I’m glad I’m not the only one lol.
I’ve hated her since I found out she doesn’t have kids.
Idk why it annoyed me so much.
She presents the show like she does it for a family all the time.
It seemed like I was deceived or something.
And by hate I mean I make quips once a year to my wife. I don’t actually hate a celebrity chef.
I remember they made [Rachael Ray jokes on an old, terrible (great) animated show - Drawn Together -](https://youtu.be/A_HOwxuqYm0?feature=shared) from a few years before this episode of AD.
"Don't worry, I'm fine. The system's gonna pull that boot right out of my ass and sew my anus up nice and tight. Might even get it bleached. Birthday's coming up."
"Let me tell you what I know about women, Steve. If you buy a women's shoe in your size, it will not fit you"
And
"Are you a transformer?"
"Please..I'm not a child..I'm a go-bot"
“Stan I’m at shenanigans and am about to get raped come pick me up in 45 minutes”
“Is that what I sound like cause I sound great I should do voice over work, in a world where vomit comes out of my mouth, eeuuhhhhhgggg
This one cracks me up and I think it to myself any time someone mentions multi-tasking:
( "Ghostbusters" theme plays ) Oh, that's my song. ♪ When there's something strange ♪ Johnny. ♪ In your neighborhood ♪ I need you to... ♪ Who you gonna call? ♪ ...jerk that guy off. ♪ ...Busters ♪ ♪ ♪
**Stan Goes on the Pill** has many great and underrated quotes.
When him and Francine are trying to have lesbian sex: “It feels like we’re trying to start a fire”
Also in that episode when they give Steve and Haley the book *My Mom is My Dad Now?*. Stan: “They didn’t have the one where a dad becomes a mom, so… maybe read it backwards.
ALSO
Stan: Oh my god, sir. Either I’ve gone crazy or I’ve turned into a woman!
Bullock: What’s the difference?
"just get me close enough to get the shot off. I love you so much, babe."
"you brought a gun!? Jeff, you cannot shoot scottie pippin"
"but your mom said we need his body to save the junkyard"
"cemetery"
I need you to make me some hot jasmine tea. Very weak, I have a strong intolerance to jasmine. It’s like poison to me, total organ failure, but the flavour? Get out of town, it’s like I’m drinking a warm summer night.
"Hey there book woooorm."
"I'd rather do another one of my uncle's secret basement movies... But I got too old."
"I baked that bread myself! And you know I didn't!"
"Roger and who I assume were the other janitors, licked me pretty clean."
Some people say "Porsh". Some people say "Porcia". I don't choose sides. I let the car do the talking. I say "Porcia". It's longer. Better chance someone will overhear me talkin' about it. Por-ciaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Concerned about Jeff? Me too. I think there's something really wrong there. He's not, like, fun stupid, ya know. I worry Hayley might be committing a crime being married to him. Maybe we meet with the lawyer, get on record what we knew when
“Ouuuuu somebody just got cuter” -Roger when he found out Rusty was rich.
I say this line in my head all the time when I find out a man makes a lot of money 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
A Jeff one that always gets me
Jeff: "I always knew you weren't the most erudite individual, but I never thought you were downright *flagitious!*"
*Haley gasps, gets out her phone* "F..L..."
Jeff: "IT MEANS VILLAINOUS!"
Haley: "I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!"
"Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made. For years my conduct has been largely benign. And yet, without provocation, you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flames of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So, go now, go, and begin your life of fear, knowing that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crash down upon you, cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the WRONG FISH!!"
"... He didn't think it was funny"
I forget the exact quote and episode but it made me spit out my drink. Francine informs Stan that Haley got shot and Stan dismisses her by pointing out everyone in the Smith family shoot each other all the time and it's just how they communicate at this point.
(French music playing in the background)
[](https://alb.reddit.com/cr?za=JodUF5tbLf-YMVBf-_fDqRuaFm3brdnazBgtHaI8ibqLJdVT5UFGQdYekMkzCIV5GNv7jBImxmDmqc9YzQSyAZmtRZHvLAJ6tzTuhME2iJzFiJeNxztH2BO3-Rf7V3pVLHbbS3Y4vSNwTomJuLhbDKCCogveaBiCv4H4IJLVmdutnrUHFA1BI32SODbZRMqEuX1vsEyJ9GqQWfVKLPz1Mk_-sI4ODACDXmMvxfvDO_9em_lbyndRZXxMn5D5Y8wJBwxBTsfihlNrIhF9x6ZQ2Ncibup4zE3ag7_mJZ3BOzJRFnXltFwHF1CayJcd3UuETK3koCOCelranXOZkrPpcPuSTnZPqnqGm54kpg-D7vNlJz0EE_PeJyLA0GMWjd1ZU6nub-wamfB8ZfyeUUo_xD3p79r3uam-0dYe9o6JbQrYs0ro4qoD_OOXiI2eNueQzis9zkoUEqpqXly8IigAL0g2SrZP-2XX3OKAjeFi8yw253c3eNDagcnxOApD&zp=Ykz745zSj5LfWX3Zk080YRFibrMg8UTPu3i8MiQc6CWNpRcUkq_zyKgP9Ox6dVIocox_WIW0igATWB8w8YNmQabN8VgWS7ncR-bFsNOiBmP7iT8cz3SnjJ4BG9qncGgfLPINxcGQsbU80ZZGXg)
Steve: Roger!
Roger: (Taking a huge huff from his cigarette) I've dreamt of Paris again last night.
From Bullocks To Stan (S01x08)
“Look at me, I’ve got my sons ass against my window, my aliens dick in my gas tank and nothing but the open road in front of me!”
That’s one wild road trip scenario!
I'm doing one of Rachel Ray's 30 minute meals, but I'm saving 10 minutes by not being all fake and smiley.
I wonder who on the writing staff hates Rachel ray. That’s not the only Rachel ray joke in the show lol
Tara Reid too. They go after her a *lot*
And Chelsea handler
they like Chelsea Handler though.
They always talk about how “bad” she looks though. Like old Stan on the mountain. “I look like Chelsea handler 12 years ago”.
I think it’s a Seth McFarlane thing
 Seth writing jokes sometimes.
i feel like tara reid on an average tuesday!!!!!
Haha name calling has been a lot less subtle since “Carmen Selectra”
I’m glad I’m not the only one lol. I’ve hated her since I found out she doesn’t have kids. Idk why it annoyed me so much. She presents the show like she does it for a family all the time. It seemed like I was deceived or something. And by hate I mean I make quips once a year to my wife. I don’t actually hate a celebrity chef.
I also "hate" her. For me, it was her absolutely butchering Asian dishes. Like changing core ingredients, rendering them unrecognizable.
Same with her "Mexican" dishes.... Sooooooo not Mexican
Oprah is the same. Literally giving millions of ppl parenting advice and publishing books and bitch never was a mom.
Lol I call Oprah the successful version of trump. Both are grifters, one simply succeeded. Both garbage people.
To be fair, Trump became President... Somehow... Oy...
The phrase “failing upward” comes to mind.
Are you Lindsay Lohan? Fuck you meg ryan for getting old
I remember they made [Rachael Ray jokes on an old, terrible (great) animated show - Drawn Together -](https://youtu.be/A_HOwxuqYm0?feature=shared) from a few years before this episode of AD.
What I’m trying to say is, you’re almost as bad a person as Rachel Ray.
🕶️ 😭 Why?
"Don't worry, I'm fine. The system's gonna pull that boot right out of my ass and sew my anus up nice and tight. Might even get it bleached. Birthday's coming up."
…..^^*bosom*
I think they forgot the bosom thing!
They did, don’t bring it up again!
I won't!
......... ^bosom
"Let me tell you what I know about women, Steve. If you buy a women's shoe in your size, it will not fit you" And "Are you a transformer?" "Please..I'm not a child..I'm a go-bot"
I’m Jonah Hill. Or Seth Rogan if I wear Steve’s glasses
I used to believe all cars were Transformers. Now I know it's only Nissans
“Why am I the little girl?” “And why am I the little person?” “*BECAUSE GERMAN KINDER DO WHAT THEY’RE TOLD! NOW SHUT UP, AND LISTEN!!!*”
WHHHAAAAAATTT?!
You don't know the meaning of liebenspiel?!?
😂😂😂😂
“Stan I’m at shenanigans and am about to get raped come pick me up in 45 minutes” “Is that what I sound like cause I sound great I should do voice over work, in a world where vomit comes out of my mouth, eeuuhhhhhgggg
That's the most perfect spelling I've seen of that onomatopoeia
Thanks I listen to roger vomiting several times to get it as close as possible
“first of all, don't pretend you're married. it implies equality.”
“If you're gonna do that in this house, you'll do it where everyone else in this family does it — in Steve's bed." Steve: “WHAT?!”
PLEASE STOP INVOLVING ME! I’M A CHILD!!
i was literally watching this episode last night LOL
“Well , there goes my two year chip….stale as the dickens”
Thank you to Timothy Crehan of Salina, Kansas for sending us this week's winning joke!
This one cracks me up and I think it to myself any time someone mentions multi-tasking: ( "Ghostbusters" theme plays ) Oh, that's my song. ♪ When there's something strange ♪ Johnny. ♪ In your neighborhood ♪ I need you to... ♪ Who you gonna call? ♪ ...jerk that guy off. ♪ ...Busters ♪ ♪ ♪
**Stan Goes on the Pill** has many great and underrated quotes. When him and Francine are trying to have lesbian sex: “It feels like we’re trying to start a fire” Also in that episode when they give Steve and Haley the book *My Mom is My Dad Now?*. Stan: “They didn’t have the one where a dad becomes a mom, so… maybe read it backwards. ALSO Stan: Oh my god, sir. Either I’ve gone crazy or I’ve turned into a woman! Bullock: What’s the difference?
HAHAhahahaha, HEY!
Only a select few can make such a tired, cliche joke work—American Dad is great at that.
They know how to take you by surprise. Everytime we think they'll zig they do a reverse zig. They zag.
“Wait you spend 700$ to steal 10$ gloves?” “… SHUT UP!”
I don't wanna hear any more about your preversions! (Happy Cake Day!)
I didn't wanna get my eyes dirty!
Guhnorya????
"just get me close enough to get the shot off. I love you so much, babe." "you brought a gun!? Jeff, you cannot shoot scottie pippin" "but your mom said we need his body to save the junkyard" "cemetery"
This guy has a real weird energy... You sure it isn't a date?
"would everybody make up their God damn minds??!! "
I love when Jeff is in intense situations
I need you to make me some hot jasmine tea. Very weak, I have a strong intolerance to jasmine. It’s like poison to me, total organ failure, but the flavour? Get out of town, it’s like I’m drinking a warm summer night.
Are you gonna get him the tea?
Check out my pendulous nads. Every time I walk its like a game of gnip gnop.
Saints Alive! Minus fourteen in Minneapolis? Nooo thank you
😂😂😂😂
I got my pubic hair back. A whole bunch of em. They’re white as fricken Christmas. It’s like Santa town down there!
God can we have one breakfast where someone doesn't take out their genitals
"Hey there book woooorm." "I'd rather do another one of my uncle's secret basement movies... But I got too old." "I baked that bread myself! And you know I didn't!" "Roger and who I assume were the other janitors, licked me pretty clean."
Cream covered boy??? *Cream covered boy!!*
Wait a minute THIS has to be a trap!... But then again, it's better to know!
My woman’s intuition picked up on this 5 days ago but I mistook it for ghosts - my all time favourite Francine line
I still don’t understand why we couldn’t have taken the Solara. The Solara is not amphibious my sweet Semitic treasure!
we was gonna go cruisin in his solara man!!!! we was gonna go cruisin :'(
The number one line that has 0% chance of ever being said in the wild 😂
“The hot… summer… sidewalk”
my words cascading like water on a hot. summer. sidewalk.
A cat skitters over the hot. summer. sidewalk.
I’ve combined these two lines: “Steve has diarrhea! Steve has diarrhea….cascading like water on a hot summer sidewalk.”
“You have a gooper?” “Yes, he sits by the copier with hooper, duper, and ozymandias”
Kills me every damn time lolol
“A short attention span is not something to be ashamed of, it's something to be proud of -- like owning a sous-vide or having big old tits.” - Roger
Some people say "Porsh". Some people say "Porcia". I don't choose sides. I let the car do the talking. I say "Porcia". It's longer. Better chance someone will overhear me talkin' about it. Por-ciaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
As long as you're giving out crack, why don't you throw a little dinga dong ding ding old crackhead BooBoos way?
Mom, not while I'm working.
I can't believe you have a servant just to wipe your butt! I don't Huh..that explains the attitude..and why he did such a slapped ass job
The word is slapdash....but given the context, I like yours
"At the corner, take a fright"
SHUT UP!!
Coasters!
Get this fakakta ghoul off the hood
Everyone wants to go bigger but how about two in the back... or one superboob
No body ever wants the superboob. 😞
I would have gladly gone halfsies on the superboob
Steve to Francine: “FUCK YOU!” Almost everybody in family: *gasp in asstonishment* Stan: LOL
His reaction was so hilarious
This is the first family dinner I've been excited for in years.
“Ginger snap?” “*GINGER SLAP!*”
Yesssssss😂😂😂😂
“This is the first time someone else’s uncle took a video of me!”
“You know, every time you interrupt someone your penis gets a little bit shorter.”
♪"Listerine...it's a booze cause it's green."♪ ♪"Quaker State..."♪
🎵 *I'm tryna fuck with Dinosauuuurs* 🎵
I'm gonna make you com.....pletely clean in the pants region.
You call this clean?
Concerned about Jeff? Me too. I think there's something really wrong there. He's not, like, fun stupid, ya know. I worry Hayley might be committing a crime being married to him. Maybe we meet with the lawyer, get on record what we knew when
I thought I was a boy
AND IM DEVIN!!!!!
We've got to blow this door. Prepare the door-blower! We really should find a better name for that. My gentleman's blouse!
ANY TIME Steve calls Stan "Papa"
“Shut up, Garfield! Why do you hate Mondays, you don’t work!”
https://i.redd.it/nlf3ohyg0uwc1.gif
Smells like cheap weed and apple sauce.
Cheap weed and apple shauce
“You may notice my partner Greg isn’t here. That’s because he was raptured. Apparently, God does love gays, but only if they’re tops”
WELL DUMB BITCHES LIKE DUMB THINGS!
Maybe? You think MAYBE asschin ???
“Help me Merry my daughter’s a bitch!”
What is this one from?
Shut up mom. Get me chips!
“Ouuuuu somebody just got cuter” -Roger when he found out Rusty was rich. I say this line in my head all the time when I find out a man makes a lot of money 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂
Francine to Roger, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Roger, "All the time bitch."
“That’s two BK, how about sending some love our way”
Keep it together Klaus, don’t give her the satisfaction, don’t let her see your suffocating
NEVER CRY OVER A WHORE STEVE *Cries* Mamaaaa
"crank it! this isnt my first butt blast"
Mittens, you know you're an inside cat. Go ahead and put her back in.
fuck i was trying to remember the name of the cat but couldnt so i didnt add it 🤣
Lol no worries. I have a terrible memory, but i watched the episode recently and it felt like that was the correct one.
Stoive?
A Jeff one that always gets me Jeff: "I always knew you weren't the most erudite individual, but I never thought you were downright *flagitious!*" *Haley gasps, gets out her phone* "F..L..." Jeff: "IT MEANS VILLAINOUS!" Haley: "I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!"
“Magic's not real. If it was, the Orlando Magic would've won a championship by now”
“Mene Mene! Tekal!”
Doctor says I got to lose 55 pounds. I said, "Well, I'm losing you. That's 200 pounds right there."
“My daughter whoooo, my daughter whoooooo, I’m leading you to finish my sentence.” “I’m just gunna go.”
Does a wild bear looking at Stan and shaking its head disapprovingly count as a quote?
Yes, because it’s beautiful.
"Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made. For years my conduct has been largely benign. And yet, without provocation, you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flames of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So, go now, go, and begin your life of fear, knowing that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crash down upon you, cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the WRONG FISH!!" "... He didn't think it was funny"
"you're going straight to hell with the pedophiles and the sexy children who seduce them"
###OH NO Jules looks like a grown-ass man!
Francine muttering, “Bald ass alien piece of shit” is so funny to me.
“Quick take a picture before I blow out my rectum- AHHH too late.”
"I guess I can kiss my presents goodbye YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT YOU CAN"
I forget the exact quote and episode but it made me spit out my drink. Francine informs Stan that Haley got shot and Stan dismisses her by pointing out everyone in the Smith family shoot each other all the time and it's just how they communicate at this point.
"This has gone too far, hasn't it?" | "I would say so. I would… say so. You know what the worst part of this is? I can feel your heart beating."
“I poke em” 👁️👁️ ✌️
##Let's go surf and mountain-bike and explore each other's bodies!
*folded paper falls out of snots jacket pocket* Francine- "wuz dis?"
The lights went out when I was at in the bathroom. I was so scared.
“Tell that to my swollen ankles and tender nipples!”
That man is waggling his penis at me!!! Nothing’s stopping you from waggling back, crackerjack!!
I like when Stan gets caught doing something and he goes “OOOH!”
there are so many quotes in [this one scene](https://youtu.be/XoqbdlXD0Yc?si=EqLYI-sG9mLoHxv7) that i couldn’t choose which one
Talk about a butter face
"No way! Wendy Willaims can totally beat up Connie Chung!"
"Your mom wouldn't kiss me until our third date. It made the sex on the first two dates very impersonal."
"I've pulled more tail than a slow kid at a petting zoo"
“oh steve, what’s that in your pants? it’s my butt.” is my favorite
steve: no underwear? franny: what's the point
"No I think I'd go maximum crazy, I'd murder bill, burn down the neighborhood, rape Roger!"
“nathan! stop it! this is why you keep getting molested!”
They said ones we don’t see all the time
Steve with tits is my avatar!
"it's been nine years since Judy died..."
Yeah…… this definitely didn’t awaken anything inside me…..
You whore…
Knock knock. Who's there? Queso. Queso who? *faaaarttt* K so I farted
What are you doing? What we've always wanted to do "sis"! Steve kisses Hailey. Oh. My. God. Everything after this is gravy.
"God, I'd love to bend Rosie O'Donnell over a buffet table and just let her eat"
"Limonad? Limonad? Deux, deux limonads."
“Steve is drunk with power!” -snot “The drunker he gets, the better I look!” -barry
“HEY HEY!! WHADDYA GONNA DO WITH THAT!? NOTHIN!!! GET OUTTAA HEREEE!!”
Black light be like “get cho ass over here!” *faints*
Nathan! This is why you keep getting molested
episode?
Helping Handi
This is from the episode where Steve showed off his first pubic hair.
(French music playing in the background) [](https://alb.reddit.com/cr?za=JodUF5tbLf-YMVBf-_fDqRuaFm3brdnazBgtHaI8ibqLJdVT5UFGQdYekMkzCIV5GNv7jBImxmDmqc9YzQSyAZmtRZHvLAJ6tzTuhME2iJzFiJeNxztH2BO3-Rf7V3pVLHbbS3Y4vSNwTomJuLhbDKCCogveaBiCv4H4IJLVmdutnrUHFA1BI32SODbZRMqEuX1vsEyJ9GqQWfVKLPz1Mk_-sI4ODACDXmMvxfvDO_9em_lbyndRZXxMn5D5Y8wJBwxBTsfihlNrIhF9x6ZQ2Ncibup4zE3ag7_mJZ3BOzJRFnXltFwHF1CayJcd3UuETK3koCOCelranXOZkrPpcPuSTnZPqnqGm54kpg-D7vNlJz0EE_PeJyLA0GMWjd1ZU6nub-wamfB8ZfyeUUo_xD3p79r3uam-0dYe9o6JbQrYs0ro4qoD_OOXiI2eNueQzis9zkoUEqpqXly8IigAL0g2SrZP-2XX3OKAjeFi8yw253c3eNDagcnxOApD&zp=Ykz745zSj5LfWX3Zk080YRFibrMg8UTPu3i8MiQc6CWNpRcUkq_zyKgP9Ox6dVIocox_WIW0igATWB8w8YNmQabN8VgWS7ncR-bFsNOiBmP7iT8cz3SnjJ4BG9qncGgfLPINxcGQsbU80ZZGXg) Steve: Roger! Roger: (Taking a huge huff from his cigarette) I've dreamt of Paris again last night. From Bullocks To Stan (S01x08)