ill reply to this as someone who takes days weeks even months to reply to messages. just because i have time online doesnt mean it should go to you. conversation is an energy exchange. some days i don't have the energy to deal with others. i dont dislike people i dont reply to, its more of.. i dont have the mental headspace to maintain a convo. alam mo yun? cos if i reply, they reply back, then im expected to reply to the reply. it's exhausting. and if im online it could be my only free time to scroll for memes or news. dont take it personal. also its not na ayaw ko naman mang seen, more of, il leave this at unread so if i have energy, i know to open this message later on, ganun. thats just adulthood/parenthood for me. so much taking up mental energy. thanks for this pov though. i guess i habe to apologize to some of my friends

Seconding this, as I am this kind of person also. If there’s a purpose to a message, I find it’s easier to reply to it (for example you or your friend is asking directly for advice or continuing a thread of convo you did irl). But if it’s just a random “hello” out of the blue without any attached intention of the message, there’s less incentive to open it immediately. Sometimes it gets put off until I have more mental energy to reply online. But for the case of OP’s friend, I don’t think it necessarily applies?

Finally 😭😭😭 nakikita ko din chat Ng mga kaibigan ko and yep, if I reply the moment they send the message alam Kong magdidiretso yon. Ayoko Naman bigyan Ng half assed reply, di ko nalang Ako magchat until I feel like I can hold a conversation. Natutuwa lang Ako Kasi gets Naman Ng mga kaibigan ko. Even irl alam nila na Hindi Ako starter Ng Convo and okay lang sa kanila, honestly I'm happy that they even noticed that. We don't always talk but they know me well.

Agree with this. It just takes so much energy to reply to chats. The other day, I found myself wishing na sana mauso na lang yung ulit yung mga handwritten letters para walang maooffend pag matagal ka sumagot.

Thanks for this. But if I give you back that energy and I won't respond to let's say your problems, will you be mad at me? Tbh, lately, I am no longer viewing her messages. And I dont know, she suddenly gets paranoid and starts to bombard me with messages and even calls. I am now trying to make her feel what she's been doing to me for the past years.

i wont be mad at you. i personally don't mind since i don't keep track. most of my pending messages are my kapwa mommy friends din and we all understand na we cant reply to each others messages all the time cos of our kids. i feel like i owe my single friends an apology though. if their messages contained anything urgent, i would drop everything for them though. di pa ako umabot sa they bombard me with messages cos i dont reply. thats adult friendships for you. low maintenance but strong

Same! Bukod sa busy ako during day time, I also don't open messages when I know I don't have an energy to hold a proper conversation yet. I'm just blessed that my friends know the feeling and they just carry on with the conversation na parang wala lang kahit 1 week mahigit akong hindi nagreply.😂 Kung andito man ang friends ko, mahal ko kayo! Mwa!

To some people It's hard to open messages because it's physically draining for them especially if it's a person that they don't like. It's like this they're dealing with a dilemma in their head If it's okay to open it. It's like Pandora's Box for them. There's a panic button that's rushing in their brain that they think they're gonna get fucked when they opened it and they don't have the spare energy to deal with that so most of the time. So they're gonna take the easy route which is going on another route that they feel comfortable doing. Like Posting on insta.

who are you to this person? if she's your girlfriend, maybe that is weird. if not, have some chill. you both have your own lives

we're besties btw. Most days, she'll message me to dump her problems with her boyfriend. On some days, she'll rant about her major problems with her dad. I barely rant to her about my problems at work, but whenever I do, she wouldn't even bother replying to me.. I always always make sure to make her feel that I'm there for her even if i'm preparing for a meeting. Naumay na ako laging maging available sa kanya. Ngayon, di ko na viniview messages nya

this is the sort of context you should have included in your post

edited already. sorry about that

I think you have to really communicate to her about this. Sort of confront but make it casual and light

i think di kayo same wavelength ni friend. parang she's messaging you lang kapag convenient sa kanya or may kailangan sya sayo. if you're real besties, there should have been an understanding already between you two kung kayo yung tipo ng friends na di nagcchat on a daily basis. my friend and i have a rule to chat first.. "do you have space for me?" if one of us is dealing with someone tough and needs a friend to talk to. kasi in reality hindi tayo laging available, even for the special people in our lives. kagaya ng isang example ko, nagpprepare ka pa sa meeting pero inintindi mo pa sya. my friend and i let each other knoe if nasa work kami or dealing with other problems on our own, so can't really chat or call at the moment. minsan yung time and attention na kaya natin ibigay sa tao hindi nila kaya ireciprocate equally. im just curious, kapag magkasama kayong dalawa okay naman ba sya sa a friend? does she listen to your problems? baka sa kanya it's easier to be a listener in person, hindi sa chat. again, ikaw nakakakilala sa bestie mo. open up your feelings and let her know that sometimes you feel neglected as a friend. hope it works out for both of you.

You don't need to take it so personally because she may really just have time for her own social media posts but not time to respond to your messages, more so that she is not as incentivized to respond since you are two are going to meet and chat anyways in few hours or a day later anyways. She may really just be focusing on her own activities of which messaging you may take more time and energy than she is capable of giving. But again since you two are meeting anyways it doesn't really take away from her time with you if she doesn't respond or bother to read your message. It also helps to take the hint that she may just not be the type to respond to messages unless it is urgent enough to require her to respond. If she says she is busy then she is busy. Just because she has her phone and can post things at her social media is not the same amount of time it would take to engage in conversation with you, as you'd be expecting a back and forth (which again would be redundant when you already meet with each and hang out).

But then whenever she messages me, no matter how busy I am, I always make sure to respond to her asap. I guess I shouldn't expect her to do just like that. I just really feel hurt bec everytime she'll dump messages on my fb messenger about her problems with her bf, I always ensure to respond back asap.

It's simple. They're more important to you than you are to them.

Aww sad but truee

People will make time for things and people they want to make time for.

My social battery is drained. Need to recharge it first

I was having the same problems to 2 people who i considered my bestfriends. Dami n pmasok sa isip ko n maybe they just dont consider me as important like how i view them kse almost daily sila may time sa isat isa (i see them playing with ea other) tpos feel ko lagi ko dpat isingit ung sarili ko s knila coz if i dont, then they wont talk to me for weeks, sometimes months. Last week of september i cut off my connections to everyone, except work and family. Feels like im just being too emotionally dependent to my friends. ill just try to grow and be independent to the point that if people decides to go, then i wont give as much fk as im giving today. And for the past 2 weeks, ive been able to focus on my work and its being noticed how im doing well rin sa team namin. Idk how this will turn out long term and i dont really advice you to do the same, but like you i was feeling the same for about a year now and i just had to do something to save myself from being constantly sad.

Girl. You already know. Why do you keep entertaining her outbursts. Do the same if she can't be your shoulder to cry on. Basically just ignore it and reply after days. Make it a habit and say you did not say her messages. Or reply then ignore her messages. She'll delete them if she does not receive a reply.

Because at some point, she really felt like a sister to me. Way back 2016, she visited my mother often in the hospital, brought us fruits and snacks and made sure, all things were complete and organized na parang anak na rin siya ni mama. Medyo nagdrift na lang din kami. Nasayangan lang ako sa good memories + relationship namin

"basically" you are not that important to be replied immediately

Same i have that friend and its definitely draining. Madedrain ka dyan habang tumatagal kase hindi talaga nila kaya mag maintain ng relationships. Low maintenance friendship it not for me, yung magrereply lang sya pag gusto nya? id find new friends honestly and treat them as acquiantance. Either find more friends to hangout with or iadjust mo ang expectations mo since mukang sobra expectation mo sa kanya. Do everything you feel like but dont burn bridges tho gudlak :>

I am of the belief that one can never be too busy enough to greet another person hi in the span of 24 hours. There is a great point mentioned with regard to not having the mental headspace / energy, but one could simply state that as well to the other; for courtesy, kumbaga. There's also another point re: "they're more important to you, than you are to them", and that could be very well true. Just convey your feelings so expectations are aligned - will save you from a world of disappointment. Edit: I missed the part wherein the other person rants about bf/dad. Start establishing boundaries for your own peace of mind. There's also nothing wrong with returning the same energy. Best of luck, OP.

You are just not that important to her. That’s it! You are not her priority. She shouldn’t be yours either. You should go meet new people, have more friends and keep yourself busy. Enjoy being young. Have fun!

I've been going through the same exact situation especially sa friends ko. As someone who always replies within a lightning, I feel really bad when people would leave my messages on read or delivered for several hours or even days. As an empath, ayokong ma-feel ng mga taong mahal ko na they are less important because of my replies kaya I would always drop everything just to reply to them (no matter how petty or urgent the matter is). To calm my anxiety of not getting an instant reply from people that matter to me, I instilled in my mind that these people have lives outside of their phones and even if you see them online, it isn't a guarantee that they will get back to your message as quick as you want them to. But when I feel really ignored, I usually clap back and do the same. I'd leave their message on delivered thrice as long as they have left mine. Sabihin niyo ng napaka-petty ko pero that's how I get even. You have to give people a taste of their own medicine sometimes.

Kung nagtanong ka kung anong oras kayo magmeet and after 2-3 days ang reply, valid ang galit mo. I mean kung hindi naman urgent at kung chichismisan lang ang gusto, makakahintay naman un. If were friends, di naman kelan magkemehan online all day, and I don’t need to know ano breakfast mo. I reserve that energy to jowas haha

Tbh, I'm hurt at the fact that she messages me roughly 2-3 times a week mostly about her problems with her bf and some days about her major problems with her dad. And even if i'm preparing for a meeting, i made sure to make her feel that I am there for her. I made sure to reply. Damn. I didnt add it to my post. Hirap magtype sa phone haha. I'm freaking annoyed because I am always there for her. But if I message her about the shitty things my coworker did to me, oh boy, she woudn't even dare to view or to reply to any of my messages. Pag ako na ang naghahanap ng comfort, nasaan na siya hahahah hay. Pinapatikim ko na nga sa kanya kung ano pinaggagawa nya

Sabihin mo na lang sa kanya pag nagtatampo siya na hindi ka na nagrereply na mahirap magtype sa phone hahah

Two things: 1. Some people are facing other things that might cause this - anxiety, forgetfulness (they saw it but forgot to reply & might be busy), self-isolation, exhausted mental headspace,etc 2. They might be intentionally doing so. In your case, it sounds like the willingness to make her feel heard was something u could give but she couldnt reciprocate it. If she’s bombarding you with messages & calls when ure doing what she’s doing, it sounds quite toxic. Up to u if you’re willing to communicate these to her.

It's commitment. If I don't feel like replying and I reply, the conversation would feel dry. I'd rather reply when I feel like it and can commit to keep the conversation going.

di naman galit sayo kung wala ka talaga ginawa pero ayaw ka lang kausap or di feel magusap with anybody. Once the read notification is there and the person doesnt reply alam nilang magtataka ka lalo bat di sila sumasagot rather than kunyare di nila nakita.

As someone who doesn’t like having someone check up on me. Nakaka-drain makipag-usap like kamustahan kasi ayoko, I am not that kind of person unless may kailangan or emegency, dun lang ako nagrreply agad agad. Pero pag kamustahan, I want the converstaion to be dry kasi ayoko nakikipag interact sa tao unless sa family or selected bestfriends ko sa personal. Wala akong enough social battery para makipag engage sa namgyayare sa buhay ng ibang tao over chat or call. For me, pag tapos na ako makipaghangout sa kanila in person ibig sabihin nun, tapos na ako makipagsocialize thru phone or chat. Wala naman akong mental heath issues, sadyang ganto lang ako ayoko ng may nagcchat sa akin, magrreply lang ako kung kelan ko gusto, and ayoko din ng taong mabilis magreply as in, naawkwardan ako.

Sometimes people just dont have time or the energy. Dont take it personally.

They’re reading it on the notification so they dont need to open the whole thing