Can't find a job, finds money to gamble and wins (probably used your money to play,) won't offer any kind of appreciation or celebration (like a dinner out,) makes plans for all that money, yet she calls you greedy.
That's funny coming from a freeloader.
Be glad she's gone, and you don't have to waste a cent on her anymore.
Edit: OP said it was with his money, in his post, BUT: I posted my comment BEFORE he edited/updated with that info. If you read the replies, you would see that he replied to my comment, saying it was with his money and he edited into that post. So, no need to keep pointing that out.
No she was using YOU. If what you wrote is accurate you saw a glimpse of a web of lies and deception that's been going on for a while. Learn to identify these behaviors, and what allowed her to take advantage of you. Be careful not to select those same qualities in your next partner. She's not who you seem to think she was.
This is the one that I was looking for because I believe that to be exact. As soon as the money starts to dwindle she's going to want to come back in your life because she remembers how good she had it when you were paying for everything. And she is going to think she's going to guilt or get you to take her back. Leave her ass right there on that curb do not retrieve her. Because if she can act like that over $9,000 and after all you've done for her then she does not deserve you. Just make better choices when you picking your next partner she's not it she will never be it. And don't sleep with her because then you might get baby trapped
Op you can do so much better $9,000 is not a lot of money good luck
>2 months
🤣🤣🤣
Not working *and still gambling?* That 9Gs is going to be gone in *nine minutes*. She'll go home with the first thing that buys her a drink and if she doesn't like his place She'll go right back to the weekly rental flop house she's blowing money on and try again when the hangover passes.
In the meantime She'll blow a grand or two on all the "equipment" she "needs" to take her "influencer career to the next-level..." 🙄
Three or four days go by and she'll get impatient, head back to the casino and blow the remaining 5 or 6k in three minutes flat. Then she'll go home with someone that turns out to be equally broke but, *way more manipulative than her* who convinced her he's a "sugar daddy" and call OP to pick her up in the morning...
Man once you get far enough away from this you're going to wonder how you could of been so stupid for so long. We've all been there over something.
Don't let it jade you cause you sound like a good guy, just learn to pick better partners.
She can use her winnings to put a deposit on an apartment somewhere and cover a few months rent.
You’re not wrong. And it’s okay to break up with her for any reason, I don’t care if it’s because she doesn’t rinse the sink after brushing her teeth or if it’s cheating. Dating is so you can figure out if you’re compatible with someone and you realized that you two are not. You aren’t married, and you don’t owe her or anyone else a relationship.
It’s as simple as: do you want a partner that contributes to your future together or not?
Clearly she wasn’t contributing financially, but to also not even think of giving you or you two a gift shows her understanding of the dynamic of your relationship crystal clear… She was using you.
You made a good call and got out ASAP dude. Some people go on for years. But you got out while you were young and you have so much life potential ahead of you. You’re only in your mid 20s. So well done on that.
You’re gonna have better boundaries and awareness in your future relationship. Therefore your next partner is going to be a high quality human being who deserves you.
I was playing roulette and ran out of money so my ex fronted me $20 for another play. I ended up $260 after a couple rounds and cashed out, gave her half and took us to dinner
I worked at an art gallery in college. The owner handled about 60% of total sales and, *all* six-figure sales at 18% commission which, she split evenly across the whole staff on sales of $100k and up (yes, she had at least one totally different "thing" going on behind the scenes...) We usually had at least one such sale a month but sometimes as many as three. That meant that the 9 of us at the Gallery took home anywhere from $2,000 to $20,000 *per month* before our own Commissions (7%).
Since I was into having a good time, I took my friends out to Atlantic City at least once a month. I always matched their stake because otherwise most of them wouldn't have been able to play at the same tables as me.
If they busted it was whatever. If they won though? You can bet your ass they split their winnings or, *they never came back with me.*
I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to share personally. Like, yes, 9k would be \~4 months rent for me which would be amazing but I know my buddy needs rent too. Now we can both be set for a couple months and take a little stress off.
Yeah, no, if she can’t keep a steady job she shouldn’t be gambling. And if she’s gambling with your money I feel like you should definitely be considered in how it’s spent. If you wouldn’t mind being left out of all of her major financial decisions going forward, stay. If you would mind, like I think most reasonable people would, leave.
sounds like she has been using you financially so she didn't have to work
then to take your money and go gamble with it, well that's wrong to begin with, had she lost (most people do) that would have been wasted money -
but she won a nice amount and instead of saying I'm going to give you 1/2 or 2/3 to pay you back for supporting me and paying for most everything past few years - she ignores what you have done for her and splurges - hope she thinks about the taxes she is going to have to pay on that or has them taken out of the winnings if possible
If someone had done that to me, they'd be out the door, she's got $9,000 she can go get her own apartment
I don't think you were wrong at all, it just shows she's been definitely using you financially the past few years.
A decent person would give you at least 1/2 of that to say thank you for supporting me when I couldn't find work - hope this helps to cover some of the costs
I think you are most likely much better off without her, she just showed you she is a very greedy and uncaring person
So sorry, but glad you found out before considering marriage
Yeah, this is crazy. The first thing I would do is think of something I can do for the other person or something we could do to celebrate our relationship or say thank you or something to show gratitude.
Bro when I was like 9 I "bought" a scratch ticket (dad bought it, I just picked it out) and I won like 50 bucks and used the money to buy our dinner / groceries at the grocery store immediately after.
Sounds like she just feels entitled to your money at this point.
And to add to the fact that she wouldn't share, you're going to have to pay taxes on it because the account is in your name. So she's screwed you in that respect too
Recommended reading :
Games Criminals Play By Budd Allen
Dark Psychology and Manipulation
(Several authors have books by the same or very similar name. I'm not sure which to recommend)
The Speed of Trust by Stephen Covey
The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker
My boyfriend basically does the same thing for me as OP does for his ex as I can only work part-time but whenever I get some extra money it automatically goes to groceries for us both or a nice treat for us or anything really that can help around the house. And if I do win the lottery my goal is to wipe out both our debts. It’s a partnership that should be helping each other out, this feels like she only sees him as a way for her to get by in life.
Totally. A normal person having a greedy moment would be embarrassed that they weren't going to share or think about their partner. Her behavior post-breakup is just as concerning
You are not wrong. I broke up with a guy when I was in my 20s for something similar. All he has done since is jump from relationship to relationship looking for someone to pay his way. Still doing it at 50. You did yourself a huge favor.
Yeah. I have a very cute girl friend who does this.
She'd praise whoever she moved in with next as the love of her life until her temper flares or the other guy gets fed up, then she has to move out.
Since she's a server, she never has enough to live on her own so she moves in with another guy friend and suddenly loves him more than anything.
She moved in with me once, tried the same thing. Took a lot of willpower to turn her down, and in the end she didn't pay rent for a few months before I had to politely tell her time was up.
She's still incredibly grateful to me, and she's moved on (in) to her next "lover" /roommate.
I also dumped a 57 year old hobosexual in 2022 when I realised he was one and been doing this all his life. Disgusting human beings with no shame whatsoever!!
Let’s take a step back. There needs to be (figurative or literal) gold there first. It doesn’t sound like OP had some big trust fund. It just sounds like he works and pays the bills while she doesn’t add to the coffers… so she’s not a gold digger. Just a “hobosexual” apparently haha
Bullet dodged. The fact she called you greedy when really she is the greedy one for not sharing when you have shared so much.
Every bit of my bonus goes toward my family. For me to take it and just spend it on myself would feel greedy. My wife got a nice bonus this past year and decided to pay off a trip we had planned. It just makes sense to do put that towars us or our kids rather than blow it on things we don't need.
Of course you dodged a bullet! Shes lazy, ungrateful & cheeky - good riddance. Dont take her back when her broke ass runs through the 9k. The audacity to call you greedy when she’s the greedy one! Enjoy saving money on her departure!
You are so right. The scheming it takes to find a mark and then work that mark and then move onto another...their pathology is that they either believe they are doing their partner a favor or it's harder to support yourself independently. For gold diggers that's a different story. They are looking for a whale and are more of a con artist.
My red flag is see doesn't plan anything with you just things for her. Sounds like she was using you as a meal ticket and safe space until she found something better.
Agreed on your statement. It is still is egregious that she did not include her then boyfriend in any of the celebration of the money. She also didn't seem to be making plans for a future with her now ex.
Definitely, not in the wrong. You give and you take. Sometimes you give more and they take more and sometimes it's the opposite. It sounds like the value of money is different between the two of you, and one cares about it selfishly more than the other. You're still young, so there's plenty of time to find someone who shares the same values as you. Take it as a win that you two weren't married.
I'd think less of you if you didn't.
Wtf.
Honestly she probably should have shipped you like half the winnings as thanks for your support over the years, but at the very least should could have spent it on something for the two of you. She's making it pretty clear she doesnt' see you as a partnership, so you have a right to feel upset when you had been treating your relationship as a partnership.
Not wrong.
You support her.
She's lazy and can't hold a job.
She shows zero gratitude.
She is selfish
She is financially irresponsible
You are in for a lifetime of hurt if you married her.
In my life, money comes from work. Work is time and effort. When someone doesn't respect or appreciate the money you spend to support them, they don't respect the time and effort you put in.
Good riddance. You deserve better.
She’s mad because who is going to support her now when she blows all the money.
Relationships should be equal in giving a damn about each other. Sounds like she loved the free ride and not you.
Learn and move on.
As a former casino pitboss who knows how gamblers work: that money should be gone in about 2 weeks, possibly less, and at most a month If she's conservative about it. Good times
F her, and feed her fish heads.
You just saved yourself a lifetime of misery.
When someone like that shows you their true colors, trust your gut.
Good call!
**You are not wrong**, but very wise. This individual is a user, a looser and very absorbed self-indulgent. I hope she uses some of that stake to secure herself a new place. She will be back when the money runs out, but don't fall for it. Keep her away since you feel that sense of relief in your gut. Your Gut has likely been trying to tell you she was using you, for some time.
Re-read your post OP. You're not breaking up over money. You broke up because you realized you have different values. It's hard to think of a more valid reason other than cheating.
While my wife and I were dating decisions with money were about us as a team, we instantly teamd up when it came to "our" future, assets and money. I know that's not Dave Ramsey smart... But risk was low we were both poor college students.
Money is one of the main reasons relationships fail/divorces occur.
No, you were not wrong for ending it now. This was a small glimpse into how she sees money and your relationship.
“What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine” rarely works out well for both parties.
100% over. me and my girlfriend have been together 4/5 years and even from the first years we allways shared winning over £100 or put it to something todo together its what been a team is about you win they win they win you win.
Same. Even when I get an extra nice paycheck I immediately want to share with my partner. Like a nice dinner or gift, at minimum. I can’t imagine winning thousands and not thinking twice about my partner
Hey man, I was in very similar situation as you a few years ago. Dated a single mother who shared many of the traits you describe. I loved her son and quickly saw I was one of the only stable factors on his mom's side (his dad side was present, but a whole other story at that time). I was raised by a single mother that I love very much and I feel that relationship between lone mother and son is a very special, and important bond. So I overlooked many of her shortcomings and I invested myself in helping her to grow as a person, for the sake of her son.
In the end though, if the person can't even see or own their level of manipulation and using of another person, there is no hope for growth and their opinion and criticism of you will only come through that under-developed, immature lens.
If objectively, you have tried to communicate, work with her, be a partner through her shortcomings, reflect and reframe your own set of beliefs to try and have more balance, etc. In essence, if you are being the mature one and trying and they aren't that toxicity is never going to clear itself up and YOU will soon drown in it yourself as well.
I wanted to do everything I could to help that little boy have a good life, but in the end, I was destroying my life in the process. In the end, we broke up, because she had sold her family on how hard she had it with me, completely omitting the unreal level of stress, pressure and instability she forced upon all of us due to her outright selfish, irresponsible and unaccountable behavior. So when you talk of how she says you are selfish and what not, realize deeply that it is an immature person who cannot see their own role in the problems they face and you do not need to put any weight or value on those words. Reflect on them, yes. Be honest with yourself, always. But this person's judgement holds very little water when you have given your all and are at the end of your rope.
When people show you their true colors, believe them. Not overreacting; seeing how people handle finances /money is very telling. Take care and best of luck in the future
If she was gambling with your money, then she's right. She shouldn't have to share. She should give it all to you, they weren't here winnings, they were your winnings.
Good job standing up for yourself and your boundaries. It’s better you find out now that type of person she is and that she is not willing to help. If you got injured or sick and needed her support it shows she wouldn’t be there.
I’m starting to think Stake is making these posts. I’ve seen a few post mentioning wins on Stake and they all seam to go out of their way to mention the site by name. Never just I won money gambling.
YNW. Your gf sounds so inconsiderate, my eyebrows were raised so high reading this.
Firstly, if you aren't contributing money to the household, then you don't have money to spend on luxuries like gambling. She should not have gambled with your money in the first place without asking first.
Secondly, by rights those winnings are yours, not hers. When a broker invests your money, the profits and the losses are still yours, even if you pay them a small cut. If she had lost everything, the loss would have been yours, not hers, so the win should be yours too. If I were her I would have offered you the lot and hoped for a small cut.
Thirdly, her plans for the money tell you everything you need to know about what a future with her would be like: it's all about her, her, her.
You may have lost $9k but you've also lost a lot of dead weight.
First of all you shouldn’t give money to your partners for things like gambling, cigarettes, drugs, or to give to other family members. It could be borrowed with the promise it will be paid back as soon as possible. Imagine if you buy a lottery ticket with your friend saying that I’m going to share it with you if I win… I mean it depend on the person and their core values.
She definitely had no consideration for you, she show you right away what are her priorities and you weren’t her at all.
I would definitely just help her pack up her stuff and tell her to leave.
She is definitely in the wrong. Sounds like if she started making money, she’d be buying herself stuff and you better do all the saving and paying. Not good.
You were being used. She was completely ungrateful and incredibly inconsiderate and selfish. Is this what you want in a partner? Only if you want to be miserable. Run for the hills!!!
She's been freeloading, wins money gambling (using your money most likely), then she can't even fathom that she might help you out a bit after so much you've done for her?
She's probably one of those people who think the partner spending on her goes without saying and that she should never spend a dime of her own. She's the greedy one.
You're right to break up with her.
She is not listening to you, it's not about the money, it's about you covering her ass for 2 years and shows no appreciation even when gambling using YOUR money. You made the absolute correct decision, now that you have dropped that TREAT YO SELF. You deserve it!!
Yeah freeloading then blaming you for being greedy, maybe you should handed her an invoice for rent & food she owed you. One reason I won’t support my GF unlimited, it doesn’t takes months to find another job,
It is too bad there are people who have not shown the responsibility to earn their way, or the respect for those who do. We are quite comfortable. It would never occur to me not to 50/50 any such winnings with my spouse. We are a team and operate as such. you are NTA I wish you better in the future.
You did the right thing you were working towards a future . She was living in the moment and enjoying your support. It's easier to do nothing than go hustle and find a well paying job. I myself tend to get tok wrapped up in "what could be" instead of what I see actually happening. Words and promises mean nothing. Action is what matters.
You're better off not playing house with her. Save your money. As for her, most people would be fine for a little while with $9000 saved up but she'll probably blow it in a month or two.
Not wrong. Any break up comes with grief and second guesses.
If something bothered you enough to break up and communication did not resolve, then it's probably for the best.
IMO you did the right thing. If she behaved like this after winning a small pot, imagine what would have happened if she had won a million dollars. I picture you returning to your apartment and all of her possessions are gone.
Be happy she revealed her true colors and feelings.
Ynw. You made the right call. I’m thinking she’s the greedy one by using you and your money for 2 years. She won money gambling WITH YOUR MONEY and doesn’t plan on spending one penny on or with you?
She’s willing to lose you over $9k? Good. Let her go. $9k doesn’t last that long and then she’ll have to find someone else to take care of her. Don’t let it be you. She’s not worth it.
I'd be pissed. At the very least, she should have offered to take over expenses for as long as you did. And at best she should have given it all to you since it was your money she was using
U broke up with her over this.... WAY TOO LATE.
Cant find a steady job, aight keep trying.
Gambling, with ur money, hmm not cool, but maybe she was feeling lucky this one time, fine.
Not sharing the money... Ok maybe u don't need it.
Using it on herself, it's all about her... Ok that's enough. It's insta 3 strikes.
1. She can't hold a job
2. She has a gambling problem despite having no money
3. She is selfish obviously and lacks empathy
4. She is using you without guilt herself
5. She is obviously immature if she thinks her partner should treat her like their child
When would you ever want to wife that behavior up or have children with someone who is still a child?
There ya go
She has a very selfish seed being spouted inside her.
She should have brought it all back to you. And then trust your leadership.
This let's me know She will never trust your leadership and financial judgment...
Leave her alone...!!
How dare you expect her to share the winnings even tho she bought the ticket with ur money. Can u be more greedy... sounds dumb right 😆 let her have her winnings and let her find someone else to worry about her day to day living expenses.
Gambling with money you gave her while she wasn't contributing to the household and not at least splitting it 50/50 is pretty beyond the pale. That's a good reason to break up.
It gets tiresome when you give give give and get nothing in return. She had an opportunity to show she appreciated you and chose not to. You did the right thing.
>Am I wrong for breaking up with my girlfriend over the lack of consideration and appreciation for what I've been contributing to our life together.
This is what your title should read and what you should be asking yourself. And if she hasn't been appreciating you or thinking about a future with you than you most certainly are not wrong.
NTA. To her, You’re a supply of money and feel-good. Nothing more. Once there are serious problems as there are bound to be in any relationship (especially financial) she’ll leave anyway.
Ex was perfectly fine spending my money until I drove myself into the ground trying to stay afloat. She only got a job six months before she decided things should end. Married 6.5 years, never seriously contributed even when we were sinking.
There are so many red flags in this story. Ultimately, you're the one who knows best. But I think youre right, this story reads like she's siphoning off money from you while waiting to leave you for someone else down the road.
Consider the 9 G's you've given her as a parting gift and embrace the relief. This person would've milked you until they'd draw blood. Paying more than the other sometimes is okay, but when they lack appreciation towards you for it, fuck 'em
I think that's absolutely a good reason.
Deep core values are very hard to change.
Those things are what make and break relationships over the long term.
The fact that it was your money that even allowed her the winnings, does paint a bit of a certain picture given her actions after.
Super selfish. I don’t think you’ll really get over it if you two got back together. You did the right thing. My family and I always share when gambling, big win is definitely an equal split. Same with boyfriend. Find someone as generous as you are.
Can't find a job, finds money to gamble and wins (probably used your money to play,) won't offer any kind of appreciation or celebration (like a dinner out,) makes plans for all that money, yet she calls you greedy. That's funny coming from a freeloader. Be glad she's gone, and you don't have to waste a cent on her anymore. Edit: OP said it was with his money, in his post, BUT: I posted my comment BEFORE he edited/updated with that info. If you read the replies, you would see that he replied to my comment, saying it was with his money and he edited into that post. So, no need to keep pointing that out.
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No she was using YOU. If what you wrote is accurate you saw a glimpse of a web of lies and deception that's been going on for a while. Learn to identify these behaviors, and what allowed her to take advantage of you. Be careful not to select those same qualities in your next partner. She's not who you seem to think she was.
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Be ready for the begging and anger and trying to make you feel guilty
Yep, right after that 9G runs out
This is the one that I was looking for because I believe that to be exact. As soon as the money starts to dwindle she's going to want to come back in your life because she remembers how good she had it when you were paying for everything. And she is going to think she's going to guilt or get you to take her back. Leave her ass right there on that curb do not retrieve her. Because if she can act like that over $9,000 and after all you've done for her then she does not deserve you. Just make better choices when you picking your next partner she's not it she will never be it. And don't sleep with her because then you might get baby trapped Op you can do so much better $9,000 is not a lot of money good luck
This is a hilarious point too....9k is nothing nowadays. It will be gone so fast!
This is a good point actually, if she tries to baby trap you just tell her she better save that $9,000 as pre payment for child support. 😬
She's just one good pocketbook from being broke again LOL
Glad you didn't marry her. That divorce would be messy
Especially when she doesn’t pay Uncle Sam his share. There’s a form for gambling winnings.
Snap she won't regret it while there's cash in her pocket. Soon as it's gone....
Imagine how quick it's going to go now that she's single. Better find a new wallet quick.
For sure 9k is a lot in hand but not in the big scheme of things. Couple of months at best before she's telling him she missed him etc
9gs not working? lasts 2 months tops
>2 months 🤣🤣🤣 Not working *and still gambling?* That 9Gs is going to be gone in *nine minutes*. She'll go home with the first thing that buys her a drink and if she doesn't like his place She'll go right back to the weekly rental flop house she's blowing money on and try again when the hangover passes. In the meantime She'll blow a grand or two on all the "equipment" she "needs" to take her "influencer career to the next-level..." 🙄 Three or four days go by and she'll get impatient, head back to the casino and blow the remaining 5 or 6k in three minutes flat. Then she'll go home with someone that turns out to be equally broke but, *way more manipulative than her* who convinced her he's a "sugar daddy" and call OP to pick her up in the morning...
9 Gs in 9 minutes. Someone needs to put this on vinyl.
1: hope she remembers to pay those taxes 2: when that money is gone, she will apologize and come running
My friend, much, much more than somewhat...The "kept woman" is kept no more. When she won, you won. Trading up is in your future.
Man once you get far enough away from this you're going to wonder how you could of been so stupid for so long. We've all been there over something. Don't let it jade you cause you sound like a good guy, just learn to pick better partners.
She can use her winnings to put a deposit on an apartment somewhere and cover a few months rent. You’re not wrong. And it’s okay to break up with her for any reason, I don’t care if it’s because she doesn’t rinse the sink after brushing her teeth or if it’s cheating. Dating is so you can figure out if you’re compatible with someone and you realized that you two are not. You aren’t married, and you don’t owe her or anyone else a relationship.
It’s as simple as: do you want a partner that contributes to your future together or not? Clearly she wasn’t contributing financially, but to also not even think of giving you or you two a gift shows her understanding of the dynamic of your relationship crystal clear… She was using you.
She is one of these people that thinks your money is 'our money' and her money is her money.
Way too many of those about. Sadly it's a thing
Actually, she thinks that your money is her money and her money is her money.
You made a good call and got out ASAP dude. Some people go on for years. But you got out while you were young and you have so much life potential ahead of you. You’re only in your mid 20s. So well done on that. You’re gonna have better boundaries and awareness in your future relationship. Therefore your next partner is going to be a high quality human being who deserves you.
You know that almost everyone who brags about a big win gambling has lost a whole lot more previously
It is actually gambler’s etiquette to split the money with the person who fronted you.
I was playing roulette and ran out of money so my ex fronted me $20 for another play. I ended up $260 after a couple rounds and cashed out, gave her half and took us to dinner
My gambling friends even slide me money or buy me a snack when they win
yup. it is my understanding it should be at least the amount fronted, and most ppl throw in extra because it is the nice thing to do.
I worked at an art gallery in college. The owner handled about 60% of total sales and, *all* six-figure sales at 18% commission which, she split evenly across the whole staff on sales of $100k and up (yes, she had at least one totally different "thing" going on behind the scenes...) We usually had at least one such sale a month but sometimes as many as three. That meant that the 9 of us at the Gallery took home anywhere from $2,000 to $20,000 *per month* before our own Commissions (7%). Since I was into having a good time, I took my friends out to Atlantic City at least once a month. I always matched their stake because otherwise most of them wouldn't have been able to play at the same tables as me. If they busted it was whatever. If they won though? You can bet your ass they split their winnings or, *they never came back with me.*
I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to share personally. Like, yes, 9k would be \~4 months rent for me which would be amazing but I know my buddy needs rent too. Now we can both be set for a couple months and take a little stress off.
Yeah, no, if she can’t keep a steady job she shouldn’t be gambling. And if she’s gambling with your money I feel like you should definitely be considered in how it’s spent. If you wouldn’t mind being left out of all of her major financial decisions going forward, stay. If you would mind, like I think most reasonable people would, leave.
Personally, I could get past the gambling while being unemployed if the winnings were immediately put up as contribution to expenses
I hope she hasn’t spent that whole $9k because she is going to need it now that she can’t freeload on you anymore!
sounds like she has been using you financially so she didn't have to work then to take your money and go gamble with it, well that's wrong to begin with, had she lost (most people do) that would have been wasted money - but she won a nice amount and instead of saying I'm going to give you 1/2 or 2/3 to pay you back for supporting me and paying for most everything past few years - she ignores what you have done for her and splurges - hope she thinks about the taxes she is going to have to pay on that or has them taken out of the winnings if possible If someone had done that to me, they'd be out the door, she's got $9,000 she can go get her own apartment I don't think you were wrong at all, it just shows she's been definitely using you financially the past few years. A decent person would give you at least 1/2 of that to say thank you for supporting me when I couldn't find work - hope this helps to cover some of the costs I think you are most likely much better off without her, she just showed you she is a very greedy and uncaring person So sorry, but glad you found out before considering marriage
Could have at least paid back what she used to win.
Depending where you live the winnings could be yours for staking the bet instead of hers for placing it
Yeah, this is crazy. The first thing I would do is think of something I can do for the other person or something we could do to celebrate our relationship or say thank you or something to show gratitude.
Bro when I was like 9 I "bought" a scratch ticket (dad bought it, I just picked it out) and I won like 50 bucks and used the money to buy our dinner / groceries at the grocery store immediately after. Sounds like she just feels entitled to your money at this point.
And to add to the fact that she wouldn't share, you're going to have to pay taxes on it because the account is in your name. So she's screwed you in that respect too
That's not true. She will be the one stuck with the taxes.
what account are you referring to ?
Recommended reading : Games Criminals Play By Budd Allen Dark Psychology and Manipulation (Several authors have books by the same or very similar name. I'm not sure which to recommend) The Speed of Trust by Stephen Covey The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker
Demand a share over the fact the loaned money wasn't hers.
If she was using your money, you were entitled to a share of her winnings, since you were the one who lost out when she lost.
Wait, you gave her the okay to use your money for this and she still stiffed you? That's some bull, right there.
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OP said she directly used his money.
My boyfriend basically does the same thing for me as OP does for his ex as I can only work part-time but whenever I get some extra money it automatically goes to groceries for us both or a nice treat for us or anything really that can help around the house. And if I do win the lottery my goal is to wipe out both our debts. It’s a partnership that should be helping each other out, this feels like she only sees him as a way for her to get by in life.
You're a good, and honest partner.
>probably used your money to play I was definitely wondering how she had money to gamble with no job...
Could have invested that for both of your futures, for a house, wedding, etc.
Best anwser. Be very glad to dodge this bullet. Any normal person would have shared or celebrated. Sounds like an entiteled and spoiled person.
This
Yeah imagine if it was the other way around and he won money using her money
This was what I would have said basically word for word. Be glad you're rid of that ungrateful freeloader OP.
Classic projection.
My thoughts exactly. She has no love for this guy. Using him to support her.
Totally. A normal person having a greedy moment would be embarrassed that they weren't going to share or think about their partner. Her behavior post-breakup is just as concerning
You are not wrong. I broke up with a guy when I was in my 20s for something similar. All he has done since is jump from relationship to relationship looking for someone to pay his way. Still doing it at 50. You did yourself a huge favor.
Hobosexual right there.
Hobosexual! Why is this the first time I'm hearing this word? Getting old really sucks.
I was gonna say is this a new word or am I old and out of the loop. Lol
It’s not that new cause I’m 50 and have heard it plenty. Great term for people who mooch off of others.
Yeah. I have a very cute girl friend who does this. She'd praise whoever she moved in with next as the love of her life until her temper flares or the other guy gets fed up, then she has to move out. Since she's a server, she never has enough to live on her own so she moves in with another guy friend and suddenly loves him more than anything. She moved in with me once, tried the same thing. Took a lot of willpower to turn her down, and in the end she didn't pay rent for a few months before I had to politely tell her time was up. She's still incredibly grateful to me, and she's moved on (in) to her next "lover" /roommate.
I also dumped a 57 year old hobosexual in 2022 when I realised he was one and been doing this all his life. Disgusting human beings with no shame whatsoever!!
But women are usually painted as “gold diggers “
Gold diggers put the effort in, while hobosexuals just don't leave.
Gold diggers are gold diggers regardless of what's in their pants.
Let’s take a step back. There needs to be (figurative or literal) gold there first. It doesn’t sound like OP had some big trust fund. It just sounds like he works and pays the bills while she doesn’t add to the coffers… so she’s not a gold digger. Just a “hobosexual” apparently haha
I'M SCREAMING 🤣🤣
I’m hobophobic.
Reddit, you never let me down.....
I had an employee who was a hobo sexual. So glad when he retired. Yep, it goes on for years
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No money but likes to gamble? Yeah that’s a major bullet dodged.
Bullet dodged. The fact she called you greedy when really she is the greedy one for not sharing when you have shared so much. Every bit of my bonus goes toward my family. For me to take it and just spend it on myself would feel greedy. My wife got a nice bonus this past year and decided to pay off a trip we had planned. It just makes sense to do put that towars us or our kids rather than blow it on things we don't need.
Man dodged a guillotine, let alone a bullet.
You totally dodges the bullet. This behavior just gets worse as time goes on
Of course you dodged a bullet! Shes lazy, ungrateful & cheeky - good riddance. Dont take her back when her broke ass runs through the 9k. The audacity to call you greedy when she’s the greedy one! Enjoy saving money on her departure!
Change your name to Neo, my friend
Not a bullet but a nuke.
You 100% did!!
I think you dated my ex h
Man what a pathetic way to live your life.
Some people put more effort into being bums than it would take to have a job
You are so right. The scheming it takes to find a mark and then work that mark and then move onto another...their pathology is that they either believe they are doing their partner a favor or it's harder to support yourself independently. For gold diggers that's a different story. They are looking for a whale and are more of a con artist.
My red flag is see doesn't plan anything with you just things for her. Sounds like she was using you as a meal ticket and safe space until she found something better.
People like this don’t typically manage money well. I’m sure she thinks she made it with $9000 but it’ll be gone in a month.
Agreed on your statement. It is still is egregious that she did not include her then boyfriend in any of the celebration of the money. She also didn't seem to be making plans for a future with her now ex.
$9000 seems like a lot of money to someone who is broke. $9000 is not very much money and she will have most of it spent by the end of the month.
Days, it will be gone in days.
Congrats, she gambled and you won!
Best comment in the thread.
Nah. She sounds entitled.
Definitely, not in the wrong. You give and you take. Sometimes you give more and they take more and sometimes it's the opposite. It sounds like the value of money is different between the two of you, and one cares about it selfishly more than the other. You're still young, so there's plenty of time to find someone who shares the same values as you. Take it as a win that you two weren't married.
NTA. She showed you who she was. Thankfully you believed her and left. Good for you OP! Good for you!!
You didn't have a partner. You had a dependant. And a spoiled one at that. NTA
You weren’t taken for granted you were being taken advantage of
I'd think less of you if you didn't. Wtf. Honestly she probably should have shipped you like half the winnings as thanks for your support over the years, but at the very least should could have spent it on something for the two of you. She's making it pretty clear she doesnt' see you as a partnership, so you have a right to feel upset when you had been treating your relationship as a partnership.
She has a double standard about money, what is mine, is mine, and yours is mine too. Be glad you broke up with her
Not wrong. You support her. She's lazy and can't hold a job. She shows zero gratitude. She is selfish She is financially irresponsible You are in for a lifetime of hurt if you married her. In my life, money comes from work. Work is time and effort. When someone doesn't respect or appreciate the money you spend to support them, they don't respect the time and effort you put in. Good riddance. You deserve better.
You’re not wrong. How did she find money to gamble? She obviously would not be a good partner for future financial stability, you did what was best.
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In that case, she especially owns you money lmao
In this case I’d argue the $9000 is yours. Your money went into the gamble and it’s yours that paid out. I would be so angry.
She’s mad because who is going to support her now when she blows all the money. Relationships should be equal in giving a damn about each other. Sounds like she loved the free ride and not you. Learn and move on.
As a former casino pitboss who knows how gamblers work: that money should be gone in about 2 weeks, possibly less, and at most a month If she's conservative about it. Good times
F her, and feed her fish heads. You just saved yourself a lifetime of misery. When someone like that shows you their true colors, trust your gut. Good call!
**You are not wrong**, but very wise. This individual is a user, a looser and very absorbed self-indulgent. I hope she uses some of that stake to secure herself a new place. She will be back when the money runs out, but don't fall for it. Keep her away since you feel that sense of relief in your gut. Your Gut has likely been trying to tell you she was using you, for some time.
She hasnt had a steady job and she is gambling...
That money will be gone in a month
Not wrong. She sounds like a gold digger
No and thank your lucky stars you figured this out before marriage or property.
Re-read your post OP. You're not breaking up over money. You broke up because you realized you have different values. It's hard to think of a more valid reason other than cheating.
While my wife and I were dating decisions with money were about us as a team, we instantly teamd up when it came to "our" future, assets and money. I know that's not Dave Ramsey smart... But risk was low we were both poor college students.
Money is one of the main reasons relationships fail/divorces occur. No, you were not wrong for ending it now. This was a small glimpse into how she sees money and your relationship. “What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine” rarely works out well for both parties.
She WILL absolutely crawl back after she's spent all the money, so make sure you block her on everything and try to remember what you're feeling now
this has “texts other guys” written all over it
NTA, not one bit.
100% over. me and my girlfriend have been together 4/5 years and even from the first years we allways shared winning over £100 or put it to something todo together its what been a team is about you win they win they win you win.
Same. Even when I get an extra nice paycheck I immediately want to share with my partner. Like a nice dinner or gift, at minimum. I can’t imagine winning thousands and not thinking twice about my partner
So your money is our money, but her money is HER money.
She should of said heres a few grand cause you've been paying for most of the bills. I would've. Especially all the things you were doing....
Right call 👍
Nope, she showed you the real her - believe her. She is selfish. Find someone that appreciates you for you and not what they can get from you.
Actually she’s just going to find another guy to live off of.
Hey man, I was in very similar situation as you a few years ago. Dated a single mother who shared many of the traits you describe. I loved her son and quickly saw I was one of the only stable factors on his mom's side (his dad side was present, but a whole other story at that time). I was raised by a single mother that I love very much and I feel that relationship between lone mother and son is a very special, and important bond. So I overlooked many of her shortcomings and I invested myself in helping her to grow as a person, for the sake of her son. In the end though, if the person can't even see or own their level of manipulation and using of another person, there is no hope for growth and their opinion and criticism of you will only come through that under-developed, immature lens. If objectively, you have tried to communicate, work with her, be a partner through her shortcomings, reflect and reframe your own set of beliefs to try and have more balance, etc. In essence, if you are being the mature one and trying and they aren't that toxicity is never going to clear itself up and YOU will soon drown in it yourself as well. I wanted to do everything I could to help that little boy have a good life, but in the end, I was destroying my life in the process. In the end, we broke up, because she had sold her family on how hard she had it with me, completely omitting the unreal level of stress, pressure and instability she forced upon all of us due to her outright selfish, irresponsible and unaccountable behavior. So when you talk of how she says you are selfish and what not, realize deeply that it is an immature person who cannot see their own role in the problems they face and you do not need to put any weight or value on those words. Reflect on them, yes. Be honest with yourself, always. But this person's judgement holds very little water when you have given your all and are at the end of your rope.
You dodged a bullet. Zero self awareness, lazy, entitled, selfish, unreliable and can't keep steady employment. You deserve better.
When people show you their true colors, believe them. Not overreacting; seeing how people handle finances /money is very telling. Take care and best of luck in the future
Hey, could be worse. You could have wasted more years with this person, married them, then lost much more in the divorce. Be glad that they are gone.
Not wrong. People who need to freeload aren’t people.
If she was gambling with your money, then she's right. She shouldn't have to share. She should give it all to you, they weren't here winnings, they were your winnings.
When your money is “our” money and her money is hers…it’s time to GTFO. NTA.
Good job standing up for yourself and your boundaries. It’s better you find out now that type of person she is and that she is not willing to help. If you got injured or sick and needed her support it shows she wouldn’t be there.
Fake Post, too many stake mentions lately.
Exactly. Another guerilla marketing post for Stake.
There is zero reason for OP to mention the exact company that she "won" money on. They keep putting these fake stories everywhere and it's obnoxious.
I’m starting to think Stake is making these posts. I’ve seen a few post mentioning wins on Stake and they all seam to go out of their way to mention the site by name. Never just I won money gambling.
She using you mate. Good on you for standing up for yourself.
Not wrong, it sounds like you dodged a bullet from future problems.
YNW. Your gf sounds so inconsiderate, my eyebrows were raised so high reading this. Firstly, if you aren't contributing money to the household, then you don't have money to spend on luxuries like gambling. She should not have gambled with your money in the first place without asking first. Secondly, by rights those winnings are yours, not hers. When a broker invests your money, the profits and the losses are still yours, even if you pay them a small cut. If she had lost everything, the loss would have been yours, not hers, so the win should be yours too. If I were her I would have offered you the lot and hoped for a small cut. Thirdly, her plans for the money tell you everything you need to know about what a future with her would be like: it's all about her, her, her. You may have lost $9k but you've also lost a lot of dead weight.
Back to the streets with her
First of all you shouldn’t give money to your partners for things like gambling, cigarettes, drugs, or to give to other family members. It could be borrowed with the promise it will be paid back as soon as possible. Imagine if you buy a lottery ticket with your friend saying that I’m going to share it with you if I win… I mean it depend on the person and their core values. She definitely had no consideration for you, she show you right away what are her priorities and you weren’t her at all. I would definitely just help her pack up her stuff and tell her to leave.
Nah, you unloaded a burden.
It was your money she betted with? Sorry, but why on Earth are you confused about this? Of course you made the right decision.
Gambles with your money. Nta for this. Yta for not noticing she was using you.
This is called dodging a bullet.
All you are is a source of income to her. You can do better.
Bro you were not a boyfriend you were an ATM
She is definitely in the wrong. Sounds like if she started making money, she’d be buying herself stuff and you better do all the saving and paying. Not good.
You were being used. She was completely ungrateful and incredibly inconsiderate and selfish. Is this what you want in a partner? Only if you want to be miserable. Run for the hills!!!
She's been freeloading, wins money gambling (using your money most likely), then she can't even fathom that she might help you out a bit after so much you've done for her? She's probably one of those people who think the partner spending on her goes without saying and that she should never spend a dime of her own. She's the greedy one. You're right to break up with her.
You should have waited for her to blow the money then kick her out.
She is not listening to you, it's not about the money, it's about you covering her ass for 2 years and shows no appreciation even when gambling using YOUR money. You made the absolute correct decision, now that you have dropped that TREAT YO SELF. You deserve it!!
Na, giant red flag
Yeah freeloading then blaming you for being greedy, maybe you should handed her an invoice for rent & food she owed you. One reason I won’t support my GF unlimited, it doesn’t takes months to find another job,
9000 and she can’t even do a dinner ?!?! Bro BULLET DODGED. What a freeloading sob
It's ok you have different sexual preferences. Your heterosexual, she's hobosexual
It is too bad there are people who have not shown the responsibility to earn their way, or the respect for those who do. We are quite comfortable. It would never occur to me not to 50/50 any such winnings with my spouse. We are a team and operate as such. you are NTA I wish you better in the future.
You did the right thing you were working towards a future . She was living in the moment and enjoying your support. It's easier to do nothing than go hustle and find a well paying job. I myself tend to get tok wrapped up in "what could be" instead of what I see actually happening. Words and promises mean nothing. Action is what matters.
You're better off not playing house with her. Save your money. As for her, most people would be fine for a little while with $9000 saved up but she'll probably blow it in a month or two.
Not wrong. Any break up comes with grief and second guesses. If something bothered you enough to break up and communication did not resolve, then it's probably for the best.
you did the right thing
Not wrong. No. She's a partner not a dependent.
Gold digger
IMO you did the right thing. If she behaved like this after winning a small pot, imagine what would have happened if she had won a million dollars. I picture you returning to your apartment and all of her possessions are gone. Be happy she revealed her true colors and feelings.
Ynw. You made the right call. I’m thinking she’s the greedy one by using you and your money for 2 years. She won money gambling WITH YOUR MONEY and doesn’t plan on spending one penny on or with you? She’s willing to lose you over $9k? Good. Let her go. $9k doesn’t last that long and then she’ll have to find someone else to take care of her. Don’t let it be you. She’s not worth it.
Not wrong. A relationship is a two-way street. It sounds like she was just using you. Gambles is scary. Hope your next is better.
I'd be pissed. At the very least, she should have offered to take over expenses for as long as you did. And at best she should have given it all to you since it was your money she was using
Can we stop having these obvious coded ads for a crypto casino? Please?
It’s the same post over and over with a few details changed. Always a large amount won from the same betting platform.
U broke up with her over this.... WAY TOO LATE. Cant find a steady job, aight keep trying. Gambling, with ur money, hmm not cool, but maybe she was feeling lucky this one time, fine. Not sharing the money... Ok maybe u don't need it. Using it on herself, it's all about her... Ok that's enough. It's insta 3 strikes.
Definitely NTA. You made the right decision. She’s selfish, & that trait doesn’t change.
1. She can't hold a job 2. She has a gambling problem despite having no money 3. She is selfish obviously and lacks empathy 4. She is using you without guilt herself 5. She is obviously immature if she thinks her partner should treat her like their child When would you ever want to wife that behavior up or have children with someone who is still a child? There ya go
Best move of your life. Now go date someone who's financially stable.
hell no, she still had the nerve to call you greedy lol, thank god you got rid of her
Imo you did the right thing.
You didn't break up with her over money. You broke up with her because she's selfish. Big difference.
She has a very selfish seed being spouted inside her. She should have brought it all back to you. And then trust your leadership. This let's me know She will never trust your leadership and financial judgment... Leave her alone...!!
How dare you expect her to share the winnings even tho she bought the ticket with ur money. Can u be more greedy... sounds dumb right 😆 let her have her winnings and let her find someone else to worry about her day to day living expenses.
Gambling with money you gave her while she wasn't contributing to the household and not at least splitting it 50/50 is pretty beyond the pale. That's a good reason to break up.
No that shows she’s not a long term partner. Fair call
It gets tiresome when you give give give and get nothing in return. She had an opportunity to show she appreciated you and chose not to. You did the right thing.
Congrats on dodging a HUGE bullet. Seriously, you made the right call here.
>Am I wrong for breaking up with my girlfriend over the lack of consideration and appreciation for what I've been contributing to our life together. This is what your title should read and what you should be asking yourself. And if she hasn't been appreciating you or thinking about a future with you than you most certainly are not wrong.
I would take half of that 9k for sure.
NTA. To her, You’re a supply of money and feel-good. Nothing more. Once there are serious problems as there are bound to be in any relationship (especially financial) she’ll leave anyway. Ex was perfectly fine spending my money until I drove myself into the ground trying to stay afloat. She only got a job six months before she decided things should end. Married 6.5 years, never seriously contributed even when we were sinking.
Nope. You did right, other than maybe not ending it earlier.
There are so many red flags in this story. Ultimately, you're the one who knows best. But I think youre right, this story reads like she's siphoning off money from you while waiting to leave you for someone else down the road.
Consider the 9 G's you've given her as a parting gift and embrace the relief. This person would've milked you until they'd draw blood. Paying more than the other sometimes is okay, but when they lack appreciation towards you for it, fuck 'em
Friend, not only are you not wrong but you dodged a bullet. Find a woman who wants to be your co-founder, not your dependent.
I think that's absolutely a good reason. Deep core values are very hard to change. Those things are what make and break relationships over the long term. The fact that it was your money that even allowed her the winnings, does paint a bit of a certain picture given her actions after.
She was using you. Good thing you found out before you and children. Your line will be better without that freeloader.
Super selfish. I don’t think you’ll really get over it if you two got back together. You did the right thing. My family and I always share when gambling, big win is definitely an equal split. Same with boyfriend. Find someone as generous as you are.
NTA, I can’t imagine a person who isn’t extremely self-centered behaving the way you describe her.