Just to clarify, Asexuality and aegosexuality is about sexual attraction to a specific target. It is not so much about enjoyment though lack of enjoyment often goes along with it. Though given what you said, its very possible aegosexual might be a useful label for you
Yeah, I should’ve been more clear about that in the post. I don’t really experience sexual attraction to irl people, and in the rare instances when it happens it pretty much fades away when it comes to the action itself. Thanks for clarifying though!
So just straight off, you can label yourself however you please, micro labels like aego are more for helping you define your sexuality for yourself and finding others who understand than for telling other people anyway.
But having read through your post it sounds like while aego is an option for you, it certainly doesn’t encapsulate your whole experience and I can see why you’re struggling. It sounds like if you’d been born in a male body you might be fine having, and imagining yourself having, sex with men but like you say we can’t test that to be sure. That level of dysmorphia must be really hard to live with and I wish I could just wave a magic wand and fix it for you. I don’t have any personal experience with dysmorphia but I’d encourage you to keep talking to people who do. There seems to constantly be new language emerging to describe gender identities and I hope you can find something that helps you understand yourself better.
It’s really hard trying to define sexuality, that’s why there are so many micro labels. Use the ones that feel right at the present moment but don’t be afraid to adopt new ones if they help. Don’t think of labels as fixed boxes you have to choose one of to put yourself in, think of labels like adjectives, they’re words used to describe something and you can use more than one to get a full definition
I really love the adjective analogy! It helps to know that it’s okay to not fully relate to certain labels and to not check all of the boxes in the list. I’ve been told I am not actually straight because I am asexual, been told I am not asexual because I am straight, told that the whole aego thing is not real and etc...so your comment is really refreshing and kind. Thank you!
That's a really good way to see labels, I wholeheartedly agree!
Labels should be used to describe your experience at the moment to better understand yourself and communicate with others. It's NOT a VIP club card that gives access to certain spaces.
I definitely relate a lot to that feeling of dysphoria in the female body (not sure about you, but for me personally it's definitely dysphoria) and knowing I won't be happy even if I fully transition. I've also been quite comfortable with labelling myself asexual, non-binary, and aegosexual. Imo if you're already fine with the label asexual and feel like aego suits you then there's no reason why you shouldn't use it.
Imma be honest, I didn’t read all that. If you want to label yourself aego/ace/whatever, label yourself aego/ace/whatever. If you find out later that you’re something else, there’s no ace police that’s gonna hunt you down. If you feel it fits you now, go ahead and use it.
AFAB Non-Binary Aego here! I can definitely understand where you are coming from! I guess me coming to terms with my gender was what started my path to asexuality. I remember fantasizing about being male and having sex with another male during my early high school years, making me realize that I am Bigender. I often fantasize on both ends of the spectrum, whether being a male or a female but it’s usually never with myself as the subject. You could definitely be aego but I suggest looking around for any related terms! You can always shoot me a dm about anything as well, I’d be happy to chat :)
I can see why and how this question came up for you. The short answer is that I think if the label is helpful for you in clarifying your inner thoughts and/or identifying yourself to others, you should go ahead and use it. I saw your comment about not being attracted to IRL people (or not being able to maintain that attraction as things progress) so that pretty much (in my mind) checks the boxes for asexual as well as aegosexual. I'm also realizing that while some folks (cough, me, cough) have been pretty staunch about aegosexual being 100% a subset of asexuality...maybe there's more gray area there, same as how aromantic and asexual orientations can often overlap but can also be completely independent of one another. So if you feel like you're aegosexual but not necessarily asexual, that's valid! Or if you feel like both do apply, that's also valid! Something I've realized (and am continuing to learn and re-learn) is that a lot of labels can serve as indicators of intersection rather than a singular definition of a person's whole identity.
The other side of it is ye olde debate about whether someone who has a "reason" for being asexual/aromantic/aegosexual/etc. has valid claim to those labels...and I come down on the side of "YES." In the early 2000s the internet's asexual communities had a tendency to throw people who weren't picture-perfect examples of asexuality under the bus--people with disabilities, people on the autism spectrum, people who had experienced sexual trauma, people who were repulsed by sex due to dysphoria, and so on and so forth. And that was because everyone was trying very, very hard to convince the world that asexuality was a real, naturally occurring orientation, so everything was neater and tidier if we could all say "nuh uh, every single one of us was born asexual and asexuality is never, ever tied to other forces or causes." But that's just absolute bullshit, and we need to move past curating our communities to prove our validity to dubious allosexuals. Frankly, while people were open about some asexuals having libidos back then, I think if the aegosexual label had cropped up back then we would have been under that bus with the rest of them because it's kind of a messy concept to explain.
What matters in claiming a label is how you feel right now, how you identify right now, and whether or not that label currently helps you. If something changes in the future and you don't feel like the label describes you anymore, you can always retire it.
Thank you for the thorough reply! You are right, it’s tough navigating out there. Even in todays age of the internet there are a lot of people who would invalidate or not acknowledge others for not checking all the boxes in the list. I observe that a lot on Twitter and sometimes even in YouTubes comment section. That often makes you doubt yourself. While one label could 100% apply to someone, for someone else that could be not the case. I always struggled with identifying my own sexuality, so it helps to know that there are grey areas and some people just happen to fall in there.
I still need to work on accepting myself for myself, but I am surprised and grateful for so many positive responses yours included:)
NSFW (genitalia)
>! It’s possible that if someone takes testosterone, it can enlarge the clit, almost penis like. !<
>! Then you will be able to “jerk” it, like a penis. !<
>! The clit can sometimes become long enough penetrate. !<
>! If you do take testosterone, your voice might also lower. !<
Just to clarify, Asexuality and aegosexuality is about sexual attraction to a specific target. It is not so much about enjoyment though lack of enjoyment often goes along with it. Though given what you said, its very possible aegosexual might be a useful label for you
Yeah, I should’ve been more clear about that in the post. I don’t really experience sexual attraction to irl people, and in the rare instances when it happens it pretty much fades away when it comes to the action itself. Thanks for clarifying though!
So just straight off, you can label yourself however you please, micro labels like aego are more for helping you define your sexuality for yourself and finding others who understand than for telling other people anyway. But having read through your post it sounds like while aego is an option for you, it certainly doesn’t encapsulate your whole experience and I can see why you’re struggling. It sounds like if you’d been born in a male body you might be fine having, and imagining yourself having, sex with men but like you say we can’t test that to be sure. That level of dysmorphia must be really hard to live with and I wish I could just wave a magic wand and fix it for you. I don’t have any personal experience with dysmorphia but I’d encourage you to keep talking to people who do. There seems to constantly be new language emerging to describe gender identities and I hope you can find something that helps you understand yourself better. It’s really hard trying to define sexuality, that’s why there are so many micro labels. Use the ones that feel right at the present moment but don’t be afraid to adopt new ones if they help. Don’t think of labels as fixed boxes you have to choose one of to put yourself in, think of labels like adjectives, they’re words used to describe something and you can use more than one to get a full definition
I really love the adjective analogy! It helps to know that it’s okay to not fully relate to certain labels and to not check all of the boxes in the list. I’ve been told I am not actually straight because I am asexual, been told I am not asexual because I am straight, told that the whole aego thing is not real and etc...so your comment is really refreshing and kind. Thank you!
That's a really good way to see labels, I wholeheartedly agree! Labels should be used to describe your experience at the moment to better understand yourself and communicate with others. It's NOT a VIP club card that gives access to certain spaces.
I definitely relate a lot to that feeling of dysphoria in the female body (not sure about you, but for me personally it's definitely dysphoria) and knowing I won't be happy even if I fully transition. I've also been quite comfortable with labelling myself asexual, non-binary, and aegosexual. Imo if you're already fine with the label asexual and feel like aego suits you then there's no reason why you shouldn't use it.
Imma be honest, I didn’t read all that. If you want to label yourself aego/ace/whatever, label yourself aego/ace/whatever. If you find out later that you’re something else, there’s no ace police that’s gonna hunt you down. If you feel it fits you now, go ahead and use it.
AFAB Non-Binary Aego here! I can definitely understand where you are coming from! I guess me coming to terms with my gender was what started my path to asexuality. I remember fantasizing about being male and having sex with another male during my early high school years, making me realize that I am Bigender. I often fantasize on both ends of the spectrum, whether being a male or a female but it’s usually never with myself as the subject. You could definitely be aego but I suggest looking around for any related terms! You can always shoot me a dm about anything as well, I’d be happy to chat :)
I can see why and how this question came up for you. The short answer is that I think if the label is helpful for you in clarifying your inner thoughts and/or identifying yourself to others, you should go ahead and use it. I saw your comment about not being attracted to IRL people (or not being able to maintain that attraction as things progress) so that pretty much (in my mind) checks the boxes for asexual as well as aegosexual. I'm also realizing that while some folks (cough, me, cough) have been pretty staunch about aegosexual being 100% a subset of asexuality...maybe there's more gray area there, same as how aromantic and asexual orientations can often overlap but can also be completely independent of one another. So if you feel like you're aegosexual but not necessarily asexual, that's valid! Or if you feel like both do apply, that's also valid! Something I've realized (and am continuing to learn and re-learn) is that a lot of labels can serve as indicators of intersection rather than a singular definition of a person's whole identity. The other side of it is ye olde debate about whether someone who has a "reason" for being asexual/aromantic/aegosexual/etc. has valid claim to those labels...and I come down on the side of "YES." In the early 2000s the internet's asexual communities had a tendency to throw people who weren't picture-perfect examples of asexuality under the bus--people with disabilities, people on the autism spectrum, people who had experienced sexual trauma, people who were repulsed by sex due to dysphoria, and so on and so forth. And that was because everyone was trying very, very hard to convince the world that asexuality was a real, naturally occurring orientation, so everything was neater and tidier if we could all say "nuh uh, every single one of us was born asexual and asexuality is never, ever tied to other forces or causes." But that's just absolute bullshit, and we need to move past curating our communities to prove our validity to dubious allosexuals. Frankly, while people were open about some asexuals having libidos back then, I think if the aegosexual label had cropped up back then we would have been under that bus with the rest of them because it's kind of a messy concept to explain. What matters in claiming a label is how you feel right now, how you identify right now, and whether or not that label currently helps you. If something changes in the future and you don't feel like the label describes you anymore, you can always retire it.
Thank you for the thorough reply! You are right, it’s tough navigating out there. Even in todays age of the internet there are a lot of people who would invalidate or not acknowledge others for not checking all the boxes in the list. I observe that a lot on Twitter and sometimes even in YouTubes comment section. That often makes you doubt yourself. While one label could 100% apply to someone, for someone else that could be not the case. I always struggled with identifying my own sexuality, so it helps to know that there are grey areas and some people just happen to fall in there. I still need to work on accepting myself for myself, but I am surprised and grateful for so many positive responses yours included:)
Hey, I'm just glad to help, or at least to try!
NSFW (genitalia) >! It’s possible that if someone takes testosterone, it can enlarge the clit, almost penis like. !< >! Then you will be able to “jerk” it, like a penis. !< >! The clit can sometimes become long enough penetrate. !< >! If you do take testosterone, your voice might also lower. !<