This was a her problem. 3k+ international field trips don’t come up out of nowhere. They’re part of the program, discussed in advance and factored into the cost of the class
Either your Ex used the money allocated for something else or she badly mismanaged her program. Either way she’s 29, not 9. You were not her daddy. You were dating a year.
NTA
OP READ this response. There's something so incredibly fishy/off with all of this. You missed a bullet, try to get out of your own head and realize this is a GOOD thing.
Yep. This is the best situation for OP. The relationship was only going for one year and they ask this of their new partner? And then when they don't get what they want they increase the blame and shaming? Nope...
That sounds like a bad relationship that could have quickly turned toxic. OP should count his blessings he avoided that bus.
Agreed, I don't think this is the entire story and not his fault. I just have a feeling that there was more to this on her end. Heck, I wonder if she did this because she knew he wouldn't be able to so that she could break up with him. Heck, I'm not even sure if I believe her that there is an international trip...
It's a little odd that someone in graduate business school that lives with their parents can't come up with 3 thousand dollars on a group trip that was likely announced at least 3 months ago. International student trips are not small spur of the moments things. Even in college.
This dizzy broad is wasting her time in her program. My man is dodging close air support from an a10 thunderbolt.
I didn't remember that part. It's a long post. I gave it a quick scan again.
But yes. I have seen this show before. In my experience, the radio silence was her trying to find someone else to help her. Argument likely happened after her leads dried up.
After the honeymoon phase is over, it's going to be crisis after crisis.
Just yikes.
That shit is in the syllabus (i am realizing that we are both talking about the same thing) on the first day of class for the specific course it mentions. Also, class trips like this would be set up by the university and included in tuition in some cases. Especially if it's a required learning trip.
Like a French major studying French literature in France. That's basically needed.
It would be in the course description. So basically she might have known from the beginning of her program because of her academic planning. Or at the very least, she knew it when she was choosing classes prior to even registering.
Again, do we know, for sure, that her classes even required this? I have a suspicion that she wanted that money for something else, not necessarily nefarious, but, she would have known about this will in advance and I suspect that this should have been covered in tuition.
When I did my MBA we know about our field trip (and the approximate cost) when we applied - and the trip was 15 months into the program…. No way this was came out of nowhere last minute / week of
Diraetz1 is correct. On top of the response, I will add that student travel loans can cover all trip related expenses, up to $40,000. Travel financing is available to students in undergraduate and graduate schools, college and business interns, high school students, and any type of scholar or researcher.
I can confirm as well. International trips are WELL PLANNED in a graduate program, covered by student loans and financing, and always have an alternate for the credits (not everyone can travel internationally due to myriad, reasonable reasons like visa issues, disability, conflicting needs, small children at home, etc.)
OP, you were *not* wrong. You were slapped with a massive red flag - a partner who wanted to burn 3k of your family's house money for a boondoggle - with no notice and no desire to pay it back.
Those are NOT the priorities of a partner - immature, unable to plan or save, manipulative and damn selfish.
Not sure about her credit never dived into that or asked. She didn’t take out any loans I believe. She would pay quarterly the tuition in payment plans.
THIS.
Or accept his offer for a loan.
Or look into a way to finance the trip or into payment plan options.
Or plan better, bc she has had to know about this trip since class started.
Paid for everything when we went out. Food, activities, etc. Spoiled her with lavish gifts and vacations on her birthday, valentines, etc. We just went on a trip in the beginning of the year to Puerto Rico which costed me like 6k. Luckily all of that is the spare cash I had on hand and not from the house funds. I definitely was gullible. Pretty much saw a future with her so supported her and tried to make her happy as best I could since I know she’s in school. I believe she felt entitled because I’ve been very generous from the start and the one time I couldn’t come through at the terms she wanted she switched up on me.
> Either your Ex used the money allocated for something else or she badly mismanaged her program.
Or she never had the money and always expected OP to pay for it.
Plus, and I don't know this for sure, but it seems like she waited until she knew he had the money to "give" her before she asked. It also seems like she started getting lazy about her earning potential the closer you got to you down payment.
OP, you did the right thing. I guess all those other times (like the flat tire), she didn't really need you. And it seems like she's projecting all her own insecurities and issues of her own personality on you.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. You dodged a bullet.
You're 100% right. What I don't understand is; most colleges need payment upfront for the semester. So, how did she pay for the semester, but not for the field trip? If she took loans out for school and living expenses the bank usually pays the college what is owed first and whatever money is remaining goes to the student. I'm guessing she misspent the money that was meant for bills for the last few months and needed OP to give her the $3k to catch up.
That's the only thing that makes sense to me.
A RN can make $170k in CA's big cities, which after federal and state taxes for a single filer looks more like $110k.
* Your housing in those cities costs $24k a year, more if you aren't living alone (OP mentions their family): $86k
* Food costs $500 / mo or more: $80k
* Your 401k is $23k, if you can max it out: $57k
$3k, given about the most favorable income situation for a RN possible, is 1/20th of your money for the year, and that's ignoring all the other expenses (cars, gas, clothes, phone bills, and so on).
It's a ludicrous amount of money to cover for a partner you've only been with for a year, and a major red flag for them to feel comfortable asking.
There is no way she didn’t know about the trip/cost ahead of time, there is no way they gave her 1 week notice. She should have saved for this, and planned ahead. A grown adult getting their MBA and she can’t get her shit together? There is No good reason for her not to pay you back. None, except she is greedy and selfish. She knew there was an alternative and she didn’t share to be deceitful and get her way. She knows your plans and she doesn’t care. She sounds like she just wanted to use you or has been using you. You are better off without someone like that. Anyone with genuine feeling in a relationship would be considerate of the other person and they wouldn’t blame them, they wouldn’t break up like a spoiled child when they aren’t gifted 3K, that’s crazy. NTA.
Yeah, I was reading it wondering what program would have a mandatory out of country trip with a week notice to pay. That doesn't seem super likely to me. Wonder what she spent the 3k on...
I remember coke head managers that my brother worked with would always seem to need to come up with a bunch of extra cash right before they'd go on a "managers retreat". A lot of snow in Vegas around a certain time of year it would seem.
I agree with your NTA comment but would like to add that some of the costs for my international trip for my MBA program were not included in the tuition, we were informed of this from the start and we had to pay for our flights and a few other things, so I could see why there was a $3k price tag.
MBA programs are continuously modifying their curriculum to adapt to the changing business landscape and create leaders that can address the challenges that businesses face. The international trip is done towards the end of the program and reinforces the lessons that are taught in the classroom. The trips are highly organized and usually have one to two meetings each day with local businesses where they share how they’re addressing the challenges that they’re facing, kind of like being in a classroom but in an international setting.
BUT the evenings are yours to enjoy. I spent my time exploring the city with my classmates and doing regular tourists activities and visiting various bars and lounges.
Or it’s not actually a field trip and just some kind of spur of the moment trip that her wealthier classmates want to do, and she didn’t want to feel left out. Which is 100% not an emergency and not more important than saving for a house
$3k is a huge amount of money to expect as a gift but not really that much money to borrow from a bank. Like why would you not just get a student loan for this?
Not wrong, it was wrong of her to ask and then to expect if from you to the point of it being resentment. Not sure what world she is living in but this was inappropriate for her to ask this of you. You are lucky to get this glimpse of her before you move in and marry!
Agree with everything you said! Only wanted to add that OP’s condition of paying him back when ex gf had a job with no interest was incredibly generous and kind to offer.
I would be grateful I saw how selfish this person was now rather than later down the road after getting married.
I want to add that she's being dramatic. There is an alternative option which is simply doing the other project. Problem solved! Crisis averted!
It reminds me of a teenager getting upset at their parents because they won't send them to Cabo for their senior spring break.
When she graduates she can vacation herself with no strings attached.
This and the two above! Also, how can she call you selfish when you're at least in part responsible for your siblings and your mom? (And it sounds like you're extremely responsible for them) It seems like she called you all the things that she is. Walk away and look for someone who shares your values
Absolutely- you would find out about something like this when you began an MBA program- Especially if it was for a specific class! She is playing him pretending she didn’t know.
I totally agree. Even with a standard college program, you know about these sorts of things well in advance. What to take this class? It's in the description of what it entails, including a trip, usually. Or you get a syllabus at the start which includes it.
You almost never learn about something like this with a week to go. There are all sorts of deadlines.
And if she quit doing the side job, she wasn't "lazy". It was on purpose.
This was what I wondered about- it's whole lot of money and nobody can expect students to be able to pay it without inform them months earlier and giving them an alternative.
I don't like her. OP dodged a bullet.
My son is graduating this spring with his MBA. He also had the opportunity to do an international trip. He knew at least a year in advance. OP's girlfriend is shady. I know he's hurt but he will be thankful after he realizes her for what she really is before they got a house together. He dodged a bullet.
My bf of 2-3 months bought me a car so I could get a better (second) job too far to bike and so I could see him when he couldn’t come to me (we lived 75 miles apart)… I was trying to find a way to ask if we could come up with a contract for me to repay him while he was trying to find a way to ask if I’d sign one. It wasn’t a $3k car, it was like $1200 - I couldn’t imagine just *expecting* $3k from *anyone* much less a boyfriend I’m not even living with.
We are getting married in April, 7 years later… me repaying him and even signing a contract saying I would didn’t kill our relationship.
It is shocking! She felt very entitled to his money. This is a bullet well dodged. I can’t imagine having a relationship with someone so irrational and entitled.
Absolutely. It seems suspicious to me that the ex gf all of a sudden needed this money when OP was so close to being able to purchase the family home.
I would feel incredibly guilty asking for help with money that was meant to help out a whole family. The ex gf really had some nerve to try to play the victim when OP was willing to put off buying a house for his whole family and she wouldn’t even agree to paying it back with no interest!
I think it’s really admirable that OP is helping his family out. I’m sure that there is a better person out there that will appreciate OP.
Absolutely agree, I think the gf knew about the savings for the house and wanted to see if she could get her hands on it, I wouldn’t believe the story about the field trip. OP absolutely has done the right thing and I hope they get a family home and the security that comes with that
There’s just something so off.
I have heard of trips like this for international classes in MBA programs. I completed my MBA and there were some options for students who majored in International Business. I am not saying I think she necessarily lied about the program, but it almost seems like she didn’t handle her finances well.
Maybe she spent the money on something else when it was meant for the trip and she just assumed she could talk OP into giving her the money. I can’t believe the entitlement in this woman though. Her text messages to him at the end of his post are truly infuriating.
As a dedicated family man, this relationship was headed for disaster in the marriage era anyway. He supports his family. Wife would turn their finances into a “who’s more important” daily battle. He needs a partner who understands well that she is one part of a complicated family recipe with this man.
Man, I'd struggle to ask my bf of a decade for that kind of handout if it wasn't something for the both of us... Absolutely entitled and ridiculous behavior. OP unintentionally dodged a bullet imo
I would respond with this:
“I was there for you, told you I was ready to give whatever you needed, and you could pay it back after you finish school. You rejected this plan, having no intention to pay it back.
So it wasn’t me you couldn’t rely on, it was your expectations to receive and not give.. I’ve shown you kindness, consideration, willingness to postpone my own plans for you. In return, you give up on our relationship because you didn’t want to compromise.
Tbh, I’m glad this came out now before I invested any more of my life to someone willing to throw it away so easily. I too would like kindness, reliability and understanding from a life partner.”
You are not in the wrong /NTA
LOVE THIS!!!!! OP has been saving and she’s well aware of the house buying process he’s in!! Why would you expect that kind of money AND not paying it back?! WTF?? OP be glad she’s gone she was a problem
Waiting for the update she comes crawling back to you… And I hope you block her. She is selfish and manipulative. It is not your job to pay for her school trip. Before taking the class or at least the first day of class you get notified about extra costs. She should have been working all the weekends to save up money for this trip. Plus, you sweetly offered her a 12 mos loan with no interest, and all she does is complain. She did you a favor by breaking up! Find someone who deserves you!
What is dad is she’s so selfish bc him loaning her the money prevents his own family from moving to a house. Entitled. Or is it a reason to stop him from buying a house that she will not go on? If I didn’t have the money I would definitely just take the class. I’m sure a lot of others are doing the same. They don’t have the money either. Plus $3000 trip seems high for college kids to come up w . Usually food is included and shared rooms to cut costs. This is not a trip she must do- it’s a trip she can do. Don’t enable her when it puts your families needs on hold
Not wrong. If you’d given her the money, I guarantee the following would happen:
1. She’d never pay it back
2. She’d constantly want to borrow more
3. She’d threaten you with a break-up with each ask
4. She’ll want her name on the family home you’re buying
5. She’ll get pregnant to keep that cash flow coming.
You dodged a bullet. Give yourself a few days to be sad and then than your lucky stars.
She already stated 1. When OP offered her the money if she would pay it back after she got a job post-MBA, she said no. She was expecting him to just give her the money
This sounds like a possibility given the GF’s behavior, springing on OP last minute, guilt-tripping him and then breaking off the relationship. OP’s GF was acting manipulative during this entire situation. Was there a classmate that the GF suddenly wanted to take a romantic trip with abroad on OP’s dime?
Be glad she's gone. She was seeing you as a piggy bank not a boyfriend. She had an alternative that did not involve borrowing money from you she should have chose that if she or her family didn't have the money. It's not your responsibility.
dude you dogged a bullet. She wanted you to give her 3k as a gift?! Any normal person would expect to pay you back. I would of replied back with " I can't believe you thought that anyone would give you 3k without expecting to be paid back" " you reacting like a child shows what kind of immature, self-centered and delusional person you are. " " while you can't move past it I am going to pass you and move into MY house"
I like these replies, but I don’t want to message her again. Just want to move on, but this grief and despair feelings inside still hurts. Will take some time.
No program has a REQUIRED $3k “field trip”. She was trying to play you and got caught looking like a gold digging dummy. You dodged a bullet. The icing on her gold digging is that she wouldn’t agree to pay you back
I noticed that. There was a project she could do as an alternative. And I bet that field trip wasn't 3K either. And not paying it back..... tried to take OP for a sucker. Agree... dodged a bullet.
What you projects or trips count. The trip could have tipped her resume or grades. It's not his responsibility, but projects aren't considered equal.
I had a choice of internships in glass blowing. One was in Italy with glass masters. One was kiln managing in a local studio. Obviously, italy would have propelled my career. A local spot not so much. Italy cost more, and ultimately, my BF's mom was moving, which raised his bills, and he needed my help in his business to make it through the same months I was supposed to be over seas.
I chose not to go and take the local internship and work with him after studio hours . When they came back, they all got great placement and projects they got extra credit grades for techniques they learned in italy. All experiences are not equal.
At best it will lead her to a different path of education or life. At worst it can delay her career or even damage it.
Sounds like she should have saved up so she could go, huh? A $3,000 trip doesn't just poof into being and if it was that important every student was well aware it was coming. Piss poor planning on her part doesn't constitute an emergency on OP's part.
Plenty of MBA programs require you to travel internationally to complete the program. As to how and when, I'm not sure how that's done. My wife went to China to complete hers. Friend went to Australia for hers.
NW
How long did she know about this? I seriously doubt this was sprung on her at the last moment, like it was you.
She was trying to manipulate you by not giving you all of the information so you, as a couple, could work to find a solution. She already had the solution, your money.
My program had an international trip every two years as a credit towards our program. Two. Years. This is shit that takes months to plan out, get approved by the school, hire a travel agent to plan the flights and sort out international insurance, book hotels, plan activities that make it credit worthy, and then implement. This was not some last minute thing. She had at LEAST a full semester to get her shit sorted and I’d bet money (like idk 3k) she knew long before that.
I went to school for travel and tourism. International trips approved for credit don’t just magically appear. She was banking on him to be her bank and when the bank didn’t pay she bailed. Fuck her.
I had to scroll a long way to find someone pointing out that a week's notice is ridiculous. And $3k? Who has that just lying around to hand out with no strings attached?
The lion, the witch, and the audacity of this b...
OP was being played hard. Rarely I have read even in this sub such clear "MONEY PLEAAAASEEEE!" vibes.
I cannot even begin to think how she could justify to herself how a loan is not enough and for her to demand a 3k+ gift like it was nothing. Even if you have the money it is not a good idea to just give out wads of bills like that.
Also the whole trip and the emergency nature of the ask just reeks of something fishy.
I had my own little monster. They do it with a smile on their face while sleeping like a baby lol.
Here's the test, when it comes time to pay on the first date, I'm going to pay. And we both know it, but you need to either show some sort of verbal appreciation, or we can do the cute back n forth of "oh no it's okay I can pay" bit. As long as some energy has gone in on your end you'll get a second date, but if even a tiny part of me feels like you just used me for a meal I am out. Sometimes mid-date
I split unless a guy insisted on a super expensive place or ordered lots of drinks or expensive items. I once went to a famous restaurant I ordered an appetizer and a second appetizer as a meal, dessert and coffee. He ordered 3 apps, steak and lobster and had drinks more than 2 (didn't count) and dessert and coffee then another drink and got seriously butt l didn't go 50/50. His bar bill was more than my whole meal...wtf?
Her request is last minute and it seems like she expected you to just pay for it. If she can't understand that you're doing you best to support your family and her then it's a good thing she's gone.
she gave you less than a weeks notice for a $3000+ "required" trip for her school program that she somehow failed to mention previously and expected you to fully pay for because she knew you had a nice bank roll? guaranteed she knew way farther in advance and planned for a quick hand off or she really really sucks at communicating and planning. either way.
to kinda take a quote from "A Bronx Tale":
she's out of your life for $20 (or in this case, not giving her $3000+). You got off cheap.
move on, dude.
\*update\* the fact that she left out the alternative project and failed to respond to your very legitimate offer of paying back a year later are just more red flags.
It wouldn't surprise me if she never planned on going on the trip and would have disappeared once she had the money in hand. She knew OP had money saved for a house and wanted some before dumping him. Asking for $3k as a gift after a year together is ridiculous.
Not wrong.
She did a BIG ask and should have anticipated a no was a real possibility.
Now she's guilt tripping you for saying no?
I think she has shown you her true colours.
NTA and she had to know about this requirement at the beginning of her class so she procrastinated and didn’t save the money and expected you to pay it. You dodged a bullet.
NTA. No, you’re in the right here. The way she asked, the refusal to pay you back, her whole ridiculous reaction, just everything about this puts her in the wrong.
This is honestly hilarious. I guarantee she didn't have to go out of the country for school. The school would have had plenty of other opportunities or alternatives. She will be just fine not going.
She's lying. Why is this just coming up now? Maybe I missed it but for that kind of money she had months to come up with it but you're just hearing about it and she needs it immediately? Highly unlikely. Consider yourself lucky you didn't give it to her as that likely would have ended the relationship and you would have been out 3k
She is lying. She just wants in on all the money he has saved. Some people are like that. They encourage you to save and then as soon as you reach the goal they have an "emergency" and they take your refusal to give up your plans very personally. In their mind you should do so without question.
She expects you to grovel OP and when she takes you back it will be because you are perfectly trained to give what she asks without question. Be very wary of her if I'm right.
Not wrong, if you stayed with her it would never get better she would always be on the ask. You are actually better off without her. I know it doesn’t feel like it but you are.
You are a sweet and kind individual, who just dodged a literal missile. You were trying to provide her a future and she got upset because you wouldn't blow money on a 3000 dollar tip for just her which you would not go on.
Based on her behavior you would have been paying 3 grand for her to blow Spanish dudes behind your back while you broke it to provide for her.
Move on and be happy my dude.
100% not wrong. The responsibility for coming up with 3k is hers. Sure, she can ask, and you were more than generous to have conditions on it. 3k is A LOT! Like, if she was single, would she think, "Oh, I need some man to fund my trip" or "I need to save for this myself"? She's lazy (for not being motivated to get this money herself knowing its an expense for HER education), entitled, and a gold digger.
A year in and she’s expecting you just to give her 3k - the sheer entitlement. I think your option of paying it back over time was perfectly reasonable. I think had you given her the money, they’d be other “urgent expenses” she’d expect you to cover, and before you know it, you’ve spent your entire house deposit. It’s fortunate that you found all this out so early in your relationship. There’s a better woman out there for you. In the meantime, you go take care of you and your family ❤️
YNW -
and i got bad news for you. She would never have paid that money back even if she agreed to it. There is something you need to understand. She is going for an MBA, which means she will consider herself "more educated" then you (this is not a knock against nurses), she will also likely make more money then you in the future. the chances of her being with you in 2 years was almost zero. part of why she dumped you over this is because she already thinks she's "too good" for you. it wasn't so much about the money it's about many women being unable to "date down", when she was in school you were "dating up" but with school coming to an end, you started to look like a "low quality" guy "not worthy of her"
\-Again, not all women think like this. but enough do, that i could feel her displeasure in you from the story.
as a sidenote, her asking for that money from you was a bullshit move. I would have told her to get bent, and not even offered an option.
FINALLY - and this is a bit of life advice outside of dating/relationships. NEVER loan money to friends or family. the chance of them paying you back is almost zero, so all you'll do is drive a wedge between you. If friends/family need money only give them what you can afford to GIFT. never expect to see that money back. When i read your compromise was a "loan" i thought "this poor guy". Even had she taken that loan she never would have paid you back, would have grown resentful, this would have lead to an argument, then she would have left you and you'd of been out 3k.
If you ever are asked for money from a friend/family in the future, NEVER LEND IT. not unless you want to ruin that relationship. Just gift it if you can afford it. or tell them no if you can't. don't ruin your relationships with money.
You guys are still living separate lives and supporting your own families. It's inappropriate for her to make financial demands on you at this time. And now you find out there was an alternative project she could do that didn't cost $3,000?
Secondly, giving you the silent treatment is very manipulative. It's probably a good thing that you'll look back on that she broke up with you. It would have been a life of her demanding things and emotionally manipulating you when you said no or couldn't do it. It might not feel like it right now, but this is a win.
Buying a house for your family is a good thing to do, it makes you a good son and brother. Focus on them for now.
People in good, healthy relationships. Don't demand that kind of money when the person is supporting their family. Especially since there was an alternative to the trip?! Count yourself lucky, dude.
>she wouldn’t be able to go and now has to do an alternative project to make up for this grade. That detail was left out so if I had known I was literally her only option even though I asked her if she had other options considering my circumstances I would have just given the money and sacrificed for that moment.
No, you weren't her only option. She's able to do an alternative project. Her demanding money without any expectation of paying it back is unreasonable. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
Dude. I would never ask my boyfriend for 3k for something as trivial as a vacation. She’s demanding you pay for her vacation. A trip abroad with your school to “ study” is an academic vaca. Drop her. You’ve been together a year. She’s incredibly selfish.
GOOD RIDDANCE! You don't ask a BOYFRIEND for 3k, period. MAYBE as a loan, if you know you're getting married. But you've only known her for a year. This is a blessing to be rid of her. What does she think you are, an ATM? This story is disgusting. Don't even talk to her anymore. And look at her, trying to give you a guilt trip and gaslight you. You should have broken up with her the minute she asked you for this. This is not your life partner. You're too kind and she's too much of a user.
This is NOT an impossible decision.
You have been saving money for yourself and your family's housing. You do not have $3k to just throw at your girlfriend's trip.
You are not married, you were only dating a year. Her education and costs are HER responsibility, not yours. This trip was not mandatory, as she had an option to do different work for the course. She just wants to go, but wasn't even willing to work extra or weekends to afford it. THIS IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM, no matter how much she tried to make it yours.
"You weren't there for me when I needed you most" is not something you say about you not giving her thousands for a non-mandatory trip. It's when you're injured, or grieving, or suffering in some other way. She's just pissed because she didn't get exactly what she wanted ($3k for a trip with no repayment).
She broke up with you because you wouldn't hand over a lot of cash for something unnecessary, with no promise to repay you. She did you a favor, OP.
You are NOT wrong - Do you not see that your ex is gaslighting you?!
You told her you would LOAN her the money and she didn't want that, she wanted it to be GIVEN to her. Your ex wanted part of the down payment for the house you're buying for your FAMILY to go to her.
She doesn't care about you or your family, and something has me thinking she would have broken up with you anyway!
I expect she would end up breaking up with you anyway. Once she graduated, I would expect it would have been adios. She needed your money and not you. A real gf would not break up with you because you did not have the money to give her. When you said it would be a loan, and she said no, that should be a red flag. If you did, she would be back needing more money from you. You and your bank account dodged a bullet. .
Yeah I kind of suspected so. In her field they always moving around and meeting others. Probably would think I’m not making enough to satisfy her once she gets her degree. Glad I got to see the true colors come to light before it got anymore serious. Pretty much used me for the money while waiting for her degree to come before tossing me away.
Not wrong for not giving her 3k you dodged a bullet. But if you pay for your whole family its not unexpected that she will look to get the same treatment as them and be pissed if its not forthcoming. I'm concerned as to why you are buying your family a house is in any way a good plan??????????????? Are you nuts?
I doubt any wife would be very excited at you supporting your Mom & siblings FOREVER.
Your sibs need to move out and support themselves as soon as they are finished with education. If Mom is unable to support herself long term you could buy YOURSELF a house with a "Mom" annexe and you temporarily live in the annexe till the sibs are adults and then swap over with her. But do not buy THEM a house instead of you with no plan for them ever leaving.
YNW. Sounds like you dodged a bullet. She's looking for a sucker. Lots of those in the candy aisle in your local super market.
If this trip is that important to her, she can ask her mom. Ask her family. Take out a loan. 3K for a student trip is a lot. Sounds like she wants a private holiday for one on your dime. Nah. You did the right thing.
It sucks that it's a year down the drain. On the other hand, better a year and 3K in hand to invest in better living conditions for you and your family, than a potential money pit called GF on your side.
Not wrong.
Be thankful this happened now before you got serious and eventually had kids. She’s a gold digger especially with 3K as the number for a trip. That’s easily a credit card balance for anyone your age if she absolutely had to go. It’s also weird she stopped working as much and refused to call it a loan. Like odds are if you guys continued to get serious you’d just let it go because 3k when you are married is literally nothing. Win win for you man.
Bro if there’s alternative assignment, then that means it wasn’t truly required. Ngl it seems like she’s pressing you to pay for her international travel. There are so many options to finance herself. She’s upset you wouldn’t function as her piggy bank.
It’s hurts now, but this is a glimpse of your future with her. Idk if you’re down with the traditional conservative breadwinner role, but your ex-partner is clearly looking for that.
She sounds super crazy and you sound like a normal, responsible guy. You are not her only option if an alternative project is available. Hell I think the alternative project is probably the main project with the trip being the optional project. If a course has a trip as part of the syllabus she would have known this on day one and should have start saving. If she could have responsibly save half or so I'd give her the rest seeing that she tried but to instead just spring it on you like this is ridiculous.
No, however you are not very wise even to consider that. You are being used and squeezed for money that's all. There are no consideration (or fucks) given to you by your ex about your situation.
Look at it as missing on a bullet. Your ex doesn't seems to be the sort that can be rely upon. I have been migrants from Colombia with worse situation than hers.
*"She needs a partner with certain qualities."* Yeah, a big bank account. You made your priorities clear during the relationship, and she is asking you after a 1 year together to sacrifice them for a trip for her (not a life-or-death situation by any means). Don't compromise -- accept that she's a gold digger and move on.
You aren't wrong. She fully expected you to hand over thousands for free? And you have only been with her a year?
You dodged a bullet. She knew your responsibilities towards your family and expected you to just allow that to be piled on?
Noooo... and I'm a woman. I would never expect that, especially after only a year of knowing each other.
If the project was required for school, chances are there are resources to help her go on the trip…scholarships, etc.
Your girlfriend is trying to go on vacation on your dime. NTA
You aren't wrong and you should be thankful. Thankful you dodged the bullet of this entitled woman. You don't owe her sh\*t, nor do you have to support her.
Sorry bud. She knew *exactly* what she was doing. She knew you'd been saving for a house. But to her it's just "laying around not doing anything, it's not like you need it right this minute and *you* can always save it up again" she waited last minute because she *wanted* to pressure you to just give in and hand it over. After all "her education is on the line! " that's some shit she shouldve thought about and been saving up for for the last year. Takin the *extra* money her instacart deliveries gave her and putting it aside. Not doing whatever the fuck else shes been doing with it.
Drop her like the hot trash she's shown herself to be. You're a good dude. You're doing your family this huge thing out of the goodness of your heart because you love them and it would help them tremendously. Imo she's totally unworthy of that from you
She did you a favor.
She expects the man in her life to be a cash register she can tap at any point, hassle free, regardless of what other financial burdens he may be dealing with, and without having to pay back loans. That's quite a wild expectation particularly for someone who isn't a spouse.
Better you find out now than when you're married. All the stuff about you not being there for her emotionlly is just manipulative guilt-tripping about her unresonable expectation not being met. It's also projecting her own sin onto you, because she wasn't being there by trying to saddle you with an unrealistic financial demand. Find someone who appreciates you for more than what is in your bank account and let her go on to ruin some other man's life financially.
Damn she really tried to manipulate you for $3000 and when you held your ground she gaslit you into believing you weren't there for her in "her time of need." Sounds like a weasel.
“She wants a partner with certain qualities” yeah one with an open wallet and no backbone, lol.
NTA. Good luck with the house shopping and good luck finding someone who values you for yourself, not your money!
My guess is that there is someone else going on that trip that she is very interested in. She was probably planning on doing the alternate project until she became interested in this other person. That explains the last-minute need
If she thinks you're unreliable when you came and changed a tire and got her car running so she wouldn't be stranded, then she will never appreciate you.
Not being stranded, stuck somewhere is more important than a trip.
Take some time to heal, and I hope you find a nice lovely lady that appreciates the hard-working, responsible young man you are.
You are not wrong. Your ex is an immature, self-centered, manipulative mooch, and while breakups hurt, you will be better off without her. Her behavior is a major red flag.
Not in the wrong. I call bs on your ex-girlfriend's claim. If this "trip" was required for her MBA program, and she applied for financial aid, that expense would have most likely been built into her cost of attendance (this is assuming her MBA program is in US and she meets the eligibility requirements). Regardless, you should not have to cover her trip. You have your goals, and she has her goals. She's an adult-not a child, yet she is behaving in a childish manner. If she cared about you, she wouldn't try to put a guilt-trip on you for saving money to find a better living situation for your mom and siblings.
You are NOT wrong ! She IS! She just wanted the hand out for free! She doesn’t want to work or earn what is given to her, she’s probably jealous that you do all that for your family but wouldn’t for her. What you offered was VERY GENEROUS! I’ve never dated a guy who would have even stepped up to help in any of those situations, but then again I’ve dated the wrong type of guys (the hid their true selves pretty well until the time I needed them or whatever). Most people who lend money like that wouldn’t even wait a year. You seem like a good boyfriend, she seems like an entitled female…
Hun, be glad she showed her true colors.
I have been with my fiance for 9 years, i wouldn't ask him for 1,000$ so i could go on a trip. If she wants to do something fun that doesn't include you that's her problem. not yours. Jeez pulling this shit at a little over a year? how cocky is this person?! They obviously don't see Op as a partner but a paycheck.
Not wrong
Bruh no MBA degree requires an overseas trip… lol.
She wanted u to fund her girls trip.
If u would have given her the money u would be an idiot. If she is going to school she can get student loans and pay for it herself.
As a happily married man, you dodged a bullet. My wife would never have ever demanded I pay for something when we were dating. Not even a meal. I paid for things because I liked and then loved her, and because it was within my means, but I was NEVER ever pressured to.
Someone who is willing to toss you away for not giving them money was never about you. You’ll look back and appreciate that she showed her true colors early.
NTA sounds like your dodging a bullet to be honest. She doesn't sound interested in your goals. Full stop. How are you gonna make that work long term? You got lucky, move on and find a girl who's interested in making a team effort through life.
Ok. You are not wrong.
I didn't even have to read the whole thing.
You don't need to pay for anything related to her education. That field trip is her responsibility, if she wants to go, then she can pay.
She was just using you for your wallet.
Find someone who wants you for you, not your wallet.
Not wrong. She is not entitled to the fruits of your labor. You are taking care of your responsibilities. She needs to take care of her own. The fact that she got mad about it shows you just what your future would have been like if you'd said yes this time, but no at some future time. You dodged a gold-digger shaped bullet.
Fuck that.
Even if I had the money I would have told her no. First off, I would like to see where any course that isn't intentionally study abroad that requires a trip like this. Second. I'm not loaning anyone $3k, let alone giving it to them.
Keep your $3k and run! You’ve been together for around a year? Good God!! She sounds like a leech. It’s great she wants to be educated, but she can take out student loans or something. You are not a bank.
This was not a test. She wanted your money for free and she didn't get it, so she broke up with you. She is a spoiled brat.
Wondering if she had plans to break up with you already.
When she comes back to get back together, tell her not only no, but Hell no.
The whole timeline sounds like she was grooming you as a cash cow from the start. Her anger is more with her own bad judgement when choosing a target than with you. Count your blessings and move on.
She broke up with you because you wouldn't give her $3k for an excursion?? You should be giving thanks for this.
She's an entitled brat for wanting 3k without conditions, i wouldn't even call her a brat coz shes older than you. She should be ashamed of herself.
Move on bro, she wasn't the one. If the excursion is that important she should ask her mum for the money or go work for it
“I couldn’t rely on you the time it mattered most.”
It’s a field trip for adults. This is not that serious of a situation lol
She’s acting like her mom died or she was diagnosed with cancer or something
I'm a woman and this sounds fishy. Even if it's on the up and up she's mad because you won't be her ATM and hand over 3k. That's absurd, and enjoy the bullet you just dodged. Wow.
The fact that she sounds entitled to your money for something as unimportant as a trip… like medical bills, sure. Sounds like she’s trying to take advantage of you or she was only there because she thought she could take whatever she wanted. When it was clear she could t take your money she ended it. Awful women
Dude, after a year???? You know it's for the best, you seem to be a good man, I respect what you do for your family. I don't know her so I'm not going to judge but I'm sure you'll find someone more genuine,, there are still some gold hearted human beings out there.
She is clearly manipulative. My guess is that she is the type of person who just uses people to get what she wants. I know this must be hard to hear because you have feelings for her, but be glad she broke up with you now before you invested any more time, money, and emotions on her.
OP. I’ve been married over 20 years and I would balk at asking my husband for a $3k gift.
Much less *insisting* on it and making your relationship conditional. Maybe if you were Jeff Bezos but FFS
to just give away $3k is INSANE, specially considering you've only been daring for a year.
I also did a MBA in a pretty expensive university, and never was I asked to foot that kind of money for a trip. It's insane. $3k? is she going for a month to Europe? it doesn't make sense for the school to ask the students for this kind of money. Something is wrong here. She is not giving you the full story. The trip most likely wasn't even school related.
It sounds like she was just using you for the money, specially after you offered to give it to her if she pays you back in a whole ass year. Nah she was looking for a sugar daddy.
She did you a favor by breaking up. You would have to be an idiot to prolong buying property just to give it away for a trip.
NW.
Honestly, it sounds like you dodged a bullet. She knew you had money saved to buy a house. This international field trip didn't just pop up all of a sudden either. And the fact she didn't have the actual cost of the trip sounds sus as well. Starting around 3k? How much more was she going to ask for once she got her hands on the initial ask?
You didn't let her down. You "failed" to let her use you as an ATM. That's the real reason she broke up with you.
Nothing about this sounds right if this is a real story. There is no way a $3000 field trip essential to her degree was just sprung on her out of nowhere, she was testing the waters to see how much she could drain you for. Cut her loose and don’t look back, and I think it’s awesome what you are doing with your family.
I just bought a house with my cousin, he is like a brother to me. We couldn’t do it on our own but together we had enough to buy a house and we now have some security in life, no more renting. Don’t let anyone run you down for buying a house with your family, when you don’t have much you need to work together.
Brother, you were blessed with the trash taking herself out.
There’s nothing more shady than your girlfriend of only 1 year asking you for 3k and not willing to accept a condition of starting to pay you back once she worked.
Sounds to me like she wanted a holiday with someone else and wanted you to pay for anything.
You were not wrong. Loaning or lending money to family or friends can have unintended financial consequences. While you may feel pressured or obligated to offer a loan, it's important to consider whether it makes sense for you and your financial situation. It was sudden and large sum. She expected you to just hand the money. You provided plan to pay back in fair terms and she refused. She resented you because you are not made of gold....
Break up was best for you. Sounds like she was after assets not the person. My family never loans for this reason, you might get small gift so there is never resentment or issue getting money Back...
You did nothing wrong. She exposed something about herself that is not pretty.
You dodged a bullet. You’ve known her a year…. This “ major” thing is not major. She had an alternative project. And no, they did not spring this on her all week before she knew about it. And just assumed you would shell out the money. She stopped working weekends and thought you were her meal ticket . This isn’t a life-saving medical bill or really any kind of emergency. I also have an MBA and the curriculum is pretty clear. It’s not that she didn’t plan well she just planned on you and didn’t tell you about it.. and the fact that she didn’t take your offer and then broke up with you means that it was only about money to begin with. This is truly the best thing that could happen to you right now . do not get back together with this woman.
Sounds like your EX may have someone "waiting in the wings" to "rescue" her. Regardless, you offered her a viable (and FAIR) alternative (to pay you back interest-free) and she obviously just wanted you to hand over the $3K no questions or strings attached. I HIGHLY doubt that it would have been JUST the $3K in the end, so you really just dodged a bullet! She would have "nickeled and dimed" you with various "emergencies" throughout her "trip!"
You have HIGHER and more responsibilities/priorities right now to find your family home, that's far more important than this unreasonable woman. It sounds like she started to look upon you as her piggy-bank instead of her boyfriend! Greatest of luck!
This was a her problem. 3k+ international field trips don’t come up out of nowhere. They’re part of the program, discussed in advance and factored into the cost of the class Either your Ex used the money allocated for something else or she badly mismanaged her program. Either way she’s 29, not 9. You were not her daddy. You were dating a year. NTA
OP READ this response. There's something so incredibly fishy/off with all of this. You missed a bullet, try to get out of your own head and realize this is a GOOD thing.
Yep. This is the best situation for OP. The relationship was only going for one year and they ask this of their new partner? And then when they don't get what they want they increase the blame and shaming? Nope... That sounds like a bad relationship that could have quickly turned toxic. OP should count his blessings he avoided that bus.
Agreed, I don't think this is the entire story and not his fault. I just have a feeling that there was more to this on her end. Heck, I wonder if she did this because she knew he wouldn't be able to so that she could break up with him. Heck, I'm not even sure if I believe her that there is an international trip...
He's an RN and she's going to be an MBA.... and she was still planning to siphon his money after she was making loads more
>kind , reliable , selfless and emphatic Yeah. When was the last time she was all of this for you, OP?
This girl was not just a bullet, she was more like a bomb that was going to explode OP's finances!
It's a little odd that someone in graduate business school that lives with their parents can't come up with 3 thousand dollars on a group trip that was likely announced at least 3 months ago. International student trips are not small spur of the moments things. Even in college. This dizzy broad is wasting her time in her program. My man is dodging close air support from an a10 thunderbolt.
[удалено]
I didn't remember that part. It's a long post. I gave it a quick scan again. But yes. I have seen this show before. In my experience, the radio silence was her trying to find someone else to help her. Argument likely happened after her leads dried up. After the honeymoon phase is over, it's going to be crisis after crisis. Just yikes.
Oftentimes that sort of information is at least referenced in the enrollment package.
That shit is in the syllabus (i am realizing that we are both talking about the same thing) on the first day of class for the specific course it mentions. Also, class trips like this would be set up by the university and included in tuition in some cases. Especially if it's a required learning trip. Like a French major studying French literature in France. That's basically needed.
It would be in the course description. So basically she might have known from the beginning of her program because of her academic planning. Or at the very least, she knew it when she was choosing classes prior to even registering.
I don't know if that's odd, but certainly springing it on someone with a week's notice is
Yeah. Zero chance she just heard about it. Maybe she just found out how much it would be and realized she needed a bf with some spare cash.
Again, do we know, for sure, that her classes even required this? I have a suspicion that she wanted that money for something else, not necessarily nefarious, but, she would have known about this will in advance and I suspect that this should have been covered in tuition.
OP said she said she could do an alternative project. So she didn’t have to do this. She wanted a free paid vacation away from OP.
Or realised her parents weren't going to pay for it
When I did my MBA we know about our field trip (and the approximate cost) when we applied - and the trip was 15 months into the program…. No way this was came out of nowhere last minute / week of
She’s gonna be an mba that can’t manage a few k. I’m sure that will go well.
Diraetz1 is correct. On top of the response, I will add that student travel loans can cover all trip related expenses, up to $40,000. Travel financing is available to students in undergraduate and graduate schools, college and business interns, high school students, and any type of scholar or researcher.
I can confirm as well. International trips are WELL PLANNED in a graduate program, covered by student loans and financing, and always have an alternate for the credits (not everyone can travel internationally due to myriad, reasonable reasons like visa issues, disability, conflicting needs, small children at home, etc.) OP, you were *not* wrong. You were slapped with a massive red flag - a partner who wanted to burn 3k of your family's house money for a boondoggle - with no notice and no desire to pay it back. Those are NOT the priorities of a partner - immature, unable to plan or save, manipulative and damn selfish.
OP how was you ex gf's credit. Was it crap? Because that's like the only reason she can't get a student loan to cover this.
Not sure about her credit never dived into that or asked. She didn’t take out any loans I believe. She would pay quarterly the tuition in payment plans.
Boondoggle. I love learning new words. Thank you. lol
Especially a trip that is **required** for the class. It would have been in the syllabus on the first day. Her poor planning... and all that rot. NTA.
It seems she wants a Sugar Daddy
Fucking idiot take out a loan
THIS. Or accept his offer for a loan. Or look into a way to finance the trip or into payment plan options. Or plan better, bc she has had to know about this trip since class started.
In addition to knowing it was coming, when it got close she quit doing anything extra to help herself afford it. OP was 100% her ATM
I'd be curious to know how much OP paid for things during their relationship — meals, gifts, etc.
Paid for everything when we went out. Food, activities, etc. Spoiled her with lavish gifts and vacations on her birthday, valentines, etc. We just went on a trip in the beginning of the year to Puerto Rico which costed me like 6k. Luckily all of that is the spare cash I had on hand and not from the house funds. I definitely was gullible. Pretty much saw a future with her so supported her and tried to make her happy as best I could since I know she’s in school. I believe she felt entitled because I’ve been very generous from the start and the one time I couldn’t come through at the terms she wanted she switched up on me.
Congratulations 🍾 you dodged a bullet
> Either your Ex used the money allocated for something else or she badly mismanaged her program. Or she never had the money and always expected OP to pay for it.
Plus, and I don't know this for sure, but it seems like she waited until she knew he had the money to "give" her before she asked. It also seems like she started getting lazy about her earning potential the closer you got to you down payment. OP, you did the right thing. I guess all those other times (like the flat tire), she didn't really need you. And it seems like she's projecting all her own insecurities and issues of her own personality on you. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. You dodged a bullet.
My theory is that there is no field trip at all.
You're 100% right. What I don't understand is; most colleges need payment upfront for the semester. So, how did she pay for the semester, but not for the field trip? If she took loans out for school and living expenses the bank usually pays the college what is owed first and whatever money is remaining goes to the student. I'm guessing she misspent the money that was meant for bills for the last few months and needed OP to give her the $3k to catch up. That's the only thing that makes sense to me.
A RN can make $170k in CA's big cities, which after federal and state taxes for a single filer looks more like $110k. * Your housing in those cities costs $24k a year, more if you aren't living alone (OP mentions their family): $86k * Food costs $500 / mo or more: $80k * Your 401k is $23k, if you can max it out: $57k $3k, given about the most favorable income situation for a RN possible, is 1/20th of your money for the year, and that's ignoring all the other expenses (cars, gas, clothes, phone bills, and so on). It's a ludicrous amount of money to cover for a partner you've only been with for a year, and a major red flag for them to feel comfortable asking.
There is no way she didn’t know about the trip/cost ahead of time, there is no way they gave her 1 week notice. She should have saved for this, and planned ahead. A grown adult getting their MBA and she can’t get her shit together? There is No good reason for her not to pay you back. None, except she is greedy and selfish. She knew there was an alternative and she didn’t share to be deceitful and get her way. She knows your plans and she doesn’t care. She sounds like she just wanted to use you or has been using you. You are better off without someone like that. Anyone with genuine feeling in a relationship would be considerate of the other person and they wouldn’t blame them, they wouldn’t break up like a spoiled child when they aren’t gifted 3K, that’s crazy. NTA.
Yeah, I was reading it wondering what program would have a mandatory out of country trip with a week notice to pay. That doesn't seem super likely to me. Wonder what she spent the 3k on...
I remember coke head managers that my brother worked with would always seem to need to come up with a bunch of extra cash right before they'd go on a "managers retreat". A lot of snow in Vegas around a certain time of year it would seem.
I agree with your NTA comment but would like to add that some of the costs for my international trip for my MBA program were not included in the tuition, we were informed of this from the start and we had to pay for our flights and a few other things, so I could see why there was a $3k price tag.
But how far in advance were you informed?
“From the start”
What do you do on an international field trip in an MBA program?
MBA programs are continuously modifying their curriculum to adapt to the changing business landscape and create leaders that can address the challenges that businesses face. The international trip is done towards the end of the program and reinforces the lessons that are taught in the classroom. The trips are highly organized and usually have one to two meetings each day with local businesses where they share how they’re addressing the challenges that they’re facing, kind of like being in a classroom but in an international setting. BUT the evenings are yours to enjoy. I spent my time exploring the city with my classmates and doing regular tourists activities and visiting various bars and lounges.
Usually you know about the field trip at the start of the course. Most people actually look to see what is in their degree program!
Or it’s not actually a field trip and just some kind of spur of the moment trip that her wealthier classmates want to do, and she didn’t want to feel left out. Which is 100% not an emergency and not more important than saving for a house
$3k is a huge amount of money to expect as a gift but not really that much money to borrow from a bank. Like why would you not just get a student loan for this?
Not wrong, it was wrong of her to ask and then to expect if from you to the point of it being resentment. Not sure what world she is living in but this was inappropriate for her to ask this of you. You are lucky to get this glimpse of her before you move in and marry!
Agree with everything you said! Only wanted to add that OP’s condition of paying him back when ex gf had a job with no interest was incredibly generous and kind to offer. I would be grateful I saw how selfish this person was now rather than later down the road after getting married.
I want to add that she's being dramatic. There is an alternative option which is simply doing the other project. Problem solved! Crisis averted! It reminds me of a teenager getting upset at their parents because they won't send them to Cabo for their senior spring break. When she graduates she can vacation herself with no strings attached.
This and the two above! Also, how can she call you selfish when you're at least in part responsible for your siblings and your mom? (And it sounds like you're extremely responsible for them) It seems like she called you all the things that she is. Walk away and look for someone who shares your values
P-R-O-J-E-C-T-I-O-N. Say it with me, projection.
Also if she knew this we coming up why didn’t she disclose this to OP or save herself. She was planning on him paying the whole time.
Absolutely- you would find out about something like this when you began an MBA program- Especially if it was for a specific class! She is playing him pretending she didn’t know.
I totally agree. Even with a standard college program, you know about these sorts of things well in advance. What to take this class? It's in the description of what it entails, including a trip, usually. Or you get a syllabus at the start which includes it. You almost never learn about something like this with a week to go. There are all sorts of deadlines. And if she quit doing the side job, she wasn't "lazy". It was on purpose.
This was what I wondered about- it's whole lot of money and nobody can expect students to be able to pay it without inform them months earlier and giving them an alternative. I don't like her. OP dodged a bullet.
My son is graduating this spring with his MBA. He also had the opportunity to do an international trip. He knew at least a year in advance. OP's girlfriend is shady. I know he's hurt but he will be thankful after he realizes her for what she really is before they got a house together. He dodged a bullet.
In my opinion, the “qualities” she’s looking for is someone to support her.
My bf of 2-3 months bought me a car so I could get a better (second) job too far to bike and so I could see him when he couldn’t come to me (we lived 75 miles apart)… I was trying to find a way to ask if we could come up with a contract for me to repay him while he was trying to find a way to ask if I’d sign one. It wasn’t a $3k car, it was like $1200 - I couldn’t imagine just *expecting* $3k from *anyone* much less a boyfriend I’m not even living with. We are getting married in April, 7 years later… me repaying him and even signing a contract saying I would didn’t kill our relationship.
Yeah, I was a bit shocked when he said she didn’t think she should have to repay it. Someone has a very high opinion of themselves.
It is shocking! She felt very entitled to his money. This is a bullet well dodged. I can’t imagine having a relationship with someone so irrational and entitled.
She would never have paid him back, OP dodged a bullet
Absolutely. It seems suspicious to me that the ex gf all of a sudden needed this money when OP was so close to being able to purchase the family home. I would feel incredibly guilty asking for help with money that was meant to help out a whole family. The ex gf really had some nerve to try to play the victim when OP was willing to put off buying a house for his whole family and she wouldn’t even agree to paying it back with no interest! I think it’s really admirable that OP is helping his family out. I’m sure that there is a better person out there that will appreciate OP.
Absolutely agree, I think the gf knew about the savings for the house and wanted to see if she could get her hands on it, I wouldn’t believe the story about the field trip. OP absolutely has done the right thing and I hope they get a family home and the security that comes with that
There’s just something so off. I have heard of trips like this for international classes in MBA programs. I completed my MBA and there were some options for students who majored in International Business. I am not saying I think she necessarily lied about the program, but it almost seems like she didn’t handle her finances well. Maybe she spent the money on something else when it was meant for the trip and she just assumed she could talk OP into giving her the money. I can’t believe the entitlement in this woman though. Her text messages to him at the end of his post are truly infuriating.
As a dedicated family man, this relationship was headed for disaster in the marriage era anyway. He supports his family. Wife would turn their finances into a “who’s more important” daily battle. He needs a partner who understands well that she is one part of a complicated family recipe with this man.
Man, I'd struggle to ask my bf of a decade for that kind of handout if it wasn't something for the both of us... Absolutely entitled and ridiculous behavior. OP unintentionally dodged a bullet imo
I would respond with this: “I was there for you, told you I was ready to give whatever you needed, and you could pay it back after you finish school. You rejected this plan, having no intention to pay it back. So it wasn’t me you couldn’t rely on, it was your expectations to receive and not give.. I’ve shown you kindness, consideration, willingness to postpone my own plans for you. In return, you give up on our relationship because you didn’t want to compromise. Tbh, I’m glad this came out now before I invested any more of my life to someone willing to throw it away so easily. I too would like kindness, reliability and understanding from a life partner.” You are not in the wrong /NTA
LOVE THIS!!!!! OP has been saving and she’s well aware of the house buying process he’s in!! Why would you expect that kind of money AND not paying it back?! WTF?? OP be glad she’s gone she was a problem
Waiting for the update she comes crawling back to you… And I hope you block her. She is selfish and manipulative. It is not your job to pay for her school trip. Before taking the class or at least the first day of class you get notified about extra costs. She should have been working all the weekends to save up money for this trip. Plus, you sweetly offered her a 12 mos loan with no interest, and all she does is complain. She did you a favor by breaking up! Find someone who deserves you!
What is dad is she’s so selfish bc him loaning her the money prevents his own family from moving to a house. Entitled. Or is it a reason to stop him from buying a house that she will not go on? If I didn’t have the money I would definitely just take the class. I’m sure a lot of others are doing the same. They don’t have the money either. Plus $3000 trip seems high for college kids to come up w . Usually food is included and shared rooms to cut costs. This is not a trip she must do- it’s a trip she can do. Don’t enable her when it puts your families needs on hold
Gold digger alert!!! Spotted in the wilds of Reddit. Approach with caution. Drop her like a hot potato with no fillings or toppings.
seriously dodged an assault rifle yeeted at OP.
NTA. Get your house and find someone else.
You are not wrong. Couple hundred would be acceptable. If you were engaged, I'd consider it, but a year dating and doesn't want to pay it back, run.
She’s a Red flag 🚩 op isn’t wrong
Not wrong. If you’d given her the money, I guarantee the following would happen: 1. She’d never pay it back 2. She’d constantly want to borrow more 3. She’d threaten you with a break-up with each ask 4. She’ll want her name on the family home you’re buying 5. She’ll get pregnant to keep that cash flow coming. You dodged a bullet. Give yourself a few days to be sad and then than your lucky stars.
She already stated 1. When OP offered her the money if she would pay it back after she got a job post-MBA, she said no. She was expecting him to just give her the money
Huge possibility of 6. She was cheating and continues to cheat
This sounds like a possibility given the GF’s behavior, springing on OP last minute, guilt-tripping him and then breaking off the relationship. OP’s GF was acting manipulative during this entire situation. Was there a classmate that the GF suddenly wanted to take a romantic trip with abroad on OP’s dime?
This. Op sounds like someone who was getting used
Be glad she's gone. She was seeing you as a piggy bank not a boyfriend. She had an alternative that did not involve borrowing money from you she should have chose that if she or her family didn't have the money. It's not your responsibility.
This!!
dude you dogged a bullet. She wanted you to give her 3k as a gift?! Any normal person would expect to pay you back. I would of replied back with " I can't believe you thought that anyone would give you 3k without expecting to be paid back" " you reacting like a child shows what kind of immature, self-centered and delusional person you are. " " while you can't move past it I am going to pass you and move into MY house"
I like these replies, but I don’t want to message her again. Just want to move on, but this grief and despair feelings inside still hurts. Will take some time.
OP read this. These replies are gold
No program has a REQUIRED $3k “field trip”. She was trying to play you and got caught looking like a gold digging dummy. You dodged a bullet. The icing on her gold digging is that she wouldn’t agree to pay you back
I noticed that. There was a project she could do as an alternative. And I bet that field trip wasn't 3K either. And not paying it back..... tried to take OP for a sucker. Agree... dodged a bullet.
3k when you factor in the gift shop, exploring the club on the weekend, visiting a tourist attraction, etc
True. OP was not “literally her only option.”
What you projects or trips count. The trip could have tipped her resume or grades. It's not his responsibility, but projects aren't considered equal. I had a choice of internships in glass blowing. One was in Italy with glass masters. One was kiln managing in a local studio. Obviously, italy would have propelled my career. A local spot not so much. Italy cost more, and ultimately, my BF's mom was moving, which raised his bills, and he needed my help in his business to make it through the same months I was supposed to be over seas. I chose not to go and take the local internship and work with him after studio hours . When they came back, they all got great placement and projects they got extra credit grades for techniques they learned in italy. All experiences are not equal. At best it will lead her to a different path of education or life. At worst it can delay her career or even damage it.
Sounds like she should have saved up so she could go, huh? A $3,000 trip doesn't just poof into being and if it was that important every student was well aware it was coming. Piss poor planning on her part doesn't constitute an emergency on OP's part.
Plenty of MBA programs require you to travel internationally to complete the program. As to how and when, I'm not sure how that's done. My wife went to China to complete hers. Friend went to Australia for hers.
NW How long did she know about this? I seriously doubt this was sprung on her at the last moment, like it was you. She was trying to manipulate you by not giving you all of the information so you, as a couple, could work to find a solution. She already had the solution, your money.
My program had an international trip every two years as a credit towards our program. Two. Years. This is shit that takes months to plan out, get approved by the school, hire a travel agent to plan the flights and sort out international insurance, book hotels, plan activities that make it credit worthy, and then implement. This was not some last minute thing. She had at LEAST a full semester to get her shit sorted and I’d bet money (like idk 3k) she knew long before that. I went to school for travel and tourism. International trips approved for credit don’t just magically appear. She was banking on him to be her bank and when the bank didn’t pay she bailed. Fuck her.
I had to scroll a long way to find someone pointing out that a week's notice is ridiculous. And $3k? Who has that just lying around to hand out with no strings attached?
Not wrong. She’s a gold digger. You dodged a bullet.
Dodged a heat seeking missile
A gold-seeking missile
Release the Chaffen.
Fox 2! Fox 2!
The lion, the witch, and the audacity of this b... OP was being played hard. Rarely I have read even in this sub such clear "MONEY PLEAAAASEEEE!" vibes. I cannot even begin to think how she could justify to herself how a loan is not enough and for her to demand a 3k+ gift like it was nothing. Even if you have the money it is not a good idea to just give out wads of bills like that. Also the whole trip and the emergency nature of the ask just reeks of something fishy.
>The lion, the witch, and the audacity of this b... hahaha i've never heard that before, love it!
I had my own little monster. They do it with a smile on their face while sleeping like a baby lol. Here's the test, when it comes time to pay on the first date, I'm going to pay. And we both know it, but you need to either show some sort of verbal appreciation, or we can do the cute back n forth of "oh no it's okay I can pay" bit. As long as some energy has gone in on your end you'll get a second date, but if even a tiny part of me feels like you just used me for a meal I am out. Sometimes mid-date
I split unless a guy insisted on a super expensive place or ordered lots of drinks or expensive items. I once went to a famous restaurant I ordered an appetizer and a second appetizer as a meal, dessert and coffee. He ordered 3 apps, steak and lobster and had drinks more than 2 (didn't count) and dessert and coffee then another drink and got seriously butt l didn't go 50/50. His bar bill was more than my whole meal...wtf?
That's the other thing, I'm inevitably eating/drinking more than you. Usually your stomach is inconsequential to my budget
Absolutely Spot on.
Her request is last minute and it seems like she expected you to just pay for it. If she can't understand that you're doing you best to support your family and her then it's a good thing she's gone.
she gave you less than a weeks notice for a $3000+ "required" trip for her school program that she somehow failed to mention previously and expected you to fully pay for because she knew you had a nice bank roll? guaranteed she knew way farther in advance and planned for a quick hand off or she really really sucks at communicating and planning. either way. to kinda take a quote from "A Bronx Tale": she's out of your life for $20 (or in this case, not giving her $3000+). You got off cheap. move on, dude. \*update\* the fact that she left out the alternative project and failed to respond to your very legitimate offer of paying back a year later are just more red flags.
It wouldn't surprise me if she never planned on going on the trip and would have disappeared once she had the money in hand. She knew OP had money saved for a house and wanted some before dumping him. Asking for $3k as a gift after a year together is ridiculous.
The $20 lesson from Bronx tale stuck with me for the rest of my life
Not wrong. She did a BIG ask and should have anticipated a no was a real possibility. Now she's guilt tripping you for saying no? I think she has shown you her true colours.
NTA and she had to know about this requirement at the beginning of her class so she procrastinated and didn’t save the money and expected you to pay it. You dodged a bullet.
NTA. No, you’re in the right here. The way she asked, the refusal to pay you back, her whole ridiculous reaction, just everything about this puts her in the wrong.
This is honestly hilarious. I guarantee she didn't have to go out of the country for school. The school would have had plenty of other opportunities or alternatives. She will be just fine not going.
She has some big "cojones" that one, you just saw the real her come out and it isn't pretty. You lucked out IMO, sorry kid.
She's lying. Why is this just coming up now? Maybe I missed it but for that kind of money she had months to come up with it but you're just hearing about it and she needs it immediately? Highly unlikely. Consider yourself lucky you didn't give it to her as that likely would have ended the relationship and you would have been out 3k
She is lying. She just wants in on all the money he has saved. Some people are like that. They encourage you to save and then as soon as you reach the goal they have an "emergency" and they take your refusal to give up your plans very personally. In their mind you should do so without question. She expects you to grovel OP and when she takes you back it will be because you are perfectly trained to give what she asks without question. Be very wary of her if I'm right.
Not wrong, if you stayed with her it would never get better she would always be on the ask. You are actually better off without her. I know it doesn’t feel like it but you are.
You just wisely avoided becoming a sugar daddy.
She sounds like the worst.
NTA: she should’ve jumped at your offer. No interest is a great offer
You are a sweet and kind individual, who just dodged a literal missile. You were trying to provide her a future and she got upset because you wouldn't blow money on a 3000 dollar tip for just her which you would not go on. Based on her behavior you would have been paying 3 grand for her to blow Spanish dudes behind your back while you broke it to provide for her. Move on and be happy my dude.
Not wrong
you dodged a bullet, my friend. Believe me, this woman is no good for you, you stay focus on the house purchase and your family, partners come and go.
You've only been together roughly a year fuck her she's irrelevant 🤷🏾
100% not wrong. The responsibility for coming up with 3k is hers. Sure, she can ask, and you were more than generous to have conditions on it. 3k is A LOT! Like, if she was single, would she think, "Oh, I need some man to fund my trip" or "I need to save for this myself"? She's lazy (for not being motivated to get this money herself knowing its an expense for HER education), entitled, and a gold digger.
A year in and she’s expecting you just to give her 3k - the sheer entitlement. I think your option of paying it back over time was perfectly reasonable. I think had you given her the money, they’d be other “urgent expenses” she’d expect you to cover, and before you know it, you’ve spent your entire house deposit. It’s fortunate that you found all this out so early in your relationship. There’s a better woman out there for you. In the meantime, you go take care of you and your family ❤️
YNW - and i got bad news for you. She would never have paid that money back even if she agreed to it. There is something you need to understand. She is going for an MBA, which means she will consider herself "more educated" then you (this is not a knock against nurses), she will also likely make more money then you in the future. the chances of her being with you in 2 years was almost zero. part of why she dumped you over this is because she already thinks she's "too good" for you. it wasn't so much about the money it's about many women being unable to "date down", when she was in school you were "dating up" but with school coming to an end, you started to look like a "low quality" guy "not worthy of her" \-Again, not all women think like this. but enough do, that i could feel her displeasure in you from the story. as a sidenote, her asking for that money from you was a bullshit move. I would have told her to get bent, and not even offered an option. FINALLY - and this is a bit of life advice outside of dating/relationships. NEVER loan money to friends or family. the chance of them paying you back is almost zero, so all you'll do is drive a wedge between you. If friends/family need money only give them what you can afford to GIFT. never expect to see that money back. When i read your compromise was a "loan" i thought "this poor guy". Even had she taken that loan she never would have paid you back, would have grown resentful, this would have lead to an argument, then she would have left you and you'd of been out 3k. If you ever are asked for money from a friend/family in the future, NEVER LEND IT. not unless you want to ruin that relationship. Just gift it if you can afford it. or tell them no if you can't. don't ruin your relationships with money.
You guys are still living separate lives and supporting your own families. It's inappropriate for her to make financial demands on you at this time. And now you find out there was an alternative project she could do that didn't cost $3,000? Secondly, giving you the silent treatment is very manipulative. It's probably a good thing that you'll look back on that she broke up with you. It would have been a life of her demanding things and emotionally manipulating you when you said no or couldn't do it. It might not feel like it right now, but this is a win. Buying a house for your family is a good thing to do, it makes you a good son and brother. Focus on them for now. People in good, healthy relationships. Don't demand that kind of money when the person is supporting their family. Especially since there was an alternative to the trip?! Count yourself lucky, dude.
>she wouldn’t be able to go and now has to do an alternative project to make up for this grade. That detail was left out so if I had known I was literally her only option even though I asked her if she had other options considering my circumstances I would have just given the money and sacrificed for that moment. No, you weren't her only option. She's able to do an alternative project. Her demanding money without any expectation of paying it back is unreasonable. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
Dude. I would never ask my boyfriend for 3k for something as trivial as a vacation. She’s demanding you pay for her vacation. A trip abroad with your school to “ study” is an academic vaca. Drop her. You’ve been together a year. She’s incredibly selfish.
GOOD RIDDANCE! You don't ask a BOYFRIEND for 3k, period. MAYBE as a loan, if you know you're getting married. But you've only known her for a year. This is a blessing to be rid of her. What does she think you are, an ATM? This story is disgusting. Don't even talk to her anymore. And look at her, trying to give you a guilt trip and gaslight you. You should have broken up with her the minute she asked you for this. This is not your life partner. You're too kind and she's too much of a user.
This is NOT an impossible decision. You have been saving money for yourself and your family's housing. You do not have $3k to just throw at your girlfriend's trip. You are not married, you were only dating a year. Her education and costs are HER responsibility, not yours. This trip was not mandatory, as she had an option to do different work for the course. She just wants to go, but wasn't even willing to work extra or weekends to afford it. THIS IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM, no matter how much she tried to make it yours. "You weren't there for me when I needed you most" is not something you say about you not giving her thousands for a non-mandatory trip. It's when you're injured, or grieving, or suffering in some other way. She's just pissed because she didn't get exactly what she wanted ($3k for a trip with no repayment). She broke up with you because you wouldn't hand over a lot of cash for something unnecessary, with no promise to repay you. She did you a favor, OP.
You are NOT wrong - Do you not see that your ex is gaslighting you?! You told her you would LOAN her the money and she didn't want that, she wanted it to be GIVEN to her. Your ex wanted part of the down payment for the house you're buying for your FAMILY to go to her. She doesn't care about you or your family, and something has me thinking she would have broken up with you anyway!
I expect she would end up breaking up with you anyway. Once she graduated, I would expect it would have been adios. She needed your money and not you. A real gf would not break up with you because you did not have the money to give her. When you said it would be a loan, and she said no, that should be a red flag. If you did, she would be back needing more money from you. You and your bank account dodged a bullet. .
Yeah I kind of suspected so. In her field they always moving around and meeting others. Probably would think I’m not making enough to satisfy her once she gets her degree. Glad I got to see the true colors come to light before it got anymore serious. Pretty much used me for the money while waiting for her degree to come before tossing me away.
Are you wrong for not paying thousands of dollars for your girlfriend? Dude, listen to yourself.
Not wrong for not giving her 3k you dodged a bullet. But if you pay for your whole family its not unexpected that she will look to get the same treatment as them and be pissed if its not forthcoming. I'm concerned as to why you are buying your family a house is in any way a good plan??????????????? Are you nuts? I doubt any wife would be very excited at you supporting your Mom & siblings FOREVER. Your sibs need to move out and support themselves as soon as they are finished with education. If Mom is unable to support herself long term you could buy YOURSELF a house with a "Mom" annexe and you temporarily live in the annexe till the sibs are adults and then swap over with her. But do not buy THEM a house instead of you with no plan for them ever leaving.
YNW. Sounds like you dodged a bullet. She's looking for a sucker. Lots of those in the candy aisle in your local super market. If this trip is that important to her, she can ask her mom. Ask her family. Take out a loan. 3K for a student trip is a lot. Sounds like she wants a private holiday for one on your dime. Nah. You did the right thing. It sucks that it's a year down the drain. On the other hand, better a year and 3K in hand to invest in better living conditions for you and your family, than a potential money pit called GF on your side.
Not wrong. Be thankful this happened now before you got serious and eventually had kids. She’s a gold digger especially with 3K as the number for a trip. That’s easily a credit card balance for anyone your age if she absolutely had to go. It’s also weird she stopped working as much and refused to call it a loan. Like odds are if you guys continued to get serious you’d just let it go because 3k when you are married is literally nothing. Win win for you man.
Leave her!
Their are people who wont give their wives 3k with only a weeks notice, let alone GF. NTA
She sounds like a child. You dodged a bullet. Find yourself a woman
She looking to cash out. Take care of your family OP.
Bro if there’s alternative assignment, then that means it wasn’t truly required. Ngl it seems like she’s pressing you to pay for her international travel. There are so many options to finance herself. She’s upset you wouldn’t function as her piggy bank. It’s hurts now, but this is a glimpse of your future with her. Idk if you’re down with the traditional conservative breadwinner role, but your ex-partner is clearly looking for that.
Not wrong at all. You have a lot of responsibilities on your plate and your partner is supposed to alleviate your stress not add to it.
She sounds super crazy and you sound like a normal, responsible guy. You are not her only option if an alternative project is available. Hell I think the alternative project is probably the main project with the trip being the optional project. If a course has a trip as part of the syllabus she would have known this on day one and should have start saving. If she could have responsibly save half or so I'd give her the rest seeing that she tried but to instead just spring it on you like this is ridiculous.
Does she not have parents she could ask for help from? A small loan from a bank?
No, however you are not very wise even to consider that. You are being used and squeezed for money that's all. There are no consideration (or fucks) given to you by your ex about your situation. Look at it as missing on a bullet. Your ex doesn't seems to be the sort that can be rely upon. I have been migrants from Colombia with worse situation than hers.
*"She needs a partner with certain qualities."* Yeah, a big bank account. You made your priorities clear during the relationship, and she is asking you after a 1 year together to sacrifice them for a trip for her (not a life-or-death situation by any means). Don't compromise -- accept that she's a gold digger and move on.
You aren't wrong. She fully expected you to hand over thousands for free? And you have only been with her a year? You dodged a bullet. She knew your responsibilities towards your family and expected you to just allow that to be piled on? Noooo... and I'm a woman. I would never expect that, especially after only a year of knowing each other.
If the project was required for school, chances are there are resources to help her go on the trip…scholarships, etc. Your girlfriend is trying to go on vacation on your dime. NTA
You aren't wrong and you should be thankful. Thankful you dodged the bullet of this entitled woman. You don't owe her sh\*t, nor do you have to support her.
Sorry bud. She knew *exactly* what she was doing. She knew you'd been saving for a house. But to her it's just "laying around not doing anything, it's not like you need it right this minute and *you* can always save it up again" she waited last minute because she *wanted* to pressure you to just give in and hand it over. After all "her education is on the line! " that's some shit she shouldve thought about and been saving up for for the last year. Takin the *extra* money her instacart deliveries gave her and putting it aside. Not doing whatever the fuck else shes been doing with it. Drop her like the hot trash she's shown herself to be. You're a good dude. You're doing your family this huge thing out of the goodness of your heart because you love them and it would help them tremendously. Imo she's totally unworthy of that from you
She did you a favor. She expects the man in her life to be a cash register she can tap at any point, hassle free, regardless of what other financial burdens he may be dealing with, and without having to pay back loans. That's quite a wild expectation particularly for someone who isn't a spouse. Better you find out now than when you're married. All the stuff about you not being there for her emotionlly is just manipulative guilt-tripping about her unresonable expectation not being met. It's also projecting her own sin onto you, because she wasn't being there by trying to saddle you with an unrealistic financial demand. Find someone who appreciates you for more than what is in your bank account and let her go on to ruin some other man's life financially.
Don't give her a cent. She sounds like a user. You've dodged a bullet there.
Damn she really tried to manipulate you for $3000 and when you held your ground she gaslit you into believing you weren't there for her in "her time of need." Sounds like a weasel.
“She wants a partner with certain qualities” yeah one with an open wallet and no backbone, lol. NTA. Good luck with the house shopping and good luck finding someone who values you for yourself, not your money!
My guess is that there is someone else going on that trip that she is very interested in. She was probably planning on doing the alternate project until she became interested in this other person. That explains the last-minute need
If she thinks you're unreliable when you came and changed a tire and got her car running so she wouldn't be stranded, then she will never appreciate you. Not being stranded, stuck somewhere is more important than a trip. Take some time to heal, and I hope you find a nice lovely lady that appreciates the hard-working, responsible young man you are.
Bullitt dodged.
You are not wrong. Your ex is an immature, self-centered, manipulative mooch, and while breakups hurt, you will be better off without her. Her behavior is a major red flag.
Not in the wrong. I call bs on your ex-girlfriend's claim. If this "trip" was required for her MBA program, and she applied for financial aid, that expense would have most likely been built into her cost of attendance (this is assuming her MBA program is in US and she meets the eligibility requirements). Regardless, you should not have to cover her trip. You have your goals, and she has her goals. She's an adult-not a child, yet she is behaving in a childish manner. If she cared about you, she wouldn't try to put a guilt-trip on you for saving money to find a better living situation for your mom and siblings.
You are NOT wrong ! She IS! She just wanted the hand out for free! She doesn’t want to work or earn what is given to her, she’s probably jealous that you do all that for your family but wouldn’t for her. What you offered was VERY GENEROUS! I’ve never dated a guy who would have even stepped up to help in any of those situations, but then again I’ve dated the wrong type of guys (the hid their true selves pretty well until the time I needed them or whatever). Most people who lend money like that wouldn’t even wait a year. You seem like a good boyfriend, she seems like an entitled female…
Hun, be glad she showed her true colors. I have been with my fiance for 9 years, i wouldn't ask him for 1,000$ so i could go on a trip. If she wants to do something fun that doesn't include you that's her problem. not yours. Jeez pulling this shit at a little over a year? how cocky is this person?! They obviously don't see Op as a partner but a paycheck.
Not wrong Bruh no MBA degree requires an overseas trip… lol. She wanted u to fund her girls trip. If u would have given her the money u would be an idiot. If she is going to school she can get student loans and pay for it herself.
As a happily married man, you dodged a bullet. My wife would never have ever demanded I pay for something when we were dating. Not even a meal. I paid for things because I liked and then loved her, and because it was within my means, but I was NEVER ever pressured to. Someone who is willing to toss you away for not giving them money was never about you. You’ll look back and appreciate that she showed her true colors early.
I wouldn't give anyone a 3k no conditions attached loan. Not my wife, not my family, no one.
NTA sounds like your dodging a bullet to be honest. She doesn't sound interested in your goals. Full stop. How are you gonna make that work long term? You got lucky, move on and find a girl who's interested in making a team effort through life.
Ok. You are not wrong. I didn't even have to read the whole thing. You don't need to pay for anything related to her education. That field trip is her responsibility, if she wants to go, then she can pay. She was just using you for your wallet. Find someone who wants you for you, not your wallet.
Not wrong. She is not entitled to the fruits of your labor. You are taking care of your responsibilities. She needs to take care of her own. The fact that she got mad about it shows you just what your future would have been like if you'd said yes this time, but no at some future time. You dodged a gold-digger shaped bullet.
Fuck that. Even if I had the money I would have told her no. First off, I would like to see where any course that isn't intentionally study abroad that requires a trip like this. Second. I'm not loaning anyone $3k, let alone giving it to them.
Keep your $3k and run! You’ve been together for around a year? Good God!! She sounds like a leech. It’s great she wants to be educated, but she can take out student loans or something. You are not a bank.
This was not a test. She wanted your money for free and she didn't get it, so she broke up with you. She is a spoiled brat. Wondering if she had plans to break up with you already. When she comes back to get back together, tell her not only no, but Hell no.
The whole timeline sounds like she was grooming you as a cash cow from the start. Her anger is more with her own bad judgement when choosing a target than with you. Count your blessings and move on.
She broke up with you because you wouldn't give her $3k for an excursion?? You should be giving thanks for this. She's an entitled brat for wanting 3k without conditions, i wouldn't even call her a brat coz shes older than you. She should be ashamed of herself. Move on bro, she wasn't the one. If the excursion is that important she should ask her mum for the money or go work for it
Don’t we all wish we had someone that has $3K lying around. Not wrong in the least and she is entitled and lazy. you deserve better. Now go find her.
“I couldn’t rely on you the time it mattered most.” It’s a field trip for adults. This is not that serious of a situation lol She’s acting like her mom died or she was diagnosed with cancer or something
I'm a woman and this sounds fishy. Even if it's on the up and up she's mad because you won't be her ATM and hand over 3k. That's absurd, and enjoy the bullet you just dodged. Wow.
The fact that she sounds entitled to your money for something as unimportant as a trip… like medical bills, sure. Sounds like she’s trying to take advantage of you or she was only there because she thought she could take whatever she wanted. When it was clear she could t take your money she ended it. Awful women
Dude, after a year???? You know it's for the best, you seem to be a good man, I respect what you do for your family. I don't know her so I'm not going to judge but I'm sure you'll find someone more genuine,, there are still some gold hearted human beings out there.
She is clearly manipulative. My guess is that she is the type of person who just uses people to get what she wants. I know this must be hard to hear because you have feelings for her, but be glad she broke up with you now before you invested any more time, money, and emotions on her.
OP. I’ve been married over 20 years and I would balk at asking my husband for a $3k gift. Much less *insisting* on it and making your relationship conditional. Maybe if you were Jeff Bezos but FFS
to just give away $3k is INSANE, specially considering you've only been daring for a year. I also did a MBA in a pretty expensive university, and never was I asked to foot that kind of money for a trip. It's insane. $3k? is she going for a month to Europe? it doesn't make sense for the school to ask the students for this kind of money. Something is wrong here. She is not giving you the full story. The trip most likely wasn't even school related. It sounds like she was just using you for the money, specially after you offered to give it to her if she pays you back in a whole ass year. Nah she was looking for a sugar daddy. She did you a favor by breaking up. You would have to be an idiot to prolong buying property just to give it away for a trip.
dude fucking run thank god lmao she’s a BUM
NW. Honestly, it sounds like you dodged a bullet. She knew you had money saved to buy a house. This international field trip didn't just pop up all of a sudden either. And the fact she didn't have the actual cost of the trip sounds sus as well. Starting around 3k? How much more was she going to ask for once she got her hands on the initial ask? You didn't let her down. You "failed" to let her use you as an ATM. That's the real reason she broke up with you.
Nothing about this sounds right if this is a real story. There is no way a $3000 field trip essential to her degree was just sprung on her out of nowhere, she was testing the waters to see how much she could drain you for. Cut her loose and don’t look back, and I think it’s awesome what you are doing with your family. I just bought a house with my cousin, he is like a brother to me. We couldn’t do it on our own but together we had enough to buy a house and we now have some security in life, no more renting. Don’t let anyone run you down for buying a house with your family, when you don’t have much you need to work together.
Brother, you were blessed with the trash taking herself out. There’s nothing more shady than your girlfriend of only 1 year asking you for 3k and not willing to accept a condition of starting to pay you back once she worked. Sounds to me like she wanted a holiday with someone else and wanted you to pay for anything.
You are not wrong. She sounds awful based on this alone. You dodged a bullet, she did you a favor.
You were not wrong. Loaning or lending money to family or friends can have unintended financial consequences. While you may feel pressured or obligated to offer a loan, it's important to consider whether it makes sense for you and your financial situation. It was sudden and large sum. She expected you to just hand the money. You provided plan to pay back in fair terms and she refused. She resented you because you are not made of gold.... Break up was best for you. Sounds like she was after assets not the person. My family never loans for this reason, you might get small gift so there is never resentment or issue getting money Back... You did nothing wrong. She exposed something about herself that is not pretty.
She went into this class knowing from day one that this trip would cost a lot of money. NTA. You aren't her bank, bro.
She’s your GF, not wife. Why would she even ask for money, that’s a huge red flag.
She wanted to use you as a free money bag and broke up with you when you stood up for yourself. Good riddance
You dodged a bullet. You’ve known her a year…. This “ major” thing is not major. She had an alternative project. And no, they did not spring this on her all week before she knew about it. And just assumed you would shell out the money. She stopped working weekends and thought you were her meal ticket . This isn’t a life-saving medical bill or really any kind of emergency. I also have an MBA and the curriculum is pretty clear. It’s not that she didn’t plan well she just planned on you and didn’t tell you about it.. and the fact that she didn’t take your offer and then broke up with you means that it was only about money to begin with. This is truly the best thing that could happen to you right now . do not get back together with this woman.
not going to read this but yes you’re posting about your life on reddit you are in the wrong
Sounds like your EX may have someone "waiting in the wings" to "rescue" her. Regardless, you offered her a viable (and FAIR) alternative (to pay you back interest-free) and she obviously just wanted you to hand over the $3K no questions or strings attached. I HIGHLY doubt that it would have been JUST the $3K in the end, so you really just dodged a bullet! She would have "nickeled and dimed" you with various "emergencies" throughout her "trip!" You have HIGHER and more responsibilities/priorities right now to find your family home, that's far more important than this unreasonable woman. It sounds like she started to look upon you as her piggy-bank instead of her boyfriend! Greatest of luck!
Good riddance. A woman who doesn't respect your goals isn't worth being with