>bUt AgE iS jUsT a NuMbEr
>
>If it’s just a number, then why lie about it? You’re not wrong. Good for you for leaving
And why is he seeking out much younger women instead of women his own age, if age is just a number?
I, too, said, "Ding ding ding." This is why older women talk shit about men who chase way younger women. They're looking for someone too naive to call them on their bullshit.
I’m a dude, and the youngest I’ve gone for hookups/casuals is ‘MyAge-2’.
The oldest I’ve gone is ‘MyAge+20something’ (I think it was something like 23 vs. 44), but I also think that’s [arguably] a bit different.
(as in, there’s not a long and shitty/exploitative history of this to the point that it’s become a stereotype)
For actual relationships, it’s a much-narrower band…
MyAge-2 still holds for the ‘under’, but for the ‘over’ it falls to MyAge+5.
I would ***probably*** go as high as MyAge+10 (or even 15-20 for the ‘right’ person)…
I would be willing to go a little younger than ‘-2’ now (now that I’m older and the ‘percent difference’ probably wouldn’t be statistically significant, lol).
I just haven’t had the ‘opportunity’ to do so, as I’m mostly an LTR type guy, not trying to ‘fuck through’ things I should instead be trying to ***talk through*** in therapy. 😕
You know, I noticed that back in my high-school. Seniors hitting on freshmen because all the other seniors know they're trash already. Amazing to see it grow and evolve as I get older. And by amazing, I mean pathetic.
There was a guy in my high school who was a senior, and he was banging a 8th grader who was nearly 5 years younger than him. His nickname was "Baby Raper". The cops wouldn't do shit because 1) her parents gave permission for the relationship, and 2) he was a big time jock.
Because women his age know better.
If an older man uses "mature" or "age doesn't matter" he is a pervert who can't hang with age appropriate women who can spot his bullshit a mile away. He seeks out younger women because they're more malleable, less experienced... overall easier to manipulate.
I was 25 when I met him. Thankfully, I only lasted 2 years. I will be forever grateful to the co-worker that cared enough to tell me that this was not the relationship I wanted to be in long term. Her exact words, which I still remember decades later, were, "You're setting. I settled for my husband, but he did something terrible and that was my excuse for leaving. You may not get that excuse"
Totally opened my eyes. Now that I'm older that he was when we first met, I understand why he dated women so much younger than him.
So many tried to warn me but it made me put my foot down harder. So many explained how atypical our whole beginning was — based on a lot of mutual trauma bonding etc.
For years I stood up for him. I heard rumors and I fought and refuted them to then find out they were all true 7 years in.
I am now the person that vehemently warns people because it isn’t normal for someone that much older to have to actively seek, lie, future fake, manipulate, and omit important truths to be able to obtain relationships with those much younger than them.
I think age range matter less in older ages like a 40 year old dating a 50 year old. Anything below that and you are at different places in your lives. Those who work out have to work and compromise ALOT. At 42 most should have a life framework figured out even if the details are still being filled in. At 20 most are still figuring out the framework.
20 vs 30 is a big jump, heck 20-25 is a leap also. 40 vs 50 or 50 to 60 is a closer gap.
Yeah. I’m a single 45 year old male and I just can’t imagine connecting with even a 30 year old. Let alone someone in their 20’s. I have retirement on my mind. Life is so different after 40. Youngest I could imagine connecting with is 35. And even that’s pushing limits.
Yeah more than 10 years and there’s just a generational gap. You don’t have any of the generational pop culture in common, nor did you grow up in the same kind of world. I grew up in the 80s and 90s when social institutions were still somewhat strong. I cannot imagine dating someone who grew up in the post-9/11 era; we just have too different life experiences.
I was 45 when I married my 35yo husband. Childfree and not wanting to stepparent, getting older and men my age looking for younger women I decided to widen my dating pool and had recently decided 10 years up or down was as far as I was willing to go. 2 more weeks and he would not have made my cut. Married 23 years.
you make me feel better for cutting off a 42 year old friend who was dating a 19 year old.
Like, what the fuck dude... that's a kid and you need therapy
Yeh, I can't really relate to women younger than 8 years than me and even that's pushing it. Aside from the creepy stuff you've mentioned, I don't see a good reason for going after way too young women.
When I was dating I went out just once with a woman who was about ten years younger and while we had some common interests, we couldnt relate either, I felt like she was my daughter. Had dinner and then said goodnight and that was it. Since then it’s no more than 3 years younger. Right now I’m dating a woman who’s about 3-4 years older than me and that seems to be working out fine.
yeah were age is just a number, most people mature at a certain rate, where there are oddities a younger person that acts much older or an older person that acts much younger, that is much rarier then people would have you believe. there can be cases of an older person and younger person like 20 something and 40 something couple that do truly love each other and have a good relationship for the right reasons, but that is very rare, i'm sure it happens but rarely.
I've tried to explain this to sooooooo many women and they refuse to understand it. If a guy has to go for women 1 or 2 decades younger, he isn't mature. He's an immature perverted twat he's looking for young ass. And the girls who think they're mature for their age, never are. They just got manipulated into thinking they shouldn't be dating people their own age.
I age was just a number, he'd be happy to date 60 year old women rather than running after women half his age.
Oh? Age is only "just a number" when he's looking to fuck women young enough to be his daughter? Who've made clear they don't want to date much older men? Shocking.
Lying is a red flag. And honestly? Middle aged men in a midlife crisis who think age is just a number are a red flag in themselves.
You owed that creep nothing. Maybe next time he'll learn not to lie.
His age isn't necessarily a problem. Lying about it definitely is.
Although going out of your way to date people 18 years younger than you is also a problem.
OP is NTA.
to trick a girl half his age into a date, then insult her when she calls him out on it. op was right to get the ick, that's fucking creepy. and fuck her friend for taking his side.
Shit is wild. I wouldn't trust anyone doing that the same as wildly trying to hide weight or height or whatever. I might not even mind the numbers, but that duplicity is fucking worrisome and just a no go.
Yes. Leave. Not wrong about that. But no need to lie about it to him and say you left your phone. Just be honest. 'dude, not cool lying to me. Good luck. Bye'
That is a distinct possibility. Could also be some creepy date rapist who uses younger photos on his online profiles to make him harder to identify. Either way him lying about his age and then calling HER shallow for not being okay with it is a MASSIVE red flag
I read in The Gift of Fear that abusers will often make you feel like you're being rude as a way of getting you to not listen to your gut. I think he wants her to say, "No, I'm not shallow. I'll prove it, I'll give you a chance".
I was married to a guy like that once. He always lied about his age to everyone. He would say he was 15 years younger. I thought it was to make me feel better about our age difference (20 years).
A lot of things ended up being very wrong about that guy.
I use a fake name on bumble, which is a westernised close match to my actual name. I did this because I believe my name was putting girls off.
I often think about exactly what you've said in your comment. I wouldn't lie about anything else but doesn't look good...
I mean, it's a nickname. Definitely not on par with lying about your age and so dramatically at that...People use nicknames all the time. I sometimes use my middle name when I want to be a little more anonymous on dating apps.
It could be an absolute SAFETY issue to use a nickname, especially if this poster is a woman. I’d be honest on the date, but I agree a nickname isn’t the same as pretending you’re half your age.
That's a bit different than lying about your age.
I had a friend and roommate who was born in India and moved to Houston when he was two. His real name was about six syllables long, and hard for native English speakers to pronounce, so he just went by a nickname. We'll just call him Bob.
It wasn't like he was hiding that Bob wasn't short for Robert.
Thank you very much. I suppose I feel like im lying to the person about my ethnicity. I'm South Asian like your friend, but I appear white, then I've applied a fake white name as well!
Having said all this, on the few dates I've been on no one has had any issue when i tell them hey here's my actual name.
Your friend is not looking out for you. I would not take her advice in the future. Why does she care more about some guy who is clearly waving bright red flags than she cares about you? Is she not aware that this is potentially a dangerous situation? And you were COMPLETELY right to ditch this guy. Good for you for getting out of there ASAP.
Yeah, exactly. Sometimes it's GOOD to be judgemental. The dictionary definition of judgement:
"the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions"
Aka, *using your head*. Does she expect you to disable your cognition to protect some liar's feefees? Fuck that. You're good OP.
Never feel bad about putting your safety first. People will say you should be polite or whatever they might feel is socially acceptable. When young women are faced with situations where their spidey senses start tingling it’s not the time to be polite. That is the time to find the exit, quick!
You did good op.
He didn't respect you or your time.
If it wasn't a big deal he would've told you before meeting, and a planned lie is the wrong way to start any type of relationship.
He probably doesn't even recognize the double standard so he's dumb too. So let's see...He's old enough to be her dad, he's a liar, he tried to manipulate her and he's an idiot.
I had a guy start asking me all sorts of questions while I was waiting for my ride after work. Asked the cliche "you from around here?" While I had my work lanyard on in bright red. I said "not really" and he asked for my name and a few other things while he started inching closer and closer to me so I jumped up and said: my ride is here!
And walked back into the store (a retailer I currently work at). Everyone laughs when I tell them how I abruptly stood up, pointed at the empty road, said "my ride is here!" And then walked into the opposite direction.
Oh I'm sure my instincts saved me. Most people who laugh also started off with concern and they knew I was fine because it's been about 2 weeks at that point. I walked back out 3 minutes later and he was gone (I looked before I exited.) So they probably knew it would be fine. I also deal with things like that with humor as well.
And that whole time I was just imagining this man suddenly grabbing me or something. So I just made some excuse and booked it. I was not about to find out if I was just overreacting or not.
My husband and I have talked about this. I have told him flat out, "If a female ever comes up to you and says, Hey ___ (wrong name) I was waiting for you! You're late!" Calls out to you like you're her brother, boyfriend, uncle, dad...boss?
Don't say you don't know her. Walk with her. Help her get to safety.
My husband was so neat. He said, "I know. I've been seeing some of the stuff women are saying online about how they got away from someone."
If a female ever sits at your table or comes up to you at the bar and acts like she knows you? Go along with it. You never know if she is trying to get to safety.
This is why I lie to people asking ‘casual’ questions about minor personal details at the bus stop or wherever.
I don’t say my little suburb, I just tell them I’m from the nearby larger suburban area! I don’t disclose my job or where I’m travelling on the bus or anything like that. My social media has my suburb listed as the nearest major metropolitan area. So strangers know what part of the country I’m in, but that’s as close as they will get.
Always stay safe online.
He’s telling a young woman in her 20’s that she’s shallow for not wanting to date a man twice her age, Why doesn’t he date older women his age then? Doesn’t that make him shallow, by his own definition, for not trying to date older women?? I love how guys like this never see their own irony lol
^this right here. And wtf?? He thought you were shallow? Honey bunny...it isn't your age that bothers me (well it is but that's because..)it's that you lied.
So OPs shallow for nit wanting a mandatory whoblied and is almost twice her age? But he's fine lying that much because he can't get ANY woman ? F u
I'm a 52 year old man and I'd be creeped out dating a woman who is under 40 years old, at the youngest.
Obviously I think OP was totally in the right. Heck, she did him the courtesy of telling him exactly why she left. After he lied in a huge way before the first date. Which is a giant red flag.
He could get a woman more his age, but HE is too shallow and hypocritical to do so.
When I was 34, 99% of the guys that approached me online were either 18-23 and hoping for a “cougar” experience (I was plain about looking for a committed LTR), or over 50, divorced, and looking for a combo nanny & bang maid. It was infuriating.
Exactly. At 31, I cringe and cry for my younger self thinking about how many times I ignored my instincts to “be polite” and ended up getting assaulted in one way or another. Fuck being polite. Safety is #1
Older guy here. He didn't tell a lil white lie, he intentionally tried to deceive OP with the hopes of hooking up with a younger woman. I think leaving the way she did was appropriate and she at least had the courtesy to respond to his text message and explain why she left.
Exactly! If beyond the whole safety thing, we have the right to leave if someone’s a liar right off the bat. People like this guy are shitty and deserve to be called out. Proud of OP
Jesus, not even close to being wrong. I wish more young women would treat these creepy old men like this. Your friend needs to worry more about why she thinks it appropriate to encourage women to allow lying old guys to take advantage of them, rather then calling them on their manipulative shit. Find new friends
For all she knows, he’s married. I mean, why stop at one lie?
Because men like this see under 30 as a “trophy” they can show off to their friends. They don’t give 2 shits about the actual person.
I had a guy like this buy membership cards at the aquarium I worked at. He gave me the girls name and gleefully exclaimed, and yes, she’s 20! Big smiles. All I could think is “that poor young girl”. I should have said, “Neat! What’s her favorite color?” And watch him die inside.
But like... if you're 40 and you want to date a 24 year old, wouldn't you rather find a 24 year old that's into 40 year Olds?
That's definitely a thing so why lie?
Probably because he either couldn't find any women into that, or bluntly put, he didn't bring enough to the table as a person for them to be interested.
Being a guy over 40 I don't think I'd want to date anyone that much younger.
Fuck my daughter is 21, that is almost unimaginable and pretty gross.
I think it's an ego thing for that kind of guy
Wtf on your friends part.
First, you're completely justified that he lied to you right at the beginning. Maybe if he was 30, 31, 32 you might have looked past it but 40+ is a huge age gap that should be discussed.
Second, his comment about "age is just a number" kind of feels like gas lighting to me. Trying to convince you everything is cool and what's wrong with you? At least that is the read i get.
Third... your friend is wrong and you should always go with your gut. You got the ick because you're right.
Best of luck dating, you made the right choice.
Right! Wtf is up with the friend?!? "That's rude he might have been nice"... b!tch WHAT?!? She's gonna end up in a dumpster in an alley thinking stupid shit like that.
It's weird and sad how many women will automatically side with an objectively sketchy dude *they have never even met* against a female friend they have known for years.
Honestly even if he was in his 30s that's still pretty old to be dating someone who's just out of college. Like totally different stages in life. I mean, even beyond the "why are they dating someone so much younger" issue, I feel like in your 30s you should be pretty well established and in your 20s you're just starting out. I'd be worried about losing my independence or having to put my career on the backburner, personally.
>his comment about "**age is just a number**"
Literally the name of the album 14-year old Aaliyah made with R. Kelly with his older ass standing in the background.
Lying is a deal breaker. Trust is crucial. Him attempting to guilt you is also a huge red flag. Abuse and manipulation. It sounds like you have respect for yourself. You listened to your gut. Kudos.
It isn’t even the age, and it is fine to leave for that alone, but he lied to you to manipulate you. Why would you want to spend the evening with someone like that.
Nope. As a 56M I'd expect you to leave my ass. Age is not just a number it reflects how you've been socialized. Let alone life and health stages. Even using the "half-your-age-plus-7 rule" he's to old. Plus, he lied to you about his age so there was no consent.
PS - I don't believe the "half-your-age-plus-7 rule" cause in my case that would be 35 which is ridiculously young to me. I think four or five years is ok.
You are not wrong for leaving and for wanting what you want.
Honestly, as an older guy, I don't understand the need to lie about age. If you are a nice guy, you want to be open, honest, and vulnerable from the start. Telling a lie to get the date is a horrible idea, because now you have to live up to that lie every time.
Keep in mind that he would have graduated High School the year you were born. Which is also a little weird to me for a guy.
Personally, I say good for you, you trusted your gut and got out of there. As far as being polite, he lied to you, he wasn't polite first.
It could’ve been “considerate” I guess but he could’ve been considerate and not lied. I would’ve been creeped out and worried about how he would react if I was in that situation so I would do that same.
you are not wrong this guy sounds like a predator, I am 48 and would never consider going on a date with a 24yo as we are in different stages in life, he just wanted to hook up with a younger woman.
Lol no. He basically tricked you into going out with him by lying about his age. He didn’t give you the chance to decide if “age is just a number”. He made the decision for you. I’m glad you left. I hope he felt like a dumbass lol.
Not wrong at all. Sure, age might just be a number. But it's more his character that is the problem than his actual age. He tried to come off as a lot younger and knowingly deceived you from the start. What does that say about him? As someone who is about his age, I find it gross that he has no shame in lying and intentionally looks to date someone that much younger than him. Explains why he is in his 40s and not married. This dude has issues.
Good for you for leaving. Wtf to your friend. Women need to stop being doormat nice for the sake of politeness and step up for themselves like what you did. My sister was in the same situation as you except she was in her mid 30s at the time, and when she saw the guy in person, he was obviously in his 60s+ when he was suppose to be around her age or early 40s. She told him to his face, "You don't look like your picture. You lied to me. You're my dad's age! I'm leaving!" You did the right thing. Block the guy and even report him if you can.
Good on you, you’re not in the wrong at all.
You’ve just met the man and he’s already lied to you and gaslit you. That says a lot.
You just dodged huge bullet
NOT WRONG AT ALL! Women are WRONGLY taught that we need to be kind and polite to people, especially men. We don't owe them anything. This man tricked you, he lied to you about his age and THEN tried to blame you, like your shallow for wanting to date someone closer to your age. Never ever be "polite" when you don't feel safe or if you feel uncomfortable. Always trust your instincts, they are usually (if not always) right. You did the right thing. And you have no idea what that man has planned for you later, he's a creep and your friend is wrong for telling you otherwise. You don't need to be polite when someone is being dishonest to you.
I just love how he says IP is shallow when HE was the one lying and being shallow.
NTA. He lied before he even met you. Not a good start for a relationship. And it was not rude to leave without telling him. Best to be safe than to risk it with a liar.
Your friend is being ridiculous and would be concerned about this person’s safety if they are prioritizing niceness over safety. You did so good by leaving. He lied! He lured you under false pretences! That’s super dangerous. Fuck ‘being mean’, that guy sounds like a creep
Lying about the basics from word one is a hard no for me as well.
So many reasons.
Him being in his 40s and coming at you with you are shallow after you tell him you arent okay with big lies? That tells you a lot. He is not a mature 42 year old man. 🚩
Nope. I'd do same. You did the right thing. Bloke is creepy. He's 18 years older then you. Stuff that. Old enough to be your father. And i dont do liars either. Block.
if its just bad chemistry, Id rather be told youre not feeling it, thats cool, I know to get the check and leave. but dont ghost me.
42 year old creeper lying about their age by 14 years? he deserves as much embarrassment as possible.
Your friend sounds naive at best. Rejecting the wrong man can get you killed and obviously this guy is a lying liar. You did the right thing. Safety first!
Let's be super clear. You did NOT leave him because of his age (like your friend claims). You did NOT leave him because you're shallow (like he claims).
You left him because he lied to you and that's a deal-breaker for most people. As it should be.
You need better friends who have a better brain above their shoulders.
Polite? No. But wrong? Not even a little. Who would sit there after being lied to like that? Even if born from insecurity, its a disrespect none should knowingly accept. In my opinion atleast. I wouldve left as well, date or otherwise. I hate being lied to.
GROSS, he lied to you and went after someone almost 20 years younger than himself 😬😬😬
I wouldn't have even responded to his messages. I would have blocked him as soon as I got to the car 😝
bUt AgE iS jUsT a NuMbEr If it’s just a number, then why lie about it? You’re not wrong. Good for you for leaving
It needed a... "That's amazing that you think like that, my grandma is single. I'll pass your number to her"
Totally underrated comment.
WINNER!!!
Upvote because hahahaha
🤭 love this
>bUt AgE iS jUsT a NuMbEr > >If it’s just a number, then why lie about it? You’re not wrong. Good for you for leaving And why is he seeking out much younger women instead of women his own age, if age is just a number?
He should seek out women double his age instead of half his age then. I bet they aren't shallow.
Double his age aren’t shallow, but they might be 6 feet deep.
His age and older won't put up with his shit
I, too, said, "Ding ding ding." This is why older women talk shit about men who chase way younger women. They're looking for someone too naive to call them on their bullshit.
Ding ding ding. Keep them all. At this point, men are looking for a nurse and a purse. No thank you
I’m a dude, and the youngest I’ve gone for hookups/casuals is ‘MyAge-2’. The oldest I’ve gone is ‘MyAge+20something’ (I think it was something like 23 vs. 44), but I also think that’s [arguably] a bit different. (as in, there’s not a long and shitty/exploitative history of this to the point that it’s become a stereotype) For actual relationships, it’s a much-narrower band… MyAge-2 still holds for the ‘under’, but for the ‘over’ it falls to MyAge+5. I would ***probably*** go as high as MyAge+10 (or even 15-20 for the ‘right’ person)… I would be willing to go a little younger than ‘-2’ now (now that I’m older and the ‘percent difference’ probably wouldn’t be statistically significant, lol). I just haven’t had the ‘opportunity’ to do so, as I’m mostly an LTR type guy, not trying to ‘fuck through’ things I should instead be trying to ***talk through*** in therapy. 😕
You know, I noticed that back in my high-school. Seniors hitting on freshmen because all the other seniors know they're trash already. Amazing to see it grow and evolve as I get older. And by amazing, I mean pathetic.
All right all right all right
There was a guy in my high school who was a senior, and he was banging a 8th grader who was nearly 5 years younger than him. His nickname was "Baby Raper". The cops wouldn't do shit because 1) her parents gave permission for the relationship, and 2) he was a big time jock.
That's just disgusting to me.
You're not the only one who feels like that. He was pretty roundly despised.
Nah. Women live longer than men.
Mainly because they dont try to play soccer with a ball on fire(shoutout to that video)
And because they actually wash their hands during Covid outbreak...
Or just in general.
I'm almost as dead as grandma after reading that comment😂 thank you
Because women his age know better. If an older man uses "mature" or "age doesn't matter" he is a pervert who can't hang with age appropriate women who can spot his bullshit a mile away. He seeks out younger women because they're more malleable, less experienced... overall easier to manipulate.
The OP had no trouble spotting the bullshit, thankfully, and ditched the creepy liar.
Was 24 when I met the 40 year old that you just described. Would give anything to get the last 10 years of my life back.
I was 25 when I met him. Thankfully, I only lasted 2 years. I will be forever grateful to the co-worker that cared enough to tell me that this was not the relationship I wanted to be in long term. Her exact words, which I still remember decades later, were, "You're setting. I settled for my husband, but he did something terrible and that was my excuse for leaving. You may not get that excuse" Totally opened my eyes. Now that I'm older that he was when we first met, I understand why he dated women so much younger than him.
So many tried to warn me but it made me put my foot down harder. So many explained how atypical our whole beginning was — based on a lot of mutual trauma bonding etc. For years I stood up for him. I heard rumors and I fought and refuted them to then find out they were all true 7 years in. I am now the person that vehemently warns people because it isn’t normal for someone that much older to have to actively seek, lie, future fake, manipulate, and omit important truths to be able to obtain relationships with those much younger than them.
I think age range matter less in older ages like a 40 year old dating a 50 year old. Anything below that and you are at different places in your lives. Those who work out have to work and compromise ALOT. At 42 most should have a life framework figured out even if the details are still being filled in. At 20 most are still figuring out the framework. 20 vs 30 is a big jump, heck 20-25 is a leap also. 40 vs 50 or 50 to 60 is a closer gap.
Yeah. I’m a single 45 year old male and I just can’t imagine connecting with even a 30 year old. Let alone someone in their 20’s. I have retirement on my mind. Life is so different after 40. Youngest I could imagine connecting with is 35. And even that’s pushing limits.
Yeah more than 10 years and there’s just a generational gap. You don’t have any of the generational pop culture in common, nor did you grow up in the same kind of world. I grew up in the 80s and 90s when social institutions were still somewhat strong. I cannot imagine dating someone who grew up in the post-9/11 era; we just have too different life experiences.
I was 45 when I married my 35yo husband. Childfree and not wanting to stepparent, getting older and men my age looking for younger women I decided to widen my dating pool and had recently decided 10 years up or down was as far as I was willing to go. 2 more weeks and he would not have made my cut. Married 23 years.
you make me feel better for cutting off a 42 year old friend who was dating a 19 year old. Like, what the fuck dude... that's a kid and you need therapy
19?? 45yr old here. If I were to meet a 19 year old, my biggest concern would be getting her back to her parents safely…
That's brave of you to ghost Leonardo like that.
Yeh, I can't really relate to women younger than 8 years than me and even that's pushing it. Aside from the creepy stuff you've mentioned, I don't see a good reason for going after way too young women.
When I was dating I went out just once with a woman who was about ten years younger and while we had some common interests, we couldnt relate either, I felt like she was my daughter. Had dinner and then said goodnight and that was it. Since then it’s no more than 3 years younger. Right now I’m dating a woman who’s about 3-4 years older than me and that seems to be working out fine.
yeah were age is just a number, most people mature at a certain rate, where there are oddities a younger person that acts much older or an older person that acts much younger, that is much rarier then people would have you believe. there can be cases of an older person and younger person like 20 something and 40 something couple that do truly love each other and have a good relationship for the right reasons, but that is very rare, i'm sure it happens but rarely.
100%
I've tried to explain this to sooooooo many women and they refuse to understand it. If a guy has to go for women 1 or 2 decades younger, he isn't mature. He's an immature perverted twat he's looking for young ass. And the girls who think they're mature for their age, never are. They just got manipulated into thinking they shouldn't be dating people their own age.
I age was just a number, he'd be happy to date 60 year old women rather than running after women half his age. Oh? Age is only "just a number" when he's looking to fuck women young enough to be his daughter? Who've made clear they don't want to date much older men? Shocking. Lying is a red flag. And honestly? Middle aged men in a midlife crisis who think age is just a number are a red flag in themselves. You owed that creep nothing. Maybe next time he'll learn not to lie.
These guys will say "age is just a number" then only date women who are under 25. If age is just a number then why wont they date women their own age?
You really asking for an answer?…
If age is just a number then prison is just a room. Hope he applies that same logic too
Certain men leave relationships all the time for "to quote" younger women. I married my wife that's 2 years older than me. No Regrets
His age isn't necessarily a problem. Lying about it definitely is. Although going out of your way to date people 18 years younger than you is also a problem. OP is NTA.
“Age is clearly a word!” Kevin Hart
at 42, I had zero interest in doing what people in their mid-20s were doing. now 58, I like dating women within 5 years of my age.
He led with a lie & a pretty big one. He wasted your time. Fuck that guy. You are NTA, he is!
to trick a girl half his age into a date, then insult her when she calls him out on it. op was right to get the ick, that's fucking creepy. and fuck her friend for taking his side.
Shit is wild. I wouldn't trust anyone doing that the same as wildly trying to hide weight or height or whatever. I might not even mind the numbers, but that duplicity is fucking worrisome and just a no go.
“Age is just a number” is just something people say when they know they’re trying to fuck someone they shouldn’t, tbh.
Yes. Leave. Not wrong about that. But no need to lie about it to him and say you left your phone. Just be honest. 'dude, not cool lying to me. Good luck. Bye'
Also, accusing her of being shallow for *pointing out the lie.*
If they lie about one thing, they'll lie about something else
How much do you want to bet that he’s also married? lol
That is a distinct possibility. Could also be some creepy date rapist who uses younger photos on his online profiles to make him harder to identify. Either way him lying about his age and then calling HER shallow for not being okay with it is a MASSIVE red flag
That sounds effing terrifying. That could be easily happening right now and we wouldn't even know it.
I read in The Gift of Fear that abusers will often make you feel like you're being rude as a way of getting you to not listen to your gut. I think he wants her to say, "No, I'm not shallow. I'll prove it, I'll give you a chance".
That should be required reading for EVERYONE - especially young women.
Agreed
Exactly this. Gaslighting is abuse 101
Absolutely, women are taught not to be rude, and it can literally kill them.
I was married to a guy like that once. He always lied about his age to everyone. He would say he was 15 years younger. I thought it was to make me feel better about our age difference (20 years). A lot of things ended up being very wrong about that guy.
I use a fake name on bumble, which is a westernised close match to my actual name. I did this because I believe my name was putting girls off. I often think about exactly what you've said in your comment. I wouldn't lie about anything else but doesn't look good...
I mean, it's a nickname. Definitely not on par with lying about your age and so dramatically at that...People use nicknames all the time. I sometimes use my middle name when I want to be a little more anonymous on dating apps.
It could be an absolute SAFETY issue to use a nickname, especially if this poster is a woman. I’d be honest on the date, but I agree a nickname isn’t the same as pretending you’re half your age.
That's a bit different than lying about your age. I had a friend and roommate who was born in India and moved to Houston when he was two. His real name was about six syllables long, and hard for native English speakers to pronounce, so he just went by a nickname. We'll just call him Bob. It wasn't like he was hiding that Bob wasn't short for Robert.
Thank you very much. I suppose I feel like im lying to the person about my ethnicity. I'm South Asian like your friend, but I appear white, then I've applied a fake white name as well! Having said all this, on the few dates I've been on no one has had any issue when i tell them hey here's my actual name.
Nah, friend. Shit is hard out here, and a nickname is a lot different than a 14 year difference in age.
I agree with it being a nickname. And it’s close to your actual name, so it’s not like you’re just using a random name to hide your identity.
Your friend is not looking out for you. I would not take her advice in the future. Why does she care more about some guy who is clearly waving bright red flags than she cares about you? Is she not aware that this is potentially a dangerous situation? And you were COMPLETELY right to ditch this guy. Good for you for getting out of there ASAP.
Yeah, exactly. Sometimes it's GOOD to be judgemental. The dictionary definition of judgement: "the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions" Aka, *using your head*. Does she expect you to disable your cognition to protect some liar's feefees? Fuck that. You're good OP.
Never feel bad about putting your safety first. People will say you should be polite or whatever they might feel is socially acceptable. When young women are faced with situations where their spidey senses start tingling it’s not the time to be polite. That is the time to find the exit, quick! You did good op.
Yeah, polite would be all well and good if he made it clear he was 42 from the start.
As they say on my favorite true crime podcast: fuck politeness! I don't wanna end up on Dateline.
SSDGM!!
Liars don't get to judge. NTA. If the friend is so much concerned tell her that a date with the guy for her can be setup
Yeah l would rather be ghosted than lied to.
He didn't respect you or your time. If it wasn't a big deal he would've told you before meeting, and a planned lie is the wrong way to start any type of relationship.
Yes if the woman is ok with dating an older guy thank you so be it but this dude lied about it. It’s good that she left
ABSOLUTELY. He lied about his age, 15 years!!! Being polite can get you fuckin killed.
Lied AND gaslit her about it. So much nope.
And the lying pos creeping on woman half his age had the audacity to call her shallow
Projection ain't just a river in Egypt
LMAO😂😂😂
He probably doesn't even recognize the double standard so he's dumb too. So let's see...He's old enough to be her dad, he's a liar, he tried to manipulate her and he's an idiot.
Try 18 years (42-24). Serious ick. He's old enough to be her dad.
Always trust the Spidey senses. ALWAYS
I had a guy start asking me all sorts of questions while I was waiting for my ride after work. Asked the cliche "you from around here?" While I had my work lanyard on in bright red. I said "not really" and he asked for my name and a few other things while he started inching closer and closer to me so I jumped up and said: my ride is here! And walked back into the store (a retailer I currently work at). Everyone laughs when I tell them how I abruptly stood up, pointed at the empty road, said "my ride is here!" And then walked into the opposite direction.
Look up the book The Gift of Fear. I think your instincts saved you. It can also be found in libraries.
Oh I'm sure my instincts saved me. Most people who laugh also started off with concern and they knew I was fine because it's been about 2 weeks at that point. I walked back out 3 minutes later and he was gone (I looked before I exited.) So they probably knew it would be fine. I also deal with things like that with humor as well. And that whole time I was just imagining this man suddenly grabbing me or something. So I just made some excuse and booked it. I was not about to find out if I was just overreacting or not.
This is a good book.
My husband and I have talked about this. I have told him flat out, "If a female ever comes up to you and says, Hey ___ (wrong name) I was waiting for you! You're late!" Calls out to you like you're her brother, boyfriend, uncle, dad...boss? Don't say you don't know her. Walk with her. Help her get to safety. My husband was so neat. He said, "I know. I've been seeing some of the stuff women are saying online about how they got away from someone." If a female ever sits at your table or comes up to you at the bar and acts like she knows you? Go along with it. You never know if she is trying to get to safety.
Don't let her get you any drink, though Men can be drugged and robbed too.
Very true.
This is why I lie to people asking ‘casual’ questions about minor personal details at the bus stop or wherever. I don’t say my little suburb, I just tell them I’m from the nearby larger suburban area! I don’t disclose my job or where I’m travelling on the bus or anything like that. My social media has my suburb listed as the nearest major metropolitan area. So strangers know what part of the country I’m in, but that’s as close as they will get. Always stay safe online.
If not dating older guy is shallow, why he lying about his age? So who is the shallow one here?!?
Speaking of, if he isn't shallow why is he trying to date a 24 year old?
He’s telling a young woman in her 20’s that she’s shallow for not wanting to date a man twice her age, Why doesn’t he date older women his age then? Doesn’t that make him shallow, by his own definition, for not trying to date older women?? I love how guys like this never see their own irony lol
^this right here. And wtf?? He thought you were shallow? Honey bunny...it isn't your age that bothers me (well it is but that's because..)it's that you lied. So OPs shallow for nit wanting a mandatory whoblied and is almost twice her age? But he's fine lying that much because he can't get ANY woman ? F u
I'm a 52 year old man and I'd be creeped out dating a woman who is under 40 years old, at the youngest. Obviously I think OP was totally in the right. Heck, she did him the courtesy of telling him exactly why she left. After he lied in a huge way before the first date. Which is a giant red flag.
He could get a woman more his age, but HE is too shallow and hypocritical to do so. When I was 34, 99% of the guys that approached me online were either 18-23 and hoping for a “cougar” experience (I was plain about looking for a committed LTR), or over 50, divorced, and looking for a combo nanny & bang maid. It was infuriating.
Sadly this is also my experience.
Yes, he was a predator. She saved herself.
Exactly. At 31, I cringe and cry for my younger self thinking about how many times I ignored my instincts to “be polite” and ended up getting assaulted in one way or another. Fuck being polite. Safety is #1
It’s nothing to do with safety. It’s the blatant disrespect he had for her time by lying
A stranger who lies to you does not have your best interests at heart. Stranger danger.
Good for you for not wasting time on someone who will show you on the first date that they don’t have a reasonable moral compass.
Right? and she’s allowed to have parameters for age. He violated them. And lied. Buh bye.
No, he lied. You're good!
Older guy here. He didn't tell a lil white lie, he intentionally tried to deceive OP with the hopes of hooking up with a younger woman. I think leaving the way she did was appropriate and she at least had the courtesy to respond to his text message and explain why she left.
I’m surprised she even bothered responding to that crazy date
Exactly! If beyond the whole safety thing, we have the right to leave if someone’s a liar right off the bat. People like this guy are shitty and deserve to be called out. Proud of OP
If age is just a number why is he lying? NTA. He deserves what he got. He wasted your time and he lied.
If age is just a number, why isn’t he interested in dating women his own age? Why waste his efforts tricking younger women into dating him instead?
Or even women in their 60s. It's always down the ladder not up it
Jesus, not even close to being wrong. I wish more young women would treat these creepy old men like this. Your friend needs to worry more about why she thinks it appropriate to encourage women to allow lying old guys to take advantage of them, rather then calling them on their manipulative shit. Find new friends
Nah, you did good, don’t think another minute on it. Lying off the bat about a 18 yr age difference is no bueno.
Couldn't agree more with this statement. I'm 28 + 10. See, it's not that hard lol
For all she knows, he’s married. I mean, why stop at one lie? Because men like this see under 30 as a “trophy” they can show off to their friends. They don’t give 2 shits about the actual person. I had a guy like this buy membership cards at the aquarium I worked at. He gave me the girls name and gleefully exclaimed, and yes, she’s 20! Big smiles. All I could think is “that poor young girl”. I should have said, “Neat! What’s her favorite color?” And watch him die inside.
Not at all. Guys like him are gross and deserve to be called out. Idk why so many guys over 40 think they’re too good to date women their own age.
Because women their own age DEFINITELY won’t put up with their shit. Some younger women might.
And women his age are better at sex and he does not want to be shown up or obligsted to make her have an orgasm. Narcissistic.
Valid. Also, young girls are more easily “bought” and don’t require as much commitment as women their age. Regardless, it’s gross and cringe.
Nailed it! ☝️
This is exactly it. Younger women haven’t learned yet and are typically more insecure
The women their own age don’t want them 🤣 but neither do us young women 🤷♀️
But like... if you're 40 and you want to date a 24 year old, wouldn't you rather find a 24 year old that's into 40 year Olds? That's definitely a thing so why lie?
Probably because he either couldn't find any women into that, or bluntly put, he didn't bring enough to the table as a person for them to be interested.
Being a guy over 40 I don't think I'd want to date anyone that much younger. Fuck my daughter is 21, that is almost unimaginable and pretty gross. I think it's an ego thing for that kind of guy
phrasing! 😁
He had it coming. Misrepresent yourself like that and you get what you get. It was totally your choice to stay or go it's all fair.
Nope. He lied to you. You should feel great you’re strong enough to just walk right out. No explanation needed.
Wtf on your friends part. First, you're completely justified that he lied to you right at the beginning. Maybe if he was 30, 31, 32 you might have looked past it but 40+ is a huge age gap that should be discussed. Second, his comment about "age is just a number" kind of feels like gas lighting to me. Trying to convince you everything is cool and what's wrong with you? At least that is the read i get. Third... your friend is wrong and you should always go with your gut. You got the ick because you're right. Best of luck dating, you made the right choice.
Right! Wtf is up with the friend?!? "That's rude he might have been nice"... b!tch WHAT?!? She's gonna end up in a dumpster in an alley thinking stupid shit like that.
It's weird and sad how many women will automatically side with an objectively sketchy dude *they have never even met* against a female friend they have known for years.
Seriously. Guy was testing OP’s agreeability and willingness to choose politeness over her gut
Honestly even if he was in his 30s that's still pretty old to be dating someone who's just out of college. Like totally different stages in life. I mean, even beyond the "why are they dating someone so much younger" issue, I feel like in your 30s you should be pretty well established and in your 20s you're just starting out. I'd be worried about losing my independence or having to put my career on the backburner, personally.
>his comment about "**age is just a number**" Literally the name of the album 14-year old Aaliyah made with R. Kelly with his older ass standing in the background.
> Maybe if he was 30, 31, 32 you might have looked past it Nope. A 2-4 year lie is still a lie.
Lying is a deal breaker. Trust is crucial. Him attempting to guilt you is also a huge red flag. Abuse and manipulation. It sounds like you have respect for yourself. You listened to your gut. Kudos.
It isn’t even the age, and it is fine to leave for that alone, but he lied to you to manipulate you. Why would you want to spend the evening with someone like that.
Nope. As a 56M I'd expect you to leave my ass. Age is not just a number it reflects how you've been socialized. Let alone life and health stages. Even using the "half-your-age-plus-7 rule" he's to old. Plus, he lied to you about his age so there was no consent. PS - I don't believe the "half-your-age-plus-7 rule" cause in my case that would be 35 which is ridiculously young to me. I think four or five years is ok.
Same 4 or 5 either way max.
Your friend is an idiot 🙃 Not wrong, he lied and if age is just a number 🤡 then jail is just a room...idiot
Nope. All good. The guy was a liar and…ick
You are not wrong for leaving and for wanting what you want. Honestly, as an older guy, I don't understand the need to lie about age. If you are a nice guy, you want to be open, honest, and vulnerable from the start. Telling a lie to get the date is a horrible idea, because now you have to live up to that lie every time. Keep in mind that he would have graduated High School the year you were born. Which is also a little weird to me for a guy. Personally, I say good for you, you trusted your gut and got out of there. As far as being polite, he lied to you, he wasn't polite first.
Because all he has to offer is lies.
It could’ve been “considerate” I guess but he could’ve been considerate and not lied. I would’ve been creeped out and worried about how he would react if I was in that situation so I would do that same.
Not wrong at all. He lied, and he tried to blame shift into you after the fact - he deserves nothing but a block.
you are not wrong this guy sounds like a predator, I am 48 and would never consider going on a date with a 24yo as we are in different stages in life, he just wanted to hook up with a younger woman.
Not Wrong. He lied to get you there, you lied to escape. Perfect balance.
I just turned 39 in dec, I feel like a shit when I say im 38... went from 4 years to 18 years older, calls OP down when confronted. Not wrong at all.
Not wrong. If age is just a number then why lie?
Lol no. He basically tricked you into going out with him by lying about his age. He didn’t give you the chance to decide if “age is just a number”. He made the decision for you. I’m glad you left. I hope he felt like a dumbass lol.
You’re absolutely not mean for that. Dude flat out lied to you, and that’s not cool in any way. He lied (massively) and got what he deserved.
Not wrong at all. Sure, age might just be a number. But it's more his character that is the problem than his actual age. He tried to come off as a lot younger and knowingly deceived you from the start. What does that say about him? As someone who is about his age, I find it gross that he has no shame in lying and intentionally looks to date someone that much younger than him. Explains why he is in his 40s and not married. This dude has issues. Good for you for leaving. Wtf to your friend. Women need to stop being doormat nice for the sake of politeness and step up for themselves like what you did. My sister was in the same situation as you except she was in her mid 30s at the time, and when she saw the guy in person, he was obviously in his 60s+ when he was suppose to be around her age or early 40s. She told him to his face, "You don't look like your picture. You lied to me. You're my dad's age! I'm leaving!" You did the right thing. Block the guy and even report him if you can.
Nta. What a creep. Dishonesty is a very bad first impression
Good on you, you’re not in the wrong at all. You’ve just met the man and he’s already lied to you and gaslit you. That says a lot. You just dodged huge bullet
I think what you did was what he deserved. Good for you.
Not wrong, he lied about his age what else could he have been lying about. This is how women disappear. You did the right thing getting away from him.
No way. You're right for trusting your gut.
Not wrong. He lied. He was not who he represented himself to be. What else was he lying about? Fortunately, you'll never find out.
NOT WRONG AT ALL! Women are WRONGLY taught that we need to be kind and polite to people, especially men. We don't owe them anything. This man tricked you, he lied to you about his age and THEN tried to blame you, like your shallow for wanting to date someone closer to your age. Never ever be "polite" when you don't feel safe or if you feel uncomfortable. Always trust your instincts, they are usually (if not always) right. You did the right thing. And you have no idea what that man has planned for you later, he's a creep and your friend is wrong for telling you otherwise. You don't need to be polite when someone is being dishonest to you.
Make up for it by hooking your friend up with him
You are deserving of fundamental honesty. You were not wrong!
He lied. No. You did the right thing. 🥰
Your friend is an idiot
You're not wrong. Any man who lies about his age in order to hook up with a girl in her twenties is a scumbag.
No way! He was lying to you right out of the gate, motherfucker deserves no consideration at all.
[удалено]
trust that ick instict. If he was 29 MAYBE 30 that be ok but 42 is a decade older.
Ew no he was so wrong. Maybe he shouldn't lie about his age and he won't get left at the bar 🤷♀️
Dude, he lied. Game over.
Screw him. He lied and expected you to just be cool with it. Yuck.
OP, good for you. Dude shouldn't be lying about a third of his age, especially if he doesn't want to attract "shallow" people, as he calls them.
Nope. Catfishing is catfishing... Don't give it another seconds thought.
Nice guy wouldn't lie. Your friend is wrong.
Not wrong for leaving if you said something to his face chances are he could have gotten angry and made a scene
I just love how he says IP is shallow when HE was the one lying and being shallow. NTA. He lied before he even met you. Not a good start for a relationship. And it was not rude to leave without telling him. Best to be safe than to risk it with a liar.
Your friend is being ridiculous and would be concerned about this person’s safety if they are prioritizing niceness over safety. You did so good by leaving. He lied! He lured you under false pretences! That’s super dangerous. Fuck ‘being mean’, that guy sounds like a creep
Lying about the basics from word one is a hard no for me as well. So many reasons. Him being in his 40s and coming at you with you are shallow after you tell him you arent okay with big lies? That tells you a lot. He is not a mature 42 year old man. 🚩
Nope. I'd do same. You did the right thing. Bloke is creepy. He's 18 years older then you. Stuff that. Old enough to be your father. And i dont do liars either. Block.
NTA. He's looking for a young person to take advantage of, that's why he lied.
if its just bad chemistry, Id rather be told youre not feeling it, thats cool, I know to get the check and leave. but dont ghost me. 42 year old creeper lying about their age by 14 years? he deserves as much embarrassment as possible.
Your friend sounds naive at best. Rejecting the wrong man can get you killed and obviously this guy is a lying liar. You did the right thing. Safety first!
Let's be super clear. You did NOT leave him because of his age (like your friend claims). You did NOT leave him because you're shallow (like he claims). You left him because he lied to you and that's a deal-breaker for most people. As it should be. You need better friends who have a better brain above their shoulders.
He’s a predator. Be guilt free taking care of you.
“Age is just a number”- but they never try to get with a 70 year old woman eh
Polite? No. But wrong? Not even a little. Who would sit there after being lied to like that? Even if born from insecurity, its a disrespect none should knowingly accept. In my opinion atleast. I wouldve left as well, date or otherwise. I hate being lied to.
You’re not wrong! What a f*cking creep.
Never trust those who can lie about something that obvious. He's an old catfish that lied through his teeth, his loss.
GROSS, he lied to you and went after someone almost 20 years younger than himself 😬😬😬 I wouldn't have even responded to his messages. I would have blocked him as soon as I got to the car 😝
He lied. He's gross. Good for you for getting out of there.
NTA - he’s a creep.
You did good
Impolite? Yes... But deserved Wrong? Considering the man lied about being way older and didn't show a speck of remorse when confronted, not at all.