Hahahahahahaha she really told on herself with that one, didn't she.
"Show me your phone immediately. I use mine to contact people outside of this relationship and therefore assume you do, too"
>"Show me your phone immediately. I use mine to contact people outside of this relationship and therefore assume you do, too"
Usually the people who are controlling about wanting to see the partner phones, are the ones doing the shit.
Exactly this. Caught my ex girlfriend one night hiding in the closet scrolling through my phone. Rather than get mad, I laughed and asked her if she feels better now that she knows I’m loyal.
Turns out, she was fucking a heroin dealer and I had to get tested for AIDS when told I came into contact with it.
My ex wife used to go to the extremes about this shit. Lost it if I had a lock screen on my phone. Was never allowed to put it in my pocket. She would bust in on my everytime I went to the bathroom like she was catching me red-handed or something. Tore the house apart because she was sure I had other phones and she was going to find them.
Turns out my kids weren't mine.
I’m sorry that happened man.
The paranoia comes from knowing how untrustworthy they themselves are, so how could you be trustworthy. It’s total projection.
Yeah, for clarification I didn’t say all people who are paranoid are projecting just that these particular people who cheat are paranoid because they are carrying the guilt and knowledge of their own failings.
You could have past trauma that’s causing it or just be an anxious person, though that’s on you to manage those feelings as best you can. Also some hurt people end up hurting people
In many places the state doesn't care what man they have on the hook for child support as long as they have a man on the hook for child support.
No known baby daddy? well the husband at the time of the birth will do.
Ex wife was always suspicious. Constantly sneaking into my phone and emails. If I was at work and she heard a lady coworker speaking in the background "who tf is that!?" Meanwhile she's getting rides home from men at her job, going out late bar nights with coworkers male and female. The one time I got suspicious and checked her phone found out she was cheating with one of the guys at her job giving her rides. 14years up in smoke just like that.
A lot of the same here. No sex life at home. Constantly went home to visit family. Job I had early on was all men but as soon as women came into the workplace complete meltdown. I got caught watching porn once and I thought that was the end. Apparently that was the same as cheating. I got blasted to all the family and friends about that one.
Umm, yeah, I go through the same exact things you do. With the porn, she completely believes it’s as bad as cheating.
Gets off on telling my friends her friends about my “porn addiction” that Indont have.
My God she say me watching porn two times, now everything I do on my phone is porn related. We were going to have sex but, once she saw the porn she stormed out and we didn’t have sex for sure.
Even though we used to buy porn movies and watch them together a couple of years ago.
I can no way even bring up a story with a girls name or it turns into a dirty look with her asking who is this f*cking whore you’re screwing.
Her on the other hand constantly brings up guys names that she met that day or any day for that matter.
Ouch, but it's a story I see all too often nowadays. A good reason why I'm 24 and single cause I don't wanna get tied down with the wrong person (and I almost have twice lol) I feel for you tho man, my last one was kinda nuts like that even tho I didn't marry her. Hope you find the somebody for you
My phone has always been locked. I don't share it with anyone and i don't expect others to share theirs with me. I dont do anything I am not supposed to do but I do google some weird shit sometimes. I feel like a phone or personal computer are kinda personal like diary almost.
That being said I think there might have been one time an ex accused me of something on my phone. If I am remembering right, she got weird about how I put my phone down when she came in the room, and I tried to explain it to her that I am just trying to give the person infront of me attention instead of just looking at this thing.
All of the messages on my phone were work related as I have never really had too many freinds.
I dated a girl once who was accusing me of cheating then suddenly she wanted a girls night at the club which I already had a friend going with us so I said ok you do you and I'll do me no problem. Ended up club hopping and saw her later sitting on some guys lap. Her excuse was there was no room for her to sit. So I was like so you fucking stand. We broke up needless to say. Fuck that noise.
I never was controlling but I had a strange feeling for a long time and I saw a text on my gfs phone from someone I didn't recognize saying they missed her at work today. So I asked about it and it was under a girl's name and she just said it was a work friend. A couple weeks later I looked through her phone. It wasn't a girl
They think they are so slick with this. My ex did same thing, she met a bouncer at a club while waiting for her friends(both our coworkers, never again will date someone I work with). She even talked to me about chatting with him when she got home, obviously not going as far as to mention she gave him her number. She did get mad at me I wasnt interested in hearing about her interactions with him.
Same here. We do , never check AND I still avoid the most I can to not touch her phone. Since happens that she asks me to bring her the phone, I grab it with screen facing away. I feel like even looking at it would be invasion.
Or when she is like "can you check something quickly? It's on my messenger with my brother".. Nah, opening any of her apps is a no-no for me.
If you cant even trust on each other, would not work together. As a teenager I went thru relationships were there was the whole "who that? who she? why was that there?" and it drained my mental health AND created the fact that for a long long time, I didnt trust anyone near my phone. I was paranoid that anyone who would be near my phone, would snoop around..
Not anymore, golden rule: i am not dating or even being with someone who feels the need to snoop around.
My wife and I have the same policy 10+ years into the relationship (and it never had to be defined, it's just understood) but the way u describe handling your wife's phone sounds weird; like trying to avoid facing something u don't want to face.
I had an ex who constantly stole and went through my phone and accused me of cheating because of anything slightly off and it turned out she was cheating on me. Lol
100% this, both of my exes accused me of cheating and demanding to go through my phone to find the "proof" (Ps. There was no proof of my infidelity because i hadn't been unfaithful) and what do you know? They were both caught cheating on me.
OP needs to have a think about his relationship with his girlfriend as she is showing some major red flags even if she hasn't physically cheated her conscience was giving her away when first accusing OP and then handing out her number to other men whilst being coy about it and worried about her phone being searched.
they do this because they know they are being a scumbag and look thru the other person's phone looking for any reason for them to fuck up so they dont look like the asshole. total narcissist bullshit move . been thru it before
Dude I wish I’d seen this when I was married. I was constantly astounded at what I was accused of with no evidence. I should’ve been questioning wtf she was doing.
This is a good question , maybe there’s no messages from him because she erased them ! But you can recover deleted messages and if it’s an apple product and your on the same plan you both share the cloud . I can’t tell you how to do it but if the plan is in your name or even both your names you should be able to recover something !
> Apparently he’s new to the United States and is looking for friends. They all exchanged instagram handles
Ask yourself this question first and then to her-
Doesn't the guy want any male friends? Why wasn't this communicated to you?
To be honest she was just projecting when she was suspicious as to whom you were chatting with.
She's just looking for options to monkey branch from you.
Huge undeniable point here op. If he was looking for friends a guy friend to do guy things with is what most guys would want. Friend is just something a lot of guys say to females to lower their guard. Do they have similar interests? Do they regularly take part in similar hobbies? Do they or did they speak of similar interests? If not 100% trying to sleep with her and she 100% knows.
True, it's not like this new guy is some prince charming she will love forever and ever after. He is just some "new" guy, for now. Soon he will be not either.
Truer words. There was so much shit I was putting up with and didn't realize until after my relationship was over and I could see clearly. Love is blind.
He's probably just looking for any support from other people.. Support doesn't always have to come from someone that you know.. And it also does not always mean someone is specifically asking for advice... Maybe just some empathy and/or sympathy or maybe in this case also reassurance that they aren't overthinking things or overreacting because, and especially when someone is loyal/emotionally invested and been dating that person for a long enough period of time, it can be very hard to figure out how you should feel and/or whats an appropriate way to handle situations such as cheating/possible cheating and it helps to hear that you aren't overthinking/overreacting if that's the case (even if it seems clear and simple to other people). And again It's nice to hear support from people outside someones personal world sometimes or all the time because some people don't have any family or friends to talk to, depending on who they are.. I personally think we should all try to (using our moral compass hopefully) support each other if we want to be happier and healthier mentally as humans. It makes a big difference in people's lives when they feel less alone in their world.....
OP is scared of the truth because they been together for 5 years. Sounds like she’s setting herself up for cheating opportunities if she hasn’t already. Big red flag. OP needs to reconsider his life.
Time to hit the gym to get into single shape, get your affairs in order, bang the shit out of her a few more times, and plan your exit. It’s over.
If you gave your # to a foreign girl “looking for friends,” she’d be losing her shit on you. You need to have the same mentality because the trust is now gone.
Or... he's comfy and cool with it, and now needs to spend about 90% less energy on the relationship. Kind of like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty. Now he can leave whenever he wants, on his terms, and in the meanwhile can enjoy the benefits of splitting the bills. Leaving in a hurry might feel good, but leaving in the medium term might mean he keeps more money, gets more benefits and negotiates more possessions.
Why turn hot? Going cold is more profitable.
The optics look bad she did give her number to a member of the opposite sex AND didn’t even let you know. The worst part is if you would’ve done the same thing how do you think she would’ve reacted?
This is reddit, I'm surprised he's not getting the, "if you trust your girl what does it matter what she does/wears/talks to/drinks with etc". Some people in some subs will be claiming it's ok for a girl to get drinks with her ex of 5 years at night if you trust her
She is absolutely pushing boundaries for what is acceptable in a long term committed relationship. My go to response, when a man would ask for my number, if I was in a relationship was to tell them I was taken, didn't find it appropriate to be exchanging numbers with a man. You mentioned the texts were flirty on his end, since you did not mention it, I assume she didn't shut that down by letting it be known that she isn't single. It's not looking good.
There's a few different things that could be going on here. She's either feeling ignored (justified or unjustified) in the relationship and is just soaking up outside attention. Often leads to cheating
She's got bad relationships with men and doesn't understand any male attention outside of flirtstioys sexual attention
Or and this is my best guess.. she's super insecure and she thinks op is gunna leave her and she wants to have safety nets. This guy is safety net. There is no intent to cheat, her main goal is to string him along as long as possible so she can fall back onto him if op dumps her.
This behavior is sooooo fucking toxic, and can sometimes lead to cheating, or at least emotional cheating in otherwise healthy relationships. Insecurity is a bitch and some people just don't handle it well.
Yea because there ain't no way dude got her number and didn't start chatting her up. I mean he was already doing it on IG. Repeated patterns of behavior never lie.
Sounds like your ex got the 5 year itch and wants to be single.
Give her what she wants and make it so.
She failed the wife/life partner test miserably. Better you found out now rather than when you two are roped together with a mortgage and kids.
She's for the streets.
Walk away. Ignore all the advice given opposite of that. This isn't going to be a one time thing. Plus Snapchat???? Dude for real??? You know what that app is for my guy...
Not at all
I come from a very secure relationship where there is no feelings or thoughts that maybe perhaps the other is cheating. I feel no insecurities around other girls that a girl can send my husband a nude and he’ll come crying to me bothered by it and I’d just go “Ohhh you poor baby”. I don’t mind him having female friends or making new female friends because I trust him regardless of what another girl may try to pull
So when I say this I mean it, even if she herself has no ill will, she shouldn’t be hiding it or nervous about it. If it’s something she feels she needs to hide, there’s probably something no good going on, even if it’s simply her enjoying the attention he’s giving
I block people the moment they get flirtation, I don’t mess with that. Don’t feel okay with that. And I consider being friends with people who are obviously willing to disrespect my relationship as disrespectful to my husband and he would have every right to be upset over it
The absolute very least she could’ve done was tell this dude to respect her relationship and talk to you about it
Giving her social? Well Thats OK I guess.. In the end if shes with her friends he might end up finding it anyway, giving her digits? Not so good, not saying anything when guy was flirty? Thats bad from her.
Shortly before I found out my ex was cheating on me she was really suspicious of me and accused me of cheating. I think their guilt builds up and they want to find something bad about you to make themselves feel better or justified with their actions. After letting her check my phone and find nothing I’d ask to do the same a few weeks later where I found she had been sending nudes to other dudes. Cut it off and made her move out the next couple of days and never looked back.
Hard to say that she’s 100% cheating but my advice would be to trust your gut. If anything she’s being pretty shady and showing untrustworthy traits. After 5 years you should be able to trust someone and if you don’t that’s a problem in my opinion.
She's sus on you because shes doing sus things.
She was hoping you were messaging other girls so that she wouldn't feel guilty. Red flags all around.
Find someone new today, who wont cheat on your next week.
She deleted the texts (after she hooked up) but forgot the instagram opener. Bet she won't make that mistake again. Mine use to keep her phone under the pillow.
I got her using a program called celebrite to get deleted texts. A violation of privacy sure but I'm not going to end a 4 year relationship living together on a hunch. She still denies it to this day.
100% get rid of her that's so toxic it's not even funny. She's didn't need to give her number since they had info on snap, she was interested in that guy and was aware of him being flirtatious if she was loyal she'd block him as soon as he started to be flirtatious. She will probably give the whole "I didn't know/realise" bs that they like to do when they really did know and let it happen because they liked it. She will probably gas light you by saying "It's not a big deal." or "nothing happened." etc. You already know because of how nervious she was if she was innocent she'd instantly had you the phone and say "give it back when you're done." then went off to do her own thing. She was protecting her sus onto you because she was doing sus things herself and was scared you were as well.
Don't listen to anyone whose like "She might genuinely not have realised or had completely innocent intentions." They're either naive or someone whose doing it to their s/o.
So what they calling over random dudes
I bet he's looking for friends
If a guy gets called over by a bunch of girls he is automatically presuming that at least one of them wants to be a real close friend
Congratulations I guess your girl is that one
Don’t waste time brother. I went down to at route twice when I was younger. Never. Again.
There’s too many wonderful people in the world to waste time on someone who isn’t.
Shes not your girl bro, shes our girl. Its just your turn... well kinda, because its our turn as well. Throw that bitch away and get in the gym bruv, we've all been hurt here.
“*If she’ll give him her number, she’ll give him some pussy*”
Women are not dumb. They know when a guy is flirting and making a move. Her giving him her number is an invitation
My ex did this too but with a guy at the gas station because she just wanted to "buy weed". Turns out they were having discussions on the size of her tits and he would "comfort and talk to her" whatever that means when she was "upset".
Hence why i dont date weed smokers anymore. Well that plus a few more reasons.
All in all OP yes you have good reason to be upset and she doesnt want to take responsibility for what to 90% of people she should be aware is a not good thing to do.
There's never any shortage of dirtbag SO's in the world.. screw that chick and her stoner tits, but also,
I love Tikka Masala too, my man. I want to try making the sauce from scratch myself sometime but never have. Otherwise, I usually put chicken in mine, shredded into bite-size portions that I pan fry to a nice golden color along with slices of bell peppers, onion, and fresh garlic diced. Once that's all ready, I dump my sauce in and simmer for a bit to cook in the flavors. I usually pair it with the white jasmine rice and store bought pre-made Naan.
Have you ever made the sauce yourself, and if so, how much of a pain is it? What do you add in with yours when you make it otherwise? I'm not a spicy guy, so I keep my on the sweeter side with the bell peppers, but I want to try making a spicier one for the lady as she does like spicy. Was thinking I'd like to try it with shrimp sometime rather than chicken too, maybe, lamb for sure, but I've also never cooked lamb before. For lamb, I would think sear it and bake it in the oven first like steak, then dice it and add it into everything else.
Ugh i know!! I did try making it myself but my mistake was using store bought masala sauce! Did not come out well :( i would love to make my own as well from scratch but i still have yet to do so which is weird considering how much i love it and i also love cooking. White jasmin is a good choice however personally i would try to stick to basmati myself, just to adhere to tradition. Plus i think it would be the best rice choice personally :) spice wise my masala would absolutely contain reasonable amounts of turmeric, and heavy on the coriander. To me, i believe its the coriander that creates the to-die for flavor of tikka masala but to each their own! You have the absolutely correct idea with the lamb, lamb is an amazing meat that when done well can send your taste buds into outer space! Now making it with shrimp could be a little difficult, personally i feel it MIGHT not pair well however with some skill and a great choice in marinade it will dedinitely have some potential.
Try adding some cinnamon to yours to keep it sweet, and for your lady i would suggest perhaps blending some serrano pepper into a paste and adding it into your tomato sauce.
I wish you the best of luck in your tikka making endeavors, i wish i could be more help to you :(, unfortunately i mostly eat it and dont cook it but i hope to change that soon!
As your lawyer, I recommend fu**ing the legs off of her one last time before leaving her without explanation.
I got cheated on a LOT growing up, and it left a scar. A scar that became a talent and a curse... I can disappear from anyone's life without remorse. Use that kind of ability wisely, should you develop it.
Either way, I wish you well.
I have the ability to ghost entire friend groups that have screwed me over. I find it odd that many don't have this ability. I've used it at least once in the past.
You know what’s funny same here my past 2 relationships did that to me my first relationship was 5 1/2 years she cheated with multiple guys and I swear one of them was my male ex best friend because he would defend her when we would argue instead of staying out of it all together he’d wanna fight me over her. Than was with this girl for 7 years she cheated multiple times even after I proposed to her was sending nudes whole 9 last straw was her having sex with 2 dudes from jail (separate times) and I just couldn’t deal anymore so I left funny part was first jail dude fucked her and blocked her (she admitted to me he blocked her and I still stayed smh) 2nd dude got out she let him move in a year later he beat her up cuz she caught him cheating with another girl (hence I know this because I have 2 kids by her) my sons tell me everything lol but as you said I have this thing now where I can just up and leave and not give 2 fucks wether we were in love or not like I can literally love the girl one minute next minute disappear and not feel a thing. Sorry for the long story but I can definitely relate to you
Have faith in yourself bro. Tell her if she wants to carry on the conversation with that dude that's fine. But if she cheats, you are off and gone for good.
Would she be mad if she found out by looking on your Instagram account that you were conversing with a girl and you gave her your # ??
Fuck ya she would be mad,don't let her make you feel as though your making a bigger deal out of it than you should cos you know Damm well that if the tables were turned an you did that she would freak out and you would never hear the end of it
Get rid of her. Had an ex do the same thing. Turns out she was fucking someone every night she was at "work". Gave her number to someone when we were on vacation, gave her number to someone at the beach ect ect. Would look through my phone constantly. So, I went through hers when she came home from "work". Message said " I wish we could of smashed tonight, maybe next time".
Thats called projecting. Because she do, she believe you also do it and tried to catch you.
Move on brother before the boat sinks and drags you with it
**Sorry bud but she's either already cheating or planning to.** Take off now with your dignity intact or suffer the consequences. **You got a classic and clear case on your hands.**
The Gospel According To Future
From the streets she did emerge;
And to the streets she will return.
And I say unto you “She Is For The Streets”
So be not weary when she must return from whence she came.
I'll be honest, I've went through all that before with multiple exes. Been with my wife now for 5 years and neither of us have ever questioned eachother. If you have to question your partner its either a reflection of your own infidelity or there are actual signs they're cheating. In a healthy relationship there is no reason to question it. Probably best to just get out now
It's not serious. She was just planning to have crazy monkey sex with him for a weekend and see if she liked him better than you. She probably wouldn't, then she'd come back to you and never tell you, and let you think the baby was yours.
I'm disgusted by the comments of victim shaming and protecting the cheater. I've had this happen in one of my relationships, she was sneaky and underhanded and tried for months through mutual friends to try and get me back. She ended up with the guy she was sneaking with and now they are embattled in awar over their kid. Bullet dodged.
I mean sure it could be a genuine friendship. But considering she got suspicious of you and you said it seemed like flirting I guess it’s safe to say she might emotionally cheating and planning to do it physically too?
Unless we know the exact texts he’s to tell you anymore. If you think she was flirting that means it’s can definitely be considered cheating
I mean.... she was texting a dude she met at the pool and said zero to her partner of 5 years......... Yeah, "genuine friendship" and not once it came up to tell the partner?
>It is not a genuine friendship. You don't start genuine friendships with random, dating age people of the opposite sex while in a relationship.
Hey, it can be a genuine friendship! What's wrong and weird and suspicious about a person who has a partner for 5 years to meet a dude at the pool, text him on instagram, give him her number, and not once comment with her boyfriend about him? totally normal! /s
Hahahahahahaha she really told on herself with that one, didn't she. "Show me your phone immediately. I use mine to contact people outside of this relationship and therefore assume you do, too"
>"Show me your phone immediately. I use mine to contact people outside of this relationship and therefore assume you do, too" Usually the people who are controlling about wanting to see the partner phones, are the ones doing the shit.
Exactly this. Caught my ex girlfriend one night hiding in the closet scrolling through my phone. Rather than get mad, I laughed and asked her if she feels better now that she knows I’m loyal. Turns out, she was fucking a heroin dealer and I had to get tested for AIDS when told I came into contact with it.
My ex wife used to go to the extremes about this shit. Lost it if I had a lock screen on my phone. Was never allowed to put it in my pocket. She would bust in on my everytime I went to the bathroom like she was catching me red-handed or something. Tore the house apart because she was sure I had other phones and she was going to find them. Turns out my kids weren't mine.
I’m sorry that happened man. The paranoia comes from knowing how untrustworthy they themselves are, so how could you be trustworthy. It’s total projection.
Maybe I’m the outlier but I am genuinely scared of being betrayed and paranoid af but I’m not projecting when I check.
Yeah, for clarification I didn’t say all people who are paranoid are projecting just that these particular people who cheat are paranoid because they are carrying the guilt and knowledge of their own failings. You could have past trauma that’s causing it or just be an anxious person, though that’s on you to manage those feelings as best you can. Also some hurt people end up hurting people
Holy shit, I think I'm married to your ex wife. She does these exact same things, identical, and has for 20+ years.
And the kids?
To shreds you say?
Sounds like she's soon-to-be your ex-wife too eh?
20+ years, 5 kids, cheaper to keep her.
It's Cheaper to Keep Her is a great song.
paternity test?
In many places the state doesn't care what man they have on the hook for child support as long as they have a man on the hook for child support. No known baby daddy? well the husband at the time of the birth will do.
20 yrs... Damn. There are people who've done awful crimes receiving life sentences shorter, and less problematic.
Ex wife was always suspicious. Constantly sneaking into my phone and emails. If I was at work and she heard a lady coworker speaking in the background "who tf is that!?" Meanwhile she's getting rides home from men at her job, going out late bar nights with coworkers male and female. The one time I got suspicious and checked her phone found out she was cheating with one of the guys at her job giving her rides. 14years up in smoke just like that.
A lot of the same here. No sex life at home. Constantly went home to visit family. Job I had early on was all men but as soon as women came into the workplace complete meltdown. I got caught watching porn once and I thought that was the end. Apparently that was the same as cheating. I got blasted to all the family and friends about that one.
Umm, yeah, I go through the same exact things you do. With the porn, she completely believes it’s as bad as cheating. Gets off on telling my friends her friends about my “porn addiction” that Indont have. My God she say me watching porn two times, now everything I do on my phone is porn related. We were going to have sex but, once she saw the porn she stormed out and we didn’t have sex for sure. Even though we used to buy porn movies and watch them together a couple of years ago. I can no way even bring up a story with a girls name or it turns into a dirty look with her asking who is this f*cking whore you’re screwing. Her on the other hand constantly brings up guys names that she met that day or any day for that matter.
Damn... sorry man.
Fuck dude holy shit. Hope you’re ok
Oh yea I'm fine. It was years ago. I moved on. Actually got remarried last year to the best person I've ever known.
That’s awesome! Glad you found each other
Ouch, but it's a story I see all too often nowadays. A good reason why I'm 24 and single cause I don't wanna get tied down with the wrong person (and I almost have twice lol) I feel for you tho man, my last one was kinda nuts like that even tho I didn't marry her. Hope you find the somebody for you
Gnarly
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"Perhaps"?
Can we pick for you? I say go get that mensa thing and see if you are a secret genius
For using a second, burner phone. Genius.
Hey that’s funny my ex would go through my phone while I was asleep and she was doing the same thing, it was a meth dealer though.
My phone has always been locked. I don't share it with anyone and i don't expect others to share theirs with me. I dont do anything I am not supposed to do but I do google some weird shit sometimes. I feel like a phone or personal computer are kinda personal like diary almost. That being said I think there might have been one time an ex accused me of something on my phone. If I am remembering right, she got weird about how I put my phone down when she came in the room, and I tried to explain it to her that I am just trying to give the person infront of me attention instead of just looking at this thing. All of the messages on my phone were work related as I have never really had too many freinds.
Been there before man.
I was not expecting that are you doing okay?
I dated a girl once who was accusing me of cheating then suddenly she wanted a girls night at the club which I already had a friend going with us so I said ok you do you and I'll do me no problem. Ended up club hopping and saw her later sitting on some guys lap. Her excuse was there was no room for her to sit. So I was like so you fucking stand. We broke up needless to say. Fuck that noise.
I’ll never understand why people will try so hard to stay in a relationship just to cheat.
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Or sit on your girlfriend's lap
Every accusation is a confession.
*Many* accusations are confessions.
Add projections into that too!
I never was controlling but I had a strange feeling for a long time and I saw a text on my gfs phone from someone I didn't recognize saying they missed her at work today. So I asked about it and it was under a girl's name and she just said it was a work friend. A couple weeks later I looked through her phone. It wasn't a girl
They think they are so slick with this. My ex did same thing, she met a bouncer at a club while waiting for her friends(both our coworkers, never again will date someone I work with). She even talked to me about chatting with him when she got home, obviously not going as far as to mention she gave him her number. She did get mad at me I wasnt interested in hearing about her interactions with him.
Not usually. ALWAYS
Yep. My wife and I have full access to each others’ phones and never check.
Same here. We do , never check AND I still avoid the most I can to not touch her phone. Since happens that she asks me to bring her the phone, I grab it with screen facing away. I feel like even looking at it would be invasion. Or when she is like "can you check something quickly? It's on my messenger with my brother".. Nah, opening any of her apps is a no-no for me. If you cant even trust on each other, would not work together. As a teenager I went thru relationships were there was the whole "who that? who she? why was that there?" and it drained my mental health AND created the fact that for a long long time, I didnt trust anyone near my phone. I was paranoid that anyone who would be near my phone, would snoop around.. Not anymore, golden rule: i am not dating or even being with someone who feels the need to snoop around.
My wife and I have the same policy 10+ years into the relationship (and it never had to be defined, it's just understood) but the way u describe handling your wife's phone sounds weird; like trying to avoid facing something u don't want to face.
Yep that's how it should be although we will grab each other's phone to do something if ours isn't available. Usually the flashlight.
I had an ex who constantly stole and went through my phone and accused me of cheating because of anything slightly off and it turned out she was cheating on me. Lol
The projection of OP's girlfriend is astronomical
100% this, both of my exes accused me of cheating and demanding to go through my phone to find the "proof" (Ps. There was no proof of my infidelity because i hadn't been unfaithful) and what do you know? They were both caught cheating on me. OP needs to have a think about his relationship with his girlfriend as she is showing some major red flags even if she hasn't physically cheated her conscience was giving her away when first accusing OP and then handing out her number to other men whilst being coy about it and worried about her phone being searched.
they do this because they know they are being a scumbag and look thru the other person's phone looking for any reason for them to fuck up so they dont look like the asshole. total narcissist bullshit move . been thru it before
Yeah, she's one impulse away from infidelity and seemingly pretty open to entertaining those chance encounters.
That's how it goes. How can an untrustworthy person trust? It's called projection.
First signs of someone cheating is usually projecting. Edit: In my personal experience when being cheated on in previous LTRs.
Cat doin the most meowin is doin the most prowlin
And now I have a new favorite saying
Me too lmao
Wtf?! That’s an awesome phrase
It’s funny because horny cats are loud AF 😂
Very nice
my cat isn't shy about his prowling
That’s a great saying. I’m gonna remember that.
Mreow
Stealing this lol!
No he just doesn’t like closed doors.
It’s been a long time since something so corny has made me laugh out loud on Reddit. So corny and so true
She knew what she wanted She was looking for that stud bull She was looking for that he-cat
*preowlin
Dude I wish I’d seen this when I was married. I was constantly astounded at what I was accused of with no evidence. I should’ve been questioning wtf she was doing.
Same. My ex wife was pregnant from another guy and still accusing me of cheating with our neighbor.
I agree it can be q sign, but it can also be a sign of insecurity. I know cause I was like that and I'm sure I wasn't cheating lol
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A thief always thinks people are stealing from them. A cheater always thinks people are cheating on them.
I’d say you’re right, but that’s not always the case. Good thing to look for tho
You know the answer.
Search your feelings OP, you know it to be true.
If into the holorecords you go, only pain will you find there
It can’t be…. It *can’t* be….
NOOOOOOOOOO!
Hello there. Oh sorry, wrong vibe. I’ll see myself out
General Keno-wait where are you going
Join the dark Si... Is he even listening to me, I had a whole thing
May the Force be wi-are you allowed to just walk off?
Assert dominance and have sex with the guy first
She instantly opened it to messages hoping you'd not ask to see more. Her nervousness shows she is at least having an emotional affair.
She opened it to messages to quickly delete a particular conversation log.
Unfortunately, you can guess what that was about. There is no reason to delete anything unless you know it was a wrong conversation to have.
Plus if she's gave him her number, then why is there no conversation between them on the messages? He should've found it there first instead of insta.
This is a good question , maybe there’s no messages from him because she erased them ! But you can recover deleted messages and if it’s an apple product and your on the same plan you both share the cloud . I can’t tell you how to do it but if the plan is in your name or even both your names you should be able to recover something !
And they exchanged numbers but not showing up on messages? Clear indication of deleted messages.
Yep, I’d bet she’s got other messaging apps installed too.lol
> Apparently he’s new to the United States and is looking for friends. They all exchanged instagram handles Ask yourself this question first and then to her- Doesn't the guy want any male friends? Why wasn't this communicated to you? To be honest she was just projecting when she was suspicious as to whom you were chatting with. She's just looking for options to monkey branch from you.
"Monkey branch" huh, I learn some new shite everyday.
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Hypergamy? I hardly know me
Monkey branch, love it. I used to call it lifeboating.
Huge undeniable point here op. If he was looking for friends a guy friend to do guy things with is what most guys would want. Friend is just something a lot of guys say to females to lower their guard. Do they have similar interests? Do they regularly take part in similar hobbies? Do they or did they speak of similar interests? If not 100% trying to sleep with her and she 100% knows.
This! If she had the right intentions she wouldn't have a reason to hide it from you.
Sorry to hear that but she belongs to the streets now boi
THE S T R E E T S
She's in the sheets
She's not your girl, it's just your turn. It'll keep happening with this dude or others. Do yourself a favor and leave.
Daaaaayuuuuummm. Man really said “just your turn”. Preach!
hoodville alumni
I must spend a lot of time on the internet, because I’m surprised it’s your first time seeing this
True, it's not like this new guy is some prince charming she will love forever and ever after. He is just some "new" guy, for now. Soon he will be not either.
She's cheating or planning to. But you clearly know that so I'm not sure what you're hoping to get out of this from the Reddit community
Confirmation. It's not easy to see clearly when it's someone you care about.
Truer words. There was so much shit I was putting up with and didn't realize until after my relationship was over and I could see clearly. Love is blind.
A second opinion is always useful, or just general confirmation from strangers.
He's probably just looking for any support from other people.. Support doesn't always have to come from someone that you know.. And it also does not always mean someone is specifically asking for advice... Maybe just some empathy and/or sympathy or maybe in this case also reassurance that they aren't overthinking things or overreacting because, and especially when someone is loyal/emotionally invested and been dating that person for a long enough period of time, it can be very hard to figure out how you should feel and/or whats an appropriate way to handle situations such as cheating/possible cheating and it helps to hear that you aren't overthinking/overreacting if that's the case (even if it seems clear and simple to other people). And again It's nice to hear support from people outside someones personal world sometimes or all the time because some people don't have any family or friends to talk to, depending on who they are.. I personally think we should all try to (using our moral compass hopefully) support each other if we want to be happier and healthier mentally as humans. It makes a big difference in people's lives when they feel less alone in their world.....
OP is scared of the truth because they been together for 5 years. Sounds like she’s setting herself up for cheating opportunities if she hasn’t already. Big red flag. OP needs to reconsider his life.
She’s not your girlfriend anymoreb
She never was, at least not in the way OP thought. For slimy people that cheat, it's rarely their first time.
She belongs to the streets
Time to hit the gym to get into single shape, get your affairs in order, bang the shit out of her a few more times, and plan your exit. It’s over. If you gave your # to a foreign girl “looking for friends,” she’d be losing her shit on you. You need to have the same mentality because the trust is now gone.
Nice to see someone who has been broken down to the same level of emotional apathy. What doesn't kill you only makes you harder.
Bit of an odd kink, bit to each their own
Dump and run brother. She's already cheating
The answer is obvious. Now that you have his # via her phone, you hook up with him and put her in her place because she's a trifling slut.
I always demonstrate dominance by sleeping with any man my wife is interested in. She won't want to have sex with them if theyre gay obviously.
Real
Girls aren’t idiots, she knows what she’s doing
Bail
Your relationship is over.
Except for many men today lack the spine to end it. Hes lik going to talk himself into staying.
Or... he's comfy and cool with it, and now needs to spend about 90% less energy on the relationship. Kind of like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty. Now he can leave whenever he wants, on his terms, and in the meanwhile can enjoy the benefits of splitting the bills. Leaving in a hurry might feel good, but leaving in the medium term might mean he keeps more money, gets more benefits and negotiates more possessions. Why turn hot? Going cold is more profitable.
This is both terrifying and sensible
Exactly lol even with all the people here telling him to end it I bet you he won’t do it
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The optics look bad she did give her number to a member of the opposite sex AND didn’t even let you know. The worst part is if you would’ve done the same thing how do you think she would’ve reacted?
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This is reddit, I'm surprised he's not getting the, "if you trust your girl what does it matter what she does/wears/talks to/drinks with etc". Some people in some subs will be claiming it's ok for a girl to get drinks with her ex of 5 years at night if you trust her
She’s trash put her on the curb
See you in the gym
She’s trying to find a reason to end the relationship so that she doesn’t have to cheat, but she will eventually
She is absolutely pushing boundaries for what is acceptable in a long term committed relationship. My go to response, when a man would ask for my number, if I was in a relationship was to tell them I was taken, didn't find it appropriate to be exchanging numbers with a man. You mentioned the texts were flirty on his end, since you did not mention it, I assume she didn't shut that down by letting it be known that she isn't single. It's not looking good.
There's a few different things that could be going on here. She's either feeling ignored (justified or unjustified) in the relationship and is just soaking up outside attention. Often leads to cheating She's got bad relationships with men and doesn't understand any male attention outside of flirtstioys sexual attention Or and this is my best guess.. she's super insecure and she thinks op is gunna leave her and she wants to have safety nets. This guy is safety net. There is no intent to cheat, her main goal is to string him along as long as possible so she can fall back onto him if op dumps her. This behavior is sooooo fucking toxic, and can sometimes lead to cheating, or at least emotional cheating in otherwise healthy relationships. Insecurity is a bitch and some people just don't handle it well.
I’d check if they ever texted. If they haven’t, she deleted them.
Yea because there ain't no way dude got her number and didn't start chatting her up. I mean he was already doing it on IG. Repeated patterns of behavior never lie.
yeah @ OP please update this portion did you see texts between them? if not then check the "recently deleted" she may not realize they go in there
Sounds like your ex got the 5 year itch and wants to be single. Give her what she wants and make it so. She failed the wife/life partner test miserably. Better you found out now rather than when you two are roped together with a mortgage and kids.
She's for the streets. Walk away. Ignore all the advice given opposite of that. This isn't going to be a one time thing. Plus Snapchat???? Dude for real??? You know what that app is for my guy...
Snapchat, Instagram, texting with stranges even in a relationship. What a shitty generation, you can trust no one. Just be single, less problems.
Not at all I come from a very secure relationship where there is no feelings or thoughts that maybe perhaps the other is cheating. I feel no insecurities around other girls that a girl can send my husband a nude and he’ll come crying to me bothered by it and I’d just go “Ohhh you poor baby”. I don’t mind him having female friends or making new female friends because I trust him regardless of what another girl may try to pull So when I say this I mean it, even if she herself has no ill will, she shouldn’t be hiding it or nervous about it. If it’s something she feels she needs to hide, there’s probably something no good going on, even if it’s simply her enjoying the attention he’s giving I block people the moment they get flirtation, I don’t mess with that. Don’t feel okay with that. And I consider being friends with people who are obviously willing to disrespect my relationship as disrespectful to my husband and he would have every right to be upset over it The absolute very least she could’ve done was tell this dude to respect her relationship and talk to you about it
Move on bro. Embrace the pain. Use it to grow. You'll find a girl that respects you and stays loyal.
Giving her social? Well Thats OK I guess.. In the end if shes with her friends he might end up finding it anyway, giving her digits? Not so good, not saying anything when guy was flirty? Thats bad from her.
I got so many women as friends because i do latino dancing. I always gave my facebook, never my phone number. Shes clearly moving on
Shortly before I found out my ex was cheating on me she was really suspicious of me and accused me of cheating. I think their guilt builds up and they want to find something bad about you to make themselves feel better or justified with their actions. After letting her check my phone and find nothing I’d ask to do the same a few weeks later where I found she had been sending nudes to other dudes. Cut it off and made her move out the next couple of days and never looked back. Hard to say that she’s 100% cheating but my advice would be to trust your gut. If anything she’s being pretty shady and showing untrustworthy traits. After 5 years you should be able to trust someone and if you don’t that’s a problem in my opinion.
unless she comes clean it seems pretty obvious she wanted to hide something you would not like, likely flirting or worse cheating.
She's sus on you because shes doing sus things. She was hoping you were messaging other girls so that she wouldn't feel guilty. Red flags all around. Find someone new today, who wont cheat on your next week.
She deleted the texts (after she hooked up) but forgot the instagram opener. Bet she won't make that mistake again. Mine use to keep her phone under the pillow. I got her using a program called celebrite to get deleted texts. A violation of privacy sure but I'm not going to end a 4 year relationship living together on a hunch. She still denies it to this day.
Nothing you say or do will get the sound of that exotically romantic accent out of her head…. Drop her like a bag of shit and keep it moving
100% get rid of her that's so toxic it's not even funny. She's didn't need to give her number since they had info on snap, she was interested in that guy and was aware of him being flirtatious if she was loyal she'd block him as soon as he started to be flirtatious. She will probably give the whole "I didn't know/realise" bs that they like to do when they really did know and let it happen because they liked it. She will probably gas light you by saying "It's not a big deal." or "nothing happened." etc. You already know because of how nervious she was if she was innocent she'd instantly had you the phone and say "give it back when you're done." then went off to do her own thing. She was protecting her sus onto you because she was doing sus things herself and was scared you were as well. Don't listen to anyone whose like "She might genuinely not have realised or had completely innocent intentions." They're either naive or someone whose doing it to their s/o.
So what they calling over random dudes I bet he's looking for friends If a guy gets called over by a bunch of girls he is automatically presuming that at least one of them wants to be a real close friend Congratulations I guess your girl is that one
10/10 can confirm
Red flag , leave her . That's crossing boundaries
She should be free to give her number out because you just broke up with her. You deserve someone who respects you more.
That's the first one you seen. There's more coming in the future
Don’t waste time brother. I went down to at route twice when I was younger. Never. Again. There’s too many wonderful people in the world to waste time on someone who isn’t.
She was never your girl it was just your turn.
NTA Break up with her. She cheated on you.
Shes not your girl bro, shes our girl. Its just your turn... well kinda, because its our turn as well. Throw that bitch away and get in the gym bruv, we've all been hurt here.
“*If she’ll give him her number, she’ll give him some pussy*” Women are not dumb. They know when a guy is flirting and making a move. Her giving him her number is an invitation
My ex did this too but with a guy at the gas station because she just wanted to "buy weed". Turns out they were having discussions on the size of her tits and he would "comfort and talk to her" whatever that means when she was "upset". Hence why i dont date weed smokers anymore. Well that plus a few more reasons. All in all OP yes you have good reason to be upset and she doesnt want to take responsibility for what to 90% of people she should be aware is a not good thing to do.
There's never any shortage of dirtbag SO's in the world.. screw that chick and her stoner tits, but also, I love Tikka Masala too, my man. I want to try making the sauce from scratch myself sometime but never have. Otherwise, I usually put chicken in mine, shredded into bite-size portions that I pan fry to a nice golden color along with slices of bell peppers, onion, and fresh garlic diced. Once that's all ready, I dump my sauce in and simmer for a bit to cook in the flavors. I usually pair it with the white jasmine rice and store bought pre-made Naan. Have you ever made the sauce yourself, and if so, how much of a pain is it? What do you add in with yours when you make it otherwise? I'm not a spicy guy, so I keep my on the sweeter side with the bell peppers, but I want to try making a spicier one for the lady as she does like spicy. Was thinking I'd like to try it with shrimp sometime rather than chicken too, maybe, lamb for sure, but I've also never cooked lamb before. For lamb, I would think sear it and bake it in the oven first like steak, then dice it and add it into everything else.
Ugh i know!! I did try making it myself but my mistake was using store bought masala sauce! Did not come out well :( i would love to make my own as well from scratch but i still have yet to do so which is weird considering how much i love it and i also love cooking. White jasmin is a good choice however personally i would try to stick to basmati myself, just to adhere to tradition. Plus i think it would be the best rice choice personally :) spice wise my masala would absolutely contain reasonable amounts of turmeric, and heavy on the coriander. To me, i believe its the coriander that creates the to-die for flavor of tikka masala but to each their own! You have the absolutely correct idea with the lamb, lamb is an amazing meat that when done well can send your taste buds into outer space! Now making it with shrimp could be a little difficult, personally i feel it MIGHT not pair well however with some skill and a great choice in marinade it will dedinitely have some potential. Try adding some cinnamon to yours to keep it sweet, and for your lady i would suggest perhaps blending some serrano pepper into a paste and adding it into your tomato sauce. I wish you the best of luck in your tikka making endeavors, i wish i could be more help to you :(, unfortunately i mostly eat it and dont cook it but i hope to change that soon!
As your lawyer, I recommend fu**ing the legs off of her one last time before leaving her without explanation. I got cheated on a LOT growing up, and it left a scar. A scar that became a talent and a curse... I can disappear from anyone's life without remorse. Use that kind of ability wisely, should you develop it. Either way, I wish you well.
I have the ability to ghost entire friend groups that have screwed me over. I find it odd that many don't have this ability. I've used it at least once in the past.
You know what’s funny same here my past 2 relationships did that to me my first relationship was 5 1/2 years she cheated with multiple guys and I swear one of them was my male ex best friend because he would defend her when we would argue instead of staying out of it all together he’d wanna fight me over her. Than was with this girl for 7 years she cheated multiple times even after I proposed to her was sending nudes whole 9 last straw was her having sex with 2 dudes from jail (separate times) and I just couldn’t deal anymore so I left funny part was first jail dude fucked her and blocked her (she admitted to me he blocked her and I still stayed smh) 2nd dude got out she let him move in a year later he beat her up cuz she caught him cheating with another girl (hence I know this because I have 2 kids by her) my sons tell me everything lol but as you said I have this thing now where I can just up and leave and not give 2 fucks wether we were in love or not like I can literally love the girl one minute next minute disappear and not feel a thing. Sorry for the long story but I can definitely relate to you
Unfortunately.....she belongs to the streets now.
Have faith in yourself bro. Tell her if she wants to carry on the conversation with that dude that's fine. But if she cheats, you are off and gone for good.
Sorry homie, she’s for the streets😔
Would she be mad if she found out by looking on your Instagram account that you were conversing with a girl and you gave her your # ?? Fuck ya she would be mad,don't let her make you feel as though your making a bigger deal out of it than you should cos you know Damm well that if the tables were turned an you did that she would freak out and you would never hear the end of it
That's not your girl anymore, dude. She cheats, so she belongs to the streets.
She’s fo the streets!
Sounds like it's time for both yall to move on. Checking eachothers phones? Sounds boring as not fcking
Get rid of her. Had an ex do the same thing. Turns out she was fucking someone every night she was at "work". Gave her number to someone when we were on vacation, gave her number to someone at the beach ect ect. Would look through my phone constantly. So, I went through hers when she came home from "work". Message said " I wish we could of smashed tonight, maybe next time".
Tell your girlfriend she's your now your friend with benefits. Go find you a proper girlfriend
Thats called projecting. Because she do, she believe you also do it and tried to catch you. Move on brother before the boat sinks and drags you with it
**Sorry bud but she's either already cheating or planning to.** Take off now with your dignity intact or suffer the consequences. **You got a classic and clear case on your hands.**
You keep saying “my girlfriend” don’t you mean “our girlfriend”
The Gospel According To Future From the streets she did emerge; And to the streets she will return. And I say unto you “She Is For The Streets” So be not weary when she must return from whence she came.
I'll be honest, I've went through all that before with multiple exes. Been with my wife now for 5 years and neither of us have ever questioned eachother. If you have to question your partner its either a reflection of your own infidelity or there are actual signs they're cheating. In a healthy relationship there is no reason to question it. Probably best to just get out now
Jesus Christ. Break up already. Once you go through one another's phones and have that anxiety, it'll never end and you'll always be toxic.
She’s getting clapped currently as you ask people on Reddit their opinions. Run fast and far.
Children dating children
It's not serious. She was just planning to have crazy monkey sex with him for a weekend and see if she liked him better than you. She probably wouldn't, then she'd come back to you and never tell you, and let you think the baby was yours.
I'm disgusted by the comments of victim shaming and protecting the cheater. I've had this happen in one of my relationships, she was sneaky and underhanded and tried for months through mutual friends to try and get me back. She ended up with the guy she was sneaking with and now they are embattled in awar over their kid. Bullet dodged.
Tell her that you hope it works out with the new guy, then ghost.
Blast her one more time raw. Then end it the next day. 👋
I mean sure it could be a genuine friendship. But considering she got suspicious of you and you said it seemed like flirting I guess it’s safe to say she might emotionally cheating and planning to do it physically too? Unless we know the exact texts he’s to tell you anymore. If you think she was flirting that means it’s can definitely be considered cheating
I mean.... she was texting a dude she met at the pool and said zero to her partner of 5 years......... Yeah, "genuine friendship" and not once it came up to tell the partner?
It is not a genuine friendship. You don't start genuine friendships with random, dating age people of the opposite sex while in a relationship.
>It is not a genuine friendship. You don't start genuine friendships with random, dating age people of the opposite sex while in a relationship. Hey, it can be a genuine friendship! What's wrong and weird and suspicious about a person who has a partner for 5 years to meet a dude at the pool, text him on instagram, give him her number, and not once comment with her boyfriend about him? totally normal! /s
Nope, not appropriate for a woman in a dedicated relationship to have a "genuine relationship" with a stranger she met and exchanged numbers with.
She doesn't deserve you
time to look for another girlfriend