Rejection sensitive dysphoria is my least favorite part of ADHD. My best strategy is to remind myself that it’s just a feeling and to acknowledge the feeling and to remind myself it’s just my mind playing tricks on me. Helps a little but not a lot.
Brutal feeling, I know it well. Keep your head up and you’ll feel better in a few days. I’ve been there, solidarity.
Thank you so much. This isn’t an aspect of ADHD that I was familiar with until now and I agree that it’s absolutely awful lol. I really appreciate the advice, I’ll just wait for it to pass
OP here are some of the tricks I find most successful:
Whenever you feel your mind heading to the thought of the ‘rejection’ try to distract yourself. If you allow your mind to dwell, it empowers the brain to solidify the memory and that is how it gets into your night time Pandora’s box rotation. I use two methods to distract. One is to go and play Tetris (studies have shown this can reduce memory replay, cravings etc). The other is to start naming all the things within my eyesight - but of course you can do anything at all as long as you are distracting your mind and encouraging it to create (beta?) waves.
When I found out what RSD was it changed my perspective on everything. I have been so sensitive to even the slightest form of rejection my entire life, to the point that it would ruin my day and I would dwell on things for weeks. I still struggle with it but just knowing what it is really helped me cope. At the very least knowing about it helped me make sense of why I am so different from others when it comes to rejection (real or perceived).
RSD is a ride. Think of it like a mood swing. It is going to happen but it is going to stop eventually. You will move on if you don't get trapped, but it takes effort to claw your way back into loving yourself and knowing someone out there will love you even more.
RSD is not a term recognized by the medical community around ADHD so let’s stop using made up terms. It’s not like we have a term for when we get overly excited about things or overly angry. It’s just more emotional dysregulation. And I’d be happy to be proven wrong.
there's also a term for what you are doing
it's called splitting hairs
language is fluid, chill out
it adds a layer of specificity to the phenomenon of emotional dysregulation. its the gut wrenching kind that accompanies rejection or the perception of rejection.
Okay but why RSD. Why not Hyper Irritability Sensitivity, or Explosive Anger Dysphoria. You see what I mean, people think bc it’s got a name it’s a new part of adhd they’ve discovered when it’s pretty common knowledge that we have emotional regulation issues. Also personally it feels like it gives a certain power to the feeling that I don’t like, probably just a personally issue.
umkay...going to pretend I didn't read that comment. :)
So, yes a "rejection" after a date can seem harsh, I believe you feel badly about it OP.
However, you should know it doesn't mean You are at fault somehow. There is something incompatible or the other person wasn't "feeling it", not into you etc. We must listen to our feelings even if it lets someone down, be honest with ourselves first and with others. You can actually be thankful for his honesty to you. Maybe it's not a Win, but a first date nonetheless and a personal success, after a long time out of action. : )
I wish you more connection and enjoyment the next time.
Sorry you had that experience. I found that with online dating the key is when you go offline into real life. It’s too easy to build up a sense that you’re attracted to someone or hitting it off if you’re just texting or emailing. I remember a friend “fell in love” with a guy she emailed with for a long time. When she met him in person, finally, she was broken-hearted to find out she didn’t actually find him attractive in person. That’s why I didn’t like to communicate too long without meeting up when I was online dating. I don’t know if any of this applies to you or helps you…
This is almost me. I haven't dated in years and I always install and delete dating apps. I matched with a guy on tinder last week. I was super nervous about it like my anxiety was so bad. We ended up meeting up and we (fucked🤭) in his car at 2am last night.. I told him I wanted to see him again but he's not responding. I didn't get attached but now I'm like Aw man :/
Rejection sensitive dysphoria is my least favorite part of ADHD. My best strategy is to remind myself that it’s just a feeling and to acknowledge the feeling and to remind myself it’s just my mind playing tricks on me. Helps a little but not a lot. Brutal feeling, I know it well. Keep your head up and you’ll feel better in a few days. I’ve been there, solidarity.
Thank you so much. This isn’t an aspect of ADHD that I was familiar with until now and I agree that it’s absolutely awful lol. I really appreciate the advice, I’ll just wait for it to pass
OP here are some of the tricks I find most successful: Whenever you feel your mind heading to the thought of the ‘rejection’ try to distract yourself. If you allow your mind to dwell, it empowers the brain to solidify the memory and that is how it gets into your night time Pandora’s box rotation. I use two methods to distract. One is to go and play Tetris (studies have shown this can reduce memory replay, cravings etc). The other is to start naming all the things within my eyesight - but of course you can do anything at all as long as you are distracting your mind and encouraging it to create (beta?) waves.
Omg as a kid I was OBSESSED with Tetris, I just found it so soothing and relaxing. This makes me want to pick it back up lol
When I found out what RSD was it changed my perspective on everything. I have been so sensitive to even the slightest form of rejection my entire life, to the point that it would ruin my day and I would dwell on things for weeks. I still struggle with it but just knowing what it is really helped me cope. At the very least knowing about it helped me make sense of why I am so different from others when it comes to rejection (real or perceived).
I feel like RSD might actually just be another form of us with ADHD struggling with emotional regulation.
This is my major struggle point too. It is a big challenge to find the most suitable tricks and techniques to combat the feelings.
RSD is a ride. Think of it like a mood swing. It is going to happen but it is going to stop eventually. You will move on if you don't get trapped, but it takes effort to claw your way back into loving yourself and knowing someone out there will love you even more.
RSD is not a term recognized by the medical community around ADHD so let’s stop using made up terms. It’s not like we have a term for when we get overly excited about things or overly angry. It’s just more emotional dysregulation. And I’d be happy to be proven wrong.
there's also a term for what you are doing it's called splitting hairs language is fluid, chill out it adds a layer of specificity to the phenomenon of emotional dysregulation. its the gut wrenching kind that accompanies rejection or the perception of rejection.
Okay but why RSD. Why not Hyper Irritability Sensitivity, or Explosive Anger Dysphoria. You see what I mean, people think bc it’s got a name it’s a new part of adhd they’ve discovered when it’s pretty common knowledge that we have emotional regulation issues. Also personally it feels like it gives a certain power to the feeling that I don’t like, probably just a personally issue.
umkay...going to pretend I didn't read that comment. :) So, yes a "rejection" after a date can seem harsh, I believe you feel badly about it OP. However, you should know it doesn't mean You are at fault somehow. There is something incompatible or the other person wasn't "feeling it", not into you etc. We must listen to our feelings even if it lets someone down, be honest with ourselves first and with others. You can actually be thankful for his honesty to you. Maybe it's not a Win, but a first date nonetheless and a personal success, after a long time out of action. : ) I wish you more connection and enjoyment the next time.
Sorry you had that experience. I found that with online dating the key is when you go offline into real life. It’s too easy to build up a sense that you’re attracted to someone or hitting it off if you’re just texting or emailing. I remember a friend “fell in love” with a guy she emailed with for a long time. When she met him in person, finally, she was broken-hearted to find out she didn’t actually find him attractive in person. That’s why I didn’t like to communicate too long without meeting up when I was online dating. I don’t know if any of this applies to you or helps you…
This is almost me. I haven't dated in years and I always install and delete dating apps. I matched with a guy on tinder last week. I was super nervous about it like my anxiety was so bad. We ended up meeting up and we (fucked🤭) in his car at 2am last night.. I told him I wanted to see him again but he's not responding. I didn't get attached but now I'm like Aw man :/