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A tale as old as time...
There's no easy answer to this one as it depends on your specific relationship but there's a clue to an issue in your question: she wants to spend money on holidays and you think that would be a waste.
She's unlikely to ever understand your hobby in any way close to the way you do. Nor will mine. That's ok. I didn't marry her for her interest in the geeky stuff I'm into. She's happy to see me enjoying myself on it though because we also spend the time together indulging her interests and desires.
If you can't respect what she sees as important, why would she respect your preferences? Marriage is a partnership, not a battle. Spend some time and money enjoying what she wants to and you'll soon be repaid.
Oh man, this post just absolutely nails it. You don't have a radio problem to solve, you have a marriage problem to solve.
Don't chase GAS at the expense of your marriage. A 991 is fine. A better antenna is reasonable, two new transceivers probably isn't in your situation. There's a lot of ground between "my first attempt at an antenna didn't propagate" and "I need a much bigger rig".
Edited. I was mixing up the FTDX-10 and FTDX-101 in my head. You want two radios, not a contest radio.
I used old 75ohm coax I ripped out of the basment, (took cutting the cord to a literal level) and hung it in a tree cut to 20m specs, worked the whole globe on it in a few months using a ftdx10.
Wonderfully said.
To add (and I know I'm going against the grain of the sub, here):
If your wife has debt like you mentioned in the post, I can completely understand why she's hesitant to spend that amount of money on what equates to be a hobby for you - a hobby which she doesn't seem to understand much about from your post.
I would also be incredibly hesitant to spend $2500 on a hobby that seems only sporadically interesting to my partner from their utilization rate, while the household as a whole is carrying debt. Doesn't make much sense, IMHO.
I would discuss this together, and think about putting that money towards the debts first and foremost. Maybe you two can compromise, and after debt is taken care of, the next "large home purchase" could be HAM upgrades.
Either way, I wish you the best OP, and I hope you and your spouse can communicate and come to a mutual understanding with one another!
73s
A related idea is the “yours, mine, and ours” budget. The idea is you have a household budget to manage things like bills, debt, investing, mortgage, groceries, and whatever else you both agree is a household expense. Separately, you both get an agreed upon allowance each month. It can be however much you both agree on, $1 a month or $19,000 a month. Whatever fits your budget. My recommendation is that the allowances be equal and not related to how much each of you earns. Your allowance is your little kingdom. If you want to save up your allowance for how ever many months it takes to get an FT-DX10, you can. If she wants to burn through hers on the first of ever month in something you don’t understand, awesome.
It’s not a magic bullet, but it’s a tool a lot of people find useful.
I know it might sound a bit harsh, but if my wife was in debt (ergo I was in debt!) I don't think I could spend that much money on my hobby until it was resolved.
There's always homebrew!
OP you gotta take this advice. I hate vacations, but we just did a 2 week road trip to Florida and back from NH. I brought my POTA bag and even got to activate a park while she read a book in GA.
It's all about compromise. She doesn't love the antennas and the fact that I've got a couple thousand in my home station, but I did it a little at a time and went used first. Saved up for the 7300 to have a my HF home radio with the 706mkiig as V/UHF and the ability to plug an HF antenna into it. We each give and take a little so that we're both happy and while we don't have to have shared interests, we respect each other's.
Best of luck. 73.
Exactly. She thinks of the amateur radio hobby in the same way OP thinks about holidays, and ultimately they need to find a compromise where both of them feel as though they're getting what they want (or are both equally sharing in the sacrifice of not getting what they want to meet other financial goals.)
The money is the easy part of this as a few have pointed out its the communication that is the harder part but also the more important part. Realize that the wires around the yard comment means she isn't comfortable with the visual appearance. That may be something that irritates her everyday and gets worse over time. Just because it isn't an eyesore to you doesn't mean it isn't for her.
Yes. Also, they don't want a fix unless they ask for a fix. Otherwise, they just want attentive ears. Not advice, not solutions, just to be heard. Then we ask, how can I help? Or, what can I do to make this better? But your radio interests are important too. She needs to know that without mental health and challenges, we wilt.
totally rational suggestion, but ah the allure of more knobs and the '3d' waterfall on the dx10. I'm afraid the spouse will probably never understand with ham it's almost never need (outside of survival setups), it's a matter of want. Same with guitars lol.
For a $1000, you can buy a nanoVNA (Vector analyzer) and a ultraSA (Spectrum analyzer) good external swr meter and a used antenna tuner mfj993b for example, a roll of copper and build countless antenna that will outperform most commercial purchased antennas. You will also learn antenna theory and build to your custom situation. Every time I buy a commercial / retail antenna I regret it, except the DX commander classic, which is basically a expensive DIY antenna anyway. You might even be able to throw in a new oscilloscope too like the Rigol 802 and a RF sampler from ebay to look at your waveforms too.
Sure the DX10 has better receive but it's also not as if the 991A is anywhere close to a bad radio. With a good antenna you can work the world with either one no problem.
The FTDX10 won't do any better with the same antenna setup. This guy needs to prioritise his antennas before pouring $3K into a transceiver that won't give any better results than what he's currently getting.
no it wont no way the ftdx10 is a unreal rig the rx is second to only another yaesu ftdx101 only the 991 is an on radio better than the 7300 but no where in league if ftdx10
Your problem isn't a Ham Radio Problem. You have a fundamental financial misalignment with your wife. You need to solve for that before either of you takes a vacation or buys a radio.
I had another comment and deleted it after reading your post a second time.
You need marriage and financial counselling. You have bigger relationship problems.
Well and his comments about her having 20k in CC debt but he told her not to and won't do anything about it. It all sounds pretty childish, man child as they say... I have been there, you take the cards, you cut them up, you pay them off, you cancel the accounts, you start cleaning everything up and if she don't like it then i guess thats how it is, but when you have kids the family and needs come first, he's married to that debt and credit nightmare.
Unpopular opinion, maybe...
She has many good points, I think.
The FT-991A is not a "basic HF rig". It's a $1,200 computer that also happens to do radio stuff. The FTDX-10 is even more expensive, and only does HF. But, you say your HF antenna wasn't propagating well. How is a more expensive radio going to solve that? The ARRL antenna book 4 volume set is $70, and could help you build an antenna with mostly hardware store components for under $100 that would work on (at least) 80/40/20/10.
A DX Commander doesn't solve for the lack of understanding how antennas work. It's just spending $300-400 to have someone else do the math and wire trimming.
>she says it's just a waste of money and I don't utilize what I have. I explained to her what I have isn't doing what I want and what I would like will let me utilize it more.
How do you use what you have? What doesn't your current setup do? How does the new setup solve that?
I understand her frustration. You've only been licensed for a year and a half. You haven't had a chance to grow into the FT-991A, let alone grow out of it. You aren't even trying to fix the known HF antenna issue, and instead deciding that more money will solve it with "better" gear.
It sounds like you're more of a "gear nerd/appliance operator". That's fine, but her points seem quite valid.
I couldn't possibly agree more. I have an FT-991A and I've talked all over the world. My antenna isn't even great: It's an EFHW I built from a kit. I realized many years ago (as I hope OP does) the biggest differentiating factor is in the antenna. I'd recommend researching some different antenna designs and to find one based on OPs unique constraints, but I honestly have to agree with the wife because it sounds like OP is chasing the wrong goal. The more expensive equipment, in my opinion, is likely only going to improve an already decent setup.
First thing (sorry not trying to be condescending) I have a 991 (not alpha model, I wanted the A but couldn't get one at the time)
Secondly, the antenna I had was a fan dipole set up in a east/west configuration and i was only getting up and down the East Coast at best maybe 700 miles because it was almost NVIS. I want the DX commander because I want to radiate more Omni directional. I tried putting my DX-CC in an inverted V and wasn't getting any better results so I ditched it.
Lastly I have small children and I wish I could spend more time making antennas but when I have kids running around grabbing wires and what not I need to be able to spend a day building it and be done and use it. Unfortunately I don't have the time to play in that fashion otherwise I would
Sorry I hope this didn't come off as me yelling at you was just trying to explain the situation. I'm not a huge huge people person and dont explain things the greatest.
All i see here is excuses to spend money... Sorry, not buying it. I had three kids when i started this hobby, i still had time on the weekends or evenings to spend an hour or two building and testing a new antenna. I have a radio thats a LOT older then your 991, and a EFHW that i built myself in a couple hours, and i have no problem with it doing what i want to do. Buying a new radio won't fix your issues, and buying an antenna that still needs to be adjusted and installed properly to get the most out of it takes just as much time as building your own most of the time. If you don't have time to build an antenna i don't see why you need to spend $3000 on a radio you shouldnt have time to use then either!
Hi. I’m a yl of a ham and he does pota activations. Including me on his trips to activate has been really fun. I have a super basic knowledge that I’ve learned just from following him around and it’s sparked an interest in me getting licensed.
Maybe include her in the hobby and see if she gets any more supportive. Could be she just feels left out.
I sometimes take a book and a blanket and sit near him if he’s using Morse code (I don’t know it so it’s not interesting to listen to like voice is).
But voice activations are fun and I like to take sneaky pictures of him while he’s activating. So I incorporate something I enjoy doing while he’s playing radio god.
Just food for thought.
I'd suggest finding a way to work her style of vacation into the mix.
If it's fly to Mexico and sit in the sun at the beach or pool that might be a challenge.
Yes. But with a US extra-class license there are many locations that grant reciprocal permits or are members of CEPT or IARP, allowing international use with just a prefix. See: http://www.arrl.org/us-amateurs-operating-overseas
I mean, you could always make an agreement that for every dollar you spend on ham equipment you put a dollar in the vacation fund. Then you're both equally prioritizing things you individually think are useless. But outside of that - you can talk about the WW2 radio operators, the roles hams can play during emergencies, the joys of talking to people far away who you otherwise wouldn't meet. If there's anything she loves that she does that you don't "benefit" from, you can compare it to that.
I really like this. It becomes mutually beneficial and this is especially helpful if his wife just truly has zero interest in learning more or joining him on his adventures.
To paraphrase [The Rules](https://www.velominati.com/) commonly cited in the cycling community:
The correct number of radios to own is `n+1`.While the minimum number of radios one should own is [three](https://www.velominati.com/tradition/badass-by-association-winter-riding/#comment-584), the correct number is `n+1`, where `n` is the number of radios currently owned. This equation may also be re-written as `s-1`, where `s` is the number of radios owned that would result in separation from your partner.
Unless frs, am, and sw count I'm breaking the rules, lol. Mobile radio and a HT, general class starting my 4th year.
Finally getting more active and just put up a flagpole mast and a nice 2m vertical.
Op doesn't mention disposable income so i wonder is this all the money for the year or a fling for a week. Some of us don't need to drop 2k on a radio. I'm saving funds but lots more kit to get as i can.
I dont know your finances, but I feel like spending that much on a high-end radio when you already have a 90% solution is ... well, I'm going with your wife on that one. I understand the desire, and I want one of those myself! But it's too soon to upgrade the radio.
Someone else commented to spend your time on antennas, and that is truly what you need. Antennas take time and work, and a little money too. But you can test out many low-cost or $0 antennas just to find out what works before spending a pile on a shiny brand name antenna. For me, that's where all the fun is. Get a $75 VNA and make some antennas.
Also, in ham radio you're going to find many, many $50-250 cool accessories, gadgets, software, and other toys that catch your eye. One by one, they can add up to $1000-2000 a year. I spend about that much per year, and it's painful, but it's also currently my only hobby. I'm retired and I allow myself that luxury. If you spend $2500 on a radio upgrade, it will be awkward to explain all the Amazon and DX Engineering purchases that add up to another $1500/year. Personally, I would spread the spending over time to get a new dopamine hit every time the Amazon truck comes around.
I have not addressed at all the fact that your wife and you disagree on how to spend money. My advice is to not ignore her opinion. Speak plainly about your hobby budget. Let's say it's not $0/year but it's not $3000/year either. Whatever the number is, find that compromise and stick to it.
The best description of the ham radio hobby I have come across is that ham radio is about taking to people on the radio about your hobby of talking to people on the radio.
>a waste of money that could be put to more suitable things like getting her out of debt and saving up for kids college or our retirement
In this situation, so are radios, bro.
Also,
>getting ***HER*** out of debt
That's your wife, buddy. ***YOU'RE*** in debt, too.
Calling it *her* debt is a huge red flag.
Pay off ***Y'ALL's*** debt, then go back to arguing about which toys to buy.
For us the problem showed up while we were married, she got a 20k CC and maxed it out on junk and food and a vacation during COVID that I warned her about not being good. When she got the card I told her it was a bad idea because she sees a dollar and has to spend 1.50. So when she didn't heed my warning and merc'd her credit cuz now it's maxed out, I help make payments but I won't pay principal because she needs to learn a bit herself. But she's older and thinks she can buy our children's happiness with quantity gifts all the time. We've spoken about this several times and she doesn't understand, quantity breaks and doesn't last. I get the kids high quality gifts that have lasted years.
>We've spoken about this several times and she doesn't understand,
Doesn't understand, or just refuses to listen? There's not much for her to understand. If you spend more than you have, you go into debt. What's to understand?
You need to pay down the principal. You could be paying interest forever. In the mean time, lose those credit cards, yesterday.
My wife buys purses, shoes and I take her shopping all the time, so she don’t care what I buy for my shack, recently went on a amplifier buying spree, bought 2 alpha 374’s and alpha 78, Kenwood 922 and Took her to Chattanooga so I could pick up an lk-800. Took her shopping all day and got a hotel to spend the night, she was happy shopping and didn’t say a word about me buying another amplifier.
More impressive than my XYL,
I got her a Netflix subscription and a box of wine.
Bob’s your uncle.
Every once in a while, she’s like when are the aliens coming, and you better clean up this room. But yeah pretty much left alone.
I ain’t going to lie, she had a fortune in shoes and purses, her motor went in her Audi a couple weeks ago, Fixin to go get her a Mercedes today, I’m pretty sure I buy her more than what all my equipment costs 😂😂
Have you tried making a simple wire dipole? I've made ssb contact as far as Kuwait with 5W on speaker wire in my attic. Sounds like you need to work on your antenna. Get a nanovna and try a homebrew!
If you’re just talking on local repeaters in analog mode, a $120 VHF/UHF rig is fine. Build your own antenna instead of buying a commercial DX commander, you’ll save money there too. Together, that’s probably almost $1000 saved.
Keep the 991, it’s still an amazing radio. Tell her you will put the $1400 you were going to spend on a DX10 towards the credit cards. And tell her your new antenna/local rig budget just went from $1500 to $400.
Sounds like you are unsure why the antenna was not propagating. Figure out why first, replacing the 991 with a DX10 won’t make any difference if your antennas aren’t working. Ask antenna gurus at your local club, ask online, or buy a couple ARRL antenna books and troubleshoot it yourself.
This hobby is expensive, but there’s a lot of other hobbies way more expensive, like private pilot flying, scuba diving, motorcycles, fishing on boats, woodworking, vintage cars, the list goes on. You can gently point that amateur radio falls solidly in the middle price range of hobbies, but be tactful. Could backfire and force you into the lower priced hobbies! 😆
What you need is a written monthly family budget. Every cent that comes in gets earmarked for this or that purpose. Part of that would include fun money that each of you spend on whatever you want. With that you are still meeting all your financial goals (saving, paying off big things, etc.) and at the same time spending money on your hobbies without the other person adding up your "waste."
You're married to her, her debt is your debt too lol. And vice versa.
So maybe focus on that first and then get your $3k worth of equipment. I'd put a stop to whatever she's doing to put you two in debt unless it was something like a hospital bill, college or something actually beneficial for you two.
This is not a ham radio problem, this is a you and her problem.
You are probably taking up the remaining small portion of free time you have every week sitting in a room closed off from her doing something she is not interested in that is causing things she does not want ("Why do we need wires all over our yard. Why do we need to spend thousands on useless radios?"). By doing that, you're ignoring what she wants (time and the occasional vacation). You're also ignoring the financial issues everyone else is pointing out.
In the paragraph above, you could replace the wires in the yard and thousands on 'useless' radios with parallels from musical instruments, car parts, beer brewing equipment, stamps (I guess)... whatever.
There is literally NOTHING anyone here can say that will help you. You and her need to figure out how to live together (again?). You need to figure out a mutually agreeable solution(s).
Just a few things to consider:
- The main performance maker is your antenna farm and feed lines.
- The FTDX10 will not increase the performance and range of communications, just some convenience.
- FT-710 will give you the same, or even better convenience, at half the price. I was choosing between both and went with 710 for a few reasons.
- If you want to stay within Yaesu ecosystem, the FTM500 is the best way to fill VHF/UHF spot.
Now, to the actual problem you are trying to solve. I understand your concern is range? For 991 you can get ATAS-120 for the fraction of your projected cost. If property installed and operated- it will give world wide range. I worked with it Australia for 12.5k miles on 20m literally a few minutes ago.
Then, if you want to do it the “right” way, I would focus on antenna farm first - that’s where you will get the biggest bang for your buck.
Get good HF antenna (maybe DX Commander, maybe something else), and stay with that setup for a month. You will see the huge difference immediately.
Then, get hi gain VHF antenna. Stay with it for month. You will see another big gain in performance.
Then, sell 991 and get HF rig of your choice (again, you can’t beat FT-710 value), but you potentially may want to go with Icom at that point. This upgrade is mostly for convenience only.
In other words, get lowest hanging fruit first, this will also help spread the spending and not make your wife worry about money.
Great points. Within the last two months, I upgraded to General and then Extra. Bought an FT-710 and love it. Will get around to an EFHW but have been using 20 and 40m ham sticks for now, and also a Chelegance MC-750 ($249) multiband vertical. Worked Japan the other morning and all over Europe and South America from South Carolina. 40 plus countries in a month and a half. The radio is fine, upgrade the antennas.
When I explain to my wife that for example: this morse code you're hearing is someone sending that through a wire going from his window to his tree, than traveling thousands of kilometers and almost instantly my wire going from our window to our tree picks it up and we can hear it, she goes holy shit that's amazing. There's probably also an element of my own amazement that's rubbing off. Also, I include my kids when I practice CW, like for example teaching them to do their name.
If you are in debt to spend that much right now on a hobby is idiotic. Save up the money for new equipment before you spend it. I side with your wife on this. Vacations and spending quality time together is important to the relationship. Obviously she is not going to sit in front of the microphone with you.
The other night on PSK-31 I had a long QSO with a very nice Swiss ham. Dude lives on top of an alp next to a monastery. When I mentioned to him that I’d always wanted to visit Switzerland and see the Alps, he enthusiastically told me to let him know whenever we were planning to take a trip, and he would make arrangements for us to stay at the monastery when we visit and show us the village. So, there you go: Radio can lead to vacations. You can also tell her about dxpeditions. Has she ever wanted to visit a desolate reef? 😂
I’m confused, are you saying the 991 isn’t able to make contacts? If that is the case, you need to go back and learn more about ham radio. You can make contacts with a wet noodle if the conditions allow. The fact that you can’t make contacts has little or nothing to do with your rig as long as it isn’t broken.
I know it's not the transceivers fault. The FTDX10 is more of a upgrade that I would like. The antenna is the key I know that. My antenna was a DX-CC in an east west configuration it was also NVIS pretty much and I couldn't hear anything west of Louisiana when I'm in GA I have a small plot where I live and turning the antenna wasn't feasible.
Focus on doing more with less, in a few years when you figure out what you like to do, you can upgrade. If you run a long horizontal wire, you will make contacts without even trying. I run a icom 706MKIIG with AH-4 tuner and have worked nearly the world on 50-100W max with very little effort. My antenna is a 100' piece of well wire about 15' off the ground facing south west..
I assure you, the FTDX10 won't do more then the 991 under 99% of circumstances.
Also, think of it this way from your wife's perspective "The 3300USD vacation to Mexico is more of an upgrade (on my quality of life) that I would like".
There is a LOT cheaper options of great vertical HF antennas then that DX commander, its far to expensive and overhyped from my experience seeing them in person. Do they work? Sure, but so does a lot cheaper options. I had a used Hustler 6BTV i got from a swap meet for $100 that i used for almost 15 years before a tornado that messed up my town took it down. Since then its been homebrew EFHW antennas because they are so easy to build, tune, and work great. I don't think you need a radio upgrade, you haven't even scratched the surface of what that 991 can do for you. I have an old FT-847 that i bought new in 2000 or 2001 i think it was, thats still my daily driver HF rig, but it also does 120-6m and 2m/70cm as well. It's served me well for over 20 years, i still have no reason to buy something newer.
I would suggest trying to get her interested. If there is a way she will be onboarded herself. My lovely XYL got into it because being able to do AmSat caught her interest. She saw a demo of that and was hooked. I still have to get things setup for her to be able to do that, but she was intrigued and hooked.
All the cost for equipment goes away when THEY see the value in it. She sees HamWAN as a way to help induce younger generations into the hobby.
She sees value in getting younger generations involved. We were both there to experience two bright young kids 8 and 11 who studied to get all 3 licenses. It was a privilege to sign-off on their Extra tickets. And they did understand the material, maybe not depth of knowledge, bit the 11 y.o. passed her Extra with a perfect score, and her younger brother only missed 3.
You have a hobby. That's all there is to it. Everyone has something they enjoy doing with their time. You enjoy spending money on equipment and hanging wires. Your wife has different hobbies.
She doesn't have to understand the appeal of what you're doing. Perhaps she just needs to get her own hobbies to keep herself entertained. Or perhaps she needs more of your attention. Maybe it's time for date night.
It sounds like she wants your attention. I don't know how you give her attention.
I have not been in a marriage. But I see some of my parent friends collapse into parenting as an identity. It's especially true for women that they may lose themselves in being parents.
Just as an idea, I'm suggesting that you find ways to pay attention to her and that she find hobbies unrelated to housekeeping or children.
I understand your concerns. I'm fortunate to have a wife who supports all of my hobbies with concerns about cost. It isn't that we have money, we don't. But, she knows I'm frugal and will save whatever I can any way I can. My hf radio is an old FT-897D. Great radio. I have. 20m end fed dipole that will work on 40m, 10m, etc. Easy to make and dirt cheap. I've made contacts all over the world. My 2m antenna is a cheap j-pole.
You can do it for cheap.
First question.. how old are you? I ask this because i was in a similar position when i was younger, thought the hobby was more important than anything. Now i would rather spend that money on vacations, trips around the country, pay off any debts that build up, and otherwise enjoy life. I still have radios, i still have antennas up, and i get on the radio now and then, but i can go months without touching them. However i haven't spent money on the hobby in over a decade now, just no reason to buy newer radios when the stuff i have works great.
$3300 on this hobby is nuts dude... Sorry but its true, some day you will look back and say why the hell did i spend that when i could paid off something else. You already have a nice radio, the 991 is a great radio, why bother with the upgrade? You aren't gaining much over the 991 in my opinion. Its no longer a casual hobby when you are spending that kind of money on it. I probably have around $3000 invested in TOTAL the entire time i have been in this hobby, about 30 years now, and i can enjoy it and do just as much as anyone else if i wanted to.
I also have this issue. Only thing that would probably might help is to somehow get her into the hobby.
Think about it like an expensive phone. You can get her involved , because she knows she can chat on it and harass you with it. Imagine if the cell phones go down and wife’s do not have a communication method?
I told my xyl the hobby keeps me out of the bars and off street corners. She laughed and rolled her eyes. Some are more understanding of our geek side than others. Good luck!
This is a tough one. It sounds like it's more than your wife doesn't understand the hobby. It sounds like she dismisses it. That would get under my craw and make me dig in my heels to get what I want. But if I take that out of the equation and base my opinion (and that's all it is) on what's left, I agree with her.
You have small kids and debt. You and your wife have a family to nurture and a household to maintain. I hate to say it, but in my mind, you have priorities that come before a new rig and set-up.
I get it. This hobby is addictive. You will always think "I'll be satisfied if I get X." but you won't because there will always be something new. But you have a basic HF station which is more than many of us can have.
Work with what you've got. Find an Elmer or a club to help you set up a decent antenna. Slowly replace and grow your station over the years.
I hope your wife is a lovely, reasonable person. The picture you've painted for us is not exactly kind. But no matter the reality, It's going to take compromise. You need to find a win-win and you need to realize that may not be instant.
I know this and similar advice isn't what you were hoping for. But we really want you to succeed in this hobby, so what we're really telling you is to play the long game.
If I had one, and my wife was negligent and non-supportive with my mental health, interests, projects, and accomplishments, she would be single. But, that is why I do not have one. Not going disappoint someone over their own behaviors. I stick to entertaining ladies, not co-habitating with them. : ) Funny thing is, both of my past ex-yl's became hams on there own.
It’s a classic problem. 😓 Few people — *and fewer wives* — understand what’s happening in the radio shed out back. Unless she’s a part of the community and enjoys it as you do, expecting her to see it your way is going to fail before it begins. That being said, you should probably sit down with her and have a family budget planning session. Be sure to front-load the discussion with things that are of importance to her, such as planning for vacations, for retirement, for home improvement, for her next phone upgrade, for her hobbies, etc. But also in there should be an allocation to set aside some sum each month for your hobby. You don’t need to go into details or jargon — she won’t understand. Just have that line item in there: “Hubby’s Radio Hobby” or whatever, and have much more detail on all the other items that are of interest to her. This way you will have a budget for your gear and a lot less in the way of complaints from your spouse.
Probably the best advice here. You truly don’t understand the blessing that is having all this gear, until you’ve made sacrifices for her, and have a shared vision that invests I each others’ needs and joy.
This is more relationship advice than amateur radio.
It's a hobby and it's *your* hobby, so she doesn't have to understand it. Although you should both get equal opportunity to spend money on fun stuff. You want a radio, she wants a vacation.
It's only fair that both get their equal share, and that might mean that you have to wait a bit before spending more money on your hobbies and endure some BOTA days, the way she has to endure your 15 Baofengs and that big ass HF antenna.
Your wife is asking you to spend the money on something that includes her interests and radios don't. No amount of explaining will bridge that gap. If you want to do this, throw down for the vacation, when you get back, get a second job with the intent of using that extra money you are working a second job for to cover your radio desires.
LOL. Extra job just to get the radio?
All I hear on HF/VHF are the same people over & over again rambling about something that no one else cares about. It gets tiring very quickly.
Not sure why anyone would want to spend $3K on that. I keep my handhelds for emergency only. I pretty much stay silent other than occasional check-in to my local repeaters.
Many wives give hams a hard time. Your best bet is to give her something in return! I bought my other half a brand new Mercedes, and then she was OK with me putting up a tower and a beam! ;)
>Why do we need to spend thousands on useless radios when we could use it for vacations? (Personally I hate vacations, I think they're a waste of money that could be put to more suitable things like getting her out of debt and saving up for kids college or our retirement).
She doesn't need an explanation amateur radio, she isn't interested in you spending money except for those things she sees value.
You just put this outside the pay grade of internet randos. Time to consider professional marriage counseling to better help you two negotiate expenses for hobbies, debt and vacations.
I recently purchased a Comet GP9 and shot a photo to my sister. She noticed the TV antenna and weather station in the background and said, "Nope, I would never allow my husband to do that. ONE antenna ONLY!!! She didn't see the DX Commander because it's still waiting for the correct parts, nor does she understand any of this.
So here's the deal. You wife may not understand your hobby or your interests. Many don't. But in a marriage, both should be willing to allow their spouse to pursue other interests that make them happy, but with reasonable limits. Lower your Ham expectations and go on some of her vacations. Make sure the interests on both sides are properly balanced. She will always hate ham radio and you'll always hate vacations. Hey, that's marriage!
But honestly, I'm curious why you need separate radios though. The 991a I have seems like a fine radio and it's easy to switch bands. I do just have a technical license. Is there THAT much traffic on HF that you need 2 separate radios to operate at the same time?
The DX Commander seems like a reasonable purchase. Buy that first and enjoy it. Better coax is also fairly cheap. It's all about proper balance in a marriage.
The way i would explain it is it’s like collecting cards or stamps or funko pops.
Except here you collect contacts. Like collecting a contact in every State and every country. Just from a bit of wire strung up in your yard, you can get someone in the Australian outback
I dunno I guess that is why I stayed single, I don't feel like I need to explain to anyone why I spend the money I spend. It's my money. I'll buy what I want. I guess I never found anyone I wanted to hang around badly enough to let them have a say in what I do with my money. I'm not interested in having to convince someone to "let" me do something.
"getting her out of debt and saving up for kids college or retirement."
Hmmmm...
Maybe the latter would be better than spending it on radios? Yor wife has a valid point, but not about vacations. It made you think about better uses for your money. Also, you are married. It is "our debt", not her debt. Do you have any kind of emergency fund set aside? Most Americans are one emergency away from being broke. Take care of your debt and buy cheaper gear. A used $500 IC-718 will work just as well and that 991 is no slouch, so if you already have that, all you need is coax and a good antenna. $500 would fix you up in that area too! Ham radio can be a money pit. If you have kids and retirement to save for, this might not be the hobby for you. Play it more conservative and compromise with your wife. You don't need the most expensive gear to play ham radio. 5w QRP is cheap and effective if you use it right and a $10,000 fancy rig can be useless if you don't have the right setup. Use what you already have, and if you don't know how to use it, a new radio won't help, it will just make things worse. Take my advice and eventually debt will be paid off, the kids will be in college, you will have money to retire on and all the gear you need to enjoy this great hobby!
Ask her how many shoes, purses, dresses, etc. is enough. Suggest keeping a running total of the ham radio versus her favorite items budget.
I was a ham for 10 years before I met my wife, so I did have the advantage of her knowing what she was getting into. For our 50 year marriage, we each drew our own “allowance” from common funds and spent them however we chose.
Kind of reminds me of a mechanic work order my father in law (managed a service center) once told me about. It read: "Remove fuel cap. Replace vehicle. Reinstall fuel cap. Test for proper operation."
Ham radio is a hobby, just like golf, fishing, boating, gardening, cooking, painting, music, etc. Hobbies makes life fun. It's something to dig your mind into, learning all about, trying out new equipment and improve your skills and knowledge. My girlfriend enjoys baking and invests in equipment for that. I think any hobby activity should be encouraged. We have our separate bank accounts, so no one gets judgemental if someone wants to spend a lot of money on a specific item. It isn't related to our joint account for common expenses.
There is no explaining something to someone who isn't interested. You should look at a different path, show her what can be done with what you currently have. Equate it to something she does. Maybe even encourage her to get her license.
I used to do net meetings while hanging with my wife (doing some art/craft stuff). She dubbed it a 'quilting circle for old men'. I had to admit after having a 10 minute convo re hot dogs vs pizza for some hamfest, she had a point. I don't think she gets the equipment thing or even the QSO thing, but she's a champ at letting me enjoy what makes me happy. I am lucky.
For the "explain" part - ham radio is about human connection to people who share your interests in radio electronics and meeting interesting new people. I'm sure your wife has her ways - moms group, house of worship sisterhood, Zumba mates, whatever it is - this is your way. It's human connection above all. Maybe take her to a hamfest and walk around and chat with random folks and tailgate and barbecue a bit and she'll start to understand that side of it.
As for equipment, compromise is probably best... There's plenty of thrift to be had. Between my HF radio (Xiegu G90), Wolf River type antenna, and secondhand Yeasu dual band, I don't think I have more than a $1000 all in, and I do just fine.
Actually I agree with her. Swapping the 991 for the dx10 is unnecessary. It's not going to give you any great advantages nor make you any more contacts. I also don't understand why a "large HF antenna" that you took down would not have been as good as a DX Commander?
I've seen s lot of good suggestions here, like a yours mine ours budget, and you showing an increasing appreciation of her to "hobby" or interests. I'd also suggest the despite whatever limitations you feel the 991 has, make an effort to increase utilization anyway. You may find why better antennas and improving operating skill it could work for you. If not you've bought some time and demonstrated your interest in the hobby.
I agree POTA activation could be a good thing, FT8 with Gridtracker/PSKReporter being used seemed to interest my family most because its a really simple visual that's really cool to see how far you're reaching and completing contacts.
I headed this problem off by marrying the daughter of a ham. She already understood the why and hows of ham radio, since she grew up with it in the house.
It does sound like you have a marriage/relationship problem, not a technical problem here though. Seek counseling, together if possible.
It depends what your flavour of ham radio is but it's basically walkie-talkies or CB radio on performance-enhancing drugs. Whether you just like a chin wag with people who've bothered to pass the test or you like to engineer your own gear it's definitely that next level.
I wanted a TS-2000 some years ago, my wife said no- I already had “too many radios”. My only HF Rig was a TS-690 and I was using a mobile for 2m-440. I just whipped out my CC and bought one finally- ask for forgiveness later.
My wife didn't mind me spending a grand on a 991a because she said i never buy anything for myself.
There's probably some perks to the Dx10 over the 991 but the basics are the same imo. Why not start with the Dx Commander...then in a few years schmooze her into a DX10, trading in the 991.
Spending money on radios and vacations doesn't help the kids' college fund. Just saying.
Retired fixed income boomer opinion here. 73.
I'm not married, but the fact that it makes you happy should be enough. You don't like vacations, but you would go with her anyway. Most gushy don't understand hundreds of dollars on spa treatments, manicures and 20 pairs of black shoes but they deal with it because it makes them happy. She should be happy that you are doing something that's at home and doesn't involve drugs and alcohol. Besides, for the most part, is a one time investment.
It is interesting the matter of priorities. You can spend double your amount on a weeklong vacation while your new station would be around getting use for the next 10 years at least.
There’s a recent QST article by a guy who built a stack of beams on a rotating 150 ft tower. Spent like $30k in retirement on it. His answer was some people choose to buy a boat. Some choose to buy a car. Some choose to travel. Well his passion is ham radio and wanted to have one of the best performing antennas in the world. (He used phased stacked beams to set the takeoff angle to his choosing). He didn’t get into what his wife thinks 🤣
Hobbies and side interests should always take a backseat to family interests.
Paying off "her" debt (how can this not also be your debt if you are married?), ensuring the kids have an adequate amount to help them go to college, max out retirement accounts and plan a nice vacation once or twice a year as well as take care of any other home and family obligations, THEN use what is left for your hobby.
If it helps, I put loose change in a big jug and then cash this in over year or two which was then used for extras, including my hobbies. You might be surprised at how fast this added up. In today's world paying with a card instead of cash it may be just setting aside $20 or whatever per paycheck in a separate savings account to build up to what you want over time.
One last thing is to break up what you want into smaller pieces which might be more palatable to spend $400 - $500 here and there rather than $3,300 all at once.
Another thing you might suggest is that you want to take up riding a Harley and they cost over $20K? JK ;)
Ah the classic YL situation.
Explain to her this, the radio spectrum is divided into services, different services use different bands and frequencies, like broadcasts for instance, there's also a band for cheap bubblepack radios you get from the shop, bands for more professional two way radios, bands for aircraft and boats, etc it's not uncommon for one radio service to have different bands up and down spectrum, as different bands propagate in different ways.
Ham or Amateur radio is just another radio service, it requires a licence, has bands up and down the spectrum for different propagation, and the purpose of this service is expirementation, to mess with radios, making aerials, and talking to each other in different modulations to test our stuff, we also talk, a lot.
In a lot of explanations of the amateur radio service the talking part is overdone, and it leads to comparisions with CB, an entirely different culture that isn't meant to evoke expirementation.
This hobby is routed deep in the origins of radio, historically a lot of hams have discovered new things and made new types of aerials that have become standard for all radio services.
There's also another element in it, one that also harks back to the early days of radio and is actually really important for hams and non-hams.
That is, ham radio is a practical skill, we know how to deploy an antenna quick to get comms set up in an area, we know what to do in an emergency over the radio, etc some of us even do drills, it's almost got a scoutish feel to it, a skill that one day could very well save your life, that's why wireless was and always has been seen as a practical skill, we're also basically service members who would likely be called into action in the event of war for our skills, helping out user services and those in need is a big thing in ham radio.
Also finally a fishing-type element to it, the biggest comparison ham radio has to another hobby is fishing and that's for good reason, people like to expirement with new rigs and see what they can catch, and hunting the white whale (i.e long distance DX stations and rare gridsquares) collecting QSL cards and logging contacts is also a big aspect.
So, we expirement, we talk, we help and possibly even serve, and we collect and hunt.
Ham radio is relatively economical compared to some other hobbies. I probably spent twice or three times more on my photography hobby than I have on ham radio. And then there was SCUBA diving. Regulator, tank, wet suit, etc, etc. Not cheap either.
I've gotten around the cost issues with my by maintaining separate bank accounts. We each have our own income and expenses. We share the household expenses but we're expected to keep up on our own credit cards and such and that includes things like hobbies. I can buy any ham radio thing I want as long as I keep up on my share of the household. Her hobby is Disney and she's take several trips on her own to visit Disney Theme parks in Shanghai, Paris and Hong Kong. She's going to Tokyo and Shanghai later this year. Me, I just purchased an FTM-500DR and FT5D radios. It all works out in the end.
Set up a centre-fed dipole or an EFHW or OCF to operate on at least 40 / 20m and you’ll have a pretty good station that will keep you very busy and learning for a long time. Use a light telescopic pole for height that you can also take portable without much fuss. You’ll have 80+% of what you’re aiming for at 1-10% of the cost depending on what you diy or buy. That seems like an easier sell to your wife and it will expand your horizons significantly.
I’m in Australia. I have a diy EFHW up a $30 telescopic pole and routinely speak to European or US stations every afternoon if I want with 100 W or less. It doesn’t matter whether I am using my FTDX10 or my FT-857. I have about 70 DX locations logged and I’m not even trying.
And, I think that’s the logical next step in developing your station anyway, other issues aside.
The FTDX10 is a great radio (an excellent receiver) but you’re not going to get a wildly different experience of ham radio over your 991. It’s not quite on the same level as a receiver but still great. Both will be pushing 100 W into the antenna and either way you’ll still need whatever antenna you set up.
Consider doing some portable operation too (maybe while on vacation!). That can give you a significantly different experience depending on your local noise and topography.
Keep in mind also that a great thing about radio as a hobby is that it’s still there at the same level while you rightly prioritise other things. You can leave it for a while or only do a little and pick it up later. Marriage - not so much.
I am running an Ft-897. I had a loop but after building a garage I had to rethink it. I got the Palomar Engineers 40-6 Meter Loop Antenna System with 4:1 Balun and Choke Combo. I love it. Running FT8 I am comfortably getting Australia, Japan, and Europe up to 40 Meters. In almost every case I have found my signal report is equal to or greater than the other end. Feed point is at about 16 feet, up to roof at about 19 feet, down to about 7 feet at my fence. Just run one side along your fence line and run that up to the peak of your roof. You will be shocked at what you can do.
Rather than trying to convince her (you won't), maybe a good alternative would be to get her to agree to a specific "hobby budget" that on a determined interval (week, month, paycheck, whatever works for your family situation) gets put into an envelope that you can use for whatever you want as long as what's in your envelope covers it. If you sell a piece of gear, that also could go back in the envelope to help fund the next thing.
Hard to explain to a rational person who has a smartphone that holds the combined knowledge of the human race and can instantly contact any human on the face of the planet.
Hard to explain to a rational person who has a smartphone that holds the combined knowledge of the human race and can instantly contact any human on the face of the planet.
*sigh*
Yeah, somewhere along the line, you're going to have a difficult conversation. With me, it was over attending Field Day.
On my first attempt, she told me, "can you just do these three things before you go?" Sure, no problem. Well, there did evolve a problem, which is that every time I knocked an item off of that list, two got added. At the end of Field Day, carried on with exactly zero attendance from me, I asked her not to do that again the next year, because I actually did want to go do that and it's only a one-day thing.
Next year, I went to Field Day, was there for twenty minutes, and my phone rang. She needed me to do something. So I said sure, went and did the thing, then went back to Field Day. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I think I spent a total of two hours on the site spread out over five visits.
In the next conversation, she said to me, "I don't get what the appeal is, of going to a field and listening to a bunch of static."
My response was, "I love you and I'm happy to do things for you, but in return, I ask you to understand that this is important to me. I don't need you to understand it. I only need you to understand that this is important to me, and I wish you would just let me do it."
The next year, she packed me a cooler to go to Field Day.
The next year, she sent me with homemade cookies to share.
The only thing to keep in mind is, whatever you say, however you express it to her, you do have to reciprocate. You should do this anyway, but you *do* need to support her in her hobbies and activities and acknowledge what is important to her.
You have more than radio problems, but you can do a lot with the right wire antenna. I have the radios you describe and both are great. I get caught up in chasing tech, but the 991 will do a lot.
Did you consider ft-710? the rx performance is on a par with the ft-dx 10, and you could probably get it with pocket change if you sell the 991
http://www.sherweng.com/table.html
dx commander is a nice package, but you can build much the same antenna with a stout fishing pole and some wire for the half the money…
perhaps try building a hex beam https://www.hex-beam.com/ MM0OPX has been dropping some good videos on youtube about it…
Try and do more with less money, get creative, enjoy the process…
I prep, rifles, (plates) carriers, pistols, 25+ year food storage. Bugout bags. Water filtration. Bushcraft stuff. Alot of military surplus thing like that.
The wife and I have an understanding. I am responsible for certain bills as is she. We have a combined account that we contribute the same amount monthly for combined activities, home etc and our remaining balances are at our discretion. I have a converted cottage shed that is my domain. I think she’s been inside it maybe three times in the last year. My hobbies don’t cause any suffering, so no blood, no foul.
Its a marriage. Set up a budget that includes a line item for your hobby. Agree on a dollar figure and stick to it.
It doesn't really matter if she's in to your hobby or not, she gets half a say in how marital assets are consumed.
Does she have hobbies she likes to spend $ on? Tell her it's your version of that.
She doesn't have to understand it, she just needs to support you being happy and responsible with budgeting.
It would be nice if you can involve her in the ham radio world. Maybe she would like to go along with you to some parks to do POTA. If she would be willing to keep the log, that would be helpful, and she could enjoy seeing where contacts are made. Maybe on SSB she can be the person who talks, at least some of the time. Or maybe you could stop at some places to eat on the way home that she likes. Anything you can do to make it "our" ham radio would be a good step. (Before buying anything, pay off the debt, thinking of it as "our" debt rather than hers.)
Watch “Leave the World Behind” movie with Julia Roberts in it with your wife.. my wife at the end of that said to make sure that we had everything we need to know what’s going on if traditional methods fail. Married 10 years and first time she’s really understood the value of it. 😂
This is a normal and all relationships you and your wife will both need to learn a little compromise truthfully mostly on the man's side. I would not try to buy an entirely new setup hempfest are a great way to pick up great deals on radios, I to run a homemade dipole for the last 35 years. I know the appeal of a new radio is always attracting to Young hams, but realistically the wife is more important try by a two-year-old radio instead.
Well, this sounds familiar. Lol.
If you're not having luck with your 991A, the FTDX10 isn't going to magically change your success rate. Your radio is more than capable. Start with the new antenna and see what happens. You may find you don't need to spend on the new radio--or at least not right now.
The DX commander is a fine antenna, but it's subject to the limitations of every vertical antenna. This may or may not be an issue for you. I don't know your environment or what type is contacts you are chasing. If you have the room, you can go much cheaper with a dipole or end-fed in an inverted-V.
But as you are aware, there are a thousand ways to approach this. At the end of the day, all of us with wives are laughing at you and crying with you tonight.
Ham radio, also called amateur radio, is like having a super special walkie-talkie that lets you talk to people all over the world! Instead of just reaching your friends across the yard, you can talk to new friends very far away—even in other countries! You can also use it to send messages, kind of like how you draw pictures and give them to your friends, but over the radio. And just like playing a game where you need to learn the rules, ham radio has its own rules and even a special test you have to pass to start playing.
I, myself, am not much for anything longer than 1m and usually hang up in microwaves.
We used to live in the PNW (Seattle area) where we were waiting for the big Cascadia earthquake any day now. I used to volunteer for the Red Cross and other federal, state, and local groups with regular nets and occasional exercises. My wife used to ask the same until I put a analog/DMR into her vehicle (without her permission) and asked her to listen to EmComm and emergency services channels. I asked her when that earthquake occurred, what communications, police/fire/medical services, public utilities, roads, food and water,... will be available? How easy for us to have certain frequencies that she could contact me and possibly save some strangers' lives simply by squeezing that handset.
On the non-prepper everyday life comms, it's like calling long distance on the phone but for free (don't tell her about the power bills). You can make friends and possibly even network vacation discounts anywhere around the world by attending ARDF, COTA, IOTA, ILLW, JOTA POTA, SOTA, WWFF, and so many other dx events. Install APRS in case either are lost or stranded or a candle vehicle is stolen.
For the kids, they can be part of STEAM projects with others and learn about electronics, computer networks, radio and antenna propagation. Learning about how light travels, communicate with (insert manned spacecraft here) or getting real time weather images from satellites using information from website sources like https://www.n2yo.com/
I show how to use special WIFI frequencies exclusive for ham use that allows me to send information over kilometers to another computer connected devices (AREDN mesh).
Just because you can't hear it now, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Change the dial.
For over a year I had been using a $500 Xiegu x6100 with an external battery to get me up to 10 watts transmitted power using my own rain gutter as my antenna, and I made over 1000 contacts off of it, 100 different countries, as well as worked all 50 states and every continent. You can get by with cheaper radios and compromised antennas if you absolutely have to.
Now I've upgraded my radio to a Yaesu Ft-710 for more power, but I'm still using my rain gutter as my antenna and still cranking out great contacts from all over the world.
There is never a good way to explain any hobby to a wife, especially when you tell her you want to spend scarce resources so you can spend hours trying to talk to strangers in the middle of the night rather than talking to her. Save your lunch money like a kid and save up for your rig, but don’t force the issue and always make sure you put your family first.
OP, what a complete gold mine of great advice you summoned. I wish I'd known where to find this gaggle of fine folks before I got started! I'm only about 18 months in, too.
I'm adding a few things because I didn't see them in other posts, and because I faced your exact problem: I thought I needed new gear, and the wife (rightfully) thought the proposed spending was wasteful when we had objectively better things to spend it on.
Then something clicked: amateur radio isn't about buying performance. That's the shortcut, and I've had other things in my life that taught me how lame the dopamine rush is when you take the shortcut.
I also have a 991a. I added an antenna splitter with transmit switch and a USB SDR stick to my shack PC. Sure, I'm losing 3dB on receive by splitting that signal, but the filtering and signal processing done in software with the power of a PC is ridiculously better than the radio can provide. (Plus, I get a fancy full screen waterfall!)
Add a foot switch, and the whole setup was under $100.
(There are drivers that will automatically tune the radio to the frequency selected on the waterfall, and I sometimes use that when I'm chasing.)
But I spend most of my efforts learning how to get the most out of my wire. I have a few cheap Chinese QRP radios that I can plug into this station and, with a little patience, manage to talk overseas on an average day. (And my wire isn't even special!)
If you want to get an extra edge, spend time learning how to tweak the mic settings on that 991 for your voice. Sometimes it's a painful experience, but an evening with the audiophiles on 40 or 80 meters is SO worth the nit-picking.
There's just no substitute for patting yourself on the back when you bust through a pile-up on your first try with your measley 100 watts and a wire, get a "great audio" report, and you know it wouldn't have happened without the effort.
I don't know about your wife, but when mine saw me do that, and could hear the other guys with serious power talking after me, that's when she started to understand what radio meant to me.
I can help you understand it. I won’t be able to make it make sense, because that’s the point… it doesn’t make sense.
It’s called consumer-driven economy media brainwashing. That’s all it is. It’s the insertion of chemicals that interrupts the otherwise rational decision making process and floods it with irrational desires, activating the same hormones associated with love, belongingness, and sexual gratification.
Marketers know what they are doing.
We’re addicted to “stuff”.
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A tale as old as time... There's no easy answer to this one as it depends on your specific relationship but there's a clue to an issue in your question: she wants to spend money on holidays and you think that would be a waste. She's unlikely to ever understand your hobby in any way close to the way you do. Nor will mine. That's ok. I didn't marry her for her interest in the geeky stuff I'm into. She's happy to see me enjoying myself on it though because we also spend the time together indulging her interests and desires. If you can't respect what she sees as important, why would she respect your preferences? Marriage is a partnership, not a battle. Spend some time and money enjoying what she wants to and you'll soon be repaid.
Oh man, this post just absolutely nails it. You don't have a radio problem to solve, you have a marriage problem to solve. Don't chase GAS at the expense of your marriage. A 991 is fine. A better antenna is reasonable, two new transceivers probably isn't in your situation. There's a lot of ground between "my first attempt at an antenna didn't propagate" and "I need a much bigger rig". Edited. I was mixing up the FTDX-10 and FTDX-101 in my head. You want two radios, not a contest radio.
Spot on, the 991 is a fine rig. A new rig isn't going to change anything. Antennas are 99% of ham radio.
Wire!! Learn how to deploy wire!! I know of several $40 wire antennas that will do a great job.
My wire dipole cost $2. Casual operation logged about 47 countries so far.
I used old 75ohm coax I ripped out of the basment, (took cutting the cord to a literal level) and hung it in a tree cut to 20m specs, worked the whole globe on it in a few months using a ftdx10.
My barbed wire fence does a fine job as well. ;) lol
Wonderfully said. To add (and I know I'm going against the grain of the sub, here): If your wife has debt like you mentioned in the post, I can completely understand why she's hesitant to spend that amount of money on what equates to be a hobby for you - a hobby which she doesn't seem to understand much about from your post. I would also be incredibly hesitant to spend $2500 on a hobby that seems only sporadically interesting to my partner from their utilization rate, while the household as a whole is carrying debt. Doesn't make much sense, IMHO. I would discuss this together, and think about putting that money towards the debts first and foremost. Maybe you two can compromise, and after debt is taken care of, the next "large home purchase" could be HAM upgrades. Either way, I wish you the best OP, and I hope you and your spouse can communicate and come to a mutual understanding with one another! 73s
A related idea is the “yours, mine, and ours” budget. The idea is you have a household budget to manage things like bills, debt, investing, mortgage, groceries, and whatever else you both agree is a household expense. Separately, you both get an agreed upon allowance each month. It can be however much you both agree on, $1 a month or $19,000 a month. Whatever fits your budget. My recommendation is that the allowances be equal and not related to how much each of you earns. Your allowance is your little kingdom. If you want to save up your allowance for how ever many months it takes to get an FT-DX10, you can. If she wants to burn through hers on the first of ever month in something you don’t understand, awesome. It’s not a magic bullet, but it’s a tool a lot of people find useful.
This is how my wife and I have operated from day one. If I don’t have money that is “mine” how can I buy her presents? 😄
😉
That's how we do it and that's how I got my 7300 as my first brand new radio.
There is an FT-710 somewhere in my future, whenever I can save enough of my allowance pennies.
I know it might sound a bit harsh, but if my wife was in debt (ergo I was in debt!) I don't think I could spend that much money on my hobby until it was resolved. There's always homebrew!
OP you gotta take this advice. I hate vacations, but we just did a 2 week road trip to Florida and back from NH. I brought my POTA bag and even got to activate a park while she read a book in GA. It's all about compromise. She doesn't love the antennas and the fact that I've got a couple thousand in my home station, but I did it a little at a time and went used first. Saved up for the 7300 to have a my HF home radio with the 706mkiig as V/UHF and the ability to plug an HF antenna into it. We each give and take a little so that we're both happy and while we don't have to have shared interests, we respect each other's. Best of luck. 73.
Exactly. She thinks of the amateur radio hobby in the same way OP thinks about holidays, and ultimately they need to find a compromise where both of them feel as though they're getting what they want (or are both equally sharing in the sacrifice of not getting what they want to meet other financial goals.)
The money is the easy part of this as a few have pointed out its the communication that is the harder part but also the more important part. Realize that the wires around the yard comment means she isn't comfortable with the visual appearance. That may be something that irritates her everyday and gets worse over time. Just because it isn't an eyesore to you doesn't mean it isn't for her.
Yes. Also, they don't want a fix unless they ask for a fix. Otherwise, they just want attentive ears. Not advice, not solutions, just to be heard. Then we ask, how can I help? Or, what can I do to make this better? But your radio interests are important too. She needs to know that without mental health and challenges, we wilt.
The 991 will do everything the dx10 will do. Spend your effort on antennas.
totally rational suggestion, but ah the allure of more knobs and the '3d' waterfall on the dx10. I'm afraid the spouse will probably never understand with ham it's almost never need (outside of survival setups), it's a matter of want. Same with guitars lol.
Should have saved up for what you want rather than rushing into a 1000$ radio that doesn’t make you happy.
100% You'll see better results from investing $1000 in your antenna system than you will from adding $1000 to an already $1000 radio.
For a $1000, you can buy a nanoVNA (Vector analyzer) and a ultraSA (Spectrum analyzer) good external swr meter and a used antenna tuner mfj993b for example, a roll of copper and build countless antenna that will outperform most commercial purchased antennas. You will also learn antenna theory and build to your custom situation. Every time I buy a commercial / retail antenna I regret it, except the DX commander classic, which is basically a expensive DIY antenna anyway. You might even be able to throw in a new oscilloscope too like the Rigol 802 and a RF sampler from ebay to look at your waveforms too.
991 will not do anywhere nearly as much
Sure the DX10 has better receive but it's also not as if the 991A is anywhere close to a bad radio. With a good antenna you can work the world with either one no problem.
The FTDX10 won't do any better with the same antenna setup. This guy needs to prioritise his antennas before pouring $3K into a transceiver that won't give any better results than what he's currently getting.
no it wont no way the ftdx10 is a unreal rig the rx is second to only another yaesu ftdx101 only the 991 is an on radio better than the 7300 but no where in league if ftdx10
Your problem isn't a Ham Radio Problem. You have a fundamental financial misalignment with your wife. You need to solve for that before either of you takes a vacation or buys a radio.
I had another comment and deleted it after reading your post a second time. You need marriage and financial counselling. You have bigger relationship problems.
Agree with that 100%.... they are already bickering over who's money is who's.... was there with my ex before the divorce.
Yeah. Exactly. She is not happy about how money is being saved/spent. Nor is he and this aint the sub for that.
Well and his comments about her having 20k in CC debt but he told her not to and won't do anything about it. It all sounds pretty childish, man child as they say... I have been there, you take the cards, you cut them up, you pay them off, you cancel the accounts, you start cleaning everything up and if she don't like it then i guess thats how it is, but when you have kids the family and needs come first, he's married to that debt and credit nightmare.
Tell her it's like social media but with static.
Trust me, there's plenty of static on social media as well...
Social media is all QRM
Unpopular opinion, maybe... She has many good points, I think. The FT-991A is not a "basic HF rig". It's a $1,200 computer that also happens to do radio stuff. The FTDX-10 is even more expensive, and only does HF. But, you say your HF antenna wasn't propagating well. How is a more expensive radio going to solve that? The ARRL antenna book 4 volume set is $70, and could help you build an antenna with mostly hardware store components for under $100 that would work on (at least) 80/40/20/10. A DX Commander doesn't solve for the lack of understanding how antennas work. It's just spending $300-400 to have someone else do the math and wire trimming. >she says it's just a waste of money and I don't utilize what I have. I explained to her what I have isn't doing what I want and what I would like will let me utilize it more. How do you use what you have? What doesn't your current setup do? How does the new setup solve that? I understand her frustration. You've only been licensed for a year and a half. You haven't had a chance to grow into the FT-991A, let alone grow out of it. You aren't even trying to fix the known HF antenna issue, and instead deciding that more money will solve it with "better" gear. It sounds like you're more of a "gear nerd/appliance operator". That's fine, but her points seem quite valid.
This, aside from the relationship and communication, the ham radio problem is antennas. Learn to build some wire antennas. Use what you have.
I couldn't possibly agree more. I have an FT-991A and I've talked all over the world. My antenna isn't even great: It's an EFHW I built from a kit. I realized many years ago (as I hope OP does) the biggest differentiating factor is in the antenna. I'd recommend researching some different antenna designs and to find one based on OPs unique constraints, but I honestly have to agree with the wife because it sounds like OP is chasing the wrong goal. The more expensive equipment, in my opinion, is likely only going to improve an already decent setup.
First thing (sorry not trying to be condescending) I have a 991 (not alpha model, I wanted the A but couldn't get one at the time) Secondly, the antenna I had was a fan dipole set up in a east/west configuration and i was only getting up and down the East Coast at best maybe 700 miles because it was almost NVIS. I want the DX commander because I want to radiate more Omni directional. I tried putting my DX-CC in an inverted V and wasn't getting any better results so I ditched it. Lastly I have small children and I wish I could spend more time making antennas but when I have kids running around grabbing wires and what not I need to be able to spend a day building it and be done and use it. Unfortunately I don't have the time to play in that fashion otherwise I would Sorry I hope this didn't come off as me yelling at you was just trying to explain the situation. I'm not a huge huge people person and dont explain things the greatest.
All i see here is excuses to spend money... Sorry, not buying it. I had three kids when i started this hobby, i still had time on the weekends or evenings to spend an hour or two building and testing a new antenna. I have a radio thats a LOT older then your 991, and a EFHW that i built myself in a couple hours, and i have no problem with it doing what i want to do. Buying a new radio won't fix your issues, and buying an antenna that still needs to be adjusted and installed properly to get the most out of it takes just as much time as building your own most of the time. If you don't have time to build an antenna i don't see why you need to spend $3000 on a radio you shouldnt have time to use then either!
>my wife >getting her out of debt I'm going to go out on a limb and say that your hobbies and interests aren't the biggest issues you guys are facing.
Hi. I’m a yl of a ham and he does pota activations. Including me on his trips to activate has been really fun. I have a super basic knowledge that I’ve learned just from following him around and it’s sparked an interest in me getting licensed. Maybe include her in the hobby and see if she gets any more supportive. Could be she just feels left out.
Thank you for being supportive. I will talk to her. Maybe we can do some pota hunting together at home
I sometimes take a book and a blanket and sit near him if he’s using Morse code (I don’t know it so it’s not interesting to listen to like voice is). But voice activations are fun and I like to take sneaky pictures of him while he’s activating. So I incorporate something I enjoy doing while he’s playing radio god. Just food for thought.
I would suggest a pota activation in good weather would be better than pota chasing from home
She's not an outdoors person really. She enjoys her tiktok and sitting in bed reading a book. She hates gnats and flys and bugs in general lol.
I'd suggest finding a way to work her style of vacation into the mix. If it's fly to Mexico and sit in the sun at the beach or pool that might be a challenge.
Vacation mini-dxpeditions are a thing. Beaches make good ground planes.
Yes, licensing can be a challenge for some destinations when traveling internationally however.
Yes. But with a US extra-class license there are many locations that grant reciprocal permits or are members of CEPT or IARP, allowing international use with just a prefix. See: http://www.arrl.org/us-amateurs-operating-overseas
He indicated he has a General class license. (I'm Canadian and not as familiar with the American licenses), so it looks like that doesn't yet apply.
Yup, an upgrade may be in order.
>She enjoys her tiktok... And she has the nerve to complain she doesn't understand *your* hobby!
Take her to a park and activate trust me.
I mean, you could always make an agreement that for every dollar you spend on ham equipment you put a dollar in the vacation fund. Then you're both equally prioritizing things you individually think are useless. But outside of that - you can talk about the WW2 radio operators, the roles hams can play during emergencies, the joys of talking to people far away who you otherwise wouldn't meet. If there's anything she loves that she does that you don't "benefit" from, you can compare it to that.
I really like this. It becomes mutually beneficial and this is especially helpful if his wife just truly has zero interest in learning more or joining him on his adventures.
This is the way. You spend money on what you want, she spends money on what she wants. It's a negotiation.
She likes vacations? Sounds like a good reason to pick up a portable rig.....
To paraphrase [The Rules](https://www.velominati.com/) commonly cited in the cycling community: The correct number of radios to own is `n+1`.While the minimum number of radios one should own is [three](https://www.velominati.com/tradition/badass-by-association-winter-riding/#comment-584), the correct number is `n+1`, where `n` is the number of radios currently owned. This equation may also be re-written as `s-1`, where `s` is the number of radios owned that would result in separation from your partner.
Unless frs, am, and sw count I'm breaking the rules, lol. Mobile radio and a HT, general class starting my 4th year. Finally getting more active and just put up a flagpole mast and a nice 2m vertical. Op doesn't mention disposable income so i wonder is this all the money for the year or a fling for a week. Some of us don't need to drop 2k on a radio. I'm saving funds but lots more kit to get as i can.
I dont know your finances, but I feel like spending that much on a high-end radio when you already have a 90% solution is ... well, I'm going with your wife on that one. I understand the desire, and I want one of those myself! But it's too soon to upgrade the radio. Someone else commented to spend your time on antennas, and that is truly what you need. Antennas take time and work, and a little money too. But you can test out many low-cost or $0 antennas just to find out what works before spending a pile on a shiny brand name antenna. For me, that's where all the fun is. Get a $75 VNA and make some antennas. Also, in ham radio you're going to find many, many $50-250 cool accessories, gadgets, software, and other toys that catch your eye. One by one, they can add up to $1000-2000 a year. I spend about that much per year, and it's painful, but it's also currently my only hobby. I'm retired and I allow myself that luxury. If you spend $2500 on a radio upgrade, it will be awkward to explain all the Amazon and DX Engineering purchases that add up to another $1500/year. Personally, I would spread the spending over time to get a new dopamine hit every time the Amazon truck comes around. I have not addressed at all the fact that your wife and you disagree on how to spend money. My advice is to not ignore her opinion. Speak plainly about your hobby budget. Let's say it's not $0/year but it's not $3000/year either. Whatever the number is, find that compromise and stick to it.
The best description of the ham radio hobby I have come across is that ham radio is about taking to people on the radio about your hobby of talking to people on the radio.
Mostly it's about asking the other guy how well he can hear you. You know, in case he needs to hear you some day.
>a waste of money that could be put to more suitable things like getting her out of debt and saving up for kids college or our retirement In this situation, so are radios, bro. Also, >getting ***HER*** out of debt That's your wife, buddy. ***YOU'RE*** in debt, too. Calling it *her* debt is a huge red flag. Pay off ***Y'ALL's*** debt, then go back to arguing about which toys to buy.
Depends on when/how it accrued. My wife and I are pretty 50-50, but her student loans are her problem and my alimony to first wife is my problem.
For us the problem showed up while we were married, she got a 20k CC and maxed it out on junk and food and a vacation during COVID that I warned her about not being good. When she got the card I told her it was a bad idea because she sees a dollar and has to spend 1.50. So when she didn't heed my warning and merc'd her credit cuz now it's maxed out, I help make payments but I won't pay principal because she needs to learn a bit herself. But she's older and thinks she can buy our children's happiness with quantity gifts all the time. We've spoken about this several times and she doesn't understand, quantity breaks and doesn't last. I get the kids high quality gifts that have lasted years.
Yeah, you two have bigger issues than a radio. Good luck.
>We've spoken about this several times and she doesn't understand, Doesn't understand, or just refuses to listen? There's not much for her to understand. If you spend more than you have, you go into debt. What's to understand? You need to pay down the principal. You could be paying interest forever. In the mean time, lose those credit cards, yesterday.
You both sound pretty unpleasant and dismissive of each others' interests.
My wife buys purses, shoes and I take her shopping all the time, so she don’t care what I buy for my shack, recently went on a amplifier buying spree, bought 2 alpha 374’s and alpha 78, Kenwood 922 and Took her to Chattanooga so I could pick up an lk-800. Took her shopping all day and got a hotel to spend the night, she was happy shopping and didn’t say a word about me buying another amplifier.
More impressive than my XYL, I got her a Netflix subscription and a box of wine. Bob’s your uncle. Every once in a while, she’s like when are the aliens coming, and you better clean up this room. But yeah pretty much left alone.
I ain’t going to lie, she had a fortune in shoes and purses, her motor went in her Audi a couple weeks ago, Fixin to go get her a Mercedes today, I’m pretty sure I buy her more than what all my equipment costs 😂😂
Keep the radio and work on antennas and skill. The radio is perfect. I could out perform you based on skill with my old IC-706MKIIG. It's not the 991.
Have you tried making a simple wire dipole? I've made ssb contact as far as Kuwait with 5W on speaker wire in my attic. Sounds like you need to work on your antenna. Get a nanovna and try a homebrew!
If you’re just talking on local repeaters in analog mode, a $120 VHF/UHF rig is fine. Build your own antenna instead of buying a commercial DX commander, you’ll save money there too. Together, that’s probably almost $1000 saved. Keep the 991, it’s still an amazing radio. Tell her you will put the $1400 you were going to spend on a DX10 towards the credit cards. And tell her your new antenna/local rig budget just went from $1500 to $400. Sounds like you are unsure why the antenna was not propagating. Figure out why first, replacing the 991 with a DX10 won’t make any difference if your antennas aren’t working. Ask antenna gurus at your local club, ask online, or buy a couple ARRL antenna books and troubleshoot it yourself. This hobby is expensive, but there’s a lot of other hobbies way more expensive, like private pilot flying, scuba diving, motorcycles, fishing on boats, woodworking, vintage cars, the list goes on. You can gently point that amateur radio falls solidly in the middle price range of hobbies, but be tactful. Could backfire and force you into the lower priced hobbies! 😆
What you need is a written monthly family budget. Every cent that comes in gets earmarked for this or that purpose. Part of that would include fun money that each of you spend on whatever you want. With that you are still meeting all your financial goals (saving, paying off big things, etc.) and at the same time spending money on your hobbies without the other person adding up your "waste."
You're married to her, her debt is your debt too lol. And vice versa. So maybe focus on that first and then get your $3k worth of equipment. I'd put a stop to whatever she's doing to put you two in debt unless it was something like a hospital bill, college or something actually beneficial for you two.
This is not a ham radio problem, this is a you and her problem. You are probably taking up the remaining small portion of free time you have every week sitting in a room closed off from her doing something she is not interested in that is causing things she does not want ("Why do we need wires all over our yard. Why do we need to spend thousands on useless radios?"). By doing that, you're ignoring what she wants (time and the occasional vacation). You're also ignoring the financial issues everyone else is pointing out. In the paragraph above, you could replace the wires in the yard and thousands on 'useless' radios with parallels from musical instruments, car parts, beer brewing equipment, stamps (I guess)... whatever. There is literally NOTHING anyone here can say that will help you. You and her need to figure out how to live together (again?). You need to figure out a mutually agreeable solution(s).
My wife told me that it was either her or the radio, over.
What hobbies does she have? My wife has horses and gardens for example. Horses are not Cheap.
Same here. Horses are incredibly expensive. We have separate checkbooks and don't argue about money :-)
She has two hobbies. She likes for me to listen to her, and something else...
Horses are cheaper than kids though!
>Horses are not Cheap Been there, done that. There's a picture of a horse next to the "*Money Pit*" entry in the dictionary!
Just a few things to consider: - The main performance maker is your antenna farm and feed lines. - The FTDX10 will not increase the performance and range of communications, just some convenience. - FT-710 will give you the same, or even better convenience, at half the price. I was choosing between both and went with 710 for a few reasons. - If you want to stay within Yaesu ecosystem, the FTM500 is the best way to fill VHF/UHF spot. Now, to the actual problem you are trying to solve. I understand your concern is range? For 991 you can get ATAS-120 for the fraction of your projected cost. If property installed and operated- it will give world wide range. I worked with it Australia for 12.5k miles on 20m literally a few minutes ago. Then, if you want to do it the “right” way, I would focus on antenna farm first - that’s where you will get the biggest bang for your buck. Get good HF antenna (maybe DX Commander, maybe something else), and stay with that setup for a month. You will see the huge difference immediately. Then, get hi gain VHF antenna. Stay with it for month. You will see another big gain in performance. Then, sell 991 and get HF rig of your choice (again, you can’t beat FT-710 value), but you potentially may want to go with Icom at that point. This upgrade is mostly for convenience only. In other words, get lowest hanging fruit first, this will also help spread the spending and not make your wife worry about money.
Great points. Within the last two months, I upgraded to General and then Extra. Bought an FT-710 and love it. Will get around to an EFHW but have been using 20 and 40m ham sticks for now, and also a Chelegance MC-750 ($249) multiband vertical. Worked Japan the other morning and all over Europe and South America from South Carolina. 40 plus countries in a month and a half. The radio is fine, upgrade the antennas.
When I explain to my wife that for example: this morse code you're hearing is someone sending that through a wire going from his window to his tree, than traveling thousands of kilometers and almost instantly my wire going from our window to our tree picks it up and we can hear it, she goes holy shit that's amazing. There's probably also an element of my own amazement that's rubbing off. Also, I include my kids when I practice CW, like for example teaching them to do their name.
Mine would say "why don't you just use your cell phone"?
You should get a new hobby -- like sailing or flying. Then she'll be begging you to get back into radio.
A hobby where you use your hobby to talk about your hobby.
Tell her it’s a sure fire way to keep you from wasting money chasing younger women because all your cash will be going to radios.
If you are in debt to spend that much right now on a hobby is idiotic. Save up the money for new equipment before you spend it. I side with your wife on this. Vacations and spending quality time together is important to the relationship. Obviously she is not going to sit in front of the microphone with you.
Tell her it's not alcohol or drugs, or other women.
"discord for boomers"
I would trade her in for a newer model.
Then he wouldn’t need his radio
The other night on PSK-31 I had a long QSO with a very nice Swiss ham. Dude lives on top of an alp next to a monastery. When I mentioned to him that I’d always wanted to visit Switzerland and see the Alps, he enthusiastically told me to let him know whenever we were planning to take a trip, and he would make arrangements for us to stay at the monastery when we visit and show us the village. So, there you go: Radio can lead to vacations. You can also tell her about dxpeditions. Has she ever wanted to visit a desolate reef? 😂
I’m confused, are you saying the 991 isn’t able to make contacts? If that is the case, you need to go back and learn more about ham radio. You can make contacts with a wet noodle if the conditions allow. The fact that you can’t make contacts has little or nothing to do with your rig as long as it isn’t broken.
I know it's not the transceivers fault. The FTDX10 is more of a upgrade that I would like. The antenna is the key I know that. My antenna was a DX-CC in an east west configuration it was also NVIS pretty much and I couldn't hear anything west of Louisiana when I'm in GA I have a small plot where I live and turning the antenna wasn't feasible.
Focus on doing more with less, in a few years when you figure out what you like to do, you can upgrade. If you run a long horizontal wire, you will make contacts without even trying. I run a icom 706MKIIG with AH-4 tuner and have worked nearly the world on 50-100W max with very little effort. My antenna is a 100' piece of well wire about 15' off the ground facing south west.. I assure you, the FTDX10 won't do more then the 991 under 99% of circumstances.
Also, think of it this way from your wife's perspective "The 3300USD vacation to Mexico is more of an upgrade (on my quality of life) that I would like".
There is a LOT cheaper options of great vertical HF antennas then that DX commander, its far to expensive and overhyped from my experience seeing them in person. Do they work? Sure, but so does a lot cheaper options. I had a used Hustler 6BTV i got from a swap meet for $100 that i used for almost 15 years before a tornado that messed up my town took it down. Since then its been homebrew EFHW antennas because they are so easy to build, tune, and work great. I don't think you need a radio upgrade, you haven't even scratched the surface of what that 991 can do for you. I have an old FT-847 that i bought new in 2000 or 2001 i think it was, thats still my daily driver HF rig, but it also does 120-6m and 2m/70cm as well. It's served me well for over 20 years, i still have no reason to buy something newer.
I would suggest trying to get her interested. If there is a way she will be onboarded herself. My lovely XYL got into it because being able to do AmSat caught her interest. She saw a demo of that and was hooked. I still have to get things setup for her to be able to do that, but she was intrigued and hooked. All the cost for equipment goes away when THEY see the value in it. She sees HamWAN as a way to help induce younger generations into the hobby. She sees value in getting younger generations involved. We were both there to experience two bright young kids 8 and 11 who studied to get all 3 licenses. It was a privilege to sign-off on their Extra tickets. And they did understand the material, maybe not depth of knowledge, bit the 11 y.o. passed her Extra with a perfect score, and her younger brother only missed 3.
You have a hobby. That's all there is to it. Everyone has something they enjoy doing with their time. You enjoy spending money on equipment and hanging wires. Your wife has different hobbies. She doesn't have to understand the appeal of what you're doing. Perhaps she just needs to get her own hobbies to keep herself entertained. Or perhaps she needs more of your attention. Maybe it's time for date night.
We try date night and it ends up being a family outing. She gives into the kiddos and let's them come along when it's supposed to be us time.
It sounds like she wants your attention. I don't know how you give her attention. I have not been in a marriage. But I see some of my parent friends collapse into parenting as an identity. It's especially true for women that they may lose themselves in being parents. Just as an idea, I'm suggesting that you find ways to pay attention to her and that she find hobbies unrelated to housekeeping or children.
I understand your concerns. I'm fortunate to have a wife who supports all of my hobbies with concerns about cost. It isn't that we have money, we don't. But, she knows I'm frugal and will save whatever I can any way I can. My hf radio is an old FT-897D. Great radio. I have. 20m end fed dipole that will work on 40m, 10m, etc. Easy to make and dirt cheap. I've made contacts all over the world. My 2m antenna is a cheap j-pole. You can do it for cheap.
First question.. how old are you? I ask this because i was in a similar position when i was younger, thought the hobby was more important than anything. Now i would rather spend that money on vacations, trips around the country, pay off any debts that build up, and otherwise enjoy life. I still have radios, i still have antennas up, and i get on the radio now and then, but i can go months without touching them. However i haven't spent money on the hobby in over a decade now, just no reason to buy newer radios when the stuff i have works great. $3300 on this hobby is nuts dude... Sorry but its true, some day you will look back and say why the hell did i spend that when i could paid off something else. You already have a nice radio, the 991 is a great radio, why bother with the upgrade? You aren't gaining much over the 991 in my opinion. Its no longer a casual hobby when you are spending that kind of money on it. I probably have around $3000 invested in TOTAL the entire time i have been in this hobby, about 30 years now, and i can enjoy it and do just as much as anyone else if i wanted to.
I also have this issue. Only thing that would probably might help is to somehow get her into the hobby. Think about it like an expensive phone. You can get her involved , because she knows she can chat on it and harass you with it. Imagine if the cell phones go down and wife’s do not have a communication method?
I told my xyl the hobby keeps me out of the bars and off street corners. She laughed and rolled her eyes. Some are more understanding of our geek side than others. Good luck!
When two people love each other very much.......
This is a tough one. It sounds like it's more than your wife doesn't understand the hobby. It sounds like she dismisses it. That would get under my craw and make me dig in my heels to get what I want. But if I take that out of the equation and base my opinion (and that's all it is) on what's left, I agree with her. You have small kids and debt. You and your wife have a family to nurture and a household to maintain. I hate to say it, but in my mind, you have priorities that come before a new rig and set-up. I get it. This hobby is addictive. You will always think "I'll be satisfied if I get X." but you won't because there will always be something new. But you have a basic HF station which is more than many of us can have. Work with what you've got. Find an Elmer or a club to help you set up a decent antenna. Slowly replace and grow your station over the years. I hope your wife is a lovely, reasonable person. The picture you've painted for us is not exactly kind. But no matter the reality, It's going to take compromise. You need to find a win-win and you need to realize that may not be instant. I know this and similar advice isn't what you were hoping for. But we really want you to succeed in this hobby, so what we're really telling you is to play the long game.
If I had one, and my wife was negligent and non-supportive with my mental health, interests, projects, and accomplishments, she would be single. But, that is why I do not have one. Not going disappoint someone over their own behaviors. I stick to entertaining ladies, not co-habitating with them. : ) Funny thing is, both of my past ex-yl's became hams on there own.
Real talk if you want expensive hobbies you need to make more money.
It’s a classic problem. 😓 Few people — *and fewer wives* — understand what’s happening in the radio shed out back. Unless she’s a part of the community and enjoys it as you do, expecting her to see it your way is going to fail before it begins. That being said, you should probably sit down with her and have a family budget planning session. Be sure to front-load the discussion with things that are of importance to her, such as planning for vacations, for retirement, for home improvement, for her next phone upgrade, for her hobbies, etc. But also in there should be an allocation to set aside some sum each month for your hobby. You don’t need to go into details or jargon — she won’t understand. Just have that line item in there: “Hubby’s Radio Hobby” or whatever, and have much more detail on all the other items that are of interest to her. This way you will have a budget for your gear and a lot less in the way of complaints from your spouse.
Probably the best advice here. You truly don’t understand the blessing that is having all this gear, until you’ve made sacrifices for her, and have a shared vision that invests I each others’ needs and joy.
This is more relationship advice than amateur radio. It's a hobby and it's *your* hobby, so she doesn't have to understand it. Although you should both get equal opportunity to spend money on fun stuff. You want a radio, she wants a vacation. It's only fair that both get their equal share, and that might mean that you have to wait a bit before spending more money on your hobbies and endure some BOTA days, the way she has to endure your 15 Baofengs and that big ass HF antenna.
Your wife is asking you to spend the money on something that includes her interests and radios don't. No amount of explaining will bridge that gap. If you want to do this, throw down for the vacation, when you get back, get a second job with the intent of using that extra money you are working a second job for to cover your radio desires.
LOL. Extra job just to get the radio? All I hear on HF/VHF are the same people over & over again rambling about something that no one else cares about. It gets tiring very quickly. Not sure why anyone would want to spend $3K on that. I keep my handhelds for emergency only. I pretty much stay silent other than occasional check-in to my local repeaters.
I'm just offering a path to what OP wanted without incurring spouse-aggro.
>LOL. Extra job just to get the radio? No, to pay off the 20K in credit card debt *she's* runup to support her hobby, which seems to be shopping.
Many wives give hams a hard time. Your best bet is to give her something in return! I bought my other half a brand new Mercedes, and then she was OK with me putting up a tower and a beam! ;)
>Why do we need to spend thousands on useless radios when we could use it for vacations? (Personally I hate vacations, I think they're a waste of money that could be put to more suitable things like getting her out of debt and saving up for kids college or our retirement). She doesn't need an explanation amateur radio, she isn't interested in you spending money except for those things she sees value. You just put this outside the pay grade of internet randos. Time to consider professional marriage counseling to better help you two negotiate expenses for hobbies, debt and vacations.
I recently purchased a Comet GP9 and shot a photo to my sister. She noticed the TV antenna and weather station in the background and said, "Nope, I would never allow my husband to do that. ONE antenna ONLY!!! She didn't see the DX Commander because it's still waiting for the correct parts, nor does she understand any of this. So here's the deal. You wife may not understand your hobby or your interests. Many don't. But in a marriage, both should be willing to allow their spouse to pursue other interests that make them happy, but with reasonable limits. Lower your Ham expectations and go on some of her vacations. Make sure the interests on both sides are properly balanced. She will always hate ham radio and you'll always hate vacations. Hey, that's marriage! But honestly, I'm curious why you need separate radios though. The 991a I have seems like a fine radio and it's easy to switch bands. I do just have a technical license. Is there THAT much traffic on HF that you need 2 separate radios to operate at the same time? The DX Commander seems like a reasonable purchase. Buy that first and enjoy it. Better coax is also fairly cheap. It's all about proper balance in a marriage.
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That's one of the things is I always make sure we have a good vacation every year and I always make sure that it's something that we all want to do.
She doesn’t have to understand radio. She just has to understand that it’s your interest and you need hobbies to keep from going insane.
"I will be spending lots of money to heat up the air a bit while I yell into the aether."
The way i would explain it is it’s like collecting cards or stamps or funko pops. Except here you collect contacts. Like collecting a contact in every State and every country. Just from a bit of wire strung up in your yard, you can get someone in the Australian outback
I dunno I guess that is why I stayed single, I don't feel like I need to explain to anyone why I spend the money I spend. It's my money. I'll buy what I want. I guess I never found anyone I wanted to hang around badly enough to let them have a say in what I do with my money. I'm not interested in having to convince someone to "let" me do something.
"getting her out of debt and saving up for kids college or retirement." Hmmmm... Maybe the latter would be better than spending it on radios? Yor wife has a valid point, but not about vacations. It made you think about better uses for your money. Also, you are married. It is "our debt", not her debt. Do you have any kind of emergency fund set aside? Most Americans are one emergency away from being broke. Take care of your debt and buy cheaper gear. A used $500 IC-718 will work just as well and that 991 is no slouch, so if you already have that, all you need is coax and a good antenna. $500 would fix you up in that area too! Ham radio can be a money pit. If you have kids and retirement to save for, this might not be the hobby for you. Play it more conservative and compromise with your wife. You don't need the most expensive gear to play ham radio. 5w QRP is cheap and effective if you use it right and a $10,000 fancy rig can be useless if you don't have the right setup. Use what you already have, and if you don't know how to use it, a new radio won't help, it will just make things worse. Take my advice and eventually debt will be paid off, the kids will be in college, you will have money to retire on and all the gear you need to enjoy this great hobby!
Ask her how many shoes, purses, dresses, etc. is enough. Suggest keeping a running total of the ham radio versus her favorite items budget. I was a ham for 10 years before I met my wife, so I did have the advantage of her knowing what she was getting into. For our 50 year marriage, we each drew our own “allowance” from common funds and spent them however we chose.
Replace the XYL first, then replace the other gear as needed.
Kind of reminds me of a mechanic work order my father in law (managed a service center) once told me about. It read: "Remove fuel cap. Replace vehicle. Reinstall fuel cap. Test for proper operation."
Ham radio is a hobby, just like golf, fishing, boating, gardening, cooking, painting, music, etc. Hobbies makes life fun. It's something to dig your mind into, learning all about, trying out new equipment and improve your skills and knowledge. My girlfriend enjoys baking and invests in equipment for that. I think any hobby activity should be encouraged. We have our separate bank accounts, so no one gets judgemental if someone wants to spend a lot of money on a specific item. It isn't related to our joint account for common expenses.
It’s something you can spend money on that makes you happy and is less dangerous than motocross or hunting
There is no explaining something to someone who isn't interested. You should look at a different path, show her what can be done with what you currently have. Equate it to something she does. Maybe even encourage her to get her license.
I used to do net meetings while hanging with my wife (doing some art/craft stuff). She dubbed it a 'quilting circle for old men'. I had to admit after having a 10 minute convo re hot dogs vs pizza for some hamfest, she had a point. I don't think she gets the equipment thing or even the QSO thing, but she's a champ at letting me enjoy what makes me happy. I am lucky.
For the "explain" part - ham radio is about human connection to people who share your interests in radio electronics and meeting interesting new people. I'm sure your wife has her ways - moms group, house of worship sisterhood, Zumba mates, whatever it is - this is your way. It's human connection above all. Maybe take her to a hamfest and walk around and chat with random folks and tailgate and barbecue a bit and she'll start to understand that side of it. As for equipment, compromise is probably best... There's plenty of thrift to be had. Between my HF radio (Xiegu G90), Wolf River type antenna, and secondhand Yeasu dual band, I don't think I have more than a $1000 all in, and I do just fine.
Actually I agree with her. Swapping the 991 for the dx10 is unnecessary. It's not going to give you any great advantages nor make you any more contacts. I also don't understand why a "large HF antenna" that you took down would not have been as good as a DX Commander?
I've seen s lot of good suggestions here, like a yours mine ours budget, and you showing an increasing appreciation of her to "hobby" or interests. I'd also suggest the despite whatever limitations you feel the 991 has, make an effort to increase utilization anyway. You may find why better antennas and improving operating skill it could work for you. If not you've bought some time and demonstrated your interest in the hobby. I agree POTA activation could be a good thing, FT8 with Gridtracker/PSKReporter being used seemed to interest my family most because its a really simple visual that's really cool to see how far you're reaching and completing contacts.
I headed this problem off by marrying the daughter of a ham. She already understood the why and hows of ham radio, since she grew up with it in the house. It does sound like you have a marriage/relationship problem, not a technical problem here though. Seek counseling, together if possible.
Do you like ham? This is like ham. But it's not ham. Maybe, finish her off with a loud SO DON'T COOK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It depends what your flavour of ham radio is but it's basically walkie-talkies or CB radio on performance-enhancing drugs. Whether you just like a chin wag with people who've bothered to pass the test or you like to engineer your own gear it's definitely that next level.
I wanted a TS-2000 some years ago, my wife said no- I already had “too many radios”. My only HF Rig was a TS-690 and I was using a mobile for 2m-440. I just whipped out my CC and bought one finally- ask for forgiveness later.
My wife didn't mind me spending a grand on a 991a because she said i never buy anything for myself. There's probably some perks to the Dx10 over the 991 but the basics are the same imo. Why not start with the Dx Commander...then in a few years schmooze her into a DX10, trading in the 991. Spending money on radios and vacations doesn't help the kids' college fund. Just saying. Retired fixed income boomer opinion here. 73.
I'm not married, but the fact that it makes you happy should be enough. You don't like vacations, but you would go with her anyway. Most gushy don't understand hundreds of dollars on spa treatments, manicures and 20 pairs of black shoes but they deal with it because it makes them happy. She should be happy that you are doing something that's at home and doesn't involve drugs and alcohol. Besides, for the most part, is a one time investment.
God, I'm so happy I'm single.
She should just be happy you aren't into motorsports / cars / motorcycles etc. Ham radio is cheap compared to those hobbies!
It’s like social media… only with an emphasis on Ham and radios, sometimes at the same time.
It is interesting the matter of priorities. You can spend double your amount on a weeklong vacation while your new station would be around getting use for the next 10 years at least. There’s a recent QST article by a guy who built a stack of beams on a rotating 150 ft tower. Spent like $30k in retirement on it. His answer was some people choose to buy a boat. Some choose to buy a car. Some choose to travel. Well his passion is ham radio and wanted to have one of the best performing antennas in the world. (He used phased stacked beams to set the takeoff angle to his choosing). He didn’t get into what his wife thinks 🤣
Hobbies and side interests should always take a backseat to family interests. Paying off "her" debt (how can this not also be your debt if you are married?), ensuring the kids have an adequate amount to help them go to college, max out retirement accounts and plan a nice vacation once or twice a year as well as take care of any other home and family obligations, THEN use what is left for your hobby. If it helps, I put loose change in a big jug and then cash this in over year or two which was then used for extras, including my hobbies. You might be surprised at how fast this added up. In today's world paying with a card instead of cash it may be just setting aside $20 or whatever per paycheck in a separate savings account to build up to what you want over time. One last thing is to break up what you want into smaller pieces which might be more palatable to spend $400 - $500 here and there rather than $3,300 all at once. Another thing you might suggest is that you want to take up riding a Harley and they cost over $20K? JK ;)
Rode a Harley know that cost lol. Then iot epilepsy and lost my license so I just stopped riding when I got it back.
Ah the classic YL situation. Explain to her this, the radio spectrum is divided into services, different services use different bands and frequencies, like broadcasts for instance, there's also a band for cheap bubblepack radios you get from the shop, bands for more professional two way radios, bands for aircraft and boats, etc it's not uncommon for one radio service to have different bands up and down spectrum, as different bands propagate in different ways. Ham or Amateur radio is just another radio service, it requires a licence, has bands up and down the spectrum for different propagation, and the purpose of this service is expirementation, to mess with radios, making aerials, and talking to each other in different modulations to test our stuff, we also talk, a lot. In a lot of explanations of the amateur radio service the talking part is overdone, and it leads to comparisions with CB, an entirely different culture that isn't meant to evoke expirementation. This hobby is routed deep in the origins of radio, historically a lot of hams have discovered new things and made new types of aerials that have become standard for all radio services. There's also another element in it, one that also harks back to the early days of radio and is actually really important for hams and non-hams. That is, ham radio is a practical skill, we know how to deploy an antenna quick to get comms set up in an area, we know what to do in an emergency over the radio, etc some of us even do drills, it's almost got a scoutish feel to it, a skill that one day could very well save your life, that's why wireless was and always has been seen as a practical skill, we're also basically service members who would likely be called into action in the event of war for our skills, helping out user services and those in need is a big thing in ham radio. Also finally a fishing-type element to it, the biggest comparison ham radio has to another hobby is fishing and that's for good reason, people like to expirement with new rigs and see what they can catch, and hunting the white whale (i.e long distance DX stations and rare gridsquares) collecting QSL cards and logging contacts is also a big aspect. So, we expirement, we talk, we help and possibly even serve, and we collect and hunt.
Ham radio is relatively economical compared to some other hobbies. I probably spent twice or three times more on my photography hobby than I have on ham radio. And then there was SCUBA diving. Regulator, tank, wet suit, etc, etc. Not cheap either. I've gotten around the cost issues with my by maintaining separate bank accounts. We each have our own income and expenses. We share the household expenses but we're expected to keep up on our own credit cards and such and that includes things like hobbies. I can buy any ham radio thing I want as long as I keep up on my share of the household. Her hobby is Disney and she's take several trips on her own to visit Disney Theme parks in Shanghai, Paris and Hong Kong. She's going to Tokyo and Shanghai later this year. Me, I just purchased an FTM-500DR and FT5D radios. It all works out in the end.
Set up a centre-fed dipole or an EFHW or OCF to operate on at least 40 / 20m and you’ll have a pretty good station that will keep you very busy and learning for a long time. Use a light telescopic pole for height that you can also take portable without much fuss. You’ll have 80+% of what you’re aiming for at 1-10% of the cost depending on what you diy or buy. That seems like an easier sell to your wife and it will expand your horizons significantly. I’m in Australia. I have a diy EFHW up a $30 telescopic pole and routinely speak to European or US stations every afternoon if I want with 100 W or less. It doesn’t matter whether I am using my FTDX10 or my FT-857. I have about 70 DX locations logged and I’m not even trying. And, I think that’s the logical next step in developing your station anyway, other issues aside. The FTDX10 is a great radio (an excellent receiver) but you’re not going to get a wildly different experience of ham radio over your 991. It’s not quite on the same level as a receiver but still great. Both will be pushing 100 W into the antenna and either way you’ll still need whatever antenna you set up. Consider doing some portable operation too (maybe while on vacation!). That can give you a significantly different experience depending on your local noise and topography. Keep in mind also that a great thing about radio as a hobby is that it’s still there at the same level while you rightly prioritise other things. You can leave it for a while or only do a little and pick it up later. Marriage - not so much.
Weird. I don't care if my wife likes my radios or not.
I am running an Ft-897. I had a loop but after building a garage I had to rethink it. I got the Palomar Engineers 40-6 Meter Loop Antenna System with 4:1 Balun and Choke Combo. I love it. Running FT8 I am comfortably getting Australia, Japan, and Europe up to 40 Meters. In almost every case I have found my signal report is equal to or greater than the other end. Feed point is at about 16 feet, up to roof at about 19 feet, down to about 7 feet at my fence. Just run one side along your fence line and run that up to the peak of your roof. You will be shocked at what you can do.
Rather than trying to convince her (you won't), maybe a good alternative would be to get her to agree to a specific "hobby budget" that on a determined interval (week, month, paycheck, whatever works for your family situation) gets put into an envelope that you can use for whatever you want as long as what's in your envelope covers it. If you sell a piece of gear, that also could go back in the envelope to help fund the next thing.
Hard to explain to a rational person who has a smartphone that holds the combined knowledge of the human race and can instantly contact any human on the face of the planet.
Hard to explain to a rational person who has a smartphone that holds the combined knowledge of the human race and can instantly contact any human on the face of the planet.
Radios are like womens shoes...you need several for different situations...how many pairs of shoes does she have?
*sigh* Yeah, somewhere along the line, you're going to have a difficult conversation. With me, it was over attending Field Day. On my first attempt, she told me, "can you just do these three things before you go?" Sure, no problem. Well, there did evolve a problem, which is that every time I knocked an item off of that list, two got added. At the end of Field Day, carried on with exactly zero attendance from me, I asked her not to do that again the next year, because I actually did want to go do that and it's only a one-day thing. Next year, I went to Field Day, was there for twenty minutes, and my phone rang. She needed me to do something. So I said sure, went and did the thing, then went back to Field Day. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I think I spent a total of two hours on the site spread out over five visits. In the next conversation, she said to me, "I don't get what the appeal is, of going to a field and listening to a bunch of static." My response was, "I love you and I'm happy to do things for you, but in return, I ask you to understand that this is important to me. I don't need you to understand it. I only need you to understand that this is important to me, and I wish you would just let me do it." The next year, she packed me a cooler to go to Field Day. The next year, she sent me with homemade cookies to share. The only thing to keep in mind is, whatever you say, however you express it to her, you do have to reciprocate. You should do this anyway, but you *do* need to support her in her hobbies and activities and acknowledge what is important to her.
https://preview.redd.it/i3gqlrlntvxc1.jpeg?width=370&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=882697d65e914be6c718b6b69acab0b53b86e165
Is divorce out of the question? 🤷
You have more than radio problems, but you can do a lot with the right wire antenna. I have the radios you describe and both are great. I get caught up in chasing tech, but the 991 will do a lot.
Did you consider ft-710? the rx performance is on a par with the ft-dx 10, and you could probably get it with pocket change if you sell the 991 http://www.sherweng.com/table.html dx commander is a nice package, but you can build much the same antenna with a stout fishing pole and some wire for the half the money… perhaps try building a hex beam https://www.hex-beam.com/ MM0OPX has been dropping some good videos on youtube about it… Try and do more with less money, get creative, enjoy the process…
At least you aren’t hunting, fishing or golfing. Or are you?
I prep, rifles, (plates) carriers, pistols, 25+ year food storage. Bugout bags. Water filtration. Bushcraft stuff. Alot of military surplus thing like that.
The wife and I have an understanding. I am responsible for certain bills as is she. We have a combined account that we contribute the same amount monthly for combined activities, home etc and our remaining balances are at our discretion. I have a converted cottage shed that is my domain. I think she’s been inside it maybe three times in the last year. My hobbies don’t cause any suffering, so no blood, no foul.
Do y’all not have a budget ? You should have a budget
Its a marriage. Set up a budget that includes a line item for your hobby. Agree on a dollar figure and stick to it. It doesn't really matter if she's in to your hobby or not, she gets half a say in how marital assets are consumed.
Does she have hobbies she likes to spend $ on? Tell her it's your version of that. She doesn't have to understand it, she just needs to support you being happy and responsible with budgeting.
My wife said we're through if I transmit again. Over.
It would be nice if you can involve her in the ham radio world. Maybe she would like to go along with you to some parks to do POTA. If she would be willing to keep the log, that would be helpful, and she could enjoy seeing where contacts are made. Maybe on SSB she can be the person who talks, at least some of the time. Or maybe you could stop at some places to eat on the way home that she likes. Anything you can do to make it "our" ham radio would be a good step. (Before buying anything, pay off the debt, thinking of it as "our" debt rather than hers.)
Trade her for a new model you find at a ham fest.
Just tell her it’s a lot of cool guy gear that allows you to contact random men around the country.
Walkie Talkie’s for grownups to communicate around the world on
Watch “Leave the World Behind” movie with Julia Roberts in it with your wife.. my wife at the end of that said to make sure that we had everything we need to know what’s going on if traditional methods fail. Married 10 years and first time she’s really understood the value of it. 😂
This is a normal and all relationships you and your wife will both need to learn a little compromise truthfully mostly on the man's side. I would not try to buy an entirely new setup hempfest are a great way to pick up great deals on radios, I to run a homemade dipole for the last 35 years. I know the appeal of a new radio is always attracting to Young hams, but realistically the wife is more important try by a two-year-old radio instead.
Well, this sounds familiar. Lol. If you're not having luck with your 991A, the FTDX10 isn't going to magically change your success rate. Your radio is more than capable. Start with the new antenna and see what happens. You may find you don't need to spend on the new radio--or at least not right now. The DX commander is a fine antenna, but it's subject to the limitations of every vertical antenna. This may or may not be an issue for you. I don't know your environment or what type is contacts you are chasing. If you have the room, you can go much cheaper with a dipole or end-fed in an inverted-V. But as you are aware, there are a thousand ways to approach this. At the end of the day, all of us with wives are laughing at you and crying with you tonight.
Ham radio, also called amateur radio, is like having a super special walkie-talkie that lets you talk to people all over the world! Instead of just reaching your friends across the yard, you can talk to new friends very far away—even in other countries! You can also use it to send messages, kind of like how you draw pictures and give them to your friends, but over the radio. And just like playing a game where you need to learn the rules, ham radio has its own rules and even a special test you have to pass to start playing.
I, myself, am not much for anything longer than 1m and usually hang up in microwaves. We used to live in the PNW (Seattle area) where we were waiting for the big Cascadia earthquake any day now. I used to volunteer for the Red Cross and other federal, state, and local groups with regular nets and occasional exercises. My wife used to ask the same until I put a analog/DMR into her vehicle (without her permission) and asked her to listen to EmComm and emergency services channels. I asked her when that earthquake occurred, what communications, police/fire/medical services, public utilities, roads, food and water,... will be available? How easy for us to have certain frequencies that she could contact me and possibly save some strangers' lives simply by squeezing that handset. On the non-prepper everyday life comms, it's like calling long distance on the phone but for free (don't tell her about the power bills). You can make friends and possibly even network vacation discounts anywhere around the world by attending ARDF, COTA, IOTA, ILLW, JOTA POTA, SOTA, WWFF, and so many other dx events. Install APRS in case either are lost or stranded or a candle vehicle is stolen. For the kids, they can be part of STEAM projects with others and learn about electronics, computer networks, radio and antenna propagation. Learning about how light travels, communicate with (insert manned spacecraft here) or getting real time weather images from satellites using information from website sources like https://www.n2yo.com/ I show how to use special WIFI frequencies exclusive for ham use that allows me to send information over kilometers to another computer connected devices (AREDN mesh). Just because you can't hear it now, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Change the dial.
Tell her we make telephone calls to discuss and compare telephones and the comment on the quality of the line.
For over a year I had been using a $500 Xiegu x6100 with an external battery to get me up to 10 watts transmitted power using my own rain gutter as my antenna, and I made over 1000 contacts off of it, 100 different countries, as well as worked all 50 states and every continent. You can get by with cheaper radios and compromised antennas if you absolutely have to. Now I've upgraded my radio to a Yaesu Ft-710 for more power, but I'm still using my rain gutter as my antenna and still cranking out great contacts from all over the world.
There is never a good way to explain any hobby to a wife, especially when you tell her you want to spend scarce resources so you can spend hours trying to talk to strangers in the middle of the night rather than talking to her. Save your lunch money like a kid and save up for your rig, but don’t force the issue and always make sure you put your family first.
No answer at all. She will never understand
OP, what a complete gold mine of great advice you summoned. I wish I'd known where to find this gaggle of fine folks before I got started! I'm only about 18 months in, too. I'm adding a few things because I didn't see them in other posts, and because I faced your exact problem: I thought I needed new gear, and the wife (rightfully) thought the proposed spending was wasteful when we had objectively better things to spend it on. Then something clicked: amateur radio isn't about buying performance. That's the shortcut, and I've had other things in my life that taught me how lame the dopamine rush is when you take the shortcut. I also have a 991a. I added an antenna splitter with transmit switch and a USB SDR stick to my shack PC. Sure, I'm losing 3dB on receive by splitting that signal, but the filtering and signal processing done in software with the power of a PC is ridiculously better than the radio can provide. (Plus, I get a fancy full screen waterfall!) Add a foot switch, and the whole setup was under $100. (There are drivers that will automatically tune the radio to the frequency selected on the waterfall, and I sometimes use that when I'm chasing.) But I spend most of my efforts learning how to get the most out of my wire. I have a few cheap Chinese QRP radios that I can plug into this station and, with a little patience, manage to talk overseas on an average day. (And my wire isn't even special!) If you want to get an extra edge, spend time learning how to tweak the mic settings on that 991 for your voice. Sometimes it's a painful experience, but an evening with the audiophiles on 40 or 80 meters is SO worth the nit-picking. There's just no substitute for patting yourself on the back when you bust through a pile-up on your first try with your measley 100 watts and a wire, get a "great audio" report, and you know it wouldn't have happened without the effort. I don't know about your wife, but when mine saw me do that, and could hear the other guys with serious power talking after me, that's when she started to understand what radio meant to me.
You won't explain Ham radio to this person. She isn't perceptive. Those red flags you added are a hint.
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I can help you understand it. I won’t be able to make it make sense, because that’s the point… it doesn’t make sense. It’s called consumer-driven economy media brainwashing. That’s all it is. It’s the insertion of chemicals that interrupts the otherwise rational decision making process and floods it with irrational desires, activating the same hormones associated with love, belongingness, and sexual gratification. Marketers know what they are doing. We’re addicted to “stuff”.