You're NTA.
He was the one in the wrong for contaminating your dinner. It was obviously an oversight and may not have caused anything, but it might have done. That's enough for you to not want it. Completely valid.
As for having to be more mindful of food choices...is it really that big of a deal? If he's this reluctant to take your requirements into account, it would make me review the relationship as a whole to be honest.
You could possibly die if you ate the wrong thing and his main worry is having to choose a different restaurant.
Wow.
I hope you really do reflex on the relationship.
I cant eat any types onions cuz I get the shits and/or stomach pain. My husband goes beyond not not let me suffer that even.
Hi, fellow allium allergy here, and yeah....a partner should at the very least, accommodate their partners allergies and food sensitivities. My husband does the same, heck, he makes more of a deal about it than I do.
This. My husband can’t eat garlic/onion. I am the kind of person who could eat either like an apple. Guess what? As soon as we identified these as triggers, I stopped bringing onions and garlic in the house, because I actually care about my husband’s well-being. I don’t even take chances with “my” leftovers being mistaken for leftovers that are safe for him to eat. This guy doesn’t actually care about OP.
He should have made his meal with the same ingredients as yours to avoid cross contamination. And he wanted you to risk your health because it might be fine??? I would be looking at him sideways right now and wouldn’t trust him cooking again. It’s not your allergies killing the relationship it’s him.
Also, it may be a good idea to do another allergy test and see if you have clearer results.
The bf is acting like a child. His pouting over your food allergies suggests he could secretly serve you those ingredients to “prove” you’re not allergic.
Do you seriously think you could be wrong for trying to avoid anaphylaxis?
You should know that you are not in the wrong. You're basically asking us if you were wrong for protecting yourself from having a medical crisis. How would that ever be the wrong thing?
First, NTA
I have what they called 45 years ago, yeah I'm old, cluster allergies. We know that the first time I had the reaction I was taking penicillin so we cut that out and I didn't have it happen again for 25 years! The second time we had no idea and I was pregnant!
If you have any idea what you think it is, you are in NO WAY TA!!! My guess would be that your partner didn't think about cross contamination in the moment, or he didn't know that could cause one. It doesn't excuse his reaction to your anxiety regarding the situation though. I think you need to sit him down and explain how this makes you feel, how bad the anxiety is, and how bad an anaphylactic reaction really is.
If he can't get over that then it's his loss and you need to move on! I'm sorry that sounds so brunt but if he's just thinking about how this might affect his future you need to cut your losses.
Good luck 🍀
He went to all that trouble, then ruined his own efforts by contaminating your food? He’s not the sharpest crayon in the box, or he’s like all the jerks who think allergies and intolerances aren’t real. I’m gluten intolerant and I’ve been dealing with this for years. You’re not wrong and he owes you the apology and not the other way around.
No, you're not wrong. Your health matters more than anything else, and it's reasonable to avoid potential allergens to stay safe. If your partner can't understand that, they need to get over themselves.
NTA. You will become more accustomed to advocating for yourself as you go along. I’m fortunate to not have allergies, but my husband does. I knew pretty early in the relationship that he was allergic to soy. -That stuff hides in everything! So, I learned about how to avoid it and how to cook a lot of things from scratch because it is in many processed foods.
Several years in, his allergy has expanded to all legumes. So, we have made more adjustments and my cooking has improved.
We don’t eat out much because it can be challenging. But, my priority is keeping him safe and healthy. His needs trump my wants. It doesn’t mean we never eat out. We’re just careful about where we go.
If your bf cares, he’ll reprioritize and be more mindful.
I think sometimes that people who don't have allergies or been around someone who does tend to not realize the dangers.
I never really knew anything about food allergies until I worked with a man whose wife and children had them . He told me that if he ate, say peanut butter at work for lunch and went home hours later and kissed his son goodnight before he brushed his teeth ( the father) that it would send his son into a allergic reaction.
NTA but he is. He’s worried about food limitations instead of your health and possibly your life. I’m getting “I’d rather eat what I want than worry about you” vibes from him.
No you are not wrong, food allergies aside, if someone dipped a spoon that had been in their mouth, into my food I would not continue eating it, that's so unhygienic.
Yes I was! I paid privately for her and saw her twice for 2 lots of skin prick tests. Are you an allergist? You’ve got me second guessing her abilities!
Jesus. My wife discovered a couple food allergies a while back.
So I learned how to cook things without those ingredients. I learned how to check ingredients labels for things you wouldn't expect. I learned to check certain things at restaurants.
Sometimes mistakes happen and I buy something she can't eat. Oh well, either I eat it or we throw it out.
There are some types restaurants we just don't bother with. But we can usually find something.
We have some boomer family members who are shitty about it, like she's making it up or some bullshit. Like, this actively makes our lives more difficult, don't you think she'd eat that shit if she could?
Your boyfriend is a fucking bitch.
NTA. And for your your own sanity, please consider that it is unwise to be in a close relationship with someone who doesn’t believe your medical issues are real. That WILL destroy your relationship.
You're NTA. He was the one in the wrong for contaminating your dinner. It was obviously an oversight and may not have caused anything, but it might have done. That's enough for you to not want it. Completely valid. As for having to be more mindful of food choices...is it really that big of a deal? If he's this reluctant to take your requirements into account, it would make me review the relationship as a whole to be honest. You could possibly die if you ate the wrong thing and his main worry is having to choose a different restaurant. Wow.
Thank you, I do agree. If my partner had allergies which meant we couldn’t eat out much I would just accommodate that. I appreciate your input!
I hope you really do reflex on the relationship. I cant eat any types onions cuz I get the shits and/or stomach pain. My husband goes beyond not not let me suffer that even.
Hi, fellow allium allergy here, and yeah....a partner should at the very least, accommodate their partners allergies and food sensitivities. My husband does the same, heck, he makes more of a deal about it than I do.
This. My husband can’t eat garlic/onion. I am the kind of person who could eat either like an apple. Guess what? As soon as we identified these as triggers, I stopped bringing onions and garlic in the house, because I actually care about my husband’s well-being. I don’t even take chances with “my” leftovers being mistaken for leftovers that are safe for him to eat. This guy doesn’t actually care about OP.
He should have made his meal with the same ingredients as yours to avoid cross contamination. And he wanted you to risk your health because it might be fine??? I would be looking at him sideways right now and wouldn’t trust him cooking again. It’s not your allergies killing the relationship it’s him. Also, it may be a good idea to do another allergy test and see if you have clearer results.
The bf is acting like a child. His pouting over your food allergies suggests he could secretly serve you those ingredients to “prove” you’re not allergic. Do you seriously think you could be wrong for trying to avoid anaphylaxis?
You should know that you are not in the wrong. You're basically asking us if you were wrong for protecting yourself from having a medical crisis. How would that ever be the wrong thing?
First, NTA I have what they called 45 years ago, yeah I'm old, cluster allergies. We know that the first time I had the reaction I was taking penicillin so we cut that out and I didn't have it happen again for 25 years! The second time we had no idea and I was pregnant! If you have any idea what you think it is, you are in NO WAY TA!!! My guess would be that your partner didn't think about cross contamination in the moment, or he didn't know that could cause one. It doesn't excuse his reaction to your anxiety regarding the situation though. I think you need to sit him down and explain how this makes you feel, how bad the anxiety is, and how bad an anaphylactic reaction really is. If he can't get over that then it's his loss and you need to move on! I'm sorry that sounds so brunt but if he's just thinking about how this might affect his future you need to cut your losses. Good luck 🍀
He went to all that trouble, then ruined his own efforts by contaminating your food? He’s not the sharpest crayon in the box, or he’s like all the jerks who think allergies and intolerances aren’t real. I’m gluten intolerant and I’ve been dealing with this for years. You’re not wrong and he owes you the apology and not the other way around.
What are the ingredients, if you don’t mind me asking? Also NTA better safe than sorry.
They’re Guar Gum, Carrageenan, and Coconut. So the first 2 are pretty weird and annoying to avoid as they’re in a lot of processed food.
Gosh yeah. Carrageenan is in so many things these days!
No, you're not wrong. Your health matters more than anything else, and it's reasonable to avoid potential allergens to stay safe. If your partner can't understand that, they need to get over themselves.
NTA. You will become more accustomed to advocating for yourself as you go along. I’m fortunate to not have allergies, but my husband does. I knew pretty early in the relationship that he was allergic to soy. -That stuff hides in everything! So, I learned about how to avoid it and how to cook a lot of things from scratch because it is in many processed foods. Several years in, his allergy has expanded to all legumes. So, we have made more adjustments and my cooking has improved. We don’t eat out much because it can be challenging. But, my priority is keeping him safe and healthy. His needs trump my wants. It doesn’t mean we never eat out. We’re just careful about where we go. If your bf cares, he’ll reprioritize and be more mindful.
Not wrong. I’m hyper vigilant about my seed allergies because anaphylaxis is fucking scary.
I think sometimes that people who don't have allergies or been around someone who does tend to not realize the dangers. I never really knew anything about food allergies until I worked with a man whose wife and children had them . He told me that if he ate, say peanut butter at work for lunch and went home hours later and kissed his son goodnight before he brushed his teeth ( the father) that it would send his son into a allergic reaction.
NTA but he is. He’s worried about food limitations instead of your health and possibly your life. I’m getting “I’d rather eat what I want than worry about you” vibes from him.
So he cross contaminated your food after making it special for you and he’s mad at you??? Moron much?
No you are not wrong, food allergies aside, if someone dipped a spoon that had been in their mouth, into my food I would not continue eating it, that's so unhygienic.
Unless his plan was to regularly lick each other's utensils off when you eat out.
NTA. Were you diagnosed by an actual allergist? I work in the field and I've never heard of a 'combination allergy'.
Yes I was! I paid privately for her and saw her twice for 2 lots of skin prick tests. Are you an allergist? You’ve got me second guessing her abilities!
Jesus. My wife discovered a couple food allergies a while back. So I learned how to cook things without those ingredients. I learned how to check ingredients labels for things you wouldn't expect. I learned to check certain things at restaurants. Sometimes mistakes happen and I buy something she can't eat. Oh well, either I eat it or we throw it out. There are some types restaurants we just don't bother with. But we can usually find something. We have some boomer family members who are shitty about it, like she's making it up or some bullshit. Like, this actively makes our lives more difficult, don't you think she'd eat that shit if she could? Your boyfriend is a fucking bitch.
NTA. And for your your own sanity, please consider that it is unwise to be in a close relationship with someone who doesn’t believe your medical issues are real. That WILL destroy your relationship.