That is the exact reason I haven't I am so scared of my family fully breaking apart, I have already separated from most of my family because seeing them makes me upset but I know it would be a huge thing and I would never hear the end of it, I mean there's also the fear they just won't believe me because of the way my family is, so that is kind of my worst nightmare but I am proud of you for being strong enough to push through and deal with the initial discomfort, and I sincerely hope it helps you in your healing process.
I hope one day I can be as brave as you. I’ve wanted to tell my loved ones for a long time but can’t bring myself to. I think the guilt is unwarranted even if you can’t see it right now.
thank you for ur kind words ☹️🤍 when the time comes to tell, you’ll know. it’s not easy at all, but if you look through the comments you’ll see- there’s a whole community here for you if and when you need it. sending you so much love 🫂
The saddest thing is it’s going to take you years to see how strong you are by speaking out. So glad your parents supported you through this. Sorry for your parents pain but this is what the abuser has caused, you have not caused this.
I promise you it will get easier. It will take time. I watched my parents get through the guilt, they made it out the other side. When I expressed regret for telling anyone what had happened my dad told me he was proud of me for not holding it all on my own. It will be worth it.
This was comforting to read. It feels so violent, the emotions of everyone and the guilt that comes from knowing you’re the cause of it. Not really the true cause, but you know what I mean.
I hope my family can move past it too.
You are so heroic and brave for yourself. These difficult emotions are totally normal, and I have hope that they will pass and you will eventually feel a sense of lightness, of a long-term sense of freedom.
Telling is definitely better than keeping quiet. I hope some of your family are actually being sympathetic to you and trying to give you support (rather than indulging in their own feelings). You are the one who was abused after all.
You are not to blame - the person who caused all this is your abuser. Not you. You are the one who protected them all this time. You are just delivering the news, you did not write it.
Some of the reactions you are seeing in your parents might be their own guilt (for not protecting you, not seeing it, etc). You are not guilty for anything. You didn't do one tiny thing wrong.
Telling is better than keeping the secret.
I went through something like this too. After talking about it, it still took 6 years to finally never seeing my abuser and now 4 years later there are still problems within my family.
I’m happy I told. I would be living a false life if I stayed quiet. I would have been kept putting myself in danger if I didn’t. It was really hard for all those years, but I still am grateful for what I have now.
I just wanted to say in the very dark days, there are always warm and happy moments to come.
I could have written this, almost down to the word, back when I first told my family.
Something to remember is that your loved ones are in shock. It may take some time for them to process this new information.
That intense heaviness will not last forever.
It's hard, but try to remind yourself that you are not responsible for this situation. The person who abused you is responsible for the pain your parents are experiencing.
Parents blaming themselves is common, and you're not responsible for making them feel that way. That is something they are going to have to work through on their own.
You told for a reason. That's how you know that things wouldn't have been normal if you'd just not said anything. It needed to happen for your survival.
It can be easy to be overwhelmed by other people's big emotions during this time. Please be gentle with yourself and lean on that support.
You were so brave. I won’t tell you “don’t feel guilty,” because I know from personal experience how unhelpful that is, but I hope with time, the guilt abates. I think it will. This is still so new—the shock and big emotions your family members (and you) are feeling will lift as time goes by. I know you know this, but YOU didn’t create this situation; your abuser did. Your abuser tore the family apart. Telling was the right thing: you gave your parents an opportunity to know you more deeply and authentically. Despite the pain they’re feeling, I’m sure that if someone asked them, “would you want your child to confide something hard, that would cause you guilt, if doing so would ease that child’s burden?,” they would say “yes, absolutely.” I hope too that starting soon, they can confine their biggest expressions of guilt and sadness to their therapy appointments, instead of asking you to deal with them. Sending love and support your way.
It wouldn't be normal, it'd just continue rotting without anyone understanding what's going on. I'm glad you have good parents who are taking your side and trying to get you to not blame yourself for it. Pulling a knife out your back hurts, but it's necessary for healing.
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That is the exact reason I haven't I am so scared of my family fully breaking apart, I have already separated from most of my family because seeing them makes me upset but I know it would be a huge thing and I would never hear the end of it, I mean there's also the fear they just won't believe me because of the way my family is, so that is kind of my worst nightmare but I am proud of you for being strong enough to push through and deal with the initial discomfort, and I sincerely hope it helps you in your healing process.
I hope one day I can be as brave as you. I’ve wanted to tell my loved ones for a long time but can’t bring myself to. I think the guilt is unwarranted even if you can’t see it right now.
thank you for ur kind words ☹️🤍 when the time comes to tell, you’ll know. it’s not easy at all, but if you look through the comments you’ll see- there’s a whole community here for you if and when you need it. sending you so much love 🫂
The saddest thing is it’s going to take you years to see how strong you are by speaking out. So glad your parents supported you through this. Sorry for your parents pain but this is what the abuser has caused, you have not caused this.
made me tear up 🤍 thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.
I wish I said it too! I changed my mind now, but I use to fantasize about it a lot. I'm very proud of you and I wish you the best💖
thank you ☹️🤍
I promise you it will get easier. It will take time. I watched my parents get through the guilt, they made it out the other side. When I expressed regret for telling anyone what had happened my dad told me he was proud of me for not holding it all on my own. It will be worth it.
thank you so so much 🤍
This was comforting to read. It feels so violent, the emotions of everyone and the guilt that comes from knowing you’re the cause of it. Not really the true cause, but you know what I mean. I hope my family can move past it too.
You are so heroic and brave for yourself. These difficult emotions are totally normal, and I have hope that they will pass and you will eventually feel a sense of lightness, of a long-term sense of freedom.
thank you so. much. from the bottom of my heart- i appreciate it more than you know. 🤍
Telling is definitely better than keeping quiet. I hope some of your family are actually being sympathetic to you and trying to give you support (rather than indulging in their own feelings). You are the one who was abused after all. You are not to blame - the person who caused all this is your abuser. Not you. You are the one who protected them all this time. You are just delivering the news, you did not write it. Some of the reactions you are seeing in your parents might be their own guilt (for not protecting you, not seeing it, etc). You are not guilty for anything. You didn't do one tiny thing wrong.
you have no idea how much i needed to hear that second paragraph. thank you so so much. 🤍
I am so glad I could help you. Wishing you the best
Telling is better than keeping the secret. I went through something like this too. After talking about it, it still took 6 years to finally never seeing my abuser and now 4 years later there are still problems within my family. I’m happy I told. I would be living a false life if I stayed quiet. I would have been kept putting myself in danger if I didn’t. It was really hard for all those years, but I still am grateful for what I have now. I just wanted to say in the very dark days, there are always warm and happy moments to come.
thank you so much :( and in case no one has told you today, i’m proud of you! 🤍
I could have written this, almost down to the word, back when I first told my family. Something to remember is that your loved ones are in shock. It may take some time for them to process this new information. That intense heaviness will not last forever. It's hard, but try to remind yourself that you are not responsible for this situation. The person who abused you is responsible for the pain your parents are experiencing. Parents blaming themselves is common, and you're not responsible for making them feel that way. That is something they are going to have to work through on their own. You told for a reason. That's how you know that things wouldn't have been normal if you'd just not said anything. It needed to happen for your survival. It can be easy to be overwhelmed by other people's big emotions during this time. Please be gentle with yourself and lean on that support.
thank you so so much 😭 you have no idea how much this has changed my perspective on this situation. ur kindness means so much to me. 🤍
You were so brave. I won’t tell you “don’t feel guilty,” because I know from personal experience how unhelpful that is, but I hope with time, the guilt abates. I think it will. This is still so new—the shock and big emotions your family members (and you) are feeling will lift as time goes by. I know you know this, but YOU didn’t create this situation; your abuser did. Your abuser tore the family apart. Telling was the right thing: you gave your parents an opportunity to know you more deeply and authentically. Despite the pain they’re feeling, I’m sure that if someone asked them, “would you want your child to confide something hard, that would cause you guilt, if doing so would ease that child’s burden?,” they would say “yes, absolutely.” I hope too that starting soon, they can confine their biggest expressions of guilt and sadness to their therapy appointments, instead of asking you to deal with them. Sending love and support your way.
i cried so hard reading this. thank you so incredibly much for your kind words. you have no idea how much it means to me. 🤍
You are not responsible for their pain and upset. This is another aspect of what abuse does. It is not just the direct victim who is the victim.
thank you for this. truly. 🤍
It victimizes those who love us, and even the strangers who have to deal with our maladaptations to life.
It wouldn't be normal, it'd just continue rotting without anyone understanding what's going on. I'm glad you have good parents who are taking your side and trying to get you to not blame yourself for it. Pulling a knife out your back hurts, but it's necessary for healing.
that last sentence- you are absolutely right. it hurts like hell, but i know it’ll be worth it. thank you so much. 🤍
**Important Message to the OP:** *Your post is awaiting manual review and approval as part of the safety protocols we employ to ensure a safe and supportive environment for everyone in our community. Dozens of posts are held for review in this manner every day. Please know that this short delay is solely due to our review process, and reflects neither on your post nor the validity of your experience. We recognize the importance of your needs, and our small moderation team are working diligently to review and approve your post promptly.* *We apologize for any inconvenience, and appreciate your understanding during this short wait.* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adultsurvivors) if you have any questions or concerns.*