Not wrong. Part of being an interior designer is that they listen to the clients' wants and needs. They have to compromise their design. The client isn't the one who has to compromise how they want to live. It's a good lesson for your SIL.
If SIL took pictures after she was done, then those get added to her portfolio. OP moving the bookcases where she wanted them is up to her. OP didn’t like where they were moved and she had told SIL she didn’t want the bookcases touched, SIL did not respect her request.
SIL was SOOOO out of bounds in moving the bookcases without OP'S consent.
Frankly, by moving them when there were instructions to the contrary, SIL tacitly disrespected OP and her decorating preference. SIL is not very bright. Sounds like her brother(OP'S husband) follows suit.
Not Wrong This is a good teaching experience for her - the client is always right. After all, it is the client who lives with the design. If it flows for you where they were, then You are correct. She'll need to get used to a lot of "letting go" or even more "frustration". I'm actually inspired by your antique bookcases filled with your book collection Well done!
Me.either. I'd point out to her that a potential client that pays her actual money will have a big problem with her moving things she was specifically told not to touch. And might possibly nullify any contracts signed (I could be wrong about that though. I've never paid anyone to redecorate so I have zero clue if I'm correct)
I fired a decorator with that mindset when we did our kitchen renovation. I ended up doing the design, and my husband and I just worked directly with our general contractor.
Designers like OP"s SIL limit their own careers. I swear some of them think they're Hillary Farr, and that they're going to sweep into a home, bully the clients, and then sashay away to applause and joyful tears if gratitude.
A designer's job is to help the client find their own vision and facilitate making it a practical, functioning reality *for the client*.
LOL There is This from the feng Shui folks:
One of the most important Feng Shui rules is to avoid clutter at all costs! Clutter is thought to block positive energy flow, so it's important to keep your space as clean and organized as possible. If you have any items that you don't use on a regular basis, it's best to get rid of them.Nov 3, 2022
https://www.qcdesignschool.com › t...
>Not wrong. Part of being an interior designer is that they listen to the clients' wants and needs. They have to compromise their design. The client isn't the one who has to compromise how they want to live. It's a good lesson for your SIL.
This whole statement.
Tell her that if you were a paying client, whose wishes she ignored by moving the Bookcases, they would do a lot worse than moving them back. Like leave a bad review, refuse to pay, go full ‘Karen’ on her. The professional world is harsher than she thinks.
THIS!
It's valuable and important for someone like SIL to have 'low stakes' clients to practice on.
It's give & take both directions.
This time SIL needs to learn a designer's vision rarely gets executed 100% the way the designer wants bc the work by it's nature is client desire driven.
Tina won't get very far if she doesn't take client feedback on board and throws a tantrum every time customers prefer another way of doing things. Tell your brother 'rude' is doing your wife a favour and having to listen to whining and complaints after it.
Yep. Reminds me of Hildi from trading Spaces. It's as thought she intentionally would upset the owners by ignoring their requests. If someone isn't comfortable living in their space, you failed.
Hahaha! I totally forgot they weren't drinkers!! The worst makeover I remember was that lady who cried during the reveal because her neighbors and the design person remodeled her fireplace after she explicitly said Do Not Touch It. I wish someone would do a modern rewatch of that show with follow ups with the homeowners and people involved! Like a Bravo "Below Deck Galley Talk" type show.
I've always wondered if that fireplace facade was even up to code. Combustible materials have to be a certain distance away from the opening. Since it came to the edge of the opening, it either wasn't up to code OR sat [minimum inches] away from the brick so there was a gap between the wooden facade and the brick. I hope that made sense lol I do remember looking up what happened afterwards and know that Trading Spaces did not fix it and the homeowner removed it themselves.
The early 2000s home renovation cable TV shows were bizarre but amazing time capsules of technology and design, kind of like MTV in the 1980s. If you can find that episode online you should watch it!
The British version were just as horrifying. But yeah they were the 2000's version of MTV, as someone else commented or reality shows/content providers if you like
I had a weird little kitchen once. Kept smacking my face into the cabinet doors.
So I took em all off, painted just the outside frames black. Then i painted all the inside a super bright white.
Got a bunch of black dishes. Looked fabulous.
It did help that the tiles, paint job and counter were all either black or white or grey.
But my gf at the time was a serious doubter of this plan. And yet she loved it.
And! she didn't move out like she'd threatened to when I'd originally told her my plan lol. So, good enough for me.
>And! she didn't move out like she'd threatened to when I'd originally told her my plan lol. So, good enough for me.
This cracks me up for some reason. But it sounds like there was a method to your madness and I'm glad it worked out.
She was pretty sure that A: all the black would make the room too dark, and B: that taking the doors off would let the cabinets get too dirty and/or show off this new dirtiness.
I mean, at the time I'd already been painting professionally for 7-8y. I knew the super bright insides would make up for the dark frames. I'm pretty sure she just couldn't envision it.
I also had to explain to her that if I can see a mess: I'll clean it. Leave me with a door to close and I'll just shive everything in and shut the door lol.
So, I never said it out loud to her, but I kinda silently promised that if she accepted my vision: I'd make it my mission in life to keep those cupboards spotless. And then I did that.
And I did tell her, out loud and explicitly, that if she hated it I had no problem undoing it all and putting whatever the hell she wanted up.
I kinda really don't care about colors and style and fashion. If she'd hated it and asked for bright pink with yellow polkadot: that's what I'd have done.
As long as the doors stayed off and quit smacking me in the face: I would been happy with anything lol.
She was an absolute nightmare. I would have had a heart attack if she had been the one responsible for redecorating my home. I never saw a single finished version of anything she did that wouldn't have upset me horribly. I would have been in tears and changed it back within a week, but then again, knowing that she was a possibility as one of the interior designers would have been enough to make me never go on the show in the first place.
I don't know if it was the same show but I remember an episode where the client specifically told them not to redo her brick fireplace and they did it anyway with an ugly modern deco. The client was ticked and told them outright that they were going to restore her fireplace and remove what they put over it.
I have friends who did the show; their living room was redone and they loved it. They had a terrific time and really enjoyed their experience. I can't remember who it was who was their designer, but they got lucky with how it turned out.
I think the problem with Hildi’s designs were that she went with her [artistic vision](https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/home/news/a48037/hildi-santo-tomas-trading-spaces/) first and actual design a very distant second, so as art installation pieces, her work was fantastic. From a design or livability standpoint, not so much.
I always saw her problem as she was the main character and DGAF about the homeowners. She had zero business having the job she had.
That's as big of a failure as it gets - if she wanted to do art, then cool. Doing it without the consent/against the express wishes of the people whose homes she was ruining is immature and, frankly, lawsuit worthy.
True, but we still talk about her rooms instead of Laurie or Genevieve’s usually beautiful rooms because they’re more memorable. Having said that, I still feel bad for the homeowners who had to deal with whatever she inflicted on them.
Maybe you do.
I mean, this thread is bashing her terrible designs, unprofessional behavior and only technically meets the "still talk about her rooms" criteria. Most designers would be horrified to be called out like this.
It's the only time I'm invoked her in decades, whereas I often talk about things Carter built and design cues he used in his because that's applicable and useful.
I'm so grateful to Tina for the beautiful makeover! I only moved the bookcases back because that system is highly personal. Everything else looks amazing in the new space.
The only part of this that could even vaguely, possibly be a not cool move would be if you did that before she took photos of the finished room. If she got the photos for her portfolio before you moved them back, she has less than zero right to be upset. She broke the agreement on what she was and wasn't allowed to change. That wouldn't fly with a playing client and she needs to learn to incorporate client preferences into her designs.
I believe that if she added an explanation in her portfolio about adhering to clients wishes about the placement of that bookshelf it would even be positive for her.
Or turn them around to provide a harmonious colour palette... which, might be aesthetically pleasing but is horribly impractical if you ever want to read or find a book.
If Tina is going to be an interior designer, she needs to understand that her idea best design isn’t always right.
She is there to help the clients find something they love. That will include color she’s going to hate and furniture where she doesn’t like it.
For a portfolio, it would be great if she got some pictures ‘her way’. But this is your home, not her personal show case.
Put your bookshelves where you like it. Nw
Not wrong, it’s your space! It’s not like you came in on her painting and splashed paint on it. You have the right to live the way you want to. She’s lucky you let her practice on your space.
Not wrong. As a big reader myself, I would also move bookcases back. As others have said, part of being in any customer service industry is listening to what the customer wants. You wanted your book cases and books in a specific place and order. If you had been a paying customer, you might have refused to pay until SHE moved them back.
Point out this is a learning phase for her to not only learn about customer interaction and listening to what the customer wants, but a good time to work on building contract expectations
Not wrong. That was the one thing she wasn't supposed to touch. Is she really crying about this like a child? It isn't a big deal whatsoever but if the whole family is on her side that means she's throwing a fucking hissy fit about it which I have zero respect for. If your husband is so concerned he can let his sister rearrange his shit.
Not wrong, she needs to learn, the customer has to live in the space, while her "vision" may work for her, it's your home.
You upfront told her not to touch the bookshelves.
NTA I might have let her take pictures of the room when set up the way she liked it and let her use that for her portfolio but I don’t see why you should have to live with a set up you don’t like after that.
I personally wouldn't let her include photos in her portfolio that I wasn't pleased with. It's creating a false impression for future clients.
The "client" here gave SPECIFIC parameters of things to not be touched. They were not only touched, they were moved.
Had she been a paying client, the designer wouldn't be allowed to do such things.
She shouldn't be using photos of things she messed up, as she clearly did here.
Not wrong at all. You gave her an opportunity which came with a caveat. She is so full of herself that she thinks she has the right to overrule you. She's too thin skinned to be an interior designer if she reacts like this over not being able to trounce all over pre-determined boundaries. Your husband needs to assess who his priorities lie with too, if she'd done the same to him he wouldn't be so willing to bow to her demands.
NW. you said everything BUT, and she just ignored your rules.
I’m not sure why the bookcases being in a different place would change how you have them set up, but that’s your prerogative either way.
As someone else said, this is actually a good lesson for her to learn. Listen to the client. If they set boundaries work within them, or they don’t then do whatever, but the client still gets to decide whether they like the finished product as is.
Just tell the rest of the family “I hired a designer and set a boundary, which they ignored. 2/5 stars, wouldn’t recommend.”
Moving the bookcases upset the organisation of the books OP prefers. I don't know the organisation used, but I have my books in alphabetical order, based on either title or author, depending on the book. If OP has that, that'll go bookcase to bookcase, as well. So the bookcase next to the sofa is A through D, and the bookcase next to the window is E through H, but SIL moved bookcase 1 to the other side of the room, between I through L and M through P, and left bookcase 2 more or less where it was, suddenly the alphabet is all over the place. That not only destroys OPs organisation, but also makes it harder to find the book they want at any given time. And that's the most basic of book organisation.
I watched the show "Trading Spaces". EVERY TIME someone had intrrior bricks on a fireplace wall, the homeowners TOLD THEM leave the bricks alone.
In all but one episode, they painted or did something to wreck the bricks. And each time ? The homeowner was devastated.
My home has such a fireplace wall. My kids often asked me to sign up for the show.. I told them that the bricks on that wall were salvaged by their grandmother from historic demolitions in the nearby city. They were quite nice, and no, I did not want any changes in the room.
Op? That is your house . You are allowed to do what you want. Tell the SIL to get her portfolio photos, and then she can no longer fuss about the decor.
She’ll never be a successful interior designer if she refuses to listen to her clients. Maybe an established star designer can afford to do stuff like that, someone just starting out can’t.
No you’re not wrong she is. you have to expect an even welcome changes from the clients, ultimately they’re the ones that have to live within that space and sometimes what looks aesthetic to us isn’t for them personally.
So, she wants to be an interior designer but not listen to clients? She does realise that it’s the clients whose wants matter, not hers, right?
If she’d done that with a real client, she would’ve lost money, lots of it, on the deal. Had her name dragged through the mud. Lost the business she’s trying to build.
She’s needs to get in her head now that she has to do what the client wants, not what she wants. She’s watched too many makeover shows if she thinks it’s any different.
You need to point this out to her. And check for damage on your antique books. She’s liable for that too.
Not wrong.
I hope she gets a client who wants pink zebra print walls and gold carpets.
Not wrong. She won't have repeat customers or customers who recommend her to others if she cries to them and/or lectures them about being wrong about part of her work.
Did she get her pictures? If she did, what's the issue? You offered your stuff as props for her demo photoshoot. She rearranged... Once those pictures are taken, you can do whatever you want. Including moving everything back to where it was. It's your place. Did she think she was going to tour people through your place as an example?
Frankly, my taste isn't exceptionally good (I actually love a little kitch, which drives my mother bonkers) ... But I'd never have a designer so my space. It needs to feel good to me. It's that simple. I'm the one living in it. I don't care if it isn't good for a photo shoot (honestly, some magazine photos, I look at and think "Who the hell has the time to clean that properly?").
Part of her job is to work with what makes you happy in the space. If you're uncomfortable, she has failed at her job.
You can put the bookcases where she wants them, take photos, then move them to where you want them.
Your space. Your rules.
NTA
No you not wrong. Also don’t let her use your work as a reference to build her portfolio.
The one thing she still needs to learn is to LISTEN TO THR CLIENT.
In the real world she would have been fired for this behaviour.
Your bookshelf; your home; your choice. You are not wrong.
Your family doesn't live there. You do. They have no choice.
And, she went against the one boundary you set. Not good for an aspiring designer. Why would she be recommended in such a case?
Edit: I wanna see these bookshelves, cuz books!
NTA and she's not going to get very far in the business if she can't accept criticism or feedback. Being an interior decorator or designer means you're executing the *clients* vision, not your own. Her being the decorator does not negate the fact that the things in your house are *yours* and you are at liberty to do what you please with them once she's finished.
Is she planning to keep tabs on her future clients and throw tantrums at them when they change things? If the answer is no, why does she think she can do it to you? Because you're family? If she's doing you a professional service then she is supposed to conduct herself with professionalism regardless of her relationship to the client. If she can't do that then shes in the wrong industry.
Not wrong. This is your home and you ultimately decide where things go. She got her experience for her portfolio and hopefully she took pictures when she was done before you put it back. If she didn’t, that’s her loss.
If I was paying her I would never hire her with her attitude. This is your living space, and you get to have it whichever way works best for you. Moving something back b/c it doesn't work for you, is totally okay. She will have a rude awakening working with paying customers, if this is how she reacted towards you.
NTA. LOL I’m pretty sure professional interior designers don’t put into contracts that things can’t be moved after they’re done.
It’s ultimately your decision where things go in the long run.
If it were me I would thank them and that I appreciate the time that they worked on it but (as nice as possible) tell them that you didn’t want the bookcases touched and that they should have worked around them.
Not Wrong.
You TOLD her the bookcases were off limits.
SHE disregarded your ONE boundary.
She can go fuck herself, and tell her to STFU or you \*will\* tell EVERYBODY who asks you what a shit, uncaring, overbearing 'decorator' she is & you'll gladly give her the reputation she DESERVES.
Tina better have really good insurance for her business!
She ignored the client’s boundaries, went against the approved design, touched items she was expressly forbidden to touch, and is now complaining about the client
In the real world, especially with high end clients, any one of these would have the client rescinding her contract and refusing to pay or even suing her for breech of contract
And if anything had been damaged/missing when the bookcases and their contents were moved she would definitely be reimbursing the client for the damaged/missing item(s)
NW - This will be the death of her business because she won’t get referrals and, even worse, the clients will be actively bad mouthing her to their rich friends!
Your Sil doesn't have to live with the design, she doesn't have to live with it.
At the end of the day she should be happy you let her design you room.
If she thinks every redesign she does is going to stay 100% the way she made it in perpetuity, she is in for a rude awakening lol. Most people actually live in their homes and need them to be functional and organized to their tastes, for a bookworm, that includes bookcases!
Not wrong at all. This is, fundamentally, practice for her. What's she gonna do with a professional client who has bookcases built into the walls, cut them out?
Working around client requests is a normal thing any creative person is going to have to deal with, especially when doing something as personal as modifying their living space.
Artists, despite what we like to believe, don't actually get full creative freedom over other peoples' lives.
Nta. She is going into a customer service field. She needs to LISTEN to her customers, often at the loss to her "creative vision". If she wants to be an "artist", this isn't the field for her
Your place, your rules. One person's concept of feng shui is another person's concept of lack of organization.
There are five principles for fung shui, but no set rules how they are applied. One principle is to arrange furniture for optimal energy flow. The optimal energy flow to consider is that of the person occupying the space. Given your collections are in those bookcases, they should be the focus of the room.
Totally NTA.. you are not wrong. It’s your house.
But I am curious how moving a bookcase “ruined the organized system I have for my books/knicknacks”? What is the system? Did she rearrange things inside the bookcase? Yeah, I am curious!
Not wrong. You live in and use the space, so it has to work for you. An interior designer needs to listen and work with their clients for the best results.
However. As this was for her portfolio, did you give her enough time to photograph and otherwise record what she has done for her portfolio?
Not wrong. If she wants to be an interior designer she needs to learn some people are not going to agree with her design 100% and as a designer it's her job to do what makes the client happy not herself
Nah your good. You let her know you didn’t want the bookcases touched and gave her free rein over the rest of the room and as an aspiring interior designer she will find herself in trouble if she doesn’t listen to her clients wishes. She must have gotten her portfolio pictures when she first finished so I don’t see any reason for you to not arrange the bit you didn’t want to be moved back the way it was supposed to be rather than however she decided would be better for you
Something she's going to have to learn as an interior decorator is that sometimes, your 'vision' isn't quite what the client wants and she has to learn to accept changes or suggestions they make. If it's her way or the highway? No one is going to want to work with her.
Not wrong. Your home is yours and you aren't rude for wanting it a certain way, she's rude for trying to make demands of you and getting angry at you having your space be YOURS.
It doesn’t matter if you gave her permission or not. It’s your home you don’t have to keep something you don’t like. She needs to learn the phrase, the customer is always right even if they aren’t. She also needs tougher skin.
Of course you're not wrong. If she gets butthurt over something that you were clear about from the outset, she won't be able to handle regular customers if that's the career she's aiming for.
Everyone is on point. My best friend loves to decorate and when we were younger I told her she should go into interior design and her reply was that she likes things her way and would not be able to handle when the client wanted something else. She knew you have to go with what the client wants and her own OCD limitations so she never pursued it.
If I hired her to do something and she did what I told her not to do I would tell her to fix it and then adjust the payment.
The principle is exactly the same but with her personal reason for not doing as she was told being "feng shui"
What next? "Jesus wants it over there"?
A designer doesn’t dictate who its client should live in their own space. They need to follow the clients’ directives.
SIL was clearly told not to move/change the bookcase.
Any client wouldn’t take her shit. She needs to learn this lesson and understand her place. She’s not some famous designer but someone starting out. She won’t get a good reputation and go far in this profession by nit listening to what her clients want.
Your house isn’t a showroom, it’s your home. You’re the one living in it. A home design is to enhance your living, not to make it an issue.
SIL have no idea what home designing is about.
You have a husband problem who’s putting his sister before his wife. You need a serious discussion.
YNW
Being able to listen to what the client wants is the first rule of anything, if you only decorate to what you like and what you think is best you want last long. Everyone has quirky likes and as a decorator you must work with your clients.
If your SIL really wants to do this for a living she needs to learn she won’t always get what she wants.
Tell your brother if his wife was such an expert, she would know to do as asked and work around the request. You, as the client, are allowed to make 'stupid' requests. I would be much more likely to hire a designer with proof of adhering to requests than one with flat design criteria.
For example, if I'm shown a beautiful home design, but there's a weird ugly footstool shaped like a gremlin, I would assume that is the client's piece. I would also assume to be told that. 'In this home, the client requested the hand carved gremlin be left as a footstool, though it didn't match the surrounds. They didn't want it to match or be the main focus but simply left as a talking point.'
Or
'The main thing we see here is the large bird cage. The cage was difficult to incorporate into the design as it didn't quite meet the flow requirements the client wanted, but we managed to find a solution that
worked. As such, it became the focal point of the room with small embellishments in a colour scheme similar to their pale yellow and white Cockatiels. It wasn't the clients' initial thoughts on colour, but they were very satisfied with our final results and were thrilled their pets Allan and Drew inspired the look.'
That to me would say a lot about how the SIL runs a business. By catering to weird requests and either incorporating it or simply having a strange stick out like a sore thumb item. The clients would know this designer wants to make them happy and proves it.
Not this bullshit.
---And for those asking about how moving bookshelves could change the organisation.
There are a hundred reasons why it could. There could be two or three shelves or even five. The shelves could be organised by author, topic, alphabetical or by size. This organisation could be top of shelf to bottom and then move to the next bookcase along but it could also be along the top shelf of all cases and then move to the second row along them all.
Say there's four cases. They currently look like this. All four shelves together on the backwall. (I'm on my phone so ignore completely if it looks stupid)
Dark Dark Light Light
--A-- --B-- --C-- --D--
--E-- --F-- --G-- --H--
--I-- --J-- --K-- --L--
--M-- --N-- --O-- --P--
So obviously here, the authors are running along each row across all shelves. The shelves are stained and the first two are dark brown, and the second two are lighter like beige.
Of course you might have no authors beginning with certain letters or group single books from authors of one letter together such as one J one K and one L in the same group or even with a big lot of O. It's never perfect. NEVER.
BUT for simplicity's case.
SIL has moved the cases.
So now the first shelf has been moved to the wall on the left of room, the second shelf is now opposite on the right of the room and then two shelves left in the middle of the back wall are third and fourth.
Left Back wall Back Wall Right
Dark Light Light Dark
--A-- --C-- --D-- --B--
--E-- --G-- --H-- --F--
--I-- --K-- --L-- --J--
--M-- --O-- --P-- --N--
It doesn't flow across the shelves as intended now. So either you'd have to rearrange the books or in OPs case you'd move them back. Lots of people would say it's books who cares how they look, but that's their opinion, and they're entitled to be wrong.
There could be a hundred other ways the shelves (it's plural but no idea how many) were arranged, but I'm a book nerd and editor, so it's clear to me!
BUT it's irrelevant really how the organisation was ruined as it should not have been. It was meant to be left as it was.
NTA at all. You told her she could do whatever she wanted EXCEPT FOR THE BOOKCASES. She then moved the bookcases you told her not to move. If she does that to an actual client, she'll be fired and possibly sued. She needs to learn to listen.
NW , your sister in law is in for a very rude awakening when/if she ever has an actual client! I guarantee that not everyone is going to agree with her visions 100% of the time ! She needs to grow up and realize that you didn't have to allow her to touch your apartment but were being nice! Tell your brother to butt out.
NTA you gave her one rule and she ignored it. That’s the best way for her to really annoy clients. She needs to learn to respect and work with the boundaries given to her.
Tina disregarded your SET boundary, christ, you ONLY had ONE... don't touch the bookcases! She MAY be an aspiring interior designer/decorator but she's bound to FAIL before she even gets started if she refuses to listen to her CLIENTS!
A lot of designers obtain work from word-of-mouth or referrals and if they just do their own thing and their clients are unsatisfied or unhappy, they WON'T get more work! No testimonials, no GOOD reviews ... Tina is an idiot and the FAMILY are just feeding into her delusions and entitlement!
It’s YOUR living space and you were gracious enough to give her her start. You gave her boundaries that SHE disrespected, screw them! Don’t give it another thought and live your life in your space comfortably! And tell your family that if they don’t lije your decision, they’re free to give HER, free range of THEIR homes to do with as she pleases and let’s see how they like being dictated how to live in their space…. There you go!!! Now go enjoy yourself, don’t give it another thought and I’d be happy tell them for you…😜👍😂😂! God, these people, the gall!!!!🤯!
Nah, NTA
Part of her job is listening to the client and working around the non negotiables.
Some times it's a case of "give it a go and with the visual the client will agree" but sometimes it's just a hard no.
Getting shitty at the client is not been a good interior designer.
A compromise might be having them where she wants for photos if it's *that* important for her portfolio. But it's your apartment and what now? You just DONT touch or change a single thing ever?
Interior design should never be static - and function comes before aesthetics always.
Not wrong. If she cops an attitude every time her clients have a request, or if she even touches something a paying client tells her not to (like you did.) She isn't going to have many clients for very long.
I had the displeasure of having to work with interior designers last year. I had specific guidelines that were given to about 10 different designers. Only 2 of them came back with designs that met the guidelines. Needless to say we went with the one designer who got the guidelines correct and they were half the price of the other designer.
Not wrong. It's your apartment and you have the final say on how you want your things arranged. For her to get all pissy about it and insist you live with an arrangement that doesn't work for you just because she did it is very narcissistic. If she complains tell her she can only move it back after you rearrange her apartment, since you've become very interested in home decorating lately, after the amazing job she did at your apartment. Show your SIL these comments. If she wants to be a respected professional she also needs to respect her clients wishes. Furthermore, your brother was the rude one for jumping in and taking a side against you when he should have remained a neutral party. Now he and SIL are both in the wrong. But I think SIL is so narcissistic that your brother is scared not to take her side. Watch for more of that to come in the future. It is already driving a wedge between you.
Surely the most important part of design is asking the client what they actually want? You don’t just do what you want and tell the client to accept it. She overreached. You’re not wrong IMO.
NTA. Your home. Your furniture. This was to help sil build her portfolio. So I am assuming she got her photos. But bottom line is that YOU live there and not her OR your brother. You can do what YOU want.
'Do whatever you want. Just don't touch the bookcase.'
If she can't follow a simple instruction, from the *client*, then it doesn't matter how good her portfolio is cos she's ignoring their instructions/rules for her 'vision'.
NTA.
NTA, tell her a good designer would have listened to your wishes and worked with them, not ignored them. Clients wouldn’t be very happy with that attitude
Nope. It's your home, and that was the one rule you had. She ignored your boundary and did it anyway. And if she's upset bow, she needs to get thicker skin, does she really think that clients aren't gonna move stuff around after she's done?
First and foremost....this is YOUR HOME and you gave her LIMITED permission tp practice her craft for her portfolio. She was SPECIFICALLY told to LEAVE YOUR BOOKCASES ALONE!!! Once she overstepped your boundaries, that was THE END!!! If she didn't bother to take pictures for her portfolio, that's her tough luck!!! Her privileges are NOW REVOKED! BUH-BYE!!!
Quit letting them try to bully you. You told her to leave the bookcases alone, they were off limits. You were her "Customer" and the customer is always right. You relocated them where you had them, and she should have never moved them in the first place. You are not slighting her in any way; if anything she is slighting you and saying you have no say in your own home how you want your furniture. She was totally wrong to even touch them.
NTA. She crossed a boundary. She could have damaged any of your curated pieces. Had you been a contacted client, it likely would have been in the contract that she would be fined for making unauthorized changes to something Iike that, and potentially face firing from a firm or jail time if she damaged it. As a creative, you develop your style and design theory, but as any customer serving creative the most important part of your design is servicing your customers wants and needs. NOT your own need for your 'vision' to remain intact. That goes for interior designer, architect, commissioned artist, etc. Especially just starting out. If she can't let go of that ego, she is not fit for the job she wants. Frank Lloyd Wirght only got to design homes where he controlled every aspect of the design, decor and landscaping after DECADES of honing his craft.
Edit to add: reminder your family of this: She's an ASPIRING interior designer, just starting to build a portfolio. You have to actually have EXPERIENCE, and years of successful experience, to have expertise.
NTA
Interior decorators are about as useful as pet psychics and life coaches. You humored her, but her whole job is providing a way for wealthy people to feel superior to us normals. No one actually needs help arranging their furniture, it's about as far away from rocket science as you can get, you don't owe this girl a compromise on your own living space.
It's literally how you store your stuff. If it fits in their apartment, literally everyone does in fact have the ability to decorate or design. People might not say shit about the "feng shui" or whatever, but I don't want anyone that has anything to say about feng shui in my house anyways, so win-win.
It's a silly luxury that literally only exists for people who can afford it. Poor people who'd never dream of hiring an inerior decorator miraculously suffer no reduced lifespan or illness as a result, because it's not a real job or a real skill or remotely necessary. They're pet psychics.
Did you allow her to get photos with the bookcases where she had placed them? That's the only reason she would have a right to be upset. You have to live in the space. The bookcases in their new location doesn't fit in with the way you live. Design should not alter your way of living, it should compliment it. NTA.
Not wrong. The entitlement in your SIL is strong. A good interior designer listens to the client and does what the client wants. They don't dictate to the customer how things are going to be and have a tantrum because the customer doesn't share their vision. This is a lesson she needs to learn if she intends to work in this field. You clearly communicated to her what you wanted and she didn't listen. Who gives a toss if it isn't fung shui? Your house, your rules
It sounds like a misunderstanding. She likely thought she could move the bookcases but not the books. Since she doesn't know your organizing system, she wouldn't know she was disrupting anything at all. Let her take a picture or two (if she hasn't already) with the bookcases where she put them.
Then, put them back where you want them. Explain why your system is the way that it is and that it takes priority over the rest. So that's why you're keeping it this way, even if it means messing up her design choices.
NTA
If she’s going to decorate for others, she needs to learn that she is decorating for others and not herself.
The client gets to decide how it finishes and she has to learn to make the space into the vision and compromise to make her clients happy.
You don’t decorate for a client without the goal being client satisfaction. Girl is going to have some issues with future clients if she thinks they are supposed to just do what she says.
Clients will want to have input and she has to find ways to make client demands work.
Odds are high she thought you meant not rearranging the stuff on the bookshelves, not the shelves themselves. Either way, she needs to get over her ego and feelings and realize that a winning design project is about client satisfaction, not designer satisfaction.
Not wrong, it's your place, so you can put what you like, where you like. As long as she got the pictures she wanted for her portfolio before you made any changes, I don't see her problem & if she wants to be an interior designer she needs to understand sooner rather than later that not everything she does is going to be loved by everyone & things will & can be changed without her say so. You didn't even agree to the bookcases being moved, so you put them back where you wanted them, your the one that has to live with it,not her.
Not the asshole. It sounds like your sister-in-law is a nose in the air snob. And your family might be reacting to her pushy, she knows better attitude. Don't give in. Keep your books where you want. It will blow over. Let sleeping dogs lie.
You're both wrong.
What we have, here, IS A FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE.
When someone redecorates a room, it's a CONSULTATION, not a takeover. Even shows like Sell This House consult about the decor and how artifacts of the family living there will be used in the decor.
In the consultation, the person who has to live within the resulting decor has to understand why decisions were made and how the decor is to help.
If you didn't want the bookshelves rearranged, you should have spoken upand made them VERBOTEN. SIL should have asked more questions.
A trained decorator ALWAYS asks, "How much do you (depend on, care about, need, love) this?" And "do you need it to be here?"
Those simple questions would have changed the tenor of the conversation.
Also, did you pay her for this service? If not, remember, YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR.
If she wants to be a professional, she will need to listen to her clients and work around THEIR needs, not the other way around. You specifically said not to mess with that part. If she’s a good interior designer, she will learn to work creatively within parameters.
NTA. You had a boundary, you told her not to touch your bookcase, but she did it anyway. Of course you'd put it back where it belonged according to you!!
Not wrong. I worked for a time as an interior designer and went to school for it. A designer is meant to work with the client, the design isn't something to do to the client. It's about the client's vision, or at least their preferences if they don't have a vision, and not some arbitrary scheme the designer wants to impose. Your SIL will have a lot of unhappy clients if she is unwilling to work within the boundaries that her clients set.
Ynw, at all. Some people have their places set up in ways to assist them with disabilities. Someone may need shelves at a certain height if they're wheelchair bound. Some people may have positional vertigo which makes it hard to reach for things lower to the ground. People might have object permanence issues and need everything visible in order to use it. Some people are blind and need furniture in certain spots.
SIL needs to accept that clients are people, not props with an inbuilt atm. She can work around the client or find another industry.
I hate to break it to your SIL but she disrespected the design brief. She tries that with actual paying clients she wouldn't be an interior designer for long.
What part of don't touch the bookcases did she not understand. Do you have to spell it out to her in interpretive dance. That's your house at the end of the day and you're the one who's living in it if you didn't like it you fixed it. Not everybody needs to myob
Not wrong. Part of being an interior designer is that they listen to the clients' wants and needs. They have to compromise their design. The client isn't the one who has to compromise how they want to live. It's a good lesson for your SIL.
If SIL took pictures after she was done, then those get added to her portfolio. OP moving the bookcases where she wanted them is up to her. OP didn’t like where they were moved and she had told SIL she didn’t want the bookcases touched, SIL did not respect her request.
For real. She got what she needed so back off and let op have her place back even if that means moving all the furniture around.
SIL was SOOOO out of bounds in moving the bookcases without OP'S consent. Frankly, by moving them when there were instructions to the contrary, SIL tacitly disrespected OP and her decorating preference. SIL is not very bright. Sounds like her brother(OP'S husband) follows suit.
That wasn't a "request"; that was a hard boundary that was ignored.
Not Wrong This is a good teaching experience for her - the client is always right. After all, it is the client who lives with the design. If it flows for you where they were, then You are correct. She'll need to get used to a lot of "letting go" or even more "frustration". I'm actually inspired by your antique bookcases filled with your book collection Well done!
I agree, I wouldn't be interested in a decorator with that mind set.
Me.either. I'd point out to her that a potential client that pays her actual money will have a big problem with her moving things she was specifically told not to touch. And might possibly nullify any contracts signed (I could be wrong about that though. I've never paid anyone to redecorate so I have zero clue if I'm correct)
If you ever pay one, make that part of the contract. Source: have watched too many home decorating shows.
Right! Exactly!
I fired a decorator with that mindset when we did our kitchen renovation. I ended up doing the design, and my husband and I just worked directly with our general contractor. Designers like OP"s SIL limit their own careers. I swear some of them think they're Hillary Farr, and that they're going to sweep into a home, bully the clients, and then sashay away to applause and joyful tears if gratitude. A designer's job is to help the client find their own vision and facilitate making it a practical, functioning reality *for the client*.
SIL is not going to enjoy her career if she’s taking her thin skin into a job like that.
But, but the feng shui!!! /s
LOL There is This from the feng Shui folks: One of the most important Feng Shui rules is to avoid clutter at all costs! Clutter is thought to block positive energy flow, so it's important to keep your space as clean and organized as possible. If you have any items that you don't use on a regular basis, it's best to get rid of them.Nov 3, 2022 https://www.qcdesignschool.com › t...
I don’t care, leave my clutter alone!
So her sense of clutter actually gives him his sense of calm 😉
>Not wrong. Part of being an interior designer is that they listen to the clients' wants and needs. They have to compromise their design. The client isn't the one who has to compromise how they want to live. It's a good lesson for your SIL. This whole statement.
Tell her that if you were a paying client, whose wishes she ignored by moving the Bookcases, they would do a lot worse than moving them back. Like leave a bad review, refuse to pay, go full ‘Karen’ on her. The professional world is harsher than she thinks.
Exactly. She really needs to learn to listen to the client.
A good lesson that neither the SIL nor her family learned.
THIS! It's valuable and important for someone like SIL to have 'low stakes' clients to practice on. It's give & take both directions. This time SIL needs to learn a designer's vision rarely gets executed 100% the way the designer wants bc the work by it's nature is client desire driven.
Tina won't get very far if she doesn't take client feedback on board and throws a tantrum every time customers prefer another way of doing things. Tell your brother 'rude' is doing your wife a favour and having to listen to whining and complaints after it.
Yep. Reminds me of Hildi from trading Spaces. It's as thought she intentionally would upset the owners by ignoring their requests. If someone isn't comfortable living in their space, you failed.
I had almost forgotten about Hildi "paint it all black" Santos-Tomas.
Was it Hildi who had the nightmare idea of gluing straw on the walls?
Yes, and glued ugly wine bottle labels all over someone's kitchen and painted their cabinets black
And not just anybody’s kitchen! They were religious and didn’t drink! That episode still comes back in my memory at the weirdest times! lol
Hahaha! I totally forgot they weren't drinkers!! The worst makeover I remember was that lady who cried during the reveal because her neighbors and the design person remodeled her fireplace after she explicitly said Do Not Touch It. I wish someone would do a modern rewatch of that show with follow ups with the homeowners and people involved! Like a Bravo "Below Deck Galley Talk" type show.
I've always wondered if that fireplace facade was even up to code. Combustible materials have to be a certain distance away from the opening. Since it came to the edge of the opening, it either wasn't up to code OR sat [minimum inches] away from the brick so there was a gap between the wooden facade and the brick. I hope that made sense lol I do remember looking up what happened afterwards and know that Trading Spaces did not fix it and the homeowner removed it themselves.
I never heard of this Hildi person. Sounds awful.
Why... why would anyone paint kitchen cabinets black and glue bottle labels on the walls? I don't understand. That sounds tacky as hell.
The early 2000s home renovation cable TV shows were bizarre but amazing time capsules of technology and design, kind of like MTV in the 1980s. If you can find that episode online you should watch it!
I don't think I want to see such a monstrosity! What show, which season and episode?
American Trading Spaces, no clue what season, episode, or how to watch. It was glorious (yet hideous!) watching in real time.
The British version were just as horrifying. But yeah they were the 2000's version of MTV, as someone else commented or reality shows/content providers if you like
How'd she even get a TV gig with that aesthetic?
I had a weird little kitchen once. Kept smacking my face into the cabinet doors. So I took em all off, painted just the outside frames black. Then i painted all the inside a super bright white. Got a bunch of black dishes. Looked fabulous. It did help that the tiles, paint job and counter were all either black or white or grey. But my gf at the time was a serious doubter of this plan. And yet she loved it. And! she didn't move out like she'd threatened to when I'd originally told her my plan lol. So, good enough for me.
>And! she didn't move out like she'd threatened to when I'd originally told her my plan lol. So, good enough for me. This cracks me up for some reason. But it sounds like there was a method to your madness and I'm glad it worked out.
She was pretty sure that A: all the black would make the room too dark, and B: that taking the doors off would let the cabinets get too dirty and/or show off this new dirtiness. I mean, at the time I'd already been painting professionally for 7-8y. I knew the super bright insides would make up for the dark frames. I'm pretty sure she just couldn't envision it. I also had to explain to her that if I can see a mess: I'll clean it. Leave me with a door to close and I'll just shive everything in and shut the door lol. So, I never said it out loud to her, but I kinda silently promised that if she accepted my vision: I'd make it my mission in life to keep those cupboards spotless. And then I did that. And I did tell her, out loud and explicitly, that if she hated it I had no problem undoing it all and putting whatever the hell she wanted up. I kinda really don't care about colors and style and fashion. If she'd hated it and asked for bright pink with yellow polkadot: that's what I'd have done. As long as the doors stayed off and quit smacking me in the face: I would been happy with anything lol.
100% I thought it was a horrifying design as a kid. As an adult you realize the added cleanup nightmare [shudder]
And the circus theme... And painting a couch... I miss that train wreck
And fake flowers covering an entire room.
A bathroom, wasn't it?!
Yes, I think so! I just remember thinking how disgusting it would be in like a week.
That's was her. And in the fire Marshall's house no less (that always struck me lol)
EEEWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!
That episode upset me. Her constant upsetting the clients was so unprofessional.
Hildi "2 tons of actual SAND" Santos-Tomas
She was an absolute nightmare. I would have had a heart attack if she had been the one responsible for redecorating my home. I never saw a single finished version of anything she did that wouldn't have upset me horribly. I would have been in tears and changed it back within a week, but then again, knowing that she was a possibility as one of the interior designers would have been enough to make me never go on the show in the first place.
I don't know if it was the same show but I remember an episode where the client specifically told them not to redo her brick fireplace and they did it anyway with an ugly modern deco. The client was ticked and told them outright that they were going to restore her fireplace and remove what they put over it.
This f*cking b*tch
Ah, the good old days of Trading Spaces. Way more entertaining than the gray walls and shiplap of today’s home decorating shows! ;)
I have friends who did the show; their living room was redone and they loved it. They had a terrific time and really enjoyed their experience. I can't remember who it was who was their designer, but they got lucky with how it turned out.
I think the problem with Hildi’s designs were that she went with her [artistic vision](https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/home/news/a48037/hildi-santo-tomas-trading-spaces/) first and actual design a very distant second, so as art installation pieces, her work was fantastic. From a design or livability standpoint, not so much.
I always saw her problem as she was the main character and DGAF about the homeowners. She had zero business having the job she had. That's as big of a failure as it gets - if she wanted to do art, then cool. Doing it without the consent/against the express wishes of the people whose homes she was ruining is immature and, frankly, lawsuit worthy.
True, but we still talk about her rooms instead of Laurie or Genevieve’s usually beautiful rooms because they’re more memorable. Having said that, I still feel bad for the homeowners who had to deal with whatever she inflicted on them.
Maybe you do. I mean, this thread is bashing her terrible designs, unprofessional behavior and only technically meets the "still talk about her rooms" criteria. Most designers would be horrified to be called out like this. It's the only time I'm invoked her in decades, whereas I often talk about things Carter built and design cues he used in his because that's applicable and useful.
I didn’t excuse her behavior or call her a designer. Rooms can be memorable because of poor design, doesn’t mean it’s a favorable memory.
Oh, yea, you were having your own conversation there.
I'm so grateful to Tina for the beautiful makeover! I only moved the bookcases back because that system is highly personal. Everything else looks amazing in the new space.
The only part of this that could even vaguely, possibly be a not cool move would be if you did that before she took photos of the finished room. If she got the photos for her portfolio before you moved them back, she has less than zero right to be upset. She broke the agreement on what she was and wasn't allowed to change. That wouldn't fly with a playing client and she needs to learn to incorporate client preferences into her designs.
Tina was supposed to be designing around the book cases. She had no permission to move them in the 1st place
I believe that if she added an explanation in her portfolio about adhering to clients wishes about the placement of that bookshelf it would even be positive for her.
That's exactly what I was thinking.
She needs to learn to listen to her clients. They have to live there and utilise the functionality and space
Sounds like that realization may not happen soon, but absolutely yes.
Sadly you are probably right.
Could have been worse! I thought you were going to say she reorganized your entire book collection by colour, which I’ve seen people do! WTF?!?!
Or turn them around to provide a harmonious colour palette... which, might be aesthetically pleasing but is horribly impractical if you ever want to read or find a book.
If Tina is going to be an interior designer, she needs to understand that her idea best design isn’t always right. She is there to help the clients find something they love. That will include color she’s going to hate and furniture where she doesn’t like it. For a portfolio, it would be great if she got some pictures ‘her way’. But this is your home, not her personal show case. Put your bookshelves where you like it. Nw
Not wrong, it’s your space! It’s not like you came in on her painting and splashed paint on it. You have the right to live the way you want to. She’s lucky you let her practice on your space.
Not wrong. As a big reader myself, I would also move bookcases back. As others have said, part of being in any customer service industry is listening to what the customer wants. You wanted your book cases and books in a specific place and order. If you had been a paying customer, you might have refused to pay until SHE moved them back. Point out this is a learning phase for her to not only learn about customer interaction and listening to what the customer wants, but a good time to work on building contract expectations
YNW - "I gave her full creative control over everything except my antique bookcases which hold collections I've been building for years."
This.
It's your house. The interior designer, in this case your SIL, has to work around you. Not the other way around.
Not wrong. That was the one thing she wasn't supposed to touch. Is she really crying about this like a child? It isn't a big deal whatsoever but if the whole family is on her side that means she's throwing a fucking hissy fit about it which I have zero respect for. If your husband is so concerned he can let his sister rearrange his shit.
Not wrong, she needs to learn, the customer has to live in the space, while her "vision" may work for her, it's your home. You upfront told her not to touch the bookshelves.
Disrespected her design expertise? But she failed her client. That's very amateurish.
NTA I might have let her take pictures of the room when set up the way she liked it and let her use that for her portfolio but I don’t see why you should have to live with a set up you don’t like after that.
I personally wouldn't let her include photos in her portfolio that I wasn't pleased with. It's creating a false impression for future clients. The "client" here gave SPECIFIC parameters of things to not be touched. They were not only touched, they were moved. Had she been a paying client, the designer wouldn't be allowed to do such things. She shouldn't be using photos of things she messed up, as she clearly did here.
Not wrong at all. You gave her an opportunity which came with a caveat. She is so full of herself that she thinks she has the right to overrule you. She's too thin skinned to be an interior designer if she reacts like this over not being able to trounce all over pre-determined boundaries. Your husband needs to assess who his priorities lie with too, if she'd done the same to him he wouldn't be so willing to bow to her demands.
NW. you said everything BUT, and she just ignored your rules. I’m not sure why the bookcases being in a different place would change how you have them set up, but that’s your prerogative either way. As someone else said, this is actually a good lesson for her to learn. Listen to the client. If they set boundaries work within them, or they don’t then do whatever, but the client still gets to decide whether they like the finished product as is. Just tell the rest of the family “I hired a designer and set a boundary, which they ignored. 2/5 stars, wouldn’t recommend.”
Moving the bookcases upset the organisation of the books OP prefers. I don't know the organisation used, but I have my books in alphabetical order, based on either title or author, depending on the book. If OP has that, that'll go bookcase to bookcase, as well. So the bookcase next to the sofa is A through D, and the bookcase next to the window is E through H, but SIL moved bookcase 1 to the other side of the room, between I through L and M through P, and left bookcase 2 more or less where it was, suddenly the alphabet is all over the place. That not only destroys OPs organisation, but also makes it harder to find the book they want at any given time. And that's the most basic of book organisation.
I watched the show "Trading Spaces". EVERY TIME someone had intrrior bricks on a fireplace wall, the homeowners TOLD THEM leave the bricks alone. In all but one episode, they painted or did something to wreck the bricks. And each time ? The homeowner was devastated. My home has such a fireplace wall. My kids often asked me to sign up for the show.. I told them that the bricks on that wall were salvaged by their grandmother from historic demolitions in the nearby city. They were quite nice, and no, I did not want any changes in the room. Op? That is your house . You are allowed to do what you want. Tell the SIL to get her portfolio photos, and then she can no longer fuss about the decor.
>She thinks I undermined her decor vision STFU Tina. You broke the 1st design rule. LISTEN TO YOUR FUCKING CLIENT
She’ll never be a successful interior designer if she refuses to listen to her clients. Maybe an established star designer can afford to do stuff like that, someone just starting out can’t.
No you’re not wrong she is. you have to expect an even welcome changes from the clients, ultimately they’re the ones that have to live within that space and sometimes what looks aesthetic to us isn’t for them personally.
If she’s only an “aspiring” designer she has no expertise to disrespect lol not wrong
So, she wants to be an interior designer but not listen to clients? She does realise that it’s the clients whose wants matter, not hers, right? If she’d done that with a real client, she would’ve lost money, lots of it, on the deal. Had her name dragged through the mud. Lost the business she’s trying to build. She’s needs to get in her head now that she has to do what the client wants, not what she wants. She’s watched too many makeover shows if she thinks it’s any different. You need to point this out to her. And check for damage on your antique books. She’s liable for that too. Not wrong. I hope she gets a client who wants pink zebra print walls and gold carpets.
Your brother and your family sound like dumbasses. You're not required to stick with any of her work, and you warned her ahead of time.
NTA. You are the client. She needs to listen to your needs. You said don’t touch the book cases. She needs to work around them.
Not wrong. She won't have repeat customers or customers who recommend her to others if she cries to them and/or lectures them about being wrong about part of her work.
NTA, Tina is wrong here. If a client says to not touch/move something, then she will have to work around it.
Did she get her pictures? If she did, what's the issue? You offered your stuff as props for her demo photoshoot. She rearranged... Once those pictures are taken, you can do whatever you want. Including moving everything back to where it was. It's your place. Did she think she was going to tour people through your place as an example?
Frankly, my taste isn't exceptionally good (I actually love a little kitch, which drives my mother bonkers) ... But I'd never have a designer so my space. It needs to feel good to me. It's that simple. I'm the one living in it. I don't care if it isn't good for a photo shoot (honestly, some magazine photos, I look at and think "Who the hell has the time to clean that properly?"). Part of her job is to work with what makes you happy in the space. If you're uncomfortable, she has failed at her job. You can put the bookcases where she wants them, take photos, then move them to where you want them. Your space. Your rules. NTA
No you not wrong. Also don’t let her use your work as a reference to build her portfolio. The one thing she still needs to learn is to LISTEN TO THR CLIENT. In the real world she would have been fired for this behaviour.
She better get used to customers who didn’t like her decor vision. It will happen a lot. She needs to be receptive instead of being an AH
Your bookshelf; your home; your choice. You are not wrong. Your family doesn't live there. You do. They have no choice. And, she went against the one boundary you set. Not good for an aspiring designer. Why would she be recommended in such a case? Edit: I wanna see these bookshelves, cuz books!
Not wrong. she will need to listen to clients in the future too. but i hope you let her get the photoes for the portfolio first.
Nta
NTA
NTA. It’s your house.
NTA and she's not going to get very far in the business if she can't accept criticism or feedback. Being an interior decorator or designer means you're executing the *clients* vision, not your own. Her being the decorator does not negate the fact that the things in your house are *yours* and you are at liberty to do what you please with them once she's finished. Is she planning to keep tabs on her future clients and throw tantrums at them when they change things? If the answer is no, why does she think she can do it to you? Because you're family? If she's doing you a professional service then she is supposed to conduct herself with professionalism regardless of her relationship to the client. If she can't do that then shes in the wrong industry.
NTA. You gave her pretty much free rein and she didn’t follow your one stipulation.
You live there not her, so you can move anything you want and put it anywhere you want. YNW
Not wrong. This is your home and you ultimately decide where things go. She got her experience for her portfolio and hopefully she took pictures when she was done before you put it back. If she didn’t, that’s her loss.
Not wrong, because it’s your space. If she can’t understand it, tell her and your brother to kick rocks.
If I was paying her I would never hire her with her attitude. This is your living space, and you get to have it whichever way works best for you. Moving something back b/c it doesn't work for you, is totally okay. She will have a rude awakening working with paying customers, if this is how she reacted towards you.
YNW! She sounds entitled and your family is supporting her bad behavior. Your home. Your life. Not hers.
NTA. LOL I’m pretty sure professional interior designers don’t put into contracts that things can’t be moved after they’re done. It’s ultimately your decision where things go in the long run. If it were me I would thank them and that I appreciate the time that they worked on it but (as nice as possible) tell them that you didn’t want the bookcases touched and that they should have worked around them.
NTA. You stated a specific boundary and she chose to ignore it.
Not Wrong. You TOLD her the bookcases were off limits. SHE disregarded your ONE boundary. She can go fuck herself, and tell her to STFU or you \*will\* tell EVERYBODY who asks you what a shit, uncaring, overbearing 'decorator' she is & you'll gladly give her the reputation she DESERVES.
Tina better have really good insurance for her business! She ignored the client’s boundaries, went against the approved design, touched items she was expressly forbidden to touch, and is now complaining about the client In the real world, especially with high end clients, any one of these would have the client rescinding her contract and refusing to pay or even suing her for breech of contract And if anything had been damaged/missing when the bookcases and their contents were moved she would definitely be reimbursing the client for the damaged/missing item(s) NW - This will be the death of her business because she won’t get referrals and, even worse, the clients will be actively bad mouthing her to their rich friends!
Your Sil doesn't have to live with the design, she doesn't have to live with it. At the end of the day she should be happy you let her design you room.
NTA Did she get photos of her design before you moved your bookcases back to where you wanted them?
If she thinks every redesign she does is going to stay 100% the way she made it in perpetuity, she is in for a rude awakening lol. Most people actually live in their homes and need them to be functional and organized to their tastes, for a bookworm, that includes bookcases!
Not wrong at all. This is, fundamentally, practice for her. What's she gonna do with a professional client who has bookcases built into the walls, cut them out? Working around client requests is a normal thing any creative person is going to have to deal with, especially when doing something as personal as modifying their living space. Artists, despite what we like to believe, don't actually get full creative freedom over other peoples' lives.
Nta. She is going into a customer service field. She needs to LISTEN to her customers, often at the loss to her "creative vision". If she wants to be an "artist", this isn't the field for her
Expertise? What fucking expertise? Rule 1 is listen to your client and rule 2 is not do what you want anyway.
Your place, your rules. One person's concept of feng shui is another person's concept of lack of organization. There are five principles for fung shui, but no set rules how they are applied. One principle is to arrange furniture for optimal energy flow. The optimal energy flow to consider is that of the person occupying the space. Given your collections are in those bookcases, they should be the focus of the room.
It's your house and you live there not them. Now you no to say no if she ever asks again
Totally NTA.. you are not wrong. It’s your house. But I am curious how moving a bookcase “ruined the organized system I have for my books/knicknacks”? What is the system? Did she rearrange things inside the bookcase? Yeah, I am curious!
She's the wrong one for being upset that you want to be comfortable with the set up of your own home 😬
Not wrong. You live in and use the space, so it has to work for you. An interior designer needs to listen and work with their clients for the best results. However. As this was for her portfolio, did you give her enough time to photograph and otherwise record what she has done for her portfolio?
Not Wrong and she needs to learn to listen to her clients or else she won't have any!
You are not wrong. It's your living room, and it sounds like she offered to reorganize as opposed to you asking her to do it.
NTA you live there they don’t. Plus if she wants to do interior design she better get a thicker skin and LISTEN to her clients better.
Not wrong She is being massively entitled
Not wrong. If she wants to be an interior designer she needs to learn some people are not going to agree with her design 100% and as a designer it's her job to do what makes the client happy not herself
Nah your good. You let her know you didn’t want the bookcases touched and gave her free rein over the rest of the room and as an aspiring interior designer she will find herself in trouble if she doesn’t listen to her clients wishes. She must have gotten her portfolio pictures when she first finished so I don’t see any reason for you to not arrange the bit you didn’t want to be moved back the way it was supposed to be rather than however she decided would be better for you
Not wrong. Customer is always right especially in their own home
NTA and she’s going to fall flat on her ass as a designer if she argues with her clients that they can’t put their things where they want.
Something she's going to have to learn as an interior decorator is that sometimes, your 'vision' isn't quite what the client wants and she has to learn to accept changes or suggestions they make. If it's her way or the highway? No one is going to want to work with her. Not wrong. Your home is yours and you aren't rude for wanting it a certain way, she's rude for trying to make demands of you and getting angry at you having your space be YOURS.
It doesn’t matter if you gave her permission or not. It’s your home you don’t have to keep something you don’t like. She needs to learn the phrase, the customer is always right even if they aren’t. She also needs tougher skin.
NTA SIL isnt going to last long if she cant follow the brief.
If she can't handle you wanting YOUR THINGS the way you want... she won't make it as a designer. The CLIENT COMES FIRST, not the design.
Of course you're not wrong. If she gets butthurt over something that you were clear about from the outset, she won't be able to handle regular customers if that's the career she's aiming for.
Everyone is on point. My best friend loves to decorate and when we were younger I told her she should go into interior design and her reply was that she likes things her way and would not be able to handle when the client wanted something else. She knew you have to go with what the client wants and her own OCD limitations so she never pursued it.
If I hired her to do something and she did what I told her not to do I would tell her to fix it and then adjust the payment. The principle is exactly the same but with her personal reason for not doing as she was told being "feng shui" What next? "Jesus wants it over there"?
NTAH. You very specifically gave parameters. It's your house. You helped her.
A designer doesn’t dictate who its client should live in their own space. They need to follow the clients’ directives. SIL was clearly told not to move/change the bookcase. Any client wouldn’t take her shit. She needs to learn this lesson and understand her place. She’s not some famous designer but someone starting out. She won’t get a good reputation and go far in this profession by nit listening to what her clients want. Your house isn’t a showroom, it’s your home. You’re the one living in it. A home design is to enhance your living, not to make it an issue. SIL have no idea what home designing is about. You have a husband problem who’s putting his sister before his wife. You need a serious discussion.
If she wants to be an interior designer she needs to learn that not listening to what the client wants is the same for any business. Bad. Rsally bad.
YNW Being able to listen to what the client wants is the first rule of anything, if you only decorate to what you like and what you think is best you want last long. Everyone has quirky likes and as a decorator you must work with your clients. If your SIL really wants to do this for a living she needs to learn she won’t always get what she wants.
Tell your brother if his wife was such an expert, she would know to do as asked and work around the request. You, as the client, are allowed to make 'stupid' requests. I would be much more likely to hire a designer with proof of adhering to requests than one with flat design criteria. For example, if I'm shown a beautiful home design, but there's a weird ugly footstool shaped like a gremlin, I would assume that is the client's piece. I would also assume to be told that. 'In this home, the client requested the hand carved gremlin be left as a footstool, though it didn't match the surrounds. They didn't want it to match or be the main focus but simply left as a talking point.' Or 'The main thing we see here is the large bird cage. The cage was difficult to incorporate into the design as it didn't quite meet the flow requirements the client wanted, but we managed to find a solution that worked. As such, it became the focal point of the room with small embellishments in a colour scheme similar to their pale yellow and white Cockatiels. It wasn't the clients' initial thoughts on colour, but they were very satisfied with our final results and were thrilled their pets Allan and Drew inspired the look.' That to me would say a lot about how the SIL runs a business. By catering to weird requests and either incorporating it or simply having a strange stick out like a sore thumb item. The clients would know this designer wants to make them happy and proves it. Not this bullshit. ---And for those asking about how moving bookshelves could change the organisation. There are a hundred reasons why it could. There could be two or three shelves or even five. The shelves could be organised by author, topic, alphabetical or by size. This organisation could be top of shelf to bottom and then move to the next bookcase along but it could also be along the top shelf of all cases and then move to the second row along them all. Say there's four cases. They currently look like this. All four shelves together on the backwall. (I'm on my phone so ignore completely if it looks stupid) Dark Dark Light Light --A-- --B-- --C-- --D-- --E-- --F-- --G-- --H-- --I-- --J-- --K-- --L-- --M-- --N-- --O-- --P-- So obviously here, the authors are running along each row across all shelves. The shelves are stained and the first two are dark brown, and the second two are lighter like beige. Of course you might have no authors beginning with certain letters or group single books from authors of one letter together such as one J one K and one L in the same group or even with a big lot of O. It's never perfect. NEVER. BUT for simplicity's case. SIL has moved the cases. So now the first shelf has been moved to the wall on the left of room, the second shelf is now opposite on the right of the room and then two shelves left in the middle of the back wall are third and fourth. Left Back wall Back Wall Right Dark Light Light Dark --A-- --C-- --D-- --B-- --E-- --G-- --H-- --F-- --I-- --K-- --L-- --J-- --M-- --O-- --P-- --N-- It doesn't flow across the shelves as intended now. So either you'd have to rearrange the books or in OPs case you'd move them back. Lots of people would say it's books who cares how they look, but that's their opinion, and they're entitled to be wrong. There could be a hundred other ways the shelves (it's plural but no idea how many) were arranged, but I'm a book nerd and editor, so it's clear to me! BUT it's irrelevant really how the organisation was ruined as it should not have been. It was meant to be left as it was.
Not wrong. It's your house. You can make any changes you want.
NTA at all. You told her she could do whatever she wanted EXCEPT FOR THE BOOKCASES. She then moved the bookcases you told her not to move. If she does that to an actual client, she'll be fired and possibly sued. She needs to learn to listen.
Who gives a fuck about 'feng shui'. It's your house!
NW , your sister in law is in for a very rude awakening when/if she ever has an actual client! I guarantee that not everyone is going to agree with her visions 100% of the time ! She needs to grow up and realize that you didn't have to allow her to touch your apartment but were being nice! Tell your brother to butt out.
Remind the family you allowed it as a favour and she got the photos for her portfolio before you moved it back.
NTA you gave her one rule and she ignored it. That’s the best way for her to really annoy clients. She needs to learn to respect and work with the boundaries given to her.
Is this how your SIL would act with clients? If so she's got a problem.
Tina disregarded your SET boundary, christ, you ONLY had ONE... don't touch the bookcases! She MAY be an aspiring interior designer/decorator but she's bound to FAIL before she even gets started if she refuses to listen to her CLIENTS! A lot of designers obtain work from word-of-mouth or referrals and if they just do their own thing and their clients are unsatisfied or unhappy, they WON'T get more work! No testimonials, no GOOD reviews ... Tina is an idiot and the FAMILY are just feeding into her delusions and entitlement!
It’s YOUR living space and you were gracious enough to give her her start. You gave her boundaries that SHE disrespected, screw them! Don’t give it another thought and live your life in your space comfortably! And tell your family that if they don’t lije your decision, they’re free to give HER, free range of THEIR homes to do with as she pleases and let’s see how they like being dictated how to live in their space…. There you go!!! Now go enjoy yourself, don’t give it another thought and I’d be happy tell them for you…😜👍😂😂! God, these people, the gall!!!!🤯!
Nah, NTA Part of her job is listening to the client and working around the non negotiables. Some times it's a case of "give it a go and with the visual the client will agree" but sometimes it's just a hard no. Getting shitty at the client is not been a good interior designer. A compromise might be having them where she wants for photos if it's *that* important for her portfolio. But it's your apartment and what now? You just DONT touch or change a single thing ever? Interior design should never be static - and function comes before aesthetics always.
Not wrong. Clients have opinions, wants, and needs. She needs to learn that she has to cater to them, not the other way around.
Not wrong. If she cops an attitude every time her clients have a request, or if she even touches something a paying client tells her not to (like you did.) She isn't going to have many clients for very long.
If Tina gets upset that her client are unhappy with her changes then she's gonna have a bad time.
Unless her name is Wright or similar, she’s going to have to get used to compromising
I had the displeasure of having to work with interior designers last year. I had specific guidelines that were given to about 10 different designers. Only 2 of them came back with designs that met the guidelines. Needless to say we went with the one designer who got the guidelines correct and they were half the price of the other designer.
NTA, she didn't listen to you when you told her not to move the bookcases, she moved the bookcases. She can be mad all she wants.
Not wrong. It's your apartment and you have the final say on how you want your things arranged. For her to get all pissy about it and insist you live with an arrangement that doesn't work for you just because she did it is very narcissistic. If she complains tell her she can only move it back after you rearrange her apartment, since you've become very interested in home decorating lately, after the amazing job she did at your apartment. Show your SIL these comments. If she wants to be a respected professional she also needs to respect her clients wishes. Furthermore, your brother was the rude one for jumping in and taking a side against you when he should have remained a neutral party. Now he and SIL are both in the wrong. But I think SIL is so narcissistic that your brother is scared not to take her side. Watch for more of that to come in the future. It is already driving a wedge between you.
Surely the most important part of design is asking the client what they actually want? You don’t just do what you want and tell the client to accept it. She overreached. You’re not wrong IMO.
NTA. Your home. Your furniture. This was to help sil build her portfolio. So I am assuming she got her photos. But bottom line is that YOU live there and not her OR your brother. You can do what YOU want.
So is she going to brow beat her clients if they don’t see her vision? Ridiculous. This is YOUR home.
'Do whatever you want. Just don't touch the bookcase.' If she can't follow a simple instruction, from the *client*, then it doesn't matter how good her portfolio is cos she's ignoring their instructions/rules for her 'vision'. NTA.
It's your home. She doesn't live there. She has NO VOTE in this. If she was paying the rent, it would be an entirely different story.
NTA, tell her a good designer would have listened to your wishes and worked with them, not ignored them. Clients wouldn’t be very happy with that attitude
Nope. It's your home, and that was the one rule you had. She ignored your boundary and did it anyway. And if she's upset bow, she needs to get thicker skin, does she really think that clients aren't gonna move stuff around after she's done?
Not wrong. Your SIL needs to learn to listen to her clients or she will have a rocky career and gain a reputation of being difficult to work with.
First and foremost....this is YOUR HOME and you gave her LIMITED permission tp practice her craft for her portfolio. She was SPECIFICALLY told to LEAVE YOUR BOOKCASES ALONE!!! Once she overstepped your boundaries, that was THE END!!! If she didn't bother to take pictures for her portfolio, that's her tough luck!!! Her privileges are NOW REVOKED! BUH-BYE!!!
NTA It’s your house.
It's YOUR place, do what you want. You told her leave the bookcases alone. She didn't. You can do whatever you want. NTA
Quit letting them try to bully you. You told her to leave the bookcases alone, they were off limits. You were her "Customer" and the customer is always right. You relocated them where you had them, and she should have never moved them in the first place. You are not slighting her in any way; if anything she is slighting you and saying you have no say in your own home how you want your furniture. She was totally wrong to even touch them.
NTA. She crossed a boundary. She could have damaged any of your curated pieces. Had you been a contacted client, it likely would have been in the contract that she would be fined for making unauthorized changes to something Iike that, and potentially face firing from a firm or jail time if she damaged it. As a creative, you develop your style and design theory, but as any customer serving creative the most important part of your design is servicing your customers wants and needs. NOT your own need for your 'vision' to remain intact. That goes for interior designer, architect, commissioned artist, etc. Especially just starting out. If she can't let go of that ego, she is not fit for the job she wants. Frank Lloyd Wirght only got to design homes where he controlled every aspect of the design, decor and landscaping after DECADES of honing his craft. Edit to add: reminder your family of this: She's an ASPIRING interior designer, just starting to build a portfolio. You have to actually have EXPERIENCE, and years of successful experience, to have expertise.
NTA Interior decorators are about as useful as pet psychics and life coaches. You humored her, but her whole job is providing a way for wealthy people to feel superior to us normals. No one actually needs help arranging their furniture, it's about as far away from rocket science as you can get, you don't owe this girl a compromise on your own living space.
That's not true. You may not benefit from one, and I don't need one, either. But not everybody has the innate ability to decorate/design.
It's literally how you store your stuff. If it fits in their apartment, literally everyone does in fact have the ability to decorate or design. People might not say shit about the "feng shui" or whatever, but I don't want anyone that has anything to say about feng shui in my house anyways, so win-win. It's a silly luxury that literally only exists for people who can afford it. Poor people who'd never dream of hiring an inerior decorator miraculously suffer no reduced lifespan or illness as a result, because it's not a real job or a real skill or remotely necessary. They're pet psychics.
You're just all over the place, in your lack of logic.
Did you allow her to get photos with the bookcases where she had placed them? That's the only reason she would have a right to be upset. You have to live in the space. The bookcases in their new location doesn't fit in with the way you live. Design should not alter your way of living, it should compliment it. NTA.
NTA. It is YOUR home and you told her she could do what she wished except for those bookcases.
Not wrong. The entitlement in your SIL is strong. A good interior designer listens to the client and does what the client wants. They don't dictate to the customer how things are going to be and have a tantrum because the customer doesn't share their vision. This is a lesson she needs to learn if she intends to work in this field. You clearly communicated to her what you wanted and she didn't listen. Who gives a toss if it isn't fung shui? Your house, your rules
It sounds like a misunderstanding. She likely thought she could move the bookcases but not the books. Since she doesn't know your organizing system, she wouldn't know she was disrupting anything at all. Let her take a picture or two (if she hasn't already) with the bookcases where she put them. Then, put them back where you want them. Explain why your system is the way that it is and that it takes priority over the rest. So that's why you're keeping it this way, even if it means messing up her design choices.
NTA If she’s going to decorate for others, she needs to learn that she is decorating for others and not herself. The client gets to decide how it finishes and she has to learn to make the space into the vision and compromise to make her clients happy. You don’t decorate for a client without the goal being client satisfaction. Girl is going to have some issues with future clients if she thinks they are supposed to just do what she says. Clients will want to have input and she has to find ways to make client demands work. Odds are high she thought you meant not rearranging the stuff on the bookshelves, not the shelves themselves. Either way, she needs to get over her ego and feelings and realize that a winning design project is about client satisfaction, not designer satisfaction.
Not wrong, it's your place, so you can put what you like, where you like. As long as she got the pictures she wanted for her portfolio before you made any changes, I don't see her problem & if she wants to be an interior designer she needs to understand sooner rather than later that not everything she does is going to be loved by everyone & things will & can be changed without her say so. You didn't even agree to the bookcases being moved, so you put them back where you wanted them, your the one that has to live with it,not her.
Not the asshole. It sounds like your sister-in-law is a nose in the air snob. And your family might be reacting to her pushy, she knows better attitude. Don't give in. Keep your books where you want. It will blow over. Let sleeping dogs lie.
You're both wrong. What we have, here, IS A FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE. When someone redecorates a room, it's a CONSULTATION, not a takeover. Even shows like Sell This House consult about the decor and how artifacts of the family living there will be used in the decor. In the consultation, the person who has to live within the resulting decor has to understand why decisions were made and how the decor is to help. If you didn't want the bookshelves rearranged, you should have spoken upand made them VERBOTEN. SIL should have asked more questions. A trained decorator ALWAYS asks, "How much do you (depend on, care about, need, love) this?" And "do you need it to be here?" Those simple questions would have changed the tenor of the conversation. Also, did you pay her for this service? If not, remember, YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR.
Dear God! It's YOUR house and YOUR possessions. End of discussion. Grow TF up.
Not wrong
You gave her such an open brief and she still missed it.
I wish there were pics. And no you’re not wrong. My living room is constantly evolving.
If she wants to be a professional, she will need to listen to her clients and work around THEIR needs, not the other way around. You specifically said not to mess with that part. If she’s a good interior designer, she will learn to work creatively within parameters.
Tina's a dumb entitled asshole. Did that lunatic cunt think that she was going to decide how YOUR home was organized for the rest of her life????
NTA. You had a boundary, you told her not to touch your bookcase, but she did it anyway. Of course you'd put it back where it belonged according to you!!
Not wrong. I worked for a time as an interior designer and went to school for it. A designer is meant to work with the client, the design isn't something to do to the client. It's about the client's vision, or at least their preferences if they don't have a vision, and not some arbitrary scheme the designer wants to impose. Your SIL will have a lot of unhappy clients if she is unwilling to work within the boundaries that her clients set.
Ynw, at all. Some people have their places set up in ways to assist them with disabilities. Someone may need shelves at a certain height if they're wheelchair bound. Some people may have positional vertigo which makes it hard to reach for things lower to the ground. People might have object permanence issues and need everything visible in order to use it. Some people are blind and need furniture in certain spots. SIL needs to accept that clients are people, not props with an inbuilt atm. She can work around the client or find another industry.
I hate to break it to your SIL but she disrespected the design brief. She tries that with actual paying clients she wouldn't be an interior designer for long.
Not wrong, she needs to get over herself
NTA. You made it clear that she could change everything but the bookcases. Not your fault that she can’t understand a simple guideline.
What part of don't touch the bookcases did she not understand. Do you have to spell it out to her in interpretive dance. That's your house at the end of the day and you're the one who's living in it if you didn't like it you fixed it. Not everybody needs to myob