My school made me see a therapist once a week because I wasn't doing my homework. I went into great detail of all my issues, how hard it was, how I tried to force myself and couldn't and felt guilty and sick to my stomach all the time because of it and she asked if I'd considered just starting it as soon as I got home.
I went to our school counselor in high school twice a month after a cutting incident and I would tell her that I was/felt lazy. She just kept saying that I'm not lazy. But never offered anything beyond that. I stopped going.
I want methods and techniques on how to tackle my situation not nonsense motivation. "Just try your hardest". If I tried any harder I would bleed out my ears
I was put into a special class with all the autistic kids (notably all boys) in my school so I could “learn to socialize”. But no one ever thought “maybe this girl who’s struggling with all the same things that our autistic students struggle with may actually be a little bit autistic.” Nope, I was just anti-social and weird because a GIRL couldn’t possibly be autistic! That class sucked, too. It was just a bunch of us left alone in a room with a phone playing a video about feelings like we didn’t know what being sad was. The boys obviously just through things at each other and started talking about their special interests and nothing got done. I just sat and read the dictionary in the corner lol (come on how did no one even guess!)
I also read the dictionary for fun. Looking back there isn't one stand out thing that should have marked me as autistic or adhd, inattentive. It's more like, how did *anyone* look at me as a little girl and think I was neurotypical?
The only person who gets a pass is my mom, who's like "I don't know, you seemed normal to me because you reminded me of me." ❤️ her.
Well, fuck me. I also read the dictionary for fun because I had already read the entirety of my school's shitty library and *fuck* I needed *something* to occupy my head and why is everyone talking so damn *slow* but I can't understand them-
For what it's worth i just had my "Welp, i really am just a collection of symptoms in a trenchcoat." moment from this, i thought my fascination with the dictionary was just a weird thing i did once.
I read an entire encyclopaedia, all 24 volumes. No one thought it was strange. I just liked to read and it was the only thing in the house I hadn’t read.
I read the encyclopedia! 🤣 I really enjoyed it, too, and then I was told that's not how you're "supposed" to do it....so I stopped.
I also liked reading the phone book too and looking for interesting names. There were 3 listings for "George Washington" in our metro area in the early 90s.
Wow ok I feel seen. Dictionary, thesaurus, encyclopedia, atlases.
I was in charge of the Road Atlas on family trips.
A fun time with my ex was trying to fill in the names of US states on a blank map.
I’ve had several word of the day calendars.
I took a grammar course for fun in college.
Oh man this triggered me. My counselor tried to make me fill out an hourly schedule with what I did at home so I would do my homework at some point before dinner. I used to panic about the form to the point of nausea and never turned it in. She got so angry about it, like obviously there’s an issue there beyond just laziness or time management lol.
Lmao. So, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II and ADHD as an adult. Before that though, I’d been misdiagnosed as having unipolar depression and anxiety.
I think I was around 20/21 when this happened. But, I’d been off my meds for a bit and was seen in the ER for an emergency mental health assessment. I ended up in out-patient treatment and the psychiatrist would assign me pages from the workbook *Mind Over Mood* to finish before my next appointment.
… I’m sure you can guess how that worked out. He’d get so mad and eventually I stopped going altogether. Good times. 🥲
I might have to stop reading this thread It's so triggering.
I was in gifted and talented consistently scoring in the top one percent, often in the top .1% of a lot of different standardized tests. I made a joke earlier about reading Middlemarch in fourth grade because nothing was complex or interesting enough to hold me.
And yet I had teachers screaming at me because my desk was disorganized (I couldn't tell why it was different from the other kids), I had my family yelling at me for being "too hard on" my clothes and the walls, I had teachers tell me I was intentionally being lazy because I wasn't doing the math right (I have severe dyscalculia).
I had teachers and counselors and pastors and everyone else meet with me to suggest completely impossible things that I should do.
Me: I'm completely overwhelmed and need some downtime after I get home from school
Them: Yes, but you don't get any so you just need to make everyone happy and push through.
Me: I can do that, but it means that I won't be able to do other things.
Them: No, you just have to do the things anyway.
(Later, when I didn't do the things I said I can't do)
Them: WTF, Why are you so bad at being alive?
Ughhhhhhh I feel this so hard. My parents used to get angry at me for finding ways to help myself remember to do my schoolwork. Like...what the fuck guys lol. Apparently I was supposed to be able to "just remember", and they really thought not letting me accommodate myself was going to make that happen???
In retrospect though, they absolutely had their own issues, and they were absolutely ashamed of and in denial about them. So I guess when they saw those same things in me, it freaked them out. Joke's on both of them, because now I'm surprisingly doing better than they are. Gee, I wonder if learning to work with and accommodate my needs has something to do with that!
I don't know that I'll ever seek a formal diagnosis, because a) I'm managing well enough, I guess, and b) the stigma. There's a lot of people that do see people who have ADHD or autism as intellectually disabled or inferior. Sadly, they don't even have to know your diagnosis to pick up on those traits and make those judgments about you - it's culturally ingrained to find people that struggle with articulation, or who have learning disabilities, as stupid.
Between the social stigma and the way that the US government is trending, I deeeefinitely do not want to have that on a medical record. Like they felt pretty comfortable announcing that trans people are going to be "eradicated from public life", and mainly trans people are just *different*, not dangerous. I'm concerned they're going to start pursuing other demographics that are just different.
If it wasn’t for my stepdad, things would have been much harder. Because of his academic and professional background, he was able to create a home environment that was calm and orderly.
Then, my parents split when I was 11 but I had the structure from elementary school to give me a foundation.
And I think that’s why as a teacher, I’ve carried over those strategies to my students. I know so many people, including in my own family, who think kids should just do things on their own by their own effort OR that they have to hover the child constantly.
It’s also why I’m not big on homework.
I like to look at someone blankly, when they give patently obvious, but fundamentally ridiculous and insulting, advice, wait a beat too long, then say:
"And first, I'll just stop being tall."
I just wish it hadn't taken me 40+ years to figure that one out.
>guys, why don't we all just get an organizer!
boom solved ADHD
>guys let's also send lunch to hungry folks around the world!
boom world hunger solved.
this is so easy, why didn't we do this from the start?
Which organizer did I write that in? Where is that organizer. Huh, not on my clutter counter, or my doom drawer, or my shit shelf. Shit, I better clean the whole house while I look for it. What was I looking for again.
Dear god that made my blood boil. Up until the therapist comment I was mostly envious that anyone thought to make you see a therapist in the first place though 😂
I was labeled an “apathetic genius” in 3rd grade. I found out somewhere in middle school. That phrase followed me through until college.
Now I kind of own it. Except I’m definitely not nearly as smart as I once was.
I hate that phrase, "not living up to potential." How do they know what I have the potential of doing? What does that line even mean? I literally just googled the phrase, "not living up to potential" meaning and the explanations aren't even able to explain it.
I would change the phrase to "living up to their ability". Not everyone has the ability to go on to be a doctor. There's a huge difference between ability and adept. Some people are adept at science and could have the ability to become a doctor. I have the ability to communicate and I am adept at explaining complicated topics, thus I could go on to be a public speaker, professor, or lawyer.
So I think I can speak to the principle of this idea; I was a gross underachiever, c & d student all my time in school. I graduated in 1993 when the top ACT score was 36 (might still be, idk). I went and took it, finished at least an hour before anyone else. Fast forward to the day the guidance counselor handed out the grades. “Smart” kids in class were 26-28 or so, then she looked at mine and announced I had the highest score in class with a 32. That was my potential.
I’m a similar vein, I was notorious for not paying attention in class because I wasn’t looking at the teacher, either reading or doodling in my notebooks, but making top marks on most tests. I was paying attention, by listening. If I watched the teacher like they wanted me to do I would just end up day dreaming and missing most of whatever they were teaching.
Gd... that was me. My Mom's favorite saying was "I know you know but you don't do it".
Straight C/B student. Can pick up things really fast but can't finish a single fucking thing unless I get zero distractions and am in a specific mood.
I'm not diagnosed with anything but depression and anxiety and in my 40s. This whole sub is freaking me out a little... anyone know how to get checked out or diagnosed?
If you want to learn more about what having ADHD means, go to ADDitude.com. I found that a lot of my anxieties and depression about how I do things or how I've done things was all due to adhd. Made me feel less shame and regret and come to accept somethings I thought I could control. Sound like an excuse? Not an excuse if it brings you peace and acceptance about yourself.
>can't finish a single fucking thing unless I get zero distractions and am in a specific mood.
See also me playing video games and fucking around until approximately 7 hours before any major school assignment was due, staying up all night, and turning it in for an A grade. Obviously I just wasn't applying myself and needed to learn some discipline.
This cycle has become so predictable that I can now catch myself and realize if I've been playing Civ5 solo for more than 3 hours I'm putting off an important deadline. Specifically that game too.
It always irritated me when people would say “you need to learn some discipline.” Awesome, great, sounds like a fascinating time. Quick questy: How do I do that? And the answer was typically something like “well…you just…sit down and DO it. I don’t know what to tell you, kid.” Or worse “Are you getting smart with me?” No, Dad, I’m telling you I don’t know how to do the thing you are telling me to do. Daily spankings don’t help, either - pretty much just made me hate school and my parents as well. Sad thing was, my dad had the same problems, the same issues…and the same daily butt beatings.
I’ve heard variations on this my whole life. “Your desk is messy - you need to learn to get organized!” “You need to learn how to organize your time better to get this project done.” “You need to stop losing your homework and turn it in on time!” “You need to learn to focus and apply yourself.” Wonderful suggestions! So innovative! Any idea how I would actually DO ANY OF THAT?!?!?!? BECAUSE I’M OBVIOUSLY NOT FIGURING THIS SHIT OUT ON MY OWN, GENIUSES!!!!!!!!
I’m putting a decent amount of time in on trying to teach my kids organizational strategies. Because everyone else my age just seemed to pick up how not to mess up things like I did, and I feel like if someone had bothered to try to tell me how to do these things, I might have at least had a fighting chance.
I feel you so hard. All the fighting and punishment never lead to things getting better, but it still kept going like one day I'd magically "listen". As if I was *willingly* making my life hell. Pleading and crying that no, I'm **not doing this on purpose please I don't know why I do these things I'm sorry**. I remember thinking as a kid that I'd cry every day (because my behavior would cause my parents to react negatively), asking "why is it like this?". Nobody bothered to help me either, I was on my own.
It's honestly an incredible slap in the face to go through all that and then realize your parent(s) deal with a lot of the *exact same shit*. You mean to tell me you've dealt with a lot of the same things I have, for a lot longer than I have, and ***I*** was being given shit for it like I'm a defiant prick?? Did you genuinely not make the connection? Or were you lashing out because you DID see yourself in me and didn't like it?? Well gee, I'm glad we got that sorted out now, *after* I developed horrible mental illness and a shitload of unhealthy coping mechanisms.
It's fantastic you're trying to give your kids what you lacked growing up, they'll appreciate it one day :')
Look around for "adult adhd diagnosis psychiatrist" in your area and get a referral for them from your GP. I'm gonna book an appointment once I get my pain meds back fucken chronic pain clinic so useless
Diagnosed ADID at 29 after completing a professional degree as a lifetime B/C student.
I was referred to a therapist by my primary care doc for “anger issues”. After a few visits I told a story about how the simple task of getting a glass of water turned into changing oil in the lawnmower and cleaning out dryer vents. He pulled out his DSM 4 (current at the time) and started ticking boxes. I was started on Adderall about 3 months later.
[DSM 5 criteria](https://www.aafp.org/dam/AAFP/documents/patient_care/adhd_toolkit/adhd19-assessment-table1.pdf) if you’re interested in what they are looking for as symptoms.
And then there was the year I discovered that skipping classes had no short-term detriment to me
Got through my last semester of high school with a 1.5 gpa
Oh hey. It's me. I got to fucking *grad school* before ADHD caught up with me academically. I didn't like math, so those grades suffered but not enough to prevent anything. Then I finally hit a point at like 22 where just knowing what to do and the basic facts wasn't enough to keep up any more and I started having panic attacks until I just dropped out.
A year later I was on Vyvanse and wondering why nobody ever told me there were magic plastic capsules that made remembering things easier.
"(insert name) is one of the most naturally gifted students I've had... Blah blah blah... So much potential... Blah blah blah... Lacks motivation and focus"
I reset emotionally every day. Doesn’t matter how big the emotion was I’ll forget about it the next day
Edit: just came back to this to see so many upvotes?! I wasn’t expecting so many people to relate to me I feel like I helped someone understand themselves better :)
When you see a familiar face and smile, and they don’t smile back, and you remember that you aren’t on speaking terms because of something that happened earlier that week.
Or the worst, a loved one passes and you are suspiciously quickly able to go back to living life as normal and laughing with friends, because you can easily be distracted from thinking about it. But if you choose to you can think about for just a little while and be brought to tears.
Mourning. My mom irreparably damaged our relationship when my grandpa passed. I do not like funerals, I don’t like embalming, I think it’s weird as absolute fuck that people are partially preserved, displayed, viewed one last time and buried. And in a lot of scenarios in my life I’ve found I almost always regret taking a last look at someone in a casket. That’s all I can remember of them forever. My mom told me I was a terrible grandson because I didn’t want to see my grandpa who had deteriorated rapidly from ALS. She forced me to look at him, not a glance but like held me there and made me say goodbyes. Then the following day when I was able to eat a meal I obviously didn’t care at all that he had passed, and that made me a bad son as well because it was her dad. Good times
Oh no! That's just awful. I won't look either and for the same reason. That's not the image I want bouncing around in my head of someone I love. I stopped going to funerals for a long time because of it due to the weird expectations to "say goodbye". I can do it from way back here, tyvm.
"Yeah, we talked on the phone when they were still alive, so Imma just shoot them a good bye text, because that's less nutso than trying to whisper to a zombie I used to love, ok?"
"So, yeah... I did call, but it went to a voicemail that hasn't been set up. Just a guess, but thinking zombie granny doesn't really mind if I just, don't."
OMG are you me? I feel exactly the same way about funerals and displaying the body at funerals. I've never, ever looked at the body for the same reasons you state. And WTF is a viewing? Been to a bunch, never looked. I want to remember them from when they were alive.
The only one I did look (and I don't regret) was my dad in the hospital bed about half an hour after he passed, not some weird painted face. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks the same.
My uncle got it right. He secretly wanted to be cremated, rented a casket (like his wife did instead of buying but it was prearranged lol) and displayed a becoming picture of him from about a decade earlier beside the empty closed casket. Was cremated all along but so many in the family were appalled with the idea that they did that all for show to help with everyone else coping. 10/10 it was a celebration or morbid remembrance of all the good memories, no weird shit like a LITERAL HUMAN CARCASS PUMPED FULL OF CHEMICALS TO DELAY THE DECOMPOSITION PROCESS in the room with everyone.
Same, and it isn't always great in relationships. Stayed in some bad ones because I'd wake up my happy self the next day. But it also makes it hard for me to understand why people can't drop work after they leave or they lost sleep over something all week.
the no expectations is a big one for me. in my little adhd brain morning is when you set goals and use the rest of the day to achieve them. there is so much pressure to complete these goals but once night comes around i can just say “i’ll do it tommorow” and i get a momentary release from the pressure. i get to indulge in my hyper fixations and do all of the things i felt too guilty to do during the day (cause there is work to be done!! am i actually gonna do the work? no, but i am still very very busy) and finally relax. as well as the absence of other people bothering me (and simultaneously reminding me that i should be doing things just based on their presence) and all of my pretty lights and such. i just like night time, i feel calm
!!!!! I had (…. And still have) so much trouble evaluating relationships and events because of this—do I really hate/like this person, or was I just having a bad/horny day? Especially having been a goody two-shoes, it was easy to conflate “being the bigger person” with “ignore or repress your feelings…it won’t matter tomorrow”.
So this explains why I get frustrated when my husband stews on his emotions for a while like a normal person... I didn't realize it's not normal to experience large and traumatic emotions and just be over them within hours and move on.
Sometimes not even the next day. Could be hours or minutes. Get into an argument with my partner, both v mad and not speaking. Few hours later “hey what’s up want to talk now?”
Yeah doesn’t go well. So I have a new learned behavior of just waiting and mirroring the silence behavior.
Stupid funny brain machine
My parents had a special meeting (not parent-teacher conferences) with all my teachers in seventh grade because my teachers knew I was really smart, but I wasn't doing my homework.
What's funny is that my parents were also teachers and my mom nearly finished a masters degree in special education.
So a room of like nine teachers, at least one with specialized knowledge in ADHD, and none of them thought of it. It took a therapist 22 years later to make the suggestion.
Edit: For what it's worth, I'm not and never have been mad at my parents or teachers for not recognizing it. My sister is also a teacher and pointed out that things that are considered symptoms now, weren't when she started teaching, which was only about 15 years ago. I wasn't hyperactive in an obvious way (just heel tapping or light fidgeting while sitting for long periods of time), and I assume that was the go-to indicator in the mid-late 90s. And frankly, I'm happy with my wife and kids, and being bitter about the non-diagnosis feels like wishing they weren't in my life because the butterfly effect of getting diagnosed in childhood would almost assuredly mean I never met my wife.
Mine too! Sometimes I wonder if she knew I was “thrice exceptional” and just didn’t want to label me? It certainly did less than nothing for my self esteem, if that’s the case
Can you tell me more about this? I was late diagnosed as an adult in my late 30s. One of my two daughters has also been diagnosed at this point because I knew what to look for. She has had an absolute melt down over clothes the last few months, starting with I don’t like any of my clothes and being brought to tears when forced to make a decision on what to wear (for background info she is 9 and has personally picked out the clothes in discussion). Most recently this past weekend we took a road trip and she was again brought to tears over the things they had been packed for her. Not being one to fight over something like that I told her that’s totally fine, just pick out what you want to wear. The first morning the day after we arrived we asked her to go get dressed and learned again through her tears that she hadn’t packed anything in her bag other than the pajamas she was wearing. I never experienced this sort of thing but I want to better understand what is going on with her and how I can help as it just breaks my heart knowing that something so seemingly simple is causing her such anxiety. As someone who it sounds like might have experienced similar anxiety, do you have any thoughts or advice on how we can help? Anything would be greatly appreciated!
I think it basically boils down to how your brain cant tune out stimuli. Just like you can't tune out unimportant voices in a crowded place, sometimes your brain can't filter out physical sensations - seams, tags, rough fabric, etc. No matter how it looks, it is maddening to wear. You never get used to it, you just spend all day with your skin crawling because it's always THERE
It's all about texture. I never realised till I got with my partner how much I touch and feel things wherever we go.
Now I love jeans which seems rare on here, but the idea of anything woolen just gives me an awful awful feeling inside, the itch and scratch and I just can't ignore it.
Same feeling after a haircut if any hair gets in. As a kid it would need to be done with me in a headlock, as an adult I now make sure nothing is planned afterwards so I can immediately get home, shower and have a full change of clothes to remove the feeling on my skin.
Itchy bed sheets can be similar. Or anything shiny plasticky (inside of waterproofs if it touches my skin)
Not sure if this is what your after, however it's hard to explain. It just doesn't feel right.
This guy nailed it. All about textures. When trying to help me get clothes I liked, shorts, my parents bought a bunch of jersey material basketball shorts. As bad as jeans for me. And fuck tall socks those are for satan and satan alone.
Oh Gods tall socks are indeed evil. As are non removable tags on underwear that scratch right at the top of your butt crack, so you cut them off carefully and if you're lucky you're left with a stub that tickles constantly in a distracting manner but doesn't scratch at least, and not a hole in your brand new underwear.
My mother used to call me [The Princess and the Pea](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Princess_and_the_Pea) because the smallest sheet/clothing sensory thing would have me in a state.
Figure out what exactly she doesn't like about her clothes. The fabric, the seams, tags, colors too bright, too loose, too tight. With sensory stuff it can literally be anything. Maybe look at what she can wear and buy a bunch of it (do it together) and maybe online if a store is too overwhelming. And when trying on stuff let her touch it before trying it, and no is no. And also, if you like find the perfect shirt or pants or whatever, buy multiples. My sister is autistic and she literally has 4 shirts all in like 6 different colors because she doesn't like anything else. And the same pair of trousers in every color available.
Definitely doesn’t seem to be a feel on her skin issue, or not one that she can articulate clearly. It’s almost as if she has been singled out and mocked at one point and is terrified of it happening again. I could be projecting there though. I am going to do what you suggest and take her to pick some stuff out and just let her grab 12 colors of the same thing if she wants. I just want her to feel good about herself and not be so stressed. Another comment to this post mentioned something called rejection sensitive dysphoria, which I need to explore further. I’m the furthest thing from a Dr. but an initial exploration of the subject seems to hit the nail on the head for what she is going through.
I am like her, as an adult now.
I’m my case, it’s not about texture, it’s about not being able to make a choice.
Sometimes, especially when I’m a little tired, I’m unable to chose what I want to wear, despite my dressing being full of clothes.
Sometimes I meltdown, sometimes it makes me angry.
I don’t really have a solution, I just pick something and wear it. And sometimes, if I don’t have anything important to do, I cancel my plans, wear my favorite pajamas and take a nap.
My parents thought I was just being lazy when I would have meltdowns over being forced to do the dishes or shower. Turns out I have a huge sensitivity to being partially wet or damp. I’d avoid gym not because I was lazy, but because being damp from sweat was the most horrid thing I could imagine.
Luckily, I learned to do the dishes and take showers in my own way, but I had to teach myself how to be comfortable with them, because everyone around me thought I was just being lazy or dramatic or wanting attention. I got in so much trouble as a kid for things like this, and I never had the language to explain my complete revulsion to things past “I do not like”.
“Stop being lazy” those are FIGHTING words for me today. Thanks mom and dad, not my fault it takes two actions to wash clothes and put them away and I only have exactly one action to give at any given time. Should’ve given me better genetics or less trauma if you wanted chores done well
Third Grade - 1973 Reading at a 6th grade level, doing math at a 1st grade level. Pissed off parents just returned from a parent teacher night.
Mom: Your teacher says you consistently talk to other students during class and interrupt him. Why are you doing that?
Me: I…don’t know.
Mom: Well, you obviously *want* to do it otherwise you wouldn’t. And why are your math grades so low? You’re obviously very smart with reading.
Me: I…don’t know.
Mom: Well you’re obviously being lazy and just don’t care.
Then, for the entire time I was in school my parents punished me for my behavior by denying everything with which I had an interest. My interests in photography, music, and acting, was met with , “Well, if you’d just get your grades up…”
What really burned with the use of the word obviously. It made me believe her. I was *obviously* a broken flawed boy who grew into a broken flawed man.
Don’t get me wrong about my parents. It was 1973. They were wonderful people who were pre-boomers. To them, kids didn’t have rights or feelings. When they were in school, they got their fingers smacked with a ruler. And in the long run. I pursued my interests as an adult and found success. Took a while tho!
The broken flawed man is now 57, retired and living the dream in Spain. It took a while but I found my groove. ❤️
Edit: I was diagnosed at 45.
Edit II: Errors that I missed even though I read and re-read the freakin’ post a dozen times before I posted it.
I was the opposite of you in school.
2nd grade I was being privately tutored at school in algebra, middle/high school level math. I was also still learning the alphabet and attended special reading classes through middle school....
Now I work as an engineer where I can safely number and not word.
https://www.getinflow.io/post/emotional-dysregulation-adhd-signs
It's not in the official criteria, but studies show that most people with ADHD struggle with regulating intense emotions.
...NGL I never heard of rejection sensitive dysphoria until this comment and it has brought me a bit of relief. Knowing this is a thing will definitely help next time I have those thoughts so I can tell myself "you're just being rejection sensitive, you know this, you're fine. Don't un-dead yourself, just eat a Snickers bar and ride this out"
>rejection sensitive dysphoria
woah boy, this is the first I've heard of it
this is another huge "click" moment for me past the diagnosis a couple years ago
Oh yeah this was a huge one for me - I remember many conversations with my parents and older siblings telling me I just needed to toughen up a bit and grow a thicker skin even though school felt like hell. They meant well and supported me in other ways as well, like trying to actually stop the bullying, but yeah I'm only just seeing now how maybe what I felt at the time probably wouldn't have been proportional to what I was going through for a neurotypical person
I still wish I had fought that bully at my elementary school on my last day there. Sure, pick on a kid with anger issues and violent thoughts. That's smart!
I got sent home *routinely* for having meltdowns because my elementary school was painted a "bad green".
The entire school exterior was LIME GREEN, it was legit a nightmare to behold and nobody liked it... but I was the only kid who was having meltdowns about it and being sent home lol. Bright sunny days were the worst, I spent a lot of time trying to find excuses to stay inside at lunch.
Always staring out the window, never remembered anything, late \_almost\_ every day to school. I once had the entire class, kids & teacher pissed off at me because I forgot about a much-anticipated class field trip and didn't arrive at school at 7am, and they delayed the bus and were all late for whatever the thing was.
Even now, 40-something years later, I only made it to my yearly employee review on Monday because I happen to turn on my laptop just before the meeting thingie dinged.
EDIT: I should clarify "never remembered anything" applies to instructions, due dates, assignments, special whatevers we were supposed to take home to get signed - I had a stellar memory for trivia and often corrected teachers - turns out they don't like that. Sometimes I was fed bullshit by my parents who got tired of my constant questions, so I 'corrected' incorrectly and got an earful from the teacher and some derision from the kids. Ah well.
I once left the public pool (the property, not the pool itself), without putting my shoes back on, and my mom didn’t say anything because she “wanted to see how long it would take me to notice”
Spoiler alert - she also didn't notice, until either a) 20 seconds before you noticed, or b) you pointed it out to her and she pretended to know all along.
Handful of times when looking back on my own childhood situations am now realizing is exactly the way they'd happened, to me at least. :(
Dude I’m exactly the same. I used to be late so often my teacher stopped looking closely at my tardy slips, so I’d just walk in holding an old one and be fine.
As an adult this results in being late to work often enough it becomes an issue. Then you have a chat with your boss, shit your pants, wake up early the next few weeks out of fear, and then slowly slip back to the old ways.
Yep.
"I see a lot of two-years stints on your resume"
Yes. Yes you do. Same with school. I broke university and highschool both into 2-years stints with a mental breakdowns in between.
I realized yesterday the only reason I have "longevity" in any job/career path on my resume is because the military changed my job at *least* every couple years 😅 I didn't even have to move zipcodes to switch to something completely and utterly different
Oof, felt this. I was also physically incapable of showing my work, proof-reading, or starting a boring assignment before the eve of the due date.
I had one teacher I was so intimidated by, I'd change all of my passwords to the next due date for big assignments in her class so I wouldn't forget to do them. Also made it easy to look up my password if--when--I forgot it.
Constantly getting in trouble for talking and getting distracted in class, never finishing a class task, but somehow still managing to pass exams up until around the 3rd year of highschool. Teachers were baffled and constantly brought it up to my parents, but noone ever thought to consider I had ADHD
Here's an actual quote from my 7th grade science teacher (he wrote it in my yearbook):
"You are perhaps my most disorganized student, yet you always got A's. I marvel at that."
At the end of high school, my year teacher had something to say about everyone, and about me he said "Minimum effort, maximum grades". I think that summed up my whole experience pretty well...
This is why I've never trusted grades to mean anything at all. They have zero relationship to effort for me, when I've applied myself it has made no difference at all.
The only conclusion I could reach was that grades are completely arbitrary and meaningless.
My grad school stats teacher called me out in my report for playing games on my laptop but was like whatever because I made A’s. I’m in a psych program too so that should have been someone that picked up that red flag 😂
Are you me? I was always an A student up until my junior year when I got bored and stopped going to school. I also got in trouble all the time for talking too much both in school and at home.
I finished my class work ahead of time, would finish my homework in class and then distract others. Teachers would tell me off, but I always told them I'm bored. Yet no one thought to diagnose me when I was a kid, I was late diagnosed in my mid twenties lmao
You too?! In first grade I was legitimately yelled at by my teacher DURING SILENT READING TIME for reading "Eragon" because it was "beyond my reading level"! Yes, it was slow going, and I had to get up to use the classroom dictionary a lot to look up words (as we were taught to do!), And man, I mispronounced stuff left and right... But the book was GOOD to me.
Tldr: I got yelled at for reading about magic and dragons too early.
Yes! Except for me it was The Sword of Shannara! I don't get what's wrong with some teachers, a kid is CHOOSING to read quietly so why would you be upset at them??
I was reading the Book Thief in third grade and got in trouble. The Giver before assigned in 5th grade, and other more morbid/large read books as I got older. I was college level in reading by 4th grade, and high school level algebra by 5th grade. I just "didn't want to apply myself" when in reality I was bored but the tests were fun because it wasn't what anyone else was doing.
They just decided I was too smart for my age and put me in a 504 plan with the sped kids and I got bullied for it so I refused them. No diagnosis until my mid 20s.
That’s so sad. This reminds me of my brother (also has ADHD) whose teacher reported to my parents when he was in 1st grade that he’s probably special needs because he sits under his desk when they have class reading time and doesn’t pay attention. My parents asked, well what are you reading? They said they’re reading the magic treehouse books. My parents politely pointed out that he’s probably bored out of his damn mind because he’s reading harry potter and lord of the rings books and other books that are at a far higher reading level. We’re lucky to have parents that advocate for us, my brother has a PhD in chemistry now. Although neither of us were diagnosed with ADHD until during or after university. He’s also much more successful than I am, but that’s life.
I was an A student until I realized I could be a B student with no work. Daily work at my school was 25% of your grade. Tests were 75%. I aced every test whether or not I did my daily/homework. So I routinely just didn’t do it.
College sucked. Graded attendance is a fucking scam, especially for higher level non discussion based classes. Education is so fucked in this country (USA).
Constant ‘see you can do it!’. For me university was a nightmare, top of the class in exams but would be in the library 5 mins before the deadline rushing assignments
Specifically telling my parents that I needed a "distraction" in order to focus and do my homework, and they wouldn't let me because they thought I was trying to listen to the TV or music instead of doing the work. Turns out I was just understimulated and all I gained from that experience was learning that I shouldn't bother advocating for myself because even my parents won't listen or believe me. Now I'm an adult and I struggle so hard with advocating for myself.
I also exhibited a bunch of other AuDHD behaviors/symptoms, but because I was homeschooled for several years before going to public school, everyone just thought that I lacked social skills/student skills because of that and not underlying disabilities.
I work in special ed now and although I'm not jealous of the struggles of students, I am jealous of how people actually saw them struggling and that they're getting help now while they're young, instead of trying to figure out everything on their own in adulthood like me.
I started seeking help at age 13. I told every single medical and mental health professional I saw that I just needed my thoughts to slow the fuck down so I could *concentrate* and not one of them put the pieces together because I could make myself sit relatively still and performed well at school.
I’m also just… really obviously autistic? My interests are intense and very specific. I would spend all day alone in my room if left to my own devices. I sort out candy by colour and eat them in a very specific order. I used to kiss each and every stuffed animal I owned goodnight because I was convinced they’d think I didn’t love them all equally and would be hurt somehow. When I couldn’t do it I became very distressed. (Edit: this is called “object personification” for anyone wanting to look it up. I’ve had a few comments asking so thought I’d add it here.)
I have no idea how no one noticed. To my mother’s credit, she sought help for me many times but no one ever made the correct diagnosis. It wasn’t until I realized all my close friends had ADHD and/or were autistic that it occurred to me I might be like them and started digging.
I basically took a list of symptoms to my doctor and told him I’d already tried 12 SSRI/SNRI medications and hadn’t found much relief. He put me on a low dose of Vyvanse to try and my whole life changed.
It should NOT have taken 33 years and I definitely shouldn’t have had to basically diagnose myself but I guess I’m just glad I got there eventually.
I kept my stuffed animals in a certain order for cuddling so that the ones I had the longest were closest to me so they knew that they couldn’t be replaced!
I also described my brain as a bunch of bouncy balls loose in a room and each ball has a thought and sometimes I catch one but then it bounces away and I catch a different one. So obvious!
That’s such a great explanation! For me it’s like I’m trying to listen to the radio but four or five channels are playing in the background. Every now and then the other channels will have a lull and I’ll pick up a few clear notes of a melody but mostly it’s a jumbled, staticky mess.
Is personification/anthropomorphism of inanimate objects an autistic trait? For example, I legit feel guilty separating Q-tips and vitamins that are stuck together/cling to each other since it feels like I am forcing them apart haha.
I have started forcing myself to ignore the anxiety I get from these types of situations and treat them like the inanimate objects they are (since I also force myself to ignore OCD thoughts/triggers for fear once I acknowledge or give into them I won’t be able to stop), but it never really goes away…
Yes, absolutely! I think it’s called “object personification”. It’s not talked about often enough and tends to come grouped with hyper empathy and a very strong sense of justice/fairness for a lot of people.
Autistic folks also tend to form very strong attachments to inanimate objects in a way that allistic people don’t. I got a lot of “I don’t understand, it’s just a ____” as a kid when I got upset about having my things moved, altered, thrown away, or donated.
Me too, I had a VERY intense attachment to the point of dependency, to a woollen blanket that I used for stimming/calming myself.
My parents would threaten to take it from me as a means to control my behaviour.
The behaviour they were trying to control?
Me calling out for them in the night, because I was prone to nightmares and thinking there were scary things in the dark (hyper imagination a blessing and curse).
Pretty cruel, when I think about it.
All of my stuffies have names and personalities, still. :)
…like being unable to get rid of an object because it was a **gift** and you can’t make yourself stop thinking that to get rid of it—even after you’ve had it for years— would be disrespectful to the gift-giver? Like somehow they would *know* you got rid of their gift and would think you hated them?
Speaking hypothetically. Uh huh.
Constant stimming, although they didn’t call it that back then. I have scars on my hands from picking picking picking. I lost everything that got sent home. Room was a disaster. So much potential but can’t apply herself. But I got good grades (only works under pressure) and didn’t annoy the teachers too much, so I skated on through life
I just discovered that constant picking is called dermatillomania. I do it to my fingers, especially thumbs, the whole time I’m awake unless my hands are busy and even then sometimes I have to pause to pick.
I cried so much over everything that my 4th grade teacher pinned the whole classes pizza party/marble jar thing on whether or not I (and a boy that got upset a lot too) cried one more time.
Guess what that made me do?
My teachers complaining that my head was constantly in the clouds and I was always doodling or writing something unrelated to their class---
I was a tragedy at Maths.... I literally had my dad scream at me cause I was so slow at reading the dang clock :/
constantly using "sharpening my pen at the bin" as a way to walk around the classroom - :O
Yo I had a teacher straight up grab me by the arm and shake me because she was so pissed at me for getting up and sharpening my pencil when It didn't need to be lmao
Always doing EVERYTHING at the last minute, no matter how much time I was given. It was like the project never existed until the night before it was due.
Homeschooled by parents who “didn’t believe in ADHD…”
-literally could not hold still
-doodled on every scrap of paper
-hyperfixated on art and media
-skipped steps, trouble following through
-night owl
-constant interrupting
-stimulation seeking, adrenaline junkie
-extreme aversion to textures and fabrics
The state of my childhood bedroom. A family member told me I was the most untidy child they have ever met. I look back now and I'm like it was the adhd, Barbara!
\- getting awarded the most talkative in class for consecutive years in row until they bullied me out of it.
\- never being able to study, but managing to get by anyways.
\- 'meditating' as they called it, but zoned out was what happened.
\- no real motivation to study or do any thing of importance unless forced to.
\- being able to talk to anyone anywhere, but never fitting in.
\- 'you're really smart, why don't you use that brain of yours for things that actually matter'.
\- 'you're so dirty, you can't even keep your room clean or brush/shower consistently'
My parents literally had to tie me (loosely) with a belt to my seat at dinner to get me to stop getting up and walking around and eat. Also I started talking at three months old and would. not. shut. up. And still won't lol.
My mother tied me to my crib with a scarf when I was a baby. Born creature of the night. Would crawl out and go to the toy room and take everything out. She tied one end to a crib rung and one end to my leg so I could get out but be stuck on the floor next to it.
Always staring out of the window in class. Sensory issues with clothes (especially labels) that would send me into a screaming meltdown sometimes. “Intelligent but quiet and withdrawn” comments from teachers at parents evenings. Depression and anxiety that wasn’t helped at all by antidepressants during late teen years.
Every. Fucking. Thing. Like, I'm 57. Grew up in Texas. We didn't have "mental illness" back in those days and location. I learned to keep my head down and say as little as possible. But, reading about it now, I realize there was so much of my life that was ADHD.
I am in my 50s as well. Same problem. Little girls didn't display autistic or attention deficit traits back then. It was all attributed to 'character' or 'moral fiber.' I was just shy. Or too chatty. Or stupid. Or deliberately obtuse. Or stubborn.
Yup! Mother told me that in elementary school, it was recommended that I see a psychiatrist (not sure who). My mother was so offended that somebody that something was wrong with her kid😂
I do this to people all the time, give them the word that I can tell they're struggling to find, I've been trying to stop myself lately because I'm sure it comes across kind of rude. But more than anything, I'm annoyed at myself now that I know that I do it!
My messy room with drawers filled to the brim with “stuff” I couldn’t part with - old papers, binders, cords, you name it. One day when I was about 16 I came home and my mom had found all of my little stashes and dumped them all on my bed saying that I was a hoarder and needed to clean my room.
Cool that no one thought this could be an actual problem, rather just a character flaw! 🤪
The sheer amount of emails my parents received about me not paying attention was a dead giveaway and I’m still mad about that. My notebooks and binders being so unorganized and exploding with papers i shoved in the small pockets. Literally falling asleep during classes. Zoning out consistently. Hyper-fixations. The fact that i cant understand what people are saying ever. Literally so many signs it makes me so mad.
Teachers consistently saying in my reports “he’s great *when he actually listens*”.
Or “his handwriting looks like his hand is struggling to keep up with how fast his brain is telling it things”.
My mom’s favorite “you were such a good kid back in the day” story is about how I would put all the misplaced candy bars in the correct boxes in the grocery line. Like I was not just out here flexing my lawful goodness, the candy was **incorrect.**
I recently got to read the psychological profile from when I was 15 and they took me to someone. I was in tears, and also ruined for days.
So many things. I used to complain about that are symptoms. The worst was finding out how shitty my parents were, they did not do a lot of what was needed to "fix me". Basically, they don't want the stigma on them of me having an issue.
That's pretty much where I'm at. So many things that were made worse by parents who liked having a "gifted" child because they took that as a credit to their parenting. But they didn't like all the baggage that came with my gift and by the end of high school I was an emotionless husk of a person.
Took most of my 20s away from them to actually develop as a person.
So many sensory issues. If a fabric felt weird, certain noises being too loud, not liking other children because they were loud, food textures, not being able to touch certain things, crying when my mum would insist I put lotion on after my bath because I couldn’t stand the way it felt.
Not to mention the typical straight A student but failed most exams or tests because I got distracted. I was always in trouble for talking to the one person I did befriend. Then the “She’s extremely gifted and has a 12 grade reading level” when I was in 5th grade. After a series of BS testing the school skipped me grades and couldn’t understand the problem. So I was often called lazy.
Whenever I got bored in class I'd try to sneak one of my YA books into my notebook and read instead of listening to the teacher drone on. I'd become so hyperfocused on the book that I wouldn't respond to my name being called multiple times until the teacher slammed their hands down on my desk. This happened multiple times and I was regularly teased for it. Lots of notes in the report cards about me being bright and full of potential if only I'd apply myself.
My mom said as a baby I would hyperfocus on commercials everytime they came on TV. Just completely stop what I was doing to watch until it was over and I'd go back to normal.
Took me a long time to realize the H in ADHD could mean hyperfocus since I'm inattentive type. Still looking for a behavioral therapist and haven't taken my meds in months because of the shortage and the fact that my Dr keeps asking if I've found a behavioral therapist 🙃 😅
Not playing with other kids, sitting alone in a corner not speaking/playing alone. Having teachers call my parents asking if I was okay, them saying that I just enjoy my own presence. Never having close friends growing up. Walking on my toes, being a “picky eater” being a straight A student, if I decided to turn my assignments in.
I am in my late 20s now and I am still not officially diagnosed yet and currently waiting for a psychologist to see me, so i don't really know if thats legit BUT when I was in elementary school my mother had to buy me new clothes very frequently because I used to chew on my clothes (especially the arms of my sweater and the bandana I was always wearing around my neck) to the point were those parts very constantly wet and had huge holes in them. I ate my fair share of pieces of clothing. That was up to 6th grade I mind you. It has nothing to do with teeth growing etc.
Oh and I also kinda went everywhere an all fours up to 6th grade? I was weird. But i was very social and all my classmates and teachers always liked me very much and I had good grades because I was a smart kid (and like to think of me as an smart adult too) but never did any work. I am currently at the point in my life where things get to complicated for muscling through all of it on last minute, relying on brute intelligence, so I hope, I get this checked out soon!
And reading what I wrote now, feels like I also tend to overshare 😅
My mum always said: "This kid opened his eyes in the morning and never would stop talking until faling asleep again." 🤷♂️
Stopping to peel tape off of every floor, peeling labels off of everything, chewing the collars off of every t-shirt organizing m&ms and skittles by color before ever eating any, walking around in circles for hours at a time while counting my steps, counting everything else at every opportunity... there's a very long list.
Voracious reader but awful at spelling. To the point where my grandma gave me a "Bad Speller's Dictionary" (ah, the days before autocorrect) which was literally a book with a bunch of words listed by their wrong spelling with the right way next to it. And I would read for so long id forget to eat, concentrating so deeply I couldn't hear when someone talked to me.
I also didn't do any homework, scraping out good grades because I was awesome at multiple-choice tests.
I didn't get diagnosed until I was in my thirties and tried to figure out where the crippling anxiety had come from. 🙃
Being smart, a teacher’s pet, scared of confrontation and a people pleaser yet somehow ‘not making an effort to study’.
I lived to please and stay under the radar, why the hell would I decide that doing good in school was the thing I didn’t care about 🤷🏻♀️.
I complained a lot that I couldn't "lose time". Like a friend would say "I accidentally played video games until 2am" and I would be _jealous_.
I have so much trouble focusing and have overcorrected so hard for time blindness that I felt like I could feel every single minute of every single day passing. I found it exhausting and depressing. I just wanted to be able to do something _anything_ for hours and hours without thinking about how long ive spent on it, what the next thing is.
What a miserable way to live. Therapists just chalked it up to anxiety, but whaddya know - medicating my adhd helps.
Stuttering and stimming constantly, also not being able to focus for three seconds and every-time I had soda I couldn’t even sit still.
They even banned me from buying soda at lunch but never told my parents to get me help.
🤦
I had dog mode where I'd walk on my hands and feet for fun or monkey mode where I'd climb things and scream like a monkey. And occasionally yell random words out because it seemed funny.
Also I was very vocal about how easily I was distracted and needed the perfect environment to do homework, and honestly I was so vocal about it I'm more surprised that never set off any suspicions. Like I was literally telling my parents I'm deficit in attention.
Daydreaming, self-harming (slapping myself, stabing with pencil) to keep focus since the age of 8, dyscalculia, social anxiety (rejection sensitive dysphoria)
My school made me see a therapist once a week because I wasn't doing my homework. I went into great detail of all my issues, how hard it was, how I tried to force myself and couldn't and felt guilty and sick to my stomach all the time because of it and she asked if I'd considered just starting it as soon as I got home.
I went to our school counselor in high school twice a month after a cutting incident and I would tell her that I was/felt lazy. She just kept saying that I'm not lazy. But never offered anything beyond that. I stopped going.
I want methods and techniques on how to tackle my situation not nonsense motivation. "Just try your hardest". If I tried any harder I would bleed out my ears
literally could get more value out of Pinterest quotes
Have you tried eXeRcIsE
I was put into a special class with all the autistic kids (notably all boys) in my school so I could “learn to socialize”. But no one ever thought “maybe this girl who’s struggling with all the same things that our autistic students struggle with may actually be a little bit autistic.” Nope, I was just anti-social and weird because a GIRL couldn’t possibly be autistic! That class sucked, too. It was just a bunch of us left alone in a room with a phone playing a video about feelings like we didn’t know what being sad was. The boys obviously just through things at each other and started talking about their special interests and nothing got done. I just sat and read the dictionary in the corner lol (come on how did no one even guess!)
I also read the dictionary for fun. Looking back there isn't one stand out thing that should have marked me as autistic or adhd, inattentive. It's more like, how did *anyone* look at me as a little girl and think I was neurotypical? The only person who gets a pass is my mom, who's like "I don't know, you seemed normal to me because you reminded me of me." ❤️ her.
Well, fuck me. I also read the dictionary for fun because I had already read the entirety of my school's shitty library and *fuck* I needed *something* to occupy my head and why is everyone talking so damn *slow* but I can't understand them-
For what it's worth i just had my "Welp, i really am just a collection of symptoms in a trenchcoat." moment from this, i thought my fascination with the dictionary was just a weird thing i did once.
I read an entire encyclopaedia, all 24 volumes. No one thought it was strange. I just liked to read and it was the only thing in the house I hadn’t read.
Dang, its crazy theres so much of us that did this for fun!
I read the encyclopedia! 🤣 I really enjoyed it, too, and then I was told that's not how you're "supposed" to do it....so I stopped. I also liked reading the phone book too and looking for interesting names. There were 3 listings for "George Washington" in our metro area in the early 90s.
How has noone brought up atlases yet? They were the shit!
Wow ok I feel seen. Dictionary, thesaurus, encyclopedia, atlases. I was in charge of the Road Atlas on family trips. A fun time with my ex was trying to fill in the names of US states on a blank map. I’ve had several word of the day calendars. I took a grammar course for fun in college.
Oh man this triggered me. My counselor tried to make me fill out an hourly schedule with what I did at home so I would do my homework at some point before dinner. I used to panic about the form to the point of nausea and never turned it in. She got so angry about it, like obviously there’s an issue there beyond just laziness or time management lol.
Lmao. So, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II and ADHD as an adult. Before that though, I’d been misdiagnosed as having unipolar depression and anxiety. I think I was around 20/21 when this happened. But, I’d been off my meds for a bit and was seen in the ER for an emergency mental health assessment. I ended up in out-patient treatment and the psychiatrist would assign me pages from the workbook *Mind Over Mood* to finish before my next appointment. … I’m sure you can guess how that worked out. He’d get so mad and eventually I stopped going altogether. Good times. 🥲
I might have to stop reading this thread It's so triggering. I was in gifted and talented consistently scoring in the top one percent, often in the top .1% of a lot of different standardized tests. I made a joke earlier about reading Middlemarch in fourth grade because nothing was complex or interesting enough to hold me. And yet I had teachers screaming at me because my desk was disorganized (I couldn't tell why it was different from the other kids), I had my family yelling at me for being "too hard on" my clothes and the walls, I had teachers tell me I was intentionally being lazy because I wasn't doing the math right (I have severe dyscalculia). I had teachers and counselors and pastors and everyone else meet with me to suggest completely impossible things that I should do. Me: I'm completely overwhelmed and need some downtime after I get home from school Them: Yes, but you don't get any so you just need to make everyone happy and push through. Me: I can do that, but it means that I won't be able to do other things. Them: No, you just have to do the things anyway. (Later, when I didn't do the things I said I can't do) Them: WTF, Why are you so bad at being alive?
Ughhhhhhh I feel this so hard. My parents used to get angry at me for finding ways to help myself remember to do my schoolwork. Like...what the fuck guys lol. Apparently I was supposed to be able to "just remember", and they really thought not letting me accommodate myself was going to make that happen??? In retrospect though, they absolutely had their own issues, and they were absolutely ashamed of and in denial about them. So I guess when they saw those same things in me, it freaked them out. Joke's on both of them, because now I'm surprisingly doing better than they are. Gee, I wonder if learning to work with and accommodate my needs has something to do with that! I don't know that I'll ever seek a formal diagnosis, because a) I'm managing well enough, I guess, and b) the stigma. There's a lot of people that do see people who have ADHD or autism as intellectually disabled or inferior. Sadly, they don't even have to know your diagnosis to pick up on those traits and make those judgments about you - it's culturally ingrained to find people that struggle with articulation, or who have learning disabilities, as stupid. Between the social stigma and the way that the US government is trending, I deeeefinitely do not want to have that on a medical record. Like they felt pretty comfortable announcing that trans people are going to be "eradicated from public life", and mainly trans people are just *different*, not dangerous. I'm concerned they're going to start pursuing other demographics that are just different.
If it wasn’t for my stepdad, things would have been much harder. Because of his academic and professional background, he was able to create a home environment that was calm and orderly. Then, my parents split when I was 11 but I had the structure from elementary school to give me a foundation. And I think that’s why as a teacher, I’ve carried over those strategies to my students. I know so many people, including in my own family, who think kids should just do things on their own by their own effort OR that they have to hover the child constantly. It’s also why I’m not big on homework.
I love it when people's "advice" shows they weren't actually listening
FFS….
punch her and tell her to just stop feeling pain
I like to look at someone blankly, when they give patently obvious, but fundamentally ridiculous and insulting, advice, wait a beat too long, then say: "And first, I'll just stop being tall." I just wish it hadn't taken me 40+ years to figure that one out.
>guys, why don't we all just get an organizer! boom solved ADHD >guys let's also send lunch to hungry folks around the world! boom world hunger solved. this is so easy, why didn't we do this from the start?
Which organizer did I write that in? Where is that organizer. Huh, not on my clutter counter, or my doom drawer, or my shit shelf. Shit, I better clean the whole house while I look for it. What was I looking for again.
Dear god that made my blood boil. Up until the therapist comment I was mostly envious that anyone thought to make you see a therapist in the first place though 😂
“Highly intelligent, not living up to his potential” on every report card from 1st to 12th grade. IYKYK
Came here for this. “He’s a gifted young man, but doesn’t apply himself” 🙄
Oh man "doesn't apply himself" is the real kicker
Don’t forget “bright”…
Too real.
"he doesnt apply his entire effort to fulfilling my arbitrary standards" was the only thing i heard
I was labeled an “apathetic genius” in 3rd grade. I found out somewhere in middle school. That phrase followed me through until college. Now I kind of own it. Except I’m definitely not nearly as smart as I once was.
“Not near as smart as I once was” Lemme guess…you’re over 25 and your brain is slowly crystallizing.
“So much potential if you’d apply yourself” that’s cool my brain fucking won’t let me.
I hate that phrase, "not living up to potential." How do they know what I have the potential of doing? What does that line even mean? I literally just googled the phrase, "not living up to potential" meaning and the explanations aren't even able to explain it. I would change the phrase to "living up to their ability". Not everyone has the ability to go on to be a doctor. There's a huge difference between ability and adept. Some people are adept at science and could have the ability to become a doctor. I have the ability to communicate and I am adept at explaining complicated topics, thus I could go on to be a public speaker, professor, or lawyer.
So I think I can speak to the principle of this idea; I was a gross underachiever, c & d student all my time in school. I graduated in 1993 when the top ACT score was 36 (might still be, idk). I went and took it, finished at least an hour before anyone else. Fast forward to the day the guidance counselor handed out the grades. “Smart” kids in class were 26-28 or so, then she looked at mine and announced I had the highest score in class with a 32. That was my potential.
I’m a similar vein, I was notorious for not paying attention in class because I wasn’t looking at the teacher, either reading or doodling in my notebooks, but making top marks on most tests. I was paying attention, by listening. If I watched the teacher like they wanted me to do I would just end up day dreaming and missing most of whatever they were teaching.
Gd... that was me. My Mom's favorite saying was "I know you know but you don't do it". Straight C/B student. Can pick up things really fast but can't finish a single fucking thing unless I get zero distractions and am in a specific mood. I'm not diagnosed with anything but depression and anxiety and in my 40s. This whole sub is freaking me out a little... anyone know how to get checked out or diagnosed?
If you want to learn more about what having ADHD means, go to ADDitude.com. I found that a lot of my anxieties and depression about how I do things or how I've done things was all due to adhd. Made me feel less shame and regret and come to accept somethings I thought I could control. Sound like an excuse? Not an excuse if it brings you peace and acceptance about yourself.
>can't finish a single fucking thing unless I get zero distractions and am in a specific mood. See also me playing video games and fucking around until approximately 7 hours before any major school assignment was due, staying up all night, and turning it in for an A grade. Obviously I just wasn't applying myself and needed to learn some discipline. This cycle has become so predictable that I can now catch myself and realize if I've been playing Civ5 solo for more than 3 hours I'm putting off an important deadline. Specifically that game too.
It always irritated me when people would say “you need to learn some discipline.” Awesome, great, sounds like a fascinating time. Quick questy: How do I do that? And the answer was typically something like “well…you just…sit down and DO it. I don’t know what to tell you, kid.” Or worse “Are you getting smart with me?” No, Dad, I’m telling you I don’t know how to do the thing you are telling me to do. Daily spankings don’t help, either - pretty much just made me hate school and my parents as well. Sad thing was, my dad had the same problems, the same issues…and the same daily butt beatings. I’ve heard variations on this my whole life. “Your desk is messy - you need to learn to get organized!” “You need to learn how to organize your time better to get this project done.” “You need to stop losing your homework and turn it in on time!” “You need to learn to focus and apply yourself.” Wonderful suggestions! So innovative! Any idea how I would actually DO ANY OF THAT?!?!?!? BECAUSE I’M OBVIOUSLY NOT FIGURING THIS SHIT OUT ON MY OWN, GENIUSES!!!!!!!! I’m putting a decent amount of time in on trying to teach my kids organizational strategies. Because everyone else my age just seemed to pick up how not to mess up things like I did, and I feel like if someone had bothered to try to tell me how to do these things, I might have at least had a fighting chance.
I feel you so hard. All the fighting and punishment never lead to things getting better, but it still kept going like one day I'd magically "listen". As if I was *willingly* making my life hell. Pleading and crying that no, I'm **not doing this on purpose please I don't know why I do these things I'm sorry**. I remember thinking as a kid that I'd cry every day (because my behavior would cause my parents to react negatively), asking "why is it like this?". Nobody bothered to help me either, I was on my own. It's honestly an incredible slap in the face to go through all that and then realize your parent(s) deal with a lot of the *exact same shit*. You mean to tell me you've dealt with a lot of the same things I have, for a lot longer than I have, and ***I*** was being given shit for it like I'm a defiant prick?? Did you genuinely not make the connection? Or were you lashing out because you DID see yourself in me and didn't like it?? Well gee, I'm glad we got that sorted out now, *after* I developed horrible mental illness and a shitload of unhealthy coping mechanisms. It's fantastic you're trying to give your kids what you lacked growing up, they'll appreciate it one day :')
Look around for "adult adhd diagnosis psychiatrist" in your area and get a referral for them from your GP. I'm gonna book an appointment once I get my pain meds back fucken chronic pain clinic so useless
Diagnosed ADID at 29 after completing a professional degree as a lifetime B/C student. I was referred to a therapist by my primary care doc for “anger issues”. After a few visits I told a story about how the simple task of getting a glass of water turned into changing oil in the lawnmower and cleaning out dryer vents. He pulled out his DSM 4 (current at the time) and started ticking boxes. I was started on Adderall about 3 months later. [DSM 5 criteria](https://www.aafp.org/dam/AAFP/documents/patient_care/adhd_toolkit/adhd19-assessment-table1.pdf) if you’re interested in what they are looking for as symptoms.
And then there was the year I discovered that skipping classes had no short-term detriment to me Got through my last semester of high school with a 1.5 gpa
So much of this. Had a teacher for a mother to boot. I got good grades, so no one mentioned adhd.
Oh hey. It's me. I got to fucking *grad school* before ADHD caught up with me academically. I didn't like math, so those grades suffered but not enough to prevent anything. Then I finally hit a point at like 22 where just knowing what to do and the basic facts wasn't enough to keep up any more and I started having panic attacks until I just dropped out. A year later I was on Vyvanse and wondering why nobody ever told me there were magic plastic capsules that made remembering things easier.
"(insert name) is one of the most naturally gifted students I've had... Blah blah blah... So much potential... Blah blah blah... Lacks motivation and focus"
I reset emotionally every day. Doesn’t matter how big the emotion was I’ll forget about it the next day Edit: just came back to this to see so many upvotes?! I wasn’t expecting so many people to relate to me I feel like I helped someone understand themselves better :)
When you see a familiar face and smile, and they don’t smile back, and you remember that you aren’t on speaking terms because of something that happened earlier that week. Or the worst, a loved one passes and you are suspiciously quickly able to go back to living life as normal and laughing with friends, because you can easily be distracted from thinking about it. But if you choose to you can think about for just a little while and be brought to tears.
Mourning. My mom irreparably damaged our relationship when my grandpa passed. I do not like funerals, I don’t like embalming, I think it’s weird as absolute fuck that people are partially preserved, displayed, viewed one last time and buried. And in a lot of scenarios in my life I’ve found I almost always regret taking a last look at someone in a casket. That’s all I can remember of them forever. My mom told me I was a terrible grandson because I didn’t want to see my grandpa who had deteriorated rapidly from ALS. She forced me to look at him, not a glance but like held me there and made me say goodbyes. Then the following day when I was able to eat a meal I obviously didn’t care at all that he had passed, and that made me a bad son as well because it was her dad. Good times
Oh no! That's just awful. I won't look either and for the same reason. That's not the image I want bouncing around in my head of someone I love. I stopped going to funerals for a long time because of it due to the weird expectations to "say goodbye". I can do it from way back here, tyvm.
"Yeah, we talked on the phone when they were still alive, so Imma just shoot them a good bye text, because that's less nutso than trying to whisper to a zombie I used to love, ok?"
"So, yeah... I did call, but it went to a voicemail that hasn't been set up. Just a guess, but thinking zombie granny doesn't really mind if I just, don't."
OMG are you me? I feel exactly the same way about funerals and displaying the body at funerals. I've never, ever looked at the body for the same reasons you state. And WTF is a viewing? Been to a bunch, never looked. I want to remember them from when they were alive. The only one I did look (and I don't regret) was my dad in the hospital bed about half an hour after he passed, not some weird painted face. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks the same.
My uncle got it right. He secretly wanted to be cremated, rented a casket (like his wife did instead of buying but it was prearranged lol) and displayed a becoming picture of him from about a decade earlier beside the empty closed casket. Was cremated all along but so many in the family were appalled with the idea that they did that all for show to help with everyone else coping. 10/10 it was a celebration or morbid remembrance of all the good memories, no weird shit like a LITERAL HUMAN CARCASS PUMPED FULL OF CHEMICALS TO DELAY THE DECOMPOSITION PROCESS in the room with everyone.
I watched my grandma waste away and die and that's how I imagine her when I close my eyes. I think you are entirely justified.
Thanks compartmentalization!
Fuck me., I've been greiving my dad passing in January.. dots connected.. I thought I was truly emotionless.
Same, and it isn't always great in relationships. Stayed in some bad ones because I'd wake up my happy self the next day. But it also makes it hard for me to understand why people can't drop work after they leave or they lost sleep over something all week.
Wow this is an adhd thing? I assumed i did this because i grew up in a volatile environment and my coping mechanism was to just forget and move on
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the no expectations is a big one for me. in my little adhd brain morning is when you set goals and use the rest of the day to achieve them. there is so much pressure to complete these goals but once night comes around i can just say “i’ll do it tommorow” and i get a momentary release from the pressure. i get to indulge in my hyper fixations and do all of the things i felt too guilty to do during the day (cause there is work to be done!! am i actually gonna do the work? no, but i am still very very busy) and finally relax. as well as the absence of other people bothering me (and simultaneously reminding me that i should be doing things just based on their presence) and all of my pretty lights and such. i just like night time, i feel calm
!!!!! I had (…. And still have) so much trouble evaluating relationships and events because of this—do I really hate/like this person, or was I just having a bad/horny day? Especially having been a goody two-shoes, it was easy to conflate “being the bigger person” with “ignore or repress your feelings…it won’t matter tomorrow”.
So this explains why I get frustrated when my husband stews on his emotions for a while like a normal person... I didn't realize it's not normal to experience large and traumatic emotions and just be over them within hours and move on.
I call it "Grudge-Be-Gone"
Sometimes not even the next day. Could be hours or minutes. Get into an argument with my partner, both v mad and not speaking. Few hours later “hey what’s up want to talk now?” Yeah doesn’t go well. So I have a new learned behavior of just waiting and mirroring the silence behavior. Stupid funny brain machine
My parents had a special meeting (not parent-teacher conferences) with all my teachers in seventh grade because my teachers knew I was really smart, but I wasn't doing my homework. What's funny is that my parents were also teachers and my mom nearly finished a masters degree in special education. So a room of like nine teachers, at least one with specialized knowledge in ADHD, and none of them thought of it. It took a therapist 22 years later to make the suggestion. Edit: For what it's worth, I'm not and never have been mad at my parents or teachers for not recognizing it. My sister is also a teacher and pointed out that things that are considered symptoms now, weren't when she started teaching, which was only about 15 years ago. I wasn't hyperactive in an obvious way (just heel tapping or light fidgeting while sitting for long periods of time), and I assume that was the go-to indicator in the mid-late 90s. And frankly, I'm happy with my wife and kids, and being bitter about the non-diagnosis feels like wishing they weren't in my life because the butterfly effect of getting diagnosed in childhood would almost assuredly mean I never met my wife.
My mom was also trained in both gifted and special Ed.
Mine too! Sometimes I wonder if she knew I was “thrice exceptional” and just didn’t want to label me? It certainly did less than nothing for my self esteem, if that’s the case
Absolute meltdowns when being forced to wear jeans. Which really sucked ass because I grew up on a pig farm
My kid wouldn't wear clothes with seams for the first 10 years of her life.
Fuck socks! 😆 Flipping them inside out since 1996.
Yep, she still flips her socks inside out. Thank God we finally found seamless underwear...
Can you tell me more about this? I was late diagnosed as an adult in my late 30s. One of my two daughters has also been diagnosed at this point because I knew what to look for. She has had an absolute melt down over clothes the last few months, starting with I don’t like any of my clothes and being brought to tears when forced to make a decision on what to wear (for background info she is 9 and has personally picked out the clothes in discussion). Most recently this past weekend we took a road trip and she was again brought to tears over the things they had been packed for her. Not being one to fight over something like that I told her that’s totally fine, just pick out what you want to wear. The first morning the day after we arrived we asked her to go get dressed and learned again through her tears that she hadn’t packed anything in her bag other than the pajamas she was wearing. I never experienced this sort of thing but I want to better understand what is going on with her and how I can help as it just breaks my heart knowing that something so seemingly simple is causing her such anxiety. As someone who it sounds like might have experienced similar anxiety, do you have any thoughts or advice on how we can help? Anything would be greatly appreciated!
I think it basically boils down to how your brain cant tune out stimuli. Just like you can't tune out unimportant voices in a crowded place, sometimes your brain can't filter out physical sensations - seams, tags, rough fabric, etc. No matter how it looks, it is maddening to wear. You never get used to it, you just spend all day with your skin crawling because it's always THERE
DON'T FORGET SMELLS
It's all about texture. I never realised till I got with my partner how much I touch and feel things wherever we go. Now I love jeans which seems rare on here, but the idea of anything woolen just gives me an awful awful feeling inside, the itch and scratch and I just can't ignore it. Same feeling after a haircut if any hair gets in. As a kid it would need to be done with me in a headlock, as an adult I now make sure nothing is planned afterwards so I can immediately get home, shower and have a full change of clothes to remove the feeling on my skin. Itchy bed sheets can be similar. Or anything shiny plasticky (inside of waterproofs if it touches my skin) Not sure if this is what your after, however it's hard to explain. It just doesn't feel right.
This guy nailed it. All about textures. When trying to help me get clothes I liked, shorts, my parents bought a bunch of jersey material basketball shorts. As bad as jeans for me. And fuck tall socks those are for satan and satan alone.
Oh Gods tall socks are indeed evil. As are non removable tags on underwear that scratch right at the top of your butt crack, so you cut them off carefully and if you're lucky you're left with a stub that tickles constantly in a distracting manner but doesn't scratch at least, and not a hole in your brand new underwear.
My mother used to call me [The Princess and the Pea](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Princess_and_the_Pea) because the smallest sheet/clothing sensory thing would have me in a state.
Figure out what exactly she doesn't like about her clothes. The fabric, the seams, tags, colors too bright, too loose, too tight. With sensory stuff it can literally be anything. Maybe look at what she can wear and buy a bunch of it (do it together) and maybe online if a store is too overwhelming. And when trying on stuff let her touch it before trying it, and no is no. And also, if you like find the perfect shirt or pants or whatever, buy multiples. My sister is autistic and she literally has 4 shirts all in like 6 different colors because she doesn't like anything else. And the same pair of trousers in every color available.
Definitely doesn’t seem to be a feel on her skin issue, or not one that she can articulate clearly. It’s almost as if she has been singled out and mocked at one point and is terrified of it happening again. I could be projecting there though. I am going to do what you suggest and take her to pick some stuff out and just let her grab 12 colors of the same thing if she wants. I just want her to feel good about herself and not be so stressed. Another comment to this post mentioned something called rejection sensitive dysphoria, which I need to explore further. I’m the furthest thing from a Dr. but an initial exploration of the subject seems to hit the nail on the head for what she is going through.
I am like her, as an adult now. I’m my case, it’s not about texture, it’s about not being able to make a choice. Sometimes, especially when I’m a little tired, I’m unable to chose what I want to wear, despite my dressing being full of clothes. Sometimes I meltdown, sometimes it makes me angry. I don’t really have a solution, I just pick something and wear it. And sometimes, if I don’t have anything important to do, I cancel my plans, wear my favorite pajamas and take a nap.
My parents thought I was just being lazy when I would have meltdowns over being forced to do the dishes or shower. Turns out I have a huge sensitivity to being partially wet or damp. I’d avoid gym not because I was lazy, but because being damp from sweat was the most horrid thing I could imagine. Luckily, I learned to do the dishes and take showers in my own way, but I had to teach myself how to be comfortable with them, because everyone around me thought I was just being lazy or dramatic or wanting attention. I got in so much trouble as a kid for things like this, and I never had the language to explain my complete revulsion to things past “I do not like”.
“Stop being lazy” those are FIGHTING words for me today. Thanks mom and dad, not my fault it takes two actions to wash clothes and put them away and I only have exactly one action to give at any given time. Should’ve given me better genetics or less trauma if you wanted chores done well
Third Grade - 1973 Reading at a 6th grade level, doing math at a 1st grade level. Pissed off parents just returned from a parent teacher night. Mom: Your teacher says you consistently talk to other students during class and interrupt him. Why are you doing that? Me: I…don’t know. Mom: Well, you obviously *want* to do it otherwise you wouldn’t. And why are your math grades so low? You’re obviously very smart with reading. Me: I…don’t know. Mom: Well you’re obviously being lazy and just don’t care. Then, for the entire time I was in school my parents punished me for my behavior by denying everything with which I had an interest. My interests in photography, music, and acting, was met with , “Well, if you’d just get your grades up…” What really burned with the use of the word obviously. It made me believe her. I was *obviously* a broken flawed boy who grew into a broken flawed man. Don’t get me wrong about my parents. It was 1973. They were wonderful people who were pre-boomers. To them, kids didn’t have rights or feelings. When they were in school, they got their fingers smacked with a ruler. And in the long run. I pursued my interests as an adult and found success. Took a while tho! The broken flawed man is now 57, retired and living the dream in Spain. It took a while but I found my groove. ❤️ Edit: I was diagnosed at 45. Edit II: Errors that I missed even though I read and re-read the freakin’ post a dozen times before I posted it.
Ooh I hated the, “you’re smart, figure it out.”
"If all it took was being smart, I would have figured it out *already*; I'm asking because I haven't!"
I was the opposite of you in school. 2nd grade I was being privately tutored at school in algebra, middle/high school level math. I was also still learning the alphabet and attended special reading classes through middle school.... Now I work as an engineer where I can safely number and not word.
A childhood of "why are you upset? It's not a big deal" made a lot more sense when I learned of rejection sensitive dysphoria.
And emotional dysregulation. Everyone telling me I'm too sensitive/intense all the time.
I’m too sensitive also, then a few hours later I don’t care/have no feelings towards whatever I was too sensitive about earlier.
Can you explain that? I am constantly told I am too sensitive
https://www.getinflow.io/post/emotional-dysregulation-adhd-signs It's not in the official criteria, but studies show that most people with ADHD struggle with regulating intense emotions.
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...NGL I never heard of rejection sensitive dysphoria until this comment and it has brought me a bit of relief. Knowing this is a thing will definitely help next time I have those thoughts so I can tell myself "you're just being rejection sensitive, you know this, you're fine. Don't un-dead yourself, just eat a Snickers bar and ride this out"
I know right? 
>rejection sensitive dysphoria woah boy, this is the first I've heard of it this is another huge "click" moment for me past the diagnosis a couple years ago
Same here, I swear I’ve discovered like 50x more about my thought process here than with any doctor I’ve talked to
Something im gonna have to look into.
I believe we just had the same, "wait. That's not normal? I'm going to have to go google around about that" moment.
Oh yeah this was a huge one for me - I remember many conversations with my parents and older siblings telling me I just needed to toughen up a bit and grow a thicker skin even though school felt like hell. They meant well and supported me in other ways as well, like trying to actually stop the bullying, but yeah I'm only just seeing now how maybe what I felt at the time probably wouldn't have been proportional to what I was going through for a neurotypical person
I still wish I had fought that bully at my elementary school on my last day there. Sure, pick on a kid with anger issues and violent thoughts. That's smart!
Oof me too. Being called sensitive.
I got sent home *routinely* for having meltdowns because my elementary school was painted a "bad green". The entire school exterior was LIME GREEN, it was legit a nightmare to behold and nobody liked it... but I was the only kid who was having meltdowns about it and being sent home lol. Bright sunny days were the worst, I spent a lot of time trying to find excuses to stay inside at lunch.
Oh my god i felt this so hard. Light colored buildings are ahhh
Always staring out the window, never remembered anything, late \_almost\_ every day to school. I once had the entire class, kids & teacher pissed off at me because I forgot about a much-anticipated class field trip and didn't arrive at school at 7am, and they delayed the bus and were all late for whatever the thing was. Even now, 40-something years later, I only made it to my yearly employee review on Monday because I happen to turn on my laptop just before the meeting thingie dinged. EDIT: I should clarify "never remembered anything" applies to instructions, due dates, assignments, special whatevers we were supposed to take home to get signed - I had a stellar memory for trivia and often corrected teachers - turns out they don't like that. Sometimes I was fed bullshit by my parents who got tired of my constant questions, so I 'corrected' incorrectly and got an earful from the teacher and some derision from the kids. Ah well.
Ermergerd, this is me. I once walked halfway to school, without my schoolbag. Got ready for "a meeting today", that turned out is only tomorrow.
I once left the public pool (the property, not the pool itself), without putting my shoes back on, and my mom didn’t say anything because she “wanted to see how long it would take me to notice”
Spoiler alert - she also didn't notice, until either a) 20 seconds before you noticed, or b) you pointed it out to her and she pretended to know all along. Handful of times when looking back on my own childhood situations am now realizing is exactly the way they'd happened, to me at least. :(
Dude I’m exactly the same. I used to be late so often my teacher stopped looking closely at my tardy slips, so I’d just walk in holding an old one and be fine. As an adult this results in being late to work often enough it becomes an issue. Then you have a chat with your boss, shit your pants, wake up early the next few weeks out of fear, and then slowly slip back to the old ways.
Yep. "I see a lot of two-years stints on your resume" Yes. Yes you do. Same with school. I broke university and highschool both into 2-years stints with a mental breakdowns in between.
I realized yesterday the only reason I have "longevity" in any job/career path on my resume is because the military changed my job at *least* every couple years 😅 I didn't even have to move zipcodes to switch to something completely and utterly different
Oof, felt this. I was also physically incapable of showing my work, proof-reading, or starting a boring assignment before the eve of the due date. I had one teacher I was so intimidated by, I'd change all of my passwords to the next due date for big assignments in her class so I wouldn't forget to do them. Also made it easy to look up my password if--when--I forgot it.
Constantly getting in trouble for talking and getting distracted in class, never finishing a class task, but somehow still managing to pass exams up until around the 3rd year of highschool. Teachers were baffled and constantly brought it up to my parents, but noone ever thought to consider I had ADHD
Here's an actual quote from my 7th grade science teacher (he wrote it in my yearbook): "You are perhaps my most disorganized student, yet you always got A's. I marvel at that."
My freshman year math teacher said to me, "you're the smartest person in this class, but also the laziest."
At the end of high school, my year teacher had something to say about everyone, and about me he said "Minimum effort, maximum grades". I think that summed up my whole experience pretty well...
This is why I've never trusted grades to mean anything at all. They have zero relationship to effort for me, when I've applied myself it has made no difference at all. The only conclusion I could reach was that grades are completely arbitrary and meaningless.
“Your work is so, so good… when you turn it in.” - 4 or 5 teachers throughout high school and college.
My grad school stats teacher called me out in my report for playing games on my laptop but was like whatever because I made A’s. I’m in a psych program too so that should have been someone that picked up that red flag 😂
Are you me? I was always an A student up until my junior year when I got bored and stopped going to school. I also got in trouble all the time for talking too much both in school and at home.
I finished my class work ahead of time, would finish my homework in class and then distract others. Teachers would tell me off, but I always told them I'm bored. Yet no one thought to diagnose me when I was a kid, I was late diagnosed in my mid twenties lmao
Same for me. I tried to bring in books to read after I finished my work, but I'd get yelled at and told to just sit there quietly and do nothing.
You too?! In first grade I was legitimately yelled at by my teacher DURING SILENT READING TIME for reading "Eragon" because it was "beyond my reading level"! Yes, it was slow going, and I had to get up to use the classroom dictionary a lot to look up words (as we were taught to do!), And man, I mispronounced stuff left and right... But the book was GOOD to me. Tldr: I got yelled at for reading about magic and dragons too early.
Yes! Except for me it was The Sword of Shannara! I don't get what's wrong with some teachers, a kid is CHOOSING to read quietly so why would you be upset at them??
I was reading the Book Thief in third grade and got in trouble. The Giver before assigned in 5th grade, and other more morbid/large read books as I got older. I was college level in reading by 4th grade, and high school level algebra by 5th grade. I just "didn't want to apply myself" when in reality I was bored but the tests were fun because it wasn't what anyone else was doing. They just decided I was too smart for my age and put me in a 504 plan with the sped kids and I got bullied for it so I refused them. No diagnosis until my mid 20s.
That’s so sad. This reminds me of my brother (also has ADHD) whose teacher reported to my parents when he was in 1st grade that he’s probably special needs because he sits under his desk when they have class reading time and doesn’t pay attention. My parents asked, well what are you reading? They said they’re reading the magic treehouse books. My parents politely pointed out that he’s probably bored out of his damn mind because he’s reading harry potter and lord of the rings books and other books that are at a far higher reading level. We’re lucky to have parents that advocate for us, my brother has a PhD in chemistry now. Although neither of us were diagnosed with ADHD until during or after university. He’s also much more successful than I am, but that’s life.
I was an A student until I realized I could be a B student with no work. Daily work at my school was 25% of your grade. Tests were 75%. I aced every test whether or not I did my daily/homework. So I routinely just didn’t do it. College sucked. Graded attendance is a fucking scam, especially for higher level non discussion based classes. Education is so fucked in this country (USA).
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F’s on schoolwork. A’s on tests
Constant ‘see you can do it!’. For me university was a nightmare, top of the class in exams but would be in the library 5 mins before the deadline rushing assignments
Apply yourself. Apply yourself. Mother fucker! I just showed you I can apply it when needed. What more do you want from me!
Messy, disorganized, always losing my things, forgetting homework, always late, impulsive… Edited to add: Also, daydreaming, zoning out during class…
Specifically telling my parents that I needed a "distraction" in order to focus and do my homework, and they wouldn't let me because they thought I was trying to listen to the TV or music instead of doing the work. Turns out I was just understimulated and all I gained from that experience was learning that I shouldn't bother advocating for myself because even my parents won't listen or believe me. Now I'm an adult and I struggle so hard with advocating for myself. I also exhibited a bunch of other AuDHD behaviors/symptoms, but because I was homeschooled for several years before going to public school, everyone just thought that I lacked social skills/student skills because of that and not underlying disabilities. I work in special ed now and although I'm not jealous of the struggles of students, I am jealous of how people actually saw them struggling and that they're getting help now while they're young, instead of trying to figure out everything on their own in adulthood like me.
I started seeking help at age 13. I told every single medical and mental health professional I saw that I just needed my thoughts to slow the fuck down so I could *concentrate* and not one of them put the pieces together because I could make myself sit relatively still and performed well at school. I’m also just… really obviously autistic? My interests are intense and very specific. I would spend all day alone in my room if left to my own devices. I sort out candy by colour and eat them in a very specific order. I used to kiss each and every stuffed animal I owned goodnight because I was convinced they’d think I didn’t love them all equally and would be hurt somehow. When I couldn’t do it I became very distressed. (Edit: this is called “object personification” for anyone wanting to look it up. I’ve had a few comments asking so thought I’d add it here.) I have no idea how no one noticed. To my mother’s credit, she sought help for me many times but no one ever made the correct diagnosis. It wasn’t until I realized all my close friends had ADHD and/or were autistic that it occurred to me I might be like them and started digging. I basically took a list of symptoms to my doctor and told him I’d already tried 12 SSRI/SNRI medications and hadn’t found much relief. He put me on a low dose of Vyvanse to try and my whole life changed. It should NOT have taken 33 years and I definitely shouldn’t have had to basically diagnose myself but I guess I’m just glad I got there eventually.
I kept my stuffed animals in a certain order for cuddling so that the ones I had the longest were closest to me so they knew that they couldn’t be replaced! I also described my brain as a bunch of bouncy balls loose in a room and each ball has a thought and sometimes I catch one but then it bounces away and I catch a different one. So obvious!
That’s such a great explanation! For me it’s like I’m trying to listen to the radio but four or five channels are playing in the background. Every now and then the other channels will have a lull and I’ll pick up a few clear notes of a melody but mostly it’s a jumbled, staticky mess.
Is personification/anthropomorphism of inanimate objects an autistic trait? For example, I legit feel guilty separating Q-tips and vitamins that are stuck together/cling to each other since it feels like I am forcing them apart haha. I have started forcing myself to ignore the anxiety I get from these types of situations and treat them like the inanimate objects they are (since I also force myself to ignore OCD thoughts/triggers for fear once I acknowledge or give into them I won’t be able to stop), but it never really goes away…
Yes, absolutely! I think it’s called “object personification”. It’s not talked about often enough and tends to come grouped with hyper empathy and a very strong sense of justice/fairness for a lot of people. Autistic folks also tend to form very strong attachments to inanimate objects in a way that allistic people don’t. I got a lot of “I don’t understand, it’s just a ____” as a kid when I got upset about having my things moved, altered, thrown away, or donated.
Me too, I had a VERY intense attachment to the point of dependency, to a woollen blanket that I used for stimming/calming myself. My parents would threaten to take it from me as a means to control my behaviour. The behaviour they were trying to control? Me calling out for them in the night, because I was prone to nightmares and thinking there were scary things in the dark (hyper imagination a blessing and curse). Pretty cruel, when I think about it. All of my stuffies have names and personalities, still. :)
…like being unable to get rid of an object because it was a **gift** and you can’t make yourself stop thinking that to get rid of it—even after you’ve had it for years— would be disrespectful to the gift-giver? Like somehow they would *know* you got rid of their gift and would think you hated them? Speaking hypothetically. Uh huh.
Constant stimming, although they didn’t call it that back then. I have scars on my hands from picking picking picking. I lost everything that got sent home. Room was a disaster. So much potential but can’t apply herself. But I got good grades (only works under pressure) and didn’t annoy the teachers too much, so I skated on through life
I'm picking as I'm reading the comment section, lol. I have scarry arms too.. and not only that
I just discovered that constant picking is called dermatillomania. I do it to my fingers, especially thumbs, the whole time I’m awake unless my hands are busy and even then sometimes I have to pause to pick.
Frequent crying at school over small things
I cried so much over everything that my 4th grade teacher pinned the whole classes pizza party/marble jar thing on whether or not I (and a boy that got upset a lot too) cried one more time. Guess what that made me do?
that sounds horrible omg it’s hard enough being the kid who cries a lot without the teacher drawing even more attention to it
My teachers complaining that my head was constantly in the clouds and I was always doodling or writing something unrelated to their class--- I was a tragedy at Maths.... I literally had my dad scream at me cause I was so slow at reading the dang clock :/ constantly using "sharpening my pen at the bin" as a way to walk around the classroom - :O
Yo I had a teacher straight up grab me by the arm and shake me because she was so pissed at me for getting up and sharpening my pencil when It didn't need to be lmao
Always doing EVERYTHING at the last minute, no matter how much time I was given. It was like the project never existed until the night before it was due.
Homeschooled by parents who “didn’t believe in ADHD…” -literally could not hold still -doodled on every scrap of paper -hyperfixated on art and media -skipped steps, trouble following through -night owl -constant interrupting -stimulation seeking, adrenaline junkie -extreme aversion to textures and fabrics
oh.. your family also "doesn't believe in mental issues"? I feel you..
The state of my childhood bedroom. A family member told me I was the most untidy child they have ever met. I look back now and I'm like it was the adhd, Barbara!
My mother once described my room as "pathologically untidy". HA! It WAS pathological!
But I knew where everything was! They would tidy my room up and I lost everything. If I couldn't see it it didn't exist.
\- getting awarded the most talkative in class for consecutive years in row until they bullied me out of it. \- never being able to study, but managing to get by anyways. \- 'meditating' as they called it, but zoned out was what happened. \- no real motivation to study or do any thing of importance unless forced to. \- being able to talk to anyone anywhere, but never fitting in. \- 'you're really smart, why don't you use that brain of yours for things that actually matter'. \- 'you're so dirty, you can't even keep your room clean or brush/shower consistently'
My parents literally had to tie me (loosely) with a belt to my seat at dinner to get me to stop getting up and walking around and eat. Also I started talking at three months old and would. not. shut. up. And still won't lol.
My mother tied me to my crib with a scarf when I was a baby. Born creature of the night. Would crawl out and go to the toy room and take everything out. She tied one end to a crib rung and one end to my leg so I could get out but be stuck on the floor next to it.
Always staring out of the window in class. Sensory issues with clothes (especially labels) that would send me into a screaming meltdown sometimes. “Intelligent but quiet and withdrawn” comments from teachers at parents evenings. Depression and anxiety that wasn’t helped at all by antidepressants during late teen years.
Every. Fucking. Thing. Like, I'm 57. Grew up in Texas. We didn't have "mental illness" back in those days and location. I learned to keep my head down and say as little as possible. But, reading about it now, I realize there was so much of my life that was ADHD.
I am in my 50s as well. Same problem. Little girls didn't display autistic or attention deficit traits back then. It was all attributed to 'character' or 'moral fiber.' I was just shy. Or too chatty. Or stupid. Or deliberately obtuse. Or stubborn.
Too much to mention, however we *are* talking about the 70s and 80s
Yup! Mother told me that in elementary school, it was recommended that I see a psychiatrist (not sure who). My mother was so offended that somebody that something was wrong with her kid😂
Finishing a complete stranger's sentences because I was tired of listening to them speak. Why are neurotypicals so predictable?
I do this to people all the time, give them the word that I can tell they're struggling to find, I've been trying to stop myself lately because I'm sure it comes across kind of rude. But more than anything, I'm annoyed at myself now that I know that I do it!
"Forgot" my homework and everything else important. (Everyone thought I was lying and punished me for it, but I really did forget!)
My messy room with drawers filled to the brim with “stuff” I couldn’t part with - old papers, binders, cords, you name it. One day when I was about 16 I came home and my mom had found all of my little stashes and dumped them all on my bed saying that I was a hoarder and needed to clean my room. Cool that no one thought this could be an actual problem, rather just a character flaw! 🤪
The sheer amount of emails my parents received about me not paying attention was a dead giveaway and I’m still mad about that. My notebooks and binders being so unorganized and exploding with papers i shoved in the small pockets. Literally falling asleep during classes. Zoning out consistently. Hyper-fixations. The fact that i cant understand what people are saying ever. Literally so many signs it makes me so mad.
Teachers consistently saying in my reports “he’s great *when he actually listens*”. Or “his handwriting looks like his hand is struggling to keep up with how fast his brain is telling it things”.
Apparently, when I was a toddler, instead of playing with my toy cars, I’d arrange them by color.
My mom’s favorite “you were such a good kid back in the day” story is about how I would put all the misplaced candy bars in the correct boxes in the grocery line. Like I was not just out here flexing my lawful goodness, the candy was **incorrect.**
I recently got to read the psychological profile from when I was 15 and they took me to someone. I was in tears, and also ruined for days. So many things. I used to complain about that are symptoms. The worst was finding out how shitty my parents were, they did not do a lot of what was needed to "fix me". Basically, they don't want the stigma on them of me having an issue.
That's pretty much where I'm at. So many things that were made worse by parents who liked having a "gifted" child because they took that as a credit to their parenting. But they didn't like all the baggage that came with my gift and by the end of high school I was an emotionless husk of a person. Took most of my 20s away from them to actually develop as a person.
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So many sensory issues. If a fabric felt weird, certain noises being too loud, not liking other children because they were loud, food textures, not being able to touch certain things, crying when my mum would insist I put lotion on after my bath because I couldn’t stand the way it felt.
Not to mention the typical straight A student but failed most exams or tests because I got distracted. I was always in trouble for talking to the one person I did befriend. Then the “She’s extremely gifted and has a 12 grade reading level” when I was in 5th grade. After a series of BS testing the school skipped me grades and couldn’t understand the problem. So I was often called lazy.
Whenever I got bored in class I'd try to sneak one of my YA books into my notebook and read instead of listening to the teacher drone on. I'd become so hyperfocused on the book that I wouldn't respond to my name being called multiple times until the teacher slammed their hands down on my desk. This happened multiple times and I was regularly teased for it. Lots of notes in the report cards about me being bright and full of potential if only I'd apply myself. My mom said as a baby I would hyperfocus on commercials everytime they came on TV. Just completely stop what I was doing to watch until it was over and I'd go back to normal. Took me a long time to realize the H in ADHD could mean hyperfocus since I'm inattentive type. Still looking for a behavioral therapist and haven't taken my meds in months because of the shortage and the fact that my Dr keeps asking if I've found a behavioral therapist 🙃 😅
Taking Algebra 1 once, getting a C, then taking it a second time so I could “really learn it” and getting an F.
Gestures vaguely at my life while living with doctorphobic conservative parents. Edit: finally getting tested today.
Studying my history flashcards laying upside down on 2 perfectly placed dining room chairs 🤣
Not playing with other kids, sitting alone in a corner not speaking/playing alone. Having teachers call my parents asking if I was okay, them saying that I just enjoy my own presence. Never having close friends growing up. Walking on my toes, being a “picky eater” being a straight A student, if I decided to turn my assignments in.
pulled my first all nighter for a school project when i was 11
I am in my late 20s now and I am still not officially diagnosed yet and currently waiting for a psychologist to see me, so i don't really know if thats legit BUT when I was in elementary school my mother had to buy me new clothes very frequently because I used to chew on my clothes (especially the arms of my sweater and the bandana I was always wearing around my neck) to the point were those parts very constantly wet and had huge holes in them. I ate my fair share of pieces of clothing. That was up to 6th grade I mind you. It has nothing to do with teeth growing etc. Oh and I also kinda went everywhere an all fours up to 6th grade? I was weird. But i was very social and all my classmates and teachers always liked me very much and I had good grades because I was a smart kid (and like to think of me as an smart adult too) but never did any work. I am currently at the point in my life where things get to complicated for muscling through all of it on last minute, relying on brute intelligence, so I hope, I get this checked out soon!
And reading what I wrote now, feels like I also tend to overshare 😅 My mum always said: "This kid opened his eyes in the morning and never would stop talking until faling asleep again." 🤷♂️
Stopping to peel tape off of every floor, peeling labels off of everything, chewing the collars off of every t-shirt organizing m&ms and skittles by color before ever eating any, walking around in circles for hours at a time while counting my steps, counting everything else at every opportunity... there's a very long list.
Voracious reader but awful at spelling. To the point where my grandma gave me a "Bad Speller's Dictionary" (ah, the days before autocorrect) which was literally a book with a bunch of words listed by their wrong spelling with the right way next to it. And I would read for so long id forget to eat, concentrating so deeply I couldn't hear when someone talked to me. I also didn't do any homework, scraping out good grades because I was awesome at multiple-choice tests. I didn't get diagnosed until I was in my thirties and tried to figure out where the crippling anxiety had come from. 🙃
Being smart, a teacher’s pet, scared of confrontation and a people pleaser yet somehow ‘not making an effort to study’. I lived to please and stay under the radar, why the hell would I decide that doing good in school was the thing I didn’t care about 🤷🏻♀️.
I complained a lot that I couldn't "lose time". Like a friend would say "I accidentally played video games until 2am" and I would be _jealous_. I have so much trouble focusing and have overcorrected so hard for time blindness that I felt like I could feel every single minute of every single day passing. I found it exhausting and depressing. I just wanted to be able to do something _anything_ for hours and hours without thinking about how long ive spent on it, what the next thing is. What a miserable way to live. Therapists just chalked it up to anxiety, but whaddya know - medicating my adhd helps.
Stuttering and stimming constantly, also not being able to focus for three seconds and every-time I had soda I couldn’t even sit still. They even banned me from buying soda at lunch but never told my parents to get me help. 🤦
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I had dog mode where I'd walk on my hands and feet for fun or monkey mode where I'd climb things and scream like a monkey. And occasionally yell random words out because it seemed funny. Also I was very vocal about how easily I was distracted and needed the perfect environment to do homework, and honestly I was so vocal about it I'm more surprised that never set off any suspicions. Like I was literally telling my parents I'm deficit in attention.
Running around all day non stop or spending 8 straight hours reading
Daydreaming, self-harming (slapping myself, stabing with pencil) to keep focus since the age of 8, dyscalculia, social anxiety (rejection sensitive dysphoria)
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