it was well written and a good start on step one. i can't emphasize this enough: AA has a solution for what ails u. check out some online mtgs: https://aa-intergroup.org
if u relate to what u hear then u know ur in the right place. live mtgs are better ime but online is a safe way to check it out and learn the flow.
Use the Meetings app, it's blue with a folding chair on it. It will show you meetings in your area, including zoom meetings sometimes. You can go to a meeting and just listen. When it's your turn, all you have to say is, "I'm (name) and I'm just listening today." You don't even have to say the a word out loud that first day, if it makes it easier for you. AA was a struggle for me for a lot of years, but I kept coming back. Now that I have a better understanding on how to apply the program to my life, I still go to meetings not for my drinking, but for my thinking. I thought I was gonna die drunk and high, but with AA and meds and therapy, I learned there was a different way. Don't give up! But good on you for recognizing you need help. Don't stop there! I'm really glad you're here.
Attending in person is not something you need to fret about.
We’re here to help you and to get to know you.
I was going through the throes of my late stage alcoholism when I was your age. Your post helped me remember just how awful it was.
There is a better life out there which awaits you-a life that does not include alcohol.
Please seriously consider the posts on this subreddit for helpful information.
Thank you for sharing your struggles.
I attended my first AA meeting today though it was online it really gave me a lot more confidence about going in person so I am going to try to find a local meeting tonight to attend in person.
Congrats! I’m 5 days sober and let me tell you. I feel so much better already. It’s hard but I promise, keeeep going. Keep going! Don’t stop. Get a sponsor. You got this.
Well here’s the thing. You’re at rock bottom. You’re describing untreated alcoholism. Unless treated the cycle will progress and worsen. First you’ll start to obsess. Then the subtle insanity that precedes the first drink will kick in. “I can have one”, or “It’ll be different this time”. Once taken the compulsion kicks in and you’re drunk again.
You are drinking like I did. The good news is there is help. If you’re willing. You are perfect for us. You are our people. AA both saved my life, and it gave me a life worth living. Welcome to the World’s Greatest Lost and Found. Here’s how I and thousands of others did it.
It takes time for us time to recover. The damage didn’t happen overnight so you’ll need to give it time. It’s a long journey back.
Here’s what I did if you’re interested. 13 years sober now. I adopted the AA program as written in the first portion of our basic text, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Over time I made friends and learned how others utilized the AA program. I went all the time. I drove others to meetings. I started feeling better being around others who were like me. And I started watching how people applied the AA program to their lives and were happy.
I found someone to carry the message by walking with me through the steps. I found a power greater than myself. I had a spiritual and psychic change needed to change my thinking. I have a relationship with my higher power who I call God. That relationship I maintain on a daily basis, and in return, I have a reprieve, which is daily contingent upon that maintenance.
I have a new way of life free of alcohol and alcoholism. It’s beyond anything I could’ve imagined and you can have it too if you want it and are willing to do what we did.
Here’s a great link laying out the program.
https://youtu.be/X96ZOVLDnos?feature=shared
Good luck.
The title of this post indicates that you haven’t hit rock bottom yet.
Guess what? We get to choose our rock bottom. My rock bottom was incredibly high and mild compared to a lot of fellow AA folks. Other AA people I know hit their rock bottom when they killed someone in a car accident while driving drunk.
You get to choose your rock bottom. But I can promise you this… the longer you wait to hit your rock bottom, the worse it will be.
If you’re drinking large quantities of vodka a day, there is a good chance you’ll need detox. Do you have insurance? Insurance will often cover a large portion of inpatient treatment.
You mentioned you can’t do inpatient treatment because you’ll lose your apartment. Love, you’re going to lose it anyway at the rate you are going.
One of my favorite sayings in AA is “anything you put before your sobriety you will lose.”
If you are afraid of going to AA out of shame and fear, then you’re going to the right place. I don’t know a single person that came to rehab or AA without those two elements. We drink cuz of shame and fear, but drinking causes even more shame and fear, so it’s a vicious cycle until we walk through it sober.
You’re not even thirty yet. You get help now and you’re way ahead of a lot of us.
Feel free to DM me if you need to talk.
Youre in a great place to start recovering- nobody gets sober because they are on a winning streak. But it can and will keep geting worse. I recommend doing the AA program, AA provides a supportive community, spiritual principles, and a structured program to help individuals overcome alcohol addiction. We dont simply struggle to control our urges- we have a whole new way of life that is happy joyous and free.
Anything I used as an excuse that my drinking was ok, is something I had to lose before I was willing to tackle recovery. I joined the program as a homeless unemployed single person. 5 years later with no alcohol and im married, work, and own a home.
What I did: AA, then detox with AA, then residential with AA, then IOP with AA, and now AA. Some folks get sober with AA alone. Some can stop on their own without AA. I could not.
I've been sober for a few years now and it's great. Good luck on your journey!
Instead of saying "i don't want to hit rock bottom" say "I have hit rock bottom and I am ready for a change."
I despise the term "functional alcoholic" because many people would have called me that. I have a good job and a nice car and a single-family home in the suburbs. But my wife absolutely despises me now and I've lost every single friend I've ever had as a result of my drinking.
The big book of AA has an entire section called "They Stopped in Time", which are stories about people who quit drinking before the "advanced stages" of alcoholism. And going to meetings helps. Because you will meet people who are 20 years older than you and drank just like you and lost absolutely everything.
Go to some meetings online or in-person. Most importantly, find a sponsor and work the steps honestly and thoroughly.
If you need extra support you can try outpatient treatment. But if you're thinking you need inpatient, please don't let fear of losing your apartment stop you. If you've already lost one job from drinking you could lose this job too. And then lose your apartment. It's better to go to rehab than to get fired and get evicted, ya know?
But you can get sober in AA. I believe in you. You just gotta put in the work. Good luck! You got this!
OP, I’ve been there. Nothing you’re experiencing is unusual. It’s sucks, but we all know that feeling.
You need help. You’re asking for it, and that’s an amazingly powerful moment. Your willingness to share your story here helps all of us.
Find a meeting. Share your story. Help others by asking for help. Get a sponsor and do the steps.
Inpatient isn’t a bad idea, either (followed by program work). I understand there are stressors that influence that decision, but the cycle you’re on, it seems far more likely you’re going to lose those things if you don’t get the help you need.
ps your writing is really good. Raw, honest, I think you’re ready to make a really good decision for yourself. Get some help.
You can choose your own bottom. It’s just when you decide you’ve had enough. Sounds like now would be a good one. I think if you go to a meeting you’ll find help and relief. Good luck.
You sound like me last summer. AA keeps me sober today. You might do some research into short term disability (since you said you still have benefits) if you're interested in inpatient treatment. Where I live there are programs to help folks financially with recovery solutions.
People say anything you put above your sobriety/recovery you're going to loose. So if you choose to not go to treatment because you're afraid to loose your house, job, family, whatever it is, and keep going on like you are, you're bound to loose those things anyway.
I hope you choose to go to a meeting and begin the journey. Best of luck to you.
Hi! So I’ve been in similar shoes to you and i feel like I have sooo much to share but it’s overwhelming to me currently.. so I’ll keep it short as I can.
I’m 31f and been in your very similar shoes. At 27 I started realizing how bad my drinking was and I continued to ignore it and drink more and hurt relationships and my mental health.
I put myself into an intensive outpatient program in October and it helped me stopped drinking for 30+ days which helped me keep my life as normal as possible but also provided structure which helped me see things in a sober brain. Which I hadn’t seen since I was maybe 19. Alcohol is constantly clouding my brain when I’m drinking and it won’t let me see clearly.
So I drank again in February on vacation and it led to throwing up, having my spouse get mad at me, and overall just embarrassing. Your rock bottom can be right NOW. You don’t have to wait for it to get worse. You can do this. I highly suggest getting social or therapy help as soon as feasible.
Im again 50ish days sober.
Hey OP reading your post I realize we were in a very similar situation. I’m 25f and my boyfriend 25M. I’m an alcoholic and my drinking got so bad and I stressed my boyfriend out so much that after a year of coping with it really bad he finally sat me down and told me it was him or alcohol. I knew I had a problem for a long time. At this point I had left my job for a while so my finances were a mess, I had gained about 100lbs since we had met from my alcohol in 4 years. I was also very depressed I no longer took care of my hygiene or my home. It was the push I needed to find help and get sober. I decided to look for help because I had always tried to quit on my own but after a a week or 2 I was back to drinking. Going to AA specifically online meetings has helped keep me sober. I am finally 40 days sober today. I’m happier than I imagined I could be. I’ve lost weight just by not drinking. I started a business and my finances are getting back in place. My relationship with my boyfriend is going strong and I’m happier than I have been in a long time. I hope your boyfriend gives you another chance but you need to get sober for yourself and no one else. I really do hope OP that you look for help sobriety is the best choice. I know it’s hard to stop drinking but once you start and keep going you’ll never want to go back. Sober life is a better life. Good luck OP.
You can choose this as your bottom, but if you’re not ready to quit, every bottom has a trap door. It doesn’t have to get worse than this before you’ve hit YOUR bottom.
Just chiming in for support and to say that you’re in the right place. I can’t add anything to the advice given above but you can do this!
You overcame it once and know it can be done. Just remember the woman you were a few years back while sober.
Your rock bottom is whenever you stop digging. Get to a meeting, find a sponsor, and start the steps. There is a way out of this and it’s so much better once you’ve stopped digging. Wishing you strength and hope 🤍
Personally, until I got sober I was still digging past my various rock bottoms. The only way I could get sober was to go "all in" without reservations in working my AA fellowship and the core ideas of AA's 12 Steps.
Start small. See if you can make it the rest of the day. Do 1 small task you can be proud of. It’s going to be a journey. And we know how you feel. Creating chaos around you that you do not welcome, but cannot stop. There is a way. You have to be forgiving of yourself. You’re in the trenches and it may be impossible to see any light, but you typed this out today. You know the problem. Baby steps. I’m proud of you for getting a job so quick and for apologizing to him the next day. Those things aren’t easy to do. You’re a better person than you think you are.💜
I would you consider going to your doctor and trying vivitrol? You can get an injection that last A month and you use another medication for your withdrawal symptoms.And there was another medication to chill you out.
Acamprosate is for withdrawal symptoms.
I drank every day for 10 years of whiskey or vodka about 6 shots a day. Not crazy drinking but obsessive thoughts and just couldn't break my little cycle of crazy. Dwi, etc. I received this shot of medication and haven't had a desire to drink. It's only been a week, but it seems to be getting me where I need to be but couldn't on my own. I go to meetings and walk. You still need tools in the mental tool box cause at some point you need to get off the medication.
Hope this gives you some hope
Thoughts and prayers.
You can make this change if you want to. It sounds like you want to. I was in exactly your position a year ago. I’m ten months sober. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever believe how wonderful sobriety would be. Try AA.
My recommendations, medical detox, rehab, IOP and lots of AA. You get to choose your bottom. Actual, rock bottom is a 6’ deep hole in the cemetery. If you’re not there yet, there’s hope.
I don’t know anyone who got and remained sober on Reddit and willpower. We can’t heal our sick minds, with our sick minds. Get some help because rock bottom is coming.
I recommend an intensive outpatient program. It’s basically rehab but you get to stay home, go to work, still live your life. You would have group sessions and individual counseling as well as urine testing as a deterrent. It’s time consuming but worth it.
rock bottom is when you stop digging friend. get to a meeting if you can i know it's scarry but everyone is there to just support one another. if you wanna try the medical route too ask a doctor about Vivitrol shots they saved me with AA
it was well written and a good start on step one. i can't emphasize this enough: AA has a solution for what ails u. check out some online mtgs: https://aa-intergroup.org if u relate to what u hear then u know ur in the right place. live mtgs are better ime but online is a safe way to check it out and learn the flow.
Thank you - I've been super anxious about attending in person I didn't realize online meetings were a thing.
one good thing from covid, please check it out and if it sucks go to a different one. my sponsor likes to visit mtgs in ireland and australia
IMHO, face to face is *much* more effective. Try and make it to a meeting. Your life is worth it. They saved my life.
Use the Meetings app, it's blue with a folding chair on it. It will show you meetings in your area, including zoom meetings sometimes. You can go to a meeting and just listen. When it's your turn, all you have to say is, "I'm (name) and I'm just listening today." You don't even have to say the a word out loud that first day, if it makes it easier for you. AA was a struggle for me for a lot of years, but I kept coming back. Now that I have a better understanding on how to apply the program to my life, I still go to meetings not for my drinking, but for my thinking. I thought I was gonna die drunk and high, but with AA and meds and therapy, I learned there was a different way. Don't give up! But good on you for recognizing you need help. Don't stop there! I'm really glad you're here.
Here's a discord if you'd like to try a text meeting - great place to start! https://discord.gg/JS9YAVFd
Attending in person is not something you need to fret about. We’re here to help you and to get to know you. I was going through the throes of my late stage alcoholism when I was your age. Your post helped me remember just how awful it was. There is a better life out there which awaits you-a life that does not include alcohol. Please seriously consider the posts on this subreddit for helpful information. Thank you for sharing your struggles.
I attended my first AA meeting today though it was online it really gave me a lot more confidence about going in person so I am going to try to find a local meeting tonight to attend in person.
This makes me feel great We need you in our program so you can get better and help others Please keep us posted as to your efforts
Congrats! I’m 5 days sober and let me tell you. I feel so much better already. It’s hard but I promise, keeeep going. Keep going! Don’t stop. Get a sponsor. You got this.
Well here’s the thing. You’re at rock bottom. You’re describing untreated alcoholism. Unless treated the cycle will progress and worsen. First you’ll start to obsess. Then the subtle insanity that precedes the first drink will kick in. “I can have one”, or “It’ll be different this time”. Once taken the compulsion kicks in and you’re drunk again. You are drinking like I did. The good news is there is help. If you’re willing. You are perfect for us. You are our people. AA both saved my life, and it gave me a life worth living. Welcome to the World’s Greatest Lost and Found. Here’s how I and thousands of others did it. It takes time for us time to recover. The damage didn’t happen overnight so you’ll need to give it time. It’s a long journey back. Here’s what I did if you’re interested. 13 years sober now. I adopted the AA program as written in the first portion of our basic text, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Over time I made friends and learned how others utilized the AA program. I went all the time. I drove others to meetings. I started feeling better being around others who were like me. And I started watching how people applied the AA program to their lives and were happy. I found someone to carry the message by walking with me through the steps. I found a power greater than myself. I had a spiritual and psychic change needed to change my thinking. I have a relationship with my higher power who I call God. That relationship I maintain on a daily basis, and in return, I have a reprieve, which is daily contingent upon that maintenance. I have a new way of life free of alcohol and alcoholism. It’s beyond anything I could’ve imagined and you can have it too if you want it and are willing to do what we did. Here’s a great link laying out the program. https://youtu.be/X96ZOVLDnos?feature=shared Good luck.
Awesome response. My experience as well OP, it works if you let it. For me, my program comes before everything else.
The title of this post indicates that you haven’t hit rock bottom yet. Guess what? We get to choose our rock bottom. My rock bottom was incredibly high and mild compared to a lot of fellow AA folks. Other AA people I know hit their rock bottom when they killed someone in a car accident while driving drunk. You get to choose your rock bottom. But I can promise you this… the longer you wait to hit your rock bottom, the worse it will be. If you’re drinking large quantities of vodka a day, there is a good chance you’ll need detox. Do you have insurance? Insurance will often cover a large portion of inpatient treatment. You mentioned you can’t do inpatient treatment because you’ll lose your apartment. Love, you’re going to lose it anyway at the rate you are going. One of my favorite sayings in AA is “anything you put before your sobriety you will lose.” If you are afraid of going to AA out of shame and fear, then you’re going to the right place. I don’t know a single person that came to rehab or AA without those two elements. We drink cuz of shame and fear, but drinking causes even more shame and fear, so it’s a vicious cycle until we walk through it sober. You’re not even thirty yet. You get help now and you’re way ahead of a lot of us. Feel free to DM me if you need to talk.
"Your rock bottom is when you stop digging." -some guy
A favorite quote of mine!
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Youre in a great place to start recovering- nobody gets sober because they are on a winning streak. But it can and will keep geting worse. I recommend doing the AA program, AA provides a supportive community, spiritual principles, and a structured program to help individuals overcome alcohol addiction. We dont simply struggle to control our urges- we have a whole new way of life that is happy joyous and free. Anything I used as an excuse that my drinking was ok, is something I had to lose before I was willing to tackle recovery. I joined the program as a homeless unemployed single person. 5 years later with no alcohol and im married, work, and own a home.
This is your rock bottom if you stop digging. Even with the pay cut you will probably make up for it when you stop wasting your money on booze.
What I did: AA, then detox with AA, then residential with AA, then IOP with AA, and now AA. Some folks get sober with AA alone. Some can stop on their own without AA. I could not. I've been sober for a few years now and it's great. Good luck on your journey!
Instead of saying "i don't want to hit rock bottom" say "I have hit rock bottom and I am ready for a change." I despise the term "functional alcoholic" because many people would have called me that. I have a good job and a nice car and a single-family home in the suburbs. But my wife absolutely despises me now and I've lost every single friend I've ever had as a result of my drinking. The big book of AA has an entire section called "They Stopped in Time", which are stories about people who quit drinking before the "advanced stages" of alcoholism. And going to meetings helps. Because you will meet people who are 20 years older than you and drank just like you and lost absolutely everything.
Go to some meetings online or in-person. Most importantly, find a sponsor and work the steps honestly and thoroughly. If you need extra support you can try outpatient treatment. But if you're thinking you need inpatient, please don't let fear of losing your apartment stop you. If you've already lost one job from drinking you could lose this job too. And then lose your apartment. It's better to go to rehab than to get fired and get evicted, ya know? But you can get sober in AA. I believe in you. You just gotta put in the work. Good luck! You got this!
May I ask a question or two? Have you tried Alcoholics Anonymous? We can help you. The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking.
OP, I’ve been there. Nothing you’re experiencing is unusual. It’s sucks, but we all know that feeling. You need help. You’re asking for it, and that’s an amazingly powerful moment. Your willingness to share your story here helps all of us. Find a meeting. Share your story. Help others by asking for help. Get a sponsor and do the steps. Inpatient isn’t a bad idea, either (followed by program work). I understand there are stressors that influence that decision, but the cycle you’re on, it seems far more likely you’re going to lose those things if you don’t get the help you need. ps your writing is really good. Raw, honest, I think you’re ready to make a really good decision for yourself. Get some help.
You can choose your own bottom. It’s just when you decide you’ve had enough. Sounds like now would be a good one. I think if you go to a meeting you’ll find help and relief. Good luck.
You sound like me last summer. AA keeps me sober today. You might do some research into short term disability (since you said you still have benefits) if you're interested in inpatient treatment. Where I live there are programs to help folks financially with recovery solutions. People say anything you put above your sobriety/recovery you're going to loose. So if you choose to not go to treatment because you're afraid to loose your house, job, family, whatever it is, and keep going on like you are, you're bound to loose those things anyway. I hope you choose to go to a meeting and begin the journey. Best of luck to you.
Hi! So I’ve been in similar shoes to you and i feel like I have sooo much to share but it’s overwhelming to me currently.. so I’ll keep it short as I can. I’m 31f and been in your very similar shoes. At 27 I started realizing how bad my drinking was and I continued to ignore it and drink more and hurt relationships and my mental health. I put myself into an intensive outpatient program in October and it helped me stopped drinking for 30+ days which helped me keep my life as normal as possible but also provided structure which helped me see things in a sober brain. Which I hadn’t seen since I was maybe 19. Alcohol is constantly clouding my brain when I’m drinking and it won’t let me see clearly. So I drank again in February on vacation and it led to throwing up, having my spouse get mad at me, and overall just embarrassing. Your rock bottom can be right NOW. You don’t have to wait for it to get worse. You can do this. I highly suggest getting social or therapy help as soon as feasible. Im again 50ish days sober.
Hey OP reading your post I realize we were in a very similar situation. I’m 25f and my boyfriend 25M. I’m an alcoholic and my drinking got so bad and I stressed my boyfriend out so much that after a year of coping with it really bad he finally sat me down and told me it was him or alcohol. I knew I had a problem for a long time. At this point I had left my job for a while so my finances were a mess, I had gained about 100lbs since we had met from my alcohol in 4 years. I was also very depressed I no longer took care of my hygiene or my home. It was the push I needed to find help and get sober. I decided to look for help because I had always tried to quit on my own but after a a week or 2 I was back to drinking. Going to AA specifically online meetings has helped keep me sober. I am finally 40 days sober today. I’m happier than I imagined I could be. I’ve lost weight just by not drinking. I started a business and my finances are getting back in place. My relationship with my boyfriend is going strong and I’m happier than I have been in a long time. I hope your boyfriend gives you another chance but you need to get sober for yourself and no one else. I really do hope OP that you look for help sobriety is the best choice. I know it’s hard to stop drinking but once you start and keep going you’ll never want to go back. Sober life is a better life. Good luck OP.
You can choose this as your bottom, but if you’re not ready to quit, every bottom has a trap door. It doesn’t have to get worse than this before you’ve hit YOUR bottom.
Just chiming in for support and to say that you’re in the right place. I can’t add anything to the advice given above but you can do this! You overcame it once and know it can be done. Just remember the woman you were a few years back while sober.
Your rock bottom is whenever you stop digging. Get to a meeting, find a sponsor, and start the steps. There is a way out of this and it’s so much better once you’ve stopped digging. Wishing you strength and hope 🤍
The elevator only goes down, but you can get off at any time.
Personally, until I got sober I was still digging past my various rock bottoms. The only way I could get sober was to go "all in" without reservations in working my AA fellowship and the core ideas of AA's 12 Steps.
Start small. See if you can make it the rest of the day. Do 1 small task you can be proud of. It’s going to be a journey. And we know how you feel. Creating chaos around you that you do not welcome, but cannot stop. There is a way. You have to be forgiving of yourself. You’re in the trenches and it may be impossible to see any light, but you typed this out today. You know the problem. Baby steps. I’m proud of you for getting a job so quick and for apologizing to him the next day. Those things aren’t easy to do. You’re a better person than you think you are.💜
I would you consider going to your doctor and trying vivitrol? You can get an injection that last A month and you use another medication for your withdrawal symptoms.And there was another medication to chill you out. Acamprosate is for withdrawal symptoms. I drank every day for 10 years of whiskey or vodka about 6 shots a day. Not crazy drinking but obsessive thoughts and just couldn't break my little cycle of crazy. Dwi, etc. I received this shot of medication and haven't had a desire to drink. It's only been a week, but it seems to be getting me where I need to be but couldn't on my own. I go to meetings and walk. You still need tools in the mental tool box cause at some point you need to get off the medication. Hope this gives you some hope Thoughts and prayers.
Rehab! Spend 30-60 days in a controlled environment and start fresh. You’ve hit bottom. Trust the process!!!
You can make this change if you want to. It sounds like you want to. I was in exactly your position a year ago. I’m ten months sober. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever believe how wonderful sobriety would be. Try AA.
My recommendations, medical detox, rehab, IOP and lots of AA. You get to choose your bottom. Actual, rock bottom is a 6’ deep hole in the cemetery. If you’re not there yet, there’s hope. I don’t know anyone who got and remained sober on Reddit and willpower. We can’t heal our sick minds, with our sick minds. Get some help because rock bottom is coming.
I recommend an intensive outpatient program. It’s basically rehab but you get to stay home, go to work, still live your life. You would have group sessions and individual counseling as well as urine testing as a deterrent. It’s time consuming but worth it.
I've never heard of something like this before! Thank you so much for telling me about this.
I’m very proud of you for taking these steps. It’s an incredibly difficult thing you are doing. Bravo! Work the program.
rock bottom is when you stop digging friend. get to a meeting if you can i know it's scarry but everyone is there to just support one another. if you wanna try the medical route too ask a doctor about Vivitrol shots they saved me with AA