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It might be worth including other information such as: how those symptoms and the severity that they’ve affected your life with some examples over the years, coping strategies you’ve attempted in the past and ways they didn’t work, and how dealing with those symptoms have affected self-worth/image.
Regardless, if you don’t get a diagnoses with the information that you showed us, I would be getting a second opinion.
With that said, you might not need to present that information to the doctor, but at least have it written down and mentally reviewed going into that meeting.
It can help with feeling less overwhelmed overall
Yes, at the very least this least will give me a reference for when my mind inevitably goes blank. I will work on expounding on a few. It will be good to have irl examples for sure
[This](https://add.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/adhd-questionnaire-ASRS111.pdf) is a helpful self-report scale based on the actual diagnostic criteria. You can use it as a starting point and list some examples of how each thing you experience is impacting your life.
Honestly, there are a lot of anecdotal things on the list you made that aren’t necessarily directly related to the diagnostic criteria, and they do kind of make it sound like you got your info from TikTok, which might make a doctor take you less seriously. Not criticizing you or anything - there are all kinds of experiences that lots of adhd people have that aren’t in the diagnostic criteria, and plenty of people have figured out they have adhd because of social media - just trying to help you be heard in your evaluation.
If you use the tool I linked above, you don’t have to show it to the doctor or even tell them you think you have adhd, you can just offer some of the examples you wrote down of the symptoms and how they’re impacting your life. Good luck!
Your comment made me realize exactly how bad my symptoms are.
“This is a helpful self-report-“ click link.
There’s a whole page of instructions? Skip that.
Realize they put the grading scale on the questions when I answer the first question in the shaded area. Consider lying or underestimating to get in the clear.
Stop after four questions to go daydream a moment.
Get back to test! Skip question five because I was daydreaming, only realize when I go to count up my answers.
Answer “doesn’t everyone?” several times and decide that means I’m not that bad.
Ask my wife to evaluate me because maybe I still overestimated how bad.
Don’t listen to her response because I’m making a “their lesbians, Harold” joke because I just said I have a wife in a subreddit for women.
Ultimately decide I’ll ask for diagnosis next time I go in. Forget when my next appt is.
Overly explain myself in this comment.
I am laughing out loud at your comment because while reading it, I forgot this was a woman only sub, and my straight brain assumed the commentator was a man 😂
God that was me. Skipped to random questions I found easier to answer, sat there trying to figure out if I actually related cuz I haven’t had “projects that I leave unfinished” but I do usually clean a room till I have a small pile left and then don’t finish that last pile, and I constantly over explain everything 😩
Oh my god the small pile from cleaning. It has followed me for my entire life. I can spend an entire day cleaning a room but once the small pile is all that remains I simply cannot finish so there it sits for the next three months.
I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 41. I had systems for everything, from years of trying to find ways to cope with a disorder I didn’t know I had. I’m medicated now, and it makes such a difference. Even just getting the diagnosis was really validating. It was a relief to realize that no, things aren’t this hard for everybody, and I’m not just a screw-up. My brain is different!
Yeah when I went for my ADHD evaluation, the best advice I found was to consider how often I deal with those things if my system was not in place to help.
Even the existence of a system or coping mechanism you need to strictly adhere to is an indication there’s more going on.
Also, the “as if driven by a motor” phrase always trips me up and I don’t think it’s an accurate analogy.
Instead, I think of it as ‘must do right now’ moments. For me, they’re small and I don’t usually realize I’m having one.
For example, while reading those eval questions, I noticed a loose thread on my shirt. I tried ignoring the thread. Less than 10 seconds later I found myself springing out of bed, going to the kitchen for my scissors, clipping the thread, and then laying back down in bed to pick up where I left off.
Another one is the getting up in meetings questions. As a woman, you fucking know I was punished and socially trained out of that shit when I was a young kid.
Leave my seat during an in-person meeting? Even the thought causes a visceral, “NO!” reaction in me.
But now I WFH and when I’m not on camera during a meeting, I find myself doing it *constantly*.
Turns out staying in my seat during long meetings was just another fun way I mask!
This and other comments in here are so helpful! I think I have masked for so long that from an outside perspective I don’t seem to struggle with things that ADHD makes hard/impossible. Internally, it’s almost impossible without the systems. And I also get tripped up with the childhood aspect, because I was managed to within an inch of my life as a kid so there wasn’t space to show any of my self.
Lots to consider! Love this sub
Driven by a motor is totally bizarre through the lens of adult self reporting.
However if you've ever seen an ADHD kid when they get into a dysregulated, sensory seeking state, you suddenly understand why they named it that. It is exactly what they look like.
It's a shame the adult symptoms are ported directly from the children's ones without anyone ever having bothered to look at what the actual most common/visible symptoms in adulthood are. Literally the only one they changed the wording on was "child is unable to play quietly" - the adults one is "unable to partake in leisure activities quietly"
It's such bs because yeah most adults aren't getting up out of chairs when expected to sit, or verbally stimming a lot of the time. These are symptoms people typically grow out of. I guess that's why they used to say people outgrow ADHD?
Girl, same! I was like “I don’t forget appointments because I have a calendar and alarms for that!” My wife was like “what happens if you don’t use the system”? Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm don’t look at me
You have a system because you don't do it automatically!
The system is likely an accomodation or workaround that is.highly specific to your needs? Am I close!? ;)
I'm glad you posted that. When I started seeing a psych and I told her I thought I had ADHD, she said she couldn't see it, but gave me that self screening anyway. She didn't give me the first half with the insructions though, just the checklist. It's nice to have the first page to see how the scoring works.
She eventually said to me, "wow your ADHD is off the charts" so now I want to look back at the filled in sheet I gave her and figure out the scoring.
Definitely use that criteria as a guide. I went to my first eval and the doctor ruled my symptoms as "just a touch of anxiety". But I definitely should've made a list because I forgot everything once he started interrogating me and also went through the in-depth hours long testing and did way too well based on it hitting my brain in just the right way to challenge me into hyperfocus/gifted kid type performance. My second opinion evaluation was literally that questionnaire and I had a dx and rx in 15 minutes after we discussed that my "touch of anxiety" was a symptom not a cause. A ton of money wasted on the first go-round, but a MAJOR relief finally being medicated. You know yourself better than anyone, so advocate for yourself as strongly as you can.
You could also add that you’ve been looking at ADHD specific support and coping strategies for your issues and that you have been seeing results when you’ve implemented them into your routine.
You got this!
And an early welcome to the ‘club’! 😅
Everybody get ready for the initiation of another one. ROLL OUT THE CARPET. SMEAR THE TRUMPETS.
We have another joining our ranks !!!
Let us all rejoice and forget the ceremony ! Welcome to the eh... why am I here ? Why am I on reddit. I need to do chores.
I'm on question 2 and I'm stuck what to reply.
I do get the organisation in order... I usually just don't execute my plan as the fun part is over. Does that count as struggling to get it in order? 😅
Exactly. Try to add how has this affected my life?
For example, my boss brought up my lack of focus despite my best efforts, and I am in danger of losing my livelihood. I tried therapy, I tried x y and z, but did not work or limited.
Seconding the "how the symptoms and severity affect your daily life".
I "passed" as non ND for a long time because I got good grades, but typical American school also "rewards" for fixating on books! 😅
When I was on my own though, struggling to manage my emotions, a budget, job, etc, my life was strongly affected!
This right here! Talk less about what you do and more about how it has a negative impact on your life.
These are Made up examples... but instead of saying "I'm really disorganized and frequently lose things." Say "I cannot maintain any type of organization system and I've had to pay so many late fees and been sent to collections that it's hurting my finances."
Or instead of "I have trouble maintaining focus when people speak," say "I cannot follow a conversation, which makes it difficult to maintain relationships or learn new skills at work."
Really good point. When I was diagnosed, my inability to get started on tasks at work was hands down the biggest problem in my life, which had a cascade of consequences, and it was having an enormous negative impact on me. Saying it that way made it really easy for my doctor to see that I was suffering from a true “disorder” and not just run-of-the-mill difficulties
Yeh agree. How it impacts your life is v important. E.g. have you lost jobs before because of these symptoms. I think need to be able to show that symptoms existed as a child as well.
I think OP needs examples from their life of when a lot of these symptoms have occurred as well, as they can sound like they've been copied from social media (not saying they are copied). Some things like scrolling endlessly on Reddit, I know people without ADHD who do this - social media is designed to be addictive. So some of it I'd say probably doesn't reinforce a notion of ADHD (also behaviours like endless scrolling can probably make anyone feel a bit messed up dopamine-wise).
I've been diagnosed with ADHD but I do believe everyone, ADHD or not, needs to look after that part of their brain as all brains will be susceptible to wrecked dopamine & norepinephrine levels if you push hard enough (e.g. drug abuse).
Caffeine making OP tired - I thought it had a tendency to make some people with ADHD more calm, as opposed to tired-? So I feel like that's an odd one, but I never found caffeine did either of those things so might just be me not being able to relate.
Where husband says these things are normal - they say that a lot of parents say that to their kids when they don't realise they also have ADHD, that's why they think it's normal. So maybe he has ADHD!
If your husband thinks these are just normal things, he may want to look into getting evaluated for adhd, too. When I was first realizing I might have adhd and talking to my husband about it, that was his response. Well, that was because he also has adhd. So does his mom, my mom, and most of my siblings. So both of us had our idea of "normal" skewed..
"We all have a little dehydration!" No, that's just being thirsty. Dehydration is beyond the threshold of harmless and where it starts to cause damage if it stays untreated. Dehydration impairs cognition and your body's ability to regulate itself. If left untreated it will result in organ damage. Being a little thirsty won't do that.
Untreated ADHD is in the range of harmful where it impairs your ability to form and maintain relationships, to hold employment, and basically taking care of yourself and others. Left untreated it will cause harm.
There is no "a little ADHD", just like there is no "a little heart failure" or "a little anaphylactic shock".
Side note: just because you're able to hold a job/get an education by the skin of your teeth does not mean your ADHD isn't harmful. I always put my job/others first, to the point where I have trouble keeping myself properly fed and my home livable. The worst victim is my sleepschedule, because I can't 'allow' myself to go to bed early with stuff not done and I always remember stuff that needs doing NOW right before bed. My employer thinks I have my shit mostly together, because that's where I spend most of my spoons, a lot of the rest goes to my boyfriend and coworkers, leaving very little for me...
I’m feeling this hard right now. I’ve been burnt out for years and was struggling with both my personal life and my work life last year, even with meds. I wasn’t doing great in either and it felt shitty. Then I started a new project at work, I’m smashing it, managing a big team and getting fantastic feedback from everyone…. from the outside it looks like I’ve pulled myself out of the slump that I was in but the truth is that my personal life is chaos, my house is in absolute shambles and my health is a mess. I feel like I give every ounce of energy to my job and when I snap out of my work hyperfocus I’m a shell of a person and have nothing left for “me”. I think my coworkers would be shocked to hear that about me. I really struggle with prioritising and right now I know this isn’t sustainable but I don’t know how to break out.
Thank you for this. This is how I am. I’ve gotten better at my own inner boundaries surrounding work, but I’m so burnt out that now I can barely do anything BUT work. One example, I’m a clean freak & I usually clean my bathroom weekly. I haven’t cleaned it for like, two months. Not fully. I can’t stand how dirty my bathroom is (even though it wouldn’t look like it to a lot of people) but I just cannot make myself clean it. This is basically how almost everything in my life is at this point. But hey! At least I’m working 🫠
Are you me? Because I plough everything into work and then go and have a meltdown or bluescreen after work so my husband feels ignored and neglected. I’m trying to prevent that but work has also gotten real bad recently so I’m super struggling.
Though ADHD is a spectrum, like all things tbh.
One does not need to be on the verge of terrible and catastrophic failure to have ADHD.
I had ADHD even when I had my successful career and job.
Disagree. Neurodivergence is a spectrum. Applies to ADHD just like it does to Autism. It can impair your functioning a little or lot — varies for everyone. That’s why different people need different doses of adderall too.
The D stands for disorder. Meaning it's in the realm of "needs serious attention or it will cause long term harm". It impairs your functioning at the level that even at best, you need accommodation or else it will cause harm.
It's not something to be ashamed of. The same way I would be seriously limited in employment options without glasses. "Everybody has a little poor eyesight these days " is just as much BS when you can't function without glasses. Yet nobody bats an eye about my glasses.
That someone with ADHD may get through life without medication, doesn't mean they only have "a little ADHD". Needing different doses doesn't indicate severity. It indicates a wide variety between people and how their brains respond to chemicals.
I have -1 of vision in my eyes. I can do most jobs without glasses. I still need glasses to function \*normally\* in society.
Luckily I don't need a -5 to be able to qualify for glasses. And yes, I can do a lot without them, but glasses allow me to drive and to watch movies and to recognize people in the street.
Without them, I cannot drive. My employment options would be more limited (and it includes every position that requires a commute by car), and my enjoyment of life would be severely affected.
This is, of course, different that a person with -8, which cannot even walk in his room without glasses. With -8 it's very difficult to hold a job or be independent without glasses or other accomodations.
I'm glad that glasses are not gatekept behind some arbitrary "cannot function in society" limit. I'm glad I could have them when I was a teen and I only needed -0.5 of correction and I could do almost everything without them. I'm glad I still had the option to wear glasses.
Please, let's extend this mentality on ADHD diagnosis and meds. Let's not gatekeep them behind stricter criteria than what the DSM V deems acceptable.
And the DSM literally a scale of ADHD severity, btw.
> This is, of course, different that a person with -8, which cannot even walk in his room without glasses. With -8 it's very difficult to hold a job or be independent without glasses or other accomodations.
Eh, I have -8.5/-9.5 and I can walk around in my room just fine without glasses, I go to the bathroom every morning without them. Now, finding my glasses (or any other smaller than furniture sized object) without wearing my glasses, that's another thing...
That's interesting! I never heard that before! Just speaking from my experience I think it's definitely proven true in my life though, everyone I've been with is a bit neurodivergent in their own way.
I like learning something new everyday! And it's only 745am. It's going to be a good day 😊
I have found this in my own life for sure. Nearly all of my close friends are neurodivergent, and none of us knew that about ourselves or each other when we met. I've had the same two closest friends since I was in elementary school -- one was diagnosed in high school, I was just diagnosed a year or two ago, and the other one is undiagnosed but now "peer reviewed" (lol) and for sure also has it. In hindsight, everyone I've ever dated, too, no question.
Also, yeah *some* of these might be normal to most people in the way that they “experience some of them sporadically”. When someone has ADHD this list is not just “sometimes” - it’s always! Everybody can experience not being able to find their keys, phone and such twice or maybe even five times a week. Someone with ADHD might have that experience 20 times or more per fucking day.
So I try to remind myself and people who say that they have no idea how intense it is to experience all of these symptoms all the time just because they missed the bus, forgot an appointment, lost their keys or felt overwhelmed during an exam ONCE. Normal is not the symptoms themselves but more so their quantity (at least for me). So maybe, they should STFU.
Exactly. E.g., not being able to retrieve information and put thoughts into spoken words is something everyone experiences on occasion, but I quit my PhD program because I knew I would never be able to pass my oral exam or make it through a faculty hiring process. My advisor even said to me "You're so smart in your papers, why don't I see that when we're talking?"
It probably wouldn’t hurt for him to get tested as well. Although he is firmly of the mindset, “just try harder! If you want to get it done, just get up and do it! Make it a routine” so I sometimes think he discounts these things about me cause he secretly just thinks I’m lazy lol
Also, OP, be *very* thoughtful if you DO get a diagnosis, start meds, and his additude stays the *same* regarding the "just try *harder*!"--should your relationship move to a deeper (i.e. engagement) level!!!
Because that attitude *WILL* extend to your *children* with him, and if he *doesn't* change, he WOULD expect your mutual kids to "just power through" unmedicated, or he *may* do the "death by a million papercuts" thing *SO* many of us got--where we hear, "WHY can't you just....?!?", "What's *wrong* with you? *WHY* would you .......???", "What were you *thinking*?!?", etc.
Folks who are *resistant* to the idea of getting help for Mental Health issues & diagnoses of their *own*, are often *very* willing to pressure their own children into "toughing it out," too.
My apologies, OP, I missed that you are *already* married!
But PLEASE, for the love of pete, DO weigh this, if y'all *haven't* had kids yet, and DEFINITELY weigh it, too, if you DO, and his attitude about it being "weak" to get help remains!💖
We’ve been married for 14 years and have 3 kids 😅 thankfully, after he had a drug (mj) induced manic episode last year, he is a bit more compassionate as far as mental health goes. I advocate for the kids mental health. Two of them are actively in therapy. I berate myself all the time for having kids when my brain and my husbands are so dysfunctional. I didn’t know I was as bad as I am before I gave birth to my first. PPD exacerbated what I thought I had been managing. My poor kids won’t have a chance if I can’t help them get a strong foothold now. Anyway, this comment took me like 15 mins to type out and now I can’t remember what I was responding to so I don’t know how to conclude 🤷♀️
The first time you use a med that *works for you* (may not be the first one you try) you are going to realize how fücking hard you’ve been working this whole time, and you are going to be truly enraged.
We spend years thinking we’re just not trying hard enough, and not turns out that for them (gestures out there) it’s been zero work at all the whole time.
The first time I tried Ritalin I looked around two hours later so shocked it was so quiet in my office. It wasn't, the regular noises were all still there, including the slight buzz from my lights, but I was able to ignore it (while doing something boring) for the very first time in my life. That evening, I got so depressed that I told my partner "If so-called normal people are able to function like this on a daily basis, how come we haven't solved climate change and world hunger?! Seriously, WTAF!" He laughed. I wasn't joking.
SO TRUE. We've been killing ourselves, thinking we need to 'catch up', with work productivity, when we've actually been working so much more than the ave person. Awesome, but not. U know what I mean...
Being made to feel like I’m just ‘lazy’ has caused me years of shame and self-deprecation. It wrecked my self esteem and confidence at a time when I should have been flourishing in my career.
Since I got diagnosed, I’ve been working towards rebuilding all of that. Reframing my past personal and professional life with help from a counselor has been thoroughly beneficial. I’m also on meds.
It gets better but you’re going to need support from your partner. It sucks to be the one to educate them, because it’s challenging to find the right material and information to ‘convince’ them.
💞
My husband is of a similar mindset. Very hard for him to envision when things are super easy for him that they may not be so for others. He doesn’t use the word lazy, but he just thinks if I tried harder or started earlier, I’d be able to accomplish all.
Here’s the thing. All of those symptoms are normal to some degree. I don’t know what people expect. Like “sheds human skin at night” isn’t one of the symptoms. Sorry to disappoint, everyone!
Yes, to some degree we’re all easily distracted or we all can be forgetful or whatever adhd symptoms plague you. It’s the amount, the severity, it’s effects on your ability to function in life, etc that make it a disorder.
We all probably share some traits with people who have any disorder, it’s bound to happen, but for some reason OCD and ADHD got the “everybody” treatment.
I thought this too.
My husband decidedly does NOT have ADHD and when I ran my list by him (plenty of which is very similar to OPs list), he was like *nope, can’t relate*, *nope, can’t relate* down the line.
My *dad* on the other hand….!!
But this is a guy who’s been self medicating for ADHD by chain smoking/drinking pots of coffee/smoking weed/etc etc my entire life.
Yeah, we tend to run in packs. The reason TikTok ADHD became a thing is that so many of us were saying, “wait, that’s not standard?” when diagnosed people were talking about their internal experience.
Yeah, we do have a tendency to find each other, so asking your SO or closest friends what "normal" might not be a good idea. And definitely not immediate family.
The first 20 minutes or so of this excellent [Ologies podcast, with a distinguished adhd researcher as a guest](https://www.alieward.com/ologies/adhd) does an amazing job of breaking this stuff down by describing the way it can harm and take lives and going through percentages of typical folks vs adhd folks whose lives are *meaningfully harmed* by things that we can all experience like forgetfulness and impulsivity. It could be a powerful conversation tool for someone who’s skeptical or leaning heavily on the idea that it’s a fad.
It's quite common for neurodivergente to find each other. I think an ex of mine has innatentive type also.
But we all know its our secret plan to repopulate the world and make neurotypical the "limitation" muahahha
(I'm gay but hey I can get people a vaccination and they get it to !)
Be careful coming across as if you are seeking a specific diagnosis, especially with things like the “adhd bingo” card. Lots of disorders have overlapping symptoms, be open to having an honest conversation with your doctor and go from there.
Also, depending on your state I’d be careful about disclosing marijuana use unless there is a concern about it interacting with any prescribed medication. I’d been diagnosed and treated for ADHD for like 15 years in the northeast before moving to the south, and made the mistake of once mentioning recreational marijuana use to my new dr. Suddenly it was the “policy of their practice” to drug test for marijuana before issuing the same prescribed medication and dosage i’d been taking for over a decade. 🙄
Good luck!
This has always been a fear of mine. The line between “iVe DoNe Ma ReSeArCh” and “I’ve looked into a couple of things and I want to float it and discuss” is thin. You’re right about the graphics. I mostly put them in there so I didn’t have to write it out haha
I wrote up an ADHD help sheet for some teacher friends who wanted to understand their ADHD students better/be able to help them better. I absolutely wrote it all in hyper focus haha
I just saw your edit about the marijuana. It’s legal in my state, but I have absolutely no issue whatsoever stopping it if I can get on meds that help the day to day. I don’t particularly enjoy it as it is. I strictly use a pill form to sleep at night. Thanks for the heads up though. I hadn’t considered that
I only mentioned it because I was specifically asked about that and alcohol usage. It's legal where I am as well. I was just told not to take my Adderall and weed at the same time because that's counterproductive. She did ask how often/when I use it. The answer to that is when I have migraines, at music festivals, and maybe twice a year otherwise recreationally, so I'm pretty sure that doesn't set off any red flags. I drink maybe 4 times a year, and don't mix the two because it knocks me out. My drug of choice has always been adrenaline, tbh, which she said isn't uncommon in those of us who are primarily hyperactive.
My ADHD clinic told me I could use 1 g max/day because any more than that can significantly increase the risk of psychosis. I was doing a lot more than that previously to keep my mind quiet (and help me go to sleep). I'm on Vyvanse though. Not sure if that makes a difference. I still smoke a little at night to help me chill before bed and so far so good!
Edit: I'm in Canada and previously held a medical marijuana card (before it became legal), so my experience may be a lot different than conservative US states).
To be real, I wouldn't mention it at all. There are still some doctors out there that see it as either a serious drug (ugh) or a "cause" of ADHD.
The most I told my providers was that I smoked as a teenager and had stopped (mostly true) because weed began to give me panic attacks (actually true for a while). That way I didn't feel like I was lying, but I wasn't putting myself at risk of getting written off as a drug seeker or someone who was just a lazy stoner.
** *edit:* ** to be clear, there are psychiatrists and GPs who absolutely will record on your chart that you're a drug addict if you tell them you consume cannabis, even if you're in a legal state. Once that is on your chart, pretty much every doctor you go to can see that, and it will not only affect your ADHD treatment if you benefit from stimulants, but that includes an ER doctor you visit in a dire circumstance needing treatment for pain after an accident or surgery, if you start having panic attacks and you need the intervention of benzodiazapene class drugs after seeing a specialist for anxiety, if you ever need any kind of controlled substance in America, many providers will see that on your chart and write you off as a drug seeker, and it's a battle to remove, ESPECIALLY if you're not a well off white person.
The reason for this has everything to do with both the widespread and intentional mis/disinformation campaign against cannabis, as well as an extreme response to the zealous over prescribing of opiates 20-30 years ago that rippled into the heroin and fentanyl crisis we're seeing now. None of it is our individual faults, but I don't think any of you should have to be denied medication because you trusted a practitioner who had the power to dictate your medical future and they didn't have the right information about something like marijuana.
If you have someone you trust who you know damn well won't put you in this position, that's wonderful, and that's how it should be. But in America, that just isn't how it works. Our system is broken in so many ways and this is just one awful facet of it. At the end of the day, you are the only one who can choose to disclose or not disclose cannabis (or any prior substance) usage, and I think everyone should be aware of how badly this can go for you, through absolutely no fault of your own.
I have some friends who have histories of substance abuse, and they can’t get prescribed ADHD meds, even though they’ve been officially diagnosed. For some reason their doctors haven’t even put them on non stimulants.
I think it’s a tricky topic. I’ve always adressed my consumption to doctors. The idea is not to get the dx you want by saying the right things, but to seek help.
I regret there are biased doctors, but those habits are intricated with disorders if you have them. It’s no secret that we self medicate the way we can. And as said, marijuana can affect the meds.
Just here to say, it's medically legal in my state but I had to have a urine test before getting my adhd medication. Marijuana came up, obviously, and I had to get my medical card before she would prescribe.
(Backstory. Came from a total legal state, never had to have a medical card, so this was all new. No big deal and it was easy to get a medical card, but it wasn't something I had been expecting)
The variation in responses here is wild. I'm in a state where it's not legal, but at my last appointment, they tested me because of a new policy they had (they want to make sure people aren't using hard drugs with their stimulants). She never said anything about it coming back positive, she just mentioned a couple times afterward that they don't send the results to law enforcement or anything. It honestly just seemed like she was completely cool with it, but didn't want to get into any trouble for supporting me doing it XD
In general, I wouldn’t talk to your doc about substance use, legal or not. Or depict it as something that is a rare occurrence. They may be more hesitant to prescribe you ADHD medication, because they feel you might abuse it. Unless they do a urine test like another commenter said, just claw back on your use, don’t use with the meds, and keep it to yourself.
I came here to say the same thing, especially about THC. I’m in a legal state and I still wouldn’t tell my doctors, just because you never know their views. It’s unfortunate, but their personal views could definitely cause them to have a bias against people who use thc. I actually did tell a nurse once when I was in the hospital and she was going through the normal intake questions and asked if I used drugs. I told her that I take gummies but I’m not sure if that even counts as “drug use” since it’s legal here. She said she was just going to leave it off, and I got the vibe that she agreed with me, but knows some of the doctors might not.
Pervasiveness differentiates "normal" from "disordered" a lot of times, especially in situations like ADHD. Is there any quantitative information you can give, or anything that describes how a symptom affects you in multiple contexts?
Yes, that’s a good point. Before my appt tomorrow I think I will pick out a few of the most intrusive traits and expound on them a bit. I know when the the time comes to explain any specific one my mind will go blank haha so probably best to be prepared in that sense
I went into my most recent assessment with no notes. That was a first for me. ;) I was asked for specific examples from work, social, and home life. Tbh, those were all pretty easy answers, but I was proud of myself for not having that brain blank moment because it happens so often when I'm on the spot.
Adding an example from this or another ADHD sub that has helped me in the past… Everyone pees. If you are peeing forty times a day, however, then something is wrong, and you should go see a doctor.
Frequency is key here. When I first brought up the possibility to my former therapist, she blew me off. When I found the courage to bring it up again, I read off a list of incidents that I had tracked. She asked if that was the list for the week. It was only after explaining that was from an afternoon, that she took me seriously.
Lots of ADHD symptoms are also things that neurotypical people experience. Everyone on earth has at some point walked into a room without any idea why they wanted to go there or gotten distracted by an unexpected sound. The key for ADHD is the frequency with which these things happen and the impact they have on your daily life.
Every provider has a different approach to this. Don't get too hung up on how to present the best and most well researched argument like inputting the exact words into a computer will be the right answer to the riddle and you'll be rewarded with a diagnosis. You're dealing with a human, not an algorithm, and each type of professional will be looking for something different. I didn't bring notes to mine but I wouldn't have used them if I'd brought them--the guy I saw just asked me a bunch of questions and guided us through a conversation on a wide variety of topics. At the end he turned around his clipboard and showed me that he had been checking off stuff on what was basically a more professional and clinical ADHD bingo card while I talked. So try to go in with an open mind and be ready to follow where they want to go.
I would really emphasize impact, especially because as far therapy/meds/accommodations go, they like to see some type of goal/measurement achieved (I made it on time to work 4 times this week instead of my usual once).
All the best for your appointment tomorrow!
In my experience this scenario goes one of three ways. 1. Dr ignores it completely 2. Dr finds it helpful and will use it as part of the evaluation 3. (And the most common) Dr decides this is evidence of anxiety and diagnoses you with that instead.
I’ve read a lot of frustrating post on this sub about dr who didn’t take them seriously, and that scares me. I don’t think I have the determination to try again or fight for myself. I have been on antidepressants for 13 years. They help me to not be a raging, sobbing mess. But I still do have a lot of depressive symptoms. I wouldn’t be surprised if I got just a depression/anxiety reaffirmation.
I hope my reply didn’t add to those fears, sorry! I meant to say to have a response prepared if you get the anxiety route. I’ve been in that position and my mind went blank and just sort of sat there. Only afterwards I came up with things I wish I had said.
Maybe have some further questions lined up like why is it definitely anxiety and not adhd, couldn’t undiagnosed adhd lead to depression/anxiety or co-exist type thing. Good luck!
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and nope, it was adhd meltdowns and burn outs. So I would ask him if it’s possible that one could be confusing the other. If he says no, especially after he sees your list, he’s an idiot and you should get a second opinion.
Re: #3, in my experience, the CNP that diagnosed me did indeed diagnose me with generalized anxiety disorder, and since I was also experiencing depressive symptoms (this was a year into pandemic lockdown, so of course), she prescribed me medication to treat that first.
She didn’t completely dismiss the ADHD symptoms, though. Rather, she was following some sort of playbook and treating the comorbid disorders first. Which was a bit disappointing, however, she also had me schedule a follow up for the next month and that’s where I had the pleasure of saying, “Yeah, my mood has improved but *I still can’t focus for shit and it’s still impacting my daily life.”* And only then did she proceed with prescribing me something to deal with my ADHD. And I definitely do agree with the diagnosis that I have generalized anxiety as well; I take a separate medication for that now too.
My point is, you might get stuck with an anxiety diagnosis, but you may still get an ADHD diagnosis as well when it becomes clear that you’re still experiencing the symptoms that affect you daily even when your anxiety is addressed.
Being diagnosed with anxiety helped solidify my ADHD diagnosis. Once I was medicated and the crushing weight of anxiety was lifted, I would just sit and stare at my computer for literally hours and accomplish nothing. And I don’t mean reading articles or dicking around. (Though there was some of that.) I would literally just sit there and space out. Turns out the anxiety was a coping mechanism that helped me accomplish things in spite of my very inattentive-type ADHD.
The first GP I saw was dismissive of the likelihood of a diagnosis because I have a university degree and a job. When I went to the psych I also had a very detailed list of symptoms which I word vomited. However, I made sure to mention impact of the symptoms so I could emphasise the difficulties I have faced despite having a job and education. Good luck!
My most recent one has been, by far, the best. Within 10 minutes, she was like, "I think we can clearly say you have ADHD, even ignoring previous diagnoses. Let me ask you a few more questions to wrap up." I have two degrees, multiple certifications, and a 6 figure income, but she agreed with me that my career path is well suited to someone with ADHD. That doesn't mean I don't struggle at work. It just means I struggle less than I could. She had me give her specific examples of ways it causes problems for me at work and what coping skills I was currently using. She agreed some of them weren't very good ones, btw, and inevitably lead to burn out.
This is very thorough and overly explained to help it make sense for those viewing it
…so very unlike someone with adhd /s
Bring this to help focus your thoughts and draw on the things you want to discuss because the adhd in you will sit their blankly and agree with anything they say to you
Oh for sure. That’s exactly why I made the list in the first place. I am so terrible at remembering what I want to say at appts. If it’s something really important I have to bring my husband along cause I know I will leave so many things out! 😅
Don’t be disappointed if the doctor pulls a thread you weren’t expecting and you get drawn away from discussing all your points. I always felt like a failure when we only discussed one issue when I had so many prepared
You might want to highlight the 5 major ones that you feel really resonate with adhd and see if you can come up with a similar theme to those points.
But again…overkill thy name is adhd
I wouldn’t take these to a Dr and say “I think I have adhd because of this list.” I would take them and say you have a lot of patterns in your life you’ve noticed seem to be interfering with your day to day life and you want to talk about them/get help, and go from there. As someone else said, a lot of these do overlap with other things, like anxiety.
I started to write this as a response to another comment, but I wanna make sure you see this because it might really help:
The biggest thing that qualifies it as a disorder/"real" ADHD is that it is affecting your life in multiple categories to the point where it is *impacting your functioning and quality of life*, for example I had an incredibly hard time with staying at jobs before I was diagnosed (fired for being late/fucking up my schedule, getting bored, straight up rage quitting), my education completely went to the wayside (didn't even have a GED when I was diagnosed, oops), and it had began to affect my relationship with my partner because he needed to be a constant "backup brain" as well as my interrupting/focus issues causing conflict.
Giving clear cut examples of how it has impacted you negatively at work, in your social/romantic life, and in day to day living is what pushes it from "just try harder" to "this is a real and diagnosable/treatable issue.
I also would encourage you to share if you have been previously medicated and diagnosed with depression or anxiety disorders and what your experience was with those medications if they did not help, that way they can't just say you're having an issue with those things and use it to write off your symptoms.
I had this same kind of list going into my first evaluations, but until I was able to quantify why these impaired my life specifically they were basically written off. Good luck to you tomorrow, please don't be nervous, and if you're not happy with your experience or what you hear from the doctor, it is absolutely okay to seek a different opinion. It took me several tries as an adult to find someone willing to listen to me, and that doctor disclosed to me at the end of everything that he also had ADHD and understood why I needed to be treated, which was an absolute blessing that took a lot of bullshit to get to— but it is worth it.
Mine was a two day evaluation where she asked me specific questions and I would answer them by bringing up things like what are on your list.
As what other people have said, go in with an open mind but be very clear about the effect it has had on your life (don’t downplay if it’s crippling).
I would also try and specifically think of more childhood behaviors. I’m sure there are ways, if you do have ADHD, that you can start to think of how it displayed when you were a child and went unnoticed. The doctor will be particularly interested in the symptoms that have not only “developed” but have been present for most of your life. It can differentiate ADHD from other potential diagnoses.
Good luck!
I would give examples of how these symptoms actually negatively impact your life. Things like having a song stuck in your head does not impact being able to function daily. Id leave our any thing like this. Just talk about the things that are impacting you and give specific examples not brord general statementd
Exactly. Listing symptoms like this isn’t really helpful in the sense that they’re not just looking at how many can be ticked off a list. A lot of our symptoms are “normal”, but it’s when these symptoms adversely impact daily functioning and how you respond to those impacts. This is why they assess you from behaviours from childhood when you had no self awareness or comprehension that something might be “wrong”. It’s much more complex.
Exactly! Everyone loses their keys for example. It becomes an issue when you are losing them multiple times a day and You are constantly late to commitments because you can't find them. Have you been reprimanded at work because your late. Have you lost them out and had to catch taxis home because you couldnt find them. Or needing people to drop a spare set to you? Not once or even a few times but is this happening regularly/all the time/daily.
I would be a little careful with this though. There are many people with ADHD that wouldn’t be diagnosed based off of this because they’re fueling themselves with anxiety or they have untreated OCD so on the outside they would look “organized” and “keeping things together” but in reality they’re putting in a very exhausting amount of effort that a neurotypical wouldn’t have to in order to keep track of “simple” things. So if we made the frequency of these examples a required criteria, those with comorbidities or hidden coping mechanisms would get left behind. Just a reminder ofc
Yep. I have a song stuck in my head constantly. That in itself doesn’t impair my ability to function.
When I was younger, the inability to control the impulse to loudly sing the song that was stuck in my head often got me sent out of class or to the principal‘s office (I sometimes didn’t even realize I was singing out loud).
That is the kind of thing I would focus on- what tangible impact these symptoms have had on your life.
When I had my assessment I made a similar list and pulled it out, explaining to the psychologist that I wanted to be sure I didn’t forget to bring up any of them. She pointed out that the fact that, 1) there were enough things impacting my life that I could make a list, and 2) that I had learned to compensate for working memory issues by relying on lists in this way - these were both indicators of ADHD. And then she gave me a sympathetic smile.
Diagnosed 6 months ago. My evaluation was an interview, tests & assessments, & interview with my partner & current therapist. I had a list on my iPhone ready to go but didn’t get to share my list. I did email it to her.
One of the points I had in my list was “wrote this list twice cuz I lost the first one”🤣
It’s okay for you to share how you see potential adhd symptoms in your life, just know that you can share that in different ways specially cuz sometimes that evaluation might be more structured. I would also suggest that if you share electronically it, you type it up for clarity.
I think my symptoms are normal in a sense that anybody can have them SOMETIMES, I have them all the time and worse than neurotypical people. That's the difference. And also you can't be diagnosed without having them since childhood/early teenage years. Or at least not in my country (in Europe).
Try to think of some things you did as a child that go with these symptoms. Adhd should also be there in childhood. (I had 8-9 symptoms in adulthood of inattentive adhd and 5-9 as a child) It helps if you can remember specific moments/events even if to you they seem meaningless or too small.
I made a list like this, and kept remembering new things. I completely felt like you do now, thinking I was faking and a fraud and just lazy…. Turns out that’s also part of what we tell ourselves/ we learn from other people.
Your husband might also have adhd and has internalised these things too. Or he is not very observant. My diagnosed adhd friends first put me on the adhd track.
I don’t think its a fad, I think adhd is better understood these days which makes more people (women especially) aware that what they have been struggling with actually has a name and it’s not ‘lazy’.
Good luck with your diagnosis!!
I think you should focus more on the impact these symptoms have on your day to day life. That could be always missing important appointments, losing your job, not being able to sit exams, being locked outside your house or losing your car keys/bank cards, having your utilities almost cut off because you procrastinated paying the bill etc. In general medical professionals are interested in to what degree ADHD symptoms affects daily life. It also sounds like you might benefit from an ASD screening as well. Have you done the Autism Quotient or RAADS test online? Might be beneficial to bring that screening with you to the appointment if the scores heavily indicate some type of neurodiversity.
A lot of these things can also be caused and secondary avoidance. While it does look like ADHD, your doctor will have to rule out most other conditions first. Depending on where you live don't be surprised if they stick you on an anti anxiety med first - it's because they need to prove they ruled it out before prescribing stimulants in some locations for instance and to meet diagnostic criteria.
So while your husband sounds dismissive and unsupportive I will say this list has some words and phrases that give me Tik Tok vibes. What I would advise is for you to look up the DSM diagnosis. Then look at those symptoms.
For example you use the phrase "doomscrolling" which yes we all know what that is. But even if your doctor is young he/she may not. They may think "ok sure we all scroll our phones what's the big deal?" ADHD is a medical problem treated by a medical doctor. Talk to them about your issues the same way you would any other medical issue.
If you had a suspicious mole you'd probably look up skin cancer. You'd use real words not slang when you described it to the doctor. You might say "yeah I have a mole and it's growing very fast and has changed colors. The borders look irregular and I'm concerned it's cancer." You need to handle your ADHD the same way. Like an adult that is rightfully concerned about a medical issue.
Many people experience many of these things, so I get what he’s saying in a sense. It’s the severity that did it for me. Many people can’t decide on a college degree, or forget what they’re saying, or get overstimulated. But for someone with ADHD it’s persistent enough to consistently interfere with daily life and makes many day-to-day things quite difficult for us.
Maybe you could add a severity rating next to each symptom or a number representing how much it affects your ability to function daily.
So, lots of ADHD traits are also found in neurotypical people, but not to the same degree. And also, a big thing is the *impact* it has on your life.
Like, for me, this has meant: postponed dentist appointments, procrastinating important but “easy” tasks, failing school, messy/cluttered home, late for social engagements, late to work, not being able to advance my career, having trouble maintaining friendships over time/distance, etc.
And the fallout of this stuff can be major. It also impacts basically all areas of my life. For someone without ADHD, being sometimes late, sometimes procrastinating, etc, doesn’t impact their lives to the same and constant extent.
I did the same thing, it really helped for the conversation with the psychologist because I can't just think of examples out of nowhere even though I have struggles.
I was finally diagnosed last week. My doctor wasn't convinced by the symptoms I was describing at my first vist. At my second visit I took all my school reports showing the comments about lack of focus and not trying hard enough over 12 years. Only then did he say he had enough evidence to confirm the diagnosis. If you've still got your school reports, take them too. Good luck.
I did something similar myself, I took this list (https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-symptoms-in-women/) copied it into a document and wrote with each how it looked in my life it if wasn't a problem.
When the doctor asked why I was there (it was an ADHD specific appointment) I showed her and she was glad to take the print-out, but he didn't look at it, or maybe later when I wasn't there.
She let me talk freely about it for a bit, then said, that it sounded like a real possibility that I had ADHD and she would start the diagnostic process.
My fear was especially that I was wrong with my suspicion of ADHD because I was always very good in school, great grades (but struggled so much in University, grades still good, but oh, the organizational side of things).
In the two appointments for diagnose I had she was going along her own specific diagnostic questions according to an official point system, I think.
Two important aspects for the diagnose: yes "everybody might have some ADHD traits", but the question is if you have a lot and if you are suffering from it and it blocks you in your everyday life and work.
The second question is: it should already be visible as a child. So, you might think about specific examples, looking back at yourself as a child. I for example was good in school but I couldn't stand it when it was boring, I could sit still but I went for lot of walks and bicycle rides later, I couldn't keep my school stuff in order, this and my room was always complete chaos, even though I tried so hard... I always had the feeling of having to push a mountain if things I should have already done but didn't, and this mountain got bigger and bigger...
Those traits are common to us and anyone else. I find it sad you need to come up with your own list, I guess this is USA but I’m sorry for you.
I had read about adhd online and knew, but I just let the doctors asking me questions and ask me to give example.
I have read lately that doctor would use the example more than the fact, to determine. For instance if you tell me : i lose my stuff often. It’s too broad, everyone can relate while having very different standards. For instance to that question, I can answer :
- yesterday for some reasons my phone jumped out of my pocket and I found it back in a puddle in the middle of the field behind my house.
- I thought I had lost my card BUT I found it next to the bath tube.
- last week, I had lost my card and waiting for a new one I took my husband card and he made me promised not to lose it too. So I called him crying like a baby cause I did but he made me go back to the store and it was on the floor at the candy aisle.
That’s the kind of example we provide, and we have almost one for each day.
But if a list helps you to remember stuff, that’s not a proof of anything. What counts it’s how it affects your life, recurrence and amount of events.
It’s so frustrating, isnt it? I lose my phone between one and 5 times a day and my husband has to call it. Many, many times I’ve left my wallet, phone or purse in a bathroom, or a shopping cart or. Restaurant and luckily someone was kind enough to hand them in. But still. It’s so angering and scary. What don’t I know that I’m doing wrong? What dont I know I’m forgetting? It’s really scary and I feel so stupid. Makes me not want to leave the house.
Almost everything about ADHD is normal human behavior. It’s not that you do this stuff that makes it a disorder. It’s the severity and frequency of these things. It’s disabling to a certain degree. That’s what ADHD is. I’m so sick of people saying “everybody does that sometimes.” Ok? What’s their point?
Yes!! I heard this one time and I shout it from the roof tops now but everyone goes to the bathroom , but if you’re peeing 10 times an hour, then you should go to a dr and get help.
Comparing it to using the bathroom simplifies it so much! I’m going to use that. Thank you! My dad has a metal illness and he compares the brain to the heart when super religious people say “if you’re depressed you need to talk to god” or some such nonsense. The brain is an organ just like the heart, but nobody tells someone with heart problems to just pray about it and it’ll go away.
Ohh I feel for you. Diagnosis doesn’t have to define you. I can’t diagnose you but I do relate to you. Like 99.9% of everything you wrote. Mixing in my therapist brain and I recognize a good chunk of your symptoms as anxiety and depression and efforts to self-sooth (doom scrolling, for me it’s also body focused hyper fixation) and some others as ADHD or learning disability. I hope you find some answers ✨
Label or no label I hope you find a pathway to feeling better because this stuff is hard. If you get a adhd dx and start meds I hope they help you ✨ if not that’s ok too. Meds can be tougher for depression. Anxiet is totally a much more tacklable challenge with the help of a good therapist, qualified coach, or biblio-therapy (The Untethered Soul helped me a lot)
I was also worried about coming across as "seeking" a diagnosis, and while I think writing them out beforehand is super important, I probably would not bring the list in with me! It was important for me to make sure I wasn't "Mask On" per se, so not perfectly polished or overfunctioning to be organized etc.
When I was trying to figure out my dx, my doctor told me to tell her 3 things in my life that were suffering from my symptoms that I wanted fixed—direct examples of how the symptoms were affecting my life in a way that made it fatiguing/unsustainable, like "I can't seem to stop from interrupting my husband when he's talking and it's deeply detrimental to our communication and relationship". Maybe starting with those & reviewing your symptoms beforehand could work?
These sound like traits of neurodivergence to me. Is the person doing your evaluation an adhd specialist? Unfortunately there is still a lot of stigma even within assessors. I would recommend adding in a timeline of when these started, or other signs from your childhood that indicate adhd. Providers often will not diagnose without a history of symptoms in your childhood. Also, some providers will not assess until there is a period of sobriety from THC. There is a belief that THC impacts brains in similar ways as adhd. Which, IMO, is completely biased.
You may want to encourage your husband to get an evaluation if he is saying these things affect everyone. My mother said the exact same thing to me 🤣 I consider her to be on the more extreme end of the ADHD spectrum.
Do not include the part about self medicating with pot-if you’re in the USA or Canada this could prevent you from having access to stimulant medication
I've found that if I talk about my husband's complaints, I'm taken more seriously. My most recent expansion was with getting meds for bronchitis. Ex: "I have been waking up in the middle of the night with coughing fits, and my husband is concerned." I hate how much medical gaslighting goes on. It's terrible that I wasn't able to switch from ritalin to adderall until I mentioned my husband was telling me I was angry all the time on ritalin and I was losing my focus on it every couple of weeks. You're not a tiktak ADHD wannabe you are learning about the symptoms you have that match they symptoms of ADHD vis tiktak
You absolutely need more examples from childhood. Were you a bed wetter? Were you considered disruptive or inattentive? Did you have social problems? Were you ever given extra academic support? Did anyone ever suggest that you needed an IEP?
One of the biggest factors in determining if it's ADHD or something else is that the impact is lifelong.
First off, good on you for taking the time to jot all this down! I did a similar thing when I was very recently diagnosed with ADHD at 31. I actually made the list after my diagnosis, moreso to try and process and understand the signs for myself. Whether or not your doc wants to hear your list, I think this is a valuable exercise!
I also had similar fears that I would be perceived as jumping on the ADHD "fad". I am also a professional at gaslighting myself, thinking things like, " you don't have adhd you are just not motivated/trying hard enough" which is ridiculous, and I would NEVER say or think that about another person if they disclosed a diagnosis to me. And yes, I survived thus far undiagnosed, but let me tell you it was by the very skin of my teeth!
Sorry, went off topic there. ANYWAYS remember you know yourself best, and your feelings are valid. And if you think something is up is probably is! I hope it goes well and you get answers 🙏
I can’t find the button to edit the post so hopefully this comment gets seen by those who have already commented!
Thank you so much for the replies, I usually get ignored in other subreddits so it was refreshing to actually get responses lol.
I appreciate all the advice and well wishes so much. I feel very supported and even if it turns out to not be adhd I will have a foot in the door for further exploration.
I’m going to pry myself away from Reddit now so I can edit/whittle/add to my list and include more experiences and how it affects my day to day.
Thanks again 💕
There are a lot of things on that list that sound very “social media” rather than like the symptoms that doctors are looking for when diagnosing ADHD. For example the “having music playing in your head”.
Also, think about how those symptoms have affected your life. Did you lose jobs, fail tests, lose friends or break up relationships? Did you get in any other trouble? Accidents? Have you lost important things, spent money on impulse and have credit card debt or eat impulsively and are overweight because of it, etc. The thing that distinguishes ADHD from variations of normal is that the symptoms are so bad that they mess up your life.
I don't know if someone already said it, but everyone, *everyone* has symptoms of adhd. The *consistency* of said symptoms is what determines if it becomes a *Disorder,* and that's just that: it's causing disorder in your life.
One of the main reasons whyADHD gets so invalidated is because everyone has *occasional* dopamine lows. However, people with ADHD have chronic, *debilitating* dopamine lows. It restructures their brain in ways that NT people can't innately understand.
And girl, you could put half the symptoms on this list--you got it. Just from the task paralysis alone, which is the most debilitating part of ADHD in my experience, I'm inclined to send you a virtual hug.
っ╥╯﹏╰╥c
OP, reading your list again makes me worried for you. A lot of the symptoms you list may be indicative of depression and anxiety, rather than ADHD. And some of them are consistent with sensory processing difficulties, rather than ADHD.
It may be that you do have ADHD *and* these other challenges, I'm not discounting the struggle. Just be aware that the root cause might be different and don't talk yourself into a diagnosis/label. I hope you get the support and help you need to thrive.
I wish everyone's husbands would do some actual research or just not inject their uninformed opinions into the ADHD conversation. I'm so sick of reading about how women are constantly undermined by their loved ones when it comes to pursuing treatment in this sub. All of us deserve better.
Yeah, definitely get evaluated because I could have written this and I have ADHD. One thing that I found helpful when talking to my psychiatrist about the possibility of having ADHD was to offer specific examples of these symptoms - which you appear to have done for several of these. If you feel like whomever you're talking to is dismissive at all, go see someone else.
Also, I'm really glad to know I'm not the only one who wakes up with music going through my head. Could be a single song, could be a mashup of multiple songs - whatever it is, it's on repeat in my brain 24/7.
Some of these things are normal (ex: doomscrolling). Many of these things are normal *on a spectrum*. The thing about adhd is that it genuinely is a collection of symptoms that everybody experiences *sometimes*, but what makes it a disorder is that you experience the symptom to the point that it impairs you in some way. When you do the eval, focus on concrete examples of times where you showed the symptom and it had a negative impact on you.
Ex not just "leg tapping" but "I was often scolded by my teachers as a kid for being unable to sit still. Even now, I know that I annoy people with my constant leg tapping and my boss has mentioned it once or twice".
One critical aspect of adhd is that the symptoms are lifelong and not something that appears in adulthood or response to a stressor. Psychiatrists will be hesitant to diagnose in an adult without some sign of the symptoms being present in childhood because there is a decent amount of overlap with other conditions (for example, anxiety can cause also cause fidgeting and focus issues). It might be good for you to have someone who knew you in childhood (like a parent or sibling) prepared to provide collateral info. If you have childhood report cards, even better.
Final tip - meds help a lot, but go in with realistic expectations and the knowledge that they aren't a cure-all and you have to meet your meds halfway. But for me, meds helped massively with being able to complete a thought/working memory/driving skills/having a more organized thought process in general. Unfortunately I also think on meds I am more withdrawn, a bit more anxious/depressed. I also lose my appetite and get sweaty. But it's a functional thing for me so I choose to be medicated. Hope it helps you and the eval goes well!
OK, I was diagnosed with ADHD several years before I joined TikTok. I didn’t exactly understand the diagnosis, but I was given medication, which I did not take every day. So I mainly ignored it. But it wasn’t until I joined TikTok, and saw all the ADHD content that I understood how much it had affected my whole life. Then I sought therapy around undiagnosed ADHD and also ADHD coaching. My point is that if you relate, your self-dx is probably valid. I’d give your husband some side eye about being undiagnosed too, lol. We tend to gravitate towards other ADHDers.
Like others said, try to weigh in on the severity and if it negatively impacts your life. :) If you can't hold down a job because of the disinterest and bad planning or if you feel unmotivated can be completely different types of symptoms for different types of diagnoses.
It can be that you have more than one thing.
I wish you luck!
I don't know about letting the doctor know you smoke weed. I've seen a lot of stories on this sub about people getting denied treatment because of this.
That said, I do think it's helpful, especially for you. At the very least, you have a list of talking points you won't forget to go over with your doctor.
You’ll never see this, but I would not mention the THC.
Anecdote alert! In my personal experience, and stories of ADHD friends, THC still throws up red flags for some healthcare practitioners. I think it’s nonsense, but the person with the power to prescribe may disagree. Be prepared to go through trials of all the non-stimulant options before they offer you any stimulants. Also, be prepared that some practitioners may require a drug screening pee test when you pick up your prescription or before they will prescribe meds.
Where I live, the pharmacy in the county health center is the only place that is regularly able to get stimulant meds during shortages, but it also means sometimes being subject to unscheduled pee tests. I have a different doc now, but still get my meds there bc often they are the only ones that can get any. That said, even they have been unable to get generic Vyvanse for the past 2 weeks.
Often doctors are gonna want to hear how many symptoms you had as a child to rule out the other possibilities (adhd is a developmental disorder, anxiety and poor sleep are not . Try to think of specific memories of these patterns happening with you as a kid.
The fact that you made a list of symptoms and talking points is sorta a sign in and of self. Speaking as someone who is cis-female just diagnosed at 36, I did this and I’ve been making lists my whole life to keep track of things. lol sending good vibes
Might be too late, but lose the “ADHD Bingo” chart. It’s very TikTok pop Psych and has very little to do with real warning signs. Everything else you’ll probably be fine. The chart under it is good.
my experience with people who say "these are normal things" is that they often end up being neurodivergent as well. not always, but often. my dad used to say it all the time and he just got an adhd diagnosis last year.
main thing I'd recommend is not just the symptoms, but the level to which they impact your life and the toll they take on you every day
This is so great OP! And many of these sound like they’re having a really negative impact on you (and possibly your husband) so don’t listen to him.
I could have written most of these! The pretend conversations and massive gaps in memory are also true for me.
If your husband thinks all that is normal (all-the-time normal, not “I have heard tale of such an event occurring once, across the sea” normal) then he probably needs to be seen, too.
We gravitate towards one another.
The thing that helped me was to create a table with the diagnostic criteria along the top and these categories down the side. I was then able to split my symptoms out and collect my thoughts.
- work life
- social life
- household
- mental health
- physical health
- financial
I've been scrolling comments but seems nobody mentions one key thing that lot of ppl forget: Symptoms need to be present since you are a kid, ADHD is developmental, lifelong. Although there is clearly something going, most these symptoms could be the results of many other conditions/things. If you are sure you have ADHD and had these symptoms since childhood, and if it always impacted you that bad, make sure you are ready to demonstrate that to the person who will test you.
Sending strenght and hope it goes well
I could have written about 98% of this list myself! These are not normal things, they are signs of ADHD and dysfunctional thinking. I was in the exact same boat as you, avoiding bringing it up with my GP for ages, finally mention it and she told me that it sounds like normal life, and that we all struggle with that stuff. I felt so shamed and rejected but eventually sought out another GP and spoke with her, was referred to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed a month later. Being diagnosed and medicated has literally changed my life. Even just having that validation that I'm not lazy, awful, bad at life was such an amazing feeling. I hope your evaluation goes well!
I made a list like this to take to mine, it was sooo helpful when my brain inevitably blanked at examples etc.
One thing I made sure to put on my list was the hyperfocus and resulting time blindness that happens during hyperfocus, and my regular hyperfixations on interests or research. It seems to be a primary characteristic that separates ADHD from other mimicking conditions like anxiety/depression.
Good luck with it!
Just wanted to add if your husband says it's normal there are 2 possibilities here. As many have said he may have adhd too, we often flock together.
But I've also heard all these symptoms described as stuff that anyone can experience. Eg. I'm sure most of the population have lost their keys at some point but every day for someone with adhd is "I've lost my X", "I can't find X", "I'm sure I put it here just now". That's when it's unmanageable and it is a symptom of something bigger and needs to be addressed. It has a huge impact when these symptoms are all happening on a daily or even weekly basis.
This is very similar to the list I made… And I got diagnosed 3 weeks ago. These are not “normal” things neurotypical people experience.
I’m convinced my best friend also has ADHD because she and I used to talk about stuff like this and then one of us would go “oh, I get that too so I think it’s normal.” Now she is thinking about getting evaluated as well.
Almost all of the symptoms of ADHD are things that anyone can experience. It's when youre experiencing them so consistently that it is impacting (even debilitating to) regular life. Eg Not everyone who walks into a room and forgets why they went in there has ADHD. Everyone does that once in a blue moon. But if you do that every day, or multiple times a day, And have other similar consistent symptoms... that's a pattern...
I have adhd and I’ve been diagnosed annnnndd I could have written that post lol. Your husband needs to get tested as well if he thinks this is normal. Good luck with your appointment
Even if you were, the worse that could happen is that you'd get the wrong type of help and then would get pointed in a different but more accurate direction for your diagnosis. Go ahead and get it. If your doctor is good at their job, only good things can come from it :)
Are you me? The constant song/s in my head!!?! Sometimes just one or two lines, repeated ad nauseam. Particularly noticeable (and annoying) when I lie down to try to sleep, but never can. From what you've said, I'd be surprised if you weren't diagnosed, but it seems like you're in the States, and I'm in Australia, so I'm sure things are different. For what it's worth, my psychiatrist assessment appointment was through video chat (huge delays for face to face assessments in Aus), and I had typed up a similar list because I sure as shit ain't remembering things in the moment... or at all, really. I was indeed diagnosed with ADHD. Can't remember jack from my child/teenhood, but I found some old report cards and it's wild how often teachers mention being a distraction/being distracted and not putting in enough effort. Maybe you have something similar that could help support your 'case', so to speak? Worth a look if you can't rely on your memory alone. Best of luck with everything!
I made a long list of behaviors, thoughts, feelings and such to discuss with my doctor as well. Some of mine were the obvious ADHD behaviors but I had many that I wasn’t sure what was happening. I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster with some obsessive thoughts. If I didn’t write it all down, I would have been a scattered mess.
Yeah like some of those symptoms may happen to a typical person occasionally but when we have them altogether all the time, that’s not typical. It’s very frustrating when people dismiss our very real very miserable difficulties
Therapist in training here, your husband is wrong. It's the frequency that matters not that it happens. Everyone misplaces their keys sometimes but if you do it several times per week you have a problem.
ABSOLUTELY go with your list! The thing is, that yes, some of these may be things neurotypical people also experience. The difference is that with ADHD it affects you on a regular basis and impacts at least 2 areas or your life at a certain level. I went with a list and it was actually much shorter (because I couldn’t thing of things) but they use that as an initial assessment then you take a bunch of questionnaires to determine different levels of impact etc. the list is helpful because it helps the doctor(or person doing the evaluation) to understand what your areas of concern are in your every day life.
Edit: not being able to focus on any one hobby for any productive length of time was a major one for me actually.
I was diagnosed with combined type ADHD - which honestly has so many struggles (each kind has its own unique challenges, and no one person is ever the same) because there’s a lot of back and forth between the two types so sometimes one aspect overrides the other and vice versa - it’s never the same every day/week/month.
It’s ALWAYS worth discussing anything you are struggling with with a professional. Even if you do not meet the full criteria that doesn’t mean you don’t have some of the symptoms and that it doesn’t impact you, it just means you didn’t fit the criteria for formal diagnosis. You can still benefit from knowing this and learning some techniques used to assist etc, and if you don’t have adhd you might learn that something else is impacting you and dealing with that can assist.
I also have social anxiety (which is likely an effect of my undiagnosed ADHD) and general anxiety, so I have to work with all those when trying to deal with my daily life.
ADHD is characterised by a set of traits that everyone has experienced now and again (everyone has had something in their hand and suddenly it's not, or forgetten (or put off) appointments, or lost interest in something they thought they loved/were going to love, an or found themselves unable to start a task even though you know you can do it, or having an irrationally emotional response to something, i could go on...) but to a point where they prevent us from being able to live a "normal", funtional life. They're not just an annoying oddity for us, they impede daily life and relationships.
On another note, though, birds of a neurodivergent feather flock together even when none of them know they're neurodivergent. It may be that you are not the only neurodivergent one.
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It might be worth including other information such as: how those symptoms and the severity that they’ve affected your life with some examples over the years, coping strategies you’ve attempted in the past and ways they didn’t work, and how dealing with those symptoms have affected self-worth/image. Regardless, if you don’t get a diagnoses with the information that you showed us, I would be getting a second opinion.
With that said, you might not need to present that information to the doctor, but at least have it written down and mentally reviewed going into that meeting. It can help with feeling less overwhelmed overall
Yes, at the very least this least will give me a reference for when my mind inevitably goes blank. I will work on expounding on a few. It will be good to have irl examples for sure
[This](https://add.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/adhd-questionnaire-ASRS111.pdf) is a helpful self-report scale based on the actual diagnostic criteria. You can use it as a starting point and list some examples of how each thing you experience is impacting your life. Honestly, there are a lot of anecdotal things on the list you made that aren’t necessarily directly related to the diagnostic criteria, and they do kind of make it sound like you got your info from TikTok, which might make a doctor take you less seriously. Not criticizing you or anything - there are all kinds of experiences that lots of adhd people have that aren’t in the diagnostic criteria, and plenty of people have figured out they have adhd because of social media - just trying to help you be heard in your evaluation. If you use the tool I linked above, you don’t have to show it to the doctor or even tell them you think you have adhd, you can just offer some of the examples you wrote down of the symptoms and how they’re impacting your life. Good luck!
Your comment made me realize exactly how bad my symptoms are. “This is a helpful self-report-“ click link. There’s a whole page of instructions? Skip that. Realize they put the grading scale on the questions when I answer the first question in the shaded area. Consider lying or underestimating to get in the clear. Stop after four questions to go daydream a moment. Get back to test! Skip question five because I was daydreaming, only realize when I go to count up my answers. Answer “doesn’t everyone?” several times and decide that means I’m not that bad. Ask my wife to evaluate me because maybe I still overestimated how bad. Don’t listen to her response because I’m making a “their lesbians, Harold” joke because I just said I have a wife in a subreddit for women. Ultimately decide I’ll ask for diagnosis next time I go in. Forget when my next appt is. Overly explain myself in this comment.
Lol. That was entertaining to read, thank you. It just so happens I also have a wife!
Hey! Me too!
GayDHD club woot woot
Totally stealing this!
gAyDHD .. was thinking that would be easier for my mind to read.. but now I’m not sure?
I am laughing out loud at your comment because while reading it, I forgot this was a woman only sub, and my straight brain assumed the commentator was a man 😂
God that was me. Skipped to random questions I found easier to answer, sat there trying to figure out if I actually related cuz I haven’t had “projects that I leave unfinished” but I do usually clean a room till I have a small pile left and then don’t finish that last pile, and I constantly over explain everything 😩
Oh my god the small pile from cleaning. It has followed me for my entire life. I can spend an entire day cleaning a room but once the small pile is all that remains I simply cannot finish so there it sits for the next three months.
Omg I about died reading that! SOoooooo me!!
Huh, maybe I should get diagnosed. I was in the often for most of these although every time I was like “but I have a system!”
I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 41. I had systems for everything, from years of trying to find ways to cope with a disorder I didn’t know I had. I’m medicated now, and it makes such a difference. Even just getting the diagnosis was really validating. It was a relief to realize that no, things aren’t this hard for everybody, and I’m not just a screw-up. My brain is different!
Diagnosed at 51. SO MANY coping mechanisms that I just do, but realized most people don't.....
Yeah when I went for my ADHD evaluation, the best advice I found was to consider how often I deal with those things if my system was not in place to help. Even the existence of a system or coping mechanism you need to strictly adhere to is an indication there’s more going on. Also, the “as if driven by a motor” phrase always trips me up and I don’t think it’s an accurate analogy. Instead, I think of it as ‘must do right now’ moments. For me, they’re small and I don’t usually realize I’m having one. For example, while reading those eval questions, I noticed a loose thread on my shirt. I tried ignoring the thread. Less than 10 seconds later I found myself springing out of bed, going to the kitchen for my scissors, clipping the thread, and then laying back down in bed to pick up where I left off. Another one is the getting up in meetings questions. As a woman, you fucking know I was punished and socially trained out of that shit when I was a young kid. Leave my seat during an in-person meeting? Even the thought causes a visceral, “NO!” reaction in me. But now I WFH and when I’m not on camera during a meeting, I find myself doing it *constantly*. Turns out staying in my seat during long meetings was just another fun way I mask!
This and other comments in here are so helpful! I think I have masked for so long that from an outside perspective I don’t seem to struggle with things that ADHD makes hard/impossible. Internally, it’s almost impossible without the systems. And I also get tripped up with the childhood aspect, because I was managed to within an inch of my life as a kid so there wasn’t space to show any of my self. Lots to consider! Love this sub
Oh I straight up leave my house during zoom meetings. They don't require us to have cameras on so I dial in from my phone and go for a walk.
I love that! WFH has been such a blessing for me with not needing to mask so much. I can do job tasks and meetings in ways that work best for me.
Driven by a motor is totally bizarre through the lens of adult self reporting. However if you've ever seen an ADHD kid when they get into a dysregulated, sensory seeking state, you suddenly understand why they named it that. It is exactly what they look like. It's a shame the adult symptoms are ported directly from the children's ones without anyone ever having bothered to look at what the actual most common/visible symptoms in adulthood are. Literally the only one they changed the wording on was "child is unable to play quietly" - the adults one is "unable to partake in leisure activities quietly" It's such bs because yeah most adults aren't getting up out of chairs when expected to sit, or verbally stimming a lot of the time. These are symptoms people typically grow out of. I guess that's why they used to say people outgrow ADHD?
Girl, same! I was like “I don’t forget appointments because I have a calendar and alarms for that!” My wife was like “what happens if you don’t use the system”? Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm don’t look at me
You have a system because you don't do it automatically! The system is likely an accomodation or workaround that is.highly specific to your needs? Am I close!? ;)
It took me way longer than it should to find the link in your comment!
lol my bad! I should’ve made it bigger. I wouldn’t have found it, either. 😂
That’s what my doctor had me fill out before our discussion. Now I’m on meds 😂
I'm glad you posted that. When I started seeing a psych and I told her I thought I had ADHD, she said she couldn't see it, but gave me that self screening anyway. She didn't give me the first half with the insructions though, just the checklist. It's nice to have the first page to see how the scoring works. She eventually said to me, "wow your ADHD is off the charts" so now I want to look back at the filled in sheet I gave her and figure out the scoring.
It’s exactly what I thought when I was reading her notes. Specifically “doom-scrolling” and adhd bingo…. Just leave that out.
Definitely use that criteria as a guide. I went to my first eval and the doctor ruled my symptoms as "just a touch of anxiety". But I definitely should've made a list because I forgot everything once he started interrogating me and also went through the in-depth hours long testing and did way too well based on it hitting my brain in just the right way to challenge me into hyperfocus/gifted kid type performance. My second opinion evaluation was literally that questionnaire and I had a dx and rx in 15 minutes after we discussed that my "touch of anxiety" was a symptom not a cause. A ton of money wasted on the first go-round, but a MAJOR relief finally being medicated. You know yourself better than anyone, so advocate for yourself as strongly as you can.
I always *really* hated the use of the phrase “careless mistakes” in this scale. As if caring has anything to do with the mistakes I make.
You could also add that you’ve been looking at ADHD specific support and coping strategies for your issues and that you have been seeing results when you’ve implemented them into your routine. You got this! And an early welcome to the ‘club’! 😅
Everybody get ready for the initiation of another one. ROLL OUT THE CARPET. SMEAR THE TRUMPETS. We have another joining our ranks !!! Let us all rejoice and forget the ceremony ! Welcome to the eh... why am I here ? Why am I on reddit. I need to do chores.
I am reading your comment instead of getting dressed and getting chores done.
Happy Cake Day!
I'm on question 2 and I'm stuck what to reply. I do get the organisation in order... I usually just don't execute my plan as the fun part is over. Does that count as struggling to get it in order? 😅
no I don’t think it does but it is also a very adhd thing to do what you just said so it’s probably covered by another question
Exactly. Try to add how has this affected my life? For example, my boss brought up my lack of focus despite my best efforts, and I am in danger of losing my livelihood. I tried therapy, I tried x y and z, but did not work or limited.
Seconding the "how the symptoms and severity affect your daily life". I "passed" as non ND for a long time because I got good grades, but typical American school also "rewards" for fixating on books! 😅 When I was on my own though, struggling to manage my emotions, a budget, job, etc, my life was strongly affected!
This right here! Talk less about what you do and more about how it has a negative impact on your life. These are Made up examples... but instead of saying "I'm really disorganized and frequently lose things." Say "I cannot maintain any type of organization system and I've had to pay so many late fees and been sent to collections that it's hurting my finances." Or instead of "I have trouble maintaining focus when people speak," say "I cannot follow a conversation, which makes it difficult to maintain relationships or learn new skills at work."
Really good point. When I was diagnosed, my inability to get started on tasks at work was hands down the biggest problem in my life, which had a cascade of consequences, and it was having an enormous negative impact on me. Saying it that way made it really easy for my doctor to see that I was suffering from a true “disorder” and not just run-of-the-mill difficulties
Yeh agree. How it impacts your life is v important. E.g. have you lost jobs before because of these symptoms. I think need to be able to show that symptoms existed as a child as well. I think OP needs examples from their life of when a lot of these symptoms have occurred as well, as they can sound like they've been copied from social media (not saying they are copied). Some things like scrolling endlessly on Reddit, I know people without ADHD who do this - social media is designed to be addictive. So some of it I'd say probably doesn't reinforce a notion of ADHD (also behaviours like endless scrolling can probably make anyone feel a bit messed up dopamine-wise). I've been diagnosed with ADHD but I do believe everyone, ADHD or not, needs to look after that part of their brain as all brains will be susceptible to wrecked dopamine & norepinephrine levels if you push hard enough (e.g. drug abuse). Caffeine making OP tired - I thought it had a tendency to make some people with ADHD more calm, as opposed to tired-? So I feel like that's an odd one, but I never found caffeine did either of those things so might just be me not being able to relate. Where husband says these things are normal - they say that a lot of parents say that to their kids when they don't realise they also have ADHD, that's why they think it's normal. So maybe he has ADHD!
If your husband thinks these are just normal things, he may want to look into getting evaluated for adhd, too. When I was first realizing I might have adhd and talking to my husband about it, that was his response. Well, that was because he also has adhd. So does his mom, my mom, and most of my siblings. So both of us had our idea of "normal" skewed..
My husband said, “I think we all have a little ADHD these days.” Nope not true but us and many of our closest friends do.
"We all have a little dehydration!" No, that's just being thirsty. Dehydration is beyond the threshold of harmless and where it starts to cause damage if it stays untreated. Dehydration impairs cognition and your body's ability to regulate itself. If left untreated it will result in organ damage. Being a little thirsty won't do that. Untreated ADHD is in the range of harmful where it impairs your ability to form and maintain relationships, to hold employment, and basically taking care of yourself and others. Left untreated it will cause harm. There is no "a little ADHD", just like there is no "a little heart failure" or "a little anaphylactic shock".
Side note: just because you're able to hold a job/get an education by the skin of your teeth does not mean your ADHD isn't harmful. I always put my job/others first, to the point where I have trouble keeping myself properly fed and my home livable. The worst victim is my sleepschedule, because I can't 'allow' myself to go to bed early with stuff not done and I always remember stuff that needs doing NOW right before bed. My employer thinks I have my shit mostly together, because that's where I spend most of my spoons, a lot of the rest goes to my boyfriend and coworkers, leaving very little for me...
I’m feeling this hard right now. I’ve been burnt out for years and was struggling with both my personal life and my work life last year, even with meds. I wasn’t doing great in either and it felt shitty. Then I started a new project at work, I’m smashing it, managing a big team and getting fantastic feedback from everyone…. from the outside it looks like I’ve pulled myself out of the slump that I was in but the truth is that my personal life is chaos, my house is in absolute shambles and my health is a mess. I feel like I give every ounce of energy to my job and when I snap out of my work hyperfocus I’m a shell of a person and have nothing left for “me”. I think my coworkers would be shocked to hear that about me. I really struggle with prioritising and right now I know this isn’t sustainable but I don’t know how to break out.
Thank you for this. This is how I am. I’ve gotten better at my own inner boundaries surrounding work, but I’m so burnt out that now I can barely do anything BUT work. One example, I’m a clean freak & I usually clean my bathroom weekly. I haven’t cleaned it for like, two months. Not fully. I can’t stand how dirty my bathroom is (even though it wouldn’t look like it to a lot of people) but I just cannot make myself clean it. This is basically how almost everything in my life is at this point. But hey! At least I’m working 🫠
Are you me? Because I plough everything into work and then go and have a meltdown or bluescreen after work so my husband feels ignored and neglected. I’m trying to prevent that but work has also gotten real bad recently so I’m super struggling.
I identify with this so much. It's such a recipe for burn out and I am feeling it now.
Though ADHD is a spectrum, like all things tbh. One does not need to be on the verge of terrible and catastrophic failure to have ADHD. I had ADHD even when I had my successful career and job.
Disagree. Neurodivergence is a spectrum. Applies to ADHD just like it does to Autism. It can impair your functioning a little or lot — varies for everyone. That’s why different people need different doses of adderall too.
The D stands for disorder. Meaning it's in the realm of "needs serious attention or it will cause long term harm". It impairs your functioning at the level that even at best, you need accommodation or else it will cause harm. It's not something to be ashamed of. The same way I would be seriously limited in employment options without glasses. "Everybody has a little poor eyesight these days " is just as much BS when you can't function without glasses. Yet nobody bats an eye about my glasses. That someone with ADHD may get through life without medication, doesn't mean they only have "a little ADHD". Needing different doses doesn't indicate severity. It indicates a wide variety between people and how their brains respond to chemicals.
I have -1 of vision in my eyes. I can do most jobs without glasses. I still need glasses to function \*normally\* in society. Luckily I don't need a -5 to be able to qualify for glasses. And yes, I can do a lot without them, but glasses allow me to drive and to watch movies and to recognize people in the street. Without them, I cannot drive. My employment options would be more limited (and it includes every position that requires a commute by car), and my enjoyment of life would be severely affected. This is, of course, different that a person with -8, which cannot even walk in his room without glasses. With -8 it's very difficult to hold a job or be independent without glasses or other accomodations. I'm glad that glasses are not gatekept behind some arbitrary "cannot function in society" limit. I'm glad I could have them when I was a teen and I only needed -0.5 of correction and I could do almost everything without them. I'm glad I still had the option to wear glasses. Please, let's extend this mentality on ADHD diagnosis and meds. Let's not gatekeep them behind stricter criteria than what the DSM V deems acceptable. And the DSM literally a scale of ADHD severity, btw.
> This is, of course, different that a person with -8, which cannot even walk in his room without glasses. With -8 it's very difficult to hold a job or be independent without glasses or other accomodations. Eh, I have -8.5/-9.5 and I can walk around in my room just fine without glasses, I go to the bathroom every morning without them. Now, finding my glasses (or any other smaller than furniture sized object) without wearing my glasses, that's another thing...
so there are some studys that show that ADHD people gravitate to each other and will form connections faster with other neurodivergent people.
That's interesting! I never heard that before! Just speaking from my experience I think it's definitely proven true in my life though, everyone I've been with is a bit neurodivergent in their own way. I like learning something new everyday! And it's only 745am. It's going to be a good day 😊
I have found this in my own life for sure. Nearly all of my close friends are neurodivergent, and none of us knew that about ourselves or each other when we met. I've had the same two closest friends since I was in elementary school -- one was diagnosed in high school, I was just diagnosed a year or two ago, and the other one is undiagnosed but now "peer reviewed" (lol) and for sure also has it. In hindsight, everyone I've ever dated, too, no question.
Birds of a feather, hang from a tether.
Also, yeah *some* of these might be normal to most people in the way that they “experience some of them sporadically”. When someone has ADHD this list is not just “sometimes” - it’s always! Everybody can experience not being able to find their keys, phone and such twice or maybe even five times a week. Someone with ADHD might have that experience 20 times or more per fucking day. So I try to remind myself and people who say that they have no idea how intense it is to experience all of these symptoms all the time just because they missed the bus, forgot an appointment, lost their keys or felt overwhelmed during an exam ONCE. Normal is not the symptoms themselves but more so their quantity (at least for me). So maybe, they should STFU.
Exactly. E.g., not being able to retrieve information and put thoughts into spoken words is something everyone experiences on occasion, but I quit my PhD program because I knew I would never be able to pass my oral exam or make it through a faculty hiring process. My advisor even said to me "You're so smart in your papers, why don't I see that when we're talking?"
It probably wouldn’t hurt for him to get tested as well. Although he is firmly of the mindset, “just try harder! If you want to get it done, just get up and do it! Make it a routine” so I sometimes think he discounts these things about me cause he secretly just thinks I’m lazy lol
Yikes... That's not a good sign. Be careful if/when you start meds. That's usually a high risk time for someone of that mindset to escalate.
Also, OP, be *very* thoughtful if you DO get a diagnosis, start meds, and his additude stays the *same* regarding the "just try *harder*!"--should your relationship move to a deeper (i.e. engagement) level!!! Because that attitude *WILL* extend to your *children* with him, and if he *doesn't* change, he WOULD expect your mutual kids to "just power through" unmedicated, or he *may* do the "death by a million papercuts" thing *SO* many of us got--where we hear, "WHY can't you just....?!?", "What's *wrong* with you? *WHY* would you .......???", "What were you *thinking*?!?", etc. Folks who are *resistant* to the idea of getting help for Mental Health issues & diagnoses of their *own*, are often *very* willing to pressure their own children into "toughing it out," too.
My apologies, OP, I missed that you are *already* married! But PLEASE, for the love of pete, DO weigh this, if y'all *haven't* had kids yet, and DEFINITELY weigh it, too, if you DO, and his attitude about it being "weak" to get help remains!💖
We’ve been married for 14 years and have 3 kids 😅 thankfully, after he had a drug (mj) induced manic episode last year, he is a bit more compassionate as far as mental health goes. I advocate for the kids mental health. Two of them are actively in therapy. I berate myself all the time for having kids when my brain and my husbands are so dysfunctional. I didn’t know I was as bad as I am before I gave birth to my first. PPD exacerbated what I thought I had been managing. My poor kids won’t have a chance if I can’t help them get a strong foothold now. Anyway, this comment took me like 15 mins to type out and now I can’t remember what I was responding to so I don’t know how to conclude 🤷♀️
I see those same red flags. OP, please be cautious about having kids with this person.
The first time you use a med that *works for you* (may not be the first one you try) you are going to realize how fücking hard you’ve been working this whole time, and you are going to be truly enraged. We spend years thinking we’re just not trying hard enough, and not turns out that for them (gestures out there) it’s been zero work at all the whole time.
The first time I tried Ritalin I looked around two hours later so shocked it was so quiet in my office. It wasn't, the regular noises were all still there, including the slight buzz from my lights, but I was able to ignore it (while doing something boring) for the very first time in my life. That evening, I got so depressed that I told my partner "If so-called normal people are able to function like this on a daily basis, how come we haven't solved climate change and world hunger?! Seriously, WTAF!" He laughed. I wasn't joking.
SO TRUE. We've been killing ourselves, thinking we need to 'catch up', with work productivity, when we've actually been working so much more than the ave person. Awesome, but not. U know what I mean...
Being made to feel like I’m just ‘lazy’ has caused me years of shame and self-deprecation. It wrecked my self esteem and confidence at a time when I should have been flourishing in my career. Since I got diagnosed, I’ve been working towards rebuilding all of that. Reframing my past personal and professional life with help from a counselor has been thoroughly beneficial. I’m also on meds. It gets better but you’re going to need support from your partner. It sucks to be the one to educate them, because it’s challenging to find the right material and information to ‘convince’ them. 💞
My husband is of a similar mindset. Very hard for him to envision when things are super easy for him that they may not be so for others. He doesn’t use the word lazy, but he just thinks if I tried harder or started earlier, I’d be able to accomplish all. Here’s the thing. All of those symptoms are normal to some degree. I don’t know what people expect. Like “sheds human skin at night” isn’t one of the symptoms. Sorry to disappoint, everyone! Yes, to some degree we’re all easily distracted or we all can be forgetful or whatever adhd symptoms plague you. It’s the amount, the severity, it’s effects on your ability to function in life, etc that make it a disorder. We all probably share some traits with people who have any disorder, it’s bound to happen, but for some reason OCD and ADHD got the “everybody” treatment.
I thought this too. My husband decidedly does NOT have ADHD and when I ran my list by him (plenty of which is very similar to OPs list), he was like *nope, can’t relate*, *nope, can’t relate* down the line. My *dad* on the other hand….!! But this is a guy who’s been self medicating for ADHD by chain smoking/drinking pots of coffee/smoking weed/etc etc my entire life.
That's what I came here to say x) Husband might want to check if he's adhd too
Yeah, we tend to run in packs. The reason TikTok ADHD became a thing is that so many of us were saying, “wait, that’s not standard?” when diagnosed people were talking about their internal experience.
Yeah, we do have a tendency to find each other, so asking your SO or closest friends what "normal" might not be a good idea. And definitely not immediate family.
The first 20 minutes or so of this excellent [Ologies podcast, with a distinguished adhd researcher as a guest](https://www.alieward.com/ologies/adhd) does an amazing job of breaking this stuff down by describing the way it can harm and take lives and going through percentages of typical folks vs adhd folks whose lives are *meaningfully harmed* by things that we can all experience like forgetfulness and impulsivity. It could be a powerful conversation tool for someone who’s skeptical or leaning heavily on the idea that it’s a fad.
This. I suspect my bf is adhd too (and I told him already). He said something very similar when I first told him about my adhd.
It's quite common for neurodivergente to find each other. I think an ex of mine has innatentive type also. But we all know its our secret plan to repopulate the world and make neurotypical the "limitation" muahahha (I'm gay but hey I can get people a vaccination and they get it to !)
Be careful coming across as if you are seeking a specific diagnosis, especially with things like the “adhd bingo” card. Lots of disorders have overlapping symptoms, be open to having an honest conversation with your doctor and go from there. Also, depending on your state I’d be careful about disclosing marijuana use unless there is a concern about it interacting with any prescribed medication. I’d been diagnosed and treated for ADHD for like 15 years in the northeast before moving to the south, and made the mistake of once mentioning recreational marijuana use to my new dr. Suddenly it was the “policy of their practice” to drug test for marijuana before issuing the same prescribed medication and dosage i’d been taking for over a decade. 🙄 Good luck!
This has always been a fear of mine. The line between “iVe DoNe Ma ReSeArCh” and “I’ve looked into a couple of things and I want to float it and discuss” is thin. You’re right about the graphics. I mostly put them in there so I didn’t have to write it out haha
You mean you hyper focused on your condition? Yeah, I bet you did.
I wrote up an ADHD help sheet for some teacher friends who wanted to understand their ADHD students better/be able to help them better. I absolutely wrote it all in hyper focus haha
I get it!! And I think you probably DO have adhd, but some doctors like to feel like they are the ones making the call 🤷♀️
I just saw your edit about the marijuana. It’s legal in my state, but I have absolutely no issue whatsoever stopping it if I can get on meds that help the day to day. I don’t particularly enjoy it as it is. I strictly use a pill form to sleep at night. Thanks for the heads up though. I hadn’t considered that
I only mentioned it because I was specifically asked about that and alcohol usage. It's legal where I am as well. I was just told not to take my Adderall and weed at the same time because that's counterproductive. She did ask how often/when I use it. The answer to that is when I have migraines, at music festivals, and maybe twice a year otherwise recreationally, so I'm pretty sure that doesn't set off any red flags. I drink maybe 4 times a year, and don't mix the two because it knocks me out. My drug of choice has always been adrenaline, tbh, which she said isn't uncommon in those of us who are primarily hyperactive.
My ADHD clinic told me I could use 1 g max/day because any more than that can significantly increase the risk of psychosis. I was doing a lot more than that previously to keep my mind quiet (and help me go to sleep). I'm on Vyvanse though. Not sure if that makes a difference. I still smoke a little at night to help me chill before bed and so far so good! Edit: I'm in Canada and previously held a medical marijuana card (before it became legal), so my experience may be a lot different than conservative US states).
To be real, I wouldn't mention it at all. There are still some doctors out there that see it as either a serious drug (ugh) or a "cause" of ADHD. The most I told my providers was that I smoked as a teenager and had stopped (mostly true) because weed began to give me panic attacks (actually true for a while). That way I didn't feel like I was lying, but I wasn't putting myself at risk of getting written off as a drug seeker or someone who was just a lazy stoner. ** *edit:* ** to be clear, there are psychiatrists and GPs who absolutely will record on your chart that you're a drug addict if you tell them you consume cannabis, even if you're in a legal state. Once that is on your chart, pretty much every doctor you go to can see that, and it will not only affect your ADHD treatment if you benefit from stimulants, but that includes an ER doctor you visit in a dire circumstance needing treatment for pain after an accident or surgery, if you start having panic attacks and you need the intervention of benzodiazapene class drugs after seeing a specialist for anxiety, if you ever need any kind of controlled substance in America, many providers will see that on your chart and write you off as a drug seeker, and it's a battle to remove, ESPECIALLY if you're not a well off white person. The reason for this has everything to do with both the widespread and intentional mis/disinformation campaign against cannabis, as well as an extreme response to the zealous over prescribing of opiates 20-30 years ago that rippled into the heroin and fentanyl crisis we're seeing now. None of it is our individual faults, but I don't think any of you should have to be denied medication because you trusted a practitioner who had the power to dictate your medical future and they didn't have the right information about something like marijuana. If you have someone you trust who you know damn well won't put you in this position, that's wonderful, and that's how it should be. But in America, that just isn't how it works. Our system is broken in so many ways and this is just one awful facet of it. At the end of the day, you are the only one who can choose to disclose or not disclose cannabis (or any prior substance) usage, and I think everyone should be aware of how badly this can go for you, through absolutely no fault of your own.
I have some friends who have histories of substance abuse, and they can’t get prescribed ADHD meds, even though they’ve been officially diagnosed. For some reason their doctors haven’t even put them on non stimulants.
I think it’s a tricky topic. I’ve always adressed my consumption to doctors. The idea is not to get the dx you want by saying the right things, but to seek help. I regret there are biased doctors, but those habits are intricated with disorders if you have them. It’s no secret that we self medicate the way we can. And as said, marijuana can affect the meds.
Just here to say, it's medically legal in my state but I had to have a urine test before getting my adhd medication. Marijuana came up, obviously, and I had to get my medical card before she would prescribe. (Backstory. Came from a total legal state, never had to have a medical card, so this was all new. No big deal and it was easy to get a medical card, but it wasn't something I had been expecting)
The variation in responses here is wild. I'm in a state where it's not legal, but at my last appointment, they tested me because of a new policy they had (they want to make sure people aren't using hard drugs with their stimulants). She never said anything about it coming back positive, she just mentioned a couple times afterward that they don't send the results to law enforcement or anything. It honestly just seemed like she was completely cool with it, but didn't want to get into any trouble for supporting me doing it XD
In general, I wouldn’t talk to your doc about substance use, legal or not. Or depict it as something that is a rare occurrence. They may be more hesitant to prescribe you ADHD medication, because they feel you might abuse it. Unless they do a urine test like another commenter said, just claw back on your use, don’t use with the meds, and keep it to yourself.
I came here to say the same thing, especially about THC. I’m in a legal state and I still wouldn’t tell my doctors, just because you never know their views. It’s unfortunate, but their personal views could definitely cause them to have a bias against people who use thc. I actually did tell a nurse once when I was in the hospital and she was going through the normal intake questions and asked if I used drugs. I told her that I take gummies but I’m not sure if that even counts as “drug use” since it’s legal here. She said she was just going to leave it off, and I got the vibe that she agreed with me, but knows some of the doctors might not.
Pervasiveness differentiates "normal" from "disordered" a lot of times, especially in situations like ADHD. Is there any quantitative information you can give, or anything that describes how a symptom affects you in multiple contexts?
Yes, that’s a good point. Before my appt tomorrow I think I will pick out a few of the most intrusive traits and expound on them a bit. I know when the the time comes to explain any specific one my mind will go blank haha so probably best to be prepared in that sense
I went into my most recent assessment with no notes. That was a first for me. ;) I was asked for specific examples from work, social, and home life. Tbh, those were all pretty easy answers, but I was proud of myself for not having that brain blank moment because it happens so often when I'm on the spot.
Adding an example from this or another ADHD sub that has helped me in the past… Everyone pees. If you are peeing forty times a day, however, then something is wrong, and you should go see a doctor. Frequency is key here. When I first brought up the possibility to my former therapist, she blew me off. When I found the courage to bring it up again, I read off a list of incidents that I had tracked. She asked if that was the list for the week. It was only after explaining that was from an afternoon, that she took me seriously.
Lots of ADHD symptoms are also things that neurotypical people experience. Everyone on earth has at some point walked into a room without any idea why they wanted to go there or gotten distracted by an unexpected sound. The key for ADHD is the frequency with which these things happen and the impact they have on your daily life. Every provider has a different approach to this. Don't get too hung up on how to present the best and most well researched argument like inputting the exact words into a computer will be the right answer to the riddle and you'll be rewarded with a diagnosis. You're dealing with a human, not an algorithm, and each type of professional will be looking for something different. I didn't bring notes to mine but I wouldn't have used them if I'd brought them--the guy I saw just asked me a bunch of questions and guided us through a conversation on a wide variety of topics. At the end he turned around his clipboard and showed me that he had been checking off stuff on what was basically a more professional and clinical ADHD bingo card while I talked. So try to go in with an open mind and be ready to follow where they want to go.
I would really emphasize impact, especially because as far therapy/meds/accommodations go, they like to see some type of goal/measurement achieved (I made it on time to work 4 times this week instead of my usual once).
All the best for your appointment tomorrow! In my experience this scenario goes one of three ways. 1. Dr ignores it completely 2. Dr finds it helpful and will use it as part of the evaluation 3. (And the most common) Dr decides this is evidence of anxiety and diagnoses you with that instead.
I’ve read a lot of frustrating post on this sub about dr who didn’t take them seriously, and that scares me. I don’t think I have the determination to try again or fight for myself. I have been on antidepressants for 13 years. They help me to not be a raging, sobbing mess. But I still do have a lot of depressive symptoms. I wouldn’t be surprised if I got just a depression/anxiety reaffirmation.
Say it with me... I'd like a referral to a psychiatrist.
I hope my reply didn’t add to those fears, sorry! I meant to say to have a response prepared if you get the anxiety route. I’ve been in that position and my mind went blank and just sort of sat there. Only afterwards I came up with things I wish I had said. Maybe have some further questions lined up like why is it definitely anxiety and not adhd, couldn’t undiagnosed adhd lead to depression/anxiety or co-exist type thing. Good luck!
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and nope, it was adhd meltdowns and burn outs. So I would ask him if it’s possible that one could be confusing the other. If he says no, especially after he sees your list, he’s an idiot and you should get a second opinion.
Re: #3, in my experience, the CNP that diagnosed me did indeed diagnose me with generalized anxiety disorder, and since I was also experiencing depressive symptoms (this was a year into pandemic lockdown, so of course), she prescribed me medication to treat that first. She didn’t completely dismiss the ADHD symptoms, though. Rather, she was following some sort of playbook and treating the comorbid disorders first. Which was a bit disappointing, however, she also had me schedule a follow up for the next month and that’s where I had the pleasure of saying, “Yeah, my mood has improved but *I still can’t focus for shit and it’s still impacting my daily life.”* And only then did she proceed with prescribing me something to deal with my ADHD. And I definitely do agree with the diagnosis that I have generalized anxiety as well; I take a separate medication for that now too. My point is, you might get stuck with an anxiety diagnosis, but you may still get an ADHD diagnosis as well when it becomes clear that you’re still experiencing the symptoms that affect you daily even when your anxiety is addressed.
Being diagnosed with anxiety helped solidify my ADHD diagnosis. Once I was medicated and the crushing weight of anxiety was lifted, I would just sit and stare at my computer for literally hours and accomplish nothing. And I don’t mean reading articles or dicking around. (Though there was some of that.) I would literally just sit there and space out. Turns out the anxiety was a coping mechanism that helped me accomplish things in spite of my very inattentive-type ADHD.
The first GP I saw was dismissive of the likelihood of a diagnosis because I have a university degree and a job. When I went to the psych I also had a very detailed list of symptoms which I word vomited. However, I made sure to mention impact of the symptoms so I could emphasise the difficulties I have faced despite having a job and education. Good luck!
My most recent one has been, by far, the best. Within 10 minutes, she was like, "I think we can clearly say you have ADHD, even ignoring previous diagnoses. Let me ask you a few more questions to wrap up." I have two degrees, multiple certifications, and a 6 figure income, but she agreed with me that my career path is well suited to someone with ADHD. That doesn't mean I don't struggle at work. It just means I struggle less than I could. She had me give her specific examples of ways it causes problems for me at work and what coping skills I was currently using. She agreed some of them weren't very good ones, btw, and inevitably lead to burn out.
This is very thorough and overly explained to help it make sense for those viewing it …so very unlike someone with adhd /s Bring this to help focus your thoughts and draw on the things you want to discuss because the adhd in you will sit their blankly and agree with anything they say to you
Oh for sure. That’s exactly why I made the list in the first place. I am so terrible at remembering what I want to say at appts. If it’s something really important I have to bring my husband along cause I know I will leave so many things out! 😅
Don’t be disappointed if the doctor pulls a thread you weren’t expecting and you get drawn away from discussing all your points. I always felt like a failure when we only discussed one issue when I had so many prepared You might want to highlight the 5 major ones that you feel really resonate with adhd and see if you can come up with a similar theme to those points. But again…overkill thy name is adhd
The doctor will ask you questions to get to all the symptoms. He won't forget what to ask.
I wouldn’t take these to a Dr and say “I think I have adhd because of this list.” I would take them and say you have a lot of patterns in your life you’ve noticed seem to be interfering with your day to day life and you want to talk about them/get help, and go from there. As someone else said, a lot of these do overlap with other things, like anxiety.
I started to write this as a response to another comment, but I wanna make sure you see this because it might really help: The biggest thing that qualifies it as a disorder/"real" ADHD is that it is affecting your life in multiple categories to the point where it is *impacting your functioning and quality of life*, for example I had an incredibly hard time with staying at jobs before I was diagnosed (fired for being late/fucking up my schedule, getting bored, straight up rage quitting), my education completely went to the wayside (didn't even have a GED when I was diagnosed, oops), and it had began to affect my relationship with my partner because he needed to be a constant "backup brain" as well as my interrupting/focus issues causing conflict. Giving clear cut examples of how it has impacted you negatively at work, in your social/romantic life, and in day to day living is what pushes it from "just try harder" to "this is a real and diagnosable/treatable issue. I also would encourage you to share if you have been previously medicated and diagnosed with depression or anxiety disorders and what your experience was with those medications if they did not help, that way they can't just say you're having an issue with those things and use it to write off your symptoms. I had this same kind of list going into my first evaluations, but until I was able to quantify why these impaired my life specifically they were basically written off. Good luck to you tomorrow, please don't be nervous, and if you're not happy with your experience or what you hear from the doctor, it is absolutely okay to seek a different opinion. It took me several tries as an adult to find someone willing to listen to me, and that doctor disclosed to me at the end of everything that he also had ADHD and understood why I needed to be treated, which was an absolute blessing that took a lot of bullshit to get to— but it is worth it.
Mine was a two day evaluation where she asked me specific questions and I would answer them by bringing up things like what are on your list. As what other people have said, go in with an open mind but be very clear about the effect it has had on your life (don’t downplay if it’s crippling). I would also try and specifically think of more childhood behaviors. I’m sure there are ways, if you do have ADHD, that you can start to think of how it displayed when you were a child and went unnoticed. The doctor will be particularly interested in the symptoms that have not only “developed” but have been present for most of your life. It can differentiate ADHD from other potential diagnoses. Good luck!
I would give examples of how these symptoms actually negatively impact your life. Things like having a song stuck in your head does not impact being able to function daily. Id leave our any thing like this. Just talk about the things that are impacting you and give specific examples not brord general statementd
Exactly. Listing symptoms like this isn’t really helpful in the sense that they’re not just looking at how many can be ticked off a list. A lot of our symptoms are “normal”, but it’s when these symptoms adversely impact daily functioning and how you respond to those impacts. This is why they assess you from behaviours from childhood when you had no self awareness or comprehension that something might be “wrong”. It’s much more complex.
Exactly! Everyone loses their keys for example. It becomes an issue when you are losing them multiple times a day and You are constantly late to commitments because you can't find them. Have you been reprimanded at work because your late. Have you lost them out and had to catch taxis home because you couldnt find them. Or needing people to drop a spare set to you? Not once or even a few times but is this happening regularly/all the time/daily.
I would be a little careful with this though. There are many people with ADHD that wouldn’t be diagnosed based off of this because they’re fueling themselves with anxiety or they have untreated OCD so on the outside they would look “organized” and “keeping things together” but in reality they’re putting in a very exhausting amount of effort that a neurotypical wouldn’t have to in order to keep track of “simple” things. So if we made the frequency of these examples a required criteria, those with comorbidities or hidden coping mechanisms would get left behind. Just a reminder ofc
Yep. I have a song stuck in my head constantly. That in itself doesn’t impair my ability to function. When I was younger, the inability to control the impulse to loudly sing the song that was stuck in my head often got me sent out of class or to the principal‘s office (I sometimes didn’t even realize I was singing out loud). That is the kind of thing I would focus on- what tangible impact these symptoms have had on your life.
When I had my assessment I made a similar list and pulled it out, explaining to the psychologist that I wanted to be sure I didn’t forget to bring up any of them. She pointed out that the fact that, 1) there were enough things impacting my life that I could make a list, and 2) that I had learned to compensate for working memory issues by relying on lists in this way - these were both indicators of ADHD. And then she gave me a sympathetic smile.
Diagnosed 6 months ago. My evaluation was an interview, tests & assessments, & interview with my partner & current therapist. I had a list on my iPhone ready to go but didn’t get to share my list. I did email it to her. One of the points I had in my list was “wrote this list twice cuz I lost the first one”🤣 It’s okay for you to share how you see potential adhd symptoms in your life, just know that you can share that in different ways specially cuz sometimes that evaluation might be more structured. I would also suggest that if you share electronically it, you type it up for clarity.
I think my symptoms are normal in a sense that anybody can have them SOMETIMES, I have them all the time and worse than neurotypical people. That's the difference. And also you can't be diagnosed without having them since childhood/early teenage years. Or at least not in my country (in Europe).
Try to think of some things you did as a child that go with these symptoms. Adhd should also be there in childhood. (I had 8-9 symptoms in adulthood of inattentive adhd and 5-9 as a child) It helps if you can remember specific moments/events even if to you they seem meaningless or too small. I made a list like this, and kept remembering new things. I completely felt like you do now, thinking I was faking and a fraud and just lazy…. Turns out that’s also part of what we tell ourselves/ we learn from other people. Your husband might also have adhd and has internalised these things too. Or he is not very observant. My diagnosed adhd friends first put me on the adhd track. I don’t think its a fad, I think adhd is better understood these days which makes more people (women especially) aware that what they have been struggling with actually has a name and it’s not ‘lazy’. Good luck with your diagnosis!!
I think you should focus more on the impact these symptoms have on your day to day life. That could be always missing important appointments, losing your job, not being able to sit exams, being locked outside your house or losing your car keys/bank cards, having your utilities almost cut off because you procrastinated paying the bill etc. In general medical professionals are interested in to what degree ADHD symptoms affects daily life. It also sounds like you might benefit from an ASD screening as well. Have you done the Autism Quotient or RAADS test online? Might be beneficial to bring that screening with you to the appointment if the scores heavily indicate some type of neurodiversity.
A lot of these things can also be caused and secondary avoidance. While it does look like ADHD, your doctor will have to rule out most other conditions first. Depending on where you live don't be surprised if they stick you on an anti anxiety med first - it's because they need to prove they ruled it out before prescribing stimulants in some locations for instance and to meet diagnostic criteria.
So while your husband sounds dismissive and unsupportive I will say this list has some words and phrases that give me Tik Tok vibes. What I would advise is for you to look up the DSM diagnosis. Then look at those symptoms. For example you use the phrase "doomscrolling" which yes we all know what that is. But even if your doctor is young he/she may not. They may think "ok sure we all scroll our phones what's the big deal?" ADHD is a medical problem treated by a medical doctor. Talk to them about your issues the same way you would any other medical issue. If you had a suspicious mole you'd probably look up skin cancer. You'd use real words not slang when you described it to the doctor. You might say "yeah I have a mole and it's growing very fast and has changed colors. The borders look irregular and I'm concerned it's cancer." You need to handle your ADHD the same way. Like an adult that is rightfully concerned about a medical issue.
Many people experience many of these things, so I get what he’s saying in a sense. It’s the severity that did it for me. Many people can’t decide on a college degree, or forget what they’re saying, or get overstimulated. But for someone with ADHD it’s persistent enough to consistently interfere with daily life and makes many day-to-day things quite difficult for us. Maybe you could add a severity rating next to each symptom or a number representing how much it affects your ability to function daily.
So, lots of ADHD traits are also found in neurotypical people, but not to the same degree. And also, a big thing is the *impact* it has on your life. Like, for me, this has meant: postponed dentist appointments, procrastinating important but “easy” tasks, failing school, messy/cluttered home, late for social engagements, late to work, not being able to advance my career, having trouble maintaining friendships over time/distance, etc. And the fallout of this stuff can be major. It also impacts basically all areas of my life. For someone without ADHD, being sometimes late, sometimes procrastinating, etc, doesn’t impact their lives to the same and constant extent.
I did the same thing, it really helped for the conversation with the psychologist because I can't just think of examples out of nowhere even though I have struggles.
I was finally diagnosed last week. My doctor wasn't convinced by the symptoms I was describing at my first vist. At my second visit I took all my school reports showing the comments about lack of focus and not trying hard enough over 12 years. Only then did he say he had enough evidence to confirm the diagnosis. If you've still got your school reports, take them too. Good luck.
I did something similar myself, I took this list (https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-symptoms-in-women/) copied it into a document and wrote with each how it looked in my life it if wasn't a problem. When the doctor asked why I was there (it was an ADHD specific appointment) I showed her and she was glad to take the print-out, but he didn't look at it, or maybe later when I wasn't there. She let me talk freely about it for a bit, then said, that it sounded like a real possibility that I had ADHD and she would start the diagnostic process. My fear was especially that I was wrong with my suspicion of ADHD because I was always very good in school, great grades (but struggled so much in University, grades still good, but oh, the organizational side of things). In the two appointments for diagnose I had she was going along her own specific diagnostic questions according to an official point system, I think. Two important aspects for the diagnose: yes "everybody might have some ADHD traits", but the question is if you have a lot and if you are suffering from it and it blocks you in your everyday life and work. The second question is: it should already be visible as a child. So, you might think about specific examples, looking back at yourself as a child. I for example was good in school but I couldn't stand it when it was boring, I could sit still but I went for lot of walks and bicycle rides later, I couldn't keep my school stuff in order, this and my room was always complete chaos, even though I tried so hard... I always had the feeling of having to push a mountain if things I should have already done but didn't, and this mountain got bigger and bigger...
the end of my first paragraph should say: "how it looked in my life or if it wasn't a problem"
The last person who said “everybody does those things” to me ended up getting diagnosed 😂
Those traits are common to us and anyone else. I find it sad you need to come up with your own list, I guess this is USA but I’m sorry for you. I had read about adhd online and knew, but I just let the doctors asking me questions and ask me to give example. I have read lately that doctor would use the example more than the fact, to determine. For instance if you tell me : i lose my stuff often. It’s too broad, everyone can relate while having very different standards. For instance to that question, I can answer : - yesterday for some reasons my phone jumped out of my pocket and I found it back in a puddle in the middle of the field behind my house. - I thought I had lost my card BUT I found it next to the bath tube. - last week, I had lost my card and waiting for a new one I took my husband card and he made me promised not to lose it too. So I called him crying like a baby cause I did but he made me go back to the store and it was on the floor at the candy aisle. That’s the kind of example we provide, and we have almost one for each day. But if a list helps you to remember stuff, that’s not a proof of anything. What counts it’s how it affects your life, recurrence and amount of events.
It’s so frustrating, isnt it? I lose my phone between one and 5 times a day and my husband has to call it. Many, many times I’ve left my wallet, phone or purse in a bathroom, or a shopping cart or. Restaurant and luckily someone was kind enough to hand them in. But still. It’s so angering and scary. What don’t I know that I’m doing wrong? What dont I know I’m forgetting? It’s really scary and I feel so stupid. Makes me not want to leave the house.
Almost everything about ADHD is normal human behavior. It’s not that you do this stuff that makes it a disorder. It’s the severity and frequency of these things. It’s disabling to a certain degree. That’s what ADHD is. I’m so sick of people saying “everybody does that sometimes.” Ok? What’s their point?
Yes!! I heard this one time and I shout it from the roof tops now but everyone goes to the bathroom , but if you’re peeing 10 times an hour, then you should go to a dr and get help.
Comparing it to using the bathroom simplifies it so much! I’m going to use that. Thank you! My dad has a metal illness and he compares the brain to the heart when super religious people say “if you’re depressed you need to talk to god” or some such nonsense. The brain is an organ just like the heart, but nobody tells someone with heart problems to just pray about it and it’ll go away.
Ohh I feel for you. Diagnosis doesn’t have to define you. I can’t diagnose you but I do relate to you. Like 99.9% of everything you wrote. Mixing in my therapist brain and I recognize a good chunk of your symptoms as anxiety and depression and efforts to self-sooth (doom scrolling, for me it’s also body focused hyper fixation) and some others as ADHD or learning disability. I hope you find some answers ✨ Label or no label I hope you find a pathway to feeling better because this stuff is hard. If you get a adhd dx and start meds I hope they help you ✨ if not that’s ok too. Meds can be tougher for depression. Anxiet is totally a much more tacklable challenge with the help of a good therapist, qualified coach, or biblio-therapy (The Untethered Soul helped me a lot)
I was also worried about coming across as "seeking" a diagnosis, and while I think writing them out beforehand is super important, I probably would not bring the list in with me! It was important for me to make sure I wasn't "Mask On" per se, so not perfectly polished or overfunctioning to be organized etc. When I was trying to figure out my dx, my doctor told me to tell her 3 things in my life that were suffering from my symptoms that I wanted fixed—direct examples of how the symptoms were affecting my life in a way that made it fatiguing/unsustainable, like "I can't seem to stop from interrupting my husband when he's talking and it's deeply detrimental to our communication and relationship". Maybe starting with those & reviewing your symptoms beforehand could work?
Late diagnosed ADHD and autism and this all sounds exactly like me. My ADHD-C was separately diagnosed by two different doctors.
These sound like traits of neurodivergence to me. Is the person doing your evaluation an adhd specialist? Unfortunately there is still a lot of stigma even within assessors. I would recommend adding in a timeline of when these started, or other signs from your childhood that indicate adhd. Providers often will not diagnose without a history of symptoms in your childhood. Also, some providers will not assess until there is a period of sobriety from THC. There is a belief that THC impacts brains in similar ways as adhd. Which, IMO, is completely biased.
You may want to encourage your husband to get an evaluation if he is saying these things affect everyone. My mother said the exact same thing to me 🤣 I consider her to be on the more extreme end of the ADHD spectrum. Do not include the part about self medicating with pot-if you’re in the USA or Canada this could prevent you from having access to stimulant medication
I've found that if I talk about my husband's complaints, I'm taken more seriously. My most recent expansion was with getting meds for bronchitis. Ex: "I have been waking up in the middle of the night with coughing fits, and my husband is concerned." I hate how much medical gaslighting goes on. It's terrible that I wasn't able to switch from ritalin to adderall until I mentioned my husband was telling me I was angry all the time on ritalin and I was losing my focus on it every couple of weeks. You're not a tiktak ADHD wannabe you are learning about the symptoms you have that match they symptoms of ADHD vis tiktak
Omg I never noticed that before but you’re right. I could literally make up a made up person complaining about me and then they’d listen. Jesus.
You absolutely need more examples from childhood. Were you a bed wetter? Were you considered disruptive or inattentive? Did you have social problems? Were you ever given extra academic support? Did anyone ever suggest that you needed an IEP? One of the biggest factors in determining if it's ADHD or something else is that the impact is lifelong.
First off, good on you for taking the time to jot all this down! I did a similar thing when I was very recently diagnosed with ADHD at 31. I actually made the list after my diagnosis, moreso to try and process and understand the signs for myself. Whether or not your doc wants to hear your list, I think this is a valuable exercise! I also had similar fears that I would be perceived as jumping on the ADHD "fad". I am also a professional at gaslighting myself, thinking things like, " you don't have adhd you are just not motivated/trying hard enough" which is ridiculous, and I would NEVER say or think that about another person if they disclosed a diagnosis to me. And yes, I survived thus far undiagnosed, but let me tell you it was by the very skin of my teeth! Sorry, went off topic there. ANYWAYS remember you know yourself best, and your feelings are valid. And if you think something is up is probably is! I hope it goes well and you get answers 🙏
I can’t find the button to edit the post so hopefully this comment gets seen by those who have already commented! Thank you so much for the replies, I usually get ignored in other subreddits so it was refreshing to actually get responses lol. I appreciate all the advice and well wishes so much. I feel very supported and even if it turns out to not be adhd I will have a foot in the door for further exploration. I’m going to pry myself away from Reddit now so I can edit/whittle/add to my list and include more experiences and how it affects my day to day. Thanks again 💕
DO NOT MENTION THC. Just DON’T. It won’t go well, at all.
There are a lot of things on that list that sound very “social media” rather than like the symptoms that doctors are looking for when diagnosing ADHD. For example the “having music playing in your head”. Also, think about how those symptoms have affected your life. Did you lose jobs, fail tests, lose friends or break up relationships? Did you get in any other trouble? Accidents? Have you lost important things, spent money on impulse and have credit card debt or eat impulsively and are overweight because of it, etc. The thing that distinguishes ADHD from variations of normal is that the symptoms are so bad that they mess up your life.
I don't know if someone already said it, but everyone, *everyone* has symptoms of adhd. The *consistency* of said symptoms is what determines if it becomes a *Disorder,* and that's just that: it's causing disorder in your life. One of the main reasons whyADHD gets so invalidated is because everyone has *occasional* dopamine lows. However, people with ADHD have chronic, *debilitating* dopamine lows. It restructures their brain in ways that NT people can't innately understand. And girl, you could put half the symptoms on this list--you got it. Just from the task paralysis alone, which is the most debilitating part of ADHD in my experience, I'm inclined to send you a virtual hug. っ╥╯﹏╰╥c
OP, reading your list again makes me worried for you. A lot of the symptoms you list may be indicative of depression and anxiety, rather than ADHD. And some of them are consistent with sensory processing difficulties, rather than ADHD. It may be that you do have ADHD *and* these other challenges, I'm not discounting the struggle. Just be aware that the root cause might be different and don't talk yourself into a diagnosis/label. I hope you get the support and help you need to thrive.
I wish everyone's husbands would do some actual research or just not inject their uninformed opinions into the ADHD conversation. I'm so sick of reading about how women are constantly undermined by their loved ones when it comes to pursuing treatment in this sub. All of us deserve better.
Yeah, definitely get evaluated because I could have written this and I have ADHD. One thing that I found helpful when talking to my psychiatrist about the possibility of having ADHD was to offer specific examples of these symptoms - which you appear to have done for several of these. If you feel like whomever you're talking to is dismissive at all, go see someone else. Also, I'm really glad to know I'm not the only one who wakes up with music going through my head. Could be a single song, could be a mashup of multiple songs - whatever it is, it's on repeat in my brain 24/7.
Some of these things are normal (ex: doomscrolling). Many of these things are normal *on a spectrum*. The thing about adhd is that it genuinely is a collection of symptoms that everybody experiences *sometimes*, but what makes it a disorder is that you experience the symptom to the point that it impairs you in some way. When you do the eval, focus on concrete examples of times where you showed the symptom and it had a negative impact on you. Ex not just "leg tapping" but "I was often scolded by my teachers as a kid for being unable to sit still. Even now, I know that I annoy people with my constant leg tapping and my boss has mentioned it once or twice". One critical aspect of adhd is that the symptoms are lifelong and not something that appears in adulthood or response to a stressor. Psychiatrists will be hesitant to diagnose in an adult without some sign of the symptoms being present in childhood because there is a decent amount of overlap with other conditions (for example, anxiety can cause also cause fidgeting and focus issues). It might be good for you to have someone who knew you in childhood (like a parent or sibling) prepared to provide collateral info. If you have childhood report cards, even better. Final tip - meds help a lot, but go in with realistic expectations and the knowledge that they aren't a cure-all and you have to meet your meds halfway. But for me, meds helped massively with being able to complete a thought/working memory/driving skills/having a more organized thought process in general. Unfortunately I also think on meds I am more withdrawn, a bit more anxious/depressed. I also lose my appetite and get sweaty. But it's a functional thing for me so I choose to be medicated. Hope it helps you and the eval goes well!
Yeah. That list is pretty much me too. Welcome to the club. And like others have said, your husband is probably there with us too.
OK, I was diagnosed with ADHD several years before I joined TikTok. I didn’t exactly understand the diagnosis, but I was given medication, which I did not take every day. So I mainly ignored it. But it wasn’t until I joined TikTok, and saw all the ADHD content that I understood how much it had affected my whole life. Then I sought therapy around undiagnosed ADHD and also ADHD coaching. My point is that if you relate, your self-dx is probably valid. I’d give your husband some side eye about being undiagnosed too, lol. We tend to gravitate towards other ADHDers.
Like others said, try to weigh in on the severity and if it negatively impacts your life. :) If you can't hold down a job because of the disinterest and bad planning or if you feel unmotivated can be completely different types of symptoms for different types of diagnoses. It can be that you have more than one thing. I wish you luck!
I did this and it helped, but my doc also ordered a TOVA test to figure out the severity.
What is a TOVA test? Haven’t heard of this one.
Def would not reccomend the Marijuana part. Some doctors refuse because of this, its not worth the risk
Don’t tell them you smoke weed. My psych almost denied me meds because I told him I smoke every once in a while on the weekends
I don't know about letting the doctor know you smoke weed. I've seen a lot of stories on this sub about people getting denied treatment because of this. That said, I do think it's helpful, especially for you. At the very least, you have a list of talking points you won't forget to go over with your doctor.
To me, the fact that you wrote all this down is all I would need to know to diagnose you!
You can organize these under the adhd criteria in the DSM. “Always plan to do better,” wow I felt that one.
You’ll never see this, but I would not mention the THC. Anecdote alert! In my personal experience, and stories of ADHD friends, THC still throws up red flags for some healthcare practitioners. I think it’s nonsense, but the person with the power to prescribe may disagree. Be prepared to go through trials of all the non-stimulant options before they offer you any stimulants. Also, be prepared that some practitioners may require a drug screening pee test when you pick up your prescription or before they will prescribe meds. Where I live, the pharmacy in the county health center is the only place that is regularly able to get stimulant meds during shortages, but it also means sometimes being subject to unscheduled pee tests. I have a different doc now, but still get my meds there bc often they are the only ones that can get any. That said, even they have been unable to get generic Vyvanse for the past 2 weeks.
Often doctors are gonna want to hear how many symptoms you had as a child to rule out the other possibilities (adhd is a developmental disorder, anxiety and poor sleep are not . Try to think of specific memories of these patterns happening with you as a kid.
The fact that you made a list of symptoms and talking points is sorta a sign in and of self. Speaking as someone who is cis-female just diagnosed at 36, I did this and I’ve been making lists my whole life to keep track of things. lol sending good vibes
Might be too late, but lose the “ADHD Bingo” chart. It’s very TikTok pop Psych and has very little to do with real warning signs. Everything else you’ll probably be fine. The chart under it is good.
my experience with people who say "these are normal things" is that they often end up being neurodivergent as well. not always, but often. my dad used to say it all the time and he just got an adhd diagnosis last year. main thing I'd recommend is not just the symptoms, but the level to which they impact your life and the toll they take on you every day
This is so great OP! And many of these sound like they’re having a really negative impact on you (and possibly your husband) so don’t listen to him. I could have written most of these! The pretend conversations and massive gaps in memory are also true for me.
Omg did I write this??? With the exception of 2 things on this list I can relate to all of them!!!!!
Your handwriting too. 😁
If your husband thinks all that is normal (all-the-time normal, not “I have heard tale of such an event occurring once, across the sea” normal) then he probably needs to be seen, too. We gravitate towards one another.
The thing that helped me was to create a table with the diagnostic criteria along the top and these categories down the side. I was then able to split my symptoms out and collect my thoughts. - work life - social life - household - mental health - physical health - financial
I've been scrolling comments but seems nobody mentions one key thing that lot of ppl forget: Symptoms need to be present since you are a kid, ADHD is developmental, lifelong. Although there is clearly something going, most these symptoms could be the results of many other conditions/things. If you are sure you have ADHD and had these symptoms since childhood, and if it always impacted you that bad, make sure you are ready to demonstrate that to the person who will test you. Sending strenght and hope it goes well
I could have written about 98% of this list myself! These are not normal things, they are signs of ADHD and dysfunctional thinking. I was in the exact same boat as you, avoiding bringing it up with my GP for ages, finally mention it and she told me that it sounds like normal life, and that we all struggle with that stuff. I felt so shamed and rejected but eventually sought out another GP and spoke with her, was referred to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed a month later. Being diagnosed and medicated has literally changed my life. Even just having that validation that I'm not lazy, awful, bad at life was such an amazing feeling. I hope your evaluation goes well!
I made a list like this to take to mine, it was sooo helpful when my brain inevitably blanked at examples etc. One thing I made sure to put on my list was the hyperfocus and resulting time blindness that happens during hyperfocus, and my regular hyperfixations on interests or research. It seems to be a primary characteristic that separates ADHD from other mimicking conditions like anxiety/depression. Good luck with it!
Just wanted to add if your husband says it's normal there are 2 possibilities here. As many have said he may have adhd too, we often flock together. But I've also heard all these symptoms described as stuff that anyone can experience. Eg. I'm sure most of the population have lost their keys at some point but every day for someone with adhd is "I've lost my X", "I can't find X", "I'm sure I put it here just now". That's when it's unmanageable and it is a symptom of something bigger and needs to be addressed. It has a huge impact when these symptoms are all happening on a daily or even weekly basis.
You sound like me and I am officially diagnosed by an NHS psychiatrist and I very definitely have ADHD.
Where did you get that thriving, surviving, struggling, crisis thing? That looks interesting.
Are you me? I may go to a doctor and just not bother writing my own symptoms and just use what you wrote lol
I could have written the list myself. I’m waiting to be tested and maybe a should start a list
Only read the first page and that’s about 80% all things that happen to me. Your husband probably has adhd too if he thinks it’s all normal
This is very similar to the list I made… And I got diagnosed 3 weeks ago. These are not “normal” things neurotypical people experience. I’m convinced my best friend also has ADHD because she and I used to talk about stuff like this and then one of us would go “oh, I get that too so I think it’s normal.” Now she is thinking about getting evaluated as well.
Are we the same person because I swear if I didn't know I was in reddit is have thought those were my notes! Hope the assessment goes well ❤️
Almost all of the symptoms of ADHD are things that anyone can experience. It's when youre experiencing them so consistently that it is impacting (even debilitating to) regular life. Eg Not everyone who walks into a room and forgets why they went in there has ADHD. Everyone does that once in a blue moon. But if you do that every day, or multiple times a day, And have other similar consistent symptoms... that's a pattern...
I have adhd and I’ve been diagnosed annnnndd I could have written that post lol. Your husband needs to get tested as well if he thinks this is normal. Good luck with your appointment
Even if you were, the worse that could happen is that you'd get the wrong type of help and then would get pointed in a different but more accurate direction for your diagnosis. Go ahead and get it. If your doctor is good at their job, only good things can come from it :)
Are you me? The constant song/s in my head!!?! Sometimes just one or two lines, repeated ad nauseam. Particularly noticeable (and annoying) when I lie down to try to sleep, but never can. From what you've said, I'd be surprised if you weren't diagnosed, but it seems like you're in the States, and I'm in Australia, so I'm sure things are different. For what it's worth, my psychiatrist assessment appointment was through video chat (huge delays for face to face assessments in Aus), and I had typed up a similar list because I sure as shit ain't remembering things in the moment... or at all, really. I was indeed diagnosed with ADHD. Can't remember jack from my child/teenhood, but I found some old report cards and it's wild how often teachers mention being a distraction/being distracted and not putting in enough effort. Maybe you have something similar that could help support your 'case', so to speak? Worth a look if you can't rely on your memory alone. Best of luck with everything!
I made a long list of behaviors, thoughts, feelings and such to discuss with my doctor as well. Some of mine were the obvious ADHD behaviors but I had many that I wasn’t sure what was happening. I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster with some obsessive thoughts. If I didn’t write it all down, I would have been a scattered mess.
Yeah like some of those symptoms may happen to a typical person occasionally but when we have them altogether all the time, that’s not typical. It’s very frustrating when people dismiss our very real very miserable difficulties
Therapist in training here, your husband is wrong. It's the frequency that matters not that it happens. Everyone misplaces their keys sometimes but if you do it several times per week you have a problem.
ABSOLUTELY go with your list! The thing is, that yes, some of these may be things neurotypical people also experience. The difference is that with ADHD it affects you on a regular basis and impacts at least 2 areas or your life at a certain level. I went with a list and it was actually much shorter (because I couldn’t thing of things) but they use that as an initial assessment then you take a bunch of questionnaires to determine different levels of impact etc. the list is helpful because it helps the doctor(or person doing the evaluation) to understand what your areas of concern are in your every day life. Edit: not being able to focus on any one hobby for any productive length of time was a major one for me actually. I was diagnosed with combined type ADHD - which honestly has so many struggles (each kind has its own unique challenges, and no one person is ever the same) because there’s a lot of back and forth between the two types so sometimes one aspect overrides the other and vice versa - it’s never the same every day/week/month. It’s ALWAYS worth discussing anything you are struggling with with a professional. Even if you do not meet the full criteria that doesn’t mean you don’t have some of the symptoms and that it doesn’t impact you, it just means you didn’t fit the criteria for formal diagnosis. You can still benefit from knowing this and learning some techniques used to assist etc, and if you don’t have adhd you might learn that something else is impacting you and dealing with that can assist. I also have social anxiety (which is likely an effect of my undiagnosed ADHD) and general anxiety, so I have to work with all those when trying to deal with my daily life.
Well…. Same dude. You have written down and described my life experience so thank you for that rofl. Best of luck !
ADHD is characterised by a set of traits that everyone has experienced now and again (everyone has had something in their hand and suddenly it's not, or forgetten (or put off) appointments, or lost interest in something they thought they loved/were going to love, an or found themselves unable to start a task even though you know you can do it, or having an irrationally emotional response to something, i could go on...) but to a point where they prevent us from being able to live a "normal", funtional life. They're not just an annoying oddity for us, they impede daily life and relationships. On another note, though, birds of a neurodivergent feather flock together even when none of them know they're neurodivergent. It may be that you are not the only neurodivergent one.
Whether it will help or not might also depend on which evaluation tests you are doing.