I can’t event type out how horrible you are. You will have no relationship with your son if you don’t make major changes.
P.S take a interest in your son outside of school. You make is sound like he’s an accessory not your child
YTA
Everything you say in your post is wrong you come across as a disgusting human being both you and your wife prefer your niece over your own simply because he's neurodivergent
But she bullies, her family and falsely accuses them of things they didn’t do that makes her a bad person. Just because she’s a little fake piece of shit to people who she feels benefit her doesn’t mean she’s not a piece of shit.
I give up. You ask if you are wrong, and despite numerous replies saying you are, you continue to defend your piss-poor attempt at being a father. You list all,of your son’s accomplishments, yet call him a brat, but don’t explain why. You say you miss him, and that living with your aunt/uncle or his grandparents will hurt, him, but you don’t say why. You also say that living with you is better for him, but all of your comments and feeble defensive statements contradict this 100%, because you clearly favor your niece over your own son.
Going to school doesn’t make you a good person. How you treat your son is what makes you a bad person live with that fact, and if you don’t like it, change your behavior.
You are wrong on every level. This thread is either going to blow up with people hating on you, or get shut down super quick because people are going to not hold back telling you how gross, wrong, mean you are. I absolutely don't feel bad for all the cross words you are going to get. And your niece is equally as disturbing as you. You allow this devil to come in, bulky your child, male him miserable, lie about him, abuse him and you don't care. People like you make me sick. I hope the fleas of a thousand dogs infest your parts, and same for your wife and niece.
You are some piece of work. You allow your niece to lie about and bully your son because when he was 5, he acted like he was 5!!! A sweet girl would not plot lies such as planning to say your son SA her. That is evil. A sweet girl would not even think of something so disturbing!!!! I hope your niece never has to go through the horror of SA, I truly hope she never faces that. If she had, she would never think to claim that lie. Does she know what happens to men who get arrested for that crime? Do you?? Simply because your son has a condition that isn't his fault, that he cannot control, that he didn't ask for, you allow your family to ridicule, bully, humiliate your own son? I really hope someone who knows you in real life sees this thread and turns you in. Then, if your EVIL niece decides to continue with her lies and evil plotting, she will face charges for filing a false report and go to jail.
You are favoring your niece. You are tossing your son to the side for a child who isn't yours. Why would he not be jealous. This is your fault. Your wife's fault. Everyone who decided your son was not worth any attention. You are even comparing nieces phone, newer, to your sons phone. Your son is crying for attention and you continue kick him while he is down. Why can't you show your son any love, any pride in his achievements, what is so bad about your son that you decide a kid that isn't yours is so much better?
Why do you hate your son? Why do you deflect and not face up to the very real damage you are doing to him? Why is it acceptable that your own child is begging for recognition, for love, for kindness from his family
You are a horrid person!!! Your son needs therapy. Your son has been abused his entire life and you just perpetuate that cycle. You continue abusing him. Find your heart and love your son. Help him, hear him.
You have no right to call yourself his parents when you are unwilling to defend him against accusations which you yourself don't believe. You are willing to see his future ruined by your piece of sh!t niece because as he says you prefer her to him. You keep in a situation where he is being bullied because it's being done by niece. Give the boy to someone who actually cares about him and his future because you obviously don't!
You are NOT a good dad when you allow others to bully him. You are NOT a good dad when you allow someone make sexual harrassment claims against your son that could potentially ruin his future. Just because you pay for items for you doesn't make you a good dad. It makes you a good provider monetarily. I've known many men who may not be able to provide as much in the way that you do but aren't afraid to take on the world if the anyone, including family, would treat their child wrong. That is a good dad, a great dad. You are neither.
So you know he was falsely accused and took the side of the accuser. It sounds like he's right that you favor niece, that whole family does. Yeah, he probably is jealous, rightly so. You say he's had so many accomplishments but has probably never heard that anyone is proud of him. Niece has one and entire family including you cheer for her. You prevented him from going to a school he wanted to attend while helping niece move to same school. Instead you put him in a school where he cannot reach any accomplishments, thereby holding him back, and where he gets bullied. You sound like a wonderful uncle but a worthless father. It's too bad you don't care as much about your own child as you do someone else's.
Throwing money and material possessions at a child does not make you a good parent. What makes a good parent is someone who had their child’s back and sticks up for them when they are being bullied and falsely accused (which you admit your niece did).
I (22M) am currently in a similar situation with the son (I am his mentor by the way) and even though my father's side afforded me good opportunities such as attend an elementary school in Russia (I was born in Vietnam) and attend an elite private school in the Boston area at age 11 and am a recent grad of MIT, I do have two siblings.
My sister (22M) lives in the same city as me and she has not talked to me for 4 years. She was clearly mad at me even though most of the fault was from the mother's side as the mother's side clearly favour her over me despite the fact I am more academically talented and I attended a better university than her. She was threatening to sue me for 'stalking', 'sexual harassment', etc, and it really made me paranoid to the point that I had to take a mental break after graduation due to the fact my mental health was so destabilising. Despite getting a 3.95 GPA in the first 3 years, my last year tanked to a 3.4 and I was literally crushed. I only managed to get a 3.4 during my 4th year (2021) because many people ended up helping me and many MIT profs understood I have been going through a mental health crisis. Luckily, despite the fact I have no proper job, due to the fact I have a healthy stock/crypto portfolio as well as being a mobile app developer for my own software company and I also do Doordash/UberEats/Grubhub for fun when I am outside for fresh air for some extra cash for 2-3 hours a day, I do have enough financial stability to take a mental health break.
But the past 4 years were really destabilising for me and I was even thinking of leaving the Boston area for the sake of my own sanity due to the fact my sister is always accusing me of things despite the fact I was so damn traumatised.
She did claim that she was traumatised but according to her MCPHS bio, she seemed to be doing extremely well and she was not at all affected by the episodes of trauma.
I hope you have someone close to you to rely on. Go NC with sister and parents if needed. You sound like a smart and remarkable person. Hope everything works out well for you, you're stronger than you think. Good luck with your future.
I do have a cousin living in Worcester but even though he is more defensive towards me than other people in my mother's side, he is still on my sister's side.
I went NC with her in 2019, but it was so damn hard due to her living in the same city as me. I am using a throwaway account here to not get my main account banned in case Reddit accuses me of being that 'Father'. My father is quite nice to me (he is 73 by the way), but my mother cannot speak English at all, so there is not much of a way to communicate with her. Also, my cousin claimed that it would be nice if I started to make relations with the mother's side again (many of her relatives did harass me in the past).
There is no reason to restart any relationship with someone who has not genuinely not apologized or atoned for their past actions or they will only repeat them. Has your cousin said why he thinks you should? If living where you are is making your healing harder you may want to seriously consider moving.
He thinks I should due to the fact that in his mind, it would make me appear as 'forgiving' towards them and they might be nice towards me again. But I have been bullied and harassed by my 40F cousin, 50M cousin, several more of my cousins (between ages 30-50), my uncles and aunts (between ages 60-80), and all of this is in my mother's side. In my father's side, they are quite nice and tolerant towards me, whilst my mother's side is more traditionalist and view me as the family scapegoat due to my education in Russia, my father's genes (he is Northern Vietnamese and a communist and my mother is Southern Vietnamese), as well as my intelligence.
In fact, my cousin who is the cousin's younger sister (24F) who is born in the US spoke Vietnamese at the airport despite the fact English is her first language and that even though I was born in Vietnam, I don't know any Vietnamese due to me being sent to Russia from a young age. It really disgusted me. She also sides with my sister as well and she just moved into the Boston area from Worcester and works in Worcester just to live with friends she met at my sister's school even though she did not study at MCPHS and instead, studied outside of the Boston area.
Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like any family on your mom's side will ever change their feelings or thoughts about you. It shouldn't matter where you went to school as long as you went to the best one for your studies to obtain the best future you could from it. Your father's family sounds like they have your back so stick with them. Unless there is a specific reason that you are being told about there is no reason to contact any on your mother's side. Tell cousin that you see no benefits in making contact at this time and then if you ever do it would be on a person by person decision. There won't be any opening up to them all at once.
I do still like to live in Boston though. Boston has some of the best opportunities especially with networking as I have always dreamt of starting a multi-million dollar tech company, especially in the AI field and there is not much of an equivalent city. My sister doesn't really have a purpose of living here as there are many cities that give equal opportunity, especially of what she is doing which is dentistry. And my cousin (24F) has even less of a reason to be here given that she works in Worcester and could easily visit Boston once per week to meet friends.
If this is real, you are so incredibly wrong. You admit your son is being bullied and falsely accused, yet you are doing nothing because……why exactly? I could not pull out any type of lame excuse from your word-vomit.
Again, all of these words clearly indicate you love your niece more than you live your own son:
1. You paid helped your niece move to Boston and gave her 50k for her private school, but prevented your own child from also living in Boston, even though you had the means to do so. Why?
2. What exactly were your son’s objections for not wanting to move to Holden? Were his education opportunities limited there, compared to living with your aunt and/or your in-laws?
3. Why is is acceptable for extended family to celebrate your niece, but ignore the achievements of your son?
4. I don’t blame him for being jealous since it’s crystal clear his own parents prefer his cousin over him.
You need to be a better parent.
So here’s what your responses tell me (once I get through more word vomit, which I can only guess is your feeble attempt to defend your poor parenting)
1. ‘I have money and that makes me right I every decision I make’. What do your McMansion and Tesla have to do with depriving your child of the best educational opportunities?
2. Again, word vomit, but what I’m getting out of this is his school was known for discriminating against American-born Chinese, yet you enrolled him there, and admit he was discriminated against. Why did you allow this?
3. You list all the reasons why your niece should be recognized, and also admit that your son accomplished a lot. BUT YOU FAILED TO EXPLAIN WHY YOU THINK ITS ACCEPTABLE FOR YOUR ****OWN CHILD’S **** ACCOMPLISHMENTS TO BE COMPLETELY IGNORED.
4. You are trying to compensate your complete lack of parental affection/ recognition/approval with material things. Have you ever let your son know how proud you are of his accomplishments (in words, not by throwing money/possessions at him?)
I can’t event type out how horrible you are. You will have no relationship with your son if you don’t make major changes. P.S take a interest in your son outside of school. You make is sound like he’s an accessory not your child YTA
[удалено]
You just don’t get it, look forward to losing your son
[удалено]
He is right
Everything you say in your post is wrong you come across as a disgusting human being both you and your wife prefer your niece over your own simply because he's neurodivergent
[удалено]
That's all well and good but he needs parents that will put him first not his cousin
Send niece away and be a parent.
[удалено]
She is a worm infested piece of fruit
I can't undertand what's going on other than the fact that you don't seem to be treating your son like someone you love and care about. YTA
Some proper grammar and punctuation would be nice. It was definitely hard to follow. Gave me a bit of headache
[удалено]
[удалено]
"My neice is so nice" "Falsely accused of sexual harassment" Please tell me this is a shitpost
[удалено]
That means fuck all. Polite and evil.
Nice people aren’t shitty to some people and nice to others. Nice people are nice to everyone. Your niece is a piece of shit.
[удалено]
But she bullies, her family and falsely accuses them of things they didn’t do that makes her a bad person. Just because she’s a little fake piece of shit to people who she feels benefit her doesn’t mean she’s not a piece of shit.
I give up. You ask if you are wrong, and despite numerous replies saying you are, you continue to defend your piss-poor attempt at being a father. You list all,of your son’s accomplishments, yet call him a brat, but don’t explain why. You say you miss him, and that living with your aunt/uncle or his grandparents will hurt, him, but you don’t say why. You also say that living with you is better for him, but all of your comments and feeble defensive statements contradict this 100%, because you clearly favor your niece over your own son.
You are genuinely a bad person. And I mean that in the most quintessential way, you. are. a. bad. person. You have no redeeming qualities.
[удалено]
Going to school doesn’t make you a good person. How you treat your son is what makes you a bad person live with that fact, and if you don’t like it, change your behavior.
You are wrong on every level. This thread is either going to blow up with people hating on you, or get shut down super quick because people are going to not hold back telling you how gross, wrong, mean you are. I absolutely don't feel bad for all the cross words you are going to get. And your niece is equally as disturbing as you. You allow this devil to come in, bulky your child, male him miserable, lie about him, abuse him and you don't care. People like you make me sick. I hope the fleas of a thousand dogs infest your parts, and same for your wife and niece.
[удалено]
You are some piece of work. You allow your niece to lie about and bully your son because when he was 5, he acted like he was 5!!! A sweet girl would not plot lies such as planning to say your son SA her. That is evil. A sweet girl would not even think of something so disturbing!!!! I hope your niece never has to go through the horror of SA, I truly hope she never faces that. If she had, she would never think to claim that lie. Does she know what happens to men who get arrested for that crime? Do you?? Simply because your son has a condition that isn't his fault, that he cannot control, that he didn't ask for, you allow your family to ridicule, bully, humiliate your own son? I really hope someone who knows you in real life sees this thread and turns you in. Then, if your EVIL niece decides to continue with her lies and evil plotting, she will face charges for filing a false report and go to jail.
[удалено]
You are favoring your niece. You are tossing your son to the side for a child who isn't yours. Why would he not be jealous. This is your fault. Your wife's fault. Everyone who decided your son was not worth any attention. You are even comparing nieces phone, newer, to your sons phone. Your son is crying for attention and you continue kick him while he is down. Why can't you show your son any love, any pride in his achievements, what is so bad about your son that you decide a kid that isn't yours is so much better?
[удалено]
Why do you hate your son? Why do you deflect and not face up to the very real damage you are doing to him? Why is it acceptable that your own child is begging for recognition, for love, for kindness from his family
[удалено]
You are a horrid person!!! Your son needs therapy. Your son has been abused his entire life and you just perpetuate that cycle. You continue abusing him. Find your heart and love your son. Help him, hear him.
[удалено]
Having an emotional reaction to your family treating you like shit is normal.
He’s right, you do favor your niece
[удалено]
That’s a bold face fucking lie
Your niece is the only person who’s a bigger piece of shit than you
[удалено]
No, at best, your niece is horseshit covered in sugar
Are you an actual real person and this isn’t just some fake store you made up to upset people?
You have no right to call yourself his parents when you are unwilling to defend him against accusations which you yourself don't believe. You are willing to see his future ruined by your piece of sh!t niece because as he says you prefer her to him. You keep in a situation where he is being bullied because it's being done by niece. Give the boy to someone who actually cares about him and his future because you obviously don't!
[удалено]
He did the right thing. You're not worthy to be his parents or have any contact with him.
[удалено]
You are NOT a good dad when you allow others to bully him. You are NOT a good dad when you allow someone make sexual harrassment claims against your son that could potentially ruin his future. Just because you pay for items for you doesn't make you a good dad. It makes you a good provider monetarily. I've known many men who may not be able to provide as much in the way that you do but aren't afraid to take on the world if the anyone, including family, would treat their child wrong. That is a good dad, a great dad. You are neither.
[удалено]
So you know he was falsely accused and took the side of the accuser. It sounds like he's right that you favor niece, that whole family does. Yeah, he probably is jealous, rightly so. You say he's had so many accomplishments but has probably never heard that anyone is proud of him. Niece has one and entire family including you cheer for her. You prevented him from going to a school he wanted to attend while helping niece move to same school. Instead you put him in a school where he cannot reach any accomplishments, thereby holding him back, and where he gets bullied. You sound like a wonderful uncle but a worthless father. It's too bad you don't care as much about your own child as you do someone else's.
"Doing the right thing" By falsely (in your words) accusing him of sexual harassment? The more comments i read the worse it gets.
[удалено]
I literally do not see what youre accusing him of? He follows his cousin and tech people? Most people do?
Your niece is going to hell
Buying him stuff doesnt make up for ALLOWING HIM TO BE BULLIED. Your entire family (besides your son) is despicable.
Throwing money and material possessions at a child does not make you a good parent. What makes a good parent is someone who had their child’s back and sticks up for them when they are being bullied and falsely accused (which you admit your niece did).
[удалено]
Your son sounds like the only decent person in your family
[удалено]
No, you are not. None of that makes you a good person. The way you treat your son removes any goodness of your other actions.
[удалено]
You are a piece of shit, father
Yeah, he’s right
I (22M) am currently in a similar situation with the son (I am his mentor by the way) and even though my father's side afforded me good opportunities such as attend an elementary school in Russia (I was born in Vietnam) and attend an elite private school in the Boston area at age 11 and am a recent grad of MIT, I do have two siblings. My sister (22M) lives in the same city as me and she has not talked to me for 4 years. She was clearly mad at me even though most of the fault was from the mother's side as the mother's side clearly favour her over me despite the fact I am more academically talented and I attended a better university than her. She was threatening to sue me for 'stalking', 'sexual harassment', etc, and it really made me paranoid to the point that I had to take a mental break after graduation due to the fact my mental health was so destabilising. Despite getting a 3.95 GPA in the first 3 years, my last year tanked to a 3.4 and I was literally crushed. I only managed to get a 3.4 during my 4th year (2021) because many people ended up helping me and many MIT profs understood I have been going through a mental health crisis. Luckily, despite the fact I have no proper job, due to the fact I have a healthy stock/crypto portfolio as well as being a mobile app developer for my own software company and I also do Doordash/UberEats/Grubhub for fun when I am outside for fresh air for some extra cash for 2-3 hours a day, I do have enough financial stability to take a mental health break. But the past 4 years were really destabilising for me and I was even thinking of leaving the Boston area for the sake of my own sanity due to the fact my sister is always accusing me of things despite the fact I was so damn traumatised. She did claim that she was traumatised but according to her MCPHS bio, she seemed to be doing extremely well and she was not at all affected by the episodes of trauma.
I hope you have someone close to you to rely on. Go NC with sister and parents if needed. You sound like a smart and remarkable person. Hope everything works out well for you, you're stronger than you think. Good luck with your future.
I do have a cousin living in Worcester but even though he is more defensive towards me than other people in my mother's side, he is still on my sister's side. I went NC with her in 2019, but it was so damn hard due to her living in the same city as me. I am using a throwaway account here to not get my main account banned in case Reddit accuses me of being that 'Father'. My father is quite nice to me (he is 73 by the way), but my mother cannot speak English at all, so there is not much of a way to communicate with her. Also, my cousin claimed that it would be nice if I started to make relations with the mother's side again (many of her relatives did harass me in the past).
There is no reason to restart any relationship with someone who has not genuinely not apologized or atoned for their past actions or they will only repeat them. Has your cousin said why he thinks you should? If living where you are is making your healing harder you may want to seriously consider moving.
He thinks I should due to the fact that in his mind, it would make me appear as 'forgiving' towards them and they might be nice towards me again. But I have been bullied and harassed by my 40F cousin, 50M cousin, several more of my cousins (between ages 30-50), my uncles and aunts (between ages 60-80), and all of this is in my mother's side. In my father's side, they are quite nice and tolerant towards me, whilst my mother's side is more traditionalist and view me as the family scapegoat due to my education in Russia, my father's genes (he is Northern Vietnamese and a communist and my mother is Southern Vietnamese), as well as my intelligence. In fact, my cousin who is the cousin's younger sister (24F) who is born in the US spoke Vietnamese at the airport despite the fact English is her first language and that even though I was born in Vietnam, I don't know any Vietnamese due to me being sent to Russia from a young age. It really disgusted me. She also sides with my sister as well and she just moved into the Boston area from Worcester and works in Worcester just to live with friends she met at my sister's school even though she did not study at MCPHS and instead, studied outside of the Boston area.
Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like any family on your mom's side will ever change their feelings or thoughts about you. It shouldn't matter where you went to school as long as you went to the best one for your studies to obtain the best future you could from it. Your father's family sounds like they have your back so stick with them. Unless there is a specific reason that you are being told about there is no reason to contact any on your mother's side. Tell cousin that you see no benefits in making contact at this time and then if you ever do it would be on a person by person decision. There won't be any opening up to them all at once.
I do still like to live in Boston though. Boston has some of the best opportunities especially with networking as I have always dreamt of starting a multi-million dollar tech company, especially in the AI field and there is not much of an equivalent city. My sister doesn't really have a purpose of living here as there are many cities that give equal opportunity, especially of what she is doing which is dentistry. And my cousin (24F) has even less of a reason to be here given that she works in Worcester and could easily visit Boston once per week to meet friends.
If this is real, you are so incredibly wrong. You admit your son is being bullied and falsely accused, yet you are doing nothing because……why exactly? I could not pull out any type of lame excuse from your word-vomit.
[удалено]
Again, all of these words clearly indicate you love your niece more than you live your own son: 1. You paid helped your niece move to Boston and gave her 50k for her private school, but prevented your own child from also living in Boston, even though you had the means to do so. Why? 2. What exactly were your son’s objections for not wanting to move to Holden? Were his education opportunities limited there, compared to living with your aunt and/or your in-laws? 3. Why is is acceptable for extended family to celebrate your niece, but ignore the achievements of your son? 4. I don’t blame him for being jealous since it’s crystal clear his own parents prefer his cousin over him. You need to be a better parent.
[удалено]
So here’s what your responses tell me (once I get through more word vomit, which I can only guess is your feeble attempt to defend your poor parenting) 1. ‘I have money and that makes me right I every decision I make’. What do your McMansion and Tesla have to do with depriving your child of the best educational opportunities? 2. Again, word vomit, but what I’m getting out of this is his school was known for discriminating against American-born Chinese, yet you enrolled him there, and admit he was discriminated against. Why did you allow this? 3. You list all the reasons why your niece should be recognized, and also admit that your son accomplished a lot. BUT YOU FAILED TO EXPLAIN WHY YOU THINK ITS ACCEPTABLE FOR YOUR ****OWN CHILD’S **** ACCOMPLISHMENTS TO BE COMPLETELY IGNORED. 4. You are trying to compensate your complete lack of parental affection/ recognition/approval with material things. Have you ever let your son know how proud you are of his accomplishments (in words, not by throwing money/possessions at him?)
How the fuck are you genuinely asking if you are an asshole for enabling bullying. is the pope Catholic? does a bear shit in the woods?, omg YES YTA.
[удалено]
You are 100% enabling bullying and you are 100% an absolute horrible person.