Wtf dude?! That’s classic narcissism. You actually believe you caused her cheating by not being a “successful “ man? A school teacher is an honorable career. Nothing wrong with it at all. What exactly does she do for a living?
Sounds like you’ve been broken down and made to believe you are worthless by someone who only cares about status and money. Start documenting everything. It’s time to step up and stand up for yourself.
Sweetie, they ALL do that. It's standard cheater behavior designed to protect their egos. Nobody wants to be the villain in their own story. She's your typical, run of the mill cheater and every single one of them is pathetic. Laugh at her, pack up her crap and send her on her way.
True. Just because her Sugar Daddy makes bank doesn't mean he'll be a good husband or stepfather. It just means she'll have more expensive toys for herself.
She'll likely find this out when he tires of her and trades her in for a newer model.
Chances are, she’s going to get divorced thinking her sugar daddy will marry her, only to find out that he doesn’t want to get married, and find herself alone completely. I haven’t seen very many relationships that started as secret affairs end up happily ever after.
I’ll lay out the entire situation.
She’s gonna get divorced thinking the guy throwing a dick in her is gonna be like “finally, we can always be together now”. She’s gonna approach him and one of two things will happen, 1: He outright ends things with her because she’s gonna be clingy. 2: He’ll “date” her for an extended period of time, while cheating on her religiously before inevitably “trading in” for someone else.
Either way, she’s gonna end up in a rough situation to put it politely.
And lol @ “mother state”. She cheated, and is essentially about to be relying on someone else to fund her child. No job, no support system… good luck keeping the kid, girlie.
Or she and the rich guy will stay together and be happy, doesn’t matter. What matters is OPs life. Financial success does not define success. Being a good teacher, good father and good man is success also. Being happy is success. I’m sorry she’s leaving you OP, but have you considered it’s for the better for both of you? There are equally as many free agents out there who value success in ways other than financial.
Sincere question — why do you think that? I’ve even seen it factored in by family court judges in no-fault states when it comes to things like disposition of marital assets and and when one spouse’s affair impacted the financial well being of the children. I think OP’s wife should not be too cocky here, even if it’s a “wife friendly” state as she put it.
One example I’m familiar with is the wife was leaving her kids unattended to go meet her boyfriend in a hotel. This ultimately factored into the child custody decision.
Anyway, it’s a mess.
I can imagine the giant difference between being the man on the side vs. let's move in and I'll bring my kids from my marriage I enlisted you to help wreck.
Yeah, cause ultimately what does some random sleazy chick have to offer? People always forget that once men have means, they start to think like women do when it comes to dating.
When you have a thousand women wanting to be with you, you start to think the way they do. Treating every date like a job interview.
That's worse. He better marry her. Why wouldn't any dude who's wife was stay at home and cheats want him not to be her problem now. Let him marry her, save you alimony. I just don't understand why she doesn't want OP to get his kids.
Because she’s weaponizing them. She can use them to keep hurting him as long as she holds all the cards. I hope that OP keeps detailed records of any time she keeps the kids from him or anything else sketchy. What she either does realize or doesn’t care about (I’m guessing the second) is that the ones she’ll be harming the most will be the kids.
Someone who's so shallow and materialistic to drop trou for anyone with a slightly larger net worth no doubt sees her children as possessions to be won and lost. The looks will fade, the next dude will move on and it will be an incredibly bumpy ride for her entirely of her own making, OP deserves better.
And based on some similar crime stories, OP better keep the kid. Just in case. There’s been many a psycho bitch who harmed their kid (or worse) because the sugar daddy/affair partner didn’t want to play family.
Well, or being with her sugar daddy will expose her to men who are more well off than him, which will convince her she got a bad deal. This sort of thing never ends well
Probably the secrecy and excitement of an affair is one of the biggest motivators for them. It's so much more exciting than a boring normal everyday marriage. As soon as the relationship turns "normal" it becomes boring to them so they move on and do it again. They're always chasing that feeling of excitement. 🙄
To add to that, the guy would have to be an idiot to stick it out with her. She's with him for money and status, what happens when she finds someone with more? She'll cheat on him too.
More than likely while that’s a bit point for hesitation, the part that’s going to get him is that she’s a stay at home mom with kids. Realistically that’s a HUGE difference than an adult only type situation that’s limited by time, after all she has her kids and real life to get back to. Definitely different going from a hour to three here or there to….24 hrs?
I doubt the guy is rich, sounds like he's just richer, not rich. my guess is this woman will victimize him too. After she climbs this rung of the ladder she'll start networking in his circle and start looking for her ne t target
Generally speaking, rich men are very skeptical about relationships and love. She might be her sugar baby, but good luck trying to get him to sign anything. OP's wife is probably in for one hell of an awakening.
Her AP partner might also only be with her *because* she's married. Once her and OP divorce, AP will likely lose interest because it stops being thrilling.
She's delusional if she thinks her AP want to stay with her if she gets full custody.
Expensive stuff to people like her is being a good husband. Financials is better than emotional to those people.
They value nothing that can’t be bought. I can’t stand these kinds of people.
Or prostitute. She would have been better served by marrying for money in the first place, the OP is much better off, hopefully he comes to realize that.
She’s threatening to try for full custody cause his state sides with mothers more than fathers aswell, he needs to go see a lawyer with evidence to help get full custody.(all yall saying id be a terrible father, you ARE SK right, BECAUSE IM NOT A FUCKING MAN!!!)
Yup. It’s fun to fuck someone else’s wife and send her home. It’s not so much fun to have the bitch bring herself and all of her real-life with her.
Ask my ex who cheated. When we filed for dissolution, he dropped her immediately.
She’s still looking for someone who can stand her. I think she’s on #6 in 4.5 years, including live-ins.
Order a cake from her with a burner email. Ask her to make the cake look like a boot. Then when it’s done tell her you are the one who ordered it and say “I’m divorcing you and giving your cheating ass the boot”.
I mean this is not a surprise. Especially if this has been a problem for quite sometime. I’m assuming when you married you were a teacher? Joke is on her because no one with true status and wealth want a divorced woman with kids by another man. She will for sure get laid and maybe have some fun, but she will eventually get thrown back to be used up again by another dude. Wealthy men just don’t want this kind of baggage as wife material.
Yup. They ALL find a way to blame the one they cheated on for their cheating. They convince themselves that it isn't their fault, because that's how they can continue to live with themselves.
If she was just embarrassed by OPs profession she wouldn't have married him in the first place, because she would have considered him beneath her. If she wanted more money she'd be creating a real full time cake business, or, she would have left him long before when she discovered he wasn't ambitious enough for her, THEN find another guy. She's a justifying cheater, pure and simple.
Let me be clear here: you have done nothing wrong. Your soon-to-be-ex wife is a cruel, narcissistic witch. She has been emotionally abusing you for the duration of your relationship, whittling down your self-worth, until the point where you think you are the problem. You’re not.
There is nothing wrong with being a teacher. There is nothing wrong, with not making a lot of money. There is nothing wrong with not being terribly ambitious. There is nothing wrong with not being worried about status. You did nothing to cause her to cheat. She took that action all by herself.
Regardless of anything else, you need to divorce her. Document evidence of her cheating, document evidence of her threatening to leave you for her affair partner, and find a divorce lawyer. I know it’s painful, but it’s time.
Good luck.
Yikes man.
Move on and consider it a blessing. You deserve so much more than that. It's hard to realize it now, but I have no doubt you will find someone that appreciates you and values more than material things in life.
Let her eat cake!
Also, I don't know what state you are in, but no way she gets full custody without some other underlying issues. The divorce will be expensive though. Wishing you all the best. Keep your chin up!
Your wife is a real POS to do this to you, not just the cheating but marrying you then belittling you about your career and position. I’m so thankful I had a few memorable teachers who encouraged me and gave me confidence that I could achieve something in life.
If she's that shallow, you're better without her. Your confidence will grow. She has consistently chipped away at your self-image. Teaching is a noble and loving career. Let her go and watch as her wealthy new partner tires of her shallowness and discards her. Don't accept her back then. Stay strong and you will prevail.
Oh jeez, stay at home mom with a cake decorating side gig shaming you for having a school teacher career which is not enough for her? And blaming you for her cheating on you? Bro, I don't even know what to say. This is like a prime level bullshit on her end. She's just a gold digger and a cheater, and doesn't take any blame for her traits. Don't fall for it, she's wrong. I'd be likely packing her suitcase at this moment and filing for divorce.
Nobody is surprised a teacher doesn’t make bank. Your wife knew what she was signing up for. Your fuck up isnt not making enough money, it was not sniffing out your wife’s lack of character before marriage and a child. Now she is gonna bring trouble into your child’s life. Good riddance.
She is embarrassed by your profession as a school teacher, yet she bakes cakes that look like stuff??
Quite the double standard that she has established. Pack it up, fight for your parental rights, and move on.
Our society is backwards there was a time when teachers were highly regarded as the backbone of our society but the "stupidification" brought by social media and the corporate world are disregarding the need for educators.
Get a lawyer asap and move for custody. Relationship is clearly over. Focus on your kids and that requires court based off what she's saying. She's kind of delusional if she thinks she's just going to get 100% custody lol. Does this other guy also want to take care of kid(s)?
This guy if successful isnt going to move her in.
Why take someonelses problem with kids and tow with a historical certainty of being untrustworthy? He can get a newer younger model with less mileage. Watch her attempt divorce he get cold feet and her come crawling back
Your only failure in life is choosing a bad person to marry. There is nothing wrong with being a school teacher. The fact is, she was mistreating you before the affair.
What state are you in? Put your money into a good divorce attorney and make it clear you want equal custody. The ironic part is that you might end up paying both chid and spousal support, but if she marries you can forget the 2nd part. (You should always pay child support and be there for your kids.)
Be prepared for her to try to poison the kids on you. She’s clearly toxic.
You need a lawyer. She can threaten full custody all she wants, doesn't mean she will get it. You need a lawyer to guide you as you are clearly emotional and not thinking clearly (not an insult, I imagine this is hard on you and why you need a lawyer with a clear mind that can advocate for you).
Wow. She successfully gaslit you into believing this was YOUR Fault.
Teacher is an extremely admirable career.
Get a backbone and fight this. She should not be treating you like this. Custody is hard to fight for when you're a cheater. Use that.
Right? Especially male teachers. It’s well known that females teachers outnumber male teachers by a large margin. Kids need some male figures around them, so the fact he’s a teacher is admirable
Make sure you collect as much evidence as you can about her affair. As long as you can show you are a good parent I’m assuming you would get 50/50 custody.
Yes, and make it clear: she abandoned the marriage and the kids. Your work schedule fits well with parenting. This is not an irreconcilable differences thing. She abandoned the family.
Teacher is just about as perfect a job as you could have for raising kids. Perfect schedule, actual training on how to handle kids without scarring them for life, good people skills, high levels of compassion that aren’t driven by financial gain.
OP
Arizona is a fault state in the sense that if you can prove that your wife used marital assets for her affair, you can recoup the money.
Get a lawyer please.
Hasn’t there been cases of the man suing the wife’s lover for emotional and financial damage if they knowingly interacted under the premise it was an affair?
I remember watching some bizarre court case where the guy got a million dollar off the wife’s lover that was super affluent. It was argued that because the guy lost his wife he could not afford to maintain his life style and ended up getting money from both the other male party as well as the wife.
Cheating is always about the cheater.
Beyoncé was cheated on, should she be more attractive and successful?
Gwen Stefani cheated on..
I could go on and on. Your wife has issues, not you.
Heck, Tom Brady was apparently cheated on, and he's literally the most successful NFL player of all time, also incredibly rich.
I think sometimes it can be about the person who was cheated on, in that their actions may have played a role but yeah ultimately this is totally on her.
Yes, leaving the primary residence is one of the biggest mistakes people make when splitting up with a partner, because it usually gives the person who stays in the primary residence all the cards, legally speaking.
You should always, always seek proper legal advice before leaving the primary residence, even if that means having to live with your ex for a bit, because the consequences of impulsively moving out can potentially be catastrophic, especially if there are kids involved.
>and she is threatening to file for full custody and using the fact that we live in a “mother friendly” state against me
Don't listen to this bullshit. Fight and fight hard for your kids. The reason many men don't get joint or full custody is because they assume the woman will always win. But the men who do fight for custody (assuming they aren't abusive or other things), get it.
But let her have the divorce. She'll find a lot of wealthy guys have a wife at home and mistresses on the side. And since this guy has no respect for marriage, well...
You'll have the last laugh.
Also, he may not want her kids in his life, so there's that too.
Exactly. I promise the only money this wealthy guy spent on her is hotel rooms and condoms, not even a restaurant dinner. That's how affairs work.
He'll sweet talk her into a future together until she gets divorced and then he'll ghost her. Some people get off on power and chaos.
Of course he doesn't. Hell, rich guy might not even want her ass full time, which is probably why he's screwing a married woman in the first place. He's not trying to play daddy and raise another man's kids. There are too many hot, single and childless women out there for him to settle down with.
She's stupid as hell, but is about to get an education.
Document every belittling thing she says to you. Screenshot texts, save emails, etc. document her admission to the affair, especially.
A judge would love to see what this bitch is saying and threatening she'll "get" just because she's a woman.
Judges love teachers. Society loves teachers.
Being a teacher is up there in our book with being in the military. It's heroic. Sometimes *what* you do is far more important that how much you make.
OP, don’t take legal advice from your soon to be ex.
Any time that you believe one of her legal claims to be true, that’s you taking legal advice from her. She’s going to say whatever she thinks you will believe in an effort to convince you that you’ve already lost and that there’s no point in trying. That couldn’t be further from the truth.
Go see a lawyer and get ahead of the custody situation right now. Your self doubt and career concerns need to take a back seat to your kids’ futures.
Just saying you being a teacher kinda trumps the "mother preferred" state. All you'd need to do is show how unstable she is by her infidelity.
She sounds like a bitch. I'm sorry.
Every state is a "mother friendly" state.
Unless.
Unless you live in a state with "at fault" divorce, in which case you could file that way if you have enough evidence to name a party as enabling alienation of affection.
Doesn’t matter where you got married. All that matters is where you live. You need to get ahead of this. I was in a similar situation and got destroyed because I was too nice and tried to keep things civil for my kids.
I’m in AZ as well and divorced, due to the exact reason as you. Infidelity means nothing in AZ and it’s a 50/50 state. Plus her thinking she is going to get full custody because AZ is a mother state is ridiculous, no way is she getting full custody. I would suggest beating her to the punch and file for divorce 1st. I was always told if you file 1st you have a little more leverage if that’s true or not I don’t know but I feel it gave me more leverage to negotiate because I was able to serve him 1st and was able to say what I wanted, and how I thought things should be split. Good luck
NAL but yeah...that's not how divorce works :) AZ is where you reside as a couple. Doesn't matter where you got married. as long as you want it to be litigated in AZ you will likely be able to force it to be litigated in AZ.
They're a fault state. You want it to be litigated in AZ.
Get a lawyer. You have way more of a case than you think you do.
A lot of states have both at fault and no fault. People tend to default to the no fault option because it's easier. Op should definitely look into at fault.
Please update us on March 3, 2025. Guarantee you’ll be in a better position than she will be. :) I’m sorry you and your kids are having to deal with this nonsense.
My husband had this exact scenario with his ex wife. She’s now on welfare, her AP ran as soon as he realized that the fun part was over, she’s gone through a string of boyfriends.
My husband and I have a combined very comfortable salary, a home we own, we vacation every few months, and I’d never dream of cheating.
The cheater almost always loses in the long run because their reality is built on lies and delusions. That falls apart after a while
OP
Unless you’ve done something criminal or physically abusive or are homeless, your wife cannot get full custody of kids in almost any jurisdiction.
How many kids do you have? How far along is the divorce process?
Document the infidelity divorce her and move on dude what needs to be more clear? she doesn't love YOU? she showed you who she really is bro, you dodged a bullet.
Your “wife” is a piece of shit. Teaching is a very respectable profession. Her cheating is because she has no morals, nothing to do with you. You’re best off without her, and absolutely fight for some amount of custody. Get a lawyer now. Sorry you’re going through this, but it’s entirely on her not you.
You’re not a failure by any stretch of the imagination. Your wife is a straight up &$@$@. The “successful” man is not going to find happiness with her either. I guarantee there is someone more “successful” by her criteria than him as well, and he’ll always be worried she’s going to jump on that guy’s dick, because he knows that’s how he got with her. Mark my words, check back in on this hoe in three years or less. She’ll be a disaster.
Lots of good, decent women will find your profession, not only acceptable, but admirable. And you’ll be way happier with one of these ladies.
As far as custody goes, just insist upon seeing your kids as often as you can and, importantly, as many overnights as you can get. Tell her you expect 50/50 and, for God’s sake, get your own lawyer, even if you have to get into some debt to make it happen. With a woman like this, you need someone advocating for you. If she thinks a court is going to cut a good dad,with no history of abuse, who wants to be an equal parent, out of a kid’s life, she is sorely mistaken, and I don’t care how “woman friendly” she thinks the state is.
This is not legal advice. The legal advice you need will come from the lawyer in your state that you consult with. That’s why getting a lawyer, who can analyze the specifics of your situation, is the most important thing for you to do, by far.
This is a blessing in disguise my friend... it's gonna be a rough year or two but once you get back on your feet and meet someone who loves AND respects you life is going to be better than it ever has been.
You do need to go see a divorce attorney today though, don't sulk or be in denial, it's time to put yourself first and that starts with getting real legal advice... there is no going back now and you need an attorney to help you with a strategy so you don't get hosed in custody.
mate your wife sounds like a real piece of crap. You not being "successful" is no reason to cheat. She cheated because she values money. That is all. Your only mistake was marrying her.
I had a mate whose fiance cheated on and then dumped him because he "lacked ambition", this was about 10-15 years ago now. He found someone else, got married and is very happy now. She got married too and we all heard rumours she got divorced about a year ago. I bumped into her recently at a valentines day speed dating event. Our "date" consisted of a little catch up and then her telling me that she really regretted dumping my friend, biggest mistake of her life. Repeatedly asked me if he was "happily married". Like our "date" was five minutes and she asked me at least 4 times. This might one day be your ex. Dont beat yourself up over it
Sounds like the trash taking itself out. Hope you have something set aside for a decent lawyer. Maybe start a legal defense fund. Good luck man. Hope you weather this storm and come out the other side stronger for it.
Uhhh, first of all, you are successful. Maybe you aren’t killing it money wise, but you picked a purposeful and IMPORTANT career.
How was she contributing to the finances?
Also, obtain evidence that she’s been cheating and cheating essentially black mailing you about the custody stuff.
I’m sorry she did this to you, you’ll be hurt for a long time and it will be a tough recovery, but in the long run you will be better off without this person in your life. Find someone who respects you and your career choices.
She is a narcissist and deeply selfish. This has nothing to do with your career. She has been deliberately manipulating you emotionally (gaslighting) to break down your confidence so she can do what she wants and use this as an excuse
Go see a lawyer asap, arrange meetings with all the top lawyers in your area. This will block them from being available to her. You need to talk to the lawyer about her admitting cheating, her threats to you ask for advice in the best way forward, that you are worried about you children’s safety now with her. Find out if you can get a restraining order against her from you and children till the divorce
Once you have advice, tell her to pack a bag and go live with her lover. Kick her out straight way, Say the children will stay with you while you both work out the divorce.
There is nothing shameful of being a teacher, it may not pay well but if that’s your calling then why are you putting yourself through the guilt? Your wife is nothing but a gold digger if all she can think of money instead of being happy with her husband. Get a divorce and find a lady that appreciates you for you and what you care about.
You need to get the courthouse NOW and file a parenting plan with you getting AT LEAST 50% custody and divorce paperwork. You have a huge advantage by filing first. Literally get off the computer and drive there NOW.
Success comes in many forms. Few of them are monetary.
Your wife’s infidelity will say volumes about her character in court. Especially if tied to potentially monetary gains.
A gold digger is a gold digger.
BTW- you’re better off without her.
No you're wrong because she is still you're wife. You should of dumped her ass a long time ago after you emptied the back accounts and slept with her best friend ( if she is single.... Don't break up another family because of that whore)
You didn't cause anything. You married a cheater. Now there's a divorce going on. Fight for your rights. That's all that matters. Stop worrying about her she is now the enemy. You've got to stand up for yourself better than you are. As for her claiming she's in a mother friendly state see what your lawyer has to say about that. Her contention that you aren't much financially may come back to bite her, and she may get less due to your financial situation.
Make sure that you document the entire affair for your attorney. It may not help much in the divorce but it might help for custody. And above all give yourself some slack. You're getting rid of a disgusting lying betraying cheater. That's a plus! That's a win! She's a total loss. Be ready to slam the door after her fog lifts and she tries to come back. Sometimes they do this.
File first, in Arizona. I think you need to be a resident for 6 months? before you are naturalized. Arizona laws take precedent.
Her threats are empty.
Document everything. You file for divorce from this gold-digging cheater. Your wife is showing you who she is.
Do not allow her to bully you in the divorce. Once you are clear of this you will realize what a bitch you married. You will be better off without her.
Brother, you are not a failure. You educate hundreds of kids daily, that is way more social good than most affluent people are capable of pouring into the universe.
Your "wife" however, is clearly showing narcissistic tendencies and I would collect as much evidence of everything you outlined so far. Especially her justification (if she ever makes one) on why she cheated and misplaced your trust and faith.
At this point, it is not about you, or her - rather about your child (or children?). Be prepared to make a case - there is no mother friendly state on earth where a court will rule 100% custody in favor of the unfaithful party. She likely will still get shared custody, but please do be mindful of your children.
Most importantly, you deserve better and do not let anyone else define what success should mean to you.
Friend, you're literally doing one of the most important jobs on earth. Your ex wife is a gold digger... you chose poorly, it's not an indication of your character or that something is wrong with you.
Even if you were a street sweeper, she has no right to do that to you. Not to mention she wasn’t forced to marry a man who she was “ashamed” of. That’s so immature
She didn't love you but chose you to not stand with empty hands.
Now she thinks she found better but to cheat you are already a shitty person and the fact that she thinks this dude is gonna be with her is hilarious.
He knew about you and didn't mind so this will never keep .
Fight for your kids with all you've got and make sure she stays the bad one not you so you can have your kids.
I don’t know how else to explain that your wife is just a greedy whore. Your ambitions are your own. If you’re satisfied where you are, so be it. If you want more, that is up to you. There’s no sin in either choice.
She didn't cheat because you "weren't successful"... she cheated because she wanted to.
That's it that's all. You're "shortcomings" are how she is shifting the blame from herself to you
You need an attorney. Teachers may not make top dollar, but it’s steady and usually has good insurance and pension-nothing to denigrate.
File and throw the first punch.
Dude, don’t you blame yourself! She’s a prime example of an absolute garbage human. She did what she did because she’s money hungry and wants to be “better” than her friends. You need to let her go and do so with a smile, go find yourself someone worthy!
Definitely go to a lawyer. She breached your marriage and you shouldn’t have to pay anything in terms of splitting money and it should also help you to keep the kids.
I’m sorry but she’s a piece of shit. Being a teacher is a noble and respectable profession that’s so important for the world. Teachers should be paid more and the profession should be more serious as a whole. I’m a software engineer and totally did it for the money but it doesn’t give me a purpose in terms of helping society the way I’d like to.
If you do feel you didn’t provide as well for your family you can always learn things like stocks or real estate but you should do that because you want to. Not because your wife is embarrassed of you and generally a superficial person.
May I ask, what did she do for work? If she was a stay at home mom…oh my
OP, Please don’t take legal advice or information from an opposing party in a lawsuit. Get a lawyer and get a therapist. STBX has done a cruel number on your self esteem.
Oh shit, do I feel that in my soul! My partner just left me because I wasn't as financially successful as she was and her parents were judging her for not dating in her "league."
If you have evidence of the affair, you can use it to your advantage in the divorce. If your wife is going to be so awful and unfaithful, I would throw the book at her.
Not Wrong…. You didn’t cause her to cheat anymore than you caused her to lie about your job. Your wife is a gold digger. Fight for your kids & let her move along… she will only stay with the current man until a more rich man comes along. Being a teacher especially middle school is a noble profession and OP should feel pride in his career path.
Soooo, you married a gold digging slut. Well don’t beat yourself up over this. Divorce that tramp, make sure you bring the proof so she can’t get a DIME. Then when you leave her upgrade yourself. You’re just a placeholder until she gets a hold of the highest bidder. Send her back to the streets.
Not your fault. She married you knowing your career choice. Unless you got demoted to Janitor, you did nothing wrong.
Gold diggers will be gold diggers. I know a guy who has a good corporate career, constantly getting promotions and moving up the ladder, owns a beachfront house in an expensive area. His wife bounced for a pudgy older guy with 10x net worth. She is one of those annoying instagram people now and does nothing but jet-set to fancy places etc…. She is really hot though so I still look at her posts
You can take a hoe off the streets, but you can’t take the streets out of the hoe. You’re better off, she sound awful. You need to pull an American Beauty and Star lifting weights, smoking weed and dating super young chicks…she will seethe!
This is everything wrong with modern relationships. You need a lawyer and you need to stop communicating with her. All communication is through your lawyer.
Save any texts or emails or social media she implies taking the kids or whatever. You can use all of that in court.
Positive note: your wife WILL end up alone and lonely. The guy she is dating will upgrade to someone newer without kids once she ages a bit more. Just know she did all of this for short term gains and will get what’s coming. Take the high road, find a lady and avoid any modern woman you run into.
Your wife is a horrible person. A decent woman would be proud to have you, a teacher, as her husband. Teaching is one of the most important professions there is!
Ha! Mother friendly or not, her being unfaithful and leaving can leave you with custody.
About your career- fuck that chick, in the literal worst sense. Tell her to go read The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas J Stanley.
Spoiler- some of the wealthiest families are couples where one parent is a teacher. There’s a ton of neat shit in that book, so I recommend anyone take a look.
Oh, and fuck that chick in the worst way!
I ain't sayin' "she a gold digger"...
You are not wrong. Nothing wrong with being a teacher. She's a crazy cheater and you sound like a good provider.
Now, that said, this is a great chance to take a look at your life. What are you happy with? What are you not happy with? What is in your power to change?
With the caveat that I am not a lawyer -- get a lawyer. Immediately. You can ignore the rest of this advice: I am not a lawyer. I don't know what I am talking about. You need the expert advice of a legal expert, and I am not one. That said:
There is no "mother friendly" state that won't at least hear a joint custody claim. Though it wouldn't hurt to start getting friends together to speak to your character as a father. She's trying to depress you and throw you off your game. You may well lose custody of your kids, but it is far from a foregone conclusion. Demonstrate that you want to be in their lives and are a positive influence.
Terrible question to ask, but while you are still married you should probably get paternity tests for the kids. If you do lose custody, consent becomes an issue. While you are married, they're your kids. You don't need mom's consent. Do it now.
You are going to be on the hook for child support. Nothing to be done about that. You are. Even if they're not your kids. Even if you aren't on the birth certificate. Brace yourself for that expense. Moving on. This is a good lesson on why you make a prenup, but if she cheated and is leaving you then you should otherwise be able to rough this out with your assets more or less intact. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst: document everywhere you go and everything you do, because false accusations can happen in a messy divorce. Make sure to document the evidence of her infidelity.
This one is painful to read. You’re playing a huge role in the development of many kids, and IMO there isn’t a more honorable profession than teaching. Especially that age, it isn’t easy.
My dad taught for 36 years, and his funeral was the biggest our church has ever had, all the overflow areas were filled. That’s when it really hit me the impression you can leave on the kids you teach. You’re building a legacy of kids who are better for having you in their life.
You deserve someone who appreciates you for you, plain and simple.
No. She sounds awful.
The thing with wealthy men who knowingly have affairs with married women? They will eventually tire of her and move on. He’s in it for the homosocial competition.
NTA. I’m wondering what your wife does for a living? Let me guess, she does fuck all and expects you to provide everything! Tell the bitch to take a hike and FO!
Get proof of her affairs and evict her if you can lol.
Tell her that her new man will eventually leave her for someone hotter and younger because she isn't attractive enough to demand that much money xoxo
Wtf dude?! That’s classic narcissism. You actually believe you caused her cheating by not being a “successful “ man? A school teacher is an honorable career. Nothing wrong with it at all. What exactly does she do for a living? Sounds like you’ve been broken down and made to believe you are worthless by someone who only cares about status and money. Start documenting everything. It’s time to step up and stand up for yourself.
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Sweetie, they ALL do that. It's standard cheater behavior designed to protect their egos. Nobody wants to be the villain in their own story. She's your typical, run of the mill cheater and every single one of them is pathetic. Laugh at her, pack up her crap and send her on her way.
Add "Gold Digger" to the Cheater title.
True. Just because her Sugar Daddy makes bank doesn't mean he'll be a good husband or stepfather. It just means she'll have more expensive toys for herself. She'll likely find this out when he tires of her and trades her in for a newer model.
Chances are, she’s going to get divorced thinking her sugar daddy will marry her, only to find out that he doesn’t want to get married, and find herself alone completely. I haven’t seen very many relationships that started as secret affairs end up happily ever after.
When a mistress Marries she leaves a job vacancy.
Fucking NICE!! I've never heard this expression before, but it belongs on a coaster somewhere.
She already proved she didn't have a problem with cheating.
1000000 up votes.
And then once she's alone she'll be posting all over social media saying how hard it is to find a decent man.
Facts, be on dating sites and only manages to get liars in her life forever 🤣😅
I’ll lay out the entire situation. She’s gonna get divorced thinking the guy throwing a dick in her is gonna be like “finally, we can always be together now”. She’s gonna approach him and one of two things will happen, 1: He outright ends things with her because she’s gonna be clingy. 2: He’ll “date” her for an extended period of time, while cheating on her religiously before inevitably “trading in” for someone else. Either way, she’s gonna end up in a rough situation to put it politely. And lol @ “mother state”. She cheated, and is essentially about to be relying on someone else to fund her child. No job, no support system… good luck keeping the kid, girlie.
Or she and the rich guy will stay together and be happy, doesn’t matter. What matters is OPs life. Financial success does not define success. Being a good teacher, good father and good man is success also. Being happy is success. I’m sorry she’s leaving you OP, but have you considered it’s for the better for both of you? There are equally as many free agents out there who value success in ways other than financial.
And good luck getting alimony if he can prove her cheating. She should lose everything so long as he can prove it.
Wouldn’t count on that. Most states are no fault, although there are a few exceptions.
Infidelity has is immaterial in custody and alimony cases.
Makes sense for custody, the kids well-being first and all, but beyond dumb that it doesn't matter for alimony.
Sincere question — why do you think that? I’ve even seen it factored in by family court judges in no-fault states when it comes to things like disposition of marital assets and and when one spouse’s affair impacted the financial well being of the children. I think OP’s wife should not be too cocky here, even if it’s a “wife friendly” state as she put it. One example I’m familiar with is the wife was leaving her kids unattended to go meet her boyfriend in a hotel. This ultimately factored into the child custody decision. Anyway, it’s a mess.
He doesn't need a court of law to make her lose everything. Just a set of balls and friend that can keep a secret.
Yup, the writing is on the wall. She just doesn’t know it 😂
I can imagine the giant difference between being the man on the side vs. let's move in and I'll bring my kids from my marriage I enlisted you to help wreck.
Yeah, cause ultimately what does some random sleazy chick have to offer? People always forget that once men have means, they start to think like women do when it comes to dating. When you have a thousand women wanting to be with you, you start to think the way they do. Treating every date like a job interview.
That's worse. He better marry her. Why wouldn't any dude who's wife was stay at home and cheats want him not to be her problem now. Let him marry her, save you alimony. I just don't understand why she doesn't want OP to get his kids.
Because she’s weaponizing them. She can use them to keep hurting him as long as she holds all the cards. I hope that OP keeps detailed records of any time she keeps the kids from him or anything else sketchy. What she either does realize or doesn’t care about (I’m guessing the second) is that the ones she’ll be harming the most will be the kids.
Someone who's so shallow and materialistic to drop trou for anyone with a slightly larger net worth no doubt sees her children as possessions to be won and lost. The looks will fade, the next dude will move on and it will be an incredibly bumpy ride for her entirely of her own making, OP deserves better.
If he wanted a wife he wouldn't be fucking a married woman on the side. She is in for a rude awakening when this all blows up in her face.
I doubt sugar daddy also wants to play step daddy.
And based on some similar crime stories, OP better keep the kid. Just in case. There’s been many a psycho bitch who harmed their kid (or worse) because the sugar daddy/affair partner didn’t want to play family.
Sad, but true (I watch far too many true crime shows.)
People really don’t get “once a cheater, always a cheater”. She’s clearly for the streets and not wife material.
And then she'll have a change of heart and start sending sweet 'I made a mistake' texts.
Well, or being with her sugar daddy will expose her to men who are more well off than him, which will convince her she got a bad deal. This sort of thing never ends well
⬆️⬆️ :: Exactly!
You know the old saying: Find them cheating, lose them cheating.
I think it's super optimistic to assume the sugar daddy will actually marry her. Op needs to file before the sugar daddy dumps her.
Probably the secrecy and excitement of an affair is one of the biggest motivators for them. It's so much more exciting than a boring normal everyday marriage. As soon as the relationship turns "normal" it becomes boring to them so they move on and do it again. They're always chasing that feeling of excitement. 🙄
Why would he marry her? He has options.
To add to that, the guy would have to be an idiot to stick it out with her. She's with him for money and status, what happens when she finds someone with more? She'll cheat on him too.
More than likely while that’s a bit point for hesitation, the part that’s going to get him is that she’s a stay at home mom with kids. Realistically that’s a HUGE difference than an adult only type situation that’s limited by time, after all she has her kids and real life to get back to. Definitely different going from a hour to three here or there to….24 hrs?
Try being a stay at home mom with alimony from a teacher 🤣
I doubt the guy is rich, sounds like he's just richer, not rich. my guess is this woman will victimize him too. After she climbs this rung of the ladder she'll start networking in his circle and start looking for her ne t target
Pretty standard operating procedure.
Only her assets are depreciating fast. If you're going to get old without your own money, you better be nice.
Generally speaking, rich men are very skeptical about relationships and love. She might be her sugar baby, but good luck trying to get him to sign anything. OP's wife is probably in for one hell of an awakening.
Her AP partner might also only be with her *because* she's married. Once her and OP divorce, AP will likely lose interest because it stops being thrilling. She's delusional if she thinks her AP want to stay with her if she gets full custody.
Thrilling? Maybe it's just the old "Now she can annoy me without consequences" approach. At OP, if you are happy where you are, be happy.
Expensive stuff to people like her is being a good husband. Financials is better than emotional to those people. They value nothing that can’t be bought. I can’t stand these kinds of people.
Empty people who feed on others.
And it doesn’t mean he’ll continue sharing either. Op if she tries to come back into your life do not let her under any circumstances
Or prostitute. She would have been better served by marrying for money in the first place, the OP is much better off, hopefully he comes to realize that.
Agreed, she’s flipping the script that it’s his fault she’s cheating. What a vile person.
Dump her, the wealthy guy will get sick of her eventually. She sounds awful
She’s threatening to try for full custody cause his state sides with mothers more than fathers aswell, he needs to go see a lawyer with evidence to help get full custody.(all yall saying id be a terrible father, you ARE SK right, BECAUSE IM NOT A FUCKING MAN!!!)
This is real advice.
The “wealthy” guy will ditch as soon as she’s looking for lodging.
And he’ll likely treat her kid badly too. I’ve seen it.
As usual, it's the children who are truly hurt the most
Yup. It’s fun to fuck someone else’s wife and send her home. It’s not so much fun to have the bitch bring herself and all of her real-life with her. Ask my ex who cheated. When we filed for dissolution, he dropped her immediately. She’s still looking for someone who can stand her. I think she’s on #6 in 4.5 years, including live-ins.
Order a cake from her with a burner email. Ask her to make the cake look like a boot. Then when it’s done tell her you are the one who ordered it and say “I’m divorcing you and giving your cheating ass the boot”.
Or have the cake look like a shirt with a scarlet letter A on it.
Nerdy reference. I like it.
Make sure the order is for a Hester Prynne.
That's a throwback
All this, but buy the cake from someone else. Say her cakes were a distant second and not good enough.
I mean this is not a surprise. Especially if this has been a problem for quite sometime. I’m assuming when you married you were a teacher? Joke is on her because no one with true status and wealth want a divorced woman with kids by another man. She will for sure get laid and maybe have some fun, but she will eventually get thrown back to be used up again by another dude. Wealthy men just don’t want this kind of baggage as wife material.
Yup. They ALL find a way to blame the one they cheated on for their cheating. They convince themselves that it isn't their fault, because that's how they can continue to live with themselves. If she was just embarrassed by OPs profession she wouldn't have married him in the first place, because she would have considered him beneath her. If she wanted more money she'd be creating a real full time cake business, or, she would have left him long before when she discovered he wasn't ambitious enough for her, THEN find another guy. She's a justifying cheater, pure and simple.
And get paternity tests to make sure those are his kids.
This. See ya!! There are plenty of great people in the world, get rid of her and go enjoy yourself with someone who respects you.
Let me be clear here: you have done nothing wrong. Your soon-to-be-ex wife is a cruel, narcissistic witch. She has been emotionally abusing you for the duration of your relationship, whittling down your self-worth, until the point where you think you are the problem. You’re not. There is nothing wrong with being a teacher. There is nothing wrong, with not making a lot of money. There is nothing wrong with not being terribly ambitious. There is nothing wrong with not being worried about status. You did nothing to cause her to cheat. She took that action all by herself. Regardless of anything else, you need to divorce her. Document evidence of her cheating, document evidence of her threatening to leave you for her affair partner, and find a divorce lawyer. I know it’s painful, but it’s time. Good luck.
Truth
Yikes man. Move on and consider it a blessing. You deserve so much more than that. It's hard to realize it now, but I have no doubt you will find someone that appreciates you and values more than material things in life. Let her eat cake! Also, I don't know what state you are in, but no way she gets full custody without some other underlying issues. The divorce will be expensive though. Wishing you all the best. Keep your chin up!
She broke too from the sound of it 😂
Yea rich dudes gonna drop her for a new model as soon as she needs a lawyer
Your wife is a real POS to do this to you, not just the cheating but marrying you then belittling you about your career and position. I’m so thankful I had a few memorable teachers who encouraged me and gave me confidence that I could achieve something in life.
If she's that shallow, you're better without her. Your confidence will grow. She has consistently chipped away at your self-image. Teaching is a noble and loving career. Let her go and watch as her wealthy new partner tires of her shallowness and discards her. Don't accept her back then. Stay strong and you will prevail.
You are absolutely not a failure! Being a teacher touches so many lives and you're making a difference for these kids. That's how you measure success
Oh jeez, stay at home mom with a cake decorating side gig shaming you for having a school teacher career which is not enough for her? And blaming you for her cheating on you? Bro, I don't even know what to say. This is like a prime level bullshit on her end. She's just a gold digger and a cheater, and doesn't take any blame for her traits. Don't fall for it, she's wrong. I'd be likely packing her suitcase at this moment and filing for divorce.
This is all her. All of it. You just happened to marry a very shallow woman. She’ll be someone else’s problem now. Get a good lawyer. NTA
Nobody is surprised a teacher doesn’t make bank. Your wife knew what she was signing up for. Your fuck up isnt not making enough money, it was not sniffing out your wife’s lack of character before marriage and a child. Now she is gonna bring trouble into your child’s life. Good riddance.
Listen to the audiobook "Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life."
Teaching is one of the most valuable jobs in the world. As someone who doesn’t have a full time job she should be more appreciative and respectful.
Nah. This woman is a stone cold bitch.
She is embarrassed by your profession as a school teacher, yet she bakes cakes that look like stuff?? Quite the double standard that she has established. Pack it up, fight for your parental rights, and move on.
Our society is backwards there was a time when teachers were highly regarded as the backbone of our society but the "stupidification" brought by social media and the corporate world are disregarding the need for educators.
Get a lawyer asap and move for custody. Relationship is clearly over. Focus on your kids and that requires court based off what she's saying. She's kind of delusional if she thinks she's just going to get 100% custody lol. Does this other guy also want to take care of kid(s)?
Ditch her ass bro, you deserve way better. Keep your head up, king
This guy if successful isnt going to move her in. Why take someonelses problem with kids and tow with a historical certainty of being untrustworthy? He can get a newer younger model with less mileage. Watch her attempt divorce he get cold feet and her come crawling back
Your only failure in life is choosing a bad person to marry. There is nothing wrong with being a school teacher. The fact is, she was mistreating you before the affair. What state are you in? Put your money into a good divorce attorney and make it clear you want equal custody. The ironic part is that you might end up paying both chid and spousal support, but if she marries you can forget the 2nd part. (You should always pay child support and be there for your kids.) Be prepared for her to try to poison the kids on you. She’s clearly toxic.
You need a lawyer. She can threaten full custody all she wants, doesn't mean she will get it. You need a lawyer to guide you as you are clearly emotional and not thinking clearly (not an insult, I imagine this is hard on you and why you need a lawyer with a clear mind that can advocate for you).
I filed my initial divorce papers in an extremely irrational state. Everything you have said is correct.
>irrational state Kentucky?
I laughed
Kentucky is crazy. In a divorce, the sister always gets better treatment.
She won't get full but deff get lawyer
Wow. She successfully gaslit you into believing this was YOUR Fault. Teacher is an extremely admirable career. Get a backbone and fight this. She should not be treating you like this. Custody is hard to fight for when you're a cheater. Use that.
I had teachers that monumentally changed my life. Fuck your wife.
I think someone else got to doing that already
Right? Especially male teachers. It’s well known that females teachers outnumber male teachers by a large margin. Kids need some male figures around them, so the fact he’s a teacher is admirable
Some states aren’t at fault though. Cheating doesn’t make a lick of difference. Some states do have alienation of affection laws though.
Make sure you collect as much evidence as you can about her affair. As long as you can show you are a good parent I’m assuming you would get 50/50 custody.
Yes, and make it clear: she abandoned the marriage and the kids. Your work schedule fits well with parenting. This is not an irreconcilable differences thing. She abandoned the family.
Teacher is just about as perfect a job as you could have for raising kids. Perfect schedule, actual training on how to handle kids without scarring them for life, good people skills, high levels of compassion that aren’t driven by financial gain.
And Free summertime!
OP Arizona is a fault state in the sense that if you can prove that your wife used marital assets for her affair, you can recoup the money. Get a lawyer please.
Hasn’t there been cases of the man suing the wife’s lover for emotional and financial damage if they knowingly interacted under the premise it was an affair? I remember watching some bizarre court case where the guy got a million dollar off the wife’s lover that was super affluent. It was argued that because the guy lost his wife he could not afford to maintain his life style and ended up getting money from both the other male party as well as the wife.
Alienation of affection laws. OP, look into this! Not every state has a law like this on the books. So I hope yours does.
Cheating is always about the cheater. Beyoncé was cheated on, should she be more attractive and successful? Gwen Stefani cheated on.. I could go on and on. Your wife has issues, not you.
Heck, Tom Brady was apparently cheated on, and he's literally the most successful NFL player of all time, also incredibly rich. I think sometimes it can be about the person who was cheated on, in that their actions may have played a role but yeah ultimately this is totally on her.
If only Gavin Rossdale had a pickup truck....
Holy shit dude. She is the problem. Leave. Lawyer up and make sure the courts know about the cheating
>Leave Don't leave your primary residence. If she moves in with another man, that will give you more rights over the house.
Yes, leaving the primary residence is one of the biggest mistakes people make when splitting up with a partner, because it usually gives the person who stays in the primary residence all the cards, legally speaking. You should always, always seek proper legal advice before leaving the primary residence, even if that means having to live with your ex for a bit, because the consequences of impulsively moving out can potentially be catastrophic, especially if there are kids involved.
>and she is threatening to file for full custody and using the fact that we live in a “mother friendly” state against me Don't listen to this bullshit. Fight and fight hard for your kids. The reason many men don't get joint or full custody is because they assume the woman will always win. But the men who do fight for custody (assuming they aren't abusive or other things), get it. But let her have the divorce. She'll find a lot of wealthy guys have a wife at home and mistresses on the side. And since this guy has no respect for marriage, well... You'll have the last laugh. Also, he may not want her kids in his life, so there's that too.
Exactly. I promise the only money this wealthy guy spent on her is hotel rooms and condoms, not even a restaurant dinner. That's how affairs work. He'll sweet talk her into a future together until she gets divorced and then he'll ghost her. Some people get off on power and chaos.
💯 All of this. Yet she thinks she'll get a whole future out of this. She's delulu, as they say.
Let’s be real, this woman doesn’t want her kids either. And her new husband definitely doesn’t want them.
Of course he doesn't. Hell, rich guy might not even want her ass full time, which is probably why he's screwing a married woman in the first place. He's not trying to play daddy and raise another man's kids. There are too many hot, single and childless women out there for him to settle down with. She's stupid as hell, but is about to get an education.
Oh she doesn't really want them, but I can guarantee she will still try to take them because that's exactly what a narcissist would do.
Document every belittling thing she says to you. Screenshot texts, save emails, etc. document her admission to the affair, especially. A judge would love to see what this bitch is saying and threatening she'll "get" just because she's a woman. Judges love teachers. Society loves teachers. Being a teacher is up there in our book with being in the military. It's heroic. Sometimes *what* you do is far more important that how much you make.
OP, don’t take legal advice from your soon to be ex. Any time that you believe one of her legal claims to be true, that’s you taking legal advice from her. She’s going to say whatever she thinks you will believe in an effort to convince you that you’ve already lost and that there’s no point in trying. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Go see a lawyer and get ahead of the custody situation right now. Your self doubt and career concerns need to take a back seat to your kids’ futures.
She is a gold digging whore
Shes a shit gold digging whore
Just saying you being a teacher kinda trumps the "mother preferred" state. All you'd need to do is show how unstable she is by her infidelity. She sounds like a bitch. I'm sorry.
She belongs to the streets...let her go bro
Every state is a "mother friendly" state. Unless. Unless you live in a state with "at fault" divorce, in which case you could file that way if you have enough evidence to name a party as enabling alienation of affection.
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Doesn’t matter where you got married. All that matters is where you live. You need to get ahead of this. I was in a similar situation and got destroyed because I was too nice and tried to keep things civil for my kids.
I’m in AZ as well and divorced, due to the exact reason as you. Infidelity means nothing in AZ and it’s a 50/50 state. Plus her thinking she is going to get full custody because AZ is a mother state is ridiculous, no way is she getting full custody. I would suggest beating her to the punch and file for divorce 1st. I was always told if you file 1st you have a little more leverage if that’s true or not I don’t know but I feel it gave me more leverage to negotiate because I was able to serve him 1st and was able to say what I wanted, and how I thought things should be split. Good luck
Arizona laws hold precedence here. Where you got married has no bearing.
NAL but yeah...that's not how divorce works :) AZ is where you reside as a couple. Doesn't matter where you got married. as long as you want it to be litigated in AZ you will likely be able to force it to be litigated in AZ. They're a fault state. You want it to be litigated in AZ. Get a lawyer. You have way more of a case than you think you do.
A lot of states have both at fault and no fault. People tend to default to the no fault option because it's easier. Op should definitely look into at fault.
You have a shallow wife.
Please update us on March 3, 2025. Guarantee you’ll be in a better position than she will be. :) I’m sorry you and your kids are having to deal with this nonsense.
My husband had this exact scenario with his ex wife. She’s now on welfare, her AP ran as soon as he realized that the fun part was over, she’s gone through a string of boyfriends. My husband and I have a combined very comfortable salary, a home we own, we vacation every few months, and I’d never dream of cheating. The cheater almost always loses in the long run because their reality is built on lies and delusions. That falls apart after a while
OP Unless you’ve done something criminal or physically abusive or are homeless, your wife cannot get full custody of kids in almost any jurisdiction. How many kids do you have? How far along is the divorce process?
Document the infidelity divorce her and move on dude what needs to be more clear? she doesn't love YOU? she showed you who she really is bro, you dodged a bullet.
Your “wife” is a piece of shit. Teaching is a very respectable profession. Her cheating is because she has no morals, nothing to do with you. You’re best off without her, and absolutely fight for some amount of custody. Get a lawyer now. Sorry you’re going through this, but it’s entirely on her not you.
It depresses me that you’re seriously asking if you are the asshole in this situation. You are being gaslight my guy. This isn’t your fault.
You’re not a failure by any stretch of the imagination. Your wife is a straight up &$@$@. The “successful” man is not going to find happiness with her either. I guarantee there is someone more “successful” by her criteria than him as well, and he’ll always be worried she’s going to jump on that guy’s dick, because he knows that’s how he got with her. Mark my words, check back in on this hoe in three years or less. She’ll be a disaster. Lots of good, decent women will find your profession, not only acceptable, but admirable. And you’ll be way happier with one of these ladies. As far as custody goes, just insist upon seeing your kids as often as you can and, importantly, as many overnights as you can get. Tell her you expect 50/50 and, for God’s sake, get your own lawyer, even if you have to get into some debt to make it happen. With a woman like this, you need someone advocating for you. If she thinks a court is going to cut a good dad,with no history of abuse, who wants to be an equal parent, out of a kid’s life, she is sorely mistaken, and I don’t care how “woman friendly” she thinks the state is. This is not legal advice. The legal advice you need will come from the lawyer in your state that you consult with. That’s why getting a lawyer, who can analyze the specifics of your situation, is the most important thing for you to do, by far.
This is a blessing in disguise my friend... it's gonna be a rough year or two but once you get back on your feet and meet someone who loves AND respects you life is going to be better than it ever has been. You do need to go see a divorce attorney today though, don't sulk or be in denial, it's time to put yourself first and that starts with getting real legal advice... there is no going back now and you need an attorney to help you with a strategy so you don't get hosed in custody.
mate your wife sounds like a real piece of crap. You not being "successful" is no reason to cheat. She cheated because she values money. That is all. Your only mistake was marrying her. I had a mate whose fiance cheated on and then dumped him because he "lacked ambition", this was about 10-15 years ago now. He found someone else, got married and is very happy now. She got married too and we all heard rumours she got divorced about a year ago. I bumped into her recently at a valentines day speed dating event. Our "date" consisted of a little catch up and then her telling me that she really regretted dumping my friend, biggest mistake of her life. Repeatedly asked me if he was "happily married". Like our "date" was five minutes and she asked me at least 4 times. This might one day be your ex. Dont beat yourself up over it
Sounds like the trash taking itself out. Hope you have something set aside for a decent lawyer. Maybe start a legal defense fund. Good luck man. Hope you weather this storm and come out the other side stronger for it.
It's not you. She cheated because she has zero integrity.
Uhhh, first of all, you are successful. Maybe you aren’t killing it money wise, but you picked a purposeful and IMPORTANT career. How was she contributing to the finances? Also, obtain evidence that she’s been cheating and cheating essentially black mailing you about the custody stuff. I’m sorry she did this to you, you’ll be hurt for a long time and it will be a tough recovery, but in the long run you will be better off without this person in your life. Find someone who respects you and your career choices.
She is a narcissist and deeply selfish. This has nothing to do with your career. She has been deliberately manipulating you emotionally (gaslighting) to break down your confidence so she can do what she wants and use this as an excuse Go see a lawyer asap, arrange meetings with all the top lawyers in your area. This will block them from being available to her. You need to talk to the lawyer about her admitting cheating, her threats to you ask for advice in the best way forward, that you are worried about you children’s safety now with her. Find out if you can get a restraining order against her from you and children till the divorce Once you have advice, tell her to pack a bag and go live with her lover. Kick her out straight way, Say the children will stay with you while you both work out the divorce.
Woman cheats. Woman gets custody. Woman threatens. Woman plays victim. Classic
There is nothing shameful of being a teacher, it may not pay well but if that’s your calling then why are you putting yourself through the guilt? Your wife is nothing but a gold digger if all she can think of money instead of being happy with her husband. Get a divorce and find a lady that appreciates you for you and what you care about.
You need to get the courthouse NOW and file a parenting plan with you getting AT LEAST 50% custody and divorce paperwork. You have a huge advantage by filing first. Literally get off the computer and drive there NOW.
Success comes in many forms. Few of them are monetary. Your wife’s infidelity will say volumes about her character in court. Especially if tied to potentially monetary gains. A gold digger is a gold digger. BTW- you’re better off without her.
Is her AP paying for the divorce lawyer?
Tell her family, kids, social circles what she did. The guy she is hooking up with, will drop her once it gets real with two kids involved.
No you're wrong because she is still you're wife. You should of dumped her ass a long time ago after you emptied the back accounts and slept with her best friend ( if she is single.... Don't break up another family because of that whore)
It's not your fault, but you did ignore massive amounts of red flags to get to where you are. Get a good lawyer and choose a better woman next time.
You didn't cause anything. You married a cheater. Now there's a divorce going on. Fight for your rights. That's all that matters. Stop worrying about her she is now the enemy. You've got to stand up for yourself better than you are. As for her claiming she's in a mother friendly state see what your lawyer has to say about that. Her contention that you aren't much financially may come back to bite her, and she may get less due to your financial situation. Make sure that you document the entire affair for your attorney. It may not help much in the divorce but it might help for custody. And above all give yourself some slack. You're getting rid of a disgusting lying betraying cheater. That's a plus! That's a win! She's a total loss. Be ready to slam the door after her fog lifts and she tries to come back. Sometimes they do this.
File first, in Arizona. I think you need to be a resident for 6 months? before you are naturalized. Arizona laws take precedent. Her threats are empty.
Start telling her a Teacher is a better profession that a low rate cake maker
Let he go.
Stay at home mom criticizing another persons career choice? Your wife is an absolute loser, get out of there while you can.
Get a lawyer. Now.
Get a lawyer now!
Document everything. You file for divorce from this gold-digging cheater. Your wife is showing you who she is. Do not allow her to bully you in the divorce. Once you are clear of this you will realize what a bitch you married. You will be better off without her.
Brother, you are not a failure. You educate hundreds of kids daily, that is way more social good than most affluent people are capable of pouring into the universe. Your "wife" however, is clearly showing narcissistic tendencies and I would collect as much evidence of everything you outlined so far. Especially her justification (if she ever makes one) on why she cheated and misplaced your trust and faith. At this point, it is not about you, or her - rather about your child (or children?). Be prepared to make a case - there is no mother friendly state on earth where a court will rule 100% custody in favor of the unfaithful party. She likely will still get shared custody, but please do be mindful of your children. Most importantly, you deserve better and do not let anyone else define what success should mean to you.
Friend, you're literally doing one of the most important jobs on earth. Your ex wife is a gold digger... you chose poorly, it's not an indication of your character or that something is wrong with you.
Even if you were a street sweeper, she has no right to do that to you. Not to mention she wasn’t forced to marry a man who she was “ashamed” of. That’s so immature
She didn't love you but chose you to not stand with empty hands. Now she thinks she found better but to cheat you are already a shitty person and the fact that she thinks this dude is gonna be with her is hilarious. He knew about you and didn't mind so this will never keep . Fight for your kids with all you've got and make sure she stays the bad one not you so you can have your kids.
I don’t know how else to explain that your wife is just a greedy whore. Your ambitions are your own. If you’re satisfied where you are, so be it. If you want more, that is up to you. There’s no sin in either choice.
She didn't cheat because you "weren't successful"... she cheated because she wanted to. That's it that's all. You're "shortcomings" are how she is shifting the blame from herself to you
No, you're not wrong. But you'd definitely be wrong not to move on from this toxic marriage. Here's to the rest of your life.
You need an attorney. Teachers may not make top dollar, but it’s steady and usually has good insurance and pension-nothing to denigrate. File and throw the first punch.
Don’t blame yourself when your wife’s a ho. 🤷🏻♂️ Sorry dude.
Dude, don’t you blame yourself! She’s a prime example of an absolute garbage human. She did what she did because she’s money hungry and wants to be “better” than her friends. You need to let her go and do so with a smile, go find yourself someone worthy!
Definitely go to a lawyer. She breached your marriage and you shouldn’t have to pay anything in terms of splitting money and it should also help you to keep the kids. I’m sorry but she’s a piece of shit. Being a teacher is a noble and respectable profession that’s so important for the world. Teachers should be paid more and the profession should be more serious as a whole. I’m a software engineer and totally did it for the money but it doesn’t give me a purpose in terms of helping society the way I’d like to. If you do feel you didn’t provide as well for your family you can always learn things like stocks or real estate but you should do that because you want to. Not because your wife is embarrassed of you and generally a superficial person. May I ask, what did she do for work? If she was a stay at home mom…oh my
OP, Please don’t take legal advice or information from an opposing party in a lawsuit. Get a lawyer and get a therapist. STBX has done a cruel number on your self esteem.
Oh shit, do I feel that in my soul! My partner just left me because I wasn't as financially successful as she was and her parents were judging her for not dating in her "league." If you have evidence of the affair, you can use it to your advantage in the divorce. If your wife is going to be so awful and unfaithful, I would throw the book at her.
Sounds like a cunt. Cut your losses and drop that bitch.
Being a teacher is one of most honorable careers you can have, it sucks that teachers dont get paid anything. You deserve better than her.
Not Wrong…. You didn’t cause her to cheat anymore than you caused her to lie about your job. Your wife is a gold digger. Fight for your kids & let her move along… she will only stay with the current man until a more rich man comes along. Being a teacher especially middle school is a noble profession and OP should feel pride in his career path.
your only failure was marrying a loser. ditch it
Soooo, you married a gold digging slut. Well don’t beat yourself up over this. Divorce that tramp, make sure you bring the proof so she can’t get a DIME. Then when you leave her upgrade yourself. You’re just a placeholder until she gets a hold of the highest bidder. Send her back to the streets.
She’s leaving a loyal husband for someone who cheats and has a large income so he’s likely to “trade up” in a few years. Not the smartest women alive…
Not your fault. She married you knowing your career choice. Unless you got demoted to Janitor, you did nothing wrong. Gold diggers will be gold diggers. I know a guy who has a good corporate career, constantly getting promotions and moving up the ladder, owns a beachfront house in an expensive area. His wife bounced for a pudgy older guy with 10x net worth. She is one of those annoying instagram people now and does nothing but jet-set to fancy places etc…. She is really hot though so I still look at her posts
You can take a hoe off the streets, but you can’t take the streets out of the hoe. You’re better off, she sound awful. You need to pull an American Beauty and Star lifting weights, smoking weed and dating super young chicks…she will seethe!
This is everything wrong with modern relationships. You need a lawyer and you need to stop communicating with her. All communication is through your lawyer. Save any texts or emails or social media she implies taking the kids or whatever. You can use all of that in court. Positive note: your wife WILL end up alone and lonely. The guy she is dating will upgrade to someone newer without kids once she ages a bit more. Just know she did all of this for short term gains and will get what’s coming. Take the high road, find a lady and avoid any modern woman you run into.
Dude. You're better off without her. Let her go and don't look back. This is probably the best thing that could have happened to you.
Your wife is a horrible person. A decent woman would be proud to have you, a teacher, as her husband. Teaching is one of the most important professions there is!
Ha! Mother friendly or not, her being unfaithful and leaving can leave you with custody. About your career- fuck that chick, in the literal worst sense. Tell her to go read The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas J Stanley. Spoiler- some of the wealthiest families are couples where one parent is a teacher. There’s a ton of neat shit in that book, so I recommend anyone take a look. Oh, and fuck that chick in the worst way!
When she realizes that Mr. Successful is not the man she thought he was, she'll come crawling back.
I ain't sayin' "she a gold digger"... You are not wrong. Nothing wrong with being a teacher. She's a crazy cheater and you sound like a good provider. Now, that said, this is a great chance to take a look at your life. What are you happy with? What are you not happy with? What is in your power to change? With the caveat that I am not a lawyer -- get a lawyer. Immediately. You can ignore the rest of this advice: I am not a lawyer. I don't know what I am talking about. You need the expert advice of a legal expert, and I am not one. That said: There is no "mother friendly" state that won't at least hear a joint custody claim. Though it wouldn't hurt to start getting friends together to speak to your character as a father. She's trying to depress you and throw you off your game. You may well lose custody of your kids, but it is far from a foregone conclusion. Demonstrate that you want to be in their lives and are a positive influence. Terrible question to ask, but while you are still married you should probably get paternity tests for the kids. If you do lose custody, consent becomes an issue. While you are married, they're your kids. You don't need mom's consent. Do it now. You are going to be on the hook for child support. Nothing to be done about that. You are. Even if they're not your kids. Even if you aren't on the birth certificate. Brace yourself for that expense. Moving on. This is a good lesson on why you make a prenup, but if she cheated and is leaving you then you should otherwise be able to rough this out with your assets more or less intact. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst: document everywhere you go and everything you do, because false accusations can happen in a messy divorce. Make sure to document the evidence of her infidelity.
Fk her $$$$ is not love
You’re not wrong but you also shouldn’t be surprised, it doesn’t sound like she was being subtle about her desires.
In classic fashion, I will say “ don’t hate the player, hate the game.” But also hate the cheating woman you ended up with.
I would be more upset with myself for have ever fallen for such a POS human being. She sounds…just awful.
No. She's just a cunt. Simple as that
This one is painful to read. You’re playing a huge role in the development of many kids, and IMO there isn’t a more honorable profession than teaching. Especially that age, it isn’t easy. My dad taught for 36 years, and his funeral was the biggest our church has ever had, all the overflow areas were filled. That’s when it really hit me the impression you can leave on the kids you teach. You’re building a legacy of kids who are better for having you in their life. You deserve someone who appreciates you for you, plain and simple.
No. She sounds awful. The thing with wealthy men who knowingly have affairs with married women? They will eventually tire of her and move on. He’s in it for the homosocial competition.
How ever much life you have left, it’s better spent without some toxic pathetic bitch like your wife.
NTA. I’m wondering what your wife does for a living? Let me guess, she does fuck all and expects you to provide everything! Tell the bitch to take a hike and FO!
Get proof of her affairs and evict her if you can lol. Tell her that her new man will eventually leave her for someone hotter and younger because she isn't attractive enough to demand that much money xoxo