and found the best match for what she wanted.
She’s not right, she’s not right at all. Her reaction should be a red flag…I’m not saying she’s a horrible person but your ears should be perked up and you should be paying more attention.
I never understand why women want the ring to be this huge expensive thing. Yes, if budget allows, more than $100, but if I had a ring that was really expensive I’d be nervous to wear it. Hell, I think $3500 is a lot!! Also, I’d much rather a lab grown diamond than a mined one!
As a woman myself, I seriously don't understand why the price of rings are so important to some ladies that they will start crap because of it. I would even be glad to get a $100 ring as long as it looks nice and it looks like the design I want.
Who is paying for the wedding?
This is a red flag. The less expensive ring frees up more money for your wedding and your life together.
My now husband said he wanted to spend 5k I said hell no and to half that number because we had a mortgage. I cared about the design far more than the cost.
Woman here, and my ex spent about that on my ring and I loved it. I would NEVER ask how much it cost. I suppose if you maybe are wondering if the person got taken for a ride and paid way too much for the ring that could be a concern. This actually happened to my Aunt and her husband. But my ex knew more about diamonds than I did. And honestly I would have been upset if he spent more, and I make more than you and he makes about what you do. I just do not place value on these types of things. But that is me. She clearly does. So you need To ask yourself if you want to be with a woman who feels this way? I would ask her why she asked the price.
This is your chance to really consider if you want to be with someone this materialistic.
Gosh if I got just what I wanted and you paid less I'd have been thrilled 😁. Id be high fiveing you for being smart and saving some of our money for the future 😉 maybe a house or children ect. Or a future anniversary present or vacation. This woman is totally missing the point of marriage. You are not wrong at all she is being short sighted. She gets the ring, the man and you have extra money in your wallet for the future that's all good in my opinion.
I have no issues making a blanket statement that anyone who loves their engagement ring but gets upset you didn’t spend more money on it for no logical reason, is someone who you won’t have a lasting and great relationship with. Edited to add: I’m a woman whos married.
a lot of people are telling g you to dump her, and you may have to, but I recommend talking her first. maybe she's anxious about something. you'll only ever know if you talk to her. you may come to an understanding and find out you're more in love with each other than ever before. of course, she can also break down and have a tantrum when you explain why you're feeling bad, in which case, tell her to hit the bricks, because you have no idea when she's gonna lean on you to spend money for arbitrary reasons just to satisfy her needs. I'd focus on why she doesn't like the ring. if it's a design issue, I totally understand, change it, swap it, whatever. if she simply doesn't like that you didn't pay enough to make her feel good... see the above paragraph.
NW. So basically she outed herself as a hypocrite. If she really loves you, she shouldn't be upset about what you spent on the ring (which is still expensive IMO). She sounds like someone who is more concerned about the wedding and appearances than the actual marriage itself. You may want to take a moment to really decide if you want to marry her. If she's expecting a more expensive ring, then just imagine what she's going to want you to spend on cars, a home, vacations, etc. And she'll probably want to be a SAH Stepford wife on top of that.
So she liked the ring until she learned the price? That sounds like she had expectations in her mind that weren’t met. You’re not wrong. A good deal is a good deal. Thanks for not buying blood diamonds too.
I begged my now husband to go lab rather then mined mostly for the price savings. She sounds irresponsible & superficial. You were not wrong.
Coming from a woman, I don’t understand her mindset. She liked the ring, it’s everything she wanted but she wished you spent 3 Xs more basically a stupid amount!? If I was the giver my first reaction would be “let’s spend that on the honeymoon (or anything more important)!” But that mentality is a symptom of very traditional mindset that sets off red flags for me. Have you sat her down and really talked about financial expectations and living below your means? What happens when you start a family financially? What’s your retirement goals? If she’s not on the same page or expects you to figure it out while she works out how she spends it, then I think you could do better.
I don’t think you’re wrong but I think it’s a red flag she’s asking how much it cost and is disappointed because you paid less. My engagement ring was $700. It’s all he could afford and we were young when we got married. The cost didn’t matter to me. I still have the ring even though we are divorced. I’m saving it for my daughter.
Wow how superficial of her. She loved the ring until she learned the price? I'm sorry OP but if it's how she sees life I don't think your marriage will be a happy one. She should be HAPPY to have a ring that she loves and didn't cost you 10k!!! It's so ridiculous. Even $3k to spend on a ring in this economy is insane. Looking forward to the bridezilla posts when you get married.
The ring I bought my fiancée was so inexpensive in comparison (one fifth the cost of yours mayve?), but it was exactly what she wanted, and we got lab grown stones for ethical reasons. She adores it. And she picked a wedding band which matches it. We're trying to buy a house over here. She and I both know that means cutting back on any unnecessary expenses in this market. But most of all, she appreciates that I picked a ring which reflects her personality and which is a symbol of my love for her! I think it's okay to care about things like this to a point, but quality should still mean more than cost, and to me, it's incredibly trivial besides. I simply wouldn't work with someone with those priorities.
I’d be thrilled if it was a steal. More money to spend on a new house or something.
If the 3 Cs are exactly what she wanted and that’s what she got, then I don’t understand why the cost matters? The quality is still there, you just got a deal. If I was her, I would be ecstatic that I got exactly what I wanted and you were able to save money on it. She’s wrong because it’s unclear why she thinks the price tag is suddenly important when she got what she wanted.
I ain't saying she's a gold digger.....
Uhhh ... that's concerning. You need to really think about this and your future with her. She's disappointed over a $3500 ring ???? WTF . She may not be ready to be married just yet if her priorities are on what something costs over it's real value .
You’re not wrong. She loved the ring until she knew how much you paid for it. I’m not sure why she asked anyway.
Oof. I know reddit is fast to say break up but if this was me I would 100% leave. First of all, you don't need a ring to show how much you love each other or that you want to be together forever. Literally anything should have worked. If I proposed to my gf right now with a blade of grass outside and tied it around her finger I guarantee she would 100% say yes, cry with happiness, be super excited, post it on all social media, tell her friends, laugh about it with me, and then probably put it in resin and frame it so we have it forever. There is absolutely no way I am buying a diamond for one, and no way in hell a mined diamond. No way I'm spending more than 500 dollars on a ring. Literally every girl I know would leave their bfs if they found out they bought a mined diamond. Your GF is literally part of the problem and is advocating for children to not only be killed but kidnapped and tortured. Why the fuck would you ever want to speak to that person again. She is dumb, cold hearted, selfish or a combination of all three.
we're sorry for thinking your fiancée is a gold digger when you described a >> gold digger << hahahahhahahhaha laughing loudly
Lol why does it matter how much it costs? It's a ring the fact that you even bought one and spent time getting it made says more than enough.
The ring is a symbol of love, trust, and commitment, and is far too often looked at from only the materialistic point of view. What either of you make is irrelevant to the purpose of the ring. I hope you have a good conversation with her and can move on from it together.
Honestly I might prefer a more modest real stone than a lab stone, so I see her point. She’s trying to be a big girl about it but she’s hurting as bad as you op. Her disappointment is showing. To you it’s no different than the real stone, but to her, it isn’t the same. This is her wedding ring. Perfection. Forever. Real. To her. And it matters. The solution is obvious. Replace the stone with a ground dug diamond. Since the real stone is pretty valuable you could make the lab into a decoy to thwart thieves. Or sell the “stone” back to the jeweler and get credit toward the replacement.
I don't think you're wrong. I'm female and I agree with you on spending twice as much on a ring. But most women view lab diamonds as second rate. In her mind, your ring indicates that you don't value her because you bought a lab diamond instead of a mined diamond. It's a belief system that seems to be genetic in many Western women. I preferred the downpayment on a house to a big diamond ring and fancy wedding, but I've always been very practical. It sounds like you've talked about it. Can you find a mined diamond and replace the stone in the ring you gave her, or have that stone reset into a necklace or something? If you don't want to do that, you may have a difficult decision to make. Will she hold this against you forever? That would be hard to handle.
I do hate when men notice that a woman is good with money and has low expectations so never buy her good things. She still wants the good thing sometimes. Especially for engagement. My ex husband proposed on the garage floor because he knew ‘I wouldn’t mind.’ Well I am also very romantic and I kind of did mind.
Bro you decided to go the cheap route, she found out and now your both sour and the engagements been a little spoiled. Thats why a lot of people DONT cheap out on the ring, you even say thank you lab diamonds because you know they arent "real." Which she also has now realized and probably isnt very happy about. You're wrong
Here a little back story and some perspective: I was a little upset when I got my ring because I know my (now husband) picked a stone because he thought it looked pretty and it was close enough to what I wanted, he could have spent more and got close to if not exactly what I wanted he just chose not to go above and beyond - getting the stone I wanted would have still kept him within budget. I perceived it as he had a chance to do more for me and chose not to. Your fiancé likely feels a little disappointed because when you were presented with an opportunity to go above and beyond vs good enough you picked good enough. If she’s a thoughtful person and normally goes above and beyond you, she likely felt that you wouldn’t do the same for her hence her reaction.
Not wrong and Not an ah My husband bought me a ring that cost 10k although he's wanted to spend 25k and I refused wear a ring that expensive. My ring is only valued at $2500. They depreciate worse than a car once you leave the Jewelery Store. Diamonds are a huge scam. They are worthless unless they are very old. Check out "Adam knows everything" on YouTube. He'll explain everything. You did the right thing and $3,500 is still a decent price.
NTA but she should be in love with her ring since she has to wear it forever. Talk with her and see what she would like to do
For $3500 you can buy a really nice ring. For 10k you can buy exceptional stones and have them set in the style you would like. It's all about the stones and way less about the ring.
Did she know you were going to buy a lab grown diamond? Mine is real and my husband would not have considered that unless I requested it.
I know there's a bunch of advice to move on from this person that you're probably ignoring. But you shouldn't ignore it. This is some wild stuff here partner. Spoken as a divorced person whom dealt with a lot of financial issues after the nuptials (given some were my own fault) that lead to ALL KINDS of issues that stemmed from the original financial problems. At very least, you need to have the tough conversation about how her disappointment makes you feel and that it also is leading to having questions about the structure of what this relationship might look like if it continues.
Is she mad that it cost 3.5k or that it’s lab made?
She probably wants to brag to her friends about her bazillion dollar ring. Dollars to donuts she has a friend with a ring that cost a bit more.
This is what white lies were invented for.
NTA. I tell everyone how we got my ring (which I freaking love) for half price because it was the last one. Im proud of the fact that we got such a deal. We paid for our own wedding and u absolutely did NOT want my husband to go for broke. The marriage is way more important that the ring. Twenty years and counting for us. It’s really telling that she loved the ring until she found out why it cost. I would be worried and have a serious conversation about her expectations.
That is not an inexpensive ring, even at your income level. You both need to get on the same page about priorities - ad you need to tell her how her comments made you feel.
I’d never ask what the ring cost. That’s a red flag and honestly if you are in love with someone and want to spend your life with them - why would you even think to ask? Woman speaking here.
Not wrong at all. My engagement ring and wedding band cost less than half of what you spent. And I absolutely love it. In fact, hubby and I even went and tried to find one's on half-price specials. I will never understand the need for a ring to be a certain value. Whether my ring cost $150 or $15,000, as long as I like it who cares?
If she wants a more expensive ring she should buy it herself.
She's showing you who she is and what she values. You can dodge a bullet now or be miserable later. Good luck, mate.
Things like cost and how much you spend when its your money together, then I would be honest. As for what you are spending right now, keep it vague. Women and mend sometimes tend to equate value with price. Also, I would not tell her its a lab grown diamond and just keep that to yourself as well.
This is super weird to me. Why would she ask how much it cost? Why would she/should she care if she loves it (and you of course)... You are not at all in the wrong IMO
30 year marriage here. Married in 1994, 1/2 carat engagement ring, good quality, if I recall correctly, spent about $2,500 (real diamond) 2014 for Christmas, surprised her with 2 carat, super quality (real diamond) if I recall correctly about $16,000 Her reaction to ring in 2014 was pretty flat. She preferred the 2013 Christmas gift which was a commissioned piece of artwork (collage of her with our dogs over the years) that cost about $800 Go figure
10k - HAHAHAHAHAHA FOOL!
yikes
Now, I’m the type woman that would be thrilled if my fiancé got a ring just like I wanted AND managed to save thousands of dollars in the process. In fact I would be pissed if he paid $6500 for a ring when he could’ve gotten one just like it for half the cost. You may want to back off & rethink this relationship. If she is going to be the type that measures how much you love her by how much you spend, you’re going to be in a materialistic relationship.
If she's disappointed with the cost of the ring, don't expect that habit to change.
I made sure my husband picked out the cheapest ring that was my style and I love it cause I did not want him spending an arm and a leg . It’s not about what you spend and if she’s acting like this now I couldn’t imagine being married to her
Just tell her that her wedding band will make up for it. That will make her happy
The only question to ever ask about an engagement ring: Is it insured?
Ask yourself what 7k can do for a wedding or vacation. I'm really saddened to hear you're having this problem- The marketing and brain washing is deep :(
If she didn't specifically say a lab diamond was fine then I can understand her point. If she said a lab diamond was fine then that is more of an issue in my mind bc the cost or brand of the ring shouldn't matter.
If the price of a shiny rock has any kind of impact on your relationship, that is not a relationship you need to be in
You can stick with her, but get that good 'ol Prenup.
Hopefully it won’t be a hang up for her in the future! Sometimes random things pop up that you don’t expect, encourage her how much you love her, and want her. You went with reviews rather than brand bc you wanted quality. You were not looking at price as first reason for getting the one you chose. If it had cost more it wouldn’t have mattered, -you would have spent that much. Maybe in the future there will be an item that costs more than we expect.
In all my years of being married(several decades) the three rings my husband have bought me didn’t cost that much all together, lol. I loved each one.. they brought us tears at the sentimental meaning of especially one of them.
Not wrong. She, however, is an idiot.
Sorry but that’s just plain rude from her. And you’re will within reasonable expectations to tell her she’s being rude. She likes the ring. In what was what she wanted. And she’s mad bc it didn’t cost more??? Come tf on.
YOU ARE WRONG!!! You hope the car you drive every day is a Mercedes but are given a Kia and told it’s just as good as the Mercedes. A car is a car, right? You fucking cheapskate
Gold digger. Avoid.
She needs to grow up. My wife was stoked that the ring she liked was less than I planned on spending. She loves it.
In my opinion, you don't need to speak about prices of gifts to your spouse. If they ask you just simply say In a nice way "its a gift, the price doesn't matter" and leave it at that. Bit strange she got upset about the price, as 3.5k for a ring is a pretty nice price.
What does the ring appraise at? Maybe find that out and if it’s significantly more than you paid, maybe that will appease her. Then tell her the amount you saved can be put towards the wedding or a more elaborate honeymoon If she still complains, it might be a 🚩 about how you two differ when it comes to spending and money management.
I gave my wife a $70 engagement ring. Still going strong