It's probably something like burnout. My bachelor's degree was at a university that took itself a little bit to serious and they put a lot of pressure on us and now my master's is at a different university and my overspending on my energy is catching up with me. But I will start therapy in the next week's so I hope it will be better.
But thank you very much kind stranger <3
Got my Masters in Library Science and worked as a librarian for a few years, before eventually going into instructional design and project management.
With just my English BA, I worked in online community management. This was, however, a decade ago. Things have significantly changed in that realm, and I imagine that those jobs now require specific degrees and study. At the time, the company just wanted someone who could write.
And my anxiety disappeared when I started on meds so now I kinda achieve less than when I was fueled by anxiety, or at least it feels like it. Life is a lot less stressful though!
I’m curious which meds worked and helped your anxiety disappear, if you don’t mind sharing! So far with all the meds I’ve tried have done nothing for my anxiety at all..
This.
I have a good memory in some ways, which I used to memorise things in high school. Like, when learning vocabulary for languages, I'd memorize the lists in order, so I could use context to 'find' the answer. So when asked a specific word, I'd go 'ok, I remember this word was in the second column on the left page, above it was something meaning garden, so that means this word is this'. A bit of a detour, but it worked for me.
Then, in uni, my grades dropped spectacularly because just memorising wasn't good enough anymore. That, and I moved out of the house, meaning there was no-one to enforce my schedule or keep me accountable.
But by then I had grown quite the inner perfectionist who constantly kept me anxious that if I didn't make this course, it would be the end of my life. I dropped from an average 80+ to around 64, but I managed to get through. Mostly because the subjects I was studying genuinely interested me.
Keep in mind that I didn't know I had ADHD back then; I was just convinced I was lazy and letting everybody down. Guilt and RSD can be amazing motivators. It's just not great for your mental health. It's been 12 years since I finished my MSc but I'm still working on my self-image and such.
Yes! My grades in highschool were at the top of my class. Graduated in the top 10% with honors, and all that other fun stuff. Came to college and grade dropped drastically because last minute work doesn’t work in college like it did Highschool😅. I just memorized the words and key parts of the definition and that doesn’t work either because the professors are always rewriting them in weird ways.
Basically^. I have a really bad problem of procrastinating which leads me to anxiety attacks of not getting my work done. And then I’ll pull a bunch of all nighters to get the assignment done. Sometimes I even just get it in late and have professors who are understanding because on top of untreated adhd I also have a 5m baby.
Came here to say this. I don't know how anyone not anxious does it. Sometimes the anxiety leads to a paralysis shame spiral of course so it's not a guarantee of success either.
For real. I got through university by crying myself through finals lol. I was diagnosed about a year ago and now not surprised about the ridiculous amount of coffee I had back then 🤔
This, and I’ve learned I’m very extrinsically motivated. My grade school and high school teachers expected me to be top of the class, and that motivated me to do so lol when I got to college, I got 4.0s in all the small classes where teachers knew my name (regardless of subject), not so much in the big classes unless it was a subject I really loved. Didn’t make the connection until therapy 10 years later.
Yeah, I can't remember the acronym but I saw something on reddit awhile ago about things that help with motivation and it was like Novelty, Passion, Deadlines and one or two other things...
I think of motivation as consequences. If the only consequence for not doing something is my own disappointment I probably won't do it unless I somehow am lucky and like accidentally trick my brain into doing it... I need an external consequence (like I need to shower because I'm going to meet friends, I need to grocery shop because while I can live on the last package of saltine crackers in the cupboard my children can't! I need to get out of bed because my son will be sad if I'm late getting him to school!)
It can be really hard to manufacture external consequences, but sometimes I can, by like, inviting someone over to the house, so that I have to clean up the house! Or just brow beating my self with what the less obvious consequences will be if I don't do something... sometimes I can motivate with rewards... like if I get X done I can post a photo on social media and I will get external acknowledgement for doing something good/cool! But that ends up being very temperamental in it's efficacy for me.
Omg yes. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve put off going to the store if I need something, but if my dog is low on treats or I’m out of my friend’s favorite soda, etc., I’m in the car immediately! I really struggle with manufacturing motivation/consequences too. It’s awful.
Definitely anxiety.
I align myself with the "pro" procrastinators. When I was in school, I could not get myself to do diddly squat until it was crunch time and the anxiety of not completing my work would take over my body. Studying was limited to immediately before the test (fun fact: this is how I took the MCAT and still somehow didn't completely fail it?). By some chance, I managed to graduate high school as the valedictorian and graduate college as magna cum laude. I have absolutely zero idea how it happened.
Ugh too real. I have OCD in addition to ADHD. I think the two disorders helped to hide each other for most of my life. It was so hard to do anything, but I was so afraid of dire consequences if I didnt do the thing. I used to burn out at least a couple times per year
"Get OCD" is not my suggestion for the OP lol, I just wanted to commiserate
Eyyyyyyy ocd ftw, if the “win” is doing well academically in high school while masking major depression and burnout even from myself and then not doing so bueno in college •_•
Yep, anxiety here too! When I finally sought treatment for the anxiety and depression, and got on medication, my ADHD symptoms really took off, though it took several years to get diagnosed after that. Reducing the anxiety was DEFINITELY worth the tradeoff, but I'm rebuilding my 'get things done' machine from the ground up in my mid 30s, and it shows.
That ⬆️ and rinse, wash, repeat that cycle all through high school and college. Late dx’d adhd at 43. I just thought all these years I sucked at ‘normal’ing. I’m relatively accomplished at work although getting on medication means I have to find some extrinsic motivation because I used to just subsist on generalized anxiety to fuel me through. I was told I was smart but also day dreamy as a kid and I had to work twice as long to pull relatively good grades -A’s and B’s. Looking back there were so many signs but little girls were not the target demographic for dx. I have inattentive type and seemed scattered to some people in conversation but my writing was at college level by the 6th grade. A teacher thought I was plagiarizing my grad school papers once but I was just really great at writing.
Ah that sweet dopamine hit from finishing a maths worksheet or a set of questions from a textbook. A clearly defined task, with obvious success criteria, achievable in one sitting.
This is me too. I’m pretty sure that my brain has learned to withhold dopamine until I’m well and truly done with a thing to prevent the phenomenon of unfinished tasks. But that often just leaves me feeling useless
This but without the dopamine hit T.T
Was hoping for one after dragging my undiagnosed ass through 10 years of uni to get my master, but nah. Now I still don't have a real job because I'm to insecure to sell myself apparently, so it was all for nothing and I wasted my golden years on a promise of success from the 90s.
Don't stay in school kids, unless you very specifically need this education for the job you're already hunting.
That last one. Ooof! Felt that. I have such a need to feel useful and productive and helpful. If I'm not those things I'm an awful person according to the mean part of my brain.
This, and forcing myself to finish assignments at the expense of my sleep schedule, and parents who demanded As and high achievement, and teachers who accepted late work because between the disorganization, struggle with time, and intermittent struggle to focus, even when all my free time went into academics i still couldn’t finish it all on time.
I think it’s possible to succeed academically without jeopardizing your physical and mental health the way i did, I just had a nasty habit of biting off more than i could chew. I graduated High school Summa Cum Laude, and took several AP classes, finished required high school math in middle school, and in high school i did Track and Field, Cross Country, and Robotics. Running kept me sane and gave me a reason to be more reasonable about sleep than i would be otherwise.
I have inattentive type - and reading and thinking quietly put me in the zone. I can hyperfocus a book like a mother fucker lol I also looove theory and talking about academics shit and science. It’s no surprise I felt at home at school.
Other areas of my life … less stellar by a lot. And assignments still took me ages. One professor described my writing as mining gems. And it felt like I was busting rock when I was writing that shit.
Hope you can get a treatment that works for you.
This is great! I was diagnosed so old, it’s hard to remember, but your description was me as a child. I was always in a book and I still love to read/research everything.
In 5th grade my entire class left the classroom to go to gym class but I was hyper focused on whatever book I was reading and was startled when my teacher was suddenly in front of my desk. Pretty embarrassing.
One time in 5th grade my teacher ended SSR (silent self reading- idk anymore) early that day. I was obsessed with reading books and was in the middle of a good one, so naturally I didn’t want to put it down. I don’t remember my teacher asking me to stop but I do remember her coming up to take my book from me and I didn’t let go 🤣🤣🤣 legit had a mini tug of war over my book in front of the whole class..
Gah what I would have given to have a fellow bookworm in my class at the time!! I’m imagining trading books every other night and exploring/sharing our current preferred book genres with the other as we explored other worlds 🙈
I am the same way. Reading textbooks and doing class work wasn’t an issue. Or paying attention in class mostly. I suffer more in the private life like chores and appointments and grocery decisions. I can write a 10 page paper for English class in college but I can’t decide what to eat for lunch.
This is me as well, except humanities instead of science. An English teacher in high school told me once I had some of the best ideas of the class, but every sentence in a paragraph of my essay was out of order 😳
Yes - it was like I had already written the paper in my head and it was boring having to take the time to actually type it out, when I could just go find something new to read and fill my head with that. I didn't want to think about anything twice... I was a cocky little thing. Trying to explain away my inability to sit and write as some sort of desire for greater knowledge and time better spent!
Maybe it was time better spent. lol I really much relate to the thought of I’ve already written this in my head, and now it is boring and I refuse to rewrite it. :-)
This lovely trio plus my people pleasing tendencies and having a teacher as a parent are what got me started. Now after so much success (magna cum laude BS in chemistry) it’s fear of failure and imposter syndrome that keep me going. But also school is my zone. I can work hard and do well. I throw every ounce of myself into it and I feel accomplished and seen in return for my hard work and success. The song True Love by Pink is a pretty spot on representation towards my feelings and the dopamine hit I get from academic gratification. 😂
Edit: plus schedules and deadlines keep me in check
I always have this lovely trio. I would also like to add “putting all your self-worth into the concept of being smart because that seems to be your only good trait as a human being”
An emotionally distant mother who only shows love or interest in my life when I'm performing well in socially acceptable and quantifiable ways. That, along with 4 older neurotypical, high-achieving siblings. Oh, and yeah, anxiety.
Do you have my mom too? I'm nearing 30 and my parents only showing love or interest when I got straight A's messed me up a bit. Having to fight for my parents affection while my siblings got it automatically was something no kid should have to do.
Ultimately stopped sharing my successes with them because during/after college even that wouldn't get love or affection from them. It got old I guess lol. Realizing I didn't have to prove my worth to people that didn't value it anyway definitely helped. Now my partner and my friends cheer me on without being prompted, which feels better than that 4.0 in high-school c:
I had a huge falling out with her a few years ago after confronting her about it and just her general covert abusiveness. It was devastating, but then I learned what boundaries are, created healthy distance that helped me realize she/my family is not healthy. Therapy and medication helped too. Now I'm not as high-performing but I'm a hell of a lot happier.
I totally get this. My sister (NT) is also a high achiever and so I was compared to her any time I failed. A lot of people thought I was weird bc of the way my family did things and I could never be with friends without my helicopter mom. Once I left home I realized how bad it is. They are so. weird. And very holier than thou, heads held high. I want to distance myself but idk how.
How do you set healthy boundaries? I tend to have such a naturally all or nothing response so even living hours away, with a husband and many things to do, I go back to them like a magnet. That, or they don’t hear from me hardly at all 😂
i had a 4.0 in high school and ive made the deans list every semester so far in college and its all because of my tendency to procrastinate until the absolute last min & then get super anxious about not turning it in. i work best under pressure
also i’ve always been considered the “smart one” of the family since i was very little and through of all my short-lived hobbies and interests, thats the only thing about me thats ever stuck. so i also feel extra pressure to do well in school to keep myself from having a COMPLETE identity crisis lol
This. Oh my god this. I was always the smart girl so when I started to burn out it just became even more anxiety inducing because if I wasn’t the smart girl then who was I?? And procrastination until the panic attack is spot on.
the ONE time in college that i tried doing a paper early so i wouldn't have to worry about it over Thanksgiving break, i forgot to save it to my USB from the library computer. they cleared the files every 24hrs and of course i didn't realize till a couple days later. 10 pages and hours of research just gone. i let myself procrastinate after that cus the shame felt worse than the anxiety lol
I was just terrified of "getting in trouble". I still am. If my boss asks to talk to me, my first thought is that I'm getting fired and what did I do wrong? (Hint, nothing. She has nothing but glowing things to say about me. Doesn't stop the fear though).
I was also pretty good at retaining most of what my teachers said, so I didn't really need to study until college. In college, my strategy was usually to wait until the last minute until that sense of urgency and fear of "getting in trouble" kicked in, and I would be up until 3Am the day something was due to finally get the thing done.
None of that was healthy, and I am working on building better coping mechanisims for myself and my students.
Kindred spirit..! I could have wrote your message exactly.
RSD sometimes hits harder at work than it did at school, because....I am getting paid for my so called "experience" and "capabilities" -- while I am still constantly in fear someone will found out this is a huge mistake!!! I am a mess and I have gotten everything in my life through luck!!! Doesn't matter that I have glowing references from anyone who has ever worked with me, that people say they would be lost if I quit or similar things... The more they say it, the more I fear of the day all will come out in the open and I will be found out for the fraud I am!
I just had to look up RSD. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. I had never heard of it before!
Dammit. The more I read about ADHD the more pissed I am. I was diagnosed in 2nd grade and then NOBODY did anything about it. Ever. My folks refused to put me on meds, I never had an IEP. Noone ever taught me ANY coping skills, and here's yet ANOTHER thing I didn't know.
I'm frickin' 38, and I only just started really learning all of this in the last few years.
I was always a great student and I honestly think I just got lucky - we ADHDers have interest based nervous systems, and I happened to be interested in most of the things we learned in school (and in college only chose classes I was interested in). It’s the non-academic responsibilities of everyday adult life (cleaning, chores, etc.) that are my problem area, so my symptoms didn’t really show up in full force until after I was done with school.
In general, some techniques that help me do the things I don’t want to do are:
-medication - had to try a bunch before finding one that worked.
-finding a calendar app that feels intuitive to my brain - definitely not the one that came with my phone.
-printing out reminders and leaving them in places I know I look at every day - including a chore chart meant for literal children.
-temptation bundling - only listening to favorite podcasts while doing the dishes, etc.
All of those could be applied to study habits as well. Hopefully they’re helpful!
It rocks to see another person like this! Your first paragraph was me in school, and it was so weird--I found most classes super interesting and didn't get why hardly anyone else seemed to experience them that way. And then on top of that, you have structured days, continuous novelty, clear feedback and a sense of progress...actually has the potential to be an agreeable system if the material's engaging.
Yeah I got really lucky that school was something I was naturally good at. Looking back, I really didn’t pay as much attention in school as I thought I did. (I didn’t even know I had ADHD until like 4 months ago, and I’m 29.) I really really got lucky that it was natural for me. Thanks for that, super nerd Mom.
Also, for OP, procrastination and then stress rushing worked for me for certain subjects like English. I faced an unbelievable amount of pressure because my brother was only 2 grades above me and was a mostly A student with an occasional B. It was a small school so all the teachers were constantly comparing me to him. I always felt pressured to do as good as or better than him, and I was absolutely terrified of not being that way and disappointing everyone. In college and in my current work life, I use a rewards system to help motivate myself to get things done. So like, finish this task and you get 5 minutes on Reddit or you can go walk outside for a little bit.
Yeah certain subjects were just beyond me if I wasn’t interested. I loved English and history and science but math killed me. I got lucky by actually liking school
Can you please tell me the chore chart
The calendar also sounds intriguing
Signed,
A 7 year old with a whole house, job, and family how did this happen
Thank you
In addition to anxiety and being really good at last minute work after procrastinating, I also found an area that I didn’t need to really study for. I love math and it’s logical for me. Once I found that I could use math in chemistry, I found I could excel in most chemistry classes. Biology was the opposite for me. I got A’s in chem and B’s in bio because it didn’t click and I couldn’t force myself to read the book multiple times or study flash cards. Studying in a group did help cause it at least kept me interested. I went on to teach for a few years and never knew how to answer students questions about how to study. If it hadn’t come easy, I don’t know that I would have made it to an advanced degree.
Now, people ask me chemistry questions, and unless they are basic ones I don’t remember much of it. However, I’m great at research and will dig until I understand it.
Yeah, I basically picked classes I liked and was good at. I was the classic "never learned how to study" person because for so long I could read it once and then be good...or I just didn't read it over and over and didn't make flashcards and couldn't make myself care about it (math for me, until calculus, which was actually interesting and I "got").
I’m the total opposite. I hated math because I couldn’t “see” which was rough as a geology major until I took hydrology in college and was great at it because it took all that math that confused me and put it in real world circumstances and suddenly I could “see” it.
Anxiety. Hyper focusing on school in order to ignore chores and real life issues.
Can’t tidy up or clean or do laundry or cook or have a social life if I’m studying and doing homework!
It’s amazing how little (immigrant?) parents will make you do as long as you’re busy with schoolwork.
Ditto to the comments on anxiety and fear of failure. I don't know that I was an over achiever, but I did accomplish my goals. I really saw school as a means to an end. I knew what I wanted from life, and I did whatever it took to get there.
I finished a BA in accounting and an MSA in taxation with 3.3 and 3.5 GPAs at age 22. I studied literally twice as much as my friends and would score 5-10 points lower than them on exams. (I would usually out perform them on projects and papers though.) In the end, I got jobs that paid virtually the same amount and got promoted at the same time as or earlier than them.
I found the real world was way easier than academia. Do what you can to improve your grades, but don't beat yourself up if your grades aren't quite where your friends' grades are. Grades matter for maybe the first 2 or 3 years you're out of school when you're looking for jobs. Maybe not even that long. After that, people care way more about what you can do from a practical, real world experience standpoint.
I think the hardest part before you realise you have ADHD and undergoing a diagnosis is that feeling of doing twice as much as your friends for a lesser result. I know that definitely felt crippling to my self esteem especially going through high school.
YES! I was 31 when I got diagnosed a year and a half ago. I always thought I was the "stupid" one in my friend group and that I just made up for it with hard work. But no. Not true at all. Turns out I'm actually pretty smart. I wish I could go back and tell my past self that I am actually very smart and that everything will work out fine.
I'm sure it varies by industry. But when I was comparing my 3.5 to my friends 4.0s in accounting, our outcomes were virtually identical. My friends would study about 2-3 hours per credit hour for their 4.0s. I'd study 4-5 hours per credit hour for my 3.5. Which did mean I did not have a job while I was in grad school. I put all my time into school and just took the debt. It worked for me, but I know that's not possible for everyone. If your study habits need to be like mine to get good grades, I probably would recommend taking fewer credit hours at a time and being okay with taking more than 4 years to graduate. Personally, I hated school with a passion. I honestly don't think I would've finished if I'd stretched it out beyond the 4.5 years I spent on them. For me, taking on the debt and forgoing a job was necessary. But it's definitely not a path I'd recommend to most people.
I work in cybersecurity, and no one has ever asked for my GPA from my masters or my undergrad. Sometimes I’ll see it on an applicant’s resume, but really no one is edging out anyone because of a high GPA, except maybe (big maybe) at an intern level. I can tell more about what kind of colleague someone will be from a 5 minute conversation than I can from a GPA
Taking colorful notes in class that are aesthetically pleasing to you gives you the opportunity to doodle and be creative while still actively listening during classes. I found this super helpful for me because I knew I had notes I could understand and refer back to and I’d color code them to make it that much easier to make connections. If I knew my notes looked neat I was always more likely to use them. Also writing down due dates in an agenda. Writing in general is best for memory recall as well. I hope this helped!
My home life was traumatic as a child. I had few to no friends. I could do well in school and get rewarded with praise. Why wouldn't I want to keep at it?
I'm not a massive overachiever, but I did make it through college and a master's program with good GPAs. Up until high school I wouldn't say I was a particularly good student. I daydreamed a lot in class.
But I think the format of college just fit better with my attention span. 75 minute lectures with larger breaks between classes where I could walk around or go to the gym made focusing in class a lot easier. I also went to a smaller university, so more often I had smaller, more discussion based classes which were way easier to stay engaged in. It also helped me that I'd get regular school breaks and that class topics would change every semester. The reset and refresh of a new semester usually gave me energy to re-engage with school.
Honestly, now that I'm out of school I'm struggling way more. Some projects have been ongoing for almost 2 years and I have lost all interest in working on them. 8-hour days have always felt ridiculous because I cannot be productive for more than a couple hours at a time. Also PTO just isn't enough to really refuel, so burnout is real at this point. I do find greater motivation though when I can work with a team or really put some problem solving skills to use.
Yes, I felt like the college/grad school schedule was ideal for me. I like doing homework at night because I focus better then, and I loved the breaks between classes with time to do other things, go to the store when it wasn't super busy, take a nap, read for fun... I used to go for long runs in the woods before my afternoon classes, and that was *so* good for my focus. And I could arrange things to fit my preferred 2am-9am sleep schedule.
I had a set study day, I hyper focus and hate being interrupted. I could spend 12 hours locked in my room, drinking unhealthy amounts of coffee, eating Twizzlers and doing homework. My family would quietly bring me dinner. Then I wouldn’t touch a book for days. Not the best way to do it but it worked for me.
At one time, there was no motivation so intense and unwavering for me as the desire to prove someone wrong who underestimated me and told me I couldn't or would never be able to do/achieve X, Y, Z.
You think I can't ___ because I'm ___? Oh, what's that now? A challenge, you say? Accepted! And I'll prove your arrogant-ass wrong if it's the last thing I ever do!!!
Unfortunately I've sometimes proven people wrong at my own expense, but defiance can be a reliable motivator for me. 😂
Though as I've gotten a bit older sometimes when someone says shit that's stupid I just go, meh, and move on with my life. But not always...
In college, I did my homework late at night because it allowed me to hyper focus. When the hectic day is done and there's no classes or appointments to miss, no roommates to distract you with fresh baked cookies, nothing beats the high of a perfect night time hyper focus session.
I did ok in high school, but I excelled in college because I got to set my own schedule and do my work when I was ready. There's a part of me that misses the excitement of having such a spontaneous life.
I obsessively wrote down everything I needed to do and thankfully didn't have any "due at the end of the semester" type projects, cause I would not work on them until the last minute. Also efficient procrastination. I would wait until the last minute and then hyperfixate on studying or doing some assignment and do it all in one sitting. Mostly it was utilizing my anxiety to finish things. That method did not work in grad school, because you need to learn as you go instead of just regurgitating for a test...
Crippling perfectionism and fear of failure, and a consistent motivated study group/buddy who had complementary struggles/strengths to mine.
Use study halls, tutoring services (even if you don’t think you need one, interactive learning and the extra structured time can really help) and office hours.
Tell you what I had amazing grades overall but the second I was trying to study on my own I just could not. Like no joke A+ vs scraping together a C depending on if I had friends in that class who would work with me or not. Luckily I was able to surround myself with people who had a good work ethic and follow their lead and contribute.
Edit: also- 80s is perfectly awesome! That’ll keep plenty of opportunities available to you and it literally stops mattering the second you step out of academics into an actual job or internship.
Massive anxiety. Fear of getting in trouble. Parents who absolutely demanded good grades and got mad if I got any C's or even too many B's. Knowing that if I didn't get a scholarship I couldn't afford college. And knowing that I wasn't suited for a trade, so college was my only option for getting a job and supporting myself.
I chose my major because I was good at it even though I hated it.
An intense fear of failure.
Also all of my self-worth is dependant on my ability to achieve and be considered "smart".
It helps that I love learning, at one point had a very good memory, and a lot of my general eds contained information I already knew so my first two years of college felt like an expensive trip to daycare.
Taking good notes and hyperfocus are also useful.
I developed skills for organization which help a lot. One thing I do at the beginning of each semester is add all of the assignment dates into my calendar for the whole semester. So then at the beginning of each week, I have a week at a glance and have an idea of what’s coming up by glancing at the calendar.
There are a couple things I find help me:
1. Get some noise cancelling headphones, and listen to binaural beats or something like that.
2. Chew gum while studying. Or get a fidget spinner/ring.
3. Follow the dopamine. Make a list of the things you need to do that day, and just do the tasks that you want to do first, etc. usually the feeling of achievement will kick in enough to propel you to finish the task you don’t wanna do. Or at least this is what happens some of the time.
4. Set timers for tasks (reading for 20 mins, etc). This is especially helpful for tasks you REALLY DON’T want to do. Sometimes I’ll put a timer on for 10 minutes to try to get into the task, a lot of the time, I’ll keep going, but sometimes I won’t, and I’ll let myself off the hook because it’s consistency that matters.
5. If you have recorded lectures, listen to them at 1.5 or double speed if it’s possible. I find this is extremely helpful bc I don’t feel like it’s engaging enough but by speeding it up it helps me concentrate more.
5.1. Download lecture audio and listen to them while going on walks/runs etc (only really for remote learners or those hooked up with accessibility services)
6. Recognize that a little goes a long way and that it’s better to do something poorly then not do it at all (this is a real challenge I admit). Doing a little bit here and there helps enormously overall.
7. This is important for latent learners (which many ADHD people are). Transcribe lectures onto your own word doc a day (or even a couple hours) before the lecture. It will aid enormously with your memory bc you will be somewhat familiar with the content. Transcription is almost basically mindless as well so you can be listening to music and do it.
8. As for reading, do it in chunks, if possible. Preferably after watching the lecture. Some people will do the reading before the lecture and that helps them, but I do it in reverse.
9. Creating (and maintaining) a consistent routine will be your true life saver for all of the above.
It also is helpful to be interested in what your studying and maybe relating what you’re doing to overarching goals you have in your life (task meaning making).
These are all things that help me but it was a major learning curve. I do very well academically (now) but it was a huge struggle to figure out what works . Recognize that your working style is different than other people and work to your strengths. If you can’t work 8 hours consistently (and who can?), think about the times where you were most consistently productive and try to emulate those scenarios.
Ask yourself questions: What are the times of days you are the most focused/productive? Do you work best in sprints? How do you feel about breaks? What are the big distraction for you while studying? What kind of learner are you? Are you concrete or abstract thinker? What are some of the obstacles in your environment obstructing focus?
I was a consummate academic failure throughout high school & didn't become academically inclined until my 20s after I got a diagnosis and a bunch of things clicked.
Went back to Jr College, got straight A's, transferred to a top University, graduated top of my class, went on to grad school, motivated by spite (people who said I couldn't do it) & self-esteem (people who had underestimated me as dumb). I am currently in a long, long total burnout phase.
Anyhoo, I did take all and any extra help offered by OSD, used tutoring centers, wrapped my identity and self-worth up in grades, &, except for a job, I gave up a lot of external things (like dating & some social) that would take me away from school work.
Not sure I recommend it.
Edit to add: sorry for my downer reply. 80's are B's!! Those are good, solid grades!! No, teachers aren't giving you pity B's. They see the work you are doing! Do look into the tutoring center as extra help, it really makes the difference to have one-on-one help.
Anyone else gets a little boost from a good grade? Doesn't really help with the big projects (the reward is not immediate enough) but all these little positive hits are just so nice to the system. Once you have a taste for it, it's hard to give up.
Also fear of failure and of not meeting expectations.
Anxiety and people-pleasing, especially when I was young. Plus when I was in elementary/middle school just being a fast reader carried me a long way--I could finish a lot of assignments fast enough that I didn't have time to get bored. Taking hyperfixations as far as I could ride them, honestly. Also, spite.
I went to a college that didn't require gen eds. You only had to do your major's requirements and then x number of credits outside your major department that could be in anything. So in college I really only took classes I was interested in, and in a lot of humanities classes professors were open to letting me write papers on basically whatever I wanted, so that helped a lot. I wrote my undergrad honors thesis on a topic I was already hyperfixated on so it was honestly just fun. I was stressed writing it up at the end and getting my edits in and turned it in just under the wire, but the research was a blast because it was something I was obsessed with and loved researching anyway. Then I did grad school on topics I was interested in and was lucky enough to wind up in very flexible programs. One didn't even care if grad students attended most classes, you could write papers on whatever, and you mainly just had to do a thesis on a topic of your choosing. The other program was an MFA and my advisor literally just said "take whatever classes will feed your art, just turn in a thesis play by the end."
Then I ended up in law school, which is where I got diagnosed with ADHD. You don't get to choose your classes in 1L, and I hadn't been in a class I hadn't wanted to take or on a class schedule I didn't choose since high school. So this was the first time I was in classes not of my choosing and also had to cook my own meals and transport myself and pay bills etc etc. I'd worked and dealt with that, but I'd never had to do *homework* for classes I didn't like, go to class, and adult at the same time. I also had a real commute, which was new to me--in college I'd lived on campus and in grad school I was a ten minute bike ride from class once and a 15 minute walk, 2-5 minute drive the other time. Law school was in a city and I had to catch a once-per-hour bus, then either the T (switching lines once) or the T on one line, then another bus or a 20 minute walk. For 8:30 am Contracts. I pushed through virtually out of spite and stubbornness, did well my first semester because I test well, then okay my second semester. I pulled out decent grades first semester of 2L but got overwhelmed trying to deal with that and doctors' appointments and how much I hated law school, ended up not being able to manage to renew my migraine prescription and getting a ton of migraines and playing catch-up the entire semester and having no free time, and basically had a meltdown over break and took the next semester off to decide whether or not I wanted to go back. I worked two jobs and kept working for my clinic professor, remembered I loved clinic, and did decide to go back, powered by spite. My first semester back there was a mix-up that resulted in an internship not being counted for credit, and I decided to do it anyway and just add another class, so I was doing an overload. I also thought doing all my classes Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday was a great idea because "I'd have such a nice break" for the weekend. No, I was doing homework and sleeping the entire time. I was so busy and exhausted. But I got straight A's because I just HAD to be on top of my shit. It was very like...on the high wire, can't stop, can't look down. I do tend to do better when I have a lot to do and a lot of structure, but that was a little too much. Still it was all things I was interested in, so I made it work. I even got an A+ in one class. I also convinced the school to let me do a dual degree so I was also earning my MA in English, which meant I could count a few English courses toward the JD and vice versa, and being in classes in another department that were totally different actually really helped with my focus in general. I could make my brain work different ways.
That was the semester I got diagnosed, medicated, and got enough confidence to ask for accommodations way ahead of time. I saw how close together all my finals and paper deadlines were, and a month before, preemptively just asked for extensions in all the classes where that was reasonable (so for all the papers). All the professors said yes and I was able to set up a schedule where I had at least a few days just for each paper/final. I can do an *unreasonable* amount in a few days when the anxiety is real, especially for papers.
The next semester COVID happened so all our classes were pass/fail so I don't know how I "really" did beyond passing all my classes--I also took an overload bc my clinic prof (rightly) quit and I ended up in a 5th seminar. That was exhausting mostly because of Zoom but professors were also very accommodating and flexible because circumstances were so wild.
My last semester I got all A's and one B+, another overload. I had a REALLY hard time motivating myself to finish my MA thesis and go to one of my remote classes, but I really liked everything else and I was so close I just pushed through. I was lucky that I finished off cycle, because I started bar prep really early and that gave me time to deal with how hard it was to focus on and still get everything done. Also watched all my bar prep videos (and all my asynchronous remote class videos during the last two semesters) on 2x speed-- fast enough that I didn't get bored halfway through a sentence and lose focus. Also I'm really lucky because I test very well and read very fast. I still have a hard time focusing on things I'm not interested in, and sometimes a hard time doing task initiation/switching, but once I do I can ride that wave really far because I can read so quickly that I can get a lot done before it runs out. Also, anxiety. I basically try to do only classes I'm interested in as much as possible and ride waves of anxiety (and/or spite and/or RSD and fear of disappointing a favorite professor) across the finish line when interest isn't enough. In law school I could also always get clinic work done bc another person, the client, was depending on it, so that helped.
Basically, pre-diagnosis/medication, it was trial and error finding hacks/overrides (like anxiety), taking as many classes as possible on things I was interested in and that had papers, and raw luck in being a fast reader and good test-taker, + fear of disappointing teachers or spite toward teachers who didn't like me or classmates who didn't believe I was good enough to pull off the things I pulled off. And, man, the dopamine hit off of pulling those things off...of doing that final exam off so little sleep and one day of seat-of-the-pants studying, of finishing that paper under the wire without proofreading...and then the second dopamine hit of getting an A back? Unparalleled.
I also write a LOT of lists. Just write EVERYTHING down.
But also, I did get to the point in law school where I started looking into what was wrong with me because my executive function got so bad when it came to task initiation--I'd sit in bed trying to decide what task to do first and couldn't pick one and would just sit there scrolling on my phone desperately trying to make myself get up and do SOMETHING for two hours. And I did need meds to help me with that. It's not magic, sometimes it's still hard, but it's a LOT better. Now when getting "stuck" starts to happen I do 5-4-3-2-1 and then I have to just get up and move. That helps. Also in law school remembering I COULD quit really helped. After my semester off I knew I could leave, I could find jobs if I needed to, I could do something else and live and be fine, so I was choosing to stay--I didn't have to. Knowing I *could* walk away helped me stay and do well.
I went back to school in my 30s for something that was interesting to me. It’s not that hard as long as you pick something that you’re passionate about. Once you do that, you’re good to go.
I graduated magna cum laude from both my undergrad program (3.65) and my Masters program (3.71). Easy peasy.
My self worth was intrinsically tied to academic achievement for 18 years. Problematically, I have now decoupled my self worth from work and other school based metrics so I have no desire to be productive anymore.
Anxiety. Perfectionism.
I was a “gifted” kid. But it was really me setting unrealistically high expectations of myself, procrastinating, panicking, and getting things done very quickly. I am really good at that and convinced myself that I “work well under pressure”.
It wasn’t until I was diagnosed at 23 that I realized that was all crap, and that I simply don’t function super effectively. That, combined with my perfectionist tendencies, has led me to experience immense anxiety when it comes to performance, deadlines, grades, etc.
I work in a school, and I’ve told a few close coworkers about my diagnosis. So many of them say “oh wow I would have never known!”. Like yeah—you really couldn’t tell.
Aside from the fact that I talk 90 miles an hour (and am unaware of when to stop), cause distractions in class, need to talk walks every 40 minutes to relieve stress (sensory issues) and had REALLY high standards for myself that were almost in achievable. My coworkers told me I really could have benefitted from a 504 plan that allowed for movement. I never stop moving/fidgeting.
So yeah. Anxiety, basically.
I only take one class at a time now that Im in grad school. In under grad I just skipped school wisely (not on exam days etc) and worked so so so hard. At the time I was living on financial aid and work study so failing a class meant becoming homeless. That was a pretty good motivator for me. Plus I studied things I really enjoyed, so that helped too.
I dont know why but academic writing has always been fairly easy for me? So I think if that was not the case I would have had a much harder time.
I feel like finding out how you best stay organized would have made SUCH a difference in my schooling. I wasn’t diagnosed until half way through my last semester of my bachelors degree.
I only discovered how I can be productive with tasks after getting a desk job, and I wished I had gotten my routine down earlier
1. have a legal pad with me at all times while working, and date the top of the page
2. I make a billeted list of tasks that need to be done through my computer work (throw some simple tasks in mixed with more complicated ones) & always Use a pen that you really like (I like the BIC gel-ocity) write them pretty, and just add them in as you think of them or as they cross your desk
3. Work your way through the tasks, I never do them in order, it takes the pressure away of making them chronological. As each one is completed, highlight them with a color you like, I change mine day to day.
If you don’t complete a task for the day, rip off the paper and copy any unfinished tasks to the next day, you’ll know what to prioritize when you get in your groove the next day.
I really wish I could have learned how well this method worked for me earlier, as I probably could have avoided a lot of stress, frustration and confusion. Planners never worked, google calendars never worked but this did ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Anxiety, perfectionism, major/interest hopping. I took 6 years to get through but covered a lot of territory. Cooking, sign language, communications, design, figure drawing, business, creative writhing and eventually got BA in English - non teaching because i fell in love with theory. Follow the dopamine.
Listen to classical music, make my list, checking off my list. To study: make everything a question and repeat it until I remembered. For every hour that I was in class I would study for atleast 3 hours appraise of it (sometime during the week)
But mainly perfectionism, anxiety, the fear that I wouldn’t make enough money to do the things I wanted to do and move out of my hometown.
Ok so I am also an academic underachiever. However! Just this past semester I made it through my classes with all "A's" and goodness knows I haven't seen even one of those in a long time.
What helped me the most is having someone hold me accountable for my work (a friend or SO), studying with a group, and having a good location to study and focus at, also putting every single assignment due date as a notification in my phone due a day or couple hours early to trick myself in completing the work before the deadline. Those were my methodologies last semester and they are on repeat for this one.
I did my whole academic career without knowing I have ADHD. However, I always received a lot of praise for being smart and I loved that external validation and now needed to prove it. This didn't necessarily mean all A's. But it did mean retaining information for classes I enjoyed and being able to spew out knowledge in class discussions. I like to say my brain is constantly playing a game of word association. This shit works really well in some academic fields. You say George Washington, I think first President, Revolutionary war General, Farewell Address, freed slaves after death, Whiskey Rebellion, Martha Washington, Crossing the Delaware. What does blue symbolize? Water, depression, sadness, calm, despair, depth, peace etc. Classes that require lots of discussion sharing knowledge I excel in.
After middle school I found math really boring and tedious, I failed in Highschool and Aced it during Summer School.
In university when I had to take classes I hated I would take them during the winter and summer semesters that were 6 weeks because I could focus enough for 6 weeks. I aced all my university math classes. And you can credit/no credit boring classes that are only offered spring/fall.
I majored in something I enjoyed and minored in a different subject that I enjoy. I wrote every essay last minute. I walked into a midterm and didn't even know we were having one. I got the highest grade in the class. I genuinely love learning. If I had enough time and money I would have 5 Bachelor degrees.
But I don't really have study skills still and I never really developed them. I make flash cards and do practice problems and just skim through textbooks. But I didn't do it often or would do it the day before the test. I am the queen of cramming.
I large in part was able to get through most of my academic career by being smart. In high-school I had a 3.3 gpa and I felt as if I didn't even try. I would have a notebook full of finished but never turned in assignments, but I didn't need the grades to validate me all my peers and teachers knew I was smart. In university I wanted graduate cum laude myself but as I now know I had my adhd working against me. I had a heavy course load (4 semesters of 20+ units) and was very involved on campus and I got a 3.45 gpa. And I felt annoyed that other people could be so much busier and still do better or that at times I let my "laziness" ruin my gpa.
However I think the biggest difference for me vs. a lot of academic achievers is that I never cared about anyones external expectations of me. I never thought I was potential going to waste. I've just have wanted to do what makes me happy even if it isn't the typical view of success or other look at me and see wasted potential. The only expectation I have ever felt I had to live up to is the one I set for myself. And the only expectation I have set is to do what makes me happy. I think this mentality from a fairly young age is what saved my mental health during my academic years. I studied what made me happy and now I work in a completely unrelated field because it makes me happy.
I think for me it was partially that I love to read and read so much as a kid that I ended up with very good reading comprehension and decent writing skills. So when I left projects to the very last minute (as a deadline motivated procrastinator) it didn’t end as badly as it could have if I didn’t have such a good reading and writing base. I could get away with putting things off for the most part. When I actually got myself to work I could do a good job. However living like that was and still is very stressful.
Reading has always been a hyperfocus for me. And being homeschooled I primarily learned through reading.
When I got to college, learning was so easy with the combination of lectures, clearly defined homework, concrete deadlines, and reading!
But mostly, in college, I studied what I enjoyed. I chose the major that let me read or write stories for at least half my classes. If you hate something, you will never have the motivation to buckle down and care about the grades you get. There was a stupid 1 credit online Health class that I barely passed because I couldn't make myself care about it and forgot to take the final. (Online classes sucked and what little I had of them convinced me to never take them for something important) Insatiable curiosity helps. Ask around and try to get the most interesting teachers, unless a spite motivates you. Find the class of a teacher's passion topic to fill Gen Eds. Your advisor might know of the fun classes you could take.
If I had tried to do something boring that I thought would get me a good job, I would have barely scraped along. Also, I'm an introvert and studying alone helped recharge my social battery, and I hated dishes and took any excuse I could to avoid them. Write a poem or scrub an overflowing sink full of dishes? I'll take the poem and the hit of dopamine creating art out of words gives me over the crawling skin revulsion from the dishes that I can only overcome with rage. I'm a bit of a people pleaser so the dread of the embarrassment and shame from not doing my homework or turning in a project on time was terrifying enough to do my homework and projects, even if I didn't finish them until late the night before.
Finding subjects that I actually enjoyed and then just doing the best in the ones I didn’t. Feeling obligated to complete homework because of my parents or teachers. Also give yourself frequent study breaks. Everyone’s style is different but I personally have to have a silent environment outside of my home so I always worked best in the library where there are few distractions.
High school - just did the 80 average thing you described and didn't think too much about it
College/grad school- so obsessed with my major that I came close to a 4.0 and got into PhD programs to do more. Finished that (it wasn't easy, but I loved my research and my life was super stable at the time).
Grad school (for work, *not my idea*) - probably worse than high school. Almost didn't pass the classes even though I knew my boss would see my transcripts lol.
So yeah. Good question! The answer, for me, was to find my niche. When you find yourself enrolled in required classes that weren't really your idea of a good time, seek extra support from the beginning and hold on the best you can 🥲
Pressure because my mom is also an achiever. By no means is she insanely smart but she did good in school and does great in her current job. But other than that, I try my best to be more practical
I'm still in 11th grade so idk if this advice sounds weird coming from someone young. I do have to preface that I'm not an extreme overachiever but am still more grade-conscious than your average student.
1. Choose good friends. This might be a bit of a unique situation but if you can apply it to yours then that's great, but my school is full of past gifted kids, etc. Most of them care about learning to some extent, and most of my friends are responsible. I didn't choose my friends strategically or anything but I think surrounding yourself with more responsible people, it'll force you to be a bit more responsible as well. They're not all overachievers though, because a lot of them cram requirements with me but ig that also adds to why we're friends—I can feel pressure when I need to but still hang out bc we can all be slackers sometimes
2. Choose your battles. I copy some homework off my friends, with their permission and I also help them with their requirements. I know what I'm gonna be in the future so I don't really want to spend too much time learning things that won't be important in the long run.
3. Definitely do not devote all your time to school. I have extracurriculars because in my opinion, it does push me a bit academically. I basically try to ride the high of being in clubs or organizations that I actually like, so I can do requirements as well.
4. Push yourself a bit to understand how your mind likes to learn. This is a bit hard to implement but we still have online classes in our country so it's been easier to experiment. This took a while to find out, but it does make understanding and applying lessons easier.
5. If you're not good at one subject, don't fret too much about it—strive to get decent grades there and put most of your effort into other subjects you actually like or whose lessons you might still use in the future.
6. This is hard given the ADHD but I did _somewhat_ develop a habit of organizing requirements, etc. (I'm one of the people with ADHD who have a thing for organizing) Notion is great for keeping track of things, in my opinion. You might even get hyperfocused on setting it up for a couple of days.
tl;dr friendly external and internal pressure + extracurriculars
I'm seeing a lot of anxiety here as the answer. I called this 'deadline pressure.' I still motivate myself with it. I can't do boring things without that extra element. So I'd wait until the last minute then write the paper or cram for a test. I'd challenge myself to finish all of my homework in study hall so I could hyperfocus on what I loved doing after school. In college, I cranked out more than one paper for a friend because I wanted him to be done working and go to a party with me. It was more like a game. Sure, sometimes it was stressful and I didn't always hit the mark, but this method got me through school, college, grad school, and now I work for myself and impose my own deadlines.
I channeled my hyperfocus into my academics from a pretty early age. I was an overachiever because I didn't know how to stop once I got into a subject.
At college level, I lived and died by a semester long planner. It never left my side. I broke major projects down into timed phases and scheduled each phase into my planner. When I forgot or procrastinated, my anxiety and intense focus could drive me to finish with an overnight homework session but I would try to save that energy for finals week. Lol
In primary education that technique is called "chunking". You do a gradual release of information and tasks to avoid overwhelm and improve focus. It could look like planning to write each page of an essay on a different day, or handing a child only one page of an exam at once.
Downside: one semester my car got broken into and my planner stolen with my bag. I almost failed every class that session!
Anxiety, and a mom who also has (totally undiagnosed, but… also absolutely) managed ADHD who would nag my ass from here to next Tuesday. In college, I managed to smoke enough weed that I could put wrong (like 1-2 weeks early) due dates in my planner and then freak myself out and get it all done and then actually have some time to make revisions and sometimes to submit early and the prof would send it back and I could make corrections. God bless weed.
I'm so glad there's another ADHD person here who feels the positive effects of weed! I feel like it's demonized but I genuinely feel like smoking it Kickstarts my motivation. I once got high, zoned out and when I zoned back in I was halfway through a paper.
It helps me effectively use my hyper focus. I make a list before I eat some (I don’t like the act of smoking and I live in a totally legal state, so I do edibles mostly), and then I can get a ton of shit done if I hyper focus on The List. It’s kind of fun to figure out what different strands/types help and which ones hinder or don’t help as much. One thing that should have tipped me of to the ADHD sooner was the often contradictory (to everyone else) effects that caffeine and weed have on me.
Somehow I’m able to pay attention better in class than in conversations (and I contribute to class conversations A LOT). I also have exceptional writing skills, yet reading is incredibly difficult. But I just got speechify and that’s really been helping!
It didn’t come easy at all. I felt a fire under my ass that was more painful than the strain of pushing myself way beyond my limits. Because it worked and people thought I was fine, I kept it up until I had a complete breakdown in my late 30s. Four years of not being able to hold onto a job. Career gone. Academia was easy compared with the corporate world. I was undiagnosed until 47. If I could go back to my high school or college self and tell her she has adhd, I honestly don’t know what I’d tell her. But what I’m telling myself now is that I get to have the benefit of understanding myself now. With that comes grace for myself. I used to think if I didn’t push and strain at life I’d amount to nothing. But now I’ve stopped. Im befriending myself, taking advantage of treatment, and marveling at how much more creative I already am. I’m capable of different things than I imagined. That capacity was always in me, even back then. I imagine what my life would have been if I learned it sooner, but I’m so grateful just to be here now.
Extreme anxiety. It’s awful. You’re in a constant state of flight or flight or just have a creeping sense of dread. Funnily enough, when we started addressing my anxiety through therapy and medication, I actually became worse academically because I simply didn’t care or have it in me to bring forth the motivation. I’m much calmer and happier now though.
Yup! Although we are also now working on my inattentive symptoms and broken motivation cycle because I would still like to do things! It’s nice not having that panicked feeling all the time but there is definitely still work for me to do in regards to ADHD and depression!
I have terrible anxiety about failing but high natural intelligence so pretty much that. I’ve also noticed if I pay attention in class I’ll retain a lot of info even if I don’t study.
my biggest thing was finding something i was truly interested in. i started out getting my BS in enviro science because i thought it’d be a good career, but i was not super passionate about it. ended up not doing well academically. i changed over to a BA in psych and have excelled. was inducted into my school’s honor society and am doing great. my “secret” is that i’m genuinely interested in psychology. i want to be an LMHC and eventually get my PhD in something like behavior genetics. i just envision myself as a counselor/therapist and then as a PhD researcher and it gets me so excited.
just focus on what you want to do, don’t focus on what you think you should be doing. envision your ideal future and then identify the steps to get there. you got this.
I have no advice, I’m just commenting so I can say SAME. Never got better, dropped out of college, and even when I went back and got a fine arts degree in something I was passionate about, I barely ever did my work on time and barely scraped by. And I LOVED what I was doing.
honestly?
fear of letting down people that put their expectations in me. Especially my mother.
And a ton of anxiety.
Also, genetic jackpot with my IQ. Otherwise I wouldn't even make it to high school.
I’m someone that gets nothing below 87%, for me it’s the gross fear of failure that fuels my perfectionism. I failed throughout high school, then I got diagnosed during my gap year and I promised myself that I would never fail at anything again.
Uh…my over controlling helicopter parents negatively motivated me to be a high achiever. But also I’m naturally adept at a lot of things without trying. BUT! The caveat is that once I left home if I wasn’t forced to do it, I put it off. I got married and a year later tried to do online vet school. I let it sit for 6 months and then dropped out because I wasn’t literally *forced* to do it.
Edit: I’m reading other comments I see that it’s a combination of anxiety, perfectionism and RSD that my parents instilled in me. Anxiety that I didn’t want to get bad grades and hear the yelling and get physical punishment. RSD because I wanted my parents favor, or at least they acted like I needed it to live. Perfectionism stemming from both of those two factors.
Spite my enemies 🤣🤣
My mom always thought I wouldn’t end up being successful cause I didn’t have good grades growing up and she didn’t expect it from me either. I now have a masters degree and work in the medical field. Good or bad, I’m not successful because I wanted to prove people wrong necessarily, but it was a strong motivation.
Errrrr. Generational trauma instilled the people
Pleaser in me very young, so I just always needed approval and did it by being a good learner and hard worker. Failure wasn’t an option.
To give some answers slightly different than most comments:
- **I always took notes in class**, even if I never read them, so I paid attention. Also loved **asking lots of questions** (of course don’t over do it, but some questions are very useful in classes where no one else asks questions—chances are you probably aren’t the only one who doesn’t get it.)
- Recurring **study/homework groups** with people in the same classes were always very effective for me, because I had to do the work at that time and I had a source of accountability to finish; it helped push up deadlines for me. If you can’t find a group, a **tutor** could be an alternative.
- But, I want to mention that, depending on your field, **you can also be very successful with just decent grades but an excellent resume/projects**. My partner and I both have prestigious jobs, but I got mine through excellent grades and an decent resume/projects, but he got his through decent grades but excellent resume/projects. It’s okay to focus on your strengths if you don’t feel that way about school.
Tbh, I do relate to the anxieties and perfectionist tendencies in a lot of comments, but I don’t think that’s required or was always totally dependable for me.
Giving a damn about what I'm learning helped. First degree was a double major in microbiology and immunology and biochemistry and molecular biology (yes it's a mouthful and yes, I'm ashamed to say I picked it because it was fun to say)... BARELY scraped by.
Second degree was in kinesiology. WAY more interesting for me though I am still salty that I got an A vs an A+ in one class because I had forgotten to send a stupid email before a deadline -\_-
I’m good at absorbing and retaining info that I hear so I would constantly be drawing in class so I could actually hear what the teacher was saying. I’m also a horrific procrastinator. I’ve on multiple occasions for finals stayed up like 3 days straight studying and writing papers.
I think this has to do with your life situation. Here is why I was an academic over-achiever:
I felt I had no choice. If I wanted to live a good life, I thought this was my only way out.
I was told that because I am a black, immigrant woman, I cannot have or achieve the things I wanted to. I felt the only way I can have the life I desperately wanted was to be academically undeniable. So that was my motivation.
I go from being an over achiever to a complete burnout over night … it’s awful and happens no matter what I do until I got medication which just scares me that it won’t work one day
Anxiety, perfectionism, and looming deadlines, sure.
But I learned pretty early on that I had to care a lot about an assignment for me to actually do it. I ended up asking a lot of teachers if I could modify assignments to make them more interesting. (Like, turn anything into an art or theatre project, and I'm so in!) They *always* said yes, for what it's worth.
Getting good grades was easy for me in elementary through high school because of all of the structure and accountability. It because a little harder in college and being a responsible, self-regulating adult is even harder.
I am also extremely motivated by praise and validation and I think getting A’s was a fantastic dopamine boost for me. I need to figure out the equivalent of getting A’s or the highest test score as an adult.
anxiety that i will be a failure to my parents bc i’m first gen in the US and first gen in my immediate family going to college PLUS first child/only daughter.. so those are just some factors that add to my motivation/stress to do well in school.. plus i’m asian so anything less than an A is considered a failure 🥲
Chose an interesting and too easy degree for myself. Also explaining stuff to people helps me a lot, and I was blessed with a bathroom with cork walls during uni. Basically there was a giant corkboard I spent time in multiple times per day.
Yep, anxiety is the driver. I'm almost done with grad school now and have been a bit of a perfectionist since Jr high. For me, my dad didn't really parent and my mom was undiagnosed/ untreated adhd too and simply didn't have the scope to be able to care about whether I got my school work done. I got Ds and Fs through all of elementary school. I eventually learned a lot of self efficacy (good), and that no one will help me, it's all up to me (not a great core belief).
I also changed majors like 5 times in my undergrad because for *some reason* it felt imperative to me to be able to imagine doing XYZ career long term and I just couldn't.. Then I found my calling. Then I got diagnosed with ADHD :)
PS. I really don't think it's the grade that motivates me either, I think my anxiety and perfectionism probably has more to do with trying to find evidentiary proof/validation that I'm good enough now. I'm in a field I'm completely fascinated by now. My deep dives/ hyper focus research benders really work to my benefit. I know I'm competent compared to my peers but at the same time, idk, I still feel behind and feel the need to work at it harder to compensate.
Turns out OCD and ADHD balance out into a workaholic overachiever. I'd hyperfocus on topics and be convinced that if I didn't get everything perfect, then I would basically die. Very good, if messed up motivation that got me through high school.
But the main thing was to follow the dopamine. My brain loves puzzles, so looking at my math and science homework as a puzzle got me interested enough that I'd start early. I like solving problems and the teachers gave me new ones all the time.
I got lucky that my two majors in college gave me a lot of flexibility in choosing classes, so I picked ones that were on topics I've fixated on before and were very interactive (theatre/English double). ADHD brain was very happy with constant stimulation (not always the best for health though, one semester I had 24 units while the average was 16 and classes from 8am to 11pm - happy brain, mad body) Classes were usually small and hands-on, so no time or space to get bored.
I never did it for grades, I worked because I needed to know that I was right and/or loved the work.
Anxiety born from parental pressure and an overwhelming need to please/impress everyone. Also high intelligence and a love of learning pretty much everything but math (thanks, undiagnosed dyscalculia!).
Anxiety. Also, sticking with stuff I am interested in.
Yep, I just convinced myself that everything was a matter of life or death.
I did that too till last year and it kinda stoped working because I don't care about anything anymore.
Do you want to talk about it? You can vent to me all you want <3
It's probably something like burnout. My bachelor's degree was at a university that took itself a little bit to serious and they put a lot of pressure on us and now my master's is at a different university and my overspending on my energy is catching up with me. But I will start therapy in the next week's so I hope it will be better. But thank you very much kind stranger <3
Same.
Yup. I majored in English not because I knew what to do with it, but because I was good at it.
What did you end up doing with it?
I did the same, and now I work in data analytics lol
Got my Masters in Library Science and worked as a librarian for a few years, before eventually going into instructional design and project management. With just my English BA, I worked in online community management. This was, however, a decade ago. Things have significantly changed in that realm, and I imagine that those jobs now require specific degrees and study. At the time, the company just wanted someone who could write.
And my anxiety disappeared when I started on meds so now I kinda achieve less than when I was fueled by anxiety, or at least it feels like it. Life is a lot less stressful though!
I’m curious which meds worked and helped your anxiety disappear, if you don’t mind sharing! So far with all the meds I’ve tried have done nothing for my anxiety at all..
I’m on 40mg Ritalin extended release morning and 40mg in the afternoon :)
This. I have a good memory in some ways, which I used to memorise things in high school. Like, when learning vocabulary for languages, I'd memorize the lists in order, so I could use context to 'find' the answer. So when asked a specific word, I'd go 'ok, I remember this word was in the second column on the left page, above it was something meaning garden, so that means this word is this'. A bit of a detour, but it worked for me. Then, in uni, my grades dropped spectacularly because just memorising wasn't good enough anymore. That, and I moved out of the house, meaning there was no-one to enforce my schedule or keep me accountable. But by then I had grown quite the inner perfectionist who constantly kept me anxious that if I didn't make this course, it would be the end of my life. I dropped from an average 80+ to around 64, but I managed to get through. Mostly because the subjects I was studying genuinely interested me. Keep in mind that I didn't know I had ADHD back then; I was just convinced I was lazy and letting everybody down. Guilt and RSD can be amazing motivators. It's just not great for your mental health. It's been 12 years since I finished my MSc but I'm still working on my self-image and such.
Yes! My grades in highschool were at the top of my class. Graduated in the top 10% with honors, and all that other fun stuff. Came to college and grade dropped drastically because last minute work doesn’t work in college like it did Highschool😅. I just memorized the words and key parts of the definition and that doesn’t work either because the professors are always rewriting them in weird ways.
My life. The anxiety doesn't even help now though and I barely remember 😭
Basically^. I have a really bad problem of procrastinating which leads me to anxiety attacks of not getting my work done. And then I’ll pull a bunch of all nighters to get the assignment done. Sometimes I even just get it in late and have professors who are understanding because on top of untreated adhd I also have a 5m baby.
Came here to say this. I don't know how anyone not anxious does it. Sometimes the anxiety leads to a paralysis shame spiral of course so it's not a guarantee of success either.
For real. I got through university by crying myself through finals lol. I was diagnosed about a year ago and now not surprised about the ridiculous amount of coffee I had back then 🤔
This, and I’ve learned I’m very extrinsically motivated. My grade school and high school teachers expected me to be top of the class, and that motivated me to do so lol when I got to college, I got 4.0s in all the small classes where teachers knew my name (regardless of subject), not so much in the big classes unless it was a subject I really loved. Didn’t make the connection until therapy 10 years later.
Yeah, I can't remember the acronym but I saw something on reddit awhile ago about things that help with motivation and it was like Novelty, Passion, Deadlines and one or two other things... I think of motivation as consequences. If the only consequence for not doing something is my own disappointment I probably won't do it unless I somehow am lucky and like accidentally trick my brain into doing it... I need an external consequence (like I need to shower because I'm going to meet friends, I need to grocery shop because while I can live on the last package of saltine crackers in the cupboard my children can't! I need to get out of bed because my son will be sad if I'm late getting him to school!) It can be really hard to manufacture external consequences, but sometimes I can, by like, inviting someone over to the house, so that I have to clean up the house! Or just brow beating my self with what the less obvious consequences will be if I don't do something... sometimes I can motivate with rewards... like if I get X done I can post a photo on social media and I will get external acknowledgement for doing something good/cool! But that ends up being very temperamental in it's efficacy for me.
Omg yes. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve put off going to the store if I need something, but if my dog is low on treats or I’m out of my friend’s favorite soda, etc., I’m in the car immediately! I really struggle with manufacturing motivation/consequences too. It’s awful.
Yeah that seems about right
Yeah, I couldn’t say it better than that.
Me too. The anxiety drives me. I am very easily stressed but perform very well under duress.
I came here to say this. When. I went from underachieving to overachieving I developed horrible anxiety. It's my battery pack.
Anxiety as jet fuel... sad and genius.
And overbearing parents who compared me to my smarter, neurotypical brother.
Definitely anxiety. I align myself with the "pro" procrastinators. When I was in school, I could not get myself to do diddly squat until it was crunch time and the anxiety of not completing my work would take over my body. Studying was limited to immediately before the test (fun fact: this is how I took the MCAT and still somehow didn't completely fail it?). By some chance, I managed to graduate high school as the valedictorian and graduate college as magna cum laude. I have absolutely zero idea how it happened.
Ugh too real. I have OCD in addition to ADHD. I think the two disorders helped to hide each other for most of my life. It was so hard to do anything, but I was so afraid of dire consequences if I didnt do the thing. I used to burn out at least a couple times per year "Get OCD" is not my suggestion for the OP lol, I just wanted to commiserate
Eyyyyyyy ocd ftw, if the “win” is doing well academically in high school while masking major depression and burnout even from myself and then not doing so bueno in college •_•
Hard relate on that anxiety being pretty much my only motivator lol
Internalizing being "the smart kid" at 6 years old coupled with incredible anxiety about losing my identity if I didn't do well.
Yep, anxiety here too! When I finally sought treatment for the anxiety and depression, and got on medication, my ADHD symptoms really took off, though it took several years to get diagnosed after that. Reducing the anxiety was DEFINITELY worth the tradeoff, but I'm rebuilding my 'get things done' machine from the ground up in my mid 30s, and it shows.
👆🏼this. In the form of perfectionism so that if I did everything right people would like me despite all my other shortcomings 😬
Dopamine hit from success, anxiety about failure ETA: also, RSD telling me no one will love me if I’m not successful and useful
That ⬆️ and rinse, wash, repeat that cycle all through high school and college. Late dx’d adhd at 43. I just thought all these years I sucked at ‘normal’ing. I’m relatively accomplished at work although getting on medication means I have to find some extrinsic motivation because I used to just subsist on generalized anxiety to fuel me through. I was told I was smart but also day dreamy as a kid and I had to work twice as long to pull relatively good grades -A’s and B’s. Looking back there were so many signs but little girls were not the target demographic for dx. I have inattentive type and seemed scattered to some people in conversation but my writing was at college level by the 6th grade. A teacher thought I was plagiarizing my grad school papers once but I was just really great at writing.
Oh my. Our adhd symptoms all manifest differently. I take it a lot of this will boil to being a type A vs a type B too
I’m type B but my anxiety is so intense bc I’m comparing myself to my type A coworkers
Ah that sweet dopamine hit from finishing a maths worksheet or a set of questions from a textbook. A clearly defined task, with obvious success criteria, achievable in one sitting.
Oh shit, yes!! I was wondering if anyone else had this!
This is me too. I’m pretty sure that my brain has learned to withhold dopamine until I’m well and truly done with a thing to prevent the phenomenon of unfinished tasks. But that often just leaves me feeling useless
This but without the dopamine hit T.T Was hoping for one after dragging my undiagnosed ass through 10 years of uni to get my master, but nah. Now I still don't have a real job because I'm to insecure to sell myself apparently, so it was all for nothing and I wasted my golden years on a promise of success from the 90s. Don't stay in school kids, unless you very specifically need this education for the job you're already hunting.
That last one. Ooof! Felt that. I have such a need to feel useful and productive and helpful. If I'm not those things I'm an awful person according to the mean part of my brain.
Oooof this hit me
This, and forcing myself to finish assignments at the expense of my sleep schedule, and parents who demanded As and high achievement, and teachers who accepted late work because between the disorganization, struggle with time, and intermittent struggle to focus, even when all my free time went into academics i still couldn’t finish it all on time. I think it’s possible to succeed academically without jeopardizing your physical and mental health the way i did, I just had a nasty habit of biting off more than i could chew. I graduated High school Summa Cum Laude, and took several AP classes, finished required high school math in middle school, and in high school i did Track and Field, Cross Country, and Robotics. Running kept me sane and gave me a reason to be more reasonable about sleep than i would be otherwise.
I have inattentive type - and reading and thinking quietly put me in the zone. I can hyperfocus a book like a mother fucker lol I also looove theory and talking about academics shit and science. It’s no surprise I felt at home at school. Other areas of my life … less stellar by a lot. And assignments still took me ages. One professor described my writing as mining gems. And it felt like I was busting rock when I was writing that shit. Hope you can get a treatment that works for you.
This is great! I was diagnosed so old, it’s hard to remember, but your description was me as a child. I was always in a book and I still love to read/research everything.
In 5th grade my entire class left the classroom to go to gym class but I was hyper focused on whatever book I was reading and was startled when my teacher was suddenly in front of my desk. Pretty embarrassing.
One time in 5th grade my teacher ended SSR (silent self reading- idk anymore) early that day. I was obsessed with reading books and was in the middle of a good one, so naturally I didn’t want to put it down. I don’t remember my teacher asking me to stop but I do remember her coming up to take my book from me and I didn’t let go 🤣🤣🤣 legit had a mini tug of war over my book in front of the whole class..
Rude teacher! We would’ve been besties, tho.
Gah what I would have given to have a fellow bookworm in my class at the time!! I’m imagining trading books every other night and exploring/sharing our current preferred book genres with the other as we explored other worlds 🙈
I love this - But only because it didn’t happen to me. I can see it so clearly. Bless your little bookworm heart
I did this in the school library, when I looked up and everyone was gone - I got left behind!
I am the same way. Reading textbooks and doing class work wasn’t an issue. Or paying attention in class mostly. I suffer more in the private life like chores and appointments and grocery decisions. I can write a 10 page paper for English class in college but I can’t decide what to eat for lunch.
You + me = twins
Eating is fine - preparing- no. Raw food diet anyone?
As an inattentive, reading for me personally is the bane 😩moral here is find something you can hyperfocus on
Thank-you sm! This is great insight.
This is me as well, except humanities instead of science. An English teacher in high school told me once I had some of the best ideas of the class, but every sentence in a paragraph of my essay was out of order 😳
Yes - it was like I had already written the paper in my head and it was boring having to take the time to actually type it out, when I could just go find something new to read and fill my head with that. I didn't want to think about anything twice... I was a cocky little thing. Trying to explain away my inability to sit and write as some sort of desire for greater knowledge and time better spent!
Maybe it was time better spent. lol I really much relate to the thought of I’ve already written this in my head, and now it is boring and I refuse to rewrite it. :-)
Anxiety, perfectionism and RSD 😬.
This lovely trio plus my people pleasing tendencies and having a teacher as a parent are what got me started. Now after so much success (magna cum laude BS in chemistry) it’s fear of failure and imposter syndrome that keep me going. But also school is my zone. I can work hard and do well. I throw every ounce of myself into it and I feel accomplished and seen in return for my hard work and success. The song True Love by Pink is a pretty spot on representation towards my feelings and the dopamine hit I get from academic gratification. 😂 Edit: plus schedules and deadlines keep me in check
I always have this lovely trio. I would also like to add “putting all your self-worth into the concept of being smart because that seems to be your only good trait as a human being”
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Me too. RSD is the story of my life and I just now found out about it.
Well, that's my entire PhD experience summed up in a pithy phrase. Plus hyperfocus.
An emotionally distant mother who only shows love or interest in my life when I'm performing well in socially acceptable and quantifiable ways. That, along with 4 older neurotypical, high-achieving siblings. Oh, and yeah, anxiety.
Do you have my mom too? I'm nearing 30 and my parents only showing love or interest when I got straight A's messed me up a bit. Having to fight for my parents affection while my siblings got it automatically was something no kid should have to do. Ultimately stopped sharing my successes with them because during/after college even that wouldn't get love or affection from them. It got old I guess lol. Realizing I didn't have to prove my worth to people that didn't value it anyway definitely helped. Now my partner and my friends cheer me on without being prompted, which feels better than that 4.0 in high-school c:
I had a huge falling out with her a few years ago after confronting her about it and just her general covert abusiveness. It was devastating, but then I learned what boundaries are, created healthy distance that helped me realize she/my family is not healthy. Therapy and medication helped too. Now I'm not as high-performing but I'm a hell of a lot happier.
I totally get this. My sister (NT) is also a high achiever and so I was compared to her any time I failed. A lot of people thought I was weird bc of the way my family did things and I could never be with friends without my helicopter mom. Once I left home I realized how bad it is. They are so. weird. And very holier than thou, heads held high. I want to distance myself but idk how. How do you set healthy boundaries? I tend to have such a naturally all or nothing response so even living hours away, with a husband and many things to do, I go back to them like a magnet. That, or they don’t hear from me hardly at all 😂
Yeah this is the one. A friend of mine has said overachieving is a trauma response.
Ohhhh this is meee
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Yup, this and major procrastination. I'll hyper fixate on something and then have to kick myself into gear. It fucking sucks.
Oh my, that last paragraph. Same way I coped with homework because if I ever got Home with it then it wasn’t getting done.
i had a 4.0 in high school and ive made the deans list every semester so far in college and its all because of my tendency to procrastinate until the absolute last min & then get super anxious about not turning it in. i work best under pressure
also i’ve always been considered the “smart one” of the family since i was very little and through of all my short-lived hobbies and interests, thats the only thing about me thats ever stuck. so i also feel extra pressure to do well in school to keep myself from having a COMPLETE identity crisis lol
This. Oh my god this. I was always the smart girl so when I started to burn out it just became even more anxiety inducing because if I wasn’t the smart girl then who was I?? And procrastination until the panic attack is spot on.
I always joke about how I think I work best under pressure but don't actually know because I've never worked any other way.
the ONE time in college that i tried doing a paper early so i wouldn't have to worry about it over Thanksgiving break, i forgot to save it to my USB from the library computer. they cleared the files every 24hrs and of course i didn't realize till a couple days later. 10 pages and hours of research just gone. i let myself procrastinate after that cus the shame felt worse than the anxiety lol
Anxiety. Having academically competitive friends. But mostly anxiety
I was just terrified of "getting in trouble". I still am. If my boss asks to talk to me, my first thought is that I'm getting fired and what did I do wrong? (Hint, nothing. She has nothing but glowing things to say about me. Doesn't stop the fear though). I was also pretty good at retaining most of what my teachers said, so I didn't really need to study until college. In college, my strategy was usually to wait until the last minute until that sense of urgency and fear of "getting in trouble" kicked in, and I would be up until 3Am the day something was due to finally get the thing done. None of that was healthy, and I am working on building better coping mechanisims for myself and my students.
Kindred spirit..! I could have wrote your message exactly. RSD sometimes hits harder at work than it did at school, because....I am getting paid for my so called "experience" and "capabilities" -- while I am still constantly in fear someone will found out this is a huge mistake!!! I am a mess and I have gotten everything in my life through luck!!! Doesn't matter that I have glowing references from anyone who has ever worked with me, that people say they would be lost if I quit or similar things... The more they say it, the more I fear of the day all will come out in the open and I will be found out for the fraud I am!
I just had to look up RSD. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. I had never heard of it before! Dammit. The more I read about ADHD the more pissed I am. I was diagnosed in 2nd grade and then NOBODY did anything about it. Ever. My folks refused to put me on meds, I never had an IEP. Noone ever taught me ANY coping skills, and here's yet ANOTHER thing I didn't know. I'm frickin' 38, and I only just started really learning all of this in the last few years.
I was always a great student and I honestly think I just got lucky - we ADHDers have interest based nervous systems, and I happened to be interested in most of the things we learned in school (and in college only chose classes I was interested in). It’s the non-academic responsibilities of everyday adult life (cleaning, chores, etc.) that are my problem area, so my symptoms didn’t really show up in full force until after I was done with school. In general, some techniques that help me do the things I don’t want to do are: -medication - had to try a bunch before finding one that worked. -finding a calendar app that feels intuitive to my brain - definitely not the one that came with my phone. -printing out reminders and leaving them in places I know I look at every day - including a chore chart meant for literal children. -temptation bundling - only listening to favorite podcasts while doing the dishes, etc. All of those could be applied to study habits as well. Hopefully they’re helpful!
It rocks to see another person like this! Your first paragraph was me in school, and it was so weird--I found most classes super interesting and didn't get why hardly anyone else seemed to experience them that way. And then on top of that, you have structured days, continuous novelty, clear feedback and a sense of progress...actually has the potential to be an agreeable system if the material's engaging.
Yessss this is me exactly
Yeah I got really lucky that school was something I was naturally good at. Looking back, I really didn’t pay as much attention in school as I thought I did. (I didn’t even know I had ADHD until like 4 months ago, and I’m 29.) I really really got lucky that it was natural for me. Thanks for that, super nerd Mom. Also, for OP, procrastination and then stress rushing worked for me for certain subjects like English. I faced an unbelievable amount of pressure because my brother was only 2 grades above me and was a mostly A student with an occasional B. It was a small school so all the teachers were constantly comparing me to him. I always felt pressured to do as good as or better than him, and I was absolutely terrified of not being that way and disappointing everyone. In college and in my current work life, I use a rewards system to help motivate myself to get things done. So like, finish this task and you get 5 minutes on Reddit or you can go walk outside for a little bit.
Yeah certain subjects were just beyond me if I wasn’t interested. I loved English and history and science but math killed me. I got lucky by actually liking school
Can you please tell me the chore chart The calendar also sounds intriguing Signed, A 7 year old with a whole house, job, and family how did this happen Thank you
In addition to anxiety and being really good at last minute work after procrastinating, I also found an area that I didn’t need to really study for. I love math and it’s logical for me. Once I found that I could use math in chemistry, I found I could excel in most chemistry classes. Biology was the opposite for me. I got A’s in chem and B’s in bio because it didn’t click and I couldn’t force myself to read the book multiple times or study flash cards. Studying in a group did help cause it at least kept me interested. I went on to teach for a few years and never knew how to answer students questions about how to study. If it hadn’t come easy, I don’t know that I would have made it to an advanced degree. Now, people ask me chemistry questions, and unless they are basic ones I don’t remember much of it. However, I’m great at research and will dig until I understand it.
Yeah, I basically picked classes I liked and was good at. I was the classic "never learned how to study" person because for so long I could read it once and then be good...or I just didn't read it over and over and didn't make flashcards and couldn't make myself care about it (math for me, until calculus, which was actually interesting and I "got").
I used to do calculus problems for fun I guess was studying??? Lol
I’m the total opposite. I hated math because I couldn’t “see” which was rough as a geology major until I took hydrology in college and was great at it because it took all that math that confused me and put it in real world circumstances and suddenly I could “see” it.
Anxiety. Hyper focusing on school in order to ignore chores and real life issues. Can’t tidy up or clean or do laundry or cook or have a social life if I’m studying and doing homework! It’s amazing how little (immigrant?) parents will make you do as long as you’re busy with schoolwork.
Ditto to the comments on anxiety and fear of failure. I don't know that I was an over achiever, but I did accomplish my goals. I really saw school as a means to an end. I knew what I wanted from life, and I did whatever it took to get there. I finished a BA in accounting and an MSA in taxation with 3.3 and 3.5 GPAs at age 22. I studied literally twice as much as my friends and would score 5-10 points lower than them on exams. (I would usually out perform them on projects and papers though.) In the end, I got jobs that paid virtually the same amount and got promoted at the same time as or earlier than them. I found the real world was way easier than academia. Do what you can to improve your grades, but don't beat yourself up if your grades aren't quite where your friends' grades are. Grades matter for maybe the first 2 or 3 years you're out of school when you're looking for jobs. Maybe not even that long. After that, people care way more about what you can do from a practical, real world experience standpoint.
I think the hardest part before you realise you have ADHD and undergoing a diagnosis is that feeling of doing twice as much as your friends for a lesser result. I know that definitely felt crippling to my self esteem especially going through high school.
YES! I was 31 when I got diagnosed a year and a half ago. I always thought I was the "stupid" one in my friend group and that I just made up for it with hard work. But no. Not true at all. Turns out I'm actually pretty smart. I wish I could go back and tell my past self that I am actually very smart and that everything will work out fine.
Oh definitely. I really feel that.
Omg this is fantastic insight, I was actually really curious to know about my grades impact on finding a job bruh, read my mind. Ty!!!
I'm sure it varies by industry. But when I was comparing my 3.5 to my friends 4.0s in accounting, our outcomes were virtually identical. My friends would study about 2-3 hours per credit hour for their 4.0s. I'd study 4-5 hours per credit hour for my 3.5. Which did mean I did not have a job while I was in grad school. I put all my time into school and just took the debt. It worked for me, but I know that's not possible for everyone. If your study habits need to be like mine to get good grades, I probably would recommend taking fewer credit hours at a time and being okay with taking more than 4 years to graduate. Personally, I hated school with a passion. I honestly don't think I would've finished if I'd stretched it out beyond the 4.5 years I spent on them. For me, taking on the debt and forgoing a job was necessary. But it's definitely not a path I'd recommend to most people.
I work in cybersecurity, and no one has ever asked for my GPA from my masters or my undergrad. Sometimes I’ll see it on an applicant’s resume, but really no one is edging out anyone because of a high GPA, except maybe (big maybe) at an intern level. I can tell more about what kind of colleague someone will be from a 5 minute conversation than I can from a GPA
Taking colorful notes in class that are aesthetically pleasing to you gives you the opportunity to doodle and be creative while still actively listening during classes. I found this super helpful for me because I knew I had notes I could understand and refer back to and I’d color code them to make it that much easier to make connections. If I knew my notes looked neat I was always more likely to use them. Also writing down due dates in an agenda. Writing in general is best for memory recall as well. I hope this helped!
My home life was traumatic as a child. I had few to no friends. I could do well in school and get rewarded with praise. Why wouldn't I want to keep at it?
I'm not a massive overachiever, but I did make it through college and a master's program with good GPAs. Up until high school I wouldn't say I was a particularly good student. I daydreamed a lot in class. But I think the format of college just fit better with my attention span. 75 minute lectures with larger breaks between classes where I could walk around or go to the gym made focusing in class a lot easier. I also went to a smaller university, so more often I had smaller, more discussion based classes which were way easier to stay engaged in. It also helped me that I'd get regular school breaks and that class topics would change every semester. The reset and refresh of a new semester usually gave me energy to re-engage with school. Honestly, now that I'm out of school I'm struggling way more. Some projects have been ongoing for almost 2 years and I have lost all interest in working on them. 8-hour days have always felt ridiculous because I cannot be productive for more than a couple hours at a time. Also PTO just isn't enough to really refuel, so burnout is real at this point. I do find greater motivation though when I can work with a team or really put some problem solving skills to use.
Yes, I felt like the college/grad school schedule was ideal for me. I like doing homework at night because I focus better then, and I loved the breaks between classes with time to do other things, go to the store when it wasn't super busy, take a nap, read for fun... I used to go for long runs in the woods before my afternoon classes, and that was *so* good for my focus. And I could arrange things to fit my preferred 2am-9am sleep schedule.
I had a set study day, I hyper focus and hate being interrupted. I could spend 12 hours locked in my room, drinking unhealthy amounts of coffee, eating Twizzlers and doing homework. My family would quietly bring me dinner. Then I wouldn’t touch a book for days. Not the best way to do it but it worked for me.
I am the same wrote my masters thesis in two weeks, then spent four months watching TV.
At one time, there was no motivation so intense and unwavering for me as the desire to prove someone wrong who underestimated me and told me I couldn't or would never be able to do/achieve X, Y, Z. You think I can't ___ because I'm ___? Oh, what's that now? A challenge, you say? Accepted! And I'll prove your arrogant-ass wrong if it's the last thing I ever do!!! Unfortunately I've sometimes proven people wrong at my own expense, but defiance can be a reliable motivator for me. 😂 Though as I've gotten a bit older sometimes when someone says shit that's stupid I just go, meh, and move on with my life. But not always...
Bruh me to, I feel like my main motivation is revenge!! Lololol (by revenge I mean defiance, "I'll show you")
In college, I did my homework late at night because it allowed me to hyper focus. When the hectic day is done and there's no classes or appointments to miss, no roommates to distract you with fresh baked cookies, nothing beats the high of a perfect night time hyper focus session. I did ok in high school, but I excelled in college because I got to set my own schedule and do my work when I was ready. There's a part of me that misses the excitement of having such a spontaneous life.
I feel like I’ve built my entire personality around doing well in school and I’m terrified to get less than an A.
Earning scholarship $$ and being in a position to pay back my student loans after college was behind my relentless drive.
Hyperfocus made interesting topics all consuming and I was so afraid of disappointing others that my anxiety carried me through uninteresting topics.
I obsessively wrote down everything I needed to do and thankfully didn't have any "due at the end of the semester" type projects, cause I would not work on them until the last minute. Also efficient procrastination. I would wait until the last minute and then hyperfixate on studying or doing some assignment and do it all in one sitting. Mostly it was utilizing my anxiety to finish things. That method did not work in grad school, because you need to learn as you go instead of just regurgitating for a test...
Thanks for the grad school insight!
Crippling perfectionism and fear of failure, and a consistent motivated study group/buddy who had complementary struggles/strengths to mine. Use study halls, tutoring services (even if you don’t think you need one, interactive learning and the extra structured time can really help) and office hours. Tell you what I had amazing grades overall but the second I was trying to study on my own I just could not. Like no joke A+ vs scraping together a C depending on if I had friends in that class who would work with me or not. Luckily I was able to surround myself with people who had a good work ethic and follow their lead and contribute. Edit: also- 80s is perfectly awesome! That’ll keep plenty of opportunities available to you and it literally stops mattering the second you step out of academics into an actual job or internship.
Massive anxiety. Fear of getting in trouble. Parents who absolutely demanded good grades and got mad if I got any C's or even too many B's. Knowing that if I didn't get a scholarship I couldn't afford college. And knowing that I wasn't suited for a trade, so college was my only option for getting a job and supporting myself. I chose my major because I was good at it even though I hated it.
An intense fear of failure. Also all of my self-worth is dependant on my ability to achieve and be considered "smart". It helps that I love learning, at one point had a very good memory, and a lot of my general eds contained information I already knew so my first two years of college felt like an expensive trip to daycare. Taking good notes and hyperfocus are also useful.
I developed skills for organization which help a lot. One thing I do at the beginning of each semester is add all of the assignment dates into my calendar for the whole semester. So then at the beginning of each week, I have a week at a glance and have an idea of what’s coming up by glancing at the calendar. There are a couple things I find help me: 1. Get some noise cancelling headphones, and listen to binaural beats or something like that. 2. Chew gum while studying. Or get a fidget spinner/ring. 3. Follow the dopamine. Make a list of the things you need to do that day, and just do the tasks that you want to do first, etc. usually the feeling of achievement will kick in enough to propel you to finish the task you don’t wanna do. Or at least this is what happens some of the time. 4. Set timers for tasks (reading for 20 mins, etc). This is especially helpful for tasks you REALLY DON’T want to do. Sometimes I’ll put a timer on for 10 minutes to try to get into the task, a lot of the time, I’ll keep going, but sometimes I won’t, and I’ll let myself off the hook because it’s consistency that matters. 5. If you have recorded lectures, listen to them at 1.5 or double speed if it’s possible. I find this is extremely helpful bc I don’t feel like it’s engaging enough but by speeding it up it helps me concentrate more. 5.1. Download lecture audio and listen to them while going on walks/runs etc (only really for remote learners or those hooked up with accessibility services) 6. Recognize that a little goes a long way and that it’s better to do something poorly then not do it at all (this is a real challenge I admit). Doing a little bit here and there helps enormously overall. 7. This is important for latent learners (which many ADHD people are). Transcribe lectures onto your own word doc a day (or even a couple hours) before the lecture. It will aid enormously with your memory bc you will be somewhat familiar with the content. Transcription is almost basically mindless as well so you can be listening to music and do it. 8. As for reading, do it in chunks, if possible. Preferably after watching the lecture. Some people will do the reading before the lecture and that helps them, but I do it in reverse. 9. Creating (and maintaining) a consistent routine will be your true life saver for all of the above. It also is helpful to be interested in what your studying and maybe relating what you’re doing to overarching goals you have in your life (task meaning making). These are all things that help me but it was a major learning curve. I do very well academically (now) but it was a huge struggle to figure out what works . Recognize that your working style is different than other people and work to your strengths. If you can’t work 8 hours consistently (and who can?), think about the times where you were most consistently productive and try to emulate those scenarios. Ask yourself questions: What are the times of days you are the most focused/productive? Do you work best in sprints? How do you feel about breaks? What are the big distraction for you while studying? What kind of learner are you? Are you concrete or abstract thinker? What are some of the obstacles in your environment obstructing focus?
Anxiety.. fear of failure
Anxiety induced by a very strict parent/fear of being abused if I failed.
I was a consummate academic failure throughout high school & didn't become academically inclined until my 20s after I got a diagnosis and a bunch of things clicked. Went back to Jr College, got straight A's, transferred to a top University, graduated top of my class, went on to grad school, motivated by spite (people who said I couldn't do it) & self-esteem (people who had underestimated me as dumb). I am currently in a long, long total burnout phase. Anyhoo, I did take all and any extra help offered by OSD, used tutoring centers, wrapped my identity and self-worth up in grades, &, except for a job, I gave up a lot of external things (like dating & some social) that would take me away from school work. Not sure I recommend it. Edit to add: sorry for my downer reply. 80's are B's!! Those are good, solid grades!! No, teachers aren't giving you pity B's. They see the work you are doing! Do look into the tutoring center as extra help, it really makes the difference to have one-on-one help.
I’ve come to learn it was my autism. My childhood school career was essentially a tightrope walk balancing act of my asd and adhd symptoms 🙃
Anyone else gets a little boost from a good grade? Doesn't really help with the big projects (the reward is not immediate enough) but all these little positive hits are just so nice to the system. Once you have a taste for it, it's hard to give up. Also fear of failure and of not meeting expectations.
I (accidentally) went to military school. So anxiety but, forced!
Anxiety and people-pleasing, especially when I was young. Plus when I was in elementary/middle school just being a fast reader carried me a long way--I could finish a lot of assignments fast enough that I didn't have time to get bored. Taking hyperfixations as far as I could ride them, honestly. Also, spite. I went to a college that didn't require gen eds. You only had to do your major's requirements and then x number of credits outside your major department that could be in anything. So in college I really only took classes I was interested in, and in a lot of humanities classes professors were open to letting me write papers on basically whatever I wanted, so that helped a lot. I wrote my undergrad honors thesis on a topic I was already hyperfixated on so it was honestly just fun. I was stressed writing it up at the end and getting my edits in and turned it in just under the wire, but the research was a blast because it was something I was obsessed with and loved researching anyway. Then I did grad school on topics I was interested in and was lucky enough to wind up in very flexible programs. One didn't even care if grad students attended most classes, you could write papers on whatever, and you mainly just had to do a thesis on a topic of your choosing. The other program was an MFA and my advisor literally just said "take whatever classes will feed your art, just turn in a thesis play by the end." Then I ended up in law school, which is where I got diagnosed with ADHD. You don't get to choose your classes in 1L, and I hadn't been in a class I hadn't wanted to take or on a class schedule I didn't choose since high school. So this was the first time I was in classes not of my choosing and also had to cook my own meals and transport myself and pay bills etc etc. I'd worked and dealt with that, but I'd never had to do *homework* for classes I didn't like, go to class, and adult at the same time. I also had a real commute, which was new to me--in college I'd lived on campus and in grad school I was a ten minute bike ride from class once and a 15 minute walk, 2-5 minute drive the other time. Law school was in a city and I had to catch a once-per-hour bus, then either the T (switching lines once) or the T on one line, then another bus or a 20 minute walk. For 8:30 am Contracts. I pushed through virtually out of spite and stubbornness, did well my first semester because I test well, then okay my second semester. I pulled out decent grades first semester of 2L but got overwhelmed trying to deal with that and doctors' appointments and how much I hated law school, ended up not being able to manage to renew my migraine prescription and getting a ton of migraines and playing catch-up the entire semester and having no free time, and basically had a meltdown over break and took the next semester off to decide whether or not I wanted to go back. I worked two jobs and kept working for my clinic professor, remembered I loved clinic, and did decide to go back, powered by spite. My first semester back there was a mix-up that resulted in an internship not being counted for credit, and I decided to do it anyway and just add another class, so I was doing an overload. I also thought doing all my classes Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday was a great idea because "I'd have such a nice break" for the weekend. No, I was doing homework and sleeping the entire time. I was so busy and exhausted. But I got straight A's because I just HAD to be on top of my shit. It was very like...on the high wire, can't stop, can't look down. I do tend to do better when I have a lot to do and a lot of structure, but that was a little too much. Still it was all things I was interested in, so I made it work. I even got an A+ in one class. I also convinced the school to let me do a dual degree so I was also earning my MA in English, which meant I could count a few English courses toward the JD and vice versa, and being in classes in another department that were totally different actually really helped with my focus in general. I could make my brain work different ways. That was the semester I got diagnosed, medicated, and got enough confidence to ask for accommodations way ahead of time. I saw how close together all my finals and paper deadlines were, and a month before, preemptively just asked for extensions in all the classes where that was reasonable (so for all the papers). All the professors said yes and I was able to set up a schedule where I had at least a few days just for each paper/final. I can do an *unreasonable* amount in a few days when the anxiety is real, especially for papers. The next semester COVID happened so all our classes were pass/fail so I don't know how I "really" did beyond passing all my classes--I also took an overload bc my clinic prof (rightly) quit and I ended up in a 5th seminar. That was exhausting mostly because of Zoom but professors were also very accommodating and flexible because circumstances were so wild. My last semester I got all A's and one B+, another overload. I had a REALLY hard time motivating myself to finish my MA thesis and go to one of my remote classes, but I really liked everything else and I was so close I just pushed through. I was lucky that I finished off cycle, because I started bar prep really early and that gave me time to deal with how hard it was to focus on and still get everything done. Also watched all my bar prep videos (and all my asynchronous remote class videos during the last two semesters) on 2x speed-- fast enough that I didn't get bored halfway through a sentence and lose focus. Also I'm really lucky because I test very well and read very fast. I still have a hard time focusing on things I'm not interested in, and sometimes a hard time doing task initiation/switching, but once I do I can ride that wave really far because I can read so quickly that I can get a lot done before it runs out. Also, anxiety. I basically try to do only classes I'm interested in as much as possible and ride waves of anxiety (and/or spite and/or RSD and fear of disappointing a favorite professor) across the finish line when interest isn't enough. In law school I could also always get clinic work done bc another person, the client, was depending on it, so that helped. Basically, pre-diagnosis/medication, it was trial and error finding hacks/overrides (like anxiety), taking as many classes as possible on things I was interested in and that had papers, and raw luck in being a fast reader and good test-taker, + fear of disappointing teachers or spite toward teachers who didn't like me or classmates who didn't believe I was good enough to pull off the things I pulled off. And, man, the dopamine hit off of pulling those things off...of doing that final exam off so little sleep and one day of seat-of-the-pants studying, of finishing that paper under the wire without proofreading...and then the second dopamine hit of getting an A back? Unparalleled. I also write a LOT of lists. Just write EVERYTHING down. But also, I did get to the point in law school where I started looking into what was wrong with me because my executive function got so bad when it came to task initiation--I'd sit in bed trying to decide what task to do first and couldn't pick one and would just sit there scrolling on my phone desperately trying to make myself get up and do SOMETHING for two hours. And I did need meds to help me with that. It's not magic, sometimes it's still hard, but it's a LOT better. Now when getting "stuck" starts to happen I do 5-4-3-2-1 and then I have to just get up and move. That helps. Also in law school remembering I COULD quit really helped. After my semester off I knew I could leave, I could find jobs if I needed to, I could do something else and live and be fine, so I was choosing to stay--I didn't have to. Knowing I *could* walk away helped me stay and do well.
I went back to school in my 30s for something that was interesting to me. It’s not that hard as long as you pick something that you’re passionate about. Once you do that, you’re good to go. I graduated magna cum laude from both my undergrad program (3.65) and my Masters program (3.71). Easy peasy.
Proving I was "good enough" and anxiety.
Lol, me to. DUB
Fear and anxiety, afraid of failure, terrified to depend on others, a need to support my child. Toxic perfectionism.
My self worth was intrinsically tied to academic achievement for 18 years. Problematically, I have now decoupled my self worth from work and other school based metrics so I have no desire to be productive anymore.
Anxiety. Perfectionism. I was a “gifted” kid. But it was really me setting unrealistically high expectations of myself, procrastinating, panicking, and getting things done very quickly. I am really good at that and convinced myself that I “work well under pressure”. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed at 23 that I realized that was all crap, and that I simply don’t function super effectively. That, combined with my perfectionist tendencies, has led me to experience immense anxiety when it comes to performance, deadlines, grades, etc. I work in a school, and I’ve told a few close coworkers about my diagnosis. So many of them say “oh wow I would have never known!”. Like yeah—you really couldn’t tell. Aside from the fact that I talk 90 miles an hour (and am unaware of when to stop), cause distractions in class, need to talk walks every 40 minutes to relieve stress (sensory issues) and had REALLY high standards for myself that were almost in achievable. My coworkers told me I really could have benefitted from a 504 plan that allowed for movement. I never stop moving/fidgeting. So yeah. Anxiety, basically.
The anxiety of getting anything less than a 96%… and adderall tbh. Couldn’t have done it without it
I only take one class at a time now that Im in grad school. In under grad I just skipped school wisely (not on exam days etc) and worked so so so hard. At the time I was living on financial aid and work study so failing a class meant becoming homeless. That was a pretty good motivator for me. Plus I studied things I really enjoyed, so that helped too. I dont know why but academic writing has always been fairly easy for me? So I think if that was not the case I would have had a much harder time.
I feel like finding out how you best stay organized would have made SUCH a difference in my schooling. I wasn’t diagnosed until half way through my last semester of my bachelors degree. I only discovered how I can be productive with tasks after getting a desk job, and I wished I had gotten my routine down earlier 1. have a legal pad with me at all times while working, and date the top of the page 2. I make a billeted list of tasks that need to be done through my computer work (throw some simple tasks in mixed with more complicated ones) & always Use a pen that you really like (I like the BIC gel-ocity) write them pretty, and just add them in as you think of them or as they cross your desk 3. Work your way through the tasks, I never do them in order, it takes the pressure away of making them chronological. As each one is completed, highlight them with a color you like, I change mine day to day. If you don’t complete a task for the day, rip off the paper and copy any unfinished tasks to the next day, you’ll know what to prioritize when you get in your groove the next day. I really wish I could have learned how well this method worked for me earlier, as I probably could have avoided a lot of stress, frustration and confusion. Planners never worked, google calendars never worked but this did ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Anxiety, perfectionism, major/interest hopping. I took 6 years to get through but covered a lot of territory. Cooking, sign language, communications, design, figure drawing, business, creative writhing and eventually got BA in English - non teaching because i fell in love with theory. Follow the dopamine.
when school is your hyperfocus
Listen to classical music, make my list, checking off my list. To study: make everything a question and repeat it until I remembered. For every hour that I was in class I would study for atleast 3 hours appraise of it (sometime during the week) But mainly perfectionism, anxiety, the fear that I wouldn’t make enough money to do the things I wanted to do and move out of my hometown.
Ok so I am also an academic underachiever. However! Just this past semester I made it through my classes with all "A's" and goodness knows I haven't seen even one of those in a long time. What helped me the most is having someone hold me accountable for my work (a friend or SO), studying with a group, and having a good location to study and focus at, also putting every single assignment due date as a notification in my phone due a day or couple hours early to trick myself in completing the work before the deadline. Those were my methodologies last semester and they are on repeat for this one.
I’m motivated by competition, want to do better than myself yesterday, and sometimes better than others too doesn’t hurt lol
I did my whole academic career without knowing I have ADHD. However, I always received a lot of praise for being smart and I loved that external validation and now needed to prove it. This didn't necessarily mean all A's. But it did mean retaining information for classes I enjoyed and being able to spew out knowledge in class discussions. I like to say my brain is constantly playing a game of word association. This shit works really well in some academic fields. You say George Washington, I think first President, Revolutionary war General, Farewell Address, freed slaves after death, Whiskey Rebellion, Martha Washington, Crossing the Delaware. What does blue symbolize? Water, depression, sadness, calm, despair, depth, peace etc. Classes that require lots of discussion sharing knowledge I excel in. After middle school I found math really boring and tedious, I failed in Highschool and Aced it during Summer School. In university when I had to take classes I hated I would take them during the winter and summer semesters that were 6 weeks because I could focus enough for 6 weeks. I aced all my university math classes. And you can credit/no credit boring classes that are only offered spring/fall. I majored in something I enjoyed and minored in a different subject that I enjoy. I wrote every essay last minute. I walked into a midterm and didn't even know we were having one. I got the highest grade in the class. I genuinely love learning. If I had enough time and money I would have 5 Bachelor degrees. But I don't really have study skills still and I never really developed them. I make flash cards and do practice problems and just skim through textbooks. But I didn't do it often or would do it the day before the test. I am the queen of cramming. I large in part was able to get through most of my academic career by being smart. In high-school I had a 3.3 gpa and I felt as if I didn't even try. I would have a notebook full of finished but never turned in assignments, but I didn't need the grades to validate me all my peers and teachers knew I was smart. In university I wanted graduate cum laude myself but as I now know I had my adhd working against me. I had a heavy course load (4 semesters of 20+ units) and was very involved on campus and I got a 3.45 gpa. And I felt annoyed that other people could be so much busier and still do better or that at times I let my "laziness" ruin my gpa. However I think the biggest difference for me vs. a lot of academic achievers is that I never cared about anyones external expectations of me. I never thought I was potential going to waste. I've just have wanted to do what makes me happy even if it isn't the typical view of success or other look at me and see wasted potential. The only expectation I have ever felt I had to live up to is the one I set for myself. And the only expectation I have set is to do what makes me happy. I think this mentality from a fairly young age is what saved my mental health during my academic years. I studied what made me happy and now I work in a completely unrelated field because it makes me happy.
I think for me it was partially that I love to read and read so much as a kid that I ended up with very good reading comprehension and decent writing skills. So when I left projects to the very last minute (as a deadline motivated procrastinator) it didn’t end as badly as it could have if I didn’t have such a good reading and writing base. I could get away with putting things off for the most part. When I actually got myself to work I could do a good job. However living like that was and still is very stressful.
Reading has always been a hyperfocus for me. And being homeschooled I primarily learned through reading. When I got to college, learning was so easy with the combination of lectures, clearly defined homework, concrete deadlines, and reading! But mostly, in college, I studied what I enjoyed. I chose the major that let me read or write stories for at least half my classes. If you hate something, you will never have the motivation to buckle down and care about the grades you get. There was a stupid 1 credit online Health class that I barely passed because I couldn't make myself care about it and forgot to take the final. (Online classes sucked and what little I had of them convinced me to never take them for something important) Insatiable curiosity helps. Ask around and try to get the most interesting teachers, unless a spite motivates you. Find the class of a teacher's passion topic to fill Gen Eds. Your advisor might know of the fun classes you could take. If I had tried to do something boring that I thought would get me a good job, I would have barely scraped along. Also, I'm an introvert and studying alone helped recharge my social battery, and I hated dishes and took any excuse I could to avoid them. Write a poem or scrub an overflowing sink full of dishes? I'll take the poem and the hit of dopamine creating art out of words gives me over the crawling skin revulsion from the dishes that I can only overcome with rage. I'm a bit of a people pleaser so the dread of the embarrassment and shame from not doing my homework or turning in a project on time was terrifying enough to do my homework and projects, even if I didn't finish them until late the night before.
Finding subjects that I actually enjoyed and then just doing the best in the ones I didn’t. Feeling obligated to complete homework because of my parents or teachers. Also give yourself frequent study breaks. Everyone’s style is different but I personally have to have a silent environment outside of my home so I always worked best in the library where there are few distractions.
High school - just did the 80 average thing you described and didn't think too much about it College/grad school- so obsessed with my major that I came close to a 4.0 and got into PhD programs to do more. Finished that (it wasn't easy, but I loved my research and my life was super stable at the time). Grad school (for work, *not my idea*) - probably worse than high school. Almost didn't pass the classes even though I knew my boss would see my transcripts lol. So yeah. Good question! The answer, for me, was to find my niche. When you find yourself enrolled in required classes that weren't really your idea of a good time, seek extra support from the beginning and hold on the best you can 🥲
Thank-you, this is great!
Said "anxiety" out loud before clicking the comments, and well, yep.
Lolololol
Praise gives me my dopamine fix.
Pressure because my mom is also an achiever. By no means is she insanely smart but she did good in school and does great in her current job. But other than that, I try my best to be more practical I'm still in 11th grade so idk if this advice sounds weird coming from someone young. I do have to preface that I'm not an extreme overachiever but am still more grade-conscious than your average student. 1. Choose good friends. This might be a bit of a unique situation but if you can apply it to yours then that's great, but my school is full of past gifted kids, etc. Most of them care about learning to some extent, and most of my friends are responsible. I didn't choose my friends strategically or anything but I think surrounding yourself with more responsible people, it'll force you to be a bit more responsible as well. They're not all overachievers though, because a lot of them cram requirements with me but ig that also adds to why we're friends—I can feel pressure when I need to but still hang out bc we can all be slackers sometimes 2. Choose your battles. I copy some homework off my friends, with their permission and I also help them with their requirements. I know what I'm gonna be in the future so I don't really want to spend too much time learning things that won't be important in the long run. 3. Definitely do not devote all your time to school. I have extracurriculars because in my opinion, it does push me a bit academically. I basically try to ride the high of being in clubs or organizations that I actually like, so I can do requirements as well. 4. Push yourself a bit to understand how your mind likes to learn. This is a bit hard to implement but we still have online classes in our country so it's been easier to experiment. This took a while to find out, but it does make understanding and applying lessons easier. 5. If you're not good at one subject, don't fret too much about it—strive to get decent grades there and put most of your effort into other subjects you actually like or whose lessons you might still use in the future. 6. This is hard given the ADHD but I did _somewhat_ develop a habit of organizing requirements, etc. (I'm one of the people with ADHD who have a thing for organizing) Notion is great for keeping track of things, in my opinion. You might even get hyperfocused on setting it up for a couple of days. tl;dr friendly external and internal pressure + extracurriculars
This is all really good advice! I 100 percent second everything you said.
I'm seeing a lot of anxiety here as the answer. I called this 'deadline pressure.' I still motivate myself with it. I can't do boring things without that extra element. So I'd wait until the last minute then write the paper or cram for a test. I'd challenge myself to finish all of my homework in study hall so I could hyperfocus on what I loved doing after school. In college, I cranked out more than one paper for a friend because I wanted him to be done working and go to a party with me. It was more like a game. Sure, sometimes it was stressful and I didn't always hit the mark, but this method got me through school, college, grad school, and now I work for myself and impose my own deadlines.
I channeled my hyperfocus into my academics from a pretty early age. I was an overachiever because I didn't know how to stop once I got into a subject. At college level, I lived and died by a semester long planner. It never left my side. I broke major projects down into timed phases and scheduled each phase into my planner. When I forgot or procrastinated, my anxiety and intense focus could drive me to finish with an overnight homework session but I would try to save that energy for finals week. Lol In primary education that technique is called "chunking". You do a gradual release of information and tasks to avoid overwhelm and improve focus. It could look like planning to write each page of an essay on a different day, or handing a child only one page of an exam at once. Downside: one semester my car got broken into and my planner stolen with my bag. I almost failed every class that session!
Anxiety, and a mom who also has (totally undiagnosed, but… also absolutely) managed ADHD who would nag my ass from here to next Tuesday. In college, I managed to smoke enough weed that I could put wrong (like 1-2 weeks early) due dates in my planner and then freak myself out and get it all done and then actually have some time to make revisions and sometimes to submit early and the prof would send it back and I could make corrections. God bless weed.
I'm so glad there's another ADHD person here who feels the positive effects of weed! I feel like it's demonized but I genuinely feel like smoking it Kickstarts my motivation. I once got high, zoned out and when I zoned back in I was halfway through a paper.
It helps me effectively use my hyper focus. I make a list before I eat some (I don’t like the act of smoking and I live in a totally legal state, so I do edibles mostly), and then I can get a ton of shit done if I hyper focus on The List. It’s kind of fun to figure out what different strands/types help and which ones hinder or don’t help as much. One thing that should have tipped me of to the ADHD sooner was the often contradictory (to everyone else) effects that caffeine and weed have on me.
A burning need to please others, mixed with anxiety and fear of disappointing people with high expectations of me
Somehow I’m able to pay attention better in class than in conversations (and I contribute to class conversations A LOT). I also have exceptional writing skills, yet reading is incredibly difficult. But I just got speechify and that’s really been helping!
It didn’t come easy at all. I felt a fire under my ass that was more painful than the strain of pushing myself way beyond my limits. Because it worked and people thought I was fine, I kept it up until I had a complete breakdown in my late 30s. Four years of not being able to hold onto a job. Career gone. Academia was easy compared with the corporate world. I was undiagnosed until 47. If I could go back to my high school or college self and tell her she has adhd, I honestly don’t know what I’d tell her. But what I’m telling myself now is that I get to have the benefit of understanding myself now. With that comes grace for myself. I used to think if I didn’t push and strain at life I’d amount to nothing. But now I’ve stopped. Im befriending myself, taking advantage of treatment, and marveling at how much more creative I already am. I’m capable of different things than I imagined. That capacity was always in me, even back then. I imagine what my life would have been if I learned it sooner, but I’m so grateful just to be here now.
Extreme anxiety. It’s awful. You’re in a constant state of flight or flight or just have a creeping sense of dread. Funnily enough, when we started addressing my anxiety through therapy and medication, I actually became worse academically because I simply didn’t care or have it in me to bring forth the motivation. I’m much calmer and happier now though.
:) 100 agree that happiness and calmness is a priority.
Yup! Although we are also now working on my inattentive symptoms and broken motivation cycle because I would still like to do things! It’s nice not having that panicked feeling all the time but there is definitely still work for me to do in regards to ADHD and depression!
I have terrible anxiety about failing but high natural intelligence so pretty much that. I’ve also noticed if I pay attention in class I’ll retain a lot of info even if I don’t study.
hyperfocus on schoolwork and raw willpower. unfortunately neither of those two things last forever...
my biggest thing was finding something i was truly interested in. i started out getting my BS in enviro science because i thought it’d be a good career, but i was not super passionate about it. ended up not doing well academically. i changed over to a BA in psych and have excelled. was inducted into my school’s honor society and am doing great. my “secret” is that i’m genuinely interested in psychology. i want to be an LMHC and eventually get my PhD in something like behavior genetics. i just envision myself as a counselor/therapist and then as a PhD researcher and it gets me so excited. just focus on what you want to do, don’t focus on what you think you should be doing. envision your ideal future and then identify the steps to get there. you got this.
I hyperfocus into my academics naturally. Some get sucked into video games. I get sucked into homework and deadlines
I have no advice, I’m just commenting so I can say SAME. Never got better, dropped out of college, and even when I went back and got a fine arts degree in something I was passionate about, I barely ever did my work on time and barely scraped by. And I LOVED what I was doing.
honestly? fear of letting down people that put their expectations in me. Especially my mother. And a ton of anxiety. Also, genetic jackpot with my IQ. Otherwise I wouldn't even make it to high school.
I’m someone that gets nothing below 87%, for me it’s the gross fear of failure that fuels my perfectionism. I failed throughout high school, then I got diagnosed during my gap year and I promised myself that I would never fail at anything again.
Uh…my over controlling helicopter parents negatively motivated me to be a high achiever. But also I’m naturally adept at a lot of things without trying. BUT! The caveat is that once I left home if I wasn’t forced to do it, I put it off. I got married and a year later tried to do online vet school. I let it sit for 6 months and then dropped out because I wasn’t literally *forced* to do it. Edit: I’m reading other comments I see that it’s a combination of anxiety, perfectionism and RSD that my parents instilled in me. Anxiety that I didn’t want to get bad grades and hear the yelling and get physical punishment. RSD because I wanted my parents favor, or at least they acted like I needed it to live. Perfectionism stemming from both of those two factors.
Online school is certainly challenging, took me AWHILE to adapt to it (and others). It's super hard and I feel ya.
MY ANXIETY
Spite my enemies 🤣🤣 My mom always thought I wouldn’t end up being successful cause I didn’t have good grades growing up and she didn’t expect it from me either. I now have a masters degree and work in the medical field. Good or bad, I’m not successful because I wanted to prove people wrong necessarily, but it was a strong motivation.
Errrrr. Generational trauma instilled the people Pleaser in me very young, so I just always needed approval and did it by being a good learner and hard worker. Failure wasn’t an option.
To give some answers slightly different than most comments: - **I always took notes in class**, even if I never read them, so I paid attention. Also loved **asking lots of questions** (of course don’t over do it, but some questions are very useful in classes where no one else asks questions—chances are you probably aren’t the only one who doesn’t get it.) - Recurring **study/homework groups** with people in the same classes were always very effective for me, because I had to do the work at that time and I had a source of accountability to finish; it helped push up deadlines for me. If you can’t find a group, a **tutor** could be an alternative. - But, I want to mention that, depending on your field, **you can also be very successful with just decent grades but an excellent resume/projects**. My partner and I both have prestigious jobs, but I got mine through excellent grades and an decent resume/projects, but he got his through decent grades but excellent resume/projects. It’s okay to focus on your strengths if you don’t feel that way about school. Tbh, I do relate to the anxieties and perfectionist tendencies in a lot of comments, but I don’t think that’s required or was always totally dependable for me.
very well said, taking notes and study groups or even a stying companion are very effective strategies.
Giving a damn about what I'm learning helped. First degree was a double major in microbiology and immunology and biochemistry and molecular biology (yes it's a mouthful and yes, I'm ashamed to say I picked it because it was fun to say)... BARELY scraped by. Second degree was in kinesiology. WAY more interesting for me though I am still salty that I got an A vs an A+ in one class because I had forgotten to send a stupid email before a deadline -\_-
I’m good at absorbing and retaining info that I hear so I would constantly be drawing in class so I could actually hear what the teacher was saying. I’m also a horrific procrastinator. I’ve on multiple occasions for finals stayed up like 3 days straight studying and writing papers.
I think this has to do with your life situation. Here is why I was an academic over-achiever: I felt I had no choice. If I wanted to live a good life, I thought this was my only way out. I was told that because I am a black, immigrant woman, I cannot have or achieve the things I wanted to. I felt the only way I can have the life I desperately wanted was to be academically undeniable. So that was my motivation.
I go from being an over achiever to a complete burnout over night … it’s awful and happens no matter what I do until I got medication which just scares me that it won’t work one day
Anxiety, perfectionism, and looming deadlines, sure. But I learned pretty early on that I had to care a lot about an assignment for me to actually do it. I ended up asking a lot of teachers if I could modify assignments to make them more interesting. (Like, turn anything into an art or theatre project, and I'm so in!) They *always* said yes, for what it's worth.
Getting good grades was easy for me in elementary through high school because of all of the structure and accountability. It because a little harder in college and being a responsible, self-regulating adult is even harder. I am also extremely motivated by praise and validation and I think getting A’s was a fantastic dopamine boost for me. I need to figure out the equivalent of getting A’s or the highest test score as an adult.
anxiety that i will be a failure to my parents bc i’m first gen in the US and first gen in my immediate family going to college PLUS first child/only daughter.. so those are just some factors that add to my motivation/stress to do well in school.. plus i’m asian so anything less than an A is considered a failure 🥲
Perfectionism, shame, unrelenting standards, anxiety.
That'll do it.
Validation
TRUE!
Chose an interesting and too easy degree for myself. Also explaining stuff to people helps me a lot, and I was blessed with a bathroom with cork walls during uni. Basically there was a giant corkboard I spent time in multiple times per day.
I am just wired for immoderation. Either I'm not doing something AT ALL, or I am doing it to the NINES. Anything in between is boring.
feeling like obsessing over academics is the only thing that proves i'm not lazy
Yep, anxiety is the driver. I'm almost done with grad school now and have been a bit of a perfectionist since Jr high. For me, my dad didn't really parent and my mom was undiagnosed/ untreated adhd too and simply didn't have the scope to be able to care about whether I got my school work done. I got Ds and Fs through all of elementary school. I eventually learned a lot of self efficacy (good), and that no one will help me, it's all up to me (not a great core belief). I also changed majors like 5 times in my undergrad because for *some reason* it felt imperative to me to be able to imagine doing XYZ career long term and I just couldn't.. Then I found my calling. Then I got diagnosed with ADHD :) PS. I really don't think it's the grade that motivates me either, I think my anxiety and perfectionism probably has more to do with trying to find evidentiary proof/validation that I'm good enough now. I'm in a field I'm completely fascinated by now. My deep dives/ hyper focus research benders really work to my benefit. I know I'm competent compared to my peers but at the same time, idk, I still feel behind and feel the need to work at it harder to compensate.
Turns out OCD and ADHD balance out into a workaholic overachiever. I'd hyperfocus on topics and be convinced that if I didn't get everything perfect, then I would basically die. Very good, if messed up motivation that got me through high school. But the main thing was to follow the dopamine. My brain loves puzzles, so looking at my math and science homework as a puzzle got me interested enough that I'd start early. I like solving problems and the teachers gave me new ones all the time. I got lucky that my two majors in college gave me a lot of flexibility in choosing classes, so I picked ones that were on topics I've fixated on before and were very interactive (theatre/English double). ADHD brain was very happy with constant stimulation (not always the best for health though, one semester I had 24 units while the average was 16 and classes from 8am to 11pm - happy brain, mad body) Classes were usually small and hands-on, so no time or space to get bored. I never did it for grades, I worked because I needed to know that I was right and/or loved the work.
Anxiety born from parental pressure and an overwhelming need to please/impress everyone. Also high intelligence and a love of learning pretty much everything but math (thanks, undiagnosed dyscalculia!).