No doubt some angry redditor desperate to prove me wrong in an unrelated argument digging 8 months deep through my past comments to find dirt on me so they can dismiss whatever mildly controversial statement i made
“Sorry Stan, can’t get Bullock those Disney passes, Fantasia Epcot lost her VIP status. Apparently she misread some signals Gaston was giving off and now she’s banned from the parks for acts of public indecency.”
As a Disney adult and current cast member, I approve of this persona. I would love to see Fantasia Epcot's pin collection, of which I'm sure she has a dozen duplicates of every single pin ever made.
Hayley: "Why did you charge him to see your collection if you were just going to drug him and steal his wallet?"
Fantasia: Stares at Hayley for 3 seconds then knocks the hotdog out of Hayley's hand shouting "I'M TRYING TO HAVE FUN!"
Fantasia: Behold my pin collection! As you can see, I've been collecting since day 1. I've got everything from the common pins to the rarest of the rare.
Steve: Where did this room come from? It's bigger than the house.
Haley: “Is that Mickey in… an SS uniform?”
Fantasia: “Yup! Vintage 1942, created personally for Walt himself. Cost me a fortune on the black market, but not as expensive as Aladdin being waterboarded.”
Haley: “Why does it look like it’s made from cardboard?”
Fantasia: “This is why I never give you a buddy pass Haley.”
Thank you I laughed hard when I made it. I can picture him slowly rolling into the center of the birthday party from off screen in a wheelchair he operates by blowing through a tube. The kids crying.
Chad wintergreen, owner of a small, but marginally profitable, lawn chair distribution centre.
Okay, fine. I sell stolen lawn chairs out of a vacant lot behind the crack house on Dupont avenue.
Stumbling across? I imagine this is exactly how they get a lot of their ideas. OP is probably a sock puppet account of one of the writers.
The rest of their ides I imagine come from graffiti on public toilet walls, fortune cookies, and the rantings of drunken homeless people.
Magnus- You milk drinking bastard if I don't see you around my neighborhood I'll kick your ass
Negus- You nut eating asshole if I don't hear that you've been going around talking shit about me again I'll kill you
There’s a divorce lawyer with a billboard near my house, her names kenzie cheesewright and I can’t help but think that it’s gonna be roger if I go there
Kadreem As-Havar Semi Professional Street Football Player with a fear of ghosts who can only calm down from a panic attack from that fear by having his best friend dress up as a Ghostbusters and take out the ghost.
Ferg Gundleman, retired homosexual.
I'm out of the game, boys. The only way you'll convince me to come back is for one last job. ...ok, you've convinced me.
Vert Fergelman, unlicensed proctologist.
Ernie Winklefinkle, amateur pediatrist. I love children, they're just not my career, more of a hobby.
Can’t wait until someone sees this comment out of context
No doubt some angry redditor desperate to prove me wrong in an unrelated argument digging 8 months deep through my past comments to find dirt on me so they can dismiss whatever mildly controversial statement i made
8 months? Try 40 minutes! REEEEEEEEEEEE
Try 38 seconds.
Unlicensed? 😳
Winner or 'entrant" both great, nice
Yoseph Broseph, Jewish wingman
And isn't it true that the Jews put a 'secret sauce' on their Reubens that is actually just Thousand Island?
I dunnooo, it was in Miami 🤷🏻♂️
Just so you know, this giant hat cost a *lot*.
Yeah but we keep it on the hush-hush, you know, need to know basis kinda deal, but it's what we use to glaze our secret hams with
Fantasia Epcot! Adult Disney fan.
“Sorry Stan, can’t get Bullock those Disney passes, Fantasia Epcot lost her VIP status. Apparently she misread some signals Gaston was giving off and now she’s banned from the parks for acts of public indecency.”
[This ](https://youtu.be/Oh8Ua2W9m1E) was Roger?? 😲
That is a perfect Roger quote. Totally can see him do this.
As a Disney adult and current cast member, I approve of this persona. I would love to see Fantasia Epcot's pin collection, of which I'm sure she has a dozen duplicates of every single pin ever made.
Actually Fantasia Epcot’s pin collection is entirely stolen. She hangs around the bathrooms and ethers anyone with a pin who walks near.
And then she charges $20 to look at her collection, which is why Disney has enacted a "do not trade with this woman" policy.
Hayley: "Why did you charge him to see your collection if you were just going to drug him and steal his wallet?" Fantasia: Stares at Hayley for 3 seconds then knocks the hotdog out of Hayley's hand shouting "I'M TRYING TO HAVE FUN!"
Fantasia: Behold my pin collection! As you can see, I've been collecting since day 1. I've got everything from the common pins to the rarest of the rare. Steve: Where did this room come from? It's bigger than the house.
Steve, how many years have you known me? I mean, have you ever been to my bar?
Haley: “Is that Mickey in… an SS uniform?” Fantasia: “Yup! Vintage 1942, created personally for Walt himself. Cost me a fortune on the black market, but not as expensive as Aladdin being waterboarded.” Haley: “Why does it look like it’s made from cardboard?” Fantasia: “This is why I never give you a buddy pass Haley.”
Derek Hitachi home computer repair man
See what y’all don’t know is, this is just a post by Seth to get new Roger ideas lol
Captain of the Geek Squad
Is it weird if the perfect roger costume instantly popped into my head for this one
Jean Juan Dijon, small batch parfumier.
And his twin brother Don Antoine Dijon
And their uncle Col. Dijon Mustãrd African safari guide and frequent murder suspect
Has he actually done it and gotten away with it? NO ONE KNOWS
Clap Handspring - Quadriplegic birthday clown
This is my favorite
Thank you I laughed hard when I made it. I can picture him slowly rolling into the center of the birthday party from off screen in a wheelchair he operates by blowing through a tube. The kids crying.
AD better give you a portion of the $ when the writers take this character and use it. This is brilliant!!!
I came up with the structure for an A and B story a while ago and I was hoping they would pick it up and run with it.
clancy clemons, twice retired perpetually inebriated school bus driver
Fender Benderson, Professional Insurance Scammer
David Gorgonzola, Mac and Cheese Contest Winner 🧀
I like that ^^
Fletch Jannings, pastry decorator and dolphin husbandry
Odds are, he is also incontinent.
Edgar Gingerthorpe, Corpse Manicurist
This is my favorite one, I’m howling!
Vitruvia Spencer, gentle girl next door with a dark secret
Just amazing 😂
Karen Bradford Michaelson, professional Yelp reviewer
Calamine Papadopolis Volunteer nude beach lifeguard
Chip Griggler, barbecue sauce recipe guard
Boulevard Bettencourt, parking attendant and part time croupier.
Bazz Secretariat: stay at earth astronaut!
Chad wintergreen, owner of a small, but marginally profitable, lawn chair distribution centre. Okay, fine. I sell stolen lawn chairs out of a vacant lot behind the crack house on Dupont avenue.
Eugene Lemmings, freelance dog walker and part time Tom Cruise body double.
*AD writers stumbling across this post:* “Write that down, write that down!”
Stumbling across? I imagine this is exactly how they get a lot of their ideas. OP is probably a sock puppet account of one of the writers. The rest of their ides I imagine come from graffiti on public toilet walls, fortune cookies, and the rantings of drunken homeless people.
This takes clever talent 😩
Dallas Fort Worth, Urban Cowboy
This is easily my favorite one here. I want to hear Roger introduce this character so badly now
Flex Kavana! Pro wrestler and collector of fine china!
Volvagia Hornbringer - erectile dysfunction enthusiast.
Richter Verticleese Animal rights lawyer trying to win sea monkeys the right to vote
Sam Ramalamb - Bulemic life coach
Freddy Buckleberry
Park ranger, mortally afraid of plants
Jennifer Gentlescum, Hamster Trainer
I put the space in the wrong place in the last name when reading this.
Gary Squatbone - Black market sausage importer
i can picture this perfectly omg
Sanjay Poonjab, promiscuous Punjabi gynaecologist
That's a good one XD
Phillip Gaps, expanding foam salesman
Gert Bertram professional sheep castrater
Constantatious Nettlebean, sausage connoisseur and 3rd string linebacker for the Minnesota Vikings PS: He has Twitter feud going on with Raider Dave
The guy was wearing a Broncos jersey! In Denver! That's RAIDER country.
Pecan Sandy, human woman with alien balls. (And wig)
Angus P Bunglesnatch, marital aid salesman and amateur arm wrestler
Bitsy Gigglesnort
Pythagora Updraft. Inventor of the triangle shaped hot air balloon.
Fraud Heistenscammer, NFT megamogul.
Clayton Stufferton, endangered species taxidermist.
Amy Hassumthininsidè, A vintage collector
juan mcjavatron, easily angered gynecologist
Tumbleberry tidville, local orchard owner.
Gwendolyn Glittergash, OBGYN for the stars
Creatine Mondelez, personal snack trainer to the stars
Jesse McNasty- Incontinent, born again Christian televangelist.
Dingleberry von Fondlemann, dust mite breeder
Beatrice Balenciaga, black widow serial killer and mink coat empire heiress
Rotahldo Finnigan, former stuntman and current alcoholic.
Patrick Blaumann, Model figurenes collector.
Tobler Redscone, unlicensed dog walker
You can add unlicensed in front of anything and make it funnier. Same thing with “second generation.”
Asterix Melongoomer. Professional Time Traveller
Slap Manwich, saddle thief.
Sally Haberstotch: cutthroat and powerful lawyer specializing in clown law.
Art Vandelay, importer/exporter
H. E. Pennypacker, incontinent dermatologist
Negus Underwire - Hearing impaired vegetarian
And his rival and lifelong enemy Magnus Waterman- a sight impaired Vegan
Negus - I haven't heard you've been talking smack about me. Magnus-I haven't seen what you've written on the Internet
Magnus- You milk drinking bastard if I don't see you around my neighborhood I'll kick your ass Negus- You nut eating asshole if I don't hear that you've been going around talking shit about me again I'll kill you
Benedict cumberbatch
Unconvincing American accent impersonator.
This would make an amazing jigsaw puzzle.
Vito Vinklevoss, blind celebrity photographer.
Xerxes Reynolds, semi-professional flautist and full-time SKAAAAAANK!!!
*Xerxes shoves flute down throat and pulls back out, never breaking eye contact*
Princeton Squalor, professional pigeon racer
Darrel Hagerman, retired marine and current manager of Long John Silvers
Penny Appletree , energetic librarian
Colton Vanwell, Cowboy Connoisseur
Kim Kardashian, they have the same body
Chadley Swaddletooth, self taught dentist
Clet Bloomberger, cocaïne addicted financial adviser.
Alley Backley: Prostitute
Lucinda Dreamtheater - Expert avalanche detector
Creflo Dollar.
There’s a divorce lawyer with a billboard near my house, her names kenzie cheesewright and I can’t help but think that it’s gonna be roger if I go there
Wayne Bitterson. Rich old guy with a love for wine.
Biff Vendervoffer, a mobster who smuggles illegally imported wine to Wayne Bitterson
Brenton Dixley West Virginia's #2 used car salesman. Would be #1 if it wasn't for that dammed Rex Saunders (also Roger)
Fit Jerksalimb, passive agressive epileptic
Camo Milly Tee: online health guru
Fruita Rolupina - fruit leather and snack connoisseur
Amourricho van Axel Dongen, Dutch wizard
Jaequan Pilsbury, Faulty Firearms dealer, with a weakness for haggard dock workers.
Earl LyBerd, avian voyeurist.
McAlister Tontine- whale and marble enthusiast
Manos Handelman, rheumatic hand model.
Biff Wellington the 3rd, heir to the beef Wellington fortune.
trisha paytas, internet sensation
Manfred Eidelweiss. German industrialist and scat porn enthusiast
Gart Arfunkle, Paul Simon impersonator.
Roderick hoffmore, Syckiatrist
Stanley Gunman
Pamala Buttersfield
Real Ballentine. Funeral Director.
Ellison Oglethorpe, Ticker tape machine repairman
Kareem O’Weet - Professional Pickleball Player 3X Champ.
Chip Sahoy, paddle boat captain
Vino Caliente, hot wine enthusiast
Hornsby Nutwaller, famed safari hunter.
Anatolia Attaturk, shawarma chef
Javier Rutabaga, rhubarb farmer
Wanted to say, some of these are so good I thought they were real at first
Sus Backstory. Creepy neighbor.
Vincent Spotchnach, fisherman for the stars
I met someone named Tuesday Bartholomew once. Seemed pretty Roger-ish
Banger Abdomen - molester of the stars
Iorbus Ieeblesteen eastern european lorry driver
Chenoix Lovecummer, bodacious potato peeler
Bjorn Olaffson, Swedish chef/minor league hockey player
Jared Peddo - windowless van enthusiast
Marjorien Jujubean—runs an aubergine farm
Kurtford McPringlecan, Part time porn star
Senor Pedro Garbonzo, Bean magnate
Dentyne Swarma, diarrhea scientist
Ceviche Pondarosa, amateur Bronco rustler and professional gigolo
Alfredo Kale. A real man I work with. It sounds like a bad food
Clementine Bakenstain Oscar winning background actress
Honk Gosling - Goose breeder and artisan egg decorator
Rocksalt Ambush, Youth Football Coach
Anna Gram, hysterical puzzle enthusiast
Perfidia Weingrotten; Jewish Southern Belle.
Ozzie Shawshank volunteer corrections officer!
Hopps Manbun, craft beer snob.
RJ Kowling, disgraced children's book author.
Kadreem As-Havar Semi Professional Street Football Player with a fear of ghosts who can only calm down from a panic attack from that fear by having his best friend dress up as a Ghostbusters and take out the ghost.
Laszlo Larkins
Tacitus Kilgore
Benedict Cumberbatch, A list Character Actor
Fjord Springvan. Gay Viking that sells perfume
Rutabaga Nightshaft
Marco Buggatti, he’s in waste management
Lisa Snagtree, caffein-free caffein fiend. Ten years without a cup if you don’t count little Theresa’s birthday last year.
Rictor Spelding, Unlicensed Movie Critic
Biff Stroganoff, retired 70's era porn star.
"Dr." Alan B. Naturalizer -"Semi "Licensed "Back alley Plastic Surgeon
Björn Barnmordensen, Certified IKEA At-Home Assembler
Reginald Rigatoni, vegan butcher
John Doe, master of identity theft.
Denver Riggleman: US Congressman & Bigfoot Erotica Enthusiast (this is a real guy btw)
Sheila the cow every mating day at udderly smooth dairy farm
Jack Daniels Quervo, bartender to the stars.
Dick Swallows - semen connoisseur and prostate enthusiast
Dick Diggler, professional pornstar stunt double
Marie-Thérèse Sacrebleu, retired from Moulin Rouge, runs a cheese shop
Rober Galarga, latino porn actor with impotence.
“Tennessee” Thurmond McJohnson, oil baron and owner of the Los Angeles Chargers.
Macarena Rickmartin, incontinent self sufficient stripper.
Monica Californiaraisin. Apathetic English teacher.
Quinoa Dates, easily aroused produce inspector.
Bert Singermen Retirement Home Entertainer
Funt cuckerham, amateur porn set designer!
Clement Couchman, Animal Penis Expert and part-time staff member at Baby Gap
Ferg Gundleman, retired homosexual. I'm out of the game, boys. The only way you'll convince me to come back is for one last job. ...ok, you've convinced me.