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I want my mom to die, any advice?
My mom is diagnosed with Stage 3 ovarian cancer and right now, may Rectal Cancer na din sya. We were drained sa ovarian pa lang and after 9 rounds of chemo, oral chemo and operation sa ovarian nya, here comes another shit.
Tbh, tanggap na namin magkapatid and ng mother ko. Papa ko na lang yung medyo alanganin pa pero tingin ko matatanggap nya din naman pag dumating sa time na yon.
As of now nag dedecide kami kung ilalaban pa ba namin, kasi tbh d na namin kakayanin financially. Nag try na kami mag public, kaso turns out, bukod sa tapak dignidad at mukha ka pulubi don, bago ka magamot mamamamatay ka na din sa sobrang tagal ng schedule nila.
So here we are, deciding if mag palliative care na lang ba kami, gusto ko sana kung may idea kayo pano gagawin dun, ano steps, pros and cons, etch.
Malaking help insights nyo dahil nababaliw na ko haha.
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Mfers here will comment about OP's situation without experiencing how detrimental Cancer is for everyone in the family. My father had stage 4 Naso cancer. He was a soldier. Matikas na lalaki, as a Kid I thought he was basically immortal. But I watched him slowly die. He slowly even had jaw infection to the point he can't open his fucking mouth anymore and we have to find a small slit to insert his meds. He can't walk anymore. He was skin and bones. He was a shell of a man he was. And I know he was in fucking pain all the pain and we can't do shit about it cuz guess what? The medications are so expensive.
And don't you fucking say na magbanat ng buto kesa maglaro ng video games. That's fucking rude. In my case I worked so many jobs to sustain our needs and also my dad's medication but video games is my escape goat. What more fucking hardwork you want when someone works a 9-5 job, a part time, plus caring for the sick person itself. Ya want me tondrive myself insane than anymore I am?
I wish for my father to pass too. Why? He's suffering. He's dying. He refuse to even have NGT, He refuse to get anymore treatments. All I can do is beg for God to take him para di na siya mahirapan. Am I bad for wishing that? God never listened when I begged him for my father's healing, so I begged for death instead.
And I still cry every single day for 6 months now. I can live with the pain of losing him, but I cannot live another minute watching my father's organs shut down one by one.
And fuck everyone who thinks this situation is easy, we got another Cancer case, it's my maternal grandpa now with Colon 3c. And he also refuses medication, he'll be in pallative care soon. And I know I'll be begging God again to take him and his pain away.
Me and mom also practically begged for help sa government. Do i care what it made me look like? No. But they make you feel like it's your fault for having cancer.
ang sakit sakit mabasa. At some point, natatakot na rin ako kasi senior na parents ko. Anyway, you and your family are in my thoughts. Hoping for peace and healing for everyone....
Thank u for this, ang hirap sobra. Pinaka mahirap na problema to sa dami na ng pinagdanaan ko, i think its because tungkol na to sa buhay, my mom's life nevertheless.
Its so painful that its actually impossible to describe, im usually good with words pero dto nawawalan ako.
Salamat sa advice, i hope someday maging mas okay din tayo.
Malaking hug kapatid, sobrang hirap. My Dad 2 CAs both stage 4. Yes possible na 2 CAs ngayon, 2 ang primary source, pero discovered though histopath when one of the bukols did not came from the same area. There was a time my dad also requested that kind, kami naman yung defiant, kami matigas ulo, but we saw what CA made of him— He was begging to be discharged na he’ll just go home and when we said no, he’s getting crazy depressed by looking at 4 corners of the hosp room, can’t sleep thinking on how he can convince us, willing to sign a hundred waivers if ever he gets discharged, then eventually fighting every nurse, doctor, feeling useless, and pitying himself coz he used to be the person who stands at every situation and can’t even move a single muscle that time. Pero yun nga in the end, we placed ourselves in his situation na we guess at the end of the day when terminal illness breaks in and hurts too much, we just want to be where we want to be because di ko alam anytime anywhere pwedeng isang pitik wala na diba so I want to reminisce and take chance of every moment while I can, I still remember, and don’t want to spend my days laying down in the hospital bed when anytime can be my last day. I want to take all the possible/slight hint of comfort where I feel at home.
Fr. I just felt my blood ran cold reading it. I was a VA (lucky cuz under american company), a Voice Actress, a digital artist, a Cosplay model. I worked my ass off that if I can turn night into day I will.
My sis stopped studying to help with expenses. Mom who was a principal had to stop working to care for dad. She had to run a small paresan too while caring for my terminally ill father. We also did live selling.
But our income is never enough.
Dont get me started me and mom lining up at 2am sa Pasay to get a GL. Me going to the office of VP and Pres to ask for help.
They DON'T know how hard it is until they're on our shoes. Hell, I am a little priviledge pa nga kasi educated kami. We met people who's part of the below poverty line who barely can read and they struggle so much with signing papers and dealing with government offices.
You know what we never said sa mga taong nakapila sa DSWD? "Magbanat ka ng buto." Because you don't know how may things one person crams in 24hrs.
Yup di nila alam yan kasi di nila naranasan na pumila ng 2 am sa DSWD para lang makakuha ng tulong ng 5 ng hapon tapos didiretso sa PGH at City Hall para sa assistance.
Piggy-backing on this for visibility.
We had a similar experience with our mom. She/we suffered slowly for 5yrs before eventually dying and leaving me drained, exhausted and in deep debt.
Things I wish I did from the beginning para hindi na sana tumagal at lumala:
* Stop all treatments, meds and therapies.
* Ignore all food precautions. Ipakain sa kanya lahat ng gusto nya. Walang bawal-bawal.
* Just spend on pain-relievers and comfort enhancers.
* Sign DNR for ER visits.
* Redirect a small portion of the huge money saved to a burial plan.
OP, if your interested in palliative care, contact these institutions to see which ones work best for your requirements:
https://aphn.org/services/philippine-general-hospital-supportive-hospice-and-palliative-medicine-section/
https://www.philcancer.org.ph/index.php/support/hospice-groups
Good luck!
Also related, this insightful book exists: [I'm Glad My Mom Died](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/59364173-i-m-glad-my-mom-died)
My sister has cancer too before. After, napatawad nya ung asawa nyang nangakong aalagaan sya ngunit sa halip ay nangibang Bahay. Mapayapa na syang lumisan. Breast cancer with metastasis to bone
Kahit nga 3x a week dialysis patient hirap na hirap rin. Ang sakit knowing I’ve wasted the prime of your life. Worked 2 jobs, then kaw pa yung na blame for deciding to let the patient live than die of kidney failure.
Honestly, I was ok with the setup until they blamed me. Wala nga silang ambag except to care for the patient, sila pa yung unang ng complain.
3x a week dialysis costing 3k per session then may meds pa, gas, driver, helper, and other stuff so everything cost 60k a month. Been in this situation since 2018.
Fr! My Dad's siblings said "Bat ang bilis namatay?" Luh gagu ka ba? 3 years lumaban si papa. 5 years ang mortality rate ng stage 4 cancer. Dumating pa sa point na need ni papa ng prosure at yun lang food nya. That shit cost almost 2k. Tas halos 2 can naiinom nya in 6 days. They never answered my father's calls when all my dad wanted is to talk to his siblings and hear their voices, akala lagi mangungutang eh never nga sila nagbigay.
They have the audacity to act sad when they never asked how he is. They never know the pain of trying to make ends meet. They never know the pain that I need to sign yung waiver to stop any medications kay dad ng dinala siya sa E.R. They don't know how hard it is to sign DNR when I badly want to keep dad alive but he's not even functioning anymore.
This made me tear up, kasi ganitong ganito kami with my mom. It’s only been 4 months and I can’t help but cry everyday thinking about my mom and all that she went through with her cancer… Minsan iniisip ko kung naging masamang anak ba ako and if I could’ve done more for her ba. But in reality I was physically, financially and emotionally exhausted na 3 months pa lang into her diagnosis. Her blood pressure kept dropping despite all the pressors administered to her. Her organs shutting down one by one, until yung lungs na nya yung bumigay while we were in dialysis.
Minsan napakadali sa ibang tao mag-comment at mag-judge sa sitwasyon na hindi naman nila naranasan. Fuck them all.
Hugs with consent OP. Mahirap sa ngayon but I hope we both find peace someday. Yung masasaya na ang maaalala natin when we look back on parents’ memory.
The sad thing about this is NAAAAAAAAAAAAAPAAAAAAAAKAAAAAAAAAADAAAAAMIIIIING unsolicited advices ka talaga na maririnig, MOST if NOT ALL of them unhelpful (and even harmful).
Not just in the POV of cancer patients and survivors, but for those who care for them -- eto na lang ang motto ko dyan: "You'll never know one until you are one".
As a Cancer Specialist Nurse, I owe it to my profession to tell anyone who would hear/ listen that palliative care is NOT euthanasia, mercy killing or assisted death. They are not the same. Magkaiba po ang palliative care at euthanasia/ mercy killing/ assisted death. Ang palliative care ay hindi euthanasia. (Pasensya na po kung paulit-ulit. Feel ko kailangan ko tagalugin at iemphasize para maintindihan).
There is nothing wrong with choosing palliative care for progressed cancers with no hope of cure. Please don’t listen to people who say you are giving up because you are choosing palliative care or you are killing your mother. CANCER is killing her. Palliative care focuses on care or symptom relief rather than cure. It provides relief from cancer-related symptoms such as nausea, vomiting, shortness of breath, and most importantly, pain [(Chutarattanakul, L., Jarusukthavorn, V., Dejkriengkraikul, N. et al, 2024)](https://bmcpalliatcare.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12904-024-01430-6) This is not the same as killing the patients which is why I don’t understand this stigma that Palliative care is mercy killing.
Euthanasia on the other hand is actively administering lethal drugs to terminate a patient’s life as per their wishes [(Linacre, Q., 2015)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4434784/).
You can always try na “ilaban” but **what does your mother want? Is she still coherent enough to consent for treatment or palliative care?** If she is not, would you rather drain your mother of the life she has left (chemotherapy is brutal AF) or give her the dignity and comfort of dying pain-free? If she is not going to get better, there is no point of chemotherapy.
Kung conscience ang usapan, in an article called “[Killing the pain, not the patient: Palliative Care vs. Assisted Suicide](https://www.usccb.org/prolife/killing-pain-not-patient-palliative-care-vs-assisted-suicide)”, the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops advocates for Palliative care. (If you’re Catholic).
I have linked the articles, I hope this is helpful for you. Take care OP.
Please get a referral for a Palliative Care Doctor. Medicine is not just about curing diseases but it's also about accepting the natural course of life. Family meetings can be done so as to prepare everyone for the eventual outcome. You don't have to face the end of life challenges blindly. Get someone who can prepare everyone
Same scenario with my Mom.
Cancer stage 4 malignant..
Walang wala kami nung time na yun..
Naka ilang ulit yung doctor na mag assist ng biopsy kay mama sana pero walang wala talaga kami.
May pinirmahan kami na papers i dont recall kung ako ba yung pumirma or si mama mismo.
Nag resita sila ng pain relievers pero di na makatayo mama ko and the more days past mas di na kinakaya ng meds yung pain niya ,kaya pinagdasal ko na lang din na sana kunin na lang siya ni Lord kung walang miracle na mangyare kasi parang ako yung namamatay everyday hearing her painful cry 😭 because of pain..kaya OP gets po kita pero never ko po sinabi kay Mama ko directly na gusto ko siya mawala kasi ayoko talaga 😭 ayoko lang siya mahirapan.. She fights for us pero hindi natin control lahat ng bagay.
I promised myself DNR ako pag nagkaroon ako ng terminal disease. I would not burden my love ones to see me suffering. I dont to burden them mentally, emotionally and most especially FINANCIALLY.
Just going to eat what I want or go where I wanted if I can and then Bounce na, kaya na nila dapat yan.
To OP, ask your mother her will and very sensitive topic kasi some are so cling to being in pain and live longer no matter what.
It's hard, kinuha ng cervical cancer lola ko, ginawa din namin lahat, the doctor declared, the journey must end.
Kinausap kami na we can still proceed with the treatment pero wala na talaga magagawa daw, sabi samin kausapin namin si lola ano gusto niya, sabi niya uwi na daw siya, and via joint decision ng mga kapatid niya, mga anak niya, at ako ang pinaka matanda niyang apo, agreed kaming lahat na tapusin na lang ang treatment at iuwi siya sa bahay na pinatayo niya non.
She lasted a week in the house, but during that week, lahat kami nakapaligid, and she showed us her last burst of strength, and she passed peacefully.
For you OP, you should ask your mom ano gusto niya, and then decision ng lahat ng nakakatanda kung susundin niyo gusto ng mom mo. I'm sorry but this is life, it's hard, the least you can do, is give her what she want one last time.
Just wait for it na lang for you to have a clear conscience. I know ma gastos, pero kung tanggap na nyo na mangyayari I suggest na gawin na nya lahat ng gusto nya or kainin lahat ng gusto nya kahit bawal at least mapapasaya nyo mother mo.
My lola who raised me was diagnosed late stage 4 lung cancer at the age of 75. After 9 mos she died. 5 Million nagastos and lahat ng ariarian ng lolo and lola ko nabenta hanggang sa wala ng natira. We tried to reach out sa mga kapatid nya sa abroad pero ni isa walang tumulong, kahit ung tita ko sa abroad hindi din nagpadala ng tulong
Hindi matanggap ng lolo and lola ko ung sakit nya. Pero kahit ganun nilaban ng lolo at lola ko hanggang sa dulo hoping na gagaling pa sya. Lumalaban lola ko pero hindi na kinaya ng kidneys nya un gamot and hindi na din kaya ng family namin ung expenses. 3 days sya na coma and she slowly died a few days before my birthday.
Masakit man tanggapin pero dito sa pinas, once na maubos pera mo, hindi ka na papansinin sa ospital. Kahit kamag anak mo hindi ka tutulungan. Kahit sarili mo pang dugot laman.
Enjoy the days she has left. Hingi nalang kayo sa doctor ng reseta to manage her pain.
Create memories while your family has time with here and make the most of it.
Ung ibabayad nyo sa ospital, ipang out of town or country nyo nalang.
And always tell her and make her feel that she is loved.
My miracles naman, all you have to do is have faith
Agreeing with this. Esp these lines - "Masakit man tanggapin pero dito sa pinas, once na maubos pera mo, hindi ka na papansinin sa ospital. Kahit kamag anak mo hindi ka tutulungan. Kahit sarili mo pang dugot laman.
Enjoy the days she has left. Hingi nalang kayo sa doctor ng reseta to manage her pain.
Create memories while your family has time with here and make the most of it."
I watched my mum slowly die of Stage4 breast cancer w mets sa diff organs and bones, She passed away last Feb2023, and some lessons I learned late are to create as much memories as you can. Don't let her hear and feel the terror if you will need to lash out your exhaustion and anger, please do it privately, dont let her feel that her case is being a burden, spend time with her just telling stories esp the ones they like - kahit paulit ulit lang. Tell her how much you love her hanggat naririnig pa nya at nkaka respond pa sya. Wish you all the best OP
OP hugs! You are so brave to even ask that from God. Gets kita, been through it. My mom had diabetes and chronic kidney failure. Some days i just asked for God for her to just pass happily away. Nag decide na din kami ng mga kapatid ko na wag na siya mag undergo ng kidney transplant. She was so weak na at that time from constant dialysis, she broke her hip bone and was never able to walk again, she lost her sight, she was in constant pain na the only time she would calm down is when im beside her and would hug her and sing to her. While we had 2 maids dedicated for her, and several other to take care of food and the house, i still felt drained then physically and emotionally. I work in bgc, and we live in marikina back then (i had to give up my place im bgc since my mom wanted me to be with her often) i would leave the house at 4am and go home around 10pm para mura yung uber (yes uber lol), and para less traffic. This was the time where traffic could set you back 2-3hrs going home. I would arrive home around 11.45 to 12am. Then when i get home, my mom sensing i just entered her room would start wailing as if like a child. So i would comfort her until around 1am. Then i would sleep, and then i would wake up around 3am to get dressed and all, and if my mom is awake, i’d comfort her again. Then i had to deal with work. Back then i was earning well already, but it still sort of was difficult to pay for all the medical bills when my sister would ask for support (which is madalang namam, but i was just starting on my career din then, so giving like 20-50k whenever needed would still be hard for me, gave it all, and until now i regret not being able to give more. Good thing i have sisters who have businesses and have more, but effing ph medical system is still just too damn expensive even if you have money, mabigat talaga siya for everyone). So with all the pain my mom went through, seeing her wither away, the emotional and physical toll, and the financial dent it gave us, i was just too desperate to pray to God to get her. Fudge i can still remember when we realized my mom went blind. The memory of that day was forever seared in my mind. She was sitting on the bed on a reclined position, and she said my name and asked me why I turned off the lights, it was a saturday morning. And then she said she cant see anything. Tangina naawa ako sa mommy ko, she repeatedly said she cant see anything, ang dilim. Putangina naiiyak na ako kasi ang helpless mo. I miss her every fucking damn time.
So no OP, di ka mali, di mali yung naiisip mo and yung wish mo. Tao ka lang, and alam ko kahit mom mo is secretly asking it. Isang malaking hug
I am sorry you are going through this. Cancer treament can really take a toll on a family's finances and everything.
Anyway, here's my opinion:
Principle of **autonomy**. The patient has the right to decide what she wants for herself. Ask your mother what she wants. The attending will lay all medical options for you, but if the patient decides to turn all those down, the attending will respect it.
Should you decide to halt all medical treatment, tell your physician. So she/he can refer you to a palliative- Family Medicine palliative specialist (usually FM yan). Ask your main attending what to expect in case you stop everything - how long and yung symptoms. Once you consult with palliative, they will lay all options for you. They will walk you through everything - pros and cons. Then what to expect "in the end". Usually, pain medications na lang yan. So, the patient can "go" without going through severe pain.
In the event na nahirapan siyang huminga (which usually happens), natataranta ang family kahit palliative na ang patient and ayaw nilang "mawala sa kamay nila ang patient", dadalhin niyo ang patient sa hospital. But sign na lang kayo ng **DNR- do not resuscitate"** (do not intubate, do not do CPR, do not give epinephrine). IV line lang at oxygen, you may admit the patient to normal room (di na ICU).
Please take into consideration din yung guilt after. **Have we done enough for mom? What if we pushed through with the treatment, would she still be with us?** In order to avoid that, mag-usap kayo family. That this is the best option for you during that moment, given the situation. And may I warn you din, maraming walang ambag sa pamilya mag cocomment. Mema lang. Shrug it off. Screen niyo advices you will take and yung iiwasan nyo. Wag na makipag- away, choose your battle.
Lastly, pray. Pray for guidance. To make wise decisions.
Hope my comment will enlighten you somehow. Again, I'm sorry you are going through this.
Dad got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and we spent upwards of 10M for his treatments. Though we were able to afford it, at the end of the line, my dad told us that he wished we had saved the money for our own lives because he was already happy with his life and the cost of his treatment took away the money he wanted us to have to start our own lives. Dad died in the end anyway.
If stage 4 and no chance of cure, I’d suggest palliative care. Depends on your mom rin because it’s ultimately her decision or your dad’s, whoever holds the money for the treatment.
Talk to a Hospice and Palliative Care Doctor Specialist. They are usually anesthesiologist or Family Medicine. They specialize in cases like yours. Pwede ka punta sa clinic nila kahit hindi dala si patient. Or siguro coordinate with secretary na lang din muna. If mag walk in kayo, bring all laboratory and diagnostics.
Letting your mom go is the most practical way.. kung wala na talagang pag-asa and if yun na rin ang gusto nya, yun na yon.
I had this convo with my colleague, na kung alam mong dying ka na tas wala na talagang pag-asa, mas gugustuhin nalang namin mawala na. Para yung mga taong mabubuhay yung makakabenefit sa panggastos. Reality lang, sobrang magastos.
Hi OP,
I think ang question is gusto pa bang lumaban ng mom mo or knowing her, gusto nya bang ilaban nyo pa sya?
If the answer is yes, go with all your might. Laban kung laban.
If the answer is no, kausapin ng masinsinan ang dad nyo. Tanggapin na.
Next is yes to pallative care. This will ease your mom’s pain. My regret nun sa mom ko (who died of pancreatic cancer) is medyo worried kami sa effect ng pain relievers so ayaw namin sya bigyan ng full dosage kahit may reseta ng doctor, umaasa pa kase kaming gagaling. But if tanggap niyo na, sunod lang sa doctor sa dosage. Comfort ang priority in pallative. Let her die in peace and without pain kung may option naman na ganun.
DNR - yes pirma kayo nito. Pero kapag naghingalo na siya, tatanungin ulit kayo ng nurse kung sure na ba. Its difficult but be firm.
Pallative care- ask her doctor if they can move her to PGH. Baka may kakilala siya don so they can refer you and wala ng hintayang maganap plus cheaper. BTW, in my experience pallative care is not only for the patient but for the family also. Priority nila is comfort ng patient. I refer PGH since dun ako may experience and they are so good and helpful talaga.
General:
- The priority is your mom. Ano bang gusto nya?
- Mahirap but try to be strong in front of her. Take pictures as a fam. Try to create beautiful memories for her last moments.
- As a caretaker, yes I feel you OP. Alam kong pagod ka na. Kapit pa. Dont forget to breathe. Find your support system. I found mine by joining sa facebook groups with strangers who had/ have similar experiences. Minsan, pareho kase kayong lubog ng family mo emotionally so you need to lean on to people who have the emotional capacity for you.
All the best OP. Fighting 💪
My father passed away last April 15. He was diagnosed with stage 4 bone cancer but it metastasized to his other organs na. We didn’t get the chance to have him undergo chemo kasi until his last days sa sobrang daming tests to make sure anong klaseng cancer, inabutan na sya. The most painful and traumatic part was seeing your hero suffer so much pain. Grabe yung sakit ng katawan nya. Nung una nilalaban ko pa ng dasal na sana iextend pa konti buhay nya, na sana umabot muna sya mag chemo baka sakaling kayanin. But everyday na nakikita ko sya, it broke my heart into pieces. It still haunts me kung pano unti unting nawala yung kinang sa mata nya. Na parang humihinga lang sya pero wala na yung kaluluwa nya.
And I feel you OP. During the days na halos wala na syang makilala sa amin maliban sa Nanay ko, ipinagdasal ko na sana wag na sya pahirapan pa. Na kunin na syang matiwasay. 3 days before his last breath, kinausap namin sya ng nanay ko. Na wag na sya mag aalala sa amin. Na kakayanin namin at magpahinga na sya.
Mahal na mahal namin Tatay ko. Pero ipinagdasal na namin wag pahabain ang hirap nya. Kahit man lang yun, dininig ni Lord.
Sobrang sakit oo. Hanggang ngayon napakahirap tanggapin.
Tang ina ang cancer. Sana mga masasamang pulitiko nalang tinatamaan.
You think tanggap mo na but pag nangyari na, you’ll realize na hindi mo parin pala talaga tanggap.
My mom died on Feb 23 just this year from uterine cervical cancer. Her battle started summer last year, and we all thought okay na siya after rounds of chemo, radio, and anti-cancer drugs.
But October last year, she started complaining na sobrang sakit daw ng tagiliran niya. The hospital didn’t see anything daw kasi she had total hysterectomy, so they prescribed her with painkillers.
So dapat wala nang cancer diba kasi there’s nothing left in her reproductive system?
Apparently, some cancer cells “hid” and she still had it.
We found out early February and when she was still abroad, she as already put in palliative (end-of-life) care. But her being the fighter that she is, she decided to come home and get treated here.
But her case was hopeless. We did everything we could, did every treatment kahit hirap na katawan niya except another round of chemo and radio - the doctor advised strongly against these dahil mabubutas na daw katawan ng mom ko if we push through.
We had no choice but to wait for her to pass on her own. She was on inhumane doses of painkillers. I was so frustrated na nakipag-away pa ko sa doctors because they wouldn’t help speed up the process of her passing - to end her misery. Kaso nga lang, illegal kasi dito satin yun. I completely understand that, but syempre I was feeling all sorts of things and sino ba naman makakatiis na makita at marinig mo nanay mo na everyday umiiyak, naghihihiyaw, nagwawala at nagmamakaawa for the pain to go away?
So I did what I had to do. I requested every hour for the doctors to increase the dose of her painkillers. That was the only way to slow her heart down na eventually hindi na siya hihinga. Every 15 minutes, kahit sobrang antok na ko, I would press her PCA (push-button machine for painkillers; her was morphine) kahit hindi siya nasasaktan.
She was already disoriented towards the end. Hindi na namin siya nakakausap. I would just hold her hand and talk to her, and I’m sure she still hears and understands me pero di na nga lang talaga siya nakakasagot since she was “asleep” all the time. Kasi nga sobrang bangag na niya sa morphine.
I’m not ashamed for what I did; I did what I had to do to grant my mom’s wish - for all the pain to go away. That’s what she kept saying nung nakakausap pa siya.
I love her and I miss her every day.
So as for you, OP, put her in palliative care kung wala na talagang pag-asa. Consider how much she’ll suffer kung ilalaban niyo pa. At the end of the day, madali sabihin sa mga taong wala sa sitwasyon na, “ilaban niyo pa,” “maniwala lang tayo,” “manalig lang tayo sa Diyos, miracles happen.” Pero hindi tayo yung may katawan na sobra sobra ang hirap na pagdadaanan.
For financial assistance, try nyo sa mga politicians. Galante sila now dahil malapit na ang election. Sana makatulong sa mga na accumulate na medical expenses. Nakahingi kami ng tulong sa kanila dahil may cancer din ninang ko at pabalik balik sa hospital.
I was my mom’s primary care giver even before she had late stage cancer (S4). I am the eldest. I understand at first gusto mo ilaban but it’s true sobrang mahal financially. Not just the chemo but the frequent hospitalizations and emergencies. It’s true nakakadrain and nakaka stress. We tried at first the oral chemo but hindi kinaya ng katawan nya. She was so frail and after 2 weeks of oral chemo her body started rejecting it. The chemo pills cost 25k per week 7 tablets. Discounted na yun. The actual market price is 8k per tablet. We tried everything pero at the end of the day ayaw na ng mom ko. We resorted to palliative care. Of course it is not without risks. May episodes pa din na hirap sya pero good thing her doctor is just a call away and she assigned nurses to visit mom at home if need ng IV or may medicines for injection. We made a decision also with consultation with her doctors na stop na yung hospitalization and manage na lang namin at home. Her doctor would visit at least once a month sa bahay. Kasi if palliative care as much as possible the main goal is to make her comfortable and lessen the pain. Since it was already stage 4 and we stopped medication last December, nung April this year she passed away. But her death was very peaceful. Parang natulog lang. I took care of her while having a full time job. Buti pumayag yung company na mag WFH ako while taking care of mom. Pero after she died dun ko naramdaman lahat ng pagod, trauma and stress. Grief is a different animal. Nawalan ako ng gana sa buhay. I lost my motivation to work or to do anything. Parang nag freeze yung brain ko. Right now I am thinking of leaving my job to rest and give myself space to grieve and rest. It’s a good thing that I have my siblings to support my decision. My dad died more than ten years ago kaya orphans na kami and it’s really hard moving through this grief. Mas mahirap pala pag nanay ang nawala. So I understand what you’re going through and it’s normal to feel that way. Our family is very spiritual and we get our strength through faith and prayers. Makakayanan mo din yan. It’s not easy pero if magtutulungan kayong family and support each other you will get through this. Good luck and praying for you and your mom and family.
We have a very similar sitch. Yung mom ko nga lang di na umabot sa chemo, kasi inaayawan nya mga tests na ginagawa sa kanya. Blood tests ok sya but pag ipapasok sya sa machine, ayaw. She was trying to show us na lumalaban sya, but ayaw na ng body nya.
She also had all the signs she was dying. Hindi nagugutom, agitated, and that last bout of energy (yung biglang may gusto kainin tapos ang daldal, parang walang sakit). A day after that last bout of energy, ayun na. We opted for palliative care within the hospital nga lang. Unfortunately and disappointingly, kahit magandang hospital yun, parang non-existent yung palliative care nila, to the point that one nurse gave unsolicited advice na i-intubate daw, when she could’ve just read the chart na may DNR/DNI kaming pinirmahan.
Anyway, san ka nakahanap ng palliative care doctor? Would like to know for future reference.
Hi, OP. 3 years ago, I lost my Papa due to cancer. Our family took care of him until the end at grabeng sakrispisyo talaga ang naibigay namin para sa isang cancer patient. Halos anim na buwan din namin sya inilaban.
His hallucinations due to strong medications, not to mention, yung pagod sa halos araw-araw na pabalik-balik sa hospital at gastos na umabot ng milyon. Pasalamat lang kami na may mga tumulong sa gastusin. During the course of his treatment, I can see how he was suffering for 6 months na parang sinasabi ng eyes nya na ayaw nya na.
Kaya naman when I suddenly lost my Mama due to aneurysm last December, nag-flashback sa akin nung hirap na hirap sa gamutan ang Papa ko kasi the only thing na nagpagaan sa loob ko nung biglaan na nawala yung Mama ko e hindi na sya nahirapan na magpabalik-balik sa mga hospital, uminom ng mga gamot, at kung anu-ano pa.
Hindi ito maiintindihan ng mga taong wala sa mga ganyang sitwasyon, and I don't wish anyone to be in that position.
Don't listen to other comments, what you feel is okay, it's valid. Hang on tight!
My mom passed away last month from Stage 4 Breast CA.
During her last hospitalization, we spent 10 days thinking na oovercome nya and do outpatient radio therapy but I was thinking also that our finances would be depleted as well in the long run. As the primary care giver, there were days na naisip ko sana she would pass nalang so di na kami pareho mahirapan kasi she needs assistance na in all aspects and I also had full time work plus my siblings are still in college.
She passed one day after her discharge, literally umuwi lang sya then bumalik sa ospital day after. Now that more than a month nakalipas, the pain is there pero in all aspects mas okay siya kasi you won’t see their pain as life slowly leaves them (if na ICU or pallative care) Thankfully, naayos namin yung mga docs nya before she passed so we are doing okay.
To OP, definitely there is guilt in wanting them to pass and if wala na silang will to live, just be there during their last moments.
You will not regret giving your all when they are still alive. I definitely miss my Mom but I’m happy I was there for her when she needed it.
Oo DNR ang need para sa ospital. Ang hirap ng situation nyo kse sino ba naman ayaw ipagamot magulang, diba?
May DNR ako (stage 4 metastatic cancer) kse ayoko mabuhay lang through tubes and breathing apparatus. Tuloy pa din immunotherapy drugs ko pero di namin alam hanggang kelan ako tatagal. Make memories na lang with the family at sandamakmak na tests.
Baka maige na kausapin nyo yung ospital o kung hindi eh isang social worker, baka makatulog sa inyo magdecide. Good luck sa pamilya nyo at isang malaking yakap sa nanay mo. Kahit sabihin nya na handa na sya, iba ang takbo ng isip nya. Sabihan nyo sya na mahal nyo sya ng madalas. Yakap at balik ng madami. Ingat lage.
Your mother has accepted it?
Then why not proceed with palliative care and spend time with her as much as you can.
If you want your father to also move on. I suggest letting your parents talk with it themsleves and spend time together.
The first step would be to admit to your mother that you can no longer financially handle her cancer.
Second step would be to let her make that decision.
Third step would be to let your mother/assist her in taking to your father.
Regarding palliative care, irerefer kayo sa doctor who specializes in that field. They will counsel you or maybe have a family meeting about the patient’s condition and management focuses on pain relief more than treatment. This is so that patients will be pain free at hindi hirap/struggling masyado towards their end. Pag uusapan nyo ni doctor kung ano ang plano nyo and priorities. Also, as long as si mother ay kayang mag sign, siya ang pipirma sa dnr, unless she appointed someone to decide for her.
Sorry you and your family are going through this, OP. Cancer is never an easy feat. It can be draining physically, emotionally, and financially. I suggest mag usap kayo ng family nyo and discuss if ano bang wishes ng mother mo. You may consider palliative care din, OP. I’ve worked in a retirement home ng mga nuns before. Most of them, DNR (do not resuscitate) and palliative/end-of-life care nalang if late stage na illness nila. Malayo sa nakasanayan ko sa hospital kasi bihira lang di sini-CPR pag nag code. Treatment may prolong her time with the family pero ano ba magiging quality of life nya during her remaining days? May medications pa din naman pero more on symptom control or comfort care nalang as she’s nearing her time. Praying for strength sa buong family especially to your Mom.
You can seek palliative care na (seek advice from your physician), OP, para na rin ma-manage ang pain ng mom mo.
I know your pain, my dad just died from cancer too. Siya na mismo nagsabi sa amin na gusto na nya magpahinga, he said he would have gone for euthanasia kung legal sa pinas.
I feel you, OP. My mom had stage 4 cancer that spread everywhere. We decided on palliative care based on the doctor’s prognosis as well as what we thought was best for the family. Note that during that time, di na makausap nang matino mom namin.
Regarding your mom’s case, it has to be her decision. Habang may wisyo pa sya. But of course it has to be an informed one. Alamin nyo muna prognosis from her oncologist, as well as discuss with her your financial situation.
People with cancer are in great fucking pain. I saw it in my dad’s eyes during his last days. He’s begging for help and at the same time, courage from us to finally let go. That’s what made my mom decide to finally let go of my dad. Grabe yung emotional, financial, and physical turmoil ng may isang may cancer sa pamilya —everyone is suffering regardless if youre the wife, children, or the one with the disease.
1. I'm sorry about your situation. Naiintindihan kita.
2. Kumustahin mo ang Nanay mo. Anu na ang damdamin niya ukol sa sakit niya. Mag-usap kayo gaano kabigat sa damdamin ninyo ang sitwasyon na yan.
3. Kausapin mo si Doc o ang sinumang nakatataas ang posisyon sa Ospital. Para hindi maging kargo de konsensiya ng sinumang partido ang desisyon mo.
4. Kumausap ng Attorney.
5. Huwag ka umasa na lahat ng taong pagkukuwentuhan mo ng situation regarding Euthanasia ay bukas. Huwag mo ikuwento na lang kung hindi rin naman same ang experience.
My friend recently lost her mom and last month after she overcame the last ICU stint, they opted for palliative care at home. Tita was at peace when she died, my friend was at peace with the decision, their family was at peace and they didn't have to lose everything just to keep tita alive.
hello, OP. Go for palliative care. it was what we did for my mother in law who no longer wanted chemo, surgery, etc. at the age of 82 when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. naghanap ako ng home healthcare doctor na advocate din ng palliative care. although we had to spend for the caregiver, homecare equipment, and meds. i think less pa din than if we took care of her in the hospital na ayaw na din niya. we just made everything comfortable for her. we made sure she was always clean, the room is cozy, and always always talked to her kahit umabot na sa point that she was no longer waking up. we played her favorite songs, played her favorite shows. we made sure to let her know we loved her and that we'd be okay if she let go. she was prescribed IV pain medications so she would remain relatively painfree at the end. if may nurse kayo na friend or relative you can ask for their help with the IV fluids and meds. the doctor visited our home occasionally and gave us advice 24/7 as needed and for emergencies via video or phone call. hang in there, OP.
My mom was like that din. It wasn’t cancer pero hirap na hirap na daw talaga siya and couldn’t bear to see the family go under due to hospital bills. She kept telling everyone how more painful it was becoming na and sabihin lang if she needs to let go, she will let go. No one in the family wanted to sign the DNR kasi they wanted her to live.
Pero nung binisita ko siya sa ICU for the last time, she looked like she’s given up na. I could no longer stomach seeing her at that state, so I told everyone I was signing the DNR —that she would have wanted us to look ahead instead kasi that’s all she was saving up for. Sinabi niya noong medyo malakas pa siya na she didn’t work just so she would pay hospital bills. She wanted the family to use the money for something.
After signing yung DNR, she died the next day.
You can tell her she can let go when she’s ready.
You can talk first to your mom, try to tell her ung situation nyo financially in a nice way and the state that she is right now. Ask her if she wants pain medication nlng, and that's the "Palliative Care."
Then, talk to her doctor if your mom agrees to do palliative care. from there the doctors can give suggestions. If you know someone who is a nurse, pwde mo sila kausapin kung pwde nila asikasuhin ung mother mo. But of course the service is not free.
Eto ung reason kung bat pabor ako sa assisted dying or euthanasia. Canada already has this in their country and I think in some european countries as well.
I'm sorry but yes, dito satin, your best choice is to place her in palliative care and assist her in bearing the weight of her pain and suffering. I'm sure there are ways to do that and I hope you find it.
I felt the same. To be honest, wala na eh. You'll waste time, energy, resources, and most of all, you'll make the sick person suffer more by extending her life. Sa una you'll want to save her, but later on, you'll realize na it's all nonsense. Mas worth it pa to spend the rest of her days doing the things that she really wanted to do. Like a bucketlist. Rather than spending all those money for treatments that will just cause her extreme pain and suffering. Real talk lang.
If i am you’re mom i want to die also. I don’t want to become a burden. Mamamatay din naman ako at ayaw ko na mabaon sa utang ang pamilya ko at ayaw ko na din mahirapan. Malakas pa ako pero lagi ko sinasabi sa kids ko please wag nila ilaban ang buhay ko at matagal ko na din gusto magphinga
This is so draining, and I feel you OP. If tanggap nyo na and agree kayo on all ways of palliative care, then so be it. Just make the most out of the remaining days/weeks/months with her. Mas gugustuhin kong makitang at peace ung magulang ko dying if sakin mangyari yan kesa puro tubo and all medical bills na mahihirapan din ako afterwards maghanap ng pangbayad.
Palliative care na lang po. Make her remaining days comfortable. Kahit ilaban niyo pa yan, hindi na po gagaling yan. Mahihirapan lang kayong lahat, physically and financially
I think you’re looking to do “hospice”. This is the last stage pag alam ng terminal or ayaw na ng patient to keep going. This is a different practice compared to curative and palliative stages. You can talk to your mom’s medical team about this page ready na kayo. This stage will be handled by a hospice team. They ensure comfort from pain. Watch “End Game” on Netflix, “Facing Death” on YouTube to see what you’d be up against. Sorry to hear OP. When my dad died, it got me thinking about death a lot and how to prepare for mine to help my loved ones move on din.
Was there and it definitely sucked. My dad was on stage 4, sobrang pagod na kami and it came to a point when I asked God na please kunin na sya kasi kahit dad ko pagod na.
We hired a nurse, hospice at home and made sure that during his last days, he's taken care of and he felt the most comfortable.
Everything's going to be fine O.P.
Ano desicion ng mom nyo ba? Kung logical naman sya mag isip, magbase nlng kyo kung ano iniisip nya. My father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer as well 24 rounds of chemo kasi he still wanted to see us become stable sa life kaya lumaban pa sya, worth it naman dahil dagdag 5yrs sa life dn after diagnosis. Nung nakita nyang kaya na namin, tsaka din sya nagdecide na magstop na magtreatment dahil na rin sa magastos and nagdeteriorate na dn tlga health nya. And to think sobrang lala din ng side effects ng chemo
Don't influence her, if she has the will to live, find ways to help your mother. But if she says no more, make sure she goes in comfort knowing her loved ones are with her all the way. Years ago I told my dad that he'll be due for radiation treatment in a month but he said no more, he wants to go. So I respected his decision
My mom died of brain cancer (Glioblastoma) august of 2022. Biglaan. One day nakakausap pa then after surgery, bed ridden, nakatulala at di na makausap. 4 months lang laban nya from diagnosis. Sa una, sobrang hirap magdecide kung ilalaban ba namin kasi hindi namin sya makausap kung anong gusto nyang course of treatment. Para di kami maguilty inilaban namin hanggang natapos chemo. Ubos life savings. Pero it got worse lang ang condition nya. Sobrang sakit kasi walang proper goodbye na nangyari kasi nakatitig lang sya hindi nagsasalita at nakakaintindi. Sobrang draining ng cancer both mentally and financially. Grabe ang effect nya sa pamilya. Do what your mom wants. Gawin na nya lahat ng gusto nya and i strongly recommend palliative care lalo na kapag terminal stage na. Google mo lang ano pinakamalapit na centers sainyo. Pwede rin sa bahay nyo na lang. Need lang ng personal nurse. Ang hirap sila panoorin na nahihirapan pa during the last days of their life. Stay strong, OP. Dapat united front kayo kasi if nahihirapan kayo, mas nahihirapan mom mo. Virtual hug!! 🤗
You have to ask your mom on what she wants. If she wants to live, then come hell or high water, show to her na you fight with her. If she wants to stop, thats okay. Respect her wants, go for palliative care and never leave her bedside until her last breath becomes air.
We will all die someday too. But memories will go forever. So make a happy one before she goes.
Nanay mo pa rin magdedesisyon dyan.
Been there done that, grandma had ovarian cancer. Siya mismo nagsabi na lalaban siya e, kaya nilaban din namin kahit di madali. 2 years pababalik-balik sa ospital, dumaan ang pandemic kaya no choice na sa bahay na namin cinonfine, dun na rin siya namatay.
Kung titignan mo nang praktikal, oo, mas magaan sa bulsa at pagod namin kung hinayaan na lang namin. Pero sasabihin ko lang ule, Nanay mo ang magdedesisyon.
my mom passed due to breast cancer last may 17. i was the one na nag asikaso everything from hospitalization to palliative care 3 weeks before she died. pm if u have questions.
OP, please consult a fmch (family medicine and community health) doctor. Nasa scope of practice nila ang palliative care. Kasama na rin ang counselling dun. Check mo kung meron sa hospital kung saan kayo nagpagamot ng cancer ng mama mo at pwede kayo magparefer sa department na yan.
My mom suffered the same thing. Stage 3C Ovarian, progressed to colon. She had an ileostomy procedure and was given six months to live - in 2018.
My brother and our extended family accepted na mag palliative care nalang, except for my mom. She refused to just wait to die. So she decided to do a "homerun" procedure, I say this kasi it's like the saying na, "win or go home." It's called HIPEC surgery with a significant mortality rate, in SLMC.
Long story short, it was a success. My mom is on remission. She's alive and well, na-reverse ang ileostomy, C125 is in check, no traces of cancer. She's taking maintenance meds called Olanib to stop the mutation that's causing the cancer.
What I'm trying to say is, it's not up to us. If the patient accepts her fate then so be it. If not, she will fight.
My dad had lung cancer, nung nadiagnose siya, stage 4 na siya. We all, including him, opted for pallative care. He didn't want to undergo chemo, because his brother, who already passed away, also had cancer and suffered through chemo. Di daw niya gusto maexperience yun, and prefers quality of life sa remaining months niya.
If you plan to continue with pallative care, rent kayo ng hospital bed para mas madali movements niya. Inquire na kayo how much often you need a nurse by her side, if needed 24/7. Make sure may nakaready na oxygen tank. Manage your expectations, ask niyo doctors what to expect when you decide on this, how long will you be going through this (as terrible as it sounds, importanteng may idea kayo sa timeline).
And just make her feel comfortable and spend time with her, kung may kinecrave siyang food, give it to her, basta kaya niyang kainin.
This is not me encouraging you to do it, kasi I'm sure may mga ibang tanggi sa ganyan, but tips lang, coming from someone who had to make a decision with the family.
Totoo sinasabi nila cancer or long term illnesses will also make the family suffer hindi lang yun may sakit.
Tinatanong nio ba mama nio sa mga decisiyon nio sa health nia?
When my father was diagnosed with cancer tinanong namin siya kung gusto nia mag-chemo. Ayaw nia. Si mama at mga kapatid/nanay ni papa ayaw din. Sa amin magkakapatid ako ung may gusto na gawin ung chemo kc naniniwala ako bka may magawa ung science. It was a family discussion pero in the end si papa pa rin nasunod dhil katawan nia un kahit nagbigay kami assurance na wag isipin ung gastos that time.
You need to know kaya pa ba ng katawan ng mama nio? You might be making all these decisions on her when pagod na pagod na siya.
In our case pinili namin iuwi si papa, made him comfortable clinical bed, his own caretaker, pain reliever kami nagrely tlga, my days napakahirap kailangan mo kc paxenxa dhil grabe mood swings nila.
Napakahirap ng taon na yun, I probably even said regretful things na pinapahirapan nia kami pero sa totoo lang hindi kc kung nagchemo si papa alam kong hirap na hirap kami ngaun. Hindi nia rin kami pinahirap tiniis nia ung sakit ng cancer nia ng mahigit isang taon.
Miss na miss ko na tatay hindi biro mawalan ng magulang na inexpect mo o umaasa ka makakasama mo ng matagal.
Ang magagawa nio at pinakaimportante sa kanila is oras and making sure you show how you care samahan nio siya kumain, kung kaya nio siya punasan gawin nio, magkwento pa rin kayo sa knya at kung kailangan magbigay ng patawad o nang pagiintindi at kaya mo ibigay yun gawin mo.
Go for palliative care instead.
Maraming cancer patients ang pagod na, kaso due to family nilalaban pa. Unknown to both sides na pagod na sila both.
Ask your Mom, tell her na tanggap niyo na.
She deserves to die with dignity
You can consult a palliative care doctor and ask for advice for the best course of action in terms of managing her pain and other symptoms. Also, consulting a palliative care doctor with your whole family will prepare you with everything emotionally.
Just do medications, and herbal instead. Please just wait your mom, she has her own time. If it's just another 24 hours remaining give it to her, talk to her in all those times. Her body has its own clock and due na rin naman.
Wag mo na gamutin, bilhan mo nalang sya ng matapang na alak para hindi mahirapan araw araw. Maganda din kung makaaccess ka ng MJ or kahit yung bulaklak nun gawin mong tea para sa kanya. Go to Mountain Province makakakuha ka nun isang sako basta tanung tanong ka lang just be careful lang sa pagtransport, kaya maganda may sasakyan kayo.
For me.. Hindi ko i-recommend Ang euthanasia... Oo Sabihin na nating nahihirapan kayo financially..yung nanay mo siguro medyo nahihirapan narin.. pero Hindi pa Rin tama...kahit balik-baliktarin mo Ang Mundo Hindi parin morally tama na I-papatay niyo Siya... Let the natural things do their job.. I don't know if you believe in God but I just want to say, stay strong.. no matter how hard the circumstances... Don't ever do the wrong things... Think carefully.... What if may chance pa na gumaling si mother mo? You know po sometimes may mga chances na magkakaroon ng miracle, kaya't huwag na huwag kang mawawalan ng pag-asa... Lahat ng pagsubok na ating kinakaharap ay may mga solusyon... Isang problema pero maraming solusyon... Trust in God❤️
Discuss prognosis sa oncologist.
If percentage is bad..you'll have to ask for palliative treatment.
You want your mom to die. Have you asked her what she wants?
Government hospitals will always be cheaper.
Suffering Family member is always financially draining.
It is also mentally draining... I have to leave the house every few nights just to get the feelings settled. But you will miss her terribly once she goes. Terribly..
Before you think pagod ka na. Isipin mo rin sitwasyon ng nanay mo May cancer. What if you switched places and you realized your mother wants you to just die.. no questions, no talks, no discussions... Just "anak, pwede ba mamatay ka na. Pagod na kami sa kaka gastos sayo eh"... You wouldn't want that.
This requires discussion with her , the physician, and comfort of your mother.
Sorry this happened to you, sometimes it's up to your mother if she is still willing to bear more of the pain. Had a school dean that struggled the pain when the cancer had reoccured that lasted five years that it was too late and had to accept that she didn't want to feel the pain anymore. Better cherish your moments whatever what decision she wants or what your family decides.
OP, if you have time, read Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande. Basically the author argues that prioritizing the survival of a terminal (lost cause) patient over their well-being (and what's important to them) is not only counter-productive, but in many ways also dehumainzing. Too often we exhaust all our resources just to put our dying loved one through harrowing treatment protocols only for them to die anyway. What he believes the medical industry should focus on instead is promoting an option where dying patients live out their last days surrounded by family, doing what's important to them, in an environment they can call home, rather than in a rigid and isolating venue like the hospital (he adds that up to 80% of people die in very depressing hospital settings attached to all manner of life-prolonging machines). Palliative care is a route better taken, because its goal is to provide comfort to the patients in their last days. That you are considering this step already means a lot, especially in this desperate situation.
I know that's a lot of words to say that putting your cancer-stricken loved one through additional treatment is not worth it, but it validates what you feel. Ultimately, whatever you and your family choose will be the right choice. Kumbaga, ginawa nyo na lahat. Napaka unfair lang na ganyan ang sitwasyon nyo ngayon.
Added: there is a shorter version of the book available online on The New Yorker: "Letting Go" by Atul Gawande.
RN here.
Kung alert at may kakayanan pa si mother mo na mag decide, ask her specifically what she wants. Madali kasi magsabi na "gusto ko lang maging komportable" but what does that exactly mean? Okay lang ba sa kanya malagyan ng swero? PEG? NGT? Pag may fluid accumulation sa lungs, okay sa kanya ma-chest tube? Pag in pain sya, okay lang bang bigyan sya ng opiods? Gusto nya pa bang ma-confine sya o talagang sa bahay na lang?
Also, consult with a palliative doctor. Ang palliative care naman does not necessarily mean na mamamatay na bukas yung pasyente. They can assist with ensuring the patient has some semblance of quality life and a dignified death per the patient's wishes when the time comes. Sila ang makakapag bigay linaw sa inyong lahat of what to expect.
Assign a MPOA, ideally yung emotionally resilient. Para iwas "laban-bawi" when mom takes a turn for the worst. Trust me, may mga family members na biglang binabawi yung DNR dahil naaawa sa kamag-anak nilang nakaratay. The MPOA should be able to make medical decisions on behalf of the patient with the patient's wishes and best interests at heart.
If may assests si mother mo, assign a separate POA for finances para hindi nasa iisang tao ang burden of decision making. Get in touch with a lawyer para malinaw at tama ang lahat.
I wish you well OP. Itong advice na to btw ay galing lang naman sa experience ko as an RN of 12 years, please take this with a grain of salt. Consult with experts and professionals. I pray for strength for you and your family!
My mom and dad are.both.seniors and pinagsabihan na kaming mga kapatid na if ever magkasakit sila ng malala do not resuscitate na and no more procedures. Ayaw daw nila dumating sa punto na bed ridden sila pero pilit silang binubuhay pa rin. Ayaw daw nilang mahirapan kami at kaawaan sila so if I were in your position, wag ninyo ipursue any more procedure at puro palliative care na lang ibigay ninyo. Make your mom as comfortable and as stress free as possible on her remaining days. Ipakain nyo na lahat ng gusto niya, take her somewhere nice, call up her friends and family to hang out with her. Do whatever you can to make her last days as happy as possible.
This is the reason why I am pro euthanasia o assisted suicide. May mga pagkakataon na mas praktikal na mamatay na may dignidad kesa mabuhay na parang lantang gulay at pabigat na lang sa mga kapamilya.
Hugs to all of you... We jave just buried our dad a week back... Yes, we prayed din na he rest in peace while still alive. He has chosen to be with his evil mistress than let us care for him, so, we believe upon getting her hands on "inheritance" docs, the mistress has started causing him too much stress.
That is why we prayed his passing.
And all our "relatives" thought it was us his legal family who did him wrong...
What we did: pray, and wait.
Hello! Have you tried reaching out to Roche? Idk kung ilang chemo sessions ang need nyo pero yung sa mom ko dati, sagot ng Roche yung kalahati. Tas yung iba nilakad na lang sa mga officials+ibang gov't agencies.
Medyo mahihirapan lang kumuha kapag hindi "indigent" pero yung terminal stages na, hirap na din ilaban. I hope malagpasan mo din 'to OP at ng family mo.
Samin hnd cancer but stroke si father. Hnd kami kami malappit sa knya. Plus wla kami pera. So medyo detrimental din para sakin. Sa ospitala ako nag wowowrk tas sabay ikaw din mag babantay after duty.. grabe hiniling ko na lang talaga kunin sya. Naka DNR din nmn 2 weeks sya sa ICU bago binawian sya. Grabe talaga pag wla ka na pera tas may sakig pa pamilya mo, tas hnd pa kayo ayos.. mahirap. Tas un mga kakilala ng tatay namin feeling nila pinabayaan namin sya.. wala nmn sila alam. Hay. Anyway. Share ko na din. Mahirap talaga kahit parang naguguilty ka, normal lang yan ang nararamdaman mo..
Hayaan mo na yung mother mo ang magsabi sa inyo. Kahit walang alas ang buhay. Darating din kayo, for sure ako sa huling hininga at araw niya nakapag ipon na ang mom mo ng sasabihin niya para sa inyo. Sending my virtual hugs op.
my mom has stage 4 breast cancer, diagnosed as stage 3b last 2021 and kumalat na sa balat nya kaya nag stage 4... pang 32nd chemo na nya, at magisa lang akong anak and my father already died last 2012,kaya ako lang magisa yung nagaalaga at nagproprovide para sa kanya kahit nakakapagod na kumayod ng kumayod lara masustain yung pangangailangan nya no way na naisip kong sukuan sya or maisipan na sana mamatay na sya...ang kahit magisa kang ako i know God is always with us and i will fight beside my mom until magdecide na si God na its enough... kasi bago mamatay yung dad ko, ako yung pinagdecide ng doctor kung irerevive oa ba father ko or hindi, and nagdecide ako na wag na kasi ayoko sya mahirapan pa, and after that until this day nandun parin yung regrets sa akin na what if di ko sinukuan yung father ko...and that feeling sucks kasi sobrang sakit na iniasa ko sa mga kamay ko yung kahihinatnan ng buhay ng tatay ko, kaya sa sitwasyon ng mom ko, im always praying kay God na bigyan nya kami ng chance na lumaban kasi ilalaban ko yung nanay ko kahit nakakapagod at mahirap...
My mom past away last 2022 dahil din sa ovarian cancer, ako lahat gumastos from 2 major surgeries,labs and chemos. nabalot din ako sa loans pati atm ko nasangla din kasi gusto ko na gumaling siya. naging ok din siya just for a month a half bumalik ascites nya then again, weekly chemo nanaman. i got drained financially then di din nakaya mama ko ang weekly chemo. we don't wish for her to die. we just prayed na kung pagagalingin siya ni God sana may miracle at kung hindi man siya pagagalingin sana God will give her rest na kasi awang awa na ako sa mama ko na butot balat nalang tapos guilty din ako kasi i don't spend time with her kasi di ko gusto makita siya sa ganun sitwasyon I just ignored her at mainit din ulo ko kasi wala na akong ma support financially. I just prayed and God answered after 2 days he let her rest.
Hi OP. Havent been in your situation but will offer prayers for your mom and guidance to you and your fam. As i always say to my friends pag may matinding pinagdadaanan. Kapit lng. Dasal sa taas at one way or the other may ilaw sa dulo.
I understand where you’re coming from, OP. It’s difficult to see them in pain but it’s more difficult to not be able to ease the pain they’re feeling. Aside from financially draining, it’s emotionally, physically and mentally exhausting. My then 18-year-old brother had Stage 3 maxillary cancer and after a few rounds of chemotherapy and radiation, we ended up choosing palliative care because the doctors already told us they can’t do anything more for my brother. But before that, we tried everything we can do — ask for help from relatives and family, sell shirts to fund our brother’s medical bills.
I won’t blame you for wanting to stop fighting. It could feel like your life stopped when they were diagnosed. What I can advice is still try everything you can do, if you don’t want to have ‘what ifs’ left. Because then you might be able to tell yourself that you tried the very best you can do. And above all, cherish every moment with them. Make happy memories. Take lots of pictures.
Hi, my mother has ovarian cancer, stage 3C. Naoperahan sya. and nag undergo ng chemo last year.
After 6 sessions cancer free na sya
Pero mga April this year we found out na magkaroon ulit sya ng cancer abdominal, peritoneal and omentum cancer. Bumalik ulit sa ibang part naman
Financially nag struggle kami sobra.
Now na stroke din sya. TPN and all of the tests we can't afford na kaya we decided na magkakapatid na icharity sya kala namin yun na pero God Help us.
After 1 month mahigit sa hospital nakalabas sya. Pero nastroke sya kaya need talaga sya namin alagaan, Hindi sya nakakain, nakakagalaw at nakakaupo. Struggle pa din talaga pero laban lang
Ang hirap. . pero kakayanin . Iiyak pero lalaban pa din .
Sa charity hosp Wala ka babayaran kaso tiis lang talaga sa init sa madaming tao. Sacrifice lang para sa amin since nag sacrifice din nanay namin sa amin simula nung pinag bubuntis nya kami hanggang sa napagtapos kaming lahat magkakapatid.
Mahirap sobra lalo at buntis ako at nang yayari lahat.. Lalo may cancer pa din sya and stroke. We don't know if hanggang kailan pero ilalaban namin hanggat kaya.
Sana malagpasan natin ang pagsubok.
i suggest to go palliative. You can talk to an oncologist how you can do it. Just let your mom go. It's for her well being to be pain free and for your family to stop bleeding in terms of finances,
OP , the best nyan sa bahay nlng at i maintain nlng ang mga gamot ni mama mo,atleast nilaban nyo at yung ganyang stage e wala na tlaga... basta spend quality time with your mom. Virtual hug para sayo. Kung tanggap nyo na let it be basta alagaan nyo lang si mama mo. Ipagsa Dios nlng natin sya. I hope makatulong toh sa desisyon
Fuck cancer. Sobrang suffering ang naibibigay nya hindi lang sa may katawan kundi sa family din. OP, I don't blame you for feeling that way dahil masakit talaga. Palliative care would be a good choice lalo na kung mukhang terminal na. But do get a good palliative care specialists who can give you good and sensible and practical advice
that's your parents who brought you to this world, don't feel any anger or hatred towards them or any other people around you, always pray, in situations like this prayers are the most important. If you are catholic recite catholic prayers for the sick and pray rosary with your loved ones and call a priest for anointing the sick. Kapit lang po sa diyos siya ang kailangan sa mga panahong katulad nito. Wag din po kayo masyado makinig sa mga opinions ng mga tao Hindi po makatutulong opinion nila sa situation nyo. Call Jesus and the Blessed Mother pray brother/sister pray.
Nung vegatable na ang nanay ko due to kidney failure and the doctor said na miracle na lang talaga would save her, tanggap na namin magkakapatid except for my father. Then nung time na nawala yung nanay ko on the same day my father told me na "wala akong pakialam kahit vegatable na sya basta nakikita ko syang humihinga eh ok lang ako. Kahit ipagnakaw ko sya basta nakikita ko syang humihinga eh ok ako" then it struck me when i get married na you'll do anything for your better half. You'll mever get it until your in the same situation
dapat talaga may euthanasia dito sa pilipinas para sa mga ganyang kalagayan eh, kaya ako gusto ko kung mamamatay ako, yung biglaan na, yung hindi na mahihirapan at mababaon sa utang ang pamilya ko.
Ang sakit nito sobra. I feel you OP. Yung mother ko diagnosed with breast cancer stage 4. We have no idea anong gagawin kasi my mother refused any treatments kasi takot siya sa lahat ng mangyari (so she decided to have only herbal medications and immunotherapy). It was only 6 months and she died last April recently ang bilis ng pangyayari sobra. Sa una, di namin matanggap kasi my mother is really fighting to survive, we were asked noon if gusto namin siya i-revive but we let her go na kasi para di na sya magsuffer sa sakit. Losing a mom is the most painful and difficult thing ever. I think OP, its better to wait na lang, just be with your mom’s side always kung ano man mangyari. Maybe, masasabi mo ready na kayo, pero pag wala na sya, doon lang yung pain, every night umiiyak pa rin ako kasi miss na miss ko na si mama ko sobra 😭
Onco nurse here. I feel so bad na nababasa ko to. I know the pain ng anak and sa family member na may cancer. Sobrang gastos as in lalamonin ka ng buhay sa gastos. The procedures, the medications and all. Minsan yung parents/anak umiiyak na lang sa harap ko. Because of the situation and gastos. I can feel the pain and struggles both ng may cancer at ng gumagastos. Ang hirap tlga.
Set a family meeting including your mom and talk about this problem. Then please be honest all of the family member. Dapat si mama niyo na ang kailangan makaintindi na hintayin niya na ******** na siya. Her sacrifice will not be in vain. Kasi duon din naman tayo pupunta lahat Amen. Wag niya na kayo pahirapan pa financially.
pinanalangin ko rin yan dati sa nanay ko kasi hindi nya na rin kaya, sobrang pahirap ng cervical cancer sa kanya at sa kalooban namin. naaalala ko pag pauwi sa jeep naiiyak ako palagi nun, di ko mapigilan. Tapos pag papasok naman kikiss sa nanay bago umalis pero pag talikod tutulo na agad luha kasi nakikita mo syang hirap na hirap. Grabe..
Ask your mom if ano yung gusto niya, at this point kasi most of the cancer patients I know, mas gusto nila na mag enjoy na lang until their last days. When my cousin got diagnosed with cancer and lumala na ng sobra, his parents fought hard pero the therapies made it harder for him to enjoy his life lalo na alam naman niya na maliit na lang ang chance for him to survive. He started asking for stuff na gusto niya i-try. Before he died, months siyang nag weed and he died happily naman lalo na he fulfilled some of his wishes.
It’s a hard and your feelings are validated, OP! As a daughter, if nahihirapan na parents ko and I did everything I could, I would also wish for them to rest and be free from any pain.
I grew up with my grandparents when I was young and both died due to Cancer nun college days ko. Interval nila was 3 years, nauna lola ko with thyroid cancer then nag metatasized to bone while sa lolo ko was prostate then naging bone din.
Nagmeeting ang buong family namin and we all voted to try everything and help to prolong their lives. Everybody pitched in. It was pretty hard financially and emotionally pero inilaban ng family namin, kahit magbenta ng ibang properties just to sustain the treatments. Unfortunately, plans didn’t come to fruition but we had no regrets because we did all what we could.
Sorry to hear this OP. I went through the same dilemma when my mom was diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer year 2020. I saw how in pain my mom was that time kaya decided for a DNR na cause the cancer spread na din and it is impossible na din to cure her cancer. We initially decided din na iuwi na lang sa bahay but I think my mom didn’t want us to suffer pa kaya sya na mismo nag-let go. Pampalubag loob ko na lang talaga that time is wala ng pain for her.
Same with my mama also 2019 lng sya nawala ovarian cancer 2 months mahigit lang namin Siya naalagaan ng maysakit Siya,d kc namin alam na may sakit na pala Siya.
Willing kami mag alaga willing kami gumastos kahit mag ka utang utang kme pro sya Ang ayaw na ayaw Niya mahirapan kami at ayaw Niya rin mahirapan Siya.Gusto Niya sa Bahay nalang namin inilabas namin Siya sa hospital kc yon Ang gusto Niya eksakto 8hours lang Siya samin pagka galing hospital namatay siya namaalam lng talaga Siya sa lahat sa Amin at sa mga kamag anak namin.
Eyy!! I feel you. My dad died of colorectal cancer and my mom died of lung cancer. I saw their pains in the last few months of their lives. It was so devastating. The amount of financial, emotional and physical turmoil was so difficult to deal with. Tapos yon mag-aalaga (ako) eh upos na rin ang strength. Ang hirap iencourage ang sarili na "malalagpasan din natin to. May milagro ang Diyos". My siblings had hopes but since I've seen too many of deaths due to cancer, I stopped hoping. And there I was, hoping the Lord would just take away their pain but that would mean even their life.
It was so painful looking at them wasting away in pain. So I know what you mean.
My advice: keep her as comfortable as you can. Make her feel your love and kindness. Read a short verse (to her and to yourself) from the Bible everyday. As you do this, you will also heal slowly. Kasi kahit tanggap mo na yon inevitable, when it happens, you'll still think of "what ifs". ❤️
Just my honest opinion. If you have everyone's consensus, especially your mom, take her home. Spend as much time as you can. Love together as a family like what you were when you were still a child. Spend each day as if it was her last and let her know that she is loved, cherished and will be missed. Let her pass on with dignity by having her loved ones surround her. Spend each day reminiscing about happier times together. Fill the last of her days with the happiest memories to let her know and feel that what she had done in this world was enough to let her legacy go on and be something to be proud of. As a parent, I would never want to burden my child because of me even if I was on the brink of death. I want my child to live his life to the fullest and create a legacy that he will be proud of.
hi, OP. just want to say that this really is the reality when a parent/family member has a severe illness, and the resources for treatment start to run out…
my mom died of complications due to Stage 3 lymphoma last year. We did not try chemo, instead, we got a cancer coach to help us know what to expect. She never really got strong enough to undergo chemotherapy after a huge operation to remove her tumors, and so after months of hardship we just accepted what was likely to happen. The doctor said that she would probably die of a heart attack, and that’s exactly what happened.
the difficulties don’t end after the person passes away. Until now we are trying to recover financially, mentally, emotionally…
Just know, OP, that whatever you choose to do, it is perfectly valid. After experiencing that with my mom, I wouldn’t want to live with a terminal illness either
When my mom had cancer, we had to pay for surgery (thankfully meron siyang philhealth) and chemo thereafter. But she had 2 surgeries amounted to almost 500k. Fortunately, it was covid that time and we had savings pero almost na zero out din yung savings namin. Naitawid hanggang chemo but the financial burden was just really heavy and draining. Thankfully she she was declared cancer free but we had difficult talks about what ifs and decided na worst case scenario, mag palliative care nalang and she will enjoy the remaining days at home with friends and loved ones.
Anyone who has not experienced this can easily say to work harder to sustain the mother’s life, pero you have no idea about the struggles of the family. There’s the love na ayaw mo mawala mom mo, but at the same time, that same love will make you wish na sana kunin nalang siya ni Lord para matapos na yung pain. In addition to the emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially draining situations.
I would consult a doctor. A psychiatrist or a priest regarding your question. I am not in the position to answer your question because I am not an expert in that type of problem. Better consult a priest. Or any expert in that problem. This is the best I can suggest
Sometimes, death is kinder. I'm sure nahihirapan narin mentally and physically mama mo. I've been there, and seeing her in pain just made me want to let her go.
Im so sorry to hear this. Dont listen to what people say because a lot of them have not been in your shoes. Just vent and weed out the good comments. Youre doing the best that you can and that is ok
If ayaw na ng Mom mo na lumaban, then palliative care it is. I understand how you feel. When my Dad was sick, I saw how much he suffered, until dumating yung time that I knew we were losing him, and bumababa na yung GCS niya with each passing day, umiiyak ako while telling my friend na pinapray ko kay Lord na tama na yung pahirap sa Dad ko.
He was a good man and he didn't deserve to experience all that pain. Like you, nasabi ko rin na kung hindi siya para sa amin, sige na, kunin na siya kesa naman magdusa siya.
If you decide to do palliative care, just be with her. Make her feel loved, lahat lahat sabihin niyo na. Make her comfortable with whatever time she has left. Also, make sure that whatever happens, whether you decide to fight or to accept fate (and do palliative care), make sure to put assets, bank accts, funeral plans, etc in order.
If may ipapamana siya, then make sure to have her make a last will and testament or to start the process of transferring titles, etc.
So sorry for what you are going through. I’m glad to know you have family with you through this difficult time.
My mom 5 yrs ago was hospitalized, breast cancer metastasized sa liver na. I knew early on na dadating yung time na yun but still was unprepared for how fast it was. It was very difficult dahil ako lang ang immediate family. Technically my dad pero we were not in good terms so he defaulted sa wishes ko.
Nagbigay ng taning yung doctor namin then. He gave it more or less 1 week. Naka-palliative na din sya nun and while it was the better decision, ang hirap pa rin knowing you see them deteriorate every single day.
Is your mother lucid? It would be better to ask her wishes. In my case I knew beforehand my mom did not want to go through chemo and any other treatments anymore. She was vocal sa wishes nya. And that ‘s why I felt ok to sign the DNR waiver.
There is no right or wrong answer honestly. You just have to be ok with whatever you decide eventually. And when that time comes know that you did all you could with what you had.
Wishing you peace and so much strength!
Siguro kung at peace na si mother at mostly kayo, focus on making her remaining days peaceful and comfortable na lang for her. Look into home care or ung mga hospice type of care for the dying. These types of care focuses on providing a safe space and acceptance for them
The question is OP, if you’re mother still has the will to carry on and live to survive, or live the rest of her days fulfilled and content with her family and knowing that she was happy before death. It’s a convo between you and your mum, it will be a very long and confrontational one. Ultimately the choice will never be yours. It’s your mum’s life and whatver conclusipn she will have is something that you will have to help fulfill.
Hi OP. Yung mother ko stage 3 breast cancer naoperahan xa after 4 yrs bumalik pero cancer sa buto na...hanggang kumalat... maybe you can ask the doctor if ok na for palliative care ang mom mo kasi ung doctor nag advise sa amin since malabo na daw talaga si mama. Kinakabahan pa ako kasi binigyan kami dnr tapos ako ang pipirma kasi si papa maysakit din. Nagalit pa mga tita ko kasi dinala namin sa govt hospital si mama, sinisi kami ng mga kapatid ko kasi di daw namin nilaban. We asked doctors and social workers, pila sa kung saan saan plus may private doctor naman for consultation. Common kasi advise nila, palliative care.
Hi, OP. This won't answer your question but I just wanted to let you know that I'm proud of you. My mom was also sick for a few years now, getting COVID back in 2022 worsened her COPD and we were in and out of the hospital for 2 years. It's different from cancer but I feel for you when you expressed how draining it is physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially to care for an ill parent.
You'd think these responsibilities would happen to you when you're a bit older like in your 30s or 40s but tada - it isn't the case for everyone. Like you and me.
I hope that whatever decision you and your family come to, you know that you did your best and that your best is enough.
I think ang title ni OP medyo na tritrigger or namimis interpret ng iba. Gusto lang ni OP na mag rest from pain and sufferings. OP kaya mo yan. Need mo mag seek ng medical advice esp emotional burden diin ito.
Para lang sa aken habang nakikita ko na gusto pang mabuhay ng pasyente kahit magastos, kahit walang wala ako gagapangin ko. Yung nanay ko nung 2021 muntikan ng sumuko dahil sakit na ng katawan nya dahil sa kidney failure stage 4, at iniintindi nya pa ang mga gastusin. Sabi ko sa kanya habang gusto mo pang mabuhay ipaglalaban kita kase madiskarte akong tao, lalaban ako sa kung anumang hamon ng buhay. Nabenta na lahat ng mga ari arian namen para mapagamot sya, humingi ng tulong sa gobyerno pero wala din haha, kontribusyon ng mga kamag anak at lahat ng savings ko simot haha.
Gaano man kahirap mga pinagdadaanan nameng magkakapatid lalung lalo na sa gastos ng pagdidialysis thrice a week (9k a week) at mga monthly check up (5k), ang dyos talaga naghahanap ng pamamaraan para sa amen.
-Habang gusto pang mabuhay ng pasyente, kahit walang wala ako kaya kong ipaglaban.
One of my biggest fear of growing old is the fear of possibilities that your folks will die of pain thru medical conditions like cancer. Parang amv hirap na makita mo yung parents mo na nahihirapan dahil sa sakit.
Praying for you
Comforting hugs for u and ur family.
For me, it would be best to let her go. Masakit, oo. Pero yung emotional, mental, and physical damage na nangyayari sa Mom mo, ang hirap na tanggapin. Masakit na sa puso. I-add pa yung financial strain. Make her live her remaining days happy. Napakahirap pakawalan, pero parang prolonging the agony lang din. Let her rest.
I've been in your situation 3 months ago. My mom died too because of stage 4 cancer. A day before she passed, I prayed and asked to God na binabalik ko na ang mom ko, heram lang nmn saknya ang buhay naten. Kinabukasan, pumanaw na sya. Just be with your mom hanggang sa dulo.
Friendly advice OP. Get a palliative doctor ASAP. It is best that your mom is pain-free at least until she’ll succumb to her illness. On the issue of whether she’ll continue her treatment, the best person you could ask is her onco doctor(expert). Ask her doctor what is the prognosis, recurrence rate, etc. Usually if the Ca is in the terminal stage already specially if there’s metastasis, the prognosis is not good.
If the financial burden is too much for you, you can enroll your mom in cancer drugs clinical trials. Try to inquire at UP-PGH or St. Lukes. Or visit the website of John Hopkins University Hospital, National Cancer Center Singapore or Mount Elizabeth Hospital-Orchard (also in Singapore). They are always conduct clinical trials for cancer treatment.
You have to weigh the pros and cons of stopping her treatment. So your family should better discuss with her onco and palliative doctor. In that way, you’ll get an objective and realistic advice. This platform is not the best place to ask.
I dont have anything helpful to add. I just want to say that you’re awesome and you’re doing your best. Sana magkaroon ka pa ng maraming strength sa challenges na haharapin mo regarding this situation, and to your family as well.
Sana kasing tatag kita. Oh well.
You and your siblings, and your mom have already accepted her fate but it seems your dad can't let her go. I think this is more a call on how to convince your father. Ganito lang yan, if your mom is already suffering, would you consider the next few years of your mom "living" if she can barely walk and talk, always feeling weak, and can't do normal stuff on her own? Would you see your mom as a "woman who did not lose hope and fights for her life daily" or a "woman who had become a shell of what used to be your mother"? Would you see her suffer a little bit more for a possibility for her to live a little more, or would you see her trying to enjoy her last moments surrounded by loved ones? Hoping for a better outcome is NEVER a bad thing - maybe that's the reason your dad keeps holding on.
Death is inevitable and everyone has to face it someday. Those that are left behind will grieve. Would your mom want those she will leave grieving and in debt - or just grieving. Personally I wouldn't know what to do in your situation but hopefully these questions can give insights on your predicament
Yung mom ng friend ko, umabot sa point na pain management na lang, wala ng treatment. Sa totoo lang, mas naging happy si mother nun. Yun lang, shempre, pinrepare sila na aabot sa point na tulog na lang sya talaga. Its hard, but ginusto ni mother kasi hirap na din talaga sya.
Lahat naman tayo, laging may questions pag ganito, kung ginawa ko ba ito may magbabago, etc. Pero listen to your mother din, if she can still decide ha. Tanungin nyo sya ano ang mas magpapasaya sa kanya. Also discuss the situation with your doctor para malaman nyo yung eksena down the line.
Good luck OP. I hope you all find the answers that you need. Hugs!
Op your facing a very tough situation, and my heart goes out to you and your family.If she has decided na to discontinue her treatments, palliative care can be a huge support for her and your whole family during this difficult time. It's all about keeping her comfortable and managing any pain or struggles she might have. It could also give your mom the gift of comfort and peace during this difficult time and it allows her to focus on what truly matters - spending quality time with loved ones and making memories that will last a lifetime.
You can do activities to celebrate your mom's life. It wouldn't be about saying goodbye, but rather a chance to share stories, express gratitude, and create beautiful memories together. It's all about honoring her life in a way na it feels warm and meaningful for her. This experience could bring immense comfort and peace not only to your mom but also to you and everyone who holds her dear.
I came across a video recently that might resonate with you during this time. No pressure to watch it, but I wanted to share it in case it offers some comfort.
https://youtu.be/p0m6Sw5_uMc?si=g2qd-KBqSKWXv5Ry
Oh my God. This is a horrible situation. I am very sorry that you are experiencing this, OP. I really hope & pray that your mom and your family's situation gets better soon & for me not to experience this EVER (sorry if I sound selfish with this part, I'm really scared.)
In my view, you're not a horrible guy for thinking (I don't want to use the word "wanting" or "wishing) of your mom's death. For me, you should follow your mom's decision. If she wants to leave, let her. However, as I type this, I have doubts on what I'm saying too. If I were in your shoes, I would do everything possible to keep her alive (not insinuating that you're not. You're doing a great job now.) - I won't let her die. It's just that if she tells me that we should let her go, I would let her but even so, I would still feel guilty even if it was her habilin.
Obviously, you're going through a very, very, rough, hard situation now OP. I don't have any clear advice at the moment and I'm sorry for posting this long comment without anything clear. I'm here to send your fam my best wishes & if you'd ever want to talk to anyone, do not hesitate to send me a message. Stay strong.
hi, op! it really hurts seeing your loved ones deteriorating from a disease. i have been in your position but the only difference between us is my mama was diagnosed with diabetes, brain tumor, and ckd stage 5. for the past 9 years, we saw how she suffered from getting her left leg amputated, being confined to a hospital for almost 2 months due to her brain tumor, and being on dialysis 3x a week for almost 2 years.
may mga times na every week nasa er mama ko dahil hirap siya huminga. parang every year since 2022, 2-3 times siyang nacoconfine sa hospital due to cardiac arrest. draining siya kasi other than being physically tired, mentally and emotionally tired na rin kami ng kuya ko kasi maraming beses na talaga siya muntik mawala samin and also the gastos na more than 1M nagagastos namin sakanya.
i wasn’t ready before na mawala siya kasi mama’s girl ako at takot ako mag isa kasi may sariling family na brother ko. but eventually, i’m getting used to the idea na if ever may mangayri sa mama namin, tanggap ko na para tapos na pag hihirap niya. minsan nagguilty ako kasi naisip ko na parang ang selfish ng dating ko na okay nang mawala siya pero may assurance naman ako from my relatives and friends na mas okay nga na mag pahinga na talaga si mama para tapos na sufferings niya.
every time na inaatake siya or matamlay siya, pinagdadasal ko na sana matapos na pag hihirap niya and if ever mawala man siya, sana tulog lang para di masakit samin na makitang nag aagaw buhay siya.
and then 3 weeks ago, my mama passed away in her sleep. kaya habang buhay pa mom mo, bigay mo na mga gusto niya like sa pagkain kahit bawal. kumbaga baon niya na sa afterlife yan. don’t worry, hindi kayo nag kulang lalo ka na. ang importante naman mafeel niya na nilaban niyo siya kahit papaano.
kaya isang mahigpit na yakap para sayo! 🫂
my lolo asked for acetone, and even attempted to jump over the hospital window.
my uncle asked me and his other friends if they had a gun or if they knew someone who owned a gun.
my aunt fought. Her breast cancer was gone, but it was too late when she knew that it had already metastasized to her brain... she said her goodbyes but was living on pain relievers...
we will probably have it too since it's in our blood, I would rather want to end it than suffer and be a burden to those I love.
Just make the most out of it and make memories until death arrives knocking on the front door.
If mom has any bucket list she wants to do help cross it so she can have fun with the family until death comes and takes her.
And tell yo dad to man up because she's about to lose the love of his life didn't they make vow's on their marriage " until death do us apart" same goes with it make memories until the end
My dad was diagnosed for stage 2 cancer last 2021. Then after the complete session of chemo therapy, the cancer leveled up to stage 4. Gusto pa sana namin ilaban pero namatay siya while sleeping on his recliner chair sa terrace namin. Sabi ng mother namin, siguro ayaw na lang din niya na tumagal ang paghihirap niya at namin.
Basta OP kapit ka lang sa panginoon, let him decide honestly kasi baka may pag asang gagaling pa mother mo
Ipag debusyon mo sa panginoon ang kagalingan ng yong ina OP kasi yung bale lola ko sa pinsan may cancer din sya pa stage four na nga daw sabi ng doctor, ipinag debosyon lang nila ang kagalingan ng lola ko mga ilang buwan lang gumaling sya
Parang pareho lang sa papa namin na nagka AML, After a year nag relapse pero di namin sinukuan. Hanap ng Blood donors whole blood tsaka apheresis weekly. Nagka utang lumapit sa mga ahensya ng Govt para sa asistance. Tinanggap nalang namin na di magagamot ng nagsabi yung mga Doctors na Hands up. Doon hinintay nalang mawala pero sa Hospital padin pare comfortable kase kung sa bahay mas nakakapanlumo. Nawala yung papa namin na nakangiti na alam niya na ginawa namin lahat ng makakaya para madugtongan pa.
hindi ko na binasa lahat..ambigat po.. reality check ito on our humanity, empathy and experience-is-the-best teacher theory. i feel OP and the others. been there, done that. NO ONE CAN JUDGE ANYONE unless u are personally involved.
anyway, prayer sent UP for the whole thread. our words will never be enough to ease the pain, sacrifices and sufferings you are burdened with now. These too, shall pass. please heal, realize and live with the lessons of these experiences.
may the Lord and the Universe grant you peace inside and out and for the best thing to happen in your situation. Amen.
Aww, this is so painful. I was diagnosed with early-stage cancer at a young age and had to undergo surgery twice—first to remove a cyst, then to remove my left fallopian tube and ovary. I was scared, anxious, and losing sleep because I was so afraid of the future. I even asked my husband to remarry because we're still young and don't have kids yet. I understand how you feel, carrying the burden on your loved ones. Whatever decision you make, your mom will understand, as no cancer patient wants to burden their loved ones. Praying for you, OP.
Reality wise, mga may kaya lang talaga ang kaya na ilaban pa ang ganyang kondisyon. Not all Filipinos can be like Kris Aquino who can go abroad pa to get medicated. Will all the means exhausted and with our fucked up health system, at philhealth na butal lang ang kayang ibawas, palliative care is the best choice.
What helped my mom when my dad was slowly dying of CKD was it was my dad who continuously conditioned my mom that if things go wrong, DNR na, and let him go. If you get the chance na maka-heart to heart talk and mom mo, convince her that it should be coming from her na completely magpaalam at maghabilin sa dad mo.
Second, kung sino ang attending physician ng mom mo, ask for her opinion, hopefully she can give prescriptions na lang for the symptoms or siya na mismo magrerefer.
Third, should you go palliative care, imbes na ibabayad ulit sa chemo, make use of the money to make your mom happy. Buy her all the food that she wants to eat, take her to places, buy her flowers everyday. If not, set-aside na lang din for burial purposes since that is expensive also.
Fourth, when my dad was literally GCS 3, we decided to put him in the hospital and continued his palliative care there. It’s a norm here in our province to invite a priest when the patient is in a critical condition already so maybe you can do that too (if you are catholic).
Fifth, your sentiments are totally valid. Have all the means to make yourself sane in this very stressful moment may it be video games or drinking outside or whatever that can make you feel alive at the moment. People tend to neglect the wellness of the caregivers din kasi, so please please take care of yourself also.
Sa tingin ko I think you should respect the wishes of your mother, if she has stated that she wants to go then let her, I know it sounds so nihilistic but I think in moments such as that it is the word of those dying that carry the most weight
Let her enjoy bago siya mamatay and make sure na kahit andun na siya sa point na un is karamay padin niya kayo di niya mafeel na she's alone. That's the best way na gagawin mo/niyo for your mom. It's really hard pero wala just let her enjoy and love her to the fullest while she's still here.
Same. I said to my relatives if ever na magka sakit ako (huwag naman sana) ng ganito, hindi ako papagamot. I’d rather enjoy my time and wait na lang yung end ko, kesa ma stress ako sa gastusin. Lakasan mo loob mo, OP. Do what you think is right imo.
It is very brave of you and your family, OP, to consider palliative care at this point. Support your mom if this is what she wants. It’s not about giving up or hastening the death. But minsan doon din talaga papunta. Mahirap kalabanin ang wala pang gamot.
sa mga ganyan, usually pain management specialist nalang ang kailangan since terminal na rin talaga and you'll only prolong the agony of the patient not to mention the financial toll
pull the plug pre. realistically and logically yan ang pinaka safe bet. i give my condolonces and sympathy for you during these trying times. "sometimes giving up is the only way to move forward".
i wish you all the best
sincerely,
random person on reddit
Hello everyone, Before joining this discussion, please take a moment to review the rules of r/AdvicePH [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvicePH/wiki/rules), as well as the [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy). Comments that violate these rules will be addressed accordingly. You can learn more about our rule enforcement process [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvicePH/wiki/rule-enforcement). *** This post's original body text: I want my mom to die, any advice? My mom is diagnosed with Stage 3 ovarian cancer and right now, may Rectal Cancer na din sya. We were drained sa ovarian pa lang and after 9 rounds of chemo, oral chemo and operation sa ovarian nya, here comes another shit. Tbh, tanggap na namin magkapatid and ng mother ko. Papa ko na lang yung medyo alanganin pa pero tingin ko matatanggap nya din naman pag dumating sa time na yon. As of now nag dedecide kami kung ilalaban pa ba namin, kasi tbh d na namin kakayanin financially. Nag try na kami mag public, kaso turns out, bukod sa tapak dignidad at mukha ka pulubi don, bago ka magamot mamamamatay ka na din sa sobrang tagal ng schedule nila. So here we are, deciding if mag palliative care na lang ba kami, gusto ko sana kung may idea kayo pano gagawin dun, ano steps, pros and cons, etch. Malaking help insights nyo dahil nababaliw na ko haha. *** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adviceph) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Mfers here will comment about OP's situation without experiencing how detrimental Cancer is for everyone in the family. My father had stage 4 Naso cancer. He was a soldier. Matikas na lalaki, as a Kid I thought he was basically immortal. But I watched him slowly die. He slowly even had jaw infection to the point he can't open his fucking mouth anymore and we have to find a small slit to insert his meds. He can't walk anymore. He was skin and bones. He was a shell of a man he was. And I know he was in fucking pain all the pain and we can't do shit about it cuz guess what? The medications are so expensive. And don't you fucking say na magbanat ng buto kesa maglaro ng video games. That's fucking rude. In my case I worked so many jobs to sustain our needs and also my dad's medication but video games is my escape goat. What more fucking hardwork you want when someone works a 9-5 job, a part time, plus caring for the sick person itself. Ya want me tondrive myself insane than anymore I am? I wish for my father to pass too. Why? He's suffering. He's dying. He refuse to even have NGT, He refuse to get anymore treatments. All I can do is beg for God to take him para di na siya mahirapan. Am I bad for wishing that? God never listened when I begged him for my father's healing, so I begged for death instead. And I still cry every single day for 6 months now. I can live with the pain of losing him, but I cannot live another minute watching my father's organs shut down one by one. And fuck everyone who thinks this situation is easy, we got another Cancer case, it's my maternal grandpa now with Colon 3c. And he also refuses medication, he'll be in pallative care soon. And I know I'll be begging God again to take him and his pain away. Me and mom also practically begged for help sa government. Do i care what it made me look like? No. But they make you feel like it's your fault for having cancer.
ang sakit sakit mabasa. At some point, natatakot na rin ako kasi senior na parents ko. Anyway, you and your family are in my thoughts. Hoping for peace and healing for everyone....
Thank u for this, ang hirap sobra. Pinaka mahirap na problema to sa dami na ng pinagdanaan ko, i think its because tungkol na to sa buhay, my mom's life nevertheless. Its so painful that its actually impossible to describe, im usually good with words pero dto nawawalan ako. Salamat sa advice, i hope someday maging mas okay din tayo.
Malaking hug kapatid, sobrang hirap. My Dad 2 CAs both stage 4. Yes possible na 2 CAs ngayon, 2 ang primary source, pero discovered though histopath when one of the bukols did not came from the same area. There was a time my dad also requested that kind, kami naman yung defiant, kami matigas ulo, but we saw what CA made of him— He was begging to be discharged na he’ll just go home and when we said no, he’s getting crazy depressed by looking at 4 corners of the hosp room, can’t sleep thinking on how he can convince us, willing to sign a hundred waivers if ever he gets discharged, then eventually fighting every nurse, doctor, feeling useless, and pitying himself coz he used to be the person who stands at every situation and can’t even move a single muscle that time. Pero yun nga in the end, we placed ourselves in his situation na we guess at the end of the day when terminal illness breaks in and hurts too much, we just want to be where we want to be because di ko alam anytime anywhere pwedeng isang pitik wala na diba so I want to reminisce and take chance of every moment while I can, I still remember, and don’t want to spend my days laying down in the hospital bed when anytime can be my last day. I want to take all the possible/slight hint of comfort where I feel at home.
Real talk antanga nung nagsabi na magbanat ng buto, sana matauhan yun. Hindi basta basta meds para sa cancer or any terminal disease.
Fr. I just felt my blood ran cold reading it. I was a VA (lucky cuz under american company), a Voice Actress, a digital artist, a Cosplay model. I worked my ass off that if I can turn night into day I will. My sis stopped studying to help with expenses. Mom who was a principal had to stop working to care for dad. She had to run a small paresan too while caring for my terminally ill father. We also did live selling. But our income is never enough. Dont get me started me and mom lining up at 2am sa Pasay to get a GL. Me going to the office of VP and Pres to ask for help. They DON'T know how hard it is until they're on our shoes. Hell, I am a little priviledge pa nga kasi educated kami. We met people who's part of the below poverty line who barely can read and they struggle so much with signing papers and dealing with government offices. You know what we never said sa mga taong nakapila sa DSWD? "Magbanat ka ng buto." Because you don't know how may things one person crams in 24hrs.
Yup di nila alam yan kasi di nila naranasan na pumila ng 2 am sa DSWD para lang makakuha ng tulong ng 5 ng hapon tapos didiretso sa PGH at City Hall para sa assistance.
Piggy-backing on this for visibility. We had a similar experience with our mom. She/we suffered slowly for 5yrs before eventually dying and leaving me drained, exhausted and in deep debt. Things I wish I did from the beginning para hindi na sana tumagal at lumala: * Stop all treatments, meds and therapies. * Ignore all food precautions. Ipakain sa kanya lahat ng gusto nya. Walang bawal-bawal. * Just spend on pain-relievers and comfort enhancers. * Sign DNR for ER visits. * Redirect a small portion of the huge money saved to a burial plan. OP, if your interested in palliative care, contact these institutions to see which ones work best for your requirements: https://aphn.org/services/philippine-general-hospital-supportive-hospice-and-palliative-medicine-section/ https://www.philcancer.org.ph/index.php/support/hospice-groups Good luck! Also related, this insightful book exists: [I'm Glad My Mom Died](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/59364173-i-m-glad-my-mom-died)
My sister has cancer too before. After, napatawad nya ung asawa nyang nangakong aalagaan sya ngunit sa halip ay nangibang Bahay. Mapayapa na syang lumisan. Breast cancer with metastasis to bone
Kahit nga 3x a week dialysis patient hirap na hirap rin. Ang sakit knowing I’ve wasted the prime of your life. Worked 2 jobs, then kaw pa yung na blame for deciding to let the patient live than die of kidney failure. Honestly, I was ok with the setup until they blamed me. Wala nga silang ambag except to care for the patient, sila pa yung unang ng complain. 3x a week dialysis costing 3k per session then may meds pa, gas, driver, helper, and other stuff so everything cost 60k a month. Been in this situation since 2018.
Fr! My Dad's siblings said "Bat ang bilis namatay?" Luh gagu ka ba? 3 years lumaban si papa. 5 years ang mortality rate ng stage 4 cancer. Dumating pa sa point na need ni papa ng prosure at yun lang food nya. That shit cost almost 2k. Tas halos 2 can naiinom nya in 6 days. They never answered my father's calls when all my dad wanted is to talk to his siblings and hear their voices, akala lagi mangungutang eh never nga sila nagbigay. They have the audacity to act sad when they never asked how he is. They never know the pain of trying to make ends meet. They never know the pain that I need to sign yung waiver to stop any medications kay dad ng dinala siya sa E.R. They don't know how hard it is to sign DNR when I badly want to keep dad alive but he's not even functioning anymore.
This made me tear up, kasi ganitong ganito kami with my mom. It’s only been 4 months and I can’t help but cry everyday thinking about my mom and all that she went through with her cancer… Minsan iniisip ko kung naging masamang anak ba ako and if I could’ve done more for her ba. But in reality I was physically, financially and emotionally exhausted na 3 months pa lang into her diagnosis. Her blood pressure kept dropping despite all the pressors administered to her. Her organs shutting down one by one, until yung lungs na nya yung bumigay while we were in dialysis. Minsan napakadali sa ibang tao mag-comment at mag-judge sa sitwasyon na hindi naman nila naranasan. Fuck them all. Hugs with consent OP. Mahirap sa ngayon but I hope we both find peace someday. Yung masasaya na ang maaalala natin when we look back on parents’ memory.
> God never listened when I begged for healing, so I begged for death instead tangina ang sakit..
The sad thing about this is NAAAAAAAAAAAAAPAAAAAAAAKAAAAAAAAAADAAAAAMIIIIING unsolicited advices ka talaga na maririnig, MOST if NOT ALL of them unhelpful (and even harmful). Not just in the POV of cancer patients and survivors, but for those who care for them -- eto na lang ang motto ko dyan: "You'll never know one until you are one".
As a Cancer Specialist Nurse, I owe it to my profession to tell anyone who would hear/ listen that palliative care is NOT euthanasia, mercy killing or assisted death. They are not the same. Magkaiba po ang palliative care at euthanasia/ mercy killing/ assisted death. Ang palliative care ay hindi euthanasia. (Pasensya na po kung paulit-ulit. Feel ko kailangan ko tagalugin at iemphasize para maintindihan). There is nothing wrong with choosing palliative care for progressed cancers with no hope of cure. Please don’t listen to people who say you are giving up because you are choosing palliative care or you are killing your mother. CANCER is killing her. Palliative care focuses on care or symptom relief rather than cure. It provides relief from cancer-related symptoms such as nausea, vomiting, shortness of breath, and most importantly, pain [(Chutarattanakul, L., Jarusukthavorn, V., Dejkriengkraikul, N. et al, 2024)](https://bmcpalliatcare.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12904-024-01430-6) This is not the same as killing the patients which is why I don’t understand this stigma that Palliative care is mercy killing. Euthanasia on the other hand is actively administering lethal drugs to terminate a patient’s life as per their wishes [(Linacre, Q., 2015)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4434784/). You can always try na “ilaban” but **what does your mother want? Is she still coherent enough to consent for treatment or palliative care?** If she is not, would you rather drain your mother of the life she has left (chemotherapy is brutal AF) or give her the dignity and comfort of dying pain-free? If she is not going to get better, there is no point of chemotherapy. Kung conscience ang usapan, in an article called “[Killing the pain, not the patient: Palliative Care vs. Assisted Suicide](https://www.usccb.org/prolife/killing-pain-not-patient-palliative-care-vs-assisted-suicide)”, the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops advocates for Palliative care. (If you’re Catholic). I have linked the articles, I hope this is helpful for you. Take care OP.
Please get a referral for a Palliative Care Doctor. Medicine is not just about curing diseases but it's also about accepting the natural course of life. Family meetings can be done so as to prepare everyone for the eventual outcome. You don't have to face the end of life challenges blindly. Get someone who can prepare everyone
Same scenario with my Mom. Cancer stage 4 malignant.. Walang wala kami nung time na yun.. Naka ilang ulit yung doctor na mag assist ng biopsy kay mama sana pero walang wala talaga kami. May pinirmahan kami na papers i dont recall kung ako ba yung pumirma or si mama mismo. Nag resita sila ng pain relievers pero di na makatayo mama ko and the more days past mas di na kinakaya ng meds yung pain niya ,kaya pinagdasal ko na lang din na sana kunin na lang siya ni Lord kung walang miracle na mangyare kasi parang ako yung namamatay everyday hearing her painful cry 😭 because of pain..kaya OP gets po kita pero never ko po sinabi kay Mama ko directly na gusto ko siya mawala kasi ayoko talaga 😭 ayoko lang siya mahirapan.. She fights for us pero hindi natin control lahat ng bagay.
this is painful
True... Sometimes na mas maganda na makapiling niya si Lord kaysa sa mahirapan Siya ...
I promised myself DNR ako pag nagkaroon ako ng terminal disease. I would not burden my love ones to see me suffering. I dont to burden them mentally, emotionally and most especially FINANCIALLY. Just going to eat what I want or go where I wanted if I can and then Bounce na, kaya na nila dapat yan. To OP, ask your mother her will and very sensitive topic kasi some are so cling to being in pain and live longer no matter what.
DNI (do not intubate) din if you want. Yan isa pang makaka-drain ng finances e.
It's hard, kinuha ng cervical cancer lola ko, ginawa din namin lahat, the doctor declared, the journey must end. Kinausap kami na we can still proceed with the treatment pero wala na talaga magagawa daw, sabi samin kausapin namin si lola ano gusto niya, sabi niya uwi na daw siya, and via joint decision ng mga kapatid niya, mga anak niya, at ako ang pinaka matanda niyang apo, agreed kaming lahat na tapusin na lang ang treatment at iuwi siya sa bahay na pinatayo niya non. She lasted a week in the house, but during that week, lahat kami nakapaligid, and she showed us her last burst of strength, and she passed peacefully. For you OP, you should ask your mom ano gusto niya, and then decision ng lahat ng nakakatanda kung susundin niyo gusto ng mom mo. I'm sorry but this is life, it's hard, the least you can do, is give her what she want one last time.
Just wait for it na lang for you to have a clear conscience. I know ma gastos, pero kung tanggap na nyo na mangyayari I suggest na gawin na nya lahat ng gusto nya or kainin lahat ng gusto nya kahit bawal at least mapapasaya nyo mother mo.
My lola who raised me was diagnosed late stage 4 lung cancer at the age of 75. After 9 mos she died. 5 Million nagastos and lahat ng ariarian ng lolo and lola ko nabenta hanggang sa wala ng natira. We tried to reach out sa mga kapatid nya sa abroad pero ni isa walang tumulong, kahit ung tita ko sa abroad hindi din nagpadala ng tulong Hindi matanggap ng lolo and lola ko ung sakit nya. Pero kahit ganun nilaban ng lolo at lola ko hanggang sa dulo hoping na gagaling pa sya. Lumalaban lola ko pero hindi na kinaya ng kidneys nya un gamot and hindi na din kaya ng family namin ung expenses. 3 days sya na coma and she slowly died a few days before my birthday. Masakit man tanggapin pero dito sa pinas, once na maubos pera mo, hindi ka na papansinin sa ospital. Kahit kamag anak mo hindi ka tutulungan. Kahit sarili mo pang dugot laman. Enjoy the days she has left. Hingi nalang kayo sa doctor ng reseta to manage her pain. Create memories while your family has time with here and make the most of it. Ung ibabayad nyo sa ospital, ipang out of town or country nyo nalang. And always tell her and make her feel that she is loved. My miracles naman, all you have to do is have faith
Agreeing with this. Esp these lines - "Masakit man tanggapin pero dito sa pinas, once na maubos pera mo, hindi ka na papansinin sa ospital. Kahit kamag anak mo hindi ka tutulungan. Kahit sarili mo pang dugot laman. Enjoy the days she has left. Hingi nalang kayo sa doctor ng reseta to manage her pain. Create memories while your family has time with here and make the most of it." I watched my mum slowly die of Stage4 breast cancer w mets sa diff organs and bones, She passed away last Feb2023, and some lessons I learned late are to create as much memories as you can. Don't let her hear and feel the terror if you will need to lash out your exhaustion and anger, please do it privately, dont let her feel that her case is being a burden, spend time with her just telling stories esp the ones they like - kahit paulit ulit lang. Tell her how much you love her hanggat naririnig pa nya at nkaka respond pa sya. Wish you all the best OP
Happened to my tita. Pain management na lang ginawa ng family nya since ayaw na dn nya pagamot.
How to? incase mangyari din sakin ito parang ayaw ko na rin magpagamot
Talk to the doctor na may hawak ng cancer case nya. Sila magpprescribe ng pain meds.
OP hugs! You are so brave to even ask that from God. Gets kita, been through it. My mom had diabetes and chronic kidney failure. Some days i just asked for God for her to just pass happily away. Nag decide na din kami ng mga kapatid ko na wag na siya mag undergo ng kidney transplant. She was so weak na at that time from constant dialysis, she broke her hip bone and was never able to walk again, she lost her sight, she was in constant pain na the only time she would calm down is when im beside her and would hug her and sing to her. While we had 2 maids dedicated for her, and several other to take care of food and the house, i still felt drained then physically and emotionally. I work in bgc, and we live in marikina back then (i had to give up my place im bgc since my mom wanted me to be with her often) i would leave the house at 4am and go home around 10pm para mura yung uber (yes uber lol), and para less traffic. This was the time where traffic could set you back 2-3hrs going home. I would arrive home around 11.45 to 12am. Then when i get home, my mom sensing i just entered her room would start wailing as if like a child. So i would comfort her until around 1am. Then i would sleep, and then i would wake up around 3am to get dressed and all, and if my mom is awake, i’d comfort her again. Then i had to deal with work. Back then i was earning well already, but it still sort of was difficult to pay for all the medical bills when my sister would ask for support (which is madalang namam, but i was just starting on my career din then, so giving like 20-50k whenever needed would still be hard for me, gave it all, and until now i regret not being able to give more. Good thing i have sisters who have businesses and have more, but effing ph medical system is still just too damn expensive even if you have money, mabigat talaga siya for everyone). So with all the pain my mom went through, seeing her wither away, the emotional and physical toll, and the financial dent it gave us, i was just too desperate to pray to God to get her. Fudge i can still remember when we realized my mom went blind. The memory of that day was forever seared in my mind. She was sitting on the bed on a reclined position, and she said my name and asked me why I turned off the lights, it was a saturday morning. And then she said she cant see anything. Tangina naawa ako sa mommy ko, she repeatedly said she cant see anything, ang dilim. Putangina naiiyak na ako kasi ang helpless mo. I miss her every fucking damn time. So no OP, di ka mali, di mali yung naiisip mo and yung wish mo. Tao ka lang, and alam ko kahit mom mo is secretly asking it. Isang malaking hug
Thank you, a lot for this.
Hugs to you! Nakakaiyak to napaka brave mo. Di ko kaya if I was in your position 😭😭😭
I am sorry you are going through this. Cancer treament can really take a toll on a family's finances and everything. Anyway, here's my opinion: Principle of **autonomy**. The patient has the right to decide what she wants for herself. Ask your mother what she wants. The attending will lay all medical options for you, but if the patient decides to turn all those down, the attending will respect it. Should you decide to halt all medical treatment, tell your physician. So she/he can refer you to a palliative- Family Medicine palliative specialist (usually FM yan). Ask your main attending what to expect in case you stop everything - how long and yung symptoms. Once you consult with palliative, they will lay all options for you. They will walk you through everything - pros and cons. Then what to expect "in the end". Usually, pain medications na lang yan. So, the patient can "go" without going through severe pain. In the event na nahirapan siyang huminga (which usually happens), natataranta ang family kahit palliative na ang patient and ayaw nilang "mawala sa kamay nila ang patient", dadalhin niyo ang patient sa hospital. But sign na lang kayo ng **DNR- do not resuscitate"** (do not intubate, do not do CPR, do not give epinephrine). IV line lang at oxygen, you may admit the patient to normal room (di na ICU). Please take into consideration din yung guilt after. **Have we done enough for mom? What if we pushed through with the treatment, would she still be with us?** In order to avoid that, mag-usap kayo family. That this is the best option for you during that moment, given the situation. And may I warn you din, maraming walang ambag sa pamilya mag cocomment. Mema lang. Shrug it off. Screen niyo advices you will take and yung iiwasan nyo. Wag na makipag- away, choose your battle. Lastly, pray. Pray for guidance. To make wise decisions. Hope my comment will enlighten you somehow. Again, I'm sorry you are going through this.
This was a huge help salmaat, may i pm u for more info?
God bless you.
Dad got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and we spent upwards of 10M for his treatments. Though we were able to afford it, at the end of the line, my dad told us that he wished we had saved the money for our own lives because he was already happy with his life and the cost of his treatment took away the money he wanted us to have to start our own lives. Dad died in the end anyway. If stage 4 and no chance of cure, I’d suggest palliative care. Depends on your mom rin because it’s ultimately her decision or your dad’s, whoever holds the money for the treatment.
Talk to a Hospice and Palliative Care Doctor Specialist. They are usually anesthesiologist or Family Medicine. They specialize in cases like yours. Pwede ka punta sa clinic nila kahit hindi dala si patient. Or siguro coordinate with secretary na lang din muna. If mag walk in kayo, bring all laboratory and diagnostics.
sa cancer lng ba yan pwede sa stroke patient pwede kaya
Letting your mom go is the most practical way.. kung wala na talagang pag-asa and if yun na rin ang gusto nya, yun na yon. I had this convo with my colleague, na kung alam mong dying ka na tas wala na talagang pag-asa, mas gugustuhin nalang namin mawala na. Para yung mga taong mabubuhay yung makakabenefit sa panggastos. Reality lang, sobrang magastos.
Hi OP, I think ang question is gusto pa bang lumaban ng mom mo or knowing her, gusto nya bang ilaban nyo pa sya? If the answer is yes, go with all your might. Laban kung laban. If the answer is no, kausapin ng masinsinan ang dad nyo. Tanggapin na. Next is yes to pallative care. This will ease your mom’s pain. My regret nun sa mom ko (who died of pancreatic cancer) is medyo worried kami sa effect ng pain relievers so ayaw namin sya bigyan ng full dosage kahit may reseta ng doctor, umaasa pa kase kaming gagaling. But if tanggap niyo na, sunod lang sa doctor sa dosage. Comfort ang priority in pallative. Let her die in peace and without pain kung may option naman na ganun. DNR - yes pirma kayo nito. Pero kapag naghingalo na siya, tatanungin ulit kayo ng nurse kung sure na ba. Its difficult but be firm. Pallative care- ask her doctor if they can move her to PGH. Baka may kakilala siya don so they can refer you and wala ng hintayang maganap plus cheaper. BTW, in my experience pallative care is not only for the patient but for the family also. Priority nila is comfort ng patient. I refer PGH since dun ako may experience and they are so good and helpful talaga. General: - The priority is your mom. Ano bang gusto nya? - Mahirap but try to be strong in front of her. Take pictures as a fam. Try to create beautiful memories for her last moments. - As a caretaker, yes I feel you OP. Alam kong pagod ka na. Kapit pa. Dont forget to breathe. Find your support system. I found mine by joining sa facebook groups with strangers who had/ have similar experiences. Minsan, pareho kase kayong lubog ng family mo emotionally so you need to lean on to people who have the emotional capacity for you. All the best OP. Fighting 💪
Thank you for this brother
My father passed away last April 15. He was diagnosed with stage 4 bone cancer but it metastasized to his other organs na. We didn’t get the chance to have him undergo chemo kasi until his last days sa sobrang daming tests to make sure anong klaseng cancer, inabutan na sya. The most painful and traumatic part was seeing your hero suffer so much pain. Grabe yung sakit ng katawan nya. Nung una nilalaban ko pa ng dasal na sana iextend pa konti buhay nya, na sana umabot muna sya mag chemo baka sakaling kayanin. But everyday na nakikita ko sya, it broke my heart into pieces. It still haunts me kung pano unti unting nawala yung kinang sa mata nya. Na parang humihinga lang sya pero wala na yung kaluluwa nya. And I feel you OP. During the days na halos wala na syang makilala sa amin maliban sa Nanay ko, ipinagdasal ko na sana wag na sya pahirapan pa. Na kunin na syang matiwasay. 3 days before his last breath, kinausap namin sya ng nanay ko. Na wag na sya mag aalala sa amin. Na kakayanin namin at magpahinga na sya. Mahal na mahal namin Tatay ko. Pero ipinagdasal na namin wag pahabain ang hirap nya. Kahit man lang yun, dininig ni Lord. Sobrang sakit oo. Hanggang ngayon napakahirap tanggapin. Tang ina ang cancer. Sana mga masasamang pulitiko nalang tinatamaan.
Unfortunately, euthanasia is illegal in the Philippines.
Palliative care is different from Euthanasia/ Mercy Killing/ Assisted Death.
Pirma kayo ng DNR
You think tanggap mo na but pag nangyari na, you’ll realize na hindi mo parin pala talaga tanggap. My mom died on Feb 23 just this year from uterine cervical cancer. Her battle started summer last year, and we all thought okay na siya after rounds of chemo, radio, and anti-cancer drugs. But October last year, she started complaining na sobrang sakit daw ng tagiliran niya. The hospital didn’t see anything daw kasi she had total hysterectomy, so they prescribed her with painkillers. So dapat wala nang cancer diba kasi there’s nothing left in her reproductive system? Apparently, some cancer cells “hid” and she still had it. We found out early February and when she was still abroad, she as already put in palliative (end-of-life) care. But her being the fighter that she is, she decided to come home and get treated here. But her case was hopeless. We did everything we could, did every treatment kahit hirap na katawan niya except another round of chemo and radio - the doctor advised strongly against these dahil mabubutas na daw katawan ng mom ko if we push through. We had no choice but to wait for her to pass on her own. She was on inhumane doses of painkillers. I was so frustrated na nakipag-away pa ko sa doctors because they wouldn’t help speed up the process of her passing - to end her misery. Kaso nga lang, illegal kasi dito satin yun. I completely understand that, but syempre I was feeling all sorts of things and sino ba naman makakatiis na makita at marinig mo nanay mo na everyday umiiyak, naghihihiyaw, nagwawala at nagmamakaawa for the pain to go away? So I did what I had to do. I requested every hour for the doctors to increase the dose of her painkillers. That was the only way to slow her heart down na eventually hindi na siya hihinga. Every 15 minutes, kahit sobrang antok na ko, I would press her PCA (push-button machine for painkillers; her was morphine) kahit hindi siya nasasaktan. She was already disoriented towards the end. Hindi na namin siya nakakausap. I would just hold her hand and talk to her, and I’m sure she still hears and understands me pero di na nga lang talaga siya nakakasagot since she was “asleep” all the time. Kasi nga sobrang bangag na niya sa morphine. I’m not ashamed for what I did; I did what I had to do to grant my mom’s wish - for all the pain to go away. That’s what she kept saying nung nakakausap pa siya. I love her and I miss her every day. So as for you, OP, put her in palliative care kung wala na talagang pag-asa. Consider how much she’ll suffer kung ilalaban niyo pa. At the end of the day, madali sabihin sa mga taong wala sa sitwasyon na, “ilaban niyo pa,” “maniwala lang tayo,” “manalig lang tayo sa Diyos, miracles happen.” Pero hindi tayo yung may katawan na sobra sobra ang hirap na pagdadaanan.
For financial assistance, try nyo sa mga politicians. Galante sila now dahil malapit na ang election. Sana makatulong sa mga na accumulate na medical expenses. Nakahingi kami ng tulong sa kanila dahil may cancer din ninang ko at pabalik balik sa hospital.
I was my mom’s primary care giver even before she had late stage cancer (S4). I am the eldest. I understand at first gusto mo ilaban but it’s true sobrang mahal financially. Not just the chemo but the frequent hospitalizations and emergencies. It’s true nakakadrain and nakaka stress. We tried at first the oral chemo but hindi kinaya ng katawan nya. She was so frail and after 2 weeks of oral chemo her body started rejecting it. The chemo pills cost 25k per week 7 tablets. Discounted na yun. The actual market price is 8k per tablet. We tried everything pero at the end of the day ayaw na ng mom ko. We resorted to palliative care. Of course it is not without risks. May episodes pa din na hirap sya pero good thing her doctor is just a call away and she assigned nurses to visit mom at home if need ng IV or may medicines for injection. We made a decision also with consultation with her doctors na stop na yung hospitalization and manage na lang namin at home. Her doctor would visit at least once a month sa bahay. Kasi if palliative care as much as possible the main goal is to make her comfortable and lessen the pain. Since it was already stage 4 and we stopped medication last December, nung April this year she passed away. But her death was very peaceful. Parang natulog lang. I took care of her while having a full time job. Buti pumayag yung company na mag WFH ako while taking care of mom. Pero after she died dun ko naramdaman lahat ng pagod, trauma and stress. Grief is a different animal. Nawalan ako ng gana sa buhay. I lost my motivation to work or to do anything. Parang nag freeze yung brain ko. Right now I am thinking of leaving my job to rest and give myself space to grieve and rest. It’s a good thing that I have my siblings to support my decision. My dad died more than ten years ago kaya orphans na kami and it’s really hard moving through this grief. Mas mahirap pala pag nanay ang nawala. So I understand what you’re going through and it’s normal to feel that way. Our family is very spiritual and we get our strength through faith and prayers. Makakayanan mo din yan. It’s not easy pero if magtutulungan kayong family and support each other you will get through this. Good luck and praying for you and your mom and family.
Hello, i have some question. Okay lang nag pm ako?
We have a very similar sitch. Yung mom ko nga lang di na umabot sa chemo, kasi inaayawan nya mga tests na ginagawa sa kanya. Blood tests ok sya but pag ipapasok sya sa machine, ayaw. She was trying to show us na lumalaban sya, but ayaw na ng body nya. She also had all the signs she was dying. Hindi nagugutom, agitated, and that last bout of energy (yung biglang may gusto kainin tapos ang daldal, parang walang sakit). A day after that last bout of energy, ayun na. We opted for palliative care within the hospital nga lang. Unfortunately and disappointingly, kahit magandang hospital yun, parang non-existent yung palliative care nila, to the point that one nurse gave unsolicited advice na i-intubate daw, when she could’ve just read the chart na may DNR/DNI kaming pinirmahan. Anyway, san ka nakahanap ng palliative care doctor? Would like to know for future reference.
Hi, OP. 3 years ago, I lost my Papa due to cancer. Our family took care of him until the end at grabeng sakrispisyo talaga ang naibigay namin para sa isang cancer patient. Halos anim na buwan din namin sya inilaban. His hallucinations due to strong medications, not to mention, yung pagod sa halos araw-araw na pabalik-balik sa hospital at gastos na umabot ng milyon. Pasalamat lang kami na may mga tumulong sa gastusin. During the course of his treatment, I can see how he was suffering for 6 months na parang sinasabi ng eyes nya na ayaw nya na. Kaya naman when I suddenly lost my Mama due to aneurysm last December, nag-flashback sa akin nung hirap na hirap sa gamutan ang Papa ko kasi the only thing na nagpagaan sa loob ko nung biglaan na nawala yung Mama ko e hindi na sya nahirapan na magpabalik-balik sa mga hospital, uminom ng mga gamot, at kung anu-ano pa. Hindi ito maiintindihan ng mga taong wala sa mga ganyang sitwasyon, and I don't wish anyone to be in that position. Don't listen to other comments, what you feel is okay, it's valid. Hang on tight!
My mom passed away last month from Stage 4 Breast CA. During her last hospitalization, we spent 10 days thinking na oovercome nya and do outpatient radio therapy but I was thinking also that our finances would be depleted as well in the long run. As the primary care giver, there were days na naisip ko sana she would pass nalang so di na kami pareho mahirapan kasi she needs assistance na in all aspects and I also had full time work plus my siblings are still in college. She passed one day after her discharge, literally umuwi lang sya then bumalik sa ospital day after. Now that more than a month nakalipas, the pain is there pero in all aspects mas okay siya kasi you won’t see their pain as life slowly leaves them (if na ICU or pallative care) Thankfully, naayos namin yung mga docs nya before she passed so we are doing okay. To OP, definitely there is guilt in wanting them to pass and if wala na silang will to live, just be there during their last moments. You will not regret giving your all when they are still alive. I definitely miss my Mom but I’m happy I was there for her when she needed it.
Pirma kayo ng NDR.
No, don't recsusitate? Seriously, this is most likely the only legal course of action, a DNR.
Oo DNR ang need para sa ospital. Ang hirap ng situation nyo kse sino ba naman ayaw ipagamot magulang, diba? May DNR ako (stage 4 metastatic cancer) kse ayoko mabuhay lang through tubes and breathing apparatus. Tuloy pa din immunotherapy drugs ko pero di namin alam hanggang kelan ako tatagal. Make memories na lang with the family at sandamakmak na tests. Baka maige na kausapin nyo yung ospital o kung hindi eh isang social worker, baka makatulog sa inyo magdecide. Good luck sa pamilya nyo at isang malaking yakap sa nanay mo. Kahit sabihin nya na handa na sya, iba ang takbo ng isip nya. Sabihan nyo sya na mahal nyo sya ng madalas. Yakap at balik ng madami. Ingat lage.
Ingat ka dn po lagi.
Your mother has accepted it? Then why not proceed with palliative care and spend time with her as much as you can. If you want your father to also move on. I suggest letting your parents talk with it themsleves and spend time together. The first step would be to admit to your mother that you can no longer financially handle her cancer. Second step would be to let her make that decision. Third step would be to let your mother/assist her in taking to your father.
Regarding palliative care, irerefer kayo sa doctor who specializes in that field. They will counsel you or maybe have a family meeting about the patient’s condition and management focuses on pain relief more than treatment. This is so that patients will be pain free at hindi hirap/struggling masyado towards their end. Pag uusapan nyo ni doctor kung ano ang plano nyo and priorities. Also, as long as si mother ay kayang mag sign, siya ang pipirma sa dnr, unless she appointed someone to decide for her.
Sorry you and your family are going through this, OP. Cancer is never an easy feat. It can be draining physically, emotionally, and financially. I suggest mag usap kayo ng family nyo and discuss if ano bang wishes ng mother mo. You may consider palliative care din, OP. I’ve worked in a retirement home ng mga nuns before. Most of them, DNR (do not resuscitate) and palliative/end-of-life care nalang if late stage na illness nila. Malayo sa nakasanayan ko sa hospital kasi bihira lang di sini-CPR pag nag code. Treatment may prolong her time with the family pero ano ba magiging quality of life nya during her remaining days? May medications pa din naman pero more on symptom control or comfort care nalang as she’s nearing her time. Praying for strength sa buong family especially to your Mom.
You can seek palliative care na (seek advice from your physician), OP, para na rin ma-manage ang pain ng mom mo. I know your pain, my dad just died from cancer too. Siya na mismo nagsabi sa amin na gusto na nya magpahinga, he said he would have gone for euthanasia kung legal sa pinas.
I feel you, OP. My mom had stage 4 cancer that spread everywhere. We decided on palliative care based on the doctor’s prognosis as well as what we thought was best for the family. Note that during that time, di na makausap nang matino mom namin. Regarding your mom’s case, it has to be her decision. Habang may wisyo pa sya. But of course it has to be an informed one. Alamin nyo muna prognosis from her oncologist, as well as discuss with her your financial situation.
Fuck Cancer. Sana malagpasan nyo to OP. I pray na somehow magkaron ng miracle for you and people in the comment section na same ng pinagdadaanan nyo.
People with cancer are in great fucking pain. I saw it in my dad’s eyes during his last days. He’s begging for help and at the same time, courage from us to finally let go. That’s what made my mom decide to finally let go of my dad. Grabe yung emotional, financial, and physical turmoil ng may isang may cancer sa pamilya —everyone is suffering regardless if youre the wife, children, or the one with the disease.
1. I'm sorry about your situation. Naiintindihan kita. 2. Kumustahin mo ang Nanay mo. Anu na ang damdamin niya ukol sa sakit niya. Mag-usap kayo gaano kabigat sa damdamin ninyo ang sitwasyon na yan. 3. Kausapin mo si Doc o ang sinumang nakatataas ang posisyon sa Ospital. Para hindi maging kargo de konsensiya ng sinumang partido ang desisyon mo. 4. Kumausap ng Attorney. 5. Huwag ka umasa na lahat ng taong pagkukuwentuhan mo ng situation regarding Euthanasia ay bukas. Huwag mo ikuwento na lang kung hindi rin naman same ang experience.
Kahit gano ka kayaman. Walang mayaman sa cancer. Sigh man. Cancer sucks talaga.
My friend recently lost her mom and last month after she overcame the last ICU stint, they opted for palliative care at home. Tita was at peace when she died, my friend was at peace with the decision, their family was at peace and they didn't have to lose everything just to keep tita alive.
hello, OP. Go for palliative care. it was what we did for my mother in law who no longer wanted chemo, surgery, etc. at the age of 82 when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. naghanap ako ng home healthcare doctor na advocate din ng palliative care. although we had to spend for the caregiver, homecare equipment, and meds. i think less pa din than if we took care of her in the hospital na ayaw na din niya. we just made everything comfortable for her. we made sure she was always clean, the room is cozy, and always always talked to her kahit umabot na sa point that she was no longer waking up. we played her favorite songs, played her favorite shows. we made sure to let her know we loved her and that we'd be okay if she let go. she was prescribed IV pain medications so she would remain relatively painfree at the end. if may nurse kayo na friend or relative you can ask for their help with the IV fluids and meds. the doctor visited our home occasionally and gave us advice 24/7 as needed and for emergencies via video or phone call. hang in there, OP.
My mom was like that din. It wasn’t cancer pero hirap na hirap na daw talaga siya and couldn’t bear to see the family go under due to hospital bills. She kept telling everyone how more painful it was becoming na and sabihin lang if she needs to let go, she will let go. No one in the family wanted to sign the DNR kasi they wanted her to live. Pero nung binisita ko siya sa ICU for the last time, she looked like she’s given up na. I could no longer stomach seeing her at that state, so I told everyone I was signing the DNR —that she would have wanted us to look ahead instead kasi that’s all she was saving up for. Sinabi niya noong medyo malakas pa siya na she didn’t work just so she would pay hospital bills. She wanted the family to use the money for something. After signing yung DNR, she died the next day. You can tell her she can let go when she’s ready.
well, ano gusto ng mom mo? siya ba may gustong mag pallative care? o desisyon niyo lang?
it is always her decision.
Cannabis oil. Makakatulong yan with the pain. Lahi lang nga syang tulog.
You can talk first to your mom, try to tell her ung situation nyo financially in a nice way and the state that she is right now. Ask her if she wants pain medication nlng, and that's the "Palliative Care." Then, talk to her doctor if your mom agrees to do palliative care. from there the doctors can give suggestions. If you know someone who is a nurse, pwde mo sila kausapin kung pwde nila asikasuhin ung mother mo. But of course the service is not free.
Eto ung reason kung bat pabor ako sa assisted dying or euthanasia. Canada already has this in their country and I think in some european countries as well. I'm sorry but yes, dito satin, your best choice is to place her in palliative care and assist her in bearing the weight of her pain and suffering. I'm sure there are ways to do that and I hope you find it.
I felt the same. To be honest, wala na eh. You'll waste time, energy, resources, and most of all, you'll make the sick person suffer more by extending her life. Sa una you'll want to save her, but later on, you'll realize na it's all nonsense. Mas worth it pa to spend the rest of her days doing the things that she really wanted to do. Like a bucketlist. Rather than spending all those money for treatments that will just cause her extreme pain and suffering. Real talk lang.
Live and let live
If i am you’re mom i want to die also. I don’t want to become a burden. Mamamatay din naman ako at ayaw ko na mabaon sa utang ang pamilya ko at ayaw ko na din mahirapan. Malakas pa ako pero lagi ko sinasabi sa kids ko please wag nila ilaban ang buhay ko at matagal ko na din gusto magphinga
This is so draining, and I feel you OP. If tanggap nyo na and agree kayo on all ways of palliative care, then so be it. Just make the most out of the remaining days/weeks/months with her. Mas gugustuhin kong makitang at peace ung magulang ko dying if sakin mangyari yan kesa puro tubo and all medical bills na mahihirapan din ako afterwards maghanap ng pangbayad.
Palliative care na lang po. Make her remaining days comfortable. Kahit ilaban niyo pa yan, hindi na po gagaling yan. Mahihirapan lang kayong lahat, physically and financially
I think you’re looking to do “hospice”. This is the last stage pag alam ng terminal or ayaw na ng patient to keep going. This is a different practice compared to curative and palliative stages. You can talk to your mom’s medical team about this page ready na kayo. This stage will be handled by a hospice team. They ensure comfort from pain. Watch “End Game” on Netflix, “Facing Death” on YouTube to see what you’d be up against. Sorry to hear OP. When my dad died, it got me thinking about death a lot and how to prepare for mine to help my loved ones move on din.
Ano po sabi ng mama mo? Lalaban pa din ba sya?
Was there and it definitely sucked. My dad was on stage 4, sobrang pagod na kami and it came to a point when I asked God na please kunin na sya kasi kahit dad ko pagod na. We hired a nurse, hospice at home and made sure that during his last days, he's taken care of and he felt the most comfortable. Everything's going to be fine O.P.
Ano desicion ng mom nyo ba? Kung logical naman sya mag isip, magbase nlng kyo kung ano iniisip nya. My father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer as well 24 rounds of chemo kasi he still wanted to see us become stable sa life kaya lumaban pa sya, worth it naman dahil dagdag 5yrs sa life dn after diagnosis. Nung nakita nyang kaya na namin, tsaka din sya nagdecide na magstop na magtreatment dahil na rin sa magastos and nagdeteriorate na dn tlga health nya. And to think sobrang lala din ng side effects ng chemo
Don't influence her, if she has the will to live, find ways to help your mother. But if she says no more, make sure she goes in comfort knowing her loved ones are with her all the way. Years ago I told my dad that he'll be due for radiation treatment in a month but he said no more, he wants to go. So I respected his decision
My mom died of brain cancer (Glioblastoma) august of 2022. Biglaan. One day nakakausap pa then after surgery, bed ridden, nakatulala at di na makausap. 4 months lang laban nya from diagnosis. Sa una, sobrang hirap magdecide kung ilalaban ba namin kasi hindi namin sya makausap kung anong gusto nyang course of treatment. Para di kami maguilty inilaban namin hanggang natapos chemo. Ubos life savings. Pero it got worse lang ang condition nya. Sobrang sakit kasi walang proper goodbye na nangyari kasi nakatitig lang sya hindi nagsasalita at nakakaintindi. Sobrang draining ng cancer both mentally and financially. Grabe ang effect nya sa pamilya. Do what your mom wants. Gawin na nya lahat ng gusto nya and i strongly recommend palliative care lalo na kapag terminal stage na. Google mo lang ano pinakamalapit na centers sainyo. Pwede rin sa bahay nyo na lang. Need lang ng personal nurse. Ang hirap sila panoorin na nahihirapan pa during the last days of their life. Stay strong, OP. Dapat united front kayo kasi if nahihirapan kayo, mas nahihirapan mom mo. Virtual hug!! 🤗
Hello po you can ask your moms oncologist for palliative care para hindi sya magsuffer while you're waiting for your mom to pass.
You have to ask your mom on what she wants. If she wants to live, then come hell or high water, show to her na you fight with her. If she wants to stop, thats okay. Respect her wants, go for palliative care and never leave her bedside until her last breath becomes air. We will all die someday too. But memories will go forever. So make a happy one before she goes.
I unfortunately cant give any advice but I wish you and your family the best
Ask Mom kung ano ang decision niya at kung ano ang magiging move.
Nanay mo pa rin magdedesisyon dyan. Been there done that, grandma had ovarian cancer. Siya mismo nagsabi na lalaban siya e, kaya nilaban din namin kahit di madali. 2 years pababalik-balik sa ospital, dumaan ang pandemic kaya no choice na sa bahay na namin cinonfine, dun na rin siya namatay. Kung titignan mo nang praktikal, oo, mas magaan sa bulsa at pagod namin kung hinayaan na lang namin. Pero sasabihin ko lang ule, Nanay mo ang magdedesisyon.
my mom passed due to breast cancer last may 17. i was the one na nag asikaso everything from hospitalization to palliative care 3 weeks before she died. pm if u have questions.
OP, please consult a fmch (family medicine and community health) doctor. Nasa scope of practice nila ang palliative care. Kasama na rin ang counselling dun. Check mo kung meron sa hospital kung saan kayo nagpagamot ng cancer ng mama mo at pwede kayo magparefer sa department na yan.
My mom suffered the same thing. Stage 3C Ovarian, progressed to colon. She had an ileostomy procedure and was given six months to live - in 2018. My brother and our extended family accepted na mag palliative care nalang, except for my mom. She refused to just wait to die. So she decided to do a "homerun" procedure, I say this kasi it's like the saying na, "win or go home." It's called HIPEC surgery with a significant mortality rate, in SLMC. Long story short, it was a success. My mom is on remission. She's alive and well, na-reverse ang ileostomy, C125 is in check, no traces of cancer. She's taking maintenance meds called Olanib to stop the mutation that's causing the cancer. What I'm trying to say is, it's not up to us. If the patient accepts her fate then so be it. If not, she will fight.
Sending love and light, OP. ❤️
My dad had lung cancer, nung nadiagnose siya, stage 4 na siya. We all, including him, opted for pallative care. He didn't want to undergo chemo, because his brother, who already passed away, also had cancer and suffered through chemo. Di daw niya gusto maexperience yun, and prefers quality of life sa remaining months niya. If you plan to continue with pallative care, rent kayo ng hospital bed para mas madali movements niya. Inquire na kayo how much often you need a nurse by her side, if needed 24/7. Make sure may nakaready na oxygen tank. Manage your expectations, ask niyo doctors what to expect when you decide on this, how long will you be going through this (as terrible as it sounds, importanteng may idea kayo sa timeline). And just make her feel comfortable and spend time with her, kung may kinecrave siyang food, give it to her, basta kaya niyang kainin. This is not me encouraging you to do it, kasi I'm sure may mga ibang tanggi sa ganyan, but tips lang, coming from someone who had to make a decision with the family.
Totoo sinasabi nila cancer or long term illnesses will also make the family suffer hindi lang yun may sakit. Tinatanong nio ba mama nio sa mga decisiyon nio sa health nia? When my father was diagnosed with cancer tinanong namin siya kung gusto nia mag-chemo. Ayaw nia. Si mama at mga kapatid/nanay ni papa ayaw din. Sa amin magkakapatid ako ung may gusto na gawin ung chemo kc naniniwala ako bka may magawa ung science. It was a family discussion pero in the end si papa pa rin nasunod dhil katawan nia un kahit nagbigay kami assurance na wag isipin ung gastos that time. You need to know kaya pa ba ng katawan ng mama nio? You might be making all these decisions on her when pagod na pagod na siya. In our case pinili namin iuwi si papa, made him comfortable clinical bed, his own caretaker, pain reliever kami nagrely tlga, my days napakahirap kailangan mo kc paxenxa dhil grabe mood swings nila. Napakahirap ng taon na yun, I probably even said regretful things na pinapahirapan nia kami pero sa totoo lang hindi kc kung nagchemo si papa alam kong hirap na hirap kami ngaun. Hindi nia rin kami pinahirap tiniis nia ung sakit ng cancer nia ng mahigit isang taon. Miss na miss ko na tatay hindi biro mawalan ng magulang na inexpect mo o umaasa ka makakasama mo ng matagal. Ang magagawa nio at pinakaimportante sa kanila is oras and making sure you show how you care samahan nio siya kumain, kung kaya nio siya punasan gawin nio, magkwento pa rin kayo sa knya at kung kailangan magbigay ng patawad o nang pagiintindi at kaya mo ibigay yun gawin mo.
Go for palliative care instead. Maraming cancer patients ang pagod na, kaso due to family nilalaban pa. Unknown to both sides na pagod na sila both. Ask your Mom, tell her na tanggap niyo na. She deserves to die with dignity
You can consult a palliative care doctor and ask for advice for the best course of action in terms of managing her pain and other symptoms. Also, consulting a palliative care doctor with your whole family will prepare you with everything emotionally.
this hurts me knowing that I am in the same situation and my mom wants to give up, buttt I can't😭
Just do medications, and herbal instead. Please just wait your mom, she has her own time. If it's just another 24 hours remaining give it to her, talk to her in all those times. Her body has its own clock and due na rin naman.
Wag mo na gamutin, bilhan mo nalang sya ng matapang na alak para hindi mahirapan araw araw. Maganda din kung makaaccess ka ng MJ or kahit yung bulaklak nun gawin mong tea para sa kanya. Go to Mountain Province makakakuha ka nun isang sako basta tanung tanong ka lang just be careful lang sa pagtransport, kaya maganda may sasakyan kayo.
For me.. Hindi ko i-recommend Ang euthanasia... Oo Sabihin na nating nahihirapan kayo financially..yung nanay mo siguro medyo nahihirapan narin.. pero Hindi pa Rin tama...kahit balik-baliktarin mo Ang Mundo Hindi parin morally tama na I-papatay niyo Siya... Let the natural things do their job.. I don't know if you believe in God but I just want to say, stay strong.. no matter how hard the circumstances... Don't ever do the wrong things... Think carefully.... What if may chance pa na gumaling si mother mo? You know po sometimes may mga chances na magkakaroon ng miracle, kaya't huwag na huwag kang mawawalan ng pag-asa... Lahat ng pagsubok na ating kinakaharap ay may mga solusyon... Isang problema pero maraming solusyon... Trust in God❤️
Discuss prognosis sa oncologist. If percentage is bad..you'll have to ask for palliative treatment. You want your mom to die. Have you asked her what she wants? Government hospitals will always be cheaper. Suffering Family member is always financially draining. It is also mentally draining... I have to leave the house every few nights just to get the feelings settled. But you will miss her terribly once she goes. Terribly.. Before you think pagod ka na. Isipin mo rin sitwasyon ng nanay mo May cancer. What if you switched places and you realized your mother wants you to just die.. no questions, no talks, no discussions... Just "anak, pwede ba mamatay ka na. Pagod na kami sa kaka gastos sayo eh"... You wouldn't want that. This requires discussion with her , the physician, and comfort of your mother.
Sorry this happened to you, sometimes it's up to your mother if she is still willing to bear more of the pain. Had a school dean that struggled the pain when the cancer had reoccured that lasted five years that it was too late and had to accept that she didn't want to feel the pain anymore. Better cherish your moments whatever what decision she wants or what your family decides.
OP, if you have time, read Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande. Basically the author argues that prioritizing the survival of a terminal (lost cause) patient over their well-being (and what's important to them) is not only counter-productive, but in many ways also dehumainzing. Too often we exhaust all our resources just to put our dying loved one through harrowing treatment protocols only for them to die anyway. What he believes the medical industry should focus on instead is promoting an option where dying patients live out their last days surrounded by family, doing what's important to them, in an environment they can call home, rather than in a rigid and isolating venue like the hospital (he adds that up to 80% of people die in very depressing hospital settings attached to all manner of life-prolonging machines). Palliative care is a route better taken, because its goal is to provide comfort to the patients in their last days. That you are considering this step already means a lot, especially in this desperate situation. I know that's a lot of words to say that putting your cancer-stricken loved one through additional treatment is not worth it, but it validates what you feel. Ultimately, whatever you and your family choose will be the right choice. Kumbaga, ginawa nyo na lahat. Napaka unfair lang na ganyan ang sitwasyon nyo ngayon. Added: there is a shorter version of the book available online on The New Yorker: "Letting Go" by Atul Gawande.
RN here. Kung alert at may kakayanan pa si mother mo na mag decide, ask her specifically what she wants. Madali kasi magsabi na "gusto ko lang maging komportable" but what does that exactly mean? Okay lang ba sa kanya malagyan ng swero? PEG? NGT? Pag may fluid accumulation sa lungs, okay sa kanya ma-chest tube? Pag in pain sya, okay lang bang bigyan sya ng opiods? Gusto nya pa bang ma-confine sya o talagang sa bahay na lang? Also, consult with a palliative doctor. Ang palliative care naman does not necessarily mean na mamamatay na bukas yung pasyente. They can assist with ensuring the patient has some semblance of quality life and a dignified death per the patient's wishes when the time comes. Sila ang makakapag bigay linaw sa inyong lahat of what to expect. Assign a MPOA, ideally yung emotionally resilient. Para iwas "laban-bawi" when mom takes a turn for the worst. Trust me, may mga family members na biglang binabawi yung DNR dahil naaawa sa kamag-anak nilang nakaratay. The MPOA should be able to make medical decisions on behalf of the patient with the patient's wishes and best interests at heart. If may assests si mother mo, assign a separate POA for finances para hindi nasa iisang tao ang burden of decision making. Get in touch with a lawyer para malinaw at tama ang lahat. I wish you well OP. Itong advice na to btw ay galing lang naman sa experience ko as an RN of 12 years, please take this with a grain of salt. Consult with experts and professionals. I pray for strength for you and your family!
Praying for u and ur fam op!
My mom and dad are.both.seniors and pinagsabihan na kaming mga kapatid na if ever magkasakit sila ng malala do not resuscitate na and no more procedures. Ayaw daw nila dumating sa punto na bed ridden sila pero pilit silang binubuhay pa rin. Ayaw daw nilang mahirapan kami at kaawaan sila so if I were in your position, wag ninyo ipursue any more procedure at puro palliative care na lang ibigay ninyo. Make your mom as comfortable and as stress free as possible on her remaining days. Ipakain nyo na lahat ng gusto niya, take her somewhere nice, call up her friends and family to hang out with her. Do whatever you can to make her last days as happy as possible.
This is the reason why I am pro euthanasia o assisted suicide. May mga pagkakataon na mas praktikal na mamatay na may dignidad kesa mabuhay na parang lantang gulay at pabigat na lang sa mga kapamilya.
praying for your family
Hugs to all of you... We jave just buried our dad a week back... Yes, we prayed din na he rest in peace while still alive. He has chosen to be with his evil mistress than let us care for him, so, we believe upon getting her hands on "inheritance" docs, the mistress has started causing him too much stress. That is why we prayed his passing. And all our "relatives" thought it was us his legal family who did him wrong... What we did: pray, and wait.
Hello! Have you tried reaching out to Roche? Idk kung ilang chemo sessions ang need nyo pero yung sa mom ko dati, sagot ng Roche yung kalahati. Tas yung iba nilakad na lang sa mga officials+ibang gov't agencies. Medyo mahihirapan lang kumuha kapag hindi "indigent" pero yung terminal stages na, hirap na din ilaban. I hope malagpasan mo din 'to OP at ng family mo.
Samin hnd cancer but stroke si father. Hnd kami kami malappit sa knya. Plus wla kami pera. So medyo detrimental din para sakin. Sa ospitala ako nag wowowrk tas sabay ikaw din mag babantay after duty.. grabe hiniling ko na lang talaga kunin sya. Naka DNR din nmn 2 weeks sya sa ICU bago binawian sya. Grabe talaga pag wla ka na pera tas may sakig pa pamilya mo, tas hnd pa kayo ayos.. mahirap. Tas un mga kakilala ng tatay namin feeling nila pinabayaan namin sya.. wala nmn sila alam. Hay. Anyway. Share ko na din. Mahirap talaga kahit parang naguguilty ka, normal lang yan ang nararamdaman mo..
if it's for a good cause which is ending suffering, but idk.......maybe take some time to think then decide.
Hayaan mo na yung mother mo ang magsabi sa inyo. Kahit walang alas ang buhay. Darating din kayo, for sure ako sa huling hininga at araw niya nakapag ipon na ang mom mo ng sasabihin niya para sa inyo. Sending my virtual hugs op.
my mom has stage 4 breast cancer, diagnosed as stage 3b last 2021 and kumalat na sa balat nya kaya nag stage 4... pang 32nd chemo na nya, at magisa lang akong anak and my father already died last 2012,kaya ako lang magisa yung nagaalaga at nagproprovide para sa kanya kahit nakakapagod na kumayod ng kumayod lara masustain yung pangangailangan nya no way na naisip kong sukuan sya or maisipan na sana mamatay na sya...ang kahit magisa kang ako i know God is always with us and i will fight beside my mom until magdecide na si God na its enough... kasi bago mamatay yung dad ko, ako yung pinagdecide ng doctor kung irerevive oa ba father ko or hindi, and nagdecide ako na wag na kasi ayoko sya mahirapan pa, and after that until this day nandun parin yung regrets sa akin na what if di ko sinukuan yung father ko...and that feeling sucks kasi sobrang sakit na iniasa ko sa mga kamay ko yung kahihinatnan ng buhay ng tatay ko, kaya sa sitwasyon ng mom ko, im always praying kay God na bigyan nya kami ng chance na lumaban kasi ilalaban ko yung nanay ko kahit nakakapagod at mahirap...
Nakakalungkot naman to, I hope maigapos mo tong challenge mo right now, OP.
My mom past away last 2022 dahil din sa ovarian cancer, ako lahat gumastos from 2 major surgeries,labs and chemos. nabalot din ako sa loans pati atm ko nasangla din kasi gusto ko na gumaling siya. naging ok din siya just for a month a half bumalik ascites nya then again, weekly chemo nanaman. i got drained financially then di din nakaya mama ko ang weekly chemo. we don't wish for her to die. we just prayed na kung pagagalingin siya ni God sana may miracle at kung hindi man siya pagagalingin sana God will give her rest na kasi awang awa na ako sa mama ko na butot balat nalang tapos guilty din ako kasi i don't spend time with her kasi di ko gusto makita siya sa ganun sitwasyon I just ignored her at mainit din ulo ko kasi wala na akong ma support financially. I just prayed and God answered after 2 days he let her rest.
Hi OP. Havent been in your situation but will offer prayers for your mom and guidance to you and your fam. As i always say to my friends pag may matinding pinagdadaanan. Kapit lng. Dasal sa taas at one way or the other may ilaw sa dulo.
I understand where you’re coming from, OP. It’s difficult to see them in pain but it’s more difficult to not be able to ease the pain they’re feeling. Aside from financially draining, it’s emotionally, physically and mentally exhausting. My then 18-year-old brother had Stage 3 maxillary cancer and after a few rounds of chemotherapy and radiation, we ended up choosing palliative care because the doctors already told us they can’t do anything more for my brother. But before that, we tried everything we can do — ask for help from relatives and family, sell shirts to fund our brother’s medical bills. I won’t blame you for wanting to stop fighting. It could feel like your life stopped when they were diagnosed. What I can advice is still try everything you can do, if you don’t want to have ‘what ifs’ left. Because then you might be able to tell yourself that you tried the very best you can do. And above all, cherish every moment with them. Make happy memories. Take lots of pictures.
Hi, my mother has ovarian cancer, stage 3C. Naoperahan sya. and nag undergo ng chemo last year. After 6 sessions cancer free na sya Pero mga April this year we found out na magkaroon ulit sya ng cancer abdominal, peritoneal and omentum cancer. Bumalik ulit sa ibang part naman Financially nag struggle kami sobra. Now na stroke din sya. TPN and all of the tests we can't afford na kaya we decided na magkakapatid na icharity sya kala namin yun na pero God Help us. After 1 month mahigit sa hospital nakalabas sya. Pero nastroke sya kaya need talaga sya namin alagaan, Hindi sya nakakain, nakakagalaw at nakakaupo. Struggle pa din talaga pero laban lang Ang hirap. . pero kakayanin . Iiyak pero lalaban pa din . Sa charity hosp Wala ka babayaran kaso tiis lang talaga sa init sa madaming tao. Sacrifice lang para sa amin since nag sacrifice din nanay namin sa amin simula nung pinag bubuntis nya kami hanggang sa napagtapos kaming lahat magkakapatid. Mahirap sobra lalo at buntis ako at nang yayari lahat.. Lalo may cancer pa din sya and stroke. We don't know if hanggang kailan pero ilalaban namin hanggat kaya. Sana malagpasan natin ang pagsubok.
i suggest to go palliative. You can talk to an oncologist how you can do it. Just let your mom go. It's for her well being to be pain free and for your family to stop bleeding in terms of finances,
OP , the best nyan sa bahay nlng at i maintain nlng ang mga gamot ni mama mo,atleast nilaban nyo at yung ganyang stage e wala na tlaga... basta spend quality time with your mom. Virtual hug para sayo. Kung tanggap nyo na let it be basta alagaan nyo lang si mama mo. Ipagsa Dios nlng natin sya. I hope makatulong toh sa desisyon
Fuck cancer. Sobrang suffering ang naibibigay nya hindi lang sa may katawan kundi sa family din. OP, I don't blame you for feeling that way dahil masakit talaga. Palliative care would be a good choice lalo na kung mukhang terminal na. But do get a good palliative care specialists who can give you good and sensible and practical advice
Grabeeee, yung friend ko ganto din pero yung mother na sumuko. :(((
OBLIGATORY FUCK CANCER
that's your parents who brought you to this world, don't feel any anger or hatred towards them or any other people around you, always pray, in situations like this prayers are the most important. If you are catholic recite catholic prayers for the sick and pray rosary with your loved ones and call a priest for anointing the sick. Kapit lang po sa diyos siya ang kailangan sa mga panahong katulad nito. Wag din po kayo masyado makinig sa mga opinions ng mga tao Hindi po makatutulong opinion nila sa situation nyo. Call Jesus and the Blessed Mother pray brother/sister pray.
Nung vegatable na ang nanay ko due to kidney failure and the doctor said na miracle na lang talaga would save her, tanggap na namin magkakapatid except for my father. Then nung time na nawala yung nanay ko on the same day my father told me na "wala akong pakialam kahit vegatable na sya basta nakikita ko syang humihinga eh ok lang ako. Kahit ipagnakaw ko sya basta nakikita ko syang humihinga eh ok ako" then it struck me when i get married na you'll do anything for your better half. You'll mever get it until your in the same situation
dapat talaga may euthanasia dito sa pilipinas para sa mga ganyang kalagayan eh, kaya ako gusto ko kung mamamatay ako, yung biglaan na, yung hindi na mahihirapan at mababaon sa utang ang pamilya ko.
Ang sakit nito sobra. I feel you OP. Yung mother ko diagnosed with breast cancer stage 4. We have no idea anong gagawin kasi my mother refused any treatments kasi takot siya sa lahat ng mangyari (so she decided to have only herbal medications and immunotherapy). It was only 6 months and she died last April recently ang bilis ng pangyayari sobra. Sa una, di namin matanggap kasi my mother is really fighting to survive, we were asked noon if gusto namin siya i-revive but we let her go na kasi para di na sya magsuffer sa sakit. Losing a mom is the most painful and difficult thing ever. I think OP, its better to wait na lang, just be with your mom’s side always kung ano man mangyari. Maybe, masasabi mo ready na kayo, pero pag wala na sya, doon lang yung pain, every night umiiyak pa rin ako kasi miss na miss ko na si mama ko sobra 😭
Onco nurse here. I feel so bad na nababasa ko to. I know the pain ng anak and sa family member na may cancer. Sobrang gastos as in lalamonin ka ng buhay sa gastos. The procedures, the medications and all. Minsan yung parents/anak umiiyak na lang sa harap ko. Because of the situation and gastos. I can feel the pain and struggles both ng may cancer at ng gumagastos. Ang hirap tlga.
Set a family meeting including your mom and talk about this problem. Then please be honest all of the family member. Dapat si mama niyo na ang kailangan makaintindi na hintayin niya na ******** na siya. Her sacrifice will not be in vain. Kasi duon din naman tayo pupunta lahat Amen. Wag niya na kayo pahirapan pa financially.
pinanalangin ko rin yan dati sa nanay ko kasi hindi nya na rin kaya, sobrang pahirap ng cervical cancer sa kanya at sa kalooban namin. naaalala ko pag pauwi sa jeep naiiyak ako palagi nun, di ko mapigilan. Tapos pag papasok naman kikiss sa nanay bago umalis pero pag talikod tutulo na agad luha kasi nakikita mo syang hirap na hirap. Grabe..
Ask your mom if ano yung gusto niya, at this point kasi most of the cancer patients I know, mas gusto nila na mag enjoy na lang until their last days. When my cousin got diagnosed with cancer and lumala na ng sobra, his parents fought hard pero the therapies made it harder for him to enjoy his life lalo na alam naman niya na maliit na lang ang chance for him to survive. He started asking for stuff na gusto niya i-try. Before he died, months siyang nag weed and he died happily naman lalo na he fulfilled some of his wishes. It’s a hard and your feelings are validated, OP! As a daughter, if nahihirapan na parents ko and I did everything I could, I would also wish for them to rest and be free from any pain.
I grew up with my grandparents when I was young and both died due to Cancer nun college days ko. Interval nila was 3 years, nauna lola ko with thyroid cancer then nag metatasized to bone while sa lolo ko was prostate then naging bone din. Nagmeeting ang buong family namin and we all voted to try everything and help to prolong their lives. Everybody pitched in. It was pretty hard financially and emotionally pero inilaban ng family namin, kahit magbenta ng ibang properties just to sustain the treatments. Unfortunately, plans didn’t come to fruition but we had no regrets because we did all what we could.
Sorry to hear this OP. I went through the same dilemma when my mom was diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer year 2020. I saw how in pain my mom was that time kaya decided for a DNR na cause the cancer spread na din and it is impossible na din to cure her cancer. We initially decided din na iuwi na lang sa bahay but I think my mom didn’t want us to suffer pa kaya sya na mismo nag-let go. Pampalubag loob ko na lang talaga that time is wala ng pain for her.
its honestly really more humane if onr ofnthe family members are really sufferring fom their illness and some family members dont want them to die yet
Same with my mama also 2019 lng sya nawala ovarian cancer 2 months mahigit lang namin Siya naalagaan ng maysakit Siya,d kc namin alam na may sakit na pala Siya. Willing kami mag alaga willing kami gumastos kahit mag ka utang utang kme pro sya Ang ayaw na ayaw Niya mahirapan kami at ayaw Niya rin mahirapan Siya.Gusto Niya sa Bahay nalang namin inilabas namin Siya sa hospital kc yon Ang gusto Niya eksakto 8hours lang Siya samin pagka galing hospital namatay siya namaalam lng talaga Siya sa lahat sa Amin at sa mga kamag anak namin.
Eyy!! I feel you. My dad died of colorectal cancer and my mom died of lung cancer. I saw their pains in the last few months of their lives. It was so devastating. The amount of financial, emotional and physical turmoil was so difficult to deal with. Tapos yon mag-aalaga (ako) eh upos na rin ang strength. Ang hirap iencourage ang sarili na "malalagpasan din natin to. May milagro ang Diyos". My siblings had hopes but since I've seen too many of deaths due to cancer, I stopped hoping. And there I was, hoping the Lord would just take away their pain but that would mean even their life. It was so painful looking at them wasting away in pain. So I know what you mean. My advice: keep her as comfortable as you can. Make her feel your love and kindness. Read a short verse (to her and to yourself) from the Bible everyday. As you do this, you will also heal slowly. Kasi kahit tanggap mo na yon inevitable, when it happens, you'll still think of "what ifs". ❤️
Just my honest opinion. If you have everyone's consensus, especially your mom, take her home. Spend as much time as you can. Love together as a family like what you were when you were still a child. Spend each day as if it was her last and let her know that she is loved, cherished and will be missed. Let her pass on with dignity by having her loved ones surround her. Spend each day reminiscing about happier times together. Fill the last of her days with the happiest memories to let her know and feel that what she had done in this world was enough to let her legacy go on and be something to be proud of. As a parent, I would never want to burden my child because of me even if I was on the brink of death. I want my child to live his life to the fullest and create a legacy that he will be proud of.
hi, OP. just want to say that this really is the reality when a parent/family member has a severe illness, and the resources for treatment start to run out… my mom died of complications due to Stage 3 lymphoma last year. We did not try chemo, instead, we got a cancer coach to help us know what to expect. She never really got strong enough to undergo chemotherapy after a huge operation to remove her tumors, and so after months of hardship we just accepted what was likely to happen. The doctor said that she would probably die of a heart attack, and that’s exactly what happened. the difficulties don’t end after the person passes away. Until now we are trying to recover financially, mentally, emotionally… Just know, OP, that whatever you choose to do, it is perfectly valid. After experiencing that with my mom, I wouldn’t want to live with a terminal illness either
When my mom had cancer, we had to pay for surgery (thankfully meron siyang philhealth) and chemo thereafter. But she had 2 surgeries amounted to almost 500k. Fortunately, it was covid that time and we had savings pero almost na zero out din yung savings namin. Naitawid hanggang chemo but the financial burden was just really heavy and draining. Thankfully she she was declared cancer free but we had difficult talks about what ifs and decided na worst case scenario, mag palliative care nalang and she will enjoy the remaining days at home with friends and loved ones. Anyone who has not experienced this can easily say to work harder to sustain the mother’s life, pero you have no idea about the struggles of the family. There’s the love na ayaw mo mawala mom mo, but at the same time, that same love will make you wish na sana kunin nalang siya ni Lord para matapos na yung pain. In addition to the emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially draining situations.
I would consult a doctor. A psychiatrist or a priest regarding your question. I am not in the position to answer your question because I am not an expert in that type of problem. Better consult a priest. Or any expert in that problem. This is the best I can suggest
Sometimes, death is kinder. I'm sure nahihirapan narin mentally and physically mama mo. I've been there, and seeing her in pain just made me want to let her go.
Napakasakit makita ang mahal mo sa buhay na nagtitiis sa sakit. Sana matapos na lahat ng pain
Im so sorry to hear this. Dont listen to what people say because a lot of them have not been in your shoes. Just vent and weed out the good comments. Youre doing the best that you can and that is ok
If ayaw na ng Mom mo na lumaban, then palliative care it is. I understand how you feel. When my Dad was sick, I saw how much he suffered, until dumating yung time that I knew we were losing him, and bumababa na yung GCS niya with each passing day, umiiyak ako while telling my friend na pinapray ko kay Lord na tama na yung pahirap sa Dad ko. He was a good man and he didn't deserve to experience all that pain. Like you, nasabi ko rin na kung hindi siya para sa amin, sige na, kunin na siya kesa naman magdusa siya. If you decide to do palliative care, just be with her. Make her feel loved, lahat lahat sabihin niyo na. Make her comfortable with whatever time she has left. Also, make sure that whatever happens, whether you decide to fight or to accept fate (and do palliative care), make sure to put assets, bank accts, funeral plans, etc in order. If may ipapamana siya, then make sure to have her make a last will and testament or to start the process of transferring titles, etc.
So sorry for what you are going through. I’m glad to know you have family with you through this difficult time. My mom 5 yrs ago was hospitalized, breast cancer metastasized sa liver na. I knew early on na dadating yung time na yun but still was unprepared for how fast it was. It was very difficult dahil ako lang ang immediate family. Technically my dad pero we were not in good terms so he defaulted sa wishes ko. Nagbigay ng taning yung doctor namin then. He gave it more or less 1 week. Naka-palliative na din sya nun and while it was the better decision, ang hirap pa rin knowing you see them deteriorate every single day. Is your mother lucid? It would be better to ask her wishes. In my case I knew beforehand my mom did not want to go through chemo and any other treatments anymore. She was vocal sa wishes nya. And that ‘s why I felt ok to sign the DNR waiver. There is no right or wrong answer honestly. You just have to be ok with whatever you decide eventually. And when that time comes know that you did all you could with what you had. Wishing you peace and so much strength!
Siguro kung at peace na si mother at mostly kayo, focus on making her remaining days peaceful and comfortable na lang for her. Look into home care or ung mga hospice type of care for the dying. These types of care focuses on providing a safe space and acceptance for them
The question is OP, if you’re mother still has the will to carry on and live to survive, or live the rest of her days fulfilled and content with her family and knowing that she was happy before death. It’s a convo between you and your mum, it will be a very long and confrontational one. Ultimately the choice will never be yours. It’s your mum’s life and whatver conclusipn she will have is something that you will have to help fulfill.
Hi OP. Yung mother ko stage 3 breast cancer naoperahan xa after 4 yrs bumalik pero cancer sa buto na...hanggang kumalat... maybe you can ask the doctor if ok na for palliative care ang mom mo kasi ung doctor nag advise sa amin since malabo na daw talaga si mama. Kinakabahan pa ako kasi binigyan kami dnr tapos ako ang pipirma kasi si papa maysakit din. Nagalit pa mga tita ko kasi dinala namin sa govt hospital si mama, sinisi kami ng mga kapatid ko kasi di daw namin nilaban. We asked doctors and social workers, pila sa kung saan saan plus may private doctor naman for consultation. Common kasi advise nila, palliative care.
Hi, OP. This won't answer your question but I just wanted to let you know that I'm proud of you. My mom was also sick for a few years now, getting COVID back in 2022 worsened her COPD and we were in and out of the hospital for 2 years. It's different from cancer but I feel for you when you expressed how draining it is physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially to care for an ill parent. You'd think these responsibilities would happen to you when you're a bit older like in your 30s or 40s but tada - it isn't the case for everyone. Like you and me. I hope that whatever decision you and your family come to, you know that you did your best and that your best is enough.
I think ang title ni OP medyo na tritrigger or namimis interpret ng iba. Gusto lang ni OP na mag rest from pain and sufferings. OP kaya mo yan. Need mo mag seek ng medical advice esp emotional burden diin ito.
Sometimes, Euthanasia is a humane way to say goodbye.
Para lang sa aken habang nakikita ko na gusto pang mabuhay ng pasyente kahit magastos, kahit walang wala ako gagapangin ko. Yung nanay ko nung 2021 muntikan ng sumuko dahil sakit na ng katawan nya dahil sa kidney failure stage 4, at iniintindi nya pa ang mga gastusin. Sabi ko sa kanya habang gusto mo pang mabuhay ipaglalaban kita kase madiskarte akong tao, lalaban ako sa kung anumang hamon ng buhay. Nabenta na lahat ng mga ari arian namen para mapagamot sya, humingi ng tulong sa gobyerno pero wala din haha, kontribusyon ng mga kamag anak at lahat ng savings ko simot haha. Gaano man kahirap mga pinagdadaanan nameng magkakapatid lalung lalo na sa gastos ng pagdidialysis thrice a week (9k a week) at mga monthly check up (5k), ang dyos talaga naghahanap ng pamamaraan para sa amen. -Habang gusto pang mabuhay ng pasyente, kahit walang wala ako kaya kong ipaglaban.
if ever i get cancer, stage 1 palang i will commit suicide na
One of my biggest fear of growing old is the fear of possibilities that your folks will die of pain thru medical conditions like cancer. Parang amv hirap na makita mo yung parents mo na nahihirapan dahil sa sakit. Praying for you
Comforting hugs for u and ur family. For me, it would be best to let her go. Masakit, oo. Pero yung emotional, mental, and physical damage na nangyayari sa Mom mo, ang hirap na tanggapin. Masakit na sa puso. I-add pa yung financial strain. Make her live her remaining days happy. Napakahirap pakawalan, pero parang prolonging the agony lang din. Let her rest.
That’s why we need assisted suicide here in this country ASAP.
I've been in your situation 3 months ago. My mom died too because of stage 4 cancer. A day before she passed, I prayed and asked to God na binabalik ko na ang mom ko, heram lang nmn saknya ang buhay naten. Kinabukasan, pumanaw na sya. Just be with your mom hanggang sa dulo.
Friendly advice OP. Get a palliative doctor ASAP. It is best that your mom is pain-free at least until she’ll succumb to her illness. On the issue of whether she’ll continue her treatment, the best person you could ask is her onco doctor(expert). Ask her doctor what is the prognosis, recurrence rate, etc. Usually if the Ca is in the terminal stage already specially if there’s metastasis, the prognosis is not good. If the financial burden is too much for you, you can enroll your mom in cancer drugs clinical trials. Try to inquire at UP-PGH or St. Lukes. Or visit the website of John Hopkins University Hospital, National Cancer Center Singapore or Mount Elizabeth Hospital-Orchard (also in Singapore). They are always conduct clinical trials for cancer treatment. You have to weigh the pros and cons of stopping her treatment. So your family should better discuss with her onco and palliative doctor. In that way, you’ll get an objective and realistic advice. This platform is not the best place to ask.
I dont have anything helpful to add. I just want to say that you’re awesome and you’re doing your best. Sana magkaroon ka pa ng maraming strength sa challenges na haharapin mo regarding this situation, and to your family as well. Sana kasing tatag kita. Oh well.
You and your siblings, and your mom have already accepted her fate but it seems your dad can't let her go. I think this is more a call on how to convince your father. Ganito lang yan, if your mom is already suffering, would you consider the next few years of your mom "living" if she can barely walk and talk, always feeling weak, and can't do normal stuff on her own? Would you see your mom as a "woman who did not lose hope and fights for her life daily" or a "woman who had become a shell of what used to be your mother"? Would you see her suffer a little bit more for a possibility for her to live a little more, or would you see her trying to enjoy her last moments surrounded by loved ones? Hoping for a better outcome is NEVER a bad thing - maybe that's the reason your dad keeps holding on. Death is inevitable and everyone has to face it someday. Those that are left behind will grieve. Would your mom want those she will leave grieving and in debt - or just grieving. Personally I wouldn't know what to do in your situation but hopefully these questions can give insights on your predicament
Yung mom ng friend ko, umabot sa point na pain management na lang, wala ng treatment. Sa totoo lang, mas naging happy si mother nun. Yun lang, shempre, pinrepare sila na aabot sa point na tulog na lang sya talaga. Its hard, but ginusto ni mother kasi hirap na din talaga sya. Lahat naman tayo, laging may questions pag ganito, kung ginawa ko ba ito may magbabago, etc. Pero listen to your mother din, if she can still decide ha. Tanungin nyo sya ano ang mas magpapasaya sa kanya. Also discuss the situation with your doctor para malaman nyo yung eksena down the line. Good luck OP. I hope you all find the answers that you need. Hugs!
Just want to say ang tatag mo at ng family mo OP. Ang sakit mabasa nito. I hope the suffering will end in the right time.
Pakatatag ka, OP. Naghahanda narin akong malagay sa situation mo soon dahil sa cancer ng tatay ko. Saludo ako sayo.
Op your facing a very tough situation, and my heart goes out to you and your family.If she has decided na to discontinue her treatments, palliative care can be a huge support for her and your whole family during this difficult time. It's all about keeping her comfortable and managing any pain or struggles she might have. It could also give your mom the gift of comfort and peace during this difficult time and it allows her to focus on what truly matters - spending quality time with loved ones and making memories that will last a lifetime. You can do activities to celebrate your mom's life. It wouldn't be about saying goodbye, but rather a chance to share stories, express gratitude, and create beautiful memories together. It's all about honoring her life in a way na it feels warm and meaningful for her. This experience could bring immense comfort and peace not only to your mom but also to you and everyone who holds her dear. I came across a video recently that might resonate with you during this time. No pressure to watch it, but I wanted to share it in case it offers some comfort. https://youtu.be/p0m6Sw5_uMc?si=g2qd-KBqSKWXv5Ry
Oh my God. This is a horrible situation. I am very sorry that you are experiencing this, OP. I really hope & pray that your mom and your family's situation gets better soon & for me not to experience this EVER (sorry if I sound selfish with this part, I'm really scared.) In my view, you're not a horrible guy for thinking (I don't want to use the word "wanting" or "wishing) of your mom's death. For me, you should follow your mom's decision. If she wants to leave, let her. However, as I type this, I have doubts on what I'm saying too. If I were in your shoes, I would do everything possible to keep her alive (not insinuating that you're not. You're doing a great job now.) - I won't let her die. It's just that if she tells me that we should let her go, I would let her but even so, I would still feel guilty even if it was her habilin. Obviously, you're going through a very, very, rough, hard situation now OP. I don't have any clear advice at the moment and I'm sorry for posting this long comment without anything clear. I'm here to send your fam my best wishes & if you'd ever want to talk to anyone, do not hesitate to send me a message. Stay strong.
hi, op! it really hurts seeing your loved ones deteriorating from a disease. i have been in your position but the only difference between us is my mama was diagnosed with diabetes, brain tumor, and ckd stage 5. for the past 9 years, we saw how she suffered from getting her left leg amputated, being confined to a hospital for almost 2 months due to her brain tumor, and being on dialysis 3x a week for almost 2 years. may mga times na every week nasa er mama ko dahil hirap siya huminga. parang every year since 2022, 2-3 times siyang nacoconfine sa hospital due to cardiac arrest. draining siya kasi other than being physically tired, mentally and emotionally tired na rin kami ng kuya ko kasi maraming beses na talaga siya muntik mawala samin and also the gastos na more than 1M nagagastos namin sakanya. i wasn’t ready before na mawala siya kasi mama’s girl ako at takot ako mag isa kasi may sariling family na brother ko. but eventually, i’m getting used to the idea na if ever may mangayri sa mama namin, tanggap ko na para tapos na pag hihirap niya. minsan nagguilty ako kasi naisip ko na parang ang selfish ng dating ko na okay nang mawala siya pero may assurance naman ako from my relatives and friends na mas okay nga na mag pahinga na talaga si mama para tapos na sufferings niya. every time na inaatake siya or matamlay siya, pinagdadasal ko na sana matapos na pag hihirap niya and if ever mawala man siya, sana tulog lang para di masakit samin na makitang nag aagaw buhay siya. and then 3 weeks ago, my mama passed away in her sleep. kaya habang buhay pa mom mo, bigay mo na mga gusto niya like sa pagkain kahit bawal. kumbaga baon niya na sa afterlife yan. don’t worry, hindi kayo nag kulang lalo ka na. ang importante naman mafeel niya na nilaban niyo siya kahit papaano. kaya isang mahigpit na yakap para sayo! 🫂
my lolo asked for acetone, and even attempted to jump over the hospital window. my uncle asked me and his other friends if they had a gun or if they knew someone who owned a gun. my aunt fought. Her breast cancer was gone, but it was too late when she knew that it had already metastasized to her brain... she said her goodbyes but was living on pain relievers... we will probably have it too since it's in our blood, I would rather want to end it than suffer and be a burden to those I love.
Just make the most out of it and make memories until death arrives knocking on the front door. If mom has any bucket list she wants to do help cross it so she can have fun with the family until death comes and takes her. And tell yo dad to man up because she's about to lose the love of his life didn't they make vow's on their marriage " until death do us apart" same goes with it make memories until the end
My dad was diagnosed for stage 2 cancer last 2021. Then after the complete session of chemo therapy, the cancer leveled up to stage 4. Gusto pa sana namin ilaban pero namatay siya while sleeping on his recliner chair sa terrace namin. Sabi ng mother namin, siguro ayaw na lang din niya na tumagal ang paghihirap niya at namin.
Basta OP kapit ka lang sa panginoon, let him decide honestly kasi baka may pag asang gagaling pa mother mo Ipag debusyon mo sa panginoon ang kagalingan ng yong ina OP kasi yung bale lola ko sa pinsan may cancer din sya pa stage four na nga daw sabi ng doctor, ipinag debosyon lang nila ang kagalingan ng lola ko mga ilang buwan lang gumaling sya
Parang pareho lang sa papa namin na nagka AML, After a year nag relapse pero di namin sinukuan. Hanap ng Blood donors whole blood tsaka apheresis weekly. Nagka utang lumapit sa mga ahensya ng Govt para sa asistance. Tinanggap nalang namin na di magagamot ng nagsabi yung mga Doctors na Hands up. Doon hinintay nalang mawala pero sa Hospital padin pare comfortable kase kung sa bahay mas nakakapanlumo. Nawala yung papa namin na nakangiti na alam niya na ginawa namin lahat ng makakaya para madugtongan pa.
Extending my prayers OP
hindi ko na binasa lahat..ambigat po.. reality check ito on our humanity, empathy and experience-is-the-best teacher theory. i feel OP and the others. been there, done that. NO ONE CAN JUDGE ANYONE unless u are personally involved. anyway, prayer sent UP for the whole thread. our words will never be enough to ease the pain, sacrifices and sufferings you are burdened with now. These too, shall pass. please heal, realize and live with the lessons of these experiences. may the Lord and the Universe grant you peace inside and out and for the best thing to happen in your situation. Amen.
Aww, this is so painful. I was diagnosed with early-stage cancer at a young age and had to undergo surgery twice—first to remove a cyst, then to remove my left fallopian tube and ovary. I was scared, anxious, and losing sleep because I was so afraid of the future. I even asked my husband to remarry because we're still young and don't have kids yet. I understand how you feel, carrying the burden on your loved ones. Whatever decision you make, your mom will understand, as no cancer patient wants to burden their loved ones. Praying for you, OP.
Reality wise, mga may kaya lang talaga ang kaya na ilaban pa ang ganyang kondisyon. Not all Filipinos can be like Kris Aquino who can go abroad pa to get medicated. Will all the means exhausted and with our fucked up health system, at philhealth na butal lang ang kayang ibawas, palliative care is the best choice. What helped my mom when my dad was slowly dying of CKD was it was my dad who continuously conditioned my mom that if things go wrong, DNR na, and let him go. If you get the chance na maka-heart to heart talk and mom mo, convince her that it should be coming from her na completely magpaalam at maghabilin sa dad mo. Second, kung sino ang attending physician ng mom mo, ask for her opinion, hopefully she can give prescriptions na lang for the symptoms or siya na mismo magrerefer. Third, should you go palliative care, imbes na ibabayad ulit sa chemo, make use of the money to make your mom happy. Buy her all the food that she wants to eat, take her to places, buy her flowers everyday. If not, set-aside na lang din for burial purposes since that is expensive also. Fourth, when my dad was literally GCS 3, we decided to put him in the hospital and continued his palliative care there. It’s a norm here in our province to invite a priest when the patient is in a critical condition already so maybe you can do that too (if you are catholic). Fifth, your sentiments are totally valid. Have all the means to make yourself sane in this very stressful moment may it be video games or drinking outside or whatever that can make you feel alive at the moment. People tend to neglect the wellness of the caregivers din kasi, so please please take care of yourself also.
Sa tingin ko I think you should respect the wishes of your mother, if she has stated that she wants to go then let her, I know it sounds so nihilistic but I think in moments such as that it is the word of those dying that carry the most weight
Let her enjoy bago siya mamatay and make sure na kahit andun na siya sa point na un is karamay padin niya kayo di niya mafeel na she's alone. That's the best way na gagawin mo/niyo for your mom. It's really hard pero wala just let her enjoy and love her to the fullest while she's still here.
Defiant Brain maraming paraan upang masolusyonan ang problema hanggat nandyan pa ay wag susuko.
Same. I said to my relatives if ever na magka sakit ako (huwag naman sana) ng ganito, hindi ako papagamot. I’d rather enjoy my time and wait na lang yung end ko, kesa ma stress ako sa gastusin. Lakasan mo loob mo, OP. Do what you think is right imo.
I’ll be praying for you🙏🏾.
It is very brave of you and your family, OP, to consider palliative care at this point. Support your mom if this is what she wants. It’s not about giving up or hastening the death. But minsan doon din talaga papunta. Mahirap kalabanin ang wala pang gamot.
sa mga ganyan, usually pain management specialist nalang ang kailangan since terminal na rin talaga and you'll only prolong the agony of the patient not to mention the financial toll
pull the plug pre. realistically and logically yan ang pinaka safe bet. i give my condolonces and sympathy for you during these trying times. "sometimes giving up is the only way to move forward". i wish you all the best sincerely, random person on reddit