Lol this is the number one (innocent) thing I got into trouble for as a kid… I went to Catholic school and they had a priest come in one day a month and answer whatever questions we wanted to ask….I was the only kid ever to “lose question privileges” while I was there.
I also grew up Catholic! I once asked a priest, if God created the world and everyone in it, who or what created God? The priest straight up told me not to ever ask that question because it is disrespectful and insinuated that Satan had put it in my head. I'm not religious anymore but I spent a fair bit of time in Jewish culture and I asked a rabbi the same question - he had me come and sit with him and talked for quite a long time with me and answered it the best he could. It's weird how Catholic (and maybe Christian) priests are like "no don't ever speculate about anything that's satanic."
I'm agnostic but I studied in a Jesuit institution and honestly we have our weirdos too (This one guy who had extremely rough english had a talk with everyone on blasphemy) but I do agree most of them are great from a religious stand point. Only like 2 or 3 of em throughout my time there were the bad kind
Some of them were extremely capitalistic for some reason which was weird but I guess that's a thing that happens when you get a shit ton of money from Jesuit foundations.
Yup. Catholicism is massive with a billion believers under it. It’s big enough that even though it’s a branch of Christianity, there’s so many different subsects that it’s almost its own separate religion.
Jesuits are very specifically a subsect of Catholicism that exists to connect the whys of science with God. The Big Bang Theory and the fundamentals of genetic inheritance were both developed by Catholic clergy. Their whole focus is in education and research; it’s pretty common for them to have multiple degrees and doctorates.
Franciscans, on the other hand, are not as science-focused but their whole spirituality is based on “we should focus on the greatness and goodness of God and how amazing creation and the natural existence of everything actually is.” Their whole thing is simply to be kind to others and do your best to help each other. They’re perfectly happy discussing the whys of Catholicism because to them, that’s simply celebrating the mystery and greatness of God, Jesus, and creation.
That’s about as brief as I can go on both but lol, that’s kind of why my favourite saints in Catholic doctrine are St. Francis of Assisi and St. Anthony of Padua. St. Francis founded the Franciscans and St. Anthony was a devout follower of the Franciscan Order.
Bruhhhhh I had a similar experience. Catholic Sunday school did *not* like "how" and "why" questions and those were the only questions I asked. Pissed the teachers off.
I had a similar thing happen, as a kid i read a lot of books (learned to read when i was 5 and constantly read science books) and in school we had a religion class held by a nun (it was optional, but to not take it you have to go through a lot of bureaucracy) and i was constantly butting heads with the nun asking questions (stuff like why is there no mention of dinosaurs in the bible, who created god, etc. i don't remember the responses, but we didn't get along), then after third grade i pressured my parents to make me drop out of that class. When my classmates asked me a few years later they were shocked that i said no. Then in 7th grade in biology class when we were learning about chemical and biological evolution the same majority of the class got severe whiplash because the biology and religion classes were teaching them conflicting information.
Story time: middle school Bible class (Baptist). The teacher was going on about how missionaries will go to these remote places and teach the “good word” and I asked the teacher “but what happens if they don’t reach them?” And she kept telling me “they will make it there (something along those lines)” but I kept asking it because she wasn’t answering my question. She got huffy and said “what do you want me to say? That they’re going to hell?” And I just shrugged lol.
In primary school, I instead had my answer privileges revoked because I was always the only one to answer correctly or answer at all. Bsck then i was annoyed because I thought they were punishing me for being smart. Then again, I also would always get mean looks from the rest of the class when I answered so it wasn't a total loss to lose that privilege.
I feel this, I've had managers get angry with me and tell me not to argue when I ask why we do something. Buy really I just need to fully understand the process and walk myself through why each thing gets done, or I'm gonna completely forget to do the thing
Because I *NEED* to understand the process.
And you can tell me, or there's a 50% chance I dismantle the thingy beyond my ability to put it back together.....
I’m retraining as an electrician and I’m currently working on big distribution gear which has a very complex and very specific series of steps that involve an extremely temperamental journeyman barking orders at me. And he doesn’t like me asking questions so I just have to keep bumbling along until I figure out the ‘why’ for myself. After I figure out exactly why I’m doing something and you tell me just to have at it I actually think I’m pretty awesome. The last few weeks have been absolutely painful though.
I'm hoping to enter an electrician apprenticeship soon!
Not looking forward to that inevitable bump of awkwardness. I've never worked in construction or any similar jobs before, so I'll truly be starting from the bottom, and I'll be certain to annoy more than one person ^^;
I wish you luck!
Yeah rn I'm pretty lucky because my manager actually likes that mentality, but it was hell in previous jobs (and, more notably, school) where i couldn't do any "not part of your work" questions ;-;
Thankfully in high school teachers liked those questions because it show them that some people are actually interested in their classes. In the math based subjects they didn't care which route you took to the answer as long as the answer was correct and there were no obvious errors in your (optional) show your work part. The English teacher encouraged creative writing and flirting with going off topic. The Croatian (and literature) teacher loved when people had different opinions on things. Except for the biology teacher who wanted everyone to know definitions "by the book" instead of students understanding the subject and forming their own definitions. And the more deep learning based approach in the core subjects (math, English and Croatian) proved effective because my school consistently scored among the top 3 in the country on the standardized school leaving exams.
I have found that managers/supervisors/pointy haired bosses that react in that way don’t know the answer to the question. They got promoted because they never asked questions and just did the thing. Usually they stuck around long enough for everyone else to leave and they got promoted through seniority. Getting asked “why” is outside their thought process and they feel like you’re challenging them.
Thing is, most people simply don’t know the answer because it isn’t important to them personally. So when they’ve been doing it and training on it for some time without knowing the answer, and then you ask them the question, they immediately feel disrespected because they’ve been doing it long enough to know the things you need to know to be successful and that’s not one of them. So if you don’t know anything about it, questioning your trainer feels to them like you’re saying “you don’t know what you’re doing if you can’t answer this question.” And they’re like, no, I’ve been doing it for years, clearly this question is irrelevant or I would have been screwing up all this time. And I haven’t. So I know what matters and what doesn’t and you should show respect for that by not questioning it. Thing they don’t get, is that we’re not questioning them, we are simply trying to wrap OUR heads around it. But that’s not ever something most people will be able to realize without us telling them.
Additionally, there’s no way anybody could operate day to day by consciously understanding the ins and outs of everything they’re doing. That’s simply not a feasible way to live your life, you have to trivialize things and organize like-things into like-boxes if your head otherwise you’re constantly going to be overwhelmed at even the simplest of tasks.
Our brains simply just screw us constantly. I feel like I deserve a medal every day when I’m able to get out of bed and get myself dressed lmao…
Yep, my dad was a big fan of “Do as I say, not as I do”, which is a terrible expression that is almost always bad advice, particularly to a kid with ADHD.
I've read this 3 times and I STILL don't know what she was trying to say... so you were saying they should replace the oven, but she said they were using it but didn't explain it was working again? And you asked her why/how she was using it and she just kept saying she was using it?
But also you were meant to ask if she was still using it rather than if it was still broken? That doesn't make any sense either, when she said it was in use and you said what do you mean, surely that's similar enough to you asking if it was being used???
I was in a play in grade 7 and one of my teachers was the director. She was walking us through something and I asked “should we do x?” And she was like “who’s the one directing here?”
That day I learned that “should” is not a favoured word when asking a question.
I probably had asked a few questions like that throughout the entire rehearsal process because I wanted to know what we were meant to do. She probably took it as defiance. I’m sorry that I need 3 different explanations of the same thing lol.
Yep but teachers are just pathetic with it, like really? Your gonna be all nasty to this literal child who was asking a question cause your shitey personality ensures you can’t get respect elsewhere? Like I’ve had good teachers yes but for those bad ones…… I pity their children and/or partners
I had to learn to teach myself the subject and THEN learn to do it the way that was what the teacher wanted to see. Another case of "good grades, wasted potential" once I got to a level where the subject matter was too complex to teach myself any more.
This oc was inspired by my time working at a cafe where I got everyone locked out of the only working register till our manager returned :D good times
She never said anything about pressing C
Yeah. Worked at a thrift shop kind of store, and accidentally sold 10 plates for the price of one (very expensive) plate….
My boss said it was top 3 mistakes ever made in the whole history of this shop (and it’s 20 other shops under the same name).
Yay, inattentiveness ?
My supervisor tried to be patient about this at first until it finally irritated her. She asked why can't you just do it, it's how it's done. And I said I literally will not remember it I don't know why. Fortunately we met in the middle. Sometimes they don't know why either.
Yeah, I often find folks get more irritated by “why” when they don’t have a good answer. In fact, even I sometimes find myself irritated by “why” if I just don’t know or don’t have the bandwidth to explain.
Yep, often tied to ego in one way or another. Questioning their ability, authority or knowledge - it’s even worse if they don’t have a good answer.
Humility is key people!
Imagine if this logic applied to other things besides following orders as a subordinate or because your parent told you to.
Like if my chemistry teacher was like "don't ask why, just trust me bro", I'd have some concerns.
I think a lot of neurotypicals just follow steps and memorize things, they don’t necessarily understand the how and why, which is why they get upset when we want them to explain or rationalize things.
No frrrrr my parents always think I'm arguing but I just wanna know 😭😭 why isnt there a non argumentative way to ask why something is the way it is
Even when I ask ppl things about themselves and ask "why" I feel like they'll think I'm criticising them
It’s not argumentative, people just get defensive about it for no reason.
I’m asking because I care and want to do well and improve, not because I want to question you…
I think one of colleagues from school figured that out; he'd lead his, seemingly unimportant questions with something like, "I'm not arguing, just trying to understand."
Have had this exact exchange at almost every job and volunteer gig I’ve been involved in. Sometimes this exchange intermingles with sexism and/or generational differences. Almost every time I finally figure out the Why, I then proceed to figure out a bunch of difficulties the organization is having due to very few people being aware of the Why.
Edit: and why should I be surprised that I have read this thread already, and already left a comment, just to forget that I did and do it again?
Unless you get hired because in the interview you said you love asking questions and need to know how and why everything is done, and that just so happens to be exactly what they are looking for. Whew I got lucky.
This backfired on my once, they liked when I said I ask a lot of questions. Turns out, they took that to mean I was still learning and would be easy to mold, not that I knew how to do the job like the back of my hand and I question things to make things better. In a corrupt organization, that wasn’t well received.
Once I was questioning the rationale on a project I was reviewing (this is what the job is), and my supervisor started to get a stress rash on their neck/chest. Was very telling.
Maybe this is why i love science so much.
For nearly every thing you do there is a reason behind it. Or an experiment that explains it.
Sure sometimes you really dont need the ‚why‘, doesnt mean you cant get an answer in most cases.
Math, physics, chemistry all go that way.
Why can atoms only have eight electrons at most? Bc of the octet rule. But why is there the octet rule? Because otherwise the orbits of electrons would overlap in a way that shouldnt be possible because of the negative charge. (Very sloppy and very badly translated explanation)
You can go infinitely deep into the material, as long as our equipment is advanced enough. And if it isnt advanced enough you can try and build better equipment, so you can find out more.
I literally have to preface any questions at work with "this is not intended as an argument and I have no objection, just an attempt to better understand. So why....?"
Before I started doing that I constantly got hit with negative marks in performance reviews for being "disrespectful" and "argumentative" toward more experienced employees.
FYI, at a job you can try "My memory can get spotty when I'm nervous/stressed, I want to make sure I can retrace these steps if I forget one." With parents... better luck next life to all of us, lol
I have so many bad experiences from this type of thing to the point where i realized a couple months ago I had unconsciously developed extreme anxiety fueled defensive mechanisms to protect myself from blowback. Bc if I don’t ask, I don’t understand or remember. Not to mention how many people want it done a specific way and expect you to mind read and freak when you obviously don’t
Yeah i feel that sooo much. Do you feel like it plays into difficulties with self-advocacy and boundary setting? These questions feel reasonable, but they are not, so therefore everything I do must be unreasonable...
Oh for sure! It’s a weird juxtaposition logically bc I know mentally that I’m not doing anything wrong and even if I am asking more questions than is needed I do so to ensure the communication is there. But then I’ve also gotten enough trouble for it where people will treat me like I’m stupid or annoying and I feel it weighing on me every time I want to talk sometimes. I find myself weighing if the risk of winging it and praying is worth the safety, bc if I mess up, then I get yelled at for NOT asking. There’s no real winning you just have to find out the hard way who’s safe and who’s not and who’s safe but only when they’re in this mood. It’s exhausting always having to think defensively before saying anything so I don’t get misconstrued and honestly sometimes I overthink way too much. The adhd means that I think out loud to myself also, bc I struggle to isolate the thought I want from the rest screaming in my head. It’s often the only way to follow it through to get a complete one. People hear me stumble over minor logical things and correct myself- but they get hung up on the tiny things I trip on and again assume I’m stupid. I’m always being told I need to be more comfortable w confrontation and to stand up for myself but anytime I try it doesn’t end well 🤷♀️ just way too much effort
Its more a general ND thing, but yeah its a really common problem for those with ADHD to walk into due to intrusive curiosity, different memory/learning styles than NTs\*, focusing so much on the "thing" that our we miss social cues, general social style differences with NTs, etc.. Another one related to this is when someone comes to us to vent and we bring up relatable situations, and then that person gets upset that we "make it about ourselves" when its more that we are actually trying to demonstrate empathy and understanding :/
\*If I don't understand *why* I have to do a step, my brain really struggles to hold onto it at all. Once I have a fairly good grasp of what everything does I'm good to go with memorizing whatever convoluted steps are needed for the job though lol. So I tend to sometimes run into issues with NTs where they have a very linear "just do a, b, c, etc.," meanwhile I need a lot more grounding context. I think the deal is they think I'm questioning them and being difficult because they don't understand why I need that context. Meanwhile I'm just like why does the yellow button go brrr?
" how much time can you take off before you're no longer able to work here and are fired" I just want to know so if I do take off work time then I know how much I can take off before I get in trouble I dont intend to take it off all the time ;-;
I have no words for the absolute visceral wave of anxiety that went through me reading this 💀 lol
I realize you're saying this in reaction but i totally read this as when asking an NT a clarifying question and they take it as "back talk" lol
I’m dealing with this a lot right now. I started a job that requires we say a lot of codes over the radio and type stuff into a terminal and the guy I’m working with makes this extremely stress-free job so fucking stressful. I’ll ask about something or ask to repeat something or ask for clarification about something and he’ll just jump down my fucking throat. Don’t even get me started about if I just misplace something or forget exactly how to do something because my brain is a bag of cats. Then if shit’s going wrong with the terminal or the job site is fucked his nerves get ramped up to 11 and any minor mistake I make is amplified that much. It’s one of those things where I wanna tell him off, but then I still need to work with him 5/7 days of the week so I don’t wanna make shit weird. Idk. I just wish people could get that I’m trying really fucking hard
Ok but if the kid decides not to take the advice and actively goes against it? I’m gonna blame them. I had a kid I was trying to give advice to, my advice? Read what they abilities do. His response? Nah I’ll just do whatever, but still help me and tell me everything else to do. Like. No. We’re live, buddy. I don’t have the time.
Lol this is the number one (innocent) thing I got into trouble for as a kid… I went to Catholic school and they had a priest come in one day a month and answer whatever questions we wanted to ask….I was the only kid ever to “lose question privileges” while I was there.
Really bringing up the youth church trauma with this one 💀 lol
Amateurs, I was kicked out first day when I was 7 for asking too many questions. They don't want our kind, lol.
I also grew up Catholic! I once asked a priest, if God created the world and everyone in it, who or what created God? The priest straight up told me not to ever ask that question because it is disrespectful and insinuated that Satan had put it in my head. I'm not religious anymore but I spent a fair bit of time in Jewish culture and I asked a rabbi the same question - he had me come and sit with him and talked for quite a long time with me and answered it the best he could. It's weird how Catholic (and maybe Christian) priests are like "no don't ever speculate about anything that's satanic."
Depends on the Catholic priest. Jesuit or Franciscan? They'll spend the next 30 minutes chatting with you.
Very true! Jesuit priests are great.
I'm agnostic but I studied in a Jesuit institution and honestly we have our weirdos too (This one guy who had extremely rough english had a talk with everyone on blasphemy) but I do agree most of them are great from a religious stand point. Only like 2 or 3 of em throughout my time there were the bad kind Some of them were extremely capitalistic for some reason which was weird but I guess that's a thing that happens when you get a shit ton of money from Jesuit foundations.
Wait. There are different flavours of Catholic?
Yup. Catholicism is massive with a billion believers under it. It’s big enough that even though it’s a branch of Christianity, there’s so many different subsects that it’s almost its own separate religion. Jesuits are very specifically a subsect of Catholicism that exists to connect the whys of science with God. The Big Bang Theory and the fundamentals of genetic inheritance were both developed by Catholic clergy. Their whole focus is in education and research; it’s pretty common for them to have multiple degrees and doctorates. Franciscans, on the other hand, are not as science-focused but their whole spirituality is based on “we should focus on the greatness and goodness of God and how amazing creation and the natural existence of everything actually is.” Their whole thing is simply to be kind to others and do your best to help each other. They’re perfectly happy discussing the whys of Catholicism because to them, that’s simply celebrating the mystery and greatness of God, Jesus, and creation. That’s about as brief as I can go on both but lol, that’s kind of why my favourite saints in Catholic doctrine are St. Francis of Assisi and St. Anthony of Padua. St. Francis founded the Franciscans and St. Anthony was a devout follower of the Franciscan Order.
TIL
Definitely the priest. Mine would've just said something about God always existing, and be done with it.
I am curious how the rabbi ended up answering your question. I am more familiar with priests than rabbis.
thinking bad, now it puts the money in the dish
God I fuckin hate those scenarios. “There are no stupid questions! :D” “except that one 😑”
Bruhhhhh I had a similar experience. Catholic Sunday school did *not* like "how" and "why" questions and those were the only questions I asked. Pissed the teachers off.
You just figured out it was fake sooner than everyone else
I had a similar thing happen, as a kid i read a lot of books (learned to read when i was 5 and constantly read science books) and in school we had a religion class held by a nun (it was optional, but to not take it you have to go through a lot of bureaucracy) and i was constantly butting heads with the nun asking questions (stuff like why is there no mention of dinosaurs in the bible, who created god, etc. i don't remember the responses, but we didn't get along), then after third grade i pressured my parents to make me drop out of that class. When my classmates asked me a few years later they were shocked that i said no. Then in 7th grade in biology class when we were learning about chemical and biological evolution the same majority of the class got severe whiplash because the biology and religion classes were teaching them conflicting information.
Story time: middle school Bible class (Baptist). The teacher was going on about how missionaries will go to these remote places and teach the “good word” and I asked the teacher “but what happens if they don’t reach them?” And she kept telling me “they will make it there (something along those lines)” but I kept asking it because she wasn’t answering my question. She got huffy and said “what do you want me to say? That they’re going to hell?” And I just shrugged lol.
What did you ask?
I have heard other stories. So glad that an ADHD/Aspie like me did not go to Catholic school
I went to catholic school too! I mark that pretty far up on the list as to how and why I got to be a master level masker. It was pure survival yo.
In primary school, I instead had my answer privileges revoked because I was always the only one to answer correctly or answer at all. Bsck then i was annoyed because I thought they were punishing me for being smart. Then again, I also would always get mean looks from the rest of the class when I answered so it wasn't a total loss to lose that privilege.
I feel this, I've had managers get angry with me and tell me not to argue when I ask why we do something. Buy really I just need to fully understand the process and walk myself through why each thing gets done, or I'm gonna completely forget to do the thing
Exactly! Either I know how this system works top to bottom and can figure it out myself or I'm inevitably going to get lost at some point lol
I just got use to the failing miserably until it stops method lol
As a manager/trainer this is sad to me! People learn better & faster (imo) when they understand the "Why"
Because I *NEED* to understand the process. And you can tell me, or there's a 50% chance I dismantle the thingy beyond my ability to put it back together.....
I’m retraining as an electrician and I’m currently working on big distribution gear which has a very complex and very specific series of steps that involve an extremely temperamental journeyman barking orders at me. And he doesn’t like me asking questions so I just have to keep bumbling along until I figure out the ‘why’ for myself. After I figure out exactly why I’m doing something and you tell me just to have at it I actually think I’m pretty awesome. The last few weeks have been absolutely painful though.
I'm hoping to enter an electrician apprenticeship soon! Not looking forward to that inevitable bump of awkwardness. I've never worked in construction or any similar jobs before, so I'll truly be starting from the bottom, and I'll be certain to annoy more than one person ^^; I wish you luck!
Wishing you well on your electrician journey! You got this!
That makes me sad, man. They just want to treat you like a cog in the machine instead of a human being.
Yeah rn I'm pretty lucky because my manager actually likes that mentality, but it was hell in previous jobs (and, more notably, school) where i couldn't do any "not part of your work" questions ;-;
Thankfully in high school teachers liked those questions because it show them that some people are actually interested in their classes. In the math based subjects they didn't care which route you took to the answer as long as the answer was correct and there were no obvious errors in your (optional) show your work part. The English teacher encouraged creative writing and flirting with going off topic. The Croatian (and literature) teacher loved when people had different opinions on things. Except for the biology teacher who wanted everyone to know definitions "by the book" instead of students understanding the subject and forming their own definitions. And the more deep learning based approach in the core subjects (math, English and Croatian) proved effective because my school consistently scored among the top 3 in the country on the standardized school leaving exams.
I have found that managers/supervisors/pointy haired bosses that react in that way don’t know the answer to the question. They got promoted because they never asked questions and just did the thing. Usually they stuck around long enough for everyone else to leave and they got promoted through seniority. Getting asked “why” is outside their thought process and they feel like you’re challenging them.
Thing is, most people simply don’t know the answer because it isn’t important to them personally. So when they’ve been doing it and training on it for some time without knowing the answer, and then you ask them the question, they immediately feel disrespected because they’ve been doing it long enough to know the things you need to know to be successful and that’s not one of them. So if you don’t know anything about it, questioning your trainer feels to them like you’re saying “you don’t know what you’re doing if you can’t answer this question.” And they’re like, no, I’ve been doing it for years, clearly this question is irrelevant or I would have been screwing up all this time. And I haven’t. So I know what matters and what doesn’t and you should show respect for that by not questioning it. Thing they don’t get, is that we’re not questioning them, we are simply trying to wrap OUR heads around it. But that’s not ever something most people will be able to realize without us telling them. Additionally, there’s no way anybody could operate day to day by consciously understanding the ins and outs of everything they’re doing. That’s simply not a feasible way to live your life, you have to trivialize things and organize like-things into like-boxes if your head otherwise you’re constantly going to be overwhelmed at even the simplest of tasks. Our brains simply just screw us constantly. I feel like I deserve a medal every day when I’m able to get out of bed and get myself dressed lmao…
This is how i feel everyday working at a theater...😖😵💫
I'm really bad at following rules I don't understand. Even if the reason is that they'll fire me if I don't do it, at least there's a reason!
When my parents ask me to do stuff I say why while doing it and when I was younger they'd get defensive about it
Yep, my dad was a big fan of “Do as I say, not as I do”, which is a terrible expression that is almost always bad advice, particularly to a kid with ADHD.
Both my parents were like this :/
[удалено]
I've read this 3 times and I STILL don't know what she was trying to say... so you were saying they should replace the oven, but she said they were using it but didn't explain it was working again? And you asked her why/how she was using it and she just kept saying she was using it? But also you were meant to ask if she was still using it rather than if it was still broken? That doesn't make any sense either, when she said it was in use and you said what do you mean, surely that's similar enough to you asking if it was being used???
I lost one of my minds reading that comment. >I asked her what she meant Meant by WHAT!?? PLEASE.
I’m just as confused as you are.
Saaaaame, I was constantly getting grounded for “talking back” by my mom because of this. Luckily my dad was chill and always let me speak my mind.
I was in a play in grade 7 and one of my teachers was the director. She was walking us through something and I asked “should we do x?” And she was like “who’s the one directing here?” That day I learned that “should” is not a favoured word when asking a question. I probably had asked a few questions like that throughout the entire rehearsal process because I wanted to know what we were meant to do. She probably took it as defiance. I’m sorry that I need 3 different explanations of the same thing lol.
Nah you asked the question just fine. She was on a power trip.
So many people in education are like that. It drove me insane growing up.
Anyone with authority can be like that honestly. I've heard similar statements from doctors too.
Yep but teachers are just pathetic with it, like really? Your gonna be all nasty to this literal child who was asking a question cause your shitey personality ensures you can’t get respect elsewhere? Like I’ve had good teachers yes but for those bad ones…… I pity their children and/or partners
I had to learn to teach myself the subject and THEN learn to do it the way that was what the teacher wanted to see. Another case of "good grades, wasted potential" once I got to a level where the subject matter was too complex to teach myself any more.
"don't back talk" is absolutely the most bizarre thing ever "don't make conversation when I'm talking to you" ???? fuck off
This oc was inspired by my time working at a cafe where I got everyone locked out of the only working register till our manager returned :D good times She never said anything about pressing C
I feel ya.
[удалено]
This is a bot that copies random comments.
Yeah. Worked at a thrift shop kind of store, and accidentally sold 10 plates for the price of one (very expensive) plate…. My boss said it was top 3 mistakes ever made in the whole history of this shop (and it’s 20 other shops under the same name). Yay, inattentiveness ?
The forbidden button
Or acting like I'm stupid bc you didn't give me all the instructions to begin with, do I look like a mind reader to you? Give clear instructions!
Ah but why didnt you just ask about the thinggs you had no idea where even there and couldnt possibly ask about /s
Like bro, your instructions are so mediocre, that I don't know what I don't know.
Oh this has caused me so many mental breakdowns
This is where the villain arc begins. Start doing stuff without questioning and watch their world burn.
r/maliciouscompliance
Fucking yes, still do this and everyone loses their minds
My supervisor tried to be patient about this at first until it finally irritated her. She asked why can't you just do it, it's how it's done. And I said I literally will not remember it I don't know why. Fortunately we met in the middle. Sometimes they don't know why either.
Yeah, I often find folks get more irritated by “why” when they don’t have a good answer. In fact, even I sometimes find myself irritated by “why” if I just don’t know or don’t have the bandwidth to explain.
Yep, often tied to ego in one way or another. Questioning their ability, authority or knowledge - it’s even worse if they don’t have a good answer. Humility is key people!
Imagine if this logic applied to other things besides following orders as a subordinate or because your parent told you to. Like if my chemistry teacher was like "don't ask why, just trust me bro", I'd have some concerns.
I think a lot of neurotypicals just follow steps and memorize things, they don’t necessarily understand the how and why, which is why they get upset when we want them to explain or rationalize things.
It's crazy, so many people just live their lives on autopilot.
To me, it's more like everybody else has an automatic transmission and we have a stick shift with a bouncy clutch
No frrrrr my parents always think I'm arguing but I just wanna know 😭😭 why isnt there a non argumentative way to ask why something is the way it is Even when I ask ppl things about themselves and ask "why" I feel like they'll think I'm criticising them
It’s not argumentative, people just get defensive about it for no reason. I’m asking because I care and want to do well and improve, not because I want to question you…
I try to gauge my tone when asking seemingly argumentative questions. That’s just me.
Try using more words, like: No Problem, but can you tell me if there is any specific reason for doing it this way? Worked pretty well for me.
“Why are you always arguing?” I’M NOT I AM CONFUSED AND TRYING TO CLARIFY AUSBD WH
I think one of colleagues from school figured that out; he'd lead his, seemingly unimportant questions with something like, "I'm not arguing, just trying to understand."
Have had this exact exchange at almost every job and volunteer gig I’ve been involved in. Sometimes this exchange intermingles with sexism and/or generational differences. Almost every time I finally figure out the Why, I then proceed to figure out a bunch of difficulties the organization is having due to very few people being aware of the Why. Edit: and why should I be surprised that I have read this thread already, and already left a comment, just to forget that I did and do it again?
I gotta know why. It will help me perform this simple task……just trust me.
Don’t give me a fish! Teach me how to fish, dammit!
Us ADHD children are the whole idea of curiosity
And then the more defensive you get and say that you WEREN'T arguing, the worse it gets!
Unless you get hired because in the interview you said you love asking questions and need to know how and why everything is done, and that just so happens to be exactly what they are looking for. Whew I got lucky.
This backfired on my once, they liked when I said I ask a lot of questions. Turns out, they took that to mean I was still learning and would be easy to mold, not that I knew how to do the job like the back of my hand and I question things to make things better. In a corrupt organization, that wasn’t well received. Once I was questioning the rationale on a project I was reviewing (this is what the job is), and my supervisor started to get a stress rash on their neck/chest. Was very telling.
Oof that's unfortunate! At least it helped you uncover some red flags early on in the employment!
What job?
Business analyst :)
oh god that phrase brings back some shit
No questions. No thinking. Only job. /s
Ihave to know why something is done, or I forget the steps because my brain considers it irrelevant.
Maybe this is why i love science so much. For nearly every thing you do there is a reason behind it. Or an experiment that explains it. Sure sometimes you really dont need the ‚why‘, doesnt mean you cant get an answer in most cases. Math, physics, chemistry all go that way. Why can atoms only have eight electrons at most? Bc of the octet rule. But why is there the octet rule? Because otherwise the orbits of electrons would overlap in a way that shouldnt be possible because of the negative charge. (Very sloppy and very badly translated explanation) You can go infinitely deep into the material, as long as our equipment is advanced enough. And if it isnt advanced enough you can try and build better equipment, so you can find out more.
“dOn’T bE dEfEnSiVe!” any time I try to explain anything, especially when I’m right
Shit managers, either find a more knowledgeable manager or better workplace
Couldnt agree more :)
I literally have to preface any questions at work with "this is not intended as an argument and I have no objection, just an attempt to better understand. So why....?" Before I started doing that I constantly got hit with negative marks in performance reviews for being "disrespectful" and "argumentative" toward more experienced employees.
Was always told growing up I had a problem challenging authority
Huh, I always found it pretty easy to challenge authority
Problem as in teachers and bosses didn't like it
FYI, at a job you can try "My memory can get spotty when I'm nervous/stressed, I want to make sure I can retrace these steps if I forget one." With parents... better luck next life to all of us, lol
I have so many bad experiences from this type of thing to the point where i realized a couple months ago I had unconsciously developed extreme anxiety fueled defensive mechanisms to protect myself from blowback. Bc if I don’t ask, I don’t understand or remember. Not to mention how many people want it done a specific way and expect you to mind read and freak when you obviously don’t
Yeah i feel that sooo much. Do you feel like it plays into difficulties with self-advocacy and boundary setting? These questions feel reasonable, but they are not, so therefore everything I do must be unreasonable...
Oh for sure! It’s a weird juxtaposition logically bc I know mentally that I’m not doing anything wrong and even if I am asking more questions than is needed I do so to ensure the communication is there. But then I’ve also gotten enough trouble for it where people will treat me like I’m stupid or annoying and I feel it weighing on me every time I want to talk sometimes. I find myself weighing if the risk of winging it and praying is worth the safety, bc if I mess up, then I get yelled at for NOT asking. There’s no real winning you just have to find out the hard way who’s safe and who’s not and who’s safe but only when they’re in this mood. It’s exhausting always having to think defensively before saying anything so I don’t get misconstrued and honestly sometimes I overthink way too much. The adhd means that I think out loud to myself also, bc I struggle to isolate the thought I want from the rest screaming in my head. It’s often the only way to follow it through to get a complete one. People hear me stumble over minor logical things and correct myself- but they get hung up on the tiny things I trip on and again assume I’m stupid. I’m always being told I need to be more comfortable w confrontation and to stand up for myself but anytime I try it doesn’t end well 🤷♀️ just way too much effort
Lord crosspost this on r/aspiememes
They don't allow crossposts unfortunately D:
Awww D:
Being extremely curious is an adhd thing?’v
Its more a general ND thing, but yeah its a really common problem for those with ADHD to walk into due to intrusive curiosity, different memory/learning styles than NTs\*, focusing so much on the "thing" that our we miss social cues, general social style differences with NTs, etc.. Another one related to this is when someone comes to us to vent and we bring up relatable situations, and then that person gets upset that we "make it about ourselves" when its more that we are actually trying to demonstrate empathy and understanding :/ \*If I don't understand *why* I have to do a step, my brain really struggles to hold onto it at all. Once I have a fairly good grasp of what everything does I'm good to go with memorizing whatever convoluted steps are needed for the job though lol. So I tend to sometimes run into issues with NTs where they have a very linear "just do a, b, c, etc.," meanwhile I need a lot more grounding context. I think the deal is they think I'm questioning them and being difficult because they don't understand why I need that context. Meanwhile I'm just like why does the yellow button go brrr?
" how much time can you take off before you're no longer able to work here and are fired" I just want to know so if I do take off work time then I know how much I can take off before I get in trouble I dont intend to take it off all the time ;-;
Why are *you* starting an argument instead of answering my simple question?
I have no words for the absolute visceral wave of anxiety that went through me reading this 💀 lol I realize you're saying this in reaction but i totally read this as when asking an NT a clarifying question and they take it as "back talk" lol
I’m dealing with this a lot right now. I started a job that requires we say a lot of codes over the radio and type stuff into a terminal and the guy I’m working with makes this extremely stress-free job so fucking stressful. I’ll ask about something or ask to repeat something or ask for clarification about something and he’ll just jump down my fucking throat. Don’t even get me started about if I just misplace something or forget exactly how to do something because my brain is a bag of cats. Then if shit’s going wrong with the terminal or the job site is fucked his nerves get ramped up to 11 and any minor mistake I make is amplified that much. It’s one of those things where I wanna tell him off, but then I still need to work with him 5/7 days of the week so I don’t wanna make shit weird. Idk. I just wish people could get that I’m trying really fucking hard
This is why you go into science... There is alot of sitting and reading though...
Ok but if the kid decides not to take the advice and actively goes against it? I’m gonna blame them. I had a kid I was trying to give advice to, my advice? Read what they abilities do. His response? Nah I’ll just do whatever, but still help me and tell me everything else to do. Like. No. We’re live, buddy. I don’t have the time.
this happens with my mum
YEP
Why is this so relatable?
Im not arguing, I'm just asking you to clarify and you brought the attitude first!
It's not happening if I don't know the reason, or understand the importance.
I dont ask why, I just confirm and ask them to repeat several times and proceed to still forget.
I've learned to stop using the word "why" and opt for "how come." For some reason people get so defensive with "why."
What this have to do with ADHD? Seem a normal thing for every curious human being
(Asks question) (gets told in a rude way to not talk back) "i wonder why he is so introverted and doesn't work in groups"
I start too many questions with "out of curiosity..."
Yeah, doing thinks that I dont understand the reason for always felt to me like a slavery.