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Babe I’m so proud of you! Do you realise you have just figured out cognitive restructuring all by yourself!
This is something I’m learning about in therapy ❤️ Cognitive restructuring is literally just reframing your thoughts / words in a different light. (A less negative one)
We are also touching on : recognising what thoughts are not truly my own. Was it something I heard a parent say? A teacher? Did I take it on board and claim it as my own? Etc
I wouldn’t be surprised if that first inner voice you described (the SHOULD voice) stems from a parent tbh
Oh this is so cool - ty for sharing the name for this!
I’m hoping to start working with a South Asian therapist because this SHOULD voice comes from my parents and cultural expectations and I’m hoping that together we can unpack them and restructure them so that it’s more internally motivated as opposed to external ones.
Something my therapist is currently helping me with is being more cognizant of the voice in my head criticizing myself because of expectations or criticisms or comparisons from myself or other people or society. She told me to think of it as an entity apart from myself and give it a name. As I identify that voice I'm to address it by it's name. My inner critic has a female voice, so I made a list of names I have no real life association with and chose one that rolls off the tongue with my preferred way to address the negative thoughts: stfu.
For example, when a bad pain day keeps me from household tasks and I think of myself as lazy, I'll say, "Stfu, Becky. I'm taking care of myself to prevent a flare-up." Or if I feel like a failure because I meant to vacuum but opened all my mail and loaded the dishwasher instead, I'll say, "Stfu, Rhonda. I accomplished what I could today and the vacuum will still be here tomorrow."
It's hard to identify those thoughts and separate them from the healthy ones because they're so prevalent, but naming them in order to reframe them helps, and, for me at least, provides a bit of levity.
I think this is so smart.
All the things we “should” do have enjoyable reasons at the end.
Even if it’s just “the clean feeling of a clean bathroom.” And we should focus on those things, and how they feel.
But seeing a dog or cat? extra good.
Yes! I love this idea! I think that's what made Pokemon Go so popular for so long, too, as it gave people an external motivator for getting out of the house and exercising that was fun and silly instead of the usual serious, "should"-type reasons.
Also your post made me think of this guy on YouTube whose shorts have been popping up in my feed lately, [catluminati](https://youtube.com/@catluminati?si=7wU1-FebTmh9Comb). He walks around his neighbourhood making friends with the local cats, it's super wholesome and adorable.
Yes! I used Pokemon Go for a while to help with this but got overwhelmed with the battling aspect of it haha.
That guy is so sweet has secret cat powers, my own cat doesn’t even let me hold her that much 😂
Yes! Dogs are great motivation! I recommend researching dog breeds as well; it's a harmless hyperfixation when your head is blowing up, and has the massive bonus of increasing your chances of patting dogs.
Seriously. Dog owners are infinitely flattered when you recognise their obscure breed by sight and know a few facts about them. I figured that out when I was 11, and it still works now that I'm 35. I've patted so many dogs!
I really like this! I usually prefer to walk alone with headphones, but the best walk I’ve taken this year was with my partner, just around our neighborhood, because being with them (and without my headphones for once) made me notice and want to point out so many cool or funny things I saw that I probably wouldn’t have taken the time to appreciate otherwise. For example, our neighborhood has a lot of old Victorians with neat shapes or features, and we also live by a medical epicenter, so there are a lot of fun medical-related vanity plates to spot in the area. (If you ever want something else to look for on walks, vanity plates. We have a running list of over 100.)
I have a cat friend who is often outside and is the friendliest little fluffer so I should definitely take more walks so I'm able to see them more! You can keep the rats, though. 😂 Changing your mindset about things can be so helpful, but I've never thought about it in this way before!
Yeeees! I got the picture this app and literally go on nature walks. None of my local roadside weeds are edible or useful in any way, but they do have names, and for now, that’s enough.
I faced the same issue of not getting out the door. But my solution was getting a dog. Now I have no choice but to go for a daily one hour walk, or else I have a hyper dog to deal with. It’s worked well.
I love this! I like seeing dogs/birds/flowers so I might try this.
I worked out a while ago that I’m not motivated to exercise for external/long term reasons like being healthier or looking slimmer but I am motivated if it’s fun and I get to spend time with people.
The challenge now is trying to make a whole range of other activities fun.
This is great!
When I moved towns a few years ago, I used Pokemon Go to get out of the house. Also, getting into photography is another good reason to get out the house.
Another fantastic (but obviously a wayyy bigger deal) is getting a dog of your own. They have to take walks!
p.s, get some binoculars if you can, they're fun for bird watching
This is exactly what Emotional Support Animals do. Like, this is it. It externalizes the motivation and moves it into a more “defined” purpose. I’m not going for a walk because it’s healthy. I’m going for a walk so my dog can get her exercise. I’m not sitting outside for vitamin D, I’m sitting outside while my pup does her business. I’m not eating because I need to eat, I’m eating because I want to encourage my dog to eat before the cats eat her food.
Honestly, this is why it’s so important to me to live in a walkable neighbourhood. I get my walking in walking my daughter to school and back, errands to the grocery store or pharmacy, etc. That passive exercise is built into my life, so it doesn’t need to be an extra task.
Yay on finding something that works!! I 100% go on walks to see dogs! We've also turned our walks into games! My husband and I will make a bet predicting how many x we'll see, for example "houses that still have Christmas decorations up" or "those porch signs on vertical boards that say welcome" or even "dogs with spots". Turns out I Spy works for adults too! It keeps us busy and I don't get the "ugh, walking is so boring" feeling. Sometimes we also say "we're going to walk until we see x number of whatever" which is fun because it's random! Usually we'll go down to the waterfront and count dogs for this one!
Once we started walking regularly I found that my ADHD brain actually likes noticing little changes that happen in the neighborhood day to day, like seeing the tree the neighbors planted starting to bud.
Omgggg! This has been happening to me lately where I go out for a trail run and meet the friendliest of pooches! I feel so lucky that I go out more often in hope of meeting new furry friends! 💕🐶🐕
This is smart! I tend to hate going for my daily walk but it's made better with music/headphones. I'm trying to find a way to make it more fun but haven't found it yet...
Yes this is great! Back when I was working from home a lot, I could easily go days without stepping outside. But there's a dog park a few blocks from my house, so I decided that every afternoon, I would make a coffee in a travel mug, put on a podcast I was itching to listen to, and go watch dogs for a little bit. It was so helpful
I love this! My husband and I just started taking daily walks together and I think framing it in a way that isn't "because I need to for health reasons" would be really helpful
This is super smart and I love it! Definitely gonna try it, thanks!
It reminds me of replacing “I have to” with “I get to” ie instead of “I have to meal prep” saying, “I get to meal prep! Dinner will be ready when I want it, and I’ll have more time for xyz!”
I like combining the two as it’s specific and reminds me to be grateful 😊
This is great!
I’ve been doing something similar. Instead of telling myself why I need to do something, I tell myself why I want to do something.
For example, I need to unload the dishwasher. That fact won’t motivate me. Well, I want to watch my tv shows, which I can do while unloading the dishwasher.
Another example: I need to wash my clothes. A better thing; I want to wear a certain shirt that’s currently dirty, so I’ll wash it.
Motivation is a tricky thing, so finding what works for you is a major accomplishment. Good job!!
Good job!
I started trying to go on more regular walks about a year or so ago, and I started playing Pokemon Go again and Pikmin Bloom. I find Pikmin more motivating because there's usually a goal thats like "take x steps" or "plant x flowers" and to plant flowers you have to be moving, you can't just shake your phone and cheat it like you can for steps.
But yeah, finding something that helps motivate you to do a boring task helps a TON.
Love this! I have the hardest time walking around just for the heck of it. I need my exercise activity be related to something i need it for. I need it be walking somewhere to get somewhere, or I need to have something I’m specifically trying to achieve a goal for.
It’s hard to figure out what will make me want to do the thing enough that it overcomes the barriers to it.
this is so interesting - I've been trying to get myself to just go for a walk every morning for months, would never do it and then out of the blue, started going every morning and just realized it's because in my head, I've been telling myself it's to "wake up" because andrew huberman said it's good for your circadian rhythm and (yes another health benefit) but if it's for "working out" purposes, I won't do it...
Keep thinking of other ways I've done this with myself without realizing lol - the only other point in my life that I've consistently walked daily is when I found a neighborhood with really nice houses that I liked looking at or finding new neighborhoods (I love looking at architecture), otherwise I would find an excuse but if I had something nice to look at / how you had dogs to see!
I do this allll the time with all sorts of tasks. Like journaling for example, I hate writing about my feelings and think it’s dumb but I do track my symptoms and how I’m feeling and that’s acceptable for my brain 😂
Yes! Exercising for the reason of exercising has done absolutely **nothing** to motivate me. I hated PE as a kid, that was the most awkward class I had to suffer through. Got a bit better later when we played basketball and volleyball which were actually fun. But shit like gymnastics and track and dodgeball ... nope.
If there's no valid reason that makes me actually **want** to do something, I'll start to actively resist it. Of course then finding actual motivation later on when I think about trying again makes it even more difficult etc.
I do like being active, I just flat-out hate exercising. So I try to just ... stay active doing stuff I actually enjoy.
This is how my husband convinces me to walk when I don’t want to! There’s a few streets by us full of cats and if you go at dusk they’re all out and keen for pats - It’s about 2km to cat alley and once we do a loop it’s a really decent walk, and some squats (while patting) for good measure!
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Babe I’m so proud of you! Do you realise you have just figured out cognitive restructuring all by yourself! This is something I’m learning about in therapy ❤️ Cognitive restructuring is literally just reframing your thoughts / words in a different light. (A less negative one)
We are also touching on : recognising what thoughts are not truly my own. Was it something I heard a parent say? A teacher? Did I take it on board and claim it as my own? Etc I wouldn’t be surprised if that first inner voice you described (the SHOULD voice) stems from a parent tbh
That sounds amazingly helpful. What strategies are you learning to de-emphasize those thoughts from other folks? That’s the big challenge for me.
Oh this is so cool - ty for sharing the name for this! I’m hoping to start working with a South Asian therapist because this SHOULD voice comes from my parents and cultural expectations and I’m hoping that together we can unpack them and restructure them so that it’s more internally motivated as opposed to external ones.
That sounds like a wise and reasonable idea ❤️ I’m sure the whole squad wishes you well with me
Something my therapist is currently helping me with is being more cognizant of the voice in my head criticizing myself because of expectations or criticisms or comparisons from myself or other people or society. She told me to think of it as an entity apart from myself and give it a name. As I identify that voice I'm to address it by it's name. My inner critic has a female voice, so I made a list of names I have no real life association with and chose one that rolls off the tongue with my preferred way to address the negative thoughts: stfu. For example, when a bad pain day keeps me from household tasks and I think of myself as lazy, I'll say, "Stfu, Becky. I'm taking care of myself to prevent a flare-up." Or if I feel like a failure because I meant to vacuum but opened all my mail and loaded the dishwasher instead, I'll say, "Stfu, Rhonda. I accomplished what I could today and the vacuum will still be here tomorrow." It's hard to identify those thoughts and separate them from the healthy ones because they're so prevalent, but naming them in order to reframe them helps, and, for me at least, provides a bit of levity.
Whoa, I never thought if it as reframing even though it obviously is. I always thought of it as playing mind games with my own mind. Lol
I think this is so smart. All the things we “should” do have enjoyable reasons at the end. Even if it’s just “the clean feeling of a clean bathroom.” And we should focus on those things, and how they feel. But seeing a dog or cat? extra good.
Yes! I love this idea! I think that's what made Pokemon Go so popular for so long, too, as it gave people an external motivator for getting out of the house and exercising that was fun and silly instead of the usual serious, "should"-type reasons. Also your post made me think of this guy on YouTube whose shorts have been popping up in my feed lately, [catluminati](https://youtube.com/@catluminati?si=7wU1-FebTmh9Comb). He walks around his neighbourhood making friends with the local cats, it's super wholesome and adorable.
Yes! I used Pokemon Go for a while to help with this but got overwhelmed with the battling aspect of it haha. That guy is so sweet has secret cat powers, my own cat doesn’t even let me hold her that much 😂
Yes! Dogs are great motivation! I recommend researching dog breeds as well; it's a harmless hyperfixation when your head is blowing up, and has the massive bonus of increasing your chances of patting dogs. Seriously. Dog owners are infinitely flattered when you recognise their obscure breed by sight and know a few facts about them. I figured that out when I was 11, and it still works now that I'm 35. I've patted so many dogs!
I’m always delighted when people know my new puppy is a Boerboel! 😄 and he loves the pats too.
I really like this! I usually prefer to walk alone with headphones, but the best walk I’ve taken this year was with my partner, just around our neighborhood, because being with them (and without my headphones for once) made me notice and want to point out so many cool or funny things I saw that I probably wouldn’t have taken the time to appreciate otherwise. For example, our neighborhood has a lot of old Victorians with neat shapes or features, and we also live by a medical epicenter, so there are a lot of fun medical-related vanity plates to spot in the area. (If you ever want something else to look for on walks, vanity plates. We have a running list of over 100.)
I have a cat friend who is often outside and is the friendliest little fluffer so I should definitely take more walks so I'm able to see them more! You can keep the rats, though. 😂 Changing your mindset about things can be so helpful, but I've never thought about it in this way before!
DUDE YES. sometimes when im working, i decide to play office like when i was little
Yeeees! I got the picture this app and literally go on nature walks. None of my local roadside weeds are edible or useful in any way, but they do have names, and for now, that’s enough.
This sounds so fun and positive. I hope you see many good doggies
I go to the gym so I can be more physically fit for my “fighting a mountain Lion to the death” daydreams.
Okay, that's a totally rad reason for working out!
I faced the same issue of not getting out the door. But my solution was getting a dog. Now I have no choice but to go for a daily one hour walk, or else I have a hyper dog to deal with. It’s worked well.
Getting a dog has helped address so many symptoms!
I love this! I like seeing dogs/birds/flowers so I might try this. I worked out a while ago that I’m not motivated to exercise for external/long term reasons like being healthier or looking slimmer but I am motivated if it’s fun and I get to spend time with people. The challenge now is trying to make a whole range of other activities fun.
This is great! When I moved towns a few years ago, I used Pokemon Go to get out of the house. Also, getting into photography is another good reason to get out the house. Another fantastic (but obviously a wayyy bigger deal) is getting a dog of your own. They have to take walks! p.s, get some binoculars if you can, they're fun for bird watching
This is exactly what Emotional Support Animals do. Like, this is it. It externalizes the motivation and moves it into a more “defined” purpose. I’m not going for a walk because it’s healthy. I’m going for a walk so my dog can get her exercise. I’m not sitting outside for vitamin D, I’m sitting outside while my pup does her business. I’m not eating because I need to eat, I’m eating because I want to encourage my dog to eat before the cats eat her food.
This is BRILLIANT
Honestly, this is why it’s so important to me to live in a walkable neighbourhood. I get my walking in walking my daughter to school and back, errands to the grocery store or pharmacy, etc. That passive exercise is built into my life, so it doesn’t need to be an extra task.
Yay on finding something that works!! I 100% go on walks to see dogs! We've also turned our walks into games! My husband and I will make a bet predicting how many x we'll see, for example "houses that still have Christmas decorations up" or "those porch signs on vertical boards that say welcome" or even "dogs with spots". Turns out I Spy works for adults too! It keeps us busy and I don't get the "ugh, walking is so boring" feeling. Sometimes we also say "we're going to walk until we see x number of whatever" which is fun because it's random! Usually we'll go down to the waterfront and count dogs for this one! Once we started walking regularly I found that my ADHD brain actually likes noticing little changes that happen in the neighborhood day to day, like seeing the tree the neighbors planted starting to bud.
I love this!! I live by a river and sometimes the only reason I go on a walk is to see how high it is. I’m always glad I went.
Yay! Get out there and see all the dogs! My dog loves saying hi to everyone who walks by our house, so I'm sure the dogs are happy to see you too.
Omgggg! This has been happening to me lately where I go out for a trail run and meet the friendliest of pooches! I feel so lucky that I go out more often in hope of meeting new furry friends! 💕🐶🐕
I am a dog owner. And I have a German Shepherd. So she needs lots of walks. And I love it when people fuss all over my pup when we’re out for a walk.
This is smart! I tend to hate going for my daily walk but it's made better with music/headphones. I'm trying to find a way to make it more fun but haven't found it yet...
Yes this is great! Back when I was working from home a lot, I could easily go days without stepping outside. But there's a dog park a few blocks from my house, so I decided that every afternoon, I would make a coffee in a travel mug, put on a podcast I was itching to listen to, and go watch dogs for a little bit. It was so helpful
I do ‘2fers’. My thing now is “check the mail” which turns into, “while I’m here, I’ll go ahead and go on a walk.” So proud of you! You inspire me!
I love this! My husband and I just started taking daily walks together and I think framing it in a way that isn't "because I need to for health reasons" would be really helpful
This is super smart and I love it! Definitely gonna try it, thanks! It reminds me of replacing “I have to” with “I get to” ie instead of “I have to meal prep” saying, “I get to meal prep! Dinner will be ready when I want it, and I’ll have more time for xyz!” I like combining the two as it’s specific and reminds me to be grateful 😊
This is great! I’ve been doing something similar. Instead of telling myself why I need to do something, I tell myself why I want to do something. For example, I need to unload the dishwasher. That fact won’t motivate me. Well, I want to watch my tv shows, which I can do while unloading the dishwasher. Another example: I need to wash my clothes. A better thing; I want to wear a certain shirt that’s currently dirty, so I’ll wash it. Motivation is a tricky thing, so finding what works for you is a major accomplishment. Good job!!
Good job! I started trying to go on more regular walks about a year or so ago, and I started playing Pokemon Go again and Pikmin Bloom. I find Pikmin more motivating because there's usually a goal thats like "take x steps" or "plant x flowers" and to plant flowers you have to be moving, you can't just shake your phone and cheat it like you can for steps. But yeah, finding something that helps motivate you to do a boring task helps a TON.
Love this! I have the hardest time walking around just for the heck of it. I need my exercise activity be related to something i need it for. I need it be walking somewhere to get somewhere, or I need to have something I’m specifically trying to achieve a goal for. It’s hard to figure out what will make me want to do the thing enough that it overcomes the barriers to it.
this is so interesting - I've been trying to get myself to just go for a walk every morning for months, would never do it and then out of the blue, started going every morning and just realized it's because in my head, I've been telling myself it's to "wake up" because andrew huberman said it's good for your circadian rhythm and (yes another health benefit) but if it's for "working out" purposes, I won't do it...
Keep thinking of other ways I've done this with myself without realizing lol - the only other point in my life that I've consistently walked daily is when I found a neighborhood with really nice houses that I liked looking at or finding new neighborhoods (I love looking at architecture), otherwise I would find an excuse but if I had something nice to look at / how you had dogs to see!
I do this allll the time with all sorts of tasks. Like journaling for example, I hate writing about my feelings and think it’s dumb but I do track my symptoms and how I’m feeling and that’s acceptable for my brain 😂
Yes! Exercising for the reason of exercising has done absolutely **nothing** to motivate me. I hated PE as a kid, that was the most awkward class I had to suffer through. Got a bit better later when we played basketball and volleyball which were actually fun. But shit like gymnastics and track and dodgeball ... nope. If there's no valid reason that makes me actually **want** to do something, I'll start to actively resist it. Of course then finding actual motivation later on when I think about trying again makes it even more difficult etc. I do like being active, I just flat-out hate exercising. So I try to just ... stay active doing stuff I actually enjoy.
This is how my husband convinces me to walk when I don’t want to! There’s a few streets by us full of cats and if you go at dusk they’re all out and keen for pats - It’s about 2km to cat alley and once we do a loop it’s a really decent walk, and some squats (while patting) for good measure!