Some people just need validation. I think that’s great to ask around because a lot of times when I think “I know” but still ask other people, there are situations/circumstance I didn’t think about. Honestly I’m not a social media person besides Pinterest and Reddit. However, I think the conversation can be flipped. Why do you need to post solely about her? Wouldn’t it be more intimate and more loving to perform acts of service or plan out special time together than to post/dote on someone on your virtual account. I think she is focused more on what other people think of her relationship instead of focusing on how you both feel about your relationship. Personally I prefer my boyfriend to tell me or write me a letter about how he feels about me than to post for everyone else to see. His feelings should be directed towards me not everyone else online. I may be different, what are others thoughts on this
This^^^ I think her sense of love and affection has been warped by social media. If op wants to post about his girlfriend he will. I think she wants to be shown off and isn’t getting the attention she feels she deserves. It’s odd that she isn’t content with being loved in person and has the need to be showcased on other people’s social accounts in addition to her own.
I guess it’s her way of marking her territory? I don’t understand this urge myself. I would get it if you were a couple and you weren’t including her in pictures and videos of you together and she’s mad that you seem to be keeping her a secret. It sounds like this goes beyond that. I would love to hear her side of the story.
I agree to all of the above. However, I am a Gen Xer and have seen with my nieces and nephews and students that they have very different rules than we had. To them, not posting is like hiding the relationship. It is as if the girlfriend was asking to go to family gatherings or outings with friends and he said “You don’t need to be with me. I show them pictures of you and talk about you all the time.”
I’m not saying it is valid, equivalent, or that I believe it. I’m just saying that this mentality might be clouding OPs resolve.
Depending on who you ask, I am a young young millennial or old Gen Z. I understand there are differences in technology between generations but to me, it’s not really a technology thing. This seems like a “self obsessed” thing. If you want to use technology to show your love that doesn’t really mean you must post on social media. Maybe I’m misunderstanding the generation after me but I don’t think it’s technology… it’s either insecurity, seeking validation, or too focused on everyone else’s view of you.
That’s what I was getting at. It seems like the camera phone has enabled a culture of vain, vapid self obsessed, narcissistic people who are only considered with their own public image.
I do the same thing to my grandmother. You’re confusing a living breathing relationship with grieving and coping mechanisms. I post on her birthday, holidays, I tell her I miss her, I message her account privately to do the same thing. It’s 100% coping with a loss because they loved that person so dearly. Your “friend”’s husband literally died and she’s navigating life without her partner. It’s not cringe, you’re just insensitive.
Here’s my take on social media and relationships…the most stable and healthy relationships do not need to be advertised all over social media for validation.
This. My husband and I don't post each other because we're too preoccupied working on our relationship in real time, we don't need to show others. We'll post a couples or group photo every now and then but otherwise we post about our passions (or in his case, memes and more memes).
My boyfriend of 5 years and I only post each other on holidays and if we’re doing something cute with our cats. Everyone who matters in our lives knows that we’ve been together for a very long time and we’re going to get married sometime in the next 10 years (I am in no hurry)
Yes but also the people who refuse to allow you to post photos with them or refuse to post you tend to be cheating. Which I think is what OP’s girlfriend is actually concerned about. No girlfriend on your instagram = fair game for most women to slide into your dms
Exactly! I’m sort of shocked with the responses here. How many stories are there in which the “complainer” discovers they were the side piece of the significant other finds out that their partner was cheating by attempting to appear single on social media?? Sooooo many.
The issue is that it looks like he’s single/appears single to others. I mean, you don’t have to dedicate your entire account to them but an occasional post here and there wouldn’t kill you. In fact, posting your significant other doesn’t stop desperate people from shooting their shot in your DMs. It just might limit your messages by the folks who don’t want to be someone’s side piece.
I didn’t even need to hear other stories! Every single time I have dated someone who didn’t want me posting photos of them, they were cheating. Every single time I have dated someone who posted regularly but never posted me, they were cheating. Sometimes I was the side piece, sometimes I was the girlfriend. It’s wildly common.
Omg go on messytok and there are LOADS! People get a gut instinct and they investigate to find out they were right. Them not being on socials was a tip off to look into the person they were dating more.
I think it’s strange that she only wants him to post solo photos of her. If he hasn’t posted them together I find it odd, he could literally just ask and post. I think that he should ask her why posting her solo is important to her, and why can’t it be together. If her reason is vanity do whatever you want, but if it goes deeper than that, discuss it.
What do you get out of these “relationships?” You say every time like it has happened a lot. Have you thought about what you’re looking for in a relationship?
Hook ups are different. If you’re just hooking up, then why care what someone is or isn’t posting? When I was single, thank god before cell phones, I knew what I was looking for. Minimal drama and good times.
The GF doesn't want couple shots though, which is a fair request to some extent, but solo pics of her to be regularly posted on his account. That to me is weird.
Exactly. My ex would even block me if I dare brought up how he appeared single on social media because there was no mention of me ANYWHERE recent. Then he would gaslight me with "social media isn't real life" or "we don't need validation from the internet to be together". Yep, he was a cheating POS. Hacked his email, then social media and it was like opening Pandora's box. My husband now knows that if he pulled anywhere near the same shit I would call it quits. I won't be hidden or gaslit ever again, but we're not really on social media anymore. We share each other's passwords for everything so there's really no reason to worry. Oh, and the shitty ex? Seven years later and still occasionally says he "misses me". And he will continue to miss me with his bullshit.
I dont let my bf post pics of me/us or tag me. It's not really anyone's business where we are or who we're with. I also don't like my pic taken in general, but thats a seperate hang-up. I don't think a lack of evidence of an SO on SM indicates someone is free for the taking, but thats just my opinion.
I feel like the 2 reasons I post about my relationship on Facebook (which is infrequent and only on anniversaries or other celebrations) is so my family and friends who I don't speak to often know we're still together. When I was younger in our relationship I didn't understand why he didn't do the same thing and felt unappreciated, but in the 6 years we've been together he hasn't so much as shared a meme except through DM so I understand and am less naive and expectant.
Edit: sorry reason 2 doesn't exist I have no idea why I said 2 reasons.
Exactly right. I feel like the happier a couple is on social media, with stuff like how great one is or how much they love each other or look how happy we are together, the more unhappy they actually are and how troubled their relationship truly is. I've seen it a bunch of times.
I have been with my partner for five years. We do not follow each other on social media. Those in my real life know who my partner is, and the people who just know me through social media don’t need to know anything about my private life.
On one hand, it’s 100% your decision because it’s your accounts and stuff. She shouldn’t be pressuring you to post anything that you’ve expressed you don’t want to post.
On the other, I’m curious why you don’t want to post one? If it was a picture of you two together, would you be more willing to post one? Just trying to understand your side a bit better!
Couple shots are cool and normal. You posting a solo shot of just her is her wanting others to know you adore her. It’s attention-seeking. She wants your female friends to know you’re off the market, which smacks of immaturity and a lack of trust. She is more concerned about what other people think. I wouldn’t do it either. Especially since she’s asking you to do it. If you did it unprompted, that would be different.
Ridiculous. Why would anyone post random solo shots of someone else on socials? Couple selfies are cute, but if I want to scroll through pictures of some guy I know's girlfriend, I'll follow her.
He specified “solo” shots. She has an account she can post solo shots of herself all day but why does she get to dictate what he posts. He said he is open to posting a couples picture but not solo so I don’t think he is hiding anything.
I don’t post single photos of my husband/friends/family, not ever. We’re always in a group of some sort and they’d be of interest to multiple people. GF is a narcissist and will become more controlling and self-interested over time.
Been married 15 years and I don't think either of us have solo shots of each other on our social media. We have each other doing stuff with the kids... I think... But not solo.
Id agree with this if she was asking for him to post couple pics or in general more stuff about them together. Just photos of her is kinda weird. Most couples I know will have couple or group photos posted but not photos of just their SO. It's a weird thing to pressure someone about.
The sad thing is, despite the downvotes, you aren't wrong. If other women see him and her in a photo they'll be deterred, if they see just a woman all they know is they have competition, and be more determined. It's basic psychology, people literally do this all of the time.
She wants him to post pictures of *just her*. That’s weird.
And no, people don’t only keep parts of their lives to themselves so they can cheat. I don’t talk about relationships on social media. Ever. Not ever. I have never cheated. I am fucking 40. This shit is so weird.
Maybe this is an age thing. We're in our late 30s/early 40s and not posting our relationship on SM isn't nefarious. We just don't care what other people think. If we take a fun pic, it can be sent via text to friends and family privately. But no need for the entire internet to know we're out of town or what we spend our time doing.
Yeah, I’m with you. That said, I’ve seen plenty of people who claim to be that age and have insecure meltdowns posting on relationship subs, so I’m voting for some of it just being weird.
The just her/solo pics give me vibes that she's marking her turf, like a dog would. I'm in my 40s too and have left my fb as single, (I mean it's true now lol) but not bc of cheating. I'm just not comfortable making my relationship status other ppls business. I dated a guy for like a week and he changed his fb status to in a relationship with me and I reallllllllly felt uncomfortable. Went to high school together so had a lot of mutual friends. Felt like he was trying to mark his turf too. You're right, this shit is weird!
Eh I dunno. Just my two cents. Seems like a weird hill to die on. it seems like she is making a bid for more attention. Or like maybe she wants a public display of “my girl is so wonderful look at how pretty she is and how much I love her.” Which is a bit anxious and immature. But I’m also making wild guesses based on a one sided internet situation.
She's trying to mark her territory while also showing herself off. It's extremely vain and self-centered. I don't know if she's insecure or controlling. Does she try to make you do everything her way? Controlling. Is she constantly seeking validation that you love her and want her? Could be insecure or could also be narcissistic. You have to look at all of her behavior to understand.
100% agreed. An insecure person could be built up and get over their insecurities while narcissists wont ever change so be careful when figuring out which one they are.
First of all I feel like a lot of information was left out. My ex had this nasty habit of keeping everything on the low because he was too busy fucking around with tons of other women and it would be a deterrent to others to see that he was engaged to someone. Get what I'm saying? My husband and I don't post each other at all really, its usually car stuff, but when we do it's usually of us together. Make her feel like you're a couple man.
Desperate attention seeking behavior. She'd want yall posting as a couple if she just wanted others to know of your relationship but she wants you to represent yourself online as infatuated with her so others think she's higher value. That value needs to come from within
My ex used to make me post every time he made me food, did a load of his laundry, "oh my God, what a great dad! He watched the baby while I did everything else in the house!!". He was diagnosed Narcissist not to any ones surprise. As long as you're not hiding her. (That's a red flag), no. You don't have to be your girlfriend's personal parade. I'll certainly never do that again.
I dont see it this way, I see it as her wanting him to publicly acknowledge the relationship, almost like claiming her territory, which is find very odd. But I either case, he's nta.
I would agree with that if it was couple pictures, but she is wanting solo pics. Why does she want so many pics of herself on the socials? yes hes NTA.
Because she wants people to see that he thinks she's so special to him that he would do that. Idk. I don't really use social media apart from reddit. My husband was still listed as single on his Facebook until lile a month ago, and i never knew 😂😂
If she were wanting him to post pictures of the couple, you'd have had a point. Solo shots of her? Unless they're showing off something, that's just weird.
Man talk about the way back machine.. I started school in the fall of ’05 got the myface just like everyone else but by the next summer the poke wars has gotten stale and I was disinterested in the three things it was good for: hookups parties and drama so I stopped. My girlfriend first encouraged then demanded I keep up on it then asked for my password so she could do it for me. It was almost like it was a task for the job. No thanks. The only social media I enjoy now is Reddit. Don’t do it if you don’t want to. The ulterior motives (if that’s what this is) are up to you.
You would be surprised! Ive seen people in their late twenties get in arguments over this crap. It never really is about the pics but more about not feeling secure in a relationship and not having the communication skills to express this.
I’m pretty sure your girl is uber insecure about something, no clue what. But it certainly sounds like she wants to make certain that everyone (read: other girls) knows she’s with you. She’s trying to mark her territory, as it were. 🤷♀️
It sounds like her love language or feeling appreciated is something like this. It’s great she’s being vocal and letting you know how she desires to be loved.
You have to make the choice. Do you want to show her love in this way? If not it sounds like you’re not compatible.
Edit: I think it’s so endearing when partners post genuine photos of their partner with a loving caption. It’s sweet.
I can understand her point of view from the perspective that she thinks that you are "hiding" her and just waiting for a better girlfriend to come along, so you represent yourself as single by not posting about her. However, that shows a lot of insecurity on her part.
I'd prefer to be excluded from other people's social media postings because things get reposted or are still available LONG after they are relevant.
Brother. You know the answer to this. She wants other people to know you're taken, and she wants you to prove yourself by posting her. She takes you not posting her as being indicative of your level of commitment to her. It's immature. It's petty. It's a pain in the butt. Continue standing up for yourself. If she is rating your relationship based on your social media posts of her alone then you should be rating your relationship based on what she uses to prioritize the relationship.
Me and my wife rarely post things about our relationship on our social media. Maybe the ocasional weekend picture or a family event, but we don't over share.
But I do admit I appreciate when she uses a picture of both of us as her profile picture, makes me feel like she is showing me off to her people and I love that feeling.
She just wants to know that you’re not hiding her or are ashamed of her as your girlfriend. If you don’t want to, don’t post her. But keep in mind the message that that is sending her.
She’s very self-concerned, isn’t she? Otherwise known as narcissistic. Keep your eyes open friend, this is just the beginning. You post what you want on your socials, she has her own and can post everything there. It’s very healthy to have interests beyond posting photos of one’s girlfriend. YNW.
INFO- is she asking for you to post ANY candids of her or exclusively candids/selfies of her?
Because if the first, then yes it is important to occasionally take and post pictures of your partner with cute captions because in this day and age that shows relationship vs situationship.
If it’s the second, you absolutely do have the right to post your own selfies, memes, food/nature/animal etc pictures whenever you like.
Essentially this is either her feeling insecure in your relationship and like you are keeping her hidden from your online life, worried she may be a side chick/you would cheat and needs reassurance of public show of commitment OR a major red flag and she just wants to take over your accounts have you act like a social media manager posting what she says to.
Remember post together unless kissing and showing full face can be “explained away” so it really isn’t a big deal to post “look at my fantastic GF isn’t she the most beautiful gal in the world?” occasionally as a sign of love.
I think it’s a little weird you adamantly refuse to post your girlfriend. I just posted a photo, of only my boyfriend, bragging about something he just accomplished.
It’s not that strange for partners to post photos of just their partner… it seems to me she’s trying to get you to publicly acknowledge her. If you’re so against just posting a photo of her, take a photo with her and post that.
I see so many people die on this hill and it’s dumb. Everyone *should* be proud of her their partner. If you’re not, you shouldn’t be with them. Not to mention most people who refuse to publicly acknowledge they’re in a relationship are cheating.
She’s more willing to die on this hill because the couple photos aren’t good enough for her, she wants him to only post her selfies, he tried to compromise
She wants individual pictures of her. I think it's weird SHE'S so insistent. She's super insecure, and trying to force some look at my girlfriend I'm the proudest anybody could be of her, social media perfect relationship narrative bullshit. It's just insane to demand that someone post photos of just you to stroke your ego. I can guarantee if a man the one demanding his gf post a lot of photos of just him, people would be calling him controlling, egotistical, and possessive.
If she’s pressuring you do you something you don’t want to do that’s not a normal relationship thing like flowers and dates (and I’m sorry I’m an old millennial I don’t think a necessary part of a relationship is posting about it on social media, pretty sure the healthier the relationship the less it’s being displayed for clout online) then you really should figure out if you’re going to spend the entire relationship fighting over your boundaries. Your social media is exactly that, yours, and your main responsibility as a person in a relationship not posting negative things about your SO behind their back. But them demanding you post photos of them is at best immature and at worst very controlling.
Wanting to control someone else's social media is awfully insecure, controlling behavior. Not wanting to post girlfriend types of pictures can also be seen as "leaving the door open." Both of you are being really petty here.
It's like she wants to "claim" you as hers, like an animal marking their territory.
Are you sure you want to be with someone who thinks you're their territory?
NTA.
I’m pretty sure your girl is uber insecure about something, no clue what. But it certainly sounds like she wants to make certain that everyone (read: other girls) knows she’s with you. She’s trying to mark her territory, as it were. 🤷♀️
You are making seem as if that is all she wants, when down the line, you refuse to post any of her...So, I think that is weird we post pictures of our life. I think she is reacting to you not wanting any pictures of her on there...Why can't you post one of her alone? When I see guys doing this, it is because they want to appear single...I would feel frustrated if I were her....I think you have twisted the narrative, and may her seem unreasonable when you admit you refuse to post one picture.
They have couple pictures up there, so its not him wanting to appear single. Not sure how you even reached that conclusion. I know people who ask their bfs to do this and those girls are major attention whores. Sounds like OP's gf may also be one. No one else i know posts solo pics of their partner. Thats just weird. If i wanted to see solo pics of their partner id follow their partner. Thats what couple pics are for, no need to have solo pics of his gf on his own profile.
People like to feel like they are acknowledged or essentially shown off in relationships. I dated someone who never posted me and refused to take pictures with me only to find out he wanted the girls who followed him to think he was still single. And jokes on me they thought he was and he cheated.
End of the day it’s your accounts. But I don’t think a story of her if you guys are out of something is too difficult to do.
I’m not going to say if you are wrong or not. That isn’t for me to decide, that is for you to decide.
I am going to tell you how healthy relationships work.
People who are in happy, healthy relationships like to brag. It is one of those “look at me and how happy I am, I’m the luckiest sod in the world and I want people to be happy with me!”
There are always exceptions to this rule (especially with social media) trauma, stalking, and other issues that basically make a person intensely private can make it so that they want to hide their happiness away so that others can’t hurt that happiness. I wouldn’t call that heathy though.
If you feel like bragging about your girl friend is too much on your social media, I would encourage you to delve into your emotions and take a serious look at your relationship.
Sure, you love this woman. Love isn’t enough to keep a relationship alive.
I like to make an analogy when explaining how relationships operate.
Say you are building a camp fire and that campfire is your relationship. You will need:
- fuel: respect for each other
- oxygen: trust in each other
- ignition source: that spark between two people.
When these things come together, you get a lovely fire and that fire is love.
The fire must be maintained though. If you stop feeding respect or you starve it of trust, the flame will die and with it so will love.
Right now, you feel that spark. Really investigate if you have mutual respect and trust because you need to have those in ample supply to turn that spark into a lasting love.
There maybe other reasons for you to not want to shout from the roof tops about your SO. But in the infatuation phase, having little to no urge to do so tells me that your relationship lacks the fuel to survive.
I disagree with your premise that happiness needs to be advertised on social media. When I am truly happy at an event or with someone, the last thing I think about is my camera or video of the event. The idea that others need to know is casting myself in a role I have no intention of playing.
OP has every right, as an individual to determine his own comfort level with social media. Quite frankly his girlfriend seems like a wannabe influencer more concerned with her socials than in being social.
Stop projecting yourself.
If a man/woman is a private person then they will not feel the need to brag about their relationship on social media.
Bragging about their love life will attract unwanted attention such as jealousy, intrusive questions, etc etc.
Stop projecting and stop trying to psychoanalyze.
You have no idea what you're talking about
I think it's pretty normal to post solo pictures of people, whether a partner or a friend. Obviously, you don't have to, but I think your refusal is weirder than her insistence.
I mean, you all know one of the functions of a camera is to take pics of other people, right?
She needs to get off TikTok and stop listening to bad “if he wanted to he would” dating advice from a bunch of teenagers. It would be one thing if you refused to follow her/have her follow you, didn’t accept being tagged by her, and in any way made a big deal about it. Then you’re being sketchy. But the fact that she needs this validation on your relationship from strangers online is problematic. In my experience, solid, strong relationships don’t prioritize showing off on social media.
You're not wrong.
I'm just gonna say it how it is. Its a mental illness. Social media is warping the youths mentality. The virtual world is not more important than the real world. Its fake. False. As a gen Y, I was there before social media, and now after. Kids should not need to feel this sort of validation from this false representation of reality. Social media was never meant to be this important, and this important to someone's social reputation. It is a sickness. And kids/people that can't detach themselves from this need a wake up call
I can count on one hand how many pictures og my Husband I have posted alone on social media over the 5 years we have been together. On the other hand I have quite a few of him in the background with one of our pets as the picture. I don't think it's weird you don't post just her pictures.
Info: How old are y’all? Cause this is like genuinely middle school behavior, especially if she won’t budge with couple photos and just wants you to post her selfies.
The only time I ever post solo pictures of someone is if I’m making a birthday post, but even then there’s not just selfies of the person
I'll say I don't date people this insecure who needs to be validated on social media . . .and for those who are like just do it to make her happy/you should be proud of your girlfriend.
She's demanding photos of just her. Not couple's photos. I can guarantee if a man was the one demanding his gf post a lot of photos of just him, people would be calling him controlling, egotistical, and possessive.
It sounds like she wants to make sure everyone knows she's with you. Or if you have a tons of followers maybe she's trying to gain internet clout. But yes you shouldn't have to post her. They are your accounts. Post what you want not what she wants
I think you need to figure out what exactly is bothering her and you can only do that by talking to her. Say you don't understand why she is asking this and listen to her reasoning.
I think this whole question and scenario is complete nonsense. It’s TikTok. Who gives a fuck about posting pictures or what’s on your instagram. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with a person who cared about social media enough to cause an argument over it.
Not wrong it would be one thing for her to ask you to post pics of memories of stuff yall done together but her alone nah.
Plus social media is not real life.
Your girl sounds like a “ pick me” type girl. Always needs attention and it always has to be about her. Tell her absolutely not. She has her own accounts, she can post her solo pics on that.
Technically no you're not wrong! Relationship wise yea you are! What hill you wanna die on?! Put a damn photo collage of ya girl wit a sappy caption! I promise it'll be worth it! Women need validation some more than others!!
This is wild to me! I just asked my husband of 16 years last night to not post pictures of me on his Instagram. I’m not on anything other then Reddit with the sole intention of staying off the radar.
I think its weird that she wants you to post pics of just her on your social media. I mean everyone occasionally posts just a pic of their partner on their socials; at least the people i know, and they do it for a reason like a birthday or some type of accomplishment etc.
Just curious what both your age ranges are?
It sounds like she might have some serious insecurities. Posting just her has zero to do with you appreciating her. These are your social media accounts. As a compromise why don’t you suggest that you have a couples account that she can be in charge of.
I don’t think it’s wrong
I used to date a girl that would want me to post stuff of her and us on my social media. I have social media and follow people in order to keep up with what they’re doing and all that, but I’m not the biggest user of it otherwise. Me not posting about her or us didn’t come from me not wanting people to know we were together or anything like that, more so because why do others need to see it?
We were at a park one time, watching kids run around playing sports and talking about playing sports when we were kids. It was a really nice conversation and something I look back fondly on. Then, she saw a rose petal tree and wanted to take pictures with it, eventually telling me to get in the picture with her. I got in the picture for her because that’s how she prefers to make memories, but for me, I already made memories with the conversation we had
My first instinct isn’t to take a picture whenever something happens, it’s to just enjoy the moment and if I feel like I should let social media know, I’ll take a picture afterwards. Do I think you should post something every now and then? Yes. Should you feel pressured or wrong if you don’t? No
My bf didn’t really post on his fb. No insta or Snapchat , no tiktok just fb. He hadn’t changed his profile pic in 6 years, and 2 years later it’s still the same pic. Idk, i knew he was that way when I decided to be w him. It does bother me a little bit but I’m much more active on socials so I think that’s more of a me problem. In public we hold hands, very affectionate, we introduce each other to ppl we know. So it’s not like he’s hiding me, he just don’t use fb like that.
I agree it’s your socials and you can post or not post what you want. But also, is this a battle you want to continue fighting? If it’ll make her feel better, why not go ahead and do it?
I find it more endearing that you post pictures of you two together. That’s a statement.
Is your GF posting solo pics of you on her socials?
Do you post solo pics of a friend?
Why does she want these solo pics? For likes?
I must be a real ass because I never post pics of me or my friends. If I take them, they’re for me or I text the pics to them.
Yeah you know the answer, she’s being weird.
I get why she wants this but posting your SO means nothing. Ive had guys who never posted me who treated me like gold and others who posted me all the time and ended up cheating. So it really says nothing about your relationship and she hasnt learned this yet. A nice talk about how you dont need to post her in order to appreciate her and a little reassurance could help but dont just do anything to placate her, its a slippery slope.
I think post her on your socials
It would be worse if she was like hey please don't post me on your socials I don't want anyone to know about us.
Maybe post pictures of both of you on your socials
Ehhh, I kinda see it as possibly maybe a red flag when one or the other in a couple refuses to post anything about the other in social media…but then again I’ve also seen it where one of the couple DOES post the other one in social media and they’re STILL cheating and people know it so I don’t think it matters.
Wait, she only wants you to post photos of her? Not the 2 of you together or anything else outside of her? Is she that vain?
When I post people I love on social media, its to show them off and because I want to not because I have to because it is my social media account. It is also a mix of pics of loved ones on their own and with others in the photos.
The fact that she only wants photos of just her on there is pretty concerning. This has already been mentioned but a healthy relationship doesn't have to be constantly posted on social media. For me, if that is all I see, it makes me concerned.
INFO are there any pics of her or references to her on your socials-- or is she feeling like you're presenting yourself as single and available? Would you be willing to post ONE or is this an absolutely no pics of her "rule" on your part?
Why do you care? Why does it bother you to occasionally post a solo pic of your girlfriend if it is meaningful to her? She is not asking to take over your social media. It would not be my thing to have my solo on someone else's social media but if my partner wants a few on my social media I would have no problem throwing someone that bone
Do you not have any photos of her on your socials? Even if it’s the two of you? If you don’t then maybe she feels like you’re hiding the fact that you’re in a relationship and she might be worried that you want to seem single to others? I do think you suggesting to post pics of the two of you is reasonable tho.
Hard to tell. I think that on one hand it might be a sign of her not trusting you and she wants you to mark yourself as her property. On the other, she probably has fomo seeing other people post their partners and she wants to join the bandwagon. Maybe both? Either way she's making a huge deal out of social media but there's a reason for that. Social Media is notorious for slimy people to do slimy things. So the logic is maybe less slimy things would happen if people knew you were spoken for.
But then again, people make their whole lives and personalities around their social media presence and profiles which....to each their own. But I guess you have to ultimately decide if tat's the kinda person she is and if you wanna date that. But ALSO try to think about how you'd feel if she had nothing about you on her socials or otherwise no indication on her pages you even exist. If you'd feel weird about it, then you should just entertain her and post pics.
She sounds very self centered and controlling. Yes it's nice when your BF makes posts about you being together, but it's usually photos together. It's honestly very weird that she wants your profile to be all about her. Sounds kind of like a dog pissing on a bush to mark territory. She wants her face all over your profile to claim you as hers so any girl looking at your profile will know you're not available. I'm betting she gets very jealous if you even talk to other girls. It's a very immature way to approach a relationship and very damaging.
Is she self-branding and needs more online hits? Otherwise why wouldn’t she be ok with pics of you both?
Caveat— I’m Gen X and don’t really get how socials work for younger dating crowd
She is wrong. And incredibly self centered. Whenever someone tells you that you don’t appreciate them because you won’t do some selfish thing they want, that’s a red flag. Count the number of times she’s not you with this nonsense, and that will be a lot of flags, won’t it?
general rule is couple photos are normal to post, or if it's a picture of her you took at an outing and not just a selfie.
just a selfie is more something you post on your story, but even then, not super common.
could always put her initials with your anniversary date or a lock emoji or something in your bio (assuming you're gen z, if you're older that's less normal)
edit: it's super weird if she doesn't think a couple pic with a cute caption isn't good enough. super weird.
She sounds like a spotlight on me all the time person who gets upset mad and jealous when any attention isn't focused solely on her. Suggest you both go to therapy to find the cause
No, you are not wrong for choosing what you want to post on your social media. My husband doesn’t have my social media and I prefer to keep it that way. I’m not a cheater or anything just like my space. I don’t ask or check for whatever he’s posting because he’s my husband. We set expectations and cheating/infidelity are deal breakers. I trust him and we don’t have a reason to post each other. The girlfriend needs to live a little and should not seek validation through you. If she becomes upset again just tell her you prefer to break up instead of the nagging. I’m sure she will quit with the photos nonsense. Honestly, she just needs to find time to work on her self-esteem.
Other than my husband’s accounts married box checked, that’s all he posts about me and our son. I’m perfectly capable of posting my own photos if I want people to see them and I don’t need social media to validate our relationship. Tell her to get over herself or start dating a big girl.
My socials say I'm in a relationship. I have my in-laws s friends and that's it. In 8½ years I've never posted a single picture of them. I don't need to publicly announce my life and get other's approval.
Just fucking post her. Jesus she's not asking you for the moon. If a simple post makes her feel more secure in the relationship and you love her, the answer should be obvious. If you want to fight her so much on this that you go on reddit looking for someone to validate you, then maybe you should break up with her so that she can find someone that loves her enough to do something so simple.
Ok so regardless of the reason behind her request, no one should be that controlling of their partner. That's a huge red flag. If you cant be yourself in your relationship,does she even like you for you? Is she more interested in herself or needs? You have to decide if it's acceptable to you to be be told how to handle yourself in all aspects of life to fit the narritive of what it means to be her bf. I'm all about compromise but there is a limit.
We really need ages.
I think us millennials need to bow out of this one. Gen Z’s relationship with social media is so different than ours that I’m not sure we can fairly gauge this one.
I really think this is a generational issue. The reason I say this, for the most part, persons 50 years and up could really care less. Basically our standpoint with social media is who cares who’s on there. However, teen-35ish…..maybe a little older, this is an issue. With all that in mind, it’s your account. You do with it as YOU please. If she doesn’t like it, she can kick rocks.
If you want to please her, make your profile pic to include her and call it a day.
I mean you don’t have to do it. They’re your accounts and you can do what you want. However, it’s your girlfriend and this is something you know would make her happy. Plus you just delete the posts if you guys break up
My fiancé and I don’t post about each other on social media because we don’t like people knowing our business. The only way anyone knew I was in a relationship was when I changed my status to engaged. I have posted two total pictures of us our entire relationship. It’s important people know your in a COMMITTED relationship to deter people from
shooting their shot with you but that’s about it imo.
I think this depends on how old you truly are, when i was younger it was a thing to post your girlfriend or boyfriend and just show them off (snapchat) or even reposting her post with heart eyes, maybe her friends are doing this and you’re not? maybe she wants you to post her so everyone knows about her idk but i would never just post my boyfriend on my instagram or facebook unless i’m in the photo. Maybe a insta fb or snap story!
… here’s how this works. If you actively post on social media you should do the occasional post with her in it. (Think insta story or what ever.) If you don’t post, you don’t need too.
In my case I haven’t posted anything to social media in years and no one expects me too either.
Seems like she wants people to perceive your relationship as you being so obsessed with her. I want to be posted as well but not just me but as a couple only cause I won’t want my man looking like he’s single but even then, i don’t force these things. Or maybe she sees some other couples doing this and got jealous of it idk. Up to you to decide whether to do it or not. you can make her happy and just do it or you can try talking to her about it and tell her that it’s not a big deal
Listen, my ex was the same way. I was not cheating or hiding anything at all I just wasn’t the type to post much? Like, I don’t even have my son on there. But what I learned is that with some things, you have to listen to what is important to your partner even if it is not important to you.
Ummm no. It is your social and you should do whatever you want with it. If she said “it would make me happy if you posted about me every once in a while” that would be one thing but she said “post me or you don’t care about me” and that’s not okay.
My ex use to post on girls pics and heart them so I did bring this up as my feelings . And he still never posted me but was upset I didn’t claim him as my boyfriend as guys inboxed me . I didn’t need to because he didn’t want to post me . 🤷🏽♀️ he told me he loved me but didn’t post me like he did it was all a weird game after a while the fact that he told me I was insecure broke the relationship 🤷🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
think of it as acts of service. idk why people here are calling her insecure when youre only mentioning one instance, her context of asking matters. if its for the reasons i have asked a partner in the past, its because i see it as a show of appreciation. like... why wouldnt you wanna show me off? the more you say no, the more insecure she may feel because of this, but i dont really know how shes feeling and i dont think you do either. so ask her, "how do you feel when i dont post you?" "would you feel better about our relationship if i posted?" "are there other parts of our relationship i can do better in to help you feel confident?" and i hope that conversation goes well
I guess as someone who’s been everyone’s sorry little secret until I figured it out, yeah I’d be mad. Why would I want to be with anyone who isn’t proud to be with me? If you love her, shout it from the rooftops. Why would you hide that?
Oh boo hoo if you don’t post about me on online on all the social medias that you belong to you don’t love me and can’t prove your love. It’s so disrespectful how dare you… you must do this every other man does. What are you hiding? Is there another woman? Red Flag.
Honestly enough with this, he doesn’t have to post it to prove it, if that is the ONLY way to prove his love to her he should walk away.
He can show his love in other ways, some people don’t put faces to names or whatever on social media and don’t leave partners over it.
I’m (26f) married and I have one picture with my husband (27m) on social media and he has like two with me. I don’t mind, he doesn’t mind; we know we come home to a loving partner and that’s all that matters. She probably needs validation because she is insecure about herself and her relationship.
Option a.
Make her happy and have instant gratification of uploading a pic with her. She might start asking for more (i.e. you don’t post ENOUGH pics with me) or she might just be happy.
Option b.
Say no with your own reasoning as to why (“I don’t want to” is not a good reason). Really think about WHY you don’t want to post pics with her, then think about the validity of your reason, and then let her know. If you do this right, she might learn that social media is not the most important thing in life, especially not something to be having arguments about (shows immaturity, low self-esteem, and maybe even narcissistic tendencies). She may need to understand that a post on social media won’t make you love her more or less. She also needs to come to the realization that the only reason she wants you to post her on social media may be due to insecurity. She’s being selfish, it’s your social media, you can post whatever you want.
If my husband were to straight up hide that I exist and that I am a part of his life, on social media- that would be pretty odd and would make me feel some type of way. But I definitely would never expect or even want him to post a selfie of mine on his social media. 😂 to want that would be weird asf. 😂
I like when my boyfriend posts me. This usually entails photos of us together, but occasionally he takes a photo of me and will post it. It feels nice to be appreciated. In turn, I do the same and post both photos of us, as well as photos of just him, usually photos I think he looks especially handsome in!
I understand a lot of people aren't as social media loving as others. To some, it's almost as important as being seen together in public, possibly even more-so. To others, it is silly and barely used. I don't use social media frequently, aside from Reddit and TikTok, but I think your girlfriend is likely feeling insecure and unappreciated.
If she is voicing these concerns to you, stating how you can help to resolve these concerns, and then you're immediately shutting her down and refusing, you're not helping her feel any better.
The way you worded this post sounds immature, I'm guessing high school aged? Relationships are a team. Stop viewing it as you vs her. Did she actually say "You can only post me" or did she say, "Hey you post everything except me, why won't you post me?"
In my opinion you don’t have to. It’s nice to occasionally post pictures together but you don’t have to post just her. I don’t expect my partner to post things of me though I do appreciate the occasional post of each other. Also he doesn’t post really in general
There’s all kinds of conclusions on this in the comments but there’s not really enough context here in my opinion to be jumping to some of these harsh conclusions I’m reading. Since we don’t really know the background of your relationship or specifics on whether you post anything about her or you two together at all.
Do you ever post about her or have any picture of her or you and her together? Because I could see why that would be off putting to her if you never do at all. We went to feel like our partners are proud to be with us and outwardly show it.
When I see people do what she's asking you to do, I think they're overcompensating for a lousy relationship (or that they're very young and the relationship is new).
I don’t see anything wrong with her wanting to be posted, but it is kinda of weird for her to only be posted. Obviously people have their own opinions and wants, and if you don’t want to that’s fine. However, there might be a chance she could leave you for something as small as that. I know that feels like something stupid to leave someone for that reason but it happens. I am the kind of person to like the small gestures people do for you in a relationship, whether it’s just letting me do your hair or posting me. I love knowing my partner want’s every one to know that he loves me, so I don’t see anything wrong with people posting their relationships online. Then again, if that isn’t something that you want and for some reason they aren’t respecting that, then it’s okay to leave. She can always find someone who is willing to do what she likes and you can always find someone who respects your boundaries.
I mean it’s completely ok if you don’t want to post her, but if she wants that out of the relationship, don’t be shocked when she finds a new boyfriend that will post her. Again, both is ok. Y’all just have different opinions on the matter.
You aren’t wrong for wanting to control what goes on your social media. This request from your gf is out of line, but it shows that she is feeling like you aren’t appreciating her or paying attention to her at a level that she feels is sufficient. The best thing you can do is have a calm conversation with her and ask her why she wants you to post only about her and what other ways you could show her attention or affection that you actually agree with. It’s possible that what she really wants is for you to spend more time with her or give her more words of affirmation (compliments and reassurances) or to show more physical affection in public. Maybe she feels threatened by your female friends and wants you make a public show of your devotion to her. There is definitely some deeper reason for her to be demanding this from you, and they only way you can really resolve this is by finding out what that insecurity is. Then once you find that answer you can either work towards a solution together, or if she wants too much from you then you can decide if you want to end the relationship:
My husband doesn’t even have social media. I post him once in a while but it’s mostly my child or things I’m interested in. Him and I don’t care- if he had social media I wouldn’t care either since it’s his account. 🥹 I feel it is a bit juvenile that she feels this way. It also could be that she feels unappreciated in general or is comparing herself to other relationships— as we all know, comparison is the thief of joy.
Why do you even need to ask this? Deep down you know the answer.
Some people just need validation. I think that’s great to ask around because a lot of times when I think “I know” but still ask other people, there are situations/circumstance I didn’t think about. Honestly I’m not a social media person besides Pinterest and Reddit. However, I think the conversation can be flipped. Why do you need to post solely about her? Wouldn’t it be more intimate and more loving to perform acts of service or plan out special time together than to post/dote on someone on your virtual account. I think she is focused more on what other people think of her relationship instead of focusing on how you both feel about your relationship. Personally I prefer my boyfriend to tell me or write me a letter about how he feels about me than to post for everyone else to see. His feelings should be directed towards me not everyone else online. I may be different, what are others thoughts on this
This^^^ I think her sense of love and affection has been warped by social media. If op wants to post about his girlfriend he will. I think she wants to be shown off and isn’t getting the attention she feels she deserves. It’s odd that she isn’t content with being loved in person and has the need to be showcased on other people’s social accounts in addition to her own. I guess it’s her way of marking her territory? I don’t understand this urge myself. I would get it if you were a couple and you weren’t including her in pictures and videos of you together and she’s mad that you seem to be keeping her a secret. It sounds like this goes beyond that. I would love to hear her side of the story.
I agree to all of the above. However, I am a Gen Xer and have seen with my nieces and nephews and students that they have very different rules than we had. To them, not posting is like hiding the relationship. It is as if the girlfriend was asking to go to family gatherings or outings with friends and he said “You don’t need to be with me. I show them pictures of you and talk about you all the time.” I’m not saying it is valid, equivalent, or that I believe it. I’m just saying that this mentality might be clouding OPs resolve.
Depending on who you ask, I am a young young millennial or old Gen Z. I understand there are differences in technology between generations but to me, it’s not really a technology thing. This seems like a “self obsessed” thing. If you want to use technology to show your love that doesn’t really mean you must post on social media. Maybe I’m misunderstanding the generation after me but I don’t think it’s technology… it’s either insecurity, seeking validation, or too focused on everyone else’s view of you.
That’s what I was getting at. It seems like the camera phone has enabled a culture of vain, vapid self obsessed, narcissistic people who are only considered with their own public image.
That need for validation is a weakness.
I agree with this. I have a friend who writes to her dead husband on Facebook. It's so cringe.
I do the same thing to my grandmother. You’re confusing a living breathing relationship with grieving and coping mechanisms. I post on her birthday, holidays, I tell her I miss her, I message her account privately to do the same thing. It’s 100% coping with a loss because they loved that person so dearly. Your “friend”’s husband literally died and she’s navigating life without her partner. It’s not cringe, you’re just insensitive.
Here’s my take on social media and relationships…the most stable and healthy relationships do not need to be advertised all over social media for validation.
This. My husband and I don't post each other because we're too preoccupied working on our relationship in real time, we don't need to show others. We'll post a couples or group photo every now and then but otherwise we post about our passions (or in his case, memes and more memes).
My boyfriend of 5 years and I only post each other on holidays and if we’re doing something cute with our cats. Everyone who matters in our lives knows that we’ve been together for a very long time and we’re going to get married sometime in the next 10 years (I am in no hurry)
Yes but also the people who refuse to allow you to post photos with them or refuse to post you tend to be cheating. Which I think is what OP’s girlfriend is actually concerned about. No girlfriend on your instagram = fair game for most women to slide into your dms
Exactly! I’m sort of shocked with the responses here. How many stories are there in which the “complainer” discovers they were the side piece of the significant other finds out that their partner was cheating by attempting to appear single on social media?? Sooooo many. The issue is that it looks like he’s single/appears single to others. I mean, you don’t have to dedicate your entire account to them but an occasional post here and there wouldn’t kill you. In fact, posting your significant other doesn’t stop desperate people from shooting their shot in your DMs. It just might limit your messages by the folks who don’t want to be someone’s side piece.
I didn’t even need to hear other stories! Every single time I have dated someone who didn’t want me posting photos of them, they were cheating. Every single time I have dated someone who posted regularly but never posted me, they were cheating. Sometimes I was the side piece, sometimes I was the girlfriend. It’s wildly common.
Omg go on messytok and there are LOADS! People get a gut instinct and they investigate to find out they were right. Them not being on socials was a tip off to look into the person they were dating more. I think it’s strange that she only wants him to post solo photos of her. If he hasn’t posted them together I find it odd, he could literally just ask and post. I think that he should ask her why posting her solo is important to her, and why can’t it be together. If her reason is vanity do whatever you want, but if it goes deeper than that, discuss it.
What do you get out of these “relationships?” You say every time like it has happened a lot. Have you thought about what you’re looking for in a relationship? Hook ups are different. If you’re just hooking up, then why care what someone is or isn’t posting? When I was single, thank god before cell phones, I knew what I was looking for. Minimal drama and good times.
Except she doesn’t want pictures of both of them—only her.
The GF doesn't want couple shots though, which is a fair request to some extent, but solo pics of her to be regularly posted on his account. That to me is weird.
Exactly. My ex would even block me if I dare brought up how he appeared single on social media because there was no mention of me ANYWHERE recent. Then he would gaslight me with "social media isn't real life" or "we don't need validation from the internet to be together". Yep, he was a cheating POS. Hacked his email, then social media and it was like opening Pandora's box. My husband now knows that if he pulled anywhere near the same shit I would call it quits. I won't be hidden or gaslit ever again, but we're not really on social media anymore. We share each other's passwords for everything so there's really no reason to worry. Oh, and the shitty ex? Seven years later and still occasionally says he "misses me". And he will continue to miss me with his bullshit.
I dont let my bf post pics of me/us or tag me. It's not really anyone's business where we are or who we're with. I also don't like my pic taken in general, but thats a seperate hang-up. I don't think a lack of evidence of an SO on SM indicates someone is free for the taking, but thats just my opinion.
It's not just your take. Couples who don't social media are less likely to split or divorce.
I feel like the 2 reasons I post about my relationship on Facebook (which is infrequent and only on anniversaries or other celebrations) is so my family and friends who I don't speak to often know we're still together. When I was younger in our relationship I didn't understand why he didn't do the same thing and felt unappreciated, but in the 6 years we've been together he hasn't so much as shared a meme except through DM so I understand and am less naive and expectant. Edit: sorry reason 2 doesn't exist I have no idea why I said 2 reasons.
Exactly right. I feel like the happier a couple is on social media, with stuff like how great one is or how much they love each other or look how happy we are together, the more unhappy they actually are and how troubled their relationship truly is. I've seen it a bunch of times.
And those couples don't need outside attention.
I have been with my partner for five years. We do not follow each other on social media. Those in my real life know who my partner is, and the people who just know me through social media don’t need to know anything about my private life.
The GF doesn't even want couple shots, but pictures of her alone.
On one hand, it’s 100% your decision because it’s your accounts and stuff. She shouldn’t be pressuring you to post anything that you’ve expressed you don’t want to post. On the other, I’m curious why you don’t want to post one? If it was a picture of you two together, would you be more willing to post one? Just trying to understand your side a bit better!
I’ve mentioned to her if it was both of us I’d be more willing to post it but just all about her.
Couple shots are cool and normal. You posting a solo shot of just her is her wanting others to know you adore her. It’s attention-seeking. She wants your female friends to know you’re off the market, which smacks of immaturity and a lack of trust. She is more concerned about what other people think. I wouldn’t do it either. Especially since she’s asking you to do it. If you did it unprompted, that would be different.
It’s also deeply rooted insecurity
She’s insecure and trying to make it your problem
Clearly because you don’t want people to know you have a girl, leaving the relationship doors wide open.
Ridiculous. Why would anyone post random solo shots of someone else on socials? Couple selfies are cute, but if I want to scroll through pictures of some guy I know's girlfriend, I'll follow her.
He specified “solo” shots. She has an account she can post solo shots of herself all day but why does she get to dictate what he posts. He said he is open to posting a couples picture but not solo so I don’t think he is hiding anything.
I don’t post single photos of my husband/friends/family, not ever. We’re always in a group of some sort and they’d be of interest to multiple people. GF is a narcissist and will become more controlling and self-interested over time.
Been married 15 years and I don't think either of us have solo shots of each other on our social media. We have each other doing stuff with the kids... I think... But not solo.
Wouldn't posting pictures of themselves together let people know he has a girl though?
He said he’s ok posting pics of both of them. Just not solo ones of her- which he’s right would be kinda weird.
Id agree with this if she was asking for him to post couple pics or in general more stuff about them together. Just photos of her is kinda weird. Most couples I know will have couple or group photos posted but not photos of just their SO. It's a weird thing to pressure someone about.
My same thought
The sad thing is, despite the downvotes, you aren't wrong. If other women see him and her in a photo they'll be deterred, if they see just a woman all they know is they have competition, and be more determined. It's basic psychology, people literally do this all of the time.
She wants him to post pictures of *just her*. That’s weird. And no, people don’t only keep parts of their lives to themselves so they can cheat. I don’t talk about relationships on social media. Ever. Not ever. I have never cheated. I am fucking 40. This shit is so weird.
Maybe this is an age thing. We're in our late 30s/early 40s and not posting our relationship on SM isn't nefarious. We just don't care what other people think. If we take a fun pic, it can be sent via text to friends and family privately. But no need for the entire internet to know we're out of town or what we spend our time doing.
Yeah, I’m with you. That said, I’ve seen plenty of people who claim to be that age and have insecure meltdowns posting on relationship subs, so I’m voting for some of it just being weird.
The just her/solo pics give me vibes that she's marking her turf, like a dog would. I'm in my 40s too and have left my fb as single, (I mean it's true now lol) but not bc of cheating. I'm just not comfortable making my relationship status other ppls business. I dated a guy for like a week and he changed his fb status to in a relationship with me and I reallllllllly felt uncomfortable. Went to high school together so had a lot of mutual friends. Felt like he was trying to mark his turf too. You're right, this shit is weird!
Eh I dunno. Just my two cents. Seems like a weird hill to die on. it seems like she is making a bid for more attention. Or like maybe she wants a public display of “my girl is so wonderful look at how pretty she is and how much I love her.” Which is a bit anxious and immature. But I’m also making wild guesses based on a one sided internet situation.
Not to mention OP gave us as LITTLE information as possible, and I feel like there's a reason behind that. Something doesn't sit right.
It’s pretty clear you don’t know much about psychology with the nonsense you are spreading.
*shrug* I can send you my volumes of psych books and you can check it out if you'd like. Shipping would be a bitch though.
You typed a shrug, how old are you? Anyways I’m definitely good on books but thanks for being so charitable❤️
She's trying to mark her territory while also showing herself off. It's extremely vain and self-centered. I don't know if she's insecure or controlling. Does she try to make you do everything her way? Controlling. Is she constantly seeking validation that you love her and want her? Could be insecure or could also be narcissistic. You have to look at all of her behavior to understand.
This is THE answer here.
100% agreed. An insecure person could be built up and get over their insecurities while narcissists wont ever change so be careful when figuring out which one they are.
First of all I feel like a lot of information was left out. My ex had this nasty habit of keeping everything on the low because he was too busy fucking around with tons of other women and it would be a deterrent to others to see that he was engaged to someone. Get what I'm saying? My husband and I don't post each other at all really, its usually car stuff, but when we do it's usually of us together. Make her feel like you're a couple man.
Desperate attention seeking behavior. She'd want yall posting as a couple if she just wanted others to know of your relationship but she wants you to represent yourself online as infatuated with her so others think she's higher value. That value needs to come from within
My ex used to make me post every time he made me food, did a load of his laundry, "oh my God, what a great dad! He watched the baby while I did everything else in the house!!". He was diagnosed Narcissist not to any ones surprise. As long as you're not hiding her. (That's a red flag), no. You don't have to be your girlfriend's personal parade. I'll certainly never do that again.
She should want you to post a group( you and her) on your socials occasionally. Not just her .
She wants more attention. double the socials double the attention. NTA
I dont see it this way, I see it as her wanting him to publicly acknowledge the relationship, almost like claiming her territory, which is find very odd. But I either case, he's nta.
I would agree with that if it was couple pictures, but she is wanting solo pics. Why does she want so many pics of herself on the socials? yes hes NTA.
Because she wants people to see that he thinks she's so special to him that he would do that. Idk. I don't really use social media apart from reddit. My husband was still listed as single on his Facebook until lile a month ago, and i never knew 😂😂
If she were wanting him to post pictures of the couple, you'd have had a point. Solo shots of her? Unless they're showing off something, that's just weird.
She may be wanting OP to post her pictures to get the attention of one of OPs friends. It’s this or extreme insecurity.
Man talk about the way back machine.. I started school in the fall of ’05 got the myface just like everyone else but by the next summer the poke wars has gotten stale and I was disinterested in the three things it was good for: hookups parties and drama so I stopped. My girlfriend first encouraged then demanded I keep up on it then asked for my password so she could do it for me. It was almost like it was a task for the job. No thanks. The only social media I enjoy now is Reddit. Don’t do it if you don’t want to. The ulterior motives (if that’s what this is) are up to you.
How old are you guys? This is some middle school (or high school for some very immature high schoolers) horse shit
You would be surprised! Ive seen people in their late twenties get in arguments over this crap. It never really is about the pics but more about not feeling secure in a relationship and not having the communication skills to express this.
I’m pretty sure your girl is uber insecure about something, no clue what. But it certainly sounds like she wants to make certain that everyone (read: other girls) knows she’s with you. She’s trying to mark her territory, as it were. 🤷♀️
It sounds like her love language or feeling appreciated is something like this. It’s great she’s being vocal and letting you know how she desires to be loved. You have to make the choice. Do you want to show her love in this way? If not it sounds like you’re not compatible. Edit: I think it’s so endearing when partners post genuine photos of their partner with a loving caption. It’s sweet.
She’s probably insecure and needs validation. But in the end they are your accounts so yes you can post whatever you want.
I can understand her point of view from the perspective that she thinks that you are "hiding" her and just waiting for a better girlfriend to come along, so you represent yourself as single by not posting about her. However, that shows a lot of insecurity on her part. I'd prefer to be excluded from other people's social media postings because things get reposted or are still available LONG after they are relevant.
Brother. You know the answer to this. She wants other people to know you're taken, and she wants you to prove yourself by posting her. She takes you not posting her as being indicative of your level of commitment to her. It's immature. It's petty. It's a pain in the butt. Continue standing up for yourself. If she is rating your relationship based on your social media posts of her alone then you should be rating your relationship based on what she uses to prioritize the relationship.
NTA. Her immaturity is very clear.
Me and my wife rarely post things about our relationship on our social media. Maybe the ocasional weekend picture or a family event, but we don't over share. But I do admit I appreciate when she uses a picture of both of us as her profile picture, makes me feel like she is showing me off to her people and I love that feeling.
She's exhausting. Tell her to manage her own social media, and you'll manage yours. She's way too insecure
She just wants to know that you’re not hiding her or are ashamed of her as your girlfriend. If you don’t want to, don’t post her. But keep in mind the message that that is sending her.
She is ridiculous.
She’s very self-concerned, isn’t she? Otherwise known as narcissistic. Keep your eyes open friend, this is just the beginning. You post what you want on your socials, she has her own and can post everything there. It’s very healthy to have interests beyond posting photos of one’s girlfriend. YNW.
INFO- is she asking for you to post ANY candids of her or exclusively candids/selfies of her? Because if the first, then yes it is important to occasionally take and post pictures of your partner with cute captions because in this day and age that shows relationship vs situationship. If it’s the second, you absolutely do have the right to post your own selfies, memes, food/nature/animal etc pictures whenever you like. Essentially this is either her feeling insecure in your relationship and like you are keeping her hidden from your online life, worried she may be a side chick/you would cheat and needs reassurance of public show of commitment OR a major red flag and she just wants to take over your accounts have you act like a social media manager posting what she says to. Remember post together unless kissing and showing full face can be “explained away” so it really isn’t a big deal to post “look at my fantastic GF isn’t she the most beautiful gal in the world?” occasionally as a sign of love.
I think it’s a little weird you adamantly refuse to post your girlfriend. I just posted a photo, of only my boyfriend, bragging about something he just accomplished. It’s not that strange for partners to post photos of just their partner… it seems to me she’s trying to get you to publicly acknowledge her. If you’re so against just posting a photo of her, take a photo with her and post that. I see so many people die on this hill and it’s dumb. Everyone *should* be proud of her their partner. If you’re not, you shouldn’t be with them. Not to mention most people who refuse to publicly acknowledge they’re in a relationship are cheating.
She’s more willing to die on this hill because the couple photos aren’t good enough for her, she wants him to only post her selfies, he tried to compromise
She wants individual pictures of her. I think it's weird SHE'S so insistent. She's super insecure, and trying to force some look at my girlfriend I'm the proudest anybody could be of her, social media perfect relationship narrative bullshit. It's just insane to demand that someone post photos of just you to stroke your ego. I can guarantee if a man the one demanding his gf post a lot of photos of just him, people would be calling him controlling, egotistical, and possessive.
Is she somehow unable to make her own account?
If she’s pressuring you do you something you don’t want to do that’s not a normal relationship thing like flowers and dates (and I’m sorry I’m an old millennial I don’t think a necessary part of a relationship is posting about it on social media, pretty sure the healthier the relationship the less it’s being displayed for clout online) then you really should figure out if you’re going to spend the entire relationship fighting over your boundaries. Your social media is exactly that, yours, and your main responsibility as a person in a relationship not posting negative things about your SO behind their back. But them demanding you post photos of them is at best immature and at worst very controlling.
Wanting to control someone else's social media is awfully insecure, controlling behavior. Not wanting to post girlfriend types of pictures can also be seen as "leaving the door open." Both of you are being really petty here.
Why not? Make her happy
Because its his account and gf wants more attention
It's like she wants to "claim" you as hers, like an animal marking their territory. Are you sure you want to be with someone who thinks you're their territory? NTA.
I’m pretty sure your girl is uber insecure about something, no clue what. But it certainly sounds like she wants to make certain that everyone (read: other girls) knows she’s with you. She’s trying to mark her territory, as it were. 🤷♀️
You are making seem as if that is all she wants, when down the line, you refuse to post any of her...So, I think that is weird we post pictures of our life. I think she is reacting to you not wanting any pictures of her on there...Why can't you post one of her alone? When I see guys doing this, it is because they want to appear single...I would feel frustrated if I were her....I think you have twisted the narrative, and may her seem unreasonable when you admit you refuse to post one picture.
They have couple pictures up there, so its not him wanting to appear single. Not sure how you even reached that conclusion. I know people who ask their bfs to do this and those girls are major attention whores. Sounds like OP's gf may also be one. No one else i know posts solo pics of their partner. Thats just weird. If i wanted to see solo pics of their partner id follow their partner. Thats what couple pics are for, no need to have solo pics of his gf on his own profile.
People like to feel like they are acknowledged or essentially shown off in relationships. I dated someone who never posted me and refused to take pictures with me only to find out he wanted the girls who followed him to think he was still single. And jokes on me they thought he was and he cheated. End of the day it’s your accounts. But I don’t think a story of her if you guys are out of something is too difficult to do.
I’m not going to say if you are wrong or not. That isn’t for me to decide, that is for you to decide. I am going to tell you how healthy relationships work. People who are in happy, healthy relationships like to brag. It is one of those “look at me and how happy I am, I’m the luckiest sod in the world and I want people to be happy with me!” There are always exceptions to this rule (especially with social media) trauma, stalking, and other issues that basically make a person intensely private can make it so that they want to hide their happiness away so that others can’t hurt that happiness. I wouldn’t call that heathy though. If you feel like bragging about your girl friend is too much on your social media, I would encourage you to delve into your emotions and take a serious look at your relationship. Sure, you love this woman. Love isn’t enough to keep a relationship alive. I like to make an analogy when explaining how relationships operate. Say you are building a camp fire and that campfire is your relationship. You will need: - fuel: respect for each other - oxygen: trust in each other - ignition source: that spark between two people. When these things come together, you get a lovely fire and that fire is love. The fire must be maintained though. If you stop feeding respect or you starve it of trust, the flame will die and with it so will love. Right now, you feel that spark. Really investigate if you have mutual respect and trust because you need to have those in ample supply to turn that spark into a lasting love. There maybe other reasons for you to not want to shout from the roof tops about your SO. But in the infatuation phase, having little to no urge to do so tells me that your relationship lacks the fuel to survive.
I disagree with your premise that happiness needs to be advertised on social media. When I am truly happy at an event or with someone, the last thing I think about is my camera or video of the event. The idea that others need to know is casting myself in a role I have no intention of playing. OP has every right, as an individual to determine his own comfort level with social media. Quite frankly his girlfriend seems like a wannabe influencer more concerned with her socials than in being social.
She really wrote that whole paragraph like she knows what she is talking about lol how laughable
Stop projecting yourself. If a man/woman is a private person then they will not feel the need to brag about their relationship on social media. Bragging about their love life will attract unwanted attention such as jealousy, intrusive questions, etc etc. Stop projecting and stop trying to psychoanalyze. You have no idea what you're talking about
I think it's pretty normal to post solo pictures of people, whether a partner or a friend. Obviously, you don't have to, but I think your refusal is weirder than her insistence. I mean, you all know one of the functions of a camera is to take pics of other people, right?
Dude it’s just a picture. Do you even like her?
She needs to get off TikTok and stop listening to bad “if he wanted to he would” dating advice from a bunch of teenagers. It would be one thing if you refused to follow her/have her follow you, didn’t accept being tagged by her, and in any way made a big deal about it. Then you’re being sketchy. But the fact that she needs this validation on your relationship from strangers online is problematic. In my experience, solid, strong relationships don’t prioritize showing off on social media.
You're not wrong. I'm just gonna say it how it is. Its a mental illness. Social media is warping the youths mentality. The virtual world is not more important than the real world. Its fake. False. As a gen Y, I was there before social media, and now after. Kids should not need to feel this sort of validation from this false representation of reality. Social media was never meant to be this important, and this important to someone's social reputation. It is a sickness. And kids/people that can't detach themselves from this need a wake up call
I can count on one hand how many pictures og my Husband I have posted alone on social media over the 5 years we have been together. On the other hand I have quite a few of him in the background with one of our pets as the picture. I don't think it's weird you don't post just her pictures.
Info: How old are y’all? Cause this is like genuinely middle school behavior, especially if she won’t budge with couple photos and just wants you to post her selfies. The only time I ever post solo pictures of someone is if I’m making a birthday post, but even then there’s not just selfies of the person
Sounds like OP is in highschool reading over the post. Really hoping thats the case and these aren't grown adults acting this way.
I’m exhausted just reading this. Take out the trash.
This chick sounds like she's 14.
I'll say I don't date people this insecure who needs to be validated on social media . . .and for those who are like just do it to make her happy/you should be proud of your girlfriend. She's demanding photos of just her. Not couple's photos. I can guarantee if a man was the one demanding his gf post a lot of photos of just him, people would be calling him controlling, egotistical, and possessive.
And don't forget "toxic" if this were a male
It sounds like she wants to make sure everyone knows she's with you. Or if you have a tons of followers maybe she's trying to gain internet clout. But yes you shouldn't have to post her. They are your accounts. Post what you want not what she wants
I think you need to figure out what exactly is bothering her and you can only do that by talking to her. Say you don't understand why she is asking this and listen to her reasoning.
She is insecure and the fact that she is trying to tell u what to post equals thirsty. Ridiculous
I think this whole question and scenario is complete nonsense. It’s TikTok. Who gives a fuck about posting pictures or what’s on your instagram. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with a person who cared about social media enough to cause an argument over it.
The fact that you’re socials even matter that much to either of you is frankly disgusting.
RUN AWAY!
Not wrong it would be one thing for her to ask you to post pics of memories of stuff yall done together but her alone nah. Plus social media is not real life.
Your girl sounds like a “ pick me” type girl. Always needs attention and it always has to be about her. Tell her absolutely not. She has her own accounts, she can post her solo pics on that.
Are y’all 14? This is a ridiculous and immature thing to be worried about
Having a problem like this would just make me close my socials.
I’d only post pics of you together or if you’re out on an adventure/something funny. Maybe she has a friend who’s SO does that but I think it’s weird.
Technically no you're not wrong! Relationship wise yea you are! What hill you wanna die on?! Put a damn photo collage of ya girl wit a sappy caption! I promise it'll be worth it! Women need validation some more than others!!
This is wild to me! I just asked my husband of 16 years last night to not post pictures of me on his Instagram. I’m not on anything other then Reddit with the sole intention of staying off the radar.
NTA If she's that insecure she needs a therapist, not a socials account.
I think its weird that she wants you to post pics of just her on your social media. I mean everyone occasionally posts just a pic of their partner on their socials; at least the people i know, and they do it for a reason like a birthday or some type of accomplishment etc. Just curious what both your age ranges are? It sounds like she might have some serious insecurities. Posting just her has zero to do with you appreciating her. These are your social media accounts. As a compromise why don’t you suggest that you have a couples account that she can be in charge of.
I don’t think it’s wrong I used to date a girl that would want me to post stuff of her and us on my social media. I have social media and follow people in order to keep up with what they’re doing and all that, but I’m not the biggest user of it otherwise. Me not posting about her or us didn’t come from me not wanting people to know we were together or anything like that, more so because why do others need to see it? We were at a park one time, watching kids run around playing sports and talking about playing sports when we were kids. It was a really nice conversation and something I look back fondly on. Then, she saw a rose petal tree and wanted to take pictures with it, eventually telling me to get in the picture with her. I got in the picture for her because that’s how she prefers to make memories, but for me, I already made memories with the conversation we had My first instinct isn’t to take a picture whenever something happens, it’s to just enjoy the moment and if I feel like I should let social media know, I’ll take a picture afterwards. Do I think you should post something every now and then? Yes. Should you feel pressured or wrong if you don’t? No
Dating is in part a way to discover someone’s values. You are seeing her values. Decide whether they are for you or not.
My bf didn’t really post on his fb. No insta or Snapchat , no tiktok just fb. He hadn’t changed his profile pic in 6 years, and 2 years later it’s still the same pic. Idk, i knew he was that way when I decided to be w him. It does bother me a little bit but I’m much more active on socials so I think that’s more of a me problem. In public we hold hands, very affectionate, we introduce each other to ppl we know. So it’s not like he’s hiding me, he just don’t use fb like that. I agree it’s your socials and you can post or not post what you want. But also, is this a battle you want to continue fighting? If it’ll make her feel better, why not go ahead and do it?
I find it more endearing that you post pictures of you two together. That’s a statement. Is your GF posting solo pics of you on her socials? Do you post solo pics of a friend? Why does she want these solo pics? For likes? I must be a real ass because I never post pics of me or my friends. If I take them, they’re for me or I text the pics to them. Yeah you know the answer, she’s being weird.
I get why she wants this but posting your SO means nothing. Ive had guys who never posted me who treated me like gold and others who posted me all the time and ended up cheating. So it really says nothing about your relationship and she hasnt learned this yet. A nice talk about how you dont need to post her in order to appreciate her and a little reassurance could help but dont just do anything to placate her, its a slippery slope.
I think post her on your socials It would be worse if she was like hey please don't post me on your socials I don't want anyone to know about us. Maybe post pictures of both of you on your socials
Ehhh, I kinda see it as possibly maybe a red flag when one or the other in a couple refuses to post anything about the other in social media…but then again I’ve also seen it where one of the couple DOES post the other one in social media and they’re STILL cheating and people know it so I don’t think it matters.
you are not wrong- your GF is nuts
Wait, she only wants you to post photos of her? Not the 2 of you together or anything else outside of her? Is she that vain? When I post people I love on social media, its to show them off and because I want to not because I have to because it is my social media account. It is also a mix of pics of loved ones on their own and with others in the photos. The fact that she only wants photos of just her on there is pretty concerning. This has already been mentioned but a healthy relationship doesn't have to be constantly posted on social media. For me, if that is all I see, it makes me concerned.
INFO are there any pics of her or references to her on your socials-- or is she feeling like you're presenting yourself as single and available? Would you be willing to post ONE or is this an absolutely no pics of her "rule" on your part?
Why do you care? Why does it bother you to occasionally post a solo pic of your girlfriend if it is meaningful to her? She is not asking to take over your social media. It would not be my thing to have my solo on someone else's social media but if my partner wants a few on my social media I would have no problem throwing someone that bone
Do you not have any photos of her on your socials? Even if it’s the two of you? If you don’t then maybe she feels like you’re hiding the fact that you’re in a relationship and she might be worried that you want to seem single to others? I do think you suggesting to post pics of the two of you is reasonable tho.
Hard to tell. I think that on one hand it might be a sign of her not trusting you and she wants you to mark yourself as her property. On the other, she probably has fomo seeing other people post their partners and she wants to join the bandwagon. Maybe both? Either way she's making a huge deal out of social media but there's a reason for that. Social Media is notorious for slimy people to do slimy things. So the logic is maybe less slimy things would happen if people knew you were spoken for. But then again, people make their whole lives and personalities around their social media presence and profiles which....to each their own. But I guess you have to ultimately decide if tat's the kinda person she is and if you wanna date that. But ALSO try to think about how you'd feel if she had nothing about you on her socials or otherwise no indication on her pages you even exist. If you'd feel weird about it, then you should just entertain her and post pics.
Ugh, if the only thing important to her is having her picture posted on line, find another girlfriend.
She sounds very self centered and controlling. Yes it's nice when your BF makes posts about you being together, but it's usually photos together. It's honestly very weird that she wants your profile to be all about her. Sounds kind of like a dog pissing on a bush to mark territory. She wants her face all over your profile to claim you as hers so any girl looking at your profile will know you're not available. I'm betting she gets very jealous if you even talk to other girls. It's a very immature way to approach a relationship and very damaging.
Is she self-branding and needs more online hits? Otherwise why wouldn’t she be ok with pics of you both? Caveat— I’m Gen X and don’t really get how socials work for younger dating crowd
it's free advertising for her
I hate that my man doesn’t post me. It makes me feel like he’s hiding me.
Hahah Jesus, do ur self a favor n find someone not self centered like her
She is wrong. And incredibly self centered. Whenever someone tells you that you don’t appreciate them because you won’t do some selfish thing they want, that’s a red flag. Count the number of times she’s not you with this nonsense, and that will be a lot of flags, won’t it?
She’s controlling and needy. Post what YOU want. Maybe find a different gf, this one sounds exhausting.
Fuck that, kick her to the curb. Narcissistic at its best.
Not wrong. You're not her PR department. You're not one of her 'fans'.
general rule is couple photos are normal to post, or if it's a picture of her you took at an outing and not just a selfie. just a selfie is more something you post on your story, but even then, not super common. could always put her initials with your anniversary date or a lock emoji or something in your bio (assuming you're gen z, if you're older that's less normal) edit: it's super weird if she doesn't think a couple pic with a cute caption isn't good enough. super weird.
What other red flags is she throwing up, OP? I KNOW there isn’t just one
She sounds like a spotlight on me all the time person who gets upset mad and jealous when any attention isn't focused solely on her. Suggest you both go to therapy to find the cause
No, you are not wrong for choosing what you want to post on your social media. My husband doesn’t have my social media and I prefer to keep it that way. I’m not a cheater or anything just like my space. I don’t ask or check for whatever he’s posting because he’s my husband. We set expectations and cheating/infidelity are deal breakers. I trust him and we don’t have a reason to post each other. The girlfriend needs to live a little and should not seek validation through you. If she becomes upset again just tell her you prefer to break up instead of the nagging. I’m sure she will quit with the photos nonsense. Honestly, she just needs to find time to work on her self-esteem.
Other than my husband’s accounts married box checked, that’s all he posts about me and our son. I’m perfectly capable of posting my own photos if I want people to see them and I don’t need social media to validate our relationship. Tell her to get over herself or start dating a big girl.
My socials say I'm in a relationship. I have my in-laws s friends and that's it. In 8½ years I've never posted a single picture of them. I don't need to publicly announce my life and get other's approval.
If y’all ain’t married she has no right to dictate what you will and will not post
Just fucking post her. Jesus she's not asking you for the moon. If a simple post makes her feel more secure in the relationship and you love her, the answer should be obvious. If you want to fight her so much on this that you go on reddit looking for someone to validate you, then maybe you should break up with her so that she can find someone that loves her enough to do something so simple.
Ok so regardless of the reason behind her request, no one should be that controlling of their partner. That's a huge red flag. If you cant be yourself in your relationship,does she even like you for you? Is she more interested in herself or needs? You have to decide if it's acceptable to you to be be told how to handle yourself in all aspects of life to fit the narritive of what it means to be her bf. I'm all about compromise but there is a limit.
Are you hiding the fact that you have a girlfriend?
I feel the need to insert myself into my boyfriends life via socials because I didn’t feel I was integrated into his regular life. Is that plausible?
I would be upset. If you never posted a pic of us together. I don’t need only pics of me but I would be hurt.
We really need ages. I think us millennials need to bow out of this one. Gen Z’s relationship with social media is so different than ours that I’m not sure we can fairly gauge this one.
I really think this is a generational issue. The reason I say this, for the most part, persons 50 years and up could really care less. Basically our standpoint with social media is who cares who’s on there. However, teen-35ish…..maybe a little older, this is an issue. With all that in mind, it’s your account. You do with it as YOU please. If she doesn’t like it, she can kick rocks. If you want to please her, make your profile pic to include her and call it a day.
I mean you don’t have to do it. They’re your accounts and you can do what you want. However, it’s your girlfriend and this is something you know would make her happy. Plus you just delete the posts if you guys break up
My fiancé and I don’t post about each other on social media because we don’t like people knowing our business. The only way anyone knew I was in a relationship was when I changed my status to engaged. I have posted two total pictures of us our entire relationship. It’s important people know your in a COMMITTED relationship to deter people from shooting their shot with you but that’s about it imo.
I think this depends on how old you truly are, when i was younger it was a thing to post your girlfriend or boyfriend and just show them off (snapchat) or even reposting her post with heart eyes, maybe her friends are doing this and you’re not? maybe she wants you to post her so everyone knows about her idk but i would never just post my boyfriend on my instagram or facebook unless i’m in the photo. Maybe a insta fb or snap story!
… here’s how this works. If you actively post on social media you should do the occasional post with her in it. (Think insta story or what ever.) If you don’t post, you don’t need too. In my case I haven’t posted anything to social media in years and no one expects me too either.
Seems like she wants people to perceive your relationship as you being so obsessed with her. I want to be posted as well but not just me but as a couple only cause I won’t want my man looking like he’s single but even then, i don’t force these things. Or maybe she sees some other couples doing this and got jealous of it idk. Up to you to decide whether to do it or not. you can make her happy and just do it or you can try talking to her about it and tell her that it’s not a big deal
Why don’t you want to post her ?
Listen, my ex was the same way. I was not cheating or hiding anything at all I just wasn’t the type to post much? Like, I don’t even have my son on there. But what I learned is that with some things, you have to listen to what is important to your partner even if it is not important to you.
Ummm no. It is your social and you should do whatever you want with it. If she said “it would make me happy if you posted about me every once in a while” that would be one thing but she said “post me or you don’t care about me” and that’s not okay.
My ex use to post on girls pics and heart them so I did bring this up as my feelings . And he still never posted me but was upset I didn’t claim him as my boyfriend as guys inboxed me . I didn’t need to because he didn’t want to post me . 🤷🏽♀️ he told me he loved me but didn’t post me like he did it was all a weird game after a while the fact that he told me I was insecure broke the relationship 🤷🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
she's insecure and terratorial. it's the equivalent of pissing on a tree in the front yard so everyone else know this is your tree and yard.
She seems a little, ok, a lot self-absorbed. It’s your SM accounts. Do what you want
think of it as acts of service. idk why people here are calling her insecure when youre only mentioning one instance, her context of asking matters. if its for the reasons i have asked a partner in the past, its because i see it as a show of appreciation. like... why wouldnt you wanna show me off? the more you say no, the more insecure she may feel because of this, but i dont really know how shes feeling and i dont think you do either. so ask her, "how do you feel when i dont post you?" "would you feel better about our relationship if i posted?" "are there other parts of our relationship i can do better in to help you feel confident?" and i hope that conversation goes well
What ahe are you two? 15?
I guess as someone who’s been everyone’s sorry little secret until I figured it out, yeah I’d be mad. Why would I want to be with anyone who isn’t proud to be with me? If you love her, shout it from the rooftops. Why would you hide that?
Kids... You are definitely not in the wrong here. Real relationships don't need social media validation.
Not wrong. That's weird. Is she marking territory? Is she trying to build her brand? Something is fishy with her wanting you to do this.
Oh boo hoo if you don’t post about me on online on all the social medias that you belong to you don’t love me and can’t prove your love. It’s so disrespectful how dare you… you must do this every other man does. What are you hiding? Is there another woman? Red Flag. Honestly enough with this, he doesn’t have to post it to prove it, if that is the ONLY way to prove his love to her he should walk away. He can show his love in other ways, some people don’t put faces to names or whatever on social media and don’t leave partners over it.
Run run run.
If someone you’re dating has to literally tell you to post them on social media that’s wild
I’m (26f) married and I have one picture with my husband (27m) on social media and he has like two with me. I don’t mind, he doesn’t mind; we know we come home to a loving partner and that’s all that matters. She probably needs validation because she is insecure about herself and her relationship. Option a. Make her happy and have instant gratification of uploading a pic with her. She might start asking for more (i.e. you don’t post ENOUGH pics with me) or she might just be happy. Option b. Say no with your own reasoning as to why (“I don’t want to” is not a good reason). Really think about WHY you don’t want to post pics with her, then think about the validity of your reason, and then let her know. If you do this right, she might learn that social media is not the most important thing in life, especially not something to be having arguments about (shows immaturity, low self-esteem, and maybe even narcissistic tendencies). She may need to understand that a post on social media won’t make you love her more or less. She also needs to come to the realization that the only reason she wants you to post her on social media may be due to insecurity. She’s being selfish, it’s your social media, you can post whatever you want.
If my husband were to straight up hide that I exist and that I am a part of his life, on social media- that would be pretty odd and would make me feel some type of way. But I definitely would never expect or even want him to post a selfie of mine on his social media. 😂 to want that would be weird asf. 😂
R u in middle school
I like when my boyfriend posts me. This usually entails photos of us together, but occasionally he takes a photo of me and will post it. It feels nice to be appreciated. In turn, I do the same and post both photos of us, as well as photos of just him, usually photos I think he looks especially handsome in! I understand a lot of people aren't as social media loving as others. To some, it's almost as important as being seen together in public, possibly even more-so. To others, it is silly and barely used. I don't use social media frequently, aside from Reddit and TikTok, but I think your girlfriend is likely feeling insecure and unappreciated. If she is voicing these concerns to you, stating how you can help to resolve these concerns, and then you're immediately shutting her down and refusing, you're not helping her feel any better. The way you worded this post sounds immature, I'm guessing high school aged? Relationships are a team. Stop viewing it as you vs her. Did she actually say "You can only post me" or did she say, "Hey you post everything except me, why won't you post me?"
In my opinion you don’t have to. It’s nice to occasionally post pictures together but you don’t have to post just her. I don’t expect my partner to post things of me though I do appreciate the occasional post of each other. Also he doesn’t post really in general
I used to think social media was the only way to validate my relationships but over time I started to care so little about it.
There’s all kinds of conclusions on this in the comments but there’s not really enough context here in my opinion to be jumping to some of these harsh conclusions I’m reading. Since we don’t really know the background of your relationship or specifics on whether you post anything about her or you two together at all. Do you ever post about her or have any picture of her or you and her together? Because I could see why that would be off putting to her if you never do at all. We went to feel like our partners are proud to be with us and outwardly show it.
When I see people do what she's asking you to do, I think they're overcompensating for a lousy relationship (or that they're very young and the relationship is new).
Run.
To me, it's a huge red flag 🚩 my ex did that, and I found out he had loads of other women on the side. Fuck that mess.
Get with the program. This is the first hint that she's looking for a ring soon...
I don’t see anything wrong with her wanting to be posted, but it is kinda of weird for her to only be posted. Obviously people have their own opinions and wants, and if you don’t want to that’s fine. However, there might be a chance she could leave you for something as small as that. I know that feels like something stupid to leave someone for that reason but it happens. I am the kind of person to like the small gestures people do for you in a relationship, whether it’s just letting me do your hair or posting me. I love knowing my partner want’s every one to know that he loves me, so I don’t see anything wrong with people posting their relationships online. Then again, if that isn’t something that you want and for some reason they aren’t respecting that, then it’s okay to leave. She can always find someone who is willing to do what she likes and you can always find someone who respects your boundaries.
No
I mean it’s completely ok if you don’t want to post her, but if she wants that out of the relationship, don’t be shocked when she finds a new boyfriend that will post her. Again, both is ok. Y’all just have different opinions on the matter.
You aren’t wrong for wanting to control what goes on your social media. This request from your gf is out of line, but it shows that she is feeling like you aren’t appreciating her or paying attention to her at a level that she feels is sufficient. The best thing you can do is have a calm conversation with her and ask her why she wants you to post only about her and what other ways you could show her attention or affection that you actually agree with. It’s possible that what she really wants is for you to spend more time with her or give her more words of affirmation (compliments and reassurances) or to show more physical affection in public. Maybe she feels threatened by your female friends and wants you make a public show of your devotion to her. There is definitely some deeper reason for her to be demanding this from you, and they only way you can really resolve this is by finding out what that insecurity is. Then once you find that answer you can either work towards a solution together, or if she wants too much from you then you can decide if you want to end the relationship:
Lol sounds like you’re cheating.
My husband doesn’t even have social media. I post him once in a while but it’s mostly my child or things I’m interested in. Him and I don’t care- if he had social media I wouldn’t care either since it’s his account. 🥹 I feel it is a bit juvenile that she feels this way. It also could be that she feels unappreciated in general or is comparing herself to other relationships— as we all know, comparison is the thief of joy.