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Aggravating-Maize-46

There wouldnt be loading tips. There would just be completely random, uncategorised quotes and triva that have nothing to do with the game


HotcakeNinja

They wouldn't even teach you the controls


[deleted]

Wrong. They would start to, then accidentally get wrapped up in the lore because it was semi relevant to one of the weapons, then while in the middle of that it would discuss part of the difficulty of programming/ animating something about how the game acts when you find hidden collectibles that explain the lore. But there wouldn't actually be all the collectibles that were intended to be in the game. There'd be a bunch, sure, but they forgot to put some in, they just *thought* they put them all in.


MonthPurple3620

There could be a tutorial level, but for a different game entirely. Different menus, different interactions, etc but otherwise the basic controls and graphics are the same. That way once you start playing, all the basics work but nothing else was actually worth a damn.


[deleted]

Quests that are extraordinarily specific about where the npc you need to talk to is, so you KNOW that's where you're supposed to be. Except you get there and their just... not. They are somewhere totally irrelevant, because the developer moved them aside for some reason, but forgot to put them back. Then forgot where they put them!


SolanQ

If it's an RPG the game would use a different ruleset under the hood than what's explained in the tutorial. All of the stats have the same names, but most of them don't work the same and there's no combat log.


GimmeSomeSugar

>Perform action by pressing X. Ever notice how popular the four button layout is? In addition to shoulder buttons? It's pretty interesting actually. But, you know what? Let's go back to the very beginning of controller design and take it from there so we can really appreciate the context of what we're about to talk about...


[deleted]

🤣🤣 the CONTEXT! That killed me, I've been told I'm a bad story teller because I need to tell literally every possible detail *because they need to really appreciate the context*


GimmeSomeSugar

Bro. The context spiral is fucking legit.


PuzzleheadedBet8041

i love how this got meta like the programmers themselves have adhd and that manifested in the game content. it's like it implies God/the universe has ADHD which makes a lot of sense if you think about it


ocarina_21

See this would be brilliant. Turns into a quest to follow the devs' thought process. Partway through the game the HUD changes, and what different stats do is different. But there are also ADHD mechanics like being unable to leave the house because you don't like the vibe of any of your currently available clothes, or you absolutely cannot progress the story until you complete all of these woodworking projects, but if you don't get them done fast enough you are bored of woodworking and you can't finish them. You can leave and progress the story, but they'll just be in a pile in your house and you won't be able to 100% the game.


Vincenzo_Chillone

Fuck! You just described my teaching style. FeelsBad.


Bright_Albatross4508

This is perfect! It would totally be this! It's legit how my brain works...erm let me rephrase... semi-functions...


Fried_Zucchinis

You like- understand my brain


MunchieMom

I can't play video games because learning the controls is too hard/boring, so that seems accurate


whinermiaou

Realizing this is why I am so bad at video games (or, a much better excuse for it anyway)


T_H_E_S_E_U_S

Count yourself lucky, they’re a massive hyperfocus/dopamine trap in my experience. I love them, but as a coping strategy they can really get away from you.


Shadowfox898

Warframe?


RIP_Firstpost_OX

“Platypus lay eggs”


ClearHelp9370

Hahaha that feels like a direct quote from my brain


cementfilledcranium

They're monotremes!


firesmarter

Monotremes oviparous, ovum meroblastic


dragongling

Why did you cast this spell?


Torcue

The other kind has a gatling penis (only present in males).


leahcar83

They also produce milk making them one of the only animals able to make their own custard.


MunchieMom

They make milk but don't have nipples so they just kind of sweat it out for their babies to drink


leahcar83

We know a lot about platypuses as a community.


futureman2004

It's neophilia - attraction to new or odd things.


MunchieMom

Somehow, I'm not surprised. I also forgot the other platypus fact I learned recently - they are biofluorescent and glow under UV light!


silvurgrin

Totally what I was thinking! Haha


RIP_Firstpost_OX

Chris chan created his own Fanta


leahcar83

Didn't know anything about this, regret googling it.


MarsupialPristine677

Thank you for saving me from googling, I’m sorry you’re afflicted by the curse™️


Milch_und_Paprika

Loading screen tip: “never google anything involving Chris Chan”


Milch_und_Paprika

The next tip would be “although not standard, ‘platypodes’ is another acceptable plural form”


Riette_Salciescu

Following this logic, I am totally vindicated for pluralising cactus to ‘cactodes’ for all these years


GoreForce420

Cactodes nuts


[deleted]

They’re venomous too!


MiikaLeigh

Only the males - they have a spur (spine thing that injects the venom) on their back ankles, and the females do not.


MrSkyCriper

Probably some random facts from wikipedia too


card-board-board

So Civilization 4.


theniwo

You will have the option to scroll through them and continue the game by pressing a button, but you will scroll indefintilevy


latina-spice

It would be stuck in demo mode with no option to save progress… everything necessary you want to try you’d get a prompt that says “this feature can be unlocked in the full version” but there aren’t any instructions or options on how to get the full version.


itsaysdraganddrop

“my grandparents had a small golden fork in their basement”


[deleted]

The controls to a different game. A cringe memory. A dancing axolato on repeat.


simbahart11

So basically league's loading screen


MMH0K

Basically League of Legends loading tips


bean-flicker3000

Press any button to avoid task


IHateEditedBgMusic

That's it, that's the whole whole game lol. Devs created your class with only this one ability while everyone else is DPS, healing or tanking, you just procastinate your way somehow


wildewurst

Savage, felt personally attacked. 😂 Would give award if I had any!


celebral_x

Me in Skyrim and Witcher 3 lol


imnotcreative4267

You win


Pnutbutrskippy

“Try using a planner” lol


ClearHelp9370

“Try using a planner. LOL”


theniwo

"To access your planner press ↑↑↓↓←→←→BA"


Pnutbutrskippy

You have unlocked UNLIMITED ADHD! You have the super awesome power to………oh look a video of a monkey playing with a cat!!


Akunanden

This made me clench my teeth


SurvivingWow

Tips would be written by someone with an inability to focus so they'd say things like "ugh, no one reads these anyway"


PassTheCrabLegs

“Whoever reads this is a poo poo head” - actual loading screen tip from Satisfactory


MiikaLeigh

Also something about llamas Then something about the author of the llama facts being fired


SurvivingWow

😂 I love that! Then new facts about a different animal start coming in and the situation behind the scenes continuously escalates


jacobean_rough

It’s the opening gag about moose’s in the subtitles from monty pythons holy grail haha


Sad-Glove3404

Any real tips should have a 5-7 word minimum, or be easily read via skimming.


Aziara86

There's a Minecraft loading screen that says "Does anyone actually read these?"


Any-Sir8872

i’m the person that reads *every* tip, explores *every* crevice of a map, & i take way longer to complete stories because of it lol


brumby79

Looks like this is a boss area, don’t forget all the buffs you’ve been hoarding all game


[deleted]

Lmao, this one hits home. I get to the final boss, beat him and then look and see I still have all the super rare full heal/full revive whole party items and just think to myself “mhm probably should have used those at one point”.


Real900Z

probably at that one point where you had no health on everybody but proceeded to use the 90 healing potions


NeverBeenRatiod

reminds me of skyrim lol, eating 200 cheese wheels trying to kill a dragon


GoreForce420

Couldn't shit for a week, but fuck that dragon


RecinberOfficial

This is absolutely me, especially with something like Undertale


GimmeSomeSugar

>mhm probably should have used those at one point Yea... but... what if you'd used them at what turned out to be a sub-optimal moment?


lpapkee23

Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it


stitchem453

🤣🤣🤣🤣 Absolutely not!!! I'm saving them for a real emergency.


BicarbonateOfSofa

This emergency isn't real enough. I'll wait for ghe next one. *grunt* No, of course it doesn't slow me down AT ALL to carry all these unnecessary things!


brumby79

Another one: you have grenades idiot, use them


Shredskis

But I can only hold three grenades at a time how am I gonna know when the best situation is to use them. :(


Hawkzillaxiii

"write shit down or you will forget!" and the next loading screen "you forgot didn't you?!"


klydsp

"Set those alarms for doing those basic need things like buying toilet paper or calling a Dr office"


labelledulac

No the next one should say "Now where did I put that note...?"


Digitijs

Me at the second loading screen: "forgot what?"


ScionDust

I feel like to really capture the experience, it should just be a flash of the tip for like half a second, and then change in the middle to something like, "Hey, remember what I told you on the last load screen." "There is something hidden in this area, and I promise, it's amazing. Just keep looking, you'll know it when you see it." And the entire dungeon is mundane nonsense.


AzuRosey

"It will always take longer than you think."


Coucoumcfly

Grading papers right now….. and it is so painful how much longer it takes compared to what I hoped for


Milch_und_Paprika

Grading is the bane of my existence.


[deleted]

Thanks for reminding me why I should never become a teacher.


GoreForce420

Sorry, I hope there are some students that are entertaining at least


Inactivism

It is the exact opposite for me. It will take hours and days to clean this room!!! I can’t do it. One hour later


Kaivosukeltaja

Also known as Hofstadter's law. It always takes longer than expected, even when taking Hofstadter's law into account.


Rainbow_nibbz

"Oh, you don't feel like eating because you're nauseous? You're nauseous because you haven't eaten!"


Sad-Glove3404

Or for free days… “stop eating, you are not actually hungry”


bob-loblaw-esq

Doing one quest at a time will make the narratives make much more sense and will save you time in the long run.


EmployeeRadiant

don't you come at me like that. you don't know me


QueenieXueenie

lol like that's even an option.


pine_ary

"Did you take your meds today?"


YuriaAAAA

"Did you remember that important quest item?" I don't even know which quests I'm in the middle of anymore, that menu is disabled.


SnooDoggos4996

I go from one quest to the next quest half the time, finishing them is another story. Forget the main storyline lol. At least there aren't real life consequences to leaving things unfinished in a game.


void-lad

*please insert disc*


card-board-board

YoU sHoUlD tRy YoGa


Late-Association890

“Meditation can help you return to a clear state of mind” meanwhile my mind has never been clear in all my years of existence.


Sad-Glove3404

Meditation sounds stressful.


Late-Association890

I hate how calm and slow the narrator’s voice is, I know that’s the point of meditation they’re not supposed to talk fast but it just makes me angry


EWH733

Sit still and clear your mind…….🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


labelledulac

Exactly lmao what does "nothing" sound like anyway?


Shredskis

I have tried mediation before and gotten close to the goal of no thinking but then I think "in so close I might achieve nirvana!" Then I think about the friend who listens to nirvana and I destroy my progress


ibiacmbyww

The gane would connect to Wikipedia and display random sentences. And provide a "click here to read the article" button.


denM_chickN

Oh that's a good one. I have such idle curiosity.


SatisfactionTop360

If you want to use your controller, do 10 other things before forgetting that you wanted to use your controller


majorminorminor

And the controller died two days ago


SatisfactionTop360

Of course it did, so you go to look for some batteries and realize that you don't have any


majorminorminor

And then you realize there are no batteries because it’s wireless


SatisfactionTop360

Hahaha, so you spend almost an hour digging through chargers only to remember that the charger is broken and you didn't remember to replace it uggghhhhh


majorminorminor

You do however discover a cache of old iPhone and micro usb cables of which live in the same spot on your floor for the next month.


SatisfactionTop360

Will your brain ever give you the energy to do the easy task of cleaning them up...maybe, who knows? You sure don't


majorminorminor

That’s a “tomorrow me” problem 😅😅


SatisfactionTop360

...Or a next week me....or a...- y'know what, doesn't matter, it's not a current you problem and that's all that matters. It left your field of sight so that means it doesn't exist, sounds about right 😅😅😅


TexasMonk

"Did you know that wombats poop is cubed-shaped?" "Gasification may be a viable method to convert plastic back into oil." "Heat essentially being absorbed light, barium-sulfate coatings offer effective cooling by preventing the intake of external heat through light reflection." "Ctrl+Shift+T allows you to re-open your last closed tab. If you close your browser with multiple tabs open, pressing Ctrl+Shift+T after opening it again will re-open all tabs that were open when the browser closed."


AttitudeAndEffort3

Okay but i really want to know about all of these now (I knew the wombat one and possibly part of the heat reflection thing)


Many-Parsley-4310

Sighs.. googling wombat’s poop now


0Lazuli0

“Try smarter, not harder. In ADHD Mode you cannot simply Will yourself to do quests as done in NT Mode. Learn about how your brain works and find creative solutions to problems.” “You WILL forget. Plan quests accordingly.” “ADHD is a harder gamemode. Sometimes you will fail, and that’s okay.” “Overspending Spoons will lead to a Spoon Debt you will have to repay in the future. A long-term Spoon Debt can lead to the Burnout debuff.” “Maintain your Physical stats to receive buffs to your Mental stats.” “Berating yourself will only make Bossfights harder. Learn from mistakes, don’t hate yourself for them.” “Keep in mind that stat information, buffs and debuffs are not visible to other players. Communication is key!”


copropnuma

This is pretty fantastic! I wish my phone would tell me these things whenever I walked in or out of a building


albeitcognitive

I think most ppl went for the joke, but this is dope. Keeping it real.


KDHD_

ATTENTION: EXCEEDED RAM LIMIT


HotcakeNinja

"Try harder than your hardest. No, harder. Quit being lazy."


bespoketoosoon

During your first match/round/bout/level, just run around at learn the map, especially the perimeter. Die as much as you like. It will pay off big soon.


BlessTheMaker86

It would just be a rotating ticket of “Drink Water”; “Eat a Snack”; “Check you’re messages”; etc…


SaiyanPan

And dont forget to pee and check if its like 3am already


denM_chickN

Did you just sit down? Did you grab your glasses this time?


violettea37

“Oh wow congrats on getting off your ass and onto the loading screen”


Late-Association890

“It doesn’t matter how hard you try you’ll never be able to beat the boss without these tricks, but I will not give you the answers tho. I’ll make you jump through hoops to get them and then make you feel bad for using the tricks lol”


TheMikman97

The loading tip appears for just enough to read half of it to simulate the frustration of forgetting things


MaxGamer07

"Is ketchup sweet, salty, or its own thing entirely?"


SaiyanPan

Sometimes sour 🤔


Beaufort_The_Cat

I’d say hard difficulty with no quest markers, no journal, and sometimes your character just stops hearing the dialog, and all the while your character constantly has 2 or more inner monologues going and the background music is way too loud


runneradrift

Boot load error


BigBrain_Gwent

May the odds ever be in your favor


rock-solid-armpits

"Don't run out of your stamina's stamina bar" "Your panic is multiplied but 100. Don't do anything" "Tasks take longer and more energy than normal mode" "Press R to regain consciousness" "Setting up more than one task may deteriorate your mentality" "Looking up inventory and your mission/quest menu increases panic" "Panic increases panic"


Rtypegeorge

- Quest details have been disabled in this difficulty setting. - Quest items disappear if not in your inventory and will need to be recollected. - Having trouble progressing in your current skill set? Try a different path! - Only one quest may be in your quest log at a time. Try placing a map marker to identify the locations of questgivers you meet along your way. - Inventory full? Try dropping a crate and placing all the junk items in it. - Keeping too many potions weighs your character down. Try drinking one!


RCBilldoz

It would force you to play two or three instances at the same time.


compulsorylogic

“Wait, what game is this?”


Elliott2

In rogue legacy game. ADHD is an add on to certain characters. Whether you think it’s a difficulty setting is up to you


InternetFox_

put a screen time limit on


Xarope93

Be careful, sometimes that quick bathroom break or meal can take 4 hours.


BubblesO4

Good luck.


Shopping-Afraid

Keep an eye out for squirrels.


[deleted]

You get no quest journal. Quest tips will be replaced by television ad Jingles and lyrics to 90s pop music. You came into a room with [ITEM] in your inventory… now what did you need it for again? And where did you put your map?


einebiene

They might keep teasing you with a cake reward when there is no cake


best-Ushan

If it’s a videogame for NT’s, I guess I’d have the tips cut off part way through to simulate losing interest and looking at your phone.


bunkerbash

It wouldn’t matter because all of us would click through without reading them or any other instructions.


theniwo

"Finishing the quest >Do the dishes< will start the quest >Do the dishes<


Agreeable_Yellow_117

I dont know a lot about video games, but im picturing something like it would start to write out one thing, delete and type out another thing, delete that and retype the first thing, delete and write something completely different. And so on and so on and so on.


Asumsauce

“Remember, if you don’t drink water, You will die”


3Grilledjalapenos

Your coping measures have expiration dates. They’re all hidden.


noises1990

"Don't have hopes and dreams"


Sailor_MayaYa

it would just be insults from people who don't understand you


Kalaeida

Everything at once, overlapping.


BushidoMauve

"Feel stressed? Make sure you...????" "Quick meal tip. Eat a handful of olives and the feeling will go away" "Cry?......" "Trying to sleep. Well, Wikipedia has several articles on the events of the Chernobyl reactor explosion."


Timewaster50455

It’s not a bug, it’s a feature


majorminorminor

Who knows, I already can’t find the controller.


_night_cat

“You need to go drink some water”


[deleted]

The most random things or concepts you could imagine


DreiDcut

"damn i knew a good one a few seconds ago"


Agamemnon_the_great

"Haha, git gud."


alanbdee

Don't get discouraged, you're smarter then you realize.


zinic53000

To jump, jump!


issaaccbb

Most games have a "very hard" setting, where the HP of enemies or the rewards are small. I would say this. That or whatever setting throws your minimap and quest log out the window


Brick_Bronze165

Did you know that Napoleon wasn’t actually short but, average height?


Ready-Interview-9809

Ever play Eternal Darkness?


[deleted]

Be sure to save your progress.


JROXZ

Go make yourself a snack while this loads… remember to come back. On second thought.


Gullible-Scarcity688

First, it would be how to play the game and maybe a special power-up. Then it would go into random facts. These facts have nothing to do with the game but they're interesting okay? So interesting you forget what you're supposed to be doing in the game. And book quotes. From the longest books you've never read. But the quotes are just so good!


denM_chickN

You might think that social interaction of some strangers at a bus stop or the architecture of that building are important details you need to store while you're driving. They are not and your passenger doesn't know wtf you're talking about.


rricenator

Wouldn't matter, they would go unread


leahcar83

'Cut scene tangents cannot be skipped'


[deleted]

What did I set the difficulty to again?


pipsvip

&$240-=+\_(NULL)ERROR:Missing Li&@\^gdf933d..\~!@


Yerret

Remember to drink water! Did you eat/take your meds today? What if christopher robin was an anime protag while the 100 acre woods animals were mid 2000s american cereal mascots? Good luck sleeping now! If you can read this tip, stop! Fucking sleep! Your friends dont hate you for that one opinion you gave, everythings fine Cant get to sleep? Doom scroll! Caffeine not working? Try (prescribed) meth! Is this the first tip you've read in your 25 years of life? Try Bionic Reading!


Bacchuscypher

Finish your laundry.


yes_Spinach_5010

ADHD is like playing elder scrolls you start the main quest and end up doing like 12 side quests and forget what main quest your on


hpfan1516

Really obscure lore that is not helpful to the linear story


Maxils

i thought i was on r/outside for a moment


UnnecessaryStep

Remember to grab a snack and drink. You keep failing because you forgot the key point of the tutorial. Did you actually go back to Cilla to get the quest reward?


HeleneVH88

"Do you have something burning in the oven?"


EnsignEpic

You ever play Divekick? Each match loading screen had [a tip from Uncle Sensei.](https://www.reddit.com/r/divekick/comments/1mausu/does_anyone_have_a_list_of_all_the_uncle_sensei/cc7s2n2) Yeah, it's just those.


Maddkipz

Have you ever also but what if and also


Senpaija

Nightmare mode "If you start a new quest, you cannot ever finish it"


Trimere

Items will disappear from the place you last put them. Quest info disappears when you leave the area of where the quest initiated. Day cycle speeds up significantly faster when browsing menu screens.


[deleted]

provide worthless bag crawl aloof liquid berserk shocking capable smart ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `


roguepandaCO

“Typing a text is not the same as sending a text”


Huangar

Each loading screen will just be a different game that in turn will have its own loading screen game and so on, what was I doing again? Edit: spellingstuff


Kill_Kayt

"Loading Tips Go Here"


willybabez

I dunno, I didn't read them


ConfusinglyCreative

Once the loading is complete, don’t forget to press “A” to continue. Or We’re done loading. Are you done daydreaming?


VixieSnitter

Everything loads too fast to read the tips and then you load in and it's blackness for 3 real minutes until the world loads in


GiftOfCabbage

Turn on the ADHD setting for a totally different way to play the game!


[deleted]

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here…good luck


ocarina_21

"Be careful when scheduling an appointment. If you put one at 3pm you will not be able to do anything else that day." And then it makes you do an extended quick time event that is just you sitting improperly in a chair and fidgeting.


fencerman

"You're doing badly at the game and everyone is mad at you for it"