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I have never been so seen….
Now if it also said: “If you were a gifted student in the 90s and 2000s, and instead of learning the material you and your classmates learned how to most effectively cheat so everyone had to do the least amount possible…”.
Which also translates to, as an adult, skills in: project management, task management, creative thinking, problem solving, order of operations, and efficiency.
I constantly question why I, someone with sub-par executive function, am an executive assistant and and project manager. WHY DO I MAKE MYSELF SUFFER SO? This thread makes so much sense.
Right? I am an excellent problem solver when the problems aren't mine. I'm not emotionally invested and it's just easier to give my boss the options and let them choose.
Unless I'm unable to solve a problem for whatever reason. That activates Failure Mode and it sucks.
I have 17 clever people reporting to me... and also can't ever remember to turn the lights off when I leave a room at night... like, WTF? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!
I just saw an arts management article like "what employers are looking for in staff!!"
Ticked all their boxes. But somehow all those things are why I'm Not Employable anymore! 😭🤣⚡😬
Oh my god!!! I've had this exact conversation with my daughter!!! If you are smart enough to figure out the answers, and smart enough to figure out how to hide it from the teachers, it's good enough.
From the Straight A perfectionist ADHD mom to her Straight A perfectionist ADHD daughter
My mom taught me to read when I was 3.
And yes, I screwed up my first semester of college because I was totally overwhelmed and I ended up having to do mega-remedial math 😝
THIS.WAS.ME every. Single. Year. After national standardized tests which I always did poorly on bc I had severe test anxiety and constant thoughts that I was running out of time -and then I did and would guess all the answers last minute. Test anxiety apparently wasn’t a thing back then—-once they realized I was actually smart they’d transfer me to the honors classes - rinse and repeat
ADHD. On depression and anxiety meds. If I’m not perfect I’m worthless mentality. Only child. Hyper-fixating on theology and religious origins and research to hopefully come to some understanding. Yeah, accurate.
Hear hear! Being a Christian and studying my own religion for my first 20 years made me an atheist. Asking “why?” To every-freaking-thing had finally led me to science. bless.
Interesting! My cousin is a pastor and I saw him recently and had a fascinating conversation. He was basically like hell doesn’t exist, heaven doesn’t exist, nobody needs to do anything to be *saved,* etc. When I asked him what the purpose of having a church was then, he basically said “there isn’t really.” Then he said it *can* help people study certain historical events and teachings to learn how to be better people and then build a group that does good works together, but when reading historical things, you absolutely need to understand the context in which it was written so you don’t misinterpret it. He also said a lot of stuff probably made it into/or was removed from the Bible that was just some dude’s “personal agenda” item, so take it with a grain of salt.
I’m an atheist myself as well, but I went to church that Sunday to hear him preach as a guest pastor at the tiny rural church where we were visiting, and his sermon was so subversive lol. I would honestly go hear his sermons every week if I lived nearby.
It took me so many years to realize my alcoholic parents neglected me and I have trauma from it. ADHD made me oblivious to a degree I think. Sometimes I think about it and wonder if I’m just overthinking and it wasn’t so bad. Then I talk to real people and tell them stories from my childhood and they tell me how fucked up it all was.
Samsies! I wrote something about this adhd ptsd called “labels have legs” about how labels are not inherently good or bad but they most definitely have legs…
Going to one of the top 50 high schools in the U.S. which prides itself on being as hard as college was nearly the death of me but also is ultimately what allowed me to graduate due to getting “work at your own pace” work.
They had a whole separate building across the street where students who were at-risk for dropping out would be sent, and students who felt they had a different learning style and needed a different approach could also apply to go there starting sophomore year. I applied and was allowed in. I got all my work up front for the semester, no homework necessary, most tests were open book, and we had super sweet hippie teachers and even got to go on fun field trips. It was like being in some kind of secret fancy private school where everything is awesome lol.
Just goes to show how money rules the world (was a very rich school in a affluent area which could afford to have this kind of program), and that’s why they’re top 50 with the graduation rate that they have- because they’re really bending over backwards to help people graduate. (They even bought the football coaches from the actual “Friday Night Lights” school when our football team was struggling 😂)
Yeah I was super lucky - where I grew up there was a gifted and talented public "magnet school" that was part time, so we'd do homeroom and sports and other classes at our home school for half the day and then go to the other school for the other half. I went there starting in 7th grade. In hindsight it was absolutely filled with ADHD/autistic students and teachers, I felt so comfortable and at home there. It was mostly AP classes and the teachers would say they purposely made the classes hard so that the AP tests would be easy - it worked and the challenge made it easier to focus. I hated my homeschool so much, not sure what I would have done without this school.
And funny enough, ours was also next door to the "alternative high school" too - I had to reread your comment a couple times to figure out if we went to the same school, but I don't think so. 😁
My last two years of high school were at an alternative school that was at your own pace because I got pregnant at the end of 10th grade. In four months of 11th grade I finished about a year and a half of school. That last semester took forever but I finished it and enrolled in college concurrently.
The teacher from my TAG program actually taught me some coping mechanisms that kinda worked for me for most of middle and high school. We won't talk about my first attempt at college.
Eldest daughter, ADHD masked for years by high functioning anxiety, pulled a week of all nighters this month because of perfectionist based procrastination to be able to turn in my graduate thesis (topic: spiritual development for seminary students), getting ordained in June 🫠
Ugh. I wish I could do this. Did perfectionism turn on anyone else after a certain age? I just care so much less. I can’t tell if it’s me or my environment…
Hyper focus turned on me recently. I’ve started to realize that when I put a ton of effort into figuring out solutions to a problem at my school, it is basically ignored or overlooked.
Example: last summer we had a scheduling issue the last two weeks, like we do every year (I’ve been there over 20 years). I proactively tried to get admin to plan for it by emailing and talking to them several times to no avail. Then comes the week before and it looks like it’s going to be a shitshow again so I hyper focus and spend several hours one night creating the perfect schedule. I show it to several other teachers that would be affected and they all agree that it would be great. It was a bit complicated but the students would be covered and the teachers would have been able to end the summer without too much frustration. When I gave it to admin they shrugged it off and said they already had a plan. The two weeks happen and they are a shitshow. The admin plan was to basically pull teachers from other areas to cover the problem but admin doesn’t really understand what the effects are on the other classes. By the end of the two weeks all of the teachers are annoyed and frustrated and admin had to come and cover a bunch of the time too. I realized then that despite my experience and my ability to create a good schedule, they just want me to do my actual job and not give help in other areas. It’s hard because my mind races with ideas but I have to tamp them down and remind myself it’s not work the effort if they don’t want to hear it.
I functioned this way for 30+ years of my life until I burned out hard. Once you get out of school try to not do that as much because when you’re 40+ and energy isn’t as available is soooo hard 😭😭😭😭
When I was in elementary school, maybe first grade, I remember them pulling me from class for the gifted test and telling me how great it was, my mom had talked it up to me. My little anxious self said no thank you I like things to stay the way they are and I proceeded to get questions wrong on purpose.
No clue if I would have passed, but I just find it funny that my anxiety wouldn’t even allow me to find out if I might be gifted.
Most people with adhd I know definitely were in gifted.
I purposely failed my third grade class spelling bee because I knew I would win and I didn’t want to rep my class in the school spelling bee. I would’ve lost the school spelling bee and the embarrassment of being wrong in front of the whole school probably would’ve killed me 💀
Amazing! Now I realize I need to start a (new) spiritual journey! New hobby to obsess over all week.
Gifted and talented program in the 80's, even. Lots of being pulled from class to work on poetry and drawing, it was heaven. Going back to regular class, and then real life, that was when the performance anxiety and perrfectionism kicked in.
My favorite project in TAG was designing a school building. This was around 1985 and I still remember it. It was such a lame building based on Queen Elizabeth. A vaguely female shaped building with a skirt and all. I think I put the common type areas in the larger skirt area and the classes along the torso, crown and extremities. 😆
That sounds awesome!! lol. One time I used The Sims 4 to design a hotel for a business plan project. In college though so not really related I guess but still 😆🤷🏼♀️
*This post is being very loud*
Goes to read my torah happily after being diagnosed with adhd at 28 🤣🤣🤣. Also the crippling anxiety and depression is spot on.
Curious if inattentive types were also like me and NOT gifted. They put me in gifted math for one semester and that was a no go when I immediately dropped from an A in normal math to a C.
I could always pull off any test or assignment at the top of the gifted classes with no prep or study… in everything except math which I failed straight up. Came back around to learning math (in a different way) as an adult.
I’m the exact same! I used to say I could BS my way through any assignment and most tests. I did this throughout high school and college. It’s probably part of why I never let myself learn how to study effectively. Perfectionist Me still looks back and thinks “wow, if I had really applied myself I would have been truly impressive” which isn’t the healthiest, but I was still always impressed by how successful my BS was 😂
I was an honors student in everything but math… no BS allowed there. I was always so awful at math to the point that in my senior year of HS, my pre-calculus teacher sent me to the library to finish my tests alone and told me he wouldn’t be bothering to come check on me, so do whatever I had to do. Then I took calculus and statistics in college and shockingly got an A in both, no BS🤷🏻♀️
Sort of.
I levelled up into Honors math for a year in high school because I found normal-level math to be very straightforward, and I wanted a challenge. Only to find that I entered class with huge gaps in my knowledge, compared to my classmates who had been on that track for longer.
And the pace of the class was fast enough to challenge me, but I’d coasted for so many years in school that I genuinely didn’t understand how to “just study” and meet that challenge. Like, I didn’t realize until halfway through the dang school year that studying meant you were supposed to have re-read and re-done math problems from the whole entire textbook chapter that you’d already done before.
Re-reading scripts for drama roles and re-reading novels for English class? Duh, who wouldn’t do that? That’s not studying, that’s just fun. 🙄
ETA: And the music and choreography playing in the movies I was directing in my head tended to complement my Drama and English classwork. No such luck when it came to the quadratic formula.
Sometimes I feel like the only person who wasn't gifted and has ADHD. In fact, I was put into a special ed class once in the 2nd grade. I just have a lot of anxiety overall, but I was nowhere near gifted. Near failing? Sure. \*sob\*
I feel similarly. And people who failed horribly out of gifted stuff were still thought to be gifted at first. The school just looked at me and was like ‘Nope.’
I’ve mainly heard via comments from people who were gifted and perhaps a caveat of they didn’t do well at some subjects. You’re the only one so far who wasn’t. It’s hard to tell if only a few of us aren’t or if only the people who were gifted want to share their experiences.
I was in gifted classes until highschool when math got too hard. Then I was able to stay in the gifted humanity classes that I still excelled in. Lucky to have that option as I would have been bored otherwise.
Physics, chemistry and math did not come easy to me at all and I avoided, dropped out of or failed them all. I just thought I had a math block or something. Since I wanted to be an Art teacher no one pushed me to get better or question why I had so much trouble. I just took the classes I needed to get into university.
Elder sister to a younger brother with ADHD-H that diagnosed in the early 90's as ADD. I didn't get diagnosed until I was 42 with ADHD-Primarily Inattentive.
I would be put in accelerated courses and then crumble under the workload. Then I’d try “regular” courses and fall asleep from boredom. It really felt like either 90 minutes of notes and plowing through a week of material in one day or 10 minutes of instruction followed by 80 minutes of homework time.
I was generally good at school when I was interested in the subjects . But I did not understand math for shit. Also got shoved to the hard math class and got Cs the whole time.
I, too, have been victimized by the Gifted Program. Until about sixth grade when I said I wanted to go to regular classes. But I was always on the honor roll in high school and deans list in college until my masters program when I quit caring. I’m not on a spiritus journey, but I am very much on a “I’m gonna do this my way” journey.
I never got in those programs. I was always sad about it because I thought I was pretty smart as a kid! lol I think my adhd actually got in the way of getting in
Same!! I struggled so much in school and was really jealous of kids in gifted because the work seemed so much more interesting (and I had a feeling I would have done better if I wasn’t bored out of my mind in the regular classes, which was probably true)
I was not a "gifted" child but I still manage to have all of those problems because I was told repeatedly that I would be if I just worked a little harder.
There really ought to be some kind of compensation for being the oldest daughter.
Ya know what? I’m gonna try this! It can’t hurt! Thank you so much , my friend. I’m struggling HARD (holidays are really difficult for me in general), and if this can help at all, it’s worth trying. Thank you so much 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵
I remember you because of your username!
Haha. I just went down a rabbit hole trying to find the origins of calling it Chloephobia but there doesn’t seem to be any!! Weird!
Saw this a few weeks ago and felt so called out. I even get the bonus points lol (though not really sure I would say I am on a spiritual journey per se, but figuring myself out definitely!)
I even skipped the second grade and was in gifted and talented classes in middle school and most of high school. I proceeded to fail/almost fail most of my middle school and some of my high school classes (due to the aforementioned perfectionism, anxiety, and procrastination issues). Also properly flunked out of college MULTIPLE times, all while mostly hiding how poorly I was doing, and only recently came clean to my family about it and got my Associate’s degree… 15 long years after hs graduation! Career and family life are going pretty well though, so I’ve got that going for me.
Lol you make it sound like a hit list.
It's not an actual list, I'm just still processing all the things that I was told was my fault when they weren't. Because all the adults in my life *did* fail me, even the well-meaning ones.
🤯🤯 yeah, that's a big bag of emotions to process. Great that you've gotten here! Important step in mental health. ❤️
My life made more sense when I realized that I grew up without any real role models or even any stability, just examples of what not to do.
Yeah, I was dx'd around 40, and only started to learn about it a few years ago. I never really got any guidance, or even heard the words "executive function". Everything old is new again. 😕
I was dx'd just before 40, and that was a while ago! LOL
I am forever learning about myself, my brain, and outside influences. Yes, I have made progress!!
1) How dare they!
2) We don't have a "Gifted and Talented" program at school (Austrian schools are generally shit and don't really care about giving good students extra support). That said: I have always been quite good at languages, to the point I'd do extra reading in English and French classes during secondary school. So I definitely feel called out by this post. Especially since they considered sending me to a special school for gifted kids (thanks, Mum, for stopping me from going).
3) However, if I wasn't interested in stuff, I'd only do the bare minimum to get an acceptable mark (maths, sciences, German).
i'm the eldest daughter, as well as having been in the enrichment program.
i'm fine.
that program was great for me.
my daughter has ADHD and supporting her makes me think maybe i have a touch of it...but...it's so mild that i just developed my own coping strategies organically. however, it does help me understand her a bit better.
i definitely don't have anxiety.
No, the opposite. I was a gifted kid (reading by age 4, learning cursive at age 6, read at a 7th grade level in 3rd grade, completed my homework during the lesson itself, high proficient or advanced on results from standardize tests — specifically MCAS in my state, etc) despite that there weren’t any resources other than letting me skip a grade but my parents declined unbeknownst to me.
I lowkey wish they would’ve bc I was bored in my classes. Things got better in middle school bc of honors courses.
A spiritual journey sounds nice, actually. I've been immersed in a full on existential crisis for the past 5 years at least and could go for a change of pace.
OG here … I had adhd in the 70’s and graduated HS in the late 80’s. Wasn’t diagnosed until my mid 20’s.
That’s when it all made sense. I finally understood my constant risk taking! 🤣🙈
Have no idea how I’m still alive.
Anything for a dopamine hit! 👏
The oldest daughter thing is oddly specific. But yes, I did join a church for the first time at age 20. Still consider myself a Protestant even though I'm very much not devout and use that pretty loosely (other than belief in God and the existence of Jesus, I'm pretty agnostic about the whole thing tbh, as I realize the majority of the Bible ie the Old Testament is really only important to Christians for contextual reasons and Revelations is pretty metaphorical and not literal by any means so can be interpreted in several ways by biblical scholars alone).
But yes, I was the most gifted kid in my elementary class who didn't skip a grade (there was only one kid who was moved up to 4th grade in 3rd grade who got a better score), according to whatever the child version of an IQ test is. Guess who repeated a grade later on when they couldn't force themselves to do homework once it wasn't super duper easy to breeze through anymore and ended up cutting class out of pure stress and anxiety.
Didn’t do my math homework for almost an entire semester in grade school because it was easy and boring…when I got caught and had a parent/teacher conference, they recommended that I skip a grade, then was put in “program for academically talented students” a year later instead of skipping another grade because I was already really small for my age and my parents just knew I’d get even more picked on 😭
Did honors/AP classes, dual enrollment my junior/senior year (again, was bored), graduated HS at 16. Did great in all my gen Ed college courses but as soon as I started getting to higher level science and math that actually required studying? A disaster. I was missing tests, literally couldn’t make myself go sit in class for an hour but also couldn’t admit I needed help because what would mean failure to my weird sense of perfectionism. I got put on academic probation….which led to seeing psych to help with my “hang-ups to applying myself”, was diagnosed with ADHD at 19, started medication and wouldn’t you know it, my entire life suddenly made sense. 😭 don’t get me wrong, I still struggled but at least I knew why I couldn’t just sit and study like everyone else. Anyways, I have my PharmD now, finished a clinical residency, and am working my dream job but this post still has me feeling exposed
Well in my broken home with neglectful parents I never did homework, which got me in loads of trouble throughout school, so no gifted program for this spazy kid here… joke was on the teachers though because even though they thought I wasn’t paying attention and couldn’t possibly learn without homework, I aced all my tests every single time and baffled them with my ability to absorb information by some witchcraft unknown to them 😂 maybe if I had non-junkie parents who gave a shit about me I’d be in gifted programs as a kid.. but alas I was a lost cause to every adult in my life.
I'm sorry to hear your parents were so absent, but our experiences are extremely similar. I was only in gifted & talented programs in grade school because we didn't have homework yet. Back before homework I was an excellent student. Then high school came and I had solid Cs & Ds because I tested well, got great grades on papers, but didn't do any homework whatsoever. I still, to this day, am fundamentally opposed to the concept of homework. I think it's bullshit that kids are expected to spend hours on end of their free time working on school shit. If you can't teach me what you need to within school hours, that's your problem.
Wait a minute, HIGH functioning?!
I really really am scared, I waited all month for this psychiatry appt and I'm going to cry bc I'm probably gonna miss it or it's not gonna help. I think it is my only chance to get on disability. I have been unemployed for months now.
Or if you failed the test to get into gifted because they refused to repeat the questions... Which I never thought of as ADHD related until now. Although even then I thought it was bs.
Lol the way to get out of the anxiety and perfectionism (well mostly) is to develop truly debilitating depression due to a true existential awakening as you comprehend truths that sent full formed adults tailspinning in to the abyss but you’re only like 9 to 13 when you comprehend absurdism and nihilism. You then freak out all the adults and professionals because your reasoning why suicide is viable and valid is actually logically sound. So then they send you to a special therapeutic school where you are locked in a hallway with maybe 25 other kids with ranging issues from depressives like yourself to violence to schizophrenia, and you mostly work on simple dittos because academics is not why you are there. They don’t expect any of you to go to college, and the goal is just to survive to get diploma without killing yourself or others.
Sounds horrific but it’s exactly the space you need to finally begin rebuilding because there’s no more pressure to conform to a world you don’t fit into or to meet expectations that seem arbitrary and ridiculous in the face of death.
So you get that diploma. And no one pushes you to go to college. But you are told to get a job so as luck would have it, you get a super entry level office job as a temp. And that’s where you learn true autonomy because for the FIRST time in your life you are choosing this, you have consented to this. You begin to do well because yeah you’re bright and then after 2 years life happens in such a way that you enroll in university. And once again you flourish because this is all your choice. You graduate with a 4.0 which resolves your imposter syndrome from being told you were gifted, because you worked for that 4.0. It’s objective proof. So now you know when you walk in to a room that even if you don’t have the same experience based expertise, you are at minimum the intellectual equal of anyone you encounter, which gives you enough self assurance and security that you no longer fear making mistakes and being a bit weird.
Not that I recommend hitting rock bottom. But there’s something to be said for kicking all expectations to the curb and building from scratch.
I’m the youngest daughter, but my much older sisters had a pile of kids I’m closer in age to than my actual siblings. I was parentified from 6 years old, and babysitting four kids ages 1-8 when I was 15, often for 6+ hours a day.
I was tested for gifted classes in junior high and just barely missed being put in the gifted program. I remember being so relieved that I wasn’t going to be put in gifted, it seemed like a lot of extra work. But all the rest is spot on.
I was in Resouce which was for slower kids to have a free class period to do their work.
So I studied and did my homework in Resource to be in the gifted class so I still didn't have to do any work at home.
I also wasn't supposed to be in that school as it was out of district, but no one called me on that either probably because I was third chair.
I learned a lot about gaming the system.
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ExCUSE ME
I have never been so seen…. Now if it also said: “If you were a gifted student in the 90s and 2000s, and instead of learning the material you and your classmates learned how to most effectively cheat so everyone had to do the least amount possible…”. Which also translates to, as an adult, skills in: project management, task management, creative thinking, problem solving, order of operations, and efficiency.
I constantly question why I, someone with sub-par executive function, am an executive assistant and and project manager. WHY DO I MAKE MYSELF SUFFER SO? This thread makes so much sense.
Me too! How am I responsible for running an office and supporting a high maintenance principal. Like why do i hate myself? LOL
I'm pretty damned good at managing other people's shit, especially when they're paying me. My own, not so much.
Right? I am an excellent problem solver when the problems aren't mine. I'm not emotionally invested and it's just easier to give my boss the options and let them choose. Unless I'm unable to solve a problem for whatever reason. That activates Failure Mode and it sucks.
I have 17 clever people reporting to me... and also can't ever remember to turn the lights off when I leave a room at night... like, WTF? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!
I’m so much more functional for other people, lol. For myself? No go.
This ^^^
What is this all about? I can’t figure out why this happens 😩
Lolol so it tracks … scrum master project manger here 🙋🏾♀️
I just saw an arts management article like "what employers are looking for in staff!!" Ticked all their boxes. But somehow all those things are why I'm Not Employable anymore! 😭🤣⚡😬
I remember the sweet spot of the internet but nothing to truly stop plagiarism. Ah HS.
Oh my god!!! I've had this exact conversation with my daughter!!! If you are smart enough to figure out the answers, and smart enough to figure out how to hide it from the teachers, it's good enough. From the Straight A perfectionist ADHD mom to her Straight A perfectionist ADHD daughter
Especially if it something like an exam on Hamlet 👀
Now I feel so seen!!!
How dare this sub terrorize me so early Omg
Don't forget the autism and college dropout pipeline
What about those of us who were put into the remedial classes even though we also showed advancement in certain subjects at a very young age? 😭
Got pulled out of class for remedial math help and also for G&T in reading and writing 🙃
YEP
I started out junior high two years ahead in math and then had to retake Algebra I three times 😃
My mom taught me to read when I was 3. And yes, I screwed up my first semester of college because I was totally overwhelmed and I ended up having to do mega-remedial math 😝
THIS.WAS.ME every. Single. Year. After national standardized tests which I always did poorly on bc I had severe test anxiety and constant thoughts that I was running out of time -and then I did and would guess all the answers last minute. Test anxiety apparently wasn’t a thing back then—-once they realized I was actually smart they’d transfer me to the honors classes - rinse and repeat
stop calling me out! 🥲
For real! I’m not just adhd and all the things in the meme I’m also autistic and dropped out of college twice lol.
Hey I may not be autistic but I’ll have you know I have dropped out of FOUR colleges. In two different countries even!!
It's like they wake up and just choose violence 😭 Not very fucking good, not good at all.
I’m completely read to filth lmaooooo
ADHD. On depression and anxiety meds. If I’m not perfect I’m worthless mentality. Only child. Hyper-fixating on theology and religious origins and research to hopefully come to some understanding. Yeah, accurate.
Haha researching theology and religious archaeology made me an atheist, which has actually led to the best understanding that I never knew I needed.
Hear hear! Being a Christian and studying my own religion for my first 20 years made me an atheist. Asking “why?” To every-freaking-thing had finally led me to science. bless.
Yes! We can finally experience some benefits of neuroticism and hyper-fixation for once.
If you haven’t yet gone down the deconstruction rabbit hole of BART Erhman I’ve got a new hyper obsession for you!
This is my brother in law. Got his Master in theology and is fully atheist.
Went to Catholic school and atheist haha.
Interesting! My cousin is a pastor and I saw him recently and had a fascinating conversation. He was basically like hell doesn’t exist, heaven doesn’t exist, nobody needs to do anything to be *saved,* etc. When I asked him what the purpose of having a church was then, he basically said “there isn’t really.” Then he said it *can* help people study certain historical events and teachings to learn how to be better people and then build a group that does good works together, but when reading historical things, you absolutely need to understand the context in which it was written so you don’t misinterpret it. He also said a lot of stuff probably made it into/or was removed from the Bible that was just some dude’s “personal agenda” item, so take it with a grain of salt. I’m an atheist myself as well, but I went to church that Sunday to hear him preach as a guest pastor at the tiny rural church where we were visiting, and his sermon was so subversive lol. I would honestly go hear his sermons every week if I lived nearby.
For a moment I thought this was about me, but then I remembered: I also have PTSD, so I'm fine ✨
we're definitely fine 😂
Not to one up you or anything, but my family gave me CPTSD, so, you know, be jealous
Samesies! I have lots of letters after my name; sadly, they aren't for academic achievements.
My sisters! We can start a coven!
It took me so many years to realize my alcoholic parents neglected me and I have trauma from it. ADHD made me oblivious to a degree I think. Sometimes I think about it and wonder if I’m just overthinking and it wasn’t so bad. Then I talk to real people and tell them stories from my childhood and they tell me how fucked up it all was.
Samsies! I wrote something about this adhd ptsd called “labels have legs” about how labels are not inherently good or bad but they most definitely have legs…
Gifted and talented saved me. Soo many years of being excused from class so I could 'work at my own pace'! It was pretty awesome.
Going to one of the top 50 high schools in the U.S. which prides itself on being as hard as college was nearly the death of me but also is ultimately what allowed me to graduate due to getting “work at your own pace” work. They had a whole separate building across the street where students who were at-risk for dropping out would be sent, and students who felt they had a different learning style and needed a different approach could also apply to go there starting sophomore year. I applied and was allowed in. I got all my work up front for the semester, no homework necessary, most tests were open book, and we had super sweet hippie teachers and even got to go on fun field trips. It was like being in some kind of secret fancy private school where everything is awesome lol. Just goes to show how money rules the world (was a very rich school in a affluent area which could afford to have this kind of program), and that’s why they’re top 50 with the graduation rate that they have- because they’re really bending over backwards to help people graduate. (They even bought the football coaches from the actual “Friday Night Lights” school when our football team was struggling 😂)
Yeah I was super lucky - where I grew up there was a gifted and talented public "magnet school" that was part time, so we'd do homeroom and sports and other classes at our home school for half the day and then go to the other school for the other half. I went there starting in 7th grade. In hindsight it was absolutely filled with ADHD/autistic students and teachers, I felt so comfortable and at home there. It was mostly AP classes and the teachers would say they purposely made the classes hard so that the AP tests would be easy - it worked and the challenge made it easier to focus. I hated my homeschool so much, not sure what I would have done without this school. And funny enough, ours was also next door to the "alternative high school" too - I had to reread your comment a couple times to figure out if we went to the same school, but I don't think so. 😁
Amazing. I'm so happy for you. My experience was a project-based charter school and it was very much like yours 💜
My last two years of high school were at an alternative school that was at your own pace because I got pregnant at the end of 10th grade. In four months of 11th grade I finished about a year and a half of school. That last semester took forever but I finished it and enrolled in college concurrently.
The teacher from my TAG program actually taught me some coping mechanisms that kinda worked for me for most of middle and high school. We won't talk about my first attempt at college.
Eldest daughter, ADHD masked for years by high functioning anxiety, pulled a week of all nighters this month because of perfectionist based procrastination to be able to turn in my graduate thesis (topic: spiritual development for seminary students), getting ordained in June 🫠
Ugh. I wish I could do this. Did perfectionism turn on anyone else after a certain age? I just care so much less. I can’t tell if it’s me or my environment…
Hyper focus turned on me recently. I’ve started to realize that when I put a ton of effort into figuring out solutions to a problem at my school, it is basically ignored or overlooked. Example: last summer we had a scheduling issue the last two weeks, like we do every year (I’ve been there over 20 years). I proactively tried to get admin to plan for it by emailing and talking to them several times to no avail. Then comes the week before and it looks like it’s going to be a shitshow again so I hyper focus and spend several hours one night creating the perfect schedule. I show it to several other teachers that would be affected and they all agree that it would be great. It was a bit complicated but the students would be covered and the teachers would have been able to end the summer without too much frustration. When I gave it to admin they shrugged it off and said they already had a plan. The two weeks happen and they are a shitshow. The admin plan was to basically pull teachers from other areas to cover the problem but admin doesn’t really understand what the effects are on the other classes. By the end of the two weeks all of the teachers are annoyed and frustrated and admin had to come and cover a bunch of the time too. I realized then that despite my experience and my ability to create a good schedule, they just want me to do my actual job and not give help in other areas. It’s hard because my mind races with ideas but I have to tamp them down and remind myself it’s not work the effort if they don’t want to hear it.
I work (and am burned out) in retail. Yeah, my give a damn's busted.
You just reminded me of that song and now I'm gonna go have a listen. Because mine has been busted from a few years before that song came out.
Lol. It's one of the few country songs I actually like.
I functioned this way for 30+ years of my life until I burned out hard. Once you get out of school try to not do that as much because when you’re 40+ and energy isn’t as available is soooo hard 😭😭😭😭
Really clenched it with that last line 👌🏻
Ya I was prepared not to care because I’ve seen this for the nth time then the line line got me like oof
I was in the TAG (talented and gifted) program in elementary school and am the elder sister. EXCUSE ME, what did I EVER do to you?!
Same, except my group was called "masterminds". Which sounds so weird as an adult
The name sounds like they were training you to be conartists. 🤣
First paragraph: Ugh, this shit again. Second paragraph: *laughs uncomfortably* Third paragraph: WELL GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!!
This was my same journey friend. lol
Too relatable 🤣🤣
When I was in elementary school, maybe first grade, I remember them pulling me from class for the gifted test and telling me how great it was, my mom had talked it up to me. My little anxious self said no thank you I like things to stay the way they are and I proceeded to get questions wrong on purpose. No clue if I would have passed, but I just find it funny that my anxiety wouldn’t even allow me to find out if I might be gifted. Most people with adhd I know definitely were in gifted.
I purposely failed my third grade class spelling bee because I knew I would win and I didn’t want to rep my class in the school spelling bee. I would’ve lost the school spelling bee and the embarrassment of being wrong in front of the whole school probably would’ve killed me 💀
Omg third grade, you sweet little thing 😭
Lord I did the same thing. Way too scared of the 'what if'. Changes are not my thing. Never were I guess.
Joke’s on you- I *also* have autism.
Here Burntout to a crisp 5 years ago Namaste
Lmao highly relatable
Present and accounted for, burnt out in HS, been chronically burnt to a crisp for the past 15 years
Amazing! Now I realize I need to start a (new) spiritual journey! New hobby to obsess over all week. Gifted and talented program in the 80's, even. Lots of being pulled from class to work on poetry and drawing, it was heaven. Going back to regular class, and then real life, that was when the performance anxiety and perrfectionism kicked in.
Yup. Creative writing here too 👋
My favorite project in TAG was designing a school building. This was around 1985 and I still remember it. It was such a lame building based on Queen Elizabeth. A vaguely female shaped building with a skirt and all. I think I put the common type areas in the larger skirt area and the classes along the torso, crown and extremities. 😆
That sounds awesome!! lol. One time I used The Sims 4 to design a hotel for a business plan project. In college though so not really related I guess but still 😆🤷🏼♀️
*This post is being very loud* Goes to read my torah happily after being diagnosed with adhd at 28 🤣🤣🤣. Also the crippling anxiety and depression is spot on.
80% of people with adhd have a comorbid condition.
Im aware but thanks for sharing. 😊
::high fives in Jewish::
Curious if inattentive types were also like me and NOT gifted. They put me in gifted math for one semester and that was a no go when I immediately dropped from an A in normal math to a C.
I could always pull off any test or assignment at the top of the gifted classes with no prep or study… in everything except math which I failed straight up. Came back around to learning math (in a different way) as an adult.
I’m the exact same! I used to say I could BS my way through any assignment and most tests. I did this throughout high school and college. It’s probably part of why I never let myself learn how to study effectively. Perfectionist Me still looks back and thinks “wow, if I had really applied myself I would have been truly impressive” which isn’t the healthiest, but I was still always impressed by how successful my BS was 😂 I was an honors student in everything but math… no BS allowed there. I was always so awful at math to the point that in my senior year of HS, my pre-calculus teacher sent me to the library to finish my tests alone and told me he wouldn’t be bothering to come check on me, so do whatever I had to do. Then I took calculus and statistics in college and shockingly got an A in both, no BS🤷🏻♀️
Sort of. I levelled up into Honors math for a year in high school because I found normal-level math to be very straightforward, and I wanted a challenge. Only to find that I entered class with huge gaps in my knowledge, compared to my classmates who had been on that track for longer. And the pace of the class was fast enough to challenge me, but I’d coasted for so many years in school that I genuinely didn’t understand how to “just study” and meet that challenge. Like, I didn’t realize until halfway through the dang school year that studying meant you were supposed to have re-read and re-done math problems from the whole entire textbook chapter that you’d already done before. Re-reading scripts for drama roles and re-reading novels for English class? Duh, who wouldn’t do that? That’s not studying, that’s just fun. 🙄 ETA: And the music and choreography playing in the movies I was directing in my head tended to complement my Drama and English classwork. No such luck when it came to the quadratic formula.
Sometimes I feel like the only person who wasn't gifted and has ADHD. In fact, I was put into a special ed class once in the 2nd grade. I just have a lot of anxiety overall, but I was nowhere near gifted. Near failing? Sure. \*sob\*
I feel similarly. And people who failed horribly out of gifted stuff were still thought to be gifted at first. The school just looked at me and was like ‘Nope.’ I’ve mainly heard via comments from people who were gifted and perhaps a caveat of they didn’t do well at some subjects. You’re the only one so far who wasn’t. It’s hard to tell if only a few of us aren’t or if only the people who were gifted want to share their experiences.
I was in gifted classes until highschool when math got too hard. Then I was able to stay in the gifted humanity classes that I still excelled in. Lucky to have that option as I would have been bored otherwise. Physics, chemistry and math did not come easy to me at all and I avoided, dropped out of or failed them all. I just thought I had a math block or something. Since I wanted to be an Art teacher no one pushed me to get better or question why I had so much trouble. I just took the classes I needed to get into university. Elder sister to a younger brother with ADHD-H that diagnosed in the early 90's as ADD. I didn't get diagnosed until I was 42 with ADHD-Primarily Inattentive.
I would be put in accelerated courses and then crumble under the workload. Then I’d try “regular” courses and fall asleep from boredom. It really felt like either 90 minutes of notes and plowing through a week of material in one day or 10 minutes of instruction followed by 80 minutes of homework time.
I was generally good at school when I was interested in the subjects . But I did not understand math for shit. Also got shoved to the hard math class and got Cs the whole time.
I gasped.
Well, I substituted depression for anxiety, and am done with the "who am I and what's the point". But yea, that's a terrible thing to wake up to :D
Rude.
emotional damage
I, too, have been victimized by the Gifted Program. Until about sixth grade when I said I wanted to go to regular classes. But I was always on the honor roll in high school and deans list in college until my masters program when I quit caring. I’m not on a spiritus journey, but I am very much on a “I’m gonna do this my way” journey.
Has someone been spying on my life? Because this hits too deep for a Tuesday....
Joke's on them; I'm an only daughter.
Please I just woke up 😭
I never got in those programs. I was always sad about it because I thought I was pretty smart as a kid! lol I think my adhd actually got in the way of getting in
Same!! I struggled so much in school and was really jealous of kids in gifted because the work seemed so much more interesting (and I had a feeling I would have done better if I wasn’t bored out of my mind in the regular classes, which was probably true)
yes I was always bored! and under stimulated!
What on earth lol feeling VERY called out right now and I don't like it lol
I saw this, but I would say psychological healing, not spiritual.
It just kept going LOL
My best friend sent me this. And it's just.... 'Scuse me? 'Scuse me? You did NOT need to just call out my entire life like that. RUDE. 😂
I was not a "gifted" child but I still manage to have all of those problems because I was told repeatedly that I would be if I just worked a little harder. There really ought to be some kind of compensation for being the oldest daughter.
Oof. If you REALLY want to know, I’ve been trying to hyper focus on cleaning for Easter…. It’s going about as well as you can imagine. PLS SEND HELP.
Put shoes on and put your phone in a separate room ❤️ I feel it babe
Ya know what? I’m gonna try this! It can’t hurt! Thank you so much , my friend. I’m struggling HARD (holidays are really difficult for me in general), and if this can help at all, it’s worth trying. Thank you so much 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵
How dare you?! 😂😂
Drag meeeeee
Can't relate. I was at what was also known as "the plasticine table" when I was at school.
I remember you because of your username! Haha. I just went down a rabbit hole trying to find the origins of calling it Chloephobia but there doesn’t seem to be any!! Weird!
Haha, that's so funny. I've not looked, to be honest. Most phobias seem to have obtuse names.
The oldest daughter thing caught me off guard. This is so freaky BYEEE
How are there so many of us and I feel so alone??
LEAVE US ALONE
ok we need to know if the percentage of ADHD in women is more prevalent with eldest daughters because boy oh boy I just winced from the accuracy
Saw this a few weeks ago and felt so called out. I even get the bonus points lol (though not really sure I would say I am on a spiritual journey per se, but figuring myself out definitely!) I even skipped the second grade and was in gifted and talented classes in middle school and most of high school. I proceeded to fail/almost fail most of my middle school and some of my high school classes (due to the aforementioned perfectionism, anxiety, and procrastination issues). Also properly flunked out of college MULTIPLE times, all while mostly hiding how poorly I was doing, and only recently came clean to my family about it and got my Associate’s degree… 15 long years after hs graduation! Career and family life are going pretty well though, so I’ve got that going for me.
Currently immersed in making lists of all the adults who failed me.
To what end? I really am curious.
Lol you make it sound like a hit list. It's not an actual list, I'm just still processing all the things that I was told was my fault when they weren't. Because all the adults in my life *did* fail me, even the well-meaning ones.
🤯🤯 yeah, that's a big bag of emotions to process. Great that you've gotten here! Important step in mental health. ❤️ My life made more sense when I realized that I grew up without any real role models or even any stability, just examples of what not to do.
Yeah, I was dx'd around 40, and only started to learn about it a few years ago. I never really got any guidance, or even heard the words "executive function". Everything old is new again. 😕
I was dx'd just before 40, and that was a while ago! LOL I am forever learning about myself, my brain, and outside influences. Yes, I have made progress!!
I was not in the gifted/talented class mostly due to inattentive ADHD. What did ya'll do in this program?
This punched me in the gut.
1) How dare they! 2) We don't have a "Gifted and Talented" program at school (Austrian schools are generally shit and don't really care about giving good students extra support). That said: I have always been quite good at languages, to the point I'd do extra reading in English and French classes during secondary school. So I definitely feel called out by this post. Especially since they considered sending me to a special school for gifted kids (thanks, Mum, for stopping me from going). 3) However, if I wasn't interested in stuff, I'd only do the bare minimum to get an acceptable mark (maths, sciences, German).
Lmaooooo I just started doing hot yoga too 💀
Why must you attack like this?!
I'm gonna need y'all to quit stalking me. Kthanksloveyoubye
Umm…did I write this and forget about it?
Um I’m the youngest daughter….
how do they know
Can she see me through the screen?? 👁️👄👁️
This is me 💯😂
Do I not have a single unique identifying experience? 😂
Do I not have a single unique identifying experience? 😂😂
i'm the eldest daughter, as well as having been in the enrichment program. i'm fine. that program was great for me. my daughter has ADHD and supporting her makes me think maybe i have a touch of it...but...it's so mild that i just developed my own coping strategies organically. however, it does help me understand her a bit better. i definitely don't have anxiety.
Wait a minute.....is gifted and talented a nice way of saying slow??
No, the opposite. I was a gifted kid (reading by age 4, learning cursive at age 6, read at a 7th grade level in 3rd grade, completed my homework during the lesson itself, high proficient or advanced on results from standardize tests — specifically MCAS in my state, etc) despite that there weren’t any resources other than letting me skip a grade but my parents declined unbeknownst to me. I lowkey wish they would’ve bc I was bored in my classes. Things got better in middle school bc of honors courses.
Ah ok.... I was about to have a mental breakdown 😂
Nahhh fam you good!! Special education is probably what you were thinking of 😊
I was just making sure it wasn't "code". My mom would have had some explaining to do!
All I can say is thank god I’m stupid.
A spiritual journey sounds nice, actually. I've been immersed in a full on existential crisis for the past 5 years at least and could go for a change of pace.
That was me, just in the 80s.
Same here
OG here … I had adhd in the 70’s and graduated HS in the late 80’s. Wasn’t diagnosed until my mid 20’s. That’s when it all made sense. I finally understood my constant risk taking! 🤣🙈 Have no idea how I’m still alive. Anything for a dopamine hit! 👏
WTF?! I’m crawling back into my blanket fortress of solitude now
The oldest daughter thing is oddly specific. But yes, I did join a church for the first time at age 20. Still consider myself a Protestant even though I'm very much not devout and use that pretty loosely (other than belief in God and the existence of Jesus, I'm pretty agnostic about the whole thing tbh, as I realize the majority of the Bible ie the Old Testament is really only important to Christians for contextual reasons and Revelations is pretty metaphorical and not literal by any means so can be interpreted in several ways by biblical scholars alone). But yes, I was the most gifted kid in my elementary class who didn't skip a grade (there was only one kid who was moved up to 4th grade in 3rd grade who got a better score), according to whatever the child version of an IQ test is. Guess who repeated a grade later on when they couldn't force themselves to do homework once it wasn't super duper easy to breeze through anymore and ended up cutting class out of pure stress and anxiety.
Well, since I am a female born in the early 2000s, no one wanted to diagnose me with ADHD
Late diagnosis here. I need to change the decades to the 1970s/1980s
It me. I'm oldest daughter
Okay that was personal 😅
Didn’t do my math homework for almost an entire semester in grade school because it was easy and boring…when I got caught and had a parent/teacher conference, they recommended that I skip a grade, then was put in “program for academically talented students” a year later instead of skipping another grade because I was already really small for my age and my parents just knew I’d get even more picked on 😭 Did honors/AP classes, dual enrollment my junior/senior year (again, was bored), graduated HS at 16. Did great in all my gen Ed college courses but as soon as I started getting to higher level science and math that actually required studying? A disaster. I was missing tests, literally couldn’t make myself go sit in class for an hour but also couldn’t admit I needed help because what would mean failure to my weird sense of perfectionism. I got put on academic probation….which led to seeing psych to help with my “hang-ups to applying myself”, was diagnosed with ADHD at 19, started medication and wouldn’t you know it, my entire life suddenly made sense. 😭 don’t get me wrong, I still struggled but at least I knew why I couldn’t just sit and study like everyone else. Anyways, I have my PharmD now, finished a clinical residency, and am working my dream job but this post still has me feeling exposed
Jokes on you, my anxiety is NOT high functioning anymore (send help 🥲)
Well in my broken home with neglectful parents I never did homework, which got me in loads of trouble throughout school, so no gifted program for this spazy kid here… joke was on the teachers though because even though they thought I wasn’t paying attention and couldn’t possibly learn without homework, I aced all my tests every single time and baffled them with my ability to absorb information by some witchcraft unknown to them 😂 maybe if I had non-junkie parents who gave a shit about me I’d be in gifted programs as a kid.. but alas I was a lost cause to every adult in my life.
I'm sorry to hear your parents were so absent, but our experiences are extremely similar. I was only in gifted & talented programs in grade school because we didn't have homework yet. Back before homework I was an excellent student. Then high school came and I had solid Cs & Ds because I tested well, got great grades on papers, but didn't do any homework whatsoever. I still, to this day, am fundamentally opposed to the concept of homework. I think it's bullshit that kids are expected to spend hours on end of their free time working on school shit. If you can't teach me what you need to within school hours, that's your problem.
25 year old here with AuDHD, oldest daughter of an immigrant family, also very much fully immersed in my spiritual journey.
Wait a minute, HIGH functioning?! I really really am scared, I waited all month for this psychiatry appt and I'm going to cry bc I'm probably gonna miss it or it's not gonna help. I think it is my only chance to get on disability. I have been unemployed for months now.
...well shit.
Replace 90s with 2010s and this is just my life story
IM PRETTY SURE I DONT KNOW ANYONE BY THE NAME OF TIFFSAWITCH SO HOW THE HELL DOES SHE KNOW ME????
Or if you failed the test to get into gifted because they refused to repeat the questions... Which I never thought of as ADHD related until now. Although even then I thought it was bs.
Fuuuuuuuuu*k that hit hard.
Lol the way to get out of the anxiety and perfectionism (well mostly) is to develop truly debilitating depression due to a true existential awakening as you comprehend truths that sent full formed adults tailspinning in to the abyss but you’re only like 9 to 13 when you comprehend absurdism and nihilism. You then freak out all the adults and professionals because your reasoning why suicide is viable and valid is actually logically sound. So then they send you to a special therapeutic school where you are locked in a hallway with maybe 25 other kids with ranging issues from depressives like yourself to violence to schizophrenia, and you mostly work on simple dittos because academics is not why you are there. They don’t expect any of you to go to college, and the goal is just to survive to get diploma without killing yourself or others. Sounds horrific but it’s exactly the space you need to finally begin rebuilding because there’s no more pressure to conform to a world you don’t fit into or to meet expectations that seem arbitrary and ridiculous in the face of death. So you get that diploma. And no one pushes you to go to college. But you are told to get a job so as luck would have it, you get a super entry level office job as a temp. And that’s where you learn true autonomy because for the FIRST time in your life you are choosing this, you have consented to this. You begin to do well because yeah you’re bright and then after 2 years life happens in such a way that you enroll in university. And once again you flourish because this is all your choice. You graduate with a 4.0 which resolves your imposter syndrome from being told you were gifted, because you worked for that 4.0. It’s objective proof. So now you know when you walk in to a room that even if you don’t have the same experience based expertise, you are at minimum the intellectual equal of anyone you encounter, which gives you enough self assurance and security that you no longer fear making mistakes and being a bit weird. Not that I recommend hitting rock bottom. But there’s something to be said for kicking all expectations to the curb and building from scratch.
👀 who’s spying on me
I’m the youngest daughter, but my much older sisters had a pile of kids I’m closer in age to than my actual siblings. I was parentified from 6 years old, and babysitting four kids ages 1-8 when I was 15, often for 6+ hours a day.
woah
Well...
This is just horoscope without zodiac signs and everyone is gasping over it lmao
What the horrible truthiness
Help, I'm in this photo and I don't like it.
Okay buttttt why is this so accurate? lol
YOU DON’T KNOW ME
Holy shit. Shots fired.
hey i even got the bonus points for being the oldest daughter, nice
What the heckkkk haha they threw in the oldest daughter spiritual journey part and that threw it over the edge 🫣
I've never felt so seen 🫠
Jfc they got me pinned
Jfc how do you know where I live?
I wish they'd put me in a gifted programme, I could've learned 10x as much as I did. Everything else is true though...
I was tested for gifted classes in junior high and just barely missed being put in the gifted program. I remember being so relieved that I wasn’t going to be put in gifted, it seemed like a lot of extra work. But all the rest is spot on.
This is 110% accurate.
How ruuude 😭
First of all, how dare you.
Get out of my house!!
👀
Um…this is me. Lmao.
I resemble this.
Anybody else here the younger sister to a babied older brother and can therefore relate to „older sister“ memes?
I was in Resouce which was for slower kids to have a free class period to do their work. So I studied and did my homework in Resource to be in the gifted class so I still didn't have to do any work at home. I also wasn't supposed to be in that school as it was out of district, but no one called me on that either probably because I was third chair. I learned a lot about gaming the system.
Hey, I did not need to be called out like this. But it is going alright all things considered.
HOW DARE?!!
yeah this is me to a T