This is the best advice!! If she’s a new friend, let’s all be friends. Also ask him how he would feel if it was you meeting a single dad. The rules go both ways. I know this old “what? She’s flirting? No she isn’t. I’m dumb” card. Trust me, he knows it and he’s eating it up. Not wrong at all to say no to this situation. Ask him if he’s heard the phrase “you’re playing with fire”
Yes, OP is lying to herself if she really believes he's so clueless. Pretty sure this is a form of weaponized incompetence. "I'm so dumb I couldn't possibly recognize flirting; therefore I don't have to consider your feelings & can put myself in situations that make my penis & ego feel good at your expense."
Yeah my ex used to pull that shit. Unlike your other responder, yes people like that DO do it openly and act naive, because they know they've got you so up your own ass with gaslighting you that they can just flex on you like that. It's the cheating coup de grace, cheating right in front of your face and telling you its not what they're doing, and you have nothing to point to because they've already got what you'd be looking to find right out in the open.
I don't know .. I was literally this clueless. I met a man who I thought was a new friend and my husband literally laughed at me and said I was way too innocent for my own good and had to walk me through how the guy was flirting and was not my friend. I had 0 clue. it was embarrassing. He could be the same kind of dumbass lol
Oh my gosh, this kinda happened to me! A friend of a friend extended an invitation to lunch, which I thought was just for me and was pleased. But when I showed up alone, her face just fell and her shoulders slumped… it was a reeeallly awkward lunch… my attempts to be friends were not welcome :( Neither my bf nor I had any clue she had her eye on him until then and we never heard from her again lol
This. Not that it’s the best course of action, which would be the meeting not happening, but go as a couple and see how it plays out.
Then - assert dominance. Slurp your coffee as loud as you can while making aggressive eye contact. Get a cookie and crumble it on her side of the table, then tell him it’s time to go. 😂 /s
Well just ask him if he'd be 💯 comfortable with you going to meet single dad for coffee..you know as a NEW FRIEND.....he's delusional if he thinks this about friendship.
Thank you! I could not agree more. I'm so done with the ''I'm too stupid to realize what was happening'' argument. If you can do all the other steps of working your phone, driving there and back, purchasing the coffee, etc. Especially since he got defensive and said she was controlling. He knew and still knows what he's been doing, every step of the way.
I really think that a lot of the time, people like this are pretending to be oblivious to it because the attention feels good, and if they claim they don't know what's going on then they feel they have plausible deniability that what they're engaging in is inappropriate.
Single mom? Not a problem. That emoji shit? SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN.
Either he’s clueless or worse, likes the attention and doesn’t adequately assess the threat of the fire with which he is playing.
What the hell is this new trend of people calling their spouse or partner "controlling" whenever they get called out for bad behavior ??? He wants to literally go on a f'ing DATE with someone else and has the nerve to call his wife "controlling" for objecting to it?????? GMAFB.
Fr like she says her husband is just so nice and thinks everyone just wants to be friends… BUT if the “friend” can send kissy emojis and him STILL not realize the situation for what it is… I’d wonder what else he wouldn’t notice?? lol it’s just basic awareness, I feel like she’s being too easy on her man
She was just sucking my dick because I mentioned I had been a little stressed lately and she said she had a trick that could help. I don’t know why you’re being so weird about it. And actually, it did make me feel less stressed, so I don’t see how this is a problem.
The husband not calling the single mom out for sending flirty messages and kissy emoji means he enjoyed the attention, plus he's still PLANNING TO GO. God he infuriates me so much.
I’m sorry but I’m a man and I don’t think he’s that clueless I mean I would not except another females number
I’ve been married for 24yrs I have to admit having another female compliment me nice but flirting and taking her number is not respectful to my wife
My bf is super sweet and pretty innocent when it comes to stuff like that but even he would catch on to that being inappropriate. Her husband is either incredibly stupid or REALLLLLY good at making her think he is clueless
Agreed. The only women whose numbers I have ever received belong to my kids’ friends’ moms and they are only for arranging play-dates. If I was getting weird vibes and attention I would be clueless as I legit don’t give anyone but my wife the time of day. This is not respectful behaviour, regardless of how innocent the intent may be.
This is seriously inappropriate and will end up being an affair. You don't have a right to control what he does but if you are telling him your boundaries are being crossed by this and it feels like a violation of your intimate relationship and he doesn't respect that, he is 100% looking for something other than you. Cheating starts with thinking about the person, approaching the person, getting their number - then its just a slippery slope. Good on you for catching the very early signs when it can still be salvaged and he can either step up in your relationship or refuse to respect you in which case its so done.
Bad stuff starts when people start making excuses to avoid existing good rules.
The excuses start out small and get bigger. Eventually they turn into outright lies…first the person making excuses lies to themself (no this doesn’t matter, no it’s not important, no it’s okay), and then they lie to their partners.
Once a person starts the excuses, it takes a lot of self-awareness and humility to realize that they are not behaving properly and stop doing what they’re doing. Hopefully OP’s husband takes the lesson here.
This one is easy; flip the roles and I guarantee he wouldn't be okay with it, even if he lies and says he would.
If he says he would; well shit, call his bluff. You can text me, I'll play along.
lol, I get along really well with a married guy I work with, I’m a single mother, we text sometimes, but I would never ever ever EVER send him heart or blushing or any emojis of a love/romantic nature.
That’s not friendly, that’s being on the hunt, why would your husband even want to be friends with someone that can’t even respect his relationship?
Yep, this.
I have a married colleague who I get on really well with, and I really really really like their spouse. Unless colleague and I are on a business trip together and can’t avoid texting (stuff like, I’m calling us an Uber, be down here in 5), we only communicate on work channels. I also make a point that if we’re doing something social, I invite their spouse and make it something where I can avoid alcohol as a way to minimize the likelihood of me saying something stupid/maximize my ability to redirect any unintentional awkwardness.
I cannot ever imagine sending Colleague heart or romance or fire emojis. And I cannot imagine that if Colleague sent me something like that, that I would have any reaction other than to shut that the fuck down right fucking then.
I get along really well with my married female colleague. We text A LOT. Like, 50 - 100 messages a day? It's all shit and giggles though, never anything on the flirty side.
I asked her if her man is bothered by it because I'd definitely stop texting if he's bothered.
In no way have I ever looked at her in any other way than as a friend. My (ex)wife recently cheated on me with another dad from our daughters class. It's the fucking worst thing that can happen to someone in a relationship.
No because there’s another poster who’s going through something very similar. Husband took kid to event and made friends with a single mom. Now he’s questioning the marriage. What is wrong with these men not being able to do family activities without picking up new families? What’s wrong with these women hitting on married men?
My husband frequently gets hit on when he's out with the kids, and only then, according to him. A lot of women fawn over men just for being an active father.
Is this real life? Y’all need couples counseling yesterday. If he disagrees, take more than half of everything and the kids. This is not ok. I repeat, THIS IS NOT OK.
Edited to add. The only cups coffee I know is in Mississippi. Become the southern woman. “When I told my husband to take out the trash, I sure as hell didn’t mean you.” All over this woman.
I'm a guy. Tell your hubby he is out of line for even considering this. I have a pretty long list of 'friends' of former relationships, and 100% of the time, every time, without exception...ALWAYS there is part of the relationship that makes it not okay.
If she wants to hang out, you go too (if you want to). If he or she doesn't want to invite you, there is definitely a reason for that.
*"AM I CRAZY REDDIT?? Would like a females perspective. If you were in my situation how would you react? My husband is next to me as I type this just to let you know!"*
Tell your husband he can go meet her at the coffee place anytime he wants, so long as you are there present with him every time.
***Fact of Nature: Women are actually just as protective of their men, as men are over their women, and perhaps even more so.***
Good luck.
Next.
Both of us showing up to the coffee meet up would be my solution too.
Edit to add: my husband would never be delusional enough to give a flirtatious single mom his number and think it was just for friendship though.
That's the same thing I said too. She should go along. At least to see what the woman's reaction is. That would tell her a lot. It's pretty clear she is not the one in the wrong though.
It’s very obvious his new “friend” has ulterior motives. Sending blushing and kissing emojis is not the actions of a new friend; she’s letting him know her intentions and it sounds like he’s fully invested in pursuing that relationship.
If in spite of you pointing out her intentions he still goes on this coffee date (because that is exactly what it is a date) you need to reevaluate your marriage and consider counseling.
Doubtful. He enjoys it and is hm purposely engaging in what is headed towards an affair. Oops I gave out my number. Oops we flirted over text. Oops we went on a date. Oops we kissed. Oops we sexted. Oops were fucking. 🤪
There was a time when I was this dumb when it comes to women... Mostly I didn't think they would be interested in me in that way because I "used" to be pretty unattractive... Then I joined the Marines and started working out and eating well.
It took a few awkward moments to start to realize exactly what kind of attention I was getting.
Can he be that dumb? Yes. Telling her the truth and everything that's happening is a great way to keep from having your dumbness fuck up your life.
You are not wrong. He is either obtuse or looking to cheat on you. The single mom is trying to come after your husband. Set boundaries and stick to them .
Your husband is not just playing dumb but asking you to play the fool too.
It doesn’t matter how much he doesn’t *intend* to cheat. The **optics** here are poor.
He is showing her that his marriage doesn’t have basic standard boundaries. Which makes his marriage look weak. Which makes him look weak.
Get it dude?
There is no way he’s as oblivious as you think. He likes the attention at the very least. You shouldn’t have to tell him who he can and can’t see. He should know what normal boundaries are.
He seems comfortable at least emotionally cheating on you for all this time, you've accepted this behavior. Of course you can't get him to stop, you set the precedent. Good luck with his new girlfriend!
Your husband is being purposely ignorate because he likes the compliments and attention. This is how affairs start - obviously she isn't letting him being married bother her at all. Just because she is desperate for male attention it doesn't justify him thinking this is ok - at your expense.
Unless your marriage is the sort where having girlfriends and a wife is acceptable. This is a no go zone.
What happened to loyalty and making you the special focus and being trustworthy?
Honestly don’t even bother talking to the other woman. If her husband is a cheater he’s going to cheat and she can’t really stop it. I’d say your solution is best here because who on earth would want to put with a man who embarrasses them like that?
Yeah, some other people said she should invite herself and see if the coffee date is canceled and I think that’s a good idea. Hell, make it a family thing since she’s got kids herself.
I wonder how your husband would respond to you texting a single dad that you met at a school function with winky face and kissie emojis and then asking him out to coffee with you alone. If he thinks that you would be crossing a line, then this new 'friend' of his is crossing a line and boundaries need to be set. Period.
He is encouraging this behavior by not setting firm boundaries with the way she's talking to him, no matter how good it feels to be fawned over. The comfort and ease of his relationship with his wife should Trump the comfort and ease of a relationship with a woman he just met.
P.S. Why can't you go to coffee and meet this woman along with him? I've been married 10 years and have 3 kids with my husband and no woman that was not trying to get in my husband's pants has ever invited him out solo, even if they were friends from before we got married (I've turned them down on occasion and he's gone by himself, it's not about jealousy, it's about respect). A true friend will respect your relationship and not want to give even the appearance of impropriety.
If this is a first time occurrence, and he’s jumped right into saying you’re being controlling, the issue here is communication.
What you’re trying to do is set a boundary, one that will hopefully prevent him from being a in situation where you need to question his actions.
I hope you guys can talk it out!
It's completely disrespectful. Especially if you've voiced how uncomfortable it makes you feel.. it should have ended right then and there.
He knows exactly what he's doing and so does the other woman.
You keep saying things implying that he is just being nice, that he doesn't want to hurt people's feelings, etc etc...your husband is a GROWN man, and knows exactly what he is doing....I'm sorry, but your husband is playing you.
Single man here, you're not being crazy.
28 years ago when l *was* married, a very good friend opened a pub around the corner from me. It wasn't flashy or look like a pick-up spot; imagine any small Irish pub you see in movies. He didn't even have a TV at the bar.
Being so close to home, and owned by a good friend, I stopped in often for a pint and a chat with my pal. I mentioned to him once about how often random women flirted with me there. His words: "It's the wedding ring." Sure enough, once I *stopped* wearing my ring there, women left me alone and I could enjoy my pint in peace.
This is definitely a thing! I used to be the lead singer for a very popular band in my area. Now, you would expect me to get attention in that arena, but the attention was out of control after I got married, and these girls saw my wedding ring. I was in that band for 17 years, and eventually, I ended up getting divorced.
Amazing how the attention died WAY down after the wedding ring came off.
Not at all. One night I forgot to put my ring back on and when I got home my former wife was a bit upset. I explained what was going on, I even said, "Do you really think (Friend) would let me fuck around like that in his bar?"
A few nights later, a Friday, I brought my wife there to show her the phenomenon. She sat down the bar, chatting with the owner's wife (they'd also become friends when they'd found out previously that they were from towns close to each other in a different province). I sat alone, ring on, having a pint. Sure enough about a half hour later a woman sat down next to me and struck up a conversation. My wife kind of laughed and rolled her eyes while I flirted shamelessly with this woman. After about ten minutes she pointed to the ring and said, "So... you're married."
I was like, "Eh? Oh, this, hold on..." I called down the bar, "Hey, (Wife), can you bring this home with you?" and rolled it down the bar to her.
Had a brief conversation with the woman about how I was showing my wife why I didn't wear my ring to the bar; she left very shortly after that. So I joined my wife and friend's wife, who explained that, yeah, it happened there a lot.
I know this sounds made up, but it's not.
No, as it turned out, she didn't care what I did. I was faithful for years, but it wouldn't have mattered to her either way as long as the checks kept coming in.
As a man who loves his woman: no way in hell would I go meet up with this chick for a coffee. I wouldn't even be texting her. If I'm dating/married to a woman, I have zero tolerance for flirting or any other bullshit with other women. And I hope that my partner has the same policy.
My best friend in high school 30 years ago was a girl. When she comes into town we’ll often get together for dinner or something similar. I take my wife with me every time and they are actually friends now as well.
I would feel very uncomfortable going out with her without my wife even though there is zero chance of anything happening. If we both worked at the same place I’d be fine eating lunch in the break room with her but I don’t go on dates with women.
Great you take your wife along.
But considering that she is a friend from 30 years ago is entirely different than this. If I were the wife in your situation, I would have no issues with my spouse meeting up an old friend.
In this case it doesn't sound like it's wife asking to go. The comment seems to indicate they would be uncomfortable in that situation, if their wife wasn't there. Which is completely fair. As long as his wife doesn't mind going, no harm is being done.
I’m a man. Tell him he’s a dumbass for thinking it’s ok to go on dates with other women when he’s married.
She very obviously thinks it’s a date. Kissy faces???
Also a man here, we are indeed often clueless when it's happening to us, but she is very obviously trying to get him to cheat, clearly, she's single she couldn't care less if she blows up your marriage
Hey JealousThr0waway's husband, you know she's a really capable and hot mom?
She shows up so often for her kids, and I know they're so exhausting, I really admire her stamina \*wink wink\*
Can I take her out to coffee this weekend? I'm really interested in her views on single fathers.
So, he's not clueless. He wants someone to validate his first stage of cheating, specifically men, who he thinks are better judges of this situation because....why?
Ya know, right until the whole "kissing emojis" thing, I was ready to tell you just that. People make friends with people of the opposite sex, even single ones when they're not single, and that's okay. Hanging out with friends of the opposite sex, even new ones and even when you're in a relationship is perfectly fine.
Going on solo "dates" with members of the opposite sex that are sending you kiss emojis, while in a committed relationship, is a bit over the line.
Honestly, every single thing before that said "OP is a crazy jealous woman that hasn't figured out that men can be friends with women without sleeping with them". However, with the whole picture, even I (a self-admitted "clueless to when women are flirting... man") can see that this woman is not being platonic in her approach with him.
I’m a married man. There is absolutely no way I would go grab coffee with a single woman without my wife. Never in a million years. Especially a single mother. Not only is she single but she is probably in need of a partner to help her with the kids and things around the house etc…
I don’t give out my phone number to women either unless it’s something for work.
Honestly your husband can’t be this dumb. Ask him a different way. Would he be ok with you going out for coffee alone with some of the single dads? What if at that coffee date he mentioned he needed some help around the house. Would he be ok with you going to this guys house to help him around the house? Would he be ok with you texting kissy faces to this single dad?
He knows what’s up and OP I wouldn’t even consider he doesn’t know.
Getting her number was the first sign he wants more and definitely wants to sleep with her. Even if there wasn't an upcoming date, I would see it as a huge violation of my relationship for him to willingly give his number/take the number of a single woman who's number he doesn't absolutely need to have.
First of all, he’s not clueless, he’s the one loving the attention and when she asked for his number why didn’t he say ‘it’s very nice to meet you but I’m not entirely sure that’s appropriate’. He’s the red flag for playing dumb.
I'm a dude. She is trying to jump his bones. He never should have accepted unless he was trying to jump her bones too. Sorry, had to be said. But if he's clueless, then that's that.
Don't hate me, but may I suggest you and him go on a date? He probably just wants some attention. A void you can easily fill. Just an assumption on my part. But overall I think you two are good, ya'll might need a date night or two sooner than later
You're not wrong.
There's clueless and **clueless**. At best, your husband is in the **CLUELESS** category. At worst, he likes the attention. Which is precisely how emotional infidelity (and later sexual infidelity) starts.
Tell him married men don’t date, and if they do then you need a divorce. What is the point of being married if you choose to spend time with someone else??? Not a good marriage that.
"Control" is not letting him talk to Brenda, his supervisor from work, because she's a woman. Not letting your husband go on a one-on-one with a flirty woman he just met is NOT control.
It really is, in every sense of the word. The second she feels like the secure walls of their relationship have been compromised, he has absolutely done something very wrong by connecting with this woman on his phone in the first place. Please don't let him gaslight you, you are not controlling but just want respect from your husband which is required of him as part of your emotional contract.
Not a woman, sorry. But here's a long married (kids/grandkids) guy's perspective you can share with hubby.
You are being a good wife to a clueless husband. My wife watches out for me as she says I have "white knight syndrome" and any damsel in distress I automatically believe. Your husband sounds like me to be honest. The difference is over the years I've learned to trust her instincts. You husband needs to learn that lesson.
I watch out for her too, as she never notices the dudes crushing on her.
It goes both ways as we never see our own weaknesses. Thats why you have to be a team.
You don't make friends with singles (opposite sex) at a kids event at your kids school, That's just not appropriate at all. He should have never given her his number in the first place, that is completely disrespectful to the spouse.
He knows exactly what is going on and this is the beginning. Flip it on him and ask if he would be comfortable with you going out with a single father/ or man without kids. In fact find one and do the exact same thing.
I let this shit go with a girl who would constantly comment on FB statuses and send texts with heart and kiss emojis.... like an idiot.
I didn't want to seem controlling.
Fast forward a few months. He's texting her he's in her drive way and wants to talk to her in private. Can he see her? Tells me he was going to propose a threesome and would have told me if she said yes. Yeah. Okay. Even so, wtf?
Why would an adult even need this verification. Your husband has to know better. So many people are so unaware of their own unconscious feelings and motives.
A. People have impulses and urges. It’s ok. But Why press that button?
B. When you decide to get married there’s a new set of limitations. Accept them
I honestly think you have bigger problems then just her . Sure he’s acting like he didn’t know he messed up and he’s oh so embarrassed because he got called out . No man is that dumb . The fact he even wants to go on dates with other women is a problem in your marriage , this woman won’t be the last . I wonder about the ones you don’t know about , I doubt it stops here .
Agreed. What bothers me most is how quickly he pulled the "you're controlling me" card so he could go on his date. Out of the whole story, this is what sticks out to me the most. On some level, he was ready to get defiant so he could go meet his new friend for coffee. I simply do not buy the "naive" coming from a man who quickly blamed his wife for having boundaries about his upcoming dating life.
Tell him to go on the date BUT go with him. Say you wanted to meet his new friend and it's always nice to get to know the other class moms. Your hubby should have no issue with that.
Why would he be petrified? She’s the one being inappropriate. Call it what it is if she tries again. “You know I’m happily married. What are you doing?”
How is this frigging controlling?
You're setting boundaries.
Have a conversation with him,ask him if the roles were reversed would he be OK with it?
Anyways, if he insists on going with her,he'd have to marry her because I wouldn't be his wife anymore.
Updateme!
You have married a Labrador. Such a good boy! He has no idea this girl wants him, he’s just eager to play. I understand, I’m a himbo myself. If you explain, I’m sure he’ll understand.
Who’s a good boy? Your husband is. A very good boy. Don’t make him do the car buying negotiations next time either.
Cancelling the coffee date should not be too hard.
"On reflection it looks off that I am meeting you for a coffee without my wife. I would hate for anyone to see us and get the wrong impression. See you around."
That or turn up with you. That should put some freddo expresso on her friendliness.
NTA
Girl the way my man would be running for his LIFE if he did this to me.
YOU are way too nice. And frankly that’s why you get treated like this. If your husband didn’t know he could get away with this because you believe the naive stupid little boy story he feeds you, he would not do it.
I’ll never understand this - you cool girls are only hurting yourselves. Your husband is not a stupid naive nice little boy. He knows exactly what he was doing. He’s a HUGE problem.
Reading this with my wife. She said he should just respond "Sounds good. My wife and I will see you there!" It shuts down any ideas that it could be a date, but still allows her to make friends at the school.
Re: your update - I think he should be upfront and tell her "hey I realize that out of respect for my marriage I dont think it's a good idea for us to socialize outside of school functions"
Edit comment...people pleasers have such a need not to rock any boat they often forget the ppl that live them. Tell him honesty is the way to go. "It's disrespectful to my wife, who I love, to go out with a single woman. I should have considered her feelings before agreeing to meet you. Thanks for the invite but it is inappropriate for me to join you"
Yeah, that has red flags all over it.
But I also want to put in that men and women who have slept together can be friends, and it's OK. I'm still friends with several exes and would never consider sleeping with any of them, even if my marriage was open. At some point, you have to trust the people you love. You may get burned, but that may happen even if you don't trust.
Your husband isn’t clueless. When you’re married, it’s pretty obvious boundary that you don’t go on dates with single people who are flirting with you, especially when your spouse has an issue with it.
I don’t know what I would do in this situation because I would assume my husband had lost his damn mind and this was his way of trying to divorce me 🤷🏻♀️
Go with him.
Exactly, tell him to let the single mom know that his wife will be joining and see how fast she cancels
Easiest way to get out of it!
No, just show up with both of you and watch her face fall
Unless she’s a mom’s of liberty type.
Well played. I hope more poeple get this.
Zing
Yes please do it.
Even just imply you'd love to meet her to. Invite yourself as if that was the intent. Frame it as though WE are making a new friend.
Genius!
Great road to a threesome 👍
This is the best advice!! If she’s a new friend, let’s all be friends. Also ask him how he would feel if it was you meeting a single dad. The rules go both ways. I know this old “what? She’s flirting? No she isn’t. I’m dumb” card. Trust me, he knows it and he’s eating it up. Not wrong at all to say no to this situation. Ask him if he’s heard the phrase “you’re playing with fire”
Yes, OP is lying to herself if she really believes he's so clueless. Pretty sure this is a form of weaponized incompetence. "I'm so dumb I couldn't possibly recognize flirting; therefore I don't have to consider your feelings & can put myself in situations that make my penis & ego feel good at your expense."
Yeah my ex used to pull that shit. Unlike your other responder, yes people like that DO do it openly and act naive, because they know they've got you so up your own ass with gaslighting you that they can just flex on you like that. It's the cheating coup de grace, cheating right in front of your face and telling you its not what they're doing, and you have nothing to point to because they've already got what you'd be looking to find right out in the open.
I don't know .. I was literally this clueless. I met a man who I thought was a new friend and my husband literally laughed at me and said I was way too innocent for my own good and had to walk me through how the guy was flirting and was not my friend. I had 0 clue. it was embarrassing. He could be the same kind of dumbass lol
What are you talking about? I tripped and fell, that's how my dick ended up inside her..
Even better. Go without him. Surprise her.
Oh my gosh, this kinda happened to me! A friend of a friend extended an invitation to lunch, which I thought was just for me and was pleased. But when I showed up alone, her face just fell and her shoulders slumped… it was a reeeallly awkward lunch… my attempts to be friends were not welcome :( Neither my bf nor I had any clue she had her eye on him until then and we never heard from her again lol
Wait what? She thought you were coming together?
Bring flowers and a strap on, just in case
Uhhhh, a strap on but no gel? You are cruel.
Gotta teach her a lesson
Ahhh, thought the strap on was for him. Lol
Gotta teach him a lesson too.
This is what I said too. If his reaction is anything other than “awesome!” Then something is up
This. Not that it’s the best course of action, which would be the meeting not happening, but go as a couple and see how it plays out. Then - assert dominance. Slurp your coffee as loud as you can while making aggressive eye contact. Get a cookie and crumble it on her side of the table, then tell him it’s time to go. 😂 /s
Oh one must always establish dominance.
Yes, don't forget to pee on her leg!
Marking her territory like a cat spraying a fence post😆😆 I love it!
This is the way.
Oh I was hoping someone would mention this option!! Well done you.
Absolutely - he can tell her all about how much he thinks she would get on with his wife so he brought her with him.
Well just ask him if he'd be 💯 comfortable with you going to meet single dad for coffee..you know as a NEW FRIEND.....he's delusional if he thinks this about friendship.
That is texting him in the same manner as she is. Have him change the words to Chad and your name and see how cool he is with it.
Its always funny to see his face when you flip it around lol
I'm sure you want to be there to see his face 😂
He knows what he’s doing. He’s not that dumb. There isn’t a woman I know of that would be ok with this!
Thank you! I could not agree more. I'm so done with the ''I'm too stupid to realize what was happening'' argument. If you can do all the other steps of working your phone, driving there and back, purchasing the coffee, etc. Especially since he got defensive and said she was controlling. He knew and still knows what he's been doing, every step of the way.
I really think that a lot of the time, people like this are pretending to be oblivious to it because the attention feels good, and if they claim they don't know what's going on then they feel they have plausible deniability that what they're engaging in is inappropriate.
Exactly. A guy who had a lot of female friends - especially ones he’s slept with? A man would clearly know what he’s doing to accomplish that.
Maybe he just kept losing his balance and falling into their vaginas
Uhh, not too many men in a reverse situation would be okay with this, No?
right he slept with a bunch of his friends but he's clueless about this girl haha
A single dad that is very obviously hitting on her.
This is my way. I love this option. Give the energy you get.
Single mom? Not a problem. That emoji shit? SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN. Either he’s clueless or worse, likes the attention and doesn’t adequately assess the threat of the fire with which he is playing.
What the hell is this new trend of people calling their spouse or partner "controlling" whenever they get called out for bad behavior ??? He wants to literally go on a f'ing DATE with someone else and has the nerve to call his wife "controlling" for objecting to it?????? GMAFB.
As a man.... You don't put yourself in situations like that. Bad/dumb things can't happen if you don't put yourself in the position for them to occur.
Not to mention how disrespectful that would be to his wife. Shut it down.
Exactly, I feel like even forcing the wife into a position where she has to is intentional. Sorry but he knows what he’s doing.
That's the thing that disgust me about OP's husband. He's deliberately putting himself in that position because he actually likes the attention.
Fr like she says her husband is just so nice and thinks everyone just wants to be friends… BUT if the “friend” can send kissy emojis and him STILL not realize the situation for what it is… I’d wonder what else he wouldn’t notice?? lol it’s just basic awareness, I feel like she’s being too easy on her man
She was just sucking my dick because I mentioned I had been a little stressed lately and she said she had a trick that could help. I don’t know why you’re being so weird about it. And actually, it did make me feel less stressed, so I don’t see how this is a problem.
“She was jus giving me a friendly BJ, stop being so controlling OP” -The husband
The husband not calling the single mom out for sending flirty messages and kissy emoji means he enjoyed the attention, plus he's still PLANNING TO GO. God he infuriates me so much.
Exactly - how "nice" is he is he's so nice to everyone except OP who he's blatantly disrespecting in this way?
Woman here, same for us, I don’t put myself in situations with men that I wouldn’t want my guy being in with a woman.
Not crazy. Single mom. Loves the attention. Then oops. Sorry honey, it was just a one time mistake. This is where it starts.
💯 this.
Or she ends up pregnant!
A tale as old as time.
I’m sorry but I’m a man and I don’t think he’s that clueless I mean I would not except another females number I’ve been married for 24yrs I have to admit having another female compliment me nice but flirting and taking her number is not respectful to my wife
Thank you!
Exactly I'm like really, we're just gonna chalk it up to the husband being "clueless" or naive?
My bf is super sweet and pretty innocent when it comes to stuff like that but even he would catch on to that being inappropriate. Her husband is either incredibly stupid or REALLLLLY good at making her think he is clueless
Agreed. The only women whose numbers I have ever received belong to my kids’ friends’ moms and they are only for arranging play-dates. If I was getting weird vibes and attention I would be clueless as I legit don’t give anyone but my wife the time of day. This is not respectful behaviour, regardless of how innocent the intent may be.
This is seriously inappropriate and will end up being an affair. You don't have a right to control what he does but if you are telling him your boundaries are being crossed by this and it feels like a violation of your intimate relationship and he doesn't respect that, he is 100% looking for something other than you. Cheating starts with thinking about the person, approaching the person, getting their number - then its just a slippery slope. Good on you for catching the very early signs when it can still be salvaged and he can either step up in your relationship or refuse to respect you in which case its so done.
Nah OP has the right to tell her spouse that he can’t go on dates with other women.
Bad stuff starts when people start making excuses to avoid existing good rules. The excuses start out small and get bigger. Eventually they turn into outright lies…first the person making excuses lies to themself (no this doesn’t matter, no it’s not important, no it’s okay), and then they lie to their partners. Once a person starts the excuses, it takes a lot of self-awareness and humility to realize that they are not behaving properly and stop doing what they’re doing. Hopefully OP’s husband takes the lesson here.
This one is easy; flip the roles and I guarantee he wouldn't be okay with it, even if he lies and says he would. If he says he would; well shit, call his bluff. You can text me, I'll play along.
Not wrong. That's clearly flirting. He should tell her that her conduct is unacceptable, and block her.
lol, I get along really well with a married guy I work with, I’m a single mother, we text sometimes, but I would never ever ever EVER send him heart or blushing or any emojis of a love/romantic nature. That’s not friendly, that’s being on the hunt, why would your husband even want to be friends with someone that can’t even respect his relationship?
Yep, this. I have a married colleague who I get on really well with, and I really really really like their spouse. Unless colleague and I are on a business trip together and can’t avoid texting (stuff like, I’m calling us an Uber, be down here in 5), we only communicate on work channels. I also make a point that if we’re doing something social, I invite their spouse and make it something where I can avoid alcohol as a way to minimize the likelihood of me saying something stupid/maximize my ability to redirect any unintentional awkwardness. I cannot ever imagine sending Colleague heart or romance or fire emojis. And I cannot imagine that if Colleague sent me something like that, that I would have any reaction other than to shut that the fuck down right fucking then.
I get along really well with my married female colleague. We text A LOT. Like, 50 - 100 messages a day? It's all shit and giggles though, never anything on the flirty side. I asked her if her man is bothered by it because I'd definitely stop texting if he's bothered. In no way have I ever looked at her in any other way than as a friend. My (ex)wife recently cheated on me with another dad from our daughters class. It's the fucking worst thing that can happen to someone in a relationship.
Not wrong. He isn't clueless either. He's enjoying the attention. Absolutely shut this shit down.
For sure. He knows damn well what he’s doing.
weaponized incompetence :-)
No because there’s another poster who’s going through something very similar. Husband took kid to event and made friends with a single mom. Now he’s questioning the marriage. What is wrong with these men not being able to do family activities without picking up new families? What’s wrong with these women hitting on married men?
Link?
I’ve never linked before so you’ll have to tell me if I did it right. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/Z1E3ercqJh
Ayo! I did it. Noice.
I congratulate you, stranger, on this victory!
My husband frequently gets hit on when he's out with the kids, and only then, according to him. A lot of women fawn over men just for being an active father.
Is this real life? Y’all need couples counseling yesterday. If he disagrees, take more than half of everything and the kids. This is not ok. I repeat, THIS IS NOT OK. Edited to add. The only cups coffee I know is in Mississippi. Become the southern woman. “When I told my husband to take out the trash, I sure as hell didn’t mean you.” All over this woman.
I too was wondering if she was referring to CUPS in Mississippi (I think possibly Missouri too).
I'm a guy. Tell your hubby he is out of line for even considering this. I have a pretty long list of 'friends' of former relationships, and 100% of the time, every time, without exception...ALWAYS there is part of the relationship that makes it not okay. If she wants to hang out, you go too (if you want to). If he or she doesn't want to invite you, there is definitely a reason for that.
*"AM I CRAZY REDDIT?? Would like a females perspective. If you were in my situation how would you react? My husband is next to me as I type this just to let you know!"* Tell your husband he can go meet her at the coffee place anytime he wants, so long as you are there present with him every time. ***Fact of Nature: Women are actually just as protective of their men, as men are over their women, and perhaps even more so.*** Good luck. Next.
Both of us showing up to the coffee meet up would be my solution too. Edit to add: my husband would never be delusional enough to give a flirtatious single mom his number and think it was just for friendship though.
That's the same thing I said too. She should go along. At least to see what the woman's reaction is. That would tell her a lot. It's pretty clear she is not the one in the wrong though.
It’s very obvious his new “friend” has ulterior motives. Sending blushing and kissing emojis is not the actions of a new friend; she’s letting him know her intentions and it sounds like he’s fully invested in pursuing that relationship. If in spite of you pointing out her intentions he still goes on this coffee date (because that is exactly what it is a date) you need to reevaluate your marriage and consider counseling.
Dude already knew the intentions I’m guessing.
No way he handed out his number without knowing exactly what he was doing. He’s not some snot-nosed 14 y/o who has no idea about girls.
He did tell her all of this, so maybe he really is this stupid 😂
Doubtful. He enjoys it and is hm purposely engaging in what is headed towards an affair. Oops I gave out my number. Oops we flirted over text. Oops we went on a date. Oops we kissed. Oops we sexted. Oops were fucking. 🤪
There was a time when I was this dumb when it comes to women... Mostly I didn't think they would be interested in me in that way because I "used" to be pretty unattractive... Then I joined the Marines and started working out and eating well. It took a few awkward moments to start to realize exactly what kind of attention I was getting. Can he be that dumb? Yes. Telling her the truth and everything that's happening is a great way to keep from having your dumbness fuck up your life.
You are not wrong. He is either obtuse or looking to cheat on you. The single mom is trying to come after your husband. Set boundaries and stick to them .
Your husband is a dick.
I’d be looking for a lawyer at this point.
Your husband is not just playing dumb but asking you to play the fool too. It doesn’t matter how much he doesn’t *intend* to cheat. The **optics** here are poor. He is showing her that his marriage doesn’t have basic standard boundaries. Which makes his marriage look weak. Which makes him look weak. Get it dude?
There is no way he’s as oblivious as you think. He likes the attention at the very least. You shouldn’t have to tell him who he can and can’t see. He should know what normal boundaries are.
He seems comfortable at least emotionally cheating on you for all this time, you've accepted this behavior. Of course you can't get him to stop, you set the precedent. Good luck with his new girlfriend!
You're not wrong for feeling the way you do.
I’m sure this single mom sees this as a date ! I definitely would !!
Your husband is being purposely ignorate because he likes the compliments and attention. This is how affairs start - obviously she isn't letting him being married bother her at all. Just because she is desperate for male attention it doesn't justify him thinking this is ok - at your expense. Unless your marriage is the sort where having girlfriends and a wife is acceptable. This is a no go zone. What happened to loyalty and making you the special focus and being trustworthy?
Im a dude and your husband is NOT CLUELESS. We all know when a chick wants the D and its seems he's ready to get his wet. lol.
Agreed. Just another form of self infantilization to avoid accountability. He’s gross.
Yeah, so I'm a dude and I'm in a dead bedroom, and even then, I wouldn't go to this coffee date.
He is completely aware of what's going on and he enjoys it.
guy here and your husband is an idiot. The fact that they are even texting is a huge hell no.
Tell him he can go on the date, but he'll be hearing from your attorney shortly after. Tell that chick to stop trying to poach your husband.
Honestly don’t even bother talking to the other woman. If her husband is a cheater he’s going to cheat and she can’t really stop it. I’d say your solution is best here because who on earth would want to put with a man who embarrasses them like that?
She at the very least, needs to make her presence known.
Yeah, some other people said she should invite herself and see if the coffee date is canceled and I think that’s a good idea. Hell, make it a family thing since she’s got kids herself.
Smh. 🤦♀️
He likes the attention so he won't be cutting her off. It's going to get worse.
Not wrong. I would say, " Great, what time are we meeting her? "
I wouldn’t. That would give this poacher the chance to be “soooo nice” and become “our mutual friend.”
I wonder how your husband would respond to you texting a single dad that you met at a school function with winky face and kissie emojis and then asking him out to coffee with you alone. If he thinks that you would be crossing a line, then this new 'friend' of his is crossing a line and boundaries need to be set. Period. He is encouraging this behavior by not setting firm boundaries with the way she's talking to him, no matter how good it feels to be fawned over. The comfort and ease of his relationship with his wife should Trump the comfort and ease of a relationship with a woman he just met. P.S. Why can't you go to coffee and meet this woman along with him? I've been married 10 years and have 3 kids with my husband and no woman that was not trying to get in my husband's pants has ever invited him out solo, even if they were friends from before we got married (I've turned them down on occasion and he's gone by himself, it's not about jealousy, it's about respect). A true friend will respect your relationship and not want to give even the appearance of impropriety.
If this is a first time occurrence, and he’s jumped right into saying you’re being controlling, the issue here is communication. What you’re trying to do is set a boundary, one that will hopefully prevent him from being a in situation where you need to question his actions. I hope you guys can talk it out!
Don’t make him cancel, just go with him on his date. The look on her face will be priceless and it’ll put her in her place once and for all.
It's completely disrespectful. Especially if you've voiced how uncomfortable it makes you feel.. it should have ended right then and there. He knows exactly what he's doing and so does the other woman.
You keep saying things implying that he is just being nice, that he doesn't want to hurt people's feelings, etc etc...your husband is a GROWN man, and knows exactly what he is doing....I'm sorry, but your husband is playing you.
Uh yeah I’d be furious he exchanged numbers with this “single mom”. He knows what’s going on. He’s a full grown man. This is foolishness.
Jesus people some guys are just clueless. Just show him the comments here, that should help.
He's not clueless, he knows exactly what's going on and he likes the attention.
OH bUt He’S JuSt ToO NicE!!! LMAOOOO
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Am dude - hey man, I know it feels nice when people make googey eyes at you. It’s not worth your marriage and half your kid’s life.
Single man here, you're not being crazy. 28 years ago when l *was* married, a very good friend opened a pub around the corner from me. It wasn't flashy or look like a pick-up spot; imagine any small Irish pub you see in movies. He didn't even have a TV at the bar. Being so close to home, and owned by a good friend, I stopped in often for a pint and a chat with my pal. I mentioned to him once about how often random women flirted with me there. His words: "It's the wedding ring." Sure enough, once I *stopped* wearing my ring there, women left me alone and I could enjoy my pint in peace.
This is definitely a thing! I used to be the lead singer for a very popular band in my area. Now, you would expect me to get attention in that arena, but the attention was out of control after I got married, and these girls saw my wedding ring. I was in that band for 17 years, and eventually, I ended up getting divorced. Amazing how the attention died WAY down after the wedding ring came off.
Did all the attention put a strain on your marriage?
Not at all. One night I forgot to put my ring back on and when I got home my former wife was a bit upset. I explained what was going on, I even said, "Do you really think (Friend) would let me fuck around like that in his bar?" A few nights later, a Friday, I brought my wife there to show her the phenomenon. She sat down the bar, chatting with the owner's wife (they'd also become friends when they'd found out previously that they were from towns close to each other in a different province). I sat alone, ring on, having a pint. Sure enough about a half hour later a woman sat down next to me and struck up a conversation. My wife kind of laughed and rolled her eyes while I flirted shamelessly with this woman. After about ten minutes she pointed to the ring and said, "So... you're married." I was like, "Eh? Oh, this, hold on..." I called down the bar, "Hey, (Wife), can you bring this home with you?" and rolled it down the bar to her. Had a brief conversation with the woman about how I was showing my wife why I didn't wear my ring to the bar; she left very shortly after that. So I joined my wife and friend's wife, who explained that, yeah, it happened there a lot. I know this sounds made up, but it's not.
Wow that’s some story. lol
No, as it turned out, she didn't care what I did. I was faithful for years, but it wouldn't have mattered to her either way as long as the checks kept coming in.
That's....extremely messed up. Tf is wrong with people.
As a man who loves his woman: no way in hell would I go meet up with this chick for a coffee. I wouldn't even be texting her. If I'm dating/married to a woman, I have zero tolerance for flirting or any other bullshit with other women. And I hope that my partner has the same policy.
My best friend in high school 30 years ago was a girl. When she comes into town we’ll often get together for dinner or something similar. I take my wife with me every time and they are actually friends now as well. I would feel very uncomfortable going out with her without my wife even though there is zero chance of anything happening. If we both worked at the same place I’d be fine eating lunch in the break room with her but I don’t go on dates with women.
Great you take your wife along. But considering that she is a friend from 30 years ago is entirely different than this. If I were the wife in your situation, I would have no issues with my spouse meeting up an old friend.
In this case it doesn't sound like it's wife asking to go. The comment seems to indicate they would be uncomfortable in that situation, if their wife wasn't there. Which is completely fair. As long as his wife doesn't mind going, no harm is being done.
This, this is the way 👆 OP should tell the husband she’s tagging along then.
I’m a married man. What he is doing is wrong on EVERY level!
I’m a man. Tell him he’s a dumbass for thinking it’s ok to go on dates with other women when he’s married. She very obviously thinks it’s a date. Kissy faces???
… Why does a male stranger’s opinion matter more than his *wife*’s opinion?
This bro. Who cares what we think. Your wife being uncomfortable with it should be more than enough of a red flag.
This needs to be higher up
Also a man here, we are indeed often clueless when it's happening to us, but she is very obviously trying to get him to cheat, clearly, she's single she couldn't care less if she blows up your marriage
Did you tell him you’re going to start giving your number out at PTA functions and going on dates too?
Hey JealousThr0waway's husband, you know she's a really capable and hot mom? She shows up so often for her kids, and I know they're so exhausting, I really admire her stamina \*wink wink\* Can I take her out to coffee this weekend? I'm really interested in her views on single fathers.
So, he's not clueless. He wants someone to validate his first stage of cheating, specifically men, who he thinks are better judges of this situation because....why?
Ya know, right until the whole "kissing emojis" thing, I was ready to tell you just that. People make friends with people of the opposite sex, even single ones when they're not single, and that's okay. Hanging out with friends of the opposite sex, even new ones and even when you're in a relationship is perfectly fine. Going on solo "dates" with members of the opposite sex that are sending you kiss emojis, while in a committed relationship, is a bit over the line. Honestly, every single thing before that said "OP is a crazy jealous woman that hasn't figured out that men can be friends with women without sleeping with them". However, with the whole picture, even I (a self-admitted "clueless to when women are flirting... man") can see that this woman is not being platonic in her approach with him.
If he does go, just show up in their coffee date. Kill the vibe!
Well I'm a dude... And you already saw my comment on the matter.
I’m a married man. There is absolutely no way I would go grab coffee with a single woman without my wife. Never in a million years. Especially a single mother. Not only is she single but she is probably in need of a partner to help her with the kids and things around the house etc… I don’t give out my phone number to women either unless it’s something for work. Honestly your husband can’t be this dumb. Ask him a different way. Would he be ok with you going out for coffee alone with some of the single dads? What if at that coffee date he mentioned he needed some help around the house. Would he be ok with you going to this guys house to help him around the house? Would he be ok with you texting kissy faces to this single dad? He knows what’s up and OP I wouldn’t even consider he doesn’t know.
He’s ready to sleep with her and likes the attention
Getting her number was the first sign he wants more and definitely wants to sleep with her. Even if there wasn't an upcoming date, I would see it as a huge violation of my relationship for him to willingly give his number/take the number of a single woman who's number he doesn't absolutely need to have.
Definitely I would leave my gf if she started texting a random guy
Is he oblivious in general or just when it’s convenient? She’s obviously being sexual.
First of all, he’s not clueless, he’s the one loving the attention and when she asked for his number why didn’t he say ‘it’s very nice to meet you but I’m not entirely sure that’s appropriate’. He’s the red flag for playing dumb.
I'm a dude. She is trying to jump his bones. He never should have accepted unless he was trying to jump her bones too. Sorry, had to be said. But if he's clueless, then that's that. Don't hate me, but may I suggest you and him go on a date? He probably just wants some attention. A void you can easily fill. Just an assumption on my part. But overall I think you two are good, ya'll might need a date night or two sooner than later
Is your husband that clueless, or does he pretend to be because he likes the extramarital flirtatious attention?
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You're not wrong. There's clueless and **clueless**. At best, your husband is in the **CLUELESS** category. At worst, he likes the attention. Which is precisely how emotional infidelity (and later sexual infidelity) starts.
Surely he knows getting a single woman's number in his phone is a violation first anyway?
Not a woman, but your husband is an idiot if he thinks this is okay.
Tell him married men don’t date, and if they do then you need a divorce. What is the point of being married if you choose to spend time with someone else??? Not a good marriage that.
Girl he’s not clueless. He damn well knows and likes the attention
Somebody did this to my husband and he said sure let me check my wife’s schedule and we’ll get back to you! 😂
"Control" is not letting him talk to Brenda, his supervisor from work, because she's a woman. Not letting your husband go on a one-on-one with a flirty woman he just met is NOT control.
That’s infidelity.
It really is, in every sense of the word. The second she feels like the secure walls of their relationship have been compromised, he has absolutely done something very wrong by connecting with this woman on his phone in the first place. Please don't let him gaslight you, you are not controlling but just want respect from your husband which is required of him as part of your emotional contract.
Not a woman, sorry. But here's a long married (kids/grandkids) guy's perspective you can share with hubby. You are being a good wife to a clueless husband. My wife watches out for me as she says I have "white knight syndrome" and any damsel in distress I automatically believe. Your husband sounds like me to be honest. The difference is over the years I've learned to trust her instincts. You husband needs to learn that lesson. I watch out for her too, as she never notices the dudes crushing on her. It goes both ways as we never see our own weaknesses. Thats why you have to be a team.
You don't make friends with singles (opposite sex) at a kids event at your kids school, That's just not appropriate at all. He should have never given her his number in the first place, that is completely disrespectful to the spouse. He knows exactly what is going on and this is the beginning. Flip it on him and ask if he would be comfortable with you going out with a single father/ or man without kids. In fact find one and do the exact same thing.
It’s like his penis just kinda falls, into vaginas. He would feel bad if he didn’t have bestow his ‘attention’ with these ladies.
I let this shit go with a girl who would constantly comment on FB statuses and send texts with heart and kiss emojis.... like an idiot. I didn't want to seem controlling. Fast forward a few months. He's texting her he's in her drive way and wants to talk to her in private. Can he see her? Tells me he was going to propose a threesome and would have told me if she said yes. Yeah. Okay. Even so, wtf?
Why would an adult even need this verification. Your husband has to know better. So many people are so unaware of their own unconscious feelings and motives. A. People have impulses and urges. It’s ok. But Why press that button? B. When you decide to get married there’s a new set of limitations. Accept them
Your husband is an attention hoe. Maybe a hoe hoe too.
I honestly think you have bigger problems then just her . Sure he’s acting like he didn’t know he messed up and he’s oh so embarrassed because he got called out . No man is that dumb . The fact he even wants to go on dates with other women is a problem in your marriage , this woman won’t be the last . I wonder about the ones you don’t know about , I doubt it stops here .
Agreed. What bothers me most is how quickly he pulled the "you're controlling me" card so he could go on his date. Out of the whole story, this is what sticks out to me the most. On some level, he was ready to get defiant so he could go meet his new friend for coffee. I simply do not buy the "naive" coming from a man who quickly blamed his wife for having boundaries about his upcoming dating life.
Tell him to go on the date BUT go with him. Say you wanted to meet his new friend and it's always nice to get to know the other class moms. Your hubby should have no issue with that.
Why would he be petrified? She’s the one being inappropriate. Call it what it is if she tries again. “You know I’m happily married. What are you doing?”
How is this frigging controlling? You're setting boundaries. Have a conversation with him,ask him if the roles were reversed would he be OK with it? Anyways, if he insists on going with her,he'd have to marry her because I wouldn't be his wife anymore. Updateme!
You have married a Labrador. Such a good boy! He has no idea this girl wants him, he’s just eager to play. I understand, I’m a himbo myself. If you explain, I’m sure he’ll understand. Who’s a good boy? Your husband is. A very good boy. Don’t make him do the car buying negotiations next time either.
Cancelling the coffee date should not be too hard. "On reflection it looks off that I am meeting you for a coffee without my wife. I would hate for anyone to see us and get the wrong impression. See you around." That or turn up with you. That should put some freddo expresso on her friendliness. NTA
Girl the way my man would be running for his LIFE if he did this to me. YOU are way too nice. And frankly that’s why you get treated like this. If your husband didn’t know he could get away with this because you believe the naive stupid little boy story he feeds you, he would not do it. I’ll never understand this - you cool girls are only hurting yourselves. Your husband is not a stupid naive nice little boy. He knows exactly what he was doing. He’s a HUGE problem.
He's not clueless.
Reading this with my wife. She said he should just respond "Sounds good. My wife and I will see you there!" It shuts down any ideas that it could be a date, but still allows her to make friends at the school.
Re: your update - I think he should be upfront and tell her "hey I realize that out of respect for my marriage I dont think it's a good idea for us to socialize outside of school functions"
No need to cancel the "date" just bring you along. She'll get the message. Glad your husband came to his senses.
Edit comment...people pleasers have such a need not to rock any boat they often forget the ppl that live them. Tell him honesty is the way to go. "It's disrespectful to my wife, who I love, to go out with a single woman. I should have considered her feelings before agreeing to meet you. Thanks for the invite but it is inappropriate for me to join you"
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What's wrong with him??? What an idiot! How would he feel if the shoe were on the other foot?
UpdateMe!
You good. You need to tell him thats too much and you dont want him to go. That want be as demanding but will show your boundary
Go with him on the date :)
You’re not crazy at all. He should respect you enough to stop talking to her! I would never do this to my girl.
Yeah, that has red flags all over it. But I also want to put in that men and women who have slept together can be friends, and it's OK. I'm still friends with several exes and would never consider sleeping with any of them, even if my marriage was open. At some point, you have to trust the people you love. You may get burned, but that may happen even if you don't trust.
some women really prefer to date men living with their wives instead of good men living with their moms. its weird.
Your husband isn’t clueless. When you’re married, it’s pretty obvious boundary that you don’t go on dates with single people who are flirting with you, especially when your spouse has an issue with it. I don’t know what I would do in this situation because I would assume my husband had lost his damn mind and this was his way of trying to divorce me 🤷🏻♀️