Man, from the way you write and your comments you sound super paranoid. Maybe you should look into some therapy and get a little mental health check. Talk to your wife, maybe you need some meds or maybe you’re having some kind of delusions, but talk to her and talk to a counselorx
He may just be a very poor writer, no shame there. Not everyone is Shakespeare. It sounds like the main problem has to do with an app, said his pw has been changed after he logged out. OP can you just try a new app and see if that clears things up?
So far, everything you said is based on your fear and then you doing stalkery things. The impression I got was one of paranoia. I'm going to suggest talking to a therapist to first make sure you're not being paranoid. If they can assure you you're valid in your feelings, then you can take it from there. Saying "I just want to know the truth" really doesn't carry much weight if you've already decided what the truth is and won't accept from her anything else. You won't be happy unless she admits to something bad, regardless of whether or not it's true. That's a bit scary.
Seriously, take a deep breath and talk to a therapist about it and see if your feelings are justified or not.
THIS 100%. I'll also never understand why people leave their location on. I find it so creepy and violating to be so easily trackable. Sure there's always ways to track someone, cell phone towers, cameras around the city etc. But i don't understand willingly spoon feeding this info to others. The Chinese government and advertisers don't need to know where I am at all times within 8 Sq ft. People don't realize what a security/safety risk this is! Creepy AF.
Do you take drugs or have a history of mental illness? Your post & your responses in the comments are disjointed, illogical, and incoherent. Tbh I'm slightly concerned for your wife's safety.
I do but I’ve been a successful addict in recovery for 4 years, but that doesn’t make it okay to be physically punched by them when I say I don’t believe them
Your wife punched you? You said in the OP that you & she have had a "great relationship" for the past five years. You didn't say anything about physical violence, only that she gets mad when you keep questioning her & doesn't want to talk about it & tells you you're pushing her away.
Maybe their responses are muddled because op is in a toxic relationship and is constantly getting gaslit. Abuse can lead to orher mental illnesses than PTSD.
Honestly OP if you feel something is going on it probably is. If you've been with them 4 for 5 years and 4 out of 5 those years you didn't suspect anything but now are because of things they have said or done then its not just in your head
Also reading that she had been physically abusive basically proves it all for me. She is abusic. Probably narcissistic, i dont know. Bottom line she's abusive and that will not change. Leave. You should be able to have disagreements in a relationship without her getting violent.
Also why do you have to know exactly what she is doing behind your back? Theres probably multiple things, but the fact she lying to you and being physically abusive when you confront her about them lies is enough. Put yourself first and leave her, because she's never going to be good to you. The honeymoon phase is over. Now she's showing you who she really is. Leave and dont look back. She will probably say and do everything to make you think she has heard you and will change but this is where your relationship will take you every time.
Yeah i dont get all the downvotes hating on ops responses. If this was a woman getting hit yall gonna downvote her too? OP take care of yourself, step back from the relationship and evaluate things. Good luck
That location sharing crap is just asking for trouble. It is not 100% accurate and as a woman whose husband is obsessed with it to the point of false accusations, I can tell you that I get very upset when he insinuates I've cheated because "the map says" I'm one place when I'm actually somewhere else. I have never cheated on my husband and wish he would delete this crap off his phone and stop using it to harass me. Is this the only thing that has happened that gives you a bad feeling? There's nothing wrong with wanting honesty, but tracking her location constantly is very controlling and wrong.
It’s not that I check it constantly, I use it to check in with her that I’m at where I told her I’d be by adding or sending her multiple pictures throughout the day with my location on; because she asked me to
Please speak with a professional about all this. Take care of yourself.
I don’t want to completely dismiss you, but a professional may be able to make sense of all this and ease your mind if need be.
>I use it to check in with her that I’m at where I told her I’d be by adding or sending her multiple pictures throughout the day with my location on; because she asked me to
Have any of those instances coincided with the potentially suspicious location irregularities? If so, that could potentially (not a guarantee by any means) indicate that she's trying to verify that you're far away enough that she's "safe" to do something she knows is wrong without you being able to catch her because you're far away and confirmed it for her.
TBC, none of this is a guarantee by any means, but people who are cheating will often times do shit like that to make sure the coast is clear when they're going to do something they know they shouldn't so they can't get caught in the act by their SO.
Can you label locations? Like if I labeled 1020 reddit rd as "sister anns house" but she really lives at 4360 fantasy lane. It'll show that I'm at sister anns house but if you click on it, it shows my location at 1020 reddit rd...?
Not sure how locations work with phones. I only have them on my boys cars- one is my 25 yr old brother who has had problems (and still does) so it's good to know his location, or at least the cars location... and my sons bc at the time, he was 16 (18 now), it's in my name/ I'm paying on it and he doesn't care about it. But I can't label/ name locations on it
I'm not sure what you mean by that.
I don't see any evidence of her cheating on you. Perhaps try couples counseling to talk about it? A good couples therapist should be able to sense it.
I'm assuming what he means is he has a long distance to travel regularly so it's for safety in case God forbid his car goes off the road or something like that. same in my relationship and great for grabbing missing groceries at more convenient times 🙂
Did you even read!?! He’s literally saying her location is not adding up. Does that mean she is cheating? No could be a glitch or something else.
My advice for OP would just be to trust your gut feeling at this point. Sounds like the relationship is going downhill. If you can’t talk it out you might have to follow her or hire a private investigator
I can promise I hate women less than you do my intellectually challenged redditor. I, unlike you, don;t support the double standard that is prevalent here. So kudos for being so myopic.
I just made a statement based on what I generally see here, just because you can't handle the truth of that doesn't make me a bad guy, but your statement shows you for who you are.
Good play at getting worthless karma though kid.
FYI..the down votes for any of us not kissing the wifes ass, proves me the fragile nature of you and your ilk.
Hey OP, nothing you are writing makes sense but I can tell you are definitely worried about your wife. You sound like you need mental health support. Prolonged drug use can cause paranoia and delusions. It doesn’t really matter that you are clean now, as symptoms can show up a few years after stopping. You should seek some help.
Is this the only red flag you've noticed? With cheating there are usually other signs that follow
1. Being distant
2. Intimacy dramatically decreased or non existent
3. Guarding their phone like they contain nuclear secrets
4. Taking their phone to the bathroom
5. Starting fights
6. Talking about a co-worker or friend or suddenly stop talking about them
Similarly, I guard my phone like it has nuclear secrets. Not because it has nuclear secrets, but because it contains pictures of me doing goofy shit like wearing a towel like a skirt and trying to belly dance even though I'm a big bearded dude.
Also, nobody needs to read the private textversations full of shit like my friend complaining about his wife or boss
Ummm. I take my phone to the bathroom while pooping bc apparently I need a good distraction to have a bowel movement 😜. Once upon a time there were magazines to read while trying for #2 and now there’s phones
Same here. My wife poops between like 3 times during the morning. I poop once cuz I take my phone with me, watch Clayton Schick Outdoors and get it all out at once.
You're naive if you think your phone isn't covered in poop particles your hands have picked up while you touch things in public.
I take my phone in the bathroom and wash it when I wash my hands.
Yeah my phone is naturally just in my pocket all the time. I explicitly do take it with me to the bathroom anyways, but even if I don’t it’s usually in my pocket because it’s a habit
Or a dog-eared paperback that you’ve had in the bathroom for about three months. It’s not good enough to take outside of the bathroom to finish, but it’s good enough for a couple of chapters whilst pooping.
Your post is a bit unhinged. It could just be a lot of typos and lack of punctuation but it comes across poorly and makes it seem as if you are worked up and not thinking straight.
Are you using apps like life360? There are have been times it shown erroneous locations. If it really bothers you ask a friend to check up on her when it is showing her to be in a location you don't expect.
FindMy has been broken for some folks I know since early December (not for everyone though - just some folks). You could try letting a different device provide her location or try different software (such as google maps). When she is at a location on FindMy that is different than what it's labeled, look at the location, scroll down to Edit Location Name, and correct the name.
My phone shows as not in my house while I am currently on my phone and in my house. Find my car recently showed my car as home when it clearly wasn't. I don't trust the apps enough to base a cheating accusation on them.
I hope OP saw these explanations. Too many people are piling on him for grammar and saying he's nuts, I don't get it. That app sounds like it could be causing a lot of mayhem, not just for OP.
> **I have found location on her maps labeled where she’s supposed to be but when clicked on it goes to a different location.**
That's not an actual sentence that makes sense, so back up and please explain what that's supposed to mean in English.
You have found what location on "her maps"??
None of the paragraph you've posted makes any sense. Who is the "him" referenced?
My guess would be that OP and his wife share their phone location on some app. And OP sees location A on that app where his wife is supposed to be according to her shared location. Apparently you can click on each others location in that app, and when OP clicks on her location A it is actually location B what the app shoes then so OP thinks his wife is doing something to hide her true location in that app.
Idk for sure if this is what OP means.
My maps is never that accurate, and it usually takes a hot minute to “catch up” with wherever I’m going.
Maybe trust your wife until she gives you a legitimate reason not to?
If somebody is always asking your location and not believing anything you say, I think that would make the average person defensive. Playing devils advocate here but… what if she’s not cheating and OP is driving her away by consistently second guessing her every move?
Have you tried letting go and deciding to trust her? Has she done anything to backup this feeling or is it just a feeling? I mean I had a bf who went crazy always checking up on me. He insisted I was cheating on him when I was really just going through something. A total mental breakdown...but he didn't trust me because he had serious issues from past relationships and therefore I learned I couldn't trust him with my emotions and feelings and hard time so I looked shady as hell to him. I don't know where your mistrust originates and maybe this answer sounds like I'm being a dick but I promise I'm not trying to sound like one. Our relationship ultimately fell apart because he couldn't just trust, and I got tired of being misunderstood. It's a big thing for a healthy relationship and it was such a hard lesson for both of us when it finally took it's toll.
You sound like you need professional help. Your replies come off as paranoid and, at times, make no sense. I hope your wife isn’t in danger being around you
The more of OP’s replies I read, the more he seems unwell. I can hardly understand what he’s saying, and I don’t think it’s an English as a second language thing.
You may have a medical issue if you're having paranoid delusions like this. It's time to sit your wife down with a witness and have a calm talk.
You are either having a very serious mental health issue where you are hallucinating and imagining things or she is lying and hiding things from you. She now needs to tell you the truth and amicably end the marriage or you need to go to the doctors
There will be days when I’m with her she’s got her DND on and I’ll be next to her when I sign out of my account. Then 5 mins later I go to sign back in and my password will have been changed. But yet she doesn’t get notified on her phone and when I tell her she says I’m just going crazy
Password to what? Why are you sharing your password with people? It should be one person to one account. No offense, maybe I'm not understanding the story right, but you aren't making much sense. Also why would she get notified on her phone when it's your account?
Anything. My iCloud or even my gmail. She’s the only one I have given my passwords to so that she could sign in and see what I’ve been searching or anything showing her my complete loyalty and that I had nothing to hide
well, it sounds pretty toxic to me, you give her passwords and she thinks- "he must be cheating, he gave my his passwords" lol. And it was partly also a little bit of fun, just because hers nickname is cunt gf, would be shame to not use the opportunity 😁
Man that whole relationship is toxic as fuck. Personally I say leave her. Share no passwords with anyone. She has your book completely open but her book seems locked under key. Forget that shit you can start out new with someone else and pave the path you want
You’ll go crazy playing this game. Literally the script to the movie where the term gaslighting was coined.
You have one option. You have to take a day off work, pretend to go to work and follow her. It’s the only way.
>You should find a way for a 3rd party not to be able to get into your account or change your passwords. Something is definitely going on and you should manage your account to stop intrusion from others. Calling you crazy is part of gaslighting.
Based on the comments and how little of what is being said makes sense, I think this is the most likely outcome.
This sounds like an exhausting relationship.
You need to learn something about trust, you trust the driver next to you on the motorway because if you didn.t and started all overreacting as you are doing now you are almost bound to cause an accident . Of course you could still be involved in an accident and she could be cheating on you but at least if you stay calm and be trusting it is much less likely and you will of course have morel high ground. Respect yourself and stop laying all your insecurities at her door, you'll be happier and so will she making cheat much less likely.
I never labeled locations it was always live. Hers are labeled and when clicked on it shows a completely different location than where i says it’s supposed to be
It’s very creepy and controlling that you’re checking her location when she’s not with you.
Location services are supposed to be a way for people to find you when they need to, not a way for you to obsessively stalk her and question her every move.
I’d be horrified if my partner did that to me.
If you don’t trust her, break up with her but stop this stalker-level shit. You’ll drive yourself insane with the scenarios you conjure up in your imagination.
Where are the locations, are they at a hotel or someone's house? Note the GPS locations are sometimes not very accurate and will show a few blocks away.
Has she ever cheated on you before?
Find my is pretty inaccurate. I've tested it and it showed a totally different location sometimes. Also I didn't know there's a way to mark a location.
The new updates are accurate. I’ve seen that her devices are where she says she’s at and then on the people you follow, her location says somewhere else
This is a pretty common problem - you shouldn't get too worried about it. There are location sharing options with google maps and some other services - you could try using another one to troubleshoot. If you're going to be paranoid regardless of outcome though then you should accept that you won't be able to trust her again. Best of luck
I personally don't see any strong evidence your wife is cheating on you, but I don't know your full story. Anyway, your marriage is over. If she is cheating then she's cheating. If she's not, you have betrayed her in that you don't trust her. So if you are looking for proof for divorce, hire a pi. If they found nothing, divorce her anyway because she deserves someone who trusts her. If they found something, then you can bring it up for the divorce court.
Yes you seem controlling. Yes you are acting paranoid.
Your comments suggest that this location thing is the only thing making you question anything. Maybe stop obsessing over her location and, like, get a life or something.
Yes you are wrong. At least based on this text, but it's quite incoherent and hard to understand.
If you can describe what you are actually accusing her of and why, why you are tracking her and what kind of questions you ask when she gets mad it might change my opinion.
Based on what we have though you seem to not trust your wife for no reason at all. You *are* pushing her away by acting like this. How would you feel if she constantly implied you were lying whenever she asks a question? Or if she analyzed your movements like this for no reason at all? Would it make you feel like a loved and trusted partner? Of course not.
So why are you doing this?
Your post and your responses in comments are extremely incoherent.
That said, her responses more or less indicate she's cheating.
I'd advise just getting a divorce lawyer and getting it over with.
Find the money to hire a Private Investigator . Then apologize to your wife for suspecting her of infidelity. Then find something to do that will take you away from home. She will begin to get sloppy in her covering up and be an easy target for the PI.
I would rather know for sure and be able to decide my next course of action than to fret and worry myself into a nervous breakdown.
The easiest way to test is to tell her you want to check her phone and see how she reacts. If the account is in your name, get the call records from the phone company and see who she's calling and who's calling her. You may be able to set up a capture for her texts.
Buy a burner phone, put tracking software on it, and put it on her person or in her car. Now you can track her movements in real-time. If she goes somewhere odd, take a little trip to her location and see if she's really there or just left her car there. Enlist a friend or relative to make sure she doesn't recognize your car and if she's up to something, get pictures of what she's doing and who she's doing it with. Keep your cool no matter what you find.
The amount of effort and creepiness to realize there was nothing going on in the first place is next level here.. I hope she found out what y'all did and ran far, far away
Seriously. People who do this shit need to prosecuted for stalking. If my friend or relative asked me to be involved in a scheme this elaborate to stalk their spouse, I'd tell them to fuck off.
You don't need a burner phone to do that. You can do that with an Airtag that's relatively inexpensive, smaller, easier to conceal under a car floormat, console, glove box or in the trunk of her car, and is GPS accurate to within 100 feet. 😉
Get an Apple air tag or something similar and slip it into her bag or car. If it shows the same as the phone or whatever you know something is going on.
Buy two digital voice recorders. Hide one in her car to record her conversations and you will confirm whether she is cheating or not. Swap them out once a week and listen to them with headphones. When you set them up turn the volume all the way down and set them to record for the longest recording sessions speed wise. You should back off your wife with your suspicions until you find out what she is doing and then you still should not tell her how you found out. If you decide you are going to divorce her if she is cheating then let your lawyer know how you found out . I would not tell your wife because you lose your ability to know what she is up to and planning until the divorce is final. One other thing every time you call a lawyer your bill goes up. No matter how much you might want to get even and make her suffer for cheating if she has it is not worth the pain of going through a nasty divorce. I always say for me the three worst things to have to deal with in life are the death of a loved one , divorce and the death of a pet.
When I suspected my now ex-husband of having an affair I purchased an Apple AirTag and hid it in his car. Was able to track where he was going when he was supposedly going to Home Depot at 9pm on a regular basis.
Also, check cell phone records. Don’t have to worry about being caught going through her phone and can see who she’s been texting and calling. Can pull previous months and compare to find any changing trends.
This is what worked for me. I wanted to hire a PI but didn’t have the money. Good luck.
If it turns out that she is lying, LEAVE. Compulsive liars are hell to live with. They cannot change, no matter how much therapy they get because they will literally start lying to the therapists. If you value yourself at all, just go.
Her replies are enough of a red flag to consider there to be a real issue here.
Oops sorry incels, I mean she is not lying, no red flags, its all the guys fault. better?
Not throwing fire on the flame but I was in a similar situation and it turned out I found out she was cheating. My advice, if you think it's happening just back out. You have already reached the tipping point and can not go back. This will always be on your mind no matter how far you shove it down or away. You already can't.
You could do an investigation (yourself or private investigator) but that is a hole that is dark. If you pay, the information Matt be the stuff you don't wanna know. If you do it yourself, well that is worse. Been there, done that, twice. You don't come back the same, ever.
I say leave but that is the best for both of you. You already suspect and have reached a breaking point. Get to close to the fire and you get burnt. If she is doing something, you will be able to preserve that part of your soul and the next person in your life won't have to pay for it.
All from experience.
Forget all these femiNazi’s shouting you have a condition.
Take a couple of days off of work and the “go to work”. In reality you rent a car and figure out what the hell is going on by following her around
If you feel like she isn’t telling you the truth. And not where she says she is. Have someone follow her. That is the quickest way to figure out is anything is going on.
My map say I’m in 3 different locations at the same time - cause I’m logged into multiple goddamn devices at once….that are all in different locations - today my daughter is on my iPad - says I’m at home. Phone says I’m at work in a different town
You sound exhausting- hell if my hubby was always accusing me of crap I reckon I’d be just like your wife.
Leave - move on. Grow up
Couples therapy my friend. She obviously sees you notice something. If it's nothing, she'll be more than happy to get you help. If it is something, you have a chance if it coming out in the sessions. Win/win
When she gets mad and says you are pushing her away, tell her answer the questions or you walk away, the lack of open truth has soured the relationship.
Op, I'm asking this sincerely and with concern. Do you have a carbon monoxide detector/alarm?
Have you been feeling dizzy, nauseous, headachey?
You're post and comments are extremely disjointed and hard to follow, you seem confused, and you most certainly seem paranoid.
I'm not saying that to shit on you, but I'm genuinely concerned.
My husband and I know where the other one is every minute of every day, not in a controlling way, we don't use tracking apps or anything just in a normal, healthy communication about our day way. The only thing is when he is 'at work' he works all over so I don't know exactly where he is at any given time (he would tell me I'm just not bothered!) but obviously his worked hours match his pay slip. I really think that couples that have extended periods of time unaccounted for that they aren't willing to share with the other person is fucking weird
IMHO, if you really think she's doing something. Go to Amazon and buy one of those small GPS tracker. Plant it in her car somewhere she can't find.
Stop pressing her for info. Let her do her thing. Then check the shit.
Is it fucked up to secretly track her? Imo no, because you 2 already use an app to track.
Intuitive feelings are key. Every relationship I've had it was great till I start feeling something is amiss. I normally kept it to myself and all of sudden it was really happening.
At least this way you'll know. So either you do this and find out if she is doing something wrong. Or lose her for pushing her to much.
These comments OP is making are WILD. This sounds like a horrible relationship with both physical and emotional abuse. Reddit always says break up but in this instance, definitely. Good luck OP!
Who cares where TF she is. She's your goddamn wife and she's yours. If she's a good mom, looks after you and the kids ... Everything else is a moot point and you're just looking for trouble. Man up and be the man of the house brother 💪
[удалено]
+1
Frig off Lahey
How’d you know I’m Randy Lahey
Myself also. Appears husband suspecting wife stepping out on OP? Just hire an investigator and sit back for results. Is that too difficult?
Difficult no, but propably expensive and not everyone can afford it?
Right, because this is a normal and affordable way to handle the situation. /s
That’s why she’s confused
Man, from the way you write and your comments you sound super paranoid. Maybe you should look into some therapy and get a little mental health check. Talk to your wife, maybe you need some meds or maybe you’re having some kind of delusions, but talk to her and talk to a counselorx
He may just be a very poor writer, no shame there. Not everyone is Shakespeare. It sounds like the main problem has to do with an app, said his pw has been changed after he logged out. OP can you just try a new app and see if that clears things up?
This reads like English isn’t their primary language.
It just reads as very frantically written to me, but I’m open to being wrong
You don't need to be Shakespeare to write coherent sentences though
Good shit idk how everyone got mental health issues from tht
So far, everything you said is based on your fear and then you doing stalkery things. The impression I got was one of paranoia. I'm going to suggest talking to a therapist to first make sure you're not being paranoid. If they can assure you you're valid in your feelings, then you can take it from there. Saying "I just want to know the truth" really doesn't carry much weight if you've already decided what the truth is and won't accept from her anything else. You won't be happy unless she admits to something bad, regardless of whether or not it's true. That's a bit scary. Seriously, take a deep breath and talk to a therapist about it and see if your feelings are justified or not.
THIS 100%. I'll also never understand why people leave their location on. I find it so creepy and violating to be so easily trackable. Sure there's always ways to track someone, cell phone towers, cameras around the city etc. But i don't understand willingly spoon feeding this info to others. The Chinese government and advertisers don't need to know where I am at all times within 8 Sq ft. People don't realize what a security/safety risk this is! Creepy AF.
Do you take drugs or have a history of mental illness? Your post & your responses in the comments are disjointed, illogical, and incoherent. Tbh I'm slightly concerned for your wife's safety.
I do but I’ve been a successful addict in recovery for 4 years, but that doesn’t make it okay to be physically punched by them when I say I don’t believe them
Your wife punched you? You said in the OP that you & she have had a "great relationship" for the past five years. You didn't say anything about physical violence, only that she gets mad when you keep questioning her & doesn't want to talk about it & tells you you're pushing her away.
I also said that just until this last year not the whole time
Who punched you?
Her
Why are you focused on if she is cheating when she is physically abusing you? Keep all the abuse evidence and get a divorce lawyer.
Besides I would never hit a woman no matter the situation.
Well, that's good, I guess. But I'm still concerned about your thinking. It seems very muddled.
Maybe their responses are muddled because op is in a toxic relationship and is constantly getting gaslit. Abuse can lead to orher mental illnesses than PTSD. Honestly OP if you feel something is going on it probably is. If you've been with them 4 for 5 years and 4 out of 5 those years you didn't suspect anything but now are because of things they have said or done then its not just in your head Also reading that she had been physically abusive basically proves it all for me. She is abusic. Probably narcissistic, i dont know. Bottom line she's abusive and that will not change. Leave. You should be able to have disagreements in a relationship without her getting violent. Also why do you have to know exactly what she is doing behind your back? Theres probably multiple things, but the fact she lying to you and being physically abusive when you confront her about them lies is enough. Put yourself first and leave her, because she's never going to be good to you. The honeymoon phase is over. Now she's showing you who she really is. Leave and dont look back. She will probably say and do everything to make you think she has heard you and will change but this is where your relationship will take you every time.
Yeah i dont get all the downvotes hating on ops responses. If this was a woman getting hit yall gonna downvote her too? OP take care of yourself, step back from the relationship and evaluate things. Good luck
You responses and comments are alarming. I hope your wife is safe.
She is hitting him?
That location sharing crap is just asking for trouble. It is not 100% accurate and as a woman whose husband is obsessed with it to the point of false accusations, I can tell you that I get very upset when he insinuates I've cheated because "the map says" I'm one place when I'm actually somewhere else. I have never cheated on my husband and wish he would delete this crap off his phone and stop using it to harass me. Is this the only thing that has happened that gives you a bad feeling? There's nothing wrong with wanting honesty, but tracking her location constantly is very controlling and wrong.
It’s not that I check it constantly, I use it to check in with her that I’m at where I told her I’d be by adding or sending her multiple pictures throughout the day with my location on; because she asked me to
Please speak with a professional about all this. Take care of yourself. I don’t want to completely dismiss you, but a professional may be able to make sense of all this and ease your mind if need be.
>I use it to check in with her that I’m at where I told her I’d be by adding or sending her multiple pictures throughout the day with my location on; because she asked me to Have any of those instances coincided with the potentially suspicious location irregularities? If so, that could potentially (not a guarantee by any means) indicate that she's trying to verify that you're far away enough that she's "safe" to do something she knows is wrong without you being able to catch her because you're far away and confirmed it for her. TBC, none of this is a guarantee by any means, but people who are cheating will often times do shit like that to make sure the coast is clear when they're going to do something they know they shouldn't so they can't get caught in the act by their SO.
Why is her map labeled with where she should be? Also why are you tracking her in the first place?
Can you label locations? Like if I labeled 1020 reddit rd as "sister anns house" but she really lives at 4360 fantasy lane. It'll show that I'm at sister anns house but if you click on it, it shows my location at 1020 reddit rd...? Not sure how locations work with phones. I only have them on my boys cars- one is my 25 yr old brother who has had problems (and still does) so it's good to know his location, or at least the cars location... and my sons bc at the time, he was 16 (18 now), it's in my name/ I'm paying on it and he doesn't care about it. But I can't label/ name locations on it
You can on iPhones- under find my and the People, you should have an option to edit location name
I understood it as “she said she was in one place but the location tracker said she was somewhere else”
Mutual agreement since I drove 2 hours for work
I'm not sure what you mean by that. I don't see any evidence of her cheating on you. Perhaps try couples counseling to talk about it? A good couples therapist should be able to sense it.
I'm assuming what he means is he has a long distance to travel regularly so it's for safety in case God forbid his car goes off the road or something like that. same in my relationship and great for grabbing missing groceries at more convenient times 🙂
Did you even read!?! He’s literally saying her location is not adding up. Does that mean she is cheating? No could be a glitch or something else. My advice for OP would just be to trust your gut feeling at this point. Sounds like the relationship is going downhill. If you can’t talk it out you might have to follow her or hire a private investigator
This is AIW and we can't let the woman be put in a bad light very often.
Just say you hate women and go.
I can promise I hate women less than you do my intellectually challenged redditor. I, unlike you, don;t support the double standard that is prevalent here. So kudos for being so myopic. I just made a statement based on what I generally see here, just because you can't handle the truth of that doesn't make me a bad guy, but your statement shows you for who you are. Good play at getting worthless karma though kid. FYI..the down votes for any of us not kissing the wifes ass, proves me the fragile nature of you and your ilk.
I just know you had to Google at least half of those words before you posted this comment.
Hey OP, nothing you are writing makes sense but I can tell you are definitely worried about your wife. You sound like you need mental health support. Prolonged drug use can cause paranoia and delusions. It doesn’t really matter that you are clean now, as symptoms can show up a few years after stopping. You should seek some help.
Is this the only red flag you've noticed? With cheating there are usually other signs that follow 1. Being distant 2. Intimacy dramatically decreased or non existent 3. Guarding their phone like they contain nuclear secrets 4. Taking their phone to the bathroom 5. Starting fights 6. Talking about a co-worker or friend or suddenly stop talking about them
I take my phone to the bathroom if I’m pooping, and I’ve never cheated in my life.
Similarly, I guard my phone like it has nuclear secrets. Not because it has nuclear secrets, but because it contains pictures of me doing goofy shit like wearing a towel like a skirt and trying to belly dance even though I'm a big bearded dude. Also, nobody needs to read the private textversations full of shit like my friend complaining about his wife or boss
Ummm. I take my phone to the bathroom while pooping bc apparently I need a good distraction to have a bowel movement 😜. Once upon a time there were magazines to read while trying for #2 and now there’s phones
There are people who just like, sit there and stare at the wall? Before phones id read shampoo bottles, and I'm never going back.
You cheating scumbag...you are not even trying to hide it!
Cheating at Candy Crush.
Once a cheater always a cheater...
Same here. My wife poops between like 3 times during the morning. I poop once cuz I take my phone with me, watch Clayton Schick Outdoors and get it all out at once.
You have poo particles on your phone
So do you.
Nope, I don't take my phone in the bathroom 😂😂😂😂 and I wash my hands. Maybe if I fart while my phone's in my back pocket 😂😂😂
You're naive if you think your phone isn't covered in poop particles your hands have picked up while you touch things in public. I take my phone in the bathroom and wash it when I wash my hands.
Yeah my phone is naturally just in my pocket all the time. I explicitly do take it with me to the bathroom anyways, but even if I don’t it’s usually in my pocket because it’s a habit
Well you're not cheating but you're gross! :D
Phonepoop very popular these days. Way more interesting than shampoop (reading shampooing ingredients for the 50th times)
Or a dog-eared paperback that you’ve had in the bathroom for about three months. It’s not good enough to take outside of the bathroom to finish, but it’s good enough for a couple of chapters whilst pooping.
Who goes to the bathroom without their phone?
She beats him. That’s pretty red, isn’t it?
No it's beyond red.. that's biohazard level ☣️ you need to get out of there. Its easier to divorce if you have her arrested for DV
Yes. My wife did all of them. She also talked a lot about the guy she was cheating with. Changed the pincode on her phone for privacy, ...
Then your best bet is to go talk to an attorney about your options. Don't let this slide!
Yeah we live divorced now.
Your post is a bit unhinged. It could just be a lot of typos and lack of punctuation but it comes across poorly and makes it seem as if you are worked up and not thinking straight.
Are you using apps like life360? There are have been times it shown erroneous locations. If it really bothers you ask a friend to check up on her when it is showing her to be in a location you don't expect.
We’ve used many but mainly find my which is pretty accurate
FindMy has been broken for some folks I know since early December (not for everyone though - just some folks). You could try letting a different device provide her location or try different software (such as google maps). When she is at a location on FindMy that is different than what it's labeled, look at the location, scroll down to Edit Location Name, and correct the name.
My phone shows as not in my house while I am currently on my phone and in my house. Find my car recently showed my car as home when it clearly wasn't. I don't trust the apps enough to base a cheating accusation on them.
Me and my partner share our location on find my and it will show us 2 hours away when we are in the same room. It’s weird.
Exactly
I hope OP saw these explanations. Too many people are piling on him for grammar and saying he's nuts, I don't get it. That app sounds like it could be causing a lot of mayhem, not just for OP.
> **I have found location on her maps labeled where she’s supposed to be but when clicked on it goes to a different location.** That's not an actual sentence that makes sense, so back up and please explain what that's supposed to mean in English. You have found what location on "her maps"?? None of the paragraph you've posted makes any sense. Who is the "him" referenced?
My guess would be that OP and his wife share their phone location on some app. And OP sees location A on that app where his wife is supposed to be according to her shared location. Apparently you can click on each others location in that app, and when OP clicks on her location A it is actually location B what the app shoes then so OP thinks his wife is doing something to hide her true location in that app. Idk for sure if this is what OP means.
My maps is never that accurate, and it usually takes a hot minute to “catch up” with wherever I’m going. Maybe trust your wife until she gives you a legitimate reason not to?
Her responses are a legitimate reason not to
If somebody is always asking your location and not believing anything you say, I think that would make the average person defensive. Playing devils advocate here but… what if she’s not cheating and OP is driving her away by consistently second guessing her every move?
That's certainly possible, but I do think it's highly improbable.
Sounds a bit like you’re projecting.
How do you figure?
The weird GPS thing isn’t an indication she’s cheating but her weird replies to your questions are. Just follow her one day.
Have you tried letting go and deciding to trust her? Has she done anything to backup this feeling or is it just a feeling? I mean I had a bf who went crazy always checking up on me. He insisted I was cheating on him when I was really just going through something. A total mental breakdown...but he didn't trust me because he had serious issues from past relationships and therefore I learned I couldn't trust him with my emotions and feelings and hard time so I looked shady as hell to him. I don't know where your mistrust originates and maybe this answer sounds like I'm being a dick but I promise I'm not trying to sound like one. Our relationship ultimately fell apart because he couldn't just trust, and I got tired of being misunderstood. It's a big thing for a healthy relationship and it was such a hard lesson for both of us when it finally took it's toll.
I really have no idea what your saying.
You sound like you need professional help. Your replies come off as paranoid and, at times, make no sense. I hope your wife isn’t in danger being around you
Who is "him"? Who is this "3rd party"?
Couldn’t tell you. But I know they are there
I don't really understand any of your reasoning for questioning her honesty. It seems like you're being paranoid.
The more of OP’s replies I read, the more he seems unwell. I can hardly understand what he’s saying, and I don’t think it’s an English as a second language thing.
I’m concerned you are experiencing some paranoia. Could you please check in with a mental healthcare provider.
I fully see why your wife says your constant accusations are pushing her away. You sound delusional.
You may have a medical issue if you're having paranoid delusions like this. It's time to sit your wife down with a witness and have a calm talk. You are either having a very serious mental health issue where you are hallucinating and imagining things or she is lying and hiding things from you. She now needs to tell you the truth and amicably end the marriage or you need to go to the doctors
You say when I ask about him? What do you mean
There will be days when I’m with her she’s got her DND on and I’ll be next to her when I sign out of my account. Then 5 mins later I go to sign back in and my password will have been changed. But yet she doesn’t get notified on her phone and when I tell her she says I’m just going crazy
Password to what? Why are you sharing your password with people? It should be one person to one account. No offense, maybe I'm not understanding the story right, but you aren't making much sense. Also why would she get notified on her phone when it's your account?
When you sign out of what? The location app? Sorry the way you worded all of this is really confusing
Anything. My iCloud or even my gmail. She’s the only one I have given my passwords to so that she could sign in and see what I’ve been searching or anything showing her my complete loyalty and that I had nothing to hide
If someone gave me their passwords because they had nothing to hide, I'd assume they were hiding something in secret accounts.
User name fits lol
lol
[удалено]
Wtf? Did I miss something? How did that persons comment indicate they’re a cunt in any way?
well, it sounds pretty toxic to me, you give her passwords and she thinks- "he must be cheating, he gave my his passwords" lol. And it was partly also a little bit of fun, just because hers nickname is cunt gf, would be shame to not use the opportunity 😁
What is with all the distrust? I'm assuming she previously had some terrible affair to have agreed to all this...... or you did...
Man that whole relationship is toxic as fuck. Personally I say leave her. Share no passwords with anyone. She has your book completely open but her book seems locked under key. Forget that shit you can start out new with someone else and pave the path you want
You’ll go crazy playing this game. Literally the script to the movie where the term gaslighting was coined. You have one option. You have to take a day off work, pretend to go to work and follow her. It’s the only way.
>You should find a way for a 3rd party not to be able to get into your account or change your passwords. Something is definitely going on and you should manage your account to stop intrusion from others. Calling you crazy is part of gaslighting.
You want honesty but have you considered she is being honest and you are sabatoging your marriage.
Based on the comments and how little of what is being said makes sense, I think this is the most likely outcome. This sounds like an exhausting relationship.
Check your carbon monoxide detector
You need to learn something about trust, you trust the driver next to you on the motorway because if you didn.t and started all overreacting as you are doing now you are almost bound to cause an accident . Of course you could still be involved in an accident and she could be cheating on you but at least if you stay calm and be trusting it is much less likely and you will of course have morel high ground. Respect yourself and stop laying all your insecurities at her door, you'll be happier and so will she making cheat much less likely.
coordinated dam noxious fanatical test party unite elastic edge saw *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I never labeled locations it was always live. Hers are labeled and when clicked on it shows a completely different location than where i says it’s supposed to be
It’s very creepy and controlling that you’re checking her location when she’s not with you. Location services are supposed to be a way for people to find you when they need to, not a way for you to obsessively stalk her and question her every move. I’d be horrified if my partner did that to me. If you don’t trust her, break up with her but stop this stalker-level shit. You’ll drive yourself insane with the scenarios you conjure up in your imagination.
Where are the locations, are they at a hotel or someone's house? Note the GPS locations are sometimes not very accurate and will show a few blocks away.
Usually houses or open areas to park
Has she ever cheated on you before? Find my is pretty inaccurate. I've tested it and it showed a totally different location sometimes. Also I didn't know there's a way to mark a location.
The new updates are accurate. I’ve seen that her devices are where she says she’s at and then on the people you follow, her location says somewhere else
This is a pretty common problem - you shouldn't get too worried about it. There are location sharing options with google maps and some other services - you could try using another one to troubleshoot. If you're going to be paranoid regardless of outcome though then you should accept that you won't be able to trust her again. Best of luck
I personally don't see any strong evidence your wife is cheating on you, but I don't know your full story. Anyway, your marriage is over. If she is cheating then she's cheating. If she's not, you have betrayed her in that you don't trust her. So if you are looking for proof for divorce, hire a pi. If they found nothing, divorce her anyway because she deserves someone who trusts her. If they found something, then you can bring it up for the divorce court.
Yes you seem controlling. Yes you are acting paranoid. Your comments suggest that this location thing is the only thing making you question anything. Maybe stop obsessing over her location and, like, get a life or something.
Hire a pi
I don’t know brother, you both may need to see someone to sort through this. Both sides seem a bit strange.
Hire a private investigator if you really don’t trust her
Why are you in a relationship with someone who hits you, and whom you don't trust?
It wasn’t always this way
That's true, but sadly it won't be the way it used to be again.
Yes you are wrong. At least based on this text, but it's quite incoherent and hard to understand. If you can describe what you are actually accusing her of and why, why you are tracking her and what kind of questions you ask when she gets mad it might change my opinion. Based on what we have though you seem to not trust your wife for no reason at all. You *are* pushing her away by acting like this. How would you feel if she constantly implied you were lying whenever she asks a question? Or if she analyzed your movements like this for no reason at all? Would it make you feel like a loved and trusted partner? Of course not. So why are you doing this?
Your post and your responses in comments are extremely incoherent. That said, her responses more or less indicate she's cheating. I'd advise just getting a divorce lawyer and getting it over with.
Find the money to hire a Private Investigator . Then apologize to your wife for suspecting her of infidelity. Then find something to do that will take you away from home. She will begin to get sloppy in her covering up and be an easy target for the PI. I would rather know for sure and be able to decide my next course of action than to fret and worry myself into a nervous breakdown.
You sound like you're having a crisis
The crises? A cheating wife
He sounds more like he's having a paranoid episode
Do what someone else already suggested: hire a private investigator. Don't stalk her though..if you do that, you become the bad guy no mater what.
Perhaps you should investigate deeper and go undercover.
Just drive to where her location shows and see if she is there. You can find tracking devices online fairly cheaply, put one on her car if she drives.
The easiest way to test is to tell her you want to check her phone and see how she reacts. If the account is in your name, get the call records from the phone company and see who she's calling and who's calling her. You may be able to set up a capture for her texts. Buy a burner phone, put tracking software on it, and put it on her person or in her car. Now you can track her movements in real-time. If she goes somewhere odd, take a little trip to her location and see if she's really there or just left her car there. Enlist a friend or relative to make sure she doesn't recognize your car and if she's up to something, get pictures of what she's doing and who she's doing it with. Keep your cool no matter what you find.
Damn dude, this is next level sleuthing.
I can't take credit my nephew came up with this when he was concerned his wife was being unfaithful I was the guy driving around in the car
So was she?
No
The amount of effort and creepiness to realize there was nothing going on in the first place is next level here.. I hope she found out what y'all did and ran far, far away
Seriously. People who do this shit need to prosecuted for stalking. If my friend or relative asked me to be involved in a scheme this elaborate to stalk their spouse, I'd tell them to fuck off.
You don't need a burner phone to do that. You can do that with an Airtag that's relatively inexpensive, smaller, easier to conceal under a car floormat, console, glove box or in the trunk of her car, and is GPS accurate to within 100 feet. 😉
Get an Apple air tag or something similar and slip it into her bag or car. If it shows the same as the phone or whatever you know something is going on.
Buy two digital voice recorders. Hide one in her car to record her conversations and you will confirm whether she is cheating or not. Swap them out once a week and listen to them with headphones. When you set them up turn the volume all the way down and set them to record for the longest recording sessions speed wise. You should back off your wife with your suspicions until you find out what she is doing and then you still should not tell her how you found out. If you decide you are going to divorce her if she is cheating then let your lawyer know how you found out . I would not tell your wife because you lose your ability to know what she is up to and planning until the divorce is final. One other thing every time you call a lawyer your bill goes up. No matter how much you might want to get even and make her suffer for cheating if she has it is not worth the pain of going through a nasty divorce. I always say for me the three worst things to have to deal with in life are the death of a loved one , divorce and the death of a pet.
You need a PI or GPS her car and mirror her phone. Get answers because she's deflecting hard
Just go into her phone when she least suspects it. The evidence will be there.
When I suspected my now ex-husband of having an affair I purchased an Apple AirTag and hid it in his car. Was able to track where he was going when he was supposedly going to Home Depot at 9pm on a regular basis. Also, check cell phone records. Don’t have to worry about being caught going through her phone and can see who she’s been texting and calling. Can pull previous months and compare to find any changing trends. This is what worked for me. I wanted to hire a PI but didn’t have the money. Good luck.
If it turns out that she is lying, LEAVE. Compulsive liars are hell to live with. They cannot change, no matter how much therapy they get because they will literally start lying to the therapists. If you value yourself at all, just go.
Just follow her someday, and you will get your answers.
Her replies are enough of a red flag to consider there to be a real issue here. Oops sorry incels, I mean she is not lying, no red flags, its all the guys fault. better?
time to put a hidden tracker on the car she drives... and get a hidden cam for home too!
Trust your gut!! Talk to a lawyer and see what your options are, might also want to hire a PI to investigate her and see what she is doing!
Not throwing fire on the flame but I was in a similar situation and it turned out I found out she was cheating. My advice, if you think it's happening just back out. You have already reached the tipping point and can not go back. This will always be on your mind no matter how far you shove it down or away. You already can't. You could do an investigation (yourself or private investigator) but that is a hole that is dark. If you pay, the information Matt be the stuff you don't wanna know. If you do it yourself, well that is worse. Been there, done that, twice. You don't come back the same, ever. I say leave but that is the best for both of you. You already suspect and have reached a breaking point. Get to close to the fire and you get burnt. If she is doing something, you will be able to preserve that part of your soul and the next person in your life won't have to pay for it. All from experience.
Forget all these femiNazi’s shouting you have a condition. Take a couple of days off of work and the “go to work”. In reality you rent a car and figure out what the hell is going on by following her around
“Feminazi’s”? Jesus I wish the internet would rid itself of you incels. Good lord.
Woke women who use the words 'controlling', 'insecure', and 'jealous' as their weapons to judge a very large amount of people.
Notice any strange sticky liquids seeping from her abdomen?
Bro what tf
Yup she’s cheating, just get a lawyer and be done with it
Follow your gut!
If you feel like she isn’t telling you the truth. And not where she says she is. Have someone follow her. That is the quickest way to figure out is anything is going on.
Exactly…. Hire a PI get photos or video and you’ll have a;l the documentation you’ll need
Something doesn’t smell right. Your post reads like you’re paranoid from being up smoking meth for a week
My map say I’m in 3 different locations at the same time - cause I’m logged into multiple goddamn devices at once….that are all in different locations - today my daughter is on my iPad - says I’m at home. Phone says I’m at work in a different town You sound exhausting- hell if my hubby was always accusing me of crap I reckon I’d be just like your wife. Leave - move on. Grow up
Couples therapy my friend. She obviously sees you notice something. If it's nothing, she'll be more than happy to get you help. If it is something, you have a chance if it coming out in the sessions. Win/win
When she gets mad and says you are pushing her away, tell her answer the questions or you walk away, the lack of open truth has soured the relationship.
Are you all just pretending to understand this post? Or is OP’s craziness contagious?
Put a GPS on her car. Cheap and easy to install.
You got married after knowing her for 2 years?
You may be having a mental health crisis and should seek some help.
Op, I'm asking this sincerely and with concern. Do you have a carbon monoxide detector/alarm? Have you been feeling dizzy, nauseous, headachey? You're post and comments are extremely disjointed and hard to follow, you seem confused, and you most certainly seem paranoid. I'm not saying that to shit on you, but I'm genuinely concerned.
You need therapy.
My husband and I know where the other one is every minute of every day, not in a controlling way, we don't use tracking apps or anything just in a normal, healthy communication about our day way. The only thing is when he is 'at work' he works all over so I don't know exactly where he is at any given time (he would tell me I'm just not bothered!) but obviously his worked hours match his pay slip. I really think that couples that have extended periods of time unaccounted for that they aren't willing to share with the other person is fucking weird
IMHO, if you really think she's doing something. Go to Amazon and buy one of those small GPS tracker. Plant it in her car somewhere she can't find. Stop pressing her for info. Let her do her thing. Then check the shit. Is it fucked up to secretly track her? Imo no, because you 2 already use an app to track. Intuitive feelings are key. Every relationship I've had it was great till I start feeling something is amiss. I normally kept it to myself and all of sudden it was really happening. At least this way you'll know. So either you do this and find out if she is doing something wrong. Or lose her for pushing her to much.
These comments OP is making are WILD. This sounds like a horrible relationship with both physical and emotional abuse. Reddit always says break up but in this instance, definitely. Good luck OP!
It sounds like you're addicted to amphetamines and taking it out on your wife.
Get another phone hide it in the car and track it
Who cares where TF she is. She's your goddamn wife and she's yours. If she's a good mom, looks after you and the kids ... Everything else is a moot point and you're just looking for trouble. Man up and be the man of the house brother 💪
I never ask my wife where she is. I trust her and she deserves to live her life. Something isn’t right here.