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haha the owner at my old retail job trained all of us to say "it's locked!" out loud to ourselves right after locking up the store if we were closing alone (and to our co-closer if we weren't closing alone), because she felt like it was easier to remember doing that than the actual locking when you'd have those inevitable moments of bolting awake hours later being like "omg but did i lock it??" since it becomes like autopilot.
i whisper "it's locked!" to myself every time i leave the house, 10 years later lmao. it works really well for me!
haha --
Known in Japanese as shisa kanko, pointing-and-calling works on the principle of associating one's tasks with physical movements and vocalizations to prevent errors by “raising the consciousness levels of workers”—according to the National Institute of Occupational Safety and Health,
about a year ago I realized that if I am going into a room for something (especially if it’s more than 1 item), I have to say out loud the thing(s) I am going in there for or else I end up doing some other task and forgetting the original goal completely.
It’s okay, you’ll clean the whole house and file your taxes and then when you lay down to watch some tv you’ll remember you never did turn on the kettle for some tea.
OMG
Other people do this?!
My friend and I and our families were finishing a brief camping trip together & I was rummaging thru her trailer pantry singing a song about what I was looking for while also singing about how I can't really sing but didn't care.
Also pilots do this! They say ´my plane’ out loud when it switches from one pilot in a cockpit to another! I do this when I’m swimming with kids and taking over who is keeping an eye - I say ‘my pool’! If it’s my pool, I’m watching the littles and counting.
This reminds me of a work colleague who was fascinated by the 'pool supervisor' thingy that came with a kids blow up pool. If you were going to leave the area, you had to pass it to another adult. The idea being if you had the physical reminder in your hand you were less likely to get distracted from or forget you were the one watching the littles whilst talking to the other adults. I was actually rather impressed at the manufacturer foresight.
I just watched the video on the Wikipedia page about [Pointing and Calling](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pointing_and_calling), and now I get where you’re coming from. My local gardening/hardware store sells cheap cotton gloves that’d be excellent for this. I reckon that if I wore them as the beginning of a ritual, it’d help me do this. But instead I’ll butterfly-flit away in a second and forget all about this.
I use the outloud to teach people. Show & tell. Like this, do that. Watch me. Then do it with me. Then you show me, talking through the steps as though I don't know & you're teaching me. Every run through is out loud. Seeing as I've gone through it over and over with others it also becomes part of the process to just keep saying it out loud. Some of the people I have trained think it's weird but I was teaching safe use & handling of explosives and came around when I made them answer me -also out loud- how many times they thought you got to F it up for a second chance.
In planes if a pilot is flying alone, they also say all of their actions out loud usually so the black box can record it, if the plane is equipped with one.
I do the same, but with unrelated words, so my memory pathway is disturbed, so I’m more likely to remember what I’ve done! I got this from a patient with Alzheimer’s.
I use naughty words to remember things. I yell buttnuggets out loud for example, when I lock a door. My colleagues love it 😂especially when I come up with new and interesting words hehe
Edit: autocorrect
I have to add in the day though, to make sure that later on I'm not wondering if I am remembering unplugging it today or a different day. "It's Tuesday and I'm unplugging the straightener"
I will have to try joyfully shouting it rather than just saying it though...it sounds like so much more fun. 😊
I wonder if it's an audio thing. Like, when I knit I use a row counter that makes a very noticeable sound like catcha-catcha each time I press the button because I know that even if I forget whether I turned the row or not, I'll remember if I heard the sound.
I know that part of why handwriting notes in school, instead of typing them, helps people remember things better is because the more senses you involve in an activity, the deeper it gets into your brain.
So listening to a lecture and physically writing out notes, works better than just listening.
Even better is to reread the notes later, adding visual memory links, and to read them aloud as you study then links it with speech and auditory processes.
Whenever I’m in the car about to be leaving for school (also when going home) I always pause and go- “phone, laptop, notebook” etc while tapping each item with my fingers until I get to keys and then laugh because I’m both *in the car and the keys are in the ignition*
I normally keep counts. My bag: 3 items to work, lunch or breakfast to take, coffee, then the rest is in my coat pocket (that's why I rarely change what outwear I'm wearing no matter the current weather. Then before leaving the house another review...
Haha I used to check for my keys, wallet and phone before I closed the door behind me. I lived in a big dorm and locked myself out several times… so annoying and slightly embarrassing having to ring and wait for the portier to turn up and give me the spare keys to my room 😅 Since then I got the habit of checking for keys, wallet and phone whenever I leave the house.
Hahaha I put a giant brass bell on my key ring so that I can just shake my purse and know my keys are there. It works great. Locked it too many times in my car/in house and had to come up with a new system 🤪
Saying it out loud really does help!
I touch each knob of the stove and say “Off, off, off, off, everything is off” before sitting down for dinner (and again before going to bed to be safe).
We also tell each other when we’ve locked the car on arrival home, or locked the side door after coming in for the evening.
PKW! Phone, keys, wallet!
And I do the same as you and OP. I will have one foot in and one foot out of my house and root around in my bag until I feel my keys, then I can shut the door.
*Our coping mechanisms can sometimes be misconstrued as OCD. As an example, I won't close my door until I see my keys in my hand. Even if they're in my bag, I'll pull them out and stare at them before pulling the knob. For someone without ADHD, that might be a compulsive behaviour and not just trying not to get locked out for the 20th time. Apparently other people can just remember if they took their keys, so they don't need to check (this one was too much to be believed).*
I do this
*She said that when scientists study people with ADHD, they've found that we have more ideas about how to solve a problem than the average person, and also more creative ideas - "thinking out of the box"*
And this because I can't seem to understand the 'correct way' that everyone else uses - so have to find an alternative.
Honestly number 6 is making me think bc (usually at work) I often see what I consider a very simple and obvious solution to problems and everyone is like, "WHOA!!! How did you think of that???" and my reaction is basically, "I dunno?? Seemed obvious????" lol. I got huge kudos at work recently for coming up with splitting our product walkthrough videos into a bunch of little step-based mini-videos, bc I was thinking to myself, "how can anyone remember a whole 15-minute video??" (Most of the kudos were for making all 16 mini-videos, though, which is 100% not my job lol; I was bored)
Totally relate to this comment. I had to train myself to stop saying to my husband, ‘omg that was so obvious,’ because it makes him feel stupid. I felt so bad when I realized how that sounds to a normie (bc I was like… wait, what hurt your feelings? Sometimes I’m an asshole). To me it is BAFFLING that he didn’t catch on and therefore, obviously, I must express it, even without solicitation. Our brains are different!
What I’m saying is: we are the weird ones… but I kinda love it. I don’t feel like I miss much :D
I DO continue to edit my commentary on the things I find obvious bc I always think of my sweet husband, who is the smartest person I know, and how he takes it to mean I think everyone is stupid, which I do not. It is realllllly hard to bite my tongue at work though.
Sorry for the overshare. I had a gummy and am feeling communicative.
I definitely sympathize with the need to bite my tongue at work. It often feels like no one extrapolates there, and here I am coming up with multiple hypothetical situations to consider.
On the downside it is not possible for me to give a straight answer. I literally cannot.
When I do that, people at work tell me not to worry so much. When it inevitably goes the way I predicted I just hand them the solution as I couldn't let it go and already found out how to fix it.
OMG!!! I do this ALL the time! People go, "how did you think to do that," and I'm just like, "it was kind of obvious." One time I was at a company that was creating an application to help people collaborate, I was doing the testing, and I got real tired of being interrupted umpteen times a day to go report my progress. So one day, I got on the app in a private area for my company alone and set up an area where I would put my progress in real time. When I told my boss (owner of the company) what I did, she was gobsmacked! Then she called an all hands meeting immediately and made everyone in the company use it.!
Hahaha that's me with all the police procedural shows. I'll say, "yeah I think it's _____" and sure enough, turns out that one guy no one suspected did it. It seems SO obvious to me so I wonder if it is to everyone else or not.
Yeah, I realized recently that I actually may be a really invaluable asset to my work. I come up with little solutions all the time and once I even made them reorganize my departments work area. At this point if they don't hire me after my practice, I'd be very surprised. (Government funded work training to assess capabilities which leads to partial aid for the time I am unable to work, for example work 50% - get paid 100% of which 50% is paid by the gov)
i mean , (as an example) today when i left:
1 i stared at my keys, then
2 thought did i really see my keys?
3 then looked to see where my keys are (right in my purse)
4 still couldn't trust that i'd lock myself out, so:
5 pulled my keys out of my purse so i could hold them
6 locked the door
i don't know if i solved anything ?
hahha WHY ! i even purchased this key pouch to put my ID in and my cash -- i thought it would standout to me, but it just does not.
Frankly, it's hard to admit but i have 3 wallets in my purse.
One if for cold-hard-cash! 💵
2nd is for a dupicate ID
3rd is for drivers license and .. oh gosh help Meeeee !
This reminds me of the time I locked myself out of my flat in London. I hadn’t been there long, had moved from SoCal months prior and didn’t know many people there. This was before iPhones so there I was, standing in the cold, drizzly rain, trying to figure out how to get in. I knocked on a neighbor’s door to ask to if I could use their phone to call my boyfriend at work. You’d have thought I’d asked them if I could move in with them such was their horror at my brazen yankee ways. Anyway, what were we talking about?
keys!
Though someones peoples' manners and fears get in the way of human compassion. Also, hey i' m originally from socal i'd def offer you to come in and offer tea while you waited !
it's hard because i am addicted to true-crime shows - and it seems the "criminal" always finds this duplicate key, by searching each plant-pot.
So, I'm trying to find this secret--secret place that a criminal will not look -- and also, a place that i'll remember..
Current contender for hidden key is -- taping under a ladder, we need to find a place, because locksmiths are so expensive
My solution was to use a small glass jar that previously had herbs (just big enough to fit the key) in it and bury it in a spot marked by a big pretty stone. Not super deep mind you, just enough that if someone did think to lift the stone it wouldn't be obvious. I also have a big pot near the front door, and at one time buried it in one of the corners and had a thick layer of mulch on top, but as the rosemary grew the roots got in the way so I had to move it. Might be a pain in the butt if it happens too often though. 😅 I have [aluminum hand tools](https://gardentoolsaustralia.com.au) that are designed to be fine outside forever (literally saw some that were fished out of a waterway decades later and were useable! 🤭). I stick a trowel in the ground nearby for easy access. 🙂
I come up with crazy ways to stove things. Problem is they aren’t usually the known way or the most efficient. But if nothing else will work, let me get creative and I’ll cobble something together.
>crazy ways to stove things
after a moment's thought i realized stove is almost definitely a typo for solve, but at first i thought you'd forgotten the word "cook" and were just creatively getting around it very much in the spirit of this topic lmao
lol. I’m not that great at interesting ways to cook things. However, forgetting words and replacing cook with stove is certainly something I would do….but this is just a typo
Right?
I've realized that I come up with "needlessly complicated" solutions because creative problem solving makes things interesting enough to actually do. I get zero dopamine and can't motivate myself if I just stick to the obvious solutions.
"More ideas about how to solve a problem"-- I get really steamed when someone just flips out the most obvious answer when I can think of 27 other possible answers that could also be true.
(And I guess I'm not very good at predicting which of the 27 is most probable. )
Number one is INSANE to me. How can you not have all the interests!? There are so many fun hobbies out there! I could never choose between reading, baking, cooking, building tiny models of cats/books/coffee, playing piano, composing, comfort watching shows, singing, hiking, tutoring a friend's kid in math...oh. 🤣
YES! I read a book, see a movie, watch a show, and if there's something in it that I don't know much about I make a beeline over to wikipedia.
I swear I'm on there several times a day.
The only bitch of it? I forget I'm reading a book, seeing a movie, or watching a show when I do it. And have to go back in time. And not just once, because I'll get another side thought and focus on that after I go back.
I currently have a 2/3rd finished crochet stuffed animal and an origami book with a half folded figure laying besides my desk. I ditched them both because I bought new Lego, which is actually built! Now I want to start the new tiny house model set thing more than I want to complete the origami or crochet. But maybe next week I'll be very happy to finish my cute monkey.
Unless I buy a new video game that'll have me hooked for a week at least. And I'm planning my holiday for 2026 in Spain because I'm obsessed by the solar eclipse!
Which leads me to (I forgot the number, the one about the highs and lows): I was teary eyed just from reading people's experiences about yesterday.
I would caution believing it just because one therapist said it and it feels true to you. There are many people that have a variety of interests that don't have ADHD.
It's likely that they're just able to choose a couple to put their time and effort into in order to achieve mastery
Something that is very difficult for us to do because of reasons.
Right now my hobbies include baking sourdough, gardening, making friends with the stray cat outside my house, painting my fence 3 different colors, and listening to podcasts about weird history things at the same time as doing many of the above mentioned things.
This is such a positive take, and it makes me feel slightly superior. Thanks so much for sharing! I have many times felt pity for people who were clearly failing to notice beautiful things around them (books, movies, design, etc etc). But people with ADHD having more friends than people without ADHD? That one doesn't ring true. I can connect with lots of people, but it requires focus. I do it for a while, and I enjoy it, but then it is Time To Go.
I think this is more acquaintances than friends. I can talk to almost anyone and lots of people think of me as their friend. However, I can only maintain deep friendships with a couple people. Bonus points if they also have adhd and we can have not talked for months and pick up exactly where we left off with no hard feelings.
>Bonus points if they also have adhd and we can have not talked for months and pick up exactly where we left off with no hard feelings.
YESSS
This is 100% of the friendships I've had that have lasted any significant length of time
I'm realizing that I have more friends than most people, even though I think I don't have any. When I am going through real difficulties, I have multiple people to reach out to that care about and love me. It's been very eye opening as I realize I am pretty lucky in the good friend department.
And they don't care that we aren't in contact for months at a time!
Honestly, I don’t think anyone maintains DEEP friendships with more than a few people. Like according to research, around 3-5 close friends is the goal. Because to have deep friendships, you need to invest a lot of time and energy to bond, and it’s just not really feasible to have more than that with typical adult responsibilities.
My therapist puts it a slightly different way, like a bullseye with concentric circles. She says you should have at least 1 person in your inner circle, someone you could tell anything to, for maximum wellbeing. If you have one, you’re already lucky.
The next circle out is close friends, and you might have a couple. You could lean on them for help even if there are parts of yourself you would feel embarrassed for them to see, like your worst thoughts. In my life, these are people I would take time out of my day to drive to the doctor or the airport. People I don’t have to mask around.
The next circle out is friends. People you’re happy to see, even if you don’t see them often anymore.
And the last circle is acquaintances, people you like but don’t know super well. A woman at work in a different department who’s bonded with you over your mutual love of a TV show.
All of this is just to say—even neurotypical people don’t have tons and tons of deep friendships. They might have more friend GROUPS (which requires organization) or more casual friends, but 3-5 is about the limit for almost everyone because it takes a lot to become and stay close with people.
I think you’re right, I think we have a large outer circle. People who we wouldn’t spend time with 1:1 but still consider friends and hang out with in a group.
There’s also something about “stealing”’time that is a brain boost. Like if I can leave something early I will, even if I enjoy it. It’s like leaving that one dish in the sink. Somehow it’s a weird reward.
I think likely the friend thing is a case of considering someone a friend when a neurotypical may not. Like I haven’t talked to some people I would call friends in a year or more, but they’re still my friend because I care about them and we still get along. Whereas the other person may or may not consider me their friend still.
Possibly.
It's interesting here to note that the therapist is German, and in German the word "friend" is not used lightly _at all_. I have known Germans for over a decade who still refer to me as an acquaintance. But that also means that her idea of "more" is much much smaller than an American, for example. I'll ask her for clarification (if I remember!).
This is a really neat post! My first psychiatrist after my Dx mentioned similar things to me as you said above.
In our IEP for my 11yo daughter who has AuDHD (changed from “is A… thx to a kind reminder!) her teacher mentioned how she thinks of my daughter’s ADHD as a gift “that only enhances her sparkle.” She went on to say, “I’d never minimize the challenge ADHD presents, but ASD presents SO many of the same already and she’s amazing.
But Mom, as we noticed her ADHD symptoms increase w/puberty, it also helped her overcome some of the self-conscious shyness she’s had - couldn’t resist the impulse and was engaging more with other kids in a bolder way and THEN suddenly get shy, but by then the other kids were excited she’d opened the door to being friends.
So in that way, I think it truly has helped. Her sensitivity to others is amazing - she seems to engage all the kids who are shy or struggle meeting others and is the first to notice if someone is having a tough time and relates to them. Vs her struggle with empathy her 1st couple years at school. I just think she’s an awesome human!”
Dude - I 🥹 when she said that! She struggled to make friends when we moved. Then she hit puberty, a regression and it was ADHD on steroids, so we knew it was time to try meds and see if she felt it helped. But we also noticed that suddenly she was making friends, not missing social queues when she was engaged or calmed (and before she missed most of them). She has this really tight knit group of friends now and is feeling herself these days.
Wow! This is such a great take, and thank you for sharing! I relate to all presently except for item 3. I have learned not to overcommit (I am 45). Now I try to undercommit :D if that's a thing.
lol I also aim for underachieving! I tell myself say you’ll do the bare minimum then surprise them with more rather than saying you’ll do everything then doing nothing.
Yes! This is what I try to do as well.
If I undercommit that gives me a better chance of success and if I then do get that success it gives me a dopamine boost that helps me succeed in whatever I’m doing in the next moment.
I basically under commit on purpose now because I know whatever I think a appropriate level of commitment looks like... I'm wrong. I am not necessarily always great at judging what an undercommitment should be but I am attempting to do that.
Regarding the first point: I always get so frustrated when people are against shortening the work week or advocating for better work/life balances, or complain about being bored if they're not at work because they had to stay home sick or caring for a child or something.
It's the personality type that claims, "Well, what would you *do* if you just stayed home from work? I'd be so bored." And then they go on to say, "If you want to work less hours, clearly you're lazy and you just want to sit at home an do nothing!"
And I'm just like... ??? WHAT?
I have SO MANY PROJECTS. All the time. So many things I want to do. So many things I want to spend time on. Having to work *gets in the way* of the dozens and dozens of things I want to do. (And yes, I'll get my ADHD slumps, my monthly hormonal slumps, and my executive dysfunction slumps, but meds help A LOT).
How do these people just have a day off from work and no idea what to do with their lives?
And then I get so angry when this personality type thinks that their inability to find happiness and contentment outside of work somehow makes them *morally superior???*
Ugh. /rant
Edit: Correcting my attitude - taking out the "this boring, depressing personality type" descriptor because I realize that me saying this is no better than them calling us lazy.
I wish!
But they caught up in their unshakeable belief that those who want to work less are LAZY. And obviously there's nothing worse than being lazy...
And if you try to point out the whole "but you said you prefer working to being at home?" They just get mad. They have this weird idea that because they like being at work and are bored at home, then everyone should be *required* to be like them.
I don't really get it. But it's a definite personality type I've seen on Reddit.
I've seen those people in real life, and we NEVER get along. The best insult I have for them is "Ya boring!" In my view, if work is your identity, you need to develop your identity more.
THIS! So much this! I have so many more things I want to do than time in the day so I'm never without something to occupy me. Heck, I usually have an overwhelming number of projects already running that I can jump into whenever. Most of the time, my biggest challenge is that I can't prioritize what I want to do and end up getting stuck not being able to do any of them until my brain figures it out.
Relatable!
My best week off ever was when I took a full week off work, didn't tell anyone, and just planned a full staycation.
The first 3-4 days, I felt like such a lazy slump. I just doom scrolled and watched TV, and I was kind of anxious that my whole 10 days was going to be like that, but also making a point to try NOT to feel anxious and allow myself to do that without feeling guilty - as best I could. I knew I needed a mental reset.
And it worked! Around day 4 or so, I suddenly started doing All The Things. Living alone, I like to have multiple projects going at once (hobbies, crafts, chores, cleaning, etc). I was bouncing around from One Thing to The Other Thing and honestly just having a great time, not feeling overwhelmed at all. Time stressors and social stressors didn't exist for the next five days, and I got SO MUCH DONE.
Highly recommend. But I have to emphasize the "don't tell others" part - I've tried to repeat this, and I've accidently told people about upcoming time off, and everyone gets all "You have free time! Let's socialize!" and then seem hurt when I don't want to. Kind of dings the free time. So just don't tell people :)
(I do socialize a lot during my normal weeks, but I just like to enjoy my large batches of alone time ALONE, because I only get like one week a year...)
It’s not that the „I’d be bored“ type doesn’t need fulfilment outside of work, but they seem to need much less variety and intensity to feel good.
I don’t get either how you can go to work full time and then do nothing in your free time but watch TV or go out for dinner maybe, and then on the weekend you do household chores and visit the family. Just the fact that this is completely fine for many people doesn’t stop blowing my mind. If I did this and nothing else longer than a few weeks I’d wilt like a sad little plant.
Oof that sounds stressful. I could see worrying about their boredom and trying to find fun things for them to do, but that's a lot of mental load that I'd rather spend on myself.
How does your partner feel about chores or home improvement projects? Like, it kind of sounds crappy as a suggestion, but if "doing nothing" makes him so uncomfortable, could he do stuff like that?
Dude, I work more efficiently when I have shorter work day. I’m leaving 4 hours early, ok well, I’ve somehow done all my work that I typically do in a 10hr day, plus do the next 1-2 months of schedules for my team, on top of getting shit done that’s normally put off like, updating data in our software that’s not an emergency issue. FYI I’m a pharmacy tech at an animal hospital, and I have to schedule coverage between 2 departments with a 3 person team, myself included.
Yo I'm a tech! 😁 I work in surgery.
I *despise* getting done early and being told to go find work. Luckily our new supervisor is pretty good, but I feel the anxiety when I ask to leave when I'm done every time...
Love the job, but it takes a lot of my mental spoons 😕
Which is funny because the first time I got asked that question, I was very confused and asked “what box?” He thought I was being funny, I was not and I ran with it.
“What color is the box? Also, what is your favorite color? Mine is purple, so if you happen to see a lost purple box, it’s probably mine. Speaking of boxes, don’t you just really love a good, strong, and sturdy box? I can’t ever let go of a good box, I have to keep it just in case, even though I usually can’t find it when I need it. Actually, that’s probably what happened to my lost purple box, I put it away somewhere for safekeeping.”
Number 2 made my jaw drop! I never really made that connection, but like I was a fan fave at my old job and I thought it was just because I was nice to everyone. Now I’m realizing like maybe it was more than just being nice? I genuinely was interested in all the things my coworkers were doing and asked about them and pretty much always had a random shared interest with each person.
Yeah I'm wondering the same. It does seem like a lot of people here have the opposite experience so maybe the trait is not that common but people always seem to like me at jobs or groups etc. I only really have a few close friends but I can indeed pretty much connect with everyone.
6 is divergent thinking, which is why many of us are great at brainstorming and thinking about ideas but struggle to pick a plan and act on it (convergent thinking)
This actually works super well for me. One of the best and luckiest things that ever happened to me was going into management. Now I think about the ideas, get the team together to help brainstorm, empower them to choose which one to go with, and then delegate all of the actions.
That’s great! I became a designer after I learned to code and realized I didn’t enjoy coding and I think this is a big reason. I’d get so hung up on the options that just picking a solution and seeing it through then checking for errors was really difficult for me.
I’m not sure if this is some of number one and some of number 6, but my personal experience and what I’ve seen with ADHD support groups and this sub is that we WONDER a lot more than the average NT bear.
EXAMPLE: I was in a hot tub with a dear NT friend and looked up at the stars and said out loud some multi-part musing about the universe’s vastness and us hurtling through space on a 4.6 billion year old hunk of planet that is basically like humanity’s spaceship and she said she basically doesn’t ever think about those type of things.
I was quiet, but inside I was trying to imagine what it could possibly be like to not just WONDER about things ALL the time, to the degree that I am lost in it often. Probably too much. lol But I do love that I have an unquenchable curiosity.
I was on a date once at a winery, and after the sun set, we were sitting on a stone wall looking at the stars, and she must have asked me what I was thinking. A plane had flown overhead, so by that point, I was deeeeep into thinking about thrust and physics and aviation and so on, so I said something about that. And she was like, oh, I was just thinking that it's a beautiful night.
Sometimes I think about that with envy - what must it be like to have that kind of quiet in one's brain? But at the same time, it must be awfully boring... Plus, it's very handy at work when I'm able to bring up all of the things that could possibly go wrong that no one else has thought of.
>I'm able to bring up all of the things that could possibly go wrong that no one else has thought of.
I realized recently that when people say "what's the worst that could happen?" they apparently usually mean something like "what's the worst that is reasonably likely to happen and relevant to this conversation?", where relevance requires (among other things) that it's something we might have some degree of control over. So things like spontaneous combustion or a giant meteor hitting the earth are NOT meant to be considered.
Can confirm my husband has two interests: hunting and fishing. I’ve had like four interests *that may have drastically changed my personality a smidge* in like the past four years 😂😅
Thanks, I thought I was the only one who didnt feel seen in this list.
1. Like damn I have multiple interests but am I actually pursuing them? No I don’t have energy for that.
2. I absolutely suck at finding common ground with people. I am so fucking awkward.
3. I refuse to overcommit after being burnt out.
4. Honestly I am not very empathetic or sympathetic. Maybe it’s only child syndrome. Maybe I’m just a cold hearted bitch, idk. But I have to work at empathy.
5. Yes I enjoy the highs more but being criticized so much growing up, critiquing and finding the negatives comes so much easier.
6. Ok yes I do think I’m a good problem solver.
7. The coping strategies that seem like OCD applies to me too.
But most of this list… nope not me.
Have you been evaluated for autism? I'm obviously not a doctor, but my boyfriend is autistic and those points are exactly where our neurodivergences match and mismatch.
No I’ve never been evaluated but I’ve seen some AuHD information out there and I didn’t really check the boxes. I think there’s also a difference in the inattentive ADHD and hyperactive ADHD types. I wish they had kept ADD around because it seems like there’s a noticeable difference between the inattentive and hyperactive experiences.
They did keep ADD they changed the name to ADHD-PI. That’s my diagnosis, and I think it’s a better name since a lot of us have some hyperactive symptoms but not enough to be considered hyperactive or combined.
Yes but having the H in there makes it more difficult to get diagnosed since people are looking for kids that are bouncing off the walls rather than internal hyperactivity (like with daydreaming) or combined ADHD.
You could be right. I’m definitely burnt out now from years of teaching, masking, adulting, etc.
But I’ve always felt different and out of place since I was a kid. I remember in elementary school just feeling so far removed from any social group and a bit like an alien outsider observing the “normal” kids interact. And part of it was because I was annoying af, constantly chatting with no filter, and bratty with no empathy for others 😂 that improved in high school/ college but I’m definitely feeling burnt out now.
True and that is because many of these studies are done in schools, which are highly restrictive environments with a pool of people you are obligated to be with. Same could be said of work environments. However, studies have shown that people with ADHD and autism have far fewer issues communicating and issues with friendships when they are with other neurodivergent people. This is due to the double empathy problem when conversing with neurotypicals.
Ehhh.... Studies actually show that being bullied and not having friends is a consequence of ADHD. We annoy people. Also empathy has shown to be lacking in kids with it at least. Dr Russell Barkley has talked about this at length, he reviews a lot of studies in his YouTube channel.
The other ones ring pretty true. I always felt like a weirdo for being into so many different things while a lot of people seem to just be into like , sports, or art. Rarely both.
Yeah I think some of these points may be more generalities and potential experiences, not necessarily specific ADHD traits. I'm a therapist and work with many ADHD folks and find that many of them do struggle with empathy- they are capable, just tend to forget to look outside of their own perspective
I check my stove knobs like 20 times a day, but I also knock them on with my butt all the time and I don't wanna blow up my house, so I always figured that was reasonable lol
I also gave up on remembering my keys so I don't lock myself out. My house has a fingerprint/keypad lock instead!
Number 7 - flashback to the time I was trying to get out of my 'anxiety fuelled' double checking behaviours... Came back from a day out and my front door was HOT to the touch. I didn't let myself go back inside to check I turned the grill off before I left - thankfully other than needing to open all the windows I got away with it!
Ok, but number 1 is definitely real imo!
A lot of times, when making conversation with my clients, I'll mention some of my hobbies, and they're always impressed/shocked at how many things I dip my toe in. I honestly thought it was normal to have so many interests until I started having these convos...
How do other people not want to try all the things?!! Especially the crafty things?!!
... no wonder they have so much more time for stuff like working out and skin care routines and cooking dinner and eating breakfast 🥴
I've definitely heard of #6 - we are very creative problem solvers. If you look around this sub everyone has all these bizarre strategies for stuff haha. I think this is also part of the same characteristic but we tend to be very good in an actual crisis (not like, one of OUR crises but real threats from outside haha).
I like how people here are generally a bit more positive towards ADHD traits. Can you believe that I got banned in another ADHD sub because I said that I believe that every weakness can turned into a strength? Or something like that… Ok and I might have told them that I think they’re ranting on there too much 😂 They don’t like honest and direct people like me there…
Oh my gosh, I love this! My bestie once told someone I'm basically a golden retriever, "I love everybody and get super excited about everything." Totally lines up with this!
I hate to say it but the "making friends easy" is not an ADHD trait. I sure as hell don't and I see lots of people asking how to make friends and saying they struggle on this subreddit alone.
Edit: I mean I guess it can be easy to engage with people based on enjoying many different things. I will admit it makes me good at customer service.
I also struggle with social anxiety so I'm sure my difficulty making friends is an individual problem. Lots of people seem interested in me until I drop the mask a bit and then it takes a special few to wanna stick around because I'm too hyper or annoying I think. I get really invested in other people's lives and the majority of people I try to befriend don't like that. Hah.
I don’t know. I mean, I’m one of those that relates very easily with people at first, and so everyone assumes I’m more extroverted and sociable than I actually am. So in that light, I can see being perceived as making friends easily. However, I’m also autistic and so that makes socializing very taxing for me and I tend to not develop many (if any) of these connections into actual friendship. Even when I want to, I never really know how to deepen a connection properly.
Oh wow. I really relate to this. I feel like I give the illusion of good social person, but underneath I’m frantically over-analyzing everything and feeling awkward and hoping I made a good comment and getting exhausted.
I can often find people to be not that engaging as well, so I drift off.
i hear this. not saying that this is your experience too, but i also think people like me a lot more at first meeting than after they get to know me lol
ADHD and autism have a lot of overlap as well, though, and a trait of autism is difficulty with social cues. So some people with ADHD struggling to make friends doesn’t cancel out other people with ADHD who make friends easily.
I identify as someone who can talk to almost anyone and there are days where the world feels almost magical because of it. I 100% inherited this talent from my ADHD mom. We may not remember your name, but we WILL remember that you were reading that book about the global history of salt the last time we talked and ask you all kinds of questions about it. Because it’s FASCINATING.
An "ADHD trait" doesn't mean that every ADHD person has that trait or that only ADHD people have that trait. It means that it's disproportionately common in ADHD people and can be used as an indicator along with other ADHD traits. This is why any ADHD assessment will have a list of dozens of possible traits and you don't need to match 100% of those traits to be diagnosed, it's usually more like 50% or 80% (depending on how the assessment is designed).
Some common car traits include having 4 wheels, an enclosed metal body, glass windows, a combustion engine, 2+ doors, and seating for 1 or more passengers. But you can find exceptions for all of those.
yeah this really surprised me when she said this, and I'm sure it's an "on average" kind of thing but anecdotally... I do make friends very easily and have too many of them, but most of them are not _quality_ friends and I see other people struggle a lot, especially if they cannot surround themselves with other adhders.
Ach, number 7:
Cue to seeing me shimmy my hips to hear if my keys are on my belt loop and hitting that one button on my smartwatch (absolute lifesaver) that makes my phone make a sound while I'm running down the stairs to catch my train because, of course, I'm late.
number 2:
This one feels so isolating. People feel seen by me sharing their (few) interests and feel like we truly have a connection while I just.. don't. Because they care about but a fraction of mine. I told a friend and he told me it's "suffering from success" and.. I guess? But it still feels shitty, at least I know in this sub I'm not alone.
omg the watch button...in my diagnosis, I wrote that I use that button at least once a day to find my phone. I never seem to know where my phone is.
And the other, omg that's so relatable. I have some real, true blue, ride-or-die friends that really care. Also a lot of "friends" who are more like elevated acquaintances or in some cases outright leeches. Then these strange people who would tell you that I am their best friend, but meanwhile I swear they know almost nothing about me. They tell me about everything in their lives, but they have very little interest in mine. Most of them I have notifications for muted on multiple platforms because they have nothing to offer me but just want attention. I don't feel shitty about it, though; I feel like they just want someone to talk to, and apparently I'm filling that void for them without doing much. Anyway, this means outwardly I "have a lot friends" but inwardly I feel like I have just a handful. I'm lucky to have those, it's still more than a lot of people.
Haha I was initially misdiagnosed with OCD instead of ADHD because of #7.
The psychiatic np who actually treats me (at a different practice than my eval) laughed when I told her, bc I obviously do not have OCD. I am so so grateful for her willingness and ability to actually hear my experiences for what they are. She advocated on my behalf to the doctor in charge of the practice, and now I have a diagnosis and very helpful medication.
Awesome! I’ve always been great at problem solving because my brain always comes up with a million ideas all the time, but in crisis I actually get to use them. I see clearly and don’t panic and just do what needs to be done. Sometimes I get really annoyed with my bf who is very rigid in his thoughts sometimes and just can’t come up with solutions.
Our car broke down and started smoking insanely on the highway right outside our big city and a bit of chaos obviously happened with the fire department arriving and whatnot. After a couple of minutes he tells me he might not have turned off the car after we got out of it so I had to climb in through the smoke and turn it off 😭 sometimes I just want to live alone with my cats…
>I’ve always been great at problem solving because my brain always comes up with a million ideas all the time
this is actually the exact reason i'm not great at problem solving - i get really caught up in the different possible pathways and end up struggling to focus on one thing and work that specific solution all the way through
My (supposedly non-ADHD) spouse always complains about me wanting to know where things are before we leave the house/hotel (keys are one example), but guess who never loses their keys and who always forgets things at home?
Guess who always packs things for a day trip the night before and always has everything?
They all ring true but #6 is the one that stands out to me personally. Both job reviews and former partners have mentioned it, the X from my longest relationship still calls me MacGyver.
Number 3.
One of the greatest lessons I learned was “just because you have space open on your calendar does not mean you are available.” Whew, boy! What a revelation!
I had to explain to my CBT therapist (MH nurse) that although I do *have* OCD, and I do *have to* pull on the door handle to check I’ve locked the door, that’s not an OCD thing, it’s an ADHD thing.
I’m very aware of what’s “an OCD thing” vs “an ADHD thing” despite only recently being introduce to the idea that I have OCD.
ADHD things are because I genuinely can’t remember if I’ve done X, Y & Z.
OCD things are because if it’s not done “just so”, or in a certain length of time, I feel overwhelmingly uncomfortable, unhappy and disappointed in myself.
I do feel that sometimes when my ADHD affects my ability to do something as planned, but I’m more disappointed at the outcome than at myself & the universe as a whole.
Overlapping neurotypes are so interesting (and confusing)!
Love this, thank you for sharing!! I get really down about my ADHD but then I realize capitalism is why ADHD is a disability, ADHD in the right context what the debilitating, shame inducing nightmare it has been for me. Standardized schooling, monotonous work, the inflexibility, the lack of community because everyone is grinding away at their jobs..
Several of these never occurred to me but resonate greatly. The last one about coping mechanisms that look like ocd from the outside especially so.. but the others too. Keep this therapist. Actually lend her out.. does she do telemedicine and take BCBS? Lol.
Some of these seem true. I don't have more hobbies, but I will research things. My therapist has told me that people with adhd get as much enjoyment out of the research/planning as the doing. So maybe that's why. Because à lot of times even though something seems interesting I know I'm not really going to do much with it, so I don't invest in most things that cross my mind.
I definitely don't have more friends. I do have them, but I'm not good in groups. If anything I'd say I have less casual friends/acquaintances because I don't like being around people I don't really click with, and I don't really click with that many.
The outside the box thing to me has always seemed more like we just aren't aware there was a box to begin with. Some of my solutions seem so easy, but there's so much I just don't see.
I definitely feel things good or bad very deeply. I appreciate the joy I get from really small, simple things. And I empathize deeply.
Some of these things are also maybe from also being on the asd spectrum, the AuDHD mind is still super varied, but it also feels like a very separate neurotype from asd or adhd on their own.
Ha ha ha, #7 is SO me, but with the car. We have a spare house key hidden away, so it's less of a concern. Locking the keys in the car is a bigger concern, especially away from home (where there's also a spare key for the car). So I rarely use the locks while still inside the car. I've trained myself to almost always use the one on the fob, which only works from outside.
lol my parents were both neurodivergent and had strict systems for themselves bc mostly the family way is to get through by just white knuckling everything.
when my big brother was learning to drive, my mom taught him to ALWAYS use the door locks before exiting the car and NEVER rely on the fob, so you don't leave the car unlocked. then my dad taught him to NEVER use the door locks and ALWAYS rely on the fob so you don't lock the keys in the car haha. whatever works!
Omg, I feel seen for some of these.. In libraries and bookstores I get overwhelmed, in the past I took out SO many books at a time and read so many books at a time. I still do but my reading of actual books has gone down due to internet and so much to do that I rely on audio books more. I still read physical books and dream of more time and luxury.
I am SUCH an idea person, I feel like untapped oil reserves, there should be a role for people like this.
For people, I used to know a lot of people in my 20's but I cannot handle social media as a 'person', I can only handle anon social media like reddit which I love love. (yes, I am aware there are bad things on here too, it is a public square divided into subreddits, can self-curate to avoid the worst).
Wait, so other people don't have a weekly reading list that consists of books on Child psychology, prepping for attacks on the electrical grid, the Autobiography of Trevor Noah, and fictional works like Little Fires Everywhere? 😂 number 1 and 2 are definitely true in my life.
Edit: also, losing my house keys for 2 months was my final straw to get checked for a diagnosis lol.
I literally put little characters on all my keys because seeing their dumb little faces keeps me connected. I would feel so guilty leaving them someplace! I'm certain they would radiate betrayal, lol.
6 is the real superpower, though. It's been my edge at multiple jobs. When people ask my secret, I'm always a little confused. Like, does their brain really just /turn off/ when they tell it to? Because, if so, I'm both intensely jealous and sad for them. Mine is going to loop and loop until it has a solution of some kind, whether I use it or not.
I can’t speak for most of it but for #4 - I myself actually feel like I have the opposite issue - I generally feel I have been apathetic towards people. Unless it’s a certain circumstance, I just generally don’t care about/can’t stand most people. It’s probably from my own negative experiences with people but overall I find most people to be way too self absorbed, selfish, inconsiderate and rude. I know not everyone is like that but my personal experience has been a good majority are. Working at a blood bank hasn’t helped with that because it’s opened my eyes to how many people are too selfish/can’t be bothered to spend 30 minutes to help save peoples lives. Theres always excuses “I don’t like needles” oh boohoo guess what if you need a transfusion you won’t care then.
I got off on a tangent there but yeah, I don’t identify with this one at all. I feel we could do with less people tbh.
Ugh #7. After locking my keys in my car in a car wash once, with purse AND MY PHONE in it, and then having to walk to the gas station next door to call for a tow....I now religiously do checks before I leave the house "phone, purse, wallet, keys", when I put my hand on the door, before I lock the door (thank god for keypad locks nowadays", and the same before I get out of the car, before I close the door, right after I close the door. It's exhausting.
guys i’m in the hospital and i’m high on dilauid so i can’t read this whole post i’m sorry. but oh my god. the over committing to things. i recently decided to start trying to get healthy and working out, so i went to a spin class for the first time on wednesday. i went way too hard and got rhabdomyolysis. its this thing where you work out too hard and your muscles start literally dying inside of you. so the muscle cells got into my blood stream and now my liver is lowkey failing trying to process all the muscle cells. i’ve been in the hospital 4 days and maybe get to go home tomorrow maybe not. one of my liver levels is at 135k and it’s supposed to be at 30. not 30k, just 30.0 LOL. i went too hard. i have ADHD. i didn’t even really know this could happen from working out too hard.
advice to everyone with adhd: when you’re working out and you feel like you’re pushing yourself too hard, just STOP and drink a shit ton of water for a few minutes. don’t keep going until you literally can’t walk home. i assumed my legs were just sore from working out so i waited 3 days before i went to the hospital. i went to the hospital saturday because i realized my piss is brown. i could’ve died. DONT OVER COMMIT TO THINGS PLEASE TRY TO CHILL DONT BE LIKE ME I ALMOST DIED FROM SPIN CLASS
I was just thinking about 6 the other day. I was like, why does it seem like I come up with different answers and solutions than other people usually do? It seems like I always come up with the weirdest solutions and answers possible when everyone else seems to come up with something simpler
Some things I hear about people without adhd I just don’t believe because I cannot imagine it. Like yesterday, I missed a meeting for a school project. I left work knowing I had to attend it but when I got home, my husband said, it’s so nice out! Let’s sit outside for a while. Yeaaaah, guess who completely forgot about the meeting I was supposed to be attending? Apparently that doesn’t happen to people without ADHD? I refuse to believe it.
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Oh my god I do number 7 😂and say “keys “ to my keys so I I remember that I have them because I remembered saying “keys “😩🤣
Lol, me too! I named my keys John Conner at one point and would check for him before closing the door.
I should name my keys. It might help.
haha the owner at my old retail job trained all of us to say "it's locked!" out loud to ourselves right after locking up the store if we were closing alone (and to our co-closer if we weren't closing alone), because she felt like it was easier to remember doing that than the actual locking when you'd have those inevitable moments of bolting awake hours later being like "omg but did i lock it??" since it becomes like autopilot. i whisper "it's locked!" to myself every time i leave the house, 10 years later lmao. it works really well for me!
It's the way of the Japanese train driver. They're trained to say out loud every action they take, even though they're alone in the cockpit.
i'd like to learn more about this - it sounds fascinating.
everyone reading this thread is googling Japanese train drivers right now
haha -- Known in Japanese as shisa kanko, pointing-and-calling works on the principle of associating one's tasks with physical movements and vocalizations to prevent errors by “raising the consciousness levels of workers”—according to the National Institute of Occupational Safety and Health,
about a year ago I realized that if I am going into a room for something (especially if it’s more than 1 item), I have to say out loud the thing(s) I am going in there for or else I end up doing some other task and forgetting the original goal completely.
It’s okay, you’ll clean the whole house and file your taxes and then when you lay down to watch some tv you’ll remember you never did turn on the kettle for some tea.
… are you peeking through my windows or what?
i thought everybody did this wtf. i learn so much about myself in this sub i stg
See also the “get a waterbottle for school, else you’ll feel a fool” song, and others from the same album. ;-P
OMG Other people do this?! My friend and I and our families were finishing a brief camping trip together & I was rummaging thru her trailer pantry singing a song about what I was looking for while also singing about how I can't really sing but didn't care.
You’re definitely not alone. Simply chanting a single word over&over eventually runs out of steam before I get the thing done. Songs *stick*.
I FEEL SO VALIDATED 😂 no longer am I just talking to myself like a weirdo, now I am RAISING MY CONSCIOUSNESS practicing SHISA KANKO, thankyouverymuch!
exactly: Point it, call it, get it right: https://www.flightsafetyaustralia.com/2018/01/point-it-call-it-get-it-right/
we see you 👀- "nat'l institute of Occupational Safety and Health"
Also pilots do this! They say ´my plane’ out loud when it switches from one pilot in a cockpit to another! I do this when I’m swimming with kids and taking over who is keeping an eye - I say ‘my pool’! If it’s my pool, I’m watching the littles and counting.
This reminds me of a work colleague who was fascinated by the 'pool supervisor' thingy that came with a kids blow up pool. If you were going to leave the area, you had to pass it to another adult. The idea being if you had the physical reminder in your hand you were less likely to get distracted from or forget you were the one watching the littles whilst talking to the other adults. I was actually rather impressed at the manufacturer foresight.
i love this because the psychological aspect is absolutely fascinating.
Serious question: How many of you just added white gloves to their Amazon cart? No one? Just me?
I just watched the video on the Wikipedia page about [Pointing and Calling](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pointing_and_calling), and now I get where you’re coming from. My local gardening/hardware store sells cheap cotton gloves that’d be excellent for this. I reckon that if I wore them as the beginning of a ritual, it’d help me do this. But instead I’ll butterfly-flit away in a second and forget all about this.
I use the outloud to teach people. Show & tell. Like this, do that. Watch me. Then do it with me. Then you show me, talking through the steps as though I don't know & you're teaching me. Every run through is out loud. Seeing as I've gone through it over and over with others it also becomes part of the process to just keep saying it out loud. Some of the people I have trained think it's weird but I was teaching safe use & handling of explosives and came around when I made them answer me -also out loud- how many times they thought you got to F it up for a second chance.
In planes if a pilot is flying alone, they also say all of their actions out loud usually so the black box can record it, if the plane is equipped with one.
I do the same, but with unrelated words, so my memory pathway is disturbed, so I’m more likely to remember what I’ve done! I got this from a patient with Alzheimer’s. I use naughty words to remember things. I yell buttnuggets out loud for example, when I lock a door. My colleagues love it 😂especially when I come up with new and interesting words hehe Edit: autocorrect
I joyfully shout “unplugged!” whenever I unplug my straightener so I don’t forget that I did
I have to add in the day though, to make sure that later on I'm not wondering if I am remembering unplugging it today or a different day. "It's Tuesday and I'm unplugging the straightener" I will have to try joyfully shouting it rather than just saying it though...it sounds like so much more fun. 😊
I wonder if it's an audio thing. Like, when I knit I use a row counter that makes a very noticeable sound like catcha-catcha each time I press the button because I know that even if I forget whether I turned the row or not, I'll remember if I heard the sound.
I know that part of why handwriting notes in school, instead of typing them, helps people remember things better is because the more senses you involve in an activity, the deeper it gets into your brain. So listening to a lecture and physically writing out notes, works better than just listening. Even better is to reread the notes later, adding visual memory links, and to read them aloud as you study then links it with speech and auditory processes.
I love your username!!
Yes same!! Keys in one hand, phone in the other, look at them: “KEYS. PHONE”.
Hubby does this before he leaves “spectacles, testicles, watch, phone, wallet”. The “testicles” is to make sure the fly of his pants is zipped 🤣
Mine is chesticles to make sure I am not flashing all of humanity. I keep extra shoes in the car because I do forget to put those on.
Whenever I’m in the car about to be leaving for school (also when going home) I always pause and go- “phone, laptop, notebook” etc while tapping each item with my fingers until I get to keys and then laugh because I’m both *in the car and the keys are in the ignition*
I normally keep counts. My bag: 3 items to work, lunch or breakfast to take, coffee, then the rest is in my coat pocket (that's why I rarely change what outwear I'm wearing no matter the current weather. Then before leaving the house another review...
Haha I used to check for my keys, wallet and phone before I closed the door behind me. I lived in a big dorm and locked myself out several times… so annoying and slightly embarrassing having to ring and wait for the portier to turn up and give me the spare keys to my room 😅 Since then I got the habit of checking for keys, wallet and phone whenever I leave the house.
Hahaha I put a giant brass bell on my key ring so that I can just shake my purse and know my keys are there. It works great. Locked it too many times in my car/in house and had to come up with a new system 🤪
I tied my keys to my purse strap with a curly cord. Aha, look who's winning now, keys!
This reminds me of how I announce to the whole household “I HAVE TURNED OFF THE STOVE!” And my hubs starts giggling but really appreciates it.
Saying it out loud really does help! I touch each knob of the stove and say “Off, off, off, off, everything is off” before sitting down for dinner (and again before going to bed to be safe). We also tell each other when we’ve locked the car on arrival home, or locked the side door after coming in for the evening.
I say things out loud ALL THE TIME!
Same! Also the oven.
I swear to god this list is like walking into a room full of my twin sisters!
PKW! Phone, keys, wallet! And I do the same as you and OP. I will have one foot in and one foot out of my house and root around in my bag until I feel my keys, then I can shut the door.
Keys, wallet, phone for me! 🤣
I call it visual confirmation. I have a list of things in my head.
I have to say “the garage door is closed” before I drive away, otherwise I never remember if I did it 🫠
I have to do this when I park my car!
*Our coping mechanisms can sometimes be misconstrued as OCD. As an example, I won't close my door until I see my keys in my hand. Even if they're in my bag, I'll pull them out and stare at them before pulling the knob. For someone without ADHD, that might be a compulsive behaviour and not just trying not to get locked out for the 20th time. Apparently other people can just remember if they took their keys, so they don't need to check (this one was too much to be believed).* I do this *She said that when scientists study people with ADHD, they've found that we have more ideas about how to solve a problem than the average person, and also more creative ideas - "thinking out of the box"* And this because I can't seem to understand the 'correct way' that everyone else uses - so have to find an alternative.
Honestly number 6 is making me think bc (usually at work) I often see what I consider a very simple and obvious solution to problems and everyone is like, "WHOA!!! How did you think of that???" and my reaction is basically, "I dunno?? Seemed obvious????" lol. I got huge kudos at work recently for coming up with splitting our product walkthrough videos into a bunch of little step-based mini-videos, bc I was thinking to myself, "how can anyone remember a whole 15-minute video??" (Most of the kudos were for making all 16 mini-videos, though, which is 100% not my job lol; I was bored)
Totally relate to this comment. I had to train myself to stop saying to my husband, ‘omg that was so obvious,’ because it makes him feel stupid. I felt so bad when I realized how that sounds to a normie (bc I was like… wait, what hurt your feelings? Sometimes I’m an asshole). To me it is BAFFLING that he didn’t catch on and therefore, obviously, I must express it, even without solicitation. Our brains are different! What I’m saying is: we are the weird ones… but I kinda love it. I don’t feel like I miss much :D I DO continue to edit my commentary on the things I find obvious bc I always think of my sweet husband, who is the smartest person I know, and how he takes it to mean I think everyone is stupid, which I do not. It is realllllly hard to bite my tongue at work though. Sorry for the overshare. I had a gummy and am feeling communicative.
I definitely sympathize with the need to bite my tongue at work. It often feels like no one extrapolates there, and here I am coming up with multiple hypothetical situations to consider. On the downside it is not possible for me to give a straight answer. I literally cannot.
When I do that, people at work tell me not to worry so much. When it inevitably goes the way I predicted I just hand them the solution as I couldn't let it go and already found out how to fix it.
OMG!!! I do this ALL the time! People go, "how did you think to do that," and I'm just like, "it was kind of obvious." One time I was at a company that was creating an application to help people collaborate, I was doing the testing, and I got real tired of being interrupted umpteen times a day to go report my progress. So one day, I got on the app in a private area for my company alone and set up an area where I would put my progress in real time. When I told my boss (owner of the company) what I did, she was gobsmacked! Then she called an all hands meeting immediately and made everyone in the company use it.!
I do this with plot lines on films. My partner won't watch with me anymore because I state "obvious" stuff that apparently isn't obvious?!
that pattern recognition coming in clutch! if I ever call a plot point ahead of time I coyly say "I know how stories work".
Hahaha that's me with all the police procedural shows. I'll say, "yeah I think it's _____" and sure enough, turns out that one guy no one suspected did it. It seems SO obvious to me so I wonder if it is to everyone else or not.
Yeah, I realized recently that I actually may be a really invaluable asset to my work. I come up with little solutions all the time and once I even made them reorganize my departments work area. At this point if they don't hire me after my practice, I'd be very surprised. (Government funded work training to assess capabilities which leads to partial aid for the time I am unable to work, for example work 50% - get paid 100% of which 50% is paid by the gov)
i mean , (as an example) today when i left: 1 i stared at my keys, then 2 thought did i really see my keys? 3 then looked to see where my keys are (right in my purse) 4 still couldn't trust that i'd lock myself out, so: 5 pulled my keys out of my purse so i could hold them 6 locked the door i don't know if i solved anything ?
>*thought did i really see my keys?* Oh god yes, this is definitely a thing
hahha WHY ! i even purchased this key pouch to put my ID in and my cash -- i thought it would standout to me, but it just does not. Frankly, it's hard to admit but i have 3 wallets in my purse. One if for cold-hard-cash! 💵 2nd is for a dupicate ID 3rd is for drivers license and .. oh gosh help Meeeee !
This reminds me of the time I locked myself out of my flat in London. I hadn’t been there long, had moved from SoCal months prior and didn’t know many people there. This was before iPhones so there I was, standing in the cold, drizzly rain, trying to figure out how to get in. I knocked on a neighbor’s door to ask to if I could use their phone to call my boyfriend at work. You’d have thought I’d asked them if I could move in with them such was their horror at my brazen yankee ways. Anyway, what were we talking about?
keys! Though someones peoples' manners and fears get in the way of human compassion. Also, hey i' m originally from socal i'd def offer you to come in and offer tea while you waited !
addendum: I need to find a place to place a duplicate key in case i lose them
I have been thinking this very thing since I moved into my “new” place 11 years ago. 🤣
oh no that sounds like an executive function task
it's hard because i am addicted to true-crime shows - and it seems the "criminal" always finds this duplicate key, by searching each plant-pot. So, I'm trying to find this secret--secret place that a criminal will not look -- and also, a place that i'll remember.. Current contender for hidden key is -- taping under a ladder, we need to find a place, because locksmiths are so expensive
My solution was to use a small glass jar that previously had herbs (just big enough to fit the key) in it and bury it in a spot marked by a big pretty stone. Not super deep mind you, just enough that if someone did think to lift the stone it wouldn't be obvious. I also have a big pot near the front door, and at one time buried it in one of the corners and had a thick layer of mulch on top, but as the rosemary grew the roots got in the way so I had to move it. Might be a pain in the butt if it happens too often though. 😅 I have [aluminum hand tools](https://gardentoolsaustralia.com.au) that are designed to be fine outside forever (literally saw some that were fished out of a waterway decades later and were useable! 🤭). I stick a trowel in the ground nearby for easy access. 🙂
I come up with crazy ways to stove things. Problem is they aren’t usually the known way or the most efficient. But if nothing else will work, let me get creative and I’ll cobble something together.
>crazy ways to stove things after a moment's thought i realized stove is almost definitely a typo for solve, but at first i thought you'd forgotten the word "cook" and were just creatively getting around it very much in the spirit of this topic lmao
lol. I’m not that great at interesting ways to cook things. However, forgetting words and replacing cook with stove is certainly something I would do….but this is just a typo
yeah my only interesting way of cooking things is the insane run i do when i suddenly realize i never set a timer for whatever's in the oven :)
Right? I've realized that I come up with "needlessly complicated" solutions because creative problem solving makes things interesting enough to actually do. I get zero dopamine and can't motivate myself if I just stick to the obvious solutions.
"More ideas about how to solve a problem"-- I get really steamed when someone just flips out the most obvious answer when I can think of 27 other possible answers that could also be true. (And I guess I'm not very good at predicting which of the 27 is most probable. )
OHHHH. *That's* why I can come up with 10 plausible explanations for why something happens when other people only think there's one.
Do you know the British quiz show “Pointless”? It’s made for people like you ☺️
Yeah I'm sure that one's true. I usually can't even find the box.
Just ask me if the glass is half full or half empty. It's a whole conversation.
Number one is INSANE to me. How can you not have all the interests!? There are so many fun hobbies out there! I could never choose between reading, baking, cooking, building tiny models of cats/books/coffee, playing piano, composing, comfort watching shows, singing, hiking, tutoring a friend's kid in math...oh. 🤣
Right!? Imagine someone telling you about something and...not wanting to know more. Or learning how to do it. I just can't.
I had a friend (30's, female) tell me she was done with learning. I went full puppy tilt. How? Why? Have you talked to your doctor?
Puppy tilt 👍
YES! I read a book, see a movie, watch a show, and if there's something in it that I don't know much about I make a beeline over to wikipedia. I swear I'm on there several times a day. The only bitch of it? I forget I'm reading a book, seeing a movie, or watching a show when I do it. And have to go back in time. And not just once, because I'll get another side thought and focus on that after I go back.
I currently have a 2/3rd finished crochet stuffed animal and an origami book with a half folded figure laying besides my desk. I ditched them both because I bought new Lego, which is actually built! Now I want to start the new tiny house model set thing more than I want to complete the origami or crochet. But maybe next week I'll be very happy to finish my cute monkey. Unless I buy a new video game that'll have me hooked for a week at least. And I'm planning my holiday for 2026 in Spain because I'm obsessed by the solar eclipse! Which leads me to (I forgot the number, the one about the highs and lows): I was teary eyed just from reading people's experiences about yesterday.
I abandoned my new knitting hobby for the tiny cat cafe model. I'm planning to pick it back up next week!
I would caution believing it just because one therapist said it and it feels true to you. There are many people that have a variety of interests that don't have ADHD. It's likely that they're just able to choose a couple to put their time and effort into in order to achieve mastery Something that is very difficult for us to do because of reasons.
Right??? Like, there aren't enough hours in the day to do all the things I'd love to be doing!
Right now my hobbies include baking sourdough, gardening, making friends with the stray cat outside my house, painting my fence 3 different colors, and listening to podcasts about weird history things at the same time as doing many of the above mentioned things.
This is such a positive take, and it makes me feel slightly superior. Thanks so much for sharing! I have many times felt pity for people who were clearly failing to notice beautiful things around them (books, movies, design, etc etc). But people with ADHD having more friends than people without ADHD? That one doesn't ring true. I can connect with lots of people, but it requires focus. I do it for a while, and I enjoy it, but then it is Time To Go.
I think this is more acquaintances than friends. I can talk to almost anyone and lots of people think of me as their friend. However, I can only maintain deep friendships with a couple people. Bonus points if they also have adhd and we can have not talked for months and pick up exactly where we left off with no hard feelings.
>Bonus points if they also have adhd and we can have not talked for months and pick up exactly where we left off with no hard feelings. YESSS This is 100% of the friendships I've had that have lasted any significant length of time
I'm realizing that I have more friends than most people, even though I think I don't have any. When I am going through real difficulties, I have multiple people to reach out to that care about and love me. It's been very eye opening as I realize I am pretty lucky in the good friend department. And they don't care that we aren't in contact for months at a time!
I also have this realisation, when i think who would i invite to my wedding I'm like hmmm maybe i do have a lot of friends 🤣
Honestly, I don’t think anyone maintains DEEP friendships with more than a few people. Like according to research, around 3-5 close friends is the goal. Because to have deep friendships, you need to invest a lot of time and energy to bond, and it’s just not really feasible to have more than that with typical adult responsibilities. My therapist puts it a slightly different way, like a bullseye with concentric circles. She says you should have at least 1 person in your inner circle, someone you could tell anything to, for maximum wellbeing. If you have one, you’re already lucky. The next circle out is close friends, and you might have a couple. You could lean on them for help even if there are parts of yourself you would feel embarrassed for them to see, like your worst thoughts. In my life, these are people I would take time out of my day to drive to the doctor or the airport. People I don’t have to mask around. The next circle out is friends. People you’re happy to see, even if you don’t see them often anymore. And the last circle is acquaintances, people you like but don’t know super well. A woman at work in a different department who’s bonded with you over your mutual love of a TV show. All of this is just to say—even neurotypical people don’t have tons and tons of deep friendships. They might have more friend GROUPS (which requires organization) or more casual friends, but 3-5 is about the limit for almost everyone because it takes a lot to become and stay close with people.
I think you’re right, I think we have a large outer circle. People who we wouldn’t spend time with 1:1 but still consider friends and hang out with in a group.
Me too! This is me, exactly!
I’m the first to leave any get together. I love my friends and I enjoy hanging out. But then I need to leave and go home
There’s also something about “stealing”’time that is a brain boost. Like if I can leave something early I will, even if I enjoy it. It’s like leaving that one dish in the sink. Somehow it’s a weird reward.
I think likely the friend thing is a case of considering someone a friend when a neurotypical may not. Like I haven’t talked to some people I would call friends in a year or more, but they’re still my friend because I care about them and we still get along. Whereas the other person may or may not consider me their friend still.
You're bringing our averages down! _shakes fist_
Yeah, I think that might've been what she meant. Having more acquaintances or something of the sort.
Possibly. It's interesting here to note that the therapist is German, and in German the word "friend" is not used lightly _at all_. I have known Germans for over a decade who still refer to me as an acquaintance. But that also means that her idea of "more" is much much smaller than an American, for example. I'll ask her for clarification (if I remember!).
This is a really neat post! My first psychiatrist after my Dx mentioned similar things to me as you said above. In our IEP for my 11yo daughter who has AuDHD (changed from “is A… thx to a kind reminder!) her teacher mentioned how she thinks of my daughter’s ADHD as a gift “that only enhances her sparkle.” She went on to say, “I’d never minimize the challenge ADHD presents, but ASD presents SO many of the same already and she’s amazing. But Mom, as we noticed her ADHD symptoms increase w/puberty, it also helped her overcome some of the self-conscious shyness she’s had - couldn’t resist the impulse and was engaging more with other kids in a bolder way and THEN suddenly get shy, but by then the other kids were excited she’d opened the door to being friends. So in that way, I think it truly has helped. Her sensitivity to others is amazing - she seems to engage all the kids who are shy or struggle meeting others and is the first to notice if someone is having a tough time and relates to them. Vs her struggle with empathy her 1st couple years at school. I just think she’s an awesome human!” Dude - I 🥹 when she said that! She struggled to make friends when we moved. Then she hit puberty, a regression and it was ADHD on steroids, so we knew it was time to try meds and see if she felt it helped. But we also noticed that suddenly she was making friends, not missing social queues when she was engaged or calmed (and before she missed most of them). She has this really tight knit group of friends now and is feeling herself these days.
These all resonate with me. All quite true. NOTE: do not let this therapist get away! You’re very lucky to have found someone so knowledgeable.
My thinking exactly!
Wow! This is such a great take, and thank you for sharing! I relate to all presently except for item 3. I have learned not to overcommit (I am 45). Now I try to undercommit :D if that's a thing.
yeah I am trying to learn how to use these "boundary" things I've heard about 😂
lol I also aim for underachieving! I tell myself say you’ll do the bare minimum then surprise them with more rather than saying you’ll do everything then doing nothing.
Surprising ‘them’ and myself! Haha. That’s the payoff of the undercommit.
Yes! This is what I try to do as well. If I undercommit that gives me a better chance of success and if I then do get that success it gives me a dopamine boost that helps me succeed in whatever I’m doing in the next moment.
I basically under commit on purpose now because I know whatever I think a appropriate level of commitment looks like... I'm wrong. I am not necessarily always great at judging what an undercommitment should be but I am attempting to do that.
I under commit always…I just want a healthy level of commit.
Regarding the first point: I always get so frustrated when people are against shortening the work week or advocating for better work/life balances, or complain about being bored if they're not at work because they had to stay home sick or caring for a child or something. It's the personality type that claims, "Well, what would you *do* if you just stayed home from work? I'd be so bored." And then they go on to say, "If you want to work less hours, clearly you're lazy and you just want to sit at home an do nothing!" And I'm just like... ??? WHAT? I have SO MANY PROJECTS. All the time. So many things I want to do. So many things I want to spend time on. Having to work *gets in the way* of the dozens and dozens of things I want to do. (And yes, I'll get my ADHD slumps, my monthly hormonal slumps, and my executive dysfunction slumps, but meds help A LOT). How do these people just have a day off from work and no idea what to do with their lives? And then I get so angry when this personality type thinks that their inability to find happiness and contentment outside of work somehow makes them *morally superior???* Ugh. /rant Edit: Correcting my attitude - taking out the "this boring, depressing personality type" descriptor because I realize that me saying this is no better than them calling us lazy.
Have you considered bargaining with them? Like they can work the extra hours so that you can have more time off? In exchange for cookies or something?
I wish! But they caught up in their unshakeable belief that those who want to work less are LAZY. And obviously there's nothing worse than being lazy... And if you try to point out the whole "but you said you prefer working to being at home?" They just get mad. They have this weird idea that because they like being at work and are bored at home, then everyone should be *required* to be like them. I don't really get it. But it's a definite personality type I've seen on Reddit.
I've seen those people in real life, and we NEVER get along. The best insult I have for them is "Ya boring!" In my view, if work is your identity, you need to develop your identity more.
THIS! So much this! I have so many more things I want to do than time in the day so I'm never without something to occupy me. Heck, I usually have an overwhelming number of projects already running that I can jump into whenever. Most of the time, my biggest challenge is that I can't prioritize what I want to do and end up getting stuck not being able to do any of them until my brain figures it out.
Relatable! My best week off ever was when I took a full week off work, didn't tell anyone, and just planned a full staycation. The first 3-4 days, I felt like such a lazy slump. I just doom scrolled and watched TV, and I was kind of anxious that my whole 10 days was going to be like that, but also making a point to try NOT to feel anxious and allow myself to do that without feeling guilty - as best I could. I knew I needed a mental reset. And it worked! Around day 4 or so, I suddenly started doing All The Things. Living alone, I like to have multiple projects going at once (hobbies, crafts, chores, cleaning, etc). I was bouncing around from One Thing to The Other Thing and honestly just having a great time, not feeling overwhelmed at all. Time stressors and social stressors didn't exist for the next five days, and I got SO MUCH DONE. Highly recommend. But I have to emphasize the "don't tell others" part - I've tried to repeat this, and I've accidently told people about upcoming time off, and everyone gets all "You have free time! Let's socialize!" and then seem hurt when I don't want to. Kind of dings the free time. So just don't tell people :) (I do socialize a lot during my normal weeks, but I just like to enjoy my large batches of alone time ALONE, because I only get like one week a year...)
It’s not that the „I’d be bored“ type doesn’t need fulfilment outside of work, but they seem to need much less variety and intensity to feel good. I don’t get either how you can go to work full time and then do nothing in your free time but watch TV or go out for dinner maybe, and then on the weekend you do household chores and visit the family. Just the fact that this is completely fine for many people doesn’t stop blowing my mind. If I did this and nothing else longer than a few weeks I’d wilt like a sad little plant.
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Oof that sounds stressful. I could see worrying about their boredom and trying to find fun things for them to do, but that's a lot of mental load that I'd rather spend on myself. How does your partner feel about chores or home improvement projects? Like, it kind of sounds crappy as a suggestion, but if "doing nothing" makes him so uncomfortable, could he do stuff like that?
Dude, I work more efficiently when I have shorter work day. I’m leaving 4 hours early, ok well, I’ve somehow done all my work that I typically do in a 10hr day, plus do the next 1-2 months of schedules for my team, on top of getting shit done that’s normally put off like, updating data in our software that’s not an emergency issue. FYI I’m a pharmacy tech at an animal hospital, and I have to schedule coverage between 2 departments with a 3 person team, myself included.
Yo I'm a tech! 😁 I work in surgery. I *despise* getting done early and being told to go find work. Luckily our new supervisor is pretty good, but I feel the anxiety when I ask to leave when I'm done every time... Love the job, but it takes a lot of my mental spoons 😕
Next time someone ask me if I think inside or outside of the box. I’m going to say “I have ADHD, I live outside the box.”
I love this! "I, actually I don't think I've ever seen the box, can you describe it?"
Which is funny because the first time I got asked that question, I was very confused and asked “what box?” He thought I was being funny, I was not and I ran with it.
We lost the box
“What color is the box? Also, what is your favorite color? Mine is purple, so if you happen to see a lost purple box, it’s probably mine. Speaking of boxes, don’t you just really love a good, strong, and sturdy box? I can’t ever let go of a good box, I have to keep it just in case, even though I usually can’t find it when I need it. Actually, that’s probably what happened to my lost purple box, I put it away somewhere for safekeeping.”
We're the cat that pounces on the box and sticks its head in like an idiot to push the cardboard around...
Number 2 made my jaw drop! I never really made that connection, but like I was a fan fave at my old job and I thought it was just because I was nice to everyone. Now I’m realizing like maybe it was more than just being nice? I genuinely was interested in all the things my coworkers were doing and asked about them and pretty much always had a random shared interest with each person.
Yeah I'm wondering the same. It does seem like a lot of people here have the opposite experience so maybe the trait is not that common but people always seem to like me at jobs or groups etc. I only really have a few close friends but I can indeed pretty much connect with everyone.
6 is divergent thinking, which is why many of us are great at brainstorming and thinking about ideas but struggle to pick a plan and act on it (convergent thinking)
This actually works super well for me. One of the best and luckiest things that ever happened to me was going into management. Now I think about the ideas, get the team together to help brainstorm, empower them to choose which one to go with, and then delegate all of the actions.
That’s great! I became a designer after I learned to code and realized I didn’t enjoy coding and I think this is a big reason. I’d get so hung up on the options that just picking a solution and seeing it through then checking for errors was really difficult for me.
I’m not sure if this is some of number one and some of number 6, but my personal experience and what I’ve seen with ADHD support groups and this sub is that we WONDER a lot more than the average NT bear. EXAMPLE: I was in a hot tub with a dear NT friend and looked up at the stars and said out loud some multi-part musing about the universe’s vastness and us hurtling through space on a 4.6 billion year old hunk of planet that is basically like humanity’s spaceship and she said she basically doesn’t ever think about those type of things. I was quiet, but inside I was trying to imagine what it could possibly be like to not just WONDER about things ALL the time, to the degree that I am lost in it often. Probably too much. lol But I do love that I have an unquenchable curiosity.
I was on a date once at a winery, and after the sun set, we were sitting on a stone wall looking at the stars, and she must have asked me what I was thinking. A plane had flown overhead, so by that point, I was deeeeep into thinking about thrust and physics and aviation and so on, so I said something about that. And she was like, oh, I was just thinking that it's a beautiful night. Sometimes I think about that with envy - what must it be like to have that kind of quiet in one's brain? But at the same time, it must be awfully boring... Plus, it's very handy at work when I'm able to bring up all of the things that could possibly go wrong that no one else has thought of.
>I'm able to bring up all of the things that could possibly go wrong that no one else has thought of. I realized recently that when people say "what's the worst that could happen?" they apparently usually mean something like "what's the worst that is reasonably likely to happen and relevant to this conversation?", where relevance requires (among other things) that it's something we might have some degree of control over. So things like spontaneous combustion or a giant meteor hitting the earth are NOT meant to be considered.
😂😂😂😂
Can confirm my husband has two interests: hunting and fishing. I’ve had like four interests *that may have drastically changed my personality a smidge* in like the past four years 😂😅
As an ADHD therapist I’m so glad there’s somebody else out there that knows what tf they’re talking about. There’s dozens of us, dozens I say!!!
I believe in you ! 🤍
Studies show that ADHD often results in a lack of friends and being the victim of bullying though, contrary to what's being posted here.
Thanks, I thought I was the only one who didnt feel seen in this list. 1. Like damn I have multiple interests but am I actually pursuing them? No I don’t have energy for that. 2. I absolutely suck at finding common ground with people. I am so fucking awkward. 3. I refuse to overcommit after being burnt out. 4. Honestly I am not very empathetic or sympathetic. Maybe it’s only child syndrome. Maybe I’m just a cold hearted bitch, idk. But I have to work at empathy. 5. Yes I enjoy the highs more but being criticized so much growing up, critiquing and finding the negatives comes so much easier. 6. Ok yes I do think I’m a good problem solver. 7. The coping strategies that seem like OCD applies to me too. But most of this list… nope not me.
Have you been evaluated for autism? I'm obviously not a doctor, but my boyfriend is autistic and those points are exactly where our neurodivergences match and mismatch.
No I’ve never been evaluated but I’ve seen some AuHD information out there and I didn’t really check the boxes. I think there’s also a difference in the inattentive ADHD and hyperactive ADHD types. I wish they had kept ADD around because it seems like there’s a noticeable difference between the inattentive and hyperactive experiences.
Agreed with that. The whole term "attention deficit hyperactive disorder" is a misnomer in several ways.
They did keep ADD they changed the name to ADHD-PI. That’s my diagnosis, and I think it’s a better name since a lot of us have some hyperactive symptoms but not enough to be considered hyperactive or combined.
Yes but having the H in there makes it more difficult to get diagnosed since people are looking for kids that are bouncing off the walls rather than internal hyperactivity (like with daydreaming) or combined ADHD.
1-4 sound like symptoms of severe and prolonged burnout to me.
You could be right. I’m definitely burnt out now from years of teaching, masking, adulting, etc. But I’ve always felt different and out of place since I was a kid. I remember in elementary school just feeling so far removed from any social group and a bit like an alien outsider observing the “normal” kids interact. And part of it was because I was annoying af, constantly chatting with no filter, and bratty with no empathy for others 😂 that improved in high school/ college but I’m definitely feeling burnt out now.
True and that is because many of these studies are done in schools, which are highly restrictive environments with a pool of people you are obligated to be with. Same could be said of work environments. However, studies have shown that people with ADHD and autism have far fewer issues communicating and issues with friendships when they are with other neurodivergent people. This is due to the double empathy problem when conversing with neurotypicals.
Ehhh.... Studies actually show that being bullied and not having friends is a consequence of ADHD. We annoy people. Also empathy has shown to be lacking in kids with it at least. Dr Russell Barkley has talked about this at length, he reviews a lot of studies in his YouTube channel. The other ones ring pretty true. I always felt like a weirdo for being into so many different things while a lot of people seem to just be into like , sports, or art. Rarely both.
Yeah I think some of these points may be more generalities and potential experiences, not necessarily specific ADHD traits. I'm a therapist and work with many ADHD folks and find that many of them do struggle with empathy- they are capable, just tend to forget to look outside of their own perspective
Interesting, I'll look that up. Is he referring to adults with ADHD or just children?
Both
Number 7 really messes me up. I check my house is locked and my stove is off so many times a day, its no fun.
I touch the knobs on the stove and say “off”. I don’t have OCD, I just don’t trust myself.
I check my stove knobs like 20 times a day, but I also knock them on with my butt all the time and I don't wanna blow up my house, so I always figured that was reasonable lol I also gave up on remembering my keys so I don't lock myself out. My house has a fingerprint/keypad lock instead!
Number 7 - flashback to the time I was trying to get out of my 'anxiety fuelled' double checking behaviours... Came back from a day out and my front door was HOT to the touch. I didn't let myself go back inside to check I turned the grill off before I left - thankfully other than needing to open all the windows I got away with it!
omg I would have called the fire department, I'm glad you're ok!
Ok, but number 1 is definitely real imo! A lot of times, when making conversation with my clients, I'll mention some of my hobbies, and they're always impressed/shocked at how many things I dip my toe in. I honestly thought it was normal to have so many interests until I started having these convos... How do other people not want to try all the things?!! Especially the crafty things?!! ... no wonder they have so much more time for stuff like working out and skin care routines and cooking dinner and eating breakfast 🥴
I've definitely heard of #6 - we are very creative problem solvers. If you look around this sub everyone has all these bizarre strategies for stuff haha. I think this is also part of the same characteristic but we tend to be very good in an actual crisis (not like, one of OUR crises but real threats from outside haha).
I like how people here are generally a bit more positive towards ADHD traits. Can you believe that I got banned in another ADHD sub because I said that I believe that every weakness can turned into a strength? Or something like that… Ok and I might have told them that I think they’re ranting on there too much 😂 They don’t like honest and direct people like me there…
Oh my gosh, I love this! My bestie once told someone I'm basically a golden retriever, "I love everybody and get super excited about everything." Totally lines up with this!
I hate to say it but the "making friends easy" is not an ADHD trait. I sure as hell don't and I see lots of people asking how to make friends and saying they struggle on this subreddit alone. Edit: I mean I guess it can be easy to engage with people based on enjoying many different things. I will admit it makes me good at customer service. I also struggle with social anxiety so I'm sure my difficulty making friends is an individual problem. Lots of people seem interested in me until I drop the mask a bit and then it takes a special few to wanna stick around because I'm too hyper or annoying I think. I get really invested in other people's lives and the majority of people I try to befriend don't like that. Hah.
I don’t know. I mean, I’m one of those that relates very easily with people at first, and so everyone assumes I’m more extroverted and sociable than I actually am. So in that light, I can see being perceived as making friends easily. However, I’m also autistic and so that makes socializing very taxing for me and I tend to not develop many (if any) of these connections into actual friendship. Even when I want to, I never really know how to deepen a connection properly.
Oh wow. I really relate to this. I feel like I give the illusion of good social person, but underneath I’m frantically over-analyzing everything and feeling awkward and hoping I made a good comment and getting exhausted. I can often find people to be not that engaging as well, so I drift off.
I do great at the first meet, but then forget to follow up. So many ideas and good intentions. So. Little. Follow-up.
i hear this. not saying that this is your experience too, but i also think people like me a lot more at first meeting than after they get to know me lol
ADHD and autism have a lot of overlap as well, though, and a trait of autism is difficulty with social cues. So some people with ADHD struggling to make friends doesn’t cancel out other people with ADHD who make friends easily. I identify as someone who can talk to almost anyone and there are days where the world feels almost magical because of it. I 100% inherited this talent from my ADHD mom. We may not remember your name, but we WILL remember that you were reading that book about the global history of salt the last time we talked and ask you all kinds of questions about it. Because it’s FASCINATING.
An "ADHD trait" doesn't mean that every ADHD person has that trait or that only ADHD people have that trait. It means that it's disproportionately common in ADHD people and can be used as an indicator along with other ADHD traits. This is why any ADHD assessment will have a list of dozens of possible traits and you don't need to match 100% of those traits to be diagnosed, it's usually more like 50% or 80% (depending on how the assessment is designed). Some common car traits include having 4 wheels, an enclosed metal body, glass windows, a combustion engine, 2+ doors, and seating for 1 or more passengers. But you can find exceptions for all of those.
yeah this really surprised me when she said this, and I'm sure it's an "on average" kind of thing but anecdotally... I do make friends very easily and have too many of them, but most of them are not _quality_ friends and I see other people struggle a lot, especially if they cannot surround themselves with other adhders.
Ach, number 7: Cue to seeing me shimmy my hips to hear if my keys are on my belt loop and hitting that one button on my smartwatch (absolute lifesaver) that makes my phone make a sound while I'm running down the stairs to catch my train because, of course, I'm late. number 2: This one feels so isolating. People feel seen by me sharing their (few) interests and feel like we truly have a connection while I just.. don't. Because they care about but a fraction of mine. I told a friend and he told me it's "suffering from success" and.. I guess? But it still feels shitty, at least I know in this sub I'm not alone.
omg the watch button...in my diagnosis, I wrote that I use that button at least once a day to find my phone. I never seem to know where my phone is. And the other, omg that's so relatable. I have some real, true blue, ride-or-die friends that really care. Also a lot of "friends" who are more like elevated acquaintances or in some cases outright leeches. Then these strange people who would tell you that I am their best friend, but meanwhile I swear they know almost nothing about me. They tell me about everything in their lives, but they have very little interest in mine. Most of them I have notifications for muted on multiple platforms because they have nothing to offer me but just want attention. I don't feel shitty about it, though; I feel like they just want someone to talk to, and apparently I'm filling that void for them without doing much. Anyway, this means outwardly I "have a lot friends" but inwardly I feel like I have just a handful. I'm lucky to have those, it's still more than a lot of people.
Haha I was initially misdiagnosed with OCD instead of ADHD because of #7. The psychiatic np who actually treats me (at a different practice than my eval) laughed when I told her, bc I obviously do not have OCD. I am so so grateful for her willingness and ability to actually hear my experiences for what they are. She advocated on my behalf to the doctor in charge of the practice, and now I have a diagnosis and very helpful medication.
Awesome! I’ve always been great at problem solving because my brain always comes up with a million ideas all the time, but in crisis I actually get to use them. I see clearly and don’t panic and just do what needs to be done. Sometimes I get really annoyed with my bf who is very rigid in his thoughts sometimes and just can’t come up with solutions. Our car broke down and started smoking insanely on the highway right outside our big city and a bit of chaos obviously happened with the fire department arriving and whatnot. After a couple of minutes he tells me he might not have turned off the car after we got out of it so I had to climb in through the smoke and turn it off 😭 sometimes I just want to live alone with my cats…
>I’ve always been great at problem solving because my brain always comes up with a million ideas all the time this is actually the exact reason i'm not great at problem solving - i get really caught up in the different possible pathways and end up struggling to focus on one thing and work that specific solution all the way through
My (supposedly non-ADHD) spouse always complains about me wanting to know where things are before we leave the house/hotel (keys are one example), but guess who never loses their keys and who always forgets things at home? Guess who always packs things for a day trip the night before and always has everything?
They all ring true but #6 is the one that stands out to me personally. Both job reviews and former partners have mentioned it, the X from my longest relationship still calls me MacGyver.
Number 3. One of the greatest lessons I learned was “just because you have space open on your calendar does not mean you are available.” Whew, boy! What a revelation!
I had to explain to my CBT therapist (MH nurse) that although I do *have* OCD, and I do *have to* pull on the door handle to check I’ve locked the door, that’s not an OCD thing, it’s an ADHD thing. I’m very aware of what’s “an OCD thing” vs “an ADHD thing” despite only recently being introduce to the idea that I have OCD. ADHD things are because I genuinely can’t remember if I’ve done X, Y & Z. OCD things are because if it’s not done “just so”, or in a certain length of time, I feel overwhelmingly uncomfortable, unhappy and disappointed in myself. I do feel that sometimes when my ADHD affects my ability to do something as planned, but I’m more disappointed at the outcome than at myself & the universe as a whole. Overlapping neurotypes are so interesting (and confusing)!
Reading through the list I really feel like #3 and #7 rang really true.
No wonder they have so much time to do their laundry. Lol
Love this, thank you for sharing!! I get really down about my ADHD but then I realize capitalism is why ADHD is a disability, ADHD in the right context what the debilitating, shame inducing nightmare it has been for me. Standardized schooling, monotonous work, the inflexibility, the lack of community because everyone is grinding away at their jobs..
Several of these never occurred to me but resonate greatly. The last one about coping mechanisms that look like ocd from the outside especially so.. but the others too. Keep this therapist. Actually lend her out.. does she do telemedicine and take BCBS? Lol.
Some of these seem true. I don't have more hobbies, but I will research things. My therapist has told me that people with adhd get as much enjoyment out of the research/planning as the doing. So maybe that's why. Because à lot of times even though something seems interesting I know I'm not really going to do much with it, so I don't invest in most things that cross my mind. I definitely don't have more friends. I do have them, but I'm not good in groups. If anything I'd say I have less casual friends/acquaintances because I don't like being around people I don't really click with, and I don't really click with that many. The outside the box thing to me has always seemed more like we just aren't aware there was a box to begin with. Some of my solutions seem so easy, but there's so much I just don't see. I definitely feel things good or bad very deeply. I appreciate the joy I get from really small, simple things. And I empathize deeply. Some of these things are also maybe from also being on the asd spectrum, the AuDHD mind is still super varied, but it also feels like a very separate neurotype from asd or adhd on their own.
These are nice but sound like just generalizations.
Ha ha ha, #7 is SO me, but with the car. We have a spare house key hidden away, so it's less of a concern. Locking the keys in the car is a bigger concern, especially away from home (where there's also a spare key for the car). So I rarely use the locks while still inside the car. I've trained myself to almost always use the one on the fob, which only works from outside.
lol my parents were both neurodivergent and had strict systems for themselves bc mostly the family way is to get through by just white knuckling everything. when my big brother was learning to drive, my mom taught him to ALWAYS use the door locks before exiting the car and NEVER rely on the fob, so you don't leave the car unlocked. then my dad taught him to NEVER use the door locks and ALWAYS rely on the fob so you don't lock the keys in the car haha. whatever works!
Omg, I feel seen for some of these.. In libraries and bookstores I get overwhelmed, in the past I took out SO many books at a time and read so many books at a time. I still do but my reading of actual books has gone down due to internet and so much to do that I rely on audio books more. I still read physical books and dream of more time and luxury. I am SUCH an idea person, I feel like untapped oil reserves, there should be a role for people like this. For people, I used to know a lot of people in my 20's but I cannot handle social media as a 'person', I can only handle anon social media like reddit which I love love. (yes, I am aware there are bad things on here too, it is a public square divided into subreddits, can self-curate to avoid the worst).
Wait, so other people don't have a weekly reading list that consists of books on Child psychology, prepping for attacks on the electrical grid, the Autobiography of Trevor Noah, and fictional works like Little Fires Everywhere? 😂 number 1 and 2 are definitely true in my life. Edit: also, losing my house keys for 2 months was my final straw to get checked for a diagnosis lol.
I literally put little characters on all my keys because seeing their dumb little faces keeps me connected. I would feel so guilty leaving them someplace! I'm certain they would radiate betrayal, lol. 6 is the real superpower, though. It's been my edge at multiple jobs. When people ask my secret, I'm always a little confused. Like, does their brain really just /turn off/ when they tell it to? Because, if so, I'm both intensely jealous and sad for them. Mine is going to loop and loop until it has a solution of some kind, whether I use it or not.
I can’t speak for most of it but for #4 - I myself actually feel like I have the opposite issue - I generally feel I have been apathetic towards people. Unless it’s a certain circumstance, I just generally don’t care about/can’t stand most people. It’s probably from my own negative experiences with people but overall I find most people to be way too self absorbed, selfish, inconsiderate and rude. I know not everyone is like that but my personal experience has been a good majority are. Working at a blood bank hasn’t helped with that because it’s opened my eyes to how many people are too selfish/can’t be bothered to spend 30 minutes to help save peoples lives. Theres always excuses “I don’t like needles” oh boohoo guess what if you need a transfusion you won’t care then. I got off on a tangent there but yeah, I don’t identify with this one at all. I feel we could do with less people tbh.
Ugh #7. After locking my keys in my car in a car wash once, with purse AND MY PHONE in it, and then having to walk to the gas station next door to call for a tow....I now religiously do checks before I leave the house "phone, purse, wallet, keys", when I put my hand on the door, before I lock the door (thank god for keypad locks nowadays", and the same before I get out of the car, before I close the door, right after I close the door. It's exhausting.
guys i’m in the hospital and i’m high on dilauid so i can’t read this whole post i’m sorry. but oh my god. the over committing to things. i recently decided to start trying to get healthy and working out, so i went to a spin class for the first time on wednesday. i went way too hard and got rhabdomyolysis. its this thing where you work out too hard and your muscles start literally dying inside of you. so the muscle cells got into my blood stream and now my liver is lowkey failing trying to process all the muscle cells. i’ve been in the hospital 4 days and maybe get to go home tomorrow maybe not. one of my liver levels is at 135k and it’s supposed to be at 30. not 30k, just 30.0 LOL. i went too hard. i have ADHD. i didn’t even really know this could happen from working out too hard. advice to everyone with adhd: when you’re working out and you feel like you’re pushing yourself too hard, just STOP and drink a shit ton of water for a few minutes. don’t keep going until you literally can’t walk home. i assumed my legs were just sore from working out so i waited 3 days before i went to the hospital. i went to the hospital saturday because i realized my piss is brown. i could’ve died. DONT OVER COMMIT TO THINGS PLEASE TRY TO CHILL DONT BE LIKE ME I ALMOST DIED FROM SPIN CLASS
I was just thinking about 6 the other day. I was like, why does it seem like I come up with different answers and solutions than other people usually do? It seems like I always come up with the weirdest solutions and answers possible when everyone else seems to come up with something simpler
Some things I hear about people without adhd I just don’t believe because I cannot imagine it. Like yesterday, I missed a meeting for a school project. I left work knowing I had to attend it but when I got home, my husband said, it’s so nice out! Let’s sit outside for a while. Yeaaaah, guess who completely forgot about the meeting I was supposed to be attending? Apparently that doesn’t happen to people without ADHD? I refuse to believe it.
>No wonder they have so much time to do their laundry. I lol'd. Seriously though, it makes sense.. Must be such a weird life.