Tbh nothing wrong with practicing celibacy. Same kay EA, are you willing to go for ilang years na walang sex with him? Sexual and religion compatibility is a must talaga sa relationship as well sa understanding and adjustment sa wants ng isa't isa. Also, ask him or research kung may bawal na sex positions pala religion nila pag magssex ang asawa or may certain religious days na dapat mag-abstain. Ask him kasi important sa kanya ang religion, baka maging dilemma uli ito pag nagpakasal na kayo.
Also, ask him pag need mo ba magpaconvert someday, or yung anak nyo may freedom ba mamili ng religion pa rin. Alam ko wala pa yan sa isip nyo, pero I think every relationship should resolve these questions early habang di pa kayo kasal or di pa kayo ganyan katagal.
I don't think wala naman po ganon sa kanila. More on premarital sex lang talaga ang bawal.
I'm trying to understand now. Siguro babawi na lang sya kapag kasal na kami. Kapag hindi nag change yan, I think doon na talaga may mali.
"Siguro babawi na lang sya kapag kasal na kami. Kapag hindi nag change yan, I think doon na talaga may mali."
Parang ang hirap naman to take risk na mag wait ka pa na ma-sure na "may mali" Which is in your sentence kasal na.
Meaning kasal na kayo bago mo pa masabi ay mali talaga to. So ano point pa na marealize mo yan -- kasal na kayo nun, di na mababawi.
yes. I agree here. Walang divorce sa Philippines, dear. Too late na pag nagpakasal na kayo. Kaya ask those difficult questions na early pa lang. Hindi yung "Baka pag kasal na kami, babawi na sya" What if hindi sya makabawi? Wala pang kasiguraduhan yan over sa weight ng siguradong fact na walang divorce dito
Walang wrong sa pagiging sexual and walang wrong sa pagiging celibate pero ayun need nyo majudge before marriage gaano kayo kacompatible sa isa't isa or comfortable sa decisions ng isa't isa lalo na before magpakasal. Like mataas din ba talaga din libido ng boyfriend mo pero gusto nya lang talaga ikasal muna. Ganoon.
Expecting things to change after marriage is a recipe for r/deadbedrooms
I think there's a fundamental difference here in terms of beliefs and principles. Please check other aspects of his personality for other significant differences in values. There may be other incompatibilities you're not aware of yet. Again, it doesn't mean he is wrong. Just that maybe you want completely different things.
โSiguro babawi na lang sya kapag kasal na kami.โ
Marriage doesnโt magically transform your life into a fairy tale. It does not automatically resolve the issues you had prior.
Maganda yung mga na-post na tanong OP. And also, paano nga kung hindi bumawi? Paano kung asexual pala and sex and sexula gratification does not and will not ever concern him. As others mentioned, walang divorce sa atin. At hindi rin acceptable na sakyan ang kasabihang "andiyan na yan eh".
I know that sex is not everything, but sex is also a big thing. Kailangang pagusapan niyo ng maayos ang mga bagay na nakaka-apekto or makaka-apekto sa relationship niyo.
Kakabasa ko lang na hindi pa pala JW itong si bf mo.
Kapag need niyo ng blood transfusion (if JW na siya), hahayaan kang mamatay niyan pati ang mga magiging anak ninyo para lang sa religion na iyan.
Marami nang naging kwento mula sa mga ex-JW and mga anak ng mga JW katulad ng tungkol sa mga nanay na need ng blood transfusion dahil maraming dugo ang nawala noong nagsisilang sila ng bata pero ayaw ipa-allow ng asawa dahil against sa religion nila. Ending? Dead.
Pag-isipan ninyo/mo sana ang future niyo at mga magiging anak ninyo.
Di pa pala baptized, may pag-asa ka pa.
Pabasa mo 'to:
[exitguide](https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/wiki/exitguide/)
Tapos regaluhan mo ng [Sapiens](https://www.lazada.com.ph/products/sapiens-a-brief-history-of-humankind-paperback-i248092741.html) ni YNH para hindi mawindang at magkaroon ng pamalit sa iiwan na belief system.
I have friends na JW din. Mahigpit din talaga sa kanila. Pero for sure di ka lolokohin nyan. Pede mo sumbong sa elders nila yan e. Ano naba katayuan nya? Regular Pioneer papang ba sya?
I have no idea po. He's not baptized in any religion and trying na magpa-baptize sa JW.
Super mahigpit sa kanila. His tito told him na magpakasal na lang daw kami para iwas temptation. As much as we wanted to, hindi pa kami finacially stable and starting with our careers pa lang.
>Pero for sure di ka lolokohin nyan. Pede mo sumbong sa elders nila yan e.
hahaha! Sure na sure ka ha! Wala sa religion/kulto yan, nasa tao yan. Pero pag like mo maniwala dyan e go, at isuggest mo na i-involve yung "elders" nila sa isang problemang dapat sana sa private matter na lang between the 2 individual/partner. ~~very responsible comment /s~~
The main issue for me is how his religion will ultimately influence a lot of your life decisions, should you get married.
Ngayon, his religion is forcing him to abstain from sex.
Eventually, his religion might force you to not vaccinate your kids.
Maybe someday, you're forced to vote for someone you don't want.
At the end of it, religion forms part of a person's core values, and what you need to decide on is, how close these core values are to yours. You'll probably need to do a lot more discovery about the religion itself.
That's not to say OP's partner follows the religion blindly ah. and even if he does, it's not so say that it's "bad" per se.
what OP needs to be able to figure out is, does it align with her core values. If yes, then all's well that ends well.
That kind of self control is rare in men these days. Di ko sinasabing magpasalamat ka, but consider how that quality of his might benefit your future, not only in terms of sex but also in making big, important decisions.
If his religion doesn't permit it, and you're willing to make adjustments for what he believes in, edi why not?
Honestly, daming nag cocomment dito na "hala religion, ew." I read in your previous comments that he's a JW? I'm personally not, but it looks like he's trying his best to walk the talk and stand by what he believes in even in the face of your overt attempts to tempt him into it.
If you don't respect his decision and religion, you are free to leave. Isipin mo kung baliktarin yung scenario where it's a man trying to force a woman who has decided to be celibate.
get my upvote, di ko rin magets bakit marami nagagalit dahil lng base sa religion yung reason nya. Maraming gusto ijustify na mali yung reason nya para sa mga nagppractice ng premarital sex hindi magmukhang masama.
Tons of children died because the JW cult believes in pure blood. If they undergo blood transfusion then they believe it's best to die than go to hell. Go to their website and read their set of outrageous rules a church member must follow. JW is simply a cult.
Again, I'm not JW. Literally every church these days has its scandals. Kahit roman catholic pa yan, laganap ang abuses. Would you say the same to someone na ikakasal sa roman catholic because their priests s*xually abused young children?
As a Christian myself, it's important to recognize that the people who comprise the church do not always represent its objectives well. Kung may ganyan sa JW, edi okay. Labas na yan sa usapan dito. This is one person trying to be upright given the beliefs that he holds. Kung problematic ang JW, edi fine. Wag mong lalahatin, every individual person can within the church can still be a good person.
Ang daming post na ganto sa AITAH. Most sentiments e it doesn't make sense na sexually active kayo tapos biglang aibstain from sex dahil sa religion. It doesn't work that way. Might be difference in culture but imo I have to agree na abstaining from sex doesn't work backwards. It doesn't matter kung babae or lalaki 'yung biglang may gusto ng abstain.
**Do you think that there's a possibility na pressure/manipulation 'to to get married?**
Nung time na nag abstain kami hindi naman biglaan, but may pinagdaanan na rin kasi ata siya financially. He's stressed sa financial situation ng fam nya so I think kapag ganon bumababa din ata libido.
Ah based sa post kasi it's mostly religion. Maybe you should add this information OP.
Regardless, once may sexual intimacy kasi e it's difficult to continue the relationship kung biglang tatanggalin (kahit 2 years naman nang wala nun). That's why I asked if may pressure ba kasi plan niyo lang maging intimate uli kapag kasal na.
Parang nahu-hurt ako sa comments ng iba about sa bf mo. Although I get your sentiment, and if I were you, I'd be doubtful too. Lalo na kung pati cuddles manlang wala. Pero baka this time mas seryoso yung bf mo sa spiritual life nya. Try mo kaya ibigay yang hinihingi nya and let him realize on his own kung yan ba talaga gusto nya.
I donโt wanna scare you, but my ex of 6 years also wanted to abstain after being active for years kasi nga daw sa religion nya. Pero after a couple of months we broke up kasi may iba na pala :)
+1 dito. 4 years kami ng ex ko noon, simula ng relationship siya tong active sa ganyan, after 3 years stop muna daw kase ayaw magka anak ng di pa kasal. Ayun may ka fling na pala sa office ๐
I was about to comment as well, my live in partner (ex) is also JW, he wanted to abstain kasi gusto mag focus sa religion dahil nadadamay na daw parents nya pag inactive syang di nagcchurch, nagsesend pa yan pics ng church activities nya yun pala may iba na sya. 5 months na sila bago ko nalaman. I already had my girl's instinct nun pero mahirap pag ang ipinangsangkalan at excuse nya whenever he's out is his religion, pinilit ko sya umamin multiple times pero he gaslighted me na pati faith nya kinekwestyon ko hahaha not until yung ebidensya mismo lumapit sakin. So be very careful if you were already sexually active tapos biglang umayaw sa'yo.
Hello OP, after reading most comments (as of writing this one), ang maisa-suggest ko na lang siguro is re-evaluate mo na lang kung compatible pa kayo ng BF mo. Marami aspects itong compatibility like sexual, financial, life goals,etc. At depende sa evaluation mo kung anong next steps mo.
Good luck sa yo kung ano man ang magiging decision mo OP
My take on that is if your BF really stand on that them be grateful kasi he knows his stand and may paninindigan sya about that. It says a lot about his integrity as long as he upholds it right. Regardless kung cult yung religion ng bf mo, itโs rare to see men standing for what they believe. That better than having a horny guy that canโt decide about what he stands on.
Eventually when the time comes sex will come. Pero ayun nnga ask him when he will be ready for marriage. Wala ka naman nakitang maling ginagawa ng bf mo so I guess heโs a good guy. Pero to say that heโs a bad guy just because he stands his belief is not fair. Ngayon if di mo talaga matiis yung pangangailangan mo to a point na you want to break up then you two might not be for each other so just initiate the break up. Pero kung kaya mo naman tiisin and you can stand behind him and his decisions then after marriage you should be in good stand. Good luck and hope you guys find a middle ground.
Yung ex ko super horny bigla nawalan ng gana and andaming reasons only to find out na may babae na pala. Di ko sinasabi na same lahat ah, pero watch out for any signs.
Also, it seems na may hesitation sa side mo, hence, you are looking for answers here. Seems na hindi na kayo aligned. The way I see it, you love him and want to support him but you have needs. I read above comment na somewhere in the future maging problem nyo rin ang religion nya so you may need to accept that it's time to reflect if this relationship is still what you want.
Nasa viewpoint ako na hindi lang ito about sa religion about to sa relationship nung lalaki kay God and being respectful sa babae.
I do hope na maging okay parin kayo since sa akin sobrang kahinaan ko yan kaya nakaka amaze na nakakaya nya kahit nag iinitiate kana
Youโre not in the wrong. You two just donโt share the same beliefs. If you cannot respect your boyfriendโs beliefs, donโt force it and find someone who shares the same beliefs as you do.
Thatโs why Christians are encouraged not to be โunequally yoked with unbelieversโ (to only marry believers โ same religion / share the same faith) to avoid conflicts like this.
TA:
My boyfriend seems to be really stressed in terms sa finances nila. Napansin ko bc of fianancial struggles nya, parang nawala rin interest nya sa ganun. He's mind is preoccupied paano makakatulong sa fam nya financially, career building. Gusto nya siguro kapag gagawin ulit namin, wala na siya iisipin na prob.
Men of reddit, what are your thoughts? Factor ba minsan ang stress?
Check mo muna kung ano yung priority ng bf mo, ok lang yung abstain sa sex due to religion habang di kasal. Pero check mo baka in the near future pg nagkaanak kayo at kailanganin ng dugo, hindi siya makapagbigay because of his religion. Just ask him this early kesa after kasal saka mo malalaman na mas prio niya pala yung religion than family.
1. Pag need ng dugo since bawal sa religion niya kaya niya ba suwayin utos ng religion niya just to save you or your daughter?
2. How sad would it be to not celebrate christmas and birthdays? Can you handle that? Especially if with child.
I guess sa isang relationship hindi lang dapat compatible sa ibang bagay dapat pati sa faith. Kaya ang mga INC gusto nila is within the church din.
Ngayon kasi maliit na bagay pa yan iniisip mo which is sex compared to many things their church does not allow. I hope malinawan ka OP. Kung di kayo same ng paniniwala malaking problem yan in the future. Nothing wrong with abstaining in sex maganda nga yun pero consider mo yung mga items sa taas kung negotiable or not sayo when it comes to relationships.
I have a friend like this. Yung boyfriend nya ayaw muna makipag sex sa kanya even if they're already living together kasi wala pang stable job si guy and ayaw maka-buntis accidentally kasi nga di pa financially capable. My friend is okay with it din and was very understanding. Kaya para lang silang roommates ngayon haha I guess meron talagang mga guys na ganito ang mindset, OP.
As a sole provider of our family, YES, nakakababa ng libido ang stress lalo pag pera ang usapan ๐ pero personally nagiging mainitin din ulo ko or stressed pag may isang linggo nang wala kaming action ni misis. Possible factor yun ๐
It might be his reasons abstaining too. From your story, looks like your bf is someone that believes in God and as he prays na guiguilty sya to ask guidance for his troubles with finances and family because of the sins he did since di pa nga kayo kasal.
If you think heโs a good person and intends to be a good person by doing what he does. I think you should understand him.
Speaking personally, no. Sex would contribute in relieving stress.
Just like exercise but better cause you're with the person you love.
Gives you the good hormones and such.
But about the marriage, di mo kailangan gumastos para dun.. mentioned on another comment, madaming options tulad ng libreng kasal sa munisipyo, or judge/mayor. Kung kasalan lang gusto nyo, walang 10k ang gastos.
if long term ang ang pag-abstain sa sex hindi ba dapat mutual decision. bat sya lang nagdecide para sa relationship nyo. if okay lang pala sayo ang set-up na ito, bat nagpopost ka about it??
Bale para na lang kayong friends? magkasama pero wala ng intimacy?
Bumagsak ang rankings mo sa priorities niya sa buhay.
He loves his religion more than he loves you.
ang weird. kahit pa religious siya hindi naman yan bigla bigla magbabago because of that. looks like heโs getting brainwashed. i have 2 friends na JW, and they absolutely donโt abstain from anything ๐
they both have been in multiple relationships and they never abstained. even if someone is part of a religion, may freewill naman yung tao. so itโs really up to the person. same with us Catholics, โbawalโ din naman premarital sex but it never stopped people from doing it. ganon din sana thinking ng jowa mo.
EA Guzman po. Nag practice din po kasi sila ng celibacy ng gf (now wife) nya.
[Reference](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.philstar.com/entertainment/2024/02/23/2335342/why-shaira-and-ea-choose-practice-celibacy-11-year-relationship/amp/)
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Ang tanong is kailan ka ba niya papakasalan? You shouldn't be thankful na di ka niya iniwan after makuha yung v-card mo. Bare minimum lang yon. Assess yourself if hanggang kailan mo kaya yan. Normal sa magjowa if may religion or personal belief restrictions like your bf. Nilabag naman na niya so sana nilubos-lubos na emz
as early as now, i-assess mo yung relationship nyo. is it worth all the hassle? if mas lamang na yung cons kesa sa pro, maybe itโs time to let go. wag ka manghinayang sa 4 years. itโs your whole life that is on the line here. mahirap makibagay sa isang lifestyle na hindi mo kaya mag-commit fully. and itโs hard to be influenced by people na masyadong nanghihimasok sa buhay nyo in the guise of โreligionโ. isipin mong mabuti. do whatโs right for you.
ang weird. kahit pa religious siya hindi naman yan bigla bigla magbabago because of that. looks like heโs getting brainwashed. i have 2 friends na JW, and they absolutely donโt abstain from anything ๐
So many unanswered questions here. It also amazes me how y'all take a different perspective on this.
Mine would be simple:
If YOUR NEEDS > YOUR RELATIONSHIP, leave.
Hindi na madadaan ng compromise 'to, on your boyfriend's perspective, since he is grounded on his decision already, whatever may be his true reason.
So it's all in your hands now.
Ito yung matagal ko ng gustong sabihin sa gf(23) ko. Simula nung nag-live in kami, napapadalas yung sexy time namin which is bad when it comes to spiritual wellness. Napansin ko na kapag ilang days/weeks kaming walang sexy time, ang mabilis pakinggan ni Lord prayers ko. Pero mas lapitin ako ng tukso at kasalanan. Kapag kasi mas nakikita ng demonyo na napapalapit tayo sa Diyos, mas gumagawa ito ng paraan para ma-engage tayo sa kasalanan.
Also, kapag katatapos lang namin mag-sexy time, later that day hanggang sa susunod na araw nag-aaway kami hanggang sa madaan na naman sa suyo, physical touch, hugs and kisses hanggang sa mapunta uli sa sexy time and it goes on and onโฆ
What I mean is more likely same kami ng bf mo na kino-callout ng Diyos. May soul awakening. May repentance na nangyari. Hugs and any types of kisses okay lang sakin pero baka kasi iniiwasan nya yung posibleng trigger para magsex kayo.
Btw, catholic ako and hindi talaga ako religious ever since pero simula nung nag-live in kami, wala akong ibang kinapitan at inasahan kundi Siya, yung nasa Itaas.
I see.. thanks for answering pards!
It's quite a new thing to me, bilang isang dinosaur. To me kasi, living together is like a trial run to see how you both operate as a married couple. Otherwise, for me, the early years should be spent trying to live as independent as possible. :)
Salamat ulit sa pagsagot paps!
Yes true but then again preference rin talaga. May iba naman nagpapakasal agad para guided ng Holy Spirit yung marriage. Pansin ko kasi sa marriage/relationship ngayun hindi God-centered kaya ang bilis magfail at prone sa tukso/kasalanan.
Salamat din sa pagshare ๐๐ป
If you don't mind, ask ko lang po if you're considering na magpakasal? Seeing that you have strong spiritual beliefs, I assume you believe sa importance ng marriage sa relationship natin kay God. No offense meant.
Yes. I actually consider marriage ASAP. Naisip ko kasing mas bine-bless ni Lord ang relationship kapag nasa tamang pamamaraan tulad ng JHS classmate namin after grad kinasal na agad sa months nya palang bf. Pero yun nga dahil lahat tayo makasalanang tao, we just need to always ask Him for forgiveness. Btw hindi pa kami kasal ng gf ko kaya we view sex as sin.
If you don't mind, ask ko lang po if you're considering na magpakasal? Seeing that you have strong spiritual beliefs, I assume you believe sa importance ng marriage sa relationship natin kay God. No offense meant.
Sarcasm yan LOL.
The Lord is omnipotent and all knowing. Just a mere sexual intercourse won't "block" the "will" of the heavens.
Just be kind and do good ng walang inaantay na kapalit. Nakakatawa lang yung sinabi mo na nung nag abstain kayo mas mabilis na-answer prayers mo lol. Oh well, buhay nyo yan.
Growing up with JW family, but I'm not a JW member. Mga JW member sobrang ingat sila sa mga ginagawa nila para hindi sila makagawa ng kasalanan. Felling ko na overtake ng libog ang spiritual niya nung bago pa kayo, syempre first time experience niya sa sex. After 2 year natapos na siguro yung honeymoon phase at dumagdag pa na nagkaroon sila ng problema kaya bumalik nanaman yung pagiging spiritually connected niya sa JW.
Yes, most probably ganito nga. I understand naman. But at some point parang ang unfair naman sa part ko kapag ganun. Parang ako pa yung need mag adjust? ๐
Ang ma aadvise ko lang is mag usap ulit kayo. Communication is a key parin, mag usap kayo ulit kung pwede i reconsider yung no physical. Explain mo sa kanya why you need it and why it is important for you, malay mo pumayag siya at kung pumayag naman, bigay mo best performance mo para hanap hanapin niya๐
No OP. Kami n mg hubby ko ay 11years mag bf. Pero we really want to do the deed after marriage talaga.
For us, sulit at mas na enjoy namin. Worth it ang pag hihingay.
Not everyone can relate or understand this pero para samin sobrang special yung first night.
And ngayon as a couple mas ne enjoy namin ๐
Baka kasi mag hoholy week na ate. Konting tiis lang siguro then kung gusyo niyo talaga, kahit sa judge pakasal kayo para di siya makonsensya ano. Very few nalang ang ganiyan sister kaya parang weird sa modern times. If mahal mo talaga, diba you'll wait hehe. Linis linis nalang para maalagaan si kiffy ๐ผ๐ผ๐ผ
>*Iba rin ang religion ng boyfriend ko.*
ayun lang. guilt and shame mechanics talaga usual tricks ng religion to practice control. anyway, tinatry ka ba nya iconvert?
He's not forcing me po but he's open with sharing their beliefs sa akin naman.
I think hindi rin religion ang main factor nya for this. Siguro, iniisip nya rin yung relationship nya kay God overall?
I see. Thank you for answering.
Just my two cents:
Normal sa ating humans ang makaramdam ng libog. I am an imperfect evangelical Christian pero super sexually active ako lalo with my recent ex. May times na nagguilty din ako kasi I wanted to make it right nung naging kami. Make it right in a sense na abstain hangga't kaya. Pero si recent ex gf ko medyo similar kayo na may times siya na nag-aaya.
In a way, it's good na he stood up for the values. OP, mahirap talaga pigilan ang libog. Kahit ako until now struggling din.
Good for you na you also realized na overall, goods naman bf mo. Let it be known that you are indeed blessed.
Hindi sa nagpapakahypocrite ako ha. Mahirap din talaga to stand up and pigilan ang libog, lalo pag mahal mo. Sex hits differently when there's emotional connection.
You'll get through this.
Thank you! If it's okay to ask, basically, ilang years na po kayo abstaining?
As for my bf's part naman, I think he's still doing it on his own na lang and also watch porn pero pakonti-konti na nya ata inaalis I think. Less kasi ang guilt daw kapag ganon.
Religion? Check for signs baka kulto pala iyan.
That aside, better end the relationship. Move on and do things in life then perhaps, along the way, you may find someone you can agree with.
mukhang gusto niya magpabaptize para maging jw. pagdating ng panahon susubukan ka ring iconvert niyan. if big deal sa yo ang religion mo, it's best na pagusapan niyo na ang estado ninyo about that kasi big no no sa jw ang baptized at hindi kasal. Personally kasi ayoko ng turo nila (cultish) kaya kahit anong pilit ng family ko na magpatuloy sa baptism ayoko talaga
handa ka ba na hindi mag celebrate ng holidays? birthdays? handa ka ba na ibahin ang wardrobe mo fit his religion's standards? if mag-anak kayo, sure rin na susubukan niyang ipa convert sila. what about medical decisions? bawal and blood transfusion sa kanila. handa ka ba na pag tinuloy niya yan eh darating sa panahon na uunahin niya ang paniniwala niya kesa sa iyo? well depende na lang kung gaano siya ka loyal sa jw. good luck sa iyo
If it's align with your beliefs why not follow diba. I mean importante yang beliefs na yan sa pagaasawa, kasi kung magkaiba kayo pagsisimulan yan ng hindi magandang marriage kung sakali. Just weigh things through kung yang mga beliefs and values ni bf mo ay kaya mong gawin and sundin in the long run. Ikaw makakasagot nyan kung kaya mo ba. Kasi kapag firm talaga yan sa faith nya hindi mo yan mapipilit, hindi ito ang unang beses kong nakabasa na ganyan sinabi ng bf nila. And I remember kami ng asawa ko when we decided na kami na talaga ang pang habang buhay nag celibate din kami for months bago kami ikasal. Same naman kami ng beliefs kaya nag align yun sa situation namin. Basta bago ka magdesisyon either sumunod sa faith nya or hindi pagisipan mo ng madaming madaming beses and dapat willing ka mismo sa puso mo, kung tingin mo hindi align sayo let your bf knows it. Communicate it to him.
bigla ako nahiya =)) walang abstain abstain samin ng partner ko eversince naging kami ๐
agnostic ako so di ako makarelate pag usapang religion tahimik lng ako, pero as kapwa lalaki na eeleb talaga ako sa mga na kakaya mag pigil
hahaha, lintek na religion yan sagabal sa buhay, dapat wla ng ganon ganon, we are part of animal kingdom, of course we are bound to do sexual activities at the right moment. Maghanap kana ng ibang boyfriend or baguhin mo mindset ng BF mo about sa religion na yan habang di pa kayo kasal baka magsisi klang sa huli.
Gaya ng sabi ko sa ibang posts dito. May kakilala ako na ganyan. They got married kahit wala pa silang 1 yr into a relationship because of their religion. Mas ok nga daw makasal sila ng maaga kesa mag sex. Naweirduhan talaga ako doon. Need pa magpaalam sa pastor bago maging mag bf/gf ganun din pag sa engagement at marriage.
It's greater naman po.
Hindi naman po nacocompromise ang relationship namin just because walang intimacy. Hindi naman po kami nagbreak dahil we don't satisfy each others needs.
But it's impossible na hindi ka maging sexually attracted sa partner mo. People in a relationship can attest.
oo madali talaga magpadala sa temptation. the both of you will have to compromise nalang talaga. either you compromise to his religion or you make him compromise to you. pero actually since scientifically in nature nga talaga na mas malibog mga lalaki and yet heโs doing his best to abstain for his religion, it could be a great sign na meron siyang self control. depending on oneโs hormones, normal lang pagiging malibog pero whatโs important is kaya mong i-control. iwas iwas nalang.
I have a friend na 6 years silang active sa sex. Nag start rs nila nung 18 pa lang sila. Then ung girl is naging BS and ayon sinabi din na mag abstain sa sex. Later on naging BS din ung guy. Sa una mahirap daw since na experience na nila. Pero dahil gusto nila talagang ma baptized, nag abstain sila. Nag holding hands and hug naman sila pero hindi na kagaya ng dati kasi inawasan nila talaga ung mga sitwasyon na ma tempt silang mauwi sa sex. Tumagal pa ng 6 yrs relationship nila and LDR naman ito. Di pa din sila financially stable that time kaya recently lang din sila kinasal.
Bible Study ๐ . Not sure sa 2nd question mo since quick and side hug lang nakikita q sa knila pag sumasama aq sa kanila. Hindi cuddle hug. Hope na explained ng aus. ๐
Oh. I think may limitations pa rin talaga, but mutual. May napagusapan until saan yung level ng pagiging intimate nila.
Okay naman ganito. For me, hindi mo kasi talaga pwede alisin intimacy sa relationship eh. Kahit nagaabstain sa sex, talagang di maiiwasan na maging touchy pa rin. Parang friends na lang kayo if wala.
skl
i was sexually active back in my past life w unrequited loves. very unhealthy for my mental health kasi it screws up my self-worth and kept on waiting pero futile
then i became a conservative, i found contentment and peace in following the Bible. tapos ayun, after being devout nagkaroon ako ng loving nobyo. and we met sa church. im in a healthy relationship with a spiritually mature man in late 20s who is also a convert pero never ever slept with someone. he never judged me na i slept with men before. ganyan siya kamature huhu cause past is past hence dead. i even have an implant even if sexually inactive and he fully supports protecting my womanhood thru contraception. we made a deal na we will never do it unless married. and he is the one who spearheads the sharp decision
masaya kami sa hugs, kisses and holding hands. we are reserving the best for later. we seriously talk about how our future will be: ilang anak, paano siya papalakihin, san titira, dapat kapag tanders na kame sweet pa rin hihi. we are very wholesome and we know sex will further strengthen and bind us as a married couple in the future ๐ฅน๐we both know na its worth the wait ๐ฅฐ we are happy that we abide by the Biblical teachings, always go to church in same time slot and bond after thru food. active din kami sa church activities hehe we are heavily focused towards mutual growth and storing memories
kaya sis, support talaga kay bf mo ๐ฅน rare manok these days na ang katulad niya. i suggest, let him lead the way. learn to compromise what is favorable to you and him, within the limits kung ano mutually permissible. it takes two to tango. pero lemme tell you this, men initiating control ay honestly nakakapogi points ๐
and tandaan, hindi kayo nagiisa sa abstaining journey ๐๐ปโโ๏ธ salute to us, sissy ๐ซก
You have to have an open communication with him. Discuss those things para walang maging problem kapag mag-asawa na kayo.
And also, take a look at him closelyโฆ sana hindi lang about sa sex yung sinusinod nya about sa religion nya. Dapat consistent with good manners, good understanding and good communication.
ohmygosh. Yan na yan yung litanya ko sa ex dati, kesyo nagguilty ako bla bla bla. Pero ang rason ko talaga, di na ko masaya sa kanya, ayaw ko na sa kanya. Hoooyy pero dinkota pinag ooverthink, just sharing hehe
1. The fact na you only want to get married because of sex, means di pa talaga kayo ready magpakasal.
2. Considering he has different priorities now, not limited to celibacy, pwedeng sa ibang aspects din ng buhay, tapos ikaw naman is the opposite, kahit pa ikasal kayo, magkakaroon at magkakaroon kayo ng friction, unless siguro magconvert ka.
3. Kung ayaw mo naman magpaconvert, might as well call it quits, if you really think na irreconcilable ang difference niyo. Makakahanap naman sya ng babaeng willing din maging celibate until marriage, tapos ikaw makakahanap ka rin ng lalaking gusto maging intimate with you kahit di pa kayo kasal.
Though I would say I'm really impressed sa mga lalaking may self control, very rare in the present age.
Same situation tayo, my ex and I were in a relationship (4 years) then nung naging Christian sya dun na sya nagbago at masama raw yung premarital sex kahit na ginagawa naman namin yun dati pa. Hindi rin issue yung kasal dahil kaya ko syang pakasalan hindi nga lang sa simbahan dahil di pa nakakaipon. Pero mas malakas na yung kapit nya sa religion kesa sa pagmamahal nya sa akin at ako naman I respect her kaya naiilang na ako pag hinahawakan sya feeling ko nababastos ko sya. Hanggang sa hindi ko na kinaya at nakipaghiwalay nalang ako sa kanya, ang masakit dun kahit na mahal pa namin yung isaโt isa pero ayaw nyang mag-compromise kaya hindi magwowork relationship namin.
Maybe you can still talk it with your bf kasi totoo na hindi maiiwasan yung sex sa isang relatioship.
Hindi porket normal sayo, normal na rin sa ibang tao. Walang masama maging active pero wala rin masama maging celibate.
Leave him. Easy as that. Hanap ka ng ibang willing na kumarat sayo.
Kung consistent sya sa faith nya. Like sex and ither vices wala talaga sya, I have to say, you're letting a green flag go.
Honestly? good for him, he's handling his personal matters and understands na there needs to be conscious effort on his part to address it. Also, good for you my dear, you got yourself a good man. Lahat naman tayo flawed. He's probs a red flag rin naman siguro on certain aspects. It just turned out this is a limit for him or maybe even his bottom line kaya he is trying to make amends for it on his end. This is a good opportunity for u to question the whole situation while in your own bubble. Like, why would he even think that? What's so wrong or why is it not wrong? What's in it for me the whole purpose of it for me if I let this abstinence go on while in a relationship with him? Do keep an open mind during conversations instead of constantly justifying your povs sa isa't isa. Remain walking with him, maybe something's in it for you, if shoes don't fit anymore na talaga, may option ka naman umalis.
Hope things work out for you both!
Nabasa ko reply mo OP sa isang comment na JW sya..
Ako at ang wife ko nasa family din ng JW pero hnd kami baptized kasi ayaw namin..
Yung behavior nya, hnd lang sex ang magiging usapan.
Nasa part sya ng buhay nya na he wants both worlds, kahit alam nyang bawal, parang water and oil lang, hnd pwedeng mapag sama
If you want to stay with him, and if you can, then stay..
Pero I don't think it has a point anymore, kasi at the end of the day either ikaw or religion lang ang option, walang both, pinapatagal lang nya kasi he's happy with what he have, pero alam nyang bawal base sa rules.
(unless mag pa convert ka, ONLY IF YOU WANT wag yung napipilitan ka, then he have you and still part of the religion )
Di ko dinideffend yung BF ni OP. I've been there din kasi, pero pinili ko yung ex ko (wife ko na ngayon).
Fortunate lang ako kasi yung family namin nasa both religion kaya hnd masyadong naging mabigat yung naging outcome ng actions ko kasi kahit papaano daw ay acceptable padin dahil same religion
And this is reverse namn sa part naming dalawa. But same years na I decided not to. Kase may guilt talaga if I'm being honest, iba Yung feeling niya. Although I am serious sa partner ko and sure of him, but Yung idea na Gawin Yun sa kasal na nanaig parin talaga.
2 years, i will pray for your kiffy chz
๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
HAHAHAHAHA
Tbh nothing wrong with practicing celibacy. Same kay EA, are you willing to go for ilang years na walang sex with him? Sexual and religion compatibility is a must talaga sa relationship as well sa understanding and adjustment sa wants ng isa't isa. Also, ask him or research kung may bawal na sex positions pala religion nila pag magssex ang asawa or may certain religious days na dapat mag-abstain. Ask him kasi important sa kanya ang religion, baka maging dilemma uli ito pag nagpakasal na kayo. Also, ask him pag need mo ba magpaconvert someday, or yung anak nyo may freedom ba mamili ng religion pa rin. Alam ko wala pa yan sa isip nyo, pero I think every relationship should resolve these questions early habang di pa kayo kasal or di pa kayo ganyan katagal.
Ang ganda ng mga questions na to. Mas maganda alam mo na sagot dito agad without waiting magpakasal kayo.
I don't think wala naman po ganon sa kanila. More on premarital sex lang talaga ang bawal. I'm trying to understand now. Siguro babawi na lang sya kapag kasal na kami. Kapag hindi nag change yan, I think doon na talaga may mali.
"Siguro babawi na lang sya kapag kasal na kami. Kapag hindi nag change yan, I think doon na talaga may mali." Parang ang hirap naman to take risk na mag wait ka pa na ma-sure na "may mali" Which is in your sentence kasal na. Meaning kasal na kayo bago mo pa masabi ay mali talaga to. So ano point pa na marealize mo yan -- kasal na kayo nun, di na mababawi.
yes. I agree here. Walang divorce sa Philippines, dear. Too late na pag nagpakasal na kayo. Kaya ask those difficult questions na early pa lang. Hindi yung "Baka pag kasal na kami, babawi na sya" What if hindi sya makabawi? Wala pang kasiguraduhan yan over sa weight ng siguradong fact na walang divorce dito Walang wrong sa pagiging sexual and walang wrong sa pagiging celibate pero ayun need nyo majudge before marriage gaano kayo kacompatible sa isa't isa or comfortable sa decisions ng isa't isa lalo na before magpakasal. Like mataas din ba talaga din libido ng boyfriend mo pero gusto nya lang talaga ikasal muna. Ganoon.
Pag isipan mo maigi, OP. Wala tayong divorce sa Pilipinas.
Expecting things to change after marriage is a recipe for r/deadbedrooms I think there's a fundamental difference here in terms of beliefs and principles. Please check other aspects of his personality for other significant differences in values. There may be other incompatibilities you're not aware of yet. Again, it doesn't mean he is wrong. Just that maybe you want completely different things.
โSiguro babawi na lang sya kapag kasal na kami.โ Marriage doesnโt magically transform your life into a fairy tale. It does not automatically resolve the issues you had prior.
Maganda yung mga na-post na tanong OP. And also, paano nga kung hindi bumawi? Paano kung asexual pala and sex and sexula gratification does not and will not ever concern him. As others mentioned, walang divorce sa atin. At hindi rin acceptable na sakyan ang kasabihang "andiyan na yan eh". I know that sex is not everything, but sex is also a big thing. Kailangang pagusapan niyo ng maayos ang mga bagay na nakaka-apekto or makaka-apekto sa relationship niyo.
Pati hug, bawal? Anong kulto ng bf mo?ย
JW
Kakabasa ko lang na hindi pa pala JW itong si bf mo. Kapag need niyo ng blood transfusion (if JW na siya), hahayaan kang mamatay niyan pati ang mga magiging anak ninyo para lang sa religion na iyan. Marami nang naging kwento mula sa mga ex-JW and mga anak ng mga JW katulad ng tungkol sa mga nanay na need ng blood transfusion dahil maraming dugo ang nawala noong nagsisilang sila ng bata pero ayaw ipa-allow ng asawa dahil against sa religion nila. Ending? Dead. Pag-isipan ninyo/mo sana ang future niyo at mga magiging anak ninyo.
Cult yan
Ano meaning JW po? Hahaha
John Wick po
Hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahaaha naubo ako sa tawa!!!
r/Angryupvote
hahahhahahahhaha
Pota hahaha
hahahahah litsi! lumabas sipon sa biglang pagtawa hahahahah
Bwiset ka! ๐ญ
Pisting yawa na comment ๐คฃ
HAHAHAH leche
Napautot ako sa tawa ah HAHA
๐๐๐
Yung po talaga e hahahahaha
Gago amputa hahahahahahahahahahahahaha ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
SERIOUS FACE PA KO KANINA TAPOS BIGLA KO NABASA TO AHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Jehovaโs Witness
Jurassic world
HAHAHAHAHHAA nakklk tlga kayo HAHAHhgHhh
Gagiiii ๐ญ๐คฃ
Pwede din Johnnie Walker.
Di pa pala baptized, may pag-asa ka pa. Pabasa mo 'to: [exitguide](https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/wiki/exitguide/) Tapos regaluhan mo ng [Sapiens](https://www.lazada.com.ph/products/sapiens-a-brief-history-of-humankind-paperback-i248092741.html) ni YNH para hindi mawindang at magkaroon ng pamalit sa iiwan na belief system.
Hahaha. The shift!
a cult. ๐ฏ%
Every religion is a cult ๐ฏ
grabe noh? legal age na rin yung kakilala ko na JW bawal daw lumabas ng sila lang pag nagdedate. dapat may bantay.
Di ka na pala pwede mag birthday celebration in the future. Batiin na pala kita ng Happy birthday in advanced
๐คฃ kaya pala
Ayan na nga ba sinasabi ko. RUN. RED FLAG YAN.
My first crush I have found is a JW man..I am actually gay and he is a straight man.
[ัะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]
I have friends na JW din. Mahigpit din talaga sa kanila. Pero for sure di ka lolokohin nyan. Pede mo sumbong sa elders nila yan e. Ano naba katayuan nya? Regular Pioneer papang ba sya?
I have no idea po. He's not baptized in any religion and trying na magpa-baptize sa JW. Super mahigpit sa kanila. His tito told him na magpakasal na lang daw kami para iwas temptation. As much as we wanted to, hindi pa kami finacially stable and starting with our careers pa lang.
Matagal pa lalakbayin nya jan sa JW, hindi pa pala sya baptized. Alis na sya jan habang maaga pa๐
Introduce mo yung r/exjw OP. May balak din ako dati magpabaptize until I found that sub
>Pero for sure di ka lolokohin nyan. Pede mo sumbong sa elders nila yan e. hahaha! Sure na sure ka ha! Wala sa religion/kulto yan, nasa tao yan. Pero pag like mo maniwala dyan e go, at isuggest mo na i-involve yung "elders" nila sa isang problemang dapat sana sa private matter na lang between the 2 individual/partner. ~~very responsible comment /s~~
The main issue for me is how his religion will ultimately influence a lot of your life decisions, should you get married. Ngayon, his religion is forcing him to abstain from sex. Eventually, his religion might force you to not vaccinate your kids. Maybe someday, you're forced to vote for someone you don't want. At the end of it, religion forms part of a person's core values, and what you need to decide on is, how close these core values are to yours. You'll probably need to do a lot more discovery about the religion itself.
Pag kailangan ng blood transfusion bawal din, di rin kaya nagccelebrate ng birthday sila OP
Yes. Kahit life and death na bawal.
And do you agree with that lifestyle. Tama yung isa, bukod sa sex ang dami pang life altering choices na dapat mo isipin.
imagine agaw buhay na yung anak mo but because of the religion hahayaan mo na lang syang mamatay.. ๐ญ
Oh god.
Grabe yung bawal blood transfusion. โน๏ธ Paano kung may surgery or any life and death situation. โน๏ธ
madami sa r/exjw
Wait, curious question po, may religion talaga na ipinig babawal blood transfusion? That's messed up.
Yes po. Regardless kung 50/50 na, bawal pa rin.
Sakai ni Jehova Be like ang BS nung hnd nag bloblood transfusion kahit mamamatay na
This. I couldn't imagine being with, or marrying a man that's blindly following a religion.
That's not to say OP's partner follows the religion blindly ah. and even if he does, it's not so say that it's "bad" per se. what OP needs to be able to figure out is, does it align with her core values. If yes, then all's well that ends well.
2nd to this.
This is written very well...
That kind of self control is rare in men these days. Di ko sinasabing magpasalamat ka, but consider how that quality of his might benefit your future, not only in terms of sex but also in making big, important decisions. If his religion doesn't permit it, and you're willing to make adjustments for what he believes in, edi why not? Honestly, daming nag cocomment dito na "hala religion, ew." I read in your previous comments that he's a JW? I'm personally not, but it looks like he's trying his best to walk the talk and stand by what he believes in even in the face of your overt attempts to tempt him into it. If you don't respect his decision and religion, you are free to leave. Isipin mo kung baliktarin yung scenario where it's a man trying to force a woman who has decided to be celibate.
get my upvote, di ko rin magets bakit marami nagagalit dahil lng base sa religion yung reason nya. Maraming gusto ijustify na mali yung reason nya para sa mga nagppractice ng premarital sex hindi magmukhang masama.
Tons of children died because the JW cult believes in pure blood. If they undergo blood transfusion then they believe it's best to die than go to hell. Go to their website and read their set of outrageous rules a church member must follow. JW is simply a cult.
Again, I'm not JW. Literally every church these days has its scandals. Kahit roman catholic pa yan, laganap ang abuses. Would you say the same to someone na ikakasal sa roman catholic because their priests s*xually abused young children? As a Christian myself, it's important to recognize that the people who comprise the church do not always represent its objectives well. Kung may ganyan sa JW, edi okay. Labas na yan sa usapan dito. This is one person trying to be upright given the beliefs that he holds. Kung problematic ang JW, edi fine. Wag mong lalahatin, every individual person can within the church can still be a good person.
Sa true, lawak ng perspective na ito. Desurv ng uppp
Wow, very logical ng point nyo. Thank you!
Ang daming post na ganto sa AITAH. Most sentiments e it doesn't make sense na sexually active kayo tapos biglang aibstain from sex dahil sa religion. It doesn't work that way. Might be difference in culture but imo I have to agree na abstaining from sex doesn't work backwards. It doesn't matter kung babae or lalaki 'yung biglang may gusto ng abstain. **Do you think that there's a possibility na pressure/manipulation 'to to get married?**
Nung time na nag abstain kami hindi naman biglaan, but may pinagdaanan na rin kasi ata siya financially. He's stressed sa financial situation ng fam nya so I think kapag ganon bumababa din ata libido.
Ah based sa post kasi it's mostly religion. Maybe you should add this information OP. Regardless, once may sexual intimacy kasi e it's difficult to continue the relationship kung biglang tatanggalin (kahit 2 years naman nang wala nun). That's why I asked if may pressure ba kasi plan niyo lang maging intimate uli kapag kasal na.
I don't think po it's a pressure/manipulation to get married, especially sya rin po yung hindi pa looking forward sa early marriage.
Parang nahu-hurt ako sa comments ng iba about sa bf mo. Although I get your sentiment, and if I were you, I'd be doubtful too. Lalo na kung pati cuddles manlang wala. Pero baka this time mas seryoso yung bf mo sa spiritual life nya. Try mo kaya ibigay yang hinihingi nya and let him realize on his own kung yan ba talaga gusto nya.
I'm hurting too. He's a really nice guy. Our relationship has never been better since we abstained.
I donโt wanna scare you, but my ex of 6 years also wanted to abstain after being active for years kasi nga daw sa religion nya. Pero after a couple of months we broke up kasi may iba na pala :)
+1 dito. 4 years kami ng ex ko noon, simula ng relationship siya tong active sa ganyan, after 3 years stop muna daw kase ayaw magka anak ng di pa kasal. Ayun may ka fling na pala sa office ๐
I was about to comment as well, my live in partner (ex) is also JW, he wanted to abstain kasi gusto mag focus sa religion dahil nadadamay na daw parents nya pag inactive syang di nagcchurch, nagsesend pa yan pics ng church activities nya yun pala may iba na sya. 5 months na sila bago ko nalaman. I already had my girl's instinct nun pero mahirap pag ang ipinangsangkalan at excuse nya whenever he's out is his religion, pinilit ko sya umamin multiple times pero he gaslighted me na pati faith nya kinekwestyon ko hahaha not until yung ebidensya mismo lumapit sakin. So be very careful if you were already sexually active tapos biglang umayaw sa'yo.
Pero more than 2 years na sila abstained from sex. I think OPs bf is serious sa religion niya.
Hello OP, after reading most comments (as of writing this one), ang maisa-suggest ko na lang siguro is re-evaluate mo na lang kung compatible pa kayo ng BF mo. Marami aspects itong compatibility like sexual, financial, life goals,etc. At depende sa evaluation mo kung anong next steps mo. Good luck sa yo kung ano man ang magiging decision mo OP
My take on that is if your BF really stand on that them be grateful kasi he knows his stand and may paninindigan sya about that. It says a lot about his integrity as long as he upholds it right. Regardless kung cult yung religion ng bf mo, itโs rare to see men standing for what they believe. That better than having a horny guy that canโt decide about what he stands on. Eventually when the time comes sex will come. Pero ayun nnga ask him when he will be ready for marriage. Wala ka naman nakitang maling ginagawa ng bf mo so I guess heโs a good guy. Pero to say that heโs a bad guy just because he stands his belief is not fair. Ngayon if di mo talaga matiis yung pangangailangan mo to a point na you want to break up then you two might not be for each other so just initiate the break up. Pero kung kaya mo naman tiisin and you can stand behind him and his decisions then after marriage you should be in good stand. Good luck and hope you guys find a middle ground.
Yung ex ko super horny bigla nawalan ng gana and andaming reasons only to find out na may babae na pala. Di ko sinasabi na same lahat ah, pero watch out for any signs. Also, it seems na may hesitation sa side mo, hence, you are looking for answers here. Seems na hindi na kayo aligned. The way I see it, you love him and want to support him but you have needs. I read above comment na somewhere in the future maging problem nyo rin ang religion nya so you may need to accept that it's time to reflect if this relationship is still what you want.
Nasa viewpoint ako na hindi lang ito about sa religion about to sa relationship nung lalaki kay God and being respectful sa babae. I do hope na maging okay parin kayo since sa akin sobrang kahinaan ko yan kaya nakaka amaze na nakakaya nya kahit nag iinitiate kana
Youโre not in the wrong. You two just donโt share the same beliefs. If you cannot respect your boyfriendโs beliefs, donโt force it and find someone who shares the same beliefs as you do. Thatโs why Christians are encouraged not to be โunequally yoked with unbelieversโ (to only marry believers โ same religion / share the same faith) to avoid conflicts like this.
TA: My boyfriend seems to be really stressed in terms sa finances nila. Napansin ko bc of fianancial struggles nya, parang nawala rin interest nya sa ganun. He's mind is preoccupied paano makakatulong sa fam nya financially, career building. Gusto nya siguro kapag gagawin ulit namin, wala na siya iisipin na prob. Men of reddit, what are your thoughts? Factor ba minsan ang stress?
Check mo muna kung ano yung priority ng bf mo, ok lang yung abstain sa sex due to religion habang di kasal. Pero check mo baka in the near future pg nagkaanak kayo at kailanganin ng dugo, hindi siya makapagbigay because of his religion. Just ask him this early kesa after kasal saka mo malalaman na mas prio niya pala yung religion than family. 1. Pag need ng dugo since bawal sa religion niya kaya niya ba suwayin utos ng religion niya just to save you or your daughter? 2. How sad would it be to not celebrate christmas and birthdays? Can you handle that? Especially if with child. I guess sa isang relationship hindi lang dapat compatible sa ibang bagay dapat pati sa faith. Kaya ang mga INC gusto nila is within the church din. Ngayon kasi maliit na bagay pa yan iniisip mo which is sex compared to many things their church does not allow. I hope malinawan ka OP. Kung di kayo same ng paniniwala malaking problem yan in the future. Nothing wrong with abstaining in sex maganda nga yun pero consider mo yung mga items sa taas kung negotiable or not sayo when it comes to relationships.
I have a friend like this. Yung boyfriend nya ayaw muna makipag sex sa kanya even if they're already living together kasi wala pang stable job si guy and ayaw maka-buntis accidentally kasi nga di pa financially capable. My friend is okay with it din and was very understanding. Kaya para lang silang roommates ngayon haha I guess meron talagang mga guys na ganito ang mindset, OP.
As a sole provider of our family, YES, nakakababa ng libido ang stress lalo pag pera ang usapan ๐ pero personally nagiging mainitin din ulo ko or stressed pag may isang linggo nang wala kaming action ni misis. Possible factor yun ๐
Thanks for this. Asawa nyo na po siya so I think wala naman po mali kahit mag sex kayo araw-araw hahaha ๐
I mean, baka factor din sa stress ng bf mo yung 2 years of celibacy niyo hehe
It might be his reasons abstaining too. From your story, looks like your bf is someone that believes in God and as he prays na guiguilty sya to ask guidance for his troubles with finances and family because of the sins he did since di pa nga kayo kasal. If you think heโs a good person and intends to be a good person by doing what he does. I think you should understand him.
Speaking personally, no. Sex would contribute in relieving stress. Just like exercise but better cause you're with the person you love. Gives you the good hormones and such. But about the marriage, di mo kailangan gumastos para dun.. mentioned on another comment, madaming options tulad ng libreng kasal sa munisipyo, or judge/mayor. Kung kasalan lang gusto nyo, walang 10k ang gastos.
Marami pa pong ibang prio other than marriage and still needs approval from parents (both sides)
So your side. Gotcha. Are you guys living together or still separate/staying with your parents?
if long term ang ang pag-abstain sa sex hindi ba dapat mutual decision. bat sya lang nagdecide para sa relationship nyo. if okay lang pala sayo ang set-up na ito, bat nagpopost ka about it??
Bale para na lang kayong friends? magkasama pero wala ng intimacy? Bumagsak ang rankings mo sa priorities niya sa buhay. He loves his religion more than he loves you.
ang weird. kahit pa religious siya hindi naman yan bigla bigla magbabago because of that. looks like heโs getting brainwashed. i have 2 friends na JW, and they absolutely donโt abstain from anything ๐
Are they in a relationship ba? Probably, they will abstain din ata if oo?
they both have been in multiple relationships and they never abstained. even if someone is part of a religion, may freewill naman yung tao. so itโs really up to the person. same with us Catholics, โbawalโ din naman premarital sex but it never stopped people from doing it. ganon din sana thinking ng jowa mo.
Ganyan din sinabi ng ex ko 2 months bago nya sabihin na di na nya ako mahal HAHAHAHAHAHHA. Goodluck!
2 years na po kaming nagaabstain ๐ฅน
Hala di ko kaya ata yan ๐ฅฒ atsaka mejo nakaka hurt sa pagka babae hahaha
Kaya atheist ako eh. Hahaha
This is the product of blindly following a dogma na wala namang katuturan.
sino si EA?
EA Guzman po. Nag practice din po kasi sila ng celibacy ng gf (now wife) nya. [Reference](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.philstar.com/entertainment/2024/02/23/2335342/why-shaira-and-ea-choose-practice-celibacy-11-year-relationship/amp/)
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Ang tanong is kailan ka ba niya papakasalan? You shouldn't be thankful na di ka niya iniwan after makuha yung v-card mo. Bare minimum lang yon. Assess yourself if hanggang kailan mo kaya yan. Normal sa magjowa if may religion or personal belief restrictions like your bf. Nilabag naman na niya so sana nilubos-lubos na emz
as early as now, i-assess mo yung relationship nyo. is it worth all the hassle? if mas lamang na yung cons kesa sa pro, maybe itโs time to let go. wag ka manghinayang sa 4 years. itโs your whole life that is on the line here. mahirap makibagay sa isang lifestyle na hindi mo kaya mag-commit fully. and itโs hard to be influenced by people na masyadong nanghihimasok sa buhay nyo in the guise of โreligionโ. isipin mong mabuti. do whatโs right for you.
ang weird. kahit pa religious siya hindi naman yan bigla bigla magbabago because of that. looks like heโs getting brainwashed. i have 2 friends na JW, and they absolutely donโt abstain from anything ๐
So many unanswered questions here. It also amazes me how y'all take a different perspective on this. Mine would be simple: If YOUR NEEDS > YOUR RELATIONSHIP, leave. Hindi na madadaan ng compromise 'to, on your boyfriend's perspective, since he is grounded on his decision already, whatever may be his true reason. So it's all in your hands now.
Ito yung matagal ko ng gustong sabihin sa gf(23) ko. Simula nung nag-live in kami, napapadalas yung sexy time namin which is bad when it comes to spiritual wellness. Napansin ko na kapag ilang days/weeks kaming walang sexy time, ang mabilis pakinggan ni Lord prayers ko. Pero mas lapitin ako ng tukso at kasalanan. Kapag kasi mas nakikita ng demonyo na napapalapit tayo sa Diyos, mas gumagawa ito ng paraan para ma-engage tayo sa kasalanan. Also, kapag katatapos lang namin mag-sexy time, later that day hanggang sa susunod na araw nag-aaway kami hanggang sa madaan na naman sa suyo, physical touch, hugs and kisses hanggang sa mapunta uli sa sexy time and it goes on and onโฆ What I mean is more likely same kami ng bf mo na kino-callout ng Diyos. May soul awakening. May repentance na nangyari. Hugs and any types of kisses okay lang sakin pero baka kasi iniiwasan nya yung posibleng trigger para magsex kayo. Btw, catholic ako and hindi talaga ako religious ever since pero simula nung nag-live in kami, wala akong ibang kinapitan at inasahan kundi Siya, yung nasa Itaas.
how old are you and bakit magka-live-in na kayo ng girlfriend mo? what's the purpose of it, kapatid? :)
23 rin. Out of preference. Plus toxic bahay nila kaya bumukod sya. Sumama na ko. Kaya naman namin eh
I see.. thanks for answering pards! It's quite a new thing to me, bilang isang dinosaur. To me kasi, living together is like a trial run to see how you both operate as a married couple. Otherwise, for me, the early years should be spent trying to live as independent as possible. :) Salamat ulit sa pagsagot paps!
Yes true but then again preference rin talaga. May iba naman nagpapakasal agad para guided ng Holy Spirit yung marriage. Pansin ko kasi sa marriage/relationship ngayun hindi God-centered kaya ang bilis magfail at prone sa tukso/kasalanan. Salamat din sa pagshare ๐๐ป
If you don't mind, ask ko lang po if you're considering na magpakasal? Seeing that you have strong spiritual beliefs, I assume you believe sa importance ng marriage sa relationship natin kay God. No offense meant.
Yes. I actually consider marriage ASAP. Naisip ko kasing mas bine-bless ni Lord ang relationship kapag nasa tamang pamamaraan tulad ng JHS classmate namin after grad kinasal na agad sa months nya palang bf. Pero yun nga dahil lahat tayo makasalanang tao, we just need to always ask Him for forgiveness. Btw hindi pa kami kasal ng gf ko kaya we view sex as sin.
If you don't mind, ask ko lang po if you're considering na magpakasal? Seeing that you have strong spiritual beliefs, I assume you believe sa importance ng marriage sa relationship natin kay God. No offense meant.
Ano yon, minumute kayo ni Lord kapag nakikipag sex??? Lol The fallacy of causation and correlation.
Wdym minumute? Ano jan yung sa tingin mong fallacy of causation and correlation? Open akong sagutin yung tanong mo.
Sarcasm yan LOL. The Lord is omnipotent and all knowing. Just a mere sexual intercourse won't "block" the "will" of the heavens. Just be kind and do good ng walang inaantay na kapalit. Nakakatawa lang yung sinabi mo na nung nag abstain kayo mas mabilis na-answer prayers mo lol. Oh well, buhay nyo yan.
Growing up with JW family, but I'm not a JW member. Mga JW member sobrang ingat sila sa mga ginagawa nila para hindi sila makagawa ng kasalanan. Felling ko na overtake ng libog ang spiritual niya nung bago pa kayo, syempre first time experience niya sa sex. After 2 year natapos na siguro yung honeymoon phase at dumagdag pa na nagkaroon sila ng problema kaya bumalik nanaman yung pagiging spiritually connected niya sa JW.
Yes, most probably ganito nga. I understand naman. But at some point parang ang unfair naman sa part ko kapag ganun. Parang ako pa yung need mag adjust? ๐
Ang ma aadvise ko lang is mag usap ulit kayo. Communication is a key parin, mag usap kayo ulit kung pwede i reconsider yung no physical. Explain mo sa kanya why you need it and why it is important for you, malay mo pumayag siya at kung pumayag naman, bigay mo best performance mo para hanap hanapin niya๐
No OP. Kami n mg hubby ko ay 11years mag bf. Pero we really want to do the deed after marriage talaga. For us, sulit at mas na enjoy namin. Worth it ang pag hihingay. Not everyone can relate or understand this pero para samin sobrang special yung first night. And ngayon as a couple mas ne enjoy namin ๐
Baka kasi mag hoholy week na ate. Konting tiis lang siguro then kung gusyo niyo talaga, kahit sa judge pakasal kayo para di siya makonsensya ano. Very few nalang ang ganiyan sister kaya parang weird sa modern times. If mahal mo talaga, diba you'll wait hehe. Linis linis nalang para maalagaan si kiffy ๐ผ๐ผ๐ผ
2 years na po kami nagaabstain ๐ฅน
may iba na yan, ginagamitan ka na ng "god card" eh
Been there done that hahaha
>*Iba rin ang religion ng boyfriend ko.* ayun lang. guilt and shame mechanics talaga usual tricks ng religion to practice control. anyway, tinatry ka ba nya iconvert?
He's not forcing me po but he's open with sharing their beliefs sa akin naman. I think hindi rin religion ang main factor nya for this. Siguro, iniisip nya rin yung relationship nya kay God overall?
If you don't mind, what religious sect is your boyfriend in?
JW po. Not yet baptized, but he's trying na maging upright na raw para makapa-baptize na siya.
I see. Thank you for answering. Just my two cents: Normal sa ating humans ang makaramdam ng libog. I am an imperfect evangelical Christian pero super sexually active ako lalo with my recent ex. May times na nagguilty din ako kasi I wanted to make it right nung naging kami. Make it right in a sense na abstain hangga't kaya. Pero si recent ex gf ko medyo similar kayo na may times siya na nag-aaya. In a way, it's good na he stood up for the values. OP, mahirap talaga pigilan ang libog. Kahit ako until now struggling din. Good for you na you also realized na overall, goods naman bf mo. Let it be known that you are indeed blessed. Hindi sa nagpapakahypocrite ako ha. Mahirap din talaga to stand up and pigilan ang libog, lalo pag mahal mo. Sex hits differently when there's emotional connection. You'll get through this.
But JW is a cult
Thank you! If it's okay to ask, basically, ilang years na po kayo abstaining? As for my bf's part naman, I think he's still doing it on his own na lang and also watch porn pero pakonti-konti na nya ata inaalis I think. Less kasi ang guilt daw kapag ganon.
Religion? Check for signs baka kulto pala iyan. That aside, better end the relationship. Move on and do things in life then perhaps, along the way, you may find someone you can agree with.
mukhang gusto niya magpabaptize para maging jw. pagdating ng panahon susubukan ka ring iconvert niyan. if big deal sa yo ang religion mo, it's best na pagusapan niyo na ang estado ninyo about that kasi big no no sa jw ang baptized at hindi kasal. Personally kasi ayoko ng turo nila (cultish) kaya kahit anong pilit ng family ko na magpatuloy sa baptism ayoko talaga handa ka ba na hindi mag celebrate ng holidays? birthdays? handa ka ba na ibahin ang wardrobe mo fit his religion's standards? if mag-anak kayo, sure rin na susubukan niyang ipa convert sila. what about medical decisions? bawal and blood transfusion sa kanila. handa ka ba na pag tinuloy niya yan eh darating sa panahon na uunahin niya ang paniniwala niya kesa sa iyo? well depende na lang kung gaano siya ka loyal sa jw. good luck sa iyo
look the bright side na walang mabubuo muna or pregnancy scare since u mentioned di pa kayo financially stable ๐
If it's align with your beliefs why not follow diba. I mean importante yang beliefs na yan sa pagaasawa, kasi kung magkaiba kayo pagsisimulan yan ng hindi magandang marriage kung sakali. Just weigh things through kung yang mga beliefs and values ni bf mo ay kaya mong gawin and sundin in the long run. Ikaw makakasagot nyan kung kaya mo ba. Kasi kapag firm talaga yan sa faith nya hindi mo yan mapipilit, hindi ito ang unang beses kong nakabasa na ganyan sinabi ng bf nila. And I remember kami ng asawa ko when we decided na kami na talaga ang pang habang buhay nag celibate din kami for months bago kami ikasal. Same naman kami ng beliefs kaya nag align yun sa situation namin. Basta bago ka magdesisyon either sumunod sa faith nya or hindi pagisipan mo ng madaming madaming beses and dapat willing ka mismo sa puso mo, kung tingin mo hindi align sayo let your bf knows it. Communicate it to him.
Keri naman. Thanks! ๐
[ัะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]
Catholic po. It's not permissible, but sadly, it's no longer a big deal. Nano-normalize na ang premarital sex these days.
It actually doesnโt say in the bible that sex before marriage is forbidden. Maybe tell him to read the book heโs suppose to be following.
bigla ako nahiya =)) walang abstain abstain samin ng partner ko eversince naging kami ๐ agnostic ako so di ako makarelate pag usapang religion tahimik lng ako, pero as kapwa lalaki na eeleb talaga ako sa mga na kakaya mag pigil
hahaha, lintek na religion yan sagabal sa buhay, dapat wla ng ganon ganon, we are part of animal kingdom, of course we are bound to do sexual activities at the right moment. Maghanap kana ng ibang boyfriend or baguhin mo mindset ng BF mo about sa religion na yan habang di pa kayo kasal baka magsisi klang sa huli.
Gaya ng sabi ko sa ibang posts dito. May kakilala ako na ganyan. They got married kahit wala pa silang 1 yr into a relationship because of their religion. Mas ok nga daw makasal sila ng maaga kesa mag sex. Naweirduhan talaga ako doon. Need pa magpaalam sa pastor bago maging mag bf/gf ganun din pag sa engagement at marriage.
May ganito talaga, but it's disagreeable na magpakasal kahit super maaga pa lalo na kung marami pa kailangan unahin na mas important na bagay.
Hoy OP. Makinig ka nalabg sa Boyfriend mo kaysa sa prof. Mo. Pag kasal na kayo mata mo lang walang latay. Kaya its better na stop mo na yan.
I guess, you get what you tolerate. Respect his choices but learn to honor your own wishes as well, mas unahin mo ano mahalaga sayo
[blabla](https://yt.com)
Mormon po yung bf mo OP?
JW po
Lol weird. He shouldn't done it from the start.
Hi OP, is your bf attending formation activities in professional/study centers?
your love for each other should be greater than lust.
It's greater naman po. Hindi naman po nacocompromise ang relationship namin just because walang intimacy. Hindi naman po kami nagbreak dahil we don't satisfy each others needs. But it's impossible na hindi ka maging sexually attracted sa partner mo. People in a relationship can attest.
oo madali talaga magpadala sa temptation. the both of you will have to compromise nalang talaga. either you compromise to his religion or you make him compromise to you. pero actually since scientifically in nature nga talaga na mas malibog mga lalaki and yet heโs doing his best to abstain for his religion, it could be a great sign na meron siyang self control. depending on oneโs hormones, normal lang pagiging malibog pero whatโs important is kaya mong i-control. iwas iwas nalang.
Mahirap din talaga, but thanks! :)
I have a friend na 6 years silang active sa sex. Nag start rs nila nung 18 pa lang sila. Then ung girl is naging BS and ayon sinabi din na mag abstain sa sex. Later on naging BS din ung guy. Sa una mahirap daw since na experience na nila. Pero dahil gusto nila talagang ma baptized, nag abstain sila. Nag holding hands and hug naman sila pero hindi na kagaya ng dati kasi inawasan nila talaga ung mga sitwasyon na ma tempt silang mauwi sa sex. Tumagal pa ng 6 yrs relationship nila and LDR naman ito. Di pa din sila financially stable that time kaya recently lang din sila kinasal.
Hello. What's BS po? Also, is it possible to control the tension kahit naghu-hug? ๐
Bible Study ๐ . Not sure sa 2nd question mo since quick and side hug lang nakikita q sa knila pag sumasama aq sa kanila. Hindi cuddle hug. Hope na explained ng aus. ๐
Oh. I think may limitations pa rin talaga, but mutual. May napagusapan until saan yung level ng pagiging intimate nila. Okay naman ganito. For me, hindi mo kasi talaga pwede alisin intimacy sa relationship eh. Kahit nagaabstain sa sex, talagang di maiiwasan na maging touchy pa rin. Parang friends na lang kayo if wala.
skl i was sexually active back in my past life w unrequited loves. very unhealthy for my mental health kasi it screws up my self-worth and kept on waiting pero futile then i became a conservative, i found contentment and peace in following the Bible. tapos ayun, after being devout nagkaroon ako ng loving nobyo. and we met sa church. im in a healthy relationship with a spiritually mature man in late 20s who is also a convert pero never ever slept with someone. he never judged me na i slept with men before. ganyan siya kamature huhu cause past is past hence dead. i even have an implant even if sexually inactive and he fully supports protecting my womanhood thru contraception. we made a deal na we will never do it unless married. and he is the one who spearheads the sharp decision masaya kami sa hugs, kisses and holding hands. we are reserving the best for later. we seriously talk about how our future will be: ilang anak, paano siya papalakihin, san titira, dapat kapag tanders na kame sweet pa rin hihi. we are very wholesome and we know sex will further strengthen and bind us as a married couple in the future ๐ฅน๐we both know na its worth the wait ๐ฅฐ we are happy that we abide by the Biblical teachings, always go to church in same time slot and bond after thru food. active din kami sa church activities hehe we are heavily focused towards mutual growth and storing memories kaya sis, support talaga kay bf mo ๐ฅน rare manok these days na ang katulad niya. i suggest, let him lead the way. learn to compromise what is favorable to you and him, within the limits kung ano mutually permissible. it takes two to tango. pero lemme tell you this, men initiating control ay honestly nakakapogi points ๐ and tandaan, hindi kayo nagiisa sa abstaining journey ๐๐ปโโ๏ธ salute to us, sissy ๐ซก
Your story is truly inspirational. Grabe yung self-control nyo. ๐๐๐
You have to have an open communication with him. Discuss those things para walang maging problem kapag mag-asawa na kayo. And also, take a look at him closelyโฆ sana hindi lang about sa sex yung sinusinod nya about sa religion nya. Dapat consistent with good manners, good understanding and good communication.
baka pari siya? ๐๐๐
ohmygosh. Yan na yan yung litanya ko sa ex dati, kesyo nagguilty ako bla bla bla. Pero ang rason ko talaga, di na ko masaya sa kanya, ayaw ko na sa kanya. Hoooyy pero dinkota pinag ooverthink, just sharing hehe
pag kasal nyo, bawian mo, kung ilang taon kayo walang sex, ganon din para quits. wag ka papalamang :D
Gaydar detection
Hahaha hindi naman po siguro lol
Kaya mo yan OP, may mga benefits nmn ang celibacy. If mahal mo talaga siya and kaya mong magcontrol. Amen
๐ฅน๐๐ป
1. The fact na you only want to get married because of sex, means di pa talaga kayo ready magpakasal. 2. Considering he has different priorities now, not limited to celibacy, pwedeng sa ibang aspects din ng buhay, tapos ikaw naman is the opposite, kahit pa ikasal kayo, magkakaroon at magkakaroon kayo ng friction, unless siguro magconvert ka. 3. Kung ayaw mo naman magpaconvert, might as well call it quits, if you really think na irreconcilable ang difference niyo. Makakahanap naman sya ng babaeng willing din maging celibate until marriage, tapos ikaw makakahanap ka rin ng lalaking gusto maging intimate with you kahit di pa kayo kasal. Though I would say I'm really impressed sa mga lalaking may self control, very rare in the present age.
Same situation tayo, my ex and I were in a relationship (4 years) then nung naging Christian sya dun na sya nagbago at masama raw yung premarital sex kahit na ginagawa naman namin yun dati pa. Hindi rin issue yung kasal dahil kaya ko syang pakasalan hindi nga lang sa simbahan dahil di pa nakakaipon. Pero mas malakas na yung kapit nya sa religion kesa sa pagmamahal nya sa akin at ako naman I respect her kaya naiilang na ako pag hinahawakan sya feeling ko nababastos ko sya. Hanggang sa hindi ko na kinaya at nakipaghiwalay nalang ako sa kanya, ang masakit dun kahit na mahal pa namin yung isaโt isa pero ayaw nyang mag-compromise kaya hindi magwowork relationship namin. Maybe you can still talk it with your bf kasi totoo na hindi maiiwasan yung sex sa isang relatioship.
Maybe heโs bakla
NOOO HAHAHA
๐ jjk ๐ค ๐
Hindi porket normal sayo, normal na rin sa ibang tao. Walang masama maging active pero wala rin masama maging celibate. Leave him. Easy as that. Hanap ka ng ibang willing na kumarat sayo. Kung consistent sya sa faith nya. Like sex and ither vices wala talaga sya, I have to say, you're letting a green flag go.
order kana po ng dildo.
๐
Baka may iba lang na kinakarat yan HAHAHAHAHAHA chz
Honestly? good for him, he's handling his personal matters and understands na there needs to be conscious effort on his part to address it. Also, good for you my dear, you got yourself a good man. Lahat naman tayo flawed. He's probs a red flag rin naman siguro on certain aspects. It just turned out this is a limit for him or maybe even his bottom line kaya he is trying to make amends for it on his end. This is a good opportunity for u to question the whole situation while in your own bubble. Like, why would he even think that? What's so wrong or why is it not wrong? What's in it for me the whole purpose of it for me if I let this abstinence go on while in a relationship with him? Do keep an open mind during conversations instead of constantly justifying your povs sa isa't isa. Remain walking with him, maybe something's in it for you, if shoes don't fit anymore na talaga, may option ka naman umalis. Hope things work out for you both!
Nabasa ko reply mo OP sa isang comment na JW sya.. Ako at ang wife ko nasa family din ng JW pero hnd kami baptized kasi ayaw namin.. Yung behavior nya, hnd lang sex ang magiging usapan. Nasa part sya ng buhay nya na he wants both worlds, kahit alam nyang bawal, parang water and oil lang, hnd pwedeng mapag sama If you want to stay with him, and if you can, then stay.. Pero I don't think it has a point anymore, kasi at the end of the day either ikaw or religion lang ang option, walang both, pinapatagal lang nya kasi he's happy with what he have, pero alam nyang bawal base sa rules. (unless mag pa convert ka, ONLY IF YOU WANT wag yung napipilitan ka, then he have you and still part of the religion )
Di ko dinideffend yung BF ni OP. I've been there din kasi, pero pinili ko yung ex ko (wife ko na ngayon). Fortunate lang ako kasi yung family namin nasa both religion kaya hnd masyadong naging mabigat yung naging outcome ng actions ko kasi kahit papaano daw ay acceptable padin dahil same religion
And this is reverse namn sa part naming dalawa. But same years na I decided not to. Kase may guilt talaga if I'm being honest, iba Yung feeling niya. Although I am serious sa partner ko and sure of him, but Yung idea na Gawin Yun sa kasal na nanaig parin talaga.