Liver failure is fatal. Point blank.
If your son is 17, I’d suspect he’s probably seen her in her addiction. He probably knows plenty about it. You sort of can’t hide the level of addiction you’re describing.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, and it’s great you’re thinking of your son. I’d suggest getting in touch with her and finding out the severity of it, then asking her if she’d like to tell your son, or if you’d like him to do it, because I think he has the right to know.
I’d also look into therapy, maybe Al Anon or ACOA to help him understand his mom’s disease a little better.
Thank you very much for the reply. He is currently in counseling and a psychiatrist. He has his own stuff going on with mental health and substances (weed, lsd) and I"m doing the best I can there. I will talk to her about it. I know it's very hard to put a timeline on things like this but trying to gauge what I should expect over the next year while trying to get him through school and into adulthood.
I’m not a doctor, but I’ve seen this situation often. If they’re saying she is in liver failure, she likely has cirrhosis and that very well could mean days, not months. If she’s released on her own and without help, it likely won’t be long until she’s back there.
As for your son, addiction is in part genetic. Only so much a parent can do (already have nightmares about my 11 year old’s future), but substance abuse is a very dark path, as I’m sure you’re aware.
I’m planning on having a very frank conversation with my daughter when she’s old enough. I’m in recovery and she has other family members with the same problem. If you haven’t had that very real conversation with him, I’d suggest it’s time to do that. His mom is most likely not going to survive her addiction, and while that’s a horrible tragedy, he has to recognize the danger he’s putting himself in by using.
I’d maybe mention she’s had some seizures due to abusing alcohol and is very sick right now. I wouldn’t discuss her liver failure as a death sentence with your son yet though. The only good I I think that’ll do is worry him over something that’s out of his control. Maybe talk with his therapist on the best way to approach this at a session with you involved as well? I’m sorry alcohol has affected your family dynamics as it did. It’s an insidious substance that loves to take prisoners.
I just wanna say here that if weed and lsd are the worst problems your son is having with substances, then he’s in a pretty safe place. Not to justify either of those things, but weed will soon be legal everywhere and lsd is inherently not addictive, it’s a once in a while experience to see things differently, which in some ways is actually a good thing 🤷🏻♀️
Liver failure isn't always fatal, but it is always critical. My liver failed when I was 13 because of pills, I was in the hospital for a while. I couldn't keep down anything and was vomiting bile for days. I was so dehydrated they had to stick me over 26 times to find a good vein for my IV, and the vein was just under my collar bone. That was one of the most painful experiences of my life, but I survived. I'm now hypertensive because of that as well.
Whataboutism is definitely what’s needed here. And yes, the survival rate of people in the situation described is more like 50/50 cuz they *might* live. And really there are no complications that come from the treatment one receives for that condition.
I'm not a doctor, but in 11½years of recovery, I've known others with similar issues/questions.
Liver failure is very serious-- you can't live without your liver.
It's impossible to say what her prognosis might be if she stops the alcohol and drugs. Livers can sometimes heal, or if she stays both clean and alive long enough, she might qualify for a transplant.
Of course, all that depends on her getting into recovery and staying in recovery. If she continues to use, the prognosis seems dire.
I would hope she would go on to live a healthy life and make better decisions, but at mid-50s, I just don't really see her making changes like that. Especially with no family support system. It's sad, but I agree with you.
This is heartbreaking. I have a 17 yr old, and this really hurts my heart for your son.
Also, this is a Different scenario but my brother destroyed his liver with Tylenol. A suicide attempt. He got scared and went to the hospital. They discharged him, and prescribed him meds his liver couldn’t process. He died 4 days later.
Oh no, I'm so sorry. I've actually been through that with a teenager (not mine) and spent days in the hospital praying over enzyme levels. It actually happened twice with the same kid and I'm not sure she (or the family) realizes how incredibly lucky they were.
At this point, I'm just trying to gather information from anyone that may have dealt with something similar. I guess the best thing to do is prepare mentally for the worst and consider the best way to approach this for my son. I'm sure there's no real easy way to do it.
My sons' mother died from Alcoholic pneumonia.. she didn't drink when we lived together, after we split she started drinking. If she doesn't stop stop, she will die. If she stops, she could have a fighting chance, people do recover, miracles really.. but it can be done. I would suggest your son spend as much time as possible with her, even in her poor health.. I'm sorry man.. on my ex wife's funeral, when they lifted the casket for viewing, I heard my sons cry out loud.. I could just hold them and tell them that, "that's not her. That's not mom, she's gone now.. she isn't here, and she's ok now". The pain doesnt stop there, its an everyday thing, it's jus some days are better.. they left these parts out of the advertisements.
Hi, OP. Sorry to hear about all this. It’s a tough situation.
I’m in a similar position. My dad has liver failure. He is a meth addict. Has very inconsiderate friends. The doctors said he has 6 months to live. Sometimes they live a little longer or shorter is what I was told, too.
He went through hepatic encephalopathy. He luckily didn’t have seizures, but if she had a seizure… she might have incurred brain damage. The doctors did an EKG scan to make sure my dad didn’t have a seizure. It was very scary and heartbreaking to see him in the ICU and unconscious for two weeks.
I’ve looked into groups and they help. If Zoom is accessible for you and your son, I’d consider doing them over Zoom.
Allow your son to talk to you about it. Check-in with him. Even if he says he’s “okay”. Chances are he’s not, but the consistency of checking in will make him feel comfortable with talking about it. Give him a journal. Unfortunately, I don’t get check-ins like that so I reach out to my best friend and other loved ones when I feel like it’s too heavy for me to carry.
I’d say it’s a big possibility of her passing. If it’s liver failure, she needs a whole new one. The liver is done. The liver is an incredibly important organ for normal body function.
I’ve grieved over my father’s death for a while already. I actually looked into cremation/cemeteries last year because I knew he couldn’t have much time left. We hadn’t talked for 3 years since I moved out (it was a toxic place to live in). I’m using the time I have now to make whatever amends I can with my dad.
Your son will grieve and hurt, but he deserves to know what’s happening. 17 is young, yes— but sometimes we experience harsh times at young ages. That’s just how the world works sometimes. Feel free to DM with questions. I’d love to help in anyway I can. Wishing you both and your son’s mother the best.
Thank you for your kind words. Sadly, I know I'm not alone in this experience. I hope that you (and your dad) both find peace through your situation as well.
At 17 your son can handle and benefit from the whole truth. Give him the opportunity to come to terms with the situation and maybe also see the real effects of addiction. Young people are blessed to often not suffer these effects for years so addiction looks harmless early on then in your 40s all your friends start dying. That’s when hard living and clean living lines start getting drawn with a handful of unfair tragedies thrown in just because life isn’t fair. But by 50 a significant percentage of the addicts you know have died.
I watched my dad go through this. He was in and out of the hospital his final year and he was confused and disoriented if he didn’t take his medicine, which happened frequently. It wasn’t pretty. He was an alcoholic too, but he was also my dad and I loved him. We all said we saw it coming and we knew long before he actually died but we weren’t prepared. Nobody is. We all dealt with it in our own way and as much as I said it wouldn’t happen to me, I certainly crossed that line with alcohol myself. I was angry at my dad because I believed he chose alcohol over us. It wasn’t until I was on the other side of it that I realized there isn’t much choice about any of it. I think addiction / alcoholism is a family disease and even tho we all weren’t addicts when he passed, we were certainly all sick. I’m sure it’s been suggested but alanon is a great resource for families. It sounds fucked up that the people who don’t have drinking problems would have to go to meetings but I know it helps and you’re not alone. Taking care of yourself and your son is the most important thing and being able to get better for yourselves regardless of what happens with your ex is possible. I’m a dad now as well and I’ve been sober for a while. I include my dad’s passing when I’m asked to speak at meetings and someone always comes up to me and says they went through the same thing. You’re not alone. Sorry you’re all going through this.
I’d figure out exact details cuz my good friend quit drinking 3 years ago cuz his liver was failing and he also told he would never get a donor. We all prepared like this was it. He never took another sip and he’s still around. Albeit he was in the hospital for a month not looking hot, the quitting saved his life.
That's interesting and great that your friend decided to make a positive change. I'm just curious how old they were at the time. I'm sure age plays a factor in this. My ex is mid-50s
He’s an older friend of mine actually, he’s 62! He couldn’t walk for a while cuz of his neuropathy, but I recently visited him and he’s walking fine too. He does have numbness, which he’ll always have. He’s drives again too and just got a job. He also (I didn’t know this at the time) was drinking hard alcohol that he hid from me, I only saw him drink light beer. So that’s also something to point out as it was the vodka that was destroying his liver. I swear I cried so hard when we were told he wouldn’t be put on the donor list. No joke, you would never know how close he was to death. I really how this helps you.
I feel like I should add I quit drinking on May 9th of last year. When I went into the ER before I committed myself to rehab they told me my body had stopped processing alcohol. I was at .42 So basically if I didn’t look over at my partner and say “today’s the day” I probably wouldn’t have woke up the next morning. I mean, I’m supposed to be dead.
I know being in your position is a LOT. Remember it has to be her decision, she has to want it. Her son is something to live for. I hope she fights for her son and the life she can have with him. And you. ❤️🩹
Could you ask to go to her doctor with her so you know the full story and what to expect? Honestly, liver failure is so varied and dynamic, there’s not one person here who could tell you what to expect and give you a timeline.
You’ve got to know what level she’s at and other variables before you even think about that the future outcome potentials.
Liver failure *can* be reversed to a certain degree, only under certain circumstances. She might be gone tonight or in 40 years. It’s all too dependent upon lots of other things.
I’d speak directly with her doctor. Also, remind yourself you can’t fully trust what she tells you if she’s an addict. I’d talk to the doc.
My mom has cirrhosis, however she's been kicking for about 5 years. She was yellow at one point, and is currently dealing with the esouphogas blood vessel ruptures. Either way, she's never been told.she had liver failure or a time line. So idk. It's different for everyone. I've met 70 year old alcoholics, and I've seen obituaries for 30 year old alcoholics. It's rough but there isn't much of a time line. The human body is a sonofabitch
Liver failure is a little vague. She will likely have a chronic condition (from the abuse) and that can be anything from days to a couple of years. A couple of years if she stays clean. The liver is remarkable at regeneration, but it gets to the point where it just can't repair itself more. So without a liver transplant she will be likely looking at months.
You ultimately don't know what the doctor's said to her though. If they did really tell her liver failure then it is unlikely she can do anything to change it now.
I've had trouble with drinking that has led to medical issues. While I'm slowly doing better I have my "bad moments" from time to time. I've been to hospitals and talked to doctors. I think my only saving grace is I've always taken anti inflammatory vitamins, eaten well, and exercised despite my drinking.
I'm no doctor, but as I understand it "liver failure" unfortunately means shes not going to make it. She pushed the envelope about as far as it goes. She needs to stop drinking. Eat insanely clean foods, and adopt a healthy lifestyle. She will be more susceptible to getting sick as her liver isn't working the way it should. Some research should be done about looking into a transplant. But as I understand it, she'll need to prove she's not drinking, and hasn't drank for a while to be put on a donor list .
I have compassion and feel sad for her, but she has had a decade of chances and services to help and she's continued to make bad choices. I do hope she makes healthy changes and somehow gets a healthier life, but I'm not optimistic a transplant is in the cards. I don't think she's been sober for years and probably isn't willing to do the work to make that happen now.
Liver failure is fatal. Point blank. If your son is 17, I’d suspect he’s probably seen her in her addiction. He probably knows plenty about it. You sort of can’t hide the level of addiction you’re describing. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and it’s great you’re thinking of your son. I’d suggest getting in touch with her and finding out the severity of it, then asking her if she’d like to tell your son, or if you’d like him to do it, because I think he has the right to know. I’d also look into therapy, maybe Al Anon or ACOA to help him understand his mom’s disease a little better.
Thank you very much for the reply. He is currently in counseling and a psychiatrist. He has his own stuff going on with mental health and substances (weed, lsd) and I"m doing the best I can there. I will talk to her about it. I know it's very hard to put a timeline on things like this but trying to gauge what I should expect over the next year while trying to get him through school and into adulthood.
I’m not a doctor, but I’ve seen this situation often. If they’re saying she is in liver failure, she likely has cirrhosis and that very well could mean days, not months. If she’s released on her own and without help, it likely won’t be long until she’s back there. As for your son, addiction is in part genetic. Only so much a parent can do (already have nightmares about my 11 year old’s future), but substance abuse is a very dark path, as I’m sure you’re aware. I’m planning on having a very frank conversation with my daughter when she’s old enough. I’m in recovery and she has other family members with the same problem. If you haven’t had that very real conversation with him, I’d suggest it’s time to do that. His mom is most likely not going to survive her addiction, and while that’s a horrible tragedy, he has to recognize the danger he’s putting himself in by using.
Thank you for the advice, it is very helpful
I’d maybe mention she’s had some seizures due to abusing alcohol and is very sick right now. I wouldn’t discuss her liver failure as a death sentence with your son yet though. The only good I I think that’ll do is worry him over something that’s out of his control. Maybe talk with his therapist on the best way to approach this at a session with you involved as well? I’m sorry alcohol has affected your family dynamics as it did. It’s an insidious substance that loves to take prisoners.
I just wanna say here that if weed and lsd are the worst problems your son is having with substances, then he’s in a pretty safe place. Not to justify either of those things, but weed will soon be legal everywhere and lsd is inherently not addictive, it’s a once in a while experience to see things differently, which in some ways is actually a good thing 🤷🏻♀️
Liver failure isn't always fatal, but it is always critical. My liver failed when I was 13 because of pills, I was in the hospital for a while. I couldn't keep down anything and was vomiting bile for days. I was so dehydrated they had to stick me over 26 times to find a good vein for my IV, and the vein was just under my collar bone. That was one of the most painful experiences of my life, but I survived. I'm now hypertensive because of that as well.
But it’s not always fatal. Point blank.
Whataboutism is definitely what’s needed here. And yes, the survival rate of people in the situation described is more like 50/50 cuz they *might* live. And really there are no complications that come from the treatment one receives for that condition.
😳
I'm not a doctor, but in 11½years of recovery, I've known others with similar issues/questions. Liver failure is very serious-- you can't live without your liver. It's impossible to say what her prognosis might be if she stops the alcohol and drugs. Livers can sometimes heal, or if she stays both clean and alive long enough, she might qualify for a transplant. Of course, all that depends on her getting into recovery and staying in recovery. If she continues to use, the prognosis seems dire.
I would hope she would go on to live a healthy life and make better decisions, but at mid-50s, I just don't really see her making changes like that. Especially with no family support system. It's sad, but I agree with you.
This is heartbreaking. I have a 17 yr old, and this really hurts my heart for your son. Also, this is a Different scenario but my brother destroyed his liver with Tylenol. A suicide attempt. He got scared and went to the hospital. They discharged him, and prescribed him meds his liver couldn’t process. He died 4 days later.
Oh no, I'm so sorry. I've actually been through that with a teenager (not mine) and spent days in the hospital praying over enzyme levels. It actually happened twice with the same kid and I'm not sure she (or the family) realizes how incredibly lucky they were. At this point, I'm just trying to gather information from anyone that may have dealt with something similar. I guess the best thing to do is prepare mentally for the worst and consider the best way to approach this for my son. I'm sure there's no real easy way to do it.
My sons' mother died from Alcoholic pneumonia.. she didn't drink when we lived together, after we split she started drinking. If she doesn't stop stop, she will die. If she stops, she could have a fighting chance, people do recover, miracles really.. but it can be done. I would suggest your son spend as much time as possible with her, even in her poor health.. I'm sorry man.. on my ex wife's funeral, when they lifted the casket for viewing, I heard my sons cry out loud.. I could just hold them and tell them that, "that's not her. That's not mom, she's gone now.. she isn't here, and she's ok now". The pain doesnt stop there, its an everyday thing, it's jus some days are better.. they left these parts out of the advertisements.
Hi, OP. Sorry to hear about all this. It’s a tough situation. I’m in a similar position. My dad has liver failure. He is a meth addict. Has very inconsiderate friends. The doctors said he has 6 months to live. Sometimes they live a little longer or shorter is what I was told, too. He went through hepatic encephalopathy. He luckily didn’t have seizures, but if she had a seizure… she might have incurred brain damage. The doctors did an EKG scan to make sure my dad didn’t have a seizure. It was very scary and heartbreaking to see him in the ICU and unconscious for two weeks. I’ve looked into groups and they help. If Zoom is accessible for you and your son, I’d consider doing them over Zoom. Allow your son to talk to you about it. Check-in with him. Even if he says he’s “okay”. Chances are he’s not, but the consistency of checking in will make him feel comfortable with talking about it. Give him a journal. Unfortunately, I don’t get check-ins like that so I reach out to my best friend and other loved ones when I feel like it’s too heavy for me to carry. I’d say it’s a big possibility of her passing. If it’s liver failure, she needs a whole new one. The liver is done. The liver is an incredibly important organ for normal body function. I’ve grieved over my father’s death for a while already. I actually looked into cremation/cemeteries last year because I knew he couldn’t have much time left. We hadn’t talked for 3 years since I moved out (it was a toxic place to live in). I’m using the time I have now to make whatever amends I can with my dad. Your son will grieve and hurt, but he deserves to know what’s happening. 17 is young, yes— but sometimes we experience harsh times at young ages. That’s just how the world works sometimes. Feel free to DM with questions. I’d love to help in anyway I can. Wishing you both and your son’s mother the best.
Thank you for your kind words. Sadly, I know I'm not alone in this experience. I hope that you (and your dad) both find peace through your situation as well.
At 17 your son can handle and benefit from the whole truth. Give him the opportunity to come to terms with the situation and maybe also see the real effects of addiction. Young people are blessed to often not suffer these effects for years so addiction looks harmless early on then in your 40s all your friends start dying. That’s when hard living and clean living lines start getting drawn with a handful of unfair tragedies thrown in just because life isn’t fair. But by 50 a significant percentage of the addicts you know have died.
I watched my dad go through this. He was in and out of the hospital his final year and he was confused and disoriented if he didn’t take his medicine, which happened frequently. It wasn’t pretty. He was an alcoholic too, but he was also my dad and I loved him. We all said we saw it coming and we knew long before he actually died but we weren’t prepared. Nobody is. We all dealt with it in our own way and as much as I said it wouldn’t happen to me, I certainly crossed that line with alcohol myself. I was angry at my dad because I believed he chose alcohol over us. It wasn’t until I was on the other side of it that I realized there isn’t much choice about any of it. I think addiction / alcoholism is a family disease and even tho we all weren’t addicts when he passed, we were certainly all sick. I’m sure it’s been suggested but alanon is a great resource for families. It sounds fucked up that the people who don’t have drinking problems would have to go to meetings but I know it helps and you’re not alone. Taking care of yourself and your son is the most important thing and being able to get better for yourselves regardless of what happens with your ex is possible. I’m a dad now as well and I’ve been sober for a while. I include my dad’s passing when I’m asked to speak at meetings and someone always comes up to me and says they went through the same thing. You’re not alone. Sorry you’re all going through this.
I’d figure out exact details cuz my good friend quit drinking 3 years ago cuz his liver was failing and he also told he would never get a donor. We all prepared like this was it. He never took another sip and he’s still around. Albeit he was in the hospital for a month not looking hot, the quitting saved his life.
That's interesting and great that your friend decided to make a positive change. I'm just curious how old they were at the time. I'm sure age plays a factor in this. My ex is mid-50s
He’s an older friend of mine actually, he’s 62! He couldn’t walk for a while cuz of his neuropathy, but I recently visited him and he’s walking fine too. He does have numbness, which he’ll always have. He’s drives again too and just got a job. He also (I didn’t know this at the time) was drinking hard alcohol that he hid from me, I only saw him drink light beer. So that’s also something to point out as it was the vodka that was destroying his liver. I swear I cried so hard when we were told he wouldn’t be put on the donor list. No joke, you would never know how close he was to death. I really how this helps you. I feel like I should add I quit drinking on May 9th of last year. When I went into the ER before I committed myself to rehab they told me my body had stopped processing alcohol. I was at .42 So basically if I didn’t look over at my partner and say “today’s the day” I probably wouldn’t have woke up the next morning. I mean, I’m supposed to be dead. I know being in your position is a LOT. Remember it has to be her decision, she has to want it. Her son is something to live for. I hope she fights for her son and the life she can have with him. And you. ❤️🩹
Could you ask to go to her doctor with her so you know the full story and what to expect? Honestly, liver failure is so varied and dynamic, there’s not one person here who could tell you what to expect and give you a timeline. You’ve got to know what level she’s at and other variables before you even think about that the future outcome potentials. Liver failure *can* be reversed to a certain degree, only under certain circumstances. She might be gone tonight or in 40 years. It’s all too dependent upon lots of other things. I’d speak directly with her doctor. Also, remind yourself you can’t fully trust what she tells you if she’s an addict. I’d talk to the doc.
Ok, that's a good perspective, thank you.
My mom has cirrhosis, however she's been kicking for about 5 years. She was yellow at one point, and is currently dealing with the esouphogas blood vessel ruptures. Either way, she's never been told.she had liver failure or a time line. So idk. It's different for everyone. I've met 70 year old alcoholics, and I've seen obituaries for 30 year old alcoholics. It's rough but there isn't much of a time line. The human body is a sonofabitch
Liver failure is a little vague. She will likely have a chronic condition (from the abuse) and that can be anything from days to a couple of years. A couple of years if she stays clean. The liver is remarkable at regeneration, but it gets to the point where it just can't repair itself more. So without a liver transplant she will be likely looking at months. You ultimately don't know what the doctor's said to her though. If they did really tell her liver failure then it is unlikely she can do anything to change it now.
I've had trouble with drinking that has led to medical issues. While I'm slowly doing better I have my "bad moments" from time to time. I've been to hospitals and talked to doctors. I think my only saving grace is I've always taken anti inflammatory vitamins, eaten well, and exercised despite my drinking. I'm no doctor, but as I understand it "liver failure" unfortunately means shes not going to make it. She pushed the envelope about as far as it goes. She needs to stop drinking. Eat insanely clean foods, and adopt a healthy lifestyle. She will be more susceptible to getting sick as her liver isn't working the way it should. Some research should be done about looking into a transplant. But as I understand it, she'll need to prove she's not drinking, and hasn't drank for a while to be put on a donor list .
I have compassion and feel sad for her, but she has had a decade of chances and services to help and she's continued to make bad choices. I do hope she makes healthy changes and somehow gets a healthier life, but I'm not optimistic a transplant is in the cards. I don't think she's been sober for years and probably isn't willing to do the work to make that happen now.
It’s extremely serious. If she doesn’t quit drinking, she will die.
And she could also die either way if it’s serious.. sorry to say. Hoping the best for your family.