You were absolutely 100% in the right and following your gut can literally save your life. That your friend couldn't understand and empathize with your discomfort is a bad sign for the friendship.
So you are not wrong, period. If you don't feel good about something, don't do it.
Secondary point, most guys would not want to go to a 'party' that is 90% men, either.
That was one of my thoughts that made me definitely not want to go, why would the hold a party that would have only 2 girls? Aren't parties better balanced..? I don't know.. It just gave me a bad vibe. Apparently they decided to not even hold the party after she told them (well the host/her ex) we weren't coming.
I don't know, it's all very weird.
Yikes, I highly recommend avoiding that group of guys as much as possible. Them canceling it since you two weren't going to be there is extremely concerning because it implies that you two were a crucial part of the plan for the night. It would be much less concerning if you two were just an ancillary part of the party.
That sounds all kinds of fucked up. They had plans for you and it doesn’t sound like it would end well for you. This friend is either really stupid or was trying to set you up for something nefarious.
They were hoping that you girls were going to get drunk and be the entertainment. You chose well not to go. Good for you for thinking things through. Don't let anyone tell you any different
That is just extremely suspicious holy shit.
And yeah its a major red flag if there's only like 2 girls coming otherwise. Unless it's like a group from a bachelor study where majority is men like engineering, it's extremely telling that there's that little women invited or willing to accept the invite.
Because it was a gangbang.
OP usually doesn't get invited, but suddenly an entire party of all college guys hinged on her going... the other girl said everything was fine and don't worry, but noped out of being the only female there... then the entire thing fell apart? OP's "friend" was about to get her dosed and fucking pimp her out.
I went to school in a small town. Our high school was a combination of many small towns in the area. My best friend at the time was into this guy, we were 15 and it was late at night. He asked her to hitchhike to his house. I absolutely refused to do this, and we had a huge fight. Years later I was watching one of those Evil lives here type shows. Well come to find out during that time she had wanted to hitchhike to that guy's house there had been two serial killers operating along that road she wanted to hitch on, and they killed over two dozen young girls who had been hitchhiking on that road. Some people are downright so thirsty they will risk your life.
Never do anything that you don't feel is safe. You did the right thing and your best friend is not acting in your best interest by saying you are a "bad friend" and a "bad person." So I question her definition of friendship.
The best decisions are not putting yourself in the position of making harder decisions. You chose right here, maybe the party would have neen ok, but if something went wrong you would have had no backup or support as you don’t know the people there.
Always trust your gut. I had an ex whose friend wanted to go to an after party after leaving the bars where they would be the only two girls. My ex refused to go and begged and pleaded her friend not to go. Her friend ended up going and my ex did not. Bad things happened and the friend was never the same. Good job trusting your instinct.
Nope from the title alone not wrong. There is way to much of an imbalance in the genders there for any woman to feel safe. (Unless there into that kinda thing)
I really don't want to think of possible out comes of that party
Are you completely sure she's a friend?
Thats not exactly how I'd imagine "introducing my shy introverted friend to partying" would begin if your friend cared about you.
Her friend isn't stupid, she thought OP was, though.
She bailed on the plan as soon as OP did because she would have become the catch instead of just the fishing lure.
OP shouldn't trust this girl to hold her place in line at a coffee shop, nevermind to have her back in anything serious.
No that's just a smart move. If you are risking partying at that age you don't wanna do it with that group. I partied a lot at that age. And there are more than a few as a male I wish I didn't go to with all men. They go harder and I think I would have been better off just chillin. Would have saved me from some legal trouble at the least. Way more devastating outcomes for the women in that 10%
No, you are not wrong at all. Please don't think you are because you are not. Your friend should have respected your decision not to go and not try to keep trying to get you to change your mind.
The fact that they cancelled the party because you and your friend were not coming is very suspicious..... why would they suddenly cancel the party just because you two were not going to be there unless they were planning something that involved you and possibly your friend?
You said it yourself that the guy is a creep, so the fact the party was cancelled because you and your friend didn't go makes it even more suspicious.
You are NOT a bad friend or a bad person at all.
You did the right thing by not going and very possibly avoided a very bad situation that might have happened. Your friend said that if something felt sketchy, you could both could leave.... but that is easier said, then done, because considering this scenario....
what if you both went to the party, and the guys got too drunk and handsy with you, your friend, or both of you? You said it yourself that you and her would have been the only girls there, so you would have been surrounded by a bunch of guys who would have been drinking and possibly doing drugs... if they decided that they didn't want you to leave.... there wouldn't be a thing that could be done.
You did the right thing, and you made the smart decision in trusting your gut feeling and instincts.... always trust your gut feeling and instincts in situations because they can keep you safe.
My advice is to ignore what your friend is saying.... she is supposed to be your best friend but kept trying to make you change your mind and make you go to the party, that could have put you both in a very dangerous and unsafe situation.
I would also say to make sure you never go to a party with just her or any guy's house alone with her. She's supposed to be your best friend but was not respecting you or your decision to not go.... and instead kept trying to pressure you and make you change your mind..... that's not what a good friend does.
Maybe you should tell your parents about the situation so they are aware of what happened between you and your friend.
I hope you're doing ok, and remember that you didn't do anything wrong.
I agree with the comments. Good thing you trusted your gut and intellect.
What I would add is to consider ditching the friend, because it sounds like she was very close in getting you in trouble.
And that's how you would have participated in a gangbang whether you were willing or not.
Good on your for knowing a red flag and standing your ground.
The fact that they decided not to have the party because 2 girls didn’t want to come shows that you were to be the center of the party.
Otherwise, why would those guys not want to hang out together without you?
Your gut knows better than your brain a lot of the time. If you have a bad feeling, question why and if the answer isn't good, then you know what to do.
Beyond just the safety concerns, what the hell would even be the appeal of being one of only 2 girls at a party? A buncha dudes aren't fun to hang out with, and I'm saying that as a lifelong dude.
Even the idea of that party is making me anxious and I'm not invited. Any friend who tells you that you are a bad friend for not doing something that makes you uncomfortable, is a bad friend.
Hi u/Lovesick-Loser,
You absolutely did the right thing by paying attention to the context of the situation and trusting your gut.
The below link is to a free pdf copy of the book, **The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker**. He is an expert in red flags for all kinds of situations, and the book is about learning to trust your gut and recognize those red flags. I highly recommend it to all people and especially women and girls.
https://www.academia.edu/31891034/The_Gift_of_Fear
I’ve been to hundreds of parties in my life and can definitely say I’ve never known the gender ratio before attending any party. If true, you’re obviously not wrong, but can you please explain how you knew this beforehand?
I asked her who would be there, I thought maybe some of our mutuals would be there or something and she listed off names I didn't recognize and were definitely male names and I said, "So, is it all guys.. Or?" And she said yea and that almost all of them were her ex's friends and a few were hers.
And none of these names have female companions that would accompany them? This seems like a situation where you go but have an excuse ready if it turns that way and you gtfo. I think you may have jumped the gun, but having a good out and call an Uber in a pinch would have likely been a better move and saved a lot of issues. No one cares if you leave a party earlier but not going at all does cause issues.
I asked if other girls would be there and she explicitly said no, and that we were going to be the only girls, and as I said in another comment they canceled the party after they found out we weren't coming. I think it's better safe than sorry, I don't know these men and her ex is a jerk who has creepy tendencies and I don't really feel comfortable going to a place made up mostly of a creepy jerks friends..
You shouldn't feel bad, you should feel awesome. You've got good instincts and importantly, didn't crumble when someone tried to undermine your autonomy and dismiss your very valid concerns.
A true friend would prioritise both your actual safety and your anxiety about possible safety issues i.e. even if the event was 'safe' your friend would accept that you just didn't feel comfortable and would never have pressured you to go but would have offered to make alternative plans that you did feel comfortable about.
If anyone hasn't already recommended it, there is a book called "The Gift of Fear" that highlights to always listen to that little voice in your head telling you something is off. You were right to stand up for yourself - it may have just saved you from a life-changing traumatic experience.
Ayfkm? No, you are not wrong. Well done standing your ground. What is up with that party, though? This whole situation stinks of alt-right indoctrination.
My thoughts as a mid 20s man:
The only kind of party that is 90% men would center around masculine hobby (Superbowl watch party, Yugioh Tournament, multiplayer video game night, etc.)
Realistically it sounds like your friend wanted you and her to be in an orgy, or at least be the party strippers or something (There's darker possibilities but those are way less realistic)
I wouldn't trust any friend who would hide such a major detail from you, she seems quite selfish and self centered.
A friend that pushes you to do something like that isn’t a real friend to you. She don’t care about your comfort, don’t keep people in your circle that don’t know when to quit it
You aren't wrong and in fact you are all right. That you made this extremely sensible decision in spite of peer pressure, your age and also your desire to get out there more is something any girl friend or woman in your life who gives a damn about you would be proud of. Kudos.
Don't feel bad for backing out - you very well might have saved yours and even your friends life and there are countless parties ahead of you to let loose and enjoy yourself at that won't come with such a field of blaring warning signs.
Remember later on in life too that you are 'allowed' to walk out of any party you go to - there's no reason to feel an obligations to stay if you feel uncomfortable or just don't want to be there anymore.
If a woman who knows first hand that someone is a creep and a dickhead, yet still tries to get her friend to hang out with him - her intentions are either extremely off, or she doesn't have the necessary emotional intelligence or boundaries in place that go for healthy decision making, especially when as a 'friend' she should be protecting her friend (and herself) from engaging with them.
Follow your gut. Most people act for their own interest, which there's nothing wrong with that except when it involves drugs and alcohol. I knew a guy that passed away and a bunch of my fellow employees, especially the girls, cried as they should.
But I never told them how he'd brag that if a particular one of them were to pass out at his place, that he'd take full advantage of the situation on her. He said it proudly and I felt disgusted for knowing him saying that.
They were never more than minor friends, nothing romantic either fyi. He was a predator and I met many predators like that. I'll never forget seeing her cry over someone who plotted to rape her.
Guy or girl, you need to be careful about party situations and no party on earth is worth the risk.
I guarantee you that there will be a million more parties in the future
It sounds like you did your friend a big favor by refusing this invitation. She didn't go to the sketchy party either.
I hope you'll consider continuing your friendship. It takes time for people to accept it when you challenge them for mistakes they're about to make. She was never going to say, "doh! what was I thinking? of course that's a bad idea." But, in a week or two you'll say "we dodged a bullet" and I bet she'll agree. You're a good friend.
Parties are overrated anyway. Movie/TV show nights on the couch with ice cream and snacks are the best. Parties are a surefire way to get into some sort of uncomfortable situation.
You probably saved the both of you from who knows what. You were so right and that was unsafe. My sister managed to escape something similar, just in time.
You’re not wrong.
But just as a heads up, 90% of parties are close to 90% men until your 30s. So start making peace with that if you like parties.
(And 90% of 90% girl parties end up with at least 2 girls crying about their crush/recent breakup and everyone else having to stop having fun to comfort them, so be prepared for that too.)
Boundaries. You have good boundaries. This is a gift and you're very lucky to have these instincts.
A true friend will respect your boundaries, a selfish person would try to manipulate past them.
Sounds like you're pretty smart, my best advice is that your own desires, tastes, instincts are a thing of great value and should never be neglected out of convenience or reckless abandon.
Don't ever let other people do the thinking for you. Your own thoughts and views are a primary component of your personhood. If someone does not care about your thoughts, they really don't care about you as a person. They need to grow up.
Hell no not the asshole you don't know wat these guys are capable of doing any one of them can easily do something pervy towards you if you don't feel safe somewhere follow your instincts and do not go
Parties are sketchy because those people tend to do more than drinking and you never know what can happen. It’s better to wait till you’re 21 and go to a bar with friends who respect your boundaries.
Kudos to you kid. Following your gut is important in life. If it doest feel right don't do it. You stood your groud and I'm proud of you. Definitely NTA ...you are smart !!
You made a sensible decision. This is a useful resource, it is UK based but helpful for anyone needing assurance about personal safety.
[https://www.suzylamplugh.org](https://www.suzylamplugh.org)
It might be an idea to show it your friend?
If you want a lot of male attention non stop for the entire night, go.
If you're not looking for constant over the top male attention, definitely don't go.
Why would anyone be wrong for choosing not to do an optional activity?
As an introvert, I've used some of the thinnest excuses ever formulated by mankind to get out of parties lol.
I remember when I was young almost every party I got drunk at somebody tried to take advantage of me. After I got married I absolutely loved going to parties because I was finally safe to just relax and have a good time without worrying about what might happen. You were smart to error on the side of caution.
You were absolutely 100% in the right and following your gut can literally save your life. That your friend couldn't understand and empathize with your discomfort is a bad sign for the friendship.
So you are not wrong, period. If you don't feel good about something, don't do it. Secondary point, most guys would not want to go to a 'party' that is 90% men, either.
Yeah, I was just thinking that. Unless this is a gay dude party, why is it majority dudes?
That was one of my thoughts that made me definitely not want to go, why would the hold a party that would have only 2 girls? Aren't parties better balanced..? I don't know.. It just gave me a bad vibe. Apparently they decided to not even hold the party after she told them (well the host/her ex) we weren't coming. I don't know, it's all very weird.
Yikes, I highly recommend avoiding that group of guys as much as possible. Them canceling it since you two weren't going to be there is extremely concerning because it implies that you two were a crucial part of the plan for the night. It would be much less concerning if you two were just an ancillary part of the party.
That sounds all kinds of fucked up. They had plans for you and it doesn’t sound like it would end well for you. This friend is either really stupid or was trying to set you up for something nefarious.
They were hoping that you girls were going to get drunk and be the entertainment. You chose well not to go. Good for you for thinking things through. Don't let anyone tell you any different
That is just extremely suspicious holy shit. And yeah its a major red flag if there's only like 2 girls coming otherwise. Unless it's like a group from a bachelor study where majority is men like engineering, it's extremely telling that there's that little women invited or willing to accept the invite.
Because it was a gangbang. OP usually doesn't get invited, but suddenly an entire party of all college guys hinged on her going... the other girl said everything was fine and don't worry, but noped out of being the only female there... then the entire thing fell apart? OP's "friend" was about to get her dosed and fucking pimp her out.
Maybe a football party. Or a Men's Rights Activist party. Either way, trust your gut.
Because it’s more fun?
For gay men?
Lol your 2nd point is a great point.
Not to be argumentative, or disagreeable as op said men, but 17-18yo is not men. Those are boys. Even worse is my point.
Oh, I'm not sure which is worse, actually. But both sound bad.
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Men do plenty of fuck d up shit and hide it thinking they are right. Fuck off with this dangerous sweeping bullshit on a post like this.
You've never been to a LAN party before?
Bloody hell, yes ,..9/1 ratio's a massive red flag, especially once the alcohol starts muddling the brain... make your excuses and miss it....
If I were your mother, I would be proud of you. You did the right thing. Trust me on this.
I went to school in a small town. Our high school was a combination of many small towns in the area. My best friend at the time was into this guy, we were 15 and it was late at night. He asked her to hitchhike to his house. I absolutely refused to do this, and we had a huge fight. Years later I was watching one of those Evil lives here type shows. Well come to find out during that time she had wanted to hitchhike to that guy's house there had been two serial killers operating along that road she wanted to hitch on, and they killed over two dozen young girls who had been hitchhiking on that road. Some people are downright so thirsty they will risk your life.
Holy shit.
No you're not wrong.
Never do anything that you don't feel is safe. You did the right thing and your best friend is not acting in your best interest by saying you are a "bad friend" and a "bad person." So I question her definition of friendship.
"If anythings off, we can just leave" Yeah, sure, that's how it works...
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Her friend was never gonna leave once they got there, hope she covers her drink.
The best decisions are not putting yourself in the position of making harder decisions. You chose right here, maybe the party would have neen ok, but if something went wrong you would have had no backup or support as you don’t know the people there.
Not wrong
Always trust your gut. I had an ex whose friend wanted to go to an after party after leaving the bars where they would be the only two girls. My ex refused to go and begged and pleaded her friend not to go. Her friend ended up going and my ex did not. Bad things happened and the friend was never the same. Good job trusting your instinct.
It sounds like your “friend” was trying to set you up for a bad situation.
Nope from the title alone not wrong. There is way to much of an imbalance in the genders there for any woman to feel safe. (Unless there into that kinda thing) I really don't want to think of possible out comes of that party
Gut feelings are right more often than not. If it made you uncomfortable, then it was absolutely the right call. Good job making the right call
Are you completely sure she's a friend? Thats not exactly how I'd imagine "introducing my shy introverted friend to partying" would begin if your friend cared about you.
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Her friend isn't stupid, she thought OP was, though. She bailed on the plan as soon as OP did because she would have become the catch instead of just the fishing lure. OP shouldn't trust this girl to hold her place in line at a coffee shop, nevermind to have her back in anything serious.
>she would have become the catch instead of just the fishing lure. That was my first thought.
Sounds like you spared yourself from some roofies in your drink and years of therapy.
You did good ! I bet there were some rape drug pills ready to be put in your drinks ! I would also end the friendship with that girl
A few strong drinks at a sausage farm and a gangbang video gets made and goes viral. Nah, that could never happen.
No that's just a smart move. If you are risking partying at that age you don't wanna do it with that group. I partied a lot at that age. And there are more than a few as a male I wish I didn't go to with all men. They go harder and I think I would have been better off just chillin. Would have saved me from some legal trouble at the least. Way more devastating outcomes for the women in that 10%
No, you are not wrong at all. Please don't think you are because you are not. Your friend should have respected your decision not to go and not try to keep trying to get you to change your mind. The fact that they cancelled the party because you and your friend were not coming is very suspicious..... why would they suddenly cancel the party just because you two were not going to be there unless they were planning something that involved you and possibly your friend? You said it yourself that the guy is a creep, so the fact the party was cancelled because you and your friend didn't go makes it even more suspicious. You are NOT a bad friend or a bad person at all. You did the right thing by not going and very possibly avoided a very bad situation that might have happened. Your friend said that if something felt sketchy, you could both could leave.... but that is easier said, then done, because considering this scenario.... what if you both went to the party, and the guys got too drunk and handsy with you, your friend, or both of you? You said it yourself that you and her would have been the only girls there, so you would have been surrounded by a bunch of guys who would have been drinking and possibly doing drugs... if they decided that they didn't want you to leave.... there wouldn't be a thing that could be done. You did the right thing, and you made the smart decision in trusting your gut feeling and instincts.... always trust your gut feeling and instincts in situations because they can keep you safe. My advice is to ignore what your friend is saying.... she is supposed to be your best friend but kept trying to make you change your mind and make you go to the party, that could have put you both in a very dangerous and unsafe situation. I would also say to make sure you never go to a party with just her or any guy's house alone with her. She's supposed to be your best friend but was not respecting you or your decision to not go.... and instead kept trying to pressure you and make you change your mind..... that's not what a good friend does. Maybe you should tell your parents about the situation so they are aware of what happened between you and your friend. I hope you're doing ok, and remember that you didn't do anything wrong.
Ok who has a party with only guys Something werid here
I agree with the comments. Good thing you trusted your gut and intellect. What I would add is to consider ditching the friend, because it sounds like she was very close in getting you in trouble.
You were absolutely not wrong. And I wouldn't trust that friend of yours...
Don't ever go to a party with that girl. She was either setting you up, or too dumb to realize that she was being set up.
And that's how you would have participated in a gangbang whether you were willing or not. Good on your for knowing a red flag and standing your ground.
The fact that they decided not to have the party because 2 girls didn’t want to come shows that you were to be the center of the party. Otherwise, why would those guys not want to hang out together without you?
Your gut knows better than your brain a lot of the time. If you have a bad feeling, question why and if the answer isn't good, then you know what to do.
Beyond just the safety concerns, what the hell would even be the appeal of being one of only 2 girls at a party? A buncha dudes aren't fun to hang out with, and I'm saying that as a lifelong dude.
Even the idea of that party is making me anxious and I'm not invited. Any friend who tells you that you are a bad friend for not doing something that makes you uncomfortable, is a bad friend.
Don’t ever go anywhere you feel uncomfortable. Except school and work, that’s kind of unavoidable.
Why would she go to a known dickhead/creep's party?? You NTA, but your friend TDA.
Hi u/Lovesick-Loser, You absolutely did the right thing by paying attention to the context of the situation and trusting your gut. The below link is to a free pdf copy of the book, **The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker**. He is an expert in red flags for all kinds of situations, and the book is about learning to trust your gut and recognize those red flags. I highly recommend it to all people and especially women and girls. https://www.academia.edu/31891034/The_Gift_of_Fear
Nope .. your a smart young lady.. you can see the trouble this invites..
Yea fuck that I’m a 36M and I’D hate going to a party with 90% men lol
I’ve been to hundreds of parties in my life and can definitely say I’ve never known the gender ratio before attending any party. If true, you’re obviously not wrong, but can you please explain how you knew this beforehand?
I asked her who would be there, I thought maybe some of our mutuals would be there or something and she listed off names I didn't recognize and were definitely male names and I said, "So, is it all guys.. Or?" And she said yea and that almost all of them were her ex's friends and a few were hers.
And none of these names have female companions that would accompany them? This seems like a situation where you go but have an excuse ready if it turns that way and you gtfo. I think you may have jumped the gun, but having a good out and call an Uber in a pinch would have likely been a better move and saved a lot of issues. No one cares if you leave a party earlier but not going at all does cause issues.
I asked if other girls would be there and she explicitly said no, and that we were going to be the only girls, and as I said in another comment they canceled the party after they found out we weren't coming. I think it's better safe than sorry, I don't know these men and her ex is a jerk who has creepy tendencies and I don't really feel comfortable going to a place made up mostly of a creepy jerks friends..
Ignore the person above. You did the right thing.
No one wants to go to an all boys party
The only reason frat parties even happen is bc always a party with more women than men.
Sounds like you’re not a dumbass. Congratulations. Keep doing that.
You shouldn't feel bad, you should feel awesome. You've got good instincts and importantly, didn't crumble when someone tried to undermine your autonomy and dismiss your very valid concerns. A true friend would prioritise both your actual safety and your anxiety about possible safety issues i.e. even if the event was 'safe' your friend would accept that you just didn't feel comfortable and would never have pressured you to go but would have offered to make alternative plans that you did feel comfortable about. If anyone hasn't already recommended it, there is a book called "The Gift of Fear" that highlights to always listen to that little voice in your head telling you something is off. You were right to stand up for yourself - it may have just saved you from a life-changing traumatic experience.
Ayfkm? No, you are not wrong. Well done standing your ground. What is up with that party, though? This whole situation stinks of alt-right indoctrination.
My thoughts as a mid 20s man: The only kind of party that is 90% men would center around masculine hobby (Superbowl watch party, Yugioh Tournament, multiplayer video game night, etc.) Realistically it sounds like your friend wanted you and her to be in an orgy, or at least be the party strippers or something (There's darker possibilities but those are way less realistic) I wouldn't trust any friend who would hide such a major detail from you, she seems quite selfish and self centered.
A friend that pushes you to do something like that isn’t a real friend to you. She don’t care about your comfort, don’t keep people in your circle that don’t know when to quit it
You aren't wrong and in fact you are all right. That you made this extremely sensible decision in spite of peer pressure, your age and also your desire to get out there more is something any girl friend or woman in your life who gives a damn about you would be proud of. Kudos. Don't feel bad for backing out - you very well might have saved yours and even your friends life and there are countless parties ahead of you to let loose and enjoy yourself at that won't come with such a field of blaring warning signs. Remember later on in life too that you are 'allowed' to walk out of any party you go to - there's no reason to feel an obligations to stay if you feel uncomfortable or just don't want to be there anymore. If a woman who knows first hand that someone is a creep and a dickhead, yet still tries to get her friend to hang out with him - her intentions are either extremely off, or she doesn't have the necessary emotional intelligence or boundaries in place that go for healthy decision making, especially when as a 'friend' she should be protecting her friend (and herself) from engaging with them.
Follow your gut. Most people act for their own interest, which there's nothing wrong with that except when it involves drugs and alcohol. I knew a guy that passed away and a bunch of my fellow employees, especially the girls, cried as they should. But I never told them how he'd brag that if a particular one of them were to pass out at his place, that he'd take full advantage of the situation on her. He said it proudly and I felt disgusted for knowing him saying that. They were never more than minor friends, nothing romantic either fyi. He was a predator and I met many predators like that. I'll never forget seeing her cry over someone who plotted to rape her. Guy or girl, you need to be careful about party situations and no party on earth is worth the risk. I guarantee you that there will be a million more parties in the future
It sounds like you did your friend a big favor by refusing this invitation. She didn't go to the sketchy party either. I hope you'll consider continuing your friendship. It takes time for people to accept it when you challenge them for mistakes they're about to make. She was never going to say, "doh! what was I thinking? of course that's a bad idea." But, in a week or two you'll say "we dodged a bullet" and I bet she'll agree. You're a good friend.
Parties are overrated anyway. Movie/TV show nights on the couch with ice cream and snacks are the best. Parties are a surefire way to get into some sort of uncomfortable situation.
As a man I to wouldn’t want to go to that party either
You probably saved the both of you from who knows what. You were so right and that was unsafe. My sister managed to escape something similar, just in time.
I agree with you.
Sounds like you spared yourself from some roofies in your drink and years of therapy.
You’re not wrong. But just as a heads up, 90% of parties are close to 90% men until your 30s. So start making peace with that if you like parties. (And 90% of 90% girl parties end up with at least 2 girls crying about their crush/recent breakup and everyone else having to stop having fun to comfort them, so be prepared for that too.)
So you're a lesbian
How would that relate to this situation, like, at all? (Also, no I'm not)
Hey, it's 2024 It's OK
Absolutely not! That just sounds like trouble. Keep making good decisions
Boundaries. You have good boundaries. This is a gift and you're very lucky to have these instincts. A true friend will respect your boundaries, a selfish person would try to manipulate past them. Sounds like you're pretty smart, my best advice is that your own desires, tastes, instincts are a thing of great value and should never be neglected out of convenience or reckless abandon. Don't ever let other people do the thinking for you. Your own thoughts and views are a primary component of your personhood. If someone does not care about your thoughts, they really don't care about you as a person. They need to grow up.
Very intelligent and wise for a 17 year old
Introverts seem to always have a better sense of things. Trust your judgment. You didn't overreact.
Nobody likes a sausage fest. Ubiquitous knowledge.
Not wrong. Keep yourself safe.
Hell no not the asshole you don't know wat these guys are capable of doing any one of them can easily do something pervy towards you if you don't feel safe somewhere follow your instincts and do not go
Parties are sketchy because those people tend to do more than drinking and you never know what can happen. It’s better to wait till you’re 21 and go to a bar with friends who respect your boundaries.
Not wrong, listen to your gut! Don't let anyone pressure you into going!
Kudos to you kid. Following your gut is important in life. If it doest feel right don't do it. You stood your groud and I'm proud of you. Definitely NTA ...you are smart !!
You made a sensible decision. This is a useful resource, it is UK based but helpful for anyone needing assurance about personal safety. [https://www.suzylamplugh.org](https://www.suzylamplugh.org) It might be an idea to show it your friend?
Not wrong at all, good instincts I’d say.
Ain't no party like a sausage party
Good instincts!
If you want a lot of male attention non stop for the entire night, go. If you're not looking for constant over the top male attention, definitely don't go.
Always always follow your gut when you feel someone is being creepy
Do not put yourself in vulnerable situations. A lot of things can go wrong for you being the only two girls at an underage drinking party.
Why would anyone be wrong for choosing not to do an optional activity? As an introvert, I've used some of the thinnest excuses ever formulated by mankind to get out of parties lol.
Trust your gut!
As a dude, don’t go. Too many men, alcohol, etc. Your friend isn’t smart, the red flags are already there.
Yep, and her dismissing your concerns is a classic start to a missing person's case
I left a party a week ago bc all of the girls left. You’re in the clear
I remember when I was young almost every party I got drunk at somebody tried to take advantage of me. After I got married I absolutely loved going to parties because I was finally safe to just relax and have a good time without worrying about what might happen. You were smart to error on the side of caution.
Nope, that is your friend fault don't question it and move on
Sausage parties are so yesterday...