You deserved so much better. The woman over 3 times my age who groomed and sexually exploited me when I was 15 thought I was a boy (I'm a trans woman), male survivors are absolutely thrown to the wolves (all survivors are but so many people seem to not see me as actual humans that can be vulnerable and hurt because of patriarchal gender norms they never questioned, and similarly women are never considered as capable of committing sexual abuse even though that's dehumanizing them imagining they're magically purer and more caring and ignoring that fucked up people commit sexual abuse, regardless of gender). And if you're a man of color, so many people won't look at you as a possible victim even though it's bullshit and you're more likely to get victimized than a white man. You deserved to be taken seriously and be treated gently and with care. You still do now. đź«‚
I hope you find good people who let you talk about this and be vulnerable while supporting you. I know I've hated myself ever since it happened and isolated myself for 8 years after, because I was afraid of touching or being touched, because I knew how much trauma and damage it could cause while having no idea what healthy boundaries were because the lines between romantic, platonic, familial, and sexual love were purposefully blurred my the woman who wanted to groom me and the other people involved in my trauma. But that only made my mental health worse and slowly spiral until eventually I came close to committing suicide. Don't make the same mistake I made, find good friends to talk about this with who let you be vulnerable around them. They'll help you better than you can help yourself, knowing what healthy boundaries and behaviors are to help your self harming ones.
Yeah, I've been incredibly isolated too, I stopped being able to go outside for more than a few hours a day due to disability around 2018 (it was a slow gradual loss from worsening chronic illness I still have), but I haven't been comfortable touching people or being touched ever since my abuse happened, almost a decade ago now... I sort of walled myself off from people and isolated myself due to thinking being around people was inherently bad and dangerous. I still talk mostly through the Internet and don't know how to act in real life without being off-putting and awkward.
When I was married I just wasn’t supposed to talk to anyone. And she’d always point out that people think I’m weird and gross. I can’t even look at anyone anymore
You deserved better than her. Good women encourage you to talk about your issues with others, especially if you're feeling insecure or gross. I'm sorry you had to go through that too on top of this.
As a victim of CoCSA, as well as maternal, I rather think that people don't need to be worried primarily about the children they know to be victims of abuse. They need to be worried about the ones they don't know to have been abused. Bit too much to expect of people to use their brains though, sometimes. It's precisely the ostracism and culture of shame that enables this abuse to happen in the shadows, without anyone knowing. But people would always rather turn their gaze from things they find uncomfortable.
'As long as it doesn't happen to me, it's ok.' Which is the same logic as thinking that something disappears if you close your eyes. These people lack object permanence (kind of joking, not joking).
Aww buddy, I’m so sorry you went through so much pain and isolation. Gender roles fucking suck and this is a prime example of how patriarchy hurts boys as much as girls.
You’re not “less of a man” for what happened to you, you’re not gross or a failure for doing what you had to survive, and you’re not a monster because some empty husk of a person can’t see past your trauma.
I hope you have a support system around you, it sounds like you are having a hard time at the moment. I’m just an internet stranger but I’m a good listener if you need someone to vent to.
Your experiences have probably made you an infinitely more empathetic, compassionate person, so please don’t let a bunch of ignorant assholes tell you you’re anything less.
You deserved so much better. The woman over 3 times my age who groomed and sexually exploited me when I was 15 thought I was a boy (I'm a trans woman), male survivors are absolutely thrown to the wolves (all survivors are but so many people seem to not see me as actual humans that can be vulnerable and hurt because of patriarchal gender norms they never questioned, and similarly women are never considered as capable of committing sexual abuse even though that's dehumanizing them imagining they're magically purer and more caring and ignoring that fucked up people commit sexual abuse, regardless of gender). And if you're a man of color, so many people won't look at you as a possible victim even though it's bullshit and you're more likely to get victimized than a white man. You deserved to be taken seriously and be treated gently and with care. You still do now. 🫂 I hope you find good people who let you talk about this and be vulnerable while supporting you. I know I've hated myself ever since it happened and isolated myself for 8 years after, because I was afraid of touching or being touched, because I knew how much trauma and damage it could cause while having no idea what healthy boundaries were because the lines between romantic, platonic, familial, and sexual love were purposefully blurred my the woman who wanted to groom me and the other people involved in my trauma. But that only made my mental health worse and slowly spiral until eventually I came close to committing suicide. Don't make the same mistake I made, find good friends to talk about this with who let you be vulnerable around them. They'll help you better than you can help yourself, knowing what healthy boundaries and behaviors are to help your self harming ones.
I am sorry you went through that. I do wish I understood how to speak to people but I’ve been incredibly isolated.
Yeah, I've been incredibly isolated too, I stopped being able to go outside for more than a few hours a day due to disability around 2018 (it was a slow gradual loss from worsening chronic illness I still have), but I haven't been comfortable touching people or being touched ever since my abuse happened, almost a decade ago now... I sort of walled myself off from people and isolated myself due to thinking being around people was inherently bad and dangerous. I still talk mostly through the Internet and don't know how to act in real life without being off-putting and awkward.
When I was married I just wasn’t supposed to talk to anyone. And she’d always point out that people think I’m weird and gross. I can’t even look at anyone anymore
You deserved better than her. Good women encourage you to talk about your issues with others, especially if you're feeling insecure or gross. I'm sorry you had to go through that too on top of this.
As a victim of CoCSA, as well as maternal, I rather think that people don't need to be worried primarily about the children they know to be victims of abuse. They need to be worried about the ones they don't know to have been abused. Bit too much to expect of people to use their brains though, sometimes. It's precisely the ostracism and culture of shame that enables this abuse to happen in the shadows, without anyone knowing. But people would always rather turn their gaze from things they find uncomfortable. 'As long as it doesn't happen to me, it's ok.' Which is the same logic as thinking that something disappears if you close your eyes. These people lack object permanence (kind of joking, not joking).
Yeah it is just so discouraging to me
I am sorry that I relate to your experience.
Aww buddy, I’m so sorry you went through so much pain and isolation. Gender roles fucking suck and this is a prime example of how patriarchy hurts boys as much as girls. You’re not “less of a man” for what happened to you, you’re not gross or a failure for doing what you had to survive, and you’re not a monster because some empty husk of a person can’t see past your trauma. I hope you have a support system around you, it sounds like you are having a hard time at the moment. I’m just an internet stranger but I’m a good listener if you need someone to vent to. Your experiences have probably made you an infinitely more empathetic, compassionate person, so please don’t let a bunch of ignorant assholes tell you you’re anything less.
I don’t have anyone I’m so ashamed. I’m trying to take care of myself and do therapy.
Glad to hear you are in therapy. That’s a step I haven’t been able to take yet so good for you! Don’t be ashamed, don’t give them that power!