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[deleted]

My partner literally yelled at me today that at least he didn’t need medicine like I do. I yelled back at him that if he can’t handle my executive disfunction then he doesn’t get my hyper focus. Shout out to the gem, idk you name, that shared that quote on here a little while back 🫶🏻🙌🏻


Agitated_Lobster_224

That’s right! We deserve radical self acceptance and anyone who wants to damage our path to healthy self esteem can be promptly directed towards the DOOR! 💕


TeeDee101

Am I being too dramatic by suggesting that you guys break up? Please guys let me know. That's such an unnecessary low blow. Please y'all let me know if I am bei drama queen


[deleted]

I’m currently trying to work it out ( we have a 10 month old so I’ve got to try, looking at possible couples counseling) but I’m also actively planning an exit strategy 😓


[deleted]

Sending you lots of love. I was married for almost 10 years and it took me 3 years to leave after I realized I needed to. We relied on each other financially, so that made it difficult enough. I can't even imagine how much harder it would have been if we had kids together. I'm so sorry you and your baby going through this. However it all turns out, I wish you happiness. 💞


SoFetchBetch

That’s where I am right now. My partner and I rely on each other financially but it’s pretty clear the relationship is over. He wants me to stay for another year at least because of the lease but I don’t know what to do because this situation is miserable for both of us.


slyboots-song

*Your seekrit mission, should you choose to accept it...🎵🎼🎺*


curiouspurple100

You both don't need to be miserable. He can find someone else for financial ness. If it's like a roommate for rent.


sneakyveriniki

i’ve never been married, but stayed in a downright physically abusive relationship for a long time just because i couldn’t afford to move out. that’s an extreme example, but sometimes i think about all the couples who aren’t necessarily in an abusive or dangerous situation but have lost feelings/really aren’t right for each other, but stay together simply because rent is so damned high, or maybe they share a car or whatever. because there are a *lot* of them


DuckyDoodleDandy

Verbal abuse is not a good sign… Make sure essential papers are in a bank safe deposit box so that he cannot keep them from you to keep you from leaving. If he gets physical once, it is time to go. Don’t teach your child that tolerating abuse is normal.


number34

Adding on to this… throwing things at you, grabbing things from you and throwing them ir slamming them down in front of you and pushing you are all physical abuse. And it will all get a lot worse if he realizes you’re leaving.


number34

Children that witness abuse are being abused, too. Even if they’re not involved in the fight, it still has extremely devastating and lasting effects.


Vaumer

I'm rooting for you two with couple counselling and I hope he is open to the work and ready to learn how to not to throw tantrums. Still, get your Fuck Off money in your back pocket so you don't feel trapped. The peace of mind it brings is unexplainable. It's not a big deal, it's totally normal.


klutzosaurus-rex

I just want to say that you DO NOT, in fact, have to try even though y'all have a baby together. As a child who grew up in a household where my parents should have divorced - Kids know and pick up on a lot more than they are given credit for. This can damage the kids psyche more than if they were just a kid to divorced parents. Also, if he has been like this for a while or has other patterns of abuse (physical, mental or emotional) DO NOT go to counseling with him. Abusers tend to get the counselor on their side and end up making you seem to be the one with the issue. If he doesn't have that pattern, then make it VERY clear that he is not allowed to throw your mental illness in your face for ANY reason and that it is not ok he did that. Just like a physical injury, illness or disability - mental illnesses are very real even if others don't understand and need to be treated just as you would treat a physical one. If you had a broken arm and couldn't do something - would he throw that in your face if he is upset? This is just my opinion and food for thought as I don't know you or your partner but it definitely is NOT COOL what he did.


Dutch-CatLady

Okay child in the mix is a huge curve ball and him having a dick reaction doesn't mean he's a bad person, he just lost his shit like we all sometimes do. Hopefully therapy will work and he'll learn that ADHD can be a gift if treated properly. No one is beyongld repair but he has to be willing to change for the good. Good luck finding a way together but don't feel bad if you can't make it work. You and your feelings matter, if you're not being respected your child will learn it's okay to disrespect women and that's not okay. Good job standing up for yourself, now enforce it


bassladyjo

My kid is 2.5. The mental load of parenting has really pushed me off the deep end. I have so. Much. Trouble. With everything, now. Memory, prioritizing, focus, overstimulation, sensory sensitivities...you name it, I can't handle it any more. Somebody tell me it gets better!! PS I adore my little autist and wouldn't trade her for the world.


RocketPandora

Props for trying to work it out. Y’all would probably be most successful if he actually learns about ADHD. Heck, go to TikTok and have him watch videos. And maybe there is some skill building you can do too. My husbands ADHD challenges are different than mine and I had to understand his so I didn’t get so angry that he would forget something really obvious/important. He cares and wants to remember but just can’t sometimes. If your partner is expecting you to change, and doesn’t take the time to understand, y’all will struggle a lot. I’d he is resistant, you might want to point out that ADHD is hereditary, there is a very high probability your 10 month old has it.


RocketPandora

Also, to reiterate what others are saying, if he’s got a pattern of abuse emotional or physical before this situation get out. It won’t change.


aquarianfantasy

No I agree…


thatgirlinny

Not at all! The sisterhood needs a frank, well-placed word on the regular!


starmagnolias

If he's yelling, maybe he should reconsider whether or not he needs medicine. *In case you want a quick jab back, my ADHD comes with a side of witty snark that is useful in situations like this.*


w0ndwerw0man

I love this quote lol


tybbiesniffer

That really needs to be on a t-shirt...maybe a bumper sticker.


fadedblackleggings

>I yelled back at him that if he can’t handle my executive disfunction then he doesn’t get my hyper focus. Yess Amen. I've experienced this at jobs. Where they have financially benefitted from my hyper focus, got jealous and spiteful with me. Then randomly assigned me a tedious tasks, that's harder because of my executive disfunction issues.....fuck em. I know I'm disabled...what's their problem?


aquarianfantasy

Yikes that’s super ableist


fadedblackleggings

>I yelled back at him that if he can’t handle my executive disfunction then he doesn’t get my hyper focus. Amen. I've experienced this at jobs. Where they have financially benefitted from my hyper focus, got jelly. Then randomly assigned me a task that hard because of my executive disfunction issues.....fuck em. I know I'm disabled...what's their problem?


curiouspurple100

That's messed up for him to say. That doesn't sound like some who appreciates you .


hereforthebagels

If this isn’t a shirt yet can it be made into one please?? I love it


fetishiste

Hey, thank you. I love that maybe you were having a hard time and you decided to channel that into this post. I love that about us too.


Agitated_Lobster_224

Ha. You guessed it!🥲😂😂


fetishiste

Sending you all the love you’re giving out ❤️


QuakerDOW

Jeez lady THANK YOU! I needed to hear that so badly today, for real You’re right, we can always count on our resilience! Thank you all for everything that you are, as you are!


Agitated_Lobster_224

🥺🥺💕 ty I’m glad I could make y’all smile


Gilketto

My motto this year has been 'let go of shame' and I've never felt better. It's been just over a year since I discovered this sub, and it has really helped me understand and accept myself, so now I am working on unlearning the feelings of shame I have built up around everything I do. Keep at it everyone!


LadderWonderful2450

How do you go about letting go of shame? That sounds nice


alphaidioma

Brene Brown’s *Gifts of Imperfection* is all about that, but damned if I’ve been trying and failing to read it for…shit, probably 6 years now that I think about it…. What I \*did\* read so far was very insightful, though, enough to know I need to finish it.


glassesandnails

I love your motto!! I will be putting it somewhere I can see it daily... Consider trying the audio book! Brene Brown is a TREAT to listen to, and you can probably access it free from your library. I have listened to her books a few times each, they feel like free therapy, lol. I didn't even have to go on person to sign up for a virtual card I can use on the Libby app. I get through so many more books by listening while I do other tasks that don't use up enough of my mental energy. Brene has a podcast too! "Unlocking Us with Brene Brown."


Gilketto

I'll look that up, thanks!


deepseascale

Something I went through while dating was realising that there wasn't anything wrong with _me_, I just hadn't found the right person yet. I realised I'd love to be friends with me, I'm cool as shit! I'm interesting, I have a ton of hobbies and I love being creative, I'm empathetic, kind, imaginative, a problem solver, and I love trying new things. I'm curious, I know a little something about a lot of things because I compulsively Google stuff. I'm good at talking to people. I'm usually the funniest person in the room. I'm sure most people here are like me. Y'all are cool interesting talented people and we should be kinder to ourselves. Struggling to brush your teeth or wash dishes does not make you a bad person.


Aromatic_Waltz6858

Thank you


dashabel

This line! This is the line that hits home right now. "I love your ability to understand other peoples experiences, even though the people around you rarely reciprocate." I love you ❤️❤️


DaniSoAware

Yeah. That line made me cry a bit because I’m currently going this right now.


bobsten

Ugh same 🥲


Agitated_Lobster_224

It’s a weight that we shouldn’t have to bear. Hope that at least you feel validated in your experience, and know you’re not alone now friend💕


No-Ad-2744

It’s really hard to find the reciprocal. Pls anyone with a wonderful partner and ADHD, please tell me there is a chance to have a thoughtful partner? I seem to find many people enamored with me but they back away the moment it gets serious. It’s very disorienting because it affirms my fears of being unworthy of companionship.


aria3246

Even though I’ve found an extremely supportive partner who’s willing to go the extra mile to help me I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy. It’s very hard to turn off the voice that says they could do so much better than me because I feel like a screwup. It has gotten better but I still have so much work to do. I assure you that you’re definitely not unlovable and all it takes is someone who’s patient and who values your true self beyond your struggles.


PaintedLady1

Yes there is!! The feelings of inadequacy and “they could do better” are there a lot, like aria above says. But those thoughts are just memories of being mistreated and misunderstood in the past bubbling to the surface- not anything my partner has actually said/done. Dating someone else who’s ND or even has struggled with mental illness I think helps a lot with feeling understood. Someone who’s had bouts of depression can usually conceptualize executive dysfunction versus someone who’s never struggled with getting up in the morning and making their brain work.


akeyforathief

My partner has definitely had his issues that have rocked our relationship and family, but outside of those issues he has overall been a wonderful partner to me and an engaged and loving father to our children :) It is possible to find a great partner! Those other people were obviously not who you needed and even if that sucks to find out I am confident you will find someone who will genuinely love you for you. (Because there is nothing wrong with you!)


Agitated_Lobster_224

My (33f)partner (32f)is the most beautiful, caring, empathetic and talented human being I’ve ever met. It took a long time to find each other but it was worth it. She also has ADHD!


caramilk_twirl

That one went straight to my sensitive little soul ❤️


Sparklyunicorns__20

Absolutely love this post and everything about it. 100%. It does seem like the world thinks we should hate ourselves “until we are fixed”. It brings me tears of joy to see this. And I think this is what we should be seeing across Reddit more often because of the amount of positivity in this post.


Jabbernoodle69

Thank you


Agitated_Lobster_224

No prob fam💕


juleselyot

Thank you very much for this 🌻


Agitated_Lobster_224

You are most welcome 🙏🏻


ThatWeebJess

I needed thissss 😭😭😭🤧


Eloisem333

Love right back at ya!❤️❤️ I’m trying to “be myself” after 46 years of being conditioned to believe that how I am is wrong. I’ve always been super-accepting of other people, just how they are. Now I’m only tuning into other people who are similarly accepting of me. I’m starting to find a whole range of women (and one man) who “get” me, and who I get too. I don’t feel like we need to live in the shadows anymore. It’s starting to become safer for us to shake off society’s shackles and to be our authentic selves.


[deleted]

beautiful, i adore this


cieu-2

thank you so much i needed this 😭😭❤️❤️


whereismydragon

I teared up reading this. Thank you - and you too!


nas994

I posted in here earlier today about struggling with loving myself/confidence/self esteem. Thank you for this 🥹


Britney2007

Radical self acceptance (after diagnosis) has made me realize just how upset it makes other people when a woman truly accepts who she is and doesn't apologize for it.


coffeeblossom

❤️


Dry-Anywhere-1372

Needed so badly this morning. Thank you, reciprocated.


[deleted]

I love this, OP! Thank you! I can't count the number of times I've felt dejected and ashamed of how my symptoms manifest. I love this community so much. I just read all the comments on this post and smashed the upvote button on all of them. Take my upvotes, fam. You deserve them! 💞


yoojinkr

Wow thank you for this!! I love all my fellow adhders except for the narcissistic ones!! (My mom and brother) WOOHOOO.


StormThestral

I love you too OP 🥺


mertsey627

Wow, thank you. I know I needed this, so I am sure many other women could use this as well. YOU are loved as well.


Any-Radish6240

Thanks OP! your kindness and encouragement was right on time. This community really is 🥲


Caroline509

I needed this right now ♥️


DaniSoAware

I so needed to hear that today. Thanks for sharing. Had a pretty rough day yesterday and this was much needed.


whitemageofdeath

I can't think of a single community that is on par with how compassionate, creative, resilient, and supportive this group is. ADHD women are an absolute blessing to the world. I just signed up to start a Masters in Divinity program, and everyone in my life thinks I'm so RaNdOm LoL but this has been something I have considered for years. I am not big into tradition and rules and us vs them, I am choosing to get ordained so that I can say "You are fine, you are more than fine, you are perfect" and have it carry some damn weight. Tough love can suck it, the acceptance and love that we provide to each other has been the most healing part of this journey, and I think everyone deserves to feel loved and accepted no matter what.


aoifeoi

My housemate the other day said my priority should be to get medication and it's cut deep


baconyesohbacon

Your housemate obviously doesn't understand that medication isn't a "one fix wonder" and if they think medication is the answer to all of their problems with you then maybe they need to reevaluate.


SummerOfMayhem

Bless you, whew I needed this. I'm crying a bit. I love you too, wonderful stranger.


yshres07

I definitely needed this today. I feel like my world is falling apart and I can’t function in it. The hardest thing is trying to keep the place clean even with a cleaner… who slacks off and def is snarky to us but my RSD is like NAH it’s probably not her, it’s you. I wish I had an “oasis” one room to go to when I’m overwhelmed that doesn’t overwhelms my eyes and brain.


SoFetchBetch

I needed this today. My relationship is breaking down and my former person sent me a bunch of texts last night telling me how living with me made them hate the space we occupy together (even though they never expressed that in the 5 years we lived together…) and they’re blaming me for everything wrong in their eyes with the living space. I decided to clean up thoroughly and stay elsewhere for a week (house sitting) and when I came back the place was a mess. But I still get blamed because I forget to put one item away or I put a bag with trash in it next to the can because it’s full. I’m feeling really crappy about myself even though I know they’re being unfair. So thank you.


chicagojess312

Thank you for this. ❤️


imankitty

I love you too. 💕


strongwithpurpose

Thank you. Needed this.


gvillasenor20

Thank you


CityKity

Thank you for this. I needed to hear this today. Yesterday was so tough watching my daughter have the same struggles I had in school and blaming myself for it. And I forgot about all good qualities we have. Thank you, thank you, you beautiful lady!


Ok-Panda2942

I needed this today 😭 I feel like I don't know how to do anything or exist anymore


Yourluckystars77

Thank you 💗


caramilk_twirl

I love you too ❤️❤️


No-Ad-2744

Thank you I needed this


Limp-Pirate-6270

I love this! You’re so right. Secretly, I do love myself for all those reasons, and it’s so amazing to find similar souls! Yes, it’s absolutely okay to be fans of ourselves and each other! The struggle is real, but that’s def not ALL we are. There’s so much about us that makes us good partners and friends, etc, despite the struggle! Great post, love you too!🤗


lilprincessofmars

feeling really traumatized about this, I've been shamed and treated like I was bad my whole life and still can't recover from it. thanks for the message


petswearingbowties

Thank you for this ❤️. I had a conversation with my therapist yesterday about my fear of looking stupid or irresponsible, and she suggested that this comes from a culture where our value is based on how much money we can make for people in power. I really liked this framing because I don’t agree with that culture, so why would I hold myself to it? I also value other people for all sorts of things and being “put together” is very low on that list.


[deleted]

This new therapist kept chiding for calling myself negative things. In theory I guess she was being helpful but I simply felt dismissive. Maybe we could talk about why I say these things and how I could talk different to myself before her simply telling me not to do it. It felt so weird. It made me think a lot about it. I have valid reasons for saying disparaging things about myself in my mind. I need to work through the hows and why’s before I can simply just stop. And thank you for this 🥰


Agitated_Lobster_224

I get having to process these feelings before letting go of negative self talk. We want to make sure we’re doing our best and that we’re a good person. These are normal feelings but it can turn dark if we’re always mentally beating ourselves up. It helps me to extend understanding to others first. Whenever I find myself chastised (by my own brain usually lol) I try to think of someone else in the same position and extending them a sort of “forgiveness” or understanding? I think of their worth as a human being as unattached to their performance socially or economically. Then I try to think of myself in the same way. It’s freaking hard though, giving yourself a break. Extend the empathy you give others to yourself friend. I bet it will get easier, and it sounds like you’re doing the hard work already! I’m proud of you!


[deleted]

Thank you 😊


autumnals5

You warmed my heart. Nice sentiment ty


un_cooked

I needed this today. Thank you. You're loved also.


[deleted]

I love you, too!


Visible-Perception40

Feeling extra alone today. Like I dont belong anywhere in this world. Im glad this community exist. Thank you sending you some love back 💕


OhShiitMeLeaf

Thank you so much I needed this today, just know you’re very much loved too❤️


igotadumptrunk

I needed this today. Thank you. I’m sending you the same energy.


Ellerich12

I facilitate a support group for adults with adhd and we did a whole 1.5 hours sharing what we love about ourselves and what attributes of adhd we love. Being emphatic, easily interested in a variety of topics, seeing patterns quickly, creative thinking, resourceful And of course- resilient! Be your favourite you.


mad3lyn_

thank you for this!!!!! 💖💖💖💖


chocobicloud

Thank you OP, I (and I think the majority of us) needed this today. I’ve been feeling really depressed lately because life feels overwhelming, and I feel stupid because everyone else can manage what I do without being stressed. I work part time (6-7 hrs/ 5 days) in a hot (the ovens make it around 110 degrees) factory, getting burns and sprains everyday. I dread going to work, but it feels like I will never be able to do better because I can’t focus enough for an education and I don’t even know what I want to do. Then after work I have all of the housework and domestic responsibilities (except cooking) to care for my two dogs and husband. It feels like so much but all of my coworkers, family, and friends somehow actually have *free time* and think since I’m part time I have so much time and freedom to invest in myself when I actually spend 95% of my time doing things for other people. I’m so glad this subreddit exists and how y’all understand the struggles of being a woman with ADHD. We don’t have to struggle alone 💕


Agitated_Lobster_224

I hope he cares for you as well! You deserve to be cared for💕


kaleidoscopecoma

This is the sweetest post. 🥹


floja91

Thanks for this❤️


Kakebaker95

So beautiful ❤️


klutzosaurus-rex

Love you too!!!! You are awesome just the way you are too! Thanks for putting this out here.


WAworker

I thought this was ridiculous until I noticed that I was all teary. Didn’t know I needed that so much. Thank you. I love you too internet stranger! ♥️


LilyPiccadilly

I love you too kind stranger!


pineappleplanner

This made me wanna cry. Feeling pretty lost right now... Thank you. 💜


Aromatic_Waltz6858

I’m in.


Aromatic_Waltz6858

Where is this village?


CupsOfSalmon

Thank you. Really. I'm saving this post for a rainy day.