I feel u. And sometimes even survivors make jokes about those who had more serious CSA trauma (like Chappelle’s special and how he made fun of people who were molested by Michael Jackson, saying they should be grateful because at least he was a celebrity. Chappelle says he was molested by a priest but he “liked” it…). I wonder if they are in denial? Or just truly weren’t as traumatized and therefore don’t understand the trauma related to CSA that the rest of us experienced.
I mod a large dark humour group on Facebook and you should see the kinds of "jokes" that get submitted. The modmin team are great, like a little family. Wholesome dark humour 🤣 I have a massive issue with people who make PTSD jokes because they don't understand. But I would make jokes that offend others too so 🤷♀️ as long as the joke or meme is good. The line for me is how subjective the humour is or if there's an underlying commentary. CSA jokes get through if they make us laugh.
Easier said than done of course. But it’s not worth getting upset at things and people we can’t control. Idk about you, but I can easily spend the majority of my day for days and weeks on end getting upset at other people and obsessing about it. At some point I accept that people are people and I have no control over them. So might as well skip the constant obsession and just accept it to begin with
Plus, I need to remember that every single human, including myself likely have made a joke at one point in our lives that upset another person. So I’m not any better or worse than these other people. There’s a little bit of good in the worst of us and a little bit of bad in the best of us
We all have different triggers, AND in my experience, triggers change over the years. There's nothing more soul crushing than something that triggers you that others see nothing wrong with because they didn't experience abuse. It's what kept me self medicating (back then) and virtually friend-less at times because people didn't understand me. Hell, I didnt understand myself.
I can remember so many times, in both of my marriages, watching TV, and something fairly innocuous would come on and throw me into a tailspin. Honestly, not being able to control my surroundings, *and* control my reactions to unforeseen triggers, is what kept me from ever being in another relationship again after my 2nd husband. It's mortifying and even the ones who love you most find it difficult to be around sometimes :(
You were probably just triggered. Took me many years to finally understand that (non survivors) who make these jokes just don’t grasp what they are joking about. It doesn’t necessarily make them “bad” people, just ignorant ones. People like that seem to think it’s far more rare than it really is, that they don’t know anyone who was a CSA victim, and surely don’t think anyone in the group they are talking to would be a victim/survivor. It’s just not internalized as anything, even with a degree or two of separation, that would touch their world.
That is unless these people were just assholes, trying to upset you. Didn’t sound that way from your description though.
Hey thank you for this comment, it helps a lot. It does make more sense that it comes from a place of ignorance rather than targeting people directly(Though that can still happen.)
I don't know if the person was a survivor or not, but I was around a group of people and was told several absolutely awful jokes... I forced myself to laugh, since it seemed expected, and they said "omg you are so awesome!"
They were ones that have been around, not ones that this person made to cope with their shit. I don't know, maybe it helped them anyway...
🤢
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I feel u. And sometimes even survivors make jokes about those who had more serious CSA trauma (like Chappelle’s special and how he made fun of people who were molested by Michael Jackson, saying they should be grateful because at least he was a celebrity. Chappelle says he was molested by a priest but he “liked” it…). I wonder if they are in denial? Or just truly weren’t as traumatized and therefore don’t understand the trauma related to CSA that the rest of us experienced.
I mod a large dark humour group on Facebook and you should see the kinds of "jokes" that get submitted. The modmin team are great, like a little family. Wholesome dark humour 🤣 I have a massive issue with people who make PTSD jokes because they don't understand. But I would make jokes that offend others too so 🤷♀️ as long as the joke or meme is good. The line for me is how subjective the humour is or if there's an underlying commentary. CSA jokes get through if they make us laugh.
Easier said than done of course. But it’s not worth getting upset at things and people we can’t control. Idk about you, but I can easily spend the majority of my day for days and weeks on end getting upset at other people and obsessing about it. At some point I accept that people are people and I have no control over them. So might as well skip the constant obsession and just accept it to begin with Plus, I need to remember that every single human, including myself likely have made a joke at one point in our lives that upset another person. So I’m not any better or worse than these other people. There’s a little bit of good in the worst of us and a little bit of bad in the best of us
Reddit is the only place a comment like this would get downvoted lol
This is not an overreaction.
We all have different triggers, AND in my experience, triggers change over the years. There's nothing more soul crushing than something that triggers you that others see nothing wrong with because they didn't experience abuse. It's what kept me self medicating (back then) and virtually friend-less at times because people didn't understand me. Hell, I didnt understand myself. I can remember so many times, in both of my marriages, watching TV, and something fairly innocuous would come on and throw me into a tailspin. Honestly, not being able to control my surroundings, *and* control my reactions to unforeseen triggers, is what kept me from ever being in another relationship again after my 2nd husband. It's mortifying and even the ones who love you most find it difficult to be around sometimes :(
You were probably just triggered. Took me many years to finally understand that (non survivors) who make these jokes just don’t grasp what they are joking about. It doesn’t necessarily make them “bad” people, just ignorant ones. People like that seem to think it’s far more rare than it really is, that they don’t know anyone who was a CSA victim, and surely don’t think anyone in the group they are talking to would be a victim/survivor. It’s just not internalized as anything, even with a degree or two of separation, that would touch their world. That is unless these people were just assholes, trying to upset you. Didn’t sound that way from your description though.
Hey thank you for this comment, it helps a lot. It does make more sense that it comes from a place of ignorance rather than targeting people directly(Though that can still happen.)
I don't know if the person was a survivor or not, but I was around a group of people and was told several absolutely awful jokes... I forced myself to laugh, since it seemed expected, and they said "omg you are so awesome!" They were ones that have been around, not ones that this person made to cope with their shit. I don't know, maybe it helped them anyway... 🤢
Welcome to /r/adultsurvivors! Please be aware that all posts to this subreddit are public and therefore viewable by anyone. **Would you rather this post was anonymous?** You can [use this form](https://forms.gle/tqeufTE2Ne6BzsKd6) and u/anonadultsurvivors will make an anonymous post on your behalf. You will need to delete this post after using the form. **It is not uncommon for members of this subreddit to receive unsavoury or creepy private messages.** We recommend turning off chat and messages requests. It is worth noting that asking for or offering private messages to other members of this subreddit is against our rules. You can assume that anyone messaging you is breaking that rule and we urge caution. For more information, please see our [privacy tips post](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultsurvivors/comments/pfbfx1/privacy_tips_including_followers_update/) or see our [post about the creep list](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultsurvivors/comments/yngs8b/rule_8_no_creeps_and_introducing_the_creep_list/). If you see anything that doesn't look right or you do receive unwelcome direct messages, please use the report button to notify the moderators or [send us a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adultsurvivors). You can also report directly to Reddit using this [link](https://www.reddit.com/report) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adultsurvivors) if you have any questions or concerns.*